Read My Lips - the blog

Episode No. 4

OK, time to get comfortable, put your feet up and get ready for another glimpse into the life of your old friend Wicked Willie.

Wicked Willie lives on the upper floor of a lavish mansion on a secluded estate. Once the leader of the free world, he fell from grace as the woman who stood behind him walked over his back on her climb to success. Now a mere disbarred attorney, he is often left alone, with just the company of Stu and Benji, his two federally-assigned bodyguards. He just sits around playing pocket pool, and allows his thoughts to drift on some of the more important things in life. Here are his thoughts. Maybe you will get a chuckle or two and maybe you will even agree with parts of what he has to say.

Tuesday, August 26, 2003

Oh, this was the most miserable day. I somehow got my Viagra® moxed in with my vitamins and swallowed several of them this morning and did I have the hardest willie in the world all day long. Benji would not leave my side for some reason. I swear he was right at my shoulder every time I looked around. I don't know where Stu was. I know he was close, because that is his job to be close, but he was nowhere as near as Benji, and I am not sure it is his job to be quite so close every minute of one day.

Anyway, having a hard willie like that is miserable, especially if you wife is away doing important Senate business, your old girlfriend won't return your calls and you are afraid to wank it yourself because you damn bodyguard won't leave you to yourself long enough to do so. I mean he followed me in the the damn bathroom everytime I went to piss. Let me tell you, it ain't all that easy to piss with a hard willie either. You have to sit like some bitch and kinda force it under the seat and hold it down there with one hand to keep from sprayin' it out the crack between the seat and the rim of the bowl. Benji offered to assist me in holding it once or twice, but I just gave him a hard stare about it. I can handle my own willie myself, at least when I am pissin'.

My willie is still rock hard and I am not sure when it is gonna stop being hard. I really would not have minded having a hard willie for the whole day if I just had anything interesting to do with it. However, Stu seldom showed himself all day and I didn't want to venture down to the Prep school to eye the field hockey playing skanks without him around to shield me from Benji. I wish Benji would go away, because I would like to go to bed. I am tired, I have a rock hard willie, I can't find no use for it, or any release for my itch. This has been the most horrible day. Why the Hell don't you call Monica? I ain't been this hard for ages, sweetie and I could use your special talents so it don't go to waste.

Well, I wish I had a good ride, so ya'll come on back here if'n ya need what I got to give, ya hear?