Read My Lips - the blog

Another thing that I have wondered about

I keep seein' these comments on the Berg story where people keep askin' if someone will send them the video or a link to see such, and I am wonderin' if anyone has been runnin' down those comments and been emailin' them the link or the video as requested. I know I have not been doin' so. 'Bout all I have to do with them commenters is edit stuff from time to time, and sometimes deletin' one here and there whenever necessary.

I sometimes wonder what they hope to accomplish --

Actual body of a SPAM I just received:

To :
Subject : Re: (no subject)

Dear roguegenius,
It's All Here For You, are you ready to take that step!

* CLlCK HeERE *

Uh, just exactly what step would that be? With such information as was provided, I feel insufficiently informed about the risks of the proffered activity to know whether I am ready to take such step. Please do try again -- when you get a clue. I suspect I will be dead by that time.

It seems that there really is an art to it, after all

Not your average how-to-do internet site. This one is mostly for the barkin' moonbat types.

Ever'thin' that four walls would ever want to see

Well, another early night, it seems. Strange, but here it is a three day holiday weekend and I seem to have been gettin' to bed at least as early as my usual bedtime, if not earlier. But then again, I have had early mornin' plans on ever' day of the weekend, what with the early zoo tour both yesterday and this mornin'. Tomorrow mornin' we have the Memorial Day Celebration on the courthouse square, and then I am a part of the team that goes around to all the county cemeteries and puts up the flags. It ain't really all that hard. We got some two piece flag poles, with clips for the flags on one part. You just clip the flag on, slide that pole into to the other, and slide the whole thing into a pipe already in the ground. This is my third or fourth year to do it, so I am an old hand. It takes about an hour or an hour and a half after the ceremony to put the flags up, then we have to go back about dusk and take them down.

I am really, really needin' a vacation, a place to get away. I had actually thought I would do that last weekend, but that is one of the reasons I no longer have an assistant, because I was afraid to leave my office in her hands for three or four days. I was of the impression that I could not depend upon her to do what was in the best interest of my business when such conflicted with her own personal wants and needs. I did take the few days off, kind of, just to watch what occurred when I did not go in, and what I suspected proved to be true.

So, here comes a good three day vacation, and I am stuck in town. I probably would not have signed up to do the zoo tours if I had not already had to hang around to do the Memorial Day ceremony and put up the flags. I suppose I could ditch it. But there really are not that many in our Post who are young enough any longer to do the labor. Plus I am second in command. Obligations, responsibilities, but to tell you the truth. This is Memorial Day, the day we remember the sacrifices made by those who did not return from servin' our country. They gave ever'thin' for us. My foregoin' a three day weekend seems like such a small sacrifice in return, doncha think?

Anyway, I am guessin' I don't have carpal tunnel syndrome, as my wrists no longer hurt me. All the pain seems to be centered in my elbow pit. I guess my plan on havin' my arm cut off at the wrist and gettin' me a neat hook like that kitten on Susie's blog is naught for now, huh?

It is hot here. Almost June in Texas. If'n it wasn't hot, it would be strange. It only gets worse from here on out until sometime in mid to late September. I just got out of the bathtub and ever' one of my 47 pairs of underwear are dirty. I need to do a load. As such, if these four walls had eyes --- and night vision --- they would be able to see my navel in all of its glory, as well as several other choice body parts. However, it is dark. I can see the navel from the ambient light emitted from the monitor as I type this and it looks clean, really clean. I guess I did a good job in the bathtub. The cherry mole is still there as well. No signs of hanky panky. I would end this report right here, but I need a favor. I want to be able to read somethin' from our troops on the front lines tomorrow that would be appropriate for Memorial Day. If any of ya'll have a link to such, leave it here in the comments so that I can print it out before I go to the ceremony tomorrow mornin'. That concludes our business for this evenin'. End of report.

May 30, 2004

Oh, woe is Opus. He was tryin' to avoid pickin' up a deserted cell phone on a bench, but could not pass up the temptation. Top Daily TV star's name came up in today's strip, but it didn't assist a bit in my opinion. The strip was not hardly worth seein'. Berke, where was your mind this week? It sure was not on Opus. Oh well. Up and down, up and down, get a good strip one week and the next week get some trash, Well, then I am gonna expect that next week's strip will be a great one. Here's hopin'.

They continue to come, don't they?

I found a visitor on my SiteMeter page that came from http://fresh.blogrolling.com/ and, not bein' familiar with what was offered on such site, I went for a visit. Well, as I suspected, it is a listin' of recently updated blogs as culled from BlogRolling.com, Weblogs.com and Blogger.com. As is my usual wont, when confronted by a list of blogs, I perused the listin's and clicked on several of the names which interested me. Almost all were on blog*spot and almost all were fairly new to the bloggin' game. Just a bit of an overview of what I found:

• Justus for All, a poli blogger whose archives only go back to 5/16/04 but already has a nice template and some clue as what to do.
• PweetyFower,Blue Kitten who has a template I cannot stand because I hate to scroll, and seems not to have a clue as what name to use, as the name on the listin' was tHe CaT sPeAkS!, has no archives, first post was dated 5.24.2004, and due to colorin', size, etc., is a blog that, in addition to havin' to continuously scroll to access anythin' is almost impossible to read anyway. On the plus side, the kitten is cute.
• . . . Take me as I am... began on Tuesday, May 25, 2004, but whose most recent post I found to be a pretty intriguin' scenario.
• No Longer A Virgin
, the first blog*spot blog of a 17 year old male from somewhere in the UK who lost his virginity 15 days ago. Three posts all dated today. Says he: "I've had a few blogs before, but not on blogspot," which begs the question: where do you start your bloggin' experience if blog*spot is a move up?
• Chez Mike which says it is a Mike groovey professionally designed blog, which of course, begs the question, who pays to have a blog professionally designed and then hosts it on crappy blog*spot? It is a nice lookin' blog, however, although the content lacks any appeal for me.
• Nine Of Swords whose first post shows to have been on April 23, 2004, uses a traditional Blogger template, the red banner, and is done my a guy named Benjamin. The latest post seems to be a song in Chinese. From my quick scan, it would appear that Benjamin is enamored with some girl.
• messed up in the head, whose first post was on May 23, 2004, and has the feel of readin' a post pubescent girl's diary. I get the impression this gal has not yet been kissed, but is thinkin' 'bout it a lot and does a lot of runnin'. and
• A Midsummer Night's Dream, name chosen by Sri Fadhilah Mustaffa, who is a sporadic blogger at best, too dark to read at worst, not sure what was bein' said anyway.

Except for the Justus, it mostly looked like a lot of nuthin' but then 'twarn't really nuthin but my utter lack of understandin', I'm sure.

The holes you fall into when ya just ain't payin' 'tention

It appears that Glenn Reynolds may not be the Blogfather after all.

Found via Junebugg

He may have been first, but what's still on second

It appears that although they are all a bunch of Bozos, an investigation has dethroned he who had claimed to have been first, and there is now another who will be thrust forward as the one who initially took that one small step for clownkind in big floppy shoes, laughin' his silly head off like some kind of Bozo. [full story]

attribution: Kiril Kundurazieff

Another glorious day comes to an end

Well, I began the day early, as I must when I have the early tour at the local wildlife center/zoo. I am drinkin a couple of ounces of some green stuff someone told me makes them feel better, some holistic stuff that cost me $40 to buy. Second day to take it, and so far, I have not found I feel any different than any other day, but we will see how much better I am feelin' after I finish the bottle, which supposedly will last a month, or maybe half a month, or somethin' like that. I tried HGH once, but I did not see it turn my gray hair back to brown or reduce the number of wrinkles on my face, so I gave up on such. My grandmother is a big believer in things like vitamins and such, as well as allowin' George, although I suppose it would be all right to refer to him as God, as it is a legitimate use of usin' his name, to assist you in healin'.

I really don't know, to tell ya the truth whether stuff like this works or not. They have some stuff they call black salve or somethin' that supposedly has cured cancer in several people. I actually know one of them who had skin cancer and supposedly it disappeared. The doctor was amazed when she came back for her checkup and he could no longer find a sign of such. Another person has been fightin' a brain tumor for years, and is takin' the stuff, and supposedly his doctor is amazed to see the tumor is growin' smaller instead of bigger. Like I said, maybe some faith is involved. All I know is that if I get cancer, I think I will be takin' some of that black salve stuff, myself. Now if only there was somethin' out there that would reverse all the damage on your teeth, heck, I would be their guinea pig for sure.

I also have zoo duty again in the mornin' so I have to get to bed soon. I took a nap this afternoon after finishin' my tour, which is supposed to take about 2 hours, but this one took about 3.5 hours, mainly 'cause the park was full and we got stuck in traffic here and there, and partly because I ain't finished the tour in less than 2.5 hours ever.

Did I ever tell ya'll about that little bell sound that goes off on my computer when the clock hits midnight? I used to always go crazy tryin' to find what was goin' wrong and where the error message was until it happened a couple of times and I finally caught on as to what it was all about. I guess such is in the manual for usin' Windows XP somewhere, but has any of ya'll ever read the manual? Do any of ya'll know where it is? I ain't sure I could find it if I wanted to do so.

Like I said, I got early zoo duty, so despite the fact I ain't really all that tired, and, by the way, ya'll really do need to be gettin' those Carnival submissions in before my arm is so sore I can't type anythin' for the rest of the week, I do need to be gettin' to bed. Now, I want you to go back and reread that last sentence. Ain't that about the most amazin' sentence you ever saw? See how I intermixed two thoughts together and confused the heck out of ya? I suppose that is a sign I am much more tired, and ain't it a shame that tireder is not a proper word, than I thought.

Would it be a bigger shame if I did not even mention my navel in tonight's Nightly Navel Gazin' Report? Well, I won't do so and will mention such. However, despite my doin' so, there really just ain't much new to report. The cherry mole is still there, but I think it will be there as long as the navel stays around. I suspect there is somethin' romantic about the situation, but I cannot be sure at this time. End of report.

Almost forgot: Denita was very quick on the draw and keen of eye and, as such, wins a million Kudos for correctly identifyin' Steve Dallas. A million Kudos, under the current exchange rate, is worth like a peso, I think.

Aren't Saturdays on the Blogosphere mostly about a lot of nuthin'

While I was awaitin' additional Carnival submissions, I thought I would take a stroll through the blogroll and see what was new in the Blogosphere.

Well, first off, I find someone named Pete postin' over on Jennifer's blog, but after readin' though the rest of the entries on the main page, it appears she, at least, knows who he is and may have been instrumental in his havin' access to blog 'bout:

Data recovery service Disksavers has hired Kelly Chessen, a former suicide-prevention counselor, to do customer service.

While losin' all the data on my disk might be traumatic, I 'spect I ain't gonna climb on a ledge as Pete said some of his previous customers were known to do. Pete did, in turn, attribute Sgt. Stryker for the story.

---

I next found that Cathy had a great afternoon:

I had the whole house to myself. I nearly wept.

Of course, not knowing what to do with my unexpected solitude, I decided to fill it by washing several loads of laundry and taking a nap. Man, was that some goooood laundry.

I am mindful that I have several loads of laundry to do myself, but somehow have the feelin' I won't find quite the enjoyment Cathy exhibited.

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Roxette Bunny is fillin' in for Tink while she goes to visit her father.

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I have not figured out how WizBang! became a multiblogger blog, but is Paul hintin' that Michael Moore is a terrorist?

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Carl ain't none too happy that a spotted tornado in the local areas has caused the storm watch weathermen to co-opt the television while the hockey playoffs are showin'.

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Jane is Busy, Busy, Busy and seems to have discovered a cyberstalker.

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Rob Sama seems to have provided proof that two women can actually hold the same pose for over an hour, a feat that was previously thought to be as equally possible as an armadillo successfully crossin' a busy Texas highway. 06:39 AM - 07:56 AM

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Buzz and his Empress dined on pizza, provided the delivery driver finally showed up. No note on what toppin's were to be expected.

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Dean actually got 11 comments to this post.

[Title:]Sex

Tricky business, isn't it? [no links]

It makes one wonder if it is the animal magnetism or the pheromones at work, huh?

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What? John is too tired to have a final thought? By the way, is it just me, or does it seem that he has a serious kink in his template? And it appears that Madfish is havin' template problems as well. But then again, with my third world phone company and such, the problem with both sites could definitely be on my end.

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It seems from the headache with which he awoke, Zombyboy's blogger bash was a smash.

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Robert Prather actually has entitled a post: Looks Like Someone Needs Another Lapdance, and as far as I could tell, Wonkette's name did not come up in conversation.

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Tiffany had twins for breakfast --- not twins over for breakfast --- you ninny.

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And lastly, but definitely not leastly, James has an interestin' story about a brou-ha-ha in Omaha regardin' one man's stand to keep his US flag flyin' despite all objections, and yet is willin' to forego bringin' his strong connections to SCOTUS into the fray. I find the whole scenario that anyone would object to the flyin' of the US Flag so ludicrous, as to amount to disbelief such could happen anywhere in the US, and especially in the midst of the Bible Belt.

50-year-old Zambian man

The Imperial Torturer, whoever that is, as I have a really difficult time figurin' such things out, over at Misha's blog, nominated this guy:

LUSAKA (Reuters) - A 50-year-old Zambian man has hanged himself after his wife found him having sex with a hen, police said Friday. The woman caught him in the act when she rushed into their house to investigate a noise.

Now I almost find this to be unbelievable

Can you believe that I did not come up as #1 on the returns on a Google search for "website for Nicholas Cage decapitation"?

Fix it or nix it seems a bit harsh on some things

Is it jes' me, or does anyone else notice that the Amber Alert script goes down almost ever' weekend. If ya think the blog is loadin' slow, guess what is causin' that problem? O' course, I still think the service is so worthwhile, I hate to remove the script, but what's the problem? Do they just shut down their server on the weekends or is there a coincidence that causes the script to crash at midnight on Friday while everyone is away?

Can I trade you 4 diphthongs for that $50 multisyllabic word?

Well, I didn't do much work today. I wasn't plannin' on doin' any work today, as I had to take part in a Memorial Day service at our local senior citizen center just before noon, but as I pulled my car out of the drive this mornin', that beep that lets me know my tank is almost empty went off. Now I try to be a good local citizen and do as much shoppin' locally as possible, but gasoline is one thing that I usually go to the neighborin' town to buy. When the price difference is 10¢ to 12¢, you can save several dollars if your tank takes more than 15 gallons or so to fill. Of course, I drive back and forth to that town so many times a week, that usually it is just a stop at Walmart on my way home. I was in a hurry for some reason last time I came home and did not have time to stop. Knowin' I was gonna make the trip over, I remembered I had a couple of things I wanted to file with the District Clerk the next time I was goin' over, so I stopped by the office and picked up the files. I say I picked up the files. Actually, I forgot how I went back out to my car and had backed it out into the street and was ready to drive off before I noticed I did not have the files. Anyway, I had to back track and go unlock the door to go get them. That second try cost me a meetin' with a client, as I got caught just as I was comin' back out the door with the files in my hand. So, I spent a few minutes speakin' with my client, and then was finally on my way.

Whew, this is gonna be long, it seems. Well, anyway, I went and filed the papers, ran around the courthouse for a few minutes and joked with a few of the people that work there, then I went to one of my favorite places in the town to eat breakfast. Lo and behold, one of the members of our local Lion's Club was there as well. He was drinkin' coffee with some other old guys. I tell ya, it is a tradition in these country towns for old guys to gather together ever' mornin' to drink coffee. Ever'where I go, I see groups of old men sittin' 'round drinkin' coffee and talkin' 'bout the weather, whose land they are drillin' a gas well in, and how much the price of land has gone up over the last few years, as well as how much more taxes they have to pay. Well, after they left, he came and joined me and we conversed while I finished my breakfast. I didn't discuss my fears about what I was gonna do when I got old bein' as how I don't drink coffee.

He had actually formerly lived in that town and had a lot of old friends there, he said. He also told me somethin' I did not know. He said at some time in the past, near the turn of the past century, there had been a bad yellow fever epidemic in Galveston, and the Santa Fe Railroad had a trainload of infected people they were movin' from town to town tryin' to find some town willin' to accommodate these ailin' people. Well, our neighborin' town was the only town willin' to take all those people, he said. The railroad rewarded the town by creatin' their repair center there, and became the biggest employer in town. He said they paid really well and it assisted a lot of the townsfolk to get fairly wealthy. Well, I finished my breakfast and was already runnin' late, so I sped on off to Walmart, bought that shoppin' card that saves me an additional 3¢ a gallon, and filled up my tank. It still took over $30 to fill it. Unbelievable!

The ceremony went without a hitch, or at least no significant hitch that would have been noticed by a bunch of elderly people who were a bit miffed we had interrupted their domino games, and I came on home. I was hopeful that there were a lot of Carnival submissions in my hotmail inbox, but there were only a couple. Thus far, I have only gotten about 11. From what I am doin', it takes me a considerable amount of time so as to prepare each submission for publication. I am now beginnin' to fear that ever'one is gonna await the last moment and swamp me with submissions. I worked up the submissions I got, includin' one left over from last evenin' where the person used so many $50 words that I had wanted to reread his submission with a clear head just to make sure I understood what he was attemptin' to put across. I sometimes find entries on blogs like that. I personally have quite an extensive vocabulary. It is seldom that I get flabbergasted while readin' someone else's posts, but it does seem to me that there are like a lot of others who might find such efforts hard to understand. Is not the point of most of our blog postin' to communicate ideas to others? How are you gonna do that when your writin' is so far over their head that they have no clue as to what the heck you are tryin' to say? Jes' sumthin' to think about, I guess.

Anyway, no further submissions came in for the remainder of the day. I tried to watch a movie on one of those cheap DVDs I buy at Walmart from time to time. Sometimes it is quite evident why the DVD was so cheap. This movie is horrible. It has Peter Coyote and Danny Glover in it, but the dialog is idiotic, the actin' is horrible, and the story is like The Prisoner done by a 6 year old. The title is Deadly Drifter. Pass this one up, seriously. I mean the character does not know what is goin' on and you sure as heck don't. It is paused and I will likely get through it, or maybe I won't. I know it ain't gonna be tonight. I got zoo duty on the next two mornin's so I am gonna make it an early night tonight, provided I get this dang report finished soon.

My arm is startin' to hurt. Actually, it has been hurtin' for most of the day. I just got back from the store where I refilled my cup with Dr. Pepper and purchased a pint of mint-chocolate chip ice cream. I know ya'll Yankees think like Ben & Jerry's ice cream and crap like that is good, but there really ain't nuthin' better than good ol' Blue Bell. I promise ya that! So, anyway, just prior to that store run, I was just sittin' here thinkin' some Carnival submissions would soon come in, and while I was whilin' away that time, I redid my title graphic. I did it in Flash, as I had been plannin' to do for some time, but after I got to tinkerin', I actually decided that any animation would be distractive and there was no necessity to add loadin' time as well. I am pleased with my creation.

I wanted a mascot of some kind, but I searched for a cat with a pirate hat and a hook on its paw, as if. No, I already had someone else in mind. He is the one up there, but I ain't gonna tell ya who that is. I bet he looks familiar to some of ya'll, and the first correct guesser gets a handful of Kudos, or somethin'. I still have some plastic-ware in the prize basket as well as a stuffed raccoon. The raccoon is not a plush toy, but a really bad taxidermy job. The thing stinks. Actually, I just gave ya'll a load of bull. I ain't really got no stuffed raccoon in the prize basket. I don't even have any plastic-ware in there. In fact, I don't even have a prize basket. What I do have is a ton of Kudos. As far as I know, those are imaginary, and one thing I do have in abundance is imagination.

