Read My Lips - the blog

Concise but perhaps profound (Or, who's verbose??)

I have found myself thinking about the profound nature of one of Tig's recent posts:

My ego is exceeded greatly by my own insignificance.

Could this statement be akin to a very complex theory propounded by Michael Hoffman?

The ego-entity exists as a real set of patterns and dynamics, but the ego is not as solid, continuous, or powerful as it seems. The ego is both a set of real patterns, but also a projected, constructed image. In a way, the perceived ego exists, and in a way, it does not. The mind usually projects and constructs a fairly solid and simple image of oneself. Seeing the illusory aspects of this mental representation and feeling the absence of the accustomed sense of personal solidity can be experienced as death, as literal cessation of personal existence, because the naive mind strongly identifies with the projected image and the feeling of personal solidity.

Mental processing is structured with the conscious ego-representation as the center of control and experiencing. This representation of the ego is a dynamic set of mental constructs. The ego-entity at the center of mental processing is partly an illusory projection. The ego includes the deceiving, projected representation of the ego-entity. This deceivingly tangible representation of the self or ego is only a part of the ego.

In a dissociative cognitive state, the usual cognitive structures constituting the ego relax, loosen, and disengage, while remaining available to a degree, as a tool. The projection of the ego image also ceases, unless called upon. Oneself still exists in many ways, such as a body, a brain, a mind, possessions, and a personal past. One genuine aspect of oneself has temporarily ceased to firmly exist: the egoic cognitive processing, which is largely but not entirely suspended. The projection of the self-image is also partly suspended. Insofar as the mind confuses the projected self-image with that part of the self which is genuine, that projected self never existed, other than a perceptual illusion, and so the projected self could not cease to exist.

If the ego is defined strictly as the natural assumption that the mentally projected self-representation is literally oneself, then the ego is only an illusion. But such a narrowed definition of "ego" ignores the real cognitive structures that reliably project that illusion. The ego, as a mode or subsystem of mental processing, is more than just the illusory aspect of the ego projection. The ego, considered as an entire subsystem of the mind, is a large, complex, and dynamic set of mental processes, of which the deceivingly tangible mental representation is only one part.

Regarding insignificance, a physicist noted the following:

Humans seem to be extremely unimportant in the grand scheme of the Universe. This insight is often associated with Copernicus, who suggested (although not for the first time) that the Earth was not the centre of the Solar System. A bigger step towards calibrating our insignificance was taken by Edwin Hubble, who determined that astrophysical nebulae are really separate galaxies in their own right. We now think there are about one hundred billion such galaxies in the observable Universe, with perhaps one hundred billion stars per galaxy. But a metaphysically distinct blow to our importance came with the introduction of the idea of dark matter — we are not even made of the same stuff that comprises most of the Universe.

Took the words right out of their mouths

From Halfpolak comes this comment from California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger:

Some of the districts look like they were drawn by a drunk with an etch-a-sketch.

More wisdom from the mouth of Martha Stewart:

Pride in homekeeping creates serenity and pleasure. I even experienced it standing around the microwave in the place where I was staying.

She also astutely observed:

During the last five months, I've had the privilege to meet an incredible cross section of people.

Still another interesting quotation from Dan Rather:

"People have approached me about putting them in a book and offered more money than it's worth. I grew up around people who talked that way, and I try to use colorful language. Some of them I make up and some I've heard before." -- Outgoing CBS anchorman DAN RATHER on his folksy "Ratherism," quoted in the Austin American-Statesman.

I'll gladly pay you Tuesday for a Beltbuster today --

Heck, I've gotta be liquored up to ask for a Dilly Bar. - Mike Durrett

A Good Samaritan story?

An elderly waitress in a Florida bar was helping a patron to the door, as the bar was closing. The man smiled, poured the beer on her face, then smashed the beer bottle over her head. He then proceeded to kick her when she fell to the ground. At the hospital, doctors noticed a brain tumor that would have killed her had it not been detected because she was being treated for her injuries from the attack.

The moral of this story is that it’s ok to smash bottles over people’s heads when you believe they may have an undetected tumor. I’ve done it twice since reading the story. I expect no thanks. The joy I get from helping people live happy, healthy, disease free lives, is the only thanks I need. - Jesse Gersten

Hey, I know of a couple of people that I suspect have undetected brains tumors, as well. I ain't gonna name any names herein, but for those of ya'll that know me, if you are commenting regularly, I assure you that you can feel safe around me when I'm clutching a longneck bottle. ;)

My dogs eat cat mummies for breakfast

Do not be fooled into thinking that I am a "dog person." I would rather have seven cat mummies than a dog. - Esther Wilberforce-Packard*

Topic Drift was added to the blogroll and Susie must be thanked for pointing this one out.

*It is suspected that the character of Esther is actually portrayed by Frances McDormand.

