November 30, 2004
It was a really long hard day and I am feelin' a bit worn out
Feelin' the way I do, I think I will jes' echo what Susie said. I know ya 'spected more, but sometimes ya feel like a nut, sometimes you gotta agree that such is a correct assessment. Actually, I spent the last hour and a half readin' all the blogs on my main roll that were updated since my last post, and there are a lot of people down with some ailment or 'noter. I think I might have caught it from one of them. It might be the first known case of a computer virus actually infectin' a livin' creature. End of report.
If this is Tuesday, then I survived the night
Well [artesian if ya really must know*], it is a brand new day filled to the brim with unknown new opportunities and the same ol' problems. Wouldn't ya think that someone whose profession is to continually deal with other people's problems would be properly equipped in dealin' with his own problems? Were ya aware, as well, that my profession also has, by a large margin, the highest suicide rate among professions? Why is that, do ya wonder? I could actually write volumes on it, very borin' volumes that you wouldn't want to read, wouldn't read, and I wouldn't blame ya for not readin' 'em.
No siree, on this fine bright, frigidly cold day, I ain't wantin' to dwell on those dark matters which so often come 'round to utterly suck the life out of me. ~why did I suddenly think of her?**~ I'd much rather think of those unknown opportunities, although I do wish that I knew what they were gonna be. I'd like to prepare to meet them. That way I could be ready to put my best foot forward, which would be my left one, as, for some reason, that boot always seems shinier. O' course, on the other hand, or is it foot, if the opportunity turned out to be givin' some worthy individual a good butt kickin', my best foot would necessarily be the right one. And, should the opportunity be somethin' involvin' a big pile of money, I 'spose either boot could carry as much of it as I could need. Speakin' of opportunity, does anyone really know what time it is? Ain't that highly dependent 'pon where ya live? I have a sneakin' 'spicion that is really a problem if ya live in Chicago or is in or ever was in a band by that name. So why don't ya jes' go put that in your Funk & Wagnell's and smoke it. Oh, George, is that ever' from the time a'fore most of ya'll was born. I'll jes' sit down and shut up now!
*Somewhere close to 12 out of ever' 10 people will turn at this point and run away, screamin' to themselves: What in the everlovin' flickity-flack is this guy talkin' 'bout?
**Names are not important here. She'll know who she is.
November 29, 2004
Little Dutch boys midst the windmills of your mind
Hey, ya'll, that title ain't literally discussin' your mind. This is my show, ya know? If any minds are involved, my mind is fully available and adequate for any tasks assigned. ~little man on my shoulder asks me to solve a quantum physics problem that seems to have him befuddled~ Uh, let me rephrase that, my mind is fully available and possibly adequate for any tasks assigned. I gotta admit, however, given the mental situation I was wrestlin' with a bit ago, I am s'prised that I am even capable of providin' this report. I am doubley, no, tripley s'prised that I was able to compose this and that. And, although, anyone may not think that this was worthwhile, such inane thought 'twas the very beginnin' of this snowball. I am most appreciative to that vision of a little wooden shoe Dutch boy with a big finger to seal that black hole that was suckin' away all my strange thoughts. I'm gonna have to end this, though, as that little Dutch boy seems to now be wincin' badly and strangely crossin' his legs as if in some physical distress. I am sure I don't need no Dutch mama with a rollin' pin poundin' my cranium from the inside, so I had better dissolve that vision soon.
My navel was not as lucky as I. It is still mired in the predicament of which we shall not speak. End of report.
It's 'bout time for my reg'lar yearly physical assault
That's okay, though. I need a good asskicking about once a year, and it would actually be pretty cool to get it from a guy for a change. - it ain't Tuco
Hey Mon, we be very hoppy now!
This blog is now officially a Latino, Caribbean, or South American Blog!
Let me see, what will I need. A location. Hmmm, is Devil's Island still a lush unpopulated paradise? Gonna need a beach and a sunset:
Then, we settle down with a hot Bahama Mama and we can each sip on a tall cool Bahama Mama and watch the sun sink into the Caribbean.
Pic swiped from here.
And in the runnin' for the Ultimate Bad Taste Award . . .
Jes' when ya had worked so hard to get that tree up and decorated, got so much of your shoppin' done, and started stockin' the kitchen with the makin's for all kinds of holiday goodies and I jes' now hear the devastatin' news that Christmas is no more.
I'll be back later --- in much better spirits, I hope!
I 'pologize fiercely, or maybe not fiercely, as that would mean I would be growlin' and slashin' at ya with my claws, so let me jes' 'pologize without all the fierceness. What're ya 'pologizin' for Tig? I know ya must be askin' yourself, right? Well, I have been workin' really hard here of late to bring ya the best of snarky inane entertainment, and, have been watchin' the returnin' visitation numbers slowly climb to new heights, and then, today, I let all ya'll seekers of high quality snarky inania down. I seem to have done nuthin' but post on serious topics and post links to other people's stuff. Sure, there might be a humorous piece here and there among those links, but most of it is serious, serious, serious. I need to go relax, ease my mind and allow my thoughts to drift into the nether reaches of my brain where all the weird stuff comes from. I 'spect, however, that doin' that this evenin' is really gonna be a chore for me. Right now, I've got a major pressin' issue wearin' heavily on my psyche. It is jes' like havin' a humongous black hole in the midst of my brain that is continually suckin' ever' drop of humor, good or otherwise, from my thoughts.
I jes' can't share with ya 'zactly what my problem is. Why? Well, 'cause I have, on occasion, really ragged on others for behavin' in such manner, and, as I am a big supporter of the Golden Rule, what I did not like others to do to me, I refuse to do to others. 'Sides, it jes' ain't in my nature to ever be a burden on anyone but myself.
Ashcroft v. Raich - the medical marijuana case, recounted and analyzed
So how will Ashcroft v. Raich come out? I don’t know. I got a sense that O’Connor, Ginsburg, and perhaps Stevens were quite sympathetic to the respondents. Based on his questions, Justice Kennedy seemed quite favorable to the government. One would guess that Justice Thomas will be the hardest member of the Court for the government to win. One might also guess that it will be hard for the petititoners [sic] to win Souter or Bryer, who both are very skeptical of Lopez and Morrison. Justice Rehnquist is hard to call. We didn’t hear from him. One suspects he is both pro-federalism/state power and pro-federal regulation of drugs. One can imagine this case coming out 5-4 either way. Before argument, I would have said it could be 9-0 either way, but if I allow myself the dangerous pleasure of reading the tea leaves, I now think that is unlikely. - Lawrence Solum of Legal Theory Blog
Nov. 29, 2004
- Opinion.Telegraph - The policeman found my penknife. 'You're going down, mate,' he said The take unlawful possession of dangerous weapons seriously in the UK. Think this is a bit ludicrous, remember ya ain't allowed to take your nail clippers aboard a domestic flight in the USofA. Story via Cracker Barrel Philosopher. Spork to be awarded at ceremony to be scheduled later.
- Linux PR: SolarPC Announces the $100 Personal Computer Woohoo! Oops, read the fine print:
The minimum order quantity for the SolarLite is 100,000 units.
Spork to be awarded to Dean. - At least we know who the rats be:
The flood of American liberals sneaking across the border into Canada has intensified in the past week, sparking calls for increased patrols to stop the illegal immigration.
The re-election of President Bush is prompting the exodus among leftleaning citizens who fear they'll soon be required to hunt, pray and agree with Bill O'Reilly. - Canada busy sending back Bush-dodgers by JOE BLUNDO Tuesday, November 16, 2004, quoted fully at Dog Snot Diaries: Canada Dealing With Illegal Immigrants
- HoustonChronicle.com: Woman faces execution, but not without a fight - Subhead: Questions raised about the quality of her defense and crime lab methods. Appears as a serious miscarriage of justice without lookin' too deeply. At the very least, what with the advances in technology available to forensic investigators, at a very minimum, is it not prudent to re-analyze controversial evidence prior to finalizin' the sentencin' in death penalty cases? Spork award to Norbizness.
- In a bit of retoolin' of lyrics, we hereby present Snooze Button Dreams: My favorite things
- If ya ain't up on the news, here's Eugene Volokh of the Volokh Conspiracy on the medical marijuana issue currently before SCOTUS and Jim Lindgren of The Volokh Conspiracy regardin' that identical legal matter. Ya can bet the eyes of a lot of people are on this one. I really 'spect that if the issue of marijuana usage was ever brought to a vote before the American public, an overwhelmin' majority of them would say the continued ban, in light of the many other problems that face our society, is ludicrous.
- And, it seems that one highly controversial subject already bein' at hand, SCOTUS wishes to dodge another nasty bullet for the time bein': PoliBlog: The Supremes Won't Get Involved in Mass. Gay Marriage Issue. Steven had a pretty good point, though:
I am not sure what the federal constitutional question would be in this specific case.
- In another tale of selflessness by those in uniform: The Patriette: Jordan puts off retirement to serve
- Reflections in d minor: Gifts From the Earth proposin' a metaphysical change in the way we worship, with heavy emphasis on sweet potato usage.
Dem's feed NYT line of bullcrap which NYT gladly swallows without question
Ouch. The New York Times editors simply swallowed the Democrat talking points whole, rather than checking out this material for themselves. - Patterico [emphasis from original source]Spork award to Big Daddy for use in scrapin' pureed puppy from his blender.
The black eye might have faded but some of the pain lingers still
I 'member our Texas History classes back in grade school and durin' High School. I am also quite sure that I even took a Texas History class durin' my undergrad years at the University of Texas at Arlington, but I can't 'member there ever bein a mention of this incident in any of my textbooks:
Nearly 90 years ago, the Rio Grande Valley of Texas blazed with a brief uprising of mostly U.S.-born Hispanics – Tejanos – to reclaim the region for Mexico. It lasted little more than a month, unleashing a frenzy of shootings and lynchings by Texas Rangers and local Anglo vigilantes that raged across the Valley. It left a legacy of ethnic segregation and racial animosity that plagued the Valley for decades.Historians estimate that 3,000 to 5,000 people – mostly Tejanos – died over about three years before the killings stopped.
The great majority had nothing to do with the uprising. Jesus Bazan and Antonio Longoria were just two of them.
"Until recently, the border uprising was perceived by historians as a marginal event," said Southern Methodist University history professor Benjamin Heber Johnson, who's written a book on the subject. "But it is a part of Texas history in the same way that the lynching of Emmett Till is Mississippi history.
"It's a part of the American story that should be remembered and understood," he added.
It isn't. [full story, but may require registration.]
OTB trackback pinger ... continue readin'
Hell, yeah, it oughtta be 'membered. Although I often ride the anti-PC high horse, it is 'cause I don't like the see the truth of the past buried for the sake of some child's feelin's. But, by that same token, I sure as heck ain't proud of bein' a part of a society that keeps it misdeeds under wraps for years and years.
The terrors of 1915 helped give rise to the Hispanic civil rights movement, Dr. Johnson contends in a book published last year by Yale University Press, Revolution in Texas: How a Forgotten Rebellion and its Bloody Suppression Turned Mexicans Into Americans.I wondered if there was any information regardin' this event, so went to one of my favorite sites to find out anythin' regardin' Texas History: Handbook of Texas Online. It was not easy to dredge up information with regard to this matter. I tried several different search terms: Edinburg, Longorio, sedicioso with 1915 and was unable to locate anythin' related to this incident. I finally jes' ran a search for 1915, and by examination of each page headers finally say a section entitled Lynchings which, in part, seemed to have some information with regard to this historic rebellion:In 1915, as the chaos of the Mexican Revolution raged across the river, the Valley underwent its own turmoil. For more than a decade, Anglo land speculators and Midwestern farmers flooded the Valley. Ranches of pioneer Tejano families were transformed into row after row of cash crops. New towns popped up like weeds as the population doubled in 10 years.
The newcomers brought their racial prejudices with them. Foreigners and dark-skinned people were not to be trusted. "American" became a synonym for "white" and any brown-skinned person was a "Mexican" regardless of origin.
In January 1915, authorities arrested a man near the border who carried a copy of a revolutionary manifesto. It called for a Tejano armed uprising to reclaim much of the Southwest for Mexico. It also called for Anglo males over age 16 to be killed.
On Aug. 6, 1915, revolutionaries, known as sediciosos– seditionists – struck. Armed riders attacked Alfred Austin's Hidalgo County ranch, killing him and his adult son. Scattered attacks on other ranches occurred over the next few months. The sediciosos burned railroad trestles, cut telegraph wires and skirmished with soldiers and police.
Panic spread throughout the Valley. Vigilante groups sprang up. When major landholders called for help, Gov. James Ferguson sent in the Texas Rangers. He also deputized a number friends and campaign supporters among the local population as "special Rangers."
The Rangers and their helpers launched a reign of terror. Being "Mexican" was enough to be suspected of insurrection. Real lawbreakers and the innocent, alike, were turned over to the Rangers. Few reached jail. Roadside lynchings and impromptu firing squads became common. Piles of corpses were left across the Valley as an object lesson. Grisly photographs of dead "bandits" became popular postcards. [link to book listin' on Amazon.com added]
In 1885 an estimated twenty-two mobs lynched forty-three people, including nineteen blacks and twenty-four whites, one of whom was female. After this the number of lynching victims generally decreased, dropping to five in 1893, but increased again to twenty-six in 1897. The number of victims continued to decline (to twenty-three in 1908 and fifteen in 1909) until 1915, when there were thirty-two. The 1915 figure, which is probably an underestimate, reflected an increase in racial hostility that accompanied the spread of Jim Crow laws and border troubles growing out of the Mexican Revolution.qv Six mobs in Cameron, Willacy, and Hidalgo counties accounted for twenty-six of the victims.That li'l qv symbol is a key that there is a section regardin' Mexican Revolution:
Motivated by anger against decades-old discrimination and contempt, Tejanos joined in a movement of armed resistance against oppression in 1915. Specifically, they joined in support of the Plan of San Diego,qv a call to arms apparently hatched in San Diego, Texas, by individuals who called for the establishment of a new nation of Mexican Americans and other oppressed minorities in the lands lost by Mexico in 1836 and 1848. Luis De la Rosa and Aniceto Pizañaqqv led the PSD uprising with recruits from South Texas as well as from the Mexican states of Tamaulipas, Nuevo León, and Coahuila. The conspirators conducted raids on both sides of the border; targets on the Texas side included newly developed farms, irrigationqv systems, and railroad lines. With these raids, widespread panic enveloped much of South Texas. Non-Hispanic whites organized vigilante groups to administer justice. The Texas Rangers,qv their ranks increased for border duty, arrived in the region to carry out law-enforcement activity-but their actions degenerated into repression and violence against both immigrants and Mexican Americans. Ricardo Flores Magón spoke out in Regeneración against what he perceived as genocide directed against Tejanos. Conditions became so volatile that Governor James E. Fergusonqv threatened to send forces into Mexico after the raiders. In November 1915, however, the governor and Mexican president Carranza met in Nuevo Laredo and agreed that they would take whatever steps were needed to stop the border troubles. Soon after this meeting, activities associated with the PSD subsided.So, the story seems to be that there was a lot of racial tension in the Texas border area durin' the time of the Mexican revolution, when Pancho Villa and his band of banditos. On one hand, I would think there was a lot of confusion, that a war, whether declared or not was bein' fought on US soil. In fact, I seem to 'member Black Jack Pershing himself was sent to the border area to deal with Pancho and his banditos [PERSHING, JOHN JOSEPH]:
In April 1914 Pershing took command of Fort Bliss,qv which had been an infantry post. By 1916 he had set up a field camp outside of El Paso. More than 50,000 American soldiers, most of them National Guard, lined the border at Columbus. Their objective was to subdue revolutionary forces and to capture Francisco (Pancho) Villa.qvBut, there were lynchin's and by no stretch of the 'magination has there ever been a justified lynchin'. The U.S. Constitution mandates the right to a fair trial. I guess DAVID McLEMORE of the Dallas Morning News and, especially, SMU history professor Benjamin Heber Johnson need to be applauded and recognized for yankin' the lid off of this ol' can o' worms. We all owe it to a lot of families to 'member the sacrifices and martyrdom of their ancestors and forgotten victims of the early struggles between brown and white.
November 28, 2004
The problem is essentially binary in nature
~silently drummin' fingers on the dais waitin' for the unruly crowd to assemble~ Friends, associates, and that one or two of mine enemies that linger in your midst, I come before you, head held erect in recognition of the high esteem that has been bestowed upon me by this august assembly.~rudely awakened durin' daydream of bein awarded the Pulitzer Prize for Literary Achievement in Blog Creativity by barkin' dogs~ Oh no, I was bloggin' ag'in in a catatonic state. Vie on you, Bill the Cat. Whatever has infected you all these years is communicable to humans. Now I'll have to stay away from the funny papers. ~Nope, that was goin' nowhere~ Maybe I ought to zombie out ag'in and let my subconscious have the reins. That'd kinda be like the closest thing to actually lettin' my navel do the postin', huh? Surprisin'ly, though, it is a wonder how much of the stuff you find on this blog was actually composed while I was unconscious. I dream up most of this crap, ya know - while I'm supposedly awake, usually while I'm doin' other stuff, like drivin', watchin' TV, or listenin' to the radio, or, as strange as it may seem, while I am starin' at a blank wall, blank page, or down at my navel. O' course, as Serenity said
I may not be “on” every dayalthough I would have likely phrase it more like
I may not be "on" ever'dayand it is entirely possible that today could be one of my "off" days. There are some that I am often "off" -- my rocker, that is. Those people don't really know the half of it. See, I am somewhat akin to 12-year-old Jay "Jaybird" Greenburg, the music prodigy from NYC who has already penned five full-length symphonies, despite the very fact that my talents, unlike his, are not musical:
Greenberg says music just fills his head and he has to write it down to get it out.No, my talent lies totally in the realm of snarky inane prose composin'. However, unlike beautiful melodic symphonies, there is jes' not much market for crap. I wish there was, 'cause all these weird thoughts 'bout stuff I see and hear jes' start fillin' up my head and I have to write the crap down to get it out of there. I'm afraid if I don't, it'll start eatin' away at what's left of my feeble mind.
OK, who turned off the lights? It's too bad she won't live! But then again, who does? I can't see my navel. I hope it's still there. End of report.