Well, that seems like enough utterly inane crap about me and my life for this report. Let's get to the navel, 'cause we all know that is what ya'll come here to read about. Well, it has been a hot and muggy day and the navel quickly became a moist and sticky lint magnet. I therefore have covered it with a lint free garment. Such makes it unobservable, but I can truthfully report that it is voicin' no complaints about its condition. I am unsure about the condition of little cherry mole, however. It has already shown a tendency to be a bit shy. End of report.

Yeah, yeah, whatever --- if you say so

I answer all four questions on the quiz and this is what I got:

Take the quiz: "Your Psych-Ward diagnosis"

Social Anxiety Disorder
Diagnosis: Social Phobia / Social Anxiety.
The fear of social situations and the interaction with other people that can automatically bring on feelings of self-consciousness, judgment, evaluation, and inferiority.

That is exactly the same thing that Emma, the person who referred me to the test, got. I bet they only have one answer. Of course, then again, it is likely a foregone conclusion that the whole world is nuts anyway.

Massive Link Dump

I have save a lot of links here and there in draft mode, many meant to be part of a day's Nuggets and Gems, some to be central to some subject about which I wanted to post, and there are a few about which I really have no idea. But as I am busy workin' on the Carnival presentation, and settin' up all those tents, rides, booths, and such is not all that easy to accomplish by yourself, I have been gettin' a bit behind in bringin' ya'll somethin' to keep ya entertained. I suspect there will be a thing or two in this mess that you will like:

• CNN.com - Exercise guru Richard Simmons cited for assault - Mar 25, 2004
• Simon World: Awakenings
• The Men Commandments via The LLama Butchers
• COMMENTS
• TheStar.com - Gather ye garden gnomes while ye may via Wind Rider
• Lawsuit in deaths of aliens lingers - The Washington Times: Nation/Politics - May 17, 2004 via Geoffrey U.S. District Court in Tucson
• Ace of Spades HQ: The President's Words on Saddam Hussein
• On The Third Hand: Media Bias
• MSNBC - Newborn baby is one in 40,000
• Physics Geek: And one more thing you wish your computer had
• Transterrestrial Musings
• Yahoo! News - Talking Toilet Orders Men to Sit Down via joe gandelman
• A Small Victory - Mars, bitches!
• Light & Dark: Fuck it
• dustbury.com: Things I learned today
• The Politburo Diktat: Pasionara
• Who Tends the Fires: The Goblin Effect.
• MadCow.swf
• HOLLY
• Reflections in d minor: Language Blogging
• resurrectionsong: Design Resources: Free Fonts#more
• The Introverted Exhibitionist: A Dream Post

A real hodge podge, I would say. Have fun, ya'll!

May 28, 2004

Exercise Class

I've been feeling like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor's permission to join a fitness club so I could start exercising.

I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, I twisted, I gyrated, I jumped up, I jumped down, and I perspired for more than an hour.

By the time I had finally gotten my leotard on, the class was over.

Now ya see it, now ya don't

Well, the submissions have been comin' in for the Carnival of the Vanities. Actually just tricklin' in here and there. Still, I figure I better stay on top of it, or I will be caught in a pinch by the time it is official postin' time. I guess what ya'll don't know it that the Carnival, what there is of it, has already been published on this site. Ya just didn't see it. Well, ya might have, if ya had checked out the very bottom post on the main page, the one entitled "Testin'." Yeah, I had to actually post it here to see how the elements fit together in the template. I can look at it and look at it as a web page with the .css elements all I want, but that just don't give me the same feel as bein' inside the template and therefore bein' squeezed between two columns does. I am pleased with it though. I am 'spectin' it will be a grand show for all, 'cause as you can see from my more resent postin's, I am a pretty grand producer when I put a bit of effort into it. I am hopeful that when June 2 rolls around, this week's Carnival will be unveiled to a rampant fanfare of applause.

I do think it quite ironic that I am hostin' the Carnival since it has become my custom to hardly ever submit anythin' to any of these Carnivals. My reasonin' is behind this is three-fold:

1. I can seldom find any of my posts which I truly feel is more worthy than many of the others;
2. I am too lazy busy to reread my crap so as to discover anythin' really worthy of bein' submitted; and
3. I closely monitor my traffic and have seen very little, if any, come my way from such efforts.

Truthfully, I have almost come to the conclusion that most bloggers spend so much time on their own bloggin' efforts that they rarely have time to do too much readin' of other people's blogs. Due to this top story that has brought all the traffic to my site here recently, I have actually seen untold numbers of visitors to my site and even seen a fairly good smatterin' of inane comments from some of these new visitors. I have come to the conclusion that non-bloggers ought to be the target audience more so than your fellow friends and competitive bloggers. Oh that is not to say that I do not run here and there lookin' to see what John or Ted or Susie or Anna had to say. No, I am a fan of other bloggers as well. Those people that I do read, I generally read everythin' they produce. If I see one of their posts listed in a Carnival, I am purty sure that I have already read it.

Hey, I like producin' stuff that people will admire. I am definitely tryin' to create a Carnival of the Vanities like none that has previous come before, and that is a tall order. This one will be No. 89, so that means there have already been 88 prior attempts at unique publication. Doin' somethin' completely different is gonna be almost impossible. Light the fuse, 'cause I am gonna give it a go.

OK, this navel thing. What is it? Why is my navel so serene, parked in the midst of my plump Buddha belly and without a clue as to its popularity? Hey, is that little cherry mole on the leeward side new? I don't 'member it bein' there last night. Hmmm. Finally, sumthin' substantial to report: Navel finds itself in close proximity with small cherry mole. Unconcerned with encroachment of new neighbor. End of report.

Suckin' down someone else's bandwidth

Hey, but it is a question beggin' for an answer, right?

And as they asked, what are you expected to do on "Kobe Bryant Night" at the strip joint? Of course, there is likely to be as many answers provided to that question here as all those other questions I ask on a regular basis.

Keep an eye out for cunnin' foxes

Ya'll remember back on Sunday when I gave ya'll a link to the Official Listin' of Moron Classifications? Yeah, like an of ya'll ever read much of what I got to offer here, huh? It was funny, go read it. However that bein' said and done, I thought I might take the opportunity today to give ya The Official Moron Test:

1. Is there a 4th of July in England? Yes or no?

2. How many birthdays does the average man have?

3. Some months have 31 days. How many have 28?

4. How many outs are there in an inning?

5. Can a man in California marry his widow's sister?

6. Take the number 30, divide it by 1/2, and then add 10. What do you get?

tells you to take one every half an hour

7. There are 3 apples and you take two away. How many apples are you left with?

8. A doctor gives you three pills and tells you to take one every half an hour. How long will the pills last?

9. A farmer has 17 sheep. All but 9 of them die. How many sheep are left?

10. How many animals of each sex did Moses bring with him on the ark?

11. A butcher in the market is 5'10" tall. What does he weigh?

12. How many 2 cent stamps are there in a dozen?

13. What was the President's name in 1960?

The answers and scorin' are contained in the extended entry.

Here are the answers:

1. Is there a 4th of July in England? Yes or No?
....Yes. It comes right after the 3rd.

2. How many birthdays does the average man have?
.....One (1). You can only be born once.

3. Some months have 31 days. How many have 28?
.....Twelve (12). All of them have at least 28 days.

4. How many outs are there in an inning?
.... Six (6). Don't forget there is a top and bottom to every inning.

5. Can a man in California marry his widow's sister?
....No. He must be dead if it is his widow.

6. Take the number 30, divide it by 1/2, and then add 10. What do you get?
..... Seventy (70). Thirty (30) divided by 1/2 is 60.

7. There are 3 apples and you take two away. How many apples are you left with?
..Two (2). You take two apples, therefore YOU have TWO apples.

8. A doctor gives you three pills and tells you to take one every half an hour. How long will the pills last?
......One hour. If you take the first pill at 1:00, the second at 1:30, and the third at 2:00, the pills have run out and only one hour has passed.

9. A farmer has 17 sheep. All but 9 of them die. How many sheep are left?
..... Nine (9). Like I said, all BUT nine die.

10. How many animals of each sex did Moses have on the ark?
...... None. I didn't know that Moses had an ark.

11. A butcher in the market is 5' 10 tall. What does he weigh?
..... Meat ... that is self-explanatory.

12. How many 2 cent stamps are there in a dozen?
...Twelve (12). How many eggs are in a dozen? Twelve. It's a dozen.

13. What was the President's name in 1960?
...Georgw W. Bush. As far as I know, he hasn't changed his name.

So, how did we do?

13 correct.........GENIUS...you are good.
10-12 correct....ABOVE AVERAGE...but don't let it go to your head.
7-9 correct........AVERAGE...but who wants to be average?
4-6 correct..........SLOW...pay attention to the questions!
1-3 correct..........IDIOT...what else can be said?
0 correct......CONGRATULATIONS, you are a certified MORON!

Foreign languages can be so utterly poetic

Lea Mis Labios

Now don't that sound lusciously dirty? It's Espanol for "Read My Lips."

Hmmm, this or that & that & that & that & that . . .

Don't you really love it when the evidence points to the fact that you were right about somethin' all along. I have been deplorin' the growth and variety of choices forever as bein' somethin' unhealthy in our society. It now seems that others have actually researched the issue and the evidence substantiates my hypothesis:

[M]ore Americans than ever are clinically depressed. By some estimates (for example, those of psychologist Martin Seligman in his book Learned Optimism), depression in the year 2000 was about 10 times as likely as it was in 1900.

Of course, no one believes that a single factor explains this. But accumulating evidence from psychological research indicates that the explosion of choice plays an important role. It seems that as we become freer to pursue and do whatever we want, we get less and less happy.

You can rind the full story here: PARADE Magazine | When It's All Too Much--Jan. 4, 2004

Ya'll really do not understand how distressin' it is to me ever'time they bring out a new version of M&Ms or Doritos powdered with a different flavor. Too many choices complicates life; the simple life is the happy life.

Now -- don't get me started on havin' more stuff than you actually know what to do with. I will have to save that diatribe for another day.

Hardly none so far, and very little more to come

Yep, not much postin' today, was there? It was a busy day. It started early, as most do. All seem to start much earlier than I wish they did, but then I suppose if I went to bed earlier ... naw! Ain't gonna happen. Forget it. I ain't gonna end up like my great-grandparents who went to bed when it got too dark to see without lights and arose when the sun was reachin' mornin' twilight stage. I do remember them stayin' out on the front porch much after dark shellin' peas if there was a good moon, but other than that, it was time to go to bed. They did not believe in usin' any more electricity that was needed. I mean, you had about a minute to turn on the light to get your pajamas on, and you had better hurry, 'cause that light was goin' out fast.

Anyway, I was gonna make this short tonight. First of all, here is today's horrorscope:

Your Wednesday, May 26, 2004, Horoscope. Taurus!

Look forward to another big career day. You could be in the right place at the right time when a boss or authority type is in the mood to be impressed. Focus on looking like you have already earned the promotion you seek.

That one was easily made true. I promoted myself to CEO of my business, as well as secretary, treasurer and chief bottle cooker or somethin'. I let my people person assistant go. I decided she was, again, takin' too many days off and was leavin' me in the lurch too often for me to depend on her. As such, I saw no reason to keep payin' her and just told her it was time to part ways. She was not too happy about it. I was very sorry 'bout that, but heck, I got a business to run. That's probably enough. If I tell ya too much, ya'll might be a big head* or somethin'.

So, the navel is fine, and so is the navy, I think. At least, neither was on the news tonight, or, at least, I don't think so, but then again, I didn't watch it. I didn't really do much of anythin' 'cept work on the two submissions to the Carnival I am hostin' next week. Ya'll do realize that the early birds get the best pictures, 'cause I actually have time to search for them, whereas those latecomers might get nada in the graphics department. I'm just sayin', ya know? Navel, no news is good news. End of report.

*Anyone knows where I swiped that big head likely knows where I was and what I was wastin' time on this evenin'. I PhotoPainted it a bit to remove the evidence of it origins.

Was it just me?

OK, ya'll people who did see Shrek 2: Did you think that the Queen of Far Far Away looked an awful lot like Martha Stewart?

Of course, we already knew that Donkey bore a strong resemblance to John Kerry.

Just a dab of Happily Ever After Potion

Well, it seems that Hollywood has stolen one of my gags and put it into a major motion picture. I ain't gonna tell which movie it is, but surely ya'll remember I was the one who was sayin' that the Democrats' donkey symbol was an ass, right? What? You don't remember this? Yeah, yeah, I know I said jackass and not merely ass, and that the movie just used the term ass and not jackass in reference to a character mostly referred to as Donkey, but still, I have a feelin' that people from Pixar are readin' my blog.

O' course, that might not really be all bad. I am mindful of the fact that I am probably not the first one to refer to a donkey as an ass or jackass, and likely not even the first one to do it for humorous satirical purposes. So, I guess I will allow this slight faux pas to pass. Damn it , I used French. 'Scuse me while I go wash my mouth out with soap. Please also pardon me further, as I fully plan on doin' so with the remainin' bit o' imaginary soap left over from last night's Acme Pipedream Kit.

Speakin' of that Kit, that soap, and last night, I just wanted to tell ya'll how utter hard it was to get that damned bar of imaginary soap out of that box. Acme must have kept the price down on the Pipedream Kit by puttin' certain products within the Kit without bein' properly wrapped. Do you realize how slippery a bar of imaginary soap can be? I could hardly grasp it long enough to pull it from the box. I finally got it firmly wrapped inside a terry cloth washrag and successfully removed it, and did use such to wash that imaginary Benji slobber out of my navel.

Tonight, I am too tired to daydream about anythin' includin' Acme Pipedream Kits. However, I can tell all of ya'll that I am now an official purveyor of fine Acme Products. I am the sole and exclusive distributor of those Pipedream Kits. All ya'll Roadrunner hunters send in your supply lists.

Did I not mention that I was tired? But, then again, I forgot to tell ya'll why I was thinkin' havin' people from Pixar readin' my blog was not so bad, didn't I? Well, mostly has to do with that book, the one none of ya'll seem to keen on knowin' 'bout. It might just be somethin' into which Pixar people could sink their teeth. But, ya'll ain't interested in that, are ya? Nope, all ya'll are concerned with is the report. Has the navel seen any action today? Did it come under fire from the enemy? Did it fire upon any enemies? Did it take prisoners? Is this line ever inane? I did say I was tired, didn't I? End of report.

Oh, by the way, there was no conscious omission in not choosin' someone as today's Stupidest Human of the Day™, I was just too busy to look around for one today and no one gave me any nominations for such either. As such, all humans were smart enough today so that no one was stupider than any other. That's my story and I am stickin' to it.

As if men were not havin' enough problems already

Science finds another way to keep women happy without any need for a man to be around. Are men quickly becomin' an endangered species? Of course, then again, with this story originatin' out of India, which is quickly becomin' the most populous country in the world, keepin' men and women from bein' together havin' sex might be a genuinely good idea, after all.

Throwin' a cookie to Straight White Guy, although I am wonderin' if just thinkin' of it first really gives him the right to claim that title. There is actually more than one straight white guy in the world. ;) However, if there was solely only one, I think I have the actual rights to that title

COTV #88

The latest installment of the Carnival of the Vanities is published and ready for viewin' at Right On. Go, visit, peruse the linkage and read until the cows come home, or your significant others, if that be your druthers.

As if high gas prices were not enough

It seems that you might have even a better reason to stay home and shop online.

WASHINGTON - U.S. officials have obtained new intelligence deemed highly credible indicating al-Qaida or other terrorists are in the United States and preparing to launch a major attack this summer.

---

The FBI and Homeland Security Department also are concerned about so-called soft targets such as shopping malls anywhere in the United States that offer a far less protected environment . . . .

Yahoo! News - AP: Terrorists Planning Summer Attack

It's Tuesday but feels like Monday

I got a lot to do this mornin' so bloggin' might be light. Of course, if you already read last night's fantastic Nightly Navel Gazin' Report™, ya likely ain't gonna be satisfied with anythin' my tired, sleep deprived brain can concoct at this unGeorgely early hour. It ain't even 8:00am yet. Anyway, I found somethin' to entertain ya'll, but ya gotta go to Uptown Girl to see it. The trip is not far, won't take ya long, and is definitely worth the effort. Would I steer ya wrong?

An after I should be in bed QUICKIE

I am talkin' to my sister on IM and she is tellin' me about her new puppy. His name is Tyson, and she swears she named the dog before she found out he loves to bite ears. It was just too cute an anecdote not to share, and I would have likely forgot to blog on it had I awaited the morn.

Mostly imperceptible to the human eye

Well, most of ya'll might have noticed that I tweaked the index and .css templates a bit here and there. Ya'll know me, always tryin' to keep my blog lookin' spiffier than anythin' in my real life. I 'spect if I put as much effort into findin' me a fine honey as I do tryin' to compose snarky posts on a regular enough basis to keep ya'll entertained, I would likely have Renée Zellweger hangin' off my arm at some exotic location, or some other such pipedream. No, ya gotta stick with what ya are middlin' decent at, if ya ain't good at nuthin'. 'Bout the only thing I am really good at doin' is lawyerin' but that only works where the law is fully in effect. The jury is still out on that question in our local arena, I 'spect. I hear both the good and bad 'bout most ever'thin' connected with the local courts and the people who ply their trades within those courts. As with most things, ya never know what to believe and what not to believe. As is my wont, as many of my regular readers know, I tend to be a skeptic, along the lines of a citizen of Missouri. If'n ya want me to be a 100% believer in what ya are pushin', ya gotta show me it is true.

OK, take a deep breath here. How did I ever get from I tweaked the templates to show me all of your evidence? Man, was that a scenic trip or what? I really enjoyed the part where Renée Zellweger was hangin' on my arm. And her hair smelled nice, really nice. Do what? It is my pipedream, here, Buster, and I can sniff Renée Zellweger's hair in my own pipedream if I so choose to do so. Now ya ruined it! Renée is nowhere to be found and I find Benji in my lap. He smells like a dog. Well, actually he kinda smells like a dog that has had a nasty encounter with a skunk.

Hey, ya'll attorneys in the audience, quick! Can ya sue an imaginary butt-head for ruinin' your pipedream? My gut feelin' is no, but heck, if the families of people crossin' the border illegally and endin' up dyin' in the desert from thirst can sue the US of A for failure to provide water fountains in the midst of such desert, I figure I might have a shot, right? And, I was havin' a really luscious, tropical pipedream starrin' jes' me and Renée Zellweger and poof, she is gone, and I am stuck with a stinky dog. That jes' clamors for litigation or action of some sort.

OK, now this is gettin' a bit bizarre. It seems that Benji from my pipedream is lickin' my navel. That is just yucky. I am now gonna have to go wash a bunch of imaginary dog slobber from my belly button. Are you supposed to use regular soap and water to do that, or do you use the imaginary soap and water that comes with the Acme Pipedream Kit? End of report.

Where is Bugs Bunny when you need him?

Now wait just one minute there! Are you tellin' me that they have finally discovered that life did exist on Mars?

In 1996, nannobacteria came to the attention of the world's media when scientists announced they had found fossils in a Martian meteorite of what appeared to be nano-sized bacteria.

---

Doctors claim to have uncovered new evidence that the tiny particles known as "nannobacteria" are indeed alive and may cause a range of human illnesses.*

*And are not the same supposed bacteria found in said Martian meteor, or course.**

**Evidence suggests that Marvin the Martian already successfully negotiated for the release of such for the return of 15 carrots Bug Bunny had negligently dropped on his last visit to Mars.