Not all opportunites are equal

The initial $2 million investment for his book project came from his banking software company, which he sold five years ago. His biggest cost was creating the pricey jewels based on the 12 forest creatures. The gems mostly came from Jewelry Designs in Danbury, Connecticut, a partnership that happened by coincidence. - CNN.com - $1 million treasure hunt hidden in pages of fairy tale - Jan 22, 2005

If I had a couple of million laying around, you would already find my book on the shelves of your local bookstore. ;)

Wow!

According to the Pew Internet and American Life Project, 27 percent of adults who go online in the United States read blogs. And blogs have greater impact because their readers tend to be policy makers and other influencers of public opinion, media experts say. - [ANICK JESDANUN, AP Internet Writer via Yahoo! News]

Another study shows that 44% of blogs online are not written by people who objectively qualify as adults.

Found: puppyblender via Kathy Kinsley

Note to self . . .

chicks dig tanks

I'll have to mention that I have a tank in my next personal ad. Should I also mention that it is stocked with fish?

Good 'zamples of such are not all that unusual

It's amazing what people will do in lieu of getting a life. - Sadie's Dad

In the midst of inanity we find a spark of truth*

I am actually surprisingly qualified for this job, as I have a long history of watching reruns of “Casulty” when I should’ve been attending spelling courses in college. - Fez

*Did ya spot it? I am not sure, however, 'pon readin' Fez's stuff that such was not done on purpose.

Life ain't all jes' a bag of Doritos^®, ya know?

You're always hearing about pre-meditated murders on the news. But I prefer my homicides to be spontaneous; otherwise it just feels contrived. Call me a romantic. - Lightning Bug's Butt

So, jes' 'zactly how did your date with the doorknob go?

Playing drums on a keyboard is like having sex with a doorknob. - Paul

It sounds like a good plan to me

I don’t care if Macy’s has “Merry Christmas,” “Happy Hanukah,” “Special Kwanzaa,” or “Rockin’ Ramadan” banner. I won’t shop at Macy’s unless they have an “Everything’s 85% Off” banner. - Joe Kelley

It's the biggest sucker bet of them all

It’s not unusual to hear people refer to trading stocks as no different than going to Vegas. They are right. Gambling is gambling. - Mark Cuban

Mark says he is gonna start seein' if he can do better in the traditional gamblin' market: casinos and such. I thought to comment on the inherent problems of a team owner bein' involved in sports bettin', but of the first 20 or so of the total of 109 comments which I took the times to scan through, the topic was brought up a couple of times.

If it feels good...

Those slippers make me feel good all under! Wait..that might be my underwear. Scratch that. (Oops, that may be a poor choice of words) - Buzz

It's 'bout time for my reg'lar yearly physical assault

That's okay, though. I need a good asskicking about once a year, and it would actually be pretty cool to get it from a guy for a change. - it ain't Tuco

Dem's feed NYT line of bullcrap which NYT gladly swallows without question

Ouch. The New York Times editors simply swallowed the Democrat talking points whole, rather than checking out this material for themselves. - Patterico [emphasis from original source]

Spork award to Big Daddy for use in scrapin' pureed puppy from his blender.

Your derriere is firmly in the sights of the Google monster

Piazza Roma[*] was fronted by a trio of be-aproned cows who announced they were currently on break, and not seating anyone. One wonders if they thought they were being funny...imagine their surprise to learn their little "joke" will shortly be Google indexed and available to any and all. - Sekimori

It seems that the part of the world that has yet to plug into the Wild Woolly Web has no idea of its massive power. Heed the warnin' waitstaffers of the world, you slight a blogger and Google will have your name, location and the color of your uniform folded, spindled, and mutilated before you can count the pennies in your tip jar.

*Link placed in accordance with original source.

A generalization applicable to only the males of the group?

You can learn something about a rock by looking at it. But what most geologists really want is to smack it with a hammer. - Frank D. Roylance, Baltimore Sun in his Nov. 28, 2004 story entitled "NASA sending hammer to space" as published in the Online Edition of The Arizona Republic

A brand-new, unwrapped, off-white spork, only recently purloined from What-a-Burger®, has been concealed in a secret location 'til it can be properly awarded to Kevin Aylward for his involuntary participation in the creation of this post.

But that activity is considered to be morally reprehensible!

"How can the UN pre-emptively seize our park?" - screechin' moonbat Yorkie-owning, Bush-hating corporate headhunter called Sue

Tossin' a thrice-used former Taco Bell spork over to'ard Cracker Barrel Philosopher as payment for cluin' me in.

Word Sleuthin' 'cause I'm bored

In the wintertime, however, said back yard turns into a mudhole; autumn rains puddle the landscaping, the grass dies back, most of my flowers hibernate, and every time that damn dog goes outside he comes back in literally dripping with mud. This has something of a deleterious effect on the white linoleum that is my kitchen floor, as you can imagine. - Kelley

I shore do love hearin' such lovely words rollin' off the end of a sweet lady's tongue. From Merriam-Webster Online:

Main Entry:
del·e·te·ri·ous
Pronunciation: "de-l&-'ti-rE-&s
Function: adjective
Etymology: Greek dElEtErios, from dEleisthai to hurt
: harmful often in a subtle or unexpected way [deleterious effects] [deleterious to health]
synonym see PERNICIOUS
- del·e·te·ri·ous·ly adverb
- del·e·te·ri·ous·ness noun

It really is all Greek to me

πρόσφατος καιρός πληροφορίες - Sheryl

Some questions jes' beg to be answered

Why don't the yummy people ever invade your personal space? - The Empress

Uh, is it 'cause they are too busy standin' 'round with their noses stuck up high in the air as they await the arrival of the other yummy people?

