Read My Lips - the blog

Despite my very best beliefs otherwise

Despite having received an email two days ago suggesting my books had been shipped, they did not arrive either yesterday or today by express mail, as requested. As such, I'll be heading for Roswell as earlier anticipated, with only the two flawed and seriously thumbed-through copies of the very first printed version. As I'll actually have none to sell, I'll have to limit my attendance to experiencing the Annual UFO Festival and doing my very best to publicize the existence of Alien Attitudes: Alura Allen, Alien at Large.

I know it is infuriating to see me publish post after post about this subject, but I did spend the last seven years of my life on this project, so, like all ya'll proud mommas and poppas out there who continually post about your children, Alien Attitudes is the closest thing I have to having a child of my own. I am purty damn proud of it, as well. So far, I have yet heard anyone who has read my manuscript tell me I had wasted my time. In fact, most of them seem to get through it pretty quickly and tell me how much they loved it and are wanting to see Book Two and Three, as soon as possible.

To them, allow me to say that I am working on the first draft of Book Two, and am about 100 pages along. Unlike my fiasco involving getting the first book out, which was how to end it, I know how both the next two books end, it is how to get from the end of the prior book to that part I am finding a bit hard to envision at the current moment. It comes in spurts, usually a scene at a time, though sometimes an entire scene only covers three pages.

I expect that the next two books will come along much faster once I get enough sales to spread the word around and won't have to spend half my time trying to twist the arms of people to give up some of their hard earned money to see how creatively I can tell a good story. I somehow think that you'll eventually find one or two of my characters so endearing, that you two too will be wanting to see what happens in the next book.

It's a great read, I promise. You can download it for $9.03. Counting the popcorn and coke, you'd spend at least that much at the dollar movie.

I'll post from the Festival if I can access the net. I am currently seeing no obstacle to that, as the room I reserved is suppose to have some kind of connection. My travel box is wired for wireless and Ethernet. I've got a modem and access to Moona's MSN account if necessary. Not sure where I'll end up tonight, so who knows.

As if it was ever in doubt ;)*

Your IQ Is 140

Your Logical Intelligence is Genius Your Verbal Intelligence is Genius Your Mathematical Intelligence is Genius Your General Knowledge is Genius

Kudos to Susie.

*Never ye forget that there is a very thin line between genius and madness-- mwuhahahaha!

Questions, questions, we have your questions

Hey, anyone know what the Prez had to say last night? Will the world survive long enough for me to complete the other two books of my trilogy? Will Susie still be the manager of the dollar movie when the movie made of my book finally finds it way there? Can I ever find the impetus to renew my former blogging vigor? How many of you are going to buy my book today?*

*Am I ever single-minded here of late, or not?

Well, it is so much better than a slap in the head

OK, folks, the sale is off and running. Be the first on your block to get your very own copy of Alien Attitudes: Alura Allen, Alien at Large.

For a bit of good news, I just received notification that the two dozen slightly imperfect volumes I ordered hoping to receive prior to this weekend's premiere event in Roswell have been shipped. If I understand correctly, they will be delivered before 3:00 p.m. tomorrow, although, to tell you the truth, arrival by 3:00 p.m. on Thursday will be timely enough.

It's finally out of the bag

OK, despite the fact that I have not actually received the revised proof, I feel safe in saying that

Alien Attitudes:
Alura Allen, Alien at Large
is officially
available for sale.

Although I wanted to take a few hundred along for next weekend's Roswell Annual UFO Festival premiere, I was only able to order 24 prior to my receipt and approval of the this latest version. I am unsure, given my previous experiences with the first version, that those two dozen volumes will be in my custody prior to my scheduled disembarkation on next Friday.

Beat the rush and get yours today!!! The future will hopefully show your experience to be a lot like your having been one of the first people to have read the Lord of the Rings right after it was released for public consumption. Go ahead, tell me I'm wrong.

The very latest in good news

Well, I now have a copy of my book in my hot little hands. It looks just like I intended it to look and I am proud of it. Of course there are those 6 or 7 nits found after I submitted the file the current version is based upon, so it is not the final product. However, it is so close to being such, I feel like a big load has finally fallen off of my shoulders. I am hopeful that all you loyal readers of mine are crunching at the bit to get your own copy of Alura Allen, Alien at Large. I am sure that every avid reader over the age of 10 will find it enjoyable. If not, let me know, and I'll get opinions as to what to write when I have finally completed the Alien Attitudes project.

