Yep, I know most of ya'll big fans of this report were aware of the significance of today, but I wholly 'spect that mos' of these 30 second viewers were without a clue that today, December 5, is Navel Gazing Day. Yep, today is the officially annual sanctioned day for ever'one to strip, sit back in their favorite chair, clear their mind and gaze idly at their navel. The future is forecast for the winter solstice dependent 'pon what one sees when one is gazin' toward one's navel in this position. If you can easily and fully view your navel, feel free to indulge yourself in delightin' in all those yummy holiday goodies. If you could see it, but were unable to view its bottom without movin' your head, ya better pass on ever'thin' 'cept the raw veggie tray, and if you were unable to see it at all . . . well, 'spose your doctor has already given ya the speech, huh?
My forecast was purty good. The mound of my Buddha belly was not so rounded that I could not see somewhat into my navel's dimple, so that means I need to stick with that veggie tray, the little sausages in grape jelly sauce, and less than I want of crackers and cheese.
Sadly, I stared at this blank page for an hour or more tryin' to come up with somethin'. Regrettably, the best I could come up with is the foregoin'. That's sad, that's really sad. It's so sad that there will be some charitable organization gettin' involved and playin' commercials full of sad-eyed malnourished children askin' for funds so as to assist me in bein' more creative. You will be told how essential it is that I continue to deliver only the best of my inane snarky wit to those poor little children. Your help would only cost you pennies a day. Think how much your heart will gladden when you realize how much your small donation has assisted some impoverished child, located in the midst of a very desolate area somewhere on the face of the planet, to wryly smile. ~one of those $500-a-minute 1-900 numbers pans across the bottom of the screen~ Make the call. ~flash on hundreds of sad little, big-eyed children overflowin' from the screen~ Your call means so much to these poor little children. Don't they at least deserve to smile? ~number scrolls across the bottom of the screen~ And, remember this: NAVEL GAZIN' IS A HORRIBLE WASTE OF YOUR TIME Laughter is still the best medicine.
Havin' been granted the right to bask in full glory on this Navel Gazin' Day, the navel is exhausted and was unable to attend this briefin'. The staff wishes to thank you for your kind and gracious indulgence in overlookin' this small matter of expected protocol. End of report.
Posted by Tiger at December 5, 2004 01:01 AM | TrackBack