January 25, 2005

Blogging Addiction

All right, I confess. It was really projection when I implied that the kan'tgaroo and the toucan't needed therapy. It was really a call for help for my own blogging addiction.

Yes, though I have blogged for only a little over a month, I already know that I'm in serious trouble. I find myself constantly toggling over to the blog site while I work, sneaking in an entry here and there. In fact, if I go a day without blogging, I begin to feel very shaky. I fear it could get even more serious; it seems that the disease even has a name: Post-Bloggies Depression (PBD).

I'm lobbying the American Psychiatric Association this week to consider a new mental disease: Post-Bloggies Depression (PBD). Here's my preliminary write-up for the next edition of the DSM:

Post-Bloggies Depression, or PBD, is an overwhelming sense of one's smallness in the face of an ever-expanding blogosphere. Clinical practice recognizes two varieties of this illness:

Mild PBD. The patient feels no animosity toward actual finalists, and doesn't tie his self-esteem to the honor. The patient does, however, suffer chronic sadness at the thought of how much talent surrounds his tiny province of blogdom. The suffering is especially acute if the patient previously perceived himself to be a "big fish" in the blog world, and suddenly realized, thanks to the Bloggies, that he is the equivalent of a relief pitcher for a AAA baseball team.

Psychotic PBD. A mix of Mild PBD, megalomania and paranoid schizophrenia. The Psychotic PBD patient spends most of his time holed up in a room printing out blog postings from finalists and tacking them to the wall, using push pins and colored strings to simulate hyperlinks; the patient stares at these for hours, memorizing the "map" of the blogosphere so well that he can tell you how to start from any arbitrary blog and reach any of the finalists in less than six clicks. He uses everything from whois lookups on domain names to phone calls to relatives to ferret out the physical identities of finalists, and spends inordinate time and money following them around their native towns and blogging their comings and goings via wireless access points. Psychotic PBD sufferers are considered extremely dangerous people who may eventually kidnap one or more finalists and force them to guest-blog and cross-promote from the patient's basement until the incoming Technorati count for the patient's blog exceeds 500.

But I can't quit!!!!!!

Posted by Susan R at January 25, 2005 03:09 PM