Of course, I already have Gaod's Journal, the series about Arod, the 10 year old left behind when his parents have to return to the future, the criminal mystery I am currently playing with in my mind, another sci-fi thriller somewhat akin to Stargate, and a few more short story ideas already in line.

June 24, 2005

Triple Treat--

We begin with:

A man is driving up a steep, narrow mountain road. A woman is driving down the same road.

As they pass each other, the woman leans out of the window and yells "PIG!!"

The man immediately leans out of his window and replies, "COW!!"

They each continue on their way, and as the man rounds the next corner, he crashes into a pig in the middle of the road.

If only men would listen...

then for Moona, the pun lover:

A guy gets shipwrecked. When he wakes up, he's on a beach. The sand is dark red.

He can't believe it. The sky is dark red. He walks around a bit and sees there is dark red grass, dark red birds and dark red fruit on the dark red trees. He's shocked when he finds that his skin is starting to turn dark red too.

"Oh no!!" he says. "I think I've been MAROONED!!"

and lastly, for those who like truth in humor:

A squad of newly trained police dogs in Victoria, Australia, have been taken out of service after handlers discovered a training problem. The dogs had been taught to track cocaine checked out of police evidence lockers, but only after training did police realize that someone had stolen the real cocaine before they got there and replaced it with talcum powder. In tests, the dogs ignored real cocaine "but showed unusual prowess in tracking baby powder."

Police are now trying to figure out who stole the drugs. (Sydney Australian) ..."We could track them down," detectives said, "if only...."

Alms for the poor, he beseeched

Wow! It's been so long since I got a ping that wasn't spam, I forgot what it felt like. Let's thank Susie for reminding me.

Since we are on the topic of pity pings, please do feel free to publicize my book in any of your blogging endeavors. Jes' sayin', ya know. ;) I'll twist your arm when it is officially FOR SALE about purchasing a copy, reading it, and then writing about how absolutely marvelous it is. It'd suit my fancy if I didn't seem to be continually being the only one saying so.

Good news? Oh well, it's better than no news

Lulu order #191338 was shipped on Friday June 17, 2005.

Thank you for shopping at Lulu!

Lulu Support

I am guessing that means the check proof is in the mail. I was hoping to be seeing that bird book in my hand. Still, at least it is something, huh? Still, I think you can still pre-order. Where? HERE. You just cannot imagine what one of these are going to be selling for on ebay in 20 years, you know.

[UPDATE: I just happened to re-read over this and found it to contain enough stills to throw suspicion my way as being in the moonshine business. Please dispell all such rumors.]

June 17, 2005 (Funny but TRUE Edition)

Well, since you are still waiting for the opportunity to BUY MY BOOK:

CANADA'S MOST WANTED: Donald Johnson, a defense attorney in Cornwall, Ont., Canada, woke up in the middle of the night to noises from another bedroom in his house.

His wife called police while he chased after the burglar. He tackled the intruder, disarmed him of a knife, and then realized he knew the man: it was one of his own clients.

"I guess he didn't know it was my house," Johnson said.

After booking, police asked Scott Best, 34, if he'd like to call a lawyer. He asked if he could call Johnson, but officers apparently convinced him to call someone else. Johnson agreed it "wouldn't have been a good idea" to call him. (Canadian Press)

...On the other hand, HE WAS ALREADY UP.

"This and that" spread on toast

I know this is getting quite monotonous but, between my book and Kinky, there seems to be little else on my mind. Well, that ain't quite the truth, but is just as much as I can divulge without violation of attorney-client privilege. ;)

So, was surely hoping to see the "proof" in today's mail ... seems we got the final edit back and it actually showed another half-dozen grammatical errors* and -- OK it gets a bit long here -- to replace the current content of the book, I have to reject this copy, load the corrected file, and await the delivery of the next proof to accept and thereby start the two-week period where the printer stares mindlessly at the project** prior to any chance to receive any substantial number of volumes.

Looks like I am not going to even have any product on hand*** when I hit Roswell come 4th of July. For my reaction, read the look on my face.

