Read My Lips - the blog

Episode No. 5

OK, time to get comfortable, put your feet up and get ready for another glimpse into the life of your old friend Wicked Willie.

Wicked Willie lives on the upper floor of a lavish mansion on a secluded estate. Once the leader of the free world, he fell from grace as the woman who stood behind him walked over his back on her climb to success. Now a mere disbarred attorney, he is often left alone, with just the company of Stu and Benji, his two federally-assigned bodyguards. He just sits around playing pocket pool, and allows his thoughts to drift on some of the more important things in life. Here are his thoughts. Maybe you will get a chuckle or two and maybe you will even agree with parts of what he has to say.

Wednesday, August 27, 2003

Well, thankfully, the overdose of Viagra® finally wore off durin' the night. Of course, I did not sleep all night, as I kept one eye open, watchin' Benji as he stood in the doorway. I have strong suspicions about him.

Hil is still doin' Senate stuff, and I am still here without a woman in the house. Of course, when Hil is here, it is pretty much like not havin' a woman in the house. She has her room down the hall and only comes in here when she needs some help with a zipper or somethin'. Why did she grow so cold after Jennifer Flowers started tellin' all them awful lies about me. Just because one stupid skank forgets to dry-clean her dress for six months, my life goes in the crapper. Life just ain't fair.

People think all I do is think about sex, sex and sex all the time. That just ain't true. I think about food sometimes, ‘specially when I am really hungry. I even like football, especially the cheerleaders. And I like other sports too. Gymnastics are cool, ‘cause I like to think of all them skanky titless gals wrapping them strong thighs around me when we are playin' ride the willie. I especially like them weightliftin' gals. There ain't a finer bunch of skanky heifers in all of the world. Yeah, I don't just think about sex all the time. I think about food, and I think about sports.

Oh, and I do think about Monica. That gal could do a vacuum job on a willie like no one else. I mean I just get a wooden willie just thinkin' back on them times. I ain't really wanting to think on that right now, though, ‘cause I had about all the wooden willie stuff that a man could stand yesterday. I'd a just as soon keep my thoughts somewhere else for the rest of today.

Tomorrow, I think I might give that Heather gal a call again. I bet she would do a cash deal, if I talked to her real sweet. Now what was it I said to Monica that first time? I know it will come back to me before I make that call. Heck, she might give me a freebie if I lay it on really slick. If I give her that charm I used to used when I stood up in front of the American public and denied ever having sex with Monica, she just might do me for free, at that. Now where did I leave that number for my speech writer?

Well, I wish I had a good ride, so ya'll come on back here if'n ya need what I got to give, ya hear?