Direct from the Blogosphere's most prominent Snarky Inaniac™

OK, OK, as whomever is in charge of this place is not workin' very hard to take over a niche in the blogosphere that I have been workin' hard to carve out for myself, I can still say I thought this was very funny.

Laughin' Wolf, commentin' on a Stephen Den Beste diatribe that I did not look at, as I was already fairly convinced it was likely to be much longer than I could read in a single sittin', was just mentionin' the way that the blogosphere has evolved to the point where specialists have cropped up in the model of all previous forms of media. I carved mine out and am proud of my creation, and not too sure I want any slick city whippersnappers comin' in and grabbin' up pieces of my hard won territory.

Isn't it all just a matter of interpretation?

OK, talk about a most interestin' story in development, it seems that someone has noticed a difference in the way Reuters reported a story and the way that the Associated Press reported the same story, and goes onto show just how easily the news can be slanted.* Check out The Dawn Patrol: 'Pope' Go the Weasels and follow the links. I backtracked from the commentary about this situation that C.G.Hill had on his blog.

The cream of Dawn's stuff:

I wonder if it would be possible to extend this exclusionary principle to ordinary conversation. I could say, "One black coffee, please," and Reuters could write, "Dawn Eden Denies Business to Dairy Industry." Or I could say, "Would you like to see 'Shrek 2' Thursday night?" and the headline would be, "Avoid Patronizing Cinemas on Weekend: Eden."

Of course, if I told a man, "Brunch on Saturday sounds good," Reuters would report, "Eden Refuses Nearly Every Man on Earth." And if the man were a white Anglo-Saxon Protestant? Well, you can predict that one: "Eden Refuses Nearly Every Man on Earth: Women, Minorities Hit Hardest."

Tammy Bruce of FrontPageMagazine.com

I was struck by how shocked members of the Senate were upon viewing additional pictures of the undisciplined, unprincipled freaks masquerading as members of our military at Abu Ghraib prison.

---

Now don’t get me wrong – I believe when it comes to Al-Qaida leadership and operatives, anything goes. I don’t care if you put women’s underwear on their heads, or frankly, even pull out a few fingernails of those responsible for mass murder, to unmask their continuing plans for the genocide of civilized peoples.

It’s called “torture lite,” it works, and I’m all for whatever it takes to get information, and yes, to punish and annihilate terrorist leadership around the world.

That said – I consider the vast majority of what happened at Abu Ghraib to be hazing – nothing more, nothing less. For weeks, all of us have been shouted at by the liberal media about how awful the events were, how having a man stripped naked in front of a woman was “torture,” how making a prisoner wear women’s underwear was “horrific,” and the most recent “charge” of forcing men to wear maxi-pads. [full story]

Of course there might be some who will think I wrongly chose Ms. Tammy Bruce as the Stupidest Human of the day™ for today, but I just calls 'em as I sees 'em. It is unbelievable to me that anyone would continue to intimate that nothin' that was not absolutely appallin' occurred at Abu Ghraib and that anyone in their right mind would attempt to characterize the perpetrators as "undisciplined, unprincipled freaks masquerading as members of our military" as if a bunch of impostors had created this whole scenario so as to throw bad light upon the US.

I stand by my choice.

I wish to graciously thank Kathy Kinsley for the pointer.

From the man who discovered Chris Elliott

Lifted straight from Just a Girl:*

Top Ten Questions on the John Kerry Running Mate Application:**

1. Do you support both sides of every issue?
2. Excluding horse, what animal do I most resemble?
3. Mind if I pretend you’re John McCain?
4. Are you related to any Governors who can help rig an election?
5. In the vice presidential debate, will you make Cheney your bitch?
6. You’re not going to trick me into starting a war to help out your oil buddies, are you?
7. Which trait do you find more inspirational: My dour blandness or my smug arrogance?
8. If chosen, would you be willing to change your name to Kenny?
9. Any black market botox connections?
10. Do you have my back if I pull a ‘Clinton’ ?

*Who has a nifty new blog template.

**Developed by the minds of the writers on the David Letterman show and purported to have been delivered by David Letterman himself, but I was not a witness to such event, so must only assume such took place.

Did we somehow miss the forest for the trees?

[I]f you’re going to assign a title, Mr. Bush is inappropriate and disrespectful. His title is President, not Mister.

Full names, and last names are okay, but to assign a title other than President to President Bush is highly disrespectful.

Of course, no one in the media cares; they hate him anyway. -- Vinny

What comes around, Buddy ----

In retribution for Grand Mosque cleric Abdel Rahman bin Abdel Aziz al-Sudeis havin' laid all the blame for the current lack of rainfall in Mecca upon the shoulders of the area's Islamic women,* Susie has begun to lay the blame for all of the problems at her workplace on 16-year-old-males.

*Yes, Virginia, I had previously used such story as the basis for one of my posts.

People do see what they want to see -- don't they?

From what I understand of his message, what he wants is for people to open their eyes and their hearts and see the war that the U.S. has brought to Iraq for what it truly is. Even in his grief, he has not lost his objectivity and reason. -- Sassy

The 'he' to which she refers is Michael Berg and her conclusions are in regard to his May 22nd message to the Stop The War Coalition.

From the mailbag (Aunt Net)

The elderly American gentleman arrived in Paris by plane. At French Customs, he fumbled for his passport.

"You 'ave been to France before, monsieur?" the customs officer asked sarcastically.

when I came ashore on D-Day, I couldn't find any Frenchmen

The old gent admitted that he had been to France previously.

"Zen, you should know enough to 'ave your passport ready for inspection."

The American said, "The last time I was here, I didn't have to show it."

"Impossible. You Americans alwayz 'ave to show your passports on arrival in France!"

The American senior gave the Frenchman a long hard look. Then he quietly explained. "Well, when I came ashore at Omaha Beach on D-Day in '44, I couldn't find any Frenchmen to show it to."

It really always is somethin', ain't it?

I bought a PDA the other day. Why? I couldn't find a decent pocket calendar. So, I got it out, was gonna fiddle with it, but it seems that the battery is fried. Someone suggested that there may be some plastic shield in place, that such are currently bein' used to protect items durin' shippin' and it is often forgotten to mention such in the documentation. So, I thought, surely it would not be all that hard to look at the battery itself and see if one or the other of the contact posts was somehow impeded. Well, upon examination, it appeared that the only way to look at the battery was to remove the back from the device which was obviously held on by two tiny screws. It took me an additional day or so to locate my tiny Phillips head screwdriver, which would necessarily fit down into the bottom of the hole so as to loosen said screws.

The screwdriver did not seem to be catchin' though, so I did the best I could to peer down into those little holes to look at the heads on those tiny screws. It looks like I need a very tiny screwdriver with a torx head on it. Like where in the overheated nether regions can I find one of those. What with the current price of gasoline, drivin' the 100 miles round trip to take it back to Fry's is gonna additionally cost me a fairly large chunk of change.

Of course, I suppose I could use a few other items I might find at Fry's. Let's see, I could likely use a nice economical refrigerated A/C device to put in a window of my bedroom, as I find the heat pumped centralized A/C system does not do that good of a job of coolin' off the house for as much as it costs to run it. Of course, I might find that just coolin' off my bedroom with a small A/C will cost as much. But I am willing to try it anyway.

Another thing that I suppose I could look for is a electric sonically cleaning device to assist in gettin' those tiny scraps of lint that sometimes end up in my navel, although, one of the powerful miniature vacuum devices might also do the trick. Then I could continue to clean it the hard way, with a wet soapy terry cloth washrag. It is really important to keep those navels really clean, ya know? I mean it ain't like you ever know when you might end up in the hospital, and like your momma always said, the last thing you wanted if you ended up in the hospital was for anyone to discover you had a bit of lint in your navel, right? End of report.

Grease Thief of Edmond, OK

It seems that a really stupid human was fairly difficult to find. Of course, I suppose I could have gone to Fark. There are enough stupid humans readin' Fark that findin' one there should not be difficult. Still, we do have a winner:

A slippery thief is on the loose in Edmond, where police say nearly 5,000 pounds of used cooking grease has been stolen from three restaurants.

Today's Stupidest Human of the Day is the Grease Thief of Edmond, OK who is not only stupid to have chosen stealin' used grease as a profession, but additionally feels that the best place in the world to ply his trade is in Edmond, OK.

Graciously nominated by Lawren of Martinis, Persistence, and a Smile, quite possibly the Munuvian with the longest named blog.

There may be a bit more occurrin' over by the fire

Ironbear has once again been spotted near a keyboard.

The meme of the minute or somethin'

It seems that Candy posted a speech with which David of Ripples was so impressed that he also posted the entire speech with a link to Candy sayin' where he had found it. OK, go to either of those places, 'cause, whether it be the meme of the moment or however excellent I think the message was, I just ain't gonna entirely post the exact same thing as two other bloggers to which I just linked did. Got it? I ain't my [insert appropriate inappropriate modifier here] style.

Crazy Catsup Conspirators hatch evil plot to discredit Dubya

MoveOn.org plans on airin' a commercial showin' the kind of life they want for all Americans, where all women in our country shall be required to keep their faces covered in public. They want to start with the Statue of Liberty.

I stepped into this pile of doo doo while surreptitiously trespassin' * over at Res Ipsa Loquitor.

*That admission is solely an attempt to be humorous, and is not intended to become an admission on my part of any actual wrong doin'. I offered my callin' card upon entry, so the young lady was fully aware of my presence. As far as I noticed, she was fully dressed, as well.

something I noticed a long long time ago*

Ever notice how the liberals never really address the issues? If you bring up John Kerry's flip flops, you get an earful of their criticisms of Bush? If you bring up John Kerry's Vietnam record - they tell you that you're being petty and dealing in picky little details - - and when you bring up the fact that Kerry is the one who is largely responsible for Vietnam even being an issue in this campaign - they just shake their head and roll their eyes. They call the President a liar over the Weapons of Mass Destruction issue - - yet when you ask them why any number of Democrats, including Clinton, Albright, Gore and Kerry, said the VERY SAME things about WMD's - as well as the UN who also made the same statements about the danger of Saddam's weapons...it's still only Bush who lied? Everyone else was just.......pontificating? - LisaS

Does the knife not cut equally as well in both directions, grasshopper?

*in a galaxy not far far away -- well, OK, ya caught me there -- it was in a universe mostly centered right around me.

The meanin' sometimes is greater than the point of a statement

Grow up, guys. There are forces out there larger than yourselves, and when things go wrong, it just might be those larger forces or -- heaven forfend -- something YOU did or didn't do . . . - Sissy Willis

I might add that she made such comment in the context of disagreein' with the comment that some fault in almost any sins that befell on Muslims likely fell on the shoulders of their decadent women. Muslim feminism! Oh George! What a Hoot! Can you imagine the excrutiatin' pain their activities must be causin' all of those sadistic Chauvinistic Islamic males, which includes a large majority of most Islamic countries?

Did I mention that Rob of CrabAppleBlog liked that quote, as well? In fact, he's the one that told me about it.

Properly secure your drinks, please

[At the bottom is an assignment!]

This is absolutely the funniest thing I have read in a long while.

Read it all the way through, after you stop laughin', pause and give it some deep thought. It actually heaps a load of back handed admiration for the skills of our current Commander in Chief. He is in a class by himself, even among his closest contemporaries. That is a very high mark of achievement for any man.

Kudos Jane.

[UPDATE: Your mission, Mr. Phelps, should you choose to accept it, is to provide correct Moron Classifications to all of the commenters on this post. I am bettin' that neither Harvey nor Jim can successfully tackle such mission. Susie probably could, but won't have time. ;) As always, this message will cease to exist when no one further considers it worthy of consideration.]

May 23, 2004

Is Breathed finally givin' us a clue as to where he is takin' this strip? Today, Opus went deep, really deep. Instead of throwin' the pass Opus expected, the technological creation, which seemin'ly has arrived to replace the meadow lurkers of Bloom County, barrages him with an endless series of curveballs. In my opinion, today's strip is so deep that it may require further contemplation.

Whatta ya know -- Truth in Advertisin'

Just seen on banner advertisement for date.com:

5 million beautiful singles . . . one ugly one

OK, so which one of ya'll is ownin' up to bein' the ugly one?*

*I greatly fear that such is likely referrin' to me. Is it a badge that I should wear in honor?

Somethin' to which I have never given a thought

Via SDB there's this. The only problem with "realistic" War games such as this, is what will happen in the High Schools around the country. Instead of Columbine, we'll see things like The Debate Club turn into the UN, The boys in Shop will be the Marines, the "JD's" will be the terrorists (You tell me that blowing up a toilet with an M80 isn't an act of terrorism), Art Class will be the protestors [sic], and the Drama Cub will be France. Would you send your kid's to a school like that? - Johnny - Oh [emphasis supplied]

Thanks to OzGuru for the pointer.*

*As well as for the three links to a few pieces of finest crap I have to offer.

Timin' is ever'thin'

Well, it took me forever to find a theater that was still showin' "The Alamo" but I finally did, way on the other side of the city. I ain't talkin' 'bout the little town where I live, but the city that is about an hour away: Ft. Worth. The movie was not as bad as I thought it was gonna be, but then again, it was a bit borin' in parts. It ain't like I was not familiar with the story. Of course, I can tell ya, I was pretty tired, as it was 12:30 am or so when I finally got out of the theater and was on my way home. I just got home and am sittin' here lookin' right down at my navel. No sign of any lint in there, nor any other foreign objects, so I supposed it is doin' as well as usual. Good, because I am tired as heck and am ready for bed. End of report.

Audience Choice

Well, as possibly one or two of you know, Saturday's are a really slow bloggin' day. As such, it was particularly hard to locate a really choice Stupidest Human of the Day™ for today. Instead, I have three only partially stupid people for you to choose among. So, kiddies, who is it gonna be:

Contestant Number One comes to us from Accidental Verbosity, and is the brainless and likely deaf bimbo who wanted Jay to switch to the long distance service he already uses, despite his havin' informed her of such several times:.

Contestant Number Two is "The Barkin' Attorney" from New York City," nominated by Joe Gandelman of Dean's World.

or

Contestant Number Three, the Blogosphere's only fred1st of Fragments ~ from Floyd, who was fingered by Dustbury after he had the audacity to propose genetical reengineerin' of the Labrador species of dogs just so that photographin' them would be easier.

Who do you think should be named as today's Stupidest Human of the Day™?

Well, I am waitin'?

The stuff that legends are made of --

It seems that the genie over at snopes.com has been busy here lately. First of all, there has been grave disbelief shown about the story* of the German couple that were not havin' sex and wonderin' why they had no success* in tryin' to start a family: Urban Legends Reference Pages: Pregnancy (No Sex Please, We're Religious)**

Next, they totally debunk the claim that Andy Kaufan is alive.****

I am just hopeful that this story [NOTICE: FEMALE FRONTAL NUDITY SHOWN] does not turn out to be a hoax, as well.*****

[UPDATE: Throw another log on this fire.]

*I bit on this story as well. See: A German Married Couple.

**I am fully aware that my own lack of success is due to the same reason, but, of course, not includin' the lack of tryin'.

***I ran across it at Jen's.

****Kudos, of course, to Jane of Burnt Fuse.

*****The slice of life provided by the Most Gracious Hostess of Cake Eater Chronicles.

Applause is expected accepted

Well, I am still here ... I think. Physically, I seem to be present ... includin' the star of this show, das navel. Das is German but I ain't got a whittlin' idea* what the German word for navel might be. It is difficult to come up with stuff, so givin' the whole report that hint of Germanity with the simple use of the term das seemed the simplest thing I could do. Now is that entire scenario not so far out in the ozone? What kind of mind thinks up this crap, seriously. Is Germanity even germane to this discussion? Why am I still here? Where did I need to go?

Bed .. sounds like as good a destination as can be. The sun rises on a new day tomorrow. I suspect the star of this show will begin tomorrow as it has every day for almost 50 years ... firmly implanted in the midst of my belly. It is likely a meanin'less existence, but then, it is all the navel has ever known. I am bettin' it is content. I sure ain't been hearin' no complaints. Vote: Inane, Mundane, Germane, or Nader? Somethin' like that ... 'cause I just popped a neuron ... seriously. I felt it, or thought it ... actually, or ... it was more as if my entire thought process just came to an screechin' halt. The generic term is brain fart. Navels never experience those. They have a very mundane existence. End of report.

*I ain't got no idea why this modifier was placed in this position, as it is definitely not germane.

Quickie Update

My right arm is startin' to hurt pretty badly, so I am gonna take a break. I am actually contemplatin' takin' a short road trip somewhere, just to get out of town. I ain't gonna go far, though, not with these high gas prices. My dialup is gettin' pretty cranky, anyway, so now seems a good time to do somethin' that does not involve transferrin' data over a decrepit phone line.

Pixy, do I am have trickle on this blog?*

*That is likely rhetorical, 'cause I really ain't 'spectin' Pixy to read that.

nameless individual in Florida who devised the Little Miss Hooters contest for toddlers

I thought it might be difficult to find today's Stupidest Person of the day™ but thanks to a quick scan among Michele's offerin's I was sent to Sekimori's blog where I found one of those real life, in your own backyard, situations involvin' someone who showed their stupidity so blatantly, it is likely to cost them their livelihood for all the hoopla that occurred from the event. I, of course, do not actually know the person responsible, but let us just say that some nameless individual in Florida who devised the Little Miss Hooters contest for toddlers is today's Stupidest Person of the day™. Let us just say this person just nominated him[her]self.

They play the game like real men should in the land down under

I want to thank Debbye for linkin' to an OzGuru post that I had overlooked which linked to a post of Simon's that I had overlooked which compared Australian Football with American Football. Jeez, it makes our game look like it is played by a bunch of sissies. Uh, wait, might that be highly overpaid, cry baby sissies?

About the visitation/bandwith situation

Although the visitation stays steady, accordin' to this graph, the actual bandwidth use has fallen off after the initiation of the search situation. As I stated in a couple of responses about this situation, the bulk of the visitors are goin' straight to one of the archive pages, which has no graphics of any kind, well other than the backgrounds.

Start writin' your best stuff now, but save it for a week

OK, I warned ya'll in January* that I was gonna be hostin' the Carnival of the Vanities come June 2. That date is fast approachin'. Start workin' in that good stuff while I try to come up with a theme that no one else has used. By the way, the latest Carnival of the vanities is at Dispatches from the Culture Wars and will be at Spot On this comin' week, then will be here on my fine, upstandin', highly entertainin' blog and then moves on to the King blog of the Munuvian Empire** the followin' week.

Ladies and gentlemen, warm up those keyboardin' fingers, 'cause I seriously want some good stuff. I will give ya submission details right after Spot On publishes the 88th edition of the Carnival on May 26th. Until then, blog well, grasshoppers. Big Daddy*** is watchin' ... unless he is workin' on his cookbook or cookin' or messin' with parrots or whatever.

*This blog, however, was somewhere else and named somethin' else at that time.

**All hail the great and noble Pixy Misa!

***George, ya'll ... it is hard to find some snarky thing to put in every message ya'll know, so this was the best I could do this round. Cut me some slack, OK?

A place for polibloggers to camp out?

Oh, wow! I think this might be the best site on the Internet. Really. Check it out for yourself.

