April 22, 2005

Things to do besides cleaning house

Those boys at Jib Jab have gone Jewish Hip Hop. Be the first on your block to see it, 'cause you know all your friends will soon be talking about it.

Posted by Tiger at 03:02 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

April 18, 2005

Reserved for future use

Vaguely, I recall looking endlessly from the back end of a Conestoga wagon until I literally passed out from heat and boredom, falling into a fitful slumber on the rough floorboards. My childhood was thusly spent in a delirium of bad dreams and mundane views of passing prairie.
Posted by Tiger at 05:16 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack

April 05, 2005

No one here but us chickens

Nearly eleven years ago, convicted killer Randolf Dial escaped from Oklahoma State Reformatory in Granite, Oklahoma, with the assistant warden's wife, Bobbi Parker, the mother of two then-teenage daughters. Mr Dial was talented as a sculptor and artist. After attaining trustee status at the prison, he and Mrs. Parker had been operating an inmate pottery program. cs.jpg Since leaving the prison, the two used the aliases Richard and Samantha Deahl and worked on chicken farms. Shelby County Sheriff Newton Johnson commented:

"It's unusual that someone would be held against her will for 11 years, but I guess anything's possible"
It seems that she had some opportunities to escape.
"She came in the store by herself. All she had to do was pick up the phone and dial. She had chances to get away," store clerk Earlene Mitchell said.

James Chandler, another store employee, said Parker didn't say much.

"She's kinda shy, like she's not in the real know about raising chickens," Chandler said.

Dial, on the other hand, did not really feel that he had escaped, because of having to hide:
"I was doing time," he said. "I never went anywhere. It was just the same as being in prison, except I had a big yard."
He is fairly compliant about his return to prison:
"I hope they will let me have my paint and brushes," he said. "That's all I hope."
When he talked with his chicken-farm companion Monday night, he told her to "be good to herself. She's got it coming."

I wonder if her husband found the story of her kidnapping to be full of Chicken Sh*t?

Posted by Moona at 05:10 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack

March 14, 2005

No wonder the Cowboys sucked

Perhaps the Dallas Cowboys need a new spiritual leader. Dallas Cowboys.jpg

Called as a couple with apostolic leadership, Bishop and Pastor Hornbuckle serve as Southwest Regional Overseers of Kingdom Dominion Network, founded by Bishop Harold Ray of West Palm Beach, Florida. Their involvement extends beyond the boundaries of the spiritual community. Bishop Terry Hornbuckle is currently the Spiritual Advisor to the Dallas Cowboys. Pastor Renee' owns and operates Women of Influence, Inc.-- a ministry catering to women from all walks of life.

Posted by Moona at 10:24 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

March 10, 2005

Top Ten Funeral Songs

If you'd like to plan a trendy funeral, your cosmopolitan loved one will be eulogized with a Continental flair with one of these songs, according to Reuters:

Robbie Williams has topped the UK funeral music chart, leaving Mozart trailing in his wake, according to a survey Thursday.

Williams' "Angels" was the record most Britons would like played at their funeral, with Mozart's "Requiem" coming in at five in digital broadcaster Music Choice's poll of top 10 British funeral songs.

Frank Sinatra's "My Way" was second, just ahead of Monty Python's "Always Look on the Bright Side of Life."

The rest of Europe favored a more soft rock approach.

Queen's "The Show Must Go On" topped the European chart, with Led Zeppelin's "Stairway to Heaven" and AC/DC's "Highway to Hell" in second and third place.

There are other ways, of course, to make this a decidedly upscale event. For instance,
The prominent funeral director of Gregory W. Spencer Funeral Directors was known for his stylish funerals that featured poetic obituaries, elaborate floral arrangements and Spencer's signature white, horse-drawn carriage that led the funeral processions.
But don't get me started ...

Posted by Moona at 01:13 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

First and last late fees, maybe

George Atkinson, the entrepreneur who opened the first video rental store in Los Angeles, California, died on March 3rd at age 69. Back in 1977, it was much more expensive to rent a video tape.

