November 30, 2003
Worn down and frazzled to the bone
Yes, feelin' a bit exhausted, likely nothin' serious, just a drastic lack of sleepin' and not eatin' all that well durin' the holiday road trip. I suspect that with another good night's sleep, all will be as well as can be expected from this agin' body when that much older sun rises tomorrow.
My visitation rate fell into the crapper* when I was on the road. My navel seems to be wholly unconcerned. More to come, just not tonight. End of report.
*Speakin' of crappers, mine overflowed today. I hate that more than anythin' other type of episode that can occur in the bathroom that does not involve a personal injury of some sort.
Nov. 30, 2003
Well, I seemed to be the only one who really really liked the initial Opus comic last week, but not too sure I can jump on the bandwagon in cheerin' for this week's episode. Opus is Opus, but the story line in this one was much weaker than the ice upon which Opus stood throughout.
Now this is really strange
I just checked on one of the female bloggers and noticed that there was some kind of change durin' my road trip. Yep, seriously, she is now sportin' a couple o' nuts.
Let me surprise and amaze you --
I bet Azygos would be surprised that I actually envied him when he was describin' this situation.
Where were you on Black Friday?
If you wake up at 5:00Am to go to a Black Friday sale, and then get there and literally fight and curse people because they're trying to get what you want to buy then you are a FUCKING LOSER. - Glenn
Regrettably, it seems one lady found out that there was a lot of truth in that statement, after bein' knocked unconscious tryin' to buy a cheap DVD player.
attribution: *patriette*
The WizBanger Blog Awards of 2003
It seems that Kevin Aylward, Super WizBanger he is, is gonna be givin' out awards to blogs. It looks great. Check it out. I was kinda hopin' to win one of those awards, but then was not sure which category I actually fit into: Humor? Best Lookin'? Best New Blog? Too bad he didn't have a category for Crappiest Blog or Ugly Guy Authored Blog, where I might have a chance with so little competition. Oh well, if'n anyone wants, feel free to nominate me. I could use a few more things to line those columns on the side on the left and right, ya know. They are kinda sparse with content right, doncha think?
Maybe I was right way back when
A long long time ago, in a land far away ... well not that long ago and not that far ... I was pretty computer efficient, but was a bit afraid to hook up to the internet because I was convinced that there were sensors inside computers that sent information to the government. Of course, such feelin's were likely due to my ignorance more than my need to line my cap with foil or somethin'. I just needed to find a computer tech to convince me there was nothin' like that in my computer. However, I am pretty sure I was on the right track, what with cookies, data miners and such I have discovered. Of course, I am more advanced now than previously, although this thing has me confused as Hell. But even more confusin' is when my hard drive seems to be doin' somethin' when there is no data goin' in or out and I am just sittin' here readin' some blogs. Maybe I ought to start worryin' if there in a poltergeist inside the box, huh?
Fantasy of the macabre, doubled
It seems that the price of old vinyl has gone up, even if the cover is smeared with fingerprints. Some guy is auctionin' off a John Lennon album, startin' price: $500,000.00. Now, actually, I might understand the high price tag if the fingerprints were Lennon's, but a half-mil for the fingerprints of his murderer? No Sale here, even if I had a half-mil to splurge.*
attribution: Jessica's Well
*Do not interpret the construction of this sentence to infer that I have a half-mil that I am not free to splurge.
My plan for world domination
This one is my creation. I entitled it Oh Baby, I Like Your Ass. Just show me you can do better and maybe I will let you live after I take over the world.
What? You wanna know my plan for world domination?
I could tell ya, but then I would have to kill ya!
Nov. 28, 2003
Due to the Thanksgivin' holiday and my travel plans, it seems this is a few days late. However, I decided ya'll still needed a chuckle, so without any further ado, here is this week's Friday Funny™:
A famous art collector is walking through the city when he notices a mangy cat lapping milk from a saucer in the doorway of a store and he does a double take.
He notices that the saucer is extremely old and very valuable, so he walks casually into the store and offers to buy the cat for two dollars.
The store owner replies, "I'm sorry, but the cat isn't for sale.
The collector says, "Please, I need a hungry cat around the house to catch mice. I'll pay you twenty dollars for that cat."
And the owner says "Sold," and hands over the cat.
The collector continues, "Hey, for the twenty bucks I wonder if you could throw in that old saucer. The cat's used to it and it'll save me from having to get a dish.".
And the owner says, "Sorry buddy, but that's my lucky saucer. So far this week I've sold sixty-eight cats."
I still have my fingers
Whew! With the light of day and some much needed rest and have redone my mathematic calculations. I left Key West almost exactly 31 hours before I arrived in notCrawford. The distance was 1615 miles. So, that amounts to an average speed of a shade over 52mph. Now, I actually slept for 6 hours in the midst of that trip, so if you deduct that 6 hours, my average speed was almost 65mph. Of course, in actuality, as I discussed last evenin', I likely stopped for an average of 10 minutes almost every hour to relieve my bladder, refill my DP cup, and to get gas when needed. If you additionally deduct 10 minutes each hour, my average speed is raised to right at 77.5mph. I suppose I could beat that time, even given the all the time drivin' to the airport, waitin' 'round for boardin', 'waitin' to taxi to the runway, and then waitin' on baggage claim and then rentin' a car to drive to the final destination, by flyin'. I am almost sure I could do it for the same costs, maybe even a bit less than my expenditures for fuel, etc. However, I still believe that the view is so much better flyin' that close to the ground, that such time and money savin's fail in comparison.
Now, if my goal had been to get to Key West for a week's stay, flyin' in would have been preferable. The goal was to make the trip to destination and return in less than 5 days. I did it in less than 4, so I was successful.
Why did I do this? Hmm, it is a lot like climbin' a mountain, I suppose. You do it for the pure thrill of accomplishin' it. As I stated in the previous post, there is actually very little to be found anywhere that cannot be found somewhere else, and yet everywhere is a bit different. It actually does not take a long time to discover the differences, and once they are discovered, it is time to go back home. I still wanted to see an alligator, so I have a reason to go back. Maybe next time I will share the trip with someone and feel like checkin' out the attractions in Orlando.
I done been trippin' for four days
Well, I went out to confirm the mileage. 1651 on the trip from notCrawford, Texas to Key West, Florida, and 1615 from Key West, Florida to notCrawford, Texas. There is about 35 miles difference, which is almost amazin' since I was almost sure it was shorter to take the toll road to I-95 than to travel all the way on I-75 which was my return route so that I could taken in the expansive Everglades. I left notCrawford at approximately 9:00 am on Wednesday and returned at 10:00 pm last evenin'. Keep readin' for the entire trip story --
Sometime on November 24, I decided I to go to Key West, Florida just to see what was there and to see the sights along I-10. I had only been as far as New Orleans on this route, so anythin' beyond that point was new territory. I make provisions for someone to check on my dogs, threw 5 pairs of underwear, two changes of pants and three T-shirts into a bag and took off.
The trip from notCrawford to Beaumont is a two lane trip through a lot of little Texas towns and a lot of East Texas pine forests. It takes about 6 hours to make that drive, mostly on US 287. I just drove as fast as I could, lookin' at the scenery on both sides of the road listenin' to the radio.
At Beaumont, you connect with I-10. I made a stop in Beaumont and purchased about 18 hours worth of audiobooks. Traffic was moderate, so I just moved along with the flow. The problem with winter travel is that it grows dark so rapidly and it was dark by the time I came to I-110 which allowed me to bypass New Orleans. Of course, it was rush hour just as I arrived, so it was slow trudgin' to get through Baton Rouge. Once on the other side, the traffic flow increased and I was into Mississippi. I stopped for gas in the Biloxi, Mississippi area (not for the first time, of course) about 8:30 pm and inquired as to the location of an Internet Cafe. Someone actually told me where one was located but by the time I found it, they were just closin'. I kicked myself for havin' wasted an hour and returned to I-10 and my trek eastward. The trip through Alabama was short and quick and I crossed the Florida border as it was growin' near time for me to stop for the night. I pulled off in Pensacola, Florida and found a room. It was a moderately priced $49 room. They had internet access in the rooms, but I don't have a laptop. I asked for a wakeup call, watched a bit of HBO and finally succumbed to sleep.
I awoke fresh on T-Day, ate a toasted bagel with some butter on it and had a couple of cups of OJ, threw my bag into the car and resumed my trip. Just east of Pensacola there is a long bridge over a water expanse, and some roadside swamp, but mostly the scenery is about the same as drivin' through Alabama or Georgia on I-20. It is a long road from Pensacola to the connection with I-75. I was growin' hungry and yet found very few places open so I just drove and drove. I finally connected with I-75 and turned south. I had checked the map and it looked shorter to take the toll road to Miami and connect with I-95, so I did this. I did not see Orlando, as I took an unwise detour on Fla 27 thinkin' the traffic would be backed up in that area. I was dark by the time I got to Miami. I feared I was missin' the best scenery in Florida, so stopped for the night as soon as I got to the first of the Florida Keys, Key Largo. I pulled into the Marriott and asked it they had any rooms. They had several, but I chose the cheapest, still a hefty $149. I was able to post from a computer in their lobby. I most watched ESPN to check up on how my Cowboys did and was sorely disappointed. I wondered how ironic it was that I had been drivin' around in Dolphin territory while they were losin' to the Dolphins in Dallas. I should have listened to the game on the radio. I had thought that none of the area stations would be interested in playin' the Dallas game, but bein' the idiot that I am, did not consider that they would be pleased to play the Miami game.
Next mornin' I arose early, walked out behind the motel to the beach, looked around, checked out a dive shop next door, then climbed in my car and headed to Key West. This was the part of the trip to which I had looked most forward. I was amazed at lookin' at the map and seein' this road bridgin' all these little islands. Of course, they were not all that little, I found, as you could not even see the water along most of the trek. There were a couple of long bridges, but mostly it seemed like a long 60 mile drive through a stretched out metropolitan suburb. I was sorely disappointed. I finally did arrive in Key West and found my way to the historic business district. It was quaint, and except for the dock where a large cruise ship was berthed, could have been the river walk in San Antonio, the New Orleans French Quarter or most similarly, the Strand in Galveston, Texas. I walked around a bit. It was very very warm and I sweated profusely. I needed to find a restroom and spent a considerable time lookin' for such. Finally, havin' emptied my bladder, I did a bit of tourin' and shoppin'. I ended up buyin' a shirt to commemorate my arrival, a slice of delicious Key Lime Pie, and post card with a couple of pictures of Hemmingway and sat and drank in a bar that Hemmingway used to frequent. No one knew what Hemmingway drank when he was there, so I had a Tequilia Sunrise. I bought a couple of Coronas for a couple of German girls sittin' at the bar and we semi-conversed through my pathetic knowledge of their language and their pathetic knowledge of mine. They were on holiday and were passengers on the huge cruise ship that was currently berthed. Havin' spent a couple of hours in Key West, it was time to head back. It was early afternoon and I wanted to try to get to the Everglades and see some alligators before it got dark.
Talk about disappointed, I was even less enamored with that 60 mile key road on the way out as it seemed to take forever to reach the mainland. I barely got into the Everglades at dusk, and saw all the airboat facilities were closin' up. I kept hopin' to find somethin' still open, but never did. In fact, the road was so desolate, I began to fear I would run out of gas before findin' anywhere to stop, and did get really close to runnin' out before I finally found a station at a crossroads some 75 miles along the road. I eventually connected up with I-75 and began the long drive home. I managed to make it back to I-10 by midnight or so, and stopped at a roadside park to rest my eyes. It had gotten cold, I found. Thankfully, I had brought my full-length leather overcoat. I slept for a couple of hours, the travelled another 150 miles before my eyes started burnin' again. I pulled over and slept another 3 hours. It was daybreak so I was able to see Alabama, Mississippi and Lousiana on the way back. I was already on Hwy 287 between Beaumont and notCrawford as the sun fell last evenin'. I came rollin' in at about 10:00 pm last evenin'.
November 29, 2003
Postin' dead from home
Well, not really dead, just tired as heck from drivin' home. Let's see, I left yesterday about 3:00 pm and got home at 10 pm today. What is that, 31 hours for drivin' 1750 miles? And if you delete the 6 hours I slept, 3 hours in two different Rest Stops, that means I was averagin' at 300 miles for each hour? Now, wait, I must be too tired to do math, because I know I was only drivin' at say 80 to 85 mph most of the time, I know I never went over 100, even if I was tryin' to pass someone at any time, so how could I have gone 300 miles an hour, especially since I know I had to stop for at least 10 minutes nearly ever hour to fill my cup, drain my bladder, and sometimes to fill my gas tank. Hmmm, I need some sleep. Be back tomorrow, I hope.
Jeez, after being some where really warm, I am almost sorry I came home, as it is cold here. Brrrr. End of report.
November 27, 2003
Hello from ***!
Hey ya'll, this is your intrepid reporter, somewhere in Key Largo. After two days of travelin', I am close to my destination. Of course, I missed seein' the Everglades on the way down because it was too dark by the time I got here. However, now that I know how long it takes to go one way, I know I have plenty of time to travel around all day tomorrow before headin' home, besides, if I do like I usually do, I will just stay on the road all the way home, maybe stoppin' at a couple of rest stops to rest my eyes for a few hours. I likely can make it home in abou 24 hours drivin' all the way through.
So, I thought I did great in packin', but I forgot to bring either one of my digital cameras. Of course, it is not that big of a problem. I suppose I could take pictures with my cell phone or I can just drop by Walmart, if I can find one, and buy another one. I suppose you can never have too many digital cameras, huh? I have several 35mm cameras around the house I never use at all, so I guess I can add a couple of digital cameras to that collection.
Well, it is late and I need to get some rest havin' been on the road for almost two days. I did not eat all that well today. For some reason, it seems all the restaurants on the Interstate were closed for some reason. I missed eatin' any turkey and dressin', like I was really all that worried about such. Of course, I would have loved to have some tacos or a hamburger or somethin'. As it was, I had two bags of peanuts, a bag or chesse crackers, some beef jerkey, and finally a Philadelphia Cheese Steak sandwich I got a one of the Service Stops on the Toll Road down here, possibly the worst Philadelphia Cheese Steak sandwich I have ever eaten in my life. Still, it might be better than what I had yesterday: one bag of Cracker Jacks. Thankfully, I have been very well supplied with fountain Dr. Pepper except for at one stop, where I had to settle for fillin' my cup with ice and buying a bottle to fill my cup.
As for the navel, I saw it this mornin' in Pensacola where I stopped last night. I seems to be enjoyin' the trip, 'cause it was lookin' pretty rosy. I am sorry 'bout not bein' able to post last night, as I was actually lookin' for a place in Biloxi, Mississippi about 8:30 pm. I even had a guy tell me where there was a cyber cafe but by the time I got there, they were shuttin' down for the night. I went to one of the biggest casinos there to see if there was someplace I could access the internet, but the guy sittin' behind the desk must be about the dumbest person I have ever met in several years. I tried to explain several times what I was lookin' for and he did not seem to have any understandin' at all. I am stayin' at the Marriott Inn here and they had a computer sittin' right here in the lobby for use to connect to the internet.
Well, let me get off of here and go see what is on HBO or somethin' Actually, I suspect I am gonna be scopin' out some of these really fine lookin' gals I see hangin' around the pool. End of report.
November 26, 2003
Can ya'll feel the love
Hmmm, drivin' halfway 'cross the nation and no one jumped up and said Hey, I am on your way, stop by and I will buy you a Dr. Pepper. Oh well, likely my short notice is more to blame than there being a conspiracy to avoid meetin' me. Well, if ya happen to be drivin' up or down I-10 'tween Texas and Florida and see an ugly guy in a champagne colored Lincoln Town Car, wave. If he waves back, it was probably me.
IF you are new to the site, this is probably about as good as you will get.
For my regular viewers, I have assembled a list of the finest blogs to read I could find and have published them under the title Blogroll over on the left column. I recommend you check the ones with the blue star if ya are lookin' for something really fresh.
Well, in the words of one of my distant cousins: Exit, stage left. Points to anyone who can identify such cat.
The Route of the Road Trip Blurb
I have spontaneously decided to take off and drive to Key West, Florida over the next five days. My route will take me across several states on I-10 starting at Beaumont and ending where ever in Florida. This is a road trip, so I can take minor deviations from my intended route. I am posting this in order that anyone who lives near to the path from Beaumont Texas to Key West Florida who would like to meet face-to-face with an ugly Texas blogger over a Dr. Pepper or sumthin' will know I am headin' that way. As it currently looks, estimated leavin' time is early tomorrow mornin'.
[UPDATE: as post was posted yesterday, estimated leavin' time is now early this mornin'.]
Wouldn't you know it!
OK, so here I am makin' all these plans for another of my spontaneous road trips, and I feel like I am comin' down with somethin'. As such, I think the best thing to do is to go to bed right now and hope what I am feelin' is just exhaustion from a long day. *
I had a hectic court session all mornin' with two of my cases involvin' very emotional females. I guess it is the male in me, but George, why is that some women have to get so damn weepy eyed over every little thing that does not go their way. I have no problem with ladies cryin' over the death of loved one, even if it is just a cat, or when someone gets married, or over somethin' really sentimental, or even if they get their feelin's hurt. What gets to me is when they cry because they have to plead guilty to a crime they admit they committed, especially after I worked my ass off to convince the DA to give them a lenient sentence. Crap like that drains me, I tell ya. I then spent the afternoon gettin' out some correspondence and readin' the accumulated email. I prepared a message for my answerin' machine to let ever'body know what to do if they really really needed to reach me and put a sign on the door with essentially the same info. I did spent just a moment or two showin' Heather around the office and explainin' what she would be required to do if she decides to accept the job I offered her at the rate I can pay. I need someone to wrangle that steady influx of paper that assails me on a daily basis. If someone does not stay on top of it, it will bury you pretty quickly. I also had to sign some contracts and get them sent off so hopefully I can get a cable connection on my office system. I expect such to save me about an hour a day and I can write off the expense on my taxes. I am still waitin' to see if I can get a WiFi connection on this system off of my friend's cable connection, but he is still workin' on boostin' the power sufficiently to transmit the 100 yards to my house. I usually have a fairly good dialup connection from the house, though, so the office is almost a must have.
I do find it amazin' how deflated I get to see numbers near where they were a few days ago after havin' had that steady influx of visitors from a link on a big dog site. Actually, I went through about two or three there over the end of last week and the weekend. Since the 20th, I have not had a daily visitation rate below 150, had three of those days above 300 and had rate on one of those days at 650. Of course, with the 1500 visitors over the last 4 days, I did not see all that many comments from anyone but my regular readers and was surprised to see the number of unique links on my ecosystem data had dropped by 7 links since yesterday. So, what I think I have seen is that a lot of people were seein' my site, a goodly number were actually readin' a goodly portion of the crap I had written for the last few days, but not many were sayin' anythin' about what they read, and none, as far as I can tell, chose to add my blog to their blogroll. I must wonder, however, if all of them or even a large portion of those readers are bloggers or are part of the ecosystem. I might actually have been linked on over 1000 new blogs or been bookmarked by 1000 readers and I will likely never ever know.
Anyway, the navel did peep its eye out for a peek today as the weather climbed into the high 50s and I took a quick gaze to examine its condition and, though you likely won't believe this, it looked essentially the same as when I last gazed upon it. Who woulda ever thunk that?
I really do thank each and every one of you who take the time to look through my daily offerin's. I know that no one is gonna like everythin' I write or agree with all I have to say. Thank George you don't have to.
*It likely was, 'cause I got a second wind and posted several blurbs after I penned this one.
I got some really bad news to share
I got a rejection on my manuscript. They said it was a well researched and written tome but felt like there just was not that big a market for Freecell: For Fun & Profit. Too bad, 'cause I was really hopin' to have a lot of fun from the profits I made on that book.
November 25, 2003
Lookin' for laughs in all the right places
Sometimes I need a laugh. I mean I can't just continually write all this fine funny crap continuously without findin' somethin' to make me laugh as well. I usually can go right to my blogroll, start clickin' on a few and find some stuff. Let's see what we found this time:
Well, let's start off with Anna, as it appears that Anna is returnin' to her old form, but not quite back, in my opinion. Still, on her worst day, her stuff is usually much funnier than my crap. And then Cherry has discovered the spellchecker and used it to check a poem that has been around since Al Gore invented the spellchecker. DavidMC has some ancient puns that will really make ya groan. But talk about pure hilarity. Even a cat hater* would feel sorry for this poor pussy.
*No actual belief that SilverBlue is a cat hater, just needed to give him the trackback credit, so put the link there. ;)
Who in the Hell eats snails?
Fuck you, you stupid cheese eating surrender monkeys. Every time I see Chirac's pussy ass face I wonder why the free world has overthrown every attempt by it's neighbors to wipe that country off the face of the earth. That's another mistake we should look at correcting. - Geoffrey
Was there anywhere in Yosemite for Sam to spend the night?
I am afraid I could not agree with Steven more about the feelin's 'spressed on this post.
Are ya truly qualified to vote?
Wow, I am not too sure that everyone in the US should have to do what you gotta do before you can register to vote in Mississippi. I might have to slow down and see a bit of it when I am drivin' through on the way to Key West tomorrow. I suspect you still have to drive through Mississippi to get from Texas to Florida, but it has been a long time since I had 4th grade geography. I have learned that they changed the names of a lot of the countries since then, and moved the capital of France to Montreal.
Why I like Bill - The Blurb
Oh my oh my, but it seems that SilverBlue and Bill are at each other's throats. Bill featured SilverBlue in Suckwatch today and said some pretty nasty things about SilverBlue. SilverBlue retaliated and said some pretty nasty things about Bill. I, however, have to agree with this statement made my SilverBlue referrin' to Bill:
"... sometimes you just have to point and laugh!"
I mean I read Bill's stuff and I laugh, not because what he writes is funny, but because it sucks so bad it is fuckin'* pathetic. I mean Bill really sucks bad. You wanna know how bad Bill sucks? Well, the cast of Queer Eye was discussin' Bill and unanimously agreed that Bill sucked so bad that a female, any female, could suck better.
*Now ya know why the blog is rated "R," don't ya, 'cause Tiger done went and used the fuckin' "F" word.
Lemme give you a hint as to how dumb I am
You know all that comment SPAM crap that seems to be goin' around. Well, actually thanks to Mt-Blacklist, I don't seem to be gettin' any of it again. But that ain't what I brung ya'll all in here to tell ya. See when I was gettin' a lot of comment SPAM, I would immediately delete it so as to make sure I did not assist that pricks or skanky chicks any more than possible, and then I would immediately rebuild my site so as to make sure it was gone. I have likely told ya, if ya been readin' my crap long enough that I got an atrocious dialup connection, so you can imagine how it tied up my bandwidth havin' to rebuild a blog with 1500 entries. I found myself doin' this sometimes two or three times on a given day. So guess what? I just found that all you have to do is to resave the entry to rebuild that solitary entry and it is not necessary to rebuild the whole site. Too bad I figured this out after I stopped havin' problems with comment SPAM. I have found a use for this newly gained knowledge, however, by correctin' typos I have seen in ya'll's comments. ;)
Too true to evoke a giggle
Don't let the category assignment throw ya off, 'cause I am not raggin' on Maribeth, just the primary object of this little joke she posted.
Why don't they ever serve Pizza?
Do ya just hate those big family get-togethers over Thanksgivin' and are always lookin' for a way to be excused from sittin' across the table at gramma gummin' a turkey leg or sittin' at the kids table despite havin' been 29 for at least 10 years? The Bartender over at Mad Willie's Cyber Saloon has a bit of advice for ya.
Mainly for Denita*
OK, I had thought about doin' this myself, but someone has scanned the intial Opus strip from the past Sunday. It is here. waxy.org gets the credit for the work and Sean Hackbarth for givin' me the word.
*I remember Denita** said in a comment that she had not found an opportunity to see the strip.
**Link has no relation to this blurb or anything mentioned in this blurb, but the trackback might alert Denita to read this blurb.***
***I am about all blurbed out, as my bottom seems to have gone all soft.****
****If your Sherlock skills are a bit off, that previous note might have not lead you to the proper conclusion that I read what I write outloud as I type.*****
*****I actually do not read outloud as I type, I read silently to myself. I do move my lips when I read, however.******
******Like you really care to know that. ;)
Assignment Number One!
Gosh, seems even though we have a few members, no one is givin' a real go at assistin' the Society and the other members, yet ... so I reflected a bit, and decided maybe I needed to give all the members an assignment. It seems I have seen one of the blogger alliances do that and everyone seems to take delight in comin' forth with some kind of an effort. Then I reflected a bit more and thought, wait, maybe there is so little action because anyone interested enough to click the logo is sent to a category page on my otherwise inane site. Of course, that should have changed because our most gracious Pixy Misa has provided us with space on munu for our HQ. I just have not had the time to do anything with the space yet. Clickety, click, whirl, whirl, and my brain came out with this solution:
All members are invited, although not compelled, to create the prefect .css file to format our HQ blog. Now isn't that a lot more fun that tryin' to describe the last words of Uday and Qusay? Once all the members have completed their entries, I will arrange a showing of them all and we can vote on which one we all like the best. Are ya ready, on your mark, get set, ... you got until December 1 ... go!
Good luck everybody!
I think this is a riddle --
Inner StrengthIf you can start the day without caffeine or pep pills,
If you can be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains,
If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles,
If you can eat the same food everyday and be grateful for it,
If you can understand when loved ones are too busy to give you time,
If you can overlook when people take things out on you when,
through no fault of yours, something goes wrong,
If you can take criticism and blame without resentment,
If you can face the world without lies and deceit,
If you can conquer tension without medical help,
If you can relax without liquor,
If you can sleep without the aid of drugs,
If you can do all these things:
[like I was not gonna make you hit that extended entry link to see the end of this one --- think you got the right answer?]
Then you are probably the family dog.
Somethin' from last night
I was goin' through my site meter and saw where someone had been referred to this post of mine from a search on Opus interview. I checked that search page to see how high my listin' was and found this: The Opus interview on MSNBC. I liked it as well.
They went that'a way
Oh, I stayed up much too late last night to be attemptin' to get up this early. I have such a hangover, and I didn't have a drop of alcohol to drink. I really seldom drink alcohol in any form. I don't enjoy the effects of inebriation all that much and despise the nausea, headaches and other assorted side effects of imbibin' beer, whiskey and wine. Of course, feelin' all those side effects without havin' imbibed is where I am right now. Got Court? I do.
Road Trip? I am thinkin' on makin' a road trip to Key West, Florida over the next few days, majority of travel on I-10 from Beaumont, Texas eastward. I thought I would give a heads up to anyone along the route that I might be passin' by in case any of ya'll would like to meet face-to-face over a Dr. Pepper or sumthin'. Not sure when I leave, but it might be this evenin' or sometime tomorrow.
You can hide, but you cannot escape this damn cold
Well, for the third night in a row, the navel has stayed concealed. I am beginnin' to think it has somethin' to do with deer huntin' season. It may just be that I do not know as much about my navel as I thought I did. Heck, now I am worried. I might just wake up tomorrow and find my left hand all covered in blood and my right hand missin' not knowin' that my left hand is a werehand and that the right is its intended victim. Wow, that brings new meanin' to the phrase one hand not knowin' what the other hand is doin'. It must be the chili bubblin' in my gut that has sent my thought processes through Bizarro Brain. If'n ya was interested in the number of visitors I got today, well it passed my current daily average figure of 240. Still was gettin' a multitude sent this way from Heriod's site, but they seemed to trickle off as the sun set. Musta been a good game on Monday Night Football or sumthin'. Well, that is about all I got to say on the subject this fine cold cold evenin'. See, us Texans figure that when it gets into the 30s here like it is right now, ya'll Yankees is plumb dumb for livin' that close to the North Pole. Me, I am gonna go crawl under two layers of goosedown and see if I can get the chili to stop gurglin' long enough to drop off. Got court in the morn, so if'n ya drop in and see nothin' new, I am at court. It is gonna be kinda funny havin' District Court in our little burg on Tuesday. Normally, both of the District Courts that cover our area sit on Wednesdays, but guess the Turkey Eatin' Festival planned for Thursday at various locations near you is affectin' court docketin'. I had come to the conclusion the first year I lived here and had a case set on December 26, that holidays did not figure into the schedulin' of courts in this area. Yes, I know, time to sit down and shut up. I guess I could do that, since ya asked me so nicely. End of report.
November 24, 2003
Yeah, yeah, I know I am a fan
I bet ya'll didn't catch in this interview your local papers.* Opus bares all. **Spoiler**
*unless ya live in the Ft. Worth area.
Over there or back at home, they still tell the story
Geoffrey (not the Toys 'R Us giraffe) from Dog Snot Diaries brings us one of those lengthy messages written by a real soldier in the war that tells how they really feel about doin' the job they do in Iraq.
I keep sayin' it and sayin' it
If'n you were 'spectin' to find somethin' about Dean and Rall or some stupid guy tryin' to join the KKK gettin' hit in the head with a bullet shot in the sky durin' his initiation celebration, go check out some of thse other blogs over there on my blogroll. If'n I see three or more blogs on my blogroll have already reported on the same stories, I figure I ain't got no real reason to say crap about it, as most people already have heard the story anyway. Readin' it here would just be a waste of their time. Now, if'n I got some really really snarky thing to say about some story everyone else is talkin' 'bout, you can bet I can't hold back from bringin' such story to you just so I can post that really snarky remark for your enjoyment. Those really snarky remarks don't grow on trees ya know, except in Michele and Kate's backyards, that is.
I had forgotten where I said it
I knew I had said somethin' about havin' Hesiod, a blogger about whom I had no previous acquaintenceship or knowledge, linkin' to me for some reason, but I had was not really sure where I said it, why I said it, and when I said it. I do now. Anyway, he did make good on his promise to link to me, and threw a lot of traffic my way. Thanks again Hesiod.
My only comment is I cannot comment
Michael Jackson can speak for himself:
Michael Jackson (the Official Press Room)
Of course, on the advice of his attorneys, his comments will be limited. I suspect they will be limited to just exactly what they want him to get across to put the right kind of public spin on the case.
attribution: Kelley
Boobies for babies, but where do they show
Current non-logo displayin' * USURP member Heather has somethin' to say about breast feedin' in restaurants.** Yes, this seems to be a reponsibility issue. Sure, ladies, those children need to be fed, and sure you have a right to bring them into the restaurant, where they can cry at the top of their lungs and entertain all the other guests, and sure, I respect your right to publicly display your breasts so as to allow your children to suckle as nature intended. I just think there are places that are appropriate for breast feedin' and places that ain't and that responsible people would personally choose not to do such in places that were inappropriate so as to do their part in makin' life of other more enjoyable. But then, we members of USURP are unusual in that we are responsible people in a world that has become filled with a crapload of callous, selfish and irresponsible people.
*Oops, please do excuse my mistake. I read that post straight from individual post and did not see the logo until I went to the main page.
**I use the term restaurant loosely as the establishment in question was Burger King.
The rumors of my demise are premature
Oh, you don't even want to hear about my day. I promise you. I was long, mostly just shufflin' paperwork and crap and borin' as Hell but needed to be done. My internet connection sucked, so I was unable to blog or do much of anything all day webwise. I finally was able to download my email after 5:00pm though that took like forever thanks to my friend Matt attachin' a 1.5Mb mp3 to a message. It was hilarious and I would love to share it with ya'll but 1.5Mb is a might too big for me upload on my paltry server space here. I might do a search and if I find it someplace, I will post a link to it.
Anyway, am way behind in blog readin' so will be doin' that for a bit. Check your site meters and you may find me on. If I find anythin' ya'll might like, you can bet I will be right back postin' 'bout it.
Ready or not, here I come
But I'm not ready. Where can I hide? I am just not ready to face Monday. I was hopin' to wake up and find it was Sunday all over again. Oh, wait, maybe that would not be a good idea ... but then again, it might. Just think how much money I could win in Vegas pickin' the Cowboys over the Panthers to win by a score of 24 to 20. I could have made enough money not to ever have worked again. Then I could have spent all my time bloggin' just like Glenn Reynolds does.
Well, enough with the inanity, I have got to get ready to face my Monday. Argh! I hate Mondays! Opus, come save me!
I don't think tonight is the night
Yep, I am pretty sure there is not gonna be any navel gazin' this evenin' 'cause the temperature has dropped so low I am pretty sure I am gonna crawl under the covers fully clothed. As such, the navel may go unobserved for the second night. I would do a tactile job on such, as I did last eve, but the tactile instruments are icy and I am almost sure the navel would feel such through the T-shirt. I shudder to think of that. I shiver to be sittin' here also, so think I am about to go to bed.
Uh, that blurb on Counterspin Central netted me a steady flow of visitors today. Total for the day was 650, 90% or more came from Hesiod's elegant recommendation.
Last thing before I go ... I really thought there would be more interest in this idea but it seems everyone either had no interest or it was overlooked by all. End of report.
November 23, 2003
He have an HQ
Hey ya'll USURPers, we have our HQ. Blogfriend Pixy again shows why I found him worthy of the *** Blogotarian Award by givin' us a place to hang our hats, It ain't much right now, in fact the place is a mess. But now that I know the address, I will start sweepin' and moppin' and tryin' to get the place in order soon.
The power of the Internet
You know, one of the things that thrills me most about the internet is the way you move around, find these little things, learn so much so easily, and sometimes somethin' triggers some ol' memories. See, here is how this occurred -- I was over at I Am Always Right and read this blurb about this list of Famous Texans. Now I am lookin' on the list to see who is there and who ain't and I run across this name: Babe Didrikson Zaharias. Slam - that took me back to the eighth grade.
Back in the eighth grade, we used to have to do book reports. I really did not mind them, as I was a pretty good student who read all the time anyway, and think I was mainly into Leon Uris durin' those years, or maybe James Thurber. Anyway, you remember those slackers we always had in class, the ones who put forth very little effort, either because they were dumb or because they just didn't care. Well, every week there would always be a slew of book reports on two books, both biographies: Young Mr. Penney, about the founder of J. C Penney, about 45 pages front to back, and then one of Ms. Zaharias, which was about 60 pages. I probably have forgotten more about Ms. Zaharias than I ever cared to know. She really was an amazin' hunk of womanhood.
Some guys never give up the fight
It seems there is a possibility that there are still four Japanese soldiers holed up somewhere in a remote part of the Philippines who have not heard that World War II has ended.
I got this from Sassy in the Philippines, who linked to the story in a Scottish newspaper.
Somethin' sad has this way come
You know, I have never heard news about people in a war commitin' suicide before. I am so sorry to hear about such, sincerely. Let us pray for our soldiers safety be it from attacks from the enemy, from friendly fire or from their own hand.
Thanks to Dawn for bringin' this story to my attention, even though doin' so made me want to cry.
Now ain't it the truth
SilverBlue has one of those Men are from Mars/Women are from Venus type of things up. It is actually just a map of the mall.
Where did it say "Don't bring a knife"?
Hmmm, all the good crap I posted this last week and McGehee didn't find a single one of mine worthy of a link ... oh well, I did find one of his I wanted to link - this list of Marine Corp Gunfightin' Rules.
OK so I was bored -- sue me
I was over at Days Go By and saw JaxVenus had posted one of those lists of interestin' but totally useless facts that you see from time to time. Well, I decided to go through it and add a few snarky remarks. Some I think were pretty good and others pretty lame. I will let you decide which are which. Without further ado:
1. Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated.2. Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite.
- and they take up less room than a jar of pickles, but don't taste as good.
3. There are 293 ways to make change for a dollar.
- so if you see somethin' that is long and red and smells like peanuts, you shouldn't try to smoke it.
4. The average person's left hand does 56% of the typing.
- and a million times that many ways to spend one.
5. A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes.
- except when you are engaged in c-sex, then it does 100% of the typin'.
6. There are more chickens than people in the world.
- but they can't wink worth a damn.
7. Two-thirds of the world's eggplant is grown in New Jersey.
- hence why you are always seein' those cows urgin' people to eat more chicken.
8. The longest one-syllable word in the English language is "screeched.".
- they don't call it the Garden State for nuthin'.
9. On a Canadian two dollar bill, the flag flying over the Parliament building is an American flag.
- and is third from the bottom in usage.
10. All of the clocks in the movie "Pulp Fiction" are stuck on 4:20.
- to celebrate when they get the majority of their fundin'.
11. No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver, or purple.
- The whole movie was shot in one minute using lots of cameras and mirrors.
12. "Dreamt" is the only English word that ends in the letters "mt".
- and yet several rhyme with shit, fuck, crap, and fart.
13. All 50 states are listed across the top of the Lincoln Memorial on the back of the $5 bill.
- 'cept in the south where it is the only word endin' in "mpt".
14. Almonds are a member of the peach family.
- whereas none of them are visible on Lincoln's face on the front of the $5 bill.
15. Winston Churchill was born in a ladies' room during a dance.
- Now ain't that the pits!
16. Maine is the only state whose name is just one syllable.
- ata time when most dancin' was done in the ladies' room
17. There are only four words in the English language which end in "dous": tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous.
- and yet has more letters than Utah, Iowa and Ohio.
18. Los Angeles' full name is "El Pueblo de Nuestra Senora Reina de los Angeles de Porciuncula."
- and yet have never successfully been all used together in a single sentence in any major motion picture.
19. A cat has 32 muscles in each ear.
- but printing costs preclude usage of the entire name on city documents.
20. An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
- and yet still has not developed the ability to fly.
21. ***s have striped skin, not just striped fur.
- and yet it is still smart enough not to poke its eye out with a stick.
22. In most advertisements, the time displayed on a watch is 10:10.
- such fact discovered during Tiger shearin' season, I suppose.
23. Al Capone's business card said he was a used furniture dealer.
- You would think they would get a new watch picture to use at some time.
24. The characters Bert and Ernie on Sesame Street were named after Bert the cop and Ernie the taxi driver in Frank Capra's "It's a Wonderful Life."
- and he stuck to that story to the day he died.
25. A dragonfly has a life span of 24 hours.
- however, they do not resemble the movie characters a great deal.
26. A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds.
- and yet they lead such fulfillin' existences.
27. A dime has 118 ridges around the edge.
- but the data to prove this was mysteriously flushed down the toilet.
28. It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.
- for which no one has found a single useful purpose
29. The giant squid has the largest eyes in the world.
- because the shock of seein' mucus sprayin' out of one's orafices is more than most people could take.
30. In England, the Speaker of the House is not allowed to speak.
- and it has yet looked at itself in a mirror.
31. The microwave was invented after a researcher walked by a radar tube and a chocolate bar melted in his pocket.
- it is a position held in name only.
32. Mr. Rogers is an ordained minister.
- he would not have noticed except the foil coverin' the chocolate bar sparked.
33. The average person falls asleep in seven minutes.
- and he is always eager to show people around the neighborhood.
34. There are 336 dimples on a regulation golf ball.
- unless their partner suggests sex, then they fall asleep immediately.
35. "Stewardesses" is the longest word that is typed with only the left hand.
- which absolutely fascinated whoever it was that took the time to count them.
- and stewardesses' asses are the thing most often pinched with the right hand
What is that strange sound?
Oh, it is my teeth chatterin'. Am I the only one who is freezin' to death? It is so cold outside, someone would think it was gettin' near the end of November or somethin'. I guess it is time to unpack my heavy goose down comforter. I know there were at least several dozen geese who willingly* sacrificed their lives so that I would be able to stay warm and cozy. I might as well honor their intentions.
*or so I have been told
Bowin' down to the Emperor
I am officially announcin' my induction into the Dept. of Entertainment & Satire at The Anti-Idiotarian Rottweiler. I was hopin' to be inducted into the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame. I found that I could neither sing, dance, nor play a musical instrument, so gave up that dream. I am very very proud of my attainment of such stature so as to have been selected for induction into this organization, but would have been more so if I had not discovered that I had to wear a tie and to sit right next to Bill at meetings.
I just can't wait to be King
Have any of ya'll been paying any attention to that little fish contest called King of the Blogs? I mean, is this not some rehash of NZB's New Weblog Showcase mixed in with some Frank J. style grovelin'? I dunno, I read what all of the contestants had to offer, and I was not overly impressed with any of them. I am not sayin' they were bad, but just nothin' extraordinarily well-done that I would crown any of them King of the Blogs. I would discount this whole ordeal as bein' some farcical fantasies of a group of little fish in the pond except for the judges, all of whom I know to be fine upstandin' bloggers. So, give it look for yourself. It may just be me.
There is no sex in the Champagne Room
I was a bit reluctant to tell ya'll about checkin' out this post at that strange Cyber Saloon run by the rascal Madfish Willie, who seems to be a bit chummy with Kang A. Roo, who has in turn steadfastedly remained a squatter on the space I had wanted to use as the USURP HQ. However, after I perused all the fine links to be found there, I didn't want to withhold such vital information from my loyal readers. Go visit.
And to think that I actually posted that before sayin' DALLAS WINS 24-20!
One I wanted to watch
Yes, there was a High School football game yesterday that I wanted to watch. I started to make the 80 mile trip to see the game but didn't go. The game was between the High School I attended in 1970-1971 and graduated from in 1973. This team is the Wylie Bulldogs, a Taylor County School, just outside of Abilene, Texas. Their colors are purple and gold. The other team involved in the game was the Everman Bulldogs, who also wear purple and gold, and is the school just south of Ft. Worth, Texas I attended in 1972. They were last year's AAA State Champions and were a fairly large school when I attended in 1972. The Wylie team was A when I was there, but the area around the school has grown over the years and their enrollment has grown to the point to where they have been AAA for several years. Everman is also in the same AAA District in which my hometown school in notCrawford is in and defeated the notCrawford ***s in the last game of the season and knocked them out of the playoffs. So, I have a lot of connections with both teams, however I never played for either. Wylie defeated Everman, 25-24.
Now off to see if the Dallas Cowboys prevail.
Susie finally gives in to pressure
Oh my, what ya'll have been pinin' for forever has finally occurred. Susie has posted a pic of herself completely nude from the waist up.
Desperate times call for desperate measures
"Our neighbor killed his wife, dismembered her body and was seen to make soup of her."
Ghastly you say? How could someone do such a thing, and how could a neighbor stand by and allow such to happen? Well, the quote was from 82-year old Volodymyr Pianov who stated this was not the only incident of such type of action that occurred in 1933 as food supplies in the Ukraine were stolen under orders of Josef Stalin. Read all about this historic travesty of human rights at Das Politburo Diktat.
Nov. 23, 2003
Well, I thumbed through the comics of the Ft. Worth Star-Telegram to find Opus. I had discussed yesterday how he was to miraculously reappear today after a 10 year absence from the comics. I admit that I was bit surprised at what occurred in today's strip, but then again, where exactly did you think Opus would be after 10 years? Bless you, Berke Breathed!
I'm in the spotlight again!
Oh my, is this interestin':
BLOG AND PONY SHOW: Everbody check out the quirky, yet amusing blog by Terence A. (***) Russell. - Hesiod
And it seems that a multitude are doin' so. It gladdens my heart to have so many come to view my quirky, yet amusin' crap and I am hopeful ya'll find a lot of enjoyment. I am supposin' that the quirky, yet amusing needs to be placed 'mong those other fine things that have been said over on the Hit Parade. As soon as I get a good connection, I will be a'doin' that.
They came and came and continued to come
Well, after all the people that IMAO sent my way yesterday, my daily visitation rate had jumped all the way up to 130. So today bein' Saturday, I was almost sure I would see it plummet when my normal 50 to 60 visitors dropped by, but viola, I actually hit 130, and then I saw the daily visitation number jump to 143. The endin' visitation rate for today was about 145. Now, I was wonderin' just where did all those visitors come from -- well I still got some trickle in from IMAO, maybe about 10 to 15% of the visitors showed to have been referred from that site. Amazingly enough, my blog was chosen as the blog of the day at this site. I did not see a great number of visitors referred from that location however, maybe 20 total durin' the day. The rest seem to come from those many blogrolls where my blog is listed. I am proud to know there were so many who find my writin' enjoyable. I really do.
Well, the meter has reset for another day, so it begins again. The magic number is 141 accordin' to my last look at the sitemeter, so here is hopin' 141 of ya'll visit tomorrow to see what other crappy inane remarks I can make about the news and the bloggers who bring it to light.
As for the mandatory navel examination, I gave it a tactile scopin' through my T-shirt and am convinced all is in order. As such, I shall end this report.
November 22, 2003
Now tell me this is not a good idea!
Found on Biting Nails:
Erika at Snazzykat has suggested we write a letter to our 10 year old selves.
I mean just how much would you want to say. I say we all do it. Mine is in the extended entry.
Hi Terry,
I know this is a bit weird, but you are a big science fiction fan, I know, so understand that in 38 years, it will finally become possible to send messages back in time. I have done so because there are some things I want to tell you about your future.
In a couple of years, your family is going to move out to the country to a really inbred group of people. Do not worry about not fitting in or finding a girlfriend among the group. There are none worth having anyway.
When you are in the ninth grade, you will get in a fight with a boy named Les, You will knock him down, and when you do, kick him really hard in the face until he passes out. Otherwise he will get up, knock you down and try to pull your nose off of your face.
Don't take typing, it destroys your grade point average.
Do take physics and chemistry.
Do not start smoking. Brush your teeth every day and learn to floss.
Investigate college scholarships.
Don't worry so much about wanting sex and not getting it. Worry more about waiting for the right person. Sex is not love.
Major in Psychology.
If you meet a beautiful woman named Janet who has just left her husband, do not fall in love with her and marry her.
If you meet a beautiful woman named Betsy, same advice applies. The better choice will be the redheaded waitress from Studebaker's, the one who is going to NTSU and whose father is a doctor.
Whatever you do, if you meet a woman named Dawnda Davidson, run the other way as fast as possible, because she is a minion of the Devil.
Do not worry about things so much as you are very talented and will succeed.
Good luck,
Terry, 2003
The pain of losin' those you love
As Saturdays are usually slow and no one updates much, I have spent most of the evening readin' the blogs at the bottom of the blogroll, as these are the ones that have no capabilities to ping blogrollin' and never move. I had not visited dailee for a week and found that tragedy has hit her world. Her brother is dyin' of cancer and she is frettin' 'cause her family commitments in regard to this situation may mean she will be bloggin' only intermittently. Go visit, give her your love and support in this time of need.
*** talks tech [not]
Hmmm, think I might awhile before hookin' up to this electronic device.
attribution: The Enigmatic Musings of a Cynical Mind, who will hopefully move off of blog*spot at some future time and figure out how to shorten the blog title a bit. ;)
Before I send this off, however, I need to see if my main tech guy, Tony S, has provided any further information about this product. Nope, nothin' but Ebola vs. Hellboy in Vegas on pay-per-view.
I am so very confused
I was readin' through some of the latest entries on Dog Snot Diaries and came across this reference to NeoCunt. I found such person had been referred to 4 times in posts on that blog, but there was so little information about said person, I am confused as to whom this person is and of what interest the Dog Snot Diarist has in such person. My only cause for concern is that I am hopeful this supposed NeoCunt is not the same person as our old friend John Collins.
Assault by portly penguin expected
It ain't the first time I visited Daniel Drezner's blog and likely won't be the last time. I mean anyone who is a fan of Opus can't be a bad person. Opus returns to the Sunday comics startin' tomorrow. [see also]
attribution: InstaPundit
Get back, you minion of Satan!
I guess the mother of this child must have been playin' Rush Limbaugh too loud during her pregnancy.
attribution: Notorious B.L.O.G, who graciously offered a few more links for perusal.
Oh, My George! If you haven't seen this, you better check it out! I just about pissed myself from laughin' so hard.
Guess I better blogroll Dog Snot Diaries 'cause I found too much enjoyable stuff to look at over there.
Can you believe this?
I can think of nothin' blogworthy to write about right now. Hmm. I wonder if it has anythin' to do with today being the day JFK was assassinated.
Naw, that can't be right. Maybe there is just something goin' around today.
Yeah, it ain't that much of a big deal
OK, I got a whole new cell phone. I am on the system where you can take and send pictures from your phone. It works:
I took this one of Heather at my fuel stop and emailed it to myself, but the resolution is not that great, in my opinion for it to be anything but a toy. The picture does not do Heather justice. She is so very much lovelier in person.
One day when I was eight --
I was at home from school with the flu. My mom was there and she had let me lay on the couch in the living room watching TV while she cleaned the house. It was not a good day to have the flu, it turned out, because there was just news on both stations. I turned off the TV and went back to bed. After about 3, I knew there would be cartoons and Three Stooges so I asked my mom if I could go back in the living room and watch TV now. She said I could, but they did were still playing news. It was turning out to be less than an enjoyable day. It was bad enough to have the flu, but having the flu and being bored and not able to watch cartoons and the Three Stooges was worse. I went back to bed. The date was November 22, 1963. I was sick with the flu for the next three days and for some reason every time I turned on the TV, it was news. My dad said they had killed the President, but I couldn't understand why that meant they had to show news when the Three Stooges were supposed to be on. I didn't really pay much attention to politics when I was eight. I mostly read comic books and watched cartoons and the Three Stooges.
Episode No. 16
OK, time to get comfortable, put your feet up and get ready for another glimpse into the life of your old friend Wicked Willie.
Wicked Willie lives on the upper floor of a lavish mansion on a secluded estate. Once the leader of the free world, he fell from grace as the woman who stood behind him walked over his back on her climb to success. Now a mere disbarred attorney, he is often left alone, with just the company of Stu and Benji, his two federally-assigned bodyguards. He just sits around playin' pocket pool, and allows his thoughts to drift on some of the more important things in life. Here are his thoughts. Maybe you will get a chuckle or two and maybe you will even agree with parts of what he has to say.Episode No. 15Saturday, November 22, 2003
Oh, my. I am back in China. It seems that Stu and Benji got a mercenary job so sent me back with some friends of theirs to China. I am workin' undercover as a fashion model in the Chinese garment district. I have been modelin' mostly leather products. A gig is a gig, I guess. They did give me a pretty posh place to stay and there are skanks aplenty. These dark haired beauties seem eager to do what they can to assist a Willie and his willie. I could imagine this to be paradise except it seems that all they ever serve is rice and rish heads. I was almost sure they had McDonald's here. Ummm, what I wouldn't give for a Big Mac.
I got internet access in my posh palace, but seem to be in such demand on the photo floor that I have little time to spend here that is not spent with this skank or that skank ridin' ol' Willie's spittin' pony or puttin' Monica to shame with playin' Devil with the Blue Dress On.
I never did get the chance to explain why I was cut short on my last message, but that broad shouldered skank pressed send and yanked her computer out of my lap. I told her that I was sorry for havin' used it without her permission and offered to buy her a drink. Well, we commenced to drinkin' vodka, shot after shot until ... well, I just remember drinkin' vodka and then wakin' up with that skank's head on my belly. That gal won the skank of the century award, I promise, but she didn't look all that bad when we were shootin' all those shots of vodka. And she could hold her vodka with the best of 'em, I give her that.
Well, I hate to cut this short, but seems I am on the good side of another turn-around, so let me see which one of these skanks I wanna play hide the sausage with this time. If'n any of you see Monica, tell her that these gals could give her lessons in wettin' a willie and if any of you see Hil, take a couple of pictures and send them to me, Willie C.
Well, I wish I had a good ride, so ya'll come on back here if'n ya need what I got to give, ya hear?
Minor sensualities
You know, when you get to a point in your life where you have very little physical contact with other people, gettin' a hair cut can be such a very sensual experience. I mean, you have someone runnin' their fingers through your hair, gingerly touchin' here as there and they manipulate your head from side to side. I actually did have somethin' else in mind when the gal asked me if there was anythin' else she could do for me as she finished up, but, of course, I figured what I had in mind was not somethin' she had even imagined when she asked that question. I just paid the bill, gave her a $2 tip and went on my way havin' enjoyed the experience.
I yam what I yam
I don't know if I am an idiot or not, but I will gladly consider all arguments before makin' any conclusions.
Damn it to Hell & back again
I wanted so badly to have everyone kneel before me as the King of the Blogs, then found I was not even eligible to compete for the coronation ceremony.
11. To qualify to enter and compete the blogs must be lower then [sic] a large mammal in the ecosystem at The Truth Laid Bear as of the first day of the tournament they are entering. [emphasis supplied]
I have been a large mammal in the ecosystem, regrettably in this case, since 06-09-2003. Of course, I have never gotten above that rankin', so I have likely hit the ceilin' of my success.
Oh, did I mention that I found out about this mess from Susie?
Saturday's important scientific experiment
OK, it is Saturday, so likely there will only be a few of ya'll tricklin' through the door today. If'n ya don't mind, I was wantin' to find out a bit about the racial makeup of those that do actually drop in to peruse my crap. If you are willin' to answer one simple question to assist me in collectin' this vital information, please venture into the [ominous musical lead-in] extended entry.
Are you currently a member of, or have you ever been a member of, the human race?
November 21, 2003
So, it's early - whatcha gonna do 'bout it?
Yes, I guess this week has worn me out. It seems I still have a lot to get done down at the office, so may have to poke my head in sometime this weekend. The navel is off visitin' with relatives for the weekend.* As such, it is just me and the dogs.
*Yes, I am actually discussin' my own navel, Mr. Belly Button himself. Consider the degree of utter mindlessness I must have utilized to have possibly conceived such a scenario.
Oops, almost forgot -- end of report.
This is neater than X-Ray glasses
Have you ever wondered just what kind of an idiot actually buys those penis enlargement pills?
Long, Long Ago ---
Deb Yoder is not feelin' the force and needs to retreat to Dagobah for needed meditation. Limited communication opportunites until later date.
There is no accountin' for taste
Here is an interestin' list of what some people have requested for dinner on certain once in a lifetime occasions. I really liked the one who said he wanted:
1 jar of dill pickles
As my ol' granny used to say, What kind of a meal is that?
Found, of all the unlikely places, over at Mookie Riffic.
Quiz -- Who said?
I woke up more than once with two young boys in my bed. Is THAT perverted, or what?
OK, know who it is? Check answer here.
In recognition of some helpful bloggers
I am hereby creating and awarding the Tiger Blogotarian Award. This award is presented to those who go out of their way to assist their fellow bloggers. In this initial ceremony, I am giving such award to the following four bloggers:
Pixy Misa for his assistance in providing web space and sites to worthy bloggers. Dean Esmay who was instrumental in assisting many to leave blog*spot and create MT sites. Kevin Aylward for always lending a helping hand. and NZ Bear for having created and continued maintenance of the Blogosphere Ecosystem.
I hope you each glady accept this award and my gratitude for all the assistance you provide to your fellow bloggers. Please feel free to display this award on your blog and to link back to this post to explain its purpose if you wish to do so.
[previously posted 11-20-2003, but bumped forward]
Poor, poor Anna
It does seem that Anna is in a pitiful state. She must be supplied cookies in order to blog.
But before I go --
It seems that today is the anniversary of the invention of the phonograph, or what became the phonograph, in 1877 by Edison. I got that from the radio DJ, who stated that by 1880, somone had installed a nickle slot on one in a Colorado saloon, and the jukebox was born. Ah, capitalism! And you wanna know somethin' -- a nickle was a heck of a lot of money in 1880 and from how many different songs do you think they had to choose? How many nickles do you think were dropped in the slot so some old drunks could keep listenin' to the same ol' song over and over?
Is it Friday Christmas yet?
Wow, did this week ever go by quickly. It seems that it started out with with a hectic Monday. Tuesday followed with a flurry of activity. I was surprised I survived Wednesday. I tried to catch up on everythin' yesterday, but I failed miserably. I didn't even post about such -- although, upon lookin' back on yesteday it seems I posted 'bout 'most anythin' and everythin' else. Well, today is Friday! I have County Court today so mornin' bloggin' will be light.
This week has breezed by -- but then again, so has this month. I swear it seems like only yesterday that we had that Halloween Safe Treat celebration down on the square and Thanksgivin' is next week. And then Christmas will be here.
Speakin' of Christmas, my blogchild Cherry asked me yesterday what I wanted for Christmas. I honestly said I wanted either a new set of teeth or a baby as I have about everythin' else I could want. She emailed me back later and said she had told her Dadd (the guy that provides us with the Friday jokes) about what I had said. He offered to send over her little brother. If ya don't know, Cherry is one of ten children in that family. I thought his offer was hilarious, but, of course, it could be funny just to me. It seems most of the crap I write is funny only to me.
Nov. 21, 2003
OK, Cherry has chosen hers, and thankfully passed on the one I liked:
News reports have filtered out early this morning that US forces have swooped on an Iraqi primary school and detained teacher Mohammed Al-Hazar.
Sources indicate that, when arrested, Al-Hazar was in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a set square and a calculator. US President George W. Bush argued that this was clear and overwhelming evidence that Iraq indeed possessed weapons of maths instruction.
I thought it was so very punny funny.
November 20, 2003
I was checkin' back to see, if you was checkin' back on me
I just did a count of the number of other blogger's posts I linked to today and found that number to have been 16, whereas the number of posts I found on other blogs which linked back to posts on mine was 1? Thanks Kate! It makes me wonder if I spend much more time readin' other people's blogs and lookin' for the really great stuff they write and tryin' to get people to notice them than those who read all my stuff and find any of it worthwhile to point out on their blogs. Hmmm that time is very very valuable, you know. I could be spendin' it doin' what I am supposed to be doin' -- gazin' at my navel.
Oh well, I just make these inane observations. Crap don't change, and I keep doin' it hopin' one or two people get some enjoyment out of the crap I write. I think a lot of it is pretty funny, but then I am a strange person and likely have a strange sense of humor. Well, time for me to get to bed, so see ya! End of report.
Leave 'em laughin'
I am gonna end this day kinda like I begun it. As my first post was kinda like my waking up post and my last post of the day is always the Nightly Navel Gazing Report™, that kind of makes this like the next to the last post. As the next ot the first post, being the second post was a bunch of lawyer jokes, I thought I would give ya'll a few more.
LAWYER JOKES
What do you call a lawyer with an I. Q. of 50?
Your Honor.
What is the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?
You take off your shoes to jump on a trampoline.
In front of you stand four men: Adolf Hitler, Idi Amin, Saddam Hussein and a lawyer. You are holding a gun which contains only three bullets. Who do you shoot?
Use all three bullets on the lawyer.
How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
His lips are moving.
What is the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?
The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
When lawyers die, why are they buried in a hole 24 feet deep?
Because deep down, they are all nice guys.
How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?
Cut the rope.
If a lawyer and an IRS agent were both drowning, and you could only save one of them, would you go to lunch or read the paper.
Have you heard about the lawyers word processor?
No matter what font you select, everything come out in fine print.
Hear about the terrorist that hijacked a 747 full of lawyers?
He threatened to release one every hour if his demands weren't met.
Why does California have so many lawyers and New Jersey have so many toxic waste dumps?
New Jersey got to pick first.
Did you hear about the new sushi bar that caters exclusively to lawyers?
It's called, Sosumi.
Did you hear that the post office had to recall its series of stamps depicting famous lawyers?
People couldn't decide which side to spit on.
What is the ideal weight of a lawyer?
About three pounds, including the urn.
I am absolutely awe-struck
Jeff of Notorious Blog writes:
100 people have hit my site searching for the word bar.
That is only slightly less than the number of people that hit my site today searchin' for crap.
The Public Delinking of Glenn Reynolds
Yes, it appears that Glenn Reynolds has been publicly delinked. I found this at Dr. Weevil:
At 9:27:24 AM, the blogger known as 'Hesiod Theogeny' publicly delinked Instapundit, declaring "No more links for free publicity from me after this post".
Said Professor Bug failed, however, to provide a link to the supposed delinkin' post or the blog upon which it was done. However, since he did disclose the name of said blog, with great risk to life and limb, your intrepid reporter tracked down the link to said post. I have been unable to reach Glenn Reynolds for comment.
Lynn S is responsible for first bringin' this story to my attention.
Maybe I ought to watch the news more
I was over on The American Mind, and saw where Sean had written this:
Since the brain is an amazing, yet baffling organ, imagine what Terri Schiavo's life could be like now, if her husband had put her through therapy instead of spending money on lawyers to kill her.
I cannot think if I know who these people are, but I definitely am interested in how much money he had to give those lawyers to kill his wife.
Annie, get your gun - we have an intruder
I'm in favor of the death penalty when it's applied on the spot by the intended victim or someone protecting the intended victim. - Kathy Kinsley
Kneel before the King, you dolt!
John Cole took a break from the serious side of the news to bring us a little ditty about a group of tourin' monarchs and their security entourage.
So go ahead and say sumthin'
I know you're out there. I can hear ya breathin'.
[Update: just addin' another quick inanity to this spot 'cause I just noticed Jay Solo had linked Acidman, which, in itself is bad enough, but did so solely so he would not have to write anythin' 'bout Michael Jackson. Go read what Acidman had to say and come back here and tell me. I can't go myself because lookin' at his picture makes me sick. And, as you can see, it really was not worth creatin' a whole nuther post to tell ya'll that.]
[Update II: Damn, if I didn't run into Don thinkin' ya could get sued if ya went a day without bein' funny, then thought, surely as much as he reads Frank J, he must already know that couldn't be so.]
Important News Flash
Frank J does not read long blog posts.*
*I was a bit surprised to learn he read other people's posts at all.**
**Oops, I forgot, he actually did read one of my posts once, a long time ago, when he left the comment showcased in The Hit Parade.
Solvin' the Unsolved Mysteries
I had previously provided the evidence to answer the age old question Do bears shit in the woods? and now Kevin McGehee provides the answer to Which came first, the chicken or the egg?
Now is this ever a kick in the pants?
Suddenly, I have a funny feeling in my pants... and it's not the good kind. - Venomous Kate
All clear, full speed ahead?
Hmmm, here is hopin' this connection is stable enough for the next few minutes and I can post up one of the other items I was tryin' to point out in earlier. Today has been like a sick day, I started out sick and didn't get any work done today. Oh, I have been here, and I even made a few calls and talked to a few people that came in, but I have not seen one incomin' dollar cross my hand. Do you know how devastatin' a feelin' that is in an attorney's gut? But that wasn't what I was here to say. --
I had wanted to point out that Steven came up brilliant pearl when he penned: Jesus said, "Suffer the little children to come unto me." With Jacko, it's, "Little children suffer when they come unto me."
I am such a butt!*
Yep, it seems that Roxette Bunny has made me the butt of a gag. I may be a butt, but she did say I was good lookin'. Hmm, that thing about carrots and good eye-sight must be a myth or somethin', 'cause it seems Roxette Bunny needs some glasses, huh? SilverBlue blabbed 'bout it, too, and Susie** thought it was worth smilin' 'bout.
*Yep, this is one of the things I was postin' 'bout when that crap I posted about on the last enty happened. I decided I had better do them one at a time to avoid that happenin' again.
*The link ain't got uthin' to do with the topic, 'cause Susie made her comment to Roxette's post, but Susie needed a bit of linky-love, I 'spect. ;)
Oh George, where is the Cable Guy?
OK, slow day. Well, it ain't like I don't have about a million things on my desk that don't need to be done, but nothin' pressin' like that day I had yesterday. So, I was gonna catch up on some of my blog readin'. I went through several disconnects as I was tryin' to get the top 35 or so blogs on my readin' list blogroll to all fully load so I could read 'em. Of course, some blogs load much faster than others and I was readin' some while the rest were loadin'. I was also continually listenin' to my dailer connectin' and disconnectin'. As I was readin' through some of the blogs, I was composin' a post with some links to items I thought were worthy of mention. Almost all of the blogs were loaded. I was over on InstaPundit, tryin' to use the find function on IE to see if he had any references to the MJ story and the damn find function froze up. I am locked from movin' to any of the other browser windows and finally have end the program. That closes all the blogs I have worked for two hours to load, and deletes the post containin' several lengthy comments and links I was workin' on. See what kind of frustration I have tryin' to post from this office?You can just imagine how much time I waste daily just tryin' to download my damn email. Damn, I despise this dialup and I am not too fond of that crappy software that Microsoft keeps churnin' out either.
I guess, however, I can always be thankful that my headache went away. It is surprisin' how much better you feel after gettin' shot full of morphine -- not really! Excedrin Migraine tablets did the trick.
Sure, go ahead and laugh
OK, here is a list of really stupid lawyer jokes* I shamelessly cut & pasted directly off of this page.
Q. What is the difference between a tick and a lawyer?
A. A tick falls off when you die.
Q. What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?
A. Stick his bill up his ass.
Q. What do you have when 100 lawyers are buried up to their neck in sand?
A. Not enough sand.
Q. What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?
A. There are skid marks in front of the dog.
Q. What is black and brown and looks Good on a lawyer?
A. A doberman.
Q. Way are lawyers like nuclear weapons?
A. If one side has one, the other side has to get one. When launched, they can not be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
Q. What do lawyers and sperm have in common?
A. One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
Q. Did you hear that the post office just recalled their latest stamp?
A. They had pictures of lawyers on them---people couldn't figure out which side to spit on.
Q. What's the difference between a female lawyer and a pit bull?
A. Lipstick.
Q. What do you call 20 lawyers skydiving from an airplane?
A. Skeet. (for some it would be clay pigeons)
Q. Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, an honest lawyer and an old drunk are walking down the street together when they simultaneously spot a $100 bill. Who gets it?
A. The old drunk, of course, the other three are mythical creatures.
Q. If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why should you never swerve to hit him?
A. It might be your bike.
Q. It was so cold this winter
Arrrrgggh! Turn it off!
Oh, do I ever have a headache. It starts right in the base of my neck and goes all the way up in the area behind my eyes. The damn sun is shinin' brightly on the other side of the blinds lightin' up this room blindin' me. I will deal with the headache, but if one of ya'll could conjure up a cloud or two to break that bright beam of light, I would appreciate it.
Oh, I noticed that Venomous Kate has called me a jackanape. I am not sure what that is though. I figure it is like a jackass with opposable thumbs! Cool! Thanks Kate!
[UPDATE: After soakin' in a hot tub of water for a bit, the headache has subsided slightly, nothin' a megadose of analgesics and some DP will not suppress enough for me to operate normally for the remainder of the day, and the sun has retreated above the roof line so that the bright light is not streamin' full force. See? Always just have a little patience, do your best at what you know to do and things always work themselves out.]
November 19, 2003
Cuttin' a long day short
I had a couple of things to post about that I am gonna save for another time. After the day I have had, I am about pooped and am gonna call it a night. If'n ya haven't read through all the posts I made the last couple of days, there is a lot there that I was pretty proud of when it was posted, but as I have not read back over it today, I am not sure I am all that proud of such today. I will let you be the judge, but to be able to judge it, you likely need to read it. I will let you figure out where to go from here.
As for the navel, it is wishin' it had not been 'roused from its rest this morn and has been poutin' 'bout that all day. I just let it stew over the dilemma in silence. So enough with this inanity, off to your bed.
I hope ya'll will forgive me for not gettin' around to readin' all the great stuff ya'll got around to postin' today. I am sure I can catch up on what ya'll had to say 'bout the arrest of Michael Jackson tomorrow. Was there any other big news? End of report.
I really did mean it
I know I make a lot of inane remarks and other assorted crap, and I do hate to prod people for some comments -- but, and ain't there always a butt, I really was a'thinkin' this was a good idea. Is there anyone interested in me startin' such and if so, maybe ya'll could start referrin' some links for the first edition. Hell, there ain't much goin' on Saturdays, so maybe I will make it a weekly Saturday event.
The day that wouldn't end
Well, today started off pretty well when I awoke on time. I even read my horrorscope and it said somethin' about some surprise romantic thing happenin' today. Then off I went on the 30 minute drive to court in the neighborin' town for what was supposed to be a five minute hearin' to allow me to withdraw off a case so that another attorney could be appointed to handle the appeal. Actually, the hearin' didn't last that long, but I had to wait about an hour for the judge to get on the bench. Of course, such is not that rare, as judges have probably more to do than I have to do on a daily basis. Hearin' is over and I am on my way back to town. It is just a little after 11:00 am when I the edge of town. I stopped by my favorite store to refill my cup with DP, chatted with the clerk about a situation I will be postin' about later, then ran by the post office to check my mail, go through it, threw about 3/4 of it in the trash, opened all the rest of it just to make sure there was nothin' tellin' me I missed somethin' I was supposed to do last week, then stopped by the office and got all the messages off of my answerin' machine.
It was almost noon, so out the front door I went and down the block to eat lunch, as today was the Lion's Club meeting. The meetin' was alright, the food was not all that great. Oh, well, at least I finally got somethin' to eat, a sandwich, or really two halves of a sandwich, one with roast beef and another with ham, two really small bags of potato chips and a bowl of soup, plus a styrofoam cup of iced tea. The soup was good, the sandwiches were alright, potato chips are potato chips, iced tea was not instant so it was about as good as you can get. I did not bring anything to donate to the CPS Rainbow Room, were the community can donate items that might be needed for children who had to be removed from their homes because of abuse or neglect, so I just donated $20 and told them to get whatever they needed. Meetin' over, so off I go back to the office, intendin' to start returnin' some of those calls and other things.
As soon as I walked in I saw the answerin' machine flashin'. I check the message and it was one of our local Sheriff's Department investigators, one that I am pretty friendly with since I handled his divorce and such. I called back and he was tellin' me these people were there with this large sum of money I had been awaitin' them to raise so as to get their relative released from jail. I told him to have them come by my office and I would take care of the matter. While I was waitin', I booted up my computer, luckily caught a good connection and downloaded my email. I posted the previous message while awaitin' for all if it to download. Thankfully all the email successfully downloaded before the connection died, then it began that connect, disconnect, reconnect, disconnect thing that occurs quite frequently on my office line.
My friend Matt just got cable installed in his office and I had gotten the installer's card from him, so I am talkin' to the installer when the people with the big bundle of money comes in. I conclude the call, with some assurance I will have cable installed by Friday or Monday at the latest, at supposedly 15 times my current download rate. Yeah, 15x nothin' is still nothin' but I am assumin' they think I am gettin' at least 36kps and 15x 36kps is much better than what I get when I can even get a stable connection.
Well back to the story -- so this lady counts out $1500 in mostly $50's and $20's and I write her a receipt. I call the DA in the next town, the one where I was just this mornin' to make sure the deal is still on that we pay this amount of money and they reinstate my guy on probation and release him from jail. Deal confirmed, so I tell the people I will take care of it and am just tellin' them to go when the phone rings.
It is the County Attorney's Office and the pseudo-County Attorney asks me is I am busy. I say "yes."
"Oh well, then never mind."
"No, Debbie, I am always busy, what do you need?"
"Well, we have some juveniles scheduled for detention hearin's at 3:30 and was wonderin' if you were available to represent one of them."
"Sure, no problem, Debbie, I will be there." I then leave the office and walk over to the County Probation Office, luckily catchin' out County Probation Officer in his office. "Hey Todd, I got the money for [name of client]. It's all in cash, do you need me to go get a cashier's check?"
"You have to take it to Cleburne. I don't have the facilities to take payments here."
Damn, I been here four years and thought that when you were on probation here, you met your probation officer here and paid all your fees and crap to you probation officer here. I guess not. So, I go into the County Attorney's Office and tell them I have to go to Cleburne to pay some money to the probation department there to get someone out of jail here and asked if it was possible that my hearin' could be delayed to 4:00 p.m. "Sure," they said, and off I went. I paid the fees, took the receipt to the DA, he had already prepared the Motion to Withdraw the Motion to Revoke Probation. I agreed to go get the judge to sign it so it could be forwarded to the District Clerk in my county who would then prepare an Information to Jailer requestin' that my client be released from jail. I get all this done and head back to my little town.
I hit the edge of town at 3:20 p.m. I stop again and refill my cup with DP and head to the office to get ready to go do this hearin'. I pull up in front of the office and there is a guy sittin' on the hood of his car. "Were you waitin' for me?" "Are you the attorney?" "Yes, what can I help ya with?" I unlock the door and escort him in as he explains that he needs me to prepare a Release of Lien for the bank to sign now that he had fully paid off the note on some real estate he had bought a few years ago. No problem, I still had a little bit of time, so I start my document compiler and start goin' through the information needed to prepare the form. Well, he does not have everythin' we need, so I sent him to go to the bank to get the name and position of the person authorized to sign on behalf of the bank intendin' to go to the Clerk's office to search the property records for the other info.
He is back like lickety-split, so I head toward the court, it gettin' near time for the hearin' and the two of us stop by the Clerk's office, locate the needed info in less than a minute, I write it down and tell him to meet me back at my office at about 4:30. I walk into the court about 3:50 p.m. and the judge is not even sittin' on the bench. Seems that not one of the three hearin's scheduled has even taken place. I get the quick take on my client, and then speak with her three more times before we finally have our hearin' resultin' in her bein' placed in juvenile detention for 15 days until we either have another detention hearin' or we reach some disposition of her case. I get out of court at 5:05 p.m., and see the guy waitin' for me on the bench in front of the courthouse. I had told him if my car was still sittin' in front of the office, I would be comin' back there eventually. He decided to wait. I finished up his matter, collected too little money but more than most people likely think 30 minutes of my time is worth. I spent the next 20 minutes finally returnin' all those calls that had been waitin' for me when I got back from court this mornin'. I am done for the day, finally, and I drop by my favorite store and refill my cup with DP.
I am sittin' talkin' with my friend about gettin' cable and the cell phone plan we are goin' in together on and it is gettin' near 6:00 p.m. when I remember I had made plans to meet with the outgoin' Adjutant of our local American Legion to relieve him of some of the items for which the Adjutant has responsibility. Thankfully, he was still there and understood why I was late. Of course, he had plans at 7:00, as he had advised me when we had scheduled the meetin' so the meetin' was short and sweet. I went by the local taco shack and bought two bean burritos which I ate as I was composin' this post.
Anyone get this?
This was sent to me as the joke of the day from someplace. I just did not even undertand it, so anyone got any ideas about what is supposed to be humorous about this?
What is the most dangerous thing in Washington D.C.?
An intern with a chipped tooth.
Oh, by the way, I thought the funniest thing I wrote yesterday was this. However, I have no clue if anyone else thought so or even read it.
Wakin' up Wednesday
Just a quickie to let ya'll know that I did not oversleep today!
Of course, that doesn't mean my brain is functionin' yet, as I badly need to fuel the slightly neurotic neuronic engine that cranks out that ininaic* inaniac crap ya'll come here daily to read. About the only inane thought that comes to mind is:
Why is bloggin' better than c-sex?
You get to type with both hands on the keyboard.
See, I told you I was not hittin' on all neurons yet. Well, gotta get ready for court, so see ya'll when I get the chance.
*I can't even spell this early in the mornin'.
Hot and cold
The temperature has dropped several degrees in the last hour or two and it is quite chilly and yet, I am still a bit hot from the last situation I posted about. As such, my navel is either quiverin' or shiverin', I am not sure. As for the rest of me, I am alert and know I need to get to bed. I have overslept two days in a row.
I am a bit perplexed at why my numbers were so high yesterday and then were much lower today. Oh, they were not that bad, being just a bit above my daily average rate, but nowhere near the record numbers from last night. As I did not find that one of the big dogs had sent a ton of people my way last night, I was almost sure it was from the regularity of my postin' and attempted to mirror that tonight. I thought I did my part, but the numbers didn't do theirs. It is sure perplexin'. Oh well, I hope I don't lose any sleep worryin' about it.
November 18, 2003
Things that make my blood boil
I went and got my last bit of fuel for the evenin' and never know why I go there at this time of night to do so, as usually I do not even drink much of it before goin' to bed. While I was there, I saw one of the Amber Alert posters with a picture of a baby on it and my friend told me the story about the situation. It seems that some guy, about 30somethin' who was ordered by a judge to stay away from the mother and the child knocked her out with a stun gun and took off with the child. For some reason, the mother thought the situation would cool off and did not tell the local police department about the situation until 2 days later. My friend said he thinks the father was probably gonna kill the baby.
Ya'll probably know I am a lawyer. I defend criminals, do divorces and fight in child custody cases, and yet I hate people who hurt, kill or ruin children's lives. I hate divorces with children involved and I despise child custody fights. Why the Hell do people marry or have children with other people without spendin' enough time to learn who in the Hell they are gettin' involved with? I mean, people, you are responsible for bein' involved in your children's lives, learnin' who they run around with, teachin' them how to say no, keepin' them safe, teachin' them what kind of people there are in the world, and damn sure need to do a better job of such. There are too damn many teenagers havin' kids who have no damn idea how to take care of them, who seem to have no idea it is wrong to sleep around, who have no idea what kind of person they spread their legs for.
If that man took off with that baby and killed it, I damn sure hope he killed himself too, for gettin' a death penalty for doin' so is probably much easier than what would happen to him if he got a life sentence. Those damn criminals in the pen are not all that crazy about baby fuckers and baby killers. Even among the worst dregs in the society, there are some things even they can't stand. People who prey on children are one thing that even make those cold-blooded bastard's blood boil.
Bringin' the news from around the world
I think it is interestin' to know how people in other parts of the world think about their country's involvement in the War in Iraq, don't you? Take the Phillipines, for example.
Which wolf do you feed?
OK, USURP member Dawn has posted an important parable dealin' with personal responsibilities. Read this and think about how it deals with the choices you make about what kind of person you are to be.
Oh, for those of you who do not understand what USURP is tryin' to do, Misha posts about a situation that would not have occurred in a world full of people who take take responsibility for themselves and those around them.
Oh, Tink has her logo up! It looks maaaaavelous!
What is blue and makes you laugh?
Some good original humor from Roxette Bunny:
Allied Forces: Knock Knock.
Uday & Qusay: Who's There?
Allied Forces: BOOM! Not you anymore.
At least some people appreciate me
Just received via email:
This is wonderful to not be banging on one key 12 times !
thank you thank you thank you!
mk
This came from a friend of mine who clerks at the place where I get the fuel for the slightly neurotic neuronic engine of this site several times a day. It seems I came in today durin' a conversation between she and my other friend about findin' some AT to PS/2 adapter so she could use an [oops, just went brain-dead] AT keyboard she had gotten somewhere on her computer. I came home, looked around through several boxes on top of my bookcases to see how many still had keyboards in them, and found a brand new one and took it up and gave it to her. She asked how much she owed me. My answer: nothing. I go through computers faster than keyboards. I am pretty sure that keyboard came with a computer I threw out a year or so ago. When I buy a new computer, I seldom do anythin' but take the CPU out of the box, and hook it up to the mouse, keyboard, speakers, monitor, and all the rest of the computer system I just bought that one to replace. I usually have several [oops, went brain-dead again] peripheral items around. Anyone need any computer speakers? I seem to have lots of them. I am still usin' the speakers that used to be on the side of a Packard-Bell computer I bought 10 years ago. I have never found a better set than those which cost less than $100. The computer was piece of crap, the monitor lasted me through six computer, and the speakers are still goin' through number 12.
The days when moonbats were dangerous
Today is the 25th Anniversary of the Jamestown* Jonestown Massacre of 900 or so people by murderous moonbat Jim Jones.
attribution: James at OTB who says the real skinny is over at Jeff Jarvis's place.
*Thanks SilverBlue! I loved your cartoon.
Well, whatta ya know!
It seems that I might not have been the only one who saw Dallas lose to New England Sunday night.
The New England Patriots' 12-0 victory over the Dallas Cowboys was the most watched cable television program in eight years and the fifth-largest audience in the history of cable television.
Of course, I might possibly have been the only one who blogged about it.
attribution: Steven
Some lessons are learned the hard way
A 16-year-old highschool freshman has died from his head hitting a tree. He was poking it out a school bus window.
And, that's why they tell you to keep your head and arms inside the bus. - Tony
Links, links, who has the links
Hmm, seems Kevin has again posted another week's Bonfire of the Vanities. There seems to be such a plethora of theme based linkfests goin 'round the Blogosphere lately. Of course, the original Carnival of the Vanities havin' had 60th edition posted this last week and the next edition due out tomorrow. Kelley continues her weekly Cul-de-Sac, although recently changed the format. Just recently, Venomous Kate has begun the weekly Hunting of the Snark and a daily Letter of the Day, so popular that many other bloggers take part in doin' such on their blogs. A new linkfest, a Carnival of the Capitalists has begun.
Now most of these, save the Cul-de-Sac and the daily Letter of the Day are blogger submission festivals, where bloggers submit their own posts for inclusion into the linkfest. The exceptions are linkfests composed of links selected solely by the author of the linkfest.
I am contemplatin' a whole different type of linkfest festival -- somethin' along the lines of Watchin' the Crap Swirl. I propose as this bein' a festival of links to those posts done by bloggers submitted by other bloggers who think they stink so bad they need to be flushed down the toilet.
I will get comments on this for month's to come
Oh my George! It seems that there was a massive search of Michael Jackson's Neverland compound today. There was some speculation that they were searchin' for evidence of possible child molestation, but inside sources say that they were searchin' for the missin' bones of the Elephant Man. [want more?]
What in the Hell is it?
It seems that almost everyone got a little miffed with Jennifer Howard's story on the Blogosphere, as there were stories aplenty on every blog I read. I particularly liked the way Lynn S handled the situation, equatin' it to a fable about 6 blind men describin' an elephant from their miniscule samplin' of its qualities by touch.
Do you, Glenn, take this man
Hmmm, seems that Glenn Reynolds and Eugene Volokh are gonna be on the radio discussin' same sex marriage in light of the rulin' of the Massachussett's Supreme Court. Heck, I didn't even know that Glenn and Eugene were engaged.
I wish I could grant wishes
And I wish we'd quit using their term for killing a poor child because her uncle or brother raped her. That's not an "honor killing". That's fucking bullshit. An honor killing is when an American soldier or Marine busts a cap in a fucking jihadi. - Kim Crawford
Is this Twilight Zone Tuesday?
I just had a post disappear. Literally, I saved it, nothin' saved and I got a blank postin' box thrown in my face. Strange.
OK, here is what I had said: As I stated, I was pretty busy today, and not only did I not get to post much, I was unable to prowl 'round ya'll's blogs to see what kind of bloggy goodness ya'll had to share today. As such, I might be loadin' up 30 or 40 blogs to look over to see what I might find. Of course, if I find somethin' really good, I will try to run back here and tell ya where to find it. I will probably make some kind of snarky remark or somethin.
Then I said that I seldom can get past No. 45 or so on the list, so some of ya'll that stay eternally on the bottom of the list need to read this post.
Okie dokie, get it fixed
'Fore I tell ya'll what I came to say, accordin' to what it says on my console this will be post number 1500. Now I don't know if that is 1500 posts that were published or 1500 posts that were written, 'cause sometimes I save a post as a draft 'cause there is some info I want to check on later that I later just delete after I got what I wanted out of it. But I just thought ya'll might have wanted to know that. Now to the impotant stuff.
Well, maybe blogrollin ain't pointin' all the links to Laura's blog anymore, but the add link part of it has been down for maintenance for the last two days. Sorry, Commisar, but I can seem to get The Politburo Diktat added to the list currently. Hopefully such will be done soon. So anyone else clamorin' to get on my list? Let me know and I will check ya out and see if ya are worthy of bein' included with all those wonderful blogs that are already there!
[UPDATE: Commisar has entitled a post LESBIANS HATE DICK and posted a picture as evidence, but I have to say that the lesbian pictured is so ugly, even Acidman would probably pass up a date with her.]
Sorry to be so late
Hey ya'll remember the story I told ya'll yesterday? Well, it was worse today -- a lot worse. I overslept again, and really have to idea why -- other than maybe I stayed up a bit too late tryin' to load ya'll up on some bloggy goodness or somethin' -- but anyway, there was not a fire call this mornin' -- I did wake up at 10 minutes to 9:00 though, just this mornin' I had court in the next town instead of my home town. Anyway, to make a long story short, I made it to court arrivin' only about 15 minutes late. I was majorly pushin' the speed limit on the trip over and I arrived before my case was called. There was no harm in my oversleepin' 'cept that my hair was a mess, I hadn't shaved and my breath probably stunk. [I will leave out some of the other info] What was worse is that I had a lot of other things I wanted to get done while I was in that town. I did get most of it done but I had so much to do that I only got back to the office an hour or so ago. I would have jumped right in here and posted to update ya'll on why there had been a dearth of postin' so far today, but I had not checked my office email since last Friday. I had 356 messages awaitin' me in my inbox. Of course 333 were SPAMs, 37% of which were tellin' me about these miracle penis enlargement pills on the market, and several others which offered me all kinds of different prescription drugs with a free medical consultation with a doctor. The ones that I like best, though, are the ones that offer to sell me programs to assist me in stoppin' SPAM. SPAMMIN' to assist me in stoppin' SPAM. Well, I do promise more postin' to come, but I got a mess of phone calls to return.
I really like country songs*
Well, I don't know why Denita thought I was bein' sarcastic when I said how much I loved all ya'll. It was sincere. I mean I came home after not havin' posted much all day bein' so busy and all and already had more visitors than I had all day Saturday or Sunday. In fact, the day's total was about 145, which is a new non-Instalanche driven daily record as far as I can remember. I actually did try to go through some of my referral logs to see if one of the big dogs was sendin' people my way, but never did see any sign of such. Most of the visitation seemed to come in a certain two to three hour period when I was postin' lots and seemed that a lot of visitors were comin' off the recently updated listin' at MT Central. I am hopeful that I got a lot of new readers today.
I have gazed at the clock and seen that I have again stayed up much too late, so let me see if the navel is still awake. Nope, gazin' on a slumberin' navel, and don't it look so peaceful. Well, let me take it on to bed, and I suppose I will join it in a good night's sleep. Again I want to thank all my loyal readers for their patronage, and I really enjoyed havin' time this evenin' to visit 20 or more of ya'll's great blogs which were a delight to read. End of report.
*I heard this song on the radio durin' my latest DP run where some gal was singin' "ain't no way I goin' home with a wild turkey like you" or somethin' like that. I did try to search to find the complete lyrics to the song, but came up dry. It might be a new one, 'cause I don't remember ever hearin' that line before. The sure come up with some doozies in some of them country songs, don't they?
November 17, 2003
Current Member list and other news
I do know that Jay Solo expressed some interest in the idea, but was not sure if he was wanting to become a member of the Society. I was not sure if either Bartender or Random Prose were interested or just making inquiries.
I have not received any comments with regard to the HQ site, other than Bartender's displeasure with the ending of Kang A. Roo's involvement and such. I had really expected to have done a bit of work on it over the weekend, but was hoping for some member suggestions before going forth and just doing it my way. That subject is still open for discussion.
*Members who are not currently displaying the USURP logo on their sites.
It's Clint Eastwood time
Denita sent me a couple of links via email. So without further ado, I present:
*It seems that Denita blurbed about this story herself.
**And she also blurbed about this story.
***I just really enjoy pickin' on Acidman. ;)
I missed the whole thing, damn it!
Ever since I got home, I have been doin' nuthin' but readin' blogs and, of course, pointin' out to you, my loyal readers, all the nifty little things I found in my own unique fashion. Well, on almost every blog I have read, there has been somethin' 'bout this supposed hack on blogrollin' sometime today. I was not online for most of the afternoon, as I was actually busy doin' some much needed work stuff, so I didn't notice if all my links went to Laura's blog or not. Well, I just went by Denita's (& Eric's, lest we forget Eric*) place. It seems Denita has found the culprit behind this supposed hackin'. Of course, this person says it was all an innocent mistake. What's more, she comes across as some dizzy dingbat,** so I am believin' it was all some glitch in the system.
*Speakin' of Eric, it seems Eric believes it was just a glitch also.
**Sorry, no offense intended -- I just call 'em as I see 'em. I am sure she is a lovely gal with a heart of gold. ;)
Just call him Phrank
It seems that the whole Blogosphere has learned the dirty truth about Frank J, out of the mouth of Frank J himself, or through the link he plastered all over IMAO braggin' on himself. It seems that his last name is Fleming, or is that Phlegming? Make me gag! Still he is not a sickening as Bill. And then there's Paul. Oh wait, let's really just not mention Paul.
A place where they really need a lot more bears
Now, tell me again why everyone wants to move there?
What was he thinkin'?
I know ya'll already read Michele, but she sure hit a nail on the head with this analysis.
In other news, Wizbang has ferreted out another story regarding A Small Victory.
I was just talkin', naturally
My homeboy Scott was blurbin' 'bout some problems some voice recognition system in Lousyana has with people who drawl. It seems to me I done gave up on IBM's Via Voice one time 'cause it didn't recognize a damn thing I was a-sayin'. Of course, the documentation said it had to learn, and you were supposed to make it learn by correctin' the mistakes it made so as it teach it what you said. Heck, I spent more time teachin' it than the time it could have possibly saved me by not havin' to type all the crap I type. Naw, they need to get some Texans to write voice recognition crap and maybe I would try it again. Hmm, maybe Dell could work on that, huh?
Gone to the fillin' station
It seems that my tank is runnin' low on fuel and the slightly neurotic neuronic engine of this blog will cease to correctly function unless I make a quick trip to refill that tank. Besides, I need a quick nic fix. Still hoverin' on about 10 per day. BBL: chatspeak for be back later. But then you knew that.
Oh, hey, did you see what James said about Acidman? Strange, for some reason, it seemed like he was talkin' 'bout me, but then he didn't say anything about the blogger bein' real handsome, so I knew it was Acidman. George, but he is ugly.*
*I am really only joshin' 'bout that, but he did start it when he said I looked older than he did.
Get your red hot inanities here
OK, someone emailed me and said that they had read all of my entries over the last few days and had not mentioned one thing about this report that came out sayin' that Saddam Hussein and Osama Bin Laden were all cozy and cooperative. They sent me a link advisin' me to read it. I did read it, two or three days ago, I think, and I saw everyone else bloggin' 'bout too. If ya'll hadn't noticed, I don't just blog about the same ol' crap that everyone else blogs about. I get pretty tired of listenin' to the same story on every TV channel, in every newspaper and on every blog and other source of news I see. I figure everyone already knows 'bout it from far better and maybe far more reputable sources than I, so I just pass on sayin' anythin' at all. But, since someone asked me about it, I will say this: I was in the least bit surprised about the news, but I was a bit surprised they actually found evidence of the existence of such.
Now that I got all that out of the way, what was it I was really meanin' to post? Oh yeah, Kelley's got the hives from formattin' this week's Cul-de-Sac, so go take a look, and stop and scratch an itch or two for her while you are there.
[UPDATE: You know, there is another reason why it is sometimes best not to talk about some really big news story.]
I got sumthin' purty important to say
I love all of ya'll! I must have the best readership in the whole of the Blogosphere, Blogogalaxy or whatever it is called this day and time. Here I am, havin' been busier than a Koran salesman in Tehran, and just now gettin' home. I finally find a spare moment to check out how many of ya'll dropped in to read my one or two paltry posts I managed to put up today and was I ever pleasantly surprised. I can hardly believe so many of ya'll decided to drop by today! Ya'll are the greatest! But then I 'spect ya'll already knew that, didn't ya?
A Blogger Service Announcement
I just wanted to inform some of ya'll that do not use MT or one of the other bloggin' programs that will ping blogrollin' to inform it that you have updated your site that there is a stand alone form at http://www.blogrolling.com/ping.phtml that you can use to ping blogrollin' when you have recently updated your blog. For those people like me that have their blogroll set to where the most recently update blogs go to the top of the list, pingin' blogrollin' might assist you in gettin' more readership for your blog.
A wild and wooly night
Nope, it was not an endless sex escapade -- I only wish. But then again, in accordance with my current moral code belief, it would have been a honeymoon. There is no way I would be here to tell ya'll 'bout such. I would be too busy floatin' on Cloud Nine. Nope, yesterday, I had a horrendous headache, which I immediately suspected as due to sinus problems. That is usually the cause of headaches in the area where my head was poundin'. Thankfully, with my discovery that SudaFed does not keep me awake all night, I immediately took a dose. I expected the pain to subside within half an hour. Nope, that just did not happen. OK, I took another dose. Same result. Crap, I think, I guess I really need the antihistamines. Takin' antihistamines has show to cause me not to be able to sleep. But a poundin' headache is a poundin' headache. I feel compelled to take a dose of Tylenol Cold & Sinus medication. Still the damn headache continues. Well, if none of the sinus meds are workin', then it must not be sinus after all, I think. I am not too happy to have reached that conclusion after havin' taken the substance that will keep me awake all night. I am watchin' the game by this time, so I reach for the bottle of analgesics that are sittin' on the table by my chair: Excedrin PM. I take two and the headache subsides. Of course, I was unable to sleep, tossin' and turnin' and gettin up and down. I remember havin' gotten up about 3:00 am and decided to check to see if I had gotten an email I was expectin'. After doin' that, I went back to bed. Sometime afterward, the effects of the sleepin' medication in the Excedrin PM took effect. IN previous attempts to take such medication to counter the effects of the antihistamines, sleep had not occurred. It may have had somethin' to do with the timin' of the takin' of the medications, I don't know. I do know I found this mornin' that I had drifted into heavy slumber.
I had court this mornin' at 9:00. I slept right through the alarm. My guardian angel must have been aware of my dilemma 'cause there was a fire call at the Fire Hall at 10 minutes to 9:00 am. I live next door to the place. As the engines departed, soundin' their horns, I sat bolt upright. I immediately looked at the clock and saw the time. Crap, I'm late, I thought. Bein' almost fireman-like in my ability to dress quickly and hit the door, I did just that. I walked into court at 9:05 am. The paternity test results had not been returned in my case, so the case was reset to next month. 10 minutes later, I am back out the door.
I am back home now. I still need to go through my regular mornin' routine of bathin', shavin', brushin' my teeth, and goin' through my daily session of biological waste expulsion. How's that for startin' out your Monday mornin'?
Too little, too late
Well, my Cowboys did not play all that bad, but surely not good enough to win. Still, they are makin' progress and that is more than could be said about them the last three years. Quincy didn't do all that badly, even though he had the interceptions, only one of them was really his fault. I still am not happy with the way Troy Hambrick is playin', although I noticed he did not fumble the ball this game. He just seems too easy to stop, like anyone gets in his way and he is stopped like he just hit a brick wall. Adrian Murrell keeps movin' his feet and seems to go a few yards further even after he is hit. Remember how Troy Hambrick said how he shoulda been playin' last year instead of Emmitt Smith? Well, when Emmitt Smith was the same age as Troy Hambrick is right now, every once in awhile, he would hit the hole and no one could lay a hand on him. He would outrun everyone for 60 yards for a touchdown! When are you gonna show us how you can do that, Troy?
Nope, the final score was 12-0. As usual, the defense played very well, and the offense was only mediocre. Quincy still has a lot to learn. I keep hearin' everyone comparin' him to Donovan McNabb, but I think he reminds me more of Roger Staubach. Like Roger, he seems to feel the pressure without lookin' and seems able to find a way to avoid it and still get rid of the ball. I think next year, he might be hard to stop. It seems that he and the receivers are still not on the same page most of the time. Anyway, I am tired. I have worked hard to make a little bit of room for a few new blogs on my blogroll, Also, all ya'll members of USURP be sure to read the message I put up earlier today. The navel says hi, or at least, I assume it would if it could talk, and as for me, I am gone for the night. End of report.
November 16, 2003
Cleanin' up the blogroll
OK, after I reported some of the big dogs that have given up the bloggin' habit, I was rememberin' last time I checked, I had several blogs on my blogroll that had not been updated in quite awhile. Let me see:
Slumbering Pierrot Collinization Rachel Lucas The Bemusement Park Bloggers' Congress [a good idea that just didn't take off] tarek speaks crap -- and Peppermint Patty
and there were a few on there that I seldom read and have not linked to me on their blogroll:
Reality Bitchslap Banana Oil Hot Buttered Death she sells sanctuary The American Undershirt Gooberbug Tim Blair Mark A. R. Kleiman IsThatLegal? Asymmetrical Information -- and Ken Layne
All blogs which I feel I need to delink at this time.
And there are a few on the bubble, bein' blogs that I like to read often, but, for some reason, have found no reason to link back to mine:
Dangerously Delusional The Anti-Idiotarian Rottweiler -- and Jessica's Well
However, I want to say that just because I delinked a blog does not mean it was not a good blog or a worthwhile read, as some that I delinked are among some of the most popular blogs. I have previously stated that the blogs on my blogroll are the blogs I like to read, so those I am delinkin' are those which are no longer offerin' anythin' new to read or are blogs that I seldom if ever read and to which I feel no reciprocal need to stay linked.
Now, that bein' all said and done, that frees up some space for some new blogs to find their way onto my blogroll. You want on there? Well, leave me a comment and I will check ya out. A couple of clues though: Be able to ping back to blogrolling so as to show you have updated is a key factor and not bloggin' on blog*spot is a plus. I will be lookin' for some new ones myself, but it surely won't hurt your chances to let me know you are out there.
Ponderin' the possibilities
Damn, I hate waitin' for the game. What game? The Cowboys, of course! I am glad to be back on board waitin' each week to watch the game. It was a tradition when I was a tad to watch the game with my dad. Of course, those were the 20 odd years when the team was run by Tex Schramm and Tom Landry, and season after season, the Cowboys were competitive. Yes, they were truly America's Team. Landry had morals and believed his players were role models who had to keep their noses clean and show themselves to be the guys who were worthy of WEARIN' THE STAR. Ask Hollywood Henderson, ask Lance Rentzel, ask Rafael Septien. Your stats didn't mean anythin' if your morals were suspect.
I wasn't one of the people that ragged on Jerry Jones when he let Landry go. Heck, Jimmy Johnson built a team that won the Superbowl in just few years. Then the ego clash arose between him and Jerry Jones and the luster left the STAR. I watched as Jones and Barry Switzer claimed credit for the play of the team that Jimmy built. I watched debacle as Michael Irvin was followed by reporters as he was paraded through the courts dealin' with his drug problem. The flash of Deion didn't do anythin' except destroy the team as there was no room under the salary cap to sign offensive linemen. Irvin retired, Troy retired, Emmitt struggled behind a depleted offensive line. The team stunk as Jones put in one yes man, Chan Gailey followed by Dave Campo. I quit watchin' them as they fell into the crapper.
Finally, Jones got his head out of his ass and started to understand that his team was a worthless pile of crap. It seems he did really place his ego on hold when he sucked up and hired Tuna to coach the team. Now, I am eagerly awaitin' the games again. Oh, I am not expectin' the team to win the Superbowl. I probably will not be too disappointed if they don't even make the playoffs. But at least I am back to where I was when my dad and I used to share the TV every Sunday. I am always hopeful that they will find some way to pull a win out of every game. Go Cowboys!
Oh, just somethin' I wanted to say about somethin' I saw on this site:
Can you name the Dallas Cowboys player who was the key to make them the Super Bowl Team of the 90's? His name is ?????
The webmaster of that site claims it was Charles Haley, but he is very very wrong. The name of the player who was most responsible for the Cowboys dynasty in the 90's was Herschel Walker, the player that Dallas traded to Minnesota for seven players and five draft picks.
[UPDATE: Game time approaches ... gonna be busy cheerin' so feel free to scroll down if ya got nuthin' better to do. I am pretty proud of all of my crap, so can't tell ya which ones to look for --- ]
unspeakable horrors exist elsewhere
Often one experience culture shock when they read about how people deal with things in other areas of the world, but some things are almost unimaginable.
Just wait 'em out, my boy
Well, Rachel Lucas supposedly hung up her keyboard, then David Strain announced he was movin' on, and today I read that Juan Gato is givin' it up as well.
Hmmm, so you get all the fame and fandom and they just get tired and run off into the sunset ... sounds about right to me, I guess. So, all ya'll that had them on you blogroll/link list now have some room to add me. Glenn Reynolds? Oh, speaking of blogroll/link lists, I was not listed on the sites of Rachel Lucas, David Strain or Juan Gato. You think there is a coincidence there?
And, while we are on the subject of Glenn Reynolds, did you see what John Cole was sayin' 'bout the Blogfather, Kevin Drum and Mark Kleinman?
Seems that if ya just wait long enough, your day will come. You will be the big dog and people will spend all their time pickin' ya to pieces until ya either give it up or you show how tough ya are. So, whose the next big dog to hang up them spurs?
The pure perplexity of it all
Have I mentioned lately how really really crappy my damn dialup service is? Yeah, I thought I had.
Creatin' the Headquarters
After much thought and consideration, I have decided I could make better use of my other site in usin' it as the HQ site for the Alliance. It will definitely need a new design and such, so I am openin' the floor for suggestions from the members. I suspect that we will need to publish the Alliance Manifesto, the Rules for Members and such, so give it some thought, email me or leave a comment if you come up with any ideas. Let's work hard to urge people to become more responsible. Let's USURP the agenda of today's society and change it to somethin' that we can all be proud of again.
"Enough is enough, I can't stands no more"
After my final postin' last evening, I found two more comment SPAMs and downloaded and installed MT-Blacklist. Now, already today I have been attacked by another comment SPAMMER that was not caught by such security. However, I am not gonna slam the plugin, because, if nothing else, it allowed me to delete the comment without havin' to rebuild my whole site. I used to have to do that several times a day every time I discovered some damn comment SPAM just to make sure it was gone.
A couple of questions I have are:
- How can I submit the information of such comment to the master list? and
- Does this mean I have to update my list everyday so as to stop this crap?
Blitzin' the Blogosphere
OK, folks, the Cowboys are playin' in the ESPN Sunday Night game, so in order to get them ready to whoop up on the New England Patriots, I am gonna start the action by blitzin' the blogosphere.
SilverBlue is handin' out some good advice. Eric has unveiled the fabulous new design of Who Tends the Fires. Michele has an extensive discussion on the need to reconsider the nature of the Blogosphere. Has it become a Blogogalaxy? Cracker Barrel Philosopher reports on tactics used by some Chinese citizens in an attempt to reduce select portions of the population. Stevie has a major Swedish Meatball dilemma. James of OTB also evaluates the blogosphere in reponse to the recent Washington Post story on the coziness among rival bloggers. Dean Esmay opines that a recent recommendation in the New York Times that the Arab League take over security in Iraq is insanity. I seem to remember several bloggers mentionin' that wonderful product called Duct Tape on many occasions, but Dawn has brought forth praise on that other household staple: WD-40. Random Prose has provided evidence that Brittney Spears is piratin' music. Kathy Kinsley points to a new found possible source of fuel for the future on our very own moon. Jen has some thoughts on the Kennedy assassination, its celebration, and whether Kennedy should actually be viewed as a great President. In his first appearance in a ***ific Linky-Love session, Robert Prather brings us a funny old joke. Kevin is wonderin' why he is not on the A list, when he is sure he deserves to be. Misha is ravin' bout Frank J's latest efforts so that you don't have to. In startlin' news, Greyhawk relates that a blogger has been wounded in action in Iraq. Further info: here, here and especially here. and last, but not least
Venomous Kate is hissin' 'cause she was not a recipient of one companies latest mail campaign effort.
Now, 'bout that incestuous blogosphere crap, I have been sayin' for years[*] that some bloggers continually link to the same blogs all the time. I know I do, because I seldom read blogs that are not on my blogroll, yet most blogs on my blogroll are there because someone on my blogroll had linked to a story of theirs that I liked, I checked out the blog and added it to my blogroll. Regrettably, I find I only have so much time to devote to readin' blogs, so I just can't be readin' them all. Sorry to those of you that were mentioned in the Washington Post story, but I have never read your blogs or ever even heard of your blogs. I did, however, notice that my blog was not mentioned in that story or anyone's blurb about that story. I wasn't surprised.
This post was compiled in slightly less than 90 minutes despite having had three dialup disconnections during such effort.
[* UPDATE: After publishin' this and readin' through it, I realized I have not been bloggin' for years, so if you are wantin' to check out where I first stated such, you will have to go back to 312 B.C. and see where I wrote such on some stone tablets. I would have linked to such in the blurb, but I am unable to locate them at this time.]
It was a really big show!
In likely the biggest blogospheric related story this year, Air Munuviana, affectionally named Cow Rocket by her crowd of adoring fans, lifted off into the skies in her maiden voyage yesterday. According to Flight Commander Rocket Jones, the launch was observed by many, including a reporter from The Wall Street Journal.
In case you are not familiar as to why this story is connected to blogosphere, I suspect you are not aware of the popular munu group of bloggers.
November 15, 2003
Callin' it a night
OK, so there may be some who think I was kiddin' when I said my visitation rate was likely to go into the dumper today, but it seems to be a pattern that Saturdays are usually the slowest visitation day of the week. You don't believe me? Here is my monthly visitation rate graph with arrows pointin' to every Saturday. You decide if I was right on track:
However, as you can see from the chart, today was only the fourth lowest day of the month, but knowing that I will not get all that many visitors does put a damper on my willingness to post much. Then again, as you can see, my addiction to share my every inane thought with the world brings me back anyway. What a dilemma, huh?
Let me see, what else did I do today? Well, there is something new along the top line ya'll probably hadn't noticed, there is the link to crappyblogs webring added as well as a link to my blogshares listing and I finally cleared up the chaotic look at the very bottom of the blog. I don't know why I never finished that last part down there when I was designing this template, but I figured no one ever got that far down the page anyway. No one has ever mentioned the mess it was and I doubt anyone will even see what I have down there now. No problem, actually as you would have to have read a whole week's worth of posts to get down that far, and I am pretty sure most of you read more often than once a week, don't ya?
OK, so navel gazin' time. I shall now life up my sweater and look. Damn, it is still there and looks just like it did last time I looked. Now I know how delighted you are to know that! End of report.
[Oops, quick UPDATE: I have just discovered that I got a virtual kiss from Annika! Woohoo!!! Now I won't want to wash my virtual face for at least a year.]
I read it and didn't know what to say
There is an interestin' discussion on rape pornography that you might want to read. In the words of the immortal Stan Lee, 'Nuff said.
attribution: I found the link somewhere, but forgot where by the time I found time to read it -- feel free to claim credit if due
Turn that frown into a smile --
So what if no one is readin' your blog? So what if you don't have no one with whom to snuggle up close? So what if one day of your much needed vacation from the hectic workplace is nearin' an end. Cheer up! Zane pics are up.
"And yeah, so what are you?"
On conservative women:
We can't help it that we actually get it. We can't help it that we're not unemployed, lazy slobs. We can't help it that we're functioning members of society with REAL lives. We can't help it that we have more than two brain cells in our pretty heads. It's sad really that a group of people would be so jealous of us just because we're normal and intelligent. - Gennie
Give me an "I" - Give me a "D" --
Ain't it a hoot when the idiots prove they are idiots. Michele is on the case.
No matter what the stance, there are always exceptions
I personally would like to see the entries in a caption contest for this picture posted by baldilocks.
I second that emotion
I have to wholeheartedly agree with Owen's sentiment in this post. He so eloquently praises the Blogosphere for havin' nicely evolved into a forum for people to discuss issues with passion and excellence.
Damn, damn, or some other such words
I rarely visit Annika anymore, not because I do not think she is one damn fine lookin' young lady or that I do not instantly hang onto every word she writes, but because she is on blog*spot and, hence, does not ping blogrolling everytime she updates. As such, her link falls into the netherworld near the bottom of my blogroll. I made a conscious choice to go visit Annika this date and actually had to search for her listing on my lengthy list. Now I find that she is takin' a break from bloggin' to study for the upcomin' LSAT test. I understand that and wish her the best of luck. However, I am also so glad I visited today* or I would have missed her selection of Al Sharpton as her choice as Democratic Presidential Candidate and the reasons why: best hair and best speakin' voice. Hey, lookin' good and bein' a top-notch bull shitter kept Clinton in power for 6 years. Yeah, yeah, I know he served 8 years, but surely you admit he was not very powerful those last couple.
*She also posted an excellent graphic of that loveable superhero, Ben Grimm, The Thing. I remember that some of the greatest battles in all of comicbookdom were fought between The Thing and The Hulk. Toe-to-toe slugfests of incredible dimensions. I always rooted for The Thing. Afterall, someone had to look after Alice, Rumor has it that after he retired, he changed his name to Bill..
A bit of sunshine in an otherwise sucky day
I awoke from my nap to come in here and write a post about why takin' naps is a really stupid thing to do. I might save that one for later, when I am awake at 3:00 a.m. because I can't fall asleep due to havin' napped for a couple of hours this evenin'. So instead of that post, I am gonna tell you about that little bit of sunshine mentioned in the title. It starts like this:
I'm better than 50 hits ... :-P
It's the quality not the quantity
Posted by squishybear at November 15, 2003 04:23 PM
Hmm, says me, that was a cute comment. I don't recognize this squishybear. That is a guaranteed all systems go* sign that I need to check out squishybear's den. I did that and I liked what I saw. The postin' style was cute and humorous. Also, squishybear posts pictures of herself often. She is cute too, How could I not blogroll Squishybear? 'Specially since I see she already had the very good sense to add me to her blogroll. As such, I officially hereby dedicate a valuable place on my blogroll for Squishybear. Congratulations are in order.
A second benefit I received from my visit to Squishybear was my discover there of the existence of the crappyblogs webring. I am almost sure my blog qualifies for membership in that one.
*I heard that phrase somewhere, maybe Laughing Wolf or Rocket Jones.
Back, beat up and needin' a nap
OK, just as I figured -- even with some beggin', and damn if someone didn't blurb on my beggin'* and if another did not comment about whether it was effective, I still ain't seen much visitation today. But then again, it is Saturday, and that does seem par of the course.
I did get out. I went shoppin'. I didn't buy much, just a couple of movies that were too good of a deal to pass on,** and then started to feel groggy. I decided maybe I should just come home and take a nap. Of course, before doin' so, I wanted to drop by and see if I had gotten those fifty visitors I had expected while I was out. I didn't, but I really do want to thank the five of you who did visit -- wait, strike that --- make that I want to thank the four of you who visited and did not leave a SPAM comment ... as for the one who did --- well I can't quite find the words to say how I feel about you.
*I mean how pathetic is it that the only thing someone can find to blog about is some other really pathetic blogger beggin' for visitors? ;)
**I purchased Close Encounters of the Third Kind and 1941. On my way home, while I was tryin' hard not to doze off watchin' the white line, I was tryin' to think if Steven Spielberg has directed a bad movie? I guess I had forgotten about Jurassic Park: The Lost World (1997).
Lookin' for some excitement
I suspect it is gonna be another slow visitation day, so instead of spendin' endless hours sittin' here regurgitatin' my inane every thought, I think I will go out and see if I can locate a little excitement. Surely there is somethin' goin' on out there in the real world. If for some reason, you do venture in lookin' for soemthin' fresh and new, don't despair. I am sure there is plenty of bloggy goodness down below that you have overlooked, or, if you are one of my ardent fans who reads every word I write, then you likely already know that there are some really good blogs over on that blogroll. Bloggin' will recommence whenever I regain the itch ... likely later today, but who knows what distraction I might find.
Oh, last thing, visit, visit often, so that my daily visitation average does not go into the dumper while I am gone ... please!
November 14, 2003
Too tired to continue
Yes, yes, yes, it was a light night in the old Blogosphere tonight, not a creature was stirring except maybe Michele, Kelley and Glenn. The navels were all comfortably covered as the weather turned cool, and the navels stayed warm as the bloggers who went out were going hither and there. Tiger himself was bored to tears, it seems. And posted so rarely no one noticed. So what, does it matter, what happened tonight? If so, I am sure Michele, Kelley and Glenn will post up the news as it happens. As for this report, I guess it shall end, and I can take my tired ass to bed where is sorely belongs.
Some light inanities
Hmmm, seems that Ith has a list of things to do to irritate other people durin' The Return of the King. My favorite was
Imitate what you think a conversation between Gollum, Dobby and Yoda would be like.
I would however, also include that the subject of the conversation would be how to explain to Jar-Jar Binks what the movie was about.
I don't know why Owen had to go ruin my Friday night and mention that today was the anniversary of the publication of the worst book ever written. Call me Depressed.
And finally, Dustbury envisions Hell.
Now back to whatever you were doin'.
Wow, is this ever a slow evenin'
I am takin' that as meanin' that everyone in the Blogosphere has some excitin' activites planned for this evenin'. Cool. I kinda wish I had had some plans, but then I actually did have a plan when I came home from work, which was to take some anagesics, lay down and see if I could conquer that headache. Mission accomplished.
So, since there seems to be so little to read, what with everyone winin' and dinin' or drinkin' and dancin' or whatever other activity they could be up to this Friday night, here is a happy endin' to what had been a really sad story.
Uh, think I found that one on Ravenwood
Gone fishin'
Not really goin' fishin'. I just began to feel like I am quickly fallin' under the weather, so thought I might ought to quickly post this light bloggin' warnin'.
The family* has requested that in lieu of flowers, cards, and comments, that you show your condolences by makin' a link back to one of the more worthy posts on ***'s blog and send him a few readers. That always seems to brighten his spirits.
*Family, what family? This is a hoax, folks, so don't buy into it. However, those link backs are still welcome.
Ain't it funny ....
I just spent the greater part of an hour composin' a post about the two year s I spent representatin' a client like it was big news. I wonder how long Eugene Volokh spent on this post about somethin' I know ya'll all knew long ago, right?
Okie dokie, real law time
What a strange thing. Back story, guy under mental treatment for 30 years walks into a crowd of people with his dinger hangin' out. He is drunk, off of his anti-psychotics and gets arrested and spends the next five days bouncin' off walls at the local lockup. I got appointed and suggested I do a quick motion for psych eval. After a good dose of Haldol, the guy comes down and regains ability to live normally with day-to-day medication. He is practically homeless, a ward of the state MHMR system. He gets charged with crime of exposin' himself knowin' children are present with the intent to sexually arouse some person. This occurred almost two years ago.
I immediately know this guy has an insanity defense. I mean, this is not a guy that was lookin' though windows at little girls or prowlin' dark hallways at nights, this guy walked straight into a crowd of people with his dinger hangin' out. No one in their right mind would do that. Since my appointment more than two years ago, that has been my plan of attack. The first DA lackey psychologist determined my guy was not legally insane at the time of the offense. I moved for an appointment of a second evaluation. Another DA lackey psychologist was appointed and came to the same conclusion. I protested that I had not been appointed the psychologist who my client was entitled to have to assist him in raisin' this defense and got a third psychologist appointed. The case is set for trial on December 1. I have been playin' phone tag with my assistin' psychologist for the last three weeks. Pre-trial was scheduled for this mornin.'
Wednesday, late, an assistant DA called me and offered to give my guy probation on the case. This was a rapid departure from their position that he was to serve a minimum of 5 years. Yesterday, I call the client in and discuss this offer with him. At the merest suggestion, he agrees to the plea bargain. I explain to him that by takin' the plea he will be convicted of a felony and will be required to register as a sex offender. He understands and still says he wants the deal. I explain that not only do we have a good insanity defense, I cannot see any way that the DA can prove he had any intent to arouse the sexual desire of any person in his action. He still wants to plead. Why? It erased the possibility that he would have to serve time in the penitentiary.
This morning, I walk in with my client and we are the only case on the docket. I had informed the DA last evenin' that my client had agreed to the deal, so we begin the arduous amount of paperwork necessary to complete the plea: the probation forms for the judge's signature, the sex offender notifications, and my duty to get the proper acknowledgments and waivers executed by my client. We stand up before the court, the magic words are spoken, the necessary questions are answered, and the judge sentences my client in accordance with the plea bargain. As a last step before grantin' the probation on this offense, the Court asks the DA if he had consulted the victims and secured their agreement to the recommended punishment. The DA responses, in my opinion, indicated he had gotten no cooperation from the complainin' witnesses.
I did not want my client to plea. I thought we had a good case for trial. I know what he did was shockin' and alarmin'. But was it criminal? This was just some drunk crazy old man who was not watchin' whether or not his willie was sufficiently concealed who wandered into a crowd goin' to the store to get a box of matches. It is not the mere sight of genitals themselves that are criminal, as it all has to do with the state of mind involved when they are visible. In Dallas, I would have probably already had this case dismissed, or gotten an agreement to send the guy to the hospital for some treatment, or at the very least, reduced to a misdemeanor with no sex offender registration requirement.
How do I feel about all of that? I dunno ... the client got what he wanted, I guess. I made damn sure to make it clear on the record that he knew what he was doin' and that he was doin' what he wanted to do. I hope he does well on probation. I am now not too sure the DA would not have offered somethin' much better on the day of trial, but it is over. Two years of involvement with this client and this case. I only await receivin' the check from the county where I will be paid. End of story.
Nov. 14, 2003
Before we get to the joke, let me say I got a long serious one comin' up, so have a laugh while I am composin' it. Sorry, for the lateness of puttin' up this week's edition, but the post will explain part of it, and the other part is that I always have to check to see which one of jokes on her dad's weekly list Cherry posts. She actually posted two and there is another off the list in the comments. However, this was a great edition this week, and I actually found a couple of items I wanted to share that are not on Cherry's post. Here is the joke:
Father Murphy walked into a pub and said to the first man he met, "Do you want to go to heaven?"
The man said, "I do Father."
The priest said, "Leave this pub right now!"
He then approached a second man. Father Murphy asked, "Do you want to got to heaven?"
"Certainly, Father," was the man's reply.
"Then leave this den of Satan!" said the priest.
Father Murphy then walked up to O'Toole and asked, "Do you want to go to heaven?"
O'Toole replied: "No, I don't Father."
The priest looked him right in the eye and said, "You mean to tell me that when you die you don't want to go to heaven?"
O'Toole smiled, "Oh, when I die. Yes Father. I thought you were getting a group together to go right now."
Then there was a great quote that I wanted to share. It is in the extended entry.
"When a man spends his own money to buy something for himself, he is very careful about how much he spends and how he spends it. When a man spends his own money to buy something for someone else, he is still very careful about how much he spends, but somewhat less what he spends it on. When a man spends someone else's money to buy something for himself, he is very careful about what he buys, but doesn't care at all how much he spends. And when a man spends someone else's money on someone else, he doesn't care how much he spends or what he spends it on. And that's government for you." - Economist and Nobel Laureate Milton Friedman
Short and sweet short
102 vistors today. I am very pleased. Navel is totally uninterested in number of visitors. End of report.
November 13, 2003
The new Alliance begins to take shape
OK, the USURP Alliance is beginning to form. The members, to the best of my knowledge, now include:
Hey, me and a trio of lovely ladies. What could be wrong with that?
Much ado 'bout nuthin'
SilverBlue can find more ways to talk about nuthin'. And he has the audacity to say that Bill's blog sucks.
It is truly never too late to remember a hero
In likely the most overlooked and yet, just as likely, the best of the Veteran's Days blog posts is this remembrance of WAYNE MAURICE CARON by *The Patriette*. This remarkable person deserves your remembrance even if it is a couple of days since November 11.
So I am a tad bit strange, sometimes
The following was left by some commenter on Who Tends the Fires:
Rant - an unstimulating, highly-arrogant diatribe of little benefit, esp. in the blogsphere. Etymology: 2003, American; coined by me, Stacy.
Posted by Stacy at November 11, 2003 05:53 PM
I dunno, but I thought this quip to be quite humorous.
Denita, however, did not think so and retorted with this:
McTroll: an unstimulating and highly-arrogant commenter of little intelligence, who leaves moronic screeds, and is a merely a pile of virtual bugshit in the Blogosphere. Etymology: 2003, American; coined by me, Denita TwoDragons, associate owner of this blog.
Such retort I found equally humorous, if not more so. Now I did not research to find the post on Who Tends the Fires to which the comment was actually posted, and it may be given such context, its intent could be determined to have been anything but humorous.
Trickle, trickle, it must be Thursday
George, but is the Blogosphere dead or what? Survivor must be on.
Speakin' of Thursdays, I have noticed that in the latest revisions of our Standard Possession Order, the schedule of who has the right to have the children in family cases, has changed McDonald's Night from Wednesday to Thursday. The Order does not call it McDonald's Night. That is my term for the night one parent has possession of the children from 6:00pm to 8:00pm. Usually, on such night, you will see almost every McDonald's in Texas is packed with mostly men with two or children each between such hours. It seems kinda funny that after 20 years or so, all of sudden they changed the two hour visitation from Wednesday night to Thursday night.
It really needed to be said!
Addiction, oh sweet addiction
Yes, I will most likely endlessly sit here attemptin' to find somethin' to impress and amaze ya'll until I am so tired I will literally fall outta this chair onto the floor. What, you think I jest? Nope, I regularly do that. See, bloggin' is hard work. Just ask Bill.
I really must be addicted, though, 'cause I really want to do what Deb suggested. I really do. Well, not the boot cleanin' stuff. I ain't needin' to clean my boots right now.
By George, he's done it!
Glenn Reynolds* has posted somethin' that held my attention from start to finish, provided all the information I needed to fully understand the issue, and even had a humorous interlude. He may have created the perfect post. Go see.
*And to think this happened on the same day that Frank J has appeared to have sold his soul for publicity's sake. It does make one wonder at the cosmic significance of such coincidence.
I didn't have to look too hard
I got off work, came home, saw my numbers were not doin' well, maybe 'cause I had not been postin' all that much today, doin' work like I am supposed to do daily, you know, the stuff I put off to tomorrow for a week or so before I finally decide I really need to get it done sort of stuff. Anyway, so here I am, I am home and I sorely need to post somethin' to shoot my blog to the top of the blogrollin' list on those smart bloggers like me that have it arranged so that the blog with the newest crap is on the top. I desparately need somethin' to talk about and I found that some guy [Don-Anger Management] is literally kissin' Frank J's ass ... or maybe that is figuratively. Still, it is hilarious ... I wonder how much Frank J paid him to write all that crap. Did he actually say a hundred percent of my salary or did somethin' happen to the electrons as I copied that exact language directly from Frank J's blog and pasted it here?
Of Angels and such
Here is another item I received from my Aunt Jeanette. She said she got tears in her eyes when she read it. I didn't get all teary-eyed* but did think it was worthy of sharin'. Enjoy!
*I gotta be a Macho man!
There came a frantic knock
At the doctor's office door,
A knock, more urgent than
he had ever heard before
"Come in, Come in,"
the impatient doctor said,
"Come in, Come in,
before you wake the dead."
In walked a frightened little girl,
a child no more than nine,
It was plain for all to see,
she had troubles on her mind.
"Oh doctor, I beg you,
please come with me,
My mother is surely dying, !
she's as sick as she can be."
"I don't make house calls,
bring your mother here,"
"But she's too sick,
so you must come or she will die I fear."
The doctor, touched by her devotion,
decided he would go,
She said he would be blessed,
more than he could know.
She led him to her house
where her mother lay in bed,
Her mother was so very sick
she couldn't raise her head.
But her eyes cried out for help
and help her the doctor did,
She would have died that very night
had it not been for her kid.
The doctor got her fever down
and she lived through the night,
And morning brought the doctor signs,
that she would be all right.
The doctor said he had to leave
but would return again by two,
And later he came back to check,
just like he said he'd do.
The mother praised the doctor
for all the things he'd done,
He told her she would have died,
were it not for her little one.
"How proud you must be
of your wonderful little girl,
It was her pleading that made me come,
! ;she is really quite a pearl!
"But doctor, my daughter died
over three years ago,
Is the picture on the wall
of the little girl you know?"
The doctors legs went limp
for the picture on the wall,
was the same little girl
for whom he'd made this call.
The doctor stood motionless,
for quite a little while,
And then his solemn face,
was broken by his smile.
He was thinking of that frantic knock
heard at his office door,
And of the beautiful little angel
that had walked across his floor.
It just ain't workin'
I been bustin' my butt day after day tryin' top collect enough links to move up to Frosted Toaster Pastry in the Blogosphere Ecosystem. I seem to have been eternally stuck as a Pickled Pig's Foot.
Guessin' my support is showin'
I am almost sure I thought this joke was hilarious when Clinton was in office and the reasons for the President's depression revolved around impeachment, etc. It just seems to have lost somethin' in this revised version.
A most appallin' turn of events
It seems that Jim of Snooze Button Dreams feels slighted in having his submission intentionally left out of this week's Carnival of the Vanities. Is it censorship? Jim suggests that it is:
Of course I feel slighted, Max. You censored me.
It's pretty easy to just note that the post is erotic fiction in the Carnival description. That's the actual description I submitted it with, after all. People who want to go there do so. People who don't, don't. This is what you did for every one of the people who you didn't censor. There are loads of topics up there that piss people off but all of them are okay. War, death, politics, sexuality, religion, Bush, Iraq, Pussified Toit, Christianity as a thought crime. All of those made the cut. Only my little erotic vignette was censored.
I'm more than slighted. I'm pissed. And very disappointed. I thought the Carnival as a whole was above petty stuff like this.
It seems that Max aka Daniel, had initially stated:
That was a personal call based on the nature of your post. I do apologize if you feel slighted, but it was just my preference not to add that one particular post.
but later clarified his postion with regard to that one particular post:
as i mentioned on your site, jim, your story wasn't very good. let's just accept that it's all for the best. [Daniel's SHIFT ky appeared to be malfunctionin' at the time of this comment]
Does the host of the Carnival of the Vanities possess editorial capacity? Wow, think of the implications of that? It makes me kind of proud I bowed out of submittin' my crap to the Carnivals.
Ain't it a shame
Well, second day in a row since I topped 100 visitors that I have fallen just a few short of 100 visitors. I am so very glad to see my visitation rate is comin' back up. Not sure why, but hopefully I have gotten a few more regular readers now. It pleases my pea-pickin' heart, to borrow a phrase from Tennesee Ford, to know people are enjoyin' my posts. Of course, maybe they are just printin' them out so as to line their bird cages or to put in their outhouse to use ... well you get the picture. It doesn't take a big brush to paint that, huh?
Well, it is a shame I stayed up really late again, but I was havin' so much fun readin' everyone's blogs tonight, and as you can see by readin' the last four or five posts, I found a few gems while doin' so. Be sure to go visit them people, cause they worked as hard to entertain you as I have done. They love havin' readers as much as I do.
Now, this damn navel of mine needs to go to bed, and I think I am the one that needs to assist it in doin' so. I mean there damn sure ain't no one else here in the house, so if I don't do it, who will? The navel is doin' pretty well, but actin' a bit cranky, so I am sure it is time for it to go take a long nap. With such inaniac remark, I shall end tonight's or actually this early mornin's report.
Bring your own barf bag
If the endin' of this joke posted by SilverBlue doesn't make ya gag, the news story in this blurb by Kelley surely will.
November 12, 2003
Milblogs - a great idea I am proud to support
Greyhawk has begun an initiative to band together in one place a listing of our current military and their families. I have put up an icon that links to the Milblog site. I am proud to be a friend of Milblogs. I urge all members of USURP to do the same to show your patriotism, but will allow you to choose whether you wish to do so or not. You choice is yours, and is not goin' to be held against you.
In other USURP News, I need to figure out who had signed up as members. As far as I know at this point, Susie and Candy have signed up. Sometime this weekend, I will try to work up a link list for all the USURP members for everyone to use. If you are a current member of the USURP Alliance, please leave a comment or trackback to this post as to give me clue how to find you.
A salute to our valiant warriors
I guess I have been a bit remiss about keepin' up with all the news goin' on around the Blogosphere. I just found a post on Venomous Kate's site about the deployment of her hubbie. I am sorry for her stress and I do so hope that all the worries that are plaguing her mind turn out to be fruitless. On this day after Veteran's Day, let us not start forgettin' 'bout those who are servin' us proudly each and every day durin' this War on Terrorism.
Someone may be a bit off base
Owen, of Boots and Sabers has pointed to a story about a blogger whose mother discovered his blog and Owen entitled his blurb Every Blogger's Greatest Fear. Since my mother has gone to the Great Beyond, I have no fear that she will ever read my blog. I would be absolutely delighted if I found she could. Nope, my greatest fear is having no one read any of the crap I write.
I know somethin' you don't know
Denita is a most fabulous artist! You ought to see the Christmas card design she has created for me.
Take this pill or whatever and shove it
Comment spammers need to roast in hell 'til they are crispy on all sides and then be stomped into little bits by hobnailed boots. Then the bits fed to wombats.
I actually had one dweeb leave like 15 comment spams today, like MT bloggers don't have a clue about them leavin' comments in really old pasts. Nope, I was all over it, and deleted all of them, plus blocked the two different DNS numbers he was usin' to post those damn things.
What is it about SPAM? It seems to be more and more prevalent all the time through every facet of internet communication. My email inbox is filled with SPAM messages, and it is taking me minutes of valuable time just to delete them. It takes longer to delete the comment SPAM. I belong to two or three MSN Groups and a couple of Yahoo Groups, all of which are continually bombarded with SPAM messages. When I used to read USENET, the SPAM was so constant, but thankfully, the group I read the most often had three ISP abuse agents as members, so they were readily on top of offenders in that group. I guess if there were enough abuse agents among bloggers, the Comment Spam Manifesto might work. Today, I got a SPAM in the guise of a question to me at my ask an expert forum.
I am of the opinion that the punishment proposed by Susie might not be sufficient for the amount of aggravation they cause. You can bet I ain't ever buyin' any of their crap. There are products I might have once wanted that I have vowed to do without because I have been SPAMMED with so many offers to sell such. As far as my mind goes, SPAM is counter productive. You SPAM me about somethin' and you make sure that I wouldn't buy it at Wal-Mart, much less from some cretin who SPAMMED me endlessly.
[UPDATE: I was just checkin' my hotmail and I find a SPAM with this in the subject line: Fwd: nonprogrammable society traitor pottery ... I mean, who is thinkin' up this crap, Bill?]
Oh George, I'm George, by George
Oh, why not, I asked myself:
Of course, I was really hopin' for John Paul Jones.
found it through Jen
In the meantime ...
Well between the time I last posted and now, I did get a lot of things on my 65 item todo list done. In fact, I got all of the things off today's list. Some were put off until tomorrow, a completely clear day on my calendar. Then I thought today was goin' to be a mostly clear day, and we see how that turned out. Most of the others were status checks on cases, so mostly I reset the status checks to do again in another week or so, dependin' upon the case. I did get a substatntial amount of correspondence prepared and mailed, so the most urgent items did get fully accomplished. All in all, I was fairly productive after all. I still wanted that nap, just had to put it off until I got all that crap done.
I am buried in paper all the time. I have paper all over my office, tons of it comes in through the mail on a daily basis, and several items come via fax, and then there are emails that I find important enough to print out and put in a client's file. And, of course, I create a goodly amount of paperwork on a daily basis. I still need another totally free day to go through the various stacks of paper in my office and put them in the various files to which they belong. I need a secretary, but I never seem to make quite enough to be able to afford one. So, I end up workin' my butt off regularly. Do I make a good livin'? Well, my yearly wages for the last few years have been about equal to what a school teacher makes, except that I do not get 3 months paid vacation in the middle of each year. Still, there is nothin' quite like getting up in front of a bunch of strangers and trying to convince them to do somethin', usually somethin' they have no desire to do. I sometimes figure the thrill of winnin' a case is like what a NFL quarterback feels when he completes a touchdown pass. You feel elated, then you go back to the huddle a little bit later and try to figure out how to do it again.
I have a really bad headache tryin' to come over me. I am unsure if it is sinus, but that is my suspicion, or if it is what I call a CRT headache, which is caused by the eyestrain from lookin' at a computer monitor for hours and hours. Anyway, I fear bloggin' might be light, so forgive me ... please.
That damn ***
Oh George, but here it is almost 3:00 pm my time and I have not even put up my first post of the day. I apologize to those of ya'll that had already started callin' the hospitals to check on me. Nope, I am fine, just been busy. I have fallen way way behind in the things I needed to get on top of here at the office, and thought today was gonna be the day I would have to get a lot of it done, but it has not turned out that way.
The day began on a strange note, beginning yesterday, when my friend Matt mentioned something about having court this morning when one of the district judges would be sittin' in our town. Now I have perviously explained at how they each only make one appearance in our town a month, so I was surprised to know that the court was settin' here this mornin' and I had nothin' pendin' 'fore that court on my calendar. I do not remember the last time one of the judges was sittin' here on a day when I had nothin' set before the court, so I was almost sure I had overlooked somethin' or somethin' had gotten lost in the mail.
I dropped by the court just prior to the beginnin' of proceedin's to take a look at the day's docket. It was indeed short and my name only appeared next to one case at the top of the docket. I instantly recalled that case, a child protective services matter, and I remembered it had been dropeed after my client had been returned to her mother. I was appointed to represent the child. OK, I was off the hook and was headin' back to the office to deal with all this work I haven't gotten to here of late. Oops, it is still once a month court day and things just don't work that way.
As I was leavin' to come back to the office this guy taps me on the shoulder and says, "My wife's attorney said I might should talk to you." This is the other party in Matt's case, and they are there for a hearing on temporary orders. It seems that Matt could not get the guy to agree to the temporary orders, so advised the man he was fixin' to be called to a hearin' in front of the judge and that he might ought to consult with an attorney. An hour or so in consultation and review of the proposed temporary order and I was able to negotiate a settlement. The Orders are so statutorily standardized that there is very little that can be argued, but the amounts of support seem quite high to someone who has little knowledge of the law. Uh, sorry, but $150 a month child support is not longer the norm, it is a set percentage of your income. Health insurance is required. The visitation schedule is written in stone. I thought they were tryin' to get by with somethin' with not restrictin' the residency requirement and thought all the supposedly reasonable injunctions, and they are all very reasonable, should be mutual as to both parties. Those changes were made as were some negotiations when payments were to begin so that my client could make provisions to set up his new household, and all the parties agreed it was fair and we got the judge to approve the agreement.
Of course, this all took time. Time away from the office and all these little nit-picky things that have to get done ... and pile up faster than tumbleweeds on a barbed wire fence. My biggest problem right now is suppressin' my body's desire for a long nap. You have fun readin' this, I will be thinkin' on that nap.
November 11, 2003
Fresh in from the inbox
Oops, it is still Veteran's Day, and someone has sent me somethin' I just had to show off. There is this big rock just stickin' out like a sore thumb somewhere in America, and this guy painted it to honor American Veterans. I wish I had enough space to post these pictures in the same form as I received them, but so as to be able to display them, I had to reduce the size and compress them. If you want to see these pictures, check out the extended entry.
Dark background logo
I have noticed that the current logo does not display too well on non-white backgrounds. I think this one will look much better:
It's back!
Well, I am too pooped to post and wouldn't you know after almost a week from hidin' from me, my navel has decided to show himself. Thankfully, it is in great shape. I am still not sure what the reason it was being so discrete these last few days. Maybe there was somethin' wrong with it, but after a few days of rest, it is back to normal. Will we ever know. Well, so sorry for this report bein' so short, but as I said, I am tired as heck, so I think I will go to bed early. I feel I need my rest now, even if my damn navel is in the mood to party all night long.
It's my party, so I can ban who I want to
I have always attempted to allow each to share their views on this blog through the comments, whether they agree with my position or not. Of course, I have never put up with comment SPAMMERS and today I got my first troll. He left two comments, neither of which had anything to say other than to try to inflame others. I checked out his site, blog, or whatever he wanted to call it, which said it was offensive humor. No, it was just offensive. There was nothin' humorous to see. I doubt there is much traffic coming his way and I surely was not gonna allow him leave his name or link on my blog. So today, I banned the little troll from my blog, even though it tied up my bandwidth for almost an hour rebuildin' my blog. It was worth every minute.
Now, as a Veteran, I am gonna reserve my right to go rest. I am tired from all the recognition I got today.
Many have come and gone, remember them all
Michele has a listin' of all the Active Service/Veteran bloggers she knows about. Of course, she didn't list this guy:
He blogs and he is currently the Post Adjutant of our local American Legion Post. I heard that the guy is much uglier in person and doesn't care about receiving any special recognition for just doin' his job as a US citizen.
I am without an everlovin' clue
OK, you think up a title to describe this item I retrieved from Aunt Net's latest email barrage. Be forewarned, it is quite funny punny.
A Houston construction site boss was interviewing men for a job, when along came a Lower Cajun. I'm not hiring any Cajuns, the foreman thought to himself, so he made up a test to avoid hiring the Cajun without getting into an argument.
"Here's your first question," the foreman said. "Without using numbers, represent the number 9."
"Without numbers?" The Cajun says. "Dat is easy," and proceeds to draw three trees.
"What's this?" the boss asks.
"'Ave you got no brain? Tree and tree and tree make nine," says the Cajun.
"Fair enough," says the boss. "Here is your second question. Use the same rules, but this time the number is 99."
The Cajun stares into space for a while, then picks up the picture that he has just drawn and makes a smudge on each tree. "'Ere you go."
The boss scratches his head and says, "How on earth do you get that to represent 99?"
"Each of da trees is dirty now! So it's dirty tree, and dirty tree, and dirty tree. Dat is 99."
The boss is getting worried he's going to have to hire this Cajun, so he says, "All right, last question. Same rules again, but represent the number 100."
The Cajun stares into space some more, then he picks up the picture again and makes a little mark at the base of each tree, and says, "'Ere you go. One hundred."
The boss looks at the attempt. "You must be nuts if you think that represents a hundred."
The Cajun leans forward and points to the marks at the base of each tree, and says, "A little dog come along and crap by each tree. So now you got dirty tree and a turd, dirty tree and a turd, and dirty tree and a turd, which make one hundred. So when I start?"
Happy Armistice Veteran's Day
I was lookin' for a good poem to put up in memory of those who have fallen in defense of our country. I picked this one:
A VETERANS' TRIBUTE... by BILL VERNON
A mother holds her newborn babe,
her precious pride and joy.
A father's eyes swell up with tears as he holds his little boy.
Through the years they teach their son what the ten commandments say.
But then the thunder clouds of war call the strong young man away.
As a kitten grows into a mountain lion,
the young man must transform.
He now must show an evil face
As the warrior within is born.
The winds of war - a battle cry,
the flames of hell burn wide....
The wings of prayer is all he has as the warrior mounts his ride.
While governments squabble differences
warriors disappear each day.
Some are taken prisoners,
While others are M.I.A.
Some reach up from cold dark graves,
Their loved ones bare the pain.
Some harbor memories within the mind
and slowly go insane.
Once classmates in their younger years
now defenders of the flag
They pray the peace they fought hard for
shall not begin to sag.
But history tells a different tale
as new conflicts begin
Enjoy for now the peaceful times
'till the warrior rides again.
Too little inanity today
What a strange day. I just noticed I was still sittin' here with my tie still tied around my neck. I wore one of my two Cowboys ties today, as I am still proud of how well the defense played yesterday, but I have no idea why I did not take it off when I got off work. Oh well, maybe I was in a very serious mood.
Durin' one of my non-postin' hiatus this evenin', I watched Tom Jones, the winner of the Best Picture in 1964. I remember seein' it when it first came out, but I was about 8 years old at the time and I remember I did not like it all that much. I figured maybe I was much too immature to understand it at the time. However, although I am much more mature now, I am still not that impressed with the picture. I had to check to see what other pictures were nominated that year and in my opinion, Lilies of the Field was a much better movie. Of course, that has happened to me a couple of other times, as I was not all that impressed with American Beauty or Titanic. Oh well, when I finally become a member of the Academy, maybe my vote will count.
I got 107 visitors today. Woohoo! I think that is the first time I have received more than 100 daily visitors since I was Instalanched. I remember before that happened, my best day was somewhere about 137, then all of a sudden the Instalanche hit and I got somethin' like 4500 or so in two days, and it cost me $6 for the extra bandwidth. LOL
OK, we have the Veteran's Day ceremony in the square tomorrow mornin' at 9:00am, so I guess I had better drag my navel to bed. Again, it is being really shy in this cool weather and is hidin' under my clothes until just about bed time. It must be of some kind of assistance, because that damn navel sure looks like it is doin' well here lately. Maybe if I sleep with my head under the covers every night for a week, I will just get better lookin'. Who knows, right? Maybe it is worth a chance.
Well, before I get too far off the deep end, I suppose I should end tonight's report. I do hope you enjoyed what I had to share today as much as I had sharing it with ya'll. As always, I appreciate you comin' to visit and feel free to come back as much as ya want.
November 10, 2003
Oh, it's killin' me!
I am torn between linkin' Susie or linkin' Susie's interview. Oh, what will I do?
Shit, this really stinks
It seems that there is some kind of competition to makin' church signs. Now you can get a dog to poop on* people's blogs.
attribution: WizBang!
*Please realize the blog I chose for this example was chosen strictly for humorous effect only, and it was not my intent to offend the recipient.
How to drive in the country
I have lived in the country off and on most of my life. It amazes me that people do not understand the rules of the road for country, two-lane road drivin'.
First of all, the older you get, the slower you drive. It is a fact of life. When one of those old fogeys gets in front of you doin' 30 in a 70 mph zone, don't honk, don't get agitated, just pray that there is an opportunity to pass within the fifteen miles. Of course, as soon as it is safe to pass, they will pull onto the shoulder. Face it, it is just that way. They will back up traffic for miles and miles and only when it is completely safe to go around them will they feel safe enough to pull out of the way.
Secondly, around every curve is a piece of farm machinery that is enterin' the highway. Of course, they go slower than 30, but they will likely only go about 1 mile before they turn off of the road. This only happens on those rare occasions when you have clear highway to your fore and clear highway to your rear.
If there are 5 car lengths between you and the car immediately in front of you which is followin' a long convoy, and there are 500 car lengths behind you before the next car, at the very next intersection, someone will pull out in front of you and take forever to get up to speed. They never wait for you to pass so that they will have the much longer space and decrease the amount of impediment they cause in your progress.
You will be continually delayed by dump trucks haulin' gravel. Every time you speed up to pass, a piece of gravel will bounce out of the bed of that truck and plonk your windshield. You can pass if you get a clear half mile of highway because you have to stay so far back that it takes a quarter-half mile of runnin' room to reach passin' speed. The more gravel trucks on the road, the fewer the passin' lanes.
At night, if you see a deer standin' still on the side of the road, it will not move until it darts right out in front of you without givin' you time to react. If you see a skunk, you just hit it. If you see an armadillo, the last car just hit it.
You can generally drive safely between two country towns without gettin' a flat unless you are not carryin' a spare or a jack. Then you will always have a flat. There will be no place to pull over for miles. No one will stop who has any teeth.
If you are in a hurry, you will encounter road construction. Either you will be stopped for 15 minutes waitin' on the lead vehicle or you will be sent on a 20 mile detour. If you are unfamiliar with the detour route, you will run out of gas. There will be no gas station for miles. You will not have a gas can. No one will stop who has any teeth.
This is all I can think of right now, but I am sure there are about a million more I forgot.
Episode No. 15
OK, time to get comfortable, put your feet up and get ready for another glimpse into the life of your old friend Wicked Willie.
Wicked Willie lives on the upper floor of a lavish mansion on a secluded estate. Once the leader of the free world, he fell from grace as the woman who stood behind him walked over his back on her climb to success. Now a mere disbarred attorney, he is often left alone, with just the company of Stu and Benji, his two federally-assigned bodyguards. He just sits around playin' pocket pool, and allows his thoughts to drift on some of the more important things in life. Here are his thoughts. Maybe you will get a chuckle or two and maybe you will even agree with parts of what he has to say.Episode No. 14Monday, November 10, 2003
Brrrr, I'm so cold I can't feel my balls. We have been steadily on the move for days now, sleepin' under bridges and in barns, eatin' anythin'. I am pretty sure what Stu brung me yesterday was slop. I don't let too many people know 'bout this, but when I was a youngun in Arkansaw, I was in charge of feedin' the pigs, and I ain't forgot what slop looks like and definitely not what it smells like. I was too hungry to think too long on it, though, and it tasted mighty fine at that.
I think we are somewhere in Siberia now. We are actually in a bar. Stu and some bearded guy is laughin and drinkin' shots of vodka. I was just lookin' for a place to sit close to the fire when I saw this internet setup. I hope you are readin' this Monica ... 'cuase I never knew how much I missed ya until I was layin' in a haystack and you weren't there.
Oh wait, what is this? There is this big broad skank just starin' right at me. Damn, I can't feel my willie. Hmmm. maybe she has come over to offer to warm it up. Oh! She wants
Well, I wish I had a good ride, so ya'll come on back here if'n ya need what I got to give, ya hear?
Sometimes bad news hits close to home
I received an email from my brother today. It seems that they buried my ex-step-nephew last week. From the best I can remember, he would be about 9 years old. He was found dead outside the apartment he and his mother lived in, where he was supposedly huffin' freon from the air conditioner. Hopefully someone will learn a lesson from his death. That is the very best thing I can hope for from this situation. Rest in Peace, Matt.
As sad as it makes me to say so, I am glad my dad had already passed away, because my dad was very very close to Matt. His death would have broken my dad's heart. Of course, if my dad had still been around, maybe this would not have occurred. Who knows?
O' what a glorious mornin' ...
or some other trite crap from some Rogers and Hammerstein musical*. Nope, it is Monday and I can hardly hold my eyes open. I said I had stayed up too late when I put up that last post last night/early thiis mornin' and for some reason I laid in bed unable to go unconscious for several hours. Now I am late, late, late for a very important date.** Catch up with ya'll later.
*I am almost sure this is from a song in Oklahoma.
**I wonder why I feel an uncanny need to munch a carrot.
Well, stayed up way too late
My goodness, I did not even know it was close to midnight. I have an early day tomorrow and now am likely to oversleep. I was amazed at the number of visitors I got today, but I did work my butt off tryin' to attract large numbers. I actually went a couple over my average daily visitation rate, which is stupendous. I had better numbers this weekend for Friday, Saturday and Sunday than I have seen in a long long time. Thanks to all of you for your patronage. Of course, some of you tromped through with your muddy boots on, so I will likely be up for another hour moppin' the floor. The price of popularity, huh?
Well, didn't get much navel gazin' opportunity this day either, as it is still chilly and the navel is stayin' well bundled up. The little varmit just does not take too well to cold weather exposure. I am wonderin' if navels can get chapped. I bet a chapped navel would be a pain to deal with, ya think?
I guess ya'll can see how silly and inane I get when I have stayed up too late, so maybe I ought to cut this report short and go to bed. And yet, I have almost a full cup of Dr. Pepper left. Well, won't be the first time I have had to allow one to sit full all night long just to awaken to find a cup full of watered down, flat Dr. Pepper. However, if I shake the cup and can hear one sliver of ice rattle around, you can bet I will take a sip of it about the first thing I do in the mornin'. Uh, likely, however, the very first thing I do is get rid of the waste from all the prior Dr. Pepper drinkin' I did. Speakin' of which ... time to go.
November 09, 2003
A spark of hope glimmers on the horizon
You know, sometimes I wonder if I am the biggest loser in the universe, and then I will discover there are guys like this in the world. The strange thing is that this guy actually thinks he found nirvana.
attribution: JaxVenus [Days Go By]
Better'n the Good Housekeepin' Seal of Approval
Kelley found a product that actually does what it says it does, doesn't cost much, and is a labor saver if there ever was one. Go see.
Is he an official blogger yet?
I just noticed that today is Kang's one-month blogiversary. It is hard to believe that mindless marsupial has lasted this long. I don't think he knows, though, because when I checked in a bit ago, he had a very concerned look on his face.
Language evolves and you can't restrain it
It seems that Mirriam-Webster has included a term that rankles the powers-that-be at Ronald McDonald's headquarters: McJob, a term used to describe low-payin' and dead-end work by most in the age bracket who likely get stuck with such jobs now that all the good factory jobs have gone overseas or somethin'. I could give Ronald and his bunch Hell for their whinin', but Denita has already done a very good job of it.
I am proud to be an American
I just saw the 60 Minutes story on Patrick Miller. To paraphrase, to the best of my recollection, his reasonin' as to why this Silver Star recipient who likely saved the lives of Jessica Lynch and the rest of her party does not consider himself a hero: "I was only a soldier doing my job." Such is the stuff of which true Americans are made. Stamp him Made in America, with Pride.
Cowboys win!!!!!!!
In probably the most excitin' game of the year, the Cowboys win 10-6. Why excitin', you say when the scores were so low? Heck, the defenses on both sides put on a spectacular show. I am just thankful my team came out on top.
Sometimes bloggin' takes havin' a good endin'. The final sentence of this post made me almost fall out of my chair with laughter: Boots and Sabers: Super Computer. Hopefully it isn't just me.
A couple of quickies
A couple of minutes to kickoff, and thought I would post a couple of quick thoughts, one fact and one fiction. You decide:
Country and Western legend Hank Snow is having his sunset tour, as he is retiring, or more likely, he is finally movin' on.
In a surprise move, the Atlanta Falcons have canned Dan Reeves as their head coach and replaced him with Deion Sanders.
Ta ta for now! Go Cowboys!
The new Blogger's Alliance
OK! It seems that becomin' allied with like-minded bloggers is the name of the game. Thus far, I ain't been allied with any of 'em, ceptin' maybe that munu group. Mainly, I guess I ain't lined up with any alliances 'cause they all seem to be dealin' with blog warrin' or political stances. As such, I am bringin' out an idea I had several years ago to create a society for those people who take responsibility for their lives, actions, and decisions, as wells as attempt to teach others to do likewise. Here is our logo:
I'm in, so who wants to join me?
While your thinkin' on it, I will likely be watchin' the Cowboys whoop up on the Bills, or so's I am hopin'
Praise be to Jesus
Here's a good Sunday Mornin'* chuckle.
*OK, it is likely already afternoon where you are, but technically I posted this a minute before noon my time.
I found the Daily Double
Yes, it is true. I found a couple of back-to-back items on Reflections in d minor that I thought were worthy of mention.
The first involves the surreptitious actions of FOX to educate its viewers in its prime time programmin'. Actually, this might not be surprisin' to many, because think of how many lessons you have learned watchin' The Simpsons. Most might be things that are not actually safe to try at home, but lessons are lessons all the same.
The second item is something of a more serious note. Lynn pointed to the often discussed differences between the online personas and the real life personas of bloggers. I have had concerns over this situation for years, myself. When I initially began chattin' online, oh so many years ago, my tagline was in the realm where fantasy reigns, comes the lowly teabag3*, a man of honesty, wisdom and knowledge. I used to be disgusted with the amount of times someone supposedly fell in love with one of the other chatters without having ever done one moment of actual face time with such person. When called on it, they would say how they had had telephone conversations with this person, etc. Pish, posh, I say. Think of your own real life loves .... how many actual dates does it take before you conclude you actually love a person. My conclusion is that chatters are often a bunch of lonely, attention-starved people.
However, I am also mindful of my own internet persona. Is it the real me? I suppose I could defer to Denita and Eric or Tony S to answer the question, as I have met them in person. However, I do attempt to be very honest about myself in this blog. Is it the true me? Probably not 100%, as this blog is, in my opinion, a form of entertainment. I have adopted a slightly more caustic personality for this forum. I am unable to disguise my true opinions, however. I may just flavor my remarks in much more colorful language than I would use in real life. Of course, I have always found it easier to communicate in the written form, as vocabulary flows more easily when you can take a moment or more to dredge up those most appropriate words from your foggy memory banks.
*I adopted the user name teabag3 when I first began my online foray, but dropped it after a couple of years, right after the first time someone informed me of the sexual activity that was often referred to as teabaggin'. How I came to choose such name is a long story that I will not go into now.
No Moe, Curly Joe
You know you are ultimately mature* when you can read somethin' like this situation without seein' anythin' humorous about it. Damn, I hope the feelin' passes 'cause I would sorely miss my Three Stooges.
Nyak, Nyak, Nyak, Nyak.
November 08, 2003
I got somethin' to show
OK, navel is doin' well. Of course, maybe you might be interested in a picture of my cock.*
*I am hopeful that no one will be offended by this picture. Of course, there is a reason this site is rated "R".
It's pretty big, isn't it?
I am bettin' you were actually expectin' a picture of a rooster, weren't you?
Please Stay Tuned
This station is experiencin' technical difficulties. It seems that after havin' been being supremely stable all day, my crappy dialup service has decided it is time to start actin' crappy once again. After seein' the connection die and reconnect over and over again, I think it is time to go watch some TV. It ain't like I was drawin' that many readers anyway. Besides the commentin' and linky-love has been pitifully poor all day. I shall endeavor to hopefully return sometime later this evenin', provided my crappy dialup service allows me to do so. However, until I do, there is still plenty of stuff to read below, so feel free to scroll down.
Another gem, but not here
Yep, I downloaded it and watched it, but I don't have the server space to store it here, but if you want to see the hilarious ad for 42 Below Vodka (quicktime movie), go to The Country Store.
Who really gives a fuck?
OK, it seems there is some kind of fiasco brewin' 'mong the Brits. My sources tell me that Prince Charles and one of his closest advisors, let's just call him Randy for the sake of gettin' the story out, were huddled in some deep hush-hush discussions regardin' the British affairs of state. Tea time arrived and tea was served. As the two were sittin' 'round sippin' tea, Randy blurted out as to how he was sure that the Warrin'ton Wolves were gonna trounce the Wigan Warriors on Monday Night Rugby, whereby Prince Charles, a reknowned Wigan Warriors fan retorted, "Suck my dick!" Randy, confused as to the nature of the remark. but afraid to disclose such in the princely presence, assumed such was a royal command and commenced to doing that which he presumed he had been commanded to perform. Before anythin' actually took place, other than Randy droppin' to his knees before the Prince and startin' to unzip his trousers, and before the Prince was able to explain the nature of his retort, the damn servant walked in to retrieve the tea tray. Michele has a different version.
Public Service Announcement
Please beware! Bill is an idiot, but at least he is man enough to admit it.
What's 6'1", has hazel eyes and is like a Tiger in bed?
At first I imagined that Venemous Kate was dreamin' of me, but then, after seeing I was not even listed on her long, extensive blogroll, I came to realize she was dreamin' of Acidman somebody else*.
*Kate, in the comments, vehemently denied the person in her dream was he whom I had previously suggested, but failed to confirm that it was I, therefore it could only have been somebody else.
Damn that Dustbury ;)
He came up with this title: So we tanned her hide when she died, Clyde. Now I am gonna have to ponder all day at how to top that! Oh, do read the story behind that ingenious title, unless, of course, you are a vegan or somethin'.
When your hankerin' for a hunk of cheese ...
I had run across this delightfully illustrated children's tale sometime previously during some Internet surfin' adventures in the past, but had lost my bookmark at some point. Thankfully, Leeann was able to point me to it again. If ya ain't feelin' like clickin' that one, ya really do need to read her poignant tale of two titties. Leave a penny or two while you are there, if you can.
And the Oscar for Strangest Flash Movie of 2003 goes to ...
Hey, if ya got good bandwidth or just a lot of spare time, you might take a gander at this very strange Flash animation. How do I know it is strange? Well, I looked at it, but more importantly, Frank said the viewing of this movie was the whole reason the Internet was invented. Now, that is strange.
Blogospheric anomalies
Remember yesterday when I talked about the great writin' you would find if you checked out Scattered Little Thoughts? Well, Notes from an Eclectic Mind often can also provide a delightful ditty or two.
Of course, on the other end of the scale, there is likely not a more absolutely worthless use of blog space than this.
Checkin' up on charitable contributions
Dustbury points out that there is somethin' interestin' in the Taste Section of the WSJ Opinion Journal:
Friday, November 7, 2003 12:01 a.m. EST
RED STATES CARE: In news sure to depress those for whom Republican stinginess and antipathy for the less fortunate is an article of faith, the Massachusetts Catalogue for Philanthropy has just released its Generosity Index 2003, which ranks states not just by how much their residents give per capita but also by how much they give relative to what they earn. As OpinionJournal.com reader Gabriel Openshaw pointed out to us, the resulting index shows that the top 20 states all went for George W. Bush in the 2000 election--while 15 of the 20 least generous went for Al Gore. Maybe, he suggests, the difference is that those in red states are more generous with their own money while those in blue states are more likely to be generous with other people's money. - link
Dustbury provided links to the Generosity Index if you're interested in seeing the complete state-by-state breakdown.
It's gonna be one of those kinds of days
Yep, I am pretty sure most of ya'll bloggers are still deep in slumber tryin' to sleep off last night's over-indulgence of food and alcohol. As for me, I just sat here postin' crap after more crap all night until I was so weary I could not hold my head up any longer. I blogged so much last night that when I went to bed the room seemed to spin and I woke up this mornin' with a hangover. Who knew bloggin' could be so intoxicatin'?
Well, Now I am off for a recharge of my system ... I need some caffeine and a nic fix. I still haven't quit smokin' but holding pretty steady at 10 cigs or so per day. That is a 75% reduction in my former daily cigarette habit. So, up and at 'em everyone. All that crap I been postin' is needin' to be read.
I will be back later. I have a couple of other errands to run after the system recharge is complete.
One last thing before turnin' in
Wow, 95 visitors for November 8: the closest I have come to toppin' the 100 mark since I actually did get 100 visitors on October 9.
I also had to rebuild my entire blog three times during all of those visits after discoverin' and deletin' spammer commentin'. It actually takes quite a bit of time to rebuild this blog now that I have somethin' over 1300 entries.
November 07, 2003
Playin' a game of Hide 'n Seek
Well, I guess my sweet dear navel is gettin' a bit shy with all the attention ya'll have been showin' by readin' these daily reports 'cause the little dickens has been hidin' from me, keepin' his whereabouts concealed. I am hopeful he is bein' well fed and such, and is not ill with any navel illnesses of any kind. Are there any navel illnesses of any kind?
If you are tired of readin' 'bout my belly button, you could always go read about Tracy's head. As for me, I am thinkin' I will go uncover this navel mystery, and report back to ya'll tomorrow if I discover anythin'.
Perchance, I should read more and blog less?
Flannery O'Connor wrote your book.
Not much escapes your notice.
Which Author's Fiction are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
Fine & well, I might say, but I don't have a clue as to who Flannery O'Connor was. It seems someone does.
Assist goes to Kelley.
Outta the mouths of babes
It seems SilverBlue has a story of a couple of boys in a school play that flubbed their lines and got flustered to point of blurtin' out their real feelin's to everyone's delight.
The wondrous Blogosphere
The great thing about bloggin' is that anyone can do it, with just a computer and a connection to the Wild Wooly Web™. I often encounter some superb writers. Some are on my blogroll. Scattered Little Thoughts always showcases the excellent writing of anonymous gurl. I really loved this week's entry entitled "STORIES NEVER TOLD...". I do wish she had permalinks.
We all regret these kind of days
Poor Cathy had a horrible day. A good friend passed away.
Go by and pay your respects.
Where is the force when ya need it?
It seems The Accidental Jedi had an actual lunchtime accident. At least it didn't involve a light sabre, this time.
Where the fuck are my two cows?
Of course, if I am able to actually locate them, what in the Hell happens next?
My, what a big gun you have, officer
Hmm, who said schools were not workin' hard enough to keep an eye on what our children were doin'? Maybe they are workin' too hard in some cases.
Funky Fridays or Friday Funks
It seems that Kevin just doesn't find Fridays to be as enjoyable as he once did. I actually understand how he feels, but I still look forward to them because I usually am lookin' forward to gettin' some rest over the weekend, but it seems I rarely do.
Back to bloggin'
Well, I am back from my latest foray in the dentist's chair. The novacaine took much longer to wear off this time and I am only just now gettin' all the feelin' back into my lips. Was I overdosed, because I never remember a time when I was given so much that half my nose was numbed. Oh well, at least everything done was painless.
As usual, I went to the movies after I left the dental clinic. Of course, this time I did not even buy any popcorn, as I remembered what happened last time. 'Course, I passed on the soda also. They don't have Dr. Pepper and without any popcorn to wash down, I didn't feel the need to pass on Mr. Pibb for Coke. I just passed completely. Someone, I don't remember who, had told me Secondhand Lions was pretty good. I opted on seeing it other that several others that I have seemed to pass on the last couple of times I have been to the dentist. This theater seems to keep the same movies showin' for a longer time that the local ones do, but bein' it is in the big city of Ft. Worth, I suppose they have found it worth their while to do so. Thankfully they did, or I might have had to wait to see Seabiscuit on video. I found I had forgotten to blog about how much I liked that movie, or if I did, I sure didn't find it.
But, back to Secondhand Lions. I really liked it. I would call it a cross between Space Cowboys and Calvin & Hobbes. It was just one of those feel good movies. It was fairly strange, however, to hear Michael Caine drawlin' with a Texas twang.
Well, enough for now. Funny thing is that I was tryin' to load up all the blogs on my blogroll that have posted since I last posted, so things was movin' a bit slow with my searches on prior entries, so I happened to read everythin' InstaPundit had posted for today while I was waitin'. I am not sure when was the last time I did that.
Update to Health watch: Lettuce may be toxic
Way back on April 28, 2003, I reported on a possible health problem involving perchlorate contamination in California lettuce. Today, I received this comment to that post:
As California’s former Secretary for Environmental Protection and former chief law enforcement officer for the U.S. Environmental Protection Agency, I share the public demand that the facts about perchlorate become available and accessible to as many people as possible.
It is absolutely essential that regulatory agencies have access to the best possible scientific information on which to base critical decisions. To do otherwise would risk creating a drinking water standard for perchlorate that fails to provide public health benefit while imposing staggering costs—not only unnecessarily burdening taxpayers and ratepayers, but also diverting resources from other important needs. This is important everywhere, and nowhere more than in California, where we are struggling to maintain services during a historic budgetary crisis.
In the midst of these challenges, there is very good news. The National Academy of Sciences (NAS), recognizing the importance of this issue nationally, has convened a panel of experts to review the science. This affords state governments the opportunity to obtain and apply the best available scientific information in setting regulatory standards. Given California’s longstanding commitment to environmental leadership, the timing could not be better.
The NAS will have a large body of credible research on perchlorate from which to draw, going back half a century, when perchlorate was in widespread use as a medication to treat thyroid problems. You will see on the Web site www.councilonwaterquality.org, credible scientific studies have found no adverse effects on human health from low levels of perchlorate. Widely accepted scientific evidence indicates that perchlorate does not cause cancer or birth defects, and is not stored in the body.
Just as the NAS is a unique forum to bring together science in neutral, respected forum, the Council on Water Quality Web site aims to become a reliable source of information on perchlorate.
I thought his message was too important to be buried in comments that no one would likely see. Thanks for the input James!
George ... Friday has come at last!
Of course, I over slept .... badly. Cold weather does that to me. I am so warm snuggled up in a goose down comforter that there is no way my body wants to feel that cold air touch its outer shell. It rebelled against my will and remained inert until the bladder alarm went off and forced me into action. Now I have things to do, the most crucial of such is another trip to the dentist for deep cleanin' on the other side. I am so lookin' forward to that. Feel free to denote sarcastic inflection within that last sentence.
There is really a lot of good stuff to read from the past couple of days, so if ya got a minute or two, scroll down and read a few of the other entries. 'Course, that is only a suggestion, not a requirement.
Nov. 7, 2003
There was a great mathematician named Hilbert, who telegraphed Berlin saying he had proved the outstanding unsolved problem in mathematics, a thing called Riemann's conjecture. It has to do with the roots of a well known function.
He sends this telegram to Berlin, where he's going to give a speech. Everybody gets really excited. So Hilbert shows up and talks, but says nothing about the problem.
Somebody comes up to him after the speech and says, what about Riemann's conjecture, what's the solution?
Hilbert says he hasn't got one. This was his first airplane trip and he was pretty nervous, so he sent the telegram in case he got killed, so that he would die famous.
November 06, 2003
Crap, I failed to make a clean get-away
After that last reload to check the publication of tonight's Nightly Navel Gazing Report™, I happened to see that Anna had recently updated. She was ravin' 'bout this. Anna always makes good suggestions about things worthy of viewin'. I viewed it. Afterwards, I blogrolled Mr. Green. I saw where Kang had already done so.
Cold feet and warm ears
Before I get to tellin' ya how my navel is today, let me get rid of a few things I wanted to tell ya'll about. First of all, my feet are like really cold, but for some reason my ears feel like they are burning up. I am surely hopeful that is not a symptom of somethin' nefarious comin' to attack my health. I would hate to be ill this weekend, especially when I think I am gonna have to go to the office to get some much needed work done.
I said somethin' 'bout my dogs earlier. I always get kinda tickled at Duke when it gets cold. He has this severe skin mite allergy problem that has caused him to lose most of his hair. He has been provided a little hut with a blanket in it. When it turns cold, he doesn't come out for his dog biscuit. He expects room service. He gets it.
I am thinking of gettin' somethin' for Comanche to use to escape the cold weather, but she really does not seem to mind. I drove by once today during the day. We had a pretty strong north wind blow in some bitterly cold air. I drove by the house and saw Comanche just layin' in the yard by the fence. That cold wind did not seem to bother her in the least.
Me, I have a big bed with a goose down comforter on it. I actually still have my summer goose down comforter on the bed. It is much lighter than the one I use in the winter. I just don't have anyone to bring me munchies after I get all snuggled in. Of course, I would likely wonder why anyone would, as I wouldn't even eat crackers in bed.
Ah, the laundry: I actually got two loads washed, one is still in the dryer and the other still in the wash. If the one in the dryer was anythin' that had to be folded, the load in the washer might be there until I got home tomorrow. Thankfully, however, it is a load of BVDs and there is no necessity to fold those. You just shove them in the drawer and be done with it.
OK, enough with the mundane inanities, I suppose. Let's get to the serious stuff. The navel has again been covered throughout the day. Therefore no gazing was possible. However, I have it on good authority that the navel is doin' fine. That there ends tonight's report.
Behold and ye shall be rewarded
Ya'll lazy assed kids turn off those videogames and TVs. There are some wondrous sights to be seen outside, says Michele.
You don't say?
I'm sitting here in a bra and panties with a face full of make-up and super cool hair and I feel like shit. - Gennie
Dogs are too cool!
All that love and affection for the price of a cheap dog biscuit.
In other news: It is really gettin' chilly 'round these parts. I think it is a good night to do a couple of loads of laundry. That dryer usually throws out a lot of heat. In the summer, I abhor that indoor vent release, but it provides a good heat source in the winter while you are getting one of those essential chores out of the way. It happens to be right on the other side of the wall from where I am currently sittin'.
UPDATE: But first, I am gonna go to Sonic® and get me a Frito® pie. I was waitin' for autumn to officially fall 'fore I did that. Think it has fallen, at least another 10 degrees or so.
I passed the test!
The image is a link. Of course, I didn't have much problem gettin' passed on this test. Unless they got a good ID or a couple of laugh lines, they are always too young.
The world is full of strangers
Well, my trial didn't last long and didn't go my client's way, but the issue is resolved. My client is competent to stand trial. I expected that result but I had a question about it. Therefore could not have ever ethically stated that my client was competent to enter a plea. In fact, when forced to by the court, I entered a "not guilty" plea on his behalf objectin' to being forced to enter a plea prior to a findin' that he was competent. His offense is a serious matter, so back to the drawin' board.
This kid is strange. But I see strange people all the time. The world is full of them; some likely have mental disease and others are probably on drugs. There is a segment of society that appears to move in slow motion. You know that batty lady in the frilly dress and funny hat that just chats up a storm about any old crap to everyone she meets? How about that old man that rides all over town on a bicycle who waves but never speaks? We all know that funny lookin' kid pushin' the broom in the super market. Usually, such persons are productive hardworking people who cause absolutely no problems. There are also places those sort of people don't belong. Prison is one of them. A person like that doesn't last long in prison.
But sometimes people like that are accused of doing some pretty bad things. Often the evidence is pretty overwhelming that they did such things. Compassion is very hard to find. I advised him to pray about it, it couldn't hurt.
November 05, 2003
Artful analogy?
Hmm, I was thinkin' today that my blog was kinda like doin' a stand-up comedy show on some sidewalk with a hat layin' out in front. Every once in awhile a crowd would gather and allow me to entertain them (readin' my crap) and once in a great while, someone would pitch a coin or a bill into the hat (commentin' on my crap). Of course, some would have to leave, but would spend the rest of the day tellin' everyone what they had seen and urgin' them to go see for themselves (linkin' to my crap). What can I say, I am just a natural born street performer. I love the crowds, I love the donations, and I damn sure love the free advertisement.
Today was such a strange day. I actually got nothin' done, seriously. Not sure why, but seemed all I did was go here and there with intentions of accomplishin' somethin' but either someone would not be where they were supposed to be or some problem would occur along the way. Tomorrow I have to attempt to persuade 12 jurors that my retarded client cannot understand enough about the proceedings against him to be competent to stand trial. That is my job. The jury's job is to determine if such is to be. The psychologist was unsure.
I am so glad I found out that I could take Sudafed to rid myself of the sinus headaches and be able to sleep. I had to do so today, and now am really drowsy. I am gonna make it another early one. May be a sign of my impendin' old age ... yuck! Still insomnia sucks.
It has been quite chilly today, so my navel has remained unexposed for the greater part of the day. I suspect there is no problem with it this evening, but I shall take a long gander at it just before I crawl under the goose down comforter and let it begin to reflect my body heat as I drift off into slumber. Just because I might be snoozin' don't mean you should cease your readin'. From some of my Site Meter scans, I find that I often get people who spend hours just readin' through my archives. That always gladdens my heart.
Oh, by the way, I am really enjoyin' the comments I am gettin' on this post. I can feel my ego swellin'. Thanks ya'll!
Meet me at Mt. Sinai
Some things are just a little too bizarre to even conjure a snarky thought in my mind.
Yours truly: Butt end of lame jokes
Hmm ... according to Madfish Willie, Kang A. Roo is tellin' some really lame *** jokes. After being found out, said Kang A. Roo seems to headin' out the back way.
Rehashin' the TCU fiasco
OK, Ft. Worth Star-Telegram, newspaper for the hometown of the TCU Hornfrogs has a great story about that 1938 undefeated team that won the National Championship led by the legendary Davey O'Brien ... the namesake of the Trophy given to the top college quarterback each year. The foundation in charge of handin' out his trophy is located in Ft. Worth. Now, all of ya'll that think that TCU does not deserve a chance in this year's big bowl bid, just think of the heritage of this school, bein' the place where Davey O'Brien was from and also the home school of legendary Slingin' Sammy Baugh, one of the top quarterbacks in the NFL durin' his career. Go ahead, slam them for not bein' in one of the big major college conferences, but give them their due. Should the foundation decide that quarterbacks playin' such conferences are not worthy of bein' eligible for the Davey O'Brien Trophy? No way, you would say. Well, then allow TCU to have their due also. Just because they are not a part of those major conferences, does not mean they do not deserve a chance to compete for this year's National Championship? I say, no way .. let 'em play!
What to do about Matt ...
Well, it is great to have a friend like Matt, 'cause otherwise I might not know about the seedier side of the internet. Today he sent me this link. I wouldn't click it with the boss or that prude in the next cubical looking over your shoulder or within hearin' distance.
This flash music video seems to have been around for awhile. As instantaneous as the Wild Wooly Web™ can be, some stuff still takes awhile to get around to everybody.
Continuing the Spirit I
As my loyal fans know, I had published many of my late father's former columns in a continuin' series under this Category name. All such columns have already been published. Such were unique, fraught with every urban legend that has come along from time to time dealin' with decadence in our society and the like. Well, my favorite aunt sent me somethin' today that I thought was profound and was somethin' Rusty would have seized upon to blurb about in his column.
Mindful of the very proclivity of Urban Legends to be forwarded along in emails, I did take the opportunity to check the following through snopes.com, which somewhat corrected the version forwarded from my aunt. The following is snopes version of the January, 1999 prayer before the Kansas House of Representative by Rev. Joe Wright, senior pastor of the 2,500-member Central Christian Church in Wichita, Kansas.
Heavenly Father, we come before you to ask your forgiveness. We seek your direction and your guidance. We know your word says, "Woe to those who call evil good." But that's what we've done.
We've lost our spiritual equilibrium. We have inverted our values. We have ridiculed the absolute truth of your word in the name of moral pluralism. We have worshiped other gods and called it multiculturalism.
We have endorsed perversion and called it an alternative lifestyle.
We've exploited the poor and called it a lottery. We've neglected the needy and called it self-preservation. We have rewarded laziness and called it welfare. In the name of choice, we have killed our unborn. In the name of right to life, we have killed abortionists.
We have neglected to discipline our children and called it building self-esteem. We have abused power and called it political savvy. We have coveted our neighbor's possessions and called it taxes. We have polluted the air with profanity and pornography and called it freedom of expression. We have ridiculed the time-honored values of our forefathers and called it enlightenment.
Search us, oh, God, and know our hearts today. Try us. Show us any wickedness within us. Cleanse us from every sin and set us free. Guide and bless these men and women who have been sent here by the people of the State of Kansas, and that they have been ordained by you to govern this great state.
Grant them your wisdom to rule. May their decisions direct us to the center of your will. And, as we continue our prayer and as we come in out of the fog, give us clear minds to accomplish our goals as we begin this Legislature. For we pray in Jesus' name, Amen.
Rusty would have loved this!
Somewhere in the middle of nowhere
OK, best title I could think up for a Wednesday opener. I mean all the trite crap about it bein' humpday is a bit blasé, 'specially if you ain't privy to no humpin' opportunities. I ain't real sure I can exceed yesterday's output. I could surely easily exceed the paltry amount of postin' I did, but it would be difficult to top the utter goodness of each and every post. I count yesterday's bloggin' efforts as a very exceptional daily output.
So, what do we have today? It seems I heard yesterday that these mid-term gubnatorial elections were gonna be an important sign ... for the Democrats. I guess the message wasn't what they was 'spectin', though. Hopefully there weren't no hangin' chads involved.
Speakin' of governors ... I wonder if we could get Arnie and Jesse into a ring for the benefit of some charity.
Damn, I am runnin' later than Roscoe on the way to a road block ... so ta ta for now.
November 04, 2003
Who the Fuck is Kim du Toit?*
It seems some guy named Kim du Toit twisted all the gals panties in a wad sayin' somethin' about all men who ain't warrin', pillagin' and rapin' women is a bunch of pussies. It caused so much hullabaloo that all the people goin' to his site to see what the fuss was about overloaded his server. I know, I tried to get there. He has a temporary fix if ya want to see it, but most likely ya already read it didn't ya? So michele said somethin' about it and drew 60 comments, last I looked. Everyone seems to like to shoot their mouth off over on michele's blog, and she ain't really none too happy 'bout it. One of the reasons I love Anna so much, other than she always makes me laugh, is because she knows when to butt out of a situation.
Anyway, I guess the point I want to make is that I just do not understand why some guy posts some stupid opinion and everyone thinks it is blogworthy, but except for few intrepid souls, no one reads any of my crap, not even the good stuff. It is not like I am sittin' here in my BVDs gazin' at my bellybutton thinkin' up all this crap for my health. Nope, I am pretty sure I am one of the smartest guys to come along since Einstein bit the dust, maybe not Stephen Hawking smart, but more like Benjamin Franklin smart. I see shit and figure crap out quicker than anyone. Most of the crap other people post is just that, a bunch of crap that has been reported to death in the media already. I just continually worry about why people seem to be drawn to the same ol' trite crap time and time again, and I get continually overlooked. Oh well, I will just bide my time and see what my navel is up to ... either that or go to bed.
Elvis Tiger has departed the console.
*Last time I asked Who the Fuck some blogger was it turned out to be Dave Barry's dog.
Tig's rules on parentin'
Oh George, but did Serenity start a fire with this post. It seems some bus driver whacked some kid who was repeatedly sayin' "penis" even though said bus driver had instructed said kid to cease and desist from doin' so. The full story. Said bus driver was fired and charged criminally over the incident. Serenity says this, as well as most other behavior currently exhibited by our youth, is a sign of what kind of leadership we can expect in the future. She blames poor parentin'. Duh?
Look, sure I don't have none of them li'l rascals of my own, but I have taken a part in raisin' one or two of them. It is YOUR RESPONSIBILITY to instruct every little brat you got a chance to deal with to become a productive and responsible adult. Even though I can't stand the bitch that coined the phrase, it really does take a village.
Rule #1. No child is too young to be instructed in proper behavior.
Rule #2. What is wrong is always wrong, no matter where you are or who is present.
Rule #3. Be consistent.
Rule #4. Explain why the child is bein' punished, make the child explain to you why they are bein' punished then punish the child appropriately.
Rule #5. Never punish out of anger. If you are too angry to explain to the child why it is necessary to punish them and then have them explain back why it is necessary that they are gettin' punished, then you need to abate punishment to a later time.
Rule #6. If corporal punishment is to be meted out to a child, inform the child of the number of strokes to be received prior to beginnin' the punishment.
Rule #7. Never strike a child anywhere but the buttocks, and use only such force as is necessary to cause pain. Pain is the intended result of corporal punishment, not injury.
Rule #8. Use every avenue to instruct. If watchin' somethin' on television and some child exhibits wrong behavior, use such as a teachin' tool to explain why such behavior is wrong. It is best that television shows are limited to those which also show the consequences of the bad behavior.
Rule #9. Check on children frequently. Never just send them off to their room and forget about them. At least once every fifteen minutes stick you head in the door to see what they are doing.
Rule #10. Take a very active part in children's lives. Talk to them on their level and always try to be truthful.
Rule #11. Lead by example. As simple as it sounds, but if you want your children to grow up to be responsible stable citizens, be a stable responsible citizen.
Rule #12. Try to always provide alternative choices with different consequences, ie. You can either clean up your room or sit on that chair over there until your dad comes home. Such instructs children to think about consequences of choices.
All these rules are to be followed throughout childhood. The level of control changes through out the child's life. Be a strict disciplinarian until children start school. Durin' elementary, allow a small amount of freedom, increasin' such as they exhibit the ability to make correct choices about things. Durin' intermediate grades, increase freedom to include the type of books they are able to read, openly discuss ideas. Allow semi-unchaperoned group outings. Durin' High School, allow as much freedom as the child's behavior dictates, but remain a very active part of their lives. Make them work for spendin' money so as to provide a basis for understandin' the value of money.
Just as everyone who reads this is a unique individual, so is every child. What works for one child may not work for its sibling. It is your responsibility to discover how to properly guide each child for which you have responsibility to adulthood. It is not an easy job, that is why two parents are necessary, and why they are supposed to be adults.
Yeah, yeah, I know some of ya'll think I am full of bull, but I can tell ya this much ... my rules and ideas work. I learned most of this from how I was raised, from what my mom and dad did that was right and what they did that was wrong. A lot of the rest I leaned from trial and error. The key is that you try to guide the maturity of children. None of us are perfect and not everything works, but continually trying to find a way to make it happen succeeds more often than not.
Kudos to SilverBlue for pointin' me to Serenity's post
Hello?* Is anyone listenin'?
OK, of the 20 or so people who might actually run across this post and read down this far, PsychoDad has requested that you read this post and share your comment. As it was posted yesterday and no one had yet commented, I was almost sure no one had seen it. Therefore, I am attempting TO URGE YOU TO DO SO!
*Now, don't make me start doin' a Jerry Lewis impression on ya!
Takin' candy from a baby
I have been hearing about this story on the radio all day:
ROBBER WITH A SWEET TOOTH Posted Tuesday, November 4, 2003 by THE NEWS WHERE YOU LIVECleburne police are investigating an incident that occurred Halloween night and involved some children having their "trick or treat" candy stolen from them.
The children were standing inside their home after having gone trick or treating when a man ran up to the house and proceeded to push the children down and take their candy.
The incident took place in the 200 block of Peacock and the children's father chased the man as he fled from the home with the rest of the family getting in the car and joining the chase.
The robber was located a short distance away and the children got out of the car and tackled him, trying to get their candy back. The man was able to get away on a bicycle.
Authorities do have information regarding the man and a possible accomplice.
The site from which this was copied is here but may not be located at such site for long. I therefore pasted the story verbatim.
I suppose what puzzles me the most is the robber's motivation. I mean there was plenty of candy to be had on Halloween night, so was it something about these particular kids or what? This situation is just too bizarre. Another thought that crosses my mind is how ironic it would be if I was appointed to represent this crazed thief somewhere down the road, because I do a lot of work in the courts of Cleburne.
The Lord of the Pings
OK, I previously posted about Roxette Bunny's ping onslaught of 39 pings on SilverBlue after discovering Denita's showering of 29 pings on me. This made me mindful that with a little effort, a person could easily manipulate the Blogosphere Ecosystem. I had actually prepared to do so, just to show how it could be done. Someone very close to me talked me out of it, saying that the Blogosphere Ecosystem operates as well as it does due to the fair play of the bloggers involved and that my example would not be within the bounds of fair play. After having it stated so succinctly, I came to the realization that such was evidently true.
Just to show you how easily one person could singlehandedly change the face of the Blogosphere with one post, please consider what is exhibited in the extended entry. Each link is to a different post, but as all such links point to this blog, such will have no effect on the Blogosphere. However, if such script were to be posted in any other blog taking part in the Blogosphere Ecosystem, the number of unique links to my blog would be increased by a substantial number. The following script took me just over an hour to create using some ordinary functions of some very common programs most people have on their computers. I will not, however, disclose how such was done or advise anyone to attempt to duplicate my efforts. My exhibition of the darkest side of rampant linkage herein is intended only to initiate some discussion of the bounds of fair play as it relates to rampant linkage from one blog to another.
One post to link them all [1359 total unique links]:
ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, pi
Answering the age old question
Well, my buddy Matt has provided an answer to that age old question for which we have all been searchin':
Different day, stranger night
Well, I made it through Monday by just avoidin' the office and goin' off on a tangent. At least I did get somethin' accomplished. Then I came home and started on a project that Kang and I have been discussin' and we got most of it accomplished but for some reason, despite the best attempts and feeble intellects of one large striped cat and a long tailed marsupial, we were unable to get the job done.
I seemed to have gotten super-sized on the readership today despite the fact that I hardly posted anythin' during the day. There were not a lot of comments, but then I never seem to get a lot of comments anyway. It seems that it is only the same three or four people who take the time to comment. I am pretty sure there are a few more than that who regularly visit. I think some of them are just really shy.
I have had that Texas Blogs ring link down below my blogroll for quite a while now and got notice today that I was now a part of the ring. It seemed to take them long enough. Still, I actually figured I had been rejected for usin' too much foul language. ;)
Uh, my free favorite source is out of Dr. Pepper again. This time I substituted Mountain Dew. I actually hate that stuff, but it does contain a sufficient amount of caffeine. We all know what happened last time when I went with the caffeineless Mug Root Beer.
Well, so much for the mundane crap about whatever. The navel is swell, so guess I can conclude this report on that happy note. More crap tomorrow ... possibly. I am just always hopeful I can think of somethin' worth readin' to post with regularity.
November 03, 2003
Look what I found!
I just saw this on the sidebar over on Pixy's site. It totally cracked me up:
I'm a
Roast Potato
on the
Blogosphere Ecosystem!
Am I missin' somethin' here?*
I have seen this one female's ad come through email I receive from Yahoo personals time and time again. I wonder if this gal ever gets any replies, and if not, why? I mean she comes across as so very easy to please.
Yesssss... Coming home..I am in prison and I will be out of here within 18 months.I have been in here over 15 years and I am ready for the world.You have dreams in here and my is a family and a secure home life. The world will be a new place to me and i want to experience it in nice easy steps. My man must be mine...wanting a family and spending time with us.Age nor race are factors but he must be gentle and kind ..strong and understanding.. I know I will need help adjusting back to the real world [text is as originally seen in ad]
Actually, I do wonder for what crime she has been servin' time, as except for violent or aggravated crimes, Texas prisoners usually make parole pretty easily on first offenses. She advertises her age as 33, so if she has been in there for 15 years, that would have made her only 18 when she was convicted. Not likely to have had a lengthy criminal history at that age.
*Naw, I wasn't really missin' anythin' ... just needed a title and that one seemed to work.
Today's impromptu road trip
Well, it was a dreary lookin' day today and I decided to finally get one legal matter done. It was a personal matter dealing with some land my dad left for me, my brother and sister. I am not sure if I have blogged about this previously, but there was a railroad track right through the land. This is where I lived between age 12 and 18. The track has been abandoned by the railroad company and now we own one half of the right-of-way, as my dad had sold the other side of the land to someone a long time ago. The City of Abilene has been bothering me forever to approve the easement so as allow them to put a water pipe down the right-of-way for several months, and I kept trying to get them to give me more information that what they had sent. I guess they did not understand what I wanted, because every day, the person in charge of this situation would call me to see what was taking so long for me to clear it up. My brother and my sister put me in charge of it, since I am a lawyer and know more about such than they do. Well, I drove all the way there to meet with the guy, 2 hours each way, to look at the deeds of the land, check out the maps, just so I could understand the surveyor's notes attached to the easement paperwork. I also had some problems with some one clause, where I had agreed to give them a temporary easement on 20 feet on our side of the right-of-way for construction use, which said they were not responsible for any damage to our land. I told them no way, you are responsible for all damage caused. I did say there that destruction to all the mesquite trees did not count as damage, as long as they removed them. After such was changed, I signed the easement agreement. I then went by my brother's house, but found no one there, so I just left him a note. My brother does not understand things all that well, so I was just trying to assist them in getting him to go down there and sign it.
So, if you were wondering why I had not blogged much during today, now you know why!
More is not always better
Roxette Bunny composed a post with 39 links to SilverBlue exceeding the 29 that Denita sent my way in this post.
All that being said, however, Denita's post was this:
"Were there two Mondays this week?" he asked himself as he tossed and turned under the covers, suffering yet another sleepless night. The next day he begged most humbly for forgiveness while exposing his navel, wondering when does the madness end as he listened to the radio. That evening he pledged to be less forthright in exposing his navel, but alas, it was too late--he was completely brain-dead and reduced to telling blonde jokes. But we'll forgive him, as his next day was a real whirlwind. He spent the afternoon spreading the word around about the hazards of increasing sizes before touring his town's Haunted House. Too bad he couldn't scare the Comment Spammers that have been pestering him lately away from his blog...oh well. At least he wasn't throwing kangaroos--though he was pitching them. But soon enough he had to ask the question--how high do you have to reach to touch the sky? He had a great answer to that one. But then it was time for a nap. During which no-one read nuthin, because it was Saturday. After his nap he decided to get toasted. Then it was time for Sunday Football! Alas, the World Series disappointed him, and the Cowboys lost. But at least he finally got to watch Chicago. Then he dreamed about Renee Zellweger's belly button. He got a letter from his aunt, was fussy about how blogging is declining, linked to yours truly (thanks again, ***!), and decided to kill the kangaroo. He felt quite weird after all that, and was left wondering "Where the Hell am I?"
while Roxette Bunny posted this:
And records are made to be broken.
Of course, that means that there's a lot of typing that needs to be done, and my little blue bunny paws get tired easily.
I dunno, but isn't it kinda like comparin' apples to oranges? Of course, the downside of this is that my report duplicates the 39 links to SilverBlue but does nothin' to assist my cause. However, Kang and I are comin' up with somethin' that will blow the lid off of the Blogosphere Ecosystem.
Won't someone throw me a rope?
Why does this continual lack of love continue to push me farther and farther into the depths of despair? You would think that after a few years, a guy could get used to it.
November 02, 2003
A most unusual day, I guess
I awakened much too early this mornin', but then remember I went to bed early last evenin'. I guess ya'll likely read my first postin' of the day, so got some kinda clue as to what time I was up. Well, I ate lunch about 10, then went to the office and did all that stuff I was talkin' 'bout doin' yesterday, before that bunch on the tour of all the American Legion people came to my office. Since our post is just a trailer, where I have never been or seen, but have been told it stinks worse than a skunk, we told them we would meet them at my office. They were 15 minutes late, just chatted a bit, then off they went, and out I went. At least the office is organized a bit. I even vacuumed the floor. Wow, who knows, maybe one of these days I can get my house reorganized again. Who knows?
It was really hot today, and really humid. I have been gazing at my navel almost all day long, and still I see nothin' has changed, except that I did catch a few pieces of popcorn I was eatin' in it a couple of times while I was watchin' a couple of movies. I easily removed them soon after they were trapped, so except for maybe a little bit of grease that might have been left behind, I am sure there was no damage done. It is hard to believe I did not get but about 50 visitors today, but hey, I guess it is better than none, huh? I do hope ya'll enjoyed what I had to say.
I just rubbed my legs with some anti-itch lotion and as soon as I brush my teeth, I think I will just go to bed. I will try to post somethin' more interestin' sometime tomorrow, because I guess nothin' today was very interestin' to anyone. I only got one comment and no one pinged me at all today. Well, this report is pretty boring also and is getting pretty mundane. I guess it is time to end it. Later taters!
Oh my, but it was ugly
What in the world are you talkin' 'bout Tig? you might ask. Then again, if you know me, you already know I would be referrin' to today's Cowboys game versus the Redskins. With four first half turnovers, it could have been really bad for the boys with the stars on their helmet 'cept the defense pretty well kept those pesky Redskins pinned back on their heels. With a blocked extra point on the first score, the score at the end of the first half was Cowboys 7 - Redskins 6. Tuna musta chewed some ass in the locker room at the half because the offense seemed to have gotten their heads out of their butts in the second half. I mean that last touchdown pass from Quincy Carter to Terry Glenn was one for the highlight reels. Hambrick's two fumbles might place him in Parcell's doghouse on a permanent basis, but QC's interceptions were somewhat excusable, the second being more the fault of the receiver. A late, fantastic drive by the 'Skins made the final score of 20-14 suggest a somewhat closer game than what it actually was. The Cowboys were the superior team in this one and it could have been a run-away lopsided victory early except for the plethora of first-half Cowboys miscues.
I do want to say, however, that Patrick Ramsey will likely be a premiere quarterback in the NFL provided he survives long enough to play up to his protection. He showed great poise and intelligence despite being repeatedly rushed, hit and thrown to the ground.
Well, I am thankful for the win, but Tuna has some work to do before next week's game. They likely ain't gonna get past Buffalo if they throw away the first half of the game.
A long and uneventful day?
Wow, in my one and only comment received today, some guy said:
This is my second visit, to your illustrious site, and I must say you havent improved, but thats OK neither has mine. Of course you could say that it hasen't got any worse but that would be just sucking up. [quoted as originally posted]
Now that begs a couple of questions. The first being why did I only draw one comment today and only 34 visitors to this point? The second being what could I possibly do to improve this blog?
Oh well, I blogrolled Lost in Cyberspace anyway. He likes B5 and if I suck up to him enough, maybe he will let me borrow all those Babylon 5 DVDs. George, but they want a heck of a lot of dough for those things. I mean I bought every episode of The Green Hornet that some guy taped off of WGN with all the commercials snipped for less money.
Oh! He also mangled a good attorney joke. The joke is:
What do you call 100 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?
A good start.
He told it this way:
Q.Whats better than 100 lawyers at the bottom of the sea?
A. 200.
You decide - which is better?
Who yanked on the rooster's tail?
I was gonna post up somethin' really snarky to wake ya'll up but I could not even come up with a single mundane thought. However, I still attempted to report such. My crappy ISP decided to disconnect right as I went to publish that message. It was in the neighborhood of 7:00 am on Sunday mornin' and still my crappy service provider ain't got enough bandwidth to let my traffic flow.
After experiencin' such failure, I decided to reboot. While the system was occupied with shuttin' down and restartin', I ventured to my local Dr. Pepper source and filled my cup with that caffeine loaded nectar. While there, I happened to mention that I could not believe that Christmas will soon be here. The mere mention of that thought immediately depressed me, as well as the clerk and the only other customer present. I do have my reasons to dread the upcomin' holiday season, but I am wonderin' why the other two share my dread. I think I will just go soak in a hot tub and try to get my mind back onto a cheerful note. I do hope that all of ya'll have a great day of rest.
November 01, 2003
Turnin' in early
I was watchin' a movie and my eyes kept closin'. I decided I must be more exhausted than I thought or it could just be a symptom of my advancin' old age. I did not want to miss out on some good roast beef, though, so I forced myself to get up and get out for a bit. My friend's wife served me a huge chunk of roasted dead cow with a roasted carrot, a portion of roasted onion, and half of a roasted potato. Salted and peppered to taste, I ravenously consumed this delightful repast. I then returned home still feelin' tired enough to make an early night of it. As I promised my dentist, however, I shall take the time to brush what is left of my teeth prior to actually going to bed.
I am quite pleased that so many of you took valuable time out of your busy Saturday to visit my humble blog. I really do treasure your readership. I am always wishing I had more to entice your loyalty than my openness, honesty and inane wit. I could always start postin' photos of my belly button again.
Candyman is home safe and sound
Only once a year can you be an old man coaxin' little children with candy without someone callin' the law on you. Yes, the event is over. I ended up havin' about 1/4 of the candy left over after no one was comin' by, so I just took the bucket and ran around puttin' 2 to 3 more lollipops in anyone's baskets, buckets or sacks that were around. I saved the last 25 or so to put in the bowl on the receptionist's desk for the kids that come in with my clients from time to time. Last time I did this event, I started out puttin' two pieces in every bag, bucket or whatever and ran out, so this time I limited everyone to one piece. I actually think I would have done better if my office was in a better location, but as it was, I saw several people cuttin' the corner and completely missin' me. I actually didn't have as many come by a second time this time as I did on the last occasion either.
It was not all that much fun at first, because my office is on the east side of the square and the event started at 3 to 4 o'clock. For some reason, here it is November 1st and it was somewhere about 85 degrees, fairly humid, with some gustin' breezes here and there, and I was burnin' up sittin' in the door to hand out candy. Finally the sun fell behind one of the buildings on other side of the square, and I could actually stand to wheel my chair onto the sidewalk.
I had several of my clients come by, one who told me that the sheriff's department decided to drop his case. I was almost sure that would happen sooner or later because the complainin' witness, the person who was supposedly assualted with a baseball bat by my client, has about 6 or 7 cases against him right now in another county. One of his charges is for assaultin' a police officer. Our defense on this case was that my client was only defendin' himself and his wife from the person, so I am sure the investigator decided their case against my client was a loser and decided there was no reason to send it to the grand jury. It really does not bother me, as I have already been paid enough for what I have done on his behalf.
I am really tired now. My friend at the convenience store is cookin' some roast beef up there right now for him and his family, and it will be done pretty soon. I stopped by to refill my cup with Dr. Pepper and he said to come back later and get a plateful. He does that from time to time, as both he, his wife, his 6 year old daughter, and his 22 year old step-son are usually somewhere around the store anyway. He was tellin' me today how they almost feel like I am one of their family. Several people in town agree he has a heart of gold. I am one of them. Well, I will likely come back a bit later to do my daily update on you know what, or if you don't, you are just not one of my regular readers.
To snog or not but what in the Hell is it?
OK, I am not really sure what snoggin' is, but by any definition of what I think it might be, I can guarantee this cryin' game should have never even gotten past first base.
attribution: Anna
Where's the beef pity?
If you read nothin' else on my blog today, be sure to read this. I mean horror on Halloween should not be missed!
It's the weekend & all is forgivien
Hey, no way I am gonna eat all that sugar! Every tooth in my mouth just aches at that thought. The whole scenario was but one of my inane subterfuges in an attempt to get a few of those lurkers to disclose themselves. Well, not too sure how much bloggin' will get done here today* 'cause I am thinkin' of doin' a day at the office. I need sorely to get a lot of things filed and a lot of files in the filin' cabinet. It wouldn't hurt to run the vacuum through a couple of times.
Actually, my abode needs a sprucin' up much more badly than the office, but people actually visit me at the office, and seldom does anyone venture into the ***'s Lair.
[Update: I had to run and brush the thought of all that sugar off of my teeth.]
*It ain't like anyone does much blog readin' on the weekends anyway.
All those poor kiddies & my achin' navel
Wow, all my cold-hearted readers! So you couldn't spare a lousy comment just to allow some local kiddies to get some candy tonight. Yes, I know it is already the 1st of November and Halloween has officially ended, but we will be having our candy givin' extravaganza tonight, when all the costume wearing characters walk around the county square scaring everyone out of a piece or two of candy. Of course, I won't have any to give out, because according to my tagline, I must keep my word. As there were not 25 comments to this post, I must therefore eat all 500 Tiger Pops myself. Oh my, I will be so full of sugar that I will likely gain 50 pounds or more by the time the extravaganza starts. My stomach will be so stretched, my navel will ache like Hell. Yep, it is all your fault, you know. You could have halted this problem if you had not been so stingy with your comments. Oh well, I guess I will just go to bed and think about all that damn candy I have to eat as soon as I awaken in the morning. Hopefully, but the time I wake up, I will have come up with some way to avoid doing so. I just really hate to break my promise.