My dad's ghost can beat up your dad's ghost

I do not know from where that title came, but I can tell you I am glad it is out of the box. This post ain't likely to be anywhere near the best of my stuff, so it might as well have a lame title like that to not draw* any readers. If you are skimming the Nightly Navel Gazin' Report™ Archive, this is likely one you should just breeze on past. In fact, almost the whole rest of you should likely move on at this point. Not Vickie, though. She should remain behind to read between the lines and discover the truth of the matter. And, Agent Victoria, if you and your team should choose to accept this mission, please report your findings to me as soon as possible, aka Official Read My Lips Acronym™ No. 3229: ASAP, or, as we around here call it: ORMLA#3229. Ya'll don't even want to know what we call the Nightly Navel Gazin' Report™ after the hired hands go for the day. I've got a secret. End of report.

*We'll** be immensely lucky if we don't drive two out of three of them away.

**This, of course, not being that royal we, as I have a mouse in my pocket.

Shhh! Don't tell anyone.