Atkinson charged $50 for an annual membership and $100 for a lifetime membership. Members could rent movies on Betamax* or VHS for $10 a day.

From his initial storefront on Wilshire Boulevard in Los Angeles, Atkinson went on to organize the opening of more than 600 Video Station affiliates nationwide. He retired from Video Station in 1997.

*Betamax -- if you remember that, you probably also had eight-track tapes for your stereo!
To start his rental business, Mr. Atkinson bought 50 movies that had recently been made available on video, including 'The French Connection,' 'The Sound of Music' and 'Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid.' He then advertised their availability for rental in a one-inch ad in The Los Angeles Times. Customers arrived in droves and willingly paid the $10-a-day rental fee. (Only the wealthy could afford the $1,000 that VCR's cost then.)"

Of course, back in those days most of the studios were embroiled in a lawsuit against Sony for selling VCRs, which they viewed as tools for infringement, and they were all swearing up and down that they would never release their movies on video. it took brains and guts to open a video store that rented out Hollywood movies at a time when Hollywood was swearing enmity to the VCR and proposing to have it banned by law.

Now, Blockbuster Video has even made it into the Guiness Book of World Records
Blockbuster.jpgBlockbuster is the world's largest video retailer with a 30% market share. The first store opened in Dallas, Texas, USA, in October 1985 and the company now operates 4,438 stores in the US and 2,005 international outlets in 26 other countries. Each store offers between 70,000 and 10,000 different titles.
movie pass_logo.jpgAlthough no one denies that renting movies on video tapes or DVD's is much less expensive now, Blockbuster's advertising of "no more late fees" is being tauted as fraudulent:
"Blockbuster boldly announced its 'No More Late Fees' policy, but has not told customers about the big fees they are charged if they keep videos or games for more than a week after they are due," Attorney General Harvey said. "Blockbuster's ads are fraudulent and deceptive. They lead people to believe that an overdue rental will cost them absolutely nothing when, in fact, customers are being ambushed with
  • late fees in some stores
  • so-called 'restock fees,' and
  • credit card or membership account charges equal to the purchase price of the video."

Posted by Moona at 09:35 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

"Whatcha Gonna Do With a Cowboy"

CHEYENNE, Wyoming (AP) -- Chris LeDoux, a former world champion bareback rider who parlayed songs about the rodeo life into a successful country music career, died Wednesday from complications of liver cancer. He was 56. - source
Sadly, although I always loved his music, I never found an opportunity to witness a live performance. Rest in Peace, Chris. May your musical legacy find air time for years and years to come.

Posted by Tiger at 08:41 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

March 07, 2005

Bobtailed bovines -- an udder atrocity?

A California lawyer and rancher has taken up the cause of "tail docking." cow.jpg In a guest editorial in the New York Times, Nicolette Niman states,

I noticed that the cows' tails had been cut off and I asked [the dairyman's wife] why. "Well, it's just easier to milk them without their tails," she explained, adding, "My husband didn't like the idea, so I did it while he was away fishing for the weekend." I felt a warm rush of affection for her husband.

A cow without a tail, you see, is a sad sight. If you live in New York City, as I used to, you probably haven't been around a cow lately and therefore might not be able to picture just how odd a cow looks without her tail. So, try to imagine a golden retriever, a tiger cat, or a horse with its tail lopped off. Sad, right? At our cattle ranch, where the cows have their tails intact - the older cows' tails just reaching the blades of grass - I have even found myself admiring the beauty and grace of the cow's tail as she swishes it around.

Do you suppose that the dairyman's wife took advice from a bogus guru? Or might there be a humanitarian purpose for amputating cows' tails? Then again, perhaps it was just a method to distinguish her cows from those of the neighboring dairy:

A Tale of Two Cows
Matt and Mike went shopping for cows. When they each had found the cow they wanted, they were in a quandary. 'How will we tell which cow is yours and which is mine?' asked Matt. 'You crop your cow's ears, and I'll leave mine as they are!' answered Mike.