I have had people walk out on me before, but not when I was being so charming.
Your derriere is firmly in the sights of the Google monster
Piazza Roma[*] was fronted by a trio of be-aproned cows who announced they were currently on break, and not seating anyone. One wonders if they thought they were being funny...imagine their surprise to learn their little "joke" will shortly be Google indexed and available to any and all. - SekimoriIt seems that the part of the world that has yet to plug into the Wild Woolly Web has no idea of its massive power. Heed the warnin' waitstaffers of the world, you slight a blogger and Google will have your name, location and the color of your uniform folded, spindled, and mutilated before you can count the pennies in your tip jar.
*Link placed in accordance with original source.
Would it be an admission against my better interests . . .
if I was to mention that I thought the person or persons responsible for this were likely foul-mouthed, gold-brickin' miscreants with way too much time on their hands?
Jen, for her part in this ordeal, is sentenced to lifetime possession of a spork with a broken handle.
I vote ORANGE
Even the guys in white hats wear colored shirts, 'sides Orange ain't never been a bad color to cheer for to a lot of us livin' here in the Great State of Texas. I 'spect even a few Aggies ain't gonna mind a'steppin' 'pon this bandwagon, either.
What's this all 'bout, ya ask? More info here!
This post's glorious spork awardee: Dean's World with Joe Gandelman
[Note to all: The orange graphic was saved from the cited info source, then reworked by me into the display seen here. The original graphic was claimed to have originated here: amgmedia's free photos page. My modified version is freely placed into public domain without any necessity of personal accredition.]
He is such a really great neighbor
I don't know how many of ya'll have CrabAppleLane on your blogroll, but if ya don't, ya ought ta get it on there. Rob's a good citizen of the blogosphere. Rob doesn't post prolifically, although always eager to share some beautiful photography of the local area around Bush, Louisiana. What I 'specially think makes him a good blogosphere citizen is his blog of the day feature, which points out delightful new blogs to check out. Jes' after givin' ya the link to his daily choice, he will give ya a teaser by postin' a short quote from such site. His blog of the day today is here, but, instead of the quote he chose, I preferred:
well, after the fire of 2003, this year's thanksgiving was calm and uneventful.
I have always hated cross-platform browser problems
OK, I downloaded and installed Firefox, but it is surely messin' up my bulleted lists:
Any of ya'll more 'sperienced Firefox users got any inklin' what is at fault here?
A generalization applicable to only the males of the group?
You can learn something about a rock by looking at it. But what most geologists really want is to smack it with a hammer. - Frank D. Roylance, Baltimore Sun in his Nov. 28, 2004 story entitled "NASA sending hammer to space" as published in the Online Edition of The Arizona RepublicA brand-new, unwrapped, off-white spork, only recently purloined from What-a-Burger®, has been concealed in a secret location 'til it can be properly awarded to Kevin Aylward for his involuntary participation in the creation of this post.
I know MT and this ain't no MT blog
I went visitin' a strange* blog,** from a link, I think, from Buzz ... and anyway, can anyone tell me what bloggin' tool [or whatever] that Shelli uses? The look and features are unfamiliar to me and I, through my brief cursory glance upon the site itself, was unable to find an answer to this inquiry, myself. My search was not entirely fruitless, however, as I did uncover a bit of extremely shockin' news: the definition of CORN is appallin'ly lackin' in its descriptive abilities. A severely alarmin' situation, what? Seems a head or two at Mirriam-Webster should definitely roll for a transgression of this magnitude. What say ye? French guillotine or should we jes' throw 'em to a bunch of idle militant Islamic jihadists?***
*Not strange in the sense that there was anythin' particularly peculiar 'bout this certain blog, but strange in the sense that I had no previous connection with such blog.
**I was unsure if it is titled Painfully Cool or Not Me.
***Where other bloggers might be 'spectin' hate mail from such statement, I only 'spect a continued surge of inane Google searchers.
Nov. 28, 2004
THERE WAS AN ELECTION PUDGEBUCKET. AND VALUES WON.OK, you can cease with sayin'
floral smocksnow as it is entirely too shockin'. I dunno, ya'll, should we await the Pro-Poofta contingent havin' their say 'fore callin' this one? Still, it is good to see the return of him, ain't it?
Off to get a full cup of Dr. Pepper® start my day
WWell, I have been up for 'bout an hour, and my stutterin' has finally subsided.* My tub is full of unused water that prolly has gone cold by now,** while I have only managed to read all of the fine, quality comments I collected durin' the night. Thanks Ozguru. I feel purty confident in directin' all that appreciation his way since all such comments were from him. {Hey, I always fantasized 'bout bein' a director -- guess I jes' fulfilled that fantasy. Funny, though, I always 'spected it to be somewhat different than this. ~reflectin' 'pon my previously preconceived notions of associated grandeur~} I also read all of the email in two of my three primary email accounts and partially read all of those blogs on my main blogroll that showed to have been updated since the publication of last night's better-than-average*** Nightly Navel Gazin' Report™. I found two different mentions of Blog Explosion from Serenity and Buzz, and decided to check it out. I quickly used my regular username in an effort to sign up, figurin', in the least, that by doin' so, I, could find out if it was still available, and if that proved true could, at least, then sign up usin' that desired moniker and thereby foreclose anyone else from usin' my own particular name choice.**** Someone else already usurped my right for usage of such with yahoo mail. ~grrrrrrrrr~ I successfully signed up under my desired name and read the Blog Explosion FAQ but little else. I might give it a go after readin' Opus, my horrorscope, and hopefully a tad more feedback from those current Blog Explosion users. If'n ya are interested in checkin' it out yourself, here's a handy link for ya to use. More to come? You should only be so lucky.
*See what comes outta the inane editin' process on this site when I encounter a simple typo involvin' the initiation of a post with a repeated first letter? It really ain't easy bein' me, sometimes. Too often, actually, as it often turns out.
**I checked and found it to be, at the time of checkin', not yet cold - simply tepid.
***IMHO.
****Such username is not disclosed herein for reasons known only to myself and anyone who pauses for a brief moment of meanin'ful consideration.
November 27, 2004
I ain't never seen any that easy
Don't ever'thin' always seem to be so easy in the movies, love, romance, spoonin' Geena Davis? Earth Girls Are Easy: I thought I hadn't seen this one, but I have seen bits and pieces of it through out the years. The story was predictable but the gags were funny. I mean with Wayans and Carrey coverin' your back, even Jeff Goldblum coulda played the lead in this flick. However, he and Geena Davis did look good together. It was not all that boring but was also not all that. What it was, cuz, was a big stretch of my imagination. I'll give it two severely used up sporks for playin'. That concludes the movie review portion of this evenin''s program. ~we pause now for a brief catatonic period while brain takes a coffee break~
THIS SPACE AVAILABLE FOR SUITABLE ADVERTISERS*
So, several times today, I have sat upon this chair and thought I sat down upon somethin'. I could find nothin' either in the chair or somethin' dealin' with my clothin' to cause such sensation. It finally dawned on me that it could jes' be some tenderness due to sittin' on that bicycle seat. I do 'member thinkin' to myself that those seats definitely were not designed for my comfort.
Seems that Ozguru is of the 'pinion that my writin' is in a class by itself. [see comments] I think that he was jes' nicely sayin' there ain't no one who writes crappier than myself.
I did notice that there was not a single visitor between 8:00pm and 9:00pm, my time, Central whatever Time. It's not really all that hard for me to imagine that ever'one in the world had somethin' better to do durin' that time than come by and check out what kind of crap I had to offer. I am jes' very very hopeful that durin' that period ya'll weren't in a secret remote location grouped all together plottin' what you were plannin' to do to me. My navel seemed quite concerned about the situation. I think it is jes' a hiccup in the space-time continuum. End of report.
*If interested. walk back behind the buildin' and ask for Larry. He ain't hard to spot, he'll be wearin' a sandwich board.
But that activity is considered to be morally reprehensible!
"How can the UN pre-emptively seize our park?" - screechin' moonbat Yorkie-owning, Bush-hating corporate headhunter called SueTossin' a thrice-used former Taco Bell spork over to'ard Cracker Barrel Philosopher as payment for cluin' me in.
What's red & blue, crawls on walls, and is simply amazin'?
For those of ya'll who were not yet alive when Stan Lee & Marvel Comics originated Spider-Man, here's your chance to see it the way it was done in the beginnin'.
No more funny stuff, ya'll
Ever'thin' posted henceforth on this blog will of an extremely serious nature.
Jes' kiddin'!
Don't say I didn't tell ya so
'Member when I said ya sometimes can sniff out perverts by the Google search strings they used to hit your site?
[Addendum: Wow, would never have expected to have been so high on the Google return list on a search for Maximum Exposure UNDERWEAR]
[Addendum II: We have a winner! I came up atop the list! I am, however, purty sure that I never ever blabbed the answer to the age ol' question: how many animals of each sex did moses take on the arch[?], but then, again, I was never actually provided the necessary proper information as to the maximum weight capacity of the arch and the true nature of Noah's Moses' sexual proclivities which I had requested.]
This'll only take a few worthwhile minutes, ya know?
Madfish Willie, that crazy owner of the raunchiest bar in the blogosphere, has penned a little diatribe about one family's Thanksgivin' dinner you can while away your time readin' while you are munchin' on that left-over turkey sandwich.*
*Doin' Wonkette, Tiger style..**
**Lookin' back on that, it sounds kinda nasty, don't it? ;)1
1The only smiley face sanctioned for use on Read My Lips.
Word Sleuthin' 'cause I'm bored
In the wintertime, however, said back yard turns into a mudhole; autumn rains puddle the landscaping, the grass dies back, most of my flowers hibernate, and every time that damn dog goes outside he comes back in literally dripping with mud. This has something of a deleterious effect on the white linoleum that is my kitchen floor, as you can imagine. - KelleyI shore do love hearin' such lovely words rollin' off the end of a sweet lady's tongue. From Merriam-Webster Online:
Main Entry:
del·e·te·ri·ous
Pronunciation: "de-l&-'ti-rE-&s
Function: adjective
Etymology: Greek dElEtErios, from dEleisthai to hurt
: harmful often in a subtle or unexpected way [deleterious effects] [deleterious to health]
synonym see PERNICIOUS
- del·e·te·ri·ous·ly adverb
- del·e·te·ri·ous·ness noun
Got any Rasta-mons* on your list on your Christmas list?
McGehee has the scoop. I don't want to steal his thunder, 'specially since he went to the trouble of makin' a screenshot or two of the site, lest it disappear.
[Update: Waaaaaaah!]
*Very handy site to bookmark if ya happen to be Ricky Williams brother.
Somethin' to do when ya got nuthin' better
Oh well, always seems there ain't nuthin' to do on Saturdays. To relieve that condition, at least for today, I am gonna provide the followin' seven pairs of related terms for which you are to choose your favorite:
Saturday Selectorial™ Nov. 27, 2004
1. Wide Screen - Full Screen
2. Four door - Two door
3. Plane - Train
4. Basketball - Hockey
5. Yahoo - Google
6. Paris - Nicole
7. Letterman - Leno
I hope to continue this meme on a weekly basis, but that likely depends upon the show of support for my efforts. Speakin' of my efforts, my selections are shown in the extended entry.
Saturday Selectorial™ Nov. 27, 2004
1. Wide Screen - Full Screen
2. Four door - Two door
3. Plane - Train
4. Basketball - Hockey
5. Yahoo - Google
6. Paris - Nicole
7. Letterman - Leno
I musta left Walmart long before ya'll got there
In what has to be the slowest bloggin' day since Columbus Day in 1932, I am highly 'spectful that there was rampant commercialism takin' place in the marketplace which kept the majority of ya'll from your appointed bloggin' duties. Me, I went shoppin', too, but I wasn't gone long. Seems I got there too late to get to go through ever' DVD they was sellin' for under $4, but I did pick up three: Pale Rider, a good Eastwood western, Rio Bravo, a well-done Duke western with Dean Martin and Ricky Nelson and a lot of other stars, and Blade Runner, likely one of the best SciFi movies in which Harrison Ford took part. One of the other people pawin' through the selections tol' me it was not a very good movie.* The wackos were definitely out at Walmart. I also picked a couple more movies outta the bargain bin, the $5.50 ones: Titan A.E. and Earth Girls are Easy. I have seen the former and loved it. I ain't 'spectin' much out of the latter and hopin' to be pleasantly surprised. The strangest thing 'bout my trip to Walmart was that I bought a mountain bike. I swear, I was pushin' my cart along the area behind the registers so to check the $5.50 bin that had been in that area when I was there last Tuesday before headin' over to the electronics department. They had moved that bin ag'in, I found, so I was headin' toward where I 'spected those movies to be when I passed this lady standin' next to a pallet stacked with big boxes of mountain bikes: 26 inchers, with 15 speeds, for $40.00. Yeah, ya heard right, I said $40. I had one of those boxes placed into my shoppin' cart and then drove blindly through the store, unable to see forward 'cause my vision was blocked by the tall bicycle box.
Well, anyway, I ain't had a chance to see any of my new movies,** yet. I did assemble the bicycle though, but the tires were flat so I walked it to the store to inflate them. As I attempted to ride home, however, I discovered that I had the front forks turned backward and my foot was hittin' the front tire durin' turns. I came home, loosened the handlebars and flipped the front forks the other way. I later decided to ride the bike to the store to refill my DP cup and discovered that I had now flipped the handlebars the wrong way and had to U-turn, come back into the house for my bit driver and the large Allen wrench bit that I would need so as to reverse those handlebars. I ain't gonna describe the difficulties I had puttin' the pedals on, but it surely did surprise me that, although they looked identical, each was actually designed for one certain side. Still, I managed to air up the tires without puncturin' a tube with a spoke, so my bicyclin' skills have already improved somewhat from when I was 12. I managed to ride to the store and back and didn't fall over and scrape my knees, although I did almost run into my own front fence when I discovered that the front brake wouldn't lock down to stop my forward momentum.
I think my havin' obtained this bike might be the biggest news on the navel front for years. If I 'member the results of bikin', it seemed to always give ya a purty good workout in the abdomen area. My Buddha belly could use a good workout program. I didn't really feel like I could afford it, but I have kinda been wantin' a bicycle, and $40 was definitely a bargain. I jes' can't see how the Chinese can make stuff so damn cheap. I guess if ya can get by on a handful of rice and sleep on a mat laid out on a dirt floor and be happy, ya don't need to make much at the factory, huh? Anyway ... End of report.
*It has been voted by imdb readers as one of the best 100 movies ever made, even if it is somewhere close to the bottom of the list.
**I did, of course, watch 2001, a Space Odyssey, as earlier mentioned, which I am sad to say I understood about as well as I did when I first saw it at what, age 13. I guess, for bein' made in the pre-Star Wars days, the special effects were fair, but the movie dragged and dragged, and thank goodness the fashions did not turn out like were predicted in the movie. Jeez, weren't those funny lookin' things on the women's heads durin' those space trips atrocious? I also jes' finished watchin' X-2. I wanna be Wolverine, so bad. I mean, indestructible metallic claws jes' shootin' right outta your knuckles whenever ya feel like kickin' butt, jes' how cool it that?
November 26, 2004
Did I find myself another fan?
I was checkin' my StatCounter earlier today and saw that someone had been readin' a lot of my ol' posts. It seems it started with a Google search dealin' with Mrs. Lileks but look below the fold for a table with all the related activity. I will not provide any of the identifyin' data with regard to my visitor, 'cept to say they are located somewhere in the State of Florida.
Navigation Path
T'Day revisited due to a pair of exquisitely worthwhile discoveries
Well it seems that Jim Turner of the blog simply known as Genuine sent me a notice of his wonderful Thanksgivin' related post after I had shut down for the evenin', but I read it and found it to be so eloquently composed and filled with such a worthwhile message. Please have a look at: GENUINE: Thankfulness Defined. You'll be glad you did!
Additionally, Denita has penned a wonderful post recountin' the Thanksgivin' Feast at Chez TwoDragons, located in an out of the way corner of the burgeonin' metropolis of Tinyville, Texas. Who Tends the Fires: Gratuitous Avian Carnage at House TwoDragons. Now, seriously, ain't that title, alone, jes' drippin' with the flavor of succulent leftovers?
Now, amuse yourselves for awhile with some of the other fine entries you will find below, as I am gonna go bury myself in that vintage Sci-Fi Classic: 2001, A Space Odyssey. It seems Arthur C. Clarke's vision of the future was as far off, time-wise, as was that of 1984's author, George Orwell.
Nov. 26, 2004
What with the Thursday holiday messin' up my internal clock, I had plumb forgot that today was Friday and that the time was ripe for postin' this week's Friday Jokes* Funny™. Thankfully the standard group of Google searchers lookin' for a bit of Friday humor unknowin'ly keyed me in to my neglect of duty. Without further ado, in an effort to assist all ya'll ladies who are beginnin' your Christmas shoppin' on this busiest shoppin' day of the year, I graciously present today's offerin':
Gifts For MenI know some of ya'll gals are laughin' your heads off right now at this list, but to give ya the full 411, there is much truth within the foregoin'. As a piece of advice for ya'll young married gals that are wantin' to give your man a gift that will put a smile on his face but ain't got a pot to piss in 'cause the entire family budget is heavily invested in baby formula and Huggies®: get yourself a good Sharpie® and a decent scrap of paper (the back of a Walmart receipt for your most recent purchase of baby formula and Huggies® is ideal) and write good for one "no questions asked" excuse. Put it in an envelope, seal it, then, wearin' your favorite color of lipstick, put the imprint of your lips on it and put it under the tree. He'll love it. I guarantee it!Buying gifts for men is not nearly as complicated as it is for women. Follow these RULES and you should have no problem:
#1. When in doubt-buy him a cordless drill. It doesn't matter if he already has one. I have a friend who owns 17 and he has yet to complain. As a man, you can never have too many cordless drills. No one knows why.
#2. If you cannot afford the above, buy him anything with the word ratchet or socket in it. Men love saying those two words. "Hey, George, can I borrow your ratchet?" "Okay, by the way are you through with my 3/8 socket yet?" Again, no one knows why.
#3. If you are really, really broke, buy him anything for his car. A 99 cent scraper, a small bottle of de-icer or something to hang from his rear view mirror. Men love gifts for their cars. No one knows why.
