July 31, 2003

Episode No. 14

Yes, kiddies, it is that time again . . . time for another adventure from yesteryear. Yes, we all know you are all ready for another adventure of Rusty Rucker, and today's exciting episode is chock full of spine-tingling tales. So gather around, hush your mouths, make sure the parents are in the other room and let's get this show on the road:

Old Rusty lives way back in the boonies with a couple of hound dogs and one lazy ole mule. With nothing to do all day except whittle and listen to the radio, he gets some off-the-wall ideas about our political structure and its impact on our daily lives. Maybe you will get a chuckle out of some of the stuff he comes up with, and who knows, you might even agree with part of it.

September, 1999 Updated regularly -- Totally new first of every month.

It occurs to me, there is nobody minding the store. The president is so blamed anxious to get Hillary elected to the Senate he is releasing Porto Rican terrorist from prison as a show of good faith -- hoping to garner the huge Porto Rican vote in New York for her.

Meanwhile, Governor Bush seems to be running on a platform of raising money. I know most republicans are wealthy and they want one of their own kind in the Oval Office, but I wonder what they expect in return. Hummmmm!!!

And, what about the Branch Davidian fiasco. Will it never go away? You know those big shots in the FBI and ATF thought they were God when they used incendiary gas after they had explicit orders not to do it. Leaves Janet Reno with a bunch of egg on her face.

Had a rattlesnake bite one of my dogs last week. He had gnawed half his paw off before I found him. I took him to the vet but he died anyway. You would think a blamed dog would know better ‘n try to swat a rattler with his foot. I got a new puppy though. Hits one of them Rottwilers, but I aim to leave it's tail on. That way intruders may mistake it for a hound. Whoooeeee! Won't that be a surprise.

I picked up the following sommers. Don't rightly ‘member where at the moment.


Don't interfere with something that ain't botherin' you none.

Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.

The easiest way to eat crow is while it's still warm.
The colder it gets, the harder it is to swaller.

If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'.

If it don't seem like it's worth the effort, it probably ain't.

The biggest troublemaker you'll probably ever have to deal with watches you shave his face in the mirror every morning.

Never ask a barber if you need a haircut.

If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence,
try orderin' somebody else's dog around.

Don't worry about bitin' off more'n you can chew;
your mouth is probably a whole lot bigger'n you think.

Generally, you ain't learnin' nothing when your mouth's a-jawin'.

If you're ridin' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there with ya.

Good judgment comes from experience,
and a lotta that comes from bad judgment.

Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin' it back.

The quickest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it back into your pocket.

Never miss a good chance to shut up.

Thanks for the ride. Y'all come back now ... Ya hear!!!

The whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed [and hence clamorous to be led to safety] by menacing it with an endless series of hobgoblins, all of them imaginary.
--H. L. Mencken


See all of the currently published Rusty Rucker works by clicking on this link.

Rusty Rucker posts are from previously published monthly columns of my late father that had been lost until I discovered Internet Archive Wayback Machine.

*Where has BIG BROTHER gone? Only you true Rusty Rucker fans will understand that.

Posted by Tiger at July 31, 2003 10:11 PM