Read My Lips - the blog

There is sometimes good news to be found.

Viagra enhances a man's chances of becoming a father in more ways than one. The anti-impotence drug increases the motility of sperm and boosts its ability to bind to an egg, South African researchers report.

Kudos to new Munuvian Auterrific.

This has just got to be a hoax

Let's face it: there's no way on God's earth that even the lads from Lagos could concoct something this exceptional, could they?

Found via Emma.

Things could be much simpler than they are

I think some moments in a relationship are best defined by the simple: "Do you like me? Check yes or no." - Helen

Keepin' your eye on the ball

Thanks to Mookie, I found somewhere to hit 100 mph fastballs into the bleachers. My long was 542 feet. I don't want to discuss my battin' average.

[UPDATE: My hand-to-eye coordination was slightly worse at this game found at Light & Dark comin' soon to the MUNU universe.]

They are not handbags, yet

Ya'll remember when I made that trip to Florida and came back after havin' driven all the way through The Everglades without seein' a single alligator? I suspect James thinks I was a lucky fellow, and crazy because I actually was hopin' to see one.

Apr. 30, 2004

In the maternity ward of a hospital, new-born girl baby looks over at new-born boy baby and asks, "Are you a girl baby or a boy baby?"

The boy baby quickly chirps up, "I'm a boy baby!"

"How can you tell?" asks girl baby.

"Easy," says boy baby. And, with that, he threw off the blankets, hoisted up his tiny night-shirt and proudly pointed downward. "See.....blue booties"

After a long night of making love, he notices a photo of another man on her nightstand by the bed. He begins to worry. "Is this your husband?" he nervously asks.

"No, silly," she replies, snuggling up to him.

"Your boyfriend, then?" he continues.

"No, not at all," she says, nibbling away at his ear.

"Is it your dad or your brother?" he inquires, hoping to be reassured.

"No, no, no!!!" she answers.

"Well, who in the hell is he, then?" he demands.

"That's me before the surgery."

Hmmm, was that ever strange

Well, I had somethin' grand and glorious ready to post last eve . . . to fulfill my promise as contained in the previous post that I would be right back and, yet, for some reason, ever'thin' munu came crashin' down at about that time. I seem to have lost that really well composed snarky post I had prepared, so another bit of bad luck. Oh well, TGIF!

Poor poor pitiful me

Still a Maraudin' Marsupial. Prior to movin' to munu, I had been a Large Mammal for months and months and months. I moved and was automatically a Maraudin' Marsupial 'cause I took over where Kang had been and had already established enough links to this URL to have attained such Maraudin' Marsupial* status. I ain't movin' up. I must really be slippin'. I think somethin' is really missin' here . . . hang on . . . . . . . . . I got an idea . . . . . . . . . . . . . . I'll be right back --

*and established the only name: Abject Apathetic Procrastination for this blog that the Ecosystem seems to recognize.

Am I popular with the ladies?

Well, accordin' to Google, this is the No. 1 place on the Internet to find a pissed off woman.

Leadin' the sheep to slaughter

Now here is one of our Munuvians that really has his eye on what is important:

I'm Voting for Kerry

Tom of The Nap Room, however, immediately says that he is jes' kiddin'. He does explain very simply the reason that most of the people who are gonna vote for Kerry are gonna vote for Kerry:

Kerry has far superior economic plans.

---

"He's going to creat [sic] 10 million new jobs!"

"How?"

"He's gonna keep jobs in this country"

"How?"

"He's gonna keep jobs in this country!"

Tom then says somethin' important:

I am always interested to understand why people support candidates on such weak arguments. Is it because their unions told them so? Do they even have any basic understandings of economics? I don't think so. They are brainwashed.

If you want to support a candidate, back it up with logic and facts. Don't do it because your union thugs told you to.

There are worse things than bein' on blog*spot!

I am sorry folks, but I cannot think of anything worse that hostin' a Blogger powered weblog on angelfire. Check out Deep into the Bunny Hole. Seriously, bein' on blog*spot would be a better hostin' choice. I can't believe that I would ever find myself sayin such a thing, but, in this case, it is true.

When is it too late to learn the greatest thing?

The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return. - line from Moulin Rouge!

They got them some idiots in the Middle East

I found a story over on Emperor Misha I's blog that seems to have ever'one crackin' up. It seems some idiotic Palestinians tried to steal a bomb from a Hamas suicide bomber.

The robbers forced the bomber to lie on the ground and tried to steal the bomb, but the militant detonated it, killing all three.

I dunno, but I think if a guy has already planned to martyr himself, there ain't much you could really do to make him give up on killin' himself, so why in the world would you try to steal his bomb? I mean, really, are bombs really all that hard to come up with in the Middle East that you even need to be worryin' 'bout stealin' one from a suicide bomber? Heck, seems if you needed one that badly, you just go to your nearest Hamas' office, walk in, say, "Hey, I want to volunteer to blow myself up and take a whole bunch of Israelis with me," and they would just give you a bomb of your own. Wouldn't it be much easier to steal it from yourself once you got out of they eyesight?. But then, of course, idiots don't really have the ability to think things through like that, do they?

I don't get either

Glenn Reynolds gets monetary donations and hate email. I don't get either, but then I don't have any buttons to allow people to donate and have not published an email address hereon for people to use to send hate mail. I am quite sure everyone wantin' to send me hatemail already has my email address. I do have comments, however, so hateful messages can be freely posted for all to see.

No, my blog has not been taken over by aliens

I really liked Frank J's Suggestions to Improve John Kerry's Campaign. I would quote a goodly bit of it, but it might be easier if you just go look at it over there. You can come back, and, who knows, there might be somethin' new here.

Obviously missin' the sarcasm tags

Well, goodness knows we suffer from a lack of universities and, especially, law schools, people trained in the humanities, and performance artists. - James

"Request For Help from Marine Serving in Iraq"

Somethin' we can all do to assist the situation in Iraq that will not cost anyone a cent to do. Thank Kim Tim for bringin' it up.

Kudos to Larry Morin for having shined a spotlight on it so I could find it.

The best of the lot

Well, regrettably Moulin Rouge was messed up so I did not get all the way through it, so of the five movies I rented this weekend, the best one was The Majestic. It was bit campy in parts, but not as campy as one would expect from a movie starring Jim Carrey. I am not a big Jim Carrey fan, although there have been a few roles in movies that only he could have pulled off, Stanley Ipkiss in The Mask and the Riddler. I also was pretty impressed with his acting ability in playing Andy Kaufman. After I viewed the first Ace Ventura movie, I pretty well passed on most of his movies unless there was a good reason to see it. I probably would not have rented this one except that it was directed by Frank Darabont, whose two previous directorial efforts were The Shawshank Redemption and The Green Mile. This time, however, he did not write the screenplay based on a Stephen King novel.

I really liked this movie. It had a nice feel to it and was full of good actors, including Hal Holbrook, Martin Landau, David Ogden Stiers, and James Whitmore, people most of us recognize in some older movies, but seldom see anymore.* Jim Carrey did a great job, as well. One reviewer compared Frank Darabont's efforts to those of Frank Capra.

