Read My Lips - the blog

It hurts all the way to the very core

I am not sure why, likely some gastric distress due to my dietary intake durin' the day, but I have this pain deep in my gut. Let me see -- I started off the day with another bacon, egg and cheese Breakfast Burrito from Sonic along with that regular order of Tots, then later had a hot link in a hot dog bun with just a couple of lines of mustard on it and a bag of pig skins, but I started chokin' while eatin' the pig skins, so ate a couple of the pepperoni Slim Jim sticks to assist me in gettin' whatever was stickin' in my throat to go down, as well as downin' almost 32 ozs. of Dr. Pepper, after refillin' my cup for the second time today, the first time bein' right before I headed to Sonic for breakfast. I refilled the cup again, headed back to work, and then after work, went back to refill the cup again and ate a Grab Bag of Cheetohs and then a small bag of Pretzels but for some reason, I was not hungry enough to finish the pretzels. I gave the rest to my dogs and came in and sat here for most of the evenin' doin' this and that, mostly tryin' to figure out how to get into my Pay Pal account so I could assist Serenity a bit with her situation, while chattin' with Tink and SilverBlue on AOL IM and then some doctor in China somehow found me on ICQ even though I was supposedly invisible, and we chatted for awhile. I also had some other person named Helen who tried to connect with me on ICQ, but I think I pissed her off when I asked her for the reason she contacted me. The doctor kinda got thrown off by that question also. However, as so many different people of which I have no idea who the fork they are contact me on ICQ, AOL IM, Yahoo Messenger and MS Messenger all the time, I seem to find myself askin' that question very often. I do find, more often than not, that it does seem to piss people off to have to explain why the fork they were contactin' me without my askin' them to do so, and some just piss off and leave me alone. Some actually say they saw my profile here and there and were interested in learnin' more about me. I seem to be very popular with young women in eastern Europe and in the Philippines, and I used to get a lot contactin' me from Nigeria. I am pretty sure I will never hook up with anyone from any other country other than maybe Mexico, only because it is so close, or maybe Canada, because actually it is pretty close too? I myself might emigrate to Australia or New Zealand if given the opportunity. I am pretty sure I would never settle down with anyone from Nigeria, first of all because I do not find most black women all that attractive. It has much less to do with skin color than because they have big asses, fat lips and their hair feels funny. I especially suspect the very core of Nigerian culture. I have actually had long online communication relationships with a couple of Filipino gals, and even have a cousin who married one. I now truly understand why so many young Filipino gals seek husbands from other countries. They live in a very strict Catholic culture where divorce is unheard of and if you are an unmarried female older than in your early 20s, you are a spinster. No one in the Philippines will marry you. The Eastern European girls are the ones I suspect of wanting to marry more for the sole purpose of gettin' into the United States, but, as a group, they are the most attractive younger gals that are looking for older, more financially stable husbands. I could actuallly see myself settling down with one of those young ladies, since with my particular problem, marrying a 25 year old eastern European gal might actually be the answer to my dilemma. Surprisingly, I actually think Tatiana is a very lovely name.

Wow, see how circular my thinkin' goes: I go from describin' what I had to eat today to a discussion of the types of females one tends to meet online. Still, I do have that pain deep in my gut. I actually think it is just gas, though, and that is will pass. As I am alone, it really does not matter how it does so or whether there is any resultant noise of any kind. There probably will be some resultant noise, though. That is actually one of the pleasures one experiences from dealin' with the pressure from gas buildin' up in your gastric system. When it finally gets to the blowin' point where it passes, one can, with practice, produce some excellent sounds. TMI? TFB!*

I also seem to be havin' a zit emerge right where my left cheek bone juts forward. I suspect that is a result of all the bacon and pepperoni Slim Jim sticks I have been eatin' here lately. Try as I might, I seem to be eatin' a tad more since I quit smokin'. I am of the opinion that cigarettes contain an appetite suppressant, as ever since I stopped smokin', I have felt hungry. I don't seem to be gainin' all that much weight, however. I suspect this is probably because I don't have any food in the house and am generally too lazy to go out and get anythin', except when I have to go to the store to refill my Dr. Pepper cup. Then I usually eat a bag of pork skins and maybe a few sticks of pepperoni Slim Jims.

I wonder why I am tellin' ya'll all of this? Now I have a headache. Now I need a couple of Pepcid Completes. Now I am feelin' like it is time to go to bed. OK, so here is the plan: I will down a handful of analgesics, followed by a fistful of Pepcid Completes, immerse myself in a tub of hot water and sit in it until my skin has turned a very rosy pink color, then I will dry off and jump under a double layer of goose down comforters in a large king sized bed all by myself and lay there feelin' sorry for myself until I fall asleep. Doesn't that sound like a joyous time for all involved? fork it! It sounds like standard fare for this mundane life of mine ... but guess what? I have grown so damn accustomed to it that if any real excitement came along, it would probably shock me to the point where I would succumb to a heart attack or somethin'. There are worse things than boredom, ya see? End of report.

*Too forkin' Bad!

Posted by notGeorge at March 1, 2004 10:55 PM | TrackBack