I am gonna thank Mary of Fresh Bed Goodness for keepin' her finger pointed that way for days and days until I stumbled across her blog, havin' found she had mislinked to one of my lamer posts

Another comic artist wants to make the papers

I followed some emotion thingy from Wasted Days, Wasted Nites to UnkyMoods.com. They have some cute little characters that are drawn by some guy named Marc Lutz. He also draws a comic strip called Can Hed and like every other online comic artist, is hopin' to be seen in your local newspaper. However, take a look at today's strip, and tell me if such would likely make it into the funnies in your hometown paper.

May 21, 2004

A barber gave a haircut to a priest one day. The priest tried to pay for the haircut but the barber refused saying "I cannot accept money from you, for you are a good man - you do God's work."

The next morning the barber found a dozen bibles at the door to his shop.

A policeman came to the barber for a haircut, and again the barber refused payment saying "I cannot accept money from you, for you are a good man - you protect the public."

The next morning the barber found a dozen doughnuts at the door to his shop.

A lawyer came to the barber for a haircut, and again the barber refused payment saying "I cannot accept money from you, for you are a good man - you serve the justice system."

The next morning the barber found a dozen more lawyers waiting for a haircut.

Throw me a life preserver, quickly

Oh, man oh man, is the situation ever growin' more insane. I received an email earlier tonight:

From : bandwidth@tig.mu.nu
Sent : Thursday, May 20, 2004 6:46 PM
To : --me--@hotmail.com
Subject : The domain tig.mu.nu (tiger) is about to exceed bandwidth limit

The domain tig.mu.nu (tiger) has reached 80% of its bandwidth limit. Please contact the system admin as soon as possible.

I mean it ain't like I didn't mention that I thought such was gonna be a problem earlier today, right? I just am not sure what to do ... but I left word for Pixy on Munuviana. I had actually hoped the clamor over that video was quietin' down, much like the Instalanche gave out after a few days, but today has been the heaviest traffic day yet.

Whatever happens from this time forward is Pixy's call. I cannot stop all those people from visitin' and cannot change the fact that Google is listin' my blog in the top spot on almost every misspellin' of the name possible. I guess I should just be thankful I am not listed all that high for the right spellin' or my daily visitation numbers might be in the millions, like Wizbang's. All I know is that I really did not need any stress of any sort, right now. I have just about reached my stress point. I am about ready to pull my hair out, but, of course, I cannot find enough hair on my head to grip, what with so much of it missin' and the rest cut so short it would be hard to grab. I know, I have tried.

Not much real news on the navel front for today, however. I did have to flick a nasty piece of lint out of it earlier, but the extraction went well and the navel recovered without too much difficulty. It is the rest of me that needs rest, relaxation and recuperation. A good night's rest will do wonders. I just hope I can get a good night's rest, or will it be another night of tossin' and turnin'? Place your bets. End of report.

He didn't mean it the way you think, I think

There are some ugly mothers around these parts. - Velociman

Peri Fleisher, great-niece of Professor Edward Kasner

Folks, it seemed to be very very difficult to find a really Stupid Person for Today, but thankfully there is this lady: Peri Fleisher, great-niece of Professor Edward Kasner, who invented the word "googol" to describe the number one followed by a hundred zeroes is suin' Google, the search engine. Her suit is stupid, likely one of the most baseless intellectual property suits ever conceived in a person's mind, and, as such, she is Today's Stupidest Person of the Day™.

Nomination: Say Anything via Dean

PSA Ad-Aware

How many of ya'll really like those pop-up windows that hide down under the part of the window you can see on your monitor? I am not sure what good they are if you can't see them, but I suspect they are minin' your computer for all kinds of popups or are spyin' on what you are doin'. I suppose it is time to run Ad-Aware again, huh? By the way, if you are here and are one of the few people who have not discovered Ad-Aware, do so now. http://www.lavasoftusa.com/ It is free and it is invaluable for gettin' rid of spyware and dataminers.

A little bit of this and that

OK, first of all, how many of ya'll were aware of the plight of some 13 year old 8th grade girl, who, when asked what she wanted to do in life, stated she wanted to become President of the United States, and was laughed at by both her classmates and teacher. She wrote to Ann Landers about it, sayin' she was embarrassed and ashamed to return to school followin' this incident. Of course, Ann likely imparted some great advice, as she is wont to do. Additionally, there have been dozens and dozens of people writin' in tellin' the girl that her classmates were wrong and that she should stick by her convictions and hold her head high. Today's column featured such a letter supposedly penned by the current Dem Prez candidate John Kerry, himself. I, of course, figure someone from his staff did the deed, as it seemed to be too well thought out and not wishy washy enough to have been conceived in the brain of said "Frenchy" Kerry, but still, kudos to the Kerry camp for havin' come forth in this situation. To the 13 year old girl, let me say this, if you are plannin' on bein' Pres, watch your back, keep your nose clean in all things, and good luck.

Did Emode change its name to Tickle? I am almost positive I had taken this test* previously, with similar results:

Congratulations, Tiger!
Your IQ score is 135

good at discovering quick solutions to problems, able to think on your feet...

This number is the result of a formula based on how many questions you answered correctly on Tickle's Classic IQ test. Your IQ score is scientifically accurate; to read more about the science behind our IQ test, click here.

During the test, you answered four different types of questions — mathematical, visual-spatial, linguistic and logical. We were able to analyze how you did on each set of those questions, which reveals the way your brain processes information.

We also compared your answers with others who have taken the test, and according to the sorts of questions you got correct, we can tell your Intellectual Type is a Precision Processor.

This means you're exceptionally good at discovering quick solutions to problems, especially ones that involve math or logic. You're also resourceful and able to think on your feet. And that's just some of what we know about you from your test results.

I am always confused about these scores, however, as I scored 168 on the initial test I was given in school, 155 on one with about 150 questions I took one night last year when I was really tired, and now 135 on this one with only 40 questions. I am always of the belief that 0 is likely the bottom score, but I do wonder if the highest possible score changes dependent upon the test. I do know that this part is true, at least accordin' to my own belief of my abilities:

you're exceptionally good at discovering quick solutions to problems, especially ones that involve math or logic. You're also resourceful and able to think on your feet.

For the very first time since I have been watchin' my statistics, a page other than my index is the most popular one. In fact, out of the last 100 visitors to my blog, 72 of them went straight to the post entitled: "The insanity continues" and there is beginnin' to be a lively commentin' party goin' on there, too, it seems. Of course, you probably know the post has to do with the Nick Berg incident, right? That scenario has gotten me more hits now that the Instalanche I got last August. So far, accordin' to SiteMeter, which most of ya'll know has been fairly erratic these last few days itself, I have had over 11,500 visitors so far this month, whereas last August, I only got 10,500 due to the Instalanche. I am afraid Pixy's bandwidth bill is gonna be pretty high this month also, as so far this month, it seems my site has transferred 3951.375307 Megabytes and/or 3.858765 Gigabytes of data. That is more than double of last month's usage. I remember that Instalanche cost me an extra $6 last year for excessive bandwidth usage.

[UPDATE: Some of ya'll may have been watchin' as I was experimentin' with this post to use a few of those new toys everyone else is usin' on their blog posts recently. So, what do ya'll think?]

*Let's give a large handful of kudos to Ikoko was herE** for the reminder.

**I could not find the permalink to the post despite my efforts. Blog*spotters! We all started there, didn't we? ;)

What else should a Tiger be?

Take two and then call me in the mornin'

As if I have any idea what I am talkin' 'bout. My eyes are droopy and dreary and it is hot as heck again. I had to break down and turn on the A/C just so as to cool this place down enough to sleep. I did that last night after I posted the report, and noticed that the thermostat kicked the system off after a few minutes. What the hey, right? If'n I can't afford to pay the 'lectric bill, I can always quit eatin'. If'n ya ain't got a lot of fat insulation, surely ya will be cooler, huh? O' course, I likely ain't got a lot of fat there of any amount anyway. I have been on the poverty diet for quite aspell now.

These high fuel prices are workin' their magic on us all, it seems. I would begin carpoolin' but I already live practically within walkin' distance from my office. It is that 50 mile round trip to the next burg that uses up all my fuel, and there ain't no one from here goin' that way, it seems, at least not on the same exact schedule as myself.

I guess I need to buy me a moped, or one of them 'lectric scooters. I already had one of 'em, but it seems when they say weight limit is 200lbs., they mean 180lbs. not 220lbs. It wouldn't drag my big butt a foot, it seems. I ended up givin' it to some kid, but he seemed to have it torn up in about a week. Money down the drain. Ain't the first time, and I am so doubtful it will be the last. I am a'bettin' if I strained my brain a bit, I might come up with an example of such occurrin' since that occasion. However, my brain is dead and beyond bein' strained at this point, it seems.

Hey ya'll, I think I just discovered somethin' I didn't know. I think this funny sound I been hearin' night after night about this time that I thought was lettin' me know someone has gone offline or some stupid error occurred which I was never able to find, was just my computer tellin' me midnight had arrived. A mystery solved.

So, where were we before we got so rudely interrupted? Dead brains, I think. Wait, my brain is dead right now, so I can't think. Ain't that the point I was tryin' to make. I sure do wish my navel would take over. But, of course, as usual, it just lays there, doin' nothin' but lookin' cute ... like that is doin' me a bit of good when I am so brain dead I can't think of a thing to say. Fine, be that way! Navel: cute, mute and stubbornly resolute. Me: brain dead, finally gettin' cooler and goin' to bed. End of report.

There must have been a full moon around somewhere

Dang, I was up at the store a few minutes ago, refillin' my DP cup as I am wont to do on occasion, as many of my regular readers know. Anyway, for about the fifth or sixth time today, I caught the headlines of the Ft. Worth Star-Telegram. Two different stories really bothered me. Of course, as I have found from previous experience, if I just link them, first of all, you might not be able to see them unless you register and, secondly, I have actually seen such stories impossible to find after a month or so. As such, I am gonna show the headlines here and post the entire stories in the extended entries, just in case the links are not usable.

Plea rejected, mentally ill man executed

Teachers show video of beheading

I am almost positive you can see why these stories attracted my attention. They are both alarmin' situations, so visit the extended entry and read the stories in their entirety.

Posted on Wed, May. 19, 2004

Plea rejected, mentally ill man executed
By Mike Tolson
Houston Chronicle

HUNTSVILLE - A convicted killer with a long history of severe mental illness was executed Tuesday, shortly after Gov. Rick Perry denied his clemency request without acknowledging a rare recommendation by the Texas Board of Pardons and Paroles that the sentence be commuted to life imprisonment.

In a prepared statement, Perry said that the decision was difficult because of Kelsey Patterson's medical history, but that several courts had reviewed the case and found no legal reason to bar his execution.

Perry did not mention the clemency recommendation or say why he disagreed with it.

"This defendant is a very violent individual," Perry said. "Texas has no life-without-parole sentencing option, and no one can guarantee this defendant would never be freed to commit other crimes were his sentence commuted. In the interest of justice and public safety, I am denying the defendant's request for clemency and a stay."

Texas resumed executions in 1982. The board's 5-1 vote Monday was its first recommendation that the governor commute a death sentence at such a late stage, The Associated Press reported.

Patterson's attorney, Gary Hart, expressed dismay after Perry rejected the clemency recommendation.

"They gave lip service to it being a hard case," Hart said after the governor's office called him and read Perry's statement. "But the ultimate justification was of a mad dog that had to be shot. That's the image I got after hearing their statement."

Hart praised the parole board for considering the "totality of the picture" involving Patterson's history with the state mental health system, which seldom kept him hospitalized for more than a few months. He also criticized Perry for "sweeping aside" the parole board's judgment.

"How can you end your statement by emphasizing his violence and not mentioning his mental illness?" Hart asked.

Relatives and friends of Louis Oates and Dorothy Harris, the business owner and secretary whom Patterson killed in 1992, called Perry's decision courageous.

"I want to personally thank all the courts involved and everyone who upheld the verdict," said Michele Smith, Harris' daughter. She spoke shortly after witnessing the execution.

"And I want to thank the governor for giving me a chance to start again and have an end to such a horrible time in my life. I started the day very pessimistic, but it ended like I prayed it would," Smith said.

Genevieve Tarlton Hearon, executive director of the Austin-based Capacity for Justice, said her group and 32 other mental health advocacy organizations wrote Perry on Tuesday encouraging him to approve clemency.

"I'm sorry for Texas," she said Tuesday night. "It's an embarrassment."

The U.S. Supreme Court has ruled that executing mentally retarded killers is unconstitutional but has not extended that protection to the mentally ill.

On Tuesday afternoon, the high court denied Patterson's final appeal.

Patterson, 50, was mumbling incoherently on the death-chamber gurney when witnesses were brought to the viewing rooms.

"Murderer ... no kin, no kin," he said quietly. "I'm not guilty of the charge of capital murder ... acquitted by the Court of Criminal Appeals."

When warden Joe Fernald asked whether he had a final statement, Patterson responded: "Statement to what? Statement to what?"

Patterson rambled for about two minutes. "I'm not guilty of the charge of capital murder," he repeated. "They're doing this to steal my money. My truth will always be my truth. No kin to you ... undertaker ... murderer. Go to hell. Get my money. Give me my rights. Give me my rights. Give me my life back."

The flow of lethal chemicals stilled his mumbling. He was pronounced dead at 6:20 p.m., becoming the ninth inmate executed in Texas this year.

Patterson was convicted of capital murder in his hometown of Palestine for killing Oates, 63, and Harris, 41, who worked at Oates' oil company.

According to trial testimony, he walked about a block from his home to where Oates was standing on a loading dock at his business. Patterson came up behind Oates, shot him in the head with a .38-caliber pistol and started walking away. When Harris saw what had happened and began screaming, Patterson grabbed her and shot her in the head.

Then he went home, removed his clothes except for his socks, and was arrested walking on the street in front of his home.

Patterson's family had tried to have him committed to a mental facility shortly before the slayings, but authorities rejected the request because he had not harmed or threatened anyone.

After Patterson shot a co-worker in Dallas in 1980, doctors diagnosed his illness as paranoid schizophrenia. He spent much of that decade in and out of state mental hospitals. He was not prosecuted in the first assault or two others that followed because authorities determined that he was delusional at the time of the attacks.

During his trial in the Palestine slayings, Patterson was repeatedly expelled from the courtroom for outbursts. He frequently talked about "remote control devices" and "implants" that controlled him, according to The Associated Press.

While on Death Row, he told people and wrote nearly incomprehensible letters to courts about having amnesty and a permanent stay of execution.

Hart argued that Patterson's sentence should be commuted because his mental illness makes him less culpable for his criminal acts. In his letter to Perry requesting a reprieve, Hart contended that Patterson had remained delusional during his time on Death Row and was not competent for execution.

State law requires only that a condemned prisoner understand that his execution is imminent and comprehend the reason underlying it. At a March court hearing in state court, Patterson acknowledged the judge's statements regarding the pending execution but continued to insist -- as he has for years -- that he would not be executed because he had received "amnesty rights based on innocence" from the Texas Court of Criminal Appeals.

Patterson, who insisted he was not mentally ill, did not cooperate with his attorney or mental health professionals assigned to determine his competency. He refused to complete paperwork associated with an execution, such as picking a last meal or selecting witnesses.

Prison officials said that a tray of sandwiches and cookies was available before his execution, and that he was offered and accepted a candy bar and a soft drink.

In March, Perry commuted a death sentence for the first time since taking office in 2000. That inmate is mentally retarded and was not within hours of a scheduled execution.

In 1998, four days before former self-confessed serial killer Henry Lee Lucas was to die, then-Gov. George W. Bush commuted his sentence after questions were raised about the conviction. Bush commuted no other death sentences in his six years in office, during which 152 inmates were executed.

Patterson was the 324th inmate put to death since executions resumed in Texas in 1982. Two executions are scheduled for June.

This report includes material from the Associated Press.

Posted on Wed, May. 19, 2004

Teachers show video of beheading
By Terry Webster and Sarah Bahari
Star-Telegram Staff Writers

FORT WORTH - Two Northwest High School teachers have been suspended for showing students the video of American Nicholas Berg being beheaded in Iraq, Northwest district officials said Tuesday.

The video was shown to some juniors and seniors Friday and Monday during a total of three class periods, including a social studies class, said officials at the school in far north Fort Worth. Students said it was also shown in a health, science and technology class.

Northwest Superintendent Keith Sockwell said the teachers' judgment was "very inappropriate." He declined to identify the teachers, who are on paid administrative leave.

"I'm not sure how the DVD got into the classroom. But, apparently, students were allowed to view that video, and it appears all of the way through," he said.

The video shows Berg, of West Chester, Pa., being beheaded by a terrorist wielding a knife while four others look on. The grainy video was displayed on a Web site May 11.

Some Northwest High students, including those who had viewed the video, said they thought the teachers' suspension was an overreaction. The video was shown in at least one health, science and technology class in conjunction with a current events day Friday after a student downloaded it, students said. Teachers gave students the option to leave the room, said student Jenny Butterick, 16.

An investigation began after a parent notified Northwest High Principal Jim Chadwell about the incident. Chadwell could not be reached to comment Tuesday.

Northwest officials said that the district has interviewed teachers and students and that the inquiry should be finished within days. Any further action against the teachers will depend on the outcome, Sockwell said.

Northwest High will offer counseling to students who were upset by the video.

Sockwell said discussing the war in Iraq and terrorism is a legitimate lesson. But the teachers went too far, he said.

Butterick said most students opted to watch the video, which she called disturbing.

"You see stuff like that in the movies, but this was really hard because you know it's not special effects," she said. "That's really somebody's head that they're holding."

Erin Bennici, 18, said she watched the video in her health, science and technology class. She said she and her classmates were mature enough to handle the material. Students in the class often discussed the war and also looked at pictures of Iraqi prisoners being abused, she said.

"It's disappointing to see this happen to our teacher," Bennici said. "She's a really good teacher, and she's always pushing us and motivating us."

Butterick's father, Charles Butterick, was surprised that the video was shown at school. He said that his daughter is mature enough to watch the video but that teachers should have asked for parental permission before showing it.

Linda Gunnels, whose son is a senior, said showing the video might be appropriate if students are seniors.

"It's part of what's going on, and it's a fact of life," she said. "It did happen."

Gene Hayward, a past president of the PTA council for the Northwest district, said he had no objections to showing an edited version in class.

"A version that doesn't show the complete beheading is appropriate to show in a classroom in the context of a quality lesson," said Hayward, who also teaches social studies at O.D. Wyatt High School in the Fort Worth district. "It should not be shown just out of curiosity."

Some students opposed showing the video.

"It's just too much. It's wrong," said Kate Suriyatip, 15, a freshman.

In California, at least three teachers have been placed on paid leave for showing the video at school, according to The Associated Press. One of the teachers is from Villa Park High School in Villa Park, Calif. The other incident involved two teachers in the Grossmont Union High School District near San Diego.

A similar debate over appropriate classroom content arose in Northwest after the 9-11 terrorist attacks on the World Trade Center and the Pentagon.

"If there was anything different, you didn't see the graphic nature that you see in this particular situation," Sockwell said.

