Read My Lips - the blog

Episode No. 10

OK, time to get comfortable, put your feet up and get ready for another glimpse into the life of your old friend Wicked Willie.

Wicked Willie lives on the upper floor of a lavish mansion on a secluded estate. Once the leader of the free world, he fell from grace as the woman who stood behind him walked over his back on her climb to success. Now a mere disbarred attorney, he is often left alone, with just the company of Stu and Benji, his two federally-assigned bodyguards. He just sits around playin' pocket pool, and allows his thoughts to drift on some of the more important things in life. Here are his thoughts. Maybe you will get a chuckle or two and maybe you will even agree with parts of what he has to say.

Thursday, September 4, 2003

What a strange ordeal that was that I went through yesterday. Heck, I never did get a hold of Dr. Elders, so just had to go down to the local hospital's Emergency Room. The doctor's checked me out and could not find the source of the pain, so admitted me to do some testing. I was poked and prodded and stuck with more needles than I could count. What was funny was that the pain subsided soon after I left the house. I guess they checked my blood pressure about 20 times. The nurse said it was unusually high, but then I can almost bet she had never experienced pain in her groined like bein' kicked in the nads about 20 times either. I suspect that would anyone's blood pressure go through the roof. It was a pain goin' through all of that. Of course, the worst part of the entire situation was when that damn proctologist decided he had better check that place where the sun has never shone, and talk about a pain in the ass, the whole experience was literally such. It felt like he blew my asshole up to the size of a balloon, and then I think he stuck his whole damned hand up there. I was silently screaming the whole time. I think I would rather be kicked in the nads 20 times than have to go through that again.

Anyway, everything checked out all right by the time the tests were over. Of course, by that time, it was almost bed time for me. I did try to talk one of two of that really skanky nurses to give me a sponge bath, but none of them was going to go there, it seems. I cannot understand that. Heck, when I was the leader of the free world, I could snap my fingers and some gal would drop to her knees and give my most vital part a tongue bath if I asked her to do so. Now I can't even get some skanky nurse to wash my willie with a sponge.

By the time I got home, Hil had already left. I searched the house for that doll, but never did locate it. Too bad, because I wanted to rub on the bulge again. For some reason, the seemed to be so exciting, I wanted to give it another try. I just wonder where that doll went. Surely Hil didn't decide to take back her gift?

Hil did call me a bit later. She said she had gone to New York City to assist Puddin' move into her new apartment. It seems my baby had gone to Spain with some young man and now is moving in with him. Hil said Puddin' got a job too. She is working for some consulting firm which is going to pay her $120,000.00 a year. I don't know which one of us Puddin' takes after the most, me because she doesn't really seem to know shit anything, or her mother, because she doesn't seem to know shit about anything but someone is stupid enough to pay her for not knowing shit about anything anyway. One thing is for sure, she is our child.

My nads a still a bit sore today. I am still not sure what the problem was, but I am pretty sure I never want to go through that again, ever! I am thinking I will just stay in and rest today. I really ought to go down to the city and help Hil move Puddin' into her new apartment, but I would probably be in the way, as usual. I can probably help them more by just staying here.

Well, I wish I had a good ride, so ya'll come on back here if'n ya need what I got to give, ya hear?