Some of the sagest advice is given in jes' a few words

YOU ARE NOT AUTHORIZED TO DIE. - Smash on the Rules of Engagement

Found via Sgt. Hook

I once met a man with three nuts*

About damn time Bush appointed a SecState with cajones. - Feste, speakin' on the appointment of Dr. Rice.

I have additionally read that Condi is havin' some surgery "to treat noncancerous growths in the uterus," which, to my way of thinkin', might now possibly be some secretive euphemism for cajone removal.

*Two were pecans and the other was a goober.

Ya really gotta love Anna!

Babies are simply wiggly, pink things that typically twist out of my spidery fingers and fall on hard concrete or in the deep end of swimming pools. I don't get many baby-sitting gigs as you can well imagine. Well, OK, I've had a few. Stories for other times. - Anna [Primal Purge*]

*Another member of the massively expandin' Munuvian Empire!

Will we finally realize that sweet sweet payback, at last?

[I]t's inarguable at this point which candidate wanted to pass himself of as a "war leader" and what the result of that attempt would be. If all other things were equal, I'd want the outcome of this election to be a Bush victory for this reason alone: at last a generation of proud Vietnam veterans would have some satisfaction, will have achieved a payback to one who did more than most to vilify them over the years. The media often portrayed the Swift Vets and so many countless other veterans groups against Kerry as not letting the wounds of Vietnam heal. The truth was just the opposite. - Greyhawk

I ain't sure I could have phrased it any better

Here's hoping that come tomorrow, we can all draw a sigh of relief and look forward to the next four years! - Ith

^sarcasmMy jaw is agape in amazement!^/sarcasm

Shockingly The New York Times endorses John Kerry for President. - Kevin Aylward.

Once one considers the paltry evidence upon which such endorsement is based, is it really any wonder why such paper is so oft referred to as a liberal rag?

This is why they need a none of the above box

[A]necdotally, the word is out that many black die-hard Democrats—especially the Christian ones—won’t be voting this year. I’m acquainted with several of them. They can’t bring themselves to vote for President Bush, but Senator Kerry’s flips and flops give many of them the willies. A direct quote from my great aunt: “A man at church said that he’d never vote for a Republican, but this John Kerry was too ‘crazy’ to vote for.” (Yellow-dog Democrat great-aunt has decided that she won’t vote either.) - baldilocks

Payin' homage to a masterful use of snark in a title

Kerry beats dead horse; horse files for purple heart - Jay Tea

Another idea I wish I had come up with first

Every time this [the murder of civilians by Islamic terrorists in an attempt to get their home nation to pull out of the multi-national anti-terrorism coalition] happens, the government of the man killed should send more troops in. Even if it’s just a few, it would make a point. - Kathy Kinsley

Every woman has this* tattooed across her forehead, right?

[Y]ou can always use another pair of shoes. - Tink

*OK, jes' for the sake of ya'll Men are from Mars. Women are from Venus people who believe for ever' knock against the fairer sex, there is an equal knock to be made against the odoriferous, coarse, and brutish sex, you know the one full of members who usually sit 'round with one hand wrapped around the TV remote and the other restin' jes' inside the waistband of their trousers/boxers/briefs. Jes' substitute the words pair of shoes with set of screwdrivers.

I guess, if you say so

You haven't really enjoyed the song "Margaritaville" until you've heard it sung to the accompaniment of an ukulele. - Annika

Bull's eye!

With the right attitude, drugs are redundant. - Rocket Jones

Did we somehow miss the forest for the trees?

[I]f you’re going to assign a title, Mr. Bush is inappropriate and disrespectful. His title is President, not Mister.

Full names, and last names are okay, but to assign a title other than President to President Bush is highly disrespectful.

Of course, no one in the media cares; they hate him anyway. -- Vinny

People do see what they want to see -- don't they?

From what I understand of his message, what he wants is for people to open their eyes and their hearts and see the war that the U.S. has brought to Iraq for what it truly is. Even in his grief, he has not lost his objectivity and reason. -- Sassy

The 'he' to which she refers is Michael Berg and her conclusions are in regard to his May 22nd message to the Stop The War Coalition.

The meanin' sometimes is greater than the point of a statement

Grow up, guys. There are forces out there larger than yourselves, and when things go wrong, it just might be those larger forces or -- heaven forfend -- something YOU did or didn't do . . . - Sissy Willis

I might add that she made such comment in the context of disagreein' with the comment that some fault in almost any sins that befell on Muslims likely fell on the shoulders of their decadent women. Muslim feminism! Oh George! What a Hoot! Can you imagine the excrutiatin' pain their activities must be causin' all of those sadistic Chauvinistic Islamic males, which includes a large majority of most Islamic countries?