'No! That would hurt your cow!' said Matt, 'I'll cut my cow's tail, and you keep your cow's tail long.'

'No, no!' shouted Mike,' cows need their tails long for swatting flies!'

'I know!' exclaimed Matt, 'Branding! I'll put a big 'X' on the rear of my cow, and you put a big 'Y' on the front of your cow.'

'No, no, no! My cow is too beautiful to mark up like that!' yelled Mike.

'I've got it!' Matt said. 'You take the black one, I'll take the white one!'

Posted by Moona at 11:46 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Oh, be careful little hand what you write ...

Post at your own risk? I ran across an article this morning. The piece points out that

Currently, some 27 percent of online U.S. adults read blogs, and 7 percent pen them, according to The Pew Internet and American Life Project.

With search engines making it easy to find virtually anything anyone says in a blog these days, companies are taking notice — and taking action.

Those of you who are more experienced at blogging than I am are probably already aware that there is even a term for getting fired for blogging -- dooced. In fact, I was surprised to find numerous blogs addressing the subject of dooce dodging.

However, it further notes that companies have had some problems in developing specific policies related to blogging.

Christopher Cobey, an employment lawyer at the Littler Mendelson law firm's Silicon Valley office, said publicity over recent blog-related firings has prompted increased inquiries from companies about developing policies.

But some experts question whether a separate blogging policy is needed at all, given more general employment guidelines and common sense.

Anil Dash, vice president at blog software developer Six Apart Ltd., said publicized firings have been generally not over blogging but over other violations that happened to be done through blogging.

Mark Dichter, chairman of labor and employment at the law firm Morgan, Lewis & Bockius LLP, said policies can tie the hands of employers.

"It requires you to anticipate and draw lines," he said, "and once you set policies then you get into litigation into which side of the line it fell."

Also of interest are articles and programs about blogger freedom. It's something to think about -- and, of course, to post about, right?

Posted by Moona at 10:27 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

March 04, 2005

A Knight's Tale


The king of computer software Bill Gates has received an honorary knighthood from the Queen.
click for
Bill's Mug Shots
Mr Gates, 48, the world's wealthiest man, said it was "a great honour" to be recognised for his business skills and for his work on poverty reduction.

The Queen had spoken to him about using computers, he said after a private audience with her. As an American citizen he cannot use the title "Sir" but will be entitled to put the letters KBE after his name. -- Source.sirbillnot.jpg

According to the UK Foreign & Commonwealth Office, the honorary knighthood recognizes Gates’ contributions to improving health and reducing poverty in parts of the Commonwealth and elsewhere in the developing world. Gates also was recognized for his contribution to enterprise, employment, education and the voluntary sector in the United Kingdom. Source.
What comes to most of our minds when we think of Bill Gates is not nobility, but rather wealth and success. However, Gates does use his wealth for many projects which do have global significance. However, not everyone agrees with the appropriateness of this award.


The mission statement of Microsoft appears to be noble:

At Microsoft, we work to help people and businesses throughout the world realize their full potential. This is our mission. Everything we do reflects this mission and the values that make it possible.

And Gates himself participates in numerous altruistic projects. Recently speaking at the Government Leaders' Forum, he began his speech:
It's really exciting for me to be here and talk about some of the things Microsoft is doing with governments using the advances in IT technology. As I looked over the attendees for this meeting, I was very impressed at the group we've gotten together here, and I think as much as the value of my presentations and others is, I'm sure that networking between all of you in terms of projects that are working well or that you're looking at or some guidance for the future will probably be as big a value out of this conference as anything.
Microsoft has also assisted in research on AIDS:
Microsoft Research is working with leading doctors and scientists to use advanced computer science techniques in the fight to slow or stop the HIV/AIDS pandemic. Microsoft researchers are applying software algorithms similar to those used on computing challenges such as managing computer databases, compressing digital files or blocking spam e-mail to overcome roadblocks in the hunt for an HIV vaccine.
In We're All Swimming in the Same Pool, Bill Gates noted:
Satirist Ambrose Bierce described the future as "that period of time in which our affairs prosper, our friends are true, and our happiness is assured." I hope that turns out to be true, but mostly I take a more realistic view of the future because no fundamental change comes without its own set of problems. As more and more people store personal information on the Internet, how will we ensure that information is kept secure? As our economy becomes more dependent on bits than on atoms, how will we protect these resources from being damaged or devalued by hackers? As the barriers to information come down, how will we protect our children from negative and predatory influences? And as the Internet dissolves national borders, how will we help indigenous cultures coexist with an increasingly homogenous global culture?

