July 31, 2003

And the Best 15 movies are:

OK, So no one had the guts to tangle with the Tiger today, huh? Well, one small creature did throw a noodle, but what the hey? There is still time!

Did you think I was lolling about, not doing my job: creating great fare for my reader's enjoyment? Posh! Nope, it seems there is something going on about blogger's picks of the 15 best all time movies or some such. You know, there are a lot of movies! So, what I have been doing all day is reflecting upon all the movies I have seen over the years and attempting to come up with what I believe are the 15 best movies ever made. I noticed everyone else went with all those popular movies with which everyone is familiar. What I tried to do was actually to think of all those movies that were really novel and did something different, or were not from the same old cookie cutter that everyone in Hollywood seems to use. Here is my list:

Ordered by Year of Release:
1. The Egg and I - (1947) It introduced of the zany humor of Ma & Pa Kettle and their 15 kids, several sequels followed. Abbot & Costello couldn't touch this with a ten foot pole and probably didn't want to do so.
2. The 5,000 Fingers of Dr. T - (1953) Screenplay by Dr. Suess, and I saw it on a B&W TV and it was about as eerie as a little boy could stand.
3. Them! - (1954) The absolute scariest creature movie of them all ... I had nightmares about giant ants for weeks after I caught this one on that old B&W set.
4. The Little Shop of Horrors - (1960) Seymour! Feed me! Jack Nicholson in an early appearance as the masochistic dental patient is a must see! (and this one was directed by Roger Corman?)
5. What a Way to Go! - (1964) Shirley MacLaine seems to be both a good luck charm and a bad luck charm, as she keeps marrying poor men who get rich and then die, and she doesn't want the money and wants to give it all to the IRS. How utterly bizarre is that?
6. Cat Ballou - (1965) This is not what you expect from a western, and you get to see Jane Fonda before everyone hated her. By the way, do you have an identical twin you hate and wish he/she didn't look like you, this movie tells you what to do about it.
7. Fantastic Voyage - (1966) I always wanted to know what it would be like to be miniaturized and be sent through someone's body in a submarine. Raquel never looked better!
8. Popi - (1969) Down-trodden Puerto Rican wants a better life for his two sons so concocts a story for them to tell and sets them afloat.
9. Paint Your Wagon - (1969) Two miners share a wife and Clint Eastwood sings in this western musical. 1969 was a banner year for great flicks! Midnight Cowboy, rated X at the time wins Best Picture (and just barely missed making this list)
10. Cactus Flower - (1969) Goldie Hawn shows she is more than a pretty face who can tell a corny joke.
11. Deliverance - (1972) Best movie soundtrack ever, and how did Ned Beatty ever live down that role?
12. My Name is Nobody - (1973) For spaghetti westerns, Clint never had anything on Terence Hill. And of course, who could not like a movie starring anyone named Terence?
13. Popeye - (1980) Robin Williams proves he can be more than Mork from Ork, and Altman produces a vision of Popeye from the early comic pages, not from the later animated cartoons. Classic stuff!
14. The Gods Must Be Crazy - (1980) If it was not for the invention of videotape, I might not have ever seen this, likely the funniest movie I have ever seen.
15. Tank Girl - (1995) Yes, you likely missed this one unless you have caught one of its regular playings on the Comedy Channel. I mean you not only get Tank Girl, but as a bonus, you get Jet Girl, a bunch of mutant kangaroo like things, a power hungry utility company, and some kick-ass action.