Did I mention that Rob of CrabAppleBlog liked that quote, as well? In fact, he's the one that told me about it.

Somethin' to which I have never given a thought

Via SDB there's this. The only problem with "realistic" War games such as this, is what will happen in the High Schools around the country. Instead of Columbine, we'll see things like The Debate Club turn into the UN, The boys in Shop will be the Marines, the "JD's" will be the terrorists (You tell me that blowing up a toilet with an M80 isn't an act of terrorism), Art Class will be the protestors [sic], and the Drama Cub will be France. Would you send your kid's to a school like that? - Johnny - Oh [emphasis supplied]

Thanks to OzGuru for the pointer.*

*As well as for the three links to a few pieces of finest crap I have to offer.

He didn't mean it the way you think, I think

There are some ugly mothers around these parts. - Velociman

Chicken Little was a bit off

Hey, check it out! The sun is still hanging in the sky. No tidal waves, earthquakes or massive fires.

Looks like we can finally cross gay people getting married off of the list of things people think will bring on armageddon. - Michele

Keepin' up Appearances by keepin' the bucket open

For all the breast-beating and second-guessing that we're hearing, I'm still proud of the USA, precisely because of what happened at Abu Ghuraib. - Ted aka Rocket Jones

Full speed ahead, with full openness

The world will see how a free system, a democratic system, functions and operates transparently, with no cover-up. - Defense Secretary Donald H. Rumsfeld

The contextual gray area and other funny myths

I can smoke. You name it, Ive smoked it. - Val

Now, a'fore ya'll go to gettin' any wrong ideas, he wuz talkin' 'bout cookin'. O' course, I'm bettin' he is puffin' a'bit on that claim, 'cause I am almos' sure he ain't smoked no horny toads. At least, he better not have done it. It is bad enough he is wastin' fire cookin' chi'kens, as it is ... he dang sure better not be harmin' ever' Texas boy's favorite critter that none o' us seen for over 20 years.

Last word on chi'kens: If'n The Almighty* hadda wanted us to be eatin' chi'kens, he wouldn't ever a given cattle to the Masai, would he?

No actual or imagined horny toads** were harmed during the creation of this post.

A complimentary set of plastic knives for the purpose of butterin' biscuits is awarded to Denita for somethin' special of one kind or another..

*The regular fans realize I am referrin' to George.

**No I ain't Google seedin' for searches on horny toads.

Things could be much simpler than they are

I think some moments in a relationship are best defined by the simple: "Do you like me? Check yes or no." - Helen

When is it too late to learn the greatest thing?

The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return. - line from Moulin Rouge!

Obviously missin' the sarcasm tags

Well, goodness knows we suffer from a lack of universities and, especially, law schools, people trained in the humanities, and performance artists. - James

Then I remembered why I had fingers --

Trying to cut up chops with a plastic knife and fork has got to be straight out of Machiavelli's handbook. - Cathy

It just had to be said --

I wish I could say I have known a good number of men I could look up to, but I haven't. I was raised around men who were ordinary, or worse. It's inspiring to know that men like Mr. Tillman exist. I hope young men all over America take notice of his example. - Steve

You Rang?*

Clinton often put himself first and the country last, and I suspect that Kerry would do the same thing. - Steve

*I couldn't spontaneously think up a snappy title on this occasion, so I just went with the Lurch reference.

Choosin' which way to turn a blind eye, it seems

About one in every three policemen is a male chauvinist, believes a husband can discipline his wife whenever necessary and have sex whenever he wants it, a survey has found.

Of course, they are talking about the Hong Kong police.

Kudos to Simon for disclosin' this bit of news.

She might be tired of sayin' it, but nobody says it better

What I would prefer is that someone would stand up in D.C. and say "We have nothing to apologize for. The Murdering Islamists and their followers are the ones who need to apologize, and you will never get that."

And then we kill the bastards, move forward and try to stop this from every happening again. -Michele regardin' her thoughts on the need for the 9/11 hearings

Formulated to drive the tomcats crazy, it seems

Apparently, Britney Spears has her very own fragrance coming out. I had a sneak peak this afternoon when I opened up a can of tuna. Yeah... - Gennie

"And before I close, I have somethin' really personal I'd like to share ---"

Oh yeah. One more thing. First blowjob in eleven months last weekend. Hooray for me!

P.S. Received. Not given. Jerks. - Don

Step though in an orderly fashion, please

To my dismay, I realize that our readership appears to consist primarily of alcoholics, Zionists, atheists, feminists, Indians, Baptists, objectivists, masculists, Cubans, Democrats, jews, italians, Republicans, poles, libertarians, blacks, irishmen, Canadians, and queers. - Dean

I also get a few visits from Native Americans, Aussies, Kiwis, Filipinos, dog lovers, dog haters, cat lovers, a whole bunch of cat haters, and at least one or two of those big hat wearin', tobacco chewin', beer chuggin' Texans.