Some of today's search terms

What follows is just a small sampling of the different searches that assisted some of my visitors to find my site:

• AOL: what does the enemy say when you try to fast: I somehow do not think the enemy would have any concern if you decided to skip a few meals.
• Google: april 2004 current email free listing in holland: I am almost sure they didn't find it here.
• Google: politically incorrect horoscope: I did not know there was a demand for such and thusly likely missed my calling.
• Google: language of lips: smiles, pouts, smirks, etc.?
• Google: navel cancer: I had forgotten that I once pondered if there was actually such a thing as navel cancer.
• Google: what lips my lips have kissed, and where, and why analysis: There were actually several different searches similar to this one from Virginia. It must be some scholastic project of some sort. I suspect they found no real help here.
• Google: where can i read my fortune: I am sure they didn't find an answer here.
• Google: presumption of innocence as defense: I guess they are getting around to studying the U. S. Constitutiuon at the University of Arkansas?
• Google: small ray of sunshine: easily located without much effort, I would think ;)
• Google: sore bottom of feet: someone is Boston has a very strange foot fetish?
• Google: vicious rabbits: Results 1 - 10 of about 25,300 for vicious rabbits -- I was Number 2
• Google: derrick shepherd pants: Bet they got exactly what they wanted to see.
• Google: best blog ever written: Well, it isn't this one ... regrettably.
• Google: oklahoma banning over the counter sudafed: Bet they got exactly what they wanted to see
• Google: what to eat for dinner tonight: The single most perplexing question with which I am faced on a daily basis. You tell me, gentle reader!
• Google: indubitably: Found here.
• Google: blow baby belly lips: Found here.
• Google: sarcastic remarks about texans: Just goes to show that almost any combination of words can show up on a category or monthly archive page.

Of course, from some of the other searches I have seen, I am still of the opinion that the Internet World is filled with a bunch of very strange people.

Oh, just go see it!

Eric has posted some pictures of a most amazin' project a truck drivin' couple came up with.*

*Excuse the danglin' participle, this time, please!

A little of this and a bit of that adds up to not much

OK, sorry about not much bloggin' goin' on but I have got a real life as well. Mostly today was a work-filled day, an evenin' meetin' of the American Legion, and then I was doin' some editin' on my book. I still need a literary agent. Surely there is one or two of you who know one, right? Now, I am lookin' at the clock and wonderin' why I stayed up so late.

The dawn brings a brand new day

Well, thankfully, the gastric distress of yesterday seems to have passed. I am so hungry!

I wanted to thank all of ya'll that dropped in to wish me the best on my birthday. I sincerely wish I had felt better. However, you cannot control every event in your life, can you?

I have a lot to do today, most that was already scheduled and some that needs to be done from yesterday. As such, I am gonna try to get an early start.

One last minute tidbit: The Alura book is very near completion and I am still without a literary agent. All of the early reviews point to nuthin' but greatness for this project. My belief is that it will somewhat akin to the Harry Potter phenomenon, but then that may just be a pipe dream.* ;)

*There would not have been any actual involvement of an actual pipe of any type.

Today was not my day

Although today was my birthday, it was probably the worst birthday I have had in my life. I have been fightin' some stomach bug all day long. Of course, maybe it is apropos. After all, today I turned IL.* I just hope I am not ill all year because of such.

My back had really been achin' me over the last few days, too. I had court this mornin', and as soon as I was able to leave, I went to a chiropractor. At least my back and my neck feel much better. Tink sent me a really cute Birthday card.

When I was gettin' dressed this morning, for some reason, as I was puttin' on my underwear, I had a weird thought. Aren't we lucky that our clothin' is no longer sized by our age after about age 6? I am pretty sure if I tried to wear a pair of pants in size 49, I would look like I was a teenaged boy, as my pants would fallin' off of my body and my underwear would be showin' above the waist band.

If there was any silver linin' for the day, at least my dialup connection is workin' better than it has been for the last couple of days. I can actually surf again. And right after I typed that, I got disconnected before I could post it.

*I have decided that ages don't seem all that bad if you put them in Roman numerals.

That insanity called life

A swirling mist
enveloping all,
choking some,
sustaining others;
some few
have loosed
their grip.
and float
untethered,
hopelessly
searching
for that
which cannot
be
known.

Light Bloggin' Advisory

Oh, well, the rain has finally stopped. We had a pretty good torrential rainfall for the last 30 or so hours, but the sun is out and the day is bright. The dialup connection, however, has not improved at all. I am tired of continually havin' to disconnect and reconnect just to watch a single solitary web page partially load before the connection dies. I am gonna make better use of my time and go watch the movies I rented at the local video store. I will try back later. Blog well ya'll.

[UPDATE: I had to reconnect twice just to get this tiny blurb published.]

Apr. 25, 2004

Berke took a look at the way pharmaceutical companies are marketin' their products this day and age, a subject that was ripe for a serious satirical slap in the face. Too bad he missed the mark and blew a good chance to slam it home. One of the worst strips yet, IMHO. However, unlike baseball, we don't have to wait until next year. See you next week.

The day comes to an early end --

Pixy is going to pull the plug in a bit to do some server maintenance. Supposedly it will speed stuff up or somethin'. Whatever Pixy does is OK with me. He seems to keep everythin' oiled and stuff. I have been cleanin' up the blogroll a big. Deleting some of the people who I seldom read and/or seldom update. There are just too many blogs that I do read and I thought it was time to get some that I no longer did read off of the list.

Of course, it has been rainin' all day here and my dialup connection has been erratic at best. At worst, it has been disconnecting and connecting all day long and it has taken me forever to do anythin'. Oh well. I am either gonna go watch some TV or write somethin' other than blog posts. It seems that both the people workin' on editin' my book are working on it. I might either start on the second book in that series, work on one to the other two books that I have yet to complete, or begin a completely new one I have been runnin' through my mind. Or, or course, I can just go watch TV ... or even just go to bed early. You can bet there ain't gonna be any updatin' on any Munuvian blogs for a few hours 'cause Pixy said this maintenance thingy was gonna be a big effort. Somethin' 'bout convertin' the database, I think, and it it a big database that supports every blog in the MuNu Universe.

Yay Pixy! You are a Prince. ttfn to the rest of ya'll.

Checkin' stuff out

Yesterday - I had a pretty nasty headache. I was in Walmart lookin' over the analgesics and was thinkin' of gettin' the Walmart equivalent to Excedrin Migraine. It was somethin' like $4.29 for 100 coated caplets. I read the ingredients: Acetaminophen 250mg; Aspirin 250mg; and Caffeine 65mg. I was just wonderin' what additional ingredients were in the Migraine version than say the Extra Strength version, so I picked up a bottle of 100 tablets of the Extra Strength version which sells for $2.79 and guess what? The ingredients in the Extra Strength version are: Acetaminophen 250mg; Aspirin 250mg; and Caffeine 65mg. Of course, they are tablets and not caplets, so they are bit smaller. The inert ingredients were a bit different as well, but those ingredients are not really all that important anyway, are they? Surely not $1.50 worth.

However, Jaboobie did a better job than I of checkin' on stuff:

According to West Nile Statistics for PA, Last year, there were 247 cases and 8 deaths. The population of PA according to the 2002 census is 12,335,091. That means you have a .0020024% chance of contracting the disease and a .0000648 chance of dying from it. Accordingly, the National Safety Council states that you have a .004938% of dying from accidental poisoning and a .0001052% chance of dying just because it's hot outside.

From what I could see from his reaction, Jaboobie thinks his chances of not contractin' West Nile virus are good enough, he ain't gonna worry a bit about it.

