Read My Lips - the blog

Puttin' on a PUSH

Hey, if ya got nothin' better to do, you might check out what Kang posted this evenin'.

Tig's most horrific All Hallow's Eve

Yes, it is true. The ghouls, goblins, and ghosts have wrought their wrath upon me this night with a vengence. I had decided as a Halloween treat for all of my loyal readers to look through every blog on my blogroll and to find those most worthy quotes regarding the Halloween occasion, and to post such in a most elegant listing. For three and one-half hours I diligently read blog after blog, waiting for each to slowly load as my usually crappy dial-up service was even crappier than usual. I am unsure of the actual number of quotes I had amassed and formatted for the eventual post to be, but as I went to paste a quote from one the blogs at the bottom of my blogroll, I found the posting window with all of my unsaved work had mysteriously vanished. Was it the work of a playful Halloween poltergeist or just my inane negligence? I suspect the former but logic would point to the latter. Oh well, the horror of it all. What is the worst part is that you, my loyal readers, will never see that which I had amassed for your enjoyment. However, as a consolation, many of the blogs I had perused had mentioned a place to find plenty of Halloween goodies.

As for me, this episode has deeply deflated the enjoyment I had hoped to receive from this year's Halloween. However, I survived, so I guess I am better off than some of the other horrors that will befall people this All Hallow's Eve.

Just a couple of quick inanities

It does seem that SilverBlue has been at the top of his game over the past couple of days. [WARNING: Clicking following link leads to graphic nudity] Start here and work your way down.

Second item on the agenda is a bit of Halloween blackmail. If I have not received 25 comments to this post by midnight, I am gonna eat all of those luscious Tiger Pops and let all the kiddos do without. So help some costumed creatures out and give up a snarky comment or two, won't you?

Treats and a note about the freakin' trick

We actually have our Safe-Treat event tomorrow, which is where all the businesses on the Square or anyone else that wants to provide treats to all the youngsters who are dressed up as vampires, witches, scarecrows, hobos or anythin' else they (or their parents) could come up with so as to scare us out of some treats. I stopped by Wal-Mart today to get ready for the event. Last time I my office was on the Square, what two years ago, I was prepared for about 100 or so kids to come by and found that I had estimated way too low. This year I prepared for 500. I was lookin' around to what type of candy to get, was settlin' on a couple of different mixed bags of candy when my eye caught bags of Tiger Pops. Sorry, kids, but no way in the world was someone called Tiger gonna pass on that, so I bought 10 bags of those striped artificially fruit flavored lollipops, meanin' I have 500 of them ready to hand out tomorrow night. I also bought a bucket to hold them in and two scary plastic or somethin' Jack o' Lanterns as well.

It is a big event here, as all the churches also have a festival here at the same time, with all kinds of things for kids to do, games and such, as well a few vendors. I also donated $100 to assist the churches this year, so after the $50 I spent on candy and stuff, I am about out $150. Since I have no kids of my own, I guess I have no problem goin' out a bit more for other people's kids.* It is a great event, and if you are even near our area and have some kids, drop by. Really, I asked a few three years ago where they were from and some came as far as from San Antonio and from just north of the Texas-Oklahoma border to come to the event.

*Actually, since I was on the point of takin' care of other people's kids, however, it does rankle me continuously how many people who have kids and yet seem to really take no responsibility for them. I was behind two really young ladies with three toddlers between them at the cashier line, both of whom had several grocery items, one with like 4 gallons of milk, and both times, when it came time to pay, they whipped out their Lone Star Cards. I have previously reported that the Lone Star Card is what has replaced Food Stamps in Texas. I just wonder where the fathers of those kids were and why they were not takin' care of their kids, and if they were nowhere around, why those gals had kids with the bastards in the first place. Kids havin' kids seems that have gone completely rampant in our society and it is drivin' me nuts.

View at your own risk

A friend of mine who is a Police officer sent this to me. It is not for the faint of heart. If you have a weak stomach, then don't look at the attachment. It is a picture of the demise of a suicide jumper taken shortly after he landed; it shows him with his insides now on the outside. You will see the look of horror on the faces of the bystanders. Incredible picture, though.

For the sake of ya'll that might have young children hangin' near, I have taken the liberty of hidin' such in the extended entry box until you have the younguns safely out of viewin' range.

From Me to Ya'll

Oct. 31, 2003

A professor--also an atheist--was teaching a college class and he told the class that he was going to prove that there is no God.

He said, "God if you are real, then I want you to knock me off this platform. I'll give you 15 minutes!"

Ten minutes went by. He kept taunting God, saying, "Here I am God, I'm still waiting"

He got down to the last couple of minutes and a BIG 240 pound football player happened to walk by the door and heard about what the professor said.

The football player walked in the classroom and in the last minute, he walked up, hit the professor full force, and sent him flying off the platform.

The professor got up, obviously shaken and said, "Where did you come from, and why did you do that?"

The football player replied, "God was busy. He sent me."

If I had a hammer

I would have already likely dropped it on my foot. Yep, I had posted earlier about how utterly tired I am from the day's activities, and I can hardly keep my eyes open. As such, I think I will remove my clothes, bare my navel to the cool night air, empty my bladder and go to bed. What a simple plan! Of course, I will likely get chilled when I remove my clothes, miss the toilet and hit the floor while emptyin' my bladder, and stub my toe on somethin' as I walk from the bathroom to the bedroom. If I get chilled, my nipples might get hard but my navel will not be affected, if I miss the toilet, my feet might get wet, but my navel will remain dry, if I stub my toe, my toe will ache but my navel will feel nothin'. Navels actually have it pretty easy, unless there is a tickle finger around. I have always actually sensed that there might be some physical connection between the navel and the bladder, because when I have had someone tickle my navel, it especially makes me want to urinate. Strange, that, huh? This report is gettin' a bit biazrre, huh? Think I better end it now and get to that simple plan of mine. Wish me luck, won't you?

Oh, by the way, tonight's reappearance of Wicked Willie™ is dedicated to Denita.

Episode No. 14

OK, time to get comfortable, put your feet up and get ready for another glimpse into the life of your old friend Wicked Willie.

Wicked Willie lives on the upper floor of a lavish mansion on a secluded estate. Once the leader of the free world, he fell from grace as the woman who stood behind him walked over his back on her climb to success. Now a mere disbarred attorney, he is often left alone, with just the company of Stu and Benji, his two federally-assigned bodyguards. He just sits around playin' pocket pool, and allows his thoughts to drift on some of the more important things in life. Here are his thoughts. Maybe you will get a chuckle or two and maybe you will even agree with parts of what he has to say.

Thursday, October 30, 2003

Hey, I am somewhere in China. I wanna thank which ever one of ya'll that got word to Stu and Benji that I was in Bangkok ‘cause they finally showed up and usin' their keen Secret Service honed skills found me where I had holed up in the basement of a whorehouse. It weren't that bad, ‘cause a couple of them skanky whores was comin' down to bring me food and water and if I smiled just right, one of ‘em would give me a Lewinski. I didn't know they was callin' it that, but one of them Thai whores told me that was the newest term for the activity.

Anyway, I was afraid to venture out to the Internet cafe agin, ‘cause I was alerted to the fact that there was a manhunt for me. It seems there are some that did not want me to leave Thailand, for some reason. I figured that out a bit later, when Benji and Stu finally got here. They apologized, but said they had to schedule that much time off way in advance, so it was the best they could do to get here when they did. It seems that there is an imposter playin' me now, but Stu and Benji caught on pretty quick they said. Seems they got instantly suspicious when the imposter went a whole day without whackin' off or even playin' pocket pool. They knowed it weren't me.

How we got here in China, I don't even know. Seems that Stu was with the CIA back in Viet Nam and somehow smuggled us through Thailand into Laos and up into China. We are stayin' with some Buddhist monastery or somethin'. I seen this skanky little slant eyed lass a'carryin' a laptop and followed her in here. Seems there are some bootleg internet connections even here in China. What is even cooler is that I am gettin' to post this message off while this little skanky gal gives my willie the workout. Life on the lam is not as bad as you might think. Stu says we ought to make it stateside soon, and then we can get to the bottom of this imposter business. I think either Hilary or George W. had something to do with this.

Well, I wish I had a good ride, so ya'll come on back here if'n ya need what I got to give, ya hear?

Another long trail ends with sore feet

Yep, Court was a marathon. I had one client that was not pleased in the least with the punishment recommendation on her case, which I too believed was a bit harsh. I tag teamed with another attorney who is representin' her against CPS in a custody matter against the DA. For his part, the DA did spend considerable time listenin' to the both of us and lookin' through the file at the evidence. He stood by his recommendation, however, and I and the other attorney, as well as one of her jail friends, advised the client that she could do better by her kids through takin' the deal offered (which required several months of inpatient drug treatment prior to release on probation) than by continually being brought back to court month after month with no resolution pendin' jury trial. This one case wore me out. I had a couple of others, but one will be comin' back month after month until we can actually get it to the top of the list of those cases that will be going to trial. Another we will get in front of a jury next week on the limited issue of whether the person is competent to stand trial. The gem of this afternoon's adventure was my appointment to another case by the court during the docket call. As it turned out, this was the easy case as the defendant was eager to take the offered deal. Of course, the necessary paperwork takes forever. I was through with court by a little after 4:00 and spent the next half hour or so copyin' documents at the clerk's office and discussin' expeditin' several of my client's cases with various members of the DA's office.

As I was in the neighborin' town, one with several types of places to eat that do not exist in my small burg, I decided to stop and have some Lo Mein and egg rolls for dinner. I then drove home, went by the office and returned some calls, put a note on the door tellin' everyone I would be back in court at 9:00 am tomorrow and would hopefully be back in the office after lunch, stopped by my favorite store and refilled my Dr. Pepper cup and came home. I am tired and sore and yet I feel compelled to do somethin' I have not done in awhile. Remember when I changed my blogroll to list in updated format? Well there are several blogs at the very bottom of that roll that I seldom seem to visit anymore. Tonight I have visited each and every one of them, and here is what I found:

• I wanted to say somethin' really snarky about this thing I found on lovely Annika's site, but I am too appalled at the episode to find anything humorous to say.
• My favorite Bush-basher Oldcatman has penned a Halloween poem modeled on The Night Before Christmas starring the aforementioned President Bush. [scroll to the Oct. 30th entry]
• Average White Guy, recently widowed, discovers, after a discussion with the counselor when taking his daughter for grief counselin', that he might also have a need for such. [scroll to Oct. 29th entry]
• anonymous gurl experiences no angst at turning 40, instead finds herself strangely comfortable with her life and accomplishments. [you might have to search the archives for the post entitled THERE IS NO ANGST dated Oct. 25, 2003 should it drop from the index page when you try to visit]
• If I had not ventured on this little quest along the bottom of my blogroll I would have missed this nice description of Halloween as practiced in the 21st Century penned by my good friend DavidMC
• Azygos shares a story of someone comin' to the end of their life with such compassion, you hope he holds your hand when the time comes.
• Signal+Noise has moved from blog*spot and reports on a new sweetner that tastes like sugar and is sugar but without the problems of sugar.
• It seems that what I had blogrolled as Armchair Analyst is now The Chicago Report and is reportin' that business in America is good.
• My2cents has changed its name to Dangerously Delusional and dabiotch [didn't she used to be Wandalicious?] is rantin' 'cause the Red Cross is thinkin' of pullin' out of Iraq.
• Although she admittedly blogs very seldom, Linda [Biting-Nails] has recently penned a tale of someone who really should learn to keep his mouth shut.
• Ian Hamet [Banana Oil] continues to post regularly and to talk about what you can see in movies and TV. I especially liked his take on Law & Order: Special Victims Unit.
• Public Defender Dude states that cops lie in trials. Now who would have ever thunk that?
• Ross [Rocket Penguin] gives an example of how the Army has really softened since my day when enforcement usually meant being taken behind some building wrapped in a blanket and gettin' whacked a few times with a bunk adapter. Of course, some of those old brown boot guys were always hangin' around tellin' us how much rougher the Army was in the old days during my early days too. ;) and
• The newest member of my blogroll is Gennie [Dizzy Girl] whose latest post on the power of linky-love or whorin' as she called it was what initially compelled me to troll the bottom of the blogroll.

There was an additional one or two blogs that I visited in the quest that seemed to have not been updated much during the last month, so I passed on mentioning them in this listing.

Gone fishin'

Well, actually, I have to get to court for a few matters. I will likely be there for most of the afternoon. Now ya'll don't give up on me! I am sure most of ya'll have not yet read all 18 of those posts I penned yesterday. I thought I was at my snarkiest!

