A man walks into a dentist's surgery and says, "Excuse me, can you help me. I think I'm a moth."Dentist: "You don't need a dentist. You need a psychiatrist."
Man: "Yes, I know."
Dentist: "So why did you come in here?"
Man: "The light was on..."
A tired homemaker opened the front door of her home to find a young minister from the neighborhood who said, "I'm collecting donations for the new children's home we're building. I hope you'll give what you can."As a public notice on behalf for my Zartronian friends, I would like to remind you that there are only 10 shopping days remaining before Halloween. Be adequately prepared -- pack your Boyscout knife!"To be sure," said the beleaguered woman, "I'll give you two boys, two girls, or one of each."
It should never be all that painful to be ignored. In fact, one should view it as somewhat enjoyable. As we all have heard a million times: ignorance is bliss.
[UPDATE: I was advised that this post has minimal Pulitzer Prize potential.]
POINT TO PONDER: Have you ever wondered how much money you'd have to have socked away in order to comfortably retire? Would $50 suffice?
A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realized she was heading straight towards his seat. As fate would have it, she took the seat right beside his. Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out, "Business trip or pleasure?"She turned, smiled and said, "Business. I'm going to the Annual Nymphomaniacs of America Convention in Chicago."
He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs.
Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, "What's your business role at this convention?"
"Lecturer," she responded. "I use information that I have learned from my personal experiences to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality."
"Really?" he said. "And what kind of myths are there?"
Well, she explained, "one popular myth is that African-American men are the most well-endowed of all men, when in fact it is the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth is that Frenchmen are the best lovers, when actually it is the men of Jewish descent who are the best. I have also discovered that the lover with absolutely the best stamina is the Southern Redneck."
Suddenly the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed. "I'm sorry," she said, "I shouldn't really be discussing all of this with you. I don't even know your name."
"Tonto," the man said, "Tonto Goldstein, but my friends call me Bubba."
I just wish to inform everyone that anyone who tells me they have some good news and therefore tells me they saved a lot of money on their auto insurance by calling some gecko goes right onto my "s" list.
Regular reader Lyn Perry is hosting the 24th Edition of the Carnival of Comedy. Tig says: Go over and check it out.
*Please excuse our interruption.
A businessman boarded a plane to find, sitting next to him, an elegant woman wearing the largest, most stunning diamond ring he had ever seen. He asked her about it. "This is the Klopman diamond," she said. "It is beautiful, but there is a terrible curse that goes with it." "What's the curse?" the man asked. "Mr. Klopman."
This is anecdotal -- so take it however. A friend of mine was telling me about a 1983 case an old law school friend of his had picked up. A 1983 case, for those of you not accustomed to the venacular, is a charge of "denial of due process under color of law." In common terms, it is thought of as civil rights. Now, on with the story.
A young African-American female soldier from Ft. Hood was returning to base after an emergency surgery when she was pulled over by one of the local law enforcement officers for some reason or other. She handed him her drivers' license and insurance. He demanded to see her military ID, which she did not have in her possession. He arrested her for Failure to ID, which was a blatant false arrest because she had provided the state sanctioned form of Identification by proferring her TDL. He throws he into the back of the squad car, busting open the stitches from her surgery, causing her to thereafter undergo two subsequent surgeries. Of course, the kicker in this one is what he supposedly entered on the police report where it asked for the person's race. It wouldn't be polite to repeat the word used. You can understand that, can't you?
It is regrettable that we still do have people like that out there running around with badges on their chests.