Read My Lips - the blog

Episode No. 9

OK, time to get comfortable, put your feet up and get ready for another glimpse into the life of your old friend Wicked Willie.

Wicked Willie lives on the upper floor of a lavish mansion on a secluded estate. Once the leader of the free world, he fell from grace as the woman who stood behind him walked over his back on her climb to success. Now a mere disbarred attorney, he is often left alone, with just the company of Stu and Benji, his two federally-assigned bodyguards. He just sits around playin' pocket pool, and allows his thoughts to drift on some of the more important things in life. Here are his thoughts. Maybe you will get a chuckle or two and maybe you will even agree with parts of what he has to say.

Wednesday, September 3, 2003

I awoke this mornin' with no strange dreams, no slammin' door, no footsteps runnin' down the hall and no woody. Maybe I should have taken such as a warnin' that today was goin' to be a bizarre day. It was not long after I got up and dressed and was goin' to give Heather a call, when the limo pulled up out front and Hil emerged. She urged Stu and Benji out of the guard house, that small two story, 1500 square foot enclosure on the other side of the drive we had built to house them. Thankfully, my former employers, the taxpayers saw fit to foot the bill. I am unemployed currently and the cost of such a project was insurmountable to someone with my financial difficulties.

Anyway, I went down to meet Hil in the foyer to give her the what for. I mean she went off on a Caribbean junket and left me home to fend for myself. Of course, bein' home alone, I actually would not mind havin' just had to fend off a roomful of naked skanks. Too bad that didn't happen, huh?

Well, before I could jump down her throat for leavin' me behind, she opens her suitcase and says she brought me something. It had better be good, I thought. So out she comes with this doll. A damned doll. But it looked like me. Someone had made a doll that looked like me, and they did a pretty good job of it. But it was bald on top. Hil said she had given the artist a picture of me to work from, but no one in the area had any hair that was quite like mine. The artist had told her to just clip a bit off of my head and glue it on. Hil said please, and I thought, sure, why not. It looked like me, and of course, I am cute. So with a bit of my hair, I would have a cute doll that looked like me to play with. Hil had the maid bring the scissors and she trimmed just a bit of hair from right over my left ear. Stu went to fetch the SuperGlue and Hil pasted it on so expertly, the bald doll transformed into a mini-me.

She handed it to me, and told me to go put it up some place. I brought it up straight to my room and sat on the bed just lookin' at it. It was so damn cute. I noticed it had a big bulge in the little pants that had been sewn onto the doll's body, and I touched it. Almost magically I felt a pleasin' sensation on my willie. I rubbed the bulge a bit more and my willie felt so good. It began to grow to a very excited state and soon I had an enormous woody. I stroked that bulge on the doll and experienced the most pleasant sensations in my woody willie, I just kept doin' it and doin' it and the sensations I felt were overwhelming. I got so excited, I dropped the doll.

I awoke up several hours later and began to look around for that doll. What had happened? I never did find that doll, though. I crawled down on my hands and knees and looked up under the bed. Ouch, damn, that hurt. It felt like someone had kicked me in the nads. Ouch, there it is again. Where is that doll? I want to play with it some more. Ouch! Damn, maybe I ought to get to the doctor and find out why I am gettin' these strange pains in the nads all of a sudden. Now where was that number for Dr. Elders? I like that gal, she is not only skanky, but she understands the need to wank your willie. Ouch. Someone get me a phone. Ouch!

Well, I wish I had a good ride, so ya'll come on back here if'n ya need what I got to give, ya hear?