I really got a lot to do!

However, just in case you have some free time, an old friend sent me this link to a cool new game: click here

Here is somethin' really interestin'

My friend Frank sent me this link http://www.firehogs.com/calif/calburoc.shtml which deals with California's bureaucracy as applies to its firefighting preparedness. Really interestin' stuff.

What do they take me for? an idiot?

First thing when I get to the office the phone rings. It is some gal tryin' to sell me on takin' some Pitney-Bowles mail meter or somethin' tellin' me 'bout all the time and money it would save me. OK, first of all, I live in a small town. I bet ya'll didn't know that, huh? We have one post office and some mail regulation says that if they offer everyone a low cost PO Box, they don't have to do street delivery. So, I have to make a trip to the Post Office once a day to check my mail. I usually have to make a second trip at the end of the day just to put my outgoin' mail in the only mailbox that is not inside the post office: the one in the parkin' lot of the post office. Also, the post office is perfectly situated on my route home. How is havin' a postage meter gonna save me time?

Now, I use approximately half a roll of stamps a month. Total cost is $17.00 or so. I am not sure, but it seemed the rental for the postage meter was $24.95. Now I don't know if that was monthly or what? With the meager amount of postage I use, I cannot imagine that it would save me any money.

OK, they are offerin' a 90 day free trial, and will give you $30 worth of postage after the trial period and some Omaha Steaks to try it. Cool. All they need is some information to get it started: my credit card information. Some voice over the phone asking for my credit card information ... ha ha ha ... for all I know everything said could be a bunch of hokey and I could be talkin' to someone in Nigeria. That seemed to conclude the conversation when I said I didn't ever give out credit card info over the phone.

Now, what is the deal with this Do Not Call Registry? I signed this number up. How do you colect that cash from those assholes that continue to call? This is my one and only incoming voice line for my law practice. I don't need to be tyin' it up chattin' with asshole telemarketers. Go away.

While I was on the phone tryin' to get the telemarketer to go away, I was checkin' my email and most of it was SPAM. At least by multitaskin', I was able to dispose of all the trash in my email while I was disposin' with the asshole on the phone. Of course, while I was composin' this post, I already had another asshole call me tryin' to get me to buy magazine subscriptions. I got a ton of crap I have to read that I can't find time to read, so I have to pass on gettin' regular magazine deliveries. I already got like 4 or 5 that come in anyway from the various organizations of which I am a member.

Turn out that damn light!

About an hour before I need to awaken each morning the damn sun crawls up over the school across the street and lights up the east window in my bedroom. To whom do I call to complain about that?

One Post Too Far ... or Rocky Gets Sloshed

Hey, so the title is crappy. It ain't like I have not been postin' one superbly snarky post after another for hour after hour tonight. I mean, give a guy a break. Hell, I have not even gazed at my damn navel and am still gonna give ya'll this report, so what do ya think about that? Nope, this is the end of the line for one day's postin'. I mean 17 previous posts surely meets my daily quota, doesn't it? Hell, where are the rules ... I might be a couple shy. Or then again, it might be a world record, although I am almost sure InstaPundit has done more than 18 posts in a day and probably michele, Jay, Kevin and even myself have topped that number on some previous occasion. But that is all ya'll are gonna get on this day. I am blogged out for one day. And the hell with a lookin' at my belly button ... anyone all that interested in what it looks like tonight can come over here and crawl into bed with me and do your own gazin'.

However, 'fore I go, I will tell ya'll my absolute favorite attorney joke:

Man walks into attorney's office and asks, "How much to answer 3 questions?"

The attorney answers, "$50."

Man gasps and says, "Isn't that a bit expensive?"

The attorney answers, "To some it could be, now what was your third question?"

Now, if I only get 99 more visitors before midnight, I can top the 100 visitor mark. Now that would be grand.

Another severe disappointment for the masses

It appears that a sparcity of crop circles in Virginia has postponed a weekend rocket launch.

Bowling for $$ in the 21st Century

Wow! According to CG Hill, OK City's Bomber partner, Terry Nichols' brother, James is suing Michael Moore over the use of his interview as included in Bowling for Columbine. Of course, the irony of situation is that the victims of the OK City Bombing are unable to sue James Nichols for failing to smother his brother with a pillow when they were children.

Ever seen a kangaroo cry?

Hmmm, seems Lynn S went on a linky love spree and slighted Kang A. Roo.

Does it involve nuns on bicycles?

Do What? Who in the Hell is Lewis Grizzard and how is he associated with Eric's winkie?

Why nuns ride bicycles

DaGoddess lets us all in on why it is that you are always seeing nuns riding bicycles.

Strange skies as Halloween nears

In a strange bit of bloggy goodness, NZB notes the error in a reporter's statement about today's solar flare activity.

Closer to home, I watched as tonight's moon, a crescent only revealing the lower portion set right in the middle of the highway that runs through our town and witnessed car after car seeming drive right into it.

He does have those shifty eyes!

So, you really thought you could trust Paul, huh? It seems he admits he is holding out on us.

Is it dark up there?

I'm sorry, but if TCU was in the Big XII, SEC or one of the other BCS conferences, they wouldn't be 8-0. - Steven

It must be Wednesday ... again

Although I have intentionally not been submitting anything* to the Carnival of Vanities, I have to admit that the intro to this edition is right in there with my tastes in humor. Well done, Blogger Rabbit. Also I must give kudos to Feste for providing a most graphically pleasing and seasonally apropos pointer to such festivities. Despite the fact that you will not find any blurbs to any of my crap, there is usually some good crap to be found. Please do check it out!

*The listings were getting longer and longer with each edition, so I opted to bow out of further participation.

An eye for the details

I followed a link on Dean's World to this story about some gal recanting her story about being raped the day before the supposed rapist's trial was to begin, and yet the weirdest thing was that at the top of such story from www.nbc10.com was this line:

Attention Fark.com Readers: Other Top Stories On NBC10.com

Can you feel the power?

Our favorite psychiatric nurse, Crazy Tracy always seems to find a gem in real life humor.

How will he ever repay the favor?

If you ever make it up to Metropolis, look me up. I owe you one, kid. - Perry White to Clark Kent ... ending line of tonight's Smallville

As many links as I can do in half an hour

Kelley says kids are getting headaches from readin' Harry Potter and should be ashamed.

Jeff is ravin' 'bout a new search engine.

Steve has a friend who dumps boyfriends just to get him to make cookies for her.

Some people seemed to understand what the Hell michele was talkin' 'bout, so maybe it's me.

Sophorist found somethin' that made me proud and sad and mad and feelin' bad.

Jay is proud to find he has fans from around the world.

Venomous Kate has found something to seethe about and really didn't?

SilverBlue has linked to something you really shouldn't see, and thankfully for some well placed black boxes, you won't go blind if you check it out.

It seems Deb hasn't been postin' much lately either, and found that skippin' work yesterday was as bad as she thought.

and just enough time for one more ...

Scott has a nifty tale involvin' duct tape and emus.

What are you hiding in your pants there, son?

A snake was found in the divorce courtroom in Danbury, Conn., and no, it wasn't someone's spouse. - My Way News

It also was not either side's attorney. Who would have ever thought that some snake discovered in a divorce case was not even involved at all in the case?

attribution: WizBang!

Oh George, it's quittin' time!

Well, down to two thing left to do on my todo list for today, and both require me to drive around town lookin' for someone, so guess I get to leave. I mean I doubt anyone is gonna come seekin' my assistance at a couple o' minutes to 5:00. If so, I ain't too worried, as I already went down to see my friend, the other attorney in town, and he had done split for the day. I actually might get a chance to see what some of the rest of ya'll have come up with to say here the last few days. Of course, it does help when someone takes the time to point a bunch of it out. Thanks SilverBlue.

Where is the time I need?

Well, today my internet connection at the office has been great all day, miraculously. Of course, since today is the only day I do not have to be in court this week, I have about a million other things that I need to get done. However, despite all the things I have to do with my practice I had to set aside so as to type up the minutes from last night's meetin' and some other responsibilities from bein' the Adjutant of the American Legion Post in our town. I seem to need more time durin' the day, because I cannot find the time to take a nap. Damn, sometimes I really miss bein' in Kindergarten. I mean is there anythin' better than spendin' a day eatin' cookies, takin' naps, smearin' paint all over anythin' you can with your hands, and, if you really got lucky that day, you got to make fun of someone who peed in their pants?

Another facet of my personality revealed

I just took emode's What's Your Email Personality? test:

Tiger, when it comes to email, you're a Joker

They say when you laugh, the world laughs with you. If that's the case, then we're all having one giant global chuckle thanks to your funny phrases. We're not sure how you do it, but you seem to have a comedian buried somewhere within.

I had to answer 15 questions to be informed that I am a Joker? I was of the assumption that was already pretty well known by those on my email address list and I was pretty sure they all figured I was not the King of Hearts, just that I wanted to be. ;)

Of course, this one didn't really surprise me either:

What's Your Monster Match?

Tiger, there's a Mummy lurking inside of you!

You've been dead for 3000 years, but you are still the life of the party because your monster match is the mummy. Has anyone ever told you that you look sharp in linen, and white is definitely your color?

I don't know, but there really is something sensual about being wrapped in cloth and then the sensuality of having it slowly removed. I mean, with the right company, is there anything more entertaining than a rousing game of strip poker?

Does anyone know the current record?

What is the world record on the amount of linky-love in a single post? 29 links? And the cool part of it is that it was sent my way by Denita. What a sweetheart!*

*And also the mother of a lovely child. Eric is a lucky guy, but I think he knows it!

Is this story ever getting old?

Yeah, like I haven't said this so many times here in the last week, but I am worn out. Today I had to drive to one of the neighboring towns to go court, the case was reset to the afternoon, drove back to the office, worked for an hour or two, drove back to have the hearing, sat for an hour listening to another hearing that had to be over before mine started, got back to town at 5:00, went back to the office to check my messages, spent 30 minutes on a long distance call with a client whose case was supposed to be over but a snag has come up, then had to run to the store to buy something to take to the American Legion meeting which started at 6:00 and just got out of there and came home. Some days, there seems to be too little time to get everything done. I have a lot of work to do tomorrow since I have no court settings and have several things that I have had to set aside over the last two weeks as I was so busy that have to be done and have a couple of things that have to be done to finish up some of the items that were discussed at the American Legion meeting, so I am planning on going to bed early again. Of course, I do think I will just go rest a bit for now, and maybe come back later to see how everyone else has been. It seems like forever since I have read some of the blogs on my blogroll, and it has been bothering me alot. Still, I am so weary, I likely will be so drowsy, I would not be able to give the attention I need to actually read most of them. Catch-22? I have no idea. Maybe I should go drink a bit of Tequila or something, huh? Still, just remember, I do love you all ... well, maybe not Acidman, afterall, he has never apologized for saying I looked older than he does. Oh heck, I really don't care ... I just like to rag about that. Oh, George, if you had just seen the yawn I did, you would know I need to go to bed. I am so sorry, I really am. The only thing about me that hardly ever changes anymore is my navel. Every time I look, it is there, it is surrounded by all that soft black hair (except for one or two gray ones now), and looks so very serene. Thank George for that, I guess. I will end this report before I fall out of this chair. Thank you for your attention ... after all if you got this far down, you have to like me, right?

Where the Hell am I?

Yes, another day in my life and I am still wondering where I am and what I am expected to do. Oh well, let me shake these cob webs from my synapses and maybe it will come back to me.

I am really weird

I really must be weird because I keep thinkin' some of this crap I am writin' is funny as Hell!

Crap, can I get inane when I am sleep deprived?

Stick it with a fork!

Well, here it is bedtime, and I am still wearin' my tie. I told ya'll I was tired. I was so tired I didn't even feel like changing into somethin' more comfortable. As such, my navel has not been fully gazed at .... hmm, that makes it a lot like Abject Apathetic Procrastination. I doubt that my other blog gets looked at as much as I actually do gaze at my own navel. I am thinking that idea has hit bottom and maybe I ought to call it quits. Yep, stick a fork in it, Kang A. Roo, it's done.

OK, just to satisfy your curiousity, I took a peek under my shirt and my navel is still there. I wasn't really surprised, were you? Speaking of ideas who have run their course, are there many among my paltry sum of regular readers who really give a whack whether I continue these Nightly Navel Gazing Reports? In fact, is there more than one or two that would be bothered at all if I just ceased blogging altogether? Well, I am really too weary to worry about it, but just posed the questions that waft through my mind from time to time. I'll shut up now.

