Read My Lips - the blog

Leave 'em laughin'

I am gonna end this day kinda like I begun it. As my first post was kinda like my waking up post and my last post of the day is always the Nightly Navel Gazing Report™, that kind of makes this like the next to the last post. As the next ot the first post, being the second post was a bunch of lawyer jokes, I thought I would give ya'll a few more.

LAWYER JOKES

What do you call a lawyer with an I. Q. of 50?
Your Honor.

What is the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?
You take off your shoes to jump on a trampoline.

In front of you stand four men: Adolf Hitler, Idi Amin, Saddam Hussein and a lawyer. You are holding a gun which contains only three bullets. Who do you shoot?
Use all three bullets on the lawyer.

How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
His lips are moving.

What is the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?
The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.

When lawyers die, why are they buried in a hole 24 feet deep?
Because deep down, they are all nice guys.

How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?
Cut the rope.

If a lawyer and an IRS agent were both drowning, and you could only save one of them, would you go to lunch or read the paper.

Have you heard about the lawyers word processor?
No matter what font you select, everything come out in fine print.

Hear about the terrorist that hijacked a 747 full of lawyers?
He threatened to release one every hour if his demands weren't met.

Why does California have so many lawyers and New Jersey have so many toxic waste dumps?
New Jersey got to pick first.

Did you hear about the new sushi bar that caters exclusively to lawyers?
It's called, Sosumi.

Did you hear that the post office had to recall its series of stamps depicting famous lawyers?
People couldn't decide which side to spit on.

What is the ideal weight of a lawyer?
About three pounds, including the urn.