Then I remembered why I had fingers --

Trying to cut up chops with a plastic knife and fork has got to be straight out of Machiavelli's handbook. - Cathy

Kerry Camp goes Cuckoo with Combat Records

OK, I admit the guy is a goon and waffles on the issues all the time, but surely this was an unintentional mistake, right? I mean, you just can't claim to have done somethin' when all of the evidence points otherwise, can you? Could the Kerry campaign be that stupid?

Kudos to fellow Munuvian Flyin' Space Monkey for the link to the story.

It just had to be said --

I wish I could say I have known a good number of men I could look up to, but I haven't. I was raised around men who were ordinary, or worse. It's inspiring to know that men like Mr. Tillman exist. I hope young men all over America take notice of his example. - Steve

Just a little snip here and there

To John, Snip! Snip! Snip! means gettin' a haircut. Accordin' to Dustbury, it could mean somethin' entirely different in Oklahoma.

The trials and tribulations of dialup

I created the post below and attempted to publish it several times with a return sayin' it had not been published. I would attempt to reload the page each time to see if maybe it had loaded, sans the category, as often occurs. Of course, I saw no sign of such, so I would again attempt to publish the post. Eventually I discovered I had published the same post 5 times without categories. I then had to go through the same trauma to delete 4 of the 5 posts. I think I have succeeded. So, if you are one of those who visited recently and wondered why the same post was echoed over and over and over ... I hope this explanation suffices to provide you with the reasons why.

"Pull up your pants, son. You are under arrest!"

"I'm sick of seeing it," said [Derrick] Shepherd, a first-term [Jefferson Parish. Louisiana] legislator. "The community's outraged. And if parents can't do their job, if parents can't regulate what their children wear, then there should be a law."

Rep. Shepherd proposes that anyone caught violatin' this law be subject to "a fine of as much as $500 or as many as six months in jail, or both." You see, he is sick and tired of glimpsin' "boxer shorts and G-strings over the lowered belt lines of young adults." Ain't we all? Still, makin' it against the law? Whatcha smokin', Derrick?

Joe Cook, American Civil Liberties Union's Louisiana chapter, said the bill probably does not meet the U.S. Supreme Court's standard for the prohibition of obscene behavior under the First Amendment.

[full story]

attribution: Ravenwood

Mindless ponderin's about nuthin' much

My StatCounter just rolled over to 40,000 but my SiteMeter counter is still at 39,608. Now when I set up the StatCounter, I set both to the exact same number. I counted each previous milestone by the number on the SiteMeter. Which do I use now? I am not countin' 40,000 as a milestone. My belief is that the next mark past 25,000 is 50,000. Still, it is somethin' to think about.

How do you spell S-E-L-F-L-E-S-S?

Tillman killed in action
CNN: Former Cardinals safety was serving in U.S. Army in Afghanistan
_{Posted: Friday April 23, 2004 10:53AM; Updated: Friday April 23, 2004 10:53AM}

WASHINGTON (CNN) -- Former NFL player Pat Tillman was killed Thursday while serving as an Army Special Forces soldier on a mission in southeastern Afghanistan, Pentagon officials have told CNN.

Tillman, who walked away from a $3.6 million contract as a safety with the Arizona Cardinals to join the military, was in an area where numerous U.S. troops have been killed in battles with suspected al Qaeda and Taliban fighters.

He was serving as an Army Ranger, part of the Army's Special Forces. Tillman played for the Cardinals from 1998-2001.

More details are forthcoming. [emphasis supplied]

[UPDATE: Juliette has Sen. John McCain's remarks about the incident.]

Go with me on an early morning adventure

I am so proud to announce that I had my first visitor from a country that I did not know existed: Kazakstan. I am almost sure it is one of those little independent countries in the southern region of what was formerly the Soviet Union. Geography has surely changed since I was in elementary school. So Just where is Kazakstan? Here it is. The essential data:

Full country name: Republic of Kazakhstan
Area: 2.71 million sq km
Population: 16.8 million
People: 46% Kazakh, 34.7% Russian, 4.9% Ukrainian, 3.1% German, 2.3% Uzbek, 1.9% Tatar
Language: Kazakh, Russian
Religion: 47% Muslim, 44% Russian Orthodox, 2% Protestant
Government: republic
Head of State: President Nursultan Nazarbayev
Head of Government: Prime Minister Daniyal Akhmetov

GDP: US$52.9 billion
GDP per capita: US$3,100
Inflation: 10%
Major Industries: Much of industrial capacity is shut down and/or in need of repair) Oil, coal, iron ore, manganese, chromite, lead, zinc, copper, titanium, bauxite, gold, silver, phosphates, sulfur, iron and steel, nonferrous metal, tractors and other agricultural machinery, electric motors, construction materials, grain (mostly spring wheat), cotton, wool, livestock
Major Trading Partners: Russia, UK, Ukraine, Uzbekistan, the Netherlands, China, Italy, Germany, Turkey, South Korea

A few other interesting facts:

If you're not a fan of endless semi-arid steppe and decaying industrial cities, Kazakhstan may seem bleak, but those who enjoy remoteness, wide open spaces, lunar landscapes, long hypnotic train rides and horse sausage will definitely be in their element. [more]

Of course, if you really want the official skinny on Kazakhstan

The only official site in Kazakhstan. Owned by the President of the Kazakhstan. All information you need about Kazakhstan: Political structure, geography, education, geography, tourism, culture, ...

Well, let me conclude this brief foray into our quest for knowledge about Kazakhstan by welcoming our Kazakhstanian friends to our humble blog and asking them to please feel free to drop in whenever the mood should strike them in the future.

OTB Traffic Jam

Apr. 23, 2004

Ya'll do know that I don't jes' randomly pick these jokes out of thin air. I usually post one that really made me laugh. This one had me chucklin' for a good long time:

A pastor was giving the children's message during church. For this part of the service, he would gather all the children around him and give a brief lesson before dismissing them for children's church.

On this particular Sunday, he was using squirrels for an object lesson on industry and preparation. He started out by saying, "I'm going to describe something, and I want you to raise your hand when you know what it is." The children nodded eagerly.

"This thing lives in trees (pause) and eats nuts (pause)..." No hands went up. "And it is gray (pause) and has a long bushy tail (pause)..." The children were looking at each other, but still no hands raised. "And it jumps from branch to branch (pause) and chatters and flips its tail when it's excited (pause)..."

Finally one little boy tentatively raised his hand. The pastor breathed a sigh of relief and called on him. "Well," said the boy, "I know the answer is supposed to be Jesus ... but it sure sounds like a squirrel to me!"

Never too late to assist good Ol' Mother Earth

OK, I did nothing yet for EARTH DAY! I meant to do so, but I didn't. It is late. Thanks to Denny, I found Yahoo's Earth Day page. What follows is taken directly from the Yahoo! Earth Day page. The list was too well done and the items contained therein too important for me not to share, that I felt it was only fair use that I just copy their script, complete with links, and give it a good home. Thank you Yahoo! for having collected up a great list of 10 things we can all do:

	But do so in a reusable mug. Styrofoam cups can stay in landfills for 500 years.
	But turn off the faucet. It may sound soothing, but an open faucet lets about five gallons of water flow every two minutes.
	Bring a carpool buddy and save money and time. Feeling social? Take public transportation. If not, telecommute.
	Take yourself off junk-mail lists. Incredibly, 100 million trees are ground up each year to produce junk mail.
	Invest in a socially responsible mutual fund, or in a company that's kind to the environment.
	Volunteer for a local chapter of an environmental group. It's fun, and you'll find power in numbers.
	Take your own bag. This is a biggie. If every American refused to use plastic bags, we'd save 12,000,000 barrels of oil each year.
	Then toss the scraps in a compost bin. If your city doesn't take away compost, start a compost pile. Your plants will love you for it.
	Buy a few degrees on your AC's thermostat, and make parties more fun.
	If every household replaced an incandescent bulb with a fluorescent, it would be like eliminating the pollution from a million cars.

doin' a smatterin' of good?