ONLINE: www.northwest.k12.tx.us

This report includes material from The Associated Press.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Terry Webster, (817) 685-3819
twebster@star-telegram.com

It is good to know who your friends are

Pixy is so good to us. He gave us all CPanel, which allows us to access so much data about this and that. I did not know I could find out what sites were my top referrers until today. Now I know:

1. 2561258: http://tig.mu.nu/
2. 150540: http://blog.mu.nu/
3. 126586: http://tiger.mu.nu/
4. 92118: http://www.google.com/
5. 27133: http://search.yahoo.com/
6. 14676: http://www.movabletype.org/
7. 13873: http://www.technorati.com/
8. 8280: http://shushu.pia.cc/
9. 7990: http://blo.gs/
10. 7508: http://www.google.co.uk/
11. 6906: http://www.google.ca/
12. 6721: http://themonkeyboylovescheese.mu.nu/
13. 6344: http://wizbangblog.com/
14. 6062: http://www.google.com.au/
15. 6027: http://aolsearch.aol.com/
16. 5135: http://www.tiger.mu.nu/
17. 4969: http://munuviana.mu.nu/
18. 4943: http://www.whotendsthefires.us/
19. 4472: http://www.mudvillegazette.com/
20. 4003: http://www.silverblue.org/
21. 3708: http://www.accidentalverbosity.com/
22. 3207: http://www.outsidethebeltway.com/
23. 3054: http://practicalpenumbra.mu.nu/
24. 2940: http://216.239.37.104/ [Google]
25. 2853: http://www.google.de/
26. 2762: http://216.239.39.104/ [Google]
27. 2269: http://ripples.typepad.com/
28. 2234: http://www.google.it/
29. 2141: http://rocketjones.mu.nu/
30. 1926: http://pp.mu.nu/

The only real surprises to me from this, at least at first glace, is that OzGuru is not among the leaders and that #8 is there at all. I visited that page when I saw that, and I remember havin' been there previously for some reason, but I could not understand why I was gettin' such a large amount of referrals from a site that I think is a Chinese site sellin' dog products. Of course, with all the other mysterious happenin's about the blogosphere, I doubt this one rates high. But it sure does make me pause for wonder.

I also wonder at this number: 43232, because that is supposedly the number of visitors I have gotten since I moved to Munu in February. SiteMeter is fried, I tell ya -- I am not even sure it is worthwhile to use. The only thing that halfway makes it usable is that so many other people use it, and supposedly the same errors effect us all, so it is a worthwhile indicator for using to compare your numbers to those others usin' it. That sole function does seem to be the one feature of the NZB ecosystem that is still functionin' at this time.

Hey, I do my fair share of linkin' to the good stuff, right?*

A gift from zombyboy.

*Of course, who am I to cry about hardly anyone linkin' to me?

Junior Student at Odessa High School

The Odessa, Texas student was found, bleeding from the nose and mouth, in the school hallway, after drinkin' an unidentified chemical on a bet. [full story] Nominated by mikey

He is almost perfect in every way

Randy Johnson has become the oldest man to ever pitch a perfect game. The Big Eunuch is still ugly. It ain't his fault, though. I still wish he was pitchin' for the Rangers, but mostly just glad he ain't pitchin' for the Yankees. Of course, he would fit right in with those Yankees, though, 'cause they are all ugly.

I actually saw this story on my own, then saw it several places, but want to give some kudos to Michele anyway, 'cause she is a big fan of the stinkin' Yankees and won't go see them in their own stadium 'cause they are sellin' Fiddle Faddle Crunch 'n Munch instead of the real deal.*

*Cracker Jack®, dufus!

RIP Mr Mouse

I was just over reading Beyond the Black Hole and it seems that Mr Mouse is a casualty of bein' on the bottom of the food chain. I know you are likely thinkin' he was eaten by Miss Kitty, but it seems she is not to blame.

Oops, seems Mr Mouse's replacement, Mr Mouse, has already made an appearance, The new Mr Mouse does not look like a mouse you want to try to push around.

Let's all give conspiracy theorists a field day

It can now be revealed Herman Munster's staccato laughter was actually morse [sic] coded messages to Nazi Hitler clones in Brazil. They had it dubbed in Polish and retranslated into Portugese [sic] to throw off Bobby Kennedy, The Justice League and the 1969 NY Mets.

Oh, and I'm a large grey squirrel with crooked teeth and a rash shaped like Patrick Ewing's head on my posterior. - Hudson

Found in the comments to this post.

Just some stuff to pass along

Well, sometime durin' the last few days, I exceeded 50,000 visitors. My SiteMeter now shows to be be above 50,000. Of course, SiteMeter has also been on the fritz for the last few days. That was why I said that it was sometime durin' the last couple of days that I exceeded 50K.. Also note the StatCounter count. Almost exactly a month ago, I installed StatCounter, set it on exactly the same count I had on SiteMeter, and now I see it is showin' I have had almost 15,000 more visitors durin' the past month.

Somethin' I heard on the radio: DJ said people should not have children after 35. He then stated that 35 children should be plenty and it was time to stop.

I forgot to do yesterday's Stupidest Person of the Day™ so that should mean I was yesterday's Stupidest Person of the Day. So that today's gets done, please get your nominations in the comments of this post. ;)

I have come down with a sudden case of the beal, I guess

I just don't feel like bloggin' tonight. I mean the only two things I blogged on all day were about people who died today. That is a bit depressin'. Besides, I am really tired, for some reason. It might be the heat and humidity. My navel is sweaty. I am bein' a cheapskate and refusin' to turn on the A/C so as to keep the 'lectric bills down low. The fan is movin' the air, but it ain't all that cool. End of report.

[UPDATE: I did forget to mention that I went to see Troy today, and as I was leavin', I heard some young guy mention it was not as good as the book. I was thinkin' to myself, "The Iliad"? Hmmm, so all the special effects that Hollywood can bring to bear, includin' castin' Brad Pitt as the almost immortal Achilles, and somethin' Homer wrote almost 3000 years ago is still better. It was a good movie, I thought, but then I also think The Iliad is about as good of a story tellin', as you could find.]

Rick has gone to a different place, now

A blog I had never run across was The Magic of the Mundane. According to the top post on that blog, the blogger, known as "waistdog" by most, but was called Rick or Richard in real life, died this afternoon. My condolences to his family and friends on their loss.

Michele is spreading this sad news.

Felix is dead

No, not Felix the Cat, ya'll! I understand he has at least 4 of his 9 lives left. Nope, Felix Unger, or, actually the actor who played Felix Unger in TV's The Odd Couple, Tony Randall died at the age of 84.

RIP Tony!

Is there anythin' new left to tell?

I have not seen too many people commentin' on these reports since I reinstated them. I used to think they were some of the favorite daily posts I did, but here lately, I am wonderin' if the hiatus killed the thrill or somethin'.

Ecosystem is still on the fritz, it seems, but my visitation numbers there are doin' well:

172) Abject Apathetic Procrastination 1031 visits/day (661)

I always like it when I am in the top 200 or so. That is about as high as I have ever attained.

Navel is well, or so I presume. It is so hot and humid, I cannot imagine why I am still wearin' this shirt, other than it is one of those I am too lazy to get comfortable situations that was once a topic of conversation on The Introverted Exhibitionist previously. Still, if my navel is as weary as the rest of me, especially my right arm which is achin' like all get-out right now, it is ready to go to bed. Even if not, I am hopeful it won't struggle too much in the efforts to urge it to accompany the rest of me on such venture. I am gonna presume it is unharmed and doin' well. End of report.

Is there more to the story than I am seein' here?

Ya'll know me. There ain't much of anythin' that can get by me without a snarky comment of some kind or a'nother.* However, I just read this, and I just don't know what to say! There is surely somethin' I am missin' 'cause some of what this lady had to say, I wouldn't be publicly admittin'.

Should I thank C.G.Hill for havin' shown me the way?

*That asterisk was intentionally placed.

a German married couple

Today's Stupid Human is not one but two, a German married couple.

A German couple who went to a fertility clinic after eight years of marriage have found out why they are still childless - they weren't having sex.

Nominated by Dave Tepper of Wake Me Up.

Uh, just for those who care: Word Press* has some of the ugliest templates I have ever seen on blogs. Even the Blogger templates are better lookin' and that is sayin' a lot.

Note that Lachlan of my so-called blog, which additonally uses the same aforementioned ugly Word Press template, nominated the cicada eatin' man who narrowly missed bein' today's winner.

*As one of the few WordPerfect usin' holdouts, I am gonna find it difficult to refer to Word Press as "WP."

Chicken Little was a bit off

Hey, check it out! The sun is still hanging in the sky. No tidal waves, earthquakes or massive fires.

Looks like we can finally cross gay people getting married off of the list of things people think will bring on armageddon. - Michele

Monday, 05-17-2004

Nuggets and Gems™ is a listin' of links to those posts I found durin' the day that I thought were excellent, either passin' 'long some 'portant information, displayin' great insight into some topic, bein' of special interest, or just a bit noteworthy. I urge you to read each and every one of these posts. 'Course, even I can't locate every great post made, so, if you published a truly remarkable post in the last few days, you are welcome to track it back to this post to assist others who might be glad to have found your offerin'....

• Tobacco Road Fogey: Survival guide for the low-end blogger, lesson 4
• The Spoons Experience: Best. Headline. Ever.
• On The Third Hand: For those moving from MT to WordPress:
• The Politburo Diktat: Congressional Cover-up
• Stupid Evil Bastard: ACLU sues Michigan school for censoring student's religious statement in year book.
• Mookie Riffic: Dog or God?
• mtpolitics.net: World's Second-Oldest Woman Dies

From the inane thoughts of someone just gettin' off work

I have not gotten a single visitor to this site since noon, accordin' to SiteMeter. So, does that mean that annika, chandra, and the flea's ghost are figments of my imagination?

Come to think of it, ghost fleas might actually be close to bein' figments of some kind, huh?

[UPDATE: Another note -- I am noticin' I ain't gettin' my regular number of visitors comin' from the updated blog listin' on MT.org. That is very very strange, as I almost always see one or two hit my site from there right after I post a new update.]

Somethin' I caught in some SPAM as I was deletin' it.

You can now get green tea in patch form. I have no idea what good they are, but that fact did catch my eye, for some reason. I suppose some people are findin' too little time in their hectic schedules to drink it straight from a cup.

I can't give you the link as I deleted the SPAM already, even if you were interested. If you are truly interested in green tea patches for some reason --- Google search it.

Just sayin' this so that you will know that . . .

They found some Weapons of Mass Destruction (WMD's) in Iraq. It had been suspected all along that if you just piled enough naked terroristic Iraqi prisoners high enough, or otherwise embarrassed some of 'em to the point they couldn't stand it no more, their compatriots in arms, those dastardly terrorists that had not yet been caught, would go to their weapon stash and finally bring out the good stuff.*

*You heard it here first, but watch this scenario make it into the late night jokes tonight.

"Frenchmen do, and it ain't a pretty sight."

So when did they deport Acidman?

Wake me when June 30th rolls around

Thanks to Ghost of a Flea, I was turned on to a very nice interview of Bruce Campbell, Ash of Army of Darkness and creator of Bubba Ho-Tep, which additionally disclosed that he had his very own website. Bein' my usual brain dead self to certain details, I was unaware that there was the very special kinship between Bruce and Sam Raimi, but it appears that they go way way back.* Anyway, Bruce was absolutely ravin' 'bout the trailer for Spider-Man 2:

[T]he trailer was still the coolest thing to happen to the world since penicillin. So, if you're one of the seven people who haven't seen it, watch it now . . . .

I was really waitin' to see it in all its glory on the big screen, but, what the hey, Ash speaks, ya gotta obey. Otherwise he might mistake you for bein' a member of the Evil Dead or sumthin', right?

Well, let me be the first to inform ya that the trailer sent chills down my spine. Now I ain't gonna be happy waitin' 'til the openin' on June 30.

OTB Traffic Jam

*See the extended entry for a listing of their joint ventures as returned by a search on imdb.com.

Joint Ventures

Here are the titles which credit the individuals

• Sam Raimi (I)
,
• Bruce Campbell (I)

1. "Hercules: The Legendary Journeys" (1995)
2. "Jack of All Trades" (2000)
3. "Xena: Warrior Princess" (1995)
4. Army of Darkness (1993) 7.3/10 (17870 votes)
5. Crimewave (1985/I) 5.5/10 (527 votes)
6. Darkman (1990) 6.0/10 (4981 votes)
7. Dead Next Door, The (1988) 4.8/10 (220 votes)
8. Easy Wheels (1989) 3.3/10 (39 votes)
9. Evil Dead II (1987) 7.6/10 (12453 votes)
10. Evil Dead, The (1981) 7.3/10 (10872 votes)
11. Hudsucker Proxy, The (1994) 7.4/10 (10627 votes)
12. Intruder (1988) 5.1/10 (203 votes)
13. It's Murder! (1977)
14. Lunatics: A Love Story (1991) 5.4/10 (115 votes)
15. Maniac Cop (1988) 4.9/10 (510 votes)
16. Maniac Cop 2 (1990) 4.3/10 (267 votes)
17. Nutt House, The (1992) 3.0/10 (86 votes)
18. Quick and the Dead, The (1995) 6.0/10 (7059 votes)
19. Spider-Man (2002) 7.4/10 (47530 votes)
20. Spider-Man 2 (2004)
21. Stryker's War (1985) 5.6/10 (121 votes)
22. Within the Woods (1978) 7.0/10 (241 votes)

"Making of" and video game projects were deleted from the actual list of returns on the search.

Keepin' up Appearances by keepin' the bucket open

For all the breast-beating and second-guessing that we're hearing, I'm still proud of the USA, precisely because of what happened at Abu Ghuraib. - Ted aka Rocket Jones

Constitutional Scholars in midst of mad scramble

It appears that there may be hatchin' an uproar of Constititutional magnitude that has all kinds of people scramblin' around lookin' for to see if there is anythin' about the separation of church and Darth Vader.

In recognition of her efforts in previously locatin' this story, a handful of Kudos needs to be pitched Annika's way.

Navel Under a Hot Tin Roof by Tennesee Tuxedo

"Oh my, but what it is a hot, swelterin' evenin' here. I could literally swoon, I tell ya. I need a mint julep or somethin'. One of ya'll please bring me an iced tea or a col' lemonade, won't ya Sugars?" She had on the most vexin' tube top. He watched her as she fanned herself with a TV magazine while sittin' in front o' the fan coolin' herself in that li'l tin roofed trailer on lot 15.

Hopefully, that will give ya'll just a taste of the temperature of the air and of my blood this night. Navel condition frisky! Much ado 'bout nuthin' though, 'cause this big ol' house is empty. End of report.

Sunday, 05-16-2004

Nuggets and Gems™ is a listin' of links to those posts I found durin' the day that I thought were excellent, either passin' 'long some 'portant information, displayin' great insight into some topic, bein' of special interest, or just a bit noteworthy. I urge you to read each and every one of these posts. 'Course, even I can't locate every great post made, so, if you published a truly remarkable post in the last few days, you are welcome to track it back to this post to assist others who might be glad to have found your offerin'....

• She Who Will Be Obeyed!: I think the US should Extradite all criminals of this sort from Great Britain!
• Dog Snot Diaries: Operation Iraqi Children
• Sgt Hook: The Giant Voice
• the cheese stands alone: Sorry, You Forgot To Give Me A Lobotomy With My Nametag*
• The Anti-Idiotarian Rottweiler: Paleswinian Terrorists in Blowout Over Credit for Attack
• On the Fritz: Gwyneth Paltrow Starts New Trend In Baby Names!
• Rocket Jones: Nifty historical links

*assist: Juliette.

Today's Meme is MASHed

I cannot imagine after how I answered the questions, that I would have possibly come up as this character:

My nose isn't big enough to go with his wardrobe.

The lovely and talented Miss Annika could not be present to receive her award this evenin' and such will be received, in her behalf, by Das Spork.

I would also like to give thanks to my third world phone company and crappy ISP for the technical assistance provided to make this all possible. It was crappy assistance as usual, but, despite them doin' everythin' in their power to prevent me from havin' posted this post, they somehow made it possible through their very crappy services . . . it probably got by in one of those wee moments when attention is directed elsewhere durin' one of those two or three thousand* disconnects/reconnects this evenin'!

*I greatly exaggerated.

Mike Moran, consultant to United States Olympic Committee

This individual actually believes that US athletes need to subdue the exuberance and patriotism if they win events in the Olympics, this year. See this story.

Today's Stupidest Person of the Day is Mike Moran, consultant to United States Olympic Committee.

This blurb brought to you by Michele, Garrulitas, and the Greek letter pi.*

[UPDATE: Honorable mention given to this guy's attempt at the award. Nominated by Stevie.]

*Simply because I was just thinkin' of how deliciously peachy it sounds.

May 16, 2004

Well, I am confused a bit, but mostly, I consider it the be the problem of doin' only one strip a week. It seems that we again see Opus on his hawg and, it appears, he has lost his job. Is there a hint that his past is beginnin' to bother him? This is the second week in a row that Bill the Cat has had a cameo appearance in the strip. I was, again, not highly impressed with today's strip, but did feel it was much better than last week's strip. I, of course, will now await next week's strip.

It might blow this time

Oh, gosh, just got home a bit ago from the family reunion, and did I ever eat. I am worn to a frazzle and ready for bed. My eyes are so closed to bein' completely closed that I cannot quite make out my navel. It is sittin' atop that great big catfish filled belly of mine, though, so it is likely to have a rumblin' good time tonight. End of report.

lucidmadman

Carl of Between the Coasts nominated the author of this post as Today's Stupidest Human of the Day™. As I did not locate anyone stupider myself, and time is runnin' out .... by default, today's winner is lucidmadman who definitely appears to be mad, but exhibited no evidence of lucidness.

Thanks to Carl for havin' brought this to my attention. ;)

Saturday Mornin' Update

Well, I was gonna read a few blogs so as to try to find a winner of the stupidest person of the day for today, but my dialup connection decided to be a bit uncooperative. However, I noticed somethin' that I thought might be of interest to certain number of you.

I usually load several blogs at one time, because with the slow load up time over the dialup, some load faster than others, and I am usually lucky enough to fine a new one loaded up by the time I am ready to read another one. This mornin' I started loadin' blogs in the followin' order:

1. Dean's World
2. Mudville Gazette
3. i am always right
4. Little Tiny Lies aka Hog on Ice
5. Wizbang!
6. suburban blight
7. A small Victory
8. The Introverted Exhibitionist
9. Dog Snot Diaries
10. Outside the Beltway
11. Country Store
12. Ravenwood's Universe
13. Flitting Here and There
14. CrabAppleBlog
15. Burnt Fuse
16. Insults Unpublished and
17. CaughtintheXfire

I had read the first post on Mudville Gazette while the other blogs were continuing to load, but the connection died while attemptin' to load whatever was under Greyhawk's first link on that top post. From the evidence I saw by scannin' the remainder of the blogs I had attempted to load, I was of the opinion the connection had been open long enough to have loaded them all. However, such was not the case, and here are my observations:

• Although it had the longest time to load, havin' been the first link pressed, Dean's World loaded nothin' but the masthead.
• Mudville Gazette's blog was fully loaded except for the masthead which was only about half loaded
• Little Tiny Lies aka Hog on Ice was nothin' but an empty white page
• Wizbang!'s side column had not loaded but entries were readable
• suburban blight's entries were readable but side column loaded only partially, stopped short of calendar
• Outside the Beltway loaded nothin' but the masthead
• Country Store was nothin' but an empty white page
• Only the masthead area on Ravenwood's Universe was not completely loaded
• The blog posts had loaded on Flitting Here and There but the side column was not loaded
• The light bulb masthead did not load on Burnt Fuse but otherwise was fully loaded and last but not least
• CaughtintheXfire was fully loaded except for the masthead

Any blog not mentioned in the preceding observations had fully and completely loaded.