This subject is all over the news

Wow, Denita must have stayed up all night typing about this current controversial subject and it is worth reading by everyone. Denita: You go girl! I am with you 100% on this one.

The severe decline of daily blogging

Damn, but I need broad-band. I have been contemplatin' severely gettin' broad-band through our cable company now that is has finally come to town. Of course, they are chargin' way more than what you have to pay in the big city, but we are at the mercy of all companies here, payin' more for electricity, water, cable, gasoline, food, housing and almost anythin' else than almost anywhere else I have lived in my life. Sure, some of it can be due to general price rises that come along durin' time, but I was surprised at the difference between what I was payin' for the same things when I lived in Dallas right after I moved here almost 4 years ago. Still, despite the large cost of livin', I would rather live here than in Dallas.

I have worked it out, and really havin' the cable connection would cost me as much as the extra phone line at work, so the monthly bill would not be hard to swallow. The big problem is the connection fee. It is free if you sign up for two years, but I am hopin' to move into the County Attorney's Office before the end of two years. I already ended up payin' for the 8 months left on my DSL contract when I left Dallas, so I am not really wantin' to pay again for somethin' I am not usin'. So why am I tellin' you all of this? Well, I have not been able to stay connected to the internet long enough while I am at the office to get a post to go through over the last few days. The previous post took me more than an hour of effort to finally get it published. By the time I get home, I am tired. I have probably sat in front of a computer for 4 to 8 hours already, and sometimes I just do not feel like sittin' here all night.

Tonight is one of those nights that I am really tired ... and here it is only Monday. Wow, is this ever gonna to be a long week. I will be back a bit later, I think, but for now, I am gonna to go watch a movie. You know, I have never had a compulsion to watch a movie twice in a row before, but I could almost sit down and watch Chicago all over again. However, I have several more new ones I bought, so I will likely wait a few says before screenin' that one again. And if I do come back, I might just spend some time catchin' up on readin' a bunch of blogs I have not had time to read here lately. Of course, once I start doin' that, I start findin' all that bloggy goodness that I feel like pointin' out to those that might have missed it. I will then end up sittin' here way way past midnight. I didn't get any sleep last night, if you remember, so I am likely gonna hit the hay pretty quickly tonight.

Forgive me for the slow down, but if I remember one of Venomous Kate's rules about bloggin' -- if it ain't fun, then why are ya doin' it? Of course, Kate didn't quite say it like that, but I think that fairly represents the gist of it. Ta Ta for now.

So dearly departed

Just another gem I found in my inbox from my aunt. As always, when I find one worth sharing, I try to do so. Enjoy!

Obituary

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend by the name of Common Sense who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.

He will be remembered as having cultivated such valued lessons as knowing when to come in out of the rain, why the early bird gets the worm and that life isn't always fair.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you earn) and reliable parenting strategies (adults, not kids, are in charge).

His health began to rapidly deteriorate when well intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a six-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate, teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch, and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student only worsened his condition. It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer aspirin to a student but could not inform the parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Finally, Common sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband, churches became businesses and criminals received better treatment than their victims. Common Sense finally gave up the ghost after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot, spilled it in her lap, and was awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust, his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason. He is survived by two stepbrothers; My Rights and I'm a Whiner.

Not many attended his funeral because so few realized Common Sense was gone.

If you still know him pass this on, if not you can give him a second death.

AUTHOR UNKOWN

Posted by notGeorge at 12:02 PM | Comments (0)

I did it on purpose

Well, I have my first chance to go to court in one of our neighboring towns in the morning and am not sure how forgiving the judge will be if I am late, so to be sure I do not oversleep, I took a couple of sinus pills even though I am feeling fine today because as most of my regular readers know, they keep me from sleeping. As such, I might be staring at my navel all night long. Of course, it is pretty cold right now, about 40 degrees, so to do so, I will have to have my head under the covers and use a flashlight. Oh well, I don't think that I want to do that. Hmm, still I am sure it is good shape. As cool as it is, I have been wearing a sweatshirt and sweatpants all day long. I did get a chance to see it earlier today, and all I can say is it was really wet at that time, because I was taking a hot bath. Now if I only had a chance to see Rene Zellwegger's belly button ... oh never mind. If you know me, you know what I am thinking.

Say goodnight, Gracie.

"Goodnight Gracie."* And with such inanity, I will end tonight's report.

*See, it still works!

Just for the record

I finally got around to watching Chicago. I absolutely loved it, but then I think Rene Zellwegger is the cat's meow anyway.

Oh well, wait 'til next week

Yes, the Cowboys played poorly, but Tampa Bay has a good defense. The Cowboys' defense did a pretty good job today, but the offense did poorly. Even if Tom Landry was still around and coaching the Cowboys, just remember that they lost a few games a year also. I was pretty sure that the Cowboys would not play in the Superbowl this year, but I am still hoping that they will have at least a 9-7 season. Go Cowboys. I hope today's game was a good lesson for you, and hope you learn from your mistakes. Tuna will assist you in learning from the game. I am still your fan. See ya next week.

What was good about it

Well, I had told ya'll I was not too interested in this year's World Series, but at least the Yankees didn't win! Yay! I guess all of George's money couldn't buy the pennant for New York this year.

Today's Noon showdown

Wow, the predictions are all over the place on this one. Take a guess at who I am rootin' for on this game and guess where I will be at noon today!

Thanks to The Helmet Project for the graphics!

Postin' from a drunken stupor

or somethin' close. Well, I decided to go to the annual Chamber of Commerce Casino Night amd was $400 ahead of the chips I got, but bought enough chips to be in the auction, but George, did the amounts were so high, I did not have enough to get what I wanted. However, I had enough to get a pretty picture of one of our fine parks someone painted and a book of Texas birds and also won a weekend of some jumping thing for youngsters ... I am sure you know what I am talking about, and some lady said she had a birthday party going on next Sunday, not tomorrow, but a week away, and wanted to buy it from me. I just gave it to her and told her to give me whatever she thought it was worth. It seems I agreed to just be at the party. Whatever. I had fun, but mostly because I drank about 6 ounces of tequila while I was there. If you knew how many times I had to backspace to redo what I have written, you might know how intoxicated I am. I wonder how Acidman blogs at all. ;) Sorry, but that is just a joke, as I have no idea if he even drinks. Oh well, guess who needs to go to bed. George, but are you smart. Yes, I am about to either go to bed or lay down here on the floor. I try not to drink much anymore, but sometimes, it seems to be part of the event. Tonight, I am pretty sure that was part of the event, so I did my part. Or at least I think so. George, I hope I didn't make a fool of myself, but if so, so what. It isn't like I am running for Governor of California (I had to retype that 5 times before I got it right) is it? Good night.

Oops, did I forget to tell you that my navel is fine, or at least it is not as intoxicated as my brain is right now. The report comes to an end, and sorry it is a bit late, but as you can see, I did find something to do last night.*

*I am not sure how many mistakes I made, so live with it. Thank you.

Jes' as I 'spected

None o' ya'll has time to read nuthin' on Saturdays!

[UPDATE: 55 visitors for the day! See I was right. I love it when I am right!]

Does anybody really know what time it is?

I was just looking at my watch and I noticed that it is time for a nap. If go I sleep for about an hour, I won't lose any time. Tonight, after everyone else is asleep, I can just set the clock back an hour and no one will know the difference.

The simple lessons of life

I was just talking to my six-year-old friend, Cheyene. She was wearing some fashion jeans with various graphics painted on the legs: a couple of hearts, a tic-tac-toe game, the word kiss, the word love and the phrase touch the sky. I asked her if she could touch the sky and she told me no, it is too high to touch it. I then asked her was not our world made up of land, water and sky? She agreed. I said so if it is not land or water, then it must be sky. She agreed. Then I asked if someone told you to touch the water, would you have to touch the bottom of the pond or just the top? She said you would just have to touch the top. So, I said if you wanted to touch the sky, then you would not have to reach very high to touch the bottom of it, would you? I simply love kids. I love how they are so innocent and so very unknowledgable about the simplest things. It is such a joy to watch them learn about the simple things in life and so sad to watch them lose their innocence as the hard lessons are learned.

Diggin' through other people's links

If this guy would get off blog*spot, I would blogroll him. Of course, if he keeps postin' funny stuff like this, I might anyway. After all, I cut James some slack and blogrolled him even though he is on blog*spot. Now if someone could only come up with a really funny blog featurin' pitchers* of kangaroos.

*That homophone was intentionally used after I got a couple of mental pictures: someone pouring kangaroos into glasses at a party and someone throwing a kangaroo across the plate in the World Series.

There really is a silver lining

They say for every cloud, there is a silver lining, and I have to find that to be true even for comment SPAMMERS. I mean, here it is Saturday, that notorious slow bloggin' day, and yet I find I have somethin' to do. I am able to be checkin' in frequently to delete some asshole's comments and bannin' them from my blog.* Isn't it just wonderful how some things just work out that way?

*Of course, it would actually be much more fun if we could just take them out back somewhere and beat the livin' crap out of them.

It's Saturday & I ain't got nobody

but I got some money 'cause I've been paid. Of course the night has not arrived, and I am not likely to be doing anything exciting anyway. It is the night of the annual Chamber of Commerce Casino Night, and although I am a sponsor and have two tickets to attend, I have no one to go with and am not a big gambler. I probably will just stay home.

I got home late last night as most of you know, but I did not tell you about my tour of out Haunted House last night. I was really impressed. It was set up in our old 1930's jail, set up like an old mental hospital where they just locked up all the crazy people. They had a fog machine set upstairs and had three strobe lights set up downstairs so it was really hard to see the people who were hiding in the shadows to jump out to firighten you. I jumped a few times as they were hidden pretty well. It was set up by one to support the Caner Society so I did not mind paying my $13 bucks to do the tour. In fact, I actually donated another $5 and had donated several cans of red spray paint a few months ago when they were asking for things to be donated to assist in setting it up. I am always glad to do my part, as that is why I moved to a small town. I needed somewhere where I felt like I was needed. For some reason, I never felt like anything but another number when I lived in Dallas.

I never did get around to watching Chicago last night as I had to push the kangaroo to do his job, so after I go soak a bit in a tub of hot water, I might get around to seeing that movie.

Important news announcement

Miracle penis enlargement pills have been found to cause all users to become sterile after one use as well as to cause the user's penis to turn bright red and fall off. This is a very important message, so please feel free to spread it around.*

*Please do note the category placement of this message.

No change on the horizon

Well, today was a pretty hectic day. Luckily the drive home from the dentists office was easier that the drive up. Court was not all that hard, as I was able to pass off all my cases for another month. Yes, our County Court only sits once a month also, just as both District Courts who cover our area only sit once a month here also. As such, when each three courts are set, the dockets are fairly long. Then off to the dentist I went. One and ahalf hours of sitting in the chair, then three hours of having half my mouth numbed. After I left the dentist's office*, I went to the movie house across the street and saw Mystic River which had the feel of Oridnary People so might have a good chance of being the next winner of Best Movie. It was directed by Clint Eastwood and one commenter at IMDb has already said it was the best movie he has done since Unforgiven which, if you remember, also won Best Picture. I thought Sean Penn did his most fabulous acting ever and Tim Robbins, although an asshole politically, did a great job in his role. Kevin Bacon was fair and Laurence Fishburne's role was so small that I wonder why he took it. When I got to the movie house, I bought a small sack of popcorn and a small Coke** even though still half of my mouth was numb, but I found I was able to drink the Coke anyway. However, when I tried to chew a mouthful of popcorn, I bit the shit out of my tongue, so decided not to even try another mouthful. A couple had just sat down close to me, and I offered them the bag. The guy, who was closest to me declined by his female companion said she would be glad to have it. I guest she thought I looked more trustworthy than he did, even though I explained why I was giving it away before I offered it.

After the movie was over, the numbness had worn off, so I was able to eat something, and I went to Taco Bueno and had a nacho salad and taco, then started the drive home. I stopped by Walmart to buy a few dental supplies that were suggested by the dental hygenist after we discussed the problems I was having with pain when brushing my teeth. I also bought the Indiana Jones DVD set and Chicago, both in widescreen. Now I think I will shuck these work clothes and give my navel a look before heading off to see Chicago. I haven't seen it yet.

Now, for what you have been waiting for all day: My navel seems to be in very great shape tonight, however, my French Judge gavel could probably use a good workout, but I am not in the mood to bang it myself and see no voluteer to give in a workout as usual. Oh well, if I could speak French, I might say c'est la vie.*** And, thus I end this evening's report.