Ya know, I think she has made the point perfectly clear

Spam: We'll never get rid of spam. No matter what laws are passed, spam will still exist. In a way, maybe we need to have it. It makes all our real e-mail seem all that much more precious. You know, in between the amazing dog S.E.X. videos, the come ons for Cialis and Viagra, the cures for baldness (countered with the offers for clean-shaven beavers), and the pleas for assistance, that forwarded e-mail (with all the <<<<<) from your Aunt Trixie starts to look like a gift from heaven. - DaGoddess

I am gettin' the sneakin' suspicion that she lives in California, because where else can you even 'spect $420K for a condo with a cracked foundation, mold and missin' firewalls. Heck, in my neck of the woods, you could buy a nice hilltop covered with a 4 bedroom/3 bath Acme® brick home for about half of that.

Another of life's truly imponderable questions . . .

How would you describe Snoopy in a purple bunny suit to someone who is blind? - Tink

Welcome to California: Land of the Lost* Loonies of the Left

Sometimes I think it's no coincidence that God stuck so many liberal nuts on a fault-riddled slice of land that could slide into the ocean at any second. He's just filling the bowl before He pulls the handle. - Steve

*The ones that couldn't find their way to Vermont.

I almost peed my pants when I read this*

He [referrin' to me] has just returned from a trip to Luckenbach (which is apparently important if you know anything about Texas history - which I don't) - Ozguru [emphasis supplied]

*And I imagine Waylon Jennings rolled over in his grave, as well.

But is she cute in bikini panties and a sports tee at 9:00 a.m.?*

Bloggers collect links the way I used to collect scratch 'n' sniff stickers: Whoever gets the most/best wins. - Whitney Pastorek, the editor of Pindeldyboz, a barely solvent literary magazine based in Astoria, Queens [a non-blogger]

attribution: Ironbear

*Wait until this one comes up on her Google search.

Her 15 minutes of fame was over a long time ago

I have a long list of things I don't care about. It's quite a long list. But on that list would be "Martha Stewart."

Can I get an "amen?" - Dean Esmay

amen

It simply takes my breath away or gaspin' for air*

I mean, I may be demanding, unreasonable, off-putting and sometimes carry the faint scent of body odor, but even I carry a degree of realism with me. - Scott Kraft

And after readin' 'bout his shoppin' debacle, I am so utterly glad I have trusted my senses and have never done business with those Home Shopping Network charlatans, and now know not to ever do such in the future.

*Channellin' Jay Ward**

**Kudos to the first person to get that reference.

I really really think you really really had to be there

There's really nothing like quietly sitting at your computer and shitting all over yourself at the sound and feel of a bomb going off. - Gennie

Will it only improve after we get flyin' cars?

The traffic in South Florida is now so bad the only people who get to work on time are the ones riding in traffic helicopters. - Steve

He also had some interestin' diatribe about the intelligence of parrots.

Wait a minute! Could you repeat that again?

Iran has been practicing double-speak for so long that it has replaced Farsi as the 'official language' of the too-tightly-twisted-turban-crowd™. - MommaBear

Whew, now them words is plumb sizzlin'

[I]f there's one thing that would justify the continued mass murder of Iraqi civilians at the hands of a brutal dictator, it would be avoiding the rise to fame of one judge. - Emperor Misha

I really do prefer the mushrooms, myself

[O]ne doesn't see Bigfoot if they fly into Vancouver. Actually, one doesn't see Bigfoot at all, unless one has access to Testor's Number 7 airplane glue. Which reminds me: I won't need those Bloody Mary's, after all. - Velociman

What did ya expect to see on a Friday afternoon?

Isn't it ironic that wealthy oil families are primarily Republican? Is there a correlation between Republicans and dinosaurs?- Jeff

Ain't I so really in love with all the crap I write?

I originally wrote this article for newWitch magazine, which decided it wasn't "edgy and witchy" enough for publication. Fortunately, the editorial board at KenshoGodchaser.com has lower standards. - Jay Allen

There are still a lot of idiots who do actually vote

I have to laugh. 2 out of 3 people in my office think Kerry beat Bush in Iowa last night. Fortunately, none of them vote. Geoffrey

And this is just too funny!

The moonbats are out in force tonight

George W. Bush caused the Cubs to lose to the Marlins in Game 7 of the National League Championship Series so that Ann Coulter, white men, and SUV owners could oppress Al Franken. - found it here

Gotta thank Rosemary for pointin' that little goodie out for me.

Boojwah BOO HOO!

Well, shoot. Turns out I did NOT win The Hammer Challenge after all. Something about playing at a table with too low of a limit. I call that elitist boojwah claptrap. There's just no love for the little man in this world, I tells ya. - Scott "Not the Hammer" Chaffin, The Fat Guy.

