Read My Lips - the blog

Just when you think you are covered in shit . . .

you find yourself surrounded by flowers. All of those white lies and playful platitudes ya'll very lovely ladies have lauded upon me have caused my cheeks to redden and my heart to go pitter pat. I do thank ya'll for that wee bit of pleasure. I seem to get so little pure pleasure from my life in this day and time, and don't really think that will change anytime soon. My romantic prospects are dim or none. I tried the eHarmony plan, but could never get them to understand that I am not wantin' to live out the rest of my life with someone who has grown children. I am still wantin' to start a family and restrictin' my matches to those between 38 and 53 was not even remotely returnin' people in which I would have been interested. I do thank Dean for suggestin' it, and I am almost sure it does work for most people. My situation is very unique, and it is one that only grows worse year by year. I, however, refuse to settle and will gladly live my remainin' years alone rather than choose to enter into a relationship that will not provide the family I so eagerly seek. I am about ready to just go donate a whole bunch of my damn swimmers at some sperm bank and hope. I mean I might not ever meet my descendants, but maybe I will have some. I can see my son now, raised by a nice lesbian couple, clean cut, intelligent, class president, valedictorian, first Libertarian President of the United Earth as well as the first openly gay one. I probably won't be around for that and would likely be unable to recognize him despite the close resemblance to my own gorgeous features. No matter all of that, I will state now how proud of him I would be if I only knew.

Now then, my daughter will be raised by a traditional man-woman couple, in vitro-fertilization yada yada, and heavy supporters of the NRA as well as gun nuts themselves, and my daughter turns out to be a naturally thin, stunningly beautiful and amazingly agile political assassin who ends up shootin' my son. She has no political affiliations of any kind other than supreme allegiance to the right to bear arms and use them at her pleasure, and commits this act only because she was paid to do so by some anti-gay faction from the former nation of Iran.

Of course, I also have not given up on my dream of just havin' myself cloned and raisin' myself. I think it is a wonderful idea. I have no idea what my navel's take on the idea is. My need to reproduce overrides my every concern for the welfare of my navel. I am almost sure I would readily sacrifice my navel for the well bein' of any off-spring that might arrive in my later years. Damn, now I am already feelin' down again. That sucks. I think I will go take a nice hot bath and stare at my navel for a bit. You would be surprised at how supremely relaxin' that can be. End of report.