*I'll lay money on the fact that I could read through those 300+ pages of text and still manage to overlook some simple mistake or two or three.

**I am not absolutely sure that is what I read, but can assure you it is an accurate assessment of what filtered through my mind.

***I should actually have at least one, and maybe two, "proof" copies so as to actually be showing what I am trying to sell.

Look Ma! No hands!*

So, any comments on the cover design?

*Well, you don't see any hands visible, do you?

Big news! Big news! AA:AA,AaL is finally in print*

Well, first of all, it seems you can order my book here.** If you are a gambler, the meager $19.99 asking price might turn out to be the deal of the century ... as this is the very first printing of what may become a modern day classic in my dreams? -- of course, the official unveiling is still planned on July 4th weekend at the UFO Fest in Roswell, NM. The current edition is not illustrated, regrettably. The illustrated edition will hopefully be available soon.

*To the best of my belief."

**You'll have to register, however.***

***As soon as I approve the proof the first printed copy, it will supposedly be availiable through all the regular outfits.****

****Or, at least, that is what I paid a sizeable sum to do.

Time flies when you're having fun

It is hard to believe how long it has been since I last posted on this blog. However, when I think about how many things I have done, it is certainly more credible.

I will confess that some of my blogging had previously been done during breaks from my work as the director of a small-town non-profit organization. However, with State monitors visiting, along with preparation for our annual fundraiser, I have had little time to think of anything to post while at work.

I recently have dedicated a fairly large amount of time to "nit-picking." If you don't know what that is, you have probably not been around a perfectionistic author with a self-imposed deadline for publication of his first book.

I have read the manuscript quickly and slowly. Each page has been disected and digested, pondered and punctuated, with some sections augmented and some truncated. Thinking about denotations and connotations, repetitions and redundencies, clarity and consistency in each passage, I read and reread and read again. Sometimes a suggestion about one word might turn into the rewriting of an entire chapter by one whose wants his creative genius to be understood as only he can see it in his mind. Meanwhile, the characters of the book have taken on a life of their own, often invading my thoughts both day and night. I am very excited about seeing the book come to fruition, and I hope that its value will be quickly appreciated.

Some of the time spent since I last blogged has been entertainment, as well. There was the camping trip to Big Bend over the Memorial Day weekend--my first vacation in years--as well as shorter trips to see a movie (The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy), a play (Seusical, the Musical), or an afternoon at the zoo (where the elephants and hippos seemed to be in hiding*).
*How can they effectively hide four elephants and two hippopotami?

June 10, 2005

A young blonde was on vacation and driving through the Everglades. She wanted to take home a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking. After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle on prices" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Well then, maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator, so I can get a pair of shoes for free!"

The shopkeeper said with a sly knowing smile, "Little lady, just go and give it a try!"

The blonde headed out toward the swamps, determined to catch an alligator.

Later in the day, as the shopkeeper is driving home, he pulls over to the side of the levee where he spots that same young woman standing waist deep in the murky bayou water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he spots a huge 9-foot gator swimming rapidly toward her. With lightning speed, she takes aim, kills the creature and hauls it onto the slimy bank of the swamp. Lying nearby were 7 more of the dead creatures, all lying on their backs. The shopkeeper stood on the bank, watching in silent amazement. The blonde struggled and flipped the gator onto its back. Rolling her eyes heaven-ward and screaming in great frustration, she shouts out "SH*T... THIS ONE'S BAREFOOT TOO!"

This one'll be showing up at Susie's workplace next week

Can you guess which movie being released this weekend had a review with the following last line?:

If this movie has any positive outcome, it'll be to jog fans of the book to reread it, or prompt new readers to experience its tragic intricacies.

If I find time, I might just reread the book. As I remember, it was pretty good when I was 10. I wonder how much more I'll see four decades later?

It's been an interval for the ages

Hey ya'll... good news. I don't think I told ya'll the original back story, so will do so now. Much of the recent this and that has surrounded this specific problem for several weeks. I'm almost sure I'd informed ya'll about the laptop keyboard problem I previously had for which I dispute responsibility, but had turned in the loaner, and despite being forced to pay for something that should have been covered via the extended warranty, was pleased to find my own laptop back in possession and working appropriately -- for a whole day and a half.