I want my children to grow up in a world where technology is a profoundly empowering tool. I want technology to enrich their learning and improve their quality of life. I'm totally committed to making this happen, both through Microsoft and through my own giving efforts, and in many ways it's more challenging than the hardest software problem. You can't just throw technology, or even money, at problems and make them go away--you have to think hard about how you can have the greatest and most beneficial effect, and then take a long-term approach to making substantial, tangible change.

Yet others are outraged by the knighting of Bill Gates.
The award, for "his outstanding contribution to enterprise," was actually announced -- and criticised -- last year, but many readers still had plenty of spleen left to vent today.

Perhaps she should have sent him to the Tower instead: Microsoft is a convicted monopolist, as software engineer Chris Rankin pointed out: "Bill Gates' business practices have violated antitrust laws in both Europe and the US. This is not something for which he should be honoured in any shape or form." An anonymous reader added "Bill Gates should be imprisoned for Microsoft's business practices, not knighted."

No, tell us what you really mean… "Microsoft has done more than any other company to hold back the development of IT solutions the world over," said Matt Webber. "They have clearly shown with their Internet Explorer software that their aim is to extinguish competition, then drip-feed product updates from their monopoly to the world charging them for the privilege every time. And how did they extinguish competition? By the use of illegal business practices." -- Source.

So the question is, does Bill Gates possess knightly virtues?

Posted by Moona at 11:45 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

February 24, 2005

A new meaning for calling cards

London phone booth.jpgThe deputy leader of the Westminister City Council recently expressed his concerns about London's new "Red Phone Booth" district:

You have got to put your foot on the dustbin lid. -- Source

Posted by Moona at 11:58 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Intervention is sometimes necessarily on the Divine level

I probably do not hold Pope John Paul II in as high esteem as most, and especially as those of the Catholic faith would be expected to do, but still, it is sad to hear he is again having health problems.

Doctors treating Pope John Paul II are weighing whether to perform a tracheotomy to ease the ailing pontiff's breathing. - source
While I am sure the doctors have a good handle on the situation, is this not a case where the final say ought to be elsewhere? I mean, if blind faith in God is not the answer in this situation, is it ever?

[Addendum: Received via email:

The pope has had a tracheotomy, Vatican officials tell CNN.
Still no clue as to God's advice in the situation.]

Posted by Tiger at 01:41 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

February 22, 2005


  1. The quadruplets were always wandering off. It was a four-gone conclusion.
  2. A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two-tired.
  3. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
  4. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
  5. Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I'll show you A-flat minor.
  6. He drove his expensive car into a tree and found out how the Mercedes bends.
  7. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
  8. Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.
  9. What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing - but it let out a little whine.
  10. A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
Please pardon this pathetic post. This pastime was prompted by the proclivity to procrastinate productivity. (In other words, I am long overdue for a vacation!)
Posted by Moona at 10:11 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Dissing the Oscars

Oscar.jpgNobel prize.jpg

"The awards don't really affect anybody's lives in the crowd. Meanwhile, the Nobel Peace Prize, there's no one there. Nobody cares what the scientists are wearing. 'What are you wearing Professor Allen?' 'Pants!'" - Comedian Chris Rock, who will be presenting the Academy Awards. - Source
He has a point. ...

