Today I had a juvenile matter in court involving a very intelligent 12-year-old who seems to be having disciplinary problems. His 18-year-old stepsister, with whom he was very close, died in a car wreck riding home with an intoxicated friend and his parents divorced last year. Now I am suspicious that most of his problems stem from the death of his stepsister. Why do I say that? Well, there were two major events that have happened to him over the last two years: the death and the divorce. You can almost bet the death of the young lady that was a big part of both of their lives had as much to do with the parents divorcing as anything else.
See, I know a little about having someone close die at a young age. Many of you are aware that I lost my wife nine years ago at age 33. It takes a lot out of you. First of all, you lose sense of your own mortality by seeing that anyone of any age can die without any warning. Then you also find a big hole in your life that you cannot fill. Death brings grief and grief takes time to overcome. Everyone seems to have to deal with it on their own time. Some have a harder time than others. In my own case, it took five or six years for me to refocus my life and its purpose. I felt for a long time that when my wife died, my life actually ended also. It made no difference that I was still alive, with my wife no longer around, I had no purpose in life.
As I contemplated these thoughts about the causes of the distress plaguing this young man, I became aware that such correlated well with what we were all remembering today. I thought of all those young widows and widowers who lost loved ones in the incident and all those children who lost parents. I wondered how many among us actually knew what they are still going through and how much it still hurts deep inside having had their loved ones taken away at such an early age. The dead are dead. Some of them may have suffered, but their suffering is long gone. Those left behind are still suffering. Much of it is likely being done silently with very little complaint.
Posted by notGeorge at September 11, 2003 07:12 PMAbsolutely beautiful piece you have written there, Tig...
Sometimes, I forget how lucky I am--and then I read your work and it puts me back in perspective. I'm going to hold my husband and be thankful for what I still have...
--TwoDragons
Posted by: Denita TwoDragons at September 12, 2003 10:35 AM