Read My Lips - the blog

Episode No. 14

OK, time to get comfortable, put your feet up and get ready for another glimpse into the life of your old friend Wicked Willie.

Wicked Willie lives on the upper floor of a lavish mansion on a secluded estate. Once the leader of the free world, he fell from grace as the woman who stood behind him walked over his back on her climb to success. Now a mere disbarred attorney, he is often left alone, with just the company of Stu and Benji, his two federally-assigned bodyguards. He just sits around playin' pocket pool, and allows his thoughts to drift on some of the more important things in life. Here are his thoughts. Maybe you will get a chuckle or two and maybe you will even agree with parts of what he has to say.

Thursday, October 30, 2003

Hey, I am somewhere in China. I wanna thank which ever one of ya'll that got word to Stu and Benji that I was in Bangkok ‘cause they finally showed up and usin' their keen Secret Service honed skills found me where I had holed up in the basement of a whorehouse. It weren't that bad, ‘cause a couple of them skanky whores was comin' down to bring me food and water and if I smiled just right, one of ‘em would give me a Lewinski. I didn't know they was callin' it that, but one of them Thai whores told me that was the newest term for the activity.

Anyway, I was afraid to venture out to the Internet cafe agin, ‘cause I was alerted to the fact that there was a manhunt for me. It seems there are some that did not want me to leave Thailand, for some reason. I figured that out a bit later, when Benji and Stu finally got here. They apologized, but said they had to schedule that much time off way in advance, so it was the best they could do to get here when they did. It seems that there is an imposter playin' me now, but Stu and Benji caught on pretty quick they said. Seems they got instantly suspicious when the imposter went a whole day without whackin' off or even playin' pocket pool. They knowed it weren't me.

How we got here in China, I don't even know. Seems that Stu was with the CIA back in Viet Nam and somehow smuggled us through Thailand into Laos and up into China. We are stayin' with some Buddhist monastery or somethin'. I seen this skanky little slant eyed lass a'carryin' a laptop and followed her in here. Seems there are some bootleg internet connections even here in China. What is even cooler is that I am gettin' to post this message off while this little skanky gal gives my willie the workout. Life on the lam is not as bad as you might think. Stu says we ought to make it stateside soon, and then we can get to the bottom of this imposter business. I think either Hilary or George W. had something to do with this.

Well, I wish I had a good ride, so ya'll come on back here if'n ya need what I got to give, ya hear?