Read My Lips - the blog

It only took a week for me to snag an interview

Yep, Leno, Letterman, Regis and whatever bimbo sits across from him, those four gals that sit around the table and bash ever'thin' male and Dr. Phil have all had one of the Oscar winners on their shows while I have been workin' quite diligently to bring one of them here for a bit of in depth analysis. I mean, Leno and Letterman got all the funny quips, Dr. Phil talked to her inner child, Regis and bimbo shared her secret recipes for fruitcake, and those women sittin' 'round that table bashed bashed Hugh Grant with her. However, this is Tiger: Raggin' & Rantin' - Nightly Navel Gazin' Report™ and we ain't interested in any funny quips, childish crud, fruitcakes or Hugh Grant ... wait, are fruitcake and Hugh Grant mutually exclusive or isn't that like two words for the same guy? ... Oh, don't let me get off track here 'cause my guest is growin' impatient and I am growin' weary, very weary. Wrestlin' with dialup has sapped all the strength from me once again. Oh, what the fuck, without further ado and much less babblin' and delay, I bring you the navel of the one and only girl of my dreams . . .

And, I would like to thank Ms. Renee Zellweger for havin' graciously displayed her navel for our viewin' enjoyment and would again like to congratulate her on her Oscar winnin' performance in Cold Mountain and I, for one, would like to welcome her into the co-starrin' role in my life. Hey, would someone in stage production get rid of those ugly green bubbles before this blurb hits prime time? End of report. ttffn™