*One of the highlights of my dental office visit this time was this most beautiful young lady that was sitting at the counter when I came out to pay. I did not notice she was missing most of her left arm right at the elbow right away, but after I did, that only enhanced her beauty to me. I saw her as a living Venus de Milo and wanted to tell her so, but my shyness held me back. I am hopeful she is still employed there when I go for the next round of treatment, doing the other side of my mouth, in two weeks.

**They don't have Dr. Pepper and I would rather just drink Coke than Mr. Pibb which tastes like the poured out half a Coke and refilled that half with Dr. Pepper, I call it CocaPepper.

***My appreciation to AltaVista's Babel Fish Translation Service for their assistance in coming up with the right spelling for that phrase.

Oct. 23, 2003

Three women are about to be executed. One's a brunette, one's a redhead, and one's a blonde.

Two guards brings the brunette forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ." Suddenly the brunette yells, "Earthquake!!" Everyone is startled and looks around. She manages to escape.

The angry guards then bring the redhead forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ." The redhead then screams, "Tornado!!" Yet again, everyone is startled and looks around. She too escapes execution.

By this point, the blonde had figured out what the others did. The guards bring her forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She also says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ." The blonde shouts, "Fire!!

I am completely brain dead

I need a large dose of caffeine stat, and about .5mgs of nicotine. Crap! Another day full of legal wranglin' and Chinese firedrills has begun, but thankfully it is Friday. The courts are closed tomorrow. I could do jail calls, because the jails are open 7 days a week/24 hours a day ... but then, I am not sure my spending my weekend time visiting people in jail would be very relaxing. I will likely pass on that and just sit back and watch millions of movies. If I begin to feel an urge to deal with legal issues, I suppose I can always take a turn at playing French judge a time or two. Those plans, of course, hinge on nothing more exciting coming along.

It just ain't gonna work

I exposed a bit too much of myself in last night's report, so nothing is forthcoming in tonight's report. No, actually, just nothing much to report other than my fatigue and exhaustion and so I am not up to much snarky description and such. Things in my life will slow down, maybe, soon. As it is, right now, I am stressing over having another dental appointment tomorrow. This is the first round of that deep, below the gumline cleaning. I am really not looking forward to that.

Anywho ... ta ta for now!

Listenin' to the radio

Yes, it is really amazin' the small things you can learn just a-listenin' to the radio, 'specially if you listen to them country&western singers. Today, I heard the most amazing phrase come outta some twangy singer's* mouth: commercial affection. I just wondered if anyone has figured out how much of that is going around, or do some guys think them gals are smilin' at them for real. How many barmaids, waitresses and the like have turned on a bit of the charm in hopes of getting a bigger tip? And, of course, we can almost be sure those professional prick teasers topless dancers are giving all that affection away for nothing, huh?

*It was most likely Mel Tillis.

When does it stop?

Wow, has this ever been a long day, but before I get into that, let me share a story about our small town. From what I have heard, Seth is the oldest man in town. He told me he would be 96 this December today when I saw him drive by as I was getting out of my car. His wife, who was just a year younger than him has died recently, I had not had a chance to give Seth my condolences, so I stopped him for a moment to tell him I hoped he was doing well, as I understand how hard it is to lose your spouse. First of all, when I say I stopped Seth, I halted his progression as he passed by in his motorized wheel chair. When I first moved to town, someone pointed him out as he was driving around in his little black pickup truck and said always watch out if you see that guy. He cannot see all that well and will just backup into the street right in front of you. Well, Seth has since gotten rid of the pickup truck and just tools around town in the electric wheel chair. Of course, the thing only goes about 2 mph, but if my memory is right, that is about how fast he drove around in that pickup truck also. I suppose if you cannot see all that well, it is important not to drive too fast as you do not want to approach anything you are unable to see, because who knows whether 10 feet ahead there might be a hippo just sitting in the middle of the street or something. The town is small, and even though his destination was over a mile away, I understand he makes the trip at least once a day. He was going to his favorite restaurant for lunch.

Anyway, to make a long story short, when I asked him if he was doing alright with his wife gone, he said he was doing alright. He said I go dancing twice a week, Tuesdays in Stephenville (about 20 miles west of our town) and on Thursdays in Granbury (about 20 miles north of our town). I wondered where he was dancing at, so I asked. He said it was the Senior Citizen Center in each town. He said he usually spent about 90 minutes dancing on those two nights and that there were all kinds of women. He said there were a lot of pretty ones. I could hope that I was like Seth when I was in my 90s, but sadly, I can't dance for 90 minutes at less than half his age. I would say it is likely due to all of those cigarettes I smoked over the years, but then Seth had a pack of unfiltered Pall Malls in his shirt pocket as we talked.

Now back to my day: long ... and for tonight, that is likely enough. I am almost sure ya'll are tiring of me describing how swamped I am at work right now. I complain a bit, but then I also remember how I had absolutely no business when I first moved here in 2000, so I might actually say I have exceeded my expectations. ;)

Near maximum exposure

Well, it was weirdly humid and hot today and by the time I got home, I was ready to cool down. Of course, the quickist way to cool off, unless I wanted to turn on the A/C again, was to strip down to my BVDs. Yes, I know some of you have seen the picture of my navel, and see that I wear briefs. I know some think boxer shorts are better, and I actually have several silk boxers around, but if I try to wear them all day long, they always seem to crawl right up my ass crack. I hate that and it bothers the crap out of me. I always feel more comfortable wearing brief underwear. I suppose you could tell I would not be a big fan of wearing some thong underwear, huh. The great thing about briefs, also, in my opinion is the waist band seems to ride just below my navel. Therefore, if I am walking around in nothing but BVDs, you can expect my navel is getting maximum exposure. Of course, around here, the only one who could see it would be me myself, so when I look down, I have no problem navel gazing. Now are you glad you dropped by for this post? I will put you out of your misery, and will end tonight's report.

Beggin' your most humble forgiveness

An avalanche of activity exhausted me today and as such, I predict a pure parcity of post-work postin'. Evenin' siesta sensed. Snarky snips to resume soon.

Yet, before I go, let me respond to an urgent need expressed by some of my readers for picture of me as a baby. If you have any interest in seein' how I looked when I was just learnin' to walk, check the extended entry:

Another day, another 37¢

Well, didn't get much sleep. I tossed and turned most of the night as the sinus tablets had me wired as usual. I finally got up about 5:00 am, watched Road to Rio, and decided to come say Good Morning to all my readers. As I mentioned in my last post, I have a lot to do this morning, so I am getting ready to go to the office to get ready for court. I hope you all have a good day, I will check back as soon as I can.

Were there two Mondays this week?

Wow, what a day? I just got home. I had at least a million things to do, just like yesterday, and actually did knock out a large portion of what I had to do. Spent most of the morning meeting with different members of the DA's office which is actually in the next town over, regarding several of my clients sitting in the clink, then worked a deal to get one of them out of the clink and took it before the court, had a long discussion with that judge afterward regarding an estate matter that needs to be finalized, what he suggested and what we needed to do to effect the end result. Back to the office, worked diligently to get all the notes made about what I had accomplished this morning, return the various calls that had come in during my absense, prepared the four cases I have for tomorrow's our town docket, that occurs for this court once a month, called a couple of clients to remind them on the need for them to appear, then went to meet with the former Adjunct of the American Legion to get the mailing list to send the notices out to the membership regarding next week's meeting. I am about worn out, had have had a nagging sinus headache escalate during the day, so that I finally succumbed to downing some sinus tablets. That means I will not sleep well during the night, and tomorrow starts very early as I have one client that wants to meet early to prepare for court tomorrow. As such, I think I will just call it a night. Nothing new to report about the navel so count this as your Nightly Navel Gazing Report for Tuesday, October 21, 2003.

I am lucky to be alive!

But then again, aren't we all? Despite the troubles and trappings of our everyday existence, there is just some little something about actually being alive that makes life truly worth living.

If only my leg was doing as well

Yes, it seems the ever present navel is doing quite well this evening, however I seem to have one of those weird things that acts like a boil is coming up, making a big red bump on the inside of my thigh coming up. I seem to get these from time to time, and they are a bit painful, kind of like a large zit, and yet they never amount to anything except a bit of discomfort for a week or so as they run their course. Sometimes they do actually culminate in forming a small head of some kind. I was thinking today, maybe it was the male midlife tradeoff for not having that unsightly cellulite on the back of our thighs. I am so thankful, however, that these things never develop on any of my more important body parts, like the aforementioned navel. Oh but to have that youthful body of mine when I was twentysomething, with those smooth firm legs and the tight abdomen which was the perfect resting place for my youthful navel. You know they always say you can't turn back the clock, but I find we do that all the time with this daylight savings time, but you damn sure can't get younger, can you, no matter how many times you wind that clock back.

OK, I know, this has gotten a bit bizarre, hasn't it, so let me end this report before I got totally off the deep end. I would hate to drown in my own inanity, you know.

Those ever-so-innovative Frenchmen

As if they are not decadent enough, a French Judge has redefined the term banging the gavel.

attribution: zombyboy who was overlooked in the earlier ping wave.

The Halftime Show

You know, I have been doing a fairly poor job here lately of slingin' some linky-love around to those hard working blogging friends of mine, so while I am awaiting for the second half to start, let me tell you what you can find around the Blogosphere at this very moment:

• Tink is doing a bit of reflection, introspection and genuflection about the life that was and is.
• Cathy is experiencing one of the lesser joys of parenthood.
• Tony is following the growth, or is it the birth, of the data storage industry.
• SilverBlue lays claim to popping the 10K cherry on Susie's blog.
• I dunno how much I can believe about anything on Little Tiny Lies, but just read what Steve has to say.
• Cherry is a flappy bird and had decided that she should spend more time outdoors.
• I don't know how Kate has time to blog with all the stuff she and Kelley have been up to lately.*

Checked the game, and it seems to be going way too far on KC's way for me to watch right now, so let's continue:

• Mark has a picture and a link to one of those "now why didn't I think of that" product ideas that will make someone else a million bucks.
• Jen is working hard to be assist those who will be tomorrow's "life of the party" at work.**
• Kim posts some graphics and conjures up some mental pictures of his upcoming business trip.
• James took the opportunity to mention that anthrax is still in the news.
• Only Natalie could find a robot to talk with when there was no one else around.***
• CG Hill located someone who actually found a good use for SPAM.
• Ith has found another one of those PC things that went overboard.
• Lesley lists and pans the 10 worst movies he has ever seen.****
• Michele is unusually quiet.
• Deb is listening to the Eagles and having memories of buying the CD while in the service.
• Kevin has posted the picture of the perfect woman for me.
• TalkLeft gives us the latest Kobe news and a link to the actual ruling by the judge.
• Jed makes a few apropos comments about John Allen Muhammad's choice to represent himself.
• Saving the best for last, you just have to read this fantastic short play composed by Jeff.*****

Now back to watch the end of the game, or if it is too far gone, maybe to bed.******

*I wish I had a good friend in Hawaii and the plane fare to travel there to party with them.

**Just reading the description of all that food made me hungry.

***Did I ever tell ya'll how delighted I was when I one day discovered that I had found myself on Nat's links?

****I actually remember liking Flash Gordon, but then I think I was about 10 or 12 when I saw it.

*****I think maybe Frank and Steve better watch their backs, 'cause this might be a sign that there is a new Sheriff in town.

******Now, you know I wouldn't go to bed without giving you the Nightly Navel Gazing Report™, don't ya?

[UPDATE: I did manage to catch the very last play of the game, which showed why Oakland was destined to lose this game.]

Houston, we seem to have a glitch*

Well, it does seem that NZB's dandy new javascript is severely hanging up the loading time on my blog and was working so poorly on my other blog** that I had to delete if from the template all together.

*I am now giving up on blogging for a bit and "really & truly" going to go watch Monday Night Football.

**The really stupid one: Abject Apathetic Procrastination.

[UPDATE: I decided to remove it from this blog also, for the time bein'.]

Procrastination 101

When I did all that work on this template, there was some stuff that never was quite completed at the very bottom of the page that I intended to get back to, and I just noticed I never had. Oh well, it ain't gonna be done tonight, and it might be awhile before I remember it needs to be done again. Speaking of procrastination, that reminds me that Harvey* wanted a kangaroo pic.

*It actually might be a different Harvey, but I am just making a wild guess here.

Do I sense a sense of humor here?