I wonder if he was lookin' at Bill when this came to mind

If idiots were required to wear 'I'm an idiot' signs, the company making them would make enough money to be able to hire Bill Gates to scrub the toilets in their mail room. - Windrider

Our troops continue to make progress

Attacks against coalition forces in Iraq have dropped 22% in the four weeks since Saddam Hussein's capture, military records show. - USA Today article via *The Patriette*

Life's just a hookah filled with strawberry-flavored tobacco

Her [Britney Spears] publicists must just shake their head every time she opens her mouth or goes to Las Vegas unaccompanied. - Notorious B.L.O.G.

I personally suspect they are just busy countin' their easy money. The way I hear it, Britney's shit don't stink.

Hey kids, get a clue!

It used to be that you had to ruin your life and go to prison before you got a bunch of bad monochromatic tattoos and started dressing like a loser. Now, kids are adopting the loser look in anticipation of ruining their lives. - Steve

Outta the mouth of a bitch comes somethin' nice to hear

We owe a great debt of gratitude to our troops, to the president, to our intelligence services, to all who had a hand in apprehending Saddam. Now he will be brought to justice, and we hope that the prospects for peace and stability in Iraq will improve. - Hillary Clinton

attribution: Ebenezer McGehee

It's all an illusion

So what does Saddam Hussein's capture really mean? The defeat of one man, I suppose. Beyond that, nothing much. - Sassy

This sounds really serious

Bastards! Someone is going down...all the way down to Chinatown...on a Greyhound...East bound* - Gennie

*It actually sounds about the way I feel about my crappy dialup connection here at the house. My friend keeps promisin' WiFi or I would have already called the cable company. Hell, if ya are gonna spend yourself in a hole, you might as well spend your money on somethin' worth spendin' money on, like a stable, fast internet connection, right?

The continuin' story of the idiotic media blackout

Bloggin' on the dearth of mainstream media coverage of yesterday's anti-terrorism demonstration in Iraq, Kathy Kinsley had this to say to the LA Times who seemed unconcerned about their non-coverage of this news event even after bein' contacted by interested parties by email:

You've probably never heard of Healing Iraq or Iraq the Model but I assure you, that if you and your fellow "journalists" keep on the way you are going, they will soon be far more important than you (many of us think they are already).

I just returned from a chance meetin' with my friend Frank who was goin' to dine with his son who is leavin' for Iraq in the mornin' after landin' a job with Halliburton. We were chattin' on IM last eve and I was tellin' him about the demonstration. He said he had been watchin' the news and there was nothin' 'bout it. I told him the media seemed to be buryin' the story, because the bloggers were gettin' it from the people who were there. He said Really? I sent him the links to Healing Iraq and Chief Wiggles and told him that places like these were how the blogosphere was learnin' the truth of what was goin' on in Iraq. When we met a few moments ago, he shook my hand and told me thanks for tellin' him where to get the real skinny on the goin's on in Iraq. Yep, Kathy is right. Traditional journalism is gonna dry up and die if they don't get a clue that the Internet is for real and it only takes a computer, a modem, and a few minutes of time to spread the truth about things.

OK, now who has been rummagin' 'round in my head?

Ok, Dallas Has Lost Two in a Row...

But is this necessary? Federal Warning On Tuna Planned - Steven*

*channelin' me at the time?

But it makes the war seem justified

Pssst: Reporters... great story here : Hey big media guys... Want a great story? Read the story of Zeyad, the new blogger from Baghdad. Want the story? I'll help you. Note, by the way, that almost everyone in the blogging world is linking to Zeyad's report. It's a big story.... if you listen to your readers. - Jeff Jarvis

Pity link

I guess they were right about Instapudnit being overrated though, man I wish I got linked from him, doesn't matter, the blog is full of other peoples opinions and nothing in the way of commentary you get here or just about ANY OTHER BLOG ON THE INTERNET! - Dan

And let him feel the sheer power of a ***lanche. I bet if all three of you click this, it will be the highest visitation rate ever for this blog.

attribution: Ravenwood

You can say that again and again

If exercising your first amendment right is a disease, I hope every American catches it. - Kristopher

But what, I can only surmise

If you have ever laughed at anything on this webpage, then you owe me. - Frank

Where were you on Black Friday?

If you wake up at 5:00Am to go to a Black Friday sale, and then get there and literally fight and curse people because they're trying to get what you want to buy then you are a FUCKING LOSER. - Glenn

Regrettably, it seems one lady found out that there was a lot of truth in that statement, after bein' knocked unconscious tryin' to buy a cheap DVD player.

attribution: *patriette*

Who in the Hell eats snails?

Fuck you, you stupid cheese eating surrender monkeys. Every time I see Chirac's pussy ass face I wonder why the free world has overthrown every attempt by it's neighbors to wipe that country off the face of the earth. That's another mistake we should look at correcting. - Geoffrey

Quiz -- Who said?

I woke up more than once with two young boys in my bed. Is THAT perverted, or what?

OK, know who it is? Check answer here.

Annie, get your gun - we have an intruder

I'm in favor of the death penalty when it's applied on the spot by the intended victim or someone protecting the intended victim. - Kathy Kinsley

Now is this ever a kick in the pants?

