Read My Lips - the blog

Episode No. 1

As I reported yesterday, I was actually able to recover some of the stuff my late father wrote. You might have called him a blogger, although he only did one post each month, mostly it was in a hand-made blog form. I will be posting his columns over the next couple of weeks, hopefully introducing one each night. There will definitely be some reformatting to fit my format, but none of the language, punctuation or spelling is modified. Only justification, line length and other formatting mechanisms have been altered.

My father's name was Charles W. Russell. Rusty Rucker was the character he played when voicing his opinions for all to see. In all, he produced 30 monthly columns. I was not able to recover one or two of them. This is his first stab at doing the monthly Rusty Rucker column. It was originally published in August 1998.

OUTSIDE THE SMOKEHOUSE By Rusty Rucker

I reckon VP Albert Gourd knowed what he was talking about when he said he's gonna reinvent government. Heck, him and McClintuck already got the Bill of Rights so screwed up it looks like Lenin wrote it from the tomb. We still got Freedom of Speech -- unless we decide to toss a hook into Whitewater or ask why State Troopers are chasin' down Bimbos. And, course we can't say nothin' detrimental about lawyers or they'll sue. Since we don't know anything good about any of them, only reasonable thing is to elect 'em to Congress where they can waste their lives and our money jawing at one another.

I done figured out why so many lawyers get into politics. The transformation is a cinch. They already know how to lie, cheat, and steal. [*]

What about the Right to Keep and Bear Arms. They don't want us to have as good as them -- in case we need to be pushed back under the porch. The boss family being from Arkansas and having names like Hill and Billy should guarantee everbody at lease an AK-47 in the garage. Even the Boobies in London have started packing iron.

Then there's the fifth -- suppose Ted Candidatey is thoroughly familiar with that one by now.

Can't understand all the fuss about aliens. Isn't that what America is about -- saving the hungry and oppressed masses and giving them a fresh start. 'Course it's only fair they start fresh as our ancestors did. We have all that Government Land in Alaska. Why not send them up there to develop that challenging new frontier? Or they could get that Rostan something or other to adopt them on shares.

Heard a fellow say the other day that he'd vote for a jackass if he was a Democrat. That explains a lot. Don't start thinking I'm for the Republicans 'cause I quit taking sides a long time ago. There ain't a nickels worth of difference between the two. They're both in Washington for only one thing. Now, we all have to figure out a way to make 'em understand what it is.

Thanks for the ride.

Y'all come back now. Ya hear?

If ya like this, check out the poems of his I posted in this entry.

*I did rag to my dad once about how I never seemed to be a successful attorney as far as making money as one, and my dad said to me: "Son, I always thought you were a bit too honest to be an attorney. Remember, it was your mom's idea for you to go to law school." I think my dad appreciated my writing more than my career choice.

Posted by Tiger at July 16, 2003 06:48 PM