Esta es mi primera blog. It is going to be entirely in Spanish. Oh well, there goes that idea. -- Jesse of Legal Rap

That little quip is the intro to his introduction post. He* is a brand new blogger, and I would call him a blog-child of Volokh Conspiracy, as reading Volokh Conspiracy is what influenced him to start blogging. I was extremely impressed by his inclusion of my blog on his initial blogroll and I was very impressed by his latest posting also. I think the topic is worthy of consideration by a broad spectrum of individuals and you may feel inclined to add your comments on the issue.

*I am making an assumption here, as Jesse could be a female. I did not note any clear indicators of the blogger's gender from my reading of the entries and it actually would make very little difference** except for the appropriate pronouns which are to be used in referring to such individual.

**Unless, of course, we are discussing breasts, then gender definitely makes a difference.

[UPDATE: I might have been just a bit premature in suggesting anyone make comments on Jesse's blog, because there seems to be some MT configuration problem going on with the commenting functions and such, that is beyond my skills in which to suggest a cause. Per my usual, I am very adept at recognizing problems, just not always that swift at solving them. ;) ]

Are ya ready for some football?

There is a really good match-up on Monday Night Football this evenin' as the Kansas City Chiefs take on the Oakland* Raiders. I think there is some kind of hatred between these two teams as they almost always seem to play hard against each other. Hard hits and plenty of action. I am about worn out from today's activities, although I do need to go pour some anti-freeze into my car to replace the little that leaked out from the busted heater hose, then think I will come back in relax, and watch me a good football game. Go Texans, I mean Chiefs. They used to be the Dallas Texans a long time ago, in the early AFL days when George Blanda was still playin' for the Oilers and Raiders. My dad used to idolize George Blanda because they were 'bout the same age. I did notice the other day that I was the same age as Bruce Willis and have almost the same amount of hair. Now if I only had a fraction of his cash reserves, I might be able to attract a few of those babes he seems to gather around him everywhere he goes.

*They are playin' in Oakland again, ain't they?

Busier than a one-toothed beaver

Whew! What a day! It started off normally slow as I spent most of the morning catching up on Friday's todos that were not urgent enough to keep me here past 7:00 pm on Friday. Then the FedEx guy that I missed on Friday dropped off a fine payment I needed to take to another town to dispose of a distant out-of-town client's speeding ticket, so I left just before lunch to get that matter off of my list. Well, of course, my timing was bad and I arrived just after noon and the Justice of the Peace office had closed for lunch. I found somewhere and had lunch myself. It was not an entirely pleasant dining experience, but I am going to count some of that as my mistake for picking a fairly new place instead of going to that place in that town where I normally would have eaten. Anyway, after lunch, I took care of my client's legal matter and started on my way back home. I hit town about 2:00 p.m. and as I pulled past the courthouse, I caught a whiff of engine coolant. I pulled into a space on the square and popped the hood. I observed a small pinhole squirting a steady stream of antifreeze mixture from one of my heater hoses onto the fuel injectors. Oh, well, such occurs and at least my timing had worked out on this one so that I was actually on my home turf when such occurred. I checked my heat gauge and the car was not running hot at that point, so I felt safe to drive it the few blocks to my mechanic. I then sat around for an hour while it was repaired. Of course, today had to be one of those very warm Texas autumn days. I sat around in coat and tie and sweated for an hour. By the time I finally returned to the office, I was severely behind on some other matters that I had hoped to have taken care of before the end of the day ... but guess what? The end of the day is here and those items have not been done. In fact, in the past hour, I have gotten three phone calls about items that take priority over those. Oh well. Guess it is another late night. Par for Monday, huh? I was really hoping for an eagle on this one.

It's Monday .... again

George, but it seems like we go through this every week. Surely they could do something about having a Monday in every week, even if it is sometimes Tuesday. I mean as we get more and more people and there seem to be fewer and fewer jobs, is it maybe not time to readjust the normal work week? I am all for limiting the work week to 10:00am to 4:00pm - Tuesday through Thursday. I mean really, no one really works during any of the other times anyway, right?

DOG UPDATE: Comanche stayed in the compound all day and night and successfully made dog check* this morning.

*Dog Check: I open the door and check to see how many dogs instantly appear on my porch.

Sundays are slow days anyway

Yes, I know I didn't do much in the way of blogging today, and I really didn't take all that much time gazing at my navel wondering why I wasn't getting all that many visitors today. I already knew it was Sunday and no one does much blog visiting on Sundays. Too many football games to watch as well as Game 2 of the World Series. My belly button did not accumulate any fungus or trap any foreign objects today and, despite the fact that I mostly sat around, was unexposed for the greater part of the day. Remember when I told you it was finally getting cool enough so that it was a bit uncomfortable running around unclothed in one's own house ... that is the primary reason it was covered. T-shirt and underoos fit the bill nicely, however. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know! TMI. So? It is my report and I will report what I want. Got it! I thought so! ;)

Comment SPAMMERS are unworthy of life

The following is the whois info for some cretin who decided to SPAM in my comments:

inetnum: 61.181.0.0 - 61.181.255.255
netname: CHINANET-TJ
descr: CHINANET Tianjin province network
descr: Data Communication Division
country: CN
admin-c: DK26-AP
tech-c: HZ19-AP
mnt-by: MAINT-CNCGROUP
mnt-lower: MAINT-CHINANET-TJ
changed: hostmaster@ns.chinanet.cn.net 20001212
status: ALLOCATED NON-PORTABLE
source: APNIC

person: Dongmei Kou
nic-hdl: DK26-AP
e-mail: dmkou@publicf.bta.net.cn
address: No.156,Fu-Xing-Men-Nei Street,Beijing,100031
phone: +86-10-66429796
fax-no: +86-10-66429794
country: CN
changed: dmkou@publicf.bta.net.cn 20030710
mnt-by: MAINT-CNCGROUP
source: APNIC

person: huang zheng
nic-hdl: HZ19-AP
e-mail: apnic@swd.online.tj.cn
address: 76 NO, ShiZiLin Street ,HeBei district of Tianjin,China
phone: +86-22-24459190
fax-no: +86-22-24454499
country: CN
changed: lilulu@tjnetcom.com 20030423
mnt-by: MAINT-CNCGROUP-TJ
source: APNIC

Here is hoping there is a least one of my relative Tigers still left in Asia that can go by his/her house tonight and snap his/her damn neck while he/she is sleeping.

Fuck off asshole. Bloggers are some of the more intelligent people in the Internet and wouldn't buy shit from you.

My World Series fandom

Well, I started out the year by cheering for the Texas Rangers to win the year's World Series, but gave up all hope about the end of April. When they season was ending and the playoff teams were finally known, I was rootin' for the Cubs and Red Sox to play each other, and now I have no choice but to root for the Marlins. Yes, I hate the Yankees, the best team that money can buy and the only reason I would like to see MLB finally join the rest of the professional sports in having a salary cap.

Hey, hey, what do you say about this?

Cool! NZB has added something new. You can now find a piece of javascript on your detail page to add to your template or such to display your status in the Ecosystem:

Ya gotta see this!

I gotta thank michele for leadin' me I Love Cartoons. It is definitely worth a look, unless you are just one of those weirdos that just hates cartoons, and even then you might like the fresh take on some of them that are showcased on this site. I bookmarked this one, because I think I will likely want to check back for updates often.

I'm sorry ... I'm so sorry

I don't know why, but I felt I would just lay back and do hardly anything but watch the tube this weekend. After all the hooplah over the past weekend, I probably needed some rest. I have been sleeping in pretty late today and yesterday. I have about a million honey-do's that could be done, but without a honey to push me to do them, I am putting them off until tomorrow or some other time.[*] Well, now that you know what is going on in my life, I will now let you get back to your more exciting life. Have as much fun as possible. I think I will just go take a nap. Now how exciting is that?

[*UPDATE: It seems Deb Yoder decided to take off from blogging to do some honey-do's, although she is a honey and is stuck doing it herself.]

How can I blog when the Cowboys are on!

GO Cowboys! More to come!

Dog Update: Comanche is still staying within the compound.

UPDATE: Quincy Carter to Terry Glenn [who has made three spectacular receptions!] x2 - Cowboys up by 7

UPDATE II: Following Dexter Coakley interception Carter quickly connects with Glenn again for another touchdown. Three touchdown passes for Carter, three touchdown receptions for Glenn - Cowboys up by 14.

UPDATE III: Edwards intercepts and runs it in for a touchdown. Payback for the fumble recovery run in for a touchdown which gave Detroit its only score thus far. Dallas now up by 21 ... still a few minutes until halftime!

HALFTIME UPDATE: Cowboys 28 - Lions 7

UPDATE IV: 81 yards from the second half kick-off, mostly on the ground, chewing up 7:30 or so minutes, Cowboys score another touchdown: Cowboys up by 28.

UPDATE V: Following Detroit punt, Cowboys drive to goal line and falter at end of 3rd quarter, open 4th quarter with a Field Goal - Cowboys 38- Detroit 7

FINAL: 4th Quarter very blase' as Dallas puts in backups and Detroit still can't score. Final score: Dallas 38 - Detroit 7. I actually felt for the Detroit fans as their team badly resembled the gagglefuck that was the Dallas team over the past three years. Of course, next week, Dallas faces that Tampa Bay defense and the game will be a good test of Qunicy Carter's evolution as an NFL quarterback. Hopefully Tuna will have him well prepared for the exam.

All I did all day was

watch movies:

1. Life and Times of Hank Greenberg
2. We Were Soldiers
3. Showtime
4. What's the Worst That Could Happen

I was pretty sure that there were not going to be all than many visitors today, as Saturday seems to be the low visitation day every week. My navel seems to be fine, so I guess I will end this report, go to bed, and hope Comanche stays in the yard all night long. I would love it if I never had to chain her up again.

What can I possibly say!

I knew who I was before I took the quiz:

Which Dr. Seuss character are you?

brought to you by Quizilla

You can blame Deb Yoder for this perverse glimpse into my psyche.

I blog about my dogs ...

and then I find a nightmare! Yes, Comanche finally almost pulled the porch column out of the concrete. George, that dog is really strong. I mean she has broken 4 choke collars, and 3 chains and now almost pulled an iron porch column right out of 4 inches of concrete. I have pounded a long stake into the middle of the yard, so if I need to chain her up, maybe it will work for awhile. Otherwise, I have to chain her to a big tree in the corner of the yard. That is where she was chained while I went around getting all the stuff I needed to try to keep her contained. Right now I am hoping that I have fixed the hole that she uses to get out of the fence and that finding she cannot easily escape now will keep her in the yard. Who knows, maybe being chained to that tree where she was too far from where the water and food sits on the porch for a few hours might have given her the idea that it is actually better to hang around without being chained up than taking a chance to see what is going on up and down the neighborhood. There is a good test going on as I am writing this, as some guy is walking a Rottweiller right in front of our house. Duke is not very happy about that, and last time I looked, Comanche was right at the fence checking him/her out, probably thinking how fun it would be to check him/her out a lot more closely. We shall see. If ya don't see me for awhile, you can bet I am busy chasing a dog around.

It's the Weekend and where's the party?

Here I was gonna post a lament about how there was not a damn thing to blog about this mornin', but then I found somethin' you don't want to miss.

Duke is barking his silly head off outside but Comanche is not alarmed in the least. I am pretty sure that means some neighbor is mowin' his yard or some people are walkin' within Duke's sightline a couple of blocks away. Double Dog Security System is worth every bit of kibble it costs.

Oh did I mention that the weather in the area is finally gettin' cool enough that it is now truly uncomfortable to run around completely unclothed inside one's own house.

When your navel is upset but your stomach isn't

Like the title? I thought it was very catchy myself, but then I take great pride in my titles. Of course, some of them ain't gems, but then I guess neither are all of my jokes. I surely thought my alternative punchline to today's Friday Funny™ was quite amusing, as did my navel, but it seems no one else even ventured into the extended entry to see my offering. My navel will be very upset if someone doesn't show some appreciation for my bizarre sense of humor on that one. Be forewarned! ;)

As for other aspects of my navel, I think status quo is the appropriate term to use. Thus ends this evening's report.

But I wanted metal knives to shoot outta my knuckles

As most of ya'll likely know, I usually pass on these quizzes that seem to go around the blogosphere almost all the time, but hey, it is X-Men and how could I pass up on an opportunity to discover that X-Man to which I was most akin. Of course, I was hoping for a different result, but I am likely less of a loner than Logan, I guess.

You are Beast!

You are brilliant and extremely clever. You can handle almost any problem swiftly and efficiently. You are devoted to philosophy and are always up for a good discussion. Sometimes, though, your anger gets the best of you and you upset those whom you care about.

Which X-Men character are you most like?

brought to you by Quizilla

Thanks go to Eric and Denita.