Honorable Mentions: Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb (1964), Midnight Cowboy (1969), Billy Jack (1971), Midnight Express (1978), and The Million Dollar Hotel (2000)

However, I will not finish there, because now I want to tell you the 10 worst movies I have ever seen:

Ordered, again, by year of release:
1. The Wasp Woman - (1960) There could likely be a lot more of Roger Corman's losers on this list, but hey, after this one, I do a bit of researching before renting anything he was associated with. (However, I do own his never released rendition of The Fantastic Four, which is not all that bad, and he did a great job on The Little Shop of Horrors.)
2. The Night of the Lepus - (1972) The absolute worst creature movie ever made. Giant rabbits invade the town and while the rabbits looked real, the miniature town looked horribly fake!
3. Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer - (1986) Supposedly based upon the life of Henry Lee Lucas, but this was not The Silence of the Lambs. It sucked big time.
4. Weekend at Bernie's - (1989) I actually got up and walked out of the theater while watching this one. Although the premise had promise, it was so poorly done I just couldn't stand it.
5. Modern Love - (1990) Robby Benson not only starred in this one, but he wrote and directed it. He shouldn't have. Amazon says it is not available on video but that is how I was able to see it. Maybe someone got smart and pulled all copies of this loser from the shelves.
6. Final Approach - (1991) This was one part of the worst double-feature I ever rented. Whoever wrote this script should be taken out back and shot.
7. Bad Lieutenant - (1992) Remember the disgusting bad cop character played by Denzel in Training Day, which I also thought sucked? Take him one step, or maybe two steps, down. There was absolutely nothing to like about this character, and he was just too pitiful a specimen of humanity to give a crap about.
8. Even Cowgirls get the Blues - (1993) I could not understand what kind of statement they were trying to make with this movie at all. Even Uma was not worth watching in this bizarre tale.
9. Cabin Boy - (1994) This loser was written by and starred Chris Elliott. Need I say more? Even Yahoo Serious is funnier than Chris. Letterman was wise to boot him.
10 Titanic - (1997) This was the Best Picture of the Year? What was so great about it? The acting was not all that great and the story was very lame. So what if the sets were glamorous and the score was fantastic? The f**king boat sank and we all knew that was going to happen before it started.

Posted by Tiger at July 31, 2003 06:48 PM

You sure Paint Your Wagon wasn't meant to be on the worst list?

Posted by: michele at July 31, 2003 07:48 PM

Nope, like I said, I went for the movies that stretched the limits, that went where no movie maker had gone before. I stand by my convictions! ;)

Posted by: Tiger at July 31, 2003 08:00 PM

*gasp* "Cabin Boy" is a masterpiece of whimsical, hysterical, non-sequitirish, off-the-wall hilarity!

Posted by: David at July 31, 2003 09:22 PM

You left "Futz" off the list. It's a lovely story about a farmer who falls in love with his pig. In fact, he loves his pig just a weeee bit too much.

Posted by: Azygos at July 31, 2003 09:48 PM

Hmm, may have to order Futz from NetFlix, if I ever join, because they don't have it in our little town videostore. Of course, from the rating it drew, it seems only sick f**kers like you really enjoyed it, Azygos. ;)

Now David, I did hear there was one person that loved Titanic, also.

Posted by: Tiger at July 31, 2003 09:59 PM


I never said I watched such filth. Abusing a pig that way. Far too disgusting for me. Where is PETA when you need them :-)
By the way, I enjoy reading your site. My post on the little lawyer who died was not intended to bash lawyers, but point out the end that a lifetime of bitterness can bring a person. He could have been a doctor, nurse, or used car salesman just as well. If it was offensive to you in anyway, I apologize.


Posted by: Azygos at August 1, 2003 09:20 PM

Hey Azygos,

I am so very glad you enjoy my site, and sorry I mistook your comments for thinking you had watched that movie. No, I was definitely not offended by that dead lawyer story, as I think that guy was an asshole. I am going right now to give your site another look, and who knows, maybe you will end up on the blogroll this time. ;)

Posted by: Tiger at August 1, 2003 10:53 PM

Interesting lists. And I see what you meant by your comment about my list.

>From yours I've only seen a few - I actually saw The Gods Must Be Crazy in the theater when I was in college. I was the only one who liked it in the group of us that went.

Posted by: jen at August 4, 2003 08:17 PM