Now except for Dean's World, Tiny Little Lies aka Hog on Ice, Outside the Beltway and Country Store, even those blogs that had not fully loaded were readable. Country Store is on blog*spot, so that is hit and miss at best anyway. For some reason, I recollect that I have found the other three to be especially slow loadin' in the past, as well.

So, take these observations for what they are worth and do with them what you want. I just thought I would share this bit of information for those who might like to have some idea about what effect a slow dailup has on their blog loadin' time.

Speakin' of time, my early day bloggin' time has expired and I still don't have a Stupidest Person of the Day to post --- so I am gonna open the floor for nominations. Leave your nominations in the comments and I will make my decision from among such when I return.

Now let's see if I can get my dead connection to disconnect, so I can reconnect it long enough to post this. ;) Nope, looks like we gotta reboot. George, I hate dialup.

I couldn't have thunk up a better title if I had tried*

Friday 14th May 2004:

• page loads:3,325
• unique visitors: 2,458
• first time vistors: 2,391
• returning visitors: 67

Now, this does not beat that InstaLanche I got last August, but this it is still a lot of visitors, in my opinion. Not as many as WizBang! or OTB or some of those other big dog blogs got, of course. I am really proudest, though, of the 67 returnin' visitors I got than anythin'. Can you imagine, I got 67 people who thought stuff I was writin' was so good they wanted to come back to see what else I could come up with. Ain't that amazin'. Then again, I am hopin' millions and millions line up to buy my book here pretty soon.

Well, I am one really tired cookie. I have been bloggin' up a storm all day, and got a family reunion to attend tomorrow, after I go vote for a couple of people first. So read away, and, just in case there ain't nothin' new the next time you come around, there are a lot of good blogs on my blogroll. Where do you think I get all these goodies I blog about, well at least all the ones that ain't about me and my navel or whatever, ya know?

Speakin' 'bout my navel, guess what ya'll? That little booger is doin' great, I tell ya. He is all snuggled up under my shirt havin' a good time doin' whatever it is that navels do when no one is lookin'. I bet it is happier than a bullfrog sittin' on a freshly laid cow patty. End of report.

*And I didn't try a whit.

An Army Energizer Bunny®, he just keeps goin' & goin' & goin'

Griffin said his 40 years of service has helped him more fully appreciate how wonderful the Soldiers really are, and has also allowed him to see the Army develop into what it is today.

“There cannot be any better cross-section of America and I think the Soldiers represent the best we have,” Griffin said. “Today’s Soldiers are brighter and smarter, perhaps in a different way, than past generations because they’ve been brought up in the computer and information age.”

---

“The Army doesn’t have enough older folks,” Griffin said. “There’s nobody around to talk about history or to give perspective.”

Griffin said the Soldiers like the stories and experience, and are comfortable having someone around who has lived through what they live through, who can share their fears and anxieties.

A most interestin' story about a most interestin' man. Found via [para]Bellum.[net] via dizzy-girl

Friday, 05-14-2004

Nuggets and Gems™ is a listin' of links to those posts I found durin' the day that I thought were excellent, either passin' 'long some 'portant information, displayin' great insight into some topic, bein' of special interest, or just a bit noteworthy. I urge you to read each and every one of these posts. 'Course, even I can't locate every great post made, so, if you published a truly remarkable post in the last few days, you are welcome to track it back to this post to assist others who might be glad to have found your offerin'....

• caughtintheXfire: I'm goin' to Knoxville...
• Wizbang: Friends Remember Nick Berg
• Between the Coasts: You Must Be Gay to Be a Dim Delegate
• Cathy in the Wright: Hump Day Blather
• On The Third Hand: An antidote for the negatives.
• unbillable hours: When The World Is Running Down, You Make The Best Of What's Still Around*

*Credit an assist to Parkway Rest Stop.

Dr. Ray Baker of Cincinnati Children's Hospital

WASHINGTON (Reuters) - First there was the girl who fell off her bike fleeing a flying cicada. Then a boy trying to swat a cicada out of the air with a baseball bat instead hit his friend in the nose.

The final straw came when another child hurt his hand trying to squish a cicada under a car's tires. Dr. Ray Baker of Cincinnati Children's Hospital was convinced -- cicadas can be a safety hazard to children.

Today's stupidest human of the day is Dr. Ray Baker of Cincinnati Children's Hospital. [full story]

Door prize is awared to Cracker Barrel Philosopher, but may only be picked up in person. We here at Munu have been tryin' to get word to said Cracker Barrel Philosopher that he has been invited to become a part of the Munuvian Empire.

Is this what you're lookin' for?

OK, if thousands of you are gonna hit here looking for the Nick Berg video, it ain't here. Hit this link, go see it, then come back here and look around, OK?

Ecosystem on the fritz again

Wouldn't ya know it -- just as I am just about to reobtain my Large Mammal status again, the Ecosystem seems to go down. Oh well. I guess I can be a danged Maraudin' Marsupial until Grumpy Ol' NZ Bear gets around to fixin' whatever is broke this time. If I knew how to fix it . . . but I don't.

I just don't have that much morbid curiosity

Just for the record here, I have seen several links to the actual video of the beheadin' of Nick Berg, but I have no interest in watchin' it. What thrill is there in witnessin' senseless killin'? It would be different if his head was shown as bein' lopped off by an Orc's sword in defense of Middle Earth, but the video was not produced to be a form of entertainment. It was produced solely to shock and to provide further evidence of the lack of compassion on the part of those who took 3000 lives on 9/11. I do not need to witness their cruelty. I have already witnessed as much of that as I could stand.

The laughs were literally comin' non-stop

I was literally fallin' outta my chair laughin' as I scrolled down the page lookin' at the stuff on this page: Why you should never put your picture on the Internet ...*

Then this one, you gotta catch while it is red hot**: OldCatman has created a hilarious parody of Friends usin' currently political figures, and ya'll need to see this one..

*Doncha hate it when you know you found the link to somethin' good somewhere, but for the life of ya, could not find or remember where? Feel free to pipe up if you are supposed get the credit for spottin' this one.

**Par for what you have come to expect, blog*spot's permalinks are on the fritz, so this is the Friday, May 14, 2004 entry. It is currently on the top of the page, hence red hot.

Full speed ahead, with full openness

The world will see how a free system, a democratic system, functions and operates transparently, with no cover-up. - Defense Secretary Donald H. Rumsfeld

More on the Abu Ghraib prison situation

Joe Kelley said, in this post

On the subject of the Abu Ghraib prison scandal, I have an observation.

Many years ago, I read a behavioral theory on human behavior in foreign environments. The conclusion was that outside of familiar environments, humans had a inclination to behave in a foreign manner.

He then went on to make a humorous correlation between the actions of congressmen who leave small town life for the glitz of D.C. and the actions of the troops in Abu Ghraib prison.

I look back over my life, and I do remember there bein' times when I was away from the people I knew, surrounded by people that had no preconceptions of what type of person I was and who were not likely to ever blab about my actions to my mother. I remember bein' in the Army. Yes, maybe I was a bit wilder durin' those days. I dang sure know that I drank more durin' my four years in the Army than the rest of my life combined. But still, I never lost touch with humanity. I never intentionally tried to injure anyone without provocation. I never tried to maliciously humiliate anyone.

Then again, I also recognize the mindset that has consumed the American spirit with regard to the incidents of 9/11 and our hatred of those who were responsible for such act. How often have I seen generalizations about Islamics on the blogs of people whose opinions I generally admire, callin' all Arabic people towel-heads and the like. While the acts committed in Abu Ghraib prison were vile. revoltin'. and disgustin', if you take into consideration: anti-Arabic sentiment; bein' so far from homen a war-time environment; and the peer pressure inherent in the brotherhood of the military, and there is some possible understandin' of how this might have happened. It still does not excuse it.

[UPDATE: Further enlightenment on where this situation fits into the grand scheme of the War on Terror over on Dean's World.]

The insanity continues

It looks like the number of hits I get today is gonna exceed yesterday's huge spike, as the day has already started and I have already amassed 2/3s of yesterday's visitation total. It seems that I am now also getting good returns on people who misspell the last name as Burg, as well.

[UPDATE: I am No. 1 on a Google search on nicholas burg beheading.]

[UPDATE again: I put another listin' to show the variety of different searches to find that video that are hittin' my site currently in the extended entry.]

• AOL the beheading of nick burg
• AltaVista nicolas berg movie
• AltaVista beheading movie
• AltaVista nicholas berg decapitation
• AltaVista video of nick burg beheading
• Google nick burg decapitation video
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• Google video de la decapitation de nicolas berg
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• MSN nicolas berg decapitation video
• Yahoo ! nick burg beheading
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May 14, 2004

A Jewish father was troubled by the way his son turned out, and went to see his Rabbi about it.

"I brought him up in the faith, gave him a very expensive bar mitzvah, cost me a fortune to educate him. Then he tells me last week he has decided to be a Christian! Rabbi, where did I go wrong?"

"Funny you should come to me," said the Rabbi. "Like you I, too, brought my boy up in the faith, put him through University, cost me a fortune, then one day he, too, tells me he has decided to become a Christian."

"What did you do?" asked the father.

"I turned to God for the answer" replied the Rabbi.

"And what did he say?" pressed the father.

"God said, 'Funny you should come to me...' "

Maybe it was a good idea, but I don't know

OK, someone said takin' a bath with Epsom Salts was very relaxin'. So I went out and bought some Epsom Salts and ran me a bath, poured those Epsom Salts in it, and then soaked for awhile. I felt pretty good sittin' in the bath, but not any differently that I usually feel sittin' in a hot bath, so I am not sure if maybe I just wasted a few bucks on some stuff that did nothin'. I just wonder. The day was really long, so I am worn to a frazzle. I did not get to read as many blogs as I wanted because my dialup was being more cranky than usual -- as if that could actually be possible.

So, time for me to take my navel to bed, whether it be relaxed or not because I am gonna have to arouse it early in the mornin' to start another day. It is not a mornin' navel, I can tell that that much. I have the hardest time tryin' to drag it out of bed. Thankfully, I find I am generally assisted in the convincin' by the full bladder. Well, enough of this inanity for this day. End of report.

Thursday, 05-13-2004

Nuggets and Gems™ is a listin' of links to those posts I found durin' the day that I thought were excellent, either passin' 'long some 'portant information, displayin' great insight into some topic, bein' of special interest, or just a bit noteworthy. I urge you to read each and every one of these posts. 'Course, even I can't locate every great post made, so, if you published a truly remarkable post in the last few days, you are welcome to track it back to this post to assist others who might be glad to have found your offerin'....

• G'Day Mate!: Early Valentine this one is a bit dated, but I just found it
• Altered Perceptions: Lust
• i am always right: Just For The Record . . .
• Munuviana: MuNuby Help - Pullquotes

'I don't know how the hell these people got into our army'*

For those of you here because of the link from Berg post on OTB, I apologize, as I was meanin' to link to the Traffic Jam - still read on, just realize this one ain't 'bout Berg.

I had hoped this story was more hype that anythin', but this description of the behavior in Abu Ghraib prison is absolutely appallin'. This is gonna give us a black eye that will last for a long, long time to come and erases a lot of the good will that all of us have been tryin' to show by assistin' in givin' this and that to the children and others who have been affected by this war. Some heads had better roll out of this incident, and I mean way up in the command. Although I have seen several stories where people are tryin' to compare this to other war travesties, like what the Nazis did in WWII to the Jews, or what happened in Viet Nam at My Lai, or the Bataan Death March, and such, but I do not think, even though what was done is disgustin' as all get out, it compares to slaughterin' people or puttin' their lives at risk. It was just incredibly stupid and not anythin' with which any civilized person would have gotten involved. I don't even want to see the pictures, the description of what is contained among them just turns my stomach. I am ashamed these people belong to the same army I was member of durin' the 70's. As a member of the American Legion, I can say they have dishonored everyone who has previously served in our armed forces. It makes me wish they still used the cat-o'-nine-tails to mete out needed punishment in the ranks of the military.

OTB link

*Ben Nighthorse Campbell (R-Colo.)

Is it me, or is blogrollin' down?

I have not seen my blogroll come up all day. I guess they are doin' somethin' important, like beefin' up the security or somethin'.

All for now. Gotta shut down the office, run home, change clothes, and go see what they got for me to do out at the golf course.

Please read --- someone's smile depends upon it

Everyone's favortie* favorite "jackass," Bill,** is askin' for donations to a worthwhile cause, Operation Smile. Go, do what ya can. Everyone deserves the right to smile, don't ya think?

*Dab nabbed by the spellin' police, dabnabbit.

**As opposed to myself who is likely referred to as a horse's ass quite often. ;)

I am thinkin' of startin' a new daily category

Stupidest Human of the Day™

So, what do ya'll think? Anyway think that would be somethin' you would like to see offered on my site?

Just in the middle of a really busy day

Runnin' 'round like a chicken with his head cut off, it seems, with no relief in sight for almost the entire day. I have already been to court for the mornin' round, but have to be in two different courts at the same time for this afternoon in two different towns, so you can see I am gonna be movin' fast. Lion's Club Golf Tourney is tomorrow and we were asked to show up this evenin' to assist in gettin' everythin' set up for tomorrow. Of course, tomorrow, I will likely be assistin' in the Tourney, and this weekend I have a family reunion to attend. In between, all of that, I am still workin' on the book tryin' to finish that extra chapter or two that I felt was important to put in the middle. The fire just don't seem big enough for all those irons I got goin' here lately.

If ya are lookin' for somethin' really snarky, hint, hint, Venomous Kate, I liked this one the best.

I guess I got to award somethin' valuable to Invited Intruder for so ably coverin' last evenin's Nightly Navel Gazin' Report™, so let me look into my bag of tricks and see what we have --- oh a lovely Pee Wee Herman Pog -- how very special. A show of hands --- how many of ya'll even know what a pog is?

Google searchin' blunders pay off big for some

I was just noticin' I was gettin' a lot of hits connected with the Nicholas Berg story. It seems that for those searchin' for "Nicolas Berg" find my site listed in the top ten returns on Google, as I have a post still on the front page that has the name of Nicolas Cage on it. However, if you do a search for "Nicholas Berg," I am #397 on Google. I guess I should be glad that there are so many who do not know the correct spellin' of the name. Just on a lark, I did a search on both "Nicholas Burg" and "Nicolas Burg" and found not a single return to anythin' doin' with the sad story. Such really surprised me, as I suspected there surely was one or two people who would have used the alternative spellin' for the last name.

[UPDATE: It seems to still be going on. Check the extended entry for the number of searches I found being done on the mispelled name. I guess you could say I am in the middle of a nicolas berg alanche, huh? -- So that you understand the magnitude of such, consider that I have almost met my daily readership number, but on 20% of the regular readers are showin' to have come by.]

[UPDATE part 2: Just to give you an idea of the massive size of this misspellin' phenomenon, check out this spike:

Realize that StatCounter shows the visitations to be approximately 100 more than Site Meter shows.]

[UPDATE another part: It is beginnin' to appear that this is a far reachin' phenomenon. I am almost sure that I would be only a minor cog in the wheel if it was not for the mispellin' of the name coincidin' with my havin' a post where that name occurs still sittin' on the index page.]

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But it really did do it's best

A U.S. Navy unmanned submarine, programmed to search and destroy mines, mistook the coast of Norway for a very large mine and did all it could do to destroy the same. Thankfully, for Norway, it was unsuccessful.

A smatherin' of highly valuable used whale blubber bath soap to Dustin' My Brain for havin' turned me on to this excitin' story.

The Caped Belly Button Avenger Returns!

Shhhh...

I'm going to type this very quietly, so as to not wake the sleeping lump in the corner who calls himself "notGeorge"...

He has gone to sleep, and I have appeared to give you your favourite little story for the day. You need not get too excited however, as I am about to find some lunch, so this will be short. Hmm... it feels very strange to be doing a Nightly Report in the middle of the day...

But anyway, I'm sitting here, typing quietly, and hoping that you will not worry about me intruding and then wake him up. I am, as my name suggests, invited here - intruder or no.

At the present moment, strange or somewhat bizarre noises are beginning to be emitted from the general area of my navel, but I fear that is somewhat more to do with not having had lunch yet. I am counting down the minutes, and it should not be too much longer before I am able to satisfy the dragon within.

Having said more than I intended to say, I wish all your navels a safe and untroubled sleep, mine included, and I'll endevour to sneak out quietly, and leave our little notGeorge friend undisturbed.

Niters All!

Today was just a bad day for bloggin'

I was extremely busy for most of the day while a sinus headache was buildin' up greatly and as luck would have it, the end of the workday and the climax of the headache came together nicely. As such, I am now sufficiently medicated to the point where I feel like layin' down for a bit to see if I can get my head to stop swimmin' or somethin'. It is very hard to concentrate on anythin', so I am gonna give up for awhile. Hopefully, I will feel better later. At least I hope to feel good enough to give my Nightly Navel Gazin' Report™. ttfn ya'll

Don't waste your money

I just got a SPAM in my junkmail box that piqued my interest.

Subject : Secret Divorce Planning for Men

OK, I just really had to see what this was all about, so I clicked the link which took me here.* I am tellin' ya, their there ain't a damn thing they could tell ya for $179 that either would not come back and bite you in the butt somewhere down the road or would assist you in any way. Take if from one who is in the divorce business.

*Linkage herein is not an endorsement of such site or even an invitation for you to visit, but in the spirit of givin' as much information as possible, I thought it was only fair to tell ya how to see what I saw.

Somethin' Witty Which This Way Comes*

As Glenn Reynolds is fond of sayin': "Indeed."

*With apologies to Uncle Ray.**

**We ain't really related.

Of course, they graduated with honors and integrity?

What?

WASHINGTON (AP) - At least 28 senior-level federal employees in eight agencies have bogus college degrees, including three managers at the office that oversees nuclear weapons safety, congressional investigators have found. [full story]

And to think I wasted years and years getting my diplomas.

[UPDATE: I see that James has posted a much more enlightened observation with regard to this situation.]

The long and winding road

Thanks for allowing me to make an obscure Beatles reference in closing this place down. It is so hard for me to imagine this is only Tuesday evenin' as I am so very very worn out already. I cannot even think of anything snarky to say. I am even gonna pass on any report on the condition of my navel ... just take it for granted it is OK ... 'cause I'm hot blooded, check it and see! If ya absolutely need to find somethin' really funny, then go here. End of report.

A quick and easy survey

Whatever. Please answer the followin' question:

Do you really read any of the crap on this blog?

I need everyone to respond so that I can get some semblance of statistical analysis on this survey. This is a project for school.

A late office call

I just got a call into my office. I was still just hangin' 'round -- readin' a few blogs tryin' to Kill Beal* without success. Phone rings - I answer:

Good evenin', Law Office.

Yes, is the attorney in?

This is he.

This is [insert name of innocent client]. You saw me in the jail yesterday. They just let me out of jail. What happened?

I got the DA to drop the case.

Thanks. /Click/

He did not even wait for me to advise him to try to stay out of trouble.

It ain't often that I can get the DA here to actually drop a case, but it is hard to make a charge of Felon in Possession of a Firearm stick if the guy does not have a felony conviction. Such was apparent from a readin' of every piece of paperwork in the DA's file, but did they catch it? Surely they did. Were they jes' happy to hold him in the jail until someone with enough brains came along to find it and point it out to them? Or were they hopin' that no one would notice they had indicted a guy on a totally bogus charge** and that some court appointed attorney would just twist the guy's arm to plead guilty, thus waivin' his right to appeal the matter, for probation and a felony conviction?