Five things I have learned about blogging

I was just musin' about bloggin' and came up with a few things that I learned along the way over these past several months:

1. The lower your daily visitation rate, the easier it is to make your daily average.
2. Very few people agree with everything posted on InstaPundit and even fewer agree with anything posted on your blog.
3. Unless you have unlimited bandwidth in accordance with your server contract, there is such a thing as getting too many visits to your blog.
4. You get more visitors to your blog if you have breasts, and even more if you have breasts and post a picture of them at some time.
5. Bloggin' is fun, and although I haven't had sex in quite awhile, I am almost sure that sex is still more fun than bloggin'.

Bonus round: Blogs with nothing but pictures of kangaroos, even if the captions are funny, do not get many visits.

One should really think so

Meanwhile, some in the Pentagon are amused by the latest Gallup poll, a door-to-door survey of Baghdad residents who by a huge margin want U.S. troops to stay in their country for a while. The comment in the Pentagon is that polls show more Iraqis than Americans support the war to oust Saddam Hussein. - Bill Gertz and Rowan Scarborough of the Washington Times

Credit for the assist goes to Kathy Kinsley.

Why I love bloggin'

I just love bloggin' 'cause if you get lucky, someone else already got to the bottom of the interestin' stuff in the news.

One final ugly dog mug

It seems that Rachel Lucas is announcing a long hiatus while she recuperates from a thumb injury or something, and does some volunteering at a local nursing home. I never did get around to blogrolling her, so I guess I will put that idea on hiatus also. By the way, the dog really ain't all that ugly ... in fact it is very cute. Hope life goes well for ya, Rachel. Almost 1.2 million visits in just over one year says that you have a lot of fans that are gonna miss your rants.

attribution goes to WizBang!*

*Upon reading a bit further, I see Kevin has something about how to get some free hosting service and such if you want to leave accursed blog*spot and become a real-life MT blogger.

I mighta been born, but 'tweren't yesterday

Satire, my ass.

The Friday Five, tig style

Wow, here it is Friday, and I guess that Friday Five is floating around, but I wonder if the current questions are as good as mine?

1. You wake up as a character in a horror movie that dies in the next five minutes. Describe your death.
2. Your car breaks down in the middle of Death Valley, you are all alone and no one is in sight. The road is deserted. You have various routinely found items in your trunk. Retell the events surrounding your survival.
3. You get invited to a Halloween costume party at 7:30pm on Oct. 31, and must devise a last minute costume out of items found in your refrigerator. Please describe your costume.
4. You were conducting a genetic experiment involving a dolphin, a kangaroo, a duck and an armadillo. Something has gone crazily awry. Identify the characteristics of your newly created life form.
5. You are the consciousness of Wilson, the volleyball in Castaway and are miraculously given the ability to speak after having been bombarded by Tom Hanks' mundane rants for several months. Describe your first words.

Go ahead and give us your answers ... if you dare.

Why do I suspect this would be simple child's play for Anna?

My sometimes other job

Some of ya'll have probably fun across a blub here and there about my zoo duty. I am not too sure I have ever taken much time to tell you much about Fossil Rim Wildlife Center, but here is an ABC news take on the place.

Oct. 17, 2003

Oscar drove his brand new Mercedes to his favorite sporting goods store. He parked it outside and went in to do a little perusing with Jan, his regular sales woman.

Jan was a pretty blonde, and as Oscar walked into the store, she happily greeted him. But he requested to look around alone today before he needed her help. She obliged and let him do his thing.

Five minutes later, Jan came running up to him yelling, "Oscar! Oscar! I just saw some man driving off with your new Mercedes!"

"Did you try to stop him?"

"No," she said, "I did better than that! I got the license plate number!"*

*I think a better ending would be: "No, I did better than that," whereupon she spits into her hand and shows a glop of white stuff, "I collected a semen sample."

It is Friday at last

And I suspect that I am going to finally get a visitor to this blog today, so just how great it that?

The next to the longest day

Today was a long and work-filled day, but it was not The Longest Day because that is a movie about World War Deuce. Anyway, I am about tired as a dog, only I think my dogs aren't so tired as I am. I think my navel is likely the only part of me that is not tired, as it has not done anything at all today, but as it has no means of doing anything, I guess it will just have to go along with what the rest of my body wants to do which is to rest. I think tonight is going to have to be an early night because I just think otherwise I will feel worse for falling asleep right here. Blogging to continue on another day ... tomorrow if ya'll are lucky! ;)

Something I very rarely see

I received something today in the mail that I surely was not expecting and something that comes about so very rarely that I was almost amazed at having received it. What? you may ask.

Well, it was a little letter from one of my court appointed clients that I assisted last week into getting 6 months to do with about 4 months backtime on a probation violation situation. She thanked me for my efforts and said she thought I was the most excellent attorney she had ever had. High praise from someone who still has two more months in lockdown before she gets back to real life. In actuality, 6 months was the shortest sentence that could be received for her offense per statute, so in effect, I negotiated the absolute best deal that could have been accomplished. Negotiating the absolute best deal that could be accomplished is not an easy task in Johnson County, Texas. Still, I don't receive too many thank you letters from any of my clients, and hardly ever from those who end up doing time.

Oh Crap! It's broken!

Hmmm, from a gander at my blogroll, it would seem that blogrolling's pinger is broken. That kinda sucks, don't it?

• 2003.10.16 14:23:00 - 'Tiger' added entry #1324
• 2003.10.16 14:23:55 - Ping 'http://rpc.blogrolling.com/pinger/' failed:
• 2003.10.17 01:06:24 - 'Tiger' added entry #1325
• 2003.10.17 01:07:56 - Ping 'http://rpc.blogrolling.com/pinger/' failed:
• 2003.10.17 02:07:57 - 'Tiger' added entry #1326
• 2003.10.17 02:08:56 - Ping 'http://rpc.blogrolling.com/pinger/' failed:

[UPDATE: Do what? Did all I have to do was mention it, and it started working again?]

Did anyone really want to know all of this?

You know those damn questions people send around by email, with some foreword like the following:

Welcome to the next edition of getting to know your friends. What you're supposed to do is copy (not forward) this entire e-mail and paste it onto a new e-mail that you'll send. Change all of the answers so they apply to you. Then, send this to a whole bunch of people you know *INCLUDING* the person who sent it to you. The idea is that you'll learn a lot of little facts about your friends.

1. WHAT TIME DID YOU GO TO BED LAST NIGHT? 10:30 pm

2. IF YOU COULD CHANGE ONE THING ABOUT YOURSELF WHAT WOULD IT BE? I would have taken better care of my teeth

3. PAPER OR PLASTIC? paper

4. WHAT WAS THE LAST BOOK/MAGAZINE YOU READ? Sports Illustrated

5. A TV SHOW YOU CAN'T STAND TO WATCH? any supposed reality show

6. WHAT DID YOU EAT FOR LUNCH TODAY? salad

7. DO YOU LIKE TO BE SURPRISED? sure, why not?

8. WHAT COLOR IS YOUR TOOTHBRUSH? blue

9. WHAT BRAND OF DEODORANT DO YOU WEAR? none

10. YOUR FAVORITE STORE TO SHOP AT? Dollar General

11. WINTER, SPRING, SUMMER OR FALL? Spring

12. FAVORITE DESSERT? peach cobbler

13. WHICH ONE WOULD YOU PREFER - MAID OR PERSONAL CHEF? maid

14. FAVORITE CANDY? Wintergreen Altoids

15. REGULAR OR DECAF? I don't drink coffee, but drink plenty of caffeine

16. FAVORITE RESTAURANT? Taco Bueno

17. WHAT CHARACTERISTICS DO YOU ADMIRE? Honesty, sense of humor, fairness

18. FAVORITE HOLIDAY? New Year's Day

19. FAVORITE TIME OF DAY? quittin' time

20. FRUIT OR FRUIT SMOOTHIE? yuck, I want my fruit in either a pie or a malt

21. HOW MANY RINGS ARE YOU WEARING? zero

22. HOW DO YOU LIKE YOUR MEAT PREPARED? cooked until it is done

23. WHAT WAS THE LAST CARD YOU SENT SOMEONE? I have no independent recollection of such event

24. WHAT RADIO STATION IS ON WHERE YOU ARE RIGHT NOW? none currently but when I have an opportunity, I usually listen to 92.1 FM (country gold) or 92.5 FM (classic rock)

25. WHO DO YOU LEAST EXPECT TO SEND THIS BACK TO YOU? as I ain't gonna send it to anyone, I guess I ain't expecting no one to send it back

26. WHO IS THE PERSON YOU EXPECT TO SEND THIS BACK FIRST? see answer to previous question

27. ONION RINGS OR FRENCH FRIES? It definitely depends upon the quality of the onion rings ... it is harder to fuck up fries

28. DO YOU LIKE TO PLAY CARDS OR BOARD GAMES? sure

29. NAILS POLISHED OR UNPOLISHED? I ain't gonna be polishin' my nails in this lifetime

30. DO YOU LIKE NUTS ON YOUR SUNDAES? sure

31. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SODA? Dublin Dr. Pepper

32. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SPORT TO WATCH ON TV? NFL Football

Look at the size of that bird!

Thanksgiving's blogger bash is at SilverBlue's house.

Back on the hard stuff

As a last post for this evening, Dr. Pepper drinkin' recommenced at sometime around noon today ... oh, and for those of ya'll interested, our new Sonic® opened up for business today. As for me, I am going to go to bed and snuggle up under my goosedown comforter, as there is a bit of chill on the night air tonight. Maybe autumn has finally arrived, just in time for Halloween!

Continuin' the inanity of it all ...

Yep, after what? neglectin' to keep ya'll informed on the status of my navel for 4 days now, I figured everyone was a bit worried about whether such had changed so much it would not be recognizable, I am here to inform you, it still looks about the same as they last time I reported on such. Of course, I came home and sat around still wearin' both my shirt and tie for several hours before finally decidin' I had no reason to do, so I did not take a good look at it until just a few minutes ago. I am so very apologetic in not keepin' ya'll informed about my navel over these last few days, but hey, at least I was doin' a good job of keepin' ya'll supplied with pictures of kangaroos, wasn't I?

Orbiting on a different slant

I feel good!" - Yang Liwei, China's first astronaut, channeling James Brown while in orbit around the Earth.

More confused than Gracie Allen?

Some crap is just so funny, I am literally green with envy.* In the words of Karate Kid: "Wax on, wax off."

*Or is the greeness the result of eating that moldy piece of pizza I found under the couch cushion?**

**I wouldn't even eat such, so that statement was just for jest.***

***I save all of my moldy pizza pieces for company.

If'n ya ain't from Texas, tell me this:

Do ya'll find King of the Hill to be as funny as those of us down here who believe all of the characters are modeled directly from people with whom we are personally familiar?

What the Hell do I know about anything anyway?

I dunno, I just thought a blog with pictures of kangaroos making excuses for not blogging was the perfect theme for a blog entitled Abject Apathetic Procrastination. It is SNARKY and INANE isn't it?

Let's all hug and sing the Barney song!

Wow, I really do love all ya'll and ya'll know who I am talkin' 'bout, don't ya? Now don't make me start namin' names. :)

I know the cause of it

For all of you that were concerned about my headache problem and my lousy mood over the last few days, the root of the problem has been found. Most of my regular readers know I drink Dr. Pepper almost all day. Well, my source dried up when they forgot to ship a container of syrup for the fountain, so I have been drinking Mug Root Beer for the last 5 days instead. I was not aware, until last night, that the Root Beer does not contain caffeine, and as such, all my problems, including the headache are symptom of caffeine withdrawal. Let me tell you, it is strange how you feel when you are used to getting so much caffeine in your system and all of sudden it stops. Anyway, still drinking Root Beer, but hopefully that will change sometime today or tomorrow. The headache has subsided a bit, thankfully, but I still am feeling a bit lazier than usual, if that is possible. Just thought I would update ya'll a bit! ;)

Episode No. 13

OK, time to get comfortable, put your feet up and get ready for another glimpse into the life of your old friend Wicked Willie.

Wicked Willie lives on the upper floor of a lavish mansion on a secluded estate. Once the leader of the free world, he fell from grace as the woman who stood behind him walked over his back on her climb to success. Now a mere disbarred attorney, he is often left alone, with just the company of Stu and Benji, his two federally-assigned bodyguards. He just sits around playin' pocket pool, and allows his thoughts to drift on some of the more important things in life. Here are his thoughts. Maybe you will get a chuckle or two and maybe you will even agree with parts of what he has to say.