#4. Do not buy men socks. DO NOT BUY MEN TIES. And never buy men bathrobes. I was told that if God had wanted men to wear bathrobes, he would not have invented jockey shorts.
#5. You can buy men new remote controls to replace the ones they have WORN out. If you have a lot of money buy your man a big screen TV with the little picture in the corner. Watch him go wild as he flips and flips and flips. Forget the program, your entertainment is watching him have fun!
#6. Do not buy a man industrial sized canisters of after shave or deodorant. I' m told they do not stink…they are earthy.
#7. Buy men label makers. Almost as good as cordless drills. Within a couple of weeks there will be labels absolutely everywhere. "Socks, shorts, cups, saucers, door, locks, sink" You get the idea. No one knows why.
#8. Never buy a man anything and then tell him he should read the instructions because the box says, "some assembly required," because it will ruin his Special Day. He will always have parts left over.
#9. Men enjoy danger. That's why they never cook…but they will bar-b-que. Get him a monster bar-b-que with a 100 pound propane tank. Tell him the gas line leaks. "Oh the thrill!" The challenge! Who wants a hamburger.
#10. Men love chain saws. Never, ever, buy a man you love a chain saw. If you don't know why, please refer to Rule #7 and give due consideration to what happens when he gets a label maker.
#11. It's hard to beat a really good wheelbarrow or an aluminum extension ladder. Never buy a real man a stepladder. It must be an extension ladder. No one knows why.
#12. Rope. Men love rope. It takes us back to our cowboy origins, or at least the Boy Scouts. Nothing says, "I love you," like a hundred feet of 3/8" manila rope. No one knows why.
*Some of ya'll might have noticed that I recently changed the category name from Friday Funny™ to Friday Jokes Funny™ and wondered at the change. Well, I noticed a steady flow of Google searches each Friday usin' the search string "friday jokes" were failin' to find my Friday Funny™ category archives. I thereby added the struck out portion solely in an effort to assist Google searchers. That is jes' the sort of guy I am.
I might be out doin' my part to boost the economy
I am gonna go to Walmart and look through the DVDs they have marked down to under $4.00 to see if there is anythin' worth havin' that I don't already have. I have taken a look at all the blogs that my spies said have been updated since my last tour of the blogosphere and this was the most interestin' thing I read:
So, do you have any weekend plans and do any of them involve visiting Buzz and Empress? 'Cause I'd like to make sure we have enough beer, if they do. - EmpressIn the same vein, if any of ya'll's weekend plans involve visitin' Tig, be sure to bring some work clothes and some cleanin' supplies. My house is a livin' museum to the clutter and disarray of bachelorhood. By my estimation, with the assistance of about 50 people and a weekend's worth of labor, I am sure my home can be turned into the sort of a place where a woman would be worried not in the least 'bout actually steppin' into my bathroom to powder her nose. In its current condition, I 'spect ever' right-minded gal in the world would approach said facility holdin' her nose and fearin' to step through its door.
November 25, 2004
It was a much better day than I imagined
I have to thank all of ya'll that left your well wishes and promises of prayer in the comment section of last night's Nightly Navel Gazin' Report™. Almost miraculously, my back pain was gone when I awoke this mornin'. Oh, not to say there was not a bit of residual stiffness, but even that seemed to subside as I began to move 'round the house. Regrettably, my head was filled with pain, but a combination of BC Powder and some generic antihistamines I had on hand, it has slowly but surely lessened with ever' passin' hour durin' the day.
I did have a lot of fun with the Thoughts on Thanksgiving post, sendin' out loads of linkylove in the process. I had to apologize for some software/server/whatever error that caused some pings to repeat over and over again. Thankfully, ever'one was very understandin' and appreciative of my efforts. Funny how I only got one trackback in return. Or maybe not so funny. I ain't gonna sweat it, as it seems I live by a different code* than most other bloggers.
I also had a real blast actually bloggin' the entire Cowboys game in real time, and ended up with a nice play-by-play recount of the win. If ya missed the game and ain't wantin' to wait for the mornin' papers to find out jes' how the Cowboys won the game, have a look-see please. Even if ya ain't carin' a whit or who won, ya can still have a look-see, if ya want.
My navel is much appreciative that I did not eat a big Thanksgivin' dinner, 'cause had I done so, I would like be sittin' here with my fly opened relievin' pressure upon a grossly bloated belly. My navel really hates findin' itself atop a grossly distended midriff. For the record, 5 oz. of Lays® Potato Chips durin' the game and a No. 2 SuperSonic® sans tomato followin' the game. Now if I can only find that cranberry flavored LifeSaver®, I will have had a pretty decent Thanksgivin' Day repast. End of report.
Thoughts on Thanksgiving [Postdated and updated regularly]
NOTE TO ALL WHOM WERE LINKED ON THIS POST: For some reason, I jes' found that MT suddenly forgot about all the previously sent pings, so I apologize for any massive pongage. My intent was simply to send traffic your way and not to bombard your site with a multitude of pings, but much akin to misguided kisses, I jes' can't take 'em back. I would if I could.
This Thanksgiving, I’m thankful for the American soldier. Your sacrifices will never be forgotten. - Serenity
I'm thankful the Pilgrims served turkey and not raccoon. - Susie
- Wizbang: Thanksgiving Travel Day - requestin' your worst holiday travel story in the comments
- A Small Victory
- Dizzy Girl: Turkey With It's Head Cut Off...
- The Zero Boss: 26 Lbs. of Turkey
- Notorious B.L.O.G.: Holiday Travel
- Better Living Through Blogging!
- Thanksgiving Eve, askin' for you to tell him 'bout your T'Day plans
- Giving Thanks
- Parkway Rest Stop: Thanksgiving 2004.
Ah, well, time to beautify myself so I can spill gravy on my best blouse. There had better be pumpkin pie. I need Cool Whip™! - Susie, again
- CrabAppleLane Blog: Happy Thanksgiving
- Enigmatic Musings of a Cynical Mind: Happy T-day!!!!, recyclin' a very very ol' joke* with a slight holiday-induced modification
- Dean's World
All right...who around here is such a geekosaurus that they're reading blogs on Thanksgiving? - Jay Allen, but quotin' such is not intended as repayment for this
- Ramblings of Silver Blue: Happy Thanksgiving!, which he begins with some great news 'bout his grandmother
- ScrappleFace: Maryland Renames Thanksgiving 'Lucky Thursday', link via PoliBlog
I also hope that if my beloved 'Boys (Dallas) are playing, they too, do some major ass kicking... ESPECIALLY if they're playing ANY team named after a bird. - StevieThey'll definitely be playin' later but are opposin' a team named after a large vicious mammal, the Chicago Bears. Henson is supposedly scheduled to start as the Cowboys QB.
Happy Thanksgiving, folks. Eat up and Go Cowboys! - Buzz
Nothing says Thanksgiving like Charlie Brown missing the ball again. Damn Lucy. Damn her to hell! - Michele, providin' appropriate graphic representationFrom a post by Bravo Romeo Delta on Munuviana, we find a pointer to the soundtrack of the WKRP in Cincinnatti Turkey Drop episode: [.ram audiolink] and for somethin' really really old, here is a nice T'Day present from Jim Lindgren of Volokh Conspiracy: The First Thanksgiving (the original account)
- One Hand Clapping: What I am thankful for,** link via Dean
- Life is a Banquet : Thanksgiving Blessing, discovered via the comments
- Gary LaPointe: Happy Thanksgiving
I know my attitude lacks gratitude lately (um-- unintentional rhyme there), but introspective malaise is, in my case, a luxury of the blessed. It's only because I have so much that I can afford to whine. - Sheryl [Paper Napkin, found via the comments and blogrolled***]
- My Whim Is Law: Best. Thanksgiving. Ever., discovered via email
- Mommylogue: My favorite day of the year, discovered via the comments
- Accidental Verbosity: Happy Thanksgiving
- Wizbang: Happy Thanksgiving!
You are graciously invited to join in on these festivities. If you have a Thanksgiving related post that I have overlooked, feel free to email the pertinent data to roguegenius [at] gmail [dot] com.
*Which seems to be currently makin' the rounds on the AOL forwardin' circuit, as I recently received this very same very very ol' joke from my Aunt 'Net.
**Title thereof proudly presented complete with danglin' participle. ;)
***I love to see posts with pictures drawn by children, but knowin' how to properly footnote was the final straw.
REAL TIME Thanksgivin' Day Cowboy's game bloggin'
Well, three and out for the Bears first series, Cowboys across the 50 with the ground game. Henson's handoffs to Jones are superb. No one has dropped anythin'.
Bootleg pass is superb, moves the chains. After short gain, Julius Jones runs one in for a touchdown. 7-0 Dallas
Interestin' side-show: Budweiser Light goes head to head with Miller Lite by usin' their own referee characters against them.
After pass for 1st down, brother Jones has nifty run for good gain. Three rushed passes by Krenzel and three non-completions, the Bears get off a good kick. Dallas ball, 20.
Dallas 3 and out on one short run, followed by one with no gain, then an incomplete pass, a short punt, good run back no flags, Bears on the 50 coming back.
I like those new Mustangs. I really like that retro look!
Krenzel fumbles, Dallas ball on the 50 - goin' other way. Short run and sack, long incomplete pass, Dallas is ready to punt the ball away. 52 yard punt into the end zone.
Bears' Thomas Jones runs for two yards on two runs. Bears pick up 11 on screen to T. Jones, rarely, Nguyen missed tackle. Short gain, no gain sack, and incomplete pass, time for another punt. Good punt, 21 yard return - no flags!
Visa commercial where Trump searches dumpster and some gal says I didn't know he wasn't doin' so well, is much funnier after the bankruptcy has been announced.
One nice Julius Jones run was 'bout the only highlight of the next series of Dallas plays endin with another punt. Quarter change jes' before Jones run. 2nd Quarter, Dallas 7 - Chicago 0
Short gain, incomplete bomb, and then a SNAFU play and the ball was punted back to Dallas, fair caught on the 14 yard line.
Startin' off with a false start, Flozell Adams, leadin' the lead in 8 such violations, a good Jones run sets them up at 2nd and 8. Incomplete pass, well defended on the sideline, Bootleg screen pass, no gain, ball on the 15, and the puntin' team comes onto the field. Excellent 52 yard punt out of the endzone, 7 yard run back but a 10 yard penalty and it is Bears ball on their end of the field.
Startin' from inside the 30, one short pass and a no-gain run by T Jones, a Cowboy player is layin' on the ground. 3rd and one, and time for a commercial break. Very first play after the commercial, run for no gain, Bears player on the ground. Punted to Dallas, fair caught jes' inside the 25.
J Jones 7, then 6. Chains moved. Jones runs 'cross the 45, flag, but declined. 2nd and 2, bootleg play to KeyJohn incomplete. Next Henson pass is intercepted by McWhorter who runs it all the way for a touchdown. PAT. Bears 7 - Cowboys 7.
Good run back on the kickoff, Dallas starts on the 30. Henson throws a bomb for an incompletion. Gets 8 yard on a slant pass, gets announcers off his back for few seconds. Jones gains nothing in 3rd on short situation. Puntin' team back on the field. McWhorter runs back long punt to 18. T Jones gets 2 yards on the first play run, tipped pass greatly defended to breakup play on second down, 3 down pass play looked like dead duck, and Chicago's puntin' team is back, kicks a line drive which is smartly run back. Dallas on their 45. J Jones met in the backfield on the first play from scrimmage. End around for nothing. 3rd and 12. 2 minutes to halftime.
Come back on the first play, incomplete pass in a screen play. McBriar punts to inside the 10 and McWhorter runs back to the 30. No flags. Goin' back, first play, 17 years on a rebound pass play to T Jones. Incomplete, thankfully, short Jones run and commercial. Time Out?
False start looks like a sack. Next play, pass for first down. 6 yard sack starts next series, and commercial. 5 yard penalty and first down. Next play, the ball is fumbled recovered by the Bears are way back, on second down a long way away from the goal line. A penalty for false start, a missed interception, and a very short run. 11 seconds on the clock, Dallas calls time out. Punter punts away from receiver and the ball bounces down the field surrounded by Bears until time runs out in the first half.
Durin' break, I run to local convenience store for a Dr Pepper® refill, and, forgettin' what today is, I noted a lot of cars 'round one of my neighbor's houses, and drive in the drive wonderin' why. Parkin' lot was crammed, ran in, got refill, purchased T'Day dinner. Watchin' halftime dinin' on turkey dinner 5 oz. bag of plain ol' Lays® Potato Chips with the intention of only eatin' one. I quickly missed such goal and am sittin' here quickly shovin' them in my mouth one at a time.
Henson is out and Vinnie, sore shoulder or not, is comin' in. Halftime decorations hold up the game and the announcers start talkin' 'bout the QB situation. Openin' kickoff goes out of bounds, and Testaverde gets to start on the 35. Jones get nothin', KeyJohn gets 8, but Jones again gets nothin' and puntin' team comes on the field. Good long punt, little return. Bears ball, inside the 20.
T. Jones dances for 5, then sweeps for 3 and a half more, but gets stuffed on his next try and the Bears get ready to punt. Fair catch on 19. Still tied at 7.
Testaverde misses a throw to KeyJohn and the crowd boos. Jones tripped up, third and long. Pass to KeyJohn on side line for first down. Good block by Jones provides the time. On first down, Jones goes straight ahead for 3. Pass to KeyJohn who falls forward for the 1st down. Chains move. Testaverde throws long interception to McWhorter who runs it all the way back to the Dallas 30 then fumbles it away to Flozell Adams. Dallas begins 1st down with hand off to Jones for no gain. False start moves Dallas back another 5 yards for 2nd and 15, which ends on an incomplete pass, as does 3rd and 15. Fans boo as puntin' team comes on, good punt, McWhorter runs it back to the Cowboys 40.
J. Quinn throws two quick interceptions, but T Jones runs it to long field goal area, but the special team players take too long to get set up and time out is called before time runs out. I conclude my Thanksgiving dinner down the last chip in the bag. After the time out, the kick is missed and back to commercial.
Game returns, with Dallas on their own 38. Throws long pass to Witten who runs to the Bears 45. Chains moved. 1st down, no one open, VT throws it away. Jone runs for no gain. Testaverde sack on 3rd and 10. Flozell misses his block allowin' his man to get straight to the quarterback. WcWhorter wrapped up at the 21. Bears come back, T. Jones get 3. Bears are befuddled and call second time out. No commercial break. On fake end around, QB flips to FB on screen pass, which loses 2. Then false start and Bears move back 5 more. Pass to TE, wrapped up, and time for Bears to punt from their 20. Punted out of bounds near the Dallas 40. Flag, but no foul. Dallas 1st and 10 on 38 42 secs left in quarter. J Jones ahead for 4, and players mill as clock winds down to end the quarter. Still tied 7-7.
Ball on Dallas 43, 2 and 7. Pass to KeyJohn for 10 and 1st down. Jones slants for the sideline and speeds ahead for 18. Chains moved J Jone again gets ball on draw on next play and runs for 7. John runs close to first down marker, fumbles, but KeyJohn recovers. Bear hobbles off the field. Dallas ball, 1st and 10 Bears 19. Testaverde fires to KeyJohn on slant and ball is inside the Bear 10. 1st and goal. Johns runs ahead for jes' a couple. Play action bootleg pass to Barnes for a touchdown. PAT. Dallas 14 - Bears 7.
Ball on 35, first play, Dallas Newman intercepts and runs it back to the Bears 42. Testaverde rushed on 1st and 10 and throws it away. Pass ahead over the middle to new hire Terrace Copper for 12. Chains move. Hand off to Jones who slants left for long yardage. Chains move. Jone only gets two on next run. 2nd & 8 on the Bears 19. Testaverde throws to Morgan who makes an acrobatic move to pull the ball down inside the 5. 1st and goal. Jones sweeps right, loses yards. Jones powers straight ahead 5 yards for his 2nd touchdown of the day. PAT Dallas 21 - Chicago 7 Parcell smiles.
Kickoff returned to the 21. 1st and 10, Bears.
1st play after commercial break and Quinn, rushed, fumbles, Bears recovers. 2nd and 14. False start. 2nd and 19. Quinn fires ahead to get back jes' across the original line of scrimmage, 3 and 9. Next play, Quinn sacked. Punted away and a short return to the 46 yard line of Dallas. Eddie George in, runs ahead for 7, but flag for holdin' brings it back with the addition of 10 more for 1st and 20. No gain. 2nd and 21, George ahead for jes' 2 makin' it 3 and 19. George ahead again for 6. Dallas to punt. Punt bounces out of bounds inside the Bears 30. Dallas encroaches and Bear move ahead 5. Long pass over the middle glances off the hands of the Bear receiver. Short pass to T Jones who runs ahead to move the chains. Another short pass in the flat, receiver runs ahead for another 10. Next pass incomplete on the sideline. Short pass to 42 for gain of five, but flag thrown. Illegal formation, brought back with 5 tacked on for 1 and 15 back on the Bears side of the field. Pass into the flat on next play, receiver circles to bring the ball back across the midline, tackled at 2 minute warnin'.
Back to the game after the commercial and long incomplete along the sideline. 4th and 12. 1:47 left. Hail Mary pass on 4th down and Nguyen intercepts and falls down on the Dallas 28. Testaverde kneels and clock runs. Play repeated as needed until time expired. Dallas wins, 21-7. Henson wins 1st NFL start. Jones brothers hug and shake hands, and J. Jones announced as winner of the Golden Gobbler trophy by the announcers. 150 yards and 2 touchdowns.
For those who stand this day not in harm's way
One of the announcers on the Colts-Lions game just acknowledged our troops in Kuwait and other places, and wished them a Great Thanksgiving. I think he is a Lion's fan, 'cause his mind seems as if it is stuck in the past.
Do I see a change of career loomin' in my future?
From a NYT story quoted on PoliBlog:
Two female Chechens may or may not have sneaked explosives onto Russian planes, so now some T.S.A. genius decides all women are subject to strips and body searches. [emphasis is mine]
A healthy helpin' of Thanksgivin' humor, or is this gag a real turkey or what?
