OK, so some of ya'll think belly button talk is borin'? Well maybe you ought to go over to where Pat works and sit around discussin' belly buttons and just see where the conversation takes ya. Needless to say, this does go to prove that this ain't the only place where someone actually blogs about belly buttons, is it? And, as you likely know, if you regularly read my Nightly Navel Gazin' Reports™, I try to subdue as much really nasty crud as possible. I guess a bunch of women around a table are not as worried about doin' so, huh? But seriously, when have you ever seen me introduce anythin' about "a baby who had lovely emerald green poop" into any of my Nightly Navel Gazin' Reports™? I have some standards, you know? I mean, there are some subjects that I would not touch with a 10 foot pole, and emerald green baby poop is probably somethin' I would be glad to have a 10 foot pole handy just in case I was required to touch such. Well, actually, I am very baby friendly, so I would actually not be all that worried about it, as long as I could find that bag of latex gloves I bought at the dollar store. I suppose someone would have to clean the baby's butt, and if the baby was not big enough to do it itself, I suppose someone else would have to jump in to do so. Ya just can't let a baby run around in a diaper filled with emerald green baby crud, right? Someone has to change that diaper. It surely would not be my first time to change a baby's diaper and I likely would have already had a sniff or two of how bad that crud in the diaper smelled ... I mean, experience has shown me that although the diaper might do a good job of containin' the crud on most occasions, it does not do that great of a job containin' the smell of the crud in the diaper all that well. OK, vinyl gloves on and a clothespin on my nose and here we go. Off with that nasty diaper, roll it up and put it in a bio-hazard bag, take a handful of Handy-Wipes and wipe as much of that emerald green baby shit off that soft baby's butt as possible, and then put those used Handy-Wipes in that bio-hazard bag, grab another handful of Handy-Wipes and give that soft baby's butt another round of wipin', put those Handy-Wipes in that bio-hazard bag, and continue that over and over until that soft baby's butt is clear of any sign of emerald green shit. Sprinkle on some baby powder and apply a clean fresh diaper. Remove clothespin, put in bio-hazard bag, remove latex gloves, place in bio-hazard bag, securely close bio-hazard bag. Dispose of bio-hazard bag. Fall to knees and thank Deity that baby did not piss in your eye durin' diaper change and pray mother gets home before baby has to crud again.
Yes, and I still want one of my own. Cryin', crud, slobber and spit up, none of it scares me. It doesn't last forever, and you miss it when it is gone. Where the Hell are you, mother of my children? Just think of all the fun we are missin' because we ain't found one another.
I wanted to share somethin' a bit personal here, but I am a bit too shy to reveal such. Maybe when we get to know one another a bit better, I can tell ya 'bout it. I just ain't too sure I feel comfortable talkin' 'bout certain things, ya know? My own navel is doin' fabulous and has been no where near any emerald green baby shit today. It was in close proximity to a baby for a short while as my secretary's baby was in the office for a bit today. Thankfully, I was not left alone with Kirstie this round.
My eyes are droopy, and I have to go lose a trial tomorrow. My client is guilty, I know he is guilty, but he does not want to plead guilty because he neither wants to be on probation or wants to go to jail. I don't really blame him, because those are some pretty crudpy choices, but he was drunk and had a wreck and they found a bag of marijuana in his pocket at the hospital. I will just give him adequate assistance of counsel.
Well, I do have to be there early, so I think I have better drag my navel to bed and dream of emerald green baby shit or somethin'. End of report. ttffn
Posted by notGeorge at March 2, 2004 11:33 PMhehehe .. yeah, sometimes very rank things come from cute little babies. I'm so glad my youngest is almost potty trained!!!!!!!!!!! YEA!!!!!!
Posted by: squishybear at March 3, 2004 03:23 PM