Suddenly, I have a funny feeling in my pants... and it's not the good kind. - Venomous Kate

Did I read that right?

Texas is nice, but sometimes it can be too nice. - *The Patriette*

Some lessons are learned the hard way

A 16-year-old highschool freshman has died from his head hitting a tree. He was poking it out a school bus window.

And, that's why they tell you to keep your head and arms inside the bus. - Tony

I wish I could grant wishes

And I wish we'd quit using their term for killing a poor child because her uncle or brother raped her. That's not an "honor killing". That's fucking bullshit. An honor killing is when an American soldier or Marine busts a cap in a fucking jihadi. - Kim Crawford

"And yeah, so what are you?"

On conservative women:

We can't help it that we actually get it. We can't help it that we're not unemployed, lazy slobs. We can't help it that we're functioning members of society with REAL lives. We can't help it that we have more than two brain cells in our pretty heads. It's sad really that a group of people would be so jealous of us just because we're normal and intelligent. - Gennie

It really needed to be said!

Being an Offended-American has got to be a pathetic, joyless existence. - McGehee

Posted by notGeorge at 07:13 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

You don't say?

I'm sitting here in a bra and panties with a face full of make-up and super cool hair and I feel like shit. - Gennie

How will he ever repay the favor?

If you ever make it up to Metropolis, look me up. I owe you one, kid. - Perry White to Clark Kent ... ending line of tonight's Smallville

What are you hiding in your pants there, son?

A snake was found in the divorce courtroom in Danbury, Conn., and no, it wasn't someone's spouse. - My Way News

It also was not either side's attorney. Who would have ever thought that some snake discovered in a divorce case was not even involved at all in the case?

attribution: WizBang!

Do I sense a sense of humor here?

Esta es mi primera blog. It is going to be entirely in Spanish. Oh well, there goes that idea. -- Jesse of Legal Rap

That little quip is the intro to his introduction post. He* is a brand new blogger, and I would call him a blog-child of Volokh Conspiracy, as reading Volokh Conspiracy is what influenced him to start blogging. I was extremely impressed by his inclusion of my blog on his initial blogroll and I was very impressed by his latest posting also. I think the topic is worthy of consideration by a broad spectrum of individuals and you may feel inclined to add your comments on the issue.

*I am making an assumption here, as Jesse could be a female. I did not note any clear indicators of the blogger's gender from my reading of the entries and it actually would make very little difference** except for the appropriate pronouns which are to be used in referring to such individual.

**Unless, of course, we are discussing breasts, then gender definitely makes a difference.

[UPDATE: I might have been just a bit premature in suggesting anyone make comments on Jesse's blog, because there seems to be some MT configuration problem going on with the commenting functions and such, that is beyond my skills in which to suggest a cause. Per my usual, I am very adept at recognizing problems, just not always that swift at solving them. ;) ]

One should really think so

Meanwhile, some in the Pentagon are amused by the latest Gallup poll, a door-to-door survey of Baghdad residents who by a huge margin want U.S. troops to stay in their country for a while. The comment in the Pentagon is that polls show more Iraqis than Americans support the war to oust Saddam Hussein. - Bill Gertz and Rowan Scarborough of the Washington Times

Credit for the assist goes to Kathy Kinsley.

Orbiting on a different slant

I feel good!" - Yang Liwei, China's first astronaut, channeling James Brown while in orbit around the Earth.

By George, I think he's got it!

I would note that almost any food item is, in the hands of a two-year-old, a Weapon of Mess Construction. - Steven

Paraphrasin' the Book of Roddenberry

>From Five-Minute "Encounter at Farpoint":

Yar: The battle section is now ready for battle.

Picard: Okay, this is where we surrender.

Yar: You're not doing much to fight stereotypes about the French, sir.

Somethin' said just right

Have you ever found a more perfect analysis of the very basis for one's very own blogging efforts?

I once occupied a large shared mixed apartment with a very elegant greyhound, which belonged to the landlord. It was an elusive animal, but once it knew it had an audience (and the audience only had to number one person), the dog would proceed into a very elaborate display where it licked its own testicles - quite theatrically - for two or three minutes. Then it turned to whoever was watching, with a 'how about that?' look. - Andrew Orlowski

AstreaEdge deserves the finders' fee

Do ya really think so?

Everone ages, everyone sags, everyone has hair or unsightly blemishes or what-have-you. And honey, everybody's breath stinks in the morning. - Kelley

He said it with a straight face?

It's a well-established fact that the way to prevent corruption is to have Mexico control it. - James OTB

If only ... and how!

I am not sure how I found this site, but I love almost everything written on The American Undershirt. This was the entry for Friday, September 19, 2003:

Unless the "Check Engine" light means "Several Thousand One-Hundred Dollar Bills Jammed In Wiper Fluid Reservoir; Please Remove And Spend", today could be a very long day.

Jumpin' up and down and clappin'

Wow! I love this:

Much is made of how the absence of a father can harm a boy’s life. However, I see everyday just how adversely the lives of girls are effected due to this lack.

