It was two weeks before Christmas and Mary was doing the decorating of the living room and the tree when her Husband Tom came down stairs. "How much did those decorations and the tree cost?" He asked.
"Not much," Mary replied. "Besides, it's about time we start making this place a little more festive. You're so cheap!"
"I'm not cheap!! I'm just practical, that's all! I'm leaving for work and will be back tonight!" Tom said.
"What did you get me for Christmas this year, Mr. Cheapo?" Mary asked.
"I told you I'm not cheap, just practical! No one has ever called me cheap before!", Tom replied and gave Mary a kiss goodbye. Tom thought about Mary calling him cheap all the way to work and all the way back. Since Christmas was in a few days, Tom thought it would be nice to bring his wife a little gift.
He figured the cheese slicer may not be enough. (Yeah, what a nice guy. ;)
"How about some perfume?" he asked the cosmetics clerk. She showed him a bottle costing $50.
"That's a bit much," said Tom, so she returned with a smaller bottle for $30.
"That's still quite a bit," Tom groused.
Growing disgusted, the clerk brought out a tiny $15 bottle.
Tom grew agitated, "What I mean is," he said, "I'd like to see something real cheap."
So the clerk handed him a mirror.
[Update: OK, I know that was kinda old and kinda lame, so I found another one for ya'll. Check the extended entry.]
Escaped convict
A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair. While tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.
While he's in there, the husband tells his wife: "listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you"
To which the wife responds: "he wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"
Posted by notGeorge at December 12, 2003 12:28 AM | TrackBack