Read My Lips - the blog

So you want a link space on my blog?

OK, since Frank is having a contest to get a link on his blog, I decided I would start a contest to stay on mine. OK, here is the deal, to retain your place on my blogroll* just correctly respond to the questions presented below.

INSTRUCTIONS: Read each question carefully. Answer all questions in full. Time limit: 24 hours. Begin immediately.

BIOLOGY:
Create life. Estimate the differences in subsequent human culture if this form of life had developed 500 million years earlier, with special attention to its probable effect on the English parliamentary system. Prove your thesis.

CHEMISTRY:
You will be given 1 lb. of lead to convert to gold. Return it to the test administrator along with the only copy of the experimental procedure.

ART:
Recreate sound in 3D. Include all reference material.

MATHEMATICS:
Using only numbers and equations, answer the question, "What is the Matrix?" Give your full review of the movies as well.

ECONOMICS:
Develop a realistic plan for refinancing the national debt. Trace the possible effects of your plan in the following areas: Cubism, the Donatist controversy, and the wave theory of light. Outline a method for preventing these effects. Criticize this method from all points of view.

ENGINEERING:
The disassembled parts of a high-powered rifle have been placed in a box on your desk. You will find an instruction manual, printed in Swahili, next to the box. In ten minutes a hungry Bengal Tiger will be admitted to the room. Take whatever action you feel appropriate. Be prepared to justify your decision.

EPISTEMOLOGY:
Take a position for and against truth. Argue with yourself and lose. If you win, keep trying.

GENERAL KNOWLEDGE:
Describe in detail. Be objective and specific.

HISTORY:
Describe the history of the papacy from its origins to the present day, concentrating especially, but not exclusively, on its social, political, economic, religious, and philosophical impact on Europe, Asia, America and Africa. Be brief, concise and specific.

MEDICINE:
Your test administrator will provide you with a razor blade, a piece of gauze and a bottle of Scotch. Remove your appendix. Do not suture until your work has been inspected. You have 15 minutes.

MUSIC:
Write a piano concerto. Orchestrate and perform it with flute and drum. You will find a trumpet under your seat.

PHILOSOPHY:
Sketch the development of human thought. Next, sketch the thoughts you had while sketching the development of human thought. Now scribble. Compare and contrast the three sketches, estimating the significance of the differences.

GOVERNMENT:
There is a red telephone on the desk beside you. Start World War III. Report in detail on its socio-political effects, if any.

PSYCHOLOGY:
Based on your knowledge of their works, evaluate the emotional stability, degree of adjustment, and repressed frustrations of each of the following: Alexander of Aphrodisias, Ramses II, Gregory of Nyssa, and Hammurabi. Support your evaluation with quotations from each man's work, making appropriate references. It is not necessary to translate the references.

SOCIOLOGY:
If you were an extinct society, what would you do?

PUBLIC SPEAKING:
2,500 riot-crazed Aborigines will storm the testing room at the beginning of the fourth hour. Calm them. You may use any ancient language, except Latin or Greek.

EXTRA CREDIT:
Define the universe; give three examples.

EXTRA EXTRA CREDIT: Without reference to any materials of any sort, define EPISTEMOLOGY.

Thanks Cherry!

*If you got all the way down here, realize this is a joke. You are on my blogroll because I want you to be there.