My discussion with the DA that resulted in the above came about after I finished up the matter I was scheduled to appear in court for this mornin'. I thought it strange enough that I had was compelled to actually argue a discovery motion to have the DA's office investigate and turn over the criminal records of two witnesses against a client of mine. I had previously asked them to look into the fact that one of the witnesses, the daughter, had previously been charged with a similar offense as the one with which my client is charged involvin' the other witness to the case, whose criminal history I requested. As far as I could determine, the DA's office had failed to even take the time to look if there was a possibility my client was not guilty of the offense for which she is charged. They thereby forced me to file a motion so as to get the judge to require that they investigate their own witnesses. As it was, I thought the judge was going to deny my Motion, anyway, until I agreed to allow the judge to examine the records in camera,** so as to redact any matters that might be extraneous to the issues at hand, prior to turning such over to me. A SCOTUS case most attorneys refer to as Brady says that the State has an obligation to turn over any and all evidence in their possession that might be exculpatory (beneficial in some way to the defense of the person charged). There is actually some belief that the State must make such information available voluntarily and not await the defense's filin' of a motion and the obtainin' of a rulin' by the court. Most judges, in my previous experience ,routinely grant such motion and require that the State immediately provide criminal records of all the State's witnesses except police officers. Most courts believe that it would just be a waste of time to do a criminal record search on police officers.

Let's link to OTB, whadda ya say?

*Damn, I'm good! ;)

**Law lesson here, ya'll. Just because a person is indicted by a Grand Jury does not necessarily mean they are guilty. Grand Juries often just do whatever the DA asks of them. It is mostly a rubber stamp process.

***Legal term meaning that the judge looks at some materials privately so as to assess the level of damage such might cause if allowed to be introduced in a case.

Appallin' story -- posted without comment

A Web site linked to al Qaeda showed video today of the apparent beheading of a man who identified himself as Nicholas Berg and said he was an American. His captors said the United States refused to exchange him for prisoners in the Abu Ghraib prison. [full story]

The Early Edition

The excessive amount of work related, stressful, activities has definitely damped my creativity level for this day. In fact, I feel not only mentally fatigued, but physically fatigued as well. There just seems to be little or nothin' worthy of reportin' on to my knowledge and I am too tuckered to check if there may be somethin' too good upon which to pass.* Hopefully there is a gem or two buried down below you haven't seen, if you are just in the mood for my superb brand of snarkiness, but ... if you happen to be among the three or four who miss nothin' I could possibly have to say, then feel free to visit any of the fine blogs on either of my blog listin's: the blogroll or the listin' of the Munuvian Universe. Click anythin' as it is hard to go wrong.

I am pleased to report that the navel did prevail over the wild hair. I won a nickel on my bet with my big toe, but he had to borrow a nickel from me to pay off the bet. Hey, I told you I was on the flat end of the creativity curve, didn't I? So what did you really expect? End of report.

[UPDATE: I knew there was somethin' I had discovered earlier that I was savin' for this danged report and it came to me after I had already published it. I noticed that I am atop the list of the Maraudin' Marsupials, so a link or two and I will be again huntin' in the game filled Large Mammal filled savannas. As an aside, I noticed enough of those links to my former blog have fallen off the front page that I am atop it in the standings for the first time as well. It drops and this one continues to climb. Now that was some news worthy of the Nightly Navel Gazin' Report™ so now I don't have to go to bed feelin' I left ya'll hangin'.]

[UPDATE the second chapter: I finally got a mention in one of those picture captionin' contests and actually came away with the blue ribbon.]

[UPDATE the final chapter: When Windows crashes its own built in browser --- that is a good sign to call it quits for the day. ttfn and all those hugs and kisses and jazz.]

*I suppose I don't have to mention that the Portuguese** bloggers are havin' a war of the sexes, do I? Surely that is old news to most of ya'll.

**Let us make that "Portuguese language" bloggers, as it is quite possible some or all could be located in Brazil.

Ain't that gettin' a bit hard to swallow?

Is it just me, or are there many others that think we ought not be playin' with our food so much? Ya know, there may be a day when Mother Nature has finally had enough, and orders us away from the dinner table - for good.

What brought all of this on, ya say? Jes' this story over on Aaron's blog.

I, o' course, might'a missed it had it not been for a blurb I eyed over on Mind of Mog.

12 Steps to World Domination?

The followin' is somethin' I found here:

1/ Be decisive. People will bow down to you faster if you use a decisive tone of voice.
2/ Expand your vocabulary. If people are busy deciphering what you're saying, you'll be able to slip a world-ruling clause or two into conversations and contracts without them noticing.
3/ No friends. They only get in the way. You're looking for followers and disciples.
4/ Believe in yourself. Conviction and meglomania [sic] are the way to go. Nice guys finish without ruling the world. Not you!
5/ Proof-read and spell-check. Sloppy documents make for sloppy work. Sloppy work makes for failed ruling.
6/ Topple governments. Ruling parties can be troublesome when you're brainwashing the citizens. Better to remove the old regime first.
7/ Designate two or three successors. The in-fighting between them while they try and curry your favour will keep anyone from targeting you with a decapitation strike at your empire. Besides, a layer or two between you and the lackeys leaves you more time to work towards [sic] the goal.
8/ Nice shoes. No one respects a bad shine.
9/ Planning. Thing like ruling the world don't "just happen".
10/ Talk loudly. You need to be heard. And drowning out everyone else will get your points across faster.
11/ Take on more than you can handle. Taking over the world is hard work and appearing busy is the key to the awe and respect you'll need. Don't let anyone know that you're delegating most of the work to those aforementioned disciples and followers.
12/ Get a snappy URL. Marketing is EVERYTHING!

OK, now I am mindful that I do not do a great job of keepin' my boots nicely shined, but my individual entry templates look great!

Praiseworthy parable

Left in my inbox, courtesy of my Aunt 'Net:

MY ATTORNEY

After living what I felt was a "decent" life, my time on earth came to the end. The first thing I remember is sitting on a bench in the waiting room of what I thought to be a court house. The doors opened and I was instructed to come in and have a seat by the defense table. As I looked around I saw the "prosecutor." He was a villainous looking gent who snarled as he stared at me. He definitely was the most evil person I have ever seen. I sat down and looked to my left and there sat My Attorney, a kind and gentle looking man whose appearance seemed so familiar to me, I felt I knew Him.

The corner door flew open and there appeared the Judge in full flowing robes. He commanded an awesome presence as He moved across the room. I couldn't take my eyes off of Him. As He took His seat behind the bench, He said, "Let us begin." The prosecutor rose and said, "My name is Satan and I am here to show you why this man belongs in hell." He proceeded to tell of lies that I told, things that I stole, and in the past when I cheated others. Satan told of other horrible perversions that were once in my life and the more he spoke, the further down in my seat I sank. I was so embarrassed that I couldn't look at anyone, even my own Attorney, as the Devil told of sins that even I had completely forgotten about. As upset as I was at Satan for telling all these things about me, I was equally upset at My Attorney who sat there silently not offering any form of defense at all.

I know I had been guilty of those things, but I had done some good in my life - couldn't that at least equal out part of the harm I'd done? Satan finished with a fury and said, "This man belongs in hell, he is guilty of all that I have charged and there is not a person who can prove otherwise." When it was His turn, My Attorney first asked if He might approach the bench. The Judge allowed this over the strong objection of Satan, and beckoned Him to come forward. As He got up and started walking, I was able to see Him in His full splendor and majesty. I realized why He seemed so familiar; this was Jesus representing me, my Lord and my Savior. He stopped at the bench and softly said to the Judge, "Hi, Dad," and then He turned to address the court. "Satan was correct in saying that this man had sinned, I won't deny any of these allegations. And, yes, the wage of sin is death, and this man deserves to be punished." Jesus took a deep breath and turned to His Father with outstretched arms and proclaimed, "However, I died on the cross so that this person might have eternal life and he has accepted Me as his Savior, so he is Mine." My Lord continued with, "His name is written in the book of life and no one can snatch him from Me. Satan still does not understand yet. This man is not to be given justice, but rather mercy."

As Jesus sat down, He quietly paused, looked at His Father and said, "There is nothing else that needs to be done. I've done it all."

The Judge lifted His mighty hand and slammed the gavel down. The following words bellowed from His lips... "This man is free. The penalty for him has already been paid in full. Case dismissed."

As my Lord led me away, I could hear Satan ranting and raving, "I won't give up, I will win the next one." I asked Jesus as He gave me my instructions where to go next, "Have you ever lost a case?" Christ lovingly smiled and said, "Everyone that has come to Me and asked Me to represent them has received the same verdict as you, ~Paid In Full~

Hi Ho, Hi Ho . . .

the rest of it, you know . . .

Mondays start way too early in the day. I need caffeine, stat!

And what is this supposed to mean:

Monday, May 10, 2004 - Your Monday horoscope, Taurus!

Your hopes about long-term success could be coming from a different area than you anticipated. Try to imagine who your boss will be a year from now for a clearer go.

The creative process continues

Well, actually, after I posted it, I thought about how great a Nightly Navel Gazin' Report the post just two below would have been ... I mean, all I would have had to do was end that with a line sayin' how I found a wild hair growin' out of my navel, and I could have quit for the day. I posted it and then the epiphany hit me -- epiphanies are like that. They just come when they come.

Just let me give you a little insight into the epiphany process. This epiphany saga begins this past Friday when I decide that the time line in my book is not making any sense, so I decide to add a day, which means at least one more chapter. Of course, the characters also spend the entire day confined in close quarters on the space vessel while in flight. The juices had dried up and I dearly needed an epiphany of some sort.

I began, of course, with watchin' Saturday mornin' cartoons. I got nothin' of an inspirin' nature, although I might still put that frisco gag in there if I can ever get the full 411 on that. [see somewhere below]. I decided to go rent a bunch of movies, and spent the entire day yesterday and most of this afternoon watchin' movies. An epiphany did or did not hit durin' one of those movies. The seed however was planted and it quickly blossomed into a beautiful epiphany. Of course, it blossomed at the wrong time: the last hour of the last day of the weekend. Such is the nature of epiphanies. They are seldom convenient.

For those few of ya'll that share a bit of interest in the development of this book, I have pasted the few pages that I have taken the greater part of the last 48 hours to create. It's rough. It will need some editin' to polish it. Creativity is a time consumin' process, as well.

The navel has been accosted by a wild hair and an ongoing battle has ensued. Too close to call at this juncture. End of report.

Brink-o-Link begins: "Truth or Dare. Alura. Which one of your parents are you most like?"

Alura responds, "I never knew anything about either of my parents. They died when I was just a baby."

Bzzzz. "Wrong! Do the dare, slap Hor/10".

"It's true!" Alura plead.

"It didn't answer the question!" Brink-o-Link says.

Don't argue with the judge. Do as he says. RJ chided her from his position somewhere in her head.

Alura turns slightly and slaps Hor/10 on his massive arm before he had readied himself.

"Owww!" was his response.

"Dik. Truth-or-Dare! What is the total amount of your net worth?"

Dik hrrrmphs! "I would never disclose that!"

Bzzz. "Pinch Hor/10!"

Hor/10 heard and readied himself for the pinch. Dik's claw was sharp and being pinched with it, even playfully, hurt, all the same.

"Owwwwww!" he cried.

Hor/10, how far did you go in school?

"I dropped out in Ninth grade. That was four years ago."

"I think you are lying, Hor/10. You are not that smart. Take off those sunglasses and let us see your eyes."

Hor/10 looks down at Alura. Alura nods her head. Hor/10 removes the sunglasses only momentarily, but not quickly enough so that all present saw that he had a bright pink pupil in either eye. Dik, of course, already knew such fact, as it had been the primary reason he had tipped Hor/10 with the sunglasses in the first place. He had, personally, found the orbs a bit difficult into which to look.

"Alura, Truth or Dare - Ladies' Choice: Either tell us how much you are worth financially or tell us how far you went in school."

"I never went to traditional school. I was home-schooled,."Alura replied.

Bzzz.

Alura quickly blurted, "I have over a million dollars in a safe in my cabin."

Bzzz. Bzzz. Kick Hor/10 in the shin twice.

"No!" Alura said.

"No!" Hor/10 cried.

Don't argue with the judges, RJ chided. Just do it!

Alura reluctantly taps Hor/10's left shin with the toe of her boot, twice.

Hor/10 flinches both times, and begins to cry, "I don't like this game."

"Me, either. RJ, you are in my head and you know I am telling the truth," Alura, says out loud for the benefit of all present.

Dik agrees as well. "I am a member of the Zartronian royal family. I cannot answer question of a personal nature or that may threaten the security of the Zartronian Empire. They are not just not proper subjects for discussion. Let's play something else."

Sunday, 05-09-2004

Nuggets and Gems™ is a listin' of links to those posts I found durin' the day that I thought were excellent, either passin' 'long some 'portant information, displayin' great insight into some topic, bein' of special interest, or just a bit noteworthy. I urge you to read each and every one of these posts. 'Course, even I can't locate every great post made, so, if you published a truly remarkable post in the last few days, you are welcome to track it back to this post to assist others who might be glad to have found your offerin'....

• Brain Fertilizer: Mother's Day Payoff
• Bad Money: Goodbye Radio, Hello Munu
• A Small Victory - hmmm...
• Straight White Guy: Gardening...
• Rocket Jones: Happy Mother's Day

An anniversary of sorts

Ain't it funny how things just seem to happen for a reason? As you can probably easily divine from my previous post, I have made a round to read DavidMSC's blog this evenin'. Well on another of his stories, he mentioned somethin' 'bout a makeover they had done on blogger.com. I, o' course, who chide the walnuts* off of Blogger at every chance I get, just had to see what was new with Blogger.

I ain't really gonna say much about them changes, 'cause I ain't goin' back. I think I will just stay right where I am, thank ya very much, and blog on whatever the good Pixy provides ... I will choose the content and the layout, however. The software and server decisions I leave in more highly qualified and capable hands.

However, the reason I was blurbin' 'bout all of this anyway was 'cause . . . since I was already over there, I decided to see if my ol' Blogger/blog*spot blog was still in existence, and it is ... what is really cool is that the last post on that blog is dated May 9, 2003. Today is the one year anniversary of the day I deserted blog*spot!

*Make of that what you will and feel free to discuss it among yourselves.

"I was born back when Coalie was a pup, and that dog been dead now for . . . '

OK, now this is something totally cool. Well, at least for the guys who seem to have very little actual concern with regard to their age.

A whole handful of Kudos to DavidMSC.

Who said that?

Fella points over his shoulder toward the back of the room.

Our intrepid hero, Peter Pronghorn, slings back his head. He lifts his glass and pours cold beer down his throat. I slams his empty glass down hard upon the bar and says:

I dunno 'bout the rest of you guys, but when I hear a little gal say

Prepare t' be boarded! -[Ith]

I suddenly begin smilin' to myself. I will be readyin' the gangplank.

---

Read into that what you must. I know you can't help yourself, you pervert.

Oh, George! It felt good to get that off my chest.

Will the real Keyser Soze please step forward?

Ya know, here it is Mother's Day once again. Days like these are always remindful that, despite my age, I still have no children of my own.

The reason for such is not my choice, nor completely my fault. I continually am seeking an opportunity to rectify the situation. Just as continually, I seem to be reminded that, to women of the appropriate child bearin' age, men of my age are too old to be considered attractive. I do understand this. I actually do. However, maybe these young ladies have yet to put my age into its proper perspective:

• Harrison Ford - Date of birth: 13 July 1942
• Richard Gere - Date of birth: 31 August 1949
• Patrick Swayze - Date of birth: 18 August 1952
• Pierce Brosnan - Date of birth: 16 May 1953
• John Travolta - Date of birth: 18 February 1954
• Dennis Quaid -Date of birth: 9 April 1954
• Scott Bakula - Date of birth: 9 October 1954
• Bruce Willis - Date of birth: 19 March 1955
• Terence Russell - Date of Birth: 26 April 1955
• Billy Bob Thornton - Date of birth: 4 August 1955
• Tom Hanks - Date of birth: 9 July 1956
• Aidan Quinn - Date of birth: 8 March 1959
• Kevin Spacey - Date of birth: 26 July 1959
• Antonio Banderas - Date of birth: 10 August 1960
• Nicolas Cage - Date of birth: 7 January 1964

Hopefully we have now dispensed with that too old argument. I wish to remind you that I am workin' like crazy to solve the too poor dilemma --- I am without a clue as what to do about the too ugly part. I just remain hopeful that there as at least one princess among you who is willing to look beyond the cracked exterior in order to find the gentle heart and warped mind which exist inside.

Happy Mother's Day - 2004!

Happy Mother's Day to all of ya'll mothers in the audience:*

Any lovely unattached heterosexual female dreamin' of becomin' a mother in time for next year's Mother's Day -- feel free to check the extended entry.

*The pictured tattoo does not belong to me. The owner of such tattoo is unknown to me. The picture was found via a simple search for items of such type.

We might need to talk. ;)

May 9, 2004

OK, I do think someone dragging the phone into the Men's Room to get someone in the stall is funny. I did find the writin' on the wall to be humorous. I got a small snicker out of the exchange in panels 3 and 4. It should have ended there. Breathed also passed on a much better opportunity to show us the writin' on the wall in the last panel.* Also note the continuity problem in the right arm tattoo of the other cartoonist. It is Snoopy in 5 of the panels, but is Garfield in panel 6 and is Bill the Cat in panel 8. Was this intentional or an oversight?

*As all men, except Berkeley, it seems, know, writing on the stall wall would be on the inside of the stall, and, if there was writin' on the wall of the stall wall, the inside of the stall would likely be covered with it.

Please, please - you don't have to apologize

I suck and I'm really sorry... - Jane

You really have to see the post for the context on that statement ... truly -- but my response, whether it deals with how your dirty mind sees it or with how that statement was intended to be understood, is that as long as you put forth your very best effort at tryin' to do a satisfactory job, there is never any need to apologize, no matter how bad you suck.

It is Saturday, so not much happened IRL or in the blogosphere that is noteworthy which has not already been noted with my regular level of snarkiness. My navel seems to be none the worse for wear and is in very fine form right now. I cannot say the same for my coccyx. End of Report.

Saturday, 05-08-2004

Nuggets and Gems™ is a listin' of links to those posts I found durin' the day that I thought were excellent, either passin' 'long some 'portant information, displayin' great insight into some topic, bein' of special interest, or just a bit noteworthy. I urge you to read each and every one of these posts. 'Course, even I can't locate every great post made, so, if you published a truly remarkable post in the last few days, you are welcome to track it back to this post to assist others who might be glad to have found your offerin'....

• Chief Wiggles: Iraqi Voices pt. 1
• trying to grok: Broadcast
• besmirched: Update on the Besmirched One (and an important message)

Sometimes I wonder, Part NEXT

The two biggest topics bein' searched on today are Hippie Hollow and green baby poop -- nude beach and baby crap. I really don't have a clue as to what to read into that, do you?

The matter of a small wager --- a very short story

I am either gonna hatch a plan or take a nap. Window's Open! Place your bets.

Farcical phraseology™

. . . or why I watch Saturday morning cartoons.

So anyway, I was watchin' this show called Filmore and the characters were sayin' the word "frisco" here and there, as if it was communicatin' some secret message. I assumed it was a part of our ever growin' American vernacular ... and I do like to keep up on such things. So, any one got a clue as to what the term "frisco" is intended to communicate to another person? I know, I know, I am an ol' Fogey* and that is like yesterday. Just lay the 411 on me.