Posted by Moona at 08:08 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

February 21, 2005

Don't hate either me or the Great State of Texas

Today is February 21, 2005, officially President's Day, and also is the actual date Washington's Birthday ... and, despite this date being still in the midst of winter, the sun is brightly shining and the outside temperature is currently 77°F. If it was 77°C, I'd have had to turn on my A/C unit already. Of course, it looks like it ain't gonna be this way for the rest of the week. Ya might wanna keep your umbrella handy:


Posted by Tiger at 01:21 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

February 18, 2005

Long-distance recollection

I never know why I seem to find myself going back to my childhood. I was just remembering the elations of my educational evolution. First it was graduating from big pencils and those wide tablets with the dotted center line to regular pencils and Big Chief® Tablets to ball point and five-hole notebook paper.

We were poor. We were so poor I was endlessly saddled with naught but a lowly two-hole notebook. Oh, how I envied those rich kids and their fancy three-hole notebooks. I thought they had reached the pinnacle of school-supply fame until I met the new kid -- that lovely blonde, blue-eyed lass with the perfect white teeth and dazzling smile. She had a five-hole notebook and plenty of reinforcements. I was in awe of this school-supply goddess. I think she was from Canada.

As the majority of my precious schoolwork clung to my notebook by only the merest slivers of remaining paper, I dropped to my knees and begged her for reinforcements. What I wouldn't give for three additional rings to bind those precious bits of supreme genius. Due to this inadequate security, I did lose much of my early work and what body of work it was. But for its disappearance, I mighta been a contender, I tell ya. I'd of gone all the way to the top. I coulda been the champ.

Posted by Tiger at 02:13 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

February 14, 2005

Blogger Love Song

Oh, it's so nice to be with you
I love all the things you say and do

It's amazing how you can speak right to my heart
Without saying a word, you can light up the dark
Try as I may, I could never explain
What I hear when you don't say a thing

The smile on your face lets me know that you need me
There's a truth in your eyes saying you'll never leave me

I don't remember what day it was
I didn't notice what time it was
All I know is that I fell in love with you
And if all my dreams come true
I'll be spending time with you

Every day's a new day in love with you
With each day comes a new way of loving you

Every time I kiss your lips my mind starts to wander
And if all my dreams come true
I'll be spending time with you

Oh, I love you more today than yesterday
But not as much as tomorrow
I love you more today than yesterday
But, darling, not as much as tomorrow

I believe in you
You know the door to my very soul
You're the light in my deepest darkest hour
You're my saviour when I fall
And you may not think
I care for you
When you know down inside
That I really do

Touch me and I end up singing
Trouble seems to up and disappear
You touch me with the love you're bringing
I can't really lose when you're near
When you're near, my love

Sooner or later, love is gonna let ya
Sooner or later, love is gonna win

Its just a matter of time
Before you make up your mind
To give all that love that you've been hiding
Its just a question of when
I've told you time and again
I'll get all the love you've been denying

I'll be your dream, I'll be your wish, I'll be your fantasy

I'll be your hope, I'll be your love, be everything that you need

I love you more with every breath truly, madly, deeply, do
I want to stand with you on a mountain
I want to bathe with you in the sea
I want to lay like this forever
Until the sky falls down on me

I've tried so hard to convince myself
That this feeling just can't be right, and I'm tellin' you

It's too late to turn back now
I believe, I believe, I believe I'm fallin' in love

I think I love you
So what am I so afraid of?
I'm afraid that I'm not sure of
A love there is no cure for

I told the witch doctor I was in love with you
I told the witch doctor you didn't love me too
And then the witch doctor, he told me what to do
He said that ....

Ooo eee, ooo ah ah ting tang
Walla walla, bing bang

Then the blogger says,
And I know that my song isn't saying anything new
Oh, but after the loving, I'm still in love with you.
... and then finally breaks into a chorus of "Woo-hoo, woo-hoo-hoo! Woo-hoo! Woo-hoo-hoo!"
Posted by Moona at 07:44 PM | Comments (0)

February 04, 2005

On a more positive note

Wednesday morning I missed work because I had several items of personal business to tend to, the first of which was my hearing before the Justice of the Peace in Small Claims Court.

