JOB APPLICATION:OTB TJ Posted by Tiger at October 8, 2004 06:21 PMNAME: John Kerry
RESIDENCE: 7 mansions, including one in Washington DC, worth multi-millions.
EXPERIENCE: Law Enforcement. In my career as a U.S. Senator, I've voted to cut every law enforcement, CIA, and Defense bill. I ordered the city of Boston to remove a fire hydrant in front of my mansion, thereby endangering my neighbors in the event of fire. I served in Vietnam... (four months).
MILITARY: I served in Vietnam (four months). I used three minor injuries to get an early discharge from the military and service in Vietnam (as documented by the attending doctor). I served in Vietnam (four months). I then returned to the U.S., joined Jane Fonda in protesting the war, and insulted returning Vietnam vets, claiming they committed atrocities and were baby killers. I served in Vietnam (four months). I threw my medals, ribbons, or something away in protest. Or did I? My book "Vietnam Veterans Against the War: The New Soldier", shows how I truly feel about the military. I served in Vietnam (four months).
COLLEGE:I graduated from Yale University with a low 'C' average. Unlike my counterpart George Bush, I have no higher education and did not get admitted to Harvard nor graduate with an M.B.A
PAST WORK EXPERIENCE: After College and Vietnam, I ran for the U.S. Congress and have been there ever since. I have no 'real' world experience except marrying very rich women and running their companies vicariously through them. I served in Vietnam (four months).
ACCOMPLISHMENTS: As a U.S. Senator I set the record for the most liberal voting record, exceeding even Ted Kennedy and Hillary Clinton. I have consistently failed to support our military and CIA by voting against their budgets, thus gutting our country's ability to defend itself.
Although I voted 'for' the Iraqi War, now I am against it and refuse to admit that 'I voted for it'. I voted 'for' every liberal piece of legislation. I have no plan to help this country but I intend to 'raise taxes' significantly if I am elected. I served in Vietnam (four months).
My wealth so far exceeds that of my counterpart, George Bush, that he will never catch up. I make little or no charitable contributions and have never agreed to pay any voluntary excess taxes in Massachusetts, despite family wealth in excess of $ 700 million. I served in Vietnam (four months).
I (we) own 28 manufacturing plants (Heinz) 'outside' the U.S. in places like Asia, Mexico and Europe. We can make more profit from the cheaper cost of labor in those Countries, although I blame George Bush for sending all of the other jobs out of Country.
Although I claim to be in favor of alternative energy sources, Ted Kennedy and I oppose windmills off Nantucket and Martha's Vineyard as it might spoil our view of the ocean as we cruise on our yachts.
RECORDS AND REFERENCES: None. However, I served in Vietnam (four months).
PERSONAL: I practice my Catholic faith whenever cameras are present. I ride a Serotta Bike. I love to ski/snowboard. I call my Gulfstream V Jet the "Flying Squirrel". I call my $850,000 42-foot Hinckley twin diesel yacht the "Scarmouche".
I am fascinated by rap and hip-hop and feel it reflects our real culture.
I own several "Large" SUVs including one parked at my Nantucket summer mansion, though I am against large, polluting, inefficient vehicles and blame George Bush for our energy problems. I served in Vietnam (four months).
PLEASE CONSIDER MY EXPERIENCE WHEN VOTING IN 2004.
This was funny at first, but it got too cliched. I don't know why it's so difficult for Republicans to understand that voting FOR one piece of legislation and AGAINST another is not a flip-flop. Who votes for everything? The Republican-led Senate didn't support the first version of the bill. Kerry did (thus voting to support the troops before the Republican-led Senate did). Then he didn't support the second version, which allowed no-bid contracts for Halliburton and didn't explain where the money was going to come from. Obviously a flip-flopper.
Then all the stuff about not supporting the military and having the most liberal voting record is just lazy research. I know it's humor, but it's not quite as funny when it's based on Republican spin that's so careless in the first place. Kerry's critics all call him a flip-flopper, but they rarely explain why he is one. (This all originated with a Bush campaign effort to paint Kerry this way, but why question the Bush campaign?) Meanwhile, I can probably name 15 huge Bush flip-flops off the top of my head. He does nothing but flip-flop. He just doesn't admit it.
Kerry's stance on the Iraq war, for at least the last five years or so:
Iraq is a country to keep a serious eye on. Kerry favored keeping more pressure on Iraq than did most of his counterparts in the Senate. He wanted the US to provide a credible threat of force in order to pressure Saddam into permitting inspections again. If force was absolutely necessary, he wanted to build a true coalition so that the US would not have to foot the bill itself or absorb nearly all the casualties. After 9/11, this approach was even more critical, since we depend on the rest of the world to help us try to reduce the threat from terrorism (and because America's relationship with the Arab world was so precarious). If Saddam truly did pose an imminent threat or was actively targeting the US or aligned with, say, al-Qaeda, then preemptive action might be required. But force is never a first option.
This has been Kerry's position on Iraq since before Bush even had a position on Iraq.
Where, pray tell, is the flip-flop?
p.s. Kerry did not send troops to Iraq. He AUTHORIZED President Bush to send troops to Iraq if necessary. For some reason many Republicans seem to have a hard time with this extremely straightforward distinction.