Tuesday, October 14, 2003

Free at last, free at last! Yes, I escaped. I am postin' from an internet cafe in beautiful downtown Bangkok. I just always loved the name of this city, Bangkok, just somethin' sensual about the way sayin' it slides off of your tongue. Anyway, I had to make my escape 'cause things was gettin' to a point where I just couldn't take bein' a sex slave anymore. I mean, I didn't mind the whips, or bein' spanked with cat o' nine tails or even havin' that cattle prod shoved up my butt, but when they started this thing where they wanted me and some other dude to be doin' stuff together, I had to make my dash.

They almost got me when I jumped up and tore off runnin' down that hall, but I flung that ugly buddha thing behind me and dove for the window. Thankfully I landed in a cart of fish guts some guy was haulin' off to throw into the bay or somethin'. It might have smelled like a cart of fish guts, but it likely kept me from breakin' my fool neck. I suspect that there would have been some kind of a chase after me, but I am supposin' the master didn't want to be showin' the neighborhood that kinky negligee he was a donnin'.

Anyway, I am safe and sound, and smellin' a bit like fish guts. I seem to have about a million cats followin' me everywhere I go. If'n any of ya'll get a chance to talk to my pal Al, tell him when I told him that time that all I ever wanted was to be surrounded by pussy, I didn't mean it this way. If'n anyone can get a word to Hil, let her know I am safe. Hey, the news is a bit slow over here, so does anyone know if Gray weathered that storm there in California?

Well, I wish I had a good ride, so ya'll come on back here if'n ya need what I got to give, ya hear?

What a day!

Wow, was today ever strange. I had the hardest time sleeping last night, as my head was pounding painfully since sometime late yesterday. I took several different analgesics trying to get the pain to subside to no effect. I finally arose this morning and, zombielike, forced myself to go to the office in an effort to get some of my lengthy todo list accomplished and about all I could do was to go through the big pile of unopened mail that I had from the weekend. I was so mind numbed and my eyes hurt so badly, that I decided I would come home, take another round of analgesics and lay down for a bit. I have slept most of the afternoon. I awoke, the head still pounding, and finally took 4 BC powders and the pain has finally subsided. However, I am so drowsy, I suspect I will just go back to bed and sleep as much as posible. Blogging to resume sooner or later, provided I survive. ;)

I really love Sundays!

Especially when the Cowboys win! Woohoo! We are 4 and 1 now. I got home after the first half was over because that fiasco I told you about on a couple of days ago took much longer than anyone expected because the leader of the motorcycle convoy took a wrong turn someplace and led everyone on a wild goose chase for about an hour. I am beat, and think I will go take a nap. I expect to be back later, but who knows, I might just sleep through. I had a lot to do this weekend, as you can see.

Mr. Green came by today - Part II

Tig enjoys playin' the part o' the Medicine Man

Mr. Green came by today

OK, so we had our First Annual (hopefully) Moonshine Festival today, and as I had told you, I had a part in such. Back in the 20's, our county was the Moonshine Capital of Texas, because our Sheriff and County Attorney were part of the situation. The Texas Rangers came to the area, started choppin' up all the stills and arrested several moonshiners, as well as the County Sheriff and County Attorney. For many years, no one in town would mention such, as many of them were relatives of those that were arrested and were part of the situation. Most of those involved and their brothers and sisters have died. Most of their children are now really old and the grandchildren are proud that their grandparents were moonshiners. Now we started a festival to share that part of our history.

I was playing a travelin' patent medicine doctor, like a snake oil seller, sitting on the foot rail of a '26 Ford Model A car and would try catch everyone that walked by and tell them a story. The radio DJ was walkin' around before he went on the air to see what was goin' on so as to describe the event on the radio. I must have impressed the radio station DJ with the story I was tellin' because he came by later and allowed me to tell the story on the radio. Wanna hear what I had to say?

I guess ya'll heard about them smashin' up all them stills, huh? Well, my business is doing well. People have been comin' to me all week to assist them with their problems. Just like Mr. Green, who was just here. Mr. Green was tellin' me about having this fierce pain in his stomach. He said, "Doc, it is horrible. My stomach cramps and it is so intense, I cannot seem to get to sleep at night. Can you help me, Doc? Do you have somethin' that will help me out?

I reached into the back of my car and grabbed a bottle of Professor Sortor's Magical Elixer and handed him a bottle. Then I said, "Now Mr. Green, this stuff is about 20% alcohol. You don't have any adversion to drinking alcohol, do you Mr. Green?"

Thereupon, Mr. Green stated, "Doc, you have looked into my heart and peered into my soul. You are a life saver, Doc. How can ever I repay you?"

"Just like yesterday, the price is 50¢."

"And just like yesterday, I don't have 50¢. Can't I just give you a chicken like I did yesterday?"

"Mr. Green," I have company comin' over this weekend, so you had better make it two chickens. And you be sure to pluck 'em this time."

I got more laughs than not. It took me awhile to come up with that story, but it seemed to be appropriate for the event. However, I am now plum tuckered out and think I will go watch a movie and then go to bed. Of course, as usual, I might be back at some later time.

Up & at 'em

Well, time to hit the road and get out into the world and do some fun and exciting stuff.*

*No, there is no sex involved.**

**Uh, there is nothing having to do with sex on my agenda today, but maybe I will get lucky.***

***It is highly likely that I will find myself thinking about sex on several occasions today.****

****It is entirely possible that I will be thinking about have sex with several of ya'll female bloggers now that I have had a gander at ya'll's boobies.*****

*****It would have been very nice of ya'll if ya'll had written your names on your boobies before takin' them pictures, so we could have known to whom they belonged.******

******I need to get my mind off of sex and get out there and do what it is that I need to do today.

Just so's you'll know

There is a cost to getting an Instalanche. I got a bill from my server company for $6.00 for excess bandwidth use. ;)

At least now I do know what they do in such situations. Now we just have to wait and see what they do when I run out of server space.

Real Life Adventures [someone else]

And I wonder what would have been the result if we didn't have the right to arm bears bear arms? Whatcha talkin' 'bout, Willard?*

*Sorry 'bout that, but I felt like Gary Coleman needed a consolation prize for having lost the election.

Navel Gazing is catching on

It seems that I missed reporting on where michele did a bit of serious navel gazing just a night or two ago. Crap, it seems I completely forgot to do a Navel Gazing Report at all last night. See what happens when I get all full of Abject Apathetic Procrastination?

Oh crap, it seems today is Bill's Blogiversary or something. I hardly ever read any of that drivel he puts out. ;)

By George, I think he's got it!

I would note that almost any food item is, in the hands of a two-year-old, a Weapon of Mess Construction. - Steven

Should I do it again?

Heh. Actually, I have to add that I would rather see a lot more of things like this.

It still counts as a link

Heh.

New Weblog Showcase cribnotes are up

Owen has posted his reviews of this week's entries in the New Weblog Showcase. Didn't someone else used to do the reviews?

Something from an old friend

OK, OK, on every previous occasion I have posted something that I had received in my email which I thought was worth sharing on this blog, someone has checked snopes.com and found such to be a hoax or something. With that in mind, I still think this is worth reading:

Love Takes Time

Love takes time. It needs a history of giving and receiving, laughing and crying...

Love never promises instant gratification, only ultimate fulfillment...

Love means believing in someone, in something. It supposes a willingness to struggle, to work, to suffer, and to rejoice...

Satisfaction and ultimate fulfillment are by-products of dedicated love. They belong only to those who can reach beyond themselves; to whom giving is more important than receiving...

Love is doing everything you can to help others build whatever dreams they have...

Love involves much careful and active listening. It is doing whatever needs to be done, and saving whatever will promote the other's happiness, security, and well-being. Sometimes, love hurts...

Love is on a constant journey to what others need. It must be attentive, caring and open, both to what others say and to what others cannot say...

Love says no with empathy and great compassion...

Love is firm, but when needed it must be tender...

When others have tried and failed, love is the hand in yours in your moments of discouragement and disappointment...

Love is reliable...

Love is a choice and commitment to others' true and lasting happiness. It is dedicated to growth and fulfillment. Love is not selfish...

Love forgives, knowing the intentions are good...

Love does not attach conditions... Genuine love is always a free gift...

Love realizes and accepts that there will be disagreements and disturbing emotions... There may be times when miles lay between, but love is a commitment. It believes, and endures all things...

Love encourages freedom of self. Love shares positive and negative reactions to warm and cold feelings...

Love, intimate love, will never reject others. It is the first to encourage and the last to condemn...

Love is a commitment to growth, happiness, and fulfillment of one another...

There was no author divulged. It is entirely possible this is something originally created by my email friend. I am not going to worry about it all that much. After all, I am almost sure someone will come around and say love is just another urban myth.

Oct. 10, 2003

Oh my, Cherry took a brain vacation, so I get my choice of the entire list this week. I pick this one:

Millions of years ago, there was no such thing as the wheel; the only way to move things was by carrying or dragging. One day, some primitive guys were watching their wives drag a dead mastodon to the food preparation area. It was exhausting work; the guys were getting tired just WATCHING.

Then they noticed some large, smooth, rounded boulders, and they had an idea: They could sit on the boulders and watch!

This was the first in a series of breakthroughs that ultimately led to television.!

It's Friday, but ...

Ya'll remeber what I was doin' back in July? Well, after that foray into checking the condition of my choppers, a plan was devised which started with some cleanings. Of course, since that office is likely the only place that takes any form of insurance, they seem to be pretty backed up for anything but emergency procedures, so the cleanings had to be scheduled for some time in the distant future. That distant future has arrived, and today, I go to the dentist to have them scrap a lot of tartar or something off of my teeth. Yay!

It is very hard to blog from a dentist's chair, even if you do have a laptop, which I don't, so don't expect anything new until I get back. However, they might shoot my mouth full of novacaine, so if my writing is slurred when I get back, it is because I can't move my lips right.

Sometimes you find something amazing

I have no idea how many pictures I have posted on this blog in the last few months. On each and every one of them, I had done just like I have done since I started making websites, over seven years ago. I have uploaded the pic via ftp and then scripted the HTML to display it.

Well, some of ya'll might not have discovered my new blog: Abject Apathetic Procrastination, which is my former test blog and now my official foray into the munu network. There is still a bit I don't know about that system, such as how to change my password and to let it remember me when I login, and I had no idea as how to ftp anything to Pixy's server. So, when I needed to post a pic, I used the MT upload file system, and George, did I wish I had known about that from the first pic I ever put up. It not only ftp's it for you, but will write the damn HTML script to paste in your post. Guess what I will be using from now on anytime I need to post a pic?

Did ya miss me?

I already know the answer to that one, what with all the bloggy goodness to be found around, my not having posted much was not that big of a deal, huh? Well, I did miss ya'll! Really!

Well, I went to the meeting. It didn't have anything to do with setting up the chairs. Nope, I got bamboozled and after I get finished setting up the chairs, I am also supposed to assist in helping 150 to 250 motorcycle riders in parking their bikes. Like sure, they are gonna pay any damn attention to where I tell them to park. Well, thankfully, I am not in charge, I am just one of the arm wavin' bodies trying to direct them to the right spot. Ironically, the person in charge of the parking is the husband of the woman who gave me living Hell for not having been born and raised in this town and yet had the audacity to tell her that she had to move her car when I was put in charge of parking at one of our Christmas Parades when I first got to town. I have since retired from ever being in charge of parking again. Some people can get really enraged when you try to do exactly what you were instructed to do by the people in charge of the event.

And then after everyone is parked and we hear the sad story about how so much money is needed to research how to heal all these children who have pediatric brain tumors, I am also one of the people who is assisting in giving out the premiums that people get for raising money.

It does seem that I am not involved in handing out the sack lunches, thankfully, but I fear that I might possibly be involved in reversing the chair matter after the event. I am thinking that I might try to sneak off before that happens. I have not yet explained what I am to do in Saturday's Moonshine Festival, have I?

As you likely already suspected

I have been busier than a 8 titted sow surrounded by 24 baby pigs. I just now got around to rolling over about 20 different things to tomorrow's task list, having been running back and forth between courts all day, but did get one of my clients out of jail, another has to see what the Parole people have to say before she gets to go home, and sent off two juveniles to Texas Youth Commission this morning. Now I have to go to some damn meeting where all of us Lion's Club members are supposed to be at so as to be trained as to how to set up 350 chairs this next Sunday morning. Whoever signed us up for that should be taken behind some barn and ... oh, I couldn't really wish such on anyone. I mean, I love to assist out, but that is hard labor. At the last meeting, when they were talking about how hard it was to find all that many chairs, I and another member suggested they check out about renting such, so guess what, that is what they did. Only, they did not know if you will pay a bit more, the rental company will set them up also. I am going to bring that up tonight and ask them if I can just hire someone to show up for me on Sunday. I am sure I can find someone that wants to make $25 just for setting up chairs and taking then back down.

