Read My Lips - the blog

Barely better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick

Tonight, the report is going to deal with a few different driving dilemmas. [Try saying that with a mouthful of dimes.] I just returned from an adventure in the big city where I went to purchase a couple of electronic items I needed to implement my plans to fully take over command of my home: a wireless router which I need so as to be able to connect my laptop to the DSL from any room in the house and a secondary USB hub to increase the number of USB ports for my main box by an additional 3.* The first dilemma arose almost immediately as I was forced to drive around half of a sizable geode that was parked in the middle of the traffic lane near my house. I managed to avoid any contact with said geode through exceptional exercise of masterful driving skills. In addition, thankfully, it was only half a geode instead of half a Geo.

I, then, had gotten not a mile out of town when I came up behind a blue-haired lady adorned in the customary red hat and purple dress, driving a late model pink Cadillac at the steady speed of 35 miles an hour in a 70 mile zone, hugging the center stripe of a two lane country road in a lengthy no-passing zone. Although I have nothing but admiration and respect for members of the Red Hat Society, does membership in the Society entitle you to ownership of the roads? If you must be moving so slowly that pony carts are piling up behind you -- please, ladies -- pull over onto the shoulder and let them pass.

Thirdly, the final incident also involved Cadillacs and Cadillac drivers. Oddly, while in the city, I saw a Cadillac pulled over to the side of the 8 lane expressway with some malfunction or other and while attempting to discover the nature of the problem, saw another car pull in behind to assist: another Cadillac. Now, these were both late model full-bodied Cadillacs and I was always under the impression that all full-sized Cadillac owners possessed membership with American Automobile Association, otherwise known as "Triple A."

My navel is not currently able to drive and was thus unconcerned with these incidents. Its chief complaint was simply that the seat belt continue to chafe upon it while I was not looking. End of report.

*It is actually a four port hub, but since it has to be plugged into an existing port, you only gain 3.

Posted by Tiger at February 6, 2005 12:53 AM