As you remember, I was recently dumped by a local "hit-man" whom I refer to as Mr. A. Hole. He hits on middle-aged or older women whom he suspects might have a nest-egg. After the sweet-talker borrowed a large (to me) sum of money, he called from a cell phone to let me know that he was no longer interested. (You see, the check had just cleared the bank, and that was all he thought he could get from me.) I recently heard that he is about to marry a woman who is about ten years older than he. Perhaps he and his new bride were in Las Vegas or Reno for their marriage (using her money, of course), and that's why he didn't show up. I can only surmise. But if he doesn't appeal in the next ten days (probably allowing three more days for mail time), then I will have a judgment against him. Then maybe some day I'll get my money back.

After court was over, I then had to go to see another JP in a neigboring town about the traffic ticket that I received when I had the wreck in the rental car (which I was driving because the car dealer totaled my car.)

That afternoon, I was suddenly very tired. I went home early to take a nap, thinking that I would go back to the office later to make up for having been gone all morning. I slept for twelve hours. I guess I needed it.

Posted by Moona at 08:31 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

February 02, 2005

A possible French Invasionary Force*?

I just noticed this line in my StatCounter:

Lisez mes lèvres - le blog: Gaffes de searchin de Google les 'payent au loin grand certains
I can't lick the froggish lingo, but without reading the words, know it is a hope to find a decapitation video. From my having continually witnessed a steady flow of visitors along this same path, I am assured that the French populace is clamoring for the reintroduction of the guillotine. I am only wondering if the leaders of that country are to be beheaded this time around.

*Any possible such force would probably be filled with members of the French Foreign Legion.

Posted by Tiger at 05:47 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

To run some more or not to run some more ...

I awoke this morning listening to the clock-radio story about Emmitt Smith planning on retiring. I was hoping to scoop the whole blogosphere with the story, but, as it is really cold and I was so very very warm buried up under that double layer of goose-down, I did not jump right up to come blog about it. I see James Joyner was on the ball. However, according to USA Today, Emmitt says the retirement talk is all BS.

[UPDATE: Was stuck on a bench for awhile and found a copy of today's Star-Telegram. From a thorough reading between the lines of the story [it might be this one, but I am not making any promises. I am actually unable to view it due to whatever security settings won't allow me to even check my gmail on this system], I suspect that unless Emmitt cannot talk Jerry Jones into letting him play for the Cowboys next year, Emmitt will still be signed with the Cowboys--in order that he may retire as a Cowboy. I personally suspect that it will be more of a drawn out affair than something to expect to happen quickly ... I figure Jerry Jones will milk it for every ounce of publicity he can get from it, and there will be speculation about Emmitt actually playing in next year's season, and, the evidence is that there might be a likely possibility of such, if you actually look at Emmitt's production from this past season, being dependent up two factors: how much money Emmitt wants for playing and Bill Parcell's assessment of Emmitt's abilities. I think he would fit well in the backfield as a good third down back, as he is sure-handed, catches well, and has enough experience to improvise, if necessary. Emmitt looks good as a Cowboy, don't you think?]

Posted by Tiger at 09:46 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

January 31, 2005

Nameless post

raven.jpgOnce upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered, tired and weary
Upon Google queries, watching movies from the days of yore,
While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly I thought of blogging,
It was if I must be tapping, tapping on my keyboard more.
" 'Tis some visitor, " I muttered, "looking at the blog once more--
           Only this and nothing more."

Ah, distinctly I remember it was in that bleak December;
It was then I started blogging, and was drawn to blogging more.
Eagerly I wished the morrow -- Vainly I had sought to borrow
From my dreams and from my sorrow--tweaking words, and seeking more
For the rare and snarky post--one which readers will adore --
          Nameless here for evermore.