Often times I wonder if I do more good than I believe with some of my inane postings. You remember this little short blurb from a couple of days ago?

Complete Idiocy™ » Where do they find these people?

I just received an email from some unknown moonbat with a juno.com email address with the subject line: A WinXP patch. There is a 137kb file attached to a simple email that reads:

This is a WinXP patch
I wish you would enjoy it.

I don't know. What do ya'll think? Should I install the patch?

I didn't think so either. I was just wondering who would actually install some file that some strange person sends them in this manner. Does it not just yell -- Idiot, here is a virus for you to load into your computer?

Well it seems someone from the MD Anderson hospital hit on that blurb on one of the multitude of Google searches that seem to be goin' on today:

Referring Link	http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8&q= a@juno.com
Host Name	dinat.mdacc.tmc.edu
IP Address	143.111.217.18
Country	United States
Region	Texas
City	Houston
ISP	The University Of Texas M.D. Anderson Cancer Center
Returning Visits	0
VISITOR SYSTEM SPECS
Browser	MSIE 6.0
Operating System	Windows NT
Resolution	1024x768
Javscript	enabled

Navigation Path
Date	Time	WebPage
22nd April 2004	11:03:11	Read My Lips: Where do they find these people? http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8&q= a@juno.com

I am hopeful that my sarcastic remarks stopped some cancer patient down in Houston from openin' a similar attachment and ruinin' their laptop. I am gonna believe that happened. I would like to think that I do some actual good for worthy strangers from time to time by bringin' these inane things I find into the open. Oh by the way, I really do love the level of detail that StatCounter delivers.

You Rang?*

Clinton often put himself first and the country last, and I suspect that Kerry would do the same thing. - Steve

*I couldn't spontaneously think up a snappy title on this occasion, so I just went with the Lurch reference.

Please take your finger off of that button

It seems that there are more allegations of girl bloggers thinking boy bloggers are being bad goin' on. I ain't too sure I ain't gonna go with the girls on this one, 'cause it does appear as if some of the little boys are intentionally puttin' the little girls' pigtails in the inkwells. Now let's all start playin' nice a'fore someone gets mad and trots off home cryin' home takin' their ball with 'em.

I always had my suspicions about the situation

Now this is a big story! [requires registration]

Frustrated by a lack of economic progress under the democratic regimes that rule them, a majority of Latin Americans would support an authoritarian government if it bettered their lives, according to a UN report released Wednesday.

So, there are those living in such abject poverty, squalor and starvation in our own hemisphere, who, in order to enjoy a more fruitful existence, would rather be subjected to iron-fisted rule than to be free. When Michael Van Winkle suggests that Latin America is ripe for tyrannical rule, he is right on the mark. It is unlikely, however, that the causes of the poverty have as much to do with the type of government in place, as they do with the utter corruption or corruptibility of the ones in power.

A very strange start to the day

My horoscope for today is quite strange:

Thursday, April 22, 2004 --Your Thursday horoscope, Taurus!
You are in trouble with someone from the past. Issues may surface today that bring up the patterns of yesteryear. This would be an excellent day to break old habits once and for all.

I just await any signs of truth to this one.

Even more bizarre however is the pattern of visitation. I seem to have caught a wave of Google searchers:

Google portly penguin
Google let me serve you
Google read my lips [x7]
Google political correctness brainstorming
Google about blogspot
Google really lame jokes
Google stupid dwi story
Google analysis of what lips my lips have kissed and where and why
Google deeper voice
Google pictures of captured terrorists [x4]
Google under table lips
Google go forth and multiply bible [x2]
Google stupid dwi story read
Google women decline family
Google reparations myth
Google ft. worth evidence labs [x2]
Google breast feedin your baby
Google michael jackson 2004 net worth
Google poem read out at funerals
Google reasons for decline in family
Google i shot j.r.
Google jack carillo
Google saddam escape
Google another man done gone

Could it be that Google has finally re-spidered and is now linking to the new domain instead of the prior site?

Oh well, the day awaits, so I must go forth and face what may!

The time has come for the piper to be paid

Michael Jackson has been indicted. The Grand Jury says there is sufficient evidence to take him to trial for child molestation.

An unexpected find of a treasure chest

Oh My George! Mark Cuban has a weblog. I am in hog heaven, as I idolize Mark Cuban! I mean the guy found the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow and is havin' fun. He does not obsess about anythin' except about poor officiating in the NBA. I really loved the way he explained how that although he might be doin' a similar type show, he is nuthin' at all like Donald Trump, and dissed the Donald with kid gloves. Kudos Mark! Continue to live large. I was never a fan of pro basketball or of the Dallas Mavericks until you came along. You have brought fun to the sport and to the NBA.

Thank you, James, for pointin' the way! Unintentional Traffic Jam trackback, but stay and look around anyway!

OK, just follow the little bouncin' ball

OK, let me see if I can give ya''ll a clue as to why I don't do heavy political stuff, take stands in blogwars, or watch much news on TV. We start at a post by Ilyka wherein she states that a certain practice of one Glenn Reynolds aka InstaPundit appears to be sexist. I am suspectin' that I just do not visit InstaPundit often enough to have seen the pattern. However, it looks like a definite case of if the shoe fits, wear it. However, Ilyka's post continued to BuzzMachine which I instantly confused with Buzzstuff , a blog which I read with some regularity. I was concerned that she had a problem with my friend Buzz, so quickly darted to BuzzMachine to see what was the matter. I instantly saw where I had been mistaken, so looked around for somethin' offensive in a sexist sort of way, and found this blurb about Wonkette, who, as you likely know, has been the center of a lot of blogosphere gossip over the last week of so:

Wonkette revisited
: Wonkette -- aka Ana Marie Cox -- was on TV last night. The beginnin' of a career, I tell you. Rumor has it she'll replace Tom Brokaw.

A link was provided that went to Wonkette's site, where said Wonkette (one can only presume) categorically denied that it had been she on TV:

Wonkette: Too Tame for TV?
Some lady callin' herself the Wonkette is supposed to be on CNBC's "Capital Report" tonight (7PM EST, again 10PM EST). But we hear that there was an opportunity to make a comment about John Kerry's gigantic member . . . and she completely blew it. So to speak. Impostor!

I, of course, did not see the televised segment nor not havin' ever seen or cared to see a picture of said Wonkette, would have had no idea if an impostor, indeed, *had appeared.

So, I had to backtrack to Ilyka again to see what it was that she had found distasteful at Jeff Jarvis' [aka BuzzMachine] site. It was a post on A Citizen's Media Association. I can see that there is a myriad of pros and cons regardin' such. I will let those who seem to enjoy pointin' those out to do so. I will just sit back and see what comes out in the wash.

So back to Ilyka, and she points to another post regardin' the Citizen's Media Association. I looked at it long enough to decide I didn't want to read it, and was glad to come back and find that Ilyka had finally had enough as well.

So, onto another matter. After my brief foray into the world of German Bloggs, I thought I might take a gander at what kind of fare you might find on a French Blog. It was hard to locate a listin' that would actually load containin' any French Blogs. I feared that all had surrendered and were now 'mongst German blog listin's. I continued to click links until I finally came across this site: Labo .NET Blogs. It proved to be way too geeky for me. Then I located joube.com, joube bein' the French equivalency of the term blog, it seems. The site also seems to be an equivalent to Blogger or some other blog creation site.Lookin' 'mong the listin's for blogs there, I found Dorry's Journal, or what Babelfish translated to Dorry's Newspaper. About Dorry:

Dorry
Pseudo: Dorry
Date of birth: February 1987
Sign: Aquarius
City: Paris
Cut: 1m77
Eyes: Chestnuts
Poid: 61 kg
Hair: Brown
Style: Connected
Statute: Free
Day out preferred: Saturday
Smoke: Yes (cigarette, it is all)
Fan: Yes, but of which?

He did not appear to have been at bloggin' for very long, showin' to have started only the day before yesterday. I judged his fare to be of a consistency equivalent to what you find on 17-year-old beginnin' bloggers in the English speakin' countries. I could have continued my search in hopes of findin' an academic or political blogger, but I felt I had found enough adventure for this day.

*The use of the term 'indeed' hereon, in no way serves as an endorsement of InstaPundit.

"Ping mich an"

I don't know what it means*, but it sounds cool! Bloggwear, proof that the Germans take their bloggin' seriously.

Found via Noch'n Blogg, a link randomly clicked on the German Blogroll** on Blogeline's Journal.

*Accordin' to Babel Fish, it translates to "Ping me at" which is not quite as kinky as I had anticipated. Oh well!

**I aIn't nuthin' but curious at times. ;)

Things sometimes work out pretty well, huh?

When I moved over to munu, I changed the name of my blog from Tiger: Raggin' & Rantin' to Read My Lips. My subtle reason for choosin' that title had more with do with somethin' other than the connection with the current Commander in Chief's father havin' used that particular phrase when he was runnin' for the position several years ago. I am actually quite pleased more now with the title than my previous choice and am likewise proud to have come up with it before someone else. I find it quite apropos. One thing that really surprises me, though, is the number of people I find using the phrase, in exact word order, in search engines. I seem to have at least three or four different visitors a day who hit my blog from some search on that phrase. I suspected there was some ulterior thing goin' on at first, but the searches come from all kinds of different places and hardly none locally. I have finally come to the conclusion that there is just a lot of interest in that particular phrase. Are they all searchin' for this?

Just for the thrill of it . . .

Mr Mouse doesn't understand humanity. I don't understand the compulsion for anyone to have anonymous sex with total strangers. Could such be one of the very reasons why we have so many different sexually transmitted diseases? When it was Commanded that Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery, was there some writing between the lines that most people have seemed to overlook? Mr Mouse may not be the only one who wonders at humanity in light of this new social phenomenon.

It sounded simply marvelous!

Evan had an opportunity to hear and meet Norman Mailer last evening. Some guys have all the fun!

Reaching brains from the corners of the world

You might have noticed that I recently added a second counter in the top left corner area. The second meter is via StatCounter. I had been told that it was more reliable than SiteMeter. From my own experience, I have found SiteMeter to be highly inconsistent and inoperative. StatCounter additionally gives a more complete look at the sources of those visitation numbers. I especially like to check the areas from which my visitors come. Check out the listing in the extended entry of the different cities* in which my recent visitors reside, or, at least, where their Internet providers are located.

*The listing is in order of the number of recent visits from that particular city with additional sorting by the time of the visit.

• Plano Texas United States
• Chicago Illinois United States
• Lufkin Texas United States
• Sundsvall Vasternorrlands Lan Sweden
• Kaiserslautern Rheinland-pfalz Germany
• Saint Ann Missouri United States
• Rotterdam Zuid-holland Netherlands
• San Diego California United States
• Atlanta Georgia United States
• Nashville Tennessee United States
• Hanoi Ha Noi Viet Nam
• Bremerhaven Bremen Germany
• Kewaskum Wisconsin United States
• Greensburg Pennsylvania United States
• Los Angeles California United States
• Oklahoma City Oklahoma United States
• Stoneham Massachusetts United States
• Livonia Michigan United States
• Redlands California United States
• Nashua New Hampshire United States
• Westbury New York United States
• Minneapolis Minnesota United States
• San Jose California United States
• Danbury Connecticut United States
• Anderson Indiana United States
• Tulsa Oklahoma United States
• Milwaukee Wisconsin United States
• Austin Texas United States
• Zagreb Grad Zagreb Croatia
• Rome Lazio Italy
• Green Bay Wisconsin United States
• Charlotte North Carolina United States
• Maynard Massachusetts United States
• Brooklyn New York United States
• Tucson Arizona United States
• Shaw Afb South Carolina United States
• Hampton Virginia United States
• Fort Worth Texas United States
• Akron Ohio United States
• State College Pennsylvania United States
• Dover Delaware United States
• Federal Way Washington United States
• Miami Florida United States
• Baltimore Maryland United States
• San Francisco California United States
• Glendale Arizona United States
• Virginia Beach Virginia United States
• Cranbury New Jersey United States
• Fort Lauderdale Florida United States
• Fontana California United States
• Columbia Missouri United States
• Fairview Heights Illinois United States
• Cleveland Ohio United States
• Newark New Jersey United States
• Sterling Virginia United States

Come on ya'll and give me the skinny on this...

OK, I have just had someone describe my writing style as:

using a whole pile of ordinary words in a peculiar fashion, so as to make it virtually impossible to find the head or tail of it

In your opinion, is that an accurate or inaccurate assessment?

The Early Evening Inanities

Well, I got my first comment spammer today since I moved to munu. Thankfully I remembered that Pixy puts the link to the blacklist console in the bottom of his bloglets emails, so I easily deleted it and added about 5 or 6 more URLs in the list. I feel so satisfied.

I really did not think there was much about today's horoscope to worry about:

Tuesday, April 20, 2004 -- Your Tuesday horoscope, Taurus!
The Sun in Taurus is causing you to be a little more sensitive. Sharp words from someone you admire could stop you in your tracks. The quicker you build a psychological defense mechanism, the better.

I am not sure if any of ya'll know how much I chat with Cherry,* but I said somethin' about a person in a group to which we both used to belong, and she chastised me for being a bit harsh. Then, as chance would have it, she got really busy at work and stopped respondin' to my messages for a pretty long time. I guess I did not build up my psychological defense mechanisms all that well, because I was actually startin' to worry a bit. However, it seems there was not as much to worry 'bout as my mind was tryin' to make me think there was.

*Yes, this is the same blogger who used to be a Munuvian bloggin' at the now defunct Cherry's Ramblings.

But it truly only hurts momentairly and then you get your 72 virgins

I think I might have alluded to this somewhere yesterday, but this is the full body of the email I received from my sister, yesterday:

MID-EAST MYSTERY

Everyone seems to be wondering why Muslim terrorists are so quick to commit suicide. Let's see now:

No Jesus, No television, No cheerleaders,

No baseball, No football, No basketball,

No hockey, No golf, No tailgate parties.

No Home Depot.

No pork BBQ, No hot dogs, No burgers, No lobster, No shellfish, or even frozen fish sticks, No gumbo, No jambalaya.

More than one wife.

