Read My Lips - the blog

Episode No. 6

OK, time to get comfortable, put your feet up and get ready for another glimpse into the life of your old friend Wicked Willie.

Wicked Willie lives on the upper floor of a lavish mansion on a secluded estate. Once the leader of the free world, he fell from grace as the woman who stood behind him walked over his back on her climb to success. Now a mere disbarred attorney, he is often left alone, with just the company of Stu and Benji, his two federally-assigned bodyguards. He just sits around playin' pocket pool, and allows his thoughts to drift on some of the more important things in life. Here are his thoughts. Maybe you will get a chuckle or two and maybe you will even agree with parts of what he has to say.

Thursday, August 28, 2003

Oh, did I ever wake up refreshed this morning. I had a big wooden willie, but it was mostly because I needed to go pee. Them skanks never understand that, and gosh, some of them try to jump on you when they see it, and they just do not understand when you push them away and jump up and run off to the bathroom. As much as I love rollin' with some skank, it ain't all the comfortable with them jumpin' up and down when ya got a full bladder. Dammit, bitch, let me go piss.

Of course, I didn't have no skank to bother me this morning. Hil is still in Washington doin' Senate business or bangin' someone or something. All I know is she ain't here. Anyway, it ain't that bad when she is away, because it ain't that good when she is around, and when she is away, then I can be bad.

So today I gave Heather a call. She is such a sweet skanky lookin' gal. Actually she does remind me a lot of Monica. I did my best to sweet talk her into comin' over and gettin' my willie really wet and stuff. She was not buyin' the freebie stuff and told me that there had to be some financial angle or her boss would just not let her come out. I don't know all the ins and outs of that business, but I was definitely hankerin' for some ins and outs involvin' my willie and some of the moist and warm spots on Heather's skanky body. I told her about my credit card problems and asked her if she could arrange for cash payments. She said of course, she could. They did not usually do that, because they wanted to make sure the payment was made before they made the trip, but she trusted me enough to come on out. The price: $1000.00. I thought, hot damn, I wished I was a skank. I would have gotten to be a millionaire havin' fun instead of rippin' off taxpayers. Anyway, she was on her way.

I rummaged around in all my sock drawers and such and all I could come up with was about $450.00. I asked Stu if I could borrow some, but he said he was broke. I wanted to ask Benji, but was afraid he would ask me to do somethin' for it, and I was not wantin' to do what I thought he would want me to do for any amount of money. I called the Secret Service supervisor and asked if I could get some replacements for those two. maybe someone who had a pocketful of money they could lend me. He just laughed. I asked him if I could use his credit card number, and he laughed even louder and then hung up on me. I work for Big George now, he said, as he slammed the phone in my ear.

I went into Hil's room and started rummagin' around. Finally in one of her closets, I found a suitcase just crammed full of $100 bills. She might be cold-hearted and frigid a skank as there ever was, but that woman could charm large sums of cash out of lobbyists better than anyone in Washington. I was pretty sure she would not miss $5 grand, so pocketed a packet of hundreds and went and stowed my $450 back into those old boots at the back of my closet.

I got enough to call Heather a few more times. Hey, maybe if I use it to buy a lot of chocolates, I can talk one of those young skanky Field Hockey players at the Girl's Prep School down the hill into meetin' me in the bushes for a little game of hide the willie. Hey, don't pop it now, Willie, my boy, Heather is on the way. Save the good stuff for later.

Well, I wish I had a good ride, so ya'll come on back here if'n ya need what I got to give, ya hear?