A History of ThanksgivingThe modifications to the 2002 entry are mine, as I thought it failed to make proper sense as written.1492 - Christopher Columbus discovers America, unless you count the native peoples already living there. Columbus doesn't. Columbus and crew celebrate by holding a dinner, giving thanks for their safe arrival. Embarrassment ensues when every Indian brings maize, and nobody brings pumpkin pie.
1620 - Pilgrim men invent sport of football to avoid helping clean up after Thanksgiving dinner.
1671 - First embarrassing drunken relatives at Thanksgiving dinner, as Captain John Smith's parents tell Pocahontas the "hilarious" old "I got lost in the maize" joke for the hundredth time.
1701 - At a historic Thanksgiving dinner, Dutch settlers unveil historic "Indians Give Us All Of Their Land Treaty." Due to an unfortunate oversight, the Indians are left off of the invite list, and the treaty is signed without them.
1776 - Excited that his British in-laws finally agreed to meet him for Thanksgiving dinner, silversmith Paul Revere rides through Boston announcing the news. Unfortunately, many colonists misinterpret his cry "the British are coming!" as a warning, leading to the Revolutionary War.
1812 - At an international Thanksgiving dinner, King George of England, still hurting from losing the Revolutionary War, challenges United States President James Madison to "best 2 out of 3."
1860 - At a Senate Thanksgiving dinner, the seven-year-old son of Alabama's Senator Richard Applebee insults the Senators from Massachusetts, New York, and Pennsylvania, sparking the Civil War. The tradition of the "children's table" is instituted in 1861.
1903 - Canada steals idea of Thanksgiving holiday, placing it in October, so they can say it was their idea first.
1928 - To commemorate "our nation's greatest era of prosperity that will last forever and ever," President Herbert Hoover dumps ceremonial ten thousand turkeys into the Potomac River.
1929 - Following the Great Stock Market Crash, thousands of men go Turkey Diving in the Potomac River.
1957 - Declaring her spicy stuffing "a communist threat to undermine my health via heartburn," Senator Joe McCarthy has his wife placed under arrest as a Soviet saboteur.
1969 - The world's largest Eat-In event goes sour. Thousands of hippies start having bad trips when bad "brown gravy" gets passed around.
1991 - When Dan Quayle takes ill on Thanksgiving; a turkey is sworn as Vice President for three days. No change is noticed.
1997 - Strong natural tranquilizer tryptophane is discovered in turkey. A Colombian cartel immediately starts selling "pure" turkey on the streets for $500 an ounce. Turkey farmers get involved in drive-by shootings, and the U.S. government declares a national fowl emergency.
2002 - America is on a terrorist alert. It is now against the law to stuff a turkey since anyone [caught doing so] is
suspicious[suspected] of hiding explosives. Saddam Hussein is caught trying to smuggle Turkeys filled with WMD's in containers bound for the US.2004 - Teresa Heinz Kerry invites all the Democrats who won in November for a Festive Thanksgiving Celebration. As she certainly knows a Turkey when she sees one, her 'trophy' hubby John Kerry finds it very lonely when only Tom Daschle shows up, claiming that he won 'in spirit.'
This cannot possibly be meant for me
Your Thursday, November 25, 2004, Horoscope Taurus!First of all, the only project in which I maintain creative control is my Alien Attitudes trilogy, and ain't no authority figure of which I am aware with enough power to wrest creative control of that from me. Secondly, no one could possibly have a greater belief that they know it all than myself, well 'cept that I do seem to have a severe lack of knowledge when it comes to space science crap. However, as I 'spect to remain homebound for the majority of this day, havin' any ol' friend drop by would be a most pleasant experience. If such ol' friend was also a chiropractor would make this an especially miraculous day.
A struggle to maintain creative control over a project will pit you against an authority figure. This person thinks he or she knows it all. An old friend may arrive to save the day.
If any of this actually plays out, I will share such with all of ya'll in the Nightly Navel Gazin' Report™.
November 24, 2004
OUCH, that hurts! I really mean it!
Tomfoolery by rampagin' idiots has been spotted in Little Falls
I 'spose anythin' is more fun than the daily cow-tippin' meets up in the ice-covered frozen arctic tundra of Minnesota:
Police are looking for a blow-up figure of SpongeBob SquarePants swiped from a Little Falls, Minnesota, Burger King.But the same dastardly criminals drove by rocket car, at lightnin' speed, 'cross the the Great Plains, over the Rockies, and through canyon crossed desert on the other side to commit yet another vile crime:
At a southeast Utah Burger King, vandals made off with a six-by-ten-foot balloon of Spongebob.Here's your opportunity to get to the full source: goin' through the Queen of Snark herself, Venomous Kate.*
*Speakin' of Kate, I must have fallen out of the loop, 'cause I thought she lived in Hawaii.
It's best to scratch while the bite is still fresh
For some reason, I started havin' playin' through my mind a lot of dialogue between the characters in my trilogy project: Alien Attitudes. The first book, Alura Allen, Alien at Large, is substantially completed and in the process of bein' published. Hopefully, it should be comin' out right after the first of the year. WATCH THIS SPACE FOR DETAILS! Anyway, a moment or two ago, this line popped onto the page:
If he is you and you are he, then how can you be a she and he be a he?It's jes' a teaser folks, and Alura's strange question will most likely be a part of the second book, if it makes it all the way through my
Did I hear that right?
Are ya currently unemployed and so desperate you'd do almost anythin'? Well, on the radio this mornin', I heard the followin': BJ Services of Mineral Wells is currently seeking qualified operators.* They claim to be an equal opportunity employer, as well, so I 'spose the only necessary qualification for the job is that you can prove yourself capable of satisfactorily completin' the assigned task.
*The additional language in the radio ad disclosed that the company is an oil field service business and they are seekin' qualified commercial truck drivers.
It was way way past my bedtime*
Well, is my navel ever steamed at me. Seems I found this link to MSNBC's Science IQ test over at OTB and scored appallin'ly low. My navel always hates it when it feels I have done less than my best. End of report.
*I prolly ain't seen a copy of Popular Science in three decades and don't 'member the last time I had a chance to look through a copy of Omni.
November 23, 2004
No self-respectin' Martian would be caught dead with one
In what has to be one of the best methods of drawin' literally oodles of traffic, Lisa of Just a Girl in the World [JaG] has jes' posted a picture of her pussy.* O' course, it is one of those safe for work versions so don't go breakin' your fingers to click that link, ya'll.
*I jes' don't have the heart to tell her that those of us really big fans of Are You Bein' Served are likely immune to that gag, by now, although I am almos' sure, despite bein' often mentioned, there never was an actual appearance of Mrs. Slocombe's pussy.
Now I know why my horrorscopes always miss the mark
You are 67% Taurus
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Tossin' a handful of highly valuable Kudos* Eric's way.
*One Kudo, despite bein' equal to the use of 327.8 neurons are additionally equivalent in value to three used sporks and one of those bendable straws.
The circular route to skewed statistics?
I was over on Technorati runnin' my site to see if there were any new sites linkin' to mine, and actually found Let Me Make My Point(e) at the top of the list. A completely new site to me, I immediately clicked through to check it out and one post that immediately caught my eye was this one, which had a graphic displayin' supposed breakdown of red/blue states in accordance with average IQ in such states. O' course, bein' the consumate skeptic, I wanted to, at least, go to the original source, but the quality of the graphic was such that I was unable to decipher, to a certainty, the URL at the bottom of the graphic. What I could make out was "iq.htm." Thankfully, with a good search engine, that is all ya need. So here is that original source: http://chrisevans3d.com/files/iq.htm. I thought, if anythin', if these figures are accurate, it only serves to show that most smart people like to live where it snows often. I have big doubts, however, 'bout the accuracy of such, as it shows that Florida, a state where people have proven themselves too stupid to correctly punch a ballot has a higher average IQ than my own home state of Texas?
Besides, I voted for Bush, and my IQ has consistently shown to be above 150 on ever' assessment test of IQ level that I have ever taken. Sorry, ya'll, but that is simply the fact of the matter. I ain't tryin' to brag on myself, 'cause I believe my IQ is simply somethin' with which I was born, much like I could have been born with movie star looks or three legs. Genetics are genetics, after all. I also readily admit that havin' a high IQ can be as much a burden as it is a benefit. O' course, there may be many of ya'll that don't understand how a high IQ can be a burden, and, despite my supposed high IQ, I feel it might be entirely too hard for me to explain how what I perceive as the very uniqueness of my own thinkin' process is often quite taxin' when a multitude of completely unassociated thoughts suddenly choose to bombard my consciousness from various parts within the deep recesses of my psyche.
Did I somehow miss the end of the age of bloggin' memo?
Why do I keep findin' all these messages about this is the end of my bloggin' ever'where I look? Anna; Roxette Bunny; & Silver Blue. I myself have been wonderin' why there is less linky-love and commentin' goin' on than I used to see earlier this year. I know a lot of people got caught up in the hype surroundin' the 'lection held earlier this month, but I figgered things would be returnin' to normal by now. However, despite my efforts and those of my friends, I ain't seen any increase in the level of reader interaction. What gives, ya'll? I am beginnin' to think that this bloggin' thing is turnin' out to be the CB craze of the new age.
Reachin' toward the sky in search of precious metals
OK, if there is supposed to be one behind ever' cloud, why is this the first one* that I have ever seen.
[Update: The clouds have darkened once again and there is a constant deluge of heavy rain fallin' right outside my buildin' ... and wouldn't ya know, jes' when I was ready to go home. What makes it especially pleasurable [/not] is that all the spaces in front of my door were filled when I got back from court, so I was forced to park in my reserved space behind the buildin'. Nice long walk in flood conditions, If'n ya don't hear back from me later, I might have gotten myself washed down the Paluxy River. Keep your eye on the 10:00 news. ;)]
*Taken with my cell phone camera.
Head's up for you Smallville fans (guys only, I 'spect)
Get yourself a copy* of Cat People, the 1982 Paul Schrader version, in which Martha Kent, herself, the lovely Annette O'Toole displays a healthy portion of full frontal nudity. O' course, in said full frontal nudity department, Miss O'Toole was flagrantly out-done by the star of the show: Nastassja Kinski, one sleek pouty-lipped pussy cat with which this Tiger would have gladly tussled.
*I had no previous experience or knowledge of this movie and only received it when I purchased the two movie set containin' such with the sole intention of finally obtainin' a DVD copy of An American Werewolf in London. The latter movie is among my all-time favorites and I had been searchin' for it for a number of months now. My love for the werewolf flick might have a lot to do with the fact that it starred David Naughton, the original I'm a Pepper** guy. As it turned out, however, runnin' 'cross that movie set turned out the be a serious stroke of exceptional good fortune.
**Some of ya'll might be privy to my predilection for drinkin' Dr. Pepper.
Nov. 21, 2004
Wow, is this Eye on Opus report ever late* and here we have prolly the most controversial strip ever, at least as far as I am concerned. First of all, this strip reintroduces of one of the more popular characters from Bloom County. Who? No, not Cutter John. Him, of course. Why is it controversial to me? Well, this strip deals with an issue a childless, middle-aged man such as myself deals with on a regular basis, the age attributed to said character is so very nearly my own, and I have always believed that there was a very strong resemblance between said character and myself, even so far back as the Bloom County days. I 'spect that puts me in the perfect postion to succinctly conclude that Berke Breathed not only long ago modeled the character after myself, but regularly spies, likely via this very site, on me so as continue usin' my own idiosyncracies to build upon in the continued creation of this character. O' course, by checkin' on his weekly progress as he continues to produce this Opus strip and delightledly snarkin' all over his creativity, I 'spose it would only be fair to say that I do my own share, as well, of spyin' on BB. However, this time, the topic of the strip jes' hit too close to home and defintiely knocked the wind outta me. Despte such feelin', though, I am gonna have to say that this is one of his best strips in a long while. ;)
November 22, 2004
Round and round she goes, and where she stops, nobody knows
Keep your eye on this spot, as this post will continue to grow until such point as I fall asleep, or . . . Hmmmmm . . . Naw, the possibility of that pipe dream occurrin' is ever so highly remote, let's jes' stick with the point where I fall asleep. Actually, we mostly have to wait on the navel to conclude whatever 'portent thin' it is schemin' up and ain't yet ready to disclose. A plan to be hatched, which hopefully doesn't involve a hatchet.
6:55 PM If'n ya have already read all the scrumptious goodies I placed upon the electronic page throughout today, ya can always go over to Ozguru's and laugh your silly head off. God created . . . Still, there are those Commandments to think of, me thinks. I'll ask George 'bout it.
7:04 PM Between 4:30 PM and 5:30 PM, I reviewed the top 20 recently updated blogs on my primary blogroll and, for 80% of 'em, either linked a story or left a comment. I intended to make it 100% but found there were times when I jes' really had nothin' to add 'cause I had no interest in the subject of the post. Still, 80% seems like a pretty fair guide-line, doncha think? I really 'spect that we could all use a bit more linky-love, right now. As for my own blog readin' practices, I generally 'tempt to read down through the most recent 5 posts or to the next previously read one, whichever comes first. Regrettably, in accordance with my own beliefs in the Golden Rule, that leaves a wide loophole here on my own blog on those few occasions when I become afflicted, as I did today, with bloggorhea.*
7:35 PM I have previously inquired on this very issue, but, on such occasion, received only three responses, the majority of which wanted a continuation of publication in dialectic. However, in the ever ongoing effort to increase my readership, I am definitely willing to reintroduce this subject for commentary. What say ye? 1. Do you like it better like this, or 2. ain't it jes' a bit more interestin' if I continue doin' it like this?
8:07 PM I have previously discussed how much better I like StatCounter than SiteMeter. First off, as I am usin' both totally gratis, I only have the utmost respect for both operations for the grand service they provide for those of us who can so sorely afford and are too stupid to write whatever program, script, or gizmo it takes to do what it is that they do. Although a large factor, my like for the one over the other has a lot less to do with the difference in the number of visitors each seems to find each day than on other things. Jes' to give ya a clue 'bout the difference in visitation numbers, however, lemme advise ya that when I installed StatCounter on April 17 of this year, I started it with the exact same count I had on the SiteMeter on that date. It was between 35 and 40K, but I cannot find anywhere to reference the exact number. You can see that there is now a remarkable difference in the visitor count between the two on this date. However, as I said, that is not what I like best about StatCounter. It tells ya ever'thin'. I get lists of the search terms, as I have previously discussed, and there are some real perverts out there. Ya ought to see some o' the word strings I find in the list. Ya can guarantee if there is the word "lips" plugged into a search engine with any other possible word you could think of, it will likely give my site a high return. I love words and feel I have a fairly large vocabulary, though, not necessarily as large as some.* Anyway, I have a tendency to scatter various words here and there in my postin'. Well, here on Read My Lips, we got both your ever'day Monthly Archives and some really post-filled Category Archives. If ya drop by regularly, ya likely noticed that I can be quite prolific at times. Checkin' through these lists of search terms, I often see where someone has hit my site on the most disgustin' search terms. My jaw drops and slack-jawed I sit silently, wonderin' how in the heck did my site come up where that subject was concerned. I regularly jes' find that they had simply accessed one of my large archive pages where one of the terms was in one post and the other was in a completely unrelated post. Of course, my friends, what is really interestin' is that I also get a whole lot of information about the person who used such search terms to find my site. I 'specially like checkin out their country of origin, and am findin' that the French might not be the most decadent society on earth, though they are still showin' a fascination with decapitation. It actually proves a very large amount of information about ever' visitor. There is easy-to-access information on length of visit and the number of return visits. I checked on their upgrade package, and thought the subscription prices were fair, but my income is still a bit too unstable to take on another monthly bill, no matter how small. Besides, my visitation volume is not yet so large that I can't live with jes' seein' the stats of my last 100 visitors. My current daily visitation average is 231, but I check my stats, on average, more than twice a day. At the current rate, there jes' ain't too much that goes on with relation to this blog, visitor-wise that I ain't savvy-wise.
9:42 PM Now ain't this a thought that runs through my head several times a day?
11:08 PM Navel's plot came up empty. In other words, navel laid a big egg.*** End of report.
[Addendum: 11:24 PM Blame it on Eric:
Gender issues? Egads! I surely hope not. I got problems, but I know what I got in my pants and that anyone's pants that I wanna get into ain't got in their pants what I got in mine, ~in my best Will Smith impression~ if ya know what I mean. But, then, ag'in, like most of these Quizilla thingies, there really were more questions posed than possible results. End of Addendum.]
Virginia Woolf: Orlando. You are a challenge, for
outer events, the outside world, the time etc.
play no importance to you. Your focus is in
writing, in gender issues, and inside your own
head. Self-analysis and exploration of yourself
as well as the outer world hold great
importance to you.
Which literature classic are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
*I jes' guessed that the linked post was the earliest use of the term, but it is jes' my best guess. Feel free to do further research if such floats your boat. I, however, did also find this post which 'splains how such possibly evolved to become the appropriate word to use.
**Lest ya get the 'pinion that I ain't good to my friends, I been tryin' to find the right way to link that one particular post for a couple of days now. ;)
***Ain't that part of the charm of this site? Nuthin' ever really makes a lot of sense, but that is the general intention on a very usual basis. This blog, like life, is an endless puzzle of unanswered questions.
Important Announcement -- Please read!!!!!!!
Attention to all those sending packages to soldiersGreyhawk has much more information regardin' this change in policy.The military's capacity to transport mail and packages to overseas areas, principally combat theaters, is so strained that the Defense Dept. has announced it will not accept any mail or packages addressed to "any soldier" serving overseas.
Another Inane Quiz I jes' couldn't pass up
You Are Mashed Potatoes |
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Somehow, I actually think I am more like a good bottle of bourbon, somethin' you wanted to be there and thought would be there, but despite your extreme desire that such be present, you find no sign of it -- no matter how hard ya look.
Here is somethin' of interest to ever'one
Seriously! No jest. Next time ya want to read someone the Riot Act, ya actually will be able to do so. Orin Kerr has the skivvy. Thanks for doin' the research for us, Professor!
Some questions jes' beg to be answered
Why don't the yummy people ever invade your personal space? - The EmpressUh, is it 'cause they are too busy standin' 'round with their noses stuck up high in the air as they await the arrival of the other yummy people?