Rag for clothes and diapers for hats. Constant wailing from the guy next door because he's sick and there are no doctors.

Constant wailing from the guy in the tower.

No chocolate chip cookies.

No Christmas.

You can't shave. Your wives can't shave.

You can't shower to wash off the smell of donkey cooked over burning camel dung.

The women have to wear baggy dresses and veils at all times.

Your bride is picked by someone else. She smells just like your donkey, but your donkey has a better disposition.

Then they tell you that when you die it all gets better!

I mean, really, "IS THERE A MYSTERY HERE?"

You know, I note some semblance of common sense there, don't you?

The quick and short of it --- breaking news

----- Original Message ----- From: "CNN Breaking News" To: Sent: Tuesday, April 20, 2004 4:07 PM Subject: CNN Breaking News

> -- Iraqi leaders set up tribunal to try Saddam Hussein and other Baathist regime members, Iraqi Governing Council says.

Choosin' which way to turn a blind eye, it seems

About one in every three policemen is a male chauvinist, believes a husband can discipline his wife whenever necessary and have sex whenever he wants it, a survey has found.

Of course, they are talking about the Hong Kong police.

Kudos to Simon for disclosin' this bit of news.

Are ya ready to rumble?

Oh my George! If I had seen Lenore in a Yankee's cap, I likely would have had a heart attack. Seeing her in a Red Sox cap sent Michele* into full blown war mode.

* Who is again back to bloggin' at full speed.

Oh the stories I could tell

It seems that Susie is havin' a contest, with a prize even,* wherein people are asked to submit their best stupid customer stories, personal observation of such is a requirement, so none of those well this is something that my brother-in-law said happened to him when he was doing customer service for Baby Bell in 1972 stories. I think I could submit several, but then my customer service situations almost always involve something a bit peculiar, huh? Anyway, I heard that Mr. Mouse was going to be one of the judges of the contest. I am personally very afraid of blogging mice, so I am gonna have to pass. But ya'll enter, really. I heard the prize was up there with what she gave Bill on his birthday.

*Still channeling Snagglepuss on occasion. Exit Stage Left.

It's almost a Navel Gazin' Report ... no Navel involvement

You seem to hit those flat spots from time to time when there seems to be nothing on your mind new enough or important enough to share, or nothing you really feel like commentin' 'bout. I seem to have hit one of those doldrums the last few days. Thankfully, Saturdays are so slow anyway, I doubt anyone even noticed I posted nothing on that day. Thankfully my Eye on Opus™ carried Sunday as well as that stupid email I got. Today, my secretary was out, so as Murphy's Law would show, I was busy as a beaver answering the phone and had three new clients come in today. One is a criminal case and I signed him up. The other two were divorce cases, and supposedly they will be back as soon as they get paid to allow me to start on the case. I also got a lot of paperwork done. Overall, I had a pretty productive day. That is the good side of today.

I woke up with a sinus headache, as there has been a lot of moisture in the air, just enough to make you think it was going to rain at sometime or the other over the last three days, but it never did. I do suppose there was just enough moisture to allow the mold to grow enough to spread it spores into the air, and that is the cause of my sinus problems. I was able to medicate myself enough that I made it through the day and am not feeling all that bad right now, although the pressure is starting to build up again. I will likely go sit in a hot tub of water for awhile and allow the steam to assist in relieving such. I might even take a couple more sinus tablets, as I probably already have enough in my system to keep me awake all night as usual. Of course, just as usual, I will be able to rest well anyway, so I will be refreshed enough tomorrow to go through my routine.

The downside of it all is that I just did not have time to read anyone's blogs, see what was new on the news or anything. About the only thing that came up I felt like sharing was this blog: Ramblings' Journal. I normally would not rave all that much about a blog*spot blog, and I did have to wait forever for it to load, but I found it to be consistently well written. The tagline tells you what you get:

Politically incorrect thoughts from the edge of Michael King's conservative black mind.

Of course, I am not sure where the politically incorrect thoughts part comes in. Maybe he is referencing the way the left leaning moonbats view his opinions. I didn't see anything that I though would qualify as politically incorrect.

As a last note before I close this long ramblin' catchin' ya up on what is goin' on in my life post, I did think today's horoscope was rather bizarre:

Monday, April 19, 2004 - Your Monday horoscope, Taurus!
A friend will be congratulating you and you will not even hear the good news about yourself. Your internal focus is quite intense; take a break and join the world around you.

Well, I sure don't know what the part about being congratulated and not hearin' 'bout it means, but my internal focus was quite intense for the greater part of the day, and then afterward, I did actually do somethin' a bit unusual. I went down to the local ballfield and watched some little kids play t-ball.

Where do they find these people?

I just received an email from some unknown moonbat with a juno.com email address with the subject line: A WinXP patch. There is a 137kb file attached to a simple email that reads:

This is a WinXP patch
I wish you would enjoy it.

I don't know. What do ya'll think? Should I install the patch?

I didn't think so either. I was just wondering who would actually install some file that some strange person sends them in this manner. Does it not just yell -- Idiot, here is a virus for you to load into your computer?

Apr. 18, 2004

Breathed walks on thin ice and takes on the weekend outlaws, lampooning the need to have some kind of hawg to ride, wearin' leather chaps, a chromed German helmet and havin' someone behind ya so as to up your status. I am not sure about the point Berke was tryin' to make about Opus only needin' a plastic blowup doll to do that job. Overall, again, the last panel was funny enough to carry today's comic, as the look on that little boy's face, who was so dumbfounded that he allowed the scoop of ice cream off of his cone drop onto the ground, as Opus rode by was enough. Of course, as always, this is only my opinion, and you are free to make your own mind.

Apr. 16, 2004

While waiting for my first appointment in the reception room of a new dentist, I noticed his certificate, which bore his full name. Suddenly, I remembered that a tall boy with the same name had been in my high school class some 40 years ago. Upon seeing him, however, I quickly discarded any such thought.

This balding, gray-haired man with the deeply lined face was too old to have been my classmate.

After he had examined my teeth, I asked him if he had attended the local high school.

"Yes," he replied.

"When did you graduate?" I asked.

He answered, "In 1957."

"Why, you were in my class!" I exclaimed.

He looked at me closely and then asked, "What did you teach?"

Not all legal questions are that easy to answer

During law school, one of the main tenets of education was that it was always important to fully understand all sides to any given legal situation in order to fully represent your side. There are always at least two sides, and each side usually has some strengths and some weaknesses. If not, then there is usually a situation in which one truly unreasonable person is involved. I say this as a preface to introducing you to this story:

[A]n Australian child has been given legal approval to begin hormone treatment based solely on a psychiatric assessment.

---

He was assessed by a psychiatrist, who concluded he was a "bright, engaging, biologically normal 12-year-old girl who has a strong, persistent, longstanding belief and desire to live life as a male", reported the Sydney Morning Herald newspaper.

The psychiatrist reported that Alex "feels trapped in his body" and experiences depression and suicidal thoughts.

---

In approving the application, the court stipulated that Alex's treatment be phased so that it does not become irreversible until he reaches 16.

One one hand, it seems totally bizarre that a court would go so against natural convention but on the other hand, is allowing such to occur better than allowing a young child to kill or serious mutilate itself? Regrettably, these news stories seldom provide the depth of information necessary to get a full picture of a situation of this magnitude. I am surely hopeful that it is not a situation, as suggested by Sassy, "that Australia's Family Court rushed into the decision to be the first in a social, political and legal statement of liberalism."

A tidbit from today's inbox

I just received the followin' from my now famous, as ya'll who regularly read this blog know, Aunt 'Net. Now I thought this was a thoroughly delightful ditty and had not seen it previously. As with all such things that I receive without some sign of attribution, I did a bit of research to determine whom might have authored this delightful poem. The only information I could find was "author unknown." Another thing that became readily apparent from my research. This little ditty has been floatin' around the Internet for a few years now. So, there are two mysteries* to solve in relation to this poem. Why don't ya'll have a look at Exhibit A:

My forgetter's getting better,
But my rememberer is broke.
To you that may seem funny,
But, to me, that is no joke.
For when I'm "here" I'm wondering,
If I really should be "there."
And, when I try to think it through,
I haven't got a prayer!
Oft times I walk into a room,
Say "what am I here for?"
I wrack my brain, but all in vain,
A zero, is my score.
At times I put something away,
Where it is safe, but, see,
The person it is safest from,
Is, generally, me!
When shopping I may see someone,
Say "Hi" and have a chat,
Then, when the person walks away,
I ask myself, "Who's that?"
Yes, my forgetter's getting better,
While my rememberer is broke.
It's driving me plumb crazy,
And that isn't any joke.

*1. Who authored this delightful poem and 2. Why, if it had been floatin' around the Internet for years and years, had I not previously seen such.

Misses the Truth, Fears the Truth, Speaks the Truth

An interesting comparison of what John Kerry, George W. and UN Secretary-General Kofi Annan had to say with regard to the situation in Iraq over these past two days to be seen over on King of Fools.

A handful of valuable Kudos go to OTB for the pointer to this interesting post. And, if you happen to see this James, you might want to note that I have changed the name of the blog and moved its locations, as well, and adjust your linkage accordingly.

They must surely prey on the idiots among us

I just found this little item in my email inbox:

root@wsml.kyokyo-u.a... Virus Alert Apr 14 1KB

I do kindly want to thank you for sending it to me, root, but as I have never authorized you or anyone else from wsml.kyokyo-u.a... to send alerts about viruses going around to me, I think I will just delete the email without opening it to see what is contained inside. Channeling Dirty Harry: Is that all right with you, punk? Well? Is it?

"The real test of our metal..."

As always, Chief Wiggles gives us the eloquent voice of reason from the viewpoint of the U S Military on the ground in Iraq.

Saturday, April 10, 2004

In the midst of all the negative media coverage of a very difficult week in Iraq, I feel the need to express my inner most feelings regarding what is transpiring.

---

I have said all along that the situation in Iraq was going to get worse before it got better. The pieces of the puzzle were all there, with the forces of evil gathering their supporters daily and strengthening their ranks with insurgents from all over the region. There has been no shortage of money, weapons, corruption and criminals.

I have only given you bits and pieces of a superb look at the current situation in Iraq from one who has been there.

The world in which we live

Just received via email. I think I have seen this previously. I just hopefully haven't posted it previously. Of course, I might have. Oh well, without further angst and ado:

Let's see if I understand how the world works lately...

If a man cuts his finger off while slicing salami at work, he blames the restaurant.

If you smoke three packs a day for 40 years and die of lung cancer, your family blames the tobacco company.

If your neighbor crashes into a tree while driving home drunk, he blames the bartender.

If your grandchildren are brats without manners, you blame television.

If your friend is shot by a deranged madman, you blame the gun manufacturer.

And if a crazed person breaks into the cockpit and tries to kill the pilot at 35,000 feet, and the passengers kill him instead, the mother of the crazed deceased blames the airline.

I must have lived too long to understand the world as it is anymore.

So, if I die while my old, wrinkled butt is parked in front of this computer, I want you to blame Bill Gates...okay?

Of course, as most of you know by now, I actually believe that we all too often shift the blame where it doesn't lie. Some of you might not have noticed that there have been some recent additions made at USURP.

OK Buddy, where's the fire?

Now here is something truly amazing:

A Belgian motorist was left stunned after authorities sent him a speeding ticket for travelling in his Mini at three times the speed of sound. [emphasis supplied]

I guess what they always use to say about not being able to outrun the radio is not true any longer. Well, wait just a minute ...

However, police later admitted that a faulty radar had been responsible for the Mini's incredible feat.

---

Police also said they had made a mistake in still sending out the ticket, given that it was impossible - even for a doughty little Mini - for a car to have travelled so fast.

The prosecutors office laughed when they were called in to follow up the unpaid fine.

"We called the local police to find out what height the plane caught speeding along the Boulevard Lambermont was flying at."

Oh well, I guess everyone got a good laugh at that one. I sure do hope the motorist didn't get a citation for "failure to appear" when he blew off what was evidently a fictitious charge. If not, I suppose, it is "all's well that ends well."

The valuable kudos to be awarded in connection with this report go to Mr. Pigvig at Silflay Hraka.

When you put it that way, it seems so clear

This post clearly and concisely explains and describes what is right about America and what is wrong with the Democrats' continued push to socialize our way of life. I applaud Nathan for his fine analysis and superb writing.

Apr. 11, 2004

Do you remember those stupid cell phone commercials where, due to the poor quality of the signal, there was always some small misunderstanding that resulted in some unusual occurrence, usually not as funny as the ad maker likely perceived? Well, Breathed takes that concept to a new low in today's strip. Yet despite such overwrought gag, I still literally rolled with laughter at the encounter in the conclusion between Opus and the cell phone owner. Final redemption in the final panel . . . again.

The news you don't get watching TV

Anyone want to know the truth about how Iraqis feel about the continued involvement of the US in IRAQ?

It is the most foolish and selfish thing to say "pull the troops out", or "replace them with the UN or NATO". Someone has to see us through this mess to the end. Only a deluded utopian (or an idiot peace activist) would believe that Iraqis would all cosily sit down and settle down their endless disputes without AK-47's, RPG's, or mortars in the event of coalition troops abandoning Iraq. Please please don't get me wrong, I am not in the least saying that I enjoy being occupied by a foreign force, I am not a dreamer who believes that the USA is here for altruistic reasons, I am not saying that I am happy with what my bleeding country is going through, believe me when I say it tears my heart every day to witness all the bloodshed, it pains me immensely to see that we have no leaders whomsoever with the interest and well-being of Iraq as their primary goal, it kills me to see how blind and ignorant we have all become. Iraqis are dying inside every day, and we are committing suicide over and over and over. Some people call me a traitor or a collaborator for all the above and for speaking the truth as opposed to rhetorical, fiery speeches which have been our downfall.

This is the concluding paragraph of a lengthy blog posting by an Iraqi citizen named Zeyad. This is not the voice of an Iraqi citizen who has been filtered by the conventional media so as to spin the story as they choose. These are the words of the actual Iraqi citizen in their full entirety. The truth must be known and responsible people feel it is necessary to spread the truth around.

It seems I have been right all along

I always thought I had something in common with Drew Carey:

Take the quiz: "Which American City Are You?"

Cleveland
You are blue collar and Rock n Roll. You Work hard and party harder.

Of course, as with most of these quizzes, there are too few questions and not enough different choices to be all that accurate. I mean how can I be Cleveland? It snows a lot there, and I ain't all that crazy about snow. I was thinkin' more like maybe Acapulco or Juarez ... but then I suppose the test makers likely excluded the cities in the rest of the Americas, right? You probably couldn't be Calgary or Montreal as well, although a snow avoidin' Texas boy like me likely wouldn't want to be one of those two either.

Still, I need to thank Eric at Classical Values for sendin' me the right way --- I think. Cleveland??????

It's Friday today & some are sayin' this one is a "Good" one

Yep, it is Good Friday today and that means Easter grows near. Readyin' for such holiday, Ted has unearthed evidence that "Rabbits invented hip-hop." Exhibit A

Apr. 9, 2004

A cowboy walks into a bar and orders a whisky. When the bartender delivers the drink, the cowboy asks, "Where is everybody?"

The bartender replies, "They've gone to the hanging."

"Hanging? Who are they hanging?"

"Brown Paper Pete," the bartender replied.

"What kind of a name is that?" the cowboy asked.

"Well," says the bartender, "he wears a brown paper hat, brown paper shirt, brown paper trousers and brown paper shoes."

"How bizarre," said the cowboy. "What are they hanging him for?"

"Rustling," answered the bartender.

A bonus:

HISTORY of TELECOMMUNICATIONS After digging to a depth of 100m last year, Russian scientists found traces of copper wiring dating back 1000 years, and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network one thousand years ago.

So as not to be outdone, in the weeks that followed, American scientists dug 200m, and headlines in the US newspapers read: "US scientists have found traces of 2000 year old optical fibres, and have concluded that their ancestors already had advanced high-tech digital telephone 1000 years earlier than the Russians."

One week later, the Irish press reported the following: "After digging as deep as 500m, Irish scientists have found absolutely nothing. They have concluded that 5000 years ago, their ancestors were already using mobile phones.

As dreams become reality . . .

Rocket Jones keeps an eye on anything dealin' with hockey rockets!. It seems that the Federal Aviation Administration has issued a one year license to allow a private spacecraft to reach the edge of space, about 60 miles up.

Re: Letter to the President

I actually found this in my Inbox. As I read through it, I became alarmed because the situation as described was very sad. However, it was so unbelievable, that I became convinced it was a hoax. However, by the very end, I was thoroughly convinced that the matters discussed within the letter were absolutely true. Of course, despite the troubles of the letter writer, I still feel very little compassion for his situation.:

Dear Mr. President:

Thank you for the opportunity to speak my mind. I lost my job this past year. When Mr. Clinton was president I was secure and prosperous, but you have cost me my job and my home. In the last year we had to close our operations. I was forced out of the place of employment where I had worked for 34 years, and not a single government program was there to help me.

Far worse, I lost two of my sons in your evil war in Iraq. They gave their lives for their country, and for what? While it is trivial next to the loss of my sons, I regret to say that I also lost my home. I simply have nothing left.

I am a senior citizen with various medical problems and I'm in no position to begin a new career. If I had any money left I would donate it to the Democratic Party. If Al Gore had been elected in 2000 I would still have a job, a home, and most importantly, my dear sons.

Regards,

Saddam Hussein

Ol' Mrs. Pate* would be so proud of me

Yes, I played the grammar game. Not only did I win the followin' prize, but I also found myself rewarded with a very good offer on a pharmaceutical product for which I have no use and an invitation to go gamble at some Internet Casino, both of which I graciously declined by closin' their respective pop-ups:

You are a GRAMMAR GOD!

If your mission in life is not already to preserve the English tongue, it should be.
Congratulations and thank you!
How grammatically sound are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Ed. note: the displayed picture is not that which was actually awarded by Quizilla, but more closely resembles my ideal GRAMMAR GOD. This caricature is the very likeness of ol' Mrs. Pate when she spied someone a'danglin' a nasty participle or usin' the object case where the subject case was proper.

By the way, did anyone else notice there was not a single question dealin' with the that popular grammatical mistake: a hangin' participle? I have heard, however, that it is now allowable to hang a participle, as long as it has been tried and found guilty accordin' to the grammar laws. The burden of proof on that one is a bit hard to get around, though, and, as far as I have determined, there has not been a participle convicted yet. Therefore, you be on your toes if you are thinkin' of hangin' one without anyone catchin' ya.

[UPDATE: I did forget to pay my attribution to Jim ... my sincerest apologies for my oversight]

*My 9th and 10th** grade English teacher.

**It was a very small school.

Apr. 4, 2004

In an otherwise pretty lame strip, B. Breathed, in one fell swoop, sneaks in a superb snarky slap at outsourcin', obesity and militant Muslims, along with a small side slap at Indian cow worshippers.

T'was not so long ago

Does anyone recall that I began bloggin' 'zactly one year ago, today. I started on blogger as most of us do, soon began publishin' to my own domain. After about a month, I tinkered with greymatter before decidin' to go with MT. I finally decided to become a part of the greater munu universe. 2400+ posts, 3000+comments, and 38,000+ visitors. What a wild ride it has been. Thanks ya'll!

Who knew rabbits were so vicious

Well, thanks to Bigwig and the gang at Silflay Hraka, I got interested in Richard Adams' Watership Down. I am surprised I had not previously picked up this delightful novel, but it seems to have to initially arrived on the scene at a point in my lifetime when I was likely preoccupied with pursuits other than keepin' up what was on the New York Times Bestseller list. It has been a very long time since I last found a book in which I became so thoroughly enthralled that I couldn't put it down. On the cover of my paperback copy is this review from the St. Louis Post-Dispatch:

Astonishing . . . Everyone who can read English should read it.

I wholeheartedly agree. Thank you Richard Adams for a most unique glimpse into the lives of the residents of the warren at Watership Down.

[UPDATE: From Amazon.com, there was this beginnin' line of a review:

Watership Down has been a staple of high-school English classes for years.

Regrettably, it seems this book was penned at the same time as I was gettin' out of high-school, so that may be one of the reasons I had not previously encountered the tale. Hopefully it replaced that dreadful staple of our high-school English classes: William Gerald Golding's Lord of the Flies.]

some women are simply unbelievable

What is this about these young women makin' stuff up just to get some attention? It seems that on the same day as one young woman pleads guilty for havin' tried to pass herself off as a girl missing since 1986, a young college student from Minnesota, found after having been missin' since last Saturday, and claimin' that she was abducted by knifepoint and held captive is likely guilty of havin' told a tall tale, as well.

Apr. 2, 2004

After 3 weeks in the garden of Eden, God came to visit Eve. "So, how is everything going?" inquired God.

"It is all so beautiful," she replied, "the sunrises and sunsets are breathtaking; the smell, the sights --- everything is wonderful. But I have just one problem. It is these three breasts You have given me. The middle one pushes the other two out, and I am constantly knocking them with my arms, catching them on branches, and snagging them on bushes. They are a real problem." Eve went on to tell God that many of her other body parts came in pairs such as her limbs, eyes, ears, and that she felt having only two breasts would leave her more "symmetrically balanced" as she put it.

"That's a fair point," God replied, "but it was My first shot at this, you know. I gave the animals six breasts so I figured you only would need half that. But I see you are right and I will fix that right away." God reached down and plucked the middle breast from her and threw it into the bushes.

Three weeks passed and God once again visited Eve in the garden. "Well, how is my favorite creation doing now?"

"Just fantastic" she replied, "except for one other oversight on Your part. See how all the other animals have paired up? The cow has her bull, the ewe her ram, and I have nobody."

God thought for a moment and said "Eve, you are right. I will create a mate for you from a part of your body. Now let's see . . . where did I throw that useless boob?"