February 24, 2006

Feb. 24, 2006

Kurt was going out with a nice girl and finally popped the question. "Will you marry me, darling?" he asked. Lisa smiled coyly and said, "Yes, if you'll buy me a mink." Kurt thought for a moment and then replied, "Okay, it's a deal, on one condition." "What is that?" Lisa asked. "You'll have to clean the cage," Kurt replied.
Posted by Tiger at 11:15 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

February 17, 2006

Feb. 17, 2006

A woman reported the disappearance of her husband to the police. The officer in charge looked at the photograph she handed him, questioned her, and then asked if she wished to give her husband any message if they found him. "Yes," she replied readily. "Tell him Mother didn't come after all."
Posted by Tiger at 11:23 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

February 10, 2006

Feb. 10, 2006

The madam opened the brothel door to see a rather dignified, well-dressed, good looking man in his late 40s or early 50s. "May I help you?" she asked.

"I want to see BETTY," the man replied.

"Sir, BETTY is one of our most expensive ladies. Perhaps you would prefer someone else," said the madam.

"No. I must see BETTY," was the man's reply.

Just then, BETTY appeared and announced to the man that she charged $5,000 a visit. Without hesitation, the man pulled out five thousand dollars and gave them to Valerie, and they went upstairs. After an hour the man calmly left.

The next night, the same man appeared again, demanding to see BETTY explained that none had ever come back two nights in a row - too expensive--and there were no discounts. The price was still $5,000. Again the man pulled out the money, gave it to BETTY and they went upstairs. After an hour, he left.

The following night the man was there again. Everyone was astounded that he had come for the third consecutive night, but he paid BETTY and they went upstairs. After their session, BETTY questioned the man. "No one has ever been with me three nights in a row. Where are you from?" she asked.

The man replied, "South Dakota "

"Really" she said. "I have family in South Dakota "

"I know," the man said. "Your father died, and I am your sister's attorney. She asked me to give you your $15,000 inheritance."

The moral of the story is that three things in life are certain:

1. Death
2. Taxes
3. Being screwed by a lawyer

Posted by Tiger at 11:37 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

February 03, 2006

Feb. 3, 2006

An older lady gets pulled over for speeding...

Older Woman: "Is there a problem, Officer?"

Officer: "Ma'am, you were speeding."

Older Woman: "Oh, I see."

Officer: "Can I see your license please?"

Older Woman: "I'd give it to you but I don't have one."

Officer: "Don't have one? "

Older Woman: "Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving. "

Officer: "I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please. "

Older Woman: "I can't do that. "

Officer: "Why not? "

Older Woman: "I stole this car. "

Officer: "Stole it? "

Older Woman: "Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner."

Officer: "You what? "

Older Woman: "His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see."

The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.

Officer 2: "Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please!" The woman steps out of her vehicle.

Older woman: "Is there a problem sir?"

Officer 2: "One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner."

Older Woman: "Murdered the owner?"

Officer 2: "Yes, would you open the trunk of your car, please."

The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.

Officer 2: "Is this your car, ma'am?"

Older Woman: "Yes, here is the registration papers." The officer is quite stunned.

Officer 2: "One of my officers claim that you do not have a driving license."

The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a driver's license and hands it to the officer.

The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.

Officer 2: "Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner."

Older Woman: "Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too."

Posted by Tiger at 11:18 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack