August 18, 2003

The decline of traditional family

Thanks to Dean, I was directed to a very enlightening article about a supposed "marriage strike" by men. The supposed cause:

Increasingly, men are stating their reasons for not marrying on the Internet. In an article entitled "The Marriage Strike," Matthew Weeks expresses a sentiment common to such sites, "If we accept the old feminist argument that marriage is slavery for women, then it is undeniable that -- given the current state of the nation's family courts -- divorce is slavery for men."

Weeks provides the math. One in two marriages will fail with the wife being twice as likely to initiate the proceedings on grounds of "general discontent" -- the minimum requirement of no-fault divorce. The odds of the woman receiving custody of children are overwhelming, with many fathers effectively being denied visitation. The wife usually keeps the "family" assets and, perhaps, receives alimony as well as child support. Many men confront continuing poverty to pay for the former marriage.

I have long viewed child support and alimony as part of the reason there are so many divorces. I mean, think how easy it is to make a decision to leave and fend for yourself when you will continue to be financially supported by the person you are leaving. The news is continually filled with stories of dead beat dads who refuse to support their children. No one thinks of the damn courts that force them into a life that they did not choose. Sure they created the children, but they created the children in what they thought was a loving committed relationship, only to have the security of that relationship jerked out from beneath them by some fickle woman who decided she was not getting enough attention at home and filed for divorce.

Seriously, I generalize, and there are sometimes good reasons to divorce, but in my divorce practice, it is the woman who files the divorce action more often than not and the reason most often given as the reason for her action: "I am just not happy anymore." Women are less choosy about the men they get involved with than were our grandmothers and their mothers and their mothers before them and seem to continually be looking for some reason not to be happy. Men have not changed; men will never change. Men are a bunch of sex-crazed dogs who will try to charm the pants off of any gal. They can be domesticated, but never tamed.

I don't hate women. I could never hate that lovely curvaceous gender than provides life and emotion to an otherwise bleak and lonely world. I just wish they would not work so hard to blur the line between what is expected and what is reality in the male/female equation.

Am I afraid of marriage? No, but I am very, very afraid of marrying the wrong woman.

Posted by Tiger at August 18, 2003 07:51 AM | TrackBack
Comments

My brother is divorced with two kids. She left him and promptly moved in with another guy...8 hours away. So now not only does my brother not see his kids as often as he wants, he pays child support while the ex and her new boyfriend don't even work.

Posted by: Jennifer at August 18, 2003 08:49 AM

I've witnessed exactly that sort of thing with my own eyes, Jennifer. And been frightened by how callous and cruel some women could be when I pointed them out.

Of course, I do believe the majority of women are decent, kind, and just creatures. I'm just often stunned by how callous some of them are to such stories. I really am.

Posted by: Dean Esmay at August 18, 2003 10:41 AM

In a twist on the situations you talk about, I strongly encouraged my nephew to marry his girlfriend for the purpose of establishing legal rights to their children. Before they were married, she would up and move away whenever she felt the need, and my nephew couldn't really do anything about it (long story).

The issue is complex, but it really gets nasty when kids get involved.

Posted by: Ted at August 18, 2003 12:21 PM

There are always horror stories and always good stories when it relates to this. It takes 2 to make a good relationship or marriage and 2 to make it fail. Deciding to end it is never an easy decision and will cause pain on all sides. Deciding what is best when children are involved is especially difficult. Yes, there are women who take advantage of divorce and men who do the same thing. Regardless, as a person who is still going through it, ultimately the decision has to be "what will allow the children to grow up healthy and happy" and staying together for the children's sake is never the answer. Children understand more than they are given credit for. Do I receive child support? yes. He helped make them and i have to care for them and have him still around for another 15 years. Do i take him for all the courts would allow me to? no. I figured out what i had to have, what he could afford and worded it for inflation and for the kids activities that he would have to pay if we were still together. Do i run the risk of him not paying? possibly, but i take care of that eventuality also. Don't tar everyone with the evil horror story brush. As the saying has been said. Do something right, only 1 person will know. Do something wrong and they'll immediately tell 11 other people. Divorce is terrible, but at least i know my children have a chance at a better life by having 2 full parents that care about them even apart, instead of 2 parents that fight constantly and make tension that makes for unhappy children

Posted by: revog at August 18, 2003 07:42 PM