In the belief that a joke can be made of any story or combination thereof
In a strange story comin' outta Wisconsin is the situation where irate Indiana Pacer forward Ron Artest opened fire upon a group of helpless Detroit Pistons fans who were jes' wonderin' why Mr. Artest was sittin' on their one and only camp stool. When the smoke cleared, 5 were dead and the big guy in the Mountie hat, the original Smoky the Bear, himself, was hot enough over the incident to actually start a forest fire, while Yasser Arafat's son is sure poison was somehow involved.
Tossin' a Kudo to JAG, though my own favorite local radio station is to be credited with an assist.
OTBTJTB™ :p
In the "For What It's Worth" Dept.
I jes' received this in my inbox.
Dear Blogger:I likely ain't gonna have any reasonable amount of time to take a gander at the site for right now, but figgered if some of ya'll poli-bloggers hadn't gotten this same email, I would pass it along. On cursory glance, there might be somethin' to made of these statistics.I am updating my Political Junkie Handbook (www.politicaljunkie.org) to include the following information. I believe your readers will find this information interesting and worthy of further discussion.
Michael Crane
Editor
The Political Junkie HandbookComparing Economic Freedom with Political Orientation
A study called "US Economic Freedom Index" analyzed 143 variables and rank correlated our 50 states according to the degree of economic freedom given to their citizens. It is even more interesting to compare the Top 10 (most free) and Bottom 10 (least free) with their choice of president in the recent presidential election.
Top 10
1) Kansas (Bush)
2) Colorado (Bush
3) Virginia (Bush)
4) Idaho (Bush)
5) Utah (Bush)
6) Oklahoma (Bush)
7) New Hampshire (Kerry)
8) Delaware (Kerry)
9) Wyoming (Bush)
10) Missouri (Bush)Bottom 10
50) New York (Kerry)
49) California (Kerry)
48) Connecticut (Kerry)
47) Rhode Island (Kerry)
46) Illinois (Kerry)
45) Pennsylvania (Kerry)
44) Minnesota (Kerry)
43) Ohio (Bush)
42) New Jersey (Kerry)
41) Massachusetts (Kerry)
40) Louisiana (BushSources: US Economic Freedom Index: 2004 Report, Pacific Research Institute; The Political Junkie Handbook
JFK in Requiem
Y'allBlog commemorates the 41st anniversary of the Kennedy assassination. Some of ya'll weren't alive or even in Dallas at the time, so are now officially removed from the list of possible suspects, despite what any of the multitude of conspiracy theorists think.
In the words of the immortal Steve Martin . . . *
Your Monday, November 22, 2004 Horoscope Taurus!*Well, excuuuuse me!Your immaturity is beginning to take a toll on your social life. People may be avoiding you if your unconscious behavior is inappropriate. Rude behavior is often unnoticed by the person engaging in it.
November 21, 2004
Pat, I think I would like to buy a vowel
Now jes' which vowel do I need? "A" is a very fine vowel, and I 'member them fondly from the ol' school daze where they were blazoned 'pon much of my task work. I been cravin' one ag'in, for some odd reason, but am findin' the teachers are sittin' on their red pencils. Still, for tonight's puzzle, I 'spose I'll pass on the "A."
I readily admit that "E" is a fantastic vowel, bein' likely the most used of all letters in the English alphabet. Keep the "E," please.
"I," "I," "I." Don't we all get enough of that from ever'one else, so I will quickly pass 'pon burdenin' ya'll with my petty complaints -- for this post, anyways. ;)
"O?" You find yourself quite pleased that I saved ya from the "I," "I," "I" whine-fest for this go round? Glad to assist, in any way I can.
No, I am feelin' quite froggy and wantin' to tell ya that for tonight, it is "U" that I want. 'Specially if ya have a good heart. Mos' 'specially if ya got a ________________ body. You'd have to crawl inside my head to fill in that blank, but feel free to blurt out the first thing that comes to mind. It's either that, or I could make it a caption contest.
Karl: [Eating potted meat] I reckon it tastes alright.
Frank: You really think it's got peckers in there?
Sure they got peckers in there. Ain't ya always noticed how it looked a lot like chopped up peckers? Don't get me started on Vienna Sausages.
As promised, there is no navel involvement in tonight's Nightly Navel Gazin' Report™. The navel, however, will still be properly compensated as usual. End of report.
[Addendum: If life was comprised of the stuff that My Hero was made of, I would be the crud under Tyler's nails.]
[Addendum 2: Ya done delayed too long, so here is the pic:
OK, let's try not to go for the obvious, ya'll. Best caption wins five sporks and one previously used toothpick.]
Somebody stop me!*
I shall now commence to sing opera, badly, until somebody stops me. If this goes on for any length of time, I shall begin to pipe it in as background music on InstaPundit.
Oh, if you not yet done so, please read this.
*It's on the list, Jim Carrey as Stanley Ipkiss in The Mask, 1994.
A cornucopia of Sunday mornin' inanity
Hey! Next This is the start of T'day week, and already we are findin' those who are railin' 'gainst the commercial outlets who eagerly dismiss any effort to reference such event so as to begin to busily festoon their stores, if not yet properly so festooned, with Yuletide fare. My friends, all the rantin' and ravin' in the world ain't gonna bring such untimely efforts to a halt. Nope, long ago, the leaders of all the major American businesses met clandestinely in an location very near the place where Jimmy Hoffa's body is buried. It was decreed that it was good for America that they each seize ever' opportunity to increase sales durin' the largest sales period of the year. By the way, do ya get to be a journalist jes' by sayin' you're one?
For those of ya'll that wonder 'bout things, thanks to this mornin's highly successful efforts, I am no longer full of it, at least in the literal sense. I am still quite eager to receive the feedback I requested here, however, and have vowed to go postal at the end of the day if I don't see a plethora of commentary, one way or the other.
Seems that Bush went Bubba in Chile. Gangstas in south central LA immediately issued a challenge for said Prez to come try to flex a bit of muscle in their neighborhood. Micheal Moore has tentatively agreed to film the rumble.
In a feeble attempt to dull the pain of his otherwise worthless life, some junkie in Canada got 30 days for legibly forgin' a script. When the pharmacist found he was able to actually read the writin', he alerted the Mounties. At sentencin', the judge tol' the ignorant junkie to practice scribblin'. It mus be a pretty slow news day when Kevin Aylward starts prowlin' FARK for stories. ;) I can do that. Emoticons in posts have been officially OK'd by Buzz. Speakin' of checkin' FARK for stories, did anyone see this: Yahoo! News - Man cuts off thieving teens' penises?
[Addendum: Have I uncovered evidence that some FARKin' is goin' on over on Dean's World with Joe Gandleman?]
In other news, quite sad news, to be precise, it has been reported that our ol' friend, Intelligence Bill, has died.
Opus will be reviewed at some later point in the day. I got an urgent errand to run. I got a late night call from Fry's last eve and it seems that my laptop has finally been repaired and now I gotta make a costly trip into the city in order to retrieve my property. I figger, as long as I am near the mall, I might as well get an early start to my Christmas shoppin', or lack thereof. I'll likely spend a few minutes lookin' at a bunch of crap and thinkin' that I really ought to buy such for someone I know, like you. Don't be holdin' your breath in anticipation of that happenin', however. Nope! Bah Humbug, I say! Jes' go back to eatin your foul fowl and leave me alone!
November 20, 2004
Okie dokie, let's drag this can to the curb
Well, found myself in the mood for a candlelight bubble bath for some reason. I generally find such soothin' and I come out feelin' clean and as slick as a fresh licked calf.* I had to do somethin' other than to continually claw at the sides of this damn box, the infernal tomb of darkness that seeks to ensnare me and drag me deep within its depths. The bubble bath respite was brief, as its soothin' effects were washed quickly away along the river of despair that rushes in and over those yet unloved posts still found to be lingerin' 'pon the pages of my blog. Ever'thin' melts toward ebony darkness as if I am bein' pulled into a lightless vortex. I think my dear departed mother, at least, would be happy that my belly button is clean. End of report.
[Addendum: For all ya'll goin' gaga over the list of movie quotes that did make the list, here is a page full of quality lines from a movie without a single entry in contention. I especially like:
To call the police, you push 911 then just tell 'em to bring an ambulance, or a "hearst" if you're gonna kill me. Doyle Hargraves, played by Dwight Yoakam - Sling Blade - 1996End of Addendum.]
*That's somethin' my dear departed daddy used to say.
Skydivin' through the web-filled ethos with a selected target in mind
Strange, the things we think 'pon. Here I was jes' wonderin' why it was that I had not yet attained my rightful status as King of the Universe. I have taken all of the proper steps:
- I had two actual parents, neither of which had a reasonable objection to my birth
- I smartly stayed back in the pack durin' my peak developmental period, thereby avoidin' a goodly amount of the excessive physical trauma bein' applied by forces beyond my control, which served to assist greatly in my maturity process
- I have, on a consistent basis, considered the consequences of gettin' caught and ever' mitigation applicable to each known consequence prior to proceedin' with any risky activity
- I surreptitiously evaded the bounds of decency so as to get a good taste of what life had to offer on those very few opportunities I found
- I have toured and surveyed a substantial portion of my prospective domain in person and within my deepest thoughts
- I have amassed five lifetimes worth of painful feelin's of despair after havin' been forced to witness the demise of my ancestral tree
- I have pored through tomes of masterworks by Shakespeare, Dickens, Poe, London, Twain, Tolkien, Asimov, Heinlein, Bradbury, King, and stared at masterpieces by Da Vinci, Michaelangelo, Cezanne, Van Gogh, Picasso, Warhol, and Breathed
- I have amassed an excessively large quantity of useless material possessions with which I cannot bear to part
- I have witnessed a sufficient quantity of my prospective subjects' activities so as to develop a proper understandin' of their developmental problems and limited mental capacities whenever some attractive person of the opposite gender gets near
- I have reviewed, subject to this point in the time-line, ever' Star Wars movie, most of the episodes of ever' Star Trek show, both the Indiana Jones and Back to the Future trilogies, E.T., Close Encounters and Bubba Ho-tep.
and
Yet, despite my imminent qualifications, I flounder endlessly, bein' swallowed up by the massive population of the planet until, it seems, my voice cannot be heard any longer. I wallow into the deep murkiness within my head in a feeble attempt to finally find the key to indicate the necessary step for me to ascend to my proper level in life. I slave endlessly to create somethin' so humorous and bizarre that the popular furor surroundin' the novel phenomenon will cause a humongous virtual entourage to encircle me, carry me upon their shoulders, and to applaud my ever' future effort in briefin' the world 'bout the current conditions existin' on the inside of my head. I willingly sacrifice my mundane existence in the real world so as to psychically immerse myself deeply within my consciousness and subconscious soul in the creativity process I find continually necessary to produce high quality content with the intention of pleasin' ever'one in the world. I strive only to fulfill my vision of makin' sweet sensual love to Renee Zellweger, Ashley Judd, Cameron Diaz and Ashley Scott, all together, or one at a time. Oh, wait . . . that is my big death scene, and it doesn't come 'round at this point in the story. I 'spect when it does, the names of the other participants will likely have changed.
Now, havin' wearily worked your way through the foregoin' preposterous prose, would it be fair of me to ask ya a favor? Could ya possibly leave word in some way whether ya enjoyed it or not? It'd be 'preciated. I got a whole book of jes' this sort of crap, though not done continuously in dialect (which I know will be appreciated by some of ya'll), which should be comin' out purty soon now, and gettin' some idea whether people even like my creative prose presentation would assist me at this point in time.
P.S. If some of ya'll want to send a few of your own visitors over this way, such would definitely be very assistful, as well.
Accordin' to this little thingie I found readin' that tittie tweaker, Cheese Mistress, well you can see for yourself:
It is quite possibly a purty accurate estimate of my stamina level. I'll likely only stay awake for the first fifteen minutes, however.
It's Saturday and nobody is at home
Yep, and so starts another long Saturday, the day where bloggin' grinds to a tiny trickle as mos' people partake of the temptations of the real world. I really ain't got anythin' of an entertainin' nature to offer ya at the moment, but it appears that, in honor of the openin' of the Clinton Presidential Library, the Cracker Barrel Philosopher has compiled a most excellent parade of photoshopped? pics to celebrate the Clinton legacy.
Then ag'in, there is this link to a very strange FLASH movie I found over on the newly redesigned Who Tends the Fires. I ain't sure if you'll find it entertainin' or not. Heck, I watched it three times and ain't even sure that I understand it. Oh . . . well --- that's life.
November 19, 2004
Well: jes' keep diggin' 'til ya hit the water table
I come to you, hat in hand, apologetic that I am unable to report to your this evenin' on the condition of my navel. I lost it in a poker game. Seriously, however, lest ya took a real good look at Loose lips sink ships, always do, always will posted a pair of nights ago, ya ain't got no real reason to gripe 'bout the lack of substance in tonight's report. Puttin' so much effort into a quality report such as is displayed in the above referenced post jes' to see it havin' garnered next to no attention saps my creative spirit and dampens my resolve to continuously provide my best effort in this endeavor. End of report.
Like somethin' in the title graphic would come as a surprise?
I was perusin' Always Victoria where I found a link to a quiz that would detect what kind of blogger I am by the way I answered the questions. Like ya needed to know how they arrive at the final answer. Regis is not involved. Anyway, without further ado, feel free to take a gander at my results:
You Are a Snarky Blogger! |
 You've got a razor sharp wit that bloggers are secretly scared of. And that's why they read your posts as often as they can! |
So, seriously, do such results come as any surprise to any of ya'll? They surely did not surprise me in any way. Like the title suggests, the masthead already says as much.
Life or Somethin' Like it
A lengthy storytellin' hopefully worth the effort:
It ain't somethin' for which ya stand in line to volunteer. In fact, ya have no choice 'bout it at'all. Ya find yourself dragged into it, kickin' and screamin', totally unprepared and improperly dressed to face the cold, cold world. Ya spend the next year or so layin' in your own filth unable to do anythin' 'bout it but cry 'cause you have not yet succeeded in gainin' sufficient control over your own body so as to move more than a few feet. Even if you could move more than a few feet, you so often find yourself caged and confined. This confinement often exists beyond the period in which you finally do succeed gainin' the necessary control over your physical abilities, gain your feet, and attempt to explore your surroundin's. Those responsible for draggin' you kickin' and screamin' into this world only allow you enough freedom to provide for their entertainment, delightin' in your failures, as you fall after takin' a few short, hesitant steps on your first few attempts at propellin' your body 'cross the familiar expanse. Although they continually spew a slurry of strange sounds, the larger creatures communicate to you by various loud barks or by painfully strikin' you. Eventually, you slowly gain the ability to understand these strange sounds and find so very little of what is bein' said to you is of any real interest. The larger creatures seek solely to suppress your own intuitive sense of curiosity as you seek to explore and examine ever'thin' you see. Regrettably, you find very little of it to be very tasteful tasty.
Your keepers soon begin to throw tirades about your bodily waste, bein' slower and slower to respond to your cries for clean-up duty and you soon find a major change in wardrobe. No longer do you have the major paddin' the softened those blows to your behind that seemed to come so often when you tried to pick up that interestin' object from the coffee table because it looked too delicious to pass up bein' taste-tested. Soon, it seems, you are pushed to work on disposin' of your body waste by usin' a smaller version of some object in that room where you were often taken durin' earlier points and dunked under water so many times, you were sure they were tryin' to drown you. It actually seems harder than it had been to stand on your feet and walk ‘round than it is to be on top of disposin' your body waste on a regular timely basis, but after months and months of practice, you seem to be able to get through a whole day without bein' forced to change your clothes because you were too late again with your body waste elimination duties. Makin' it completely through the night, however, is still a problem, but even that is soon overcome.
Finally, with overcomin' the problem with gettin' ‘round on your own and bein' able to handle that nasty body waste situation, you seem to have found your legs and are ready to rule the world. Your keepers, however, are still much larger than you, and you are actually beginnin' to understand those strange sounds they keep yellin' at you at ever' opportunity. One word seems to be shouted more than any other: "No." A few choice blows soon convince you that such word means to stop whatever activity you were involved in immediately. And, as seems to be the case, you find, that word seems to come out of your keeper's mouth jes' ‘bout the time you find somethin' really fun to do. It soon becomes your utmost duty to find ever' fun thing you can possibly do without bein' detected by one of your keepers and forced to stop. When evidence of your fun is discovered, you soon find it is best to immediately deny any involvement in the matter so as to alleviate any chance to feel those painful blows again, but, often, it seems there is no explanation that will deflect the blame away from you, and you feel the force of physical power those larger than you have over you. Your personality begins to raise its head in an attempt to come to grips with this power struggle, and you rebel against this forced authority.
Your keepers, however, are not totally tyrannical, and, provided that you generally do their biddin', often end up caressin' and pettin' you on a fairly regular occasion. Despite your disagreement with their fun-deprivin' control, you soon discover that, despite your desire to do so, you are not yet able to do without their assistance. From their generosity, they begin to shower you with objects that they profess are yours, but control how and where they must be placed within the space they also claim is yours. As you more fully begin to understand the language they use to communicate, you discover those pretty movin' pictures on that box they often sat you in front of from the time of your arrival have messages to give about interaction with others, behavior on a general basis, and amazin' discoveries others have made about things and places that exist beyond the small world in which you have found yourself. Beside the interior of your regular domain, you have come to know parts of other places: McDonald's, Gran's, Uncle Pete's and on and on. You are often left free to explore the outdoor surroundin's of most of these places, but often get scolded if you actually come into contact with any of the surfaces and end up with traces of such on your clothes or person. You begin to wonder when this fun-suppression comes to an end.
Over time you grow stronger and stronger, and, although, it feels as if you are compelled to learn things you could never possibly use forever and ever, and yet your brain gets continually filled with facts and figures, dates and data from ever' direction. Duties are assigned to you within your own domicile and your keepers begin to demand more and more that it is their turn to be kept. You begin the master the rudimentary means of economic exchange and find that no matter how much money you come up with, it is never enough to get what you really want. Still, you easily find a way to spend all you can get. You also begin to experience a need to compete with others of your own age group, whether physical, mental or of some sort of social angle. You quickly find your place among your peers, and, likely extremely dislike where you found yourself in the social peckin' order. Still boys are boys and girls are girls, and neither seems ready to mix with the other quite yet. This slowly changes as the constant pictures of the perfect future show such depends upon the selection of the perfect mate, so despite any real physical compulsion to do so, the social peer pressure forces you to mix, mingle, and fit in with the group. No matter how hard you try, you feel so out of place.
Before you are quite ready for it, you body, which has only steadily grown upward to this point, begins makin' more drastic changes, affectin' the voices of the boys and makin' them hairier, while causin' stranger developments to the female physique. The chemicals inside you body react and counteract and cause your skin to explode into painful mounds of escapin' poisons as the hormones associated with these changes wreak their havoc in your midst. Soon you begin to long for the touch of another person, but not that of your keepers or even your own siblings, and seek ever' opportunity to explore and experience members of the opposite sex, as well, in many case, or, alternatively, in some other cases, members of your own gender. Soon this compulsion overtakes your psyche and becomes the drivin' force behind your actions, whether it is plannin' so as to be where you can be seen or shoppin' for eye-catchin' clothin' or preparin' oneself for grandiose physical feats to impress those whose eyes you hope to catch.
Sometimes jes' after reachin' adulthood, if it takes that long, you begin to experience the ultimate pleasure of couplin' with another person, sometimes with the consequence of beginnin' the seeds of another life.
In a violent shower of crocodile tears
The Washin'ton Post has canned Ted Rall, but rumor has it Dubya himself has graciously offered Rall the opportunity to become the Official White House Caricaturist.
OK, OK, so it ain't so funny to you. It was hilarious when I thunk it up, ya know.
Kudo tossin' goes Dean's way.
Lookie!!!! Download this 321KB MP3 file of author readin' this post.
Some of the sagest advice is given in jes' a few words
YOU ARE NOT AUTHORIZED TO DIE. - Smash on the Rules of EngagementFound via Sgt. Hook
I once met a man with three nuts*
About damn time Bush appointed a SecState with cajones. - Feste, speakin' on the appointment of Dr. Rice.I have additionally read that Condi is havin' some surgery "to treat noncancerous growths in the uterus," which, to my way of thinkin', might now possibly be some secretive euphemism for cajone removal.
*Two were pecans and the other was a goober.
The world down under is a very unusual place
Wow, are things ever so weird in OZ. Ya know their seasons are reversed and their toilets swirl counter-clockwise. Now, in an interestin' discovery of uncovered information, my ol' friend Ozguru reports that East is West and that West is East.
Somethin' new: download the spoken word
November 19, 2004
You're from a small town if...Lest you find this too funny, too many of these are right on point. Seriously.
- You can name everyone you graduated with.
- You know what 4-H is.
- You ever went to parties at a pasture, barn, or in the middle of a dirt road.
- You used to drag "main."
- You said the 'f' word and your parents knew within the hour.
- You schedule parties around the schedule of different police officers, since you know which ones would bust you and which ones wouldn't (same goes with the game warden).
- You ever went cow-tipping or snipe hunting.
- You could never buy cigarettes because all the store clerks knew how old you were (and if you were old they'd tell your parents anyhow).
- When you did find someone old enough and brave enough to buy cigarettes, you still had to go out to the country and drive on back roads to smoke them.
- You have ever gone home for Homecoming.
- It was cool to date someone from the neighboring town.
- You had senior skip day.
- The whole school went to the same party after graduation.
- You don't give directions by street names or directions by references (turn by Nelson's house, go two blocks east Anderson's, and it's four houses left of the track field).
- You can't help but date a friend's ex-girlfriend or boyfriend).
- Your car stays filthy because of the dirt roads, and you will never own a dark vehicle for this reason.
- You think kids that ride skateboards are weird.
- The town next to you is considered "trashy" or "snooty", but is actually just like your town.
- You refer to anyone with a house newer than 1980 as the "rich people".
- The people in the city dress funny, then you pick- up on the trend two years later.
- You bragged to your friends because you got pipes on your truck for your birthday.
- Anyone you want can be found at either the Dairy Queen or the feed store.
- You see at least one friend a week driving a tractor through town.
- Football coaches suggest that you haul hay for the summer to get stronger.
- Directions are given using "the" stop light as a reference.
- Your letter jacket was worn after your 19th birthday.
- You have ever taken a trailer or dog to school on a daily basis.
- Weekend excitement involves a trip to a Wal-Mart.
- Even the ugly people enter beauty pageants.
- You decide to walk somewhere for exercise and 5 people pull over and ask if you need a ride.
- Your teachers call you by your older siblings names.
- Your teachers remember when they taught your parents.
- You can charge at all the local stores.
- The closest McDonald's is 45 miles away.
- So is the closest mall.
- It is normal to see an old man riding through town on a riding lawnmower.
November 18, 2004
The Ministry of Silly Squawks, or why nobody comments
You'll have to tell me the reason for the general lack of commentin' goin' on 'round the blogosphere, 'cause I really don't have a clue why people ain't leavin' any feedback. Heck, I have only received 2 trackbacks so far this month and only had that same number for all of last month. It ain't always been that way, but for the life of me, I can't quite put my finger on it. My navel even refuses to discuss the matter, but then it ain't big on discussions as a normal matter of course. In fact, I am purty sure I ain't heard a peep out of it since the beginnin' of our long acquaintance. That's been nearly half a century now. End of report.
Ya really gotta love Anna!
Babies are simply wiggly, pink things that typically twist out of my spidery fingers and fall on hard concrete or in the deep end of swimming pools. I don't get many baby-sitting gigs as you can well imagine. Well, OK, I've had a few. Stories for other times. - Anna [Primal Purge*]*Another member of the massively expandin' Munuvian Empire!
Prior Post Update (German POWs)
Jes tow days ago, in a post entitled Somethin' good landed smack dab in the middle of tonight's TV lineup I asked
By the way, did any of the Germans ever escape from our prison camps durin' the war?A couple of commenters suggested that the question should be answered affirmatively, but provided no actual source of confirmation. I did a quick search on ixquick.com for German POW escapes Arkansas and got several good returns.
Prisoner of War EscapeesIt's always a pleasure to learn somethin' you didn't previously know, ain't it?Nearly 1,600 enemy prisoners escaped from American Camps. There were 47,000 guards to watch over the 360,000 German and Italian prisoners of war. Though this escape figure seems high, it should be remembered the re-capture rate was correspondingly high - no prisoner ever succeeded in gaining his freedom. Fort Reno's only escape lasted two weeks. The escapees surrendered at the El Reno train depot. An escape was futile as there was no viable way to return to Germany. One escapee did make it all the way to France before being recaptured, but he did not escape from Oklahoma. There are 59 escapees named and 33 unnamed. from the Oklahoma Camps. [The actual names are listed at the source.]
Somethin' that made me queasy to the core
C.G. Hill (Dustbury) and I often seem to share the same eye for details, although our interests vary extensively. I jes' ain't sure I could have blogged 'bout this 'fore breakfast. At least my stomach stopped growlin' as it filled with queasiness. That's somethin'. ain't it?
An early mornin' discovery of a delightful coincidence
I jes' eyed the followin' statistics with regard to one of my recent visitors:
Country-IrelandNow, 'ccordin' to the stories that I heard in my youth, durin' the Great Potato Famine, my early ancestors bearin' the surname of Russell began to leave the above designated area, travelin' in the steerage of merchant ships in an effort to reach America. As such, it behooves me to wish to welcome my cousin from across The Great Pond who found his/her way to my post entitled Read My Lips: This is neater than X-Ray glasses through a Google search for x-ray glasses. It's a small world, after all. I won't be tryin' to copyright that last bit, as I am fairly sure it has been used previously.
Region-Cork
City-Cork
It's a world of laughter, a world or of tears
It's a world of hopes, it's a world of fear
Theres so much that we share
That it's time we're aware
It's a small world after all
CHORUS:
It's a small world after all
It's a small world after all
It's a small world after all
It's a small, small world
November 17, 2004
Loose lips sink ships, always do, always will
~stares at the empty page ponderin' 'propriate prose~ Wow! neurons are poppin' off here and there tonight, like fireworks on the Fourth of July. The mental display is amazin' but try to pull a logical thought out of there, will ya? Hang on, I think we may he havin' the grand finale . . . nope, it is jes' a general cascade failure. ~deep shudder~ Wow! That's what ya call a brain fart! That'll knock your socks off. It'll make ya wanna sing heidi-ho! or shouldn't that be Ho! Ho! Ho! Then, ag'in, whadda I know? I'm only doin' this 'cause I'm fixin' to go.
If nobody reads your crap, it doesn't have to be good. It's even better if you write it in such a way that no one understands it, then even if some odd soul wanderin' through the OZzie Outback happens to run 'cross somethin' of yours and havin' absolutely nothin' better to do than to read it, he or she won't have the foggiest notion whether it is good or not.
Remember that! That tiny tad of philosophy will end up appearin' somewhere in some really big book sometime in the future. I am gonna be famous someday soon, ya know? I plan to be the first lunatic to ride a jackalope non-stop 'cross the wide Pacific Ocean. I'm gonna be the first rodeo clown to single-handedly hog-tie an armadillo in the middle of a McDonald's restaurant. I'll be the brightest star that ever shot 'cross the night time sky to start a forest fire that simply burned up a single ol' dry-rotted tree.
Nobody really reads any of this crap, do they?
My belly has turned a bright rosy pink color as my navel appears to be smirkin'. Well, 'least I can still personally amuse my own body parts. That's somethin', ain't it? End of report.
Charlie Stenholm likely choice for next Secretary of Agriculture
I had mentioned to James in a comment to this OTB post earlier that I had heard rumors that Bush might choose recently ousted Texas Democratic Congressman Charles Stenholm as his next Secretary of agriculture, Mr. Stenholm, despite bein' a Democrat, has always been 'mong the more conservative of that party, represented a highly rural and agriculturally diverse section of Texas for three decades and has an extensive background in agriculture.
I was discussin' this same rumor with some of the others at my local Lion's Club luncheon today and one of the members said he knew that Stenholm had been unofficially contacted by Bush's people about the job. I think he will be an excellent choice for the new Ag Secretary.
[ADDENDUM: Here I thought I had come up with somethin' new and find it was ol' news days ago. ~shrugs in mock disbelief~ Now I really feel like this.]
'member, you heard it here first!
A casual observation from the man's side of things
I was jes perusin' Serenity's Journal when I ran across this passage:
[W]hy is it that whenever you go to the store clad in a pair of sweats and pajama top thinking you’re just going to run in, get the milk and run out real quick, besides, it’s middle of the day, only old people and moms are shopping at this hour and you barely ran a brush through your hair, your face is going natural, but it doesn’t matter because really, hardly anyone is going to see you right.....that it is at that precise moment in time that a delicious looking guy passes you in the aisle looking fabulous. [sic] He makes eye contact, gives you a smile and you are mortified because you, no matter how hard you try to convince yourself that it was a congenial smile, know he’s taking mental notes of your current appearance and having himself a good inner laugh? [more . . .]I don't know how many times I have to 'splain to ya'll gals that in such situations we guys ain't all that concerned about your outer accouterments so long as your outerwear sufficiently provides a general idea 'bout what you'd look like naked or 'least in your underwear. Women are the fashion judges of the world, whereas most men's minds are occupied with more 'portant thoughts usually related to their Cheneys.
[ADDENDUM: Speakin' of naked.]
What those liberals won't do to insure Hilary's election
It seems that one of the socialist* barkin' moonbats is askin' Osama Bin Laden to wipe out a substantial number of Bush backers with his next attack and advisin' him where the best places to do so would be.
Fly a Cessna into the stands of a NASCAR rally. Put a suicide bomber on the Arch in St. Louis. Drive a truck-bomb into the Grand Ole Opry. Release anthrax at an Astros game. [source]The idjit was too skeered to use his name.
I am gonna wish a boatload of Kudos on Improved Clinch for the pointer, and also advise those of ya'll that venture by way beyond the expiration date of the archives on The Stranger, that the letter, in its entirety, has been quoted in the linked Improved Clinch post. A slew of Kudos are also due to Dean, who seems to have fixed the template problems I noted on my last visit, for his Glenn Reynolds emulation which served to direct me to the Improved Clinch post.
*Ain't it funny how the Dems seem to be the only ones who don't understand that their standard domestic economic agenda is nuthin' more than pressin the US to become socialist, like Great Britain and Canada. I mean, when you believe ever'one is entitled to certain things whether they assist in the production of our GNP or not and expect that those who do contribute to our GNP pay the costs for the necessary provision of those entitlements by the government, then you create a socialist government.
Takin' logic to the extreme?
Here is somethin' interestin' I found 'mong the messages in one of mail list digests I receive several times a day in my main email account. For some odd reason, I thought such was worthy of passin' 'long. First of all, let me say that I do not actually believe this was created by a student in response to a test question, and, I suspect this may have been floatin' round the 'net for much longer than I am aware, but it is unique and a good point of humor. I am gonna gamble and share it hereon:
Subject: HellThe following is supposedly an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid-term. The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.
Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different Religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.
Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added. This gives two possibilities:
- If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
- If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
So which is it?
If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, "it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you, and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number 2 must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over.
The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct...leaving only Heaven thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God."
THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY "A"
Callin' 'Pon all the Houston Cougar* fans
Here is somethin' interestin' I found in my junk mail box:
Dear Cougar Fans,I wonder what happens if they don't get 17,961 fans to attend - do they get kicked out of the NCAA or jes' lose their Division IA status.As most of you know, our last football game this season will be against Louisville on November 20th, at Robertson Stadium. The primary purpose of this letter is to emphasize that attendance for this game is VITAL. Your attendance will not only help us WIN, but it is essential in our meeting the new NCAA attendance requirements. For a greater understanding of why your attendance at our November 20th game is so important, please read the following statement:
NCAA EMPHASIS ON ATTENDANCE
This year, the NCAA has placed a stronger emphasis on actual attendance for football games. The NCAA is requiring all Division IA institutions to average no less than 15,000 in actual, not merely paid, home football attendance. The standard operating procedure for most universities, including UH, is to announce the number of tickets distributed as the attendance figure for each game.
Institutions will now be audited on the actual number of fans who enter the stadium for each game. Under the new NCAA attendance guidelines, an institution will not be eligible to participate in a bowl game after the second time it fails to meet the NCAA attendance requirement within a 10-year period. Furthermore, the third time an institution fails to meet the NCAA attendance requirement within the same 10-year period; it loses its Division IA status.
With this noted, in order for UH Athletics to meet the NCAA required average of 15,000, we must have at least 17,961 fans in attendance for our game versus 12th ranked Louisville on November 20th. Therefore, we are calling on all Houston Cougar fans to come out and support "Your Home Team" as we take on the Louisville Cardinals, currently ranked #12 in the nation, on Saturday, November 20th at 4 p.m. We need an enthusiastic crowd and we need fans "inside" Robertson!
Get Your Tickets Online:
http://uhcougars.collegesports.com/tickets/hou-tickets.htmlAll remaining tickets are $5! Come early to the game to be one of the 1st 5,000 fans to receive a FREE Cougar T-shirt. Every fan will receive a coupon good for a FREE hot dog at the game upon entering the stadium. In addition, Radio Disney will be inside Robertson Stadium providing entertainment for kids.
Make sure to tell your friends, family, co-workers, and neighbors to come out on Saturday, November 20th as we look to defeat top-ranked Louisville for the 2nd time in three years. Order your tickets now by calling the UH Cougar Ticket Office at 713-GO-COOGS or log on at UHcougars.com.
Thank you for your continued support.
Dave Maggard
UH Athletics DirectorGO COOGS!!!
The poor attendance at U of H games may have more to do with the nature of the school, however, than the level of the team's playin' abilities. U or H, unlike UT, Texas A&M, Texas Tech and the like does not have a huge on campus population. Most people that attend there live off campus, and, because of the lack of attractive and affordable off-campus housin' in the local area, most students commute from other parts of the city. The football games at my undergrad institution, University of Texas at Arlington, faced exactly the same problem when I was there in the late 70's and, at that time, the school decided to dispense with their football program all together. I recently heard that they subsequently re-initiated the program.
Actually, I could easily swing the $5. It is the 10+** hours for the round-trip drive to Houston, the $100 worth of gas I will use, and the fact that I didn't attend any football games durin' the three years that I attended law school at U of H that leaves me less than inclined to attend the event. I didn't even catch any basketball games durin' my time there, my first year of law school bein' the last of the three years in which Akeem Olajuwon and Clyde Drexler led Phi Slamma Jamma to the NCAA Finals.
As far as I know, the Cougar football team ain't been competitive since Robert Newhouse, the guy charged with single-handedly gettin' U of H membership in the now defunct-Southwest Conference, graduated.
FB - Robert Newhouse - Newhouse came to the Cowboys from the University of Houston in the 2nd round of the 1972 NFL draft where he ended his collegiate career as Houston's all-time leading rusher. As a Cowboy he led the team in rushing with 960 yards in 1975 the same year he also caught 34 passes. He threw a memorable touchdown pass to Golden Richards in Superbowl XII against Denver. He is the Cowboys 5th all-time leading rusher with 4,784 yards rushing. His career average was just over 4 yards per carry. - [Michael D. Green @ Dallascowboyz.com][Addendum: I did fail to mention that I visited often with Shasta, the cougar adopted as the UofH mascot, who was caged near the law school facility.]
*Another point of inane trivia: One of the other members of my law school class was the cousin of John Mellenkamp, the singer formerly known as Cougar.
**It takes 'bout 5 hours each way, not countin' stops for DP and such, and ya jes' never know what kinda traffic jam ya are gonna get stuck in for several hours anytime ya travel in Houston. And, to think, but for a failed first marriage and the tumble of failin' savings&loan in the mid-80's, I might still be makin' my home in Houston.
November 16, 2004
A bit out of kilter without a kilt* to be seen** found
First off, lemme say I am quite proud of that title. However, for the right price, it is for sale. Blurf. Blurf. Like you could ever understand. Here I find myself jes' grinnin' ponderin' the dumbfounded look 'pon your face as you try to figger it all out. But that be the trick of it, it ain't even there. It's all an illusion!
My navel politely declines comment. End of report.
*~in me best brogue~Now don't ye be thinkin' 'bout peekin' under it, me lassie!
**Continually editorializin'. ;)
I feel a little like Rip Van Winkle*
I know I kinda fell into a well over the last few months, what with the huge load of stress I had sittin' on my shoulders, the deep well of depression into which I have recently found myself that lingers still, the indulgence I spent in workin' hard to finally get my book between the covers, yada yada ... and I find that I am lost with regard to the goin's on at some of my favorite blogs. One mystery particularly plagues me: Did Bill die?
*Jes' a minor point of inane trivia. My great-grandparents' house was on Van Winkle Street. Ma and Pa Dane have both been gone for over 25 years now, but I still miss 'em. 'Scuse me now, as I gotta go now. I find it a bit hard to stare at this bright monitor through misty eyes.
Somethin' good landed smack dab in the middle of tonight's TV lineup
In case ya are bored and can't find nuthin' better to do, I suggest ya turn on your TV, if'n ya got one of 'em, and tune in PBS. NOVA has a very interestin' show lined up for ya to see tonight, the real story behind The Great Escape. 'Scuse me please while I go try to locate a videotape that I can use to make a copy of this program.
By the way, did any of the Germans ever escape from our prison camps durin' the war? I ain't never heard any stories about such occurrin', least ways not from the American POW camps. I also never heard of a Hogan's Heroes equivalent playin' on TVs in Germany.
Maybe I did make the right choice*
Ya know, I often say that I was born jes' a might bit early to have been able to choose some IT job. Heck, nearly ever'thin' dealin' with computers when I was in college had somethin' to do with punchin' bunches of cards and feedin' 'em into IBM 360 mainframes. However, with the advent of PCs, I have found several alternative careers that are now available that I might have chosen had such been available back in the day. However, accordin' to this little ditty I found over at Oz Guru's, computer programmin' ain't really changed all that much over the years.
*Actually, becomin' a best sellin' author was in my mind, even then. I am still hopin' it becomes an eventuality, but if it don't, I still have loads of ammunition in my tear ducts.
A quality inane postin' for your Tuesday mornin' pleasure
Anna has again graced her adorin' fans with the first post on Primal Purge since September 24, 2004 and, in doin' so, went so far as to specifically mention me. What? Ya'll couldn't find any specific reference to me? Go back, read it ag'in and pay special attention to the line:
Except those who don't.which followed this line:
Which is to say, you people turn me on.
November 15, 2004
I endow ya'll with all my sympathy
I was surfin' across the channels and landed 'pon Antique Roadshow, one of the few shows that come on durin' the evenin' line-up on PBS 'cause 'spite this houseful of crap surroundin' me, I ain't got nuthin' older than myself among anythin' I own. I actually figger that the most valuable thin' I possess is on the inside of my head. That is really sad, ain't it? 'Cause that can't be worth all much, can it? I been givin' it to ya'll for free. Ain't all that great many of ya'll even takin' that offer. What does that say 'bout the value of my thoughts? That ought to be enough to keep me gazin' at my navel for a few hours. Goodnight, Mrs. Calabash, wherever you are.* End of report.
*Channellin' Jimmy Durante 1893-1980
Tonight's ABC Monday Night fiasco
If ya don't already know it, the Dallas Cowboys are matched up 'gainst the Philadelphia Eagles on Monday Night Football this evenin'. One of my favorite radio DJs, not a sports station, predicted the Cowboys prevail 28-14. Heck, I blew all my prediction abilities for the year when I picked the 'Boys to be makin' an appearance in this year's NFC Championship game almos' a year ago.
I'll likely do a bit of channel-surfin' as this game plays itself out.
It's time to go home but my butt is stuck to the chair*
Wow, I had forgotten I once titled a post: Read My Lips: Can I trade you 4 diphthongs for that $50 multisyllabic word?** I guess it would unfair to use that as the name for my next dog, huh? I'd prolly jes' call him Dippy, though.
There really seems to be no OTB Traffic Jam goin' on while James is in the Bahamas, so I am jes' gonna link to this post and pretend it is today's Traffic Jam.
*Well, the first part of that is true, but the second part is not true, in the literal sense. I jes' sometimes like to actually use my hi-speed*** cable connection after close of business to get out of few of these unworthy posts I continually create for your entertainment.
**Strange that I forgot this post, as, 'pon rereadin' it, found it to be 'mong some of my better creations.
***I must use that term loosely, here, though, as, at times, it oft appears that such connection is not necessarily all that speedy.
Can you hear me now?
Here is a good issue for debate, ya'll.
U.S. District Judge Thelton Henderson last month ruled UPS Inc. violates anti-discrimination laws by barring the deaf and hearing-impaired from driving parcel delivery trucks.He stayed the order, effective today, to allow UPS to continue its policy pendin' review of his rulin' by the 9th Circuit.
Henderson said those with poor hearing should "be given the same opportunities that a hearing applicant would be given to show that they can perform the job of package-car driver safely and effectively."As an attorney, I can effectively argue both sides of this question, but as a person, I am not sure which way I personally feel about the situation. I definitely do not want to see those able to do the job declined the opportunity to do so jes' 'cause they can't hear normally, but then, ag'in, the Federal Government must have done some study about the dangers of someone operatin' vehicles who lacked the ability to adequately hear prior to issuin' a bar against such people drivin' trucks weighin' over 5 tons. I jes' cannot really see that the weight of the vehicle is really much of a factor in the danger of the activity, 'cept that a 5 ton vehicle crashin' into a school likely does a bit more damage than say a 4.5 ton vehicle does when it crashes into that same buildin'. To me, the statistics showin' the greater likelihood of accidents cause by that one factor alone would be dispositive. If the evidence suggested that hearin' impaired truck drivers caused a substantially greater risk of bein' involved in accidents, then err on the side of caution. If there is no increase in substantial risk, then what are we all squawkin' 'bout? Feel free to put in your 2¢.The federal government bars the hearing impaired from operating trucks weighing more than 10,000 pounds. UPS says hearing impaired drivers pose a safety risk.
I reached into my bag of snappy titles and came up empty*
Yeah, I know I am prolly a bit late to actually play the game, but I jes' discovered that CNN has state maps showin' how different counties supported the Presidential candidates. Here is the one for Texas:
My county is the small one jes' below the teal arrow. To relate where I live to the closest metropolitan area, the completely white square jes' to the right of the teal arrow is Dallas County. I 'spose at this point, this is mostly for show -- to kinda show where I live in relation to the rest of the state.
I only got this far 'cause I found it perusin' the latest offerin's over on 2flower's blog.
*Actually, I jes' couldn't think of anythin' snarky enough to say 'bout somethin' as mundane and blase' as this lame postin'.
Nov. 14, 2004
I never got 'round to lookin' at the comics yesterday. Luckily, I 'membered to check out the strip 'fore my firend threw out the Sunday papers.
Backed into a corner by a strange bean-counter, Opus finds that his convictions all come with consequences that affected his own benefits.
November 14, 2004
Tap, tap, tap ... is this thing on?
The room looks pretty empty, so I think I'll turn out the lights for tonight. Navel unconsciously concurs. End of report.
Whatever happened to Love & Marriage?
OK, here's a SPAM header that caught my eye as I scrolled down the Junk box in one of my hotmail accounts:
jessamyn ARE MY NIPPLES WEIRD? Nov 13 2KBI didn't open it, of course, 'cause how would I know if her nipples were weird anyway? I mean, even if I thought they looked a bit weird, that is only the opinion of someone who really doesn't give a crap about how anyone's nipples look anyway. I am into navels, 'member? ;) 'Sides, seems to me the only way to really examine them would be in person, not by lookin' at pictures of such on the Internet. They might not even be real - - the pictures, I mean. I 'spect a lot of what they offer you to see is the result of a lot of photoshoppin', either that, or the world is full of a lot of skanky p**ckteasers tryin' to pull a buck or two out of some guy's pocket jes' for showin' him a bit of flesh. Actually, from the proliferation of tittie bars within the City of Dallas, I 'spect there are enough of the latter within that area, alone, to supply the needs of ever' porn site on the Internet.
In another SPAM header:
Crazy Millionaire I want to teach you 'Hot to get $20,000 i... Nov 13 106KBLike I am gonna trust some guy claimin' to be a millionaire who can't even spell a simple word like HOW right in the header of his offer to assist me in also becomin' a millionaire. I passed on this one too.
Now, lest you think I actually spend that much time with all this SPAM, I admit I do scroll the headers before hittin' the dump key jes' to make sure that somethin' I really wanted wasn't in the mix. The ones I mention here are only the ones that caught my eye long enough to actually read and reflect upon the header. This next one, however, was almos' enough to coax me to open it:
America_ Dream :Living&America Dream (DV-Visa-GreenCard... Nov 13 8KBI ain't quite sure what DV is, but a place that provides both a Visa and a GreenCard sounds like too good a deal to pass upon. Oh wait, when they said Visa, they weren't talkin' credit card, were they? Well, heck, guess I'll pass on that one too. OK, here we go -- flushed all 51 of 'em.
Florida police are brutalizin' children with Tasers
The 6-year-old boy was shocked on Oct. 20 in the principal’s office at Kelsey Pharr Elementary School. Principal Maria Mason called 911 after the child broke a picture frame in her office and waved a piece of glass, holding a security guard back.That was a week ago. The latest incident:
According to the incident report, officer William Nelson responded to a complaint that children were swimming in a pool, drinking alcohol and smoking cigars on the morning of Nov. 5.I am sorry, folks, Tasers are a nice alternative to pullin' out a gun and shootin' someone, but in neither of these incidents would it have been justified to pull out a gun to shoot these children, so why did they think it was OK to zap the crap out of these kids? Ya would think, what with the large population, the access to educational institutions, and many many other factors, we could expect some kind of intelligence in our police officers. However, as it seems to have been since the beginnin' of time, they are still hirin' a bunch of brainless thugs, givin' them a gun and a badge, and settin' them lose to bully the unsuspectin' population into submission --- includin' the little kids, now, it seems.Nelson said he noticed the girl was intoxicated and was walking her to his car to take her back to school when she ran away through a parking lot.
Nelson, 38, said he chased her and yelled several times for her to stop before firing the Taser when she began to run into traffic. The electric probes hit the girl in the neck and lower back, immobilizing her.
[Addendum: DOH!source story]
It might be funny, but there is a lesson to be learned for some
There was a preacher whose wife was expecting a baby. The preacher went to the congregation and asked for a raise. After much consideration and discussion, they passed a rule that whenever the preacher's family expanded, so would his paycheck.After six children, this started to get expensive and the congregation decided to hold another meeting to discuss the preacher's salary. There was much yelling and bickering about how much the clergyman's additional children were costing the church.
Finally, the preacher got up and spoke to the crowd. "Having children is an act of God!"
Silence fell upon the congregation. No one dared to challenge the thought. In the back of the room a little old lady stood up and in her frail voice said: "Snow and rain are also acts of God, but when we get too much of either we wear rubbers!"
November 13, 2004
That's not cool ... it's downright chilly!!!
Well, the fall weather has finally arrived. It has been mostly in the low forties for the past couple of days and rained all day today. O' course, the extreme moisture in the air severely inflamed my sinus cavities, givin' me a horrendous headache which I attempted to suppress with a good megadose of sinus medication. Regrettably, today was one of the queasy stomach days where the medication tore me up and caused me to remain nauseous most of the day. I spent a considerable time this afternoon layin' in bed, moanin' in discomfort, some minutes hoverin' over porcelain* and finally went out and bought a quart of mashed potatoes with gravy to ingest. Thankfully, the nausea seems to have finally subsided, but the headache lingers still. Hopefully after a good night of no sleep, I will be well rested and feel much better tomorrow. Stranger things have happened.
My navel really hates it when I am feelin' nauseous. End of report.
*My sincerest apologies for the picture that must have appeared in your mind.
Drat and dang double drat at that
I found somethin' I wanted to comment 'pon and found I had to register to comment. Nope, sorry, ya'll but I ain't found the site yet that was worth the hoops you have to go through to register so as to comment 'pon, and this one ain't it, either.
Seriously folks, none of us like comment spam and most of us want some idea of who comes 'round to read what we have produced, but registration to comment on blogs is such a serious no-no! Most of us, even the colorblind ones like me who have a really hard time pickin' up green letterin' on green backgrounds, will plug in the necessary characters to get through them weird make sure it is a real human comment spammer traps. Jay Allen's great mt-blacklist works well for those of us who check the status of our blogs on a regular occasion and works 'specially well for those on a multi-blog MT setup like Munuviana where a community is guardin' 'gainst comment spammers and quickly addin' offenders to the group blacklist. I 'spect it is beneficial to some to mandate that there be no anonymous comments, but there seems to be ways to do that without requirin' registration. Nope, I understand the need for the newspapers to seek registration, as they have a need to display readership demographics in order to sell advertisin'. I 'spose there might be a blog come 'round at some future point that I find to be of such worth that I am willin' to support its efforts in gainin' advertisers so as to actually register to use certain functions of such site, but it ain't today!
I gotta an eye for these sort of details
OK, this is gonna go 'round in a bit of a circular motion, so stick with me here. I was perusin' the offerin's over on OTB, where it appears that James has abandoned his efforts for a few days so as to soak up some rays in the Bahamas, to find this post by guest blogger Kate which, with a hat tip to Wizbang! that petered out upon closer inspection, pointed to this Indymedia piece 'bout the 'pearance of a couple of tanks at an anti-war protest in LA. The story was only slightly interestin' in itself, but what I thought was particularly interestin' was this comment to that Indymedia piece:
DisturbingThis is truly the most disturbing thing I've seen in.... Well, 8 days.
Any secondary source on this at all? Even a blog would be good.
Author: T
Link:
Posted: Tuesday November 09, 2004 08:33 PM[emphasis supplied]
November 12, 2004
Whoosh! Did ya see that?
So, still 'mazed to see so many people buzzin' through on a daily basis, lookin' 'round at stuff but not sayin' anythin'. That kinda bugs me, but not sure why. I mean, I like the affirmation of people who think I am brilliant, but likely anyone who could come to that opinion likely don't have enough intelligence to correctly connect to the Internet. Yeah, anyone who thought I was brilliant would be 'mong those people whose idiocy gets passed around in lists of funny stories involvin' customer service. The people who think I am brilliant are the ones who cannot even locate the " . . . for Dummies" books for sale despite the fact they are lookin' right at 'em. And ya might be a redneck . . . yada, yada, yada. Let us all conclude that this gag has gone along long enough for this go 'round. Cherry called it whingin', which I discovered is Kiwi for whinin'. I think they pronounce their gs on the ends of words in New Zealand.
Interestin' tidbit, likely only interestin' to me, but here it is, all the same: On a Google search for Frank J. Glenn Reynolds, my blog comes up as the third return, jes' behind IMAO and Instapundit. O' course, that fame may disappear tomorrow, as ya'll all likely know how fickle Google can be from day to day.
So, to get back on this commentin' matter, I spent quite a bit time earlier commentin' on one of my favorite blogs. Bloggin' in his comments, so to speak. I 'spected his comments were gettin' more traffic than the stuff I was postin', so why not? Right?
Have I mentioned yet that I saw The Incredibles? It was literally incredible. Go see it! Denita made me. Funny thing was that I was 15 minutes late for the movie, but knowin' they show commercials and previews for like ever and ever anymore, I took a chance that I had not missed the start of the actual movie and purchased my ticket. I was right, of course, and I caught the final two or three movie previews, all bein' CG movies. I 'member one is 'bout Chicken Little, 'nother had a bunch of talkin' animals but I don't recall the name, right now, and I am still not quite sure if that thing about the sheep and the jackalope was a movie preview or was jes' somethin' that was supposed to be seen 'fore the movie, like they used to have cartoons before the picture played, back in the ol' days, when Coalie was still a pup. He's been dead for 30 years now, I guess. He lived a good long life, though. That gag itself is likely jes' 'bout as ol' as Coalie, too. I ferget who it was that I got that from, some guy I served with in the Army, but I can't picture him or 'member from what part of these United States he came. I figger, though, it musta been West Virginia or somewhere else near the coal mines, 'cause who in the heck would name a dog Coalie, anyway? So, anyway, to get back to the deal with the emergence of so many CG generated movies comin' 'round here lately is of no surprise to me. I predicted right after seein' Toy Story that it would not be too far into the future before almost all movies were created completely artificially. I am still awaitin' a future movie starin' Humphrey Bogart, John Wayne, Spencer Tracy, and the like bein' totally created on computers.
My navel was very active in the creation of tonight's report, and admittedly is responsible for much of the content choices. I jes' wanted the responsibility for this fiasco to fall 'zactly where it belongs. End of report.
At least there was not any problem with hangin' chads
It seems that hangin' chads are not the only thing strange 'bout 'lections in Florida. Nope, seems in Florida, it is entirely possible to be elected to office even though not a single vote was cast for you. Yep, you heard right. It is true!*
All kudos for this find belong to James.
*The story is in The Washin'ton Post, so I felt comfortable in makin' that statement. I ain't sure I could have done so if the story had appeared in The New York Times.
Nov. 12, 2004
There was a guy telling his friend that he and his wife had a serious argument the night before. "But it ended," he said, "when she came crawling to me on her hands and knees.""What did she say?" asked the friend.
The husband replied, "She said, 'Come out from under that bed, you coward!'"
Q: How many members of the Impossible Missions Force does it take to change a light bulb?A: Five: While Cinnamon creates a diversion by wearing a skimpy dress, Phelps uses a tiny narcotic dart to knock out the fascist dictator and remove his body. Rollin, wearing a plastic mask, masquerades as the dictator long enough for Barney to sneak up to the next floor, drill a hole down into the light fixture, remove the burned-out bulb, and replace it with a new super-high wattage model of his own design. Meanwhile, Willie has driven up to the door in a laundry truck. Just before Rollin's real identity is revealed, we escape to the laundry truck, drive to the airfield, and return from overseas.
"I yam what I yam"
Your Friday, November 12, 2004 Horoscope Taurus!A source of pride should be the fact that you know exactly who you are and are not trying to be someone you are not. You are on a slow but steady pace and are reminded today of just how far you have come.
November 11, 2004
Day is Done!
Well, the day started with our local Veteran's Day ceremony on the Court square, then several other events durin' the day, includin' puttin' up flags at the local cemetaries and then takin' them down at sunset time. A fun time was had by all, at least all those above the ground. Not sure about those below the ground, but am pretty sure they were somewhere else, partyin' hard. Yee Haw!
My navel took the day off. End of report.
Happy Veteran's Day
Yep, it is Veteran's Day and I am so hopeful that all of ya'll remember those who gave their lives so we can live free and those who are still in harm's way so that others can find themselves freer than they ever believed was possible. Those of you still in harm's way, we are keepin' you in our prayers. Have a nice day, all.
November 10, 2004
That thing 'bout hindsight raises its head again
I don't know why I am so tired. Likely from arguin' a motion before a judge today that he failed to rule in accordance with the law and then havin' to run over the next town so as to handle another case. The hindsight thing, however, was how I messed up yesterday. The judge's mistake will be appealed, even if I have to do it for free, because I am so very very tired of judges who refuse to follow the law. Of course, my suspicion is that by the time the Court of Appeals rules on my client's case, the actual punishment will have already been done, fines will have been paid, and stuff like that, but I suspect that her conviction will be reversed and hopefully vacated.
Now, as to the hindsight matter, as most of ya'll regular readers know from havin' read my last few posts, I was at my grandmother's funeral yesterday. As most of these things turn out, all my relatives were in attendance, includin' my twin nieces, one of whom is supposed to get married early next year and one who will be graduatin' college jes' 'fore Christmas time. It had actually been a very long time since I had seen either of them, and I was pleased to be able to do so again. Followin' the funeral, however, ever'one but me went back to my Aunt's house, which was an hour or so in the wrong direction from where I lived, so I decided to come back home instead of joinin' them. I don't know why, but I awoke this mornin' wonderin' why in the heck I had not driven such a short distance to visit with them a bit longer since they live so far far away from me normally. Oh, well, we all know what they say 'bout hindsight. I blame it all on the general sense of utter weariness that has fallen over me, of late. If I had anythin' to say 'bout it, I would have requested that my grandmother waited until sometime next February to die. I think some of ya'll will 'member how down I started feelin' durin' last year's holiday season, and I 'spect this one will be much rougher than usual.
Then there is the Alura project. I am still waitin' to hear from the publisher about what the reviewers had to say and then, last night, as I was layin' awake in the time before ya actually fall asleep and all kinds of things are still runnin' round in your mind, I thought how much better it would be if I changed on minor thing with regard to one location described in the story, which will change a few things that happen in the story. Is this a sign that this book will never see completion? Oh well, as it has yet to be actually printed, I 'spose it is not yet too late to make another change. I really did think that I was finished, though, but, as I also mentioned the other day, I know think of this project as my one and only child, and I surely want it to be the best it can be.
My navel seems to be in much better spirits than I. I 'spect that is 'cause my stomach finally decided to quit actin' up, at last. Jes' a little over an hour or so ago, I was quite nauseous, for some reason, as I was drivin' home from the neighborin' town followin' my completion of all the things I wanted to accomplish while I was there. The nausea subsided about the time I arrived home, although has yet to completely disappear. As such, I am pennin' this report early and am gonna retire to watch TV from the comfort of my king-size goose-down covered bed. My navel loves that! End of report.
November 09, 2004
It might be jes' a bit too little, too late
Well, did I ever get a s'prise today when I went to check my hotmail account. The long awaited increase in the storage space has finally occurred. Hotmail has increased its former 2MB storage limit to 250 as much. Yep, magnanimous Bill Gates has exceeded Gmail's substantial 100MB storage capacity by 250%. It all works out great for me, as I have a couple of hundred business cards I ordered for use in promotin' my book with my hotmail address. I was havin' to continually check it so as to dump the junk mail box jes' to insure that it was not bouncin' anythin' I was lookin' for find its way into my inbox. I was 'bout ready to scrap those hundreds of cards and reprint usin' my Gmail account. I guess, now, I don't have to do so. Yippee Yi Ay! Gracias Senor Gates!
[ADDENDUM: I checked another of my assorted hotmail accounts and found the storage limit was not raised from 2MB, but I 'spose that the storage increase might be an ongoin' process and does not yet include every hotmail account.]
Despite the rumors to the contrary, I am hopelessly bewildered
My grandmother died this past weekend. It comes as no real surprise as I had anticipated the arrival of the event for quite awhile as she looked more frail each time I saw her. On the last few opportunities, she did not recognize me, even after a reminder of my identity. On the very last occasion, this past spring, I even joked with her when she professed that she did not know who I was that it was not so important that she know who I was than it was that I knew who she was. She smiled. We had the viewin' last eve'. Today is the actual ceremony where we will witness the placin' of the body into the hole in the ground. It will be a grand opportunity, as most of my ancestors, or what remain of them, are in and upon the surroundin' ground. I intimated last night that if any of my family should ever be forced to make the decision, I want to be among those whose remains are scattered upon the ground and not placed under it. It seems illogical to use valuable real estate for the storage of empty soft drink cans, which was how I tried to explain the lifeless body of my grandmother to my 4-year-old nephew, Aaron, who readily recognized me, but who has a block when it comes to 'memberin' my name.
With the demise of my grandmother, the straight line lineage is over. I have no direct ancestors left and have direct descendants below. As such, I am a fruitless branch on our family tree. I did come to the decision last evenin', however, that I actually do have a child: my literary tome. I have come to love such production dearly and am quickly growing ready to devote both my efforts and meager finances into the development of such progeny.
My navel seems to have very little concern of late, as well, bein' mired in wonderment as to the purpose of all these comments from 69.193.88.30, where some supposed named individual leaves an innocuous comment with an email address usin' that same name, as well as a Internet domain name along the order of http://www.identicalname.com. Other than the minuscule nuisance of the mystery surroundin' the appearance of such, there appears to be no other worthwhile purpose. End of report.
November 08, 2004
Could it be any clearer?
Your Monday, November 8, 2004 Horoscope Taurus!It appears to me that my future path continues into the mysterious unknown, but, hopefully, the stars send an omen that the fog will soon lift to allow me to clearly see my way ahead.Ritualistic exercises help to center you toward resolving a long-sought goal. Repeating patterns that have led to success remind you of how it got this way and why. The path becomes clear in your mind after some concentration.
November 07, 2004
November 06, 2004
The ins and ups for the down and out
Regrets for the lack of postin'. Severe thought necessary IRL. Navel intimately involved.
In the News: Yasser Arafat clonin' does not seem to be goin' well and various reports concernin' the state of his health continue to flood assorted news services.
It is such a shame that a thoroughly novel titlin' went to genuinely munane post. ttfn
November 05, 2004
Nov. 5, 2004
A cabbie picks up a nun.She gets into the cab and the cab driver won't stop staring at her.
She asks him why he is staring and he replies, "I have a question to ask you, but I don't want to offend you."
She answers, "My dear son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive."
The cabbie says, "Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss >me."
She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that: #1, you have to be single and #2, you must be Catholic."
The cab driver becomes very excited and says, "Yes, I am single and I'm Catholic too!!!"
"OK,” the nun says, "Pull into the next alley."
He does and the nun fulfills his fantasy with a kiss that would make a hooker blush. But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.
"My dear child," said the nun, "Why are you crying?"
He sobs, "Forgive me sister, but I have sinned. I lied. I must confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish."
The nun says, "That's OK, my name is Kevin and I'm on my way to a Halloween party".
November 04, 2004
November 03, 2004
From the wrong side of my eyelids
The events of last evenin' passed well into the wee hours of post-midnight and, as I awaited the postin' of the returns of the massive amount of early votin' ballots, I continually wet my throat with iced tea before succumbin' and askin' my friend at the local convenience store to send me a full cup of iced fountain Dr. Pepper. By the time I was finally able to return home, knowin' that I had lost the 'lection, but still not knowin' that Bush would remain our Commander in Chief for the next four years, I was so wired on caffeine that I was unable to get to sleep right away. I 'spose I did finally succumb to slumbers at some point durin' the night, but I awoke tired and weary this mornin. I had court and Lion's Club, however, and had to pull my tired self from the midst of that warm fluffy goose-down comforter, don my clothes and return to the square. I already reported how a new day's look at the tote board disclosed my miscount of the number of votes by which I was defeated. However, by noon, I was through with all pressin' business and came home and went back to bed. I jes' now arose, yet am still quite groggy. I am glad for such, as I will likely be able to return to bed in a few hours and sleep soundly all night, thereby returnin' my sleep pattern to normalcy.
As a bit of a treat, I decided to show a few of ya'll in the large metropolitan areas who are able to sit home to watch the return flash across the bottom of their TV screens how we in small town America observe the local returns. Jes' below you will find a shot I took of the boards where the numbers are written as they come out. Last night, the area in front of these boards was packed with local people patiently awaitin' as the numbers from the six precincts were written into the appropriate areas. The number of votes cast yesterday is estimated to be in the 1600 range, whereas we waited until nearly midnight before the 1800 or so early votes were counted. Those figures indicate that we locally had approximately a 50% voter turnout, which is quite phenomenal.
My navel professed that it still ain't all that glad to know that I lost the 'lection, but is entirely relieved that the 'lection is finally over. End of report.
Admirable action and a hope for somethin' better
I was pretty sure there was very little 'bout John F. Kerry which I could ever find to admire, but goin' forward to concede the election to President Bush was a class act. I am so glad we didn't have to wait until December 10.
Now, here is a wish for all in our great nation. Let us cease this great polarization that has occurred since the 2K election and all work together for the betterment of our nation and society. Ain't it time for a bit of good ol' American bi-partisanship? I hope I ain't the only one who is tired of a wide division between the citizens of our country.
The fat lady has sung, but it was a sour note I heard
Well, it is almost midnight and I jes' left the courthouse upon the postin' of the final count. Seems I was 225 votes short of winnin' the seat. I now have to decide how I am gonna make a livin'. Ever'one told me I ran a good race, that gettin' that close on my first county-wide election was a great showin'. I think so, as well, but I also know that I have struggled financially for four years to get to this point and give the local voters the choice they said they had not had for the past two elections. As it is, most of my law practice involves me drivin' to another county and workin' the courts there. I ain't sure I feel like sittin' here and starvin' for another four years to take another shot at the seat. I 'spose I ought to do as one friend of mine suggested: get some rest and save the heavy thinkin' for tomorrow.
My navel is disgusted. End of report.
[Addendum: In the light of day and with a somewhat clearer head, I took another look at the numbers. My math was off a bit last evenin' and I lost by 325, not 225. Still I have gotten a lot of back slaps tellin' me I did well for my first run at office in the local area.]
November 02, 2004
Well, the polls official close in 15 minutes, locally
The time has come for me to go sit with the rest of the Repub Club at the eatery across from the gazebo on the Courthouse square, such bein' the place where the election results are posted in my local area. I am crossin' my fingers that ever' Republican on the ticket wins, 'specially in certain local seats.
I 'spose it is worth the attempt
Feelin' there is jes' too much division 'tween the sides in this 'lection, David Bernstein, in a last ditch write-in effort, has thrown his hat into the race for the Presidential seat. Although he prolly ain't got even a slim chance at success, stranger things have been known to happen in the political arena. In one notable Texas 'lection, the division of the sides was so fierce that Clay Henry was 'lected mayor of Lajitas.
Will we finally realize that sweet sweet payback, at last?
[I]t's inarguable at this point which candidate wanted to pass himself of as a "war leader" and what the result of that attempt would be. If all other things were equal, I'd want the outcome of this election to be a Bush victory for this reason alone: at last a generation of proud Vietnam veterans would have some satisfaction, will have achieved a payback to one who did more than most to vilify them over the years. The media often portrayed the Swift Vets and so many countless other veterans groups against Kerry as not letting the wounds of Vietnam heal. The truth was just the opposite. - Greyhawk
It 'pears that resistance was futile
ST:NG's own Wesley Crusher has been assimilated into the Borg Jackass Collective. Say it ain't so, Joe!
A bone mus' be thrown Kevin Aylward's way.
I ain't sure I could have phrased it any better
Here's hoping that come tomorrow, we can all draw a sigh of relief and look forward to the next four years! - Ith
If I have to register, it ain't worth my time to leave a comment
I really wanted to tell Dean that his left hand blog ad column is ridin' badly over the left hand side of the blog posts, and attempted to leave a comment to tell him so, but was unable to do so without registerin'. Sorry, but unless there is a chunk of change involved or some privilege that I cannot live without, I ain't gonna register. Commentin' upon what someone else had to say has thus far been one of those things that I have not yet felt is worthy of the effort needed to initiate an account. Sorry Dean.
Change in host of next week's COTV
It seems there has been an abdication of duty concernin' next week's hostin' of the Carnival of the Vanities, but, thankfully, Bob Hayes, rumors of his death notwithstandin', has graciously agreed to take over hostin' duties.
Today's Horrorscope is a doozy!
Your Tuesday, November 2, 2004 Horoscope, Taurus!As today is election day and I am on the ballot, I am hopin' this forecast from the overhead stars means what I think it means.This is one extraordinary day. A project you have committed your time to is suddenly quite popular. Many supporters will soon have you speeding toward your ultimate goal and beyond.
It was neither a dark nor stormy night
So, why did my connection die? Yep, without an Internet connection, I find it a bit difficult to successfully post material to my blog. I gave it my best shot, however, broadcastin' my thoughts into the air, hopin' somehow that they would find their way onto the electronic index page for all to see. Alas, my mental prowess, as great as it may be, is not capable of thought transmission . . . at least, not at this point in my mental evolution.
The effort, however, of my failed attempt at telepathic communication drained me and I found myself in need of rest. I eagerly partook of such opportunity and got 40 winks, and much much more. I awoke this morn to find a chill upon the air. Woohoo, November 2 and autumn has finally arrived. Glad I had the goose-down layer already 'pon my bed. I slept toastily.
My navel is delirious with joy. It loves stayin' warm durin' nippy autumn morns. End of report.
November 01, 2004
Do I note a wee bit of insecurity, lassie?
Yikes, Tony has announced that gmail is flawed.*
In other earth-shankin' news, Susie admits she could use a new car.
*Editor's note: flaw discovered by namesake of potent brand of cinnamon schnapps.
As a Viet Nam era Vet, this is the last thing I really want to hear . . .
[T]he guy survived basic and now he's here in Iraq serving God and country and proving himself in more ways daily then the average young American will in their life.See, that war protester John Kerry came to the forefront in causin' the people back home into hatin' their boys overseas. He had to remake Iraq into another Viet Nam to have a chance to win this 'lection, but sadly, it ain't good for our boys overseas that they think the people over here ain't proud of what they are doin' over there. Please, please, please, don't vote for John Kerry. Vote for our boys! Vote for BUSH!!So when I saw him yesterday he looked down and beat, like he was bearing the weight of the world along with that heavy armor that each and every one of us wears here. I asked why.
Whats wrong hero?
Nothing. Well, I'm in Iraq...
You're making history son.
Yeah, but its an unpopular war. People at home don't want us here... - Greyhawk
The flip of the two-headed coin
David Kopel, over on Volokh Conspiracy suggests that Michael Moore and Osama Bin Laden are one and the same person. Oh, wait, he didn't say that, he said the two of them were very similar in the way they try to make the same lies believable, or at least that is much closer to the truth than my initial statement. Guess you will jes' have to read it and make your own interpretation.
2.3% of John Kerry's fightin' styles exhibited in a single forum
I don't think I would have let the world know I had 23 pictures of Kerry downloaded onto my hard drive, but this is some funny stuff. Seriously funny! Do not pass the link by. Click it. Here! You will be glad you did!
Blame it all on Jay. He made me do it. He's the Devil, that Jay.*
*OK, let me spell that one out for ya! The Devil made me do it! Jeez, you youngsters who weren't around for Laugh-in.
In the battle 'tween Jorge and Juan - le's leave Jesus outta it
Man, talk 'bout takin' a man's words and spinnin' 'em to say what ya want --- jes' go see. The Empress did, that is how I found it.
Classic search returns
My intern jes' did a search for "free speaker catalog" on ixquick and the top return is one of those sponsored sites:
Free Speakers on eBay - Sponsored Result -Yeah, jes' how low can ya get the price to go on somethin' free?Find free speakers at low prices. With over 5 million items for sale every day, you'll find all kinds of unique things on eBay - The World's Online Marketplace.
http://www.ebay.com/ [emphasis supplied]
CitiBank email scam resurfaces
I jes' received the followin' email:
Dear valued Citibank member,I was not really alarmed by this email as I knew it was a scam. Check out the popup screen capture and see that this is jes' an attempt for someone to harvest your account information so that they can rip you off. Who are they? Well, usin' the new toy, such URL given to me by recent commenter, sleepygrumpydoc, I went to http://www.dnsstuff.com/ and found that the website is hosted in China. Now don't tell me that this is only a sign that CitiBank has begun to outsource their money-makin' email scams? Ain't we got enough crooks in the good ol' US of A to pull of somethin' like this? -- oh, wait -- they likey prosecute this sort of stuff under some Federal Wire Fraud statute here. I wonder what the Chinese Government does upon discovery that some of their more unscrupulous denizens are usin' internet technology in order to fleece unsuspectin' Americans. Anyone wanna hazard a guess on this one?[*]Due to concerns, for the safety and integrity of the online banking community we have issued the following warning message.
It has come to our attention that your account information needs to be confirmed due to inactive customers, fraud and spoof reports. If you could please take 5-10 minutes out of your online experience and renew your records you will not run into any future problems with the online service. However, failure to confirm your records may result in your account suspension.
Once you have confirmed your account records your Internet banking service will not be interrupted and will continue as normal.
Please click here to confirm your bank account records. [note: link opens popup screen capture of actual site, and does not go to site itself.]
Thank you for your time,
Citibank Billing Department
By the way, don't find yourself among those unsuspectin' Americans who find themselves fleeced in this operation.
BEWARE OF ANY REQUEST THAT ASKS YOU TO PROVIDE FINANCIAL INFORMATION OVER THE INTERNET.
*[Addendum footnote]Upon some further reflection, I figgered it really would make very little difference if they shot 'em in the head for doin' so. You likely ain't gonna get your money back, not from them or the Chinese government. I also understand that, in China, it is not all that hard to find some way to get yourself shot in the head, as that seems to be considered fairly just punishment for nearly every transgression, so, over there, what you do really makes very little difference. How long you can do it before you get caught and are shot in the head for doing it seems to be the real essense of the game.