*Does that connote** that I smell like an cheap cigar?***

**Whose meaning was previously overlooked.

***Never mind ... I had it mixed up with rank stogie [var. stogy].

I blame it on a lack of Aussies

Saturdays are such always slow bloggin' days.

The National Bloggin' Service has hereby issued a light bloggin' warnin' for most of the World Wide Web which will remain in effect until 6:00 pm. CDST.

If a prat falls in the dark, does it make a noise?

I am unsure of the hour, but it was one of those in the midst of the early mornin'. I awoke with the pressure of a full bladder clamorin' for relief. This is not a surprisin' scenario, as it occurs often. I arose, half-asleep and walked into the bathroom. I did my business without incident.* At the conclusion, I began to make the trip back to my bed when I suddenly became disoriented and fell backward onto my coccyx.** Other than havin' likely sustained a bit of bruisin' to said coccyx, I appear to be otherwise unharmed. Alarmed, yes - harmed, no. Currently, I am just chalkin' it up to one of those odd moments of life.

*OK, OK, I admit that it was dark and there may have been the tiniest bit of errant splatter.

**This is the tail bone for ya'll that ain't up on the medical vernacular. I actually ain't all that keen on usin' the medical terms myself, and promise I didn't do it this time to show off or because it sounds nasty when you say it. I just especially like the unique spellin' of the word. I mean 3 "c's", a "y", and an "x". Those kind of words don't come around all the time, ya know? I just wonder what the Scrabble score would be for playin' coccyx.

It might take another day or so ... ya know

Went to bed. Took navel with me, forcibly, at gun-point.* End of report.

Parts of this post were intentionally meant to be funny. Your mission, Mr. Phelps, should you choose to accept it is to find the funny parts and laugh. Good luck, this blog will spontaneously combust at some date to be determined at a future point.

*No, not really --- asshats!**

**Sneakin' through the back door to say WB Rachel Lucas, WB, WB, WB. Co-starrin' John Travolta.***

***OK, all ya'll that didn't get that, go away. Seriously, you are too young or too stupid to be readin' my blog -- 'cause you just don't get it.

The contextual gray area and other funny myths

I can smoke. You name it, Ive smoked it. - Val

Now, a'fore ya'll go to gettin' any wrong ideas, he wuz talkin' 'bout cookin'. O' course, I'm bettin' he is puffin' a'bit on that claim, 'cause I am almos' sure he ain't smoked no horny toads. At least, he better not have done it. It is bad enough he is wastin' fire cookin' chi'kens, as it is ... he dang sure better not be harmin' ever' Texas boy's favorite critter that none o' us seen for over 20 years.

Last word on chi'kens: If'n The Almighty* hadda wanted us to be eatin' chi'kens, he wouldn't ever a given cattle to the Masai, would he?

No actual or imagined horny toads** were harmed during the creation of this post.

A complimentary set of plastic knives for the purpose of butterin' biscuits is awarded to Denita for somethin' special of one kind or another..

*The regular fans realize I am referrin' to George.

**No I ain't Google seedin' for searches on horny toads.

Does anyone know yet?

Is Google still hirin' at the G.C.H.E.E.S.E. center? I think Mr Mouse is lookin' to relocate to a less stressful environment. If the rumors are true, he will have access to all the free cheese he can eat by just goin' outside durin' the lunch breaks.

Link courtesy of Google Weblog

Inane Googleness or Googlin' Inaneness - your choice

Hmmm, just noticed some guy found my site by searchin' "Just for a Thrill." I, of course, was thrilled to have found myself listed as #2 on the list of returns for that combination of words.

However, what was more surprisin' was that I was the top return on a search for "uns20910" as I was neither familiar with that term nor had I any idea that I had ever blogged 'bout such term. I found that I had, indeed, not included such blog term in my previous blog posts. The term, whatever it is, was found in a comment to this post..

My favorites on this date were "no chew upholstery" [Returned No. 2 but score that one for Rusty!*] - "imponderable questions" [Returned No. 5] - "deeper voice" [Returned No. 9] - and lastly - "african tribal ear piercing" [Returned No. 1].

Now strangely enough, the same post that comes up No. 1 on a search for african tribal ear piercing is the exact same post that comes up as No. 1 on a search for uns20910. I do suppose that stranger things have happened.

*There may be some, especially you new readers that do not know that I reprised several of my deceased father's columns last year in the category Rusty Rides Again™.

You said it brother!

Just received in today's inbox:

Wednesday, May 5, 2004 - Your Wednesday horoscope, Taurus!
A struggle to accomplish too much could be the indicator of how out of balance your life has become. Your latest attempt to do two things at once is doomed to failure. Balance does not always mean two things on either end.

It seems that my life has gotten so out of balance by my trying to juggle too many things at one time, I am now receiving my astrological prognostications two days late.

May 7, 2004

Cherry picked this one out as the best one for put up for the day:

A van carrying a dozen movie stuntmen on the way to a film location in the mountains spun out of control on the icy road, crashed through a guard-rail, rolled down a 90-foot embankment, turned over, and immediately burst into flames...

There were no injuries.

I, however, particularly liked this one:

A young lawyer, just out of Law School, was pleading his first case in South Carolina.

A train had killed twenty-four pigs, and the young attorney was trying to impress the jury with the magnitude of the injury.

"Yes, Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, twenty-four pigs. Imagine, twenty-four pigs. Just think of it… twice the number there are in the jury box."

You, of course, are free to like whichever you want. In fact, you are free to like both. I guess I am somewhat magnanimous after all, huh?

It is never too late -- is it?

I actually meant to publish this report prior to goin' to bed last eve, but as with all my great plans of late, it was lost in the shuffle of the battle between my creativity level and my carpal tunnel syndrome. Yes, for some reason, yesterday, my creativity level went off the charts. The book is now goin' through another metamorphosis. Almost as a major epiphany, my mind started workin' overtime the day before yesterday ... and I ended up writin' like crazy until sometime about 2:45 to 3:00 am yesterday mornin'. Of course, that ruined my productive workin' day yesterday -- so I came home early in the afternoon and took a nap until late yesterday evenin'. I got up, came in here, started starin' where I had left off the night before ... it took a bit before the juices started flowin' again, but it was 1:48 am or so before I shut down my production for the night.

My dang right wrist hurts like crazy, but the metamorphosis is phenomenal. I am afraid that my efforts on this book will be so danged exceptional that I will not be able to duplicate such in the followin' sequels. Now if that ain't a problem to plague a new author's mind. I cannot even seem to find the time to contemplate the status of my navel at this point, so maybe this whole report is pointless. You decide. End of Report.

Fatally freecell

I killed this round:

A day late for the celebration, it seems

I missed this gem in my inbox yesterday. However, I can't wait until next year to post it, so, may be a day late, but is it worth it? From my Aunt 'Net:

Most people don't know that back in 1912, Hellmann's mayonnaise was manufactured in England. In fact, the Titanic was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico, which was to be the next port of call for the great ship after its stop in New York. This would have been the largest single shipment of mayonnaise ever delivered to Mexico.

But as we know, the great ship did not make it to New York. The ship hit an iceberg and sank....and the cargo was forever lost....

The people of Mexico, who were crazy about mayonnaise, and were eagerly awaiting its delivery, were disconsolate at the loss. Their anguish was so great, they declared a National Day of Mourning, which they still observe to this day.

The National Day of Mourning occurs each year on May 5th.... and is known....of course....as Sinko de Mayo.

OK, go ahead and groan. I did!

Taken straight from the deepest recesses

This is where I am right now --- opinion please:

Alura began to form an opinion that RJ might be best described as a ‘visible' thought. He popped into both your consciousness and your visage without warning . . . and, often, was gone - just as quickly. He was there, but you had no actual control over him --- try as you might.

This is actually from the book. No actual navels were harmed in the makin' of this post. End of report. Now comment and go back on with your lives.

I am so very mean

I am still lookin' for a literary agent for my book. However, I have so far made $10 minus whatever the costs of printing all the stuff out on paper totals. I had a couple of sets of about the first 50 pages sitting around and have had a couple of people that I talked to about the book take them. Over the past two days, both have returned tellin' me that they were ready for the rest of the story. I said you can have it for $5. Both paid. Denita has read the complete story and was already clamoring to see the second book. I am tellin' ya'll this is a blockbuster and some literary agent better get enthusiastic about it. I actually am currently conversin' with someone who has met my absolute favorite current author, Patricia Cornwell, in person. In the spirit of Bloggers Helpin' Bloggers, I was just tryin' to give a fellow blogger the first crack at this opportunity.

Another important question that none will answer

Often I pose questions, ala Michele, upon which I am very interested in receivin' some feedback.. Of course, seldom does anyone actually give me their thoughts. I ain't gonna whine 'bout it, though, but I do pose them because I do want to know how some of ya'll feel 'bout certain things. Take for example this situation:

Recently on hotmail, there have been a series of FLASH ads in the panel along the right border for some site that will supposedly disclose how much homes in your area are worth (presumably for a small fee). There have been a couple of different ads with a little bird of some sort and another with six little houses. If your cursor crosses a certain part of the ad, the bird will move and chirp, or one of the houses will spin and a door bell with will ring. I know how this works and how to duplicate such as I do some FLASH design myself, but does anyone else find it so irritatin' and aggravatin' as to wish the practice would cease?

The return of the Prodigal Category

Wow, kangaroos have no belly buttons.

Female marsupials have no placenta:
Therefore, no umbilical cord; therefore, no "belly button."

So that begs the question as to what Kang does when he wants to contemplate his homeless existence, huh? I mean surely there is no one out there that really misses all those stupid kangaroo pictures he used to post, when he posted anything, which seemed to be seldom. Heck, if Madfish Willie had not propped him up, and given him a job givin' the really awful punchline to some really bad jokes in a dark corner of the saloon, he would not have been able to pay Pixy the rent anyway.

So, really, tell me, which would you rather see on a nightly basis, some stupid kangaroo picture or some insightful introspective look at my day? I am waitin', as is the navel, who had indicated that he will not reveal his location until the situation is fully known. That navel is a good soldier, you have to give him that. Navel, soldier, hmmm, somehow that seems odd. I need to sit here and stare off into space at no certain thing in particular and mull that over. Well, while I do that, let's end tonight's inanity, what do ya say? End of report.

Tuesday, 05-04-2004

Nuggets and Gems™ is a listin' of links to those posts I found durin' the day that I thought were excellent, either passin' 'long some 'portant information, displayin' great insight into some topic, bein' of special interest, or just a bit noteworthy. I urge you to read each and every one of these posts. 'Course, even I can't locate every great post made, so, if you published a truly remarkable post in the last few days, you are welcome to track it back to this post to assist others who might be glad to have found your offerin'....

• Patterico's Pontifications: Patterico Forces Amendment to High-Profile Ninth Circuit Opinion
• PoliBlog: Things in the News That I Really Don't Want to Hear About
• Just A Girl: Trimming my bush
• Dog Snot Diaries: What's wrong with the democrats??
• Blather Review: Inside Tuning Spork's Head

But do you prefer boxers or briefs?

From a personal ad exhibited on The Village Voice:

Why you should get to know me: "I have no moral or ethical problems with eating ice cream for breakfast."

I just don't know but what that is about the worst answer a person could be expected to give. What do you think?

Things that cause me pause

Kathy Kinsley quoted portions of this story. I found one line to be especially intriguin':

The teen's kindergarten teacher is the aunt of Kenseth's wife. [emphasis supplied]

This story was written by K.L. Vantran, American Forces Press Service. I hope he does not soon become a former member of the American Forces Press Service. Aside from the inanity of one sentence, the story talks of a worthwhile effort of a gallant young lady who is tryin' to show her support of the US Military. 1 Million Messages of Thanks for Troops is Freshman's Goal. I think I will go and provide my message of thanks to those who are currently in harm's way so that our way of life continues. How about you? Are you up for it?

Yes, we have no bananas, but would you be interested in a bit of snark?

When Kevin Aylward said:

John Kerry thinks he is Tom Cruise.

I was expectin' to read that Lurch had converted to the Church of Scientology, not braggin' that he had played Top Gun over Israel. I wonder if he tossed any cookies medals when he "made a loop at about 12,000 feet." I guess tomorrow we will be hearin' how he assisted in the stormin' of Panama with Army Ranger Micah Wright.

I also need to give an assist to Michele in the creation of this story.

Why not?

The selfless spirit is contagious

For those of you who support us in our endeavors, thank you from the bottom of our hearts and know that your support DOES make a difference to us. To those of you who do not, please sleep well and know that your bitter insults, narrow viewpoints, and indifference to the very real threat that exists make no impact whatsoever to our collective resolve to rid the world of those vermin who would take our freedom - yours included.

That was the concluding paragraph of a comment made by a US soldier in the Middle East. I might have missed it had not Robert Prather been kind enough to point it out.

Doesn't that Al Franken simply crack you up?

This is a joke, right? - Minnesota Republican Party chairman Ron Eibensteiner upon hearing news that Al Franken was considering a challenge to incumbent Sen. Norm Coleman, R-Minn. in the 2008 elections.

Found at Right Voices

Was it Skynet or Netsky? I get so confused!

Is T3 comin' to fruition? Hey, don't mind me ... like Mr Mouse, I am a geek/0. Actually, I coined that term, but that pesky mouse seems to steal forage for a bit more than cheese as he skitters about. See how I deftly smacked that rodent around without a single mention of his blog?*

*Beyond the Black Hole, strange but humorous . . . sometimes.**

**OK, he threatened to sic his parrot on me if I didn't mention the blog, and ya'll know how scared I am of parrots. I find them almost as frightful as frogs[***] and Spongebob Squarepants.

[UPDATE ***Can you imagine if I had been the passenger who got the dinner described in this story.]

I came this close to bein' toast

When you get the reports directly from the source, you seem to get a truer picture of what is occurring in Iraq. Kelly, "The Patriette" brings us a first hand account of the types of dangers some of the civilian workers in Iraq are facin'.

Sharin' a scrap of the good cheese

Mr Mouse is filling us in on what kind of Google searchers they are finding over on Beyond the Black Hole.

Hippie Hollow defeats boatload of gawkers

Yes, it seems that a bunch of dumbass gawkers all piled over to one side of a barge so as to try to get a look at whatever naked people they might be able to see at Austin's Lake Travis Hippie Hollow area and tipped themselves into the lake. Travis County sheriff's spokesman Roger Wade said it was unclear why the people all were on one side of the boat. Puleeeeeze! Now who ya tryin' to dupe there Roger?

There was one really unclear thing about this story:

The accident happened during Splash Day, a semiannual event hosted at the clothing-optional area by the Austin Tavern Guild, a gay and lesbian bar association. [emphasis provided]

Jes' 'zactly what do they mean by a gay and lesbian bar association? Is that an association of people who run gay and lesbian bars, that frequent gay and lesbian bars, or an association of gay and lesbian attorneys? Ya'll do need to make these things clear, ya know? [The rest o' the story]

[UPDATE: It seems I was not the only one who was confused about the composition of the group of the wet gawkers.]

Larry Morin pointed my way to this one, and also found that BMW is tellin' the truth when they suggest ya get more action when ya drive a Beemer.

That'll show 'em

Jumpin' Jehoshaphat! or whoever, but the Texas Rangers have the best record* in Major League Baseball . . . for the time bein' . . . just 'til I start gettin' interested in the games.

Take that you Yankee fans, you Sox fans, and most 'specially you Mets fans.**

Mucho thanks to my pal Scott for the heads' up on this one.

*registration required.

**sorry 'bout that, just tryin' to get my snark back.

He's gotta be better than some, I guess

Iker Furmaniak [is this Kristopher in disguise?] reports on The World Around You that our ol' friend, Judge Roy Moore, formerly of the Alabama Supreme Court, whose fall from grace was due to his avowed belief that the Ten Commandments should remain in place despite the Federal courts having determined otherwise, is headin' for talk radio. He seriously has to be better than Al Franken.

It's probably my fault

It seems there has been a lyrical snark fest posted on 'Lectric Venom and yours truly had nary a link among the offerin's. Oh, ain't like I been real snarky of late, is it?

Guess I been puttin' in way too much effort tryin' to find me a literary agent to look at my book. It seems that best sellers just don't find their own way onto the shelf this day and age.

Oh, what to do, what to do?

[beverage alert] Police perplexed, to say the least.

Sendin' Ted an OTB via RML-alanche.

This is the sort of stuff everyone else blogs about

Sometimes I wonder if tryin' to keep up with the important issues in the world is actually possible on some days. Like today, for example. I guess everyone has commented upon the Rall slam at Tilley's death [Puppy Blender has a lot of links]. Well, 'cept Wonkette. She seemed to find it more enthrallin' to post a pic of Arnie's pecker. I find neither situation to be especially noteworthy.

Oh do I ever comb the depths of the blogosphere for ya'll

OK, this is just too humorous to pass up. Go see it.. It is on blog*spot, so you might have to scroll down until you see the picture of the fire on a post dated April 25, 2004.

The last word on Ted Koppel

I had thought Nightline was birthed with the growin' storm of controversy surroundin' the US involvement with the Middle East, and it did indeed come into fruition as a forum to share the news regardin' the Iran-Hostage situation in 1979. The show has seemingly always found its greatest share of audience playin' up to the fears of Americans via its use of slanted reportin' about things Arabic. Is it any wonder that Ted Koppel would find it necessary to publicly tabulate the cost of this war by listing the names of those who have perished in the current conflict? I find it unsurprisin', in the least, and of no great consequence in the most. The Viet Nam Memorial lists the name of every person killed in that conflict. The listing of names no more justifies our involvement in that war as it makes it appear to be unjustified. It merely memorializes the sacrifice those few did in honor of the rest of us. I see no reason to censor Koppel, or to forestall his supposed political statement of his disgust with the current situation in Iraq. That is the American Way. All sides are to be accorded a full and equal right to redress their grievances. Even if they are barkin' moonbat asshats. Now, that is all I have to say about the matter.

May 2, 2004

Berke takes on the integrity of the newspapers and how people with high intergrity will lie, decieve and distort in order to fruitfully worship the almighty dollar ... then seemingly curtails his slam to the cartooning department. I admit that the last panel threw me for a loop, until it dawned on me that the whole of today's strip might have been an elaborate slap at Garry Trudeau.

Somethin' to brighten an otherwise dull Saturday

Saturdays are always slow bloggin' days, it seems. Of course, that means there are fewer lines to in which to wait so as to see what is new here, I guess. I mean look at the lovely set of countries from which visitors came today:

the Netherlands; Ireland; India; Denmark; United Kingdom; Germany; Australia; Jordan; France; Switzerland; Cyprus; Poland; and Canada.

I would have never dreamed that anythin' I would have written would have reached people from all of those countries in a single day even if it had been suggested such would even be possible a decade ago. I do not really care what anyone else suggests about bloggin', the mere fact that it is instantaneously accessible, content driven medium done on a wide-scale world-wide basis poises it at the forefront of a communicational avalanche that clear the path for a new way of thinking as we enter the 21st Century. I am utterly pleased to be one of the larger snowballs at the top of the heap. Thanks, ya'll, for your support.

It seems like such a little thing, but might mean a lot at some point

There is something new going around. Bloggers Helping Bloggers.

If you would like to assist other bloggers to become gainfully employed, you have come to the right place.

I have signed up my blog as well as the USURP HQ blog, which is, again, out of mothballs, in case you have not noticed, as participants in this new endeavor. I am urging the rest of the USURP members to do likewise, for, if nothing else, we can spread the word through our combined membership in an effort to assist those among us that badly need to win some bread to feed those for whom they are responsible.