December 31, 2004

Dec. 31, 2004 (The End is Near Edition)

There was this truck driver who had to deliver five hundred penguins to the state zoo. As he was driving his truck through the desert, the truck breaks down. After waiting by the side of the road for about three hours he waves another truck down and offers the driver $500 to take these penguins to the state zoo for him.

The next day the first truck driver arrives in town and sees the second truck driver crossing the road with 500 penguins walking in single file behind him.

The first truck driver jumps out of his truck and says, "What's going on? I gave you $500 to take these penguins to the zoo!"

The second truck driver replies, "I did take them to the zoo. And I had enough money left over so now we're going to see a movie."

New Year's Resolutions You Can Keep...*
  1. Gain weight. At least 30 pounds.
  2. Stop exercising. Waste of time.
  3. Read less. Makes you think.
  4. Watch more TV. I've been missing some good stuff.
  5. Procrastinate more. Starting tomorrow.
  6. Don't date any of the Baywatch cast.
  7. Spend more time at work, surfing with the T1.
  8. Take a vacation to someplace important: like, to see the largest ball of twine.
  9. Don't jump off a cliff just because everyone else did.
  10. Stop bringing lunch from home: I should eat out more.
  11. Don't have eight children at once.
  12. Get in a whole NEW rut!
  13. Start being superstitious.
  14. Personal goal: bring back disco.
  15. Don't wrestle with Jesse Ventura.
  16. Don't bet against the Minnesota Vikings.
  17. Buy an '83 Eldorado and invest in a really loud stereo system.
  18. Get the windows tinted. Buy some fur for the dash.
  19. Speak in a monotone voice and only use monosyllabic words.
  20. Only wear jeans that are 2 sizes too small and use a chain or rope for a belt.
  21. Spend my summer vacation in Cyberspace.
  22. Don't eat cloned meat.
  23. Create loose ends.
  24. Get more toys.
  25. Get further in debt.
  26. Don't believe politicians.
  27. Break at least one traffic law.
  28. Don't drive a motorized vehicle across thin ice.
  29. Avoid transmission of inter-species diseases.
  30. Avoid airplanes that spontaneously drop 1000 feet.
  31. Stay off the MIR space station.
  32. Don't worry that the Y2K bug will cause the end of the world.
  33. Get wired with high-speed net connections at home.
  34. Don't swim with piranhas or sharks.
  35. Associate with even worse business clients.
  36. Spread out priorities beyond ability to keep track of them.
  37. Wait around for opportunity.
  38. Focus on the faults of others.
  39. Mope about faults.
  40. Never make New Year's resolutions again.
found here

*All options may not be appropriate for all users.

Posted by Tiger at December 31, 2004 09:10 AM
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