Yep. I had just gotten it back and was using it on long car trips to do the last round of substantive re-writes when a bit of Dr. Pepper sloshed out of my cup onto the edge of the keypad. Despite all my prompt action to remove all traces of the offending liquid and the delay in showing the effects, soon I noticed that I could not type "a, z, q, 1, !, Q, A, [or] Z" or use CAP LOCK or TAB. I just could not face taking it back in for repairs, so have been lagging here and there using my workaround, a clipboard manager with all the necessary letters and characters ready to be pasted where they are needed. I'll quickly confess that when I was hitting CONTROL-V, it was to paste "a" on more occasions than not.

Well, now that you are up to speed ... I am glad to report that, for some odd reason, today, all those keys started working like they were supposed to function. You'd be supprised how much faster I can type if I am not having to stop here and there to paste a letter into place on a very regular occasion. You do know that, despite the very variety of specially functioning analgesics you can find at CVS Walgreen's Walmart the drugstore, they have still not come up with one that will really put a stop to a real pain in the ass. I suppose, however, that when one is produced, it will have to be in suppository form.

My navel is basking in its new found prominence, but I am vowing, still, to lose weight. End of report.

June 3, 2005

One night at McChord Air Force Base, I was dispatched to check out the security fence where an alarm had gone off. The fence was at the end of the base runway.

When I got to the scene, I found a raccoon was the culprit, so I ran around and flapped my arms to scare the animal away.

Suddenly an air-traffic controller came over the public-address system and announced loudly, "Attention to the airman at the end of the runway. You are now cleared for takeoff."

What my daddy always said*

The following is a response I received from an inquiry about a severely under-priced 2005 Mini Cooper I found for sale on Yahoo! Motors:

The Mini Cooper is in a perfect condition.It's a great car, my girlfriend is devastated that we have to sell it but we have to pay too much money for register it here,so we decide to sell it. My company have relations in States and I worked there for 2 years.I has the opportunity to buy it from there and bring it with me when I was back.The car was buyed from US, so it is US standards,so stay cool it́s perfect compatibile to your standards and you will dońt have to pay more duty taxes on it.And this is an impediment for me to sell it here caus, first, we have a different standards and second will be very expensive for me to register it here.I have to pay an very expensive duty taxes.The price for this car is $7.000USD. The car it is still register in States. What other info. would you like on it? It will be shipped from Athens,Greece and i will pay the shipping and insurance charges.I will do the arrangements for shipping from here. The original receipt and all remainded warranty information packet with enrollment number is included for you. If necessary ever I will assist you in getting warranty help; most people just dump it on you with a useless warranty. The payment will be done via secure pay which means that the third party will keep the money until you receive and inspect the car. I will wait for your email to let me know if you are realy interested in knowing more details about the purchase.

Thanks and have a great day.

Strngely, there were a couple of other severely under-priced Mini Coopers also listed and I requested further information regarding a 2002 model. The response:

Hello,

First thank you for your email regarding my car. The car is in a perfect condition, the milage is accurate, no scratches, no damages, no hidden defects.Kept it in a warm garage. My boyfriend is devastated that we have to sell it but we have to pay too much money for register it here,so we decide to sell it.My company have relations in States and I worked there for 2 years. I had the opportunity to buy it from there and bring it with me when I come back.The car was buyed from US, so it is US standards,so stay cool it́s perfect compatibile to your standards and you will dońt have to pay more duty taxes on it. And this is an impediment for me to sell it here cause,first, we have a different standards and second will be very expensive for me to register it here.I have to pay an very expensive duty taxes.The price for this car is $8,000.00.The car it is still register in States.What other info. would you like on it? It will be shipped from Athens,Greece and i will pay the shipping and insurance charges.I will do the arrangements for shipping from here.The original receipt and all remainded warranty information packet with enrollment number is included for you. If necessary ever I will assist you in getting warranty help; most people just dump it on you with a useless warranty. I will wait for your email to let me know if you are interested in knowing more details about the purchase.

Best Regards

To quote the German behind the tree: "Verrrrrrrrrry Interrrrrresting."

*If it seems too good to be true, look for a skunk in the woodpile.

Truth in Advertising

I was deleting a bit of luncheon meat from my email when my eye crossed the actual ad displayed:

Of course, where I come from, people in orange shirts are usually inmates of the county jail. Jes' sayin', ya know?