Being the father of a girl, I hope my brother realizes how his abilities as a father will influence her later attitudes toward men. For her, he is the hero and the protector and, often, the sterner disciplinarian. Without him, or through his indifference (or abuse), she will likely grow up to believe that most men are weak and/or untrustworthy. She may even grow up to believe that she doesn’t need men at all.

So the next time you hear a woman cutting down all men, ask yourself where her father is and what he’s done for--or to--her. Ask yourself whether she even knows who he is. And, if you’re really brave, ask her. The answer might not be a surprise. baldilocks

The Devil collects premiums?

"I hate lawyers (even though I guess I am one) but more than lawyers I hate the Insurance industry. They've already ruined the practice of medicine ...." Eric, Classical Values

National Geographic Alert!

Another Annoying Subspecies Identified Today

Homo Sapiens Clubgoerdokissimus. Any chick who shows up to work on a Monday, still wearing a plastic wristband from club she went to on the weekend, has a serious self-image problem that can only be rectified by strong doses of laughter and ridicule, applied generously behind her back. - annika*

*I do lie awake at night just pondering what it would be like to kiss every square inch of annika.

Anna simply cracks me up!

I don’t think there’s any moment in film more depressing than that. Other than when you see Pauly Shore's name on the opening credits of "Encino Man," I mean.

In Anna's words:

"I don't want to go into detail but it involved overcharged batteries, a purple bunny rabbit and 48 hours of continuous nonstop "me" time." -- Anna describing her third near-death experience.

I do think that would have been entertaining enough to be actually worth displaying on VoyeurWeb.

Trimming the Arafat?

"And anyway, if we have to have a World's Oldest Terrorist, Fidel Castro is three years older than Yasser Arafat, and never mind how he got to be a Head of State." - CG Hill

I bet Jimmy Buffett has

Have you ever sniffed a wet parrot?

Parrots may Have a use After all

Turns out that, when slightly damp and pressed against one's face, Marvin smells a lot like roast beef. Little Tiny Lies

Life's little regrets ... really little

Excuse me for clipping out the best part of James' post, but I didn't want you to accidentally look over this quip:

FACTOID: Speaking of Suzanne Somers.....

Suzanne Somers and I made our entry onto this planet on the same day. She, however, looks considerably better than I.

Damn, I knew I should have bought one of those Thighmasters.

Check out James' site if you want the link to the juicy pics.

The road to peace takes action?

"What I wouldn't give to take that towel off his head* and strangle him with it." - Serenity.

*Yassar Arafat

Oh, the utter verbosity of it all!

"That's the key - whether speaking or writing, when you run out of something to say, shut up." Lynn S

[Of course, if you still have something to say, you can either footnote or update. I just had to add that.]

You get my vote on that

The Husband works as a corrections officer at a federal prison. The other day when he came home from work, he was more disillusioned that ever. The prison's drug dog had caught two visitors attempting to smuggle drugs into the inmates they were visiting. That in itself wasn't unusual. What was out of the ordinary is one of the women caught was a 76 year old grandmother.

All my grandmothers ever did for me was give me unconditional love and set an example of an honorable life that I seek to emulate.

I do believe I got the better deal. Linda

OK, if you say so . . .

"i'd rather be pale, little-boobie me than fry myself or insert bags of salt water in my chest." sepi who also said: "i hope someone reminds you that 90% of dads (i.e., men in general) are TOTAL MORONS who do sucky things."

Take a goofy idea, add all parts of California . . .

Ding! Ding! Ding! Lead by example....what a concept. Hitlery Klintoon's dream of, "It takes a village to raise a child", is coming true.

"Welcome to McDonkville! How may I control your life today?" Serenity

Shiftless blame shifting

[faux frog™ news story] “Citizens of the U.S. experience heat waves or summers that are just generally hotter than France. The widespread availability of cooling systems in cars, offices and homes, a singularly American luxury, prevents the kind of widespread deaths there that we’re seeing in the less technology-absorbed Europe.” Erica

It couldn't have been any better*

"This is not the Daily MonopolyL.A. Times, the San Francisco Chronicle or even the Orange County Register. It. Is. A. Blog. On a typical day, I'm lucky to get more than 200 unique visitors, many from out of state. Meanwhile, at least 8 million Californians are expected to vote on October 7. Do the math.

Put differently, the chances of some snarky remarky on this blog having any measurable impact on the success of your favorite candidate on October 7 is about the same as the odds that you will be personally invited to burp the national anthem at Carnegie Hall. If he/she can't stand the infinitesimal amount of heat generated by one medium-traffic blog with a barely-pronounceable name, then he/she shouldn't go within a 500 foot radius of the kitchen.

That is all." Xrlq

*Kathy K has me channelling country tunes now. See comments to this post.

It don't float my boat

"Next Gray will be patrolling street corners in sequinned hot pants" Cracker Barrel Philosopher.

I think I need a bigger hat

"Actually, I don't know if the Pentagon is a well known fact or not so let's keep it under our hats, eh?" Jaboobie