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Things to think about when you think life is goin' to the dogs

36 Ways Dogs are Better Than Men

1. Dogs do not have problems expressing affection in public.
2. Dogs miss you when you're gone.
3. You never wonder whether your dog is good enough for you.
4. Dogs feel guilt when they've done something wrong.
5. Dogs don't criticize your friends.
6. Dogs admit when they're jealous.
7. Dogs are very direct about wanting to go out.
8. Dogs do not play games with you -- except fetch (and they never laugh at how you throw).
9. Dogs are happy with any video you choose to rent, because they know the most important thing is that you're together.
10. Dogs don't feel threatened by your intelligence.
11. No dog ever voted to confirm Clarence Thomas.
12. You can train a dog.
13. Dogs are easy to buy for.
14. Dogs are good with kids.
15. Dogs are already in touch with their inner puppies.
16. You are never suspicious of your dog's dreams.
17. Gorgeous dogs don't know they're gorgeous.
18. The worst social disease you can get from dogs is fleas. (OK). The *really* worst disease you can get from them is rabies, but there's a vaccine for it, and you get to kill the one that gives it to you.)
19. Dogs understand what 'no' means.
20. Dogs don't need therapy to undo their bad socialization.
21. Dogs don't make a practice of killing their own species.
22. Dogs understand if some of their friends cannot come inside.
23. Dogs do not read at the table.
24. Dogs think you are a culinary genius.
25. You can house train a dog.
26. You can force a dog to take a bath.
27. Dogs don't correct your stories.
28. Middle-aged dogs don't feel the need to abandon you for a younger owner.
29. Dogs aren't threatened by a woman with short hair.
30. Dogs aren't threatened by two women with short hair.
31. Dogs don't weigh down your purse with their stuff.
32. Dogs look at your eyes.
33. Dogs like your size.
34. Dogs mean it when they kiss you.
35. Dogs are nice to your relatives.
36. Dogs obsess about you as much as you obsess about them.

48 Reasons Why Dogs are Better Than Women

1. Dogs don't cry.
2. Dogs love it when your friends come over.
3. Dogs don't care if you use their shampoo.
4. Dogs think you sing great.
5. A dog's time in the bathroom is confined to a quick drink.
6. Dogs don't expect you to call when you are running late.
7. The later you are, the more excited dogs are to see you.
8. Dogs will forgive you for playing with other dogs.
9. Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name.
10. Dogs are excited by rough play.
11. Dogs don't mind if you give their offspring away.
12. Dogs understand that farts are funny.
13. Dogs love red meat.
14. Dogs can appreciate excessive body hair.
15. Anyone can get a good-looking dog.
16. If a dog is gorgeous, other dogs don't hate it.
17. Dogs don't shop.
18. Dogs like it when you leave lots of things on the floor.
19. A dog's disposition stays the same all month long.
20. Dogs never need to examine the relationship.
21. A dog's parents never visit.
22. Dogs love long car trips.
23. Dogs understand that instincts are better than asking for directions.
24. Dogs understand that all animals smaller than dogs were made to be hunted.
25. When a dog gets old and starts to snap at you incessantly, you can shoot it.
26. Dogs like beer.
27. Dogs don't hate their bodies.
28. No dog ever bought a Kenny G or Hootie & the Blowfish album.
29. No dog ever put on 100 pounds after reaching adulthood.
30. Dogs never criticize.
31. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.
32. Dogs never expect gifts.
33. It's legal to keep a dog chained up at your house.
34. Dogs don't worry about germs.
35. Dogs don't want to know about every other dog you ever had.
36. Dogs like to do their snooping outside as opposed to in your wallet, desk, and the back of your sock drawer.
37. Dogs don't let magazine articles guide their lives.
38. Dogs would rather have you buy them a hamburger dinner than a lobster one.
39. You never have to wait for a dog. They're ready to go 24 hours a day.
40. Dogs have no use for flowers, cards, or jewelry.
41. Dogs don't borrow your shirts.
Dogs never want foot-rubs.
42. Dogs enjoy heavy petting in public.
43. Dogs find you amusing when you're drunk.
44. Dogs can't talk.
45. Dogs aren't catty.
46. Dogs seldom outlive you.