Posted by Moona at 11:30 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack



Hmmm. I wonder why I mentally picture this guy splashing joyfully around a babbling brook in an attempt to barehandedly catch his own sushi?

Posted by Tiger at 04:33 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

January 28, 2005

Things you likely did not know

Garfield has a chauffeur.

Posted by Tiger at 10:50 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

January 25, 2005

Why is this child crying?

click to enlarge
All over the nation, thousands of starving crayon-drawn stickmen are desperately needing your help.
A public service announcement brought to you by
Professional Artists against Destitute Drawings (PADD).
broadband connection recommended

Posted by Tiger at 02:28 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

December 27, 2004

Just Wonderin'

Ponderings collection 01
  1. Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
  2. Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?
  3. Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?
  4. Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?
  5. Why do fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing?
  6. If you can't drink and drive, why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor, and why do bars have parking lots?
  7. Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?
  8. Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?
  9. How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?
  10. If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?
Posted by Moona at 10:18 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack

December 24, 2004

More typical luck

Well, my dauther's drivin' down from the big city today. I got up to start my coffee pot, and the switch jest wouldn't turn on. It has been actin' goofy since Thanksgiving--Thought it wouldn't turn on then, but I found that I could kinda beat on it 'til it did. Yesteday mornin' I went to turn it off before I went to work, and it was already off. Thought maybe it was the automatic turn-off, but guess it finally died. This mornin' I beat on it with everything I could find, to no avail. So once more, I made a trip to the local Walmart. I thought I could get by without going there again this week. Well, I parked, went straight to the coffee pots, then thought about that my daughter really likes baked sweet potatoes. Of course, they were on the opposite side of the store. Then I remembered something else--back to the other side.

Still no coffee. Not in the mood for this.

So, I checked out in the self-check aisle to save time, but of course one of my items wasn't recognized. I don't know how many times that computer voice told me, "Wait for store attendant." Funny thing, the same computer voice was talking to two more people, one behind me and one beside me. She'd come on mine, then behind me, then beside me, then start over again. I may start hearing like voices in my head.

Still no coffee. Not in the mood for this.

So, the store attendant finally got to me. Of course, there were three of us who were stuck and she got me last.

Still no coffee. Not in the mood for this.

Then to the parking lot. Funny how when you go to a store several days in a row, you sometimes think you're parked where you parked yesterday instead of where you parked today. So I wandered around the parking lot with my coffee pot and my sack, looking for my car.

Still no coffee. Not in the mood for this!!

But guess what. I've had my coffee, and I feel much better now.

By the way, there's a sign on the doors on the "stuff side" (not the groc'ry side) on the door at my Walmart that reads "Store Open 24 Hours," but there's another one down below it that says, "This door locked after hours. Use door on grocery side." I've never really understood this . . .

Posted by Moona at 12:29 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

December 23, 2004

Wonder if Tig has a banjo

Tig sed he wuz goin' to Alabama. "Spoze he has a banjo on his knee?

Seems like if I remember my geography, Alabama isn't "zakly on the way to Tennessee. Oh, well. guess he feels like drivin'--lotsa gas, doncha think?

Wonder why he's droppin' in on his sister unannounced. "Spose she'd tell him not to come if he told 'er he was comin'? Maybe his family is as dysfunctional as this one:

blog satire, DJ style DJ got tired of waiting for Natalie to update her Live Journal so he could get his turn on the computer. So he decided to write his own Live Journal entry, on paper, and called it a satire of his sister's blog.

Dec 20.
Today I made a PB&J sandwich. Then I farted.
Dec. 21.
Today I made a tuna sandwich. Then I farted. TWICE!
I rock.
He asked us to leave comments on the paper, so I wrote:


Underneath that, he drew a frowny face and wrote [listening to: the saddest song EVER]

You probably had to be there. It was funny, really.

20 December 2004 - [source -- ed. reformatted and attributed to conform with applicable rules of blogging etiquette.]

Posted by Moona at 02:43 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack