Read My Lips - the blog

The inaugural* fill-in-the-blank report**

Today was ____(1)____ and I had so much ____(2)____ that I might have ____(3)____. Thankfully, ____(4)____ and ____(5)____. I barely had time to read ____(6)____ and to watch ____(7)____. One thing that really bothered me about my bloggin' efforts today was ____(8)____.

The navel was ____(9)____. End of report.

*Thank George for spell-check -- also, there is no promise of this ever bein' repeated on this blog.

**The blanks are properly numbered and awaitin' your responses.

Of Barmaids and Bullturds, a simple tale

Some bimbo* workin' in a strip club near Madison Square Garden is jes' swearin' the place is bein' haunted by 'publicans. It's all on a blog hosted by the Village Voice. One does wonder which side of the fence they are sittin' on, huh?

I thought it was particularly interestin' that our intrepid reporter noted this bit of information:

I remembered reading that the Boston strip clubs had sat empty throughout the Democratic National Convention—not because the Dems are more virtuous, I think, but because they can't afford the political risk.

attribution for findin' this goes to Barefoot and Naked, found on the Texas Blogroll.

I had hoped this one would have made the OTB Traffic Jam on its own merits.

*

I work as a clothed cocktail waitress at a strip club on Manhattan's far West Side. I can't reveal the name of the club, or its exact location, because I don't want to get fired, so let's just say it's one of several upscale topless venues that have sprung up in recent years along Eleventh and Twelfth avenues. It's not far from Madison Square Garden and, this week, the GOP convention.

**I know the question begs as to how I can tell ya 'bout somethin' I didn't actually witness, but much like the li'l boy in Sixth Sense who saw dead people, I see things in most of the bullshit goin' on in the world that are inexplicably found somewhere between the lines.

All hail our Most Noble Benefactor!

It is official:

Pixy Misa
Mu.Nu Director of Stuff *

**So? Anyone know what pengos are good for?

Someone always beats me to havin' all the fun

Ya know, I jes' sit 'round all day ever' day jes' dreamin' of doin' somethin' like what this guy jes' accomplished.*

attribution: skipjack

*There is a bit of rhyme and reason associated with the namin' and use of some categories.

Always keepin' my eye for the best in entertainment value

Didn't get enough of Spidey battlin' Doc Ock on the big screen, well -- leggo my eggo? Have a look at the film for free 'fore it hits the Dollar Movies.

Good days are fun,
but they always seem to end too early

I cannot really think of anythin' to add to that, right now. Played my best shot in the captionin' contest over on Who Tends the Fires, and now have nothin' left to offer but a general sense of left over giddiness.

Input from the navel is again, regrettably, lackin'. End of report.

Thank George for PBS!

Wow, ain't none of the stations I get usin' nuthin' but the rabbit ears* is carryin' the RNC 'cept PBS. I was thinkin' that nearly ever'one covered the DNC, so wondered if there is some left wing conspiracy to only cover one side of this 'lection. Anyone ever heared of such a crazy thang?

*I 'spect there are some younguns in the audience who actually have no idea as to what rabbit ears refer with regard to this discussion.

I wanna thank Alice wholeheartedly for her rapt attention

I had the most peculiar afternoon today. After lunch, I returned and had jes' a bit of paperwork to complete so as to be done for the day and to have cleared off the one item I had on tomorrow mornin's court docket, as well. My front door was opened.* I twist around to look toward where the entryway terminates at the front counter, and eye this lovely young lady. She was nicely dressed and did not appear to be a client in need of my services. I suspected she was another unsolicited applicant for an unadvertised office assistant's position that I desperately need to fill but have too little funds to accommodate. As it stands, today is the next to the last day of the month and I am needing 3/5th more money than I currently possess in order to pay the bills that are due for this month, and that doesn't include those companies that lack the power to literally shut somethin' off. I have several of those that I have been floatin' from month to month, hopin' for a windfall which might allow me to catch up on all of my bills. Let us return to the lovely lady awaitin' my attention. I allowed her to come through the swingin' half door and bade her to come into my office, or, as she may be thinkin' on her long drive back to Dallas, my lair.

She was seekin' to make me a customer of an office supply company with which I already trade. I jes' don't use that many office supplies 'cause this is a little tiny town and there ain't all that much need for legal services on a regular basis. I never wonder, any longer, why there was a noticeable lack of full time legal representation in this county when I first arrived. It is highly difficult to make a livin' practicin' law here. Anyway, Alice, as I learned her name to be, currently aged 20, decided that she might like to try her hand at sellin' office supplies, as her previous waitstaff position had not panned out as the career choice she most desired. She admitted that she was doin' well sellin' office supplies, and she did seem to have the skill necessary to be a good salesperson.

We actually had a very enjoyable afternoon, conversing freely 'bout all kinds of subjects, notably her future and future course of study. It seems that Ms. Alice is thinkin' of pursuin' a marketin' degree, but may eventually pursue a psychology degree, or some such scenario. Additionally, as oft occurs whenever I can gain the ear of someone, I began to tell Ms. Alice 'bout my book, how it came to be, the problems I had encountered in my attempt to get it published, etc. She thereafter advised me that she thought I was one of the most creative persons she had ever encountered, that she believed, as has everyone else who had taken the time to actually hear my storyline or to read portions of my manuscript, that I was on to somethin' big and should put all my efforts forth into pursuin' publication of such book. I discovered, additionally, that her sister was involved in the creation of a comic book and had already secured a publication deal. I, ever the eager beaver, asked if she would not mind approachin' her sister to inquire as to whether said sister would be willin' to contact me. I gave her my card:

*I have an alarm that tells me when such action occurs.

The night the navel forgot

OK, I was busy yesterday doin' nothin' but tryin' to keep my escape artist dog, Comanche, to stay in the yard. I have no idea what has come over her lately, but it seems like every day lately, she has found some way or the other to get through the chain link fence. Lately, she has been pushin' at the bottom of the gates, so as to bend enough of the actual chain link part upward to allow her to squeeze through. I keep adding more ties, each time, thinkin' hopefully she will tire of the game or I will have tied every possible place she can find so that she cannot do such again. So, last night, she find a new place to dig a hole under the fence. Surprisin'ly, each time I found her outside the fence, I chain her up to a big oak tree at the corner of the fence, where she has about 3 foot of chain left to allow her to move around, as it took almost the whole length of chain just to go around that danged tree. Usually, she finds herself chained to that tree overnight, then the next mornin', I do my bes to repair the problem and allow her the freedom to roam the whole yard. This mornin', I did drop a large piece of concrete curbin' I found from the road work still goin' on in front of my house, but the game is wearin' thin. It is like the danged dog's life mission is to find anyway possible to escape the yard compound. Anyway, it was jes' 'bout time to post last night's report when I discovered Comanche runnin' 'round outside the fence, and it took me considerable time to coax her back into the yard and then to coax her to get close enough to that big oak tree that I could slip that choke collar back 'round her neck.

The navel make no remarks about its condition, so you are free to assume whatever you want about it for last night. End of report.

Aug. 29, 2004

The Anxiety Closet is back! And it would not be nice of me to tell you who or what might have come out of such closet. Let me jes' say, it smacks a bit 'o topicality with a side servin' of pure snark. This one is a classic.

I am not up to answerin' any questions

Is that thought runnin' through so many minds out there? I again posted a quiz for your purview on this fine rainy Saturday and have not received a solitary sign that any of ya'll took time to check out the questions. I actually 'tempted to formulate the subject material on this one with somethin' nearly ever'one should be familiar: water. Come on, ya'll. It is only 10 questions.

I have spent considerable time examinin' my navel this evenin' attemptin' to discern even the most minuscule changes that might have occurred since the last highly in depth examination. I found none. End of report.

Payin' homage to a masterful use of snark in a title

Kerry beats dead horse; horse files for purple heart - Jay Tea

A pretty smile turns Glenn's head

Indeed! From a casual observation of the placard she holds, one does wonder upon what career path the object of his adoration has chosen to embark.

I did this one jes' for Susie*

I was bored and glommin'** here and there to find and check out some of the new blogs that have joined in on the munu universe when I came across this post penned by Mad Mikey of the appropriately named Mad Mikey's Blog wherein his eloquent prose urged me to visit the Political Quiz Show. Although I most valiantly fought my urge to do so, I finally could hold out no longer and made my selections. My answers were tabulated and I scored a 27, such score placin' me somewhere 'tween George Bush, Dubya's daddy, and Jack Kemp. At least I wasn't pinned under Jesse Ventura.

*It seems that ya gotta put forth a lot of effort to turn her head, anymore.

**This word derives from my youth when my great-granny used to chastise me for "glommin' through all the drawers in the house", lookin' for whatever I might find.

Wooohoooo! We're NUMBER THREE!!!!!!!!!!

Yep, the USA Men's Basketball Team finally all pulled their respective heads out of the their asses to win one they had to win. Yep, they amazin'ly and, in my patriotic stance, thankfully, whooped up enough on the Lithuanian team to have won the Bronze Medal. They still played pathetically poorly to be a group of actual professional players from the NBA, and while it is true that there are several NBA players on most of the other teams, we still invented the damn game and here we are supposedly puttin' up our best team in the 'Lympics, the regularly scheduled International Contest, so as to compete against the best teams from all the rest of the countries in the world and find ourselves comin' out in THIRD PLACE? The real question, I suppose, remains: will we ever know how it affects the Silver and Gold Medal winnin' teams to know that we didn't even bring close to the best team we could come up with to the contest because our NBA players are so selfish they don't consider the Olympics even worth the effort they might be required to put forth as jes' to represent their country. Not the players from the USA, that is.

I know 't'warn't Steven den Beste but 'twas den Beste I could do. Go ahead and groan. I did when I thunk it up.

Diff'rent strokes 101, havin' nuthin' to do with Willard

I hadn't been over at G'Day Mate for what seems like forever, and what did I find right at the top? A link to this Steven den Beste post where he says he is packin' up his boxin' gloves 'cause he is tired of the scrappin'. I have to admit that I did not drop by USS Clueless very often, usually not unless one of my regular reads linked to somethin' to be found there that seemed to be involvin' subject matter in which I might have some interest. I 'spose what was intriguin' to me was the reasonin' given for his haven laid down the quill:

For the last few months, each time I published a post, I mentally cringed a bit, thinking about all the kinds of letters I knew I'd get, things I could predict. You've sometimes seen me try to preempt those with DWL's.

Several times in the last three weeks I thought of something which would make a good post, and then I stopped, and said to myself, "Better not."

I've learned something interesting: if you give away ice cream, eventually a lot of people will complain about the flavors, and others will complain that you aren't also giving away syrup and whipped cream and nuts. I put together this page which contains two days worth of my email, just so you could get some idea of what it looks like. It isn't all bad; it isn't all unwelcome. Very little of it is abusive. But the majority of it is burdensome.

To slice the email a different way, here's a collection of email regarding my last article about terrorism. Again, it wasn't all unwelcome, but much of it was more burden than pleasure.

Far too much of it was from people who knew better than me what I should have written, and wanted to tell me how to rewrite it. Those are the people who have made me cease getting pleasure out of my writing.

The barkin' moonbat alarm seems to be momentarily out of order

I don't know how he did it, and surely don't know how he got past the security system, but OldCatman has done invaded barkin'moonbat.com.

More thoughts on the 'Lympics

I was wonderin' if those superstars in the NBA are angry at themselves for not volunteerin' to play for the USA in this Olympiad now. Also, surely there is no such thing as men's rhythmic gymnastics, is there? I cannot hardly see any real men wantin' to be involved in such a fracas as that.

I am of the opinion that such event should have been showcased on A&E, as all of the competitors seem to be wearin' ballet costumes and all of 'em look like they want to be ballerinas or somethin' from how tight they have pulled back their hair and from the way they have painted their faces. This jes' don't seem to be a sport so much as a dancin' event.

The perfect quiz for a rainy day

Water in our bodies:

Regulates body temperature
Keeps salt in the body from building up
Carries food into the organs
Carries oxygen to body parts
Conducts electrical nervous impulses
Aids in digestion
Removes wastes products
Cleanses the blood in the kidneys

Today's quiz is all wet! It's all 'bout water! Splash it Up! or Check out the Swimsuit Competition!

My idle thought upon facin' a new day

Do you awake each mornin' with a thought already in your head? I am sure you do, jes' as we all do. I mean, sure, there are those thoughtless people 'bout here and there, but even they are not actually thoughtless, they jes' didn't think to be the sort of person we expected them to be. I 'spect it is really rare that anyone could ever clear their mind of all thought. Despite my best attempts, I have never ever been able to completely have a blank mind, although, especially of late, I have had extreme periods where my mind is occupied with thoughts concernin' my inability to come up with whatever idea it was that I was drastically attemptin' to conceive. Anyway, now that I have prefaced with an over adequate explanation, let me share my initial thought of the day with you:

I awoke thinkin' of that women's 4x100 relay matter, where the USA team was disqualified due to a failure to properly hand off the baton, and I was thinkin' of the old catch phrase used on ABC's Wild World of Sports: the thrill of victory and the agony of defeat. I thought surely that was a good example of the agony of defeat.

Now I never said I had a really profound thought in my head when I awoke. I do, however, have some really profound wakin' thoughts on occasions.

The end of a long long day

Yep, this is it, my day is gonna grind to a halt without much of anythin' at all bein' accomplished. Why? Well, days have to end. Oh, why was nothin' accomplished? Hmmm, that is a question that has plagued greater minds than mine.

My navel is pinin' for some attention, so if any of ya'll lovely females wants to send it a few kind words, I suppose it wouldn't hurt. I am afraid that if none do, my navel may be damaged beyond easy repair. I 'spect that might be a really ugly sight. End of report.

Another idea I wish I had come up with first

Every time this [the murder of civilians by Islamic terrorists in an attempt to get their home nation to pull out of the multi-national anti-terrorism coalition] happens, the government of the man killed should send more troops in. Even if it’s just a few, it would make a point. - Kathy Kinsley

The bizarre twists and turns of humanity

It seems there has been quite a few turnabouts in the news of late. 1) The plane crashes in Russia were due to terroristic acts, as was initially suspected then dismissed when no clear evidence of such was found. 2) Kobe Bryant will be goin' to trial, although it was reported that due to a very cherry deal that had been offered to him, the whole incident was over and done with. Seems said Kobe has decided to roll his dice with the jury in hopes of gettin' an acquittal. 3) John Kerry admitted that he lied about his Viet Nam experiences.

Oh, wait! That last one ain't happened ............. ^yet! O' course, showin' the lack o' backbone the said Mr. Kerry's past record has disclosed, it likely never will. Remember my discussion of plastic people? Ain't he such a good example.

Weekly World News says that Bush is controllin' Kerry's moves through VOODOO!

Aug. 27, 2004

A Polish immigrant applied for a driver's license. He had to take an eye sight test. The optician showed him a card with the letters C Z W I X N O S T A C Z. "Can you read this?" the optician asked. "Read it?" the Polish man replied, "I know the guy!"

Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved package, but rather to skid in sideways, champagne in one hand, strawberries in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and screaming, “WOO HOO - What a ride!”

Goin' back in time

OK, I know this post was back timed so as to show it was posted at an earlier time, but, what the hey, here's the scoop. I was IM'g with George, no, not that George, the George that sends me the jokes, my former blogchild Cherry's dad, and he was askin' me why I was no longer displayin' my picture on the MSN IM'g mechanism. I checked all the options and preference settin's and didn't find nothin' that would allow me to initiate such function. I checked my version number against his and found I had an ancient version of MSN IM. Now, in ever' other situation, I seem to have gotten notices to update such programs from time to time, but had not 'member ever receivin' such with any programs on this laptop. I also have received some browser compatibility with attempts to access certain sites using MSN Explorer. I started checkin' 'round tryin' to access Windows Update, and found that I was havin' quite a bit of trouble with the link in the program listin' on start menu, but somehow easily got to it through the "help and support" links. It suggested that I download SP2, which took 5 hours on the dialup. It has now been downloaded and installed, but I still have MSN IM version 4.7? I am 'spectin' that another check at Windows Update will show that there are still a few other updates I need to download.

The navel was and is fully exposed in all of it resplendent glory although with the expansion of my Buddha belly, the little cherry mole seems to have gotten trapped and is slidin' down the slope into its depths. End of report.

Smack dab in the middle of the target

I don't really like most of these quiz thingies, but ever' once in awhile, one tickles my fancy. This one did, mainly 'cause the graphic presentation was apropos for the quiz theme. Without further ado:

What internet acronym are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Pat, I'd like to buy a vowel comment

Is the comment function broken? They seem to come so rarely these days, and yet I am without a clue as to what to do. Maybe I jes' ain't posted anythin' comment worthy of late, ya think? Let me see:

Nightly Navel Gazin' Report™: I'm feelin' like I'm fallin' off of my pogo stick -- yeah, likely no reason to comment to this one 'ceptin' maybe some mention about the visual created in the title.

Jes' My Take: Who are you? Who? Who? -- Who? Who? -- Other than havin' one of the snappier musical lyric titles I have used lately, I thought there was a bit of good discussion material in this one.

On My Soapbox: Let me count the ways - yada yada -- I definitely thought this post was comment worthy, as the topic seems to be among one of the most popular topics to discuss that does not involve John Kerry whinin', wafflin', lyin', or otherwise pretendin' to be somethin' that he is not - leadership material --- oops, I digressed, and I seem to have a really bad habit of doin' that lately. Guessin' it is that lack of feedback that is throwin' me off my game.

Pullin' Your Leg: This mornin's 'Lympic interlude -- I jes' thought someone would find the humor I intended when I created this post.

Nightly Navel Gazin' Report™: The Dark Side* rears its ugly head -- I figgered the Star Wars reference would draw a lot of activity to this one, 'specially when a footnote quoted prolly the best scene of the whole series.

Off The Cuff: Another thought on the 'Lympics -- I dunno, I was thinkin' there would be a lot of agreement with this post. Maybe there was -- jes' no one felt it was necessary to let me know.

On My Soapbox: What I want to say about the Paul Hamm/Yang Tae Young affair -- I climbed out on a limb and gave my opinion on a controversial situation after havin' given it the benefit of some long thought and yet found not a single peep in recognition, whether in agreement or disagreement with the viewpoint expressed.

The next post in this succession into the last few posts actually received the last comment received on this blog all the way back on August 24, 2004 at 01:44 PM. Also, I do not intend to rehash all the activity that has not gone on in relation to this blog forever and ever, as the next post is the end of this foray into the recent activity on this blog.

Nightly Navel Gazin' Report™: As close to open mike as it comes 'round here -- This was a post I created specifically for your comments as to things you liked and things you didn't like about my bloggin' efforts in my ongoin' endeavor to make this one of your favorite blogs. I got nary a peep.

Hello? Is anyone out there?

I'm feelin' like I'm fallin' off of my pogo stick

Up and down, up and down -- thoughts driftin' to deep dark places then briskly floatin' to places on high. The navel ain't moved an inch. End of report.

Who are you? Who? Who? -- Who? Who?

When I was younger, we had a sayin' ‘bout people who kinda went around hidin' themselves behind false personalities - plastic people, we called ‘em. Ya'll know the kinda people I'm talkin' ‘bout. When I originally entered into Internet adventures a half-decade plus a year or two ago, I readily detected the rash of fictitious personalities that preyed within chat rooms lookin' for whatever. I have recently noticed the quickly growin' supply of superb ways to create customized avatars existin' here and there. How close are we, I wonder, to a world where our most wondrous creatures exist totally within the electronic realm?

Let me count the ways - yada yada

Some putz named Josh Belzman, whoever he may be,* is makin' the statement that all the controversy over the gymnastics judgin' stuff means that there is really no fair way to judge the sport and as such, it should just be dumped.

This is not sport. It’s a circus act.

Sports have rules that govern play. Competitors know the rules. Officials know the rules. In the case that a judgment call is required, legitimate sports offer ways to challenge, review and resolve a decision.

But more than that, the contests of raw athletic skill that comprised the first Olympics offer objective criteria for determining a winner. Victory in these sports is decided by who runs the fastest, jumps the highest, hoists the most weight. Whatever the measuring stick, in genuine Olympic sport there is a winner and a loser and little room for argument.

First of all, gymnastics is a very popular sport and I surmise that the DVD of the gymnastics competition will sell well despite the controversies mentioned. Secondly, the 'Lympics is not the sole showcase for gymnastic events, as there is International Competition in the sport on a regular basis, as is true in almost every other sport in this day and age. Thirdly, it is nothin' short of draconian to suggest that the only way to cure a problem in scorin' a sportin' event is to dispense with any further efforts in such sport.

whateva

*In the spirit of the Internet, I Googled his name. Nothin' of a nature with regard to anythin' of major renown surfaced. I 'spect that, even on this subject, our Bill** is a more significant source of opinion.

**O' course, it still amazes me that, despite the fact that I relocated my blog over six months ago, the link on his blog still points to my former location.

This mornin's 'Lympic interlude

An Israeli won the gold medal in windsurfin'.

Iran immediately issued a public proclamation that 1) no such sport existed, 2) no such windsurfer existed, and 3) such news story was nothin' short of another hoax created by a non-existent wannabe usurper of some other Arabic people's country.

The Dark Side* rears its ugly head

I forget whether I have told ya'll they were workin' on the road in front of my house, although I am pretty sure I did so. Well anyway, they cut right through the phone line at some point today, hence, such equals a really good excuse for my havin' not posted anythin' today. O' course, there is still that other reason, bein' the general bit of apathy that seems to be goin' 'round the blogosphere,** that funny thing that seems to have dampened my spirits to the point where I am startin' to feel that continuin' my bloggin' efforts will only increase the amount of wasted efforts in my life. O' course, the decline in average daily readership on my blog is not the only factor in my decline of amorous feelin's 'bout my current life situation. It is bad enough that I remain alone, widowed, childless and have already lost both my parents, but several of my other ventures have seemed to come to a standstill here of late as well.

The navel still remains unaffected by the deluge of mundane problems that weigh so heavily upon my shoulders and amount to enough to almost break my back. It acts like the only job in which it was involved was finished years and years ago. End of report.

*

Darth Vader: If you only knew the power of the Dark Side. Obi-Wan never told you what happened to your father.
Luke: He told me enough. He told me you killed him.
Darth Vader: No. I am your father.
Luke: No. That's not true. That's impossible.
Darth Vader: Search your feelings you know it to be true.
Luke: Nooooo. Nooooo.

Ain't this graph strange lookin'? Sure is a good indicator of the ups and downs of what has been happenin' 'round here, of late.

Another thought on the 'Lympics

Havin' swept the medals during the 400 meter race, is anyone bettin' against the US taking the top spot in the 4x400 meter race?

What I want to say about the Paul Hamm/Yang Tae Young affair

Ya know, I am all for fair play in sports and such, and I understand the upset the Koreans must feel over the affair over the Men's All-Around Gymnastics event, but in all honesty, if you watched Yang Tae Young and Paul Hamm's performances through-out the whole series of men's gymnastics events, especially the High Bar event where the mistake was made and you see that Paul Hamm, despite the problems with quietin' the crowd down so that he could even start his performance, had a much better score than Yang Tae Young. I feel for Yang Tae Young and for the whole country of South Korea, but in all fairness, everyone performin' in the whole Men's All-Around Gymnastics event seemed to be a bit off their game that night, and Paul Hamm, Yang Tae Young, and his countryman, Kim Dae Eun, ought to feel pretty glad for havin' come out with those medals with as poorly as all three performed. They should thank their lucky stars that so many of the others made more mistakes than they did, as, in my opinion, none of them were actually all that worthy of claimin' that top pedestal for the event. Maybe, in all fairness, they should just award all three the bronze medal, and say no one was worthy of either silver or gold.

Kerri Strug on this issue.

There ain't nuthin' to report

Ya thought I was joshin'? End of report.

As close to open mike as it comes 'round here

enlarges upon clickage application

OTB trackback

If the beal was only the least of it

I am wonderin' what it takes to get some interactivity goin' on here. I thought I was doin' somethin' wrong but opened the floor for comments and suggestions and got nary a one. Sheesh! The lack of attention that appears to be paid to this blog is shown by there not bein' a single thing said about there not bein' a Nightly Navel Gazin' Report™ for last evenin'. I jes' didn't feel up to givin' one. Ya know how I feel? Kinda like this:

I suppose if ya look closely into the situation, navels don't really figure into this picture. End of report.

Aug. 22, 2004

We are treated with an Opus solo strip. Opus finds himself dealin' with members of the public and, once again, becomes mentally befuddled when confronted with a couple of the more bizarre lookin' people runnin' 'round in today's world. I applaud the message, however, so I'm gonna applaud this one - ^{quite lightly}, but applause all the same.

Is this week's quiz too commercial?

Despite the fact that hardly anyone seems all that interested in my continuin' these quizzes, I did another one for those one or two who continue take part in these weekly events. The topic for this one is advertisin'. Take your best shot! or See how well your friends did!

So what the flyin' fish does it mean, anyway?

Well, this day begun with this message:

Your Friday, August 20, 2004 Horoscope, Taurus!

You will get locked in the middle of some passionate drama today, perhaps blocking your ability to think clearly about consequences. Focus on how a person normally in your position would handle the challenges.

So, here I was a tad bit weary after a really bad night, had arisen jes' a bit late and faced a muddy pair of boots I was gonna have to put on my feet so as to get to court this mornin'. I just brazened across, and then worked in a large puddle, in the school parkin' lot where I have been forced to park, with a stick and a couple of yards of grass, to scrap as much of that mud off my boots as possible, before enterin' my car to drive the two or three blocks to the courthouse. I was timely enough. I had mud on my pants however, and still some mud on my boots.

Court went well, and I used my lunch hour to exchange a defective product at Wally World in our neighborin' town and dined on some sumptuous salad and a couple of pizza slices at CiCi's with my friend Matt. I returned to court awaitin' my turn to tell the judge stuff about why we should or should not keep an ol' case on the docket. I actually had one that had made the dismissal docket which was settled, but there was still some discussion goin' on in an attempt to get the paperwork in a form agreeable to all parties. I got it retained and the afternoon swept by. It was Friday, and I left an hour early. I came home hopin' the street had dried enough so that I could park in my own drive, but no such luck. 'Cause I had not wanted to carry the 20lb. dog food across that mud last night, I had to jes' throw my dogs a pitiful handful of some cat food that was given to me by someone as I left this mornin' on my mad dash to be at court on time. I was now gonna have to get some kibble across the muddy street in some manner on my return home.

I eyed the scene and saw that I could actually walk on a walk at the school for a 100 yards north to the street, use that intact asphalt street to traverse across to the other side, then walk back down 100 yards lots on that side to my house. Along with the 20 lb. bag of dog chow, I needed to transport my cup of Dr. Pepper, a video, my camera, and a box of dog biscuits . Thankfully, the dog biscuits were still in the plastic bag from Dollar General where I purchase most of my dogs' consumables. I easily slid the video and the camera into that bag and I could easily carry that bag with the same hand in which I held my cup after I had slung the bag of kibble on my other shoulder. Still, there was that 100 yard walk. That was a lot of stuff to transport over that distance. Then I thought about that Dollar General bag. I reopened my trunk to see if I had any more of those bags scattered about in there, which was, in my mind, a good bet. I easily located two polypropylene bags from a couple of pillows I bought when I was on that trip to Florida, whenever that was. I slid these bags over my boots and pants cuffs and tied them in place with a dog leash and the cord from the flash disk I carry 'round with my book's manuscript on it. Then usin' such as galoshes, I walked right through the mud and easily made it into my drive without gettin' a bit of mud on me from my efforts. Surprisin'ly, although I felt myself sink deeply into the mud as I crossed, the mud had not stuck as badly to the polypropylene bags as had attached itself to my boots durin' last night's crossin'. I think we can safely say that my horrorscope for today was right on the spot, huh?

The navel is still givin' me the cold shoulder for havin' neglected it durin' yesterday's visit to my brother's house. I can gladly state that, despite its juvenile snit, I have covered my responsibilities to the relationship and have safely protected it from the red clay mud on ever' street crossin' and have worked hard to keep it as cool as possible in the humid environment in which it found itself durin' most of today. End of report.

Talk 'bout a SMILEY FACE

Here's a well deserved one for the ages:

Picture flagrantly swiped from http://www.nbcolympics.com/gymnastics/index.html and identified as Kazuhiro Nogi/Getty Images but the real hard work was done by the pictured Carly Patterson who beamed that smile. Congratulations!!!! (As an aside, the local news jes' said that the Plano gym where Carly trains has seen a big increase in its enrollment over these last few days.)

Aug. 20, 2004

One morning a local highway department crew reaches their job-site and realizes they have forgotten all their shovels. The crew's foreman radios the office and tells his supervisor the situation.

The supervisor radios back and says, "Don't worry, we'll send some shovels ... just lean on each other until they arrive."

I added this bonus joke because it made me think of Bill:*

A fellow programmer had designed some software for one of our largest accounts. He asked my help in putting it into operation. When I sat down with one woman and told her I would be showing her how to make changes to the files, she sighed with relief then remarked, "I'm so glad you're teaching me instead of him."

Surprised, I said that my colleague was far more experienced than I was.

"Yes," she said, "but I feel much more comfortable with you ... I get nervous around really smart people.

*Jes' so's ya'll will know, I have yet to see either version of Kill Bill for fear that the character is based upon such Bill.

My bad, but I did get a lot accomplished

I awoke yesterday morn to see a deluge fallin' from the skies, and here I have a torn up, dirt covered street right in front of my house, or, as it is and was yesterday mornin', a big slab of slick muddy reddish clay. I had nothin' pressin' on my calendar, so decided to take a trip to my ol' hometown to deal with the city there regardin' some problems in which my siblin's and myself have become embroiled relatin' to an undivided piece of land we three inherited from our father. It seems there has been a lot of dumpin' bein' done on the land and the city code enforcement officer had been notified by some of the neighbors adjoinin' the property of the problem, whereas, on the other hand, I was also communicatin' with the land acquisition officer about donatin' the ol' railroad right-o-way along the side of said property to the city for the creation of a road. I wanted to walk the 11 acres myself to see what changes had occurred since I my graduation from High School, which is prolly the last time I actually walked those mesquite forested fields. I called the land acquisition officer and asked him to meet me and the two of us walked the area. I think we were successful in solvin' some of the problem, but gettin' a tentative agreement that we would be paid some nominal amount for the railroad right-of-way which could be used to pay to have the property cleared.

I then drove around town for a couple of hours, seein' what had changed, noticin' that although a lot of Abilene looked the same, almost all of it had changed greatly in the last 30 or so years. It is not that I have not been there in 30 years, jes' that I have not really done that much lookin'. Durin' my recent trips, I usually jes' met with my family on my dad's last home place, where my brother currently resides. If we went to town, we usually all rode together and I jes' followed their lead to whatever new restaurant was drawin' in the locals. I only did so this day 'cause it was 3:00 p.m. and I had a couple of hours to kill before there was a chance that either my brother or his wife would be home from work. I actually ended up waiting until 7:00 before they arrived home, then we all went out for dinner to celebrate my brother's 45th birthday yesterday. I began my return trip after 9:00 and arrived home close to midnight. I was growin' drowsier and drowsier ever' mile, and headed straight for bed when I finally got here.

My navel chose to remain by itself and pout as I slathered my attention on my 4 year old nephew, Aaron, and my almost 2 year old niece, Mickey K. End of report.

Have I mentioned how badly I want one of these?

Congratulations you two, he is absolutely adorable.

Not quite as badly, but I would also like one of these, one of these, and one of these.

Thanks to soon-to-be-poppa Jay for pointin' the way.

It was that kind of a day

Very strange day today. It was my brother's birthday, but I was unable to reach him to wish him well on his special day. I was a bit busy, and was thinkin' I would have seen one more new client than the few who did come into my office today. I had someone else call 'bout a matter I routinely do, and jes' had told them to drop by whenever as I planned to be there all day. I was, but they didn't show. Right at quittin' time I got a call about another possible legal matter. The call was quite interestin' and will possibly lead to somethin'.

Strange, however, more because I have somehow reached his point in the day and have yet to eat anythin'. I have had several ounces of Dr. Pepper to provide some of my energy supply, but I have not eaten any protein. I might need to do so before I go to bed. See, I may have begun a new exercise regimen. I actually walked all the way from my office to the store to get my cup refilled at lunchtime today. I made pretty good time both ways, but it was only uphill one way, but it is a pretty steep hill. I know it is more than 1/4 mile, but not sure it is a full 1/2 mile. I also sweated a bucket. I am purty sure I ain't gonna be doin' that at lunchtime in a shirt and tie again anytime soon.

It has been cool around here of late, but for some reason it is really sticky this evenin'. [Interlude: Local news is on and Dana Vollmer, who was a member of that gold medal and record breaking 4x200 freestyle swimmin' race is from Granbury, which is one of the neighborin' towns to our li'l burg. She is only a Junior in High School and the station was interviewin' her boyfriend. His statements were what you would expect.] Anyway, so to get back with the real show here, the navel is sticky as well. Don't 'member the last time the navel lost its cool. I guess I better go see how it looks surrounded by a bunch of sudsy bubbles - by candlelight? Although this might not necessarily be the end of my day, this time around, it is -- End of report.

OK, I lied. I guess if John Kerry can lie about ever'thin' to do with his life, I can renege and do this! AlexisT gets a link. It is that good: a review of a movie that I was leanin' 'gainst seein' and surely ain't gonna do so now.

Last minute UPDATE: Don't email me. I ate. I had a nutritious Mrs. Baird's Harvest Cherry Pie, stocked full of refined sugar, carbohydrates, fat and the finest faux fruit money can buy along with two bags of Spanish peanuts to fill any protein needs I develop durin' my slumber. I will prolly eat breakfast in the morn.

A quick bit of wit

James has penned a nifty little ditty over on Parkway Rest Stop. I wouldn't be mentionin' it if it was not worth the time it takes to click the link. Jes' DO IT!

'Lympic remarks

• Great women's 4x200 relay. USA gold and broke 17 year old record time.
• 'Member what I said 'bout checkin' the 'net while watchin' the show, 'cause I already know the result of the gymnastics all-around event, and yet seein' what I jes' saw, I am now tryin' to figure out how that result occurred.

Somethin' I found to whet your appetite political

I was hopin' to collect a few more links today to do a Nuggets and Gems postin' which has not come 'round these parts in a long while, but couldn't find the time to do a proper prospectin' job with the little bit of free time I found this day. Still, there was this: Ramblings of Silver Blue: Classic Headline

Those Crazy Canucks, or Swift Justice in Greece

It appears that some idiot wearin' nuthin' but a tutu and some SPAM jumped into the pool Monday night durin' 'Lympic divin' competition and has already been found guilty and sentenced to 5 months in the Grecian hoosegow. He is free pendin' appeal, but if'n he tries to do that slammer time in the tutu he is liable to find out what is meant by doin' it the Greek way.

[Editors note: There does seem to be a bit of discrepancy between the two linked stories, but the snarkiness and inaneness of my havin' posted this blurb is not lackin' 'cause of it.]

Attribution goes to this guy or was it that guy? O' course, it might be that they are the same guy.* You decide, and while ya are doin' that, take a gander at this view of another Canadian who appears to actually be worthy of some extra attention.

*He knocked on my door once tryin' his fancy lines tryin' to sell me a barrel of that same, but I wasn't havin' none of it.

Jes' so's ya know ---

I am now above all links with any reference to the movie by such name if you do a Google search for read my lips. I am admittedly not in the top spot, yet, but I am knockin' on the door. It still find it very surprisin' jes' 'zactly how many people do a search for those three words on a daily basis, but I must get at least 10 hits ever' day from such searches. However, as I am not seein' a giant leap in the growth of my regular readership, whatever it is that they are tryin' to find through that search, they must not be findin' it here. If'n they would simply take the time to tell me what it was, I might be willin' to put forth the effort to make it available in the future. ;)

Every woman has this* tattooed across her forehead, right?

[Y]ou can always use another pair of shoes. - Tink

*OK, jes' for the sake of ya'll Men are from Mars. Women are from Venus people who believe for ever' knock against the fairer sex, there is an equal knock to be made against the odoriferous, coarse, and brutish sex, you know the one full of members who usually sit 'round with one hand wrapped around the TV remote and the other restin' jes' inside the waistband of their trousers/boxers/briefs. Jes' substitute the words pair of shoes with set of screwdrivers.

Is it time for a new standard 'round the Blogosphere?

In accordance with the current norms 'round the Blogosphere, the official visitation count for a blog are from the stats on your SiteMeter. I was questionable about the accuracy of their count awhile back and someone suggested I check out StatCounter. I signed up for their free service and implemented the correct code just below where my SiteMeter resides and set the counter to the number then displayed on said SiteMeter on Saturday, April 17th 2004. While I admit that StatCounter does its visitation calculations in a slightly different manner than SiteMeter, the correlation between the number of visitors as reflected by the current numbers shown discloses a major disparity. Now I agree with the formerly announced contention that, even if error laden, the errors within SiteMeter should affect all loggers equally, and that factor still makes it a reliable indicator for assessin' the popularity of one blog over another. But I have noticed an extreme rash of hourly numbers of late reflectin' zero visits to my blog for one to two hour intervals during periods of the day over this past week. Below are exhibited charts reflectin' the visitation to Read My Lips over the past week. While the numbers on StatCounter are commonly in the triple digits while recent figures from SiteMeter show visitation to be solely in the double digits, a cursory look at the two charts seems to show a similar pattern of visitation. However, note that in accordance with SiteMeter, Monday was by far the lowest visitation day of the week, whereas on StatCounter, the visitation on Monday was exactly equal to the number of visitations on Saturday and that Sunday was the lowest visitation day for the past week. I guess I am too much of a stickler for truthfulness to want to go 'bout relyin' on error filled services. I think we need to find a new standard for establishin' visitation numbers. I jes' ain't too pleased with SiteMeter.

[ADDENDUM: Regrettably, Susie* has a dilemma which trumps this, and the problem is not with her brother.]

[UPDATE: I got a rare email from someone who mentioned that SiteMeter was a free service and that the disparity between the graphs was not so great as the alarm I threw up about the ordeal. However, let me show you the following chart which purports to show the monthly visitation figures for this blog, and I challenge anyone to explain to me why it shows I had absolutely no visitors for the dates of Aug. 5 and Aug. 6.

*Did I ever tall DOH! tell ya'll that Susie was prettier than I am?

The Carnival turns 100

Hard to believe that this is the 100th runnin' of the Carnival of the Vanities* and Fringe Blog has prepared a show worthy of the event. Go see it here.

*Harder to believe that I was not even around for the original runnin' of this fine event.

Instant publication is changin' the face of my profession?

Here is an interestin' article that discusses the emergence of blogs and their relationship to some high profile trials.

It came and went and I missed the whole thing

Wow, where did yesterday go? No, I took some sinus medication yesterday mornin' to quell the swellin' in my nasal passages in hopes that the severe poundin' 'tween my eyes would subside. I went by Sonic and had a bite to eat so as to assist my stomach in its efforts to break down the medication so as to get it into my blood stream without causin' excessive distress in my gastric tract. Well, not too sure whether I didn't do it well enough, or if my choice of the the matter which joined the medication in my stomach was in error, but either way, my stomach began to cramp, my eyes began to water and blur, and my head grew light and faint. I had to leave work midmornin' in hopes I could drive the few blocks to my home. Thankfully, I made it without incident, despite the fact that the road in front of my house is torn up and they are workin' on it continuously. Despite the noise they made, I easily fell asleep once safe within my abode. I slept long and hard and missed a whole day of the 'Lympics. I also missed givin' the report on a timely basis once again.

The navel was not pleased with the crampin' that occurred beneath its restin' place, but once I had succumbed to slumber, its complaints ceased. End of report.

My dad is a conservative and all I got was this lousy T-shirt

As Art Linkletter once said, "Kids say the darnedest things," and these days some parents dress their kids up in T-shirts with some some really snarky messages.

It jes' not that easy to 'splain, ya know?

Prologue: Talk 'bout tired as heck of some series of commercials, that one where they are questionin' these kids about how many minutes whatever, yada yada in an attempt to sell some cell phone plan is about as stupid as Mr. Bean.

My navel has shown a real concern 'bout the very low readership numbers from the last few days, and, although I have 'splained how the 'Lympics is goin' on, and how John Kerry lied 'bout his Viet Nam exploits,* and how SiteMeter seems to be on the fritz, and how busy I have been so that I ain't been able to slather the page full of the bunch of inane stuff that seems to come outta my head on occasion, it is still pressurin' me to come up with some way to get it more fans** or it is gonna jump ship and go join Zongo, who actually got more comments than I did today.*** End of report.

*Although, it does seem to me that if so many of the people around him survived, such is a pretty good sign he was nowhere near any real action anyway. If I ain't learned nuthin' from Platoon, Apocalypse Now, and Full Metal Jacket, they had some pretty nasty firefights in the jungle over there where ya usually lost most of your buddies on a regular occasion.

**I am doin' my absolute best to generate readership. How else would ya 'splain my pullin' such highly unique gags as this?

***I guess since my sayin' such also caused me to send a link his way, it also means Zongo topped me trackbacks today, as well.

Today's 'Lympics notes

• Say what ya may 'bout our National Anthem, The Star Spangled Banner is surely not as long as some as the anthems playin' for some gold medal winners.
• The internet has 'caused me a bit of dismay this time around durin' the 'Lympics as I am learnin' the outcome of some events prior to such bein' shown on TV. It makes the watchin' less fun but I jes' can't keep from investigatin' those changin' medal totals.
• They don't offer my swimmin' event in the 'Lympics but I can do the backwards butterfly in a continuous circle for a long long time. When I tell people I can swim, it don't mean quickly or all that well, but I can stay on my back on top of the water where I can breath for hours and hours.*
• I am 'spectin' that it is ranklin' home country Greece a bit that Turkey has won more gold medals thus far.
• I never have understood the scorin' on some events, like gymnastics, where it sometimes appears that some people get higher scores for identical movements made with similar mistakes.
• Ya know, the 'Lympics makes one of the best political statements by jes' existin'. So far, this has been a banner 'Lympics pause briefly as they play The Star Spangled Banner**, what with there seemin' to be more countries than ever, and, 'cept for that stupid Iranian who quit to save himself the embarrassment of gettin' his ass whooped by some dude from Israel, the athletes are really beginnin' to blend in with one another into a beautiful pool of different lookin' humans, all at or approachin' the peak of perfection in selected activities.
• I know I ain't the first to mention this, but I personally feel a bit of shame for our country not even makin' the 'Lympics in baseball and are gettin' our asses kicked in basketball, both bein' sports supposedly invented in our country. Sheesh!
• I am kinda lookin' forward to the shot put contests and the marathon run this time 'round, the former 'cause they are holdin' it at the actual site of the original ancient games and the marathon is gonna be run on the road from Marathon to Athens, the original marathon. I can't tell ya how thrilled I am to see the Acropolis and Parthenon in the background from time to time. There have been a lot of wars fought since that buildin' was built, but mankind continues to meet in peace to contest each other in sports.
• The male team gymnastics event was pretty 'citin'. I really like the way they changed it so that each team had to pick three people to perfom ever' exercise and no low scores were allowed to be tossed away. It gave the whole thin' a kinda sudden death feel. Given what I saw from the final round, the medals were rightly awarded. The US team seemed to be proud of themselves for comin' in second, and I think they put on a fantastic show for all to see.

*Yeah, yeah, I know no one gave a whit about that inane bit of information about me, but it came to mind while I was thinkin' 'bout swimmin' so that means it got dumped in your lap whether ya wanted it there or not.

**I hope you stood with your hand over your heart, if appropriate.

Nothin'

Jes' 'cause I doubted anyone else ever thought of doin' so.

If it is inane, my eye will catch it

I was jes' perusin' the listin's on TV Guide's site, and noticed they have this little legend at the bottom with different colors dependin' on whether the program listed is a movie, sports, family, or pay-per-view. It appears if the program is other than a movie, sports, family, or pay-per-view it is all the basic color. I guess what bothered me a bit was that the 'Lympics is not identified as "sports." I 'spect there are a lot of athletes competin' in Athens that believe themselves to be involved in sportin' events. TV Guide, it seems, does not agree.

It was a holiday as well, in Greece

Hmm, one of the slowest Sundays I have seen in awhile, but then again, what with the hurricane and the 'Lympics, I guess there are jes' too many things goin' on for most to give a whit about bloggin' or my blog in particular. Anyway, I ain't gonna get on a high horse and point fingers, 'cause I was not doin' much bloggin' myself. I didn't get but a slim chance to read what one or two of ya'll had to say and didn't give ya much in the way of new material to peruse. O' course, I was still of the opinion that there was plenty of stuff a scroll or two down that I 'spect from the number of comments and links and such that likely hadn't gotten all the 'tention as was deserved. I am purty proud of the words I string together for your review and it pains me when they are, to a great extent, unseen.

My navel completely shares all opinions expressed above. It had better do so, as I was only 'spressin' 'zactly what it had to say about such earlier today. End of report.

Aug. 15, 2004

Oh my, I must not be the only one who has noticed how lame the strip has gotten. The paper I usually check out, The Dallas Mornin' News, due to their puttin' the strip at the bottom on the first page on the comic section, has moved Opus to the bottom of the third page. Additionally, it is also smaller than previously shown due to there bein' an extra strip crammed in vertically on the left side of such page. Of course, the strip today was nothin' but a very minor genuflection by the current cast of the strip: Opus, Bill & Pickles.

Now to be fair, I was scannin' though several of my books containin' BB's prior comics: Bloom County and Outland. There are plenty of lame strips here and there, all seemingly pretty well along the same lines as what we have seen these last three weeks or so. However, both bein' daily strips, I found it difficult to locate 3 straight strips as lame as what had been displayed these last three weeks. It appears to me that if BB actually wants to continue this strip, he really needs to put a bit more work into it. Of course, that is just my lame opinion. ;)

Even the SPAMMERS took it easy today

I have been here off and on throughout the day and ain't seen a bunch of ya'll comin' by for visits today despite the fact that I went out of my way to create what seems to be a pretty difficult quiz on 'Lympic trivia. Mostly, other than another very long nap this afternoon, I spent most of my day today watchin' the 'Lympics. I did flash 'cross to the Cowboys game a time or two but didn't seem to be worth watchin' if'n you were a fan of the 'Boys. It's only pre-season, so the loss ain't really anythin' to worry 'bout. I stopped worryin' 'bout pre-season games a long, long time ago . . . like back in the Landry days.

The navel is baskin' in leisure at its regular haunt in the midst of the soft black hairs at the apex of the mound I refer to as my Buddha belly. It has expressed no interest in the 'Lympics. As usual, it has remained silent. At least the report is timely, so things are lookin' up. End of report.

Today's Olympics notes

• Women's Beach Volleyball is so much more interestin' than the indoor sort. A lot of that has to do with the difference in uniforms.
• Why doesn't Lance Armstrong represent the U.S. in Bicycle Road Racin'?
• Even if someone told you that your routine, under new rules, would not be scored as high as thought, would you change your routine to somethin' that you were not totally sure you could do?
• Considerin' the number of gun aficionados, it is surprisin' no one from the US qualified to receive a medal in the BB gun competitions. I do 'spose we will score highly in the automatic weapons contest and are a shoo-in to take the gold medal in GPS guided missile competition.

Gotta stay on top of the game

I was jes' checkin' out the listin' for Steve's book over on Barnes and Noble's website and saw this:

The title has been announced for the next Harry Potter! Sign up below, and be the first to know when it is available -- and when any Harry Potter items are released.

So, how well do you really know the 'Lympics?

Okie dokie, here is my feeble quiz containin' questions about the 'Lympics. Take your best shot! or See how well your friends did!

Whoops, I did it again...

Well, somehow I neglected to do this report last evenin' ... again. Don't ask me how it happened. I swear I was sober, and yet, I somehow awoke this mornin' layin' on my bed, fully dressed. I seem to recollect how I went in there last evenin' and laid down with a rag on my head, hopin' that a horrendous migraine headache would succumb to the attack of the major megadose of the variety of different analgesics I had swallowed. I don't seem to be nursin' any ill effects of that headache or the megadosin', so I survived ... again.

I actually 'spect that no one missed the report. I ain't yet figgered out why my readership has disappeared into some deep dark place, kinda like they were all sucked into a black hole or somethin'. Well, I do need to get to work on today's 'Lympic quiz, as promised last Saturday, but I am mindful that if I get only two quiz takers for this one, there is likely to be no further quizzes created. The creation of such takes way too much of my valuable time for me to continue such if there is so little interest in such efforts.

Anyway, the navel was oblivious to the pain that existed elsewhere within my physique. End of report.

Is it E=(MxC)(MxC) or E=M(CxC)?

I am not sure that I have not taken and posted my results from the test show below previously, but Jay pointed it out and I wanted to see where I came in:

What Famous Leader Are You?
personality tests by similarminds.com

Child, no longer

OK, ya'll, it is official. Julia Child will not see her 92nd birthday.* Too much rich French cuisine has done her in. Still, 91 is not a bad run at life, is it.? Takin' a tip from Jay, whose blurb led me to the story, with the demise of Grand Dame Child, ya can find recipes for what ya want to eat at Steve's place.

*I hope to make it to 80 myself. I think that would let me live long enough to get my kid, if I ever have one, through his/her schoolin'.

I am oft described as one of a kind

Your Friday, August 13, 2004 Horoscope, Taurus!

You will be admired by a person of status for something you own. You have a particularly unique insight about the world to share today and an eager audience waiting to hear it.

A real quick somethin' aside

I have often thought 'bout 'temptin' to locate the top ten titles I have created for the posts on this blog, but could never bring myself to search through the 2800+ entries so as to make my selections. However, I luckily (or unluckily, as the case may be) came across this post which, admittedly, has one of the worst titles I have yet to compose.

'Twarn't a bit of neglect involved

Oh my, oh my! I 'spose I was dreadin' the comin' of Friday the 13th so badly last eve that I jes' plumb forgot to post the report. You should have 'sperienced the trepidation that overwhelmed me when I awoke this morn and my oversight was 'membered. 'Course, not much that could be done 'bout it right away, as I had to rush to get ready and get out of the house. They are redoin' our street, curbs and gutters they say, and I needed to get my car out of the drive before they cut the deep swath along the edge of the road similar to the one that has already been cut on the opposite side. I'd be a bit skeered to back over that for fear that my Lincoln would end up balanced 'pon a high point. That might be jes' too 'barrassin', doncha think?

Anyway, there was a wealth of good stuff posted yesterday, as you can observe by scrollin' down a bit further. I posted most of that while I was watchin' the Ranger/Yankees game durin' commercial breaks between scenes of CSI and ER. Speakin' of ER, seems I saw the preview of a soon to be released movie, The Forgotten, in which Anthony Edwards plays a minor role. Now, while George Clooney seemed to do alright with leavin' his successful role on the show, I jes' don't see Anthony Edwards havin' the same sort of success. Do you?

My navel was most uninvolved with anythin' I did last eve, even the oversight involved with the major delay in postin' this report. End of report.

Aug. 13, 2004

I was testing the children in my Sunday school class to see if they understood the concept of getting to heaven. I asked them, "If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into Heaven?"

"NO!" the children answered.

"If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the yard, and kept everything neat and tidy, would that get me into Heaven?"

Again, the answer was, "NO!"

By now I was starting to smile. Hey, this was fun! "Well, then, if I was kind to animals and gave candy to all the children, and loved my husband, would that get me into Heaven?" I asked them again.

Again, they all answered, "NO!"

I was just bursting with pride for them. Well, I continued, "then how can I get into Heaven?"

A five-year-old boy shouted out, "YOU GOTTA BE DEAD."

After starting a new diet I altered my drive to work to avoid passing my favorite bakery.

I accidentally drove by the bakery this morning and there in the window were a host of goodies. I felt this was no accident, so I prayed, "Lord, it's up to you. If you want me to have any of those delicious goodies, create a parking place for me directly in front of the bakery."

And sure enough, God answered my prayer. On the eighth time around the block, there it was!

Hey Sport! How 'bout a bit of preview of whatcha got to show

So, anyone up for a bit of a preview of the 'Lympics? Can ya settle for the bloopers?

I guess, if you say so

You haven't really enjoyed the song "Margaritaville" until you've heard it sung to the accompaniment of an ukulele. - Annika

Not sure what sort of spin to put on this story?

New Jersey Governor James McGreevey announces his resignation so as to run as a write-in candidate for those Democrats who believe John Kerry is not really the right man for the Presidency, or was there another reason?

The traps are loaded for males

The top five questions that men fear…

1. What are you thinking about?
2. Do you love me?
3. Do I look fat?
4. Do you think she is prettier than I am?
5. What would you do if I died?

There is a peckin' order

I sometimes get emailed by various people attemptin' to get information with regard to some of the bloggers goin' 'bout here and there and what they're fixin' to do. Some people are under the insane understandin' that I am a mind reader and can tell ya what other bloggers are thinkin'. I ain't too sure where they ever got that idea, though, 'cause I often find myself totally incapable of readin' between the lines. Readin' minds is several steps above that level, me thinks.

Speakin' of email, got somethin' from my friend, Dead Head Red, who found the tombstone generator to be more fun than he could pass upon. I have published his creation in the extended entry. Be nice and say Hi to him. We all know the world could use another blogger or two.

Leno mentioned The Drudge Report on The Tonight Show. He also said that the original Olympics was borin' 'cause Hercules won ever'thin'.

I might need to be havin' a talk with my Buddha belly soon about doin' somethin' to get itself into better shape. I noticed it seemed to have swelled to an previously unknown point that I almost looked like I was pregnant or somethin'. My navel barely appears as a minor dip in a giant pot belly, if that is my navel, and not a mirage. The expanse is enormous, a ghastly sight from where I sit. End of report.

No truer epitaph could I find

I got my lead from Candy.

It went that-a-way, I think

Yeah, it was a bit of a bizarre day, as I had to make a trip into the next town over to take care of just one case. Of course, such usually takes almost all afternoon. It would have taken me all afternoon but for the fact that it was an appointed case involvin' a client to whom I was appointed to represent back in February, but whom I had never met due to his havin' bonded out of jail before I had an opportunity to make a visit to the jail. Of course, as is usual, he did not contact me and as he had not been yet indicted, there being some substances that were in a stacked-up line of other such things in the testin' lab. His case was finally ready to be brought before the court to hear his plea to the charges. As is the normal procedure in our area, about a week ago, I got the docket list in the mail, and as usual, I went through the list lookin' for my name, and, viola, there is was next to his name. I put the date on my calendar and showed up to due my duty, whatever it might turn out to be. However, this guy had hired another attorney after bondin' out of jail, which actually happens quite often, but generally, I will get a call from their office to let me know so I won't waste my time comin' to court to assist such person. It didn't happen this time, and, of course, I had already spent a half-an-hour on the drive over, another hour gettin' the story straight about whether I was handlin' the case or not, and then, with the drive home comin' up, by the time I was to get back, it would be late enough to call it a day, anyway, because I had nothin' else really important on my schedule. I decided to catch the early matinee showin' of Collateral. It warn't any blockbuster, but the story was pretty good, the acting was pretty good, and it was not as predictable as I suspected even though I had heard so much about it already. I don't 'spect it to win any awards, but then, again, it ought to make enough money to reward all those responsible for its creation.

Navel says "Hi!" but seems to be involved in a bit of a celebration concernin' the Texas Rangers' win over the evil New York Yankees, although I don't know how anyone could call sittin' in front of the TV watchin' reruns of M*A*S*H while I am busy typin' this post a celebration, but then we are talkin' 'bout navels, right? I still ain't given up my hopes that I will teach it to blog on its own at some point in the future. End of report.

Makin' someping outta nuthin'?

I jes' noticed that this blog ain't received a single ping in the month of August. OK, so, I am gonna gather an assumption from that fact - - - - - OK, let's assume that fact goes to prove my previously announced theory that the blogosphere is not celebratin' Navel Gazin' Month in August this year, well - - - - - accordin' to the powers that be™, such assumption jes' makes an ass out of u 'n me. Do whut? Not enough pazazz!? I thought it was snazzier than jes' sayin', you know?

Yeah, I meant it exactly like I wrote it. Don't ask me why? I already tol' ya I got someping on my mind. Zongo owes me a ping won't know I'm here. John must be mad at me. My navel must be watchin' the final episode of For Love or Money on the bedroom TV while I'm sittin' in the livin'room busily switchin' 'tween CSI: Miami and Monday Night Football Hall of Fame Game. If'n any o' ya'll buys that bit of dribble, I got some beachfront property in West Texas for sale. End of report.

I was not invited to this party

They likely would have had to introduce me as Tiger slash author slash cartoonist slash highly renown snarky inaniac. Of course, they might not have added all the slashes available to the rest of the guests, because I suspect that Beverly is also a dominatrix, Ed is a money-launderer, and Ron is an Al-Queda mole.

Any interest in the quizzes?

I know I previously made one error on one of the prior quizzes that I created,. but surely one little mistake is not enough for everyone to avoid the rest of 'em, is it? I created a new one this past Saturday so as to give the few that were around somethin' to do. I have not gotten notice of a single person even tryin' to answer the questions on this one. They do take me an hour or so to create, not countin' how long I have to think to create the challengin' questions. The actual need to write out the question, formulate four different answers, and then go back over it after it is finished to make sure I selected the correct answer and such, I have put a bit of work into it. All I am askin' is, if no one is all that interested in them, why should I keep wastin' my time in creatin' them? I was jes' hopeful I was creatin' such for people's enjoyment, ya know?

The little I did

Strange but what I ended up sleepin' so much of this weekend away. I ain't sure if'n it was due to the heat, my utter boredom with spendin' so much time with myself, or just that general feelin' I always have this time of the year as I seem to spend such a goodly amount of my time thinkin' of my dearly departed. Sometimes, however, it is hard not to find this heat unbearable!

My navel is pristine in the soft light emanatin' from the glowin' plasma screen of my laptop computer which is sittin' just as its name implies. End of report.

Aunt 'Net strikes again -- chuckle at this

Bob, a 70 year old extremely wealthy widower, shows up at the Country Club with a breathtakingly beautiful and very sexy 25 year-old blonde who knocks everyone's socks off with her youthful sex appeal and charm who hangs over Bob's arm and listens intently to his every word. His buddies at the club are all aghast

They corner him and ask, "Bob, how'd you get the trophy girlfriend?"

Bob replies, "Girlfriend? She's my wife!"

They're knocked over, but continue to ask. "So, how'd you persuade her to marry you?"

Bob says, "I lied about my age."

His friends respond, "What do you mean? Did you tell her you were only 50?"

Bob smiles and says, "No, I told her I was 90."

Habanero Hula-Hoops and Jalapeno Hookahs

I figured that no one actually ever reads the titles to these inane posts anyway, but the more odd word combinations you can put together, the greater the rank you get from the really odd Goggle searchers. When is the last time I posted a listin' of the odd things that people are actually searching' the Wild Woolly Web to find? Well, about the strangest thing anyone hit my site with by pluggin' it into a search engine was the two words: fried frogs. They would never have hit my site but for one of my previous inane titlin' attempts: French fried frogs, or some such nonsense.

Aug. 8, 2004

I don't know, but doin' only one strip a week, ya would think BB could come up with somethin' a bit better than a few ol' gags doin' with the lefties and righties fightin' over undecided voters. Today's strip was about as lame as you would expect Family Circus to be on average.

It's way way too late, it seems, but better late than never?

Denita, Eric, Zane, and Zane's very angelic grandmother did drop by on the way home with the pup they hope will become Zane's best friend durin' his childhood. We all had a very pleasant lunch, the quick tour of my messy house and messy office, as well as a few of the historic sites around the courthouse square, but, regrettably, they were all a bit weary from their long excursion for me to give them a tour of the local wildlife park. I was thrilled that they got a chance to familiarize themselves with the area in which I live.

It is strange when plans you have had for a couple of days change at the last minute. I had suggested that I wanted to take them to the wildlife park when we met shortly on Thursday as they were on their way up to the Dallas area and I had been plannin' for our meetin' on their return trip since then. I was slightly disappointed that they aborted the tour and I lost my opportunity to show off all my knowledge about the animals and such, but I also understand that life on the road requires you to change your plans on a very spontaneous basis quite often, especially when you are on your way home and really ready to be there.

Later, in the evenin' after I discovered there was very little else I was all that interested in doin', I went into my much cooler bedroom to read a Dean Koontz book I have been havin' a real hard gettin' into for some reason, and, as usual, I fell fast asleep. I failed to awake at any later point and slept straight through the night. I was unconscious at the time I should have given the navel report. My neglectin' it was not purposeful, ya see. The navel, however, was oblivious to all that occurred and, therefore, was not involved in any decision makin'. End of report.

Let's go Mexico!!!

I am gonna be rootin' for Brenda Magana*, one of two different female Mexican gymnasts in this year's Olympics, which is the first time two different women from Mexico qualified for competition in such. It seems there were a few obstacles that jumped into her path on her way up the ladder, so she is much older than most of those with whom she will be competin', so I think she deserves watchin'. O' course, I also watched Eddie the Eagle and the Jamaican Bobsled Team, durin' their attempts at achievin' stardom durin' Olympic events. Try findin' anythin' 'bout this on the net. I tried, and not much recent news to be found.

What's your take on technology

OK, seemed no one was too interested in the quizzes I was doin' on Tuesdays, but as Saturday is such a slow slow day, I thought posting a quiz might give some of ya'll somethin' to do. Today's quiz is on Technology. Show us your stuff! or See who ya gotta beat! Next week's quiz will be on the Olympics.

Talk 'bout somethin' sickenin' --

Wow, I knew there was a really good reason I avoided water parks and such other crowded places where people collect to play in water to cool off durin' the hot summers. This reason is as good as any I could imagine.

Linkage: Jaboobie

Whompa, whompa, somethin', somethin'

I tol' ya I couldn't sing. Heck, most of the time I can't even 'member the words to most songs, what their titles are, or who sings 'em. I guess I treat most bits of music much like ya'll deal with this blog. They do say that what goes around, comes around. Maybe if I had the ability to intelligibly discuss various topics surroundin' music, people would be a bit more interested in readin' what I have to say. Or not.

Toureg? I never have understood the logic of that. Jes' sayin'.

Navel fell asleep durin' the movie and I did not have the heart to wake it up. End of report.

The Village almost put me to sleep

OK, ya'll, I spent my dough on a movie ticket for this evenin's entertainment, and, after seein' the newest great review-filled advertisement, opted to see The Village. I especially liked it when I heard Ebert and Roper had given it two thumbs up, as I rarely find a movie that Ebert liked that I don't. Well, this is one of the exceptions. It may jes' be that I am onto M. Night Shyamalan. I was pleasantly surprised with the final twist in Sixth Sense and very surprised at the turn of events at the end of Unbreakable, but ho-hummed greatly at Signs. I guess my reaction to this poorly scripted movie was fairly predictable, wasn't it? I did get some strange stares from the rest of the crowd when I started laughing out loud at the end. The premised proved to be so ridiculous as to be laughable. The faces of the rest of the crowd as they were walkin' out were pale and ashen.

{ADDENDUM: I saw some blurb today sayin' it was possible to see Spider-Man 2 in IMAX. I thought, how cool, and wondered if more movies were also available in IMAX, as well, although there seem to be too few IMAX theaters around, so no one knows whether it was possible to see Gigli in IMAX, do they? I wonder if someone in the industry has an answer to this question, like she will ever see it.* ;) }

*It seems that she did see it, but was unable to answer the question. [See comments.]

Aug. 6, 2004

What did the Blonde say when she opened the box of Cheerios?

"Oh look, daddy ... doughnut seeds."

{Since I don't have a major readership like many others, this might not go far, but would it not be great if everyone tried to post a joke on their blog on every Friday? I'm jes' sayin', ya know?}

Happy 21st Birthday

Jes' wanna wish a very Happy Birthday to my nieces, Jennifer and Keri. It certainly does not seem that long ago that I saw them at the hospital just after their birth. They were two little pink, wrinkly-skinned little naked babies. I still remember when they were growing up and were really cute little girls, and now I find that they have become two very lovely ladies.

Is August gonna be Navel Gazin' Month again, this year?

I was jes' thinkin' this evenin' that I started these Nightly Navel Gazin' Reports™ last April August **DOH!!!!** after I read on some blog that August was the officially designated Navel Gazin' Month and, with some notable exceptions, I have done a pretty nice job of publishin' the report nightly for almost a complete year. As well as I can tell, this was the first actual report I did.

I think back over that period at how many evenin's I sat and sat jes' tryin' to come up with somethin' amusin' to put into the nightly report. Strangely enough, somethin' always came to mind. I look back over some of the reports, and the inanity that has crossed these electronic pages whether under this name or the previous title remains stoically within the archives and the snarky wit still sizzles.

The actual navel itself has changed very little in the year that has passed. I was hopeful it would be sittin' amid some tight abs by this date, but am pleased to find the Buddha belly has not expanded to a great extent. End of report.

{ADDENDUM: I forgot to mention that I had a semi-surprise visit from Denita, Eric, Zane and Denita's mom who are headin' from their home near San Antonio up to the DFW area to visit the Du Toits and then drop by the home of the other member of the Who Tends the Fires bloggin' group, Iron Bear, to pick up an puppy to assist Zane in havin' a fun childhood. They promised to drop by for an extended visit day after tomorrow.}

Juicy man, Juicy!

Oh my, in the words of Lt. Smash:

I CAN ONLY HOPE, should I ever feel the urge to run for office, I don't have a bunch of my former fellow officers waiting to ambush me like this*.

O' course, This Land** is still the No. 1 election related video currently goin' on the 'net.

[UPDATE: It seems that WizBang!*** not only is all over this story, but has also uploaded a .pdf file of a chapter entitled, "The Purple Heart Hunter" from the book written by John Kerry's companions durin' the time he was in Viet Nam.]

*Please note, that in the quoted text, Lt. Smash actually linked such word to this transcript of the advertisement than to the page displayin' the actual video of the ad.

**This link takes you to the atomfilms presentation of the film, whereas in this post, I provided a link to the originator's site.

***I did try to back out so as to get to the correct permalink to take you to the right post on the WizBang! site, but was given a dead page. It might jes' be that there is too much bandwidth bein' sucked up currently or somethin' so I am not sure you can reach that .pdf file at all times.

Applause is welcomed, or so I've been told

Hmmmm, what kind of a day was it today? Oh, ya mean other than hotter than Hell™ . . . well, let's see. I sold the rights to someone to make a photocopy of my manuscript. It seems that one of my friends wanted very badly to be the absolute first buyer of the book, which is technically true, as my two prior sales were of a much earlier version of the final manuscript. Got a bit of work done today despite spendin' the greater part of the day in court dealin' with one our two monthly district court dockets here at my hometown.

What else is new? Let's see, what should we talk 'bout, Green Hornet or diapers? What? You would reject Bruce Lee for a discussion on large white soft cloths? OK, so, here is the deal with diapers. First of all, I thought this was a really funny post. Secondly, I actually have a diaper across my lap. Seriously! I long ago found that cloth diapers make really good reusable towels for all kinds of uses around the home. I have the one across my lap so that my sweaty legs don't come into contact with the bottom of the laptop, the heat from which is the cause of my leg sweat. It is one I have also used to wipe my mouth. You can actually use cloth diapers for anythin' ya might use a paper towel for, and thankfully, are easily washable, as mothers in my mother's generation knew.

OK, I heard the guy in the back say he was gonna be steamed if I didn't blurb on the Green Hornet. Funny thing 'bout the Green Hornet, he was lower tech than Batman and yet was able to get the job done without the campy special effects, ala said named successor. Ya remember the TV version of Batman, right, with Burt Ward and Adam West? Biff! ^Whap! Pow! I got a lot of the Green Hornet episodes on tape, black and white stuff, that were taped off of WGN at some previous time that I purchased at my only previous appearance at a Star Trek convention. I also got a copy of The Fantastic Four, the movie made by Roger Corman that was never officially released. I think there is an updated, via CG, version comin' out next summer. Ye-haw! They have now done The Punisher twice, and yet there has not been a movie based upon The Green Hornet. If one opens soon, I 'spect to see my name in the credits somewhere.