Hmm, look at all I wrote, and here all I was gonna say is that I am busy* and that something that I thought about when I was going through all of my email. Do you think spammers never check what they get in their inbox? Do these damn penis enlargement pill spammers not understand that I have already gotten more than a thousand other offers to sell me these damn supposedly miracle pills and that if I was one of the 2% who likely were stupid enough to actually think the damn things worked, I would already have ordered such?

Let me be on the record right now: I don't care if they work as they are advertised anyway. I am not at all interested in making my penis any larger than it already is. I mean, I am 48 years old, it has served me as well as it could for all these years without any problem, so I see no reason to worry about whether it is large enough to satisfy anyone. If they are not satisfied with it as it is now, they probably are someone I really have no reason to want around me any damn way. Now quit sending me all those damn emails. Wjere is the DO NOT SPAM ME WITH PENIS ENLARGEMENT PILL MESSAGES LIST? I want on it, like STAT!

*Like way too busy to spellcheck this, so live with it. ;)

A navel of a different sort

Well, my friend Frank created something special for all of you navel gazers out there.

My friend Matt was around when I received that and said it reminded him of something he had meant to send me, and said he would email it to me as soon as he got back to his office. I was concerned he was going to send me some pic of some really gross navel, as that is just like Matt, but instead, he sent something much worse:

Playin' footsie with the Bard

I might never look at the HokeyPokey the same after reading this.

Life is strange & people are stranger

I went to lunch today at this new place that has not been open that long. It is a steak house that is housed in a building that used to be a high priced not all that great food restaurant on a hill just off the highway that is hard to find unless you know it is there. I have gone there a couple of times for lunch and once found it to be closed, so I am not sure when they are open. Today they were open, and they were really busy.

My friend Matt, the other attorney in town, and I walked in and we could see a large crowd of older women eating lunch together. It is a bit strange to see that big of a crowd sitting together at lunchtime at any place in our small town, but this crowd was really strange. They were all wearing purple clothes and strange looking red hats. I did a bit of research about this, and it seems there actually is some society that was created due to a poem that was written. You can see the poem and get a bit of background about it here. As for the society, it seems there is not much to it, other than you have to meet and eat wearing purple clothes and funny looking red hats. As far as I could tell, even though they were wearing purple and were eating, they were not eating people, so I am almost sure they were not purple people eaters. None of them looked all that delicious to me, so I suppose I am also not a purple people eater. I tried to get a good reading on how Matt felt about the ordeal, but Matt is a bit hard to figure out. He might have been drooling a bit looking their way. We were sitting pretty close to a window and there was a bad glare flashing in my eyes when I looked in his direction.

I did not see any men there, so I suppose even if I found a nice purple suit and a red derby, I still would not be welcomed in the group. I suppose I could force my way into the group, the way they have forced girls into the boy scouts and such, but I never saw any problem with separating genders from time to time. In fact, if we could do it just at the right time more often, maybe there would be a few less babies being born before people were old enough to actually be parents.

Be forewarned, all of you. You too might find yourself surrounded at some point in the future by a lot of older women wearing purple dresses and weird looking red hats. Take it from me, they might look incredibly dangerous, but they really don't bite. At least the large group that I got mixed up with didn't.

If you think you might like to join, you might want to check out their official website.

I look into my crystal ball

I am busy watching Enterprise and I suspect that a member of the crew will die in this episode. There is a non major crew member on an away mission.

[UPDATE: Hmmm, no fatality, and just how many times has that not occurred when there was a non-major player on the away mission?]

Mildly Mittwoch

Wow, it is hard to believe it is humpday already. I've got a shitpile of things to do, like I did these past two days, so it will likely breeze past just as quickly as Monday and Tueday did.

This Saturday will be a busy day around our little town, as we have another music festival in town. maybe two, plus this is the inauguration of our Annual Moonshine Festival, which is a 20's themed affair designed to draw visitors and their money from the MetroMess. I got a role in this later mess, as I am reprising a Medicine Man (Snake Oil Salesman) character I developed in another venture a couple of years back. It ought to be a real hoot, so make plans to come visit notCrawford this Saturday, October 11 ... the date that used to be Columbus Day when I was a tadpole.

What might have been ...

Well, without meaning to do so, I actually came up with something new that concerned my navel that I could share with you tonight. Of course, it might take some work to set it up so as to allow you to understand how it happened. It seems that they started some sewer/water line work on the street right behind the one on which I live. For some reason, their work has caused them to cut into the street which I use to go to my friendly neighborhood convenience store. Sometimes I drive and sometimes I walk. Tonight I decided to walk. Normally, I would have had no problems walking to the store as usual, but due to the construction, there was only room on the street for one car to pass through that area at a time. However, as I was just walking past that point, I saw a school bus coming up the street, and quickly backed up to a fence to avoid getting hit by that school bus as it swerved in my direction to avoid the barricade erected around the construction site. I could actually feel the breeze of said school bus on my navel, it came so close. I am pretty sure the driver of the school bus did not see me, but I saw that school bus coming my way, thankfully, or I could be dead meat at this very moment. However, as my luck and great skills of observation would have it, I escaped unscathed, although my navel was severely traumatized by the whole episode. Such concludes tonight's report.

The final talley is in

The voting is over in the California Recall Election and most of the votes have been tallied. With over 80% of all precincts counted, Gary Coleman leads by a slim margin over the closest opponent, the most recent entrant into the race, Yosemite Sam. Arnold Schwartenegger's campaign, which was thought to have the race wrapped up saw its bright hopes dashed earlier today when the LA Times unleased a story divulging Arnold's 1988 sex change operation.

[UPDATE: another take on the end of the election.]

Ok, here is a horror story for ya

I was doin' a bit of Google searchin' tryin' to come up with somethin' for tonight's Nightly Navel Gazing Report™ and happened upon this tale of unGeorgely horror.

Something really inane that just came to mind

If I didn't post a damn thing for like two or three weeks, do you think anyone would care? I mean, if I went to Mexico and spent several years rotting in a Mexican prison because I didn't have any friends that cared enough to come down and bribe the officials into letting me go, would anyone have read my blog while I was gone? What if I posted a picture of my tits?

Add $1,000,000 & it is still NO SALE

Sure, just go ahead and try to sell this crap to women. They are never gonna believe it is all due to chemicals and not because you are nothing but a lazy, sitting around in your underwear watching football, good-for-nothing bastard who won't get off of your fat ass to assist in cleaning up the damn house.

[UPDATE: Like, duh. I am so sorry, but I did forget to tell ya'll that Steve led me to this story.]

Bring on the cheese

Errrggggggg! I hate candy corn.

OK, who won?

Just closed up shop and peeked in. Now a dash here and there and then maybe back a bit later. Someone post some really good bloggy goodness about the election so I don't have to catch the 10 o'clock news in order to know who won. ;)

Happy California Recall Election Day!

Oh, what the fuck, I got a fresh roll of toilet paper, a clean pair of underwear, and full tub of hot steamy water, and a shitload of crap to get done in court this mornin'. It is foggy as hell and I have to drive 20 some odd miles to court in the neighboring county, that being the reknowned Johnson County of the recent Phillip Morris settlement fame, so I am reserving judgment on the day until some later time. I would let ya'll know what my horrorscope says, but I forgot what sign I was born under. At least we got that damn Monday out of the way, huh?

Hey, sorry, but it might be a bit later 'fore I get a chance to post somethin' new, but just look through the crap I wrote yesterday, 'cause surely there is somethin' there to enjoy!

The case of the rankled belly button

Via mi amigo Tony S, I found that bookofjoe on blogcritics.org has posted an article dealing with the subject of belly button lint, having mentioned someone having received an award explaining the phenomenon, and futher listed three books with the term bellybutton in the title. Was it just a mere oversight that caused no mention of yours truly's own efforts in spreading the news about his own navel and advancing the cause of navel worship in general? Hmmm. I might get John Collins sniffin' for an answer to this mystery, but no one seems to be able to find him.

Paraphrasin' the Book of Roddenberry

>From Five-Minute "Encounter at Farpoint":

Yar: The battle section is now ready for battle.

Picard: Okay, this is where we surrender.

Yar: You're not doing much to fight stereotypes about the French, sir.

The perfect popcorn recipe

OK, some of ya might know that I am a popcorn addict. I go to the movies sometimes just to munch a bunch of overpriced popcorn. Actually, though, people rave about my own special popcorn, so I am gonna share how I do it. First of all, you have to have the right equipment. Over high heat, you pour in about two teaspoons of light oil. I prefer canola and melt into this 2 teaspoons (one quarter of a stick) of real butter. When the butter is fully melted into the hot oil, cover the bottom of the popper with popcorn at about 1 kernel depth. As the corn starts to pop, begin to slowly turn the handle and allow to pop until the popping stops. Remove from heat, dump the popper into a large paper grocery sack [and yes, I know they are getting harder and harder to get] and salt to taste. Shake the bag a few times to thoroughly distribute the salt and pour into appropriate containers for serving. The hint of butter in the mix provides just the perfect accent to the popcorn. Enjoy with a good movie. If stuck for a choice, I can make a few suggestions.

I have ears like a hawk!

OK, ya'll might think I don't know ya'll are sneakin' in here readin' my stuff, but I can sense your presence. It is OK, really. I don't mind spirits and won't even try to exorcize those lesser evil ones from haunting my blog. In fact, I hate to exorcize, especially those sit-ups and deep knee crunches.

I looked and I noticed somethin' was missin'

Well, despite the fact that evidence of Deb Yoder's smoking of M&M's and munching of cigarettes is looming, Kelley has yet to post this week's Cul-de-Sac. Deb sensed the disturbance such made in The Force® and using her Jedi mind techniques compelled all of the Blogosphere to do their part in sharing the required amount of linky love in the interim.

My own mind, not resistant to Jedi mind techniques, has driven me to supply the following:

• I begin by informing you that Susie is very concerned about the disappearance of John Collins and is seeking assistance in the search. I personally would begin by digging up Bill's basement. After all, he admittedly stole from annika and is clamoring to see Ted's tits?
• Cherry seems to be hiding out for some reason.
• Kim Crawford seems to be taking a day off.
• Psycho Dad is tuckered out from too much thinking.
• Natalie appears ready to give up her day job.
• Dawn is not expecting me to answer her questions, I hope.
• Jennifer is seeking the ultimate in a virtual high that does not involve c-sex. &
• Anna swears that the Tiger mauling in Vegas was not the biggest story in Nevada entertainment circles.

Well, I could likely pick on a few more people out there, but my carpal tunnel syndrome seems to be kickin' in, so I am gonna take that a sign from The Force® that I have fulfilled my usefulness to the universe and go look at my belly button or somethin'.

Something amusing I might or might not have found

There was an attorney who got home late one evening after a very taxing day trying to get a stay of execution for a client, named Wilbur Wright, who was due to be hanged for murder at midnight. His last minute plea for clemency to the state governor had failed and he was feeling tired and depressed.

As soon as he got through the door his wife started on about, "What time of night do you call this? Where the hell have you been?" and so on. Too shattered to play his usual role in this familiar ritual, he went and poured himself a very large whisky and headed off to the bathroom for a long hot soak -- pursued by the predictable sarcastic remarks.

While he was in the bath the phone rang, which the wife answered to be told that her husband's client had been granted his stay of execution after all.

Realizing what a day he must have had, she relented a little and went upstairs to give him the good news. As she opened the bathroom door she was greeted by the sight of her husband's rear view as he bent naked over the bath cleaning the tub.

"They're not hanging Wright tonight," she said, at which the attorney whirled round and screamed hysterically, "For crying out loud woman, don't you ever stop?"

From the mind of a maniac

I never get any idea how some of these thoughts come up in my head, but I was checking out why this site trackbacked me. It seems that my sexiest navel contest that I ran in conjunction with the Blogger Boobie Thon, that is still going on and boobies are pushing in from left and right ... so go donate: after all, a good boobie is a terrible thing to waste.

Anyway, when I looked at the graphic on the index page, I was just so enamored with All Out of Angst,* just thinking the name is so poetic that I am sorry I didn't think it up and trademark it first, and then flashing that fossilized silhouette of a prehistoric carnivore was just more than I could stand. All of a sudden, I envision this gnarly graphic of a ravenous Tiger devouring a piece of meat and begin to delve into my synapses for a