April 30, 2006

Apr. 28, 2006 (Apr. 30 edition)

Yes, I'm late again. It is a difficult task to find a really good joke. (I'm still looking.)

A cowboy rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on strangers, which he was. When he finished his drink, he found his horse had been stolen. He went back into the bar, handily flipped his gun into the air, caught it above his head without even looking and fired a shot into the ceiling.

"Which one of you sidewinders stole my horse?!?!?" he yelled with surprising forcefulness. No one answered. "Alright, I'm gonna have another beer, and if my horse ain't back outside by the time I finish, I'm gonna do what I dun in Texas! And I don't like to have to do what I dun in Texas!" Some of the locals shifted restlessly. The man, true to his word, had another beer, walked outside, and his horse has been returned to the post.

He saddled up and started to ride out of town. The bartender wandered out of the bar and asked, "Say partner, before you go... what happened in Texas?" The cowboy turned back and said, "I had to walk home."

Posted by Susan R at 06:33 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

April 21, 2006

Apr.21, 2006

A priest, a Pentecostal preacher and a Rabbi met two or three times a week for coffee and to talk shop. One day, an eavesdropping cafe patron overheard their conversation. "Preaching to people isn't really all that hard. A real challenge would be to preach to a bear."

None of them willing to admit that anything was impossible, they decided to do an experiment. They would all go out into the woods, find a bear, preach to it, and attempt to convert it. Seven days later, after the Pentecostal preacher and the Rabbi failed to show up at the coffee shop twice, the priest did some calling and found that both of them were in the local hospital.

Father Flannery, his arm in a sling and walking on crutches, first visited the Pentecostal preacher. "My," he exclaimed, "I thought I had problems until I learned that the two of you were in the hospital! When I found my bear, I began to read to him from the Catechism. Well, that bear wanted nothing to do with me and began to slap me around. So I quickly grabbed my holy water, sprinkled him and, Holy Mary, Mother of God, he became as gentle a lamb. The bishop is coming out next week to give him first communion and confirmation. What about you? Did you convert your bear?"

Reverend Billy Bob did not look too well. He had an arm and both legs in casts, and an IV drip. However, he would not be outdone. In his best fire and brimstone oratory he proclaimed, "WELL. brother, you KNOW that we don't sprinkle! I went out and I FOUND me a bear. And then I began to read to my bear from God's HOLY WORD! But that bear wanted nothing to do with me. So I took HOLD of him and we began to wrestle. We wrestled down one hill, UP another and DOWN another until we came to a creek. So I quickly DUNKED him and BAPTIZED his hairy soul. And just as you said, he became as gentle as a lamb. We spent the rest of the day praising JESUS!"

The priest told the Pentecostal preacher that the rabbi was down the hall in the same hospital. They called the nurse to bring a wheel chair, and together they went to visit the rabbi. They both looked down at him as he lay there in a body cast and traction, with IV's and monitors running in and out of him. He was in bad shape.

After they were in the room a few minutes, the rabbi spoke. "Looking back on it, circumcision may not have been the best way to start."

Posted by Susan R at 06:31 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

April 18, 2006

Apr. 14, 2006 (It's revolting!)

A Texan, trying to impress a Bostonian with tales about the heroes of the Alamo, said, "I'll bet you never had anyone so brave around Boston."

"Ever hear of Paul Revere?" asked the Bostonian.

"Paul Revere?" said the Texan. "Isn't he the guy who ran for help?"

Yes, I know that this isn't Friday . . .

April 18, 1775, Paul Revere rode from Charlestown to Lexington to warn Massachusetts colonists of the arrival of British troops during the American Revolution. There had to be some reason for the selection of this joke, right?

Posted by Susan R at 10:00 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

April 07, 2006

Apr.7, 2006

In a fancy restaurant in Columbia, a rich patron started to choke on a bone. A man rushed over, reassured the Yuppie that he was going to be all right and identified himself as a doctor. He performed the Heimlich Manoeuvre. The bone popped out. As the man's breath & voice returned he said, "I'm ever so grateful doctor, how can I ever repay you?" The doctor smiled and said, "I'll settle for one-tenth of what you were willing to pay while you were choking."
Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking and one blonde says to the other, "Which do you think is farther away - Florida or the moon?" The other blonde turns and says "Hellooooooo, can you SEE Florida????"
Posted by Susan R at 09:18 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

April 01, 2006

Mar. 31, 2006 (A day late and a dollar short edition)

As fate would have it, I overheard the most hilarious joke in a long time at the barbershop, yesterday. However, so only the most stalwart among you will be able to add it to their AOL forwarding list or to be able to send it to one of those joke pages, I have placed it in the extended entry. HINT! HINT! You have to make an extra click to see it!

April Fools!

Posted by Tiger at 01:49 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack