March 17, 2004

This might be the best one

I have had a long long day, what with startin' the mornin' standin' in front of a judge. At least, though, the divorce is finally over. I guess, I should have been elated, but I then found myself in the midst of a bunch of hungry Lions Thankfully they seemed to find somethin' better to dine upon than my scrawny bones and after only an hour or so, I was able to extricate myself. Just as I thought I had reached a zone of safety, however, I was captured and forced into labor. Luckily, I escaped another predicament without too much difficulty but figured it might be best to get out of dodge, so I immediately left the local area. I drove a half hour to a neighborin' village, and soon found myself awash in a mound of paperwork. I ended up by spendin' two and half hours inside their local jail. I decided I had actually been better off in my hometown and returned to the office to get some of the work done that I was unable to accomplish durin' my day. And just what do I find in my inbox? An attorney joke:

During a trial, in a small Missouri town, the local prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand. She was sworn in, asked if she would tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, on the Bible, so help her God.

The witness was a proper well-dressed elderly lady, the Grandmother type, well spoken and poised.

The prosecuting attorney approached the woman and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?'" She responded, "Why, yes I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, cheat on your wife, manipulate people and talk badly about them behind their backs. You think you're a rising big shot when you haven't the sense to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper-pushing shyster." "Yes, I know you quite well."

The lawyer was stunned. He couldn't even think for a few minutes. Then, slowly backed away, fearing the looks on the judge and jurors' faces, not to mention the court reporter who documented every word. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?" She again replied, "Why, yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, has a bad drinking problem. The man can't build or keep a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. Yes, I know him."

The defense attorney almost fainted and was seen slipping downward in his chair, looking at the floor. Laughter mixed with gasps, thundered throughout the courtroom and the audience was on the verge of chaos.

At this point, the judge brought the courtroom to silence, called both counselors to the bench, and in a very quiet voice said, "If either of you morons asks her if she knows me, you're going to jail."

Posted by notGeorge at March 17, 2004 08:27 AM