I dropped by the store a bit earlier to refill my DP cup and got me a Big Grab bag of Lays Potato Chips® with the intention to only eat one. I couldn't though, 'cause my will power was jes' too poor to resist. I mean, no matter how hard I tried, I found that I could not jes' eat one.* Ya gotta be pretty old and likely from Texas to 'member when that was the most obnoxious commercial on TV.

The navel was lost in the shuffle, and I ended up pluckin' the Joker from the deck instead. Wow, does that ever relate back to the foregoin'? End of report.

[It has been awhile since I did this, but trackin' back to the Traffic Jam, ya'll.]

*or it could have been I could not eat jes' one.

Cowboys News

Quincy Carter got cut -- what is bein' loudly unsaid is that he failed his drug test violated team policies. New Cowboys quarterback: Vinnie T. That almost hearkens to the days of Cowboys past, when Landry booted stars for immoral behavior. Jes' ask Hollywood, Raphael, and Lance. I 'spect, though, that they have had enough of Irvin, et al, tarnishin' the Star!

Somebody's gotta say sum'thin'

Reality shows are startin' to go a bit far. I mean, last night I watched some strange show on ABC where they actually changed some people's house into their dream home while they spent a week at Disney World. The thrill bein' the reaction of the people? So, Candid Camera on steroids! Already, Toyota has a commercial playin' on that same theme where some gal supposedly drives this old Ford Fairlane into a garage door on the side of some metallic buildin' for a makeover and comes ga-gain'* out sittin in the seat of a brand new Toyota.

Ever'thin' on TV seems to be filled with Reality this or that, tryin' to give us a good look at different people's reactions in highly emotional situations. Almost all of these shows are about as lame as sittin' on a bench at the park starrin' at the faces of passers-by as they step over that fully-filled disposable baby diaper layin' right in the middle of the walk. Oh, yeah, there is the occasional pervert who will look at it, pause, bend over and prod it, and, after turnin' both ways to make sure no one is lookin', gingerly pull it open for a quick peek at what was left in it. Mostly, people are pretty predictable.

Then there is CSI, which is goin' the way of Law & Order and clonin' itself again. O' course, I like the forensic investigation shows better than anythin'. Knowin' somethin' about the way evidence should be collected and what kind of evidence can be collected provides a basis for creatin' doubt when it wasn't used, right?

I ain't really into all them talent show thingies, 'cept Last Comic Standin'. I like humor much more than music.

One of these days, I might do one of them 100 things 'bout me lists. I got one started in a .txt file on one of my computers. I think I got entries for as many fingers and toes I still have left, so that would be somewhere between 38 and 43? I find triple digits to be jes' a li'l overwhelmin'. As if! 81, -5, 0.88372093023255813953488372093023, and 1634.** OK, OK, I used the calculator for those last two. That which I am able to do within my head does not include comin' up with major mathematical solutions. A guy cannot be all things to all people, so if mathematical solvin' skills were at the top of your list of things that you find attractive in a prospective mate, I suppose ya better pass me by. Watch your step, though. That dirty diaper is still there.

*Kinda like walkin' 'round in amazement with a dropped jaw jabberin' 'bout how much ya love this 'n that.

**Add, subtract, divide, multiply.

Egads! Why now?

For some reason, I was thinkin' of Glenn Reynolds. I don't 'member the last time I gave Glenn a thought. Strange how I lost all concern 'bout this or that of any concern to most bloggers, like why doesn't Glenn link me, or why is no one readin' all the fine whatever I am pourin' from my brain on a multitudinous* basis, or why is no one commentin' or linkin' to my superior messagin' like they used to do. Ya see, I know all of ya'll are way too busy to visit me on a regular basis, 'cause I am in the same shape. Jes' too much to do all the time and it is hard to find time to devote to citizen publishin'** hobby. So why was I thinkin' 'bout Glenn? I was remindin' myself that while Glenn Reynolds is not the ruler of the world, Zongo might actually be.

It seems they are droppin' like flies 'round here: High School football players passin' out from heat exhaustion or dyin' from heat stroke. Maybe it ought to be a requirement that summertime High School football practices be done after midnight, or at least, when it is dark. The Cowboys are doin' their pre-season practices in cool California. Hmmmm?

OLD: Mr. Wendy's, unofficial spokesman -- gag is OLD! Can it!
NEW: Mr. Box changes to natural cut fries -- slams France! Kudos

make it meme, or not

*I was surprised that made it through the spell-checker.

**More on the concept.

Somethin' from Aunt 'Net for your enjoyment

WOMEN DRIVERS This morning on the Interstate, I looked over to my left and there was a woman in a brand new Cadillac doing 65mph with her face up next to her rear view mirror putting on her eyeliner.

I looked away for a couple seconds and when I looked back she was halfway over in my lane, still working on that makeup. As a man, I don't scare easily. But she scared me so much that I dropped my electric razor, which knocked the donut out of my other hand. In all the confusion of trying to straighten out the car using my knees against the steering wheel, it knocked my cell phone away from my ear which fell into the hot coffee in the paper cup right between my legs, which splashed out and burned Big Jim and the Twins, ruined the damn phone, soaked my trousers, and disconnected an important call.

Damn women drivers ! !

Reserved for further consideration

Hey, ya jes' cannot birth a snappy title on each and ever' occasion, right? So, what's the word where you are? Here the conversations have again returned to the oppressive heat we all suffer through ever' August. How hot was it today? Oh, 'bout $20 worth of electricity to operate the needed air conditionin' equipment on a non-stop basis from dusk 'til dawn. Gas is high, electricity is high, income is not exceedin' necessary expenditures in any significant amount. I go to bed without my supper more often than I would like. Oh well -- as they say.

Currently watchin' the sports guy givin' the report on the Cowboys' trainin' camp, and let me remind you that I forecasted last year that the Cowboys make it all the way to the NFC Playoff game this year. I am so ready for football. The local High School opened their practice for the comin' season sometime durin' these past few days, and, around here they make a really big deal about it, actually beginnin' the 1st practice at the strick of midnight on the first day such is allowed. As far as I know, all players reported on time and none have initiated contract renegotiations - yet.

My navel is askin' me why I felt compelled to post all the proceedin'. My sole response: why not? End of report.

On the continuin' book matter

Some of ya'll may remember my search for the Tic Tac commercial over several days tryin' hard to catch it on tape. In case ya don't 'member, I finally succeeded and was askin' here and there if someone could convert it into something I could use electronically. I wanted to show some of my fans how Alura appears on the inside of my head when I am busily writin' 'bout her adventurous exploits. Well, I finally located the commercial online, and you can see it for yourself by clicking here and then clickin' where it says View the new Tic Tac Commercial. For some of ya'll, actually seein' the commercial is of major importance, as the facial expressions of the actress in the commercial are the actual reason I found the young lady to very closely resemble the central character in my book. However, I believe even the followin' screen shot will give you an idea of what it was that I saw.

All natural, with no added flavors or colorin'

Yep, that's right! When it comes to me, ya purty well get what ya see. I don't try to hide or disguise who I am. I kinda like the person I am, so am eager to show him off. I guess, however, that to some, that likely makes me a bore. Wah! Seriously! I am one of those people who likes to be liked by ever'one. Regrettably, I seem to have accumulated an enemy or two, and may a smatterin' of people who hold me in low opinion. Despite all, though, I have two dogs that love me no matter what . . . and they love me more if I happen to have a treat in my hand. I have met a few women who feigned love whenever I happened to be holdin' some delectable little treat in my hand. I decided that the love for pretty trinkets scenario was not my cup of tea. Pretty trinkets seem to require a goodly sum of moolah. I find that acquisition of a goodly sum of moolah without resortin' to illegal activity is not effortless whereas whatever was offered in exchange for the trinket's ownership usually so proved to be -- effortless, that is. Then I decided that the rules to the whole boy meets girl game are so screwed up, I jes' lost interest. I didn't lose interest in meetin' a girl, mind you, I jes' lost interest in playin' the necessary games to accomplish that feat. Catch-22. At least, I know why I am lonely. I also know that it does very little good to whine about it. So, I guess I won't -- any longer -- today, at least.

Oh, by the way, did any of ya'll notice that Chris Muir, artist for the popular Internet comic, Day by Day, came by and dropped a comment on this post. I adore his comic strip and admire his efforts in doin' so. Those of ya'll that have been keepin' up with this blog and the Alien Attitudes book project likely know that such resulted from my own failed efforts at an Internet comic strip of the same name. I know what sort of efforts it takes to publish a new strip on a daily basis. It appears that I have Denita to either thank or blame for such. I suppose thanks are in order, as she is blameless as a general rule.

My navel is mostly concerned with the book. It does not understand why I have not sat here with the laptop computer open just below its seat in the middle of my plumb Buddha belly. It deals with drastic changes quite badly. I suspect it will be needin' therapy when it reaches maturity. Does anyone know at what age navels reach maturity? Maybe they never quite mature. Hmmmm. Somethin' to think 'bout. End of report.

Aug. 1, 2004

Poor Pickles so wants to be a Princess in search of her Prince, but society, includin' Bill the Cat, Opus, and some African-American kid that was not identified during this strip are forcin' her to adopt feminism in conformity with the current gender rules governin' how life is supposed to be lived* ... I guess. I am always just a bit confused as to what the current gender rules governin' how life is supposed to be lived are on almost a daily basis, and suspect they change at the whim of some vile overlord whose goal is to make life on earth as miserable as possible on a continuin' basis. Hmmm, is that a round about way of sayin' ever'one is actually entitled to excuse their inane behavior with the phrase the Devil made me do it?

*Ever'thin' beyond this point constitutes blatant partisan editorializin'.