Read My Lips - the blog

Episode No. 8

OK, time to get comfortable, put your feet up and get ready for another glimpse into the life of your old friend Wicked Willie.

Wicked Willie lives on the upper floor of a lavish mansion on a secluded estate. Once the leader of the free world, he fell from grace as the woman who stood behind him walked over his back on her climb to success. Now a mere disbarred attorney, he is often left alone, with just the company of Stu and Benji, his two federally-assigned bodyguards. He just sits around playin' pocket pool, and allows his thoughts to drift on some of the more important things in life. Here are his thoughts. Maybe you will get a chuckle or two and maybe you will even agree with parts of what he has to say.

Tuesday, September 2, 2003

Well, I had another vivid dream last night, but didn't hear a door slam or anyone runnin' down the hall when I awoke. The sheets were still coverin' me, but I didn't need to see the tent to know I had another good woody willie this morning. I also needed to wizz so bad, and you guys know how hard it is to wizz when your willie is a woody, doncha? Them skanks will never get the idea about that, I betcha.

Anyway, after I finally finished my wizz, and you would think I drank a damn swimmin' pool for as long as it took to drain my bladder this morning, I decided to go check out what that lovely maid was doing. Guess what I saw? She was hangin' all over Stu like he was tree she wanted to climb. I mean she had an arm around his shoulder and one leg wrapped around him. I guess if'n she was the one in my room yesterday mornin', that gal needs a lot of male attention. Now if she was just a bit more skanky, I might hire someone to get rid of that cold-hearted skank I am married to, you know the one, that bitch that ran off to the Caribbean with some guy or gal or animal or something, the one who ain't give me none for like 12 years. She ain't even called to check up on me. I could be lyin' here dead and she wouldn't even know it.

I wonder where Benji is? I hardly saw hide nor hair of him yesterday. In fact, neither he nor Benji was around much at all. I wasn't really lookin' for them all that much, as I knew them skanks wasn't gonna be practicin' down at the Prep School down the hill, and besides, I was just hangin' around the room, hopin' that maid would sneak back in to finish what she had started before I woke up and startled her. A man does have needs, you know? A man needs a woman that understands his needs and is ready to do what it takes, right? Damn, that Hil! After all I done for that skank, lettin' her ride my coattails up the ladder of success, and she cuts me off. I think if she didn't know how to charm big bucks out of lobbyists and campaign contributors, I would have offed her right after she decided she didn't want to take care of my needs anymore. When was that? Sometime right after that damn Jennifer Flowers blabbed about me and her doing, what was it again. It must not have been all that good or I wouldn't have forgotten what we did. Where did I leave her number? I ought to call her up and tell her to come over here and do it again. I bet that would refresh my memory. Damn, here comes my woody again.

Well, I guess I will sit here and make a decision. Either I go see if I can drag that maid off of Stu, call up Heather, or wank my willie. Oops, did I hear the door? Damn, I think Hil is back. Why did she have to come back and ruin all my fun? It sure ain't like she is gonna be any part of me havin' any fun anymore.

Well, I wish I had a good ride, so ya'll come on back here if'n ya need what I got to give, ya hear?