Read My Lips - the blog

Episode No. 2

OK, time to get comfortable, put your feet up and get ready for another glimpse into the life of your old friend Wicked Willie.

Wicked Willie lives on the upper floor of a lavish mansion on a secluded estate. Once the leader of the free world, he fell from grace as the woman who stood behind him walked over his back on her climb to success. Now a mere disbarred attorney, he is often left alone, with just the company of Stu and Benji, his two federally-assigned bodyguards. He just sits around playing pocket pool, and allows his thoughts to drift on some of the more important things in life. Here are his thoughts. Maybe you will get a chuckle or two and maybe you will even agree with parts of what he has to say.

Sunday, August 24, 2003

This is goin' to be short, ‘cause Hil will be gettin' home from shoppin' soon. Had a really rough day. Seems Hil was dead set on us makin' an appearance in church this mornin'. I had to put on that damn blue pin-striped suit again. I hate that suit. It crawls right up the crack of my ass. I wanted to throw it out, but Hil bought it and she thinks I look so great wearin' it. She picked Chelsea up on the way in last night, and it was good to see my Punkin' again. She is not looking as pudgy as last time I saw her. Too bad, though, 'cause she was gettin' a real skanky look goin' there for a bit. Now she looks too damn preppy. Anyway, Punkin' will be goin' back to school soon, so gonna be awhile before we all get together, least that is why Hil thought it was good for us to be goin' to the church this morning.

It really sucked, though, ‘cause I had my mind all set to call up this gal I met the other night. Seems she took a likin' to me, so I figured with the gals all off to the church, I could sneak her up here for some R&R, if ya get my drift. Well, so I went to church. It was a real snoozer, as usual, with the parson just blabbering about sins and stuff. I really never pay no mind to any of that. I figure that if I could sell the American people on what a decent guy I was enough to get them to elect me to that big white house in Washington, I won't have no difficulty gettin' St. Peter to open those Pearly Gates for me after I am gone. Church is for losers, but you didn't hear me say that.

Well, after church, Hil and Punkin' decided to go into town to do some shoppin'. Hil wants to make sure Punkin' has enough of them preppy clothes to snag a worthwhile man to assist her in her climb up the ladder of success. I heard Hil tell her to be careful and not fall for some loser like her old man. That really hurt, you know. I was the damn President of the United States and just becuase I get caught with my pants down one time, all of a sudden I am a loser in the eyes of my wife and child. It just ain't fair.

Well, they really wanted to drag me along on their shopping trip, but I said the sermon gave me a headache, so they let me ride home with Stu and Benji in the green car and they took the limo into the city. I thought, cool, now I can call Heather. I ran right up here and picked up the blue phone, the one with the secure line, and dialed in the number from the card she had given me. I hear this sweet voice on the other end. "Hello?"

"Heather? Is that you? It's me, Willie!"

"Oh! Hi Willie. Heather is not in, but she was expecting your call."

"Not in! I only got an hour or two free time. When is she gonna be back?"

"Well, she is out on a call, but I can come up if you'd like."

"Seems me and Heather had talked about an arrangement. She was gonna do something special for me."

"Oh, she told me. The blue dress thing. Yeah, I can do that."

"Can you get up here. I am really needin' some assistance."

"Yes, I can get right on the way. All I need is your credit card number."

"Credit card number? I can't be putting something like this on a credit card."

"Oh, don't worry about that sweetie, it shows to be a charge from a book store."

At that point, I just hung up. Hell I would have an easier time explainin' to Hil that I bought a hooker than I would tryin' to explain to her why I bought a bunch of books. She would be really suspicious if I bought a bunch of books. She would be thinkin' I was tryin' to find a way to be smarter than she is. Damn that Monica, why won't she return my calls? I wonder if Jennifer Flowers remembers me? I seem to have her number around here some place.

Well, I wish I had a good ride, so ya'll come on back here if'n ya need what I got to give, ya hear?