Read My Lips - the blog

Chuckle up & take it in the gut

I received both my August 2003 The Lion magazine and the July/August 2003 The American Legion magazine. Of course, I usually turn first to the back pages of both first, as that is where the jokes are. Here were the ones I liked best:

From The American Legion:

A young couple was driving down a moonlit country road when the car engine coughed, and the car came to a halt.

"That's funny," said boy said. "I wonder what that knocking was."

"Well, I can tell you one thing for sure," the girl responded coolly. "It wasn't opportunity."

and there was this quote:

"A government is the only known vessel that leaks from the top." ~ James Reston

From The Lion:

It had been snowing for hours when the announcement came over the intercom at a high school: "Will the students who are parked on the side of the building please move their cars so that we may begin plowing!"

Twenty minutes later came another announcement: "Will the 900 students who went to move 26 cars please return to class!"

and

A young man decided to join the police force. During the exam, he was asked: "What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?"

Without pausing, he replied: "Call for backup!"

and finally:

Joe got a letter form the IRS declaring that he was going to be auditied.

On the day of the audit, he sat figiting in his chair as the agent pored [sic] over his statements.

Finally, the agent looked up and sat back in his seat, remarking, "Well, sir, you must be a great fan of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle."

"Why would you say that?" Joe said, surprised at this remark.

"Because," the agent said ominously, "you have made more billiant deductions on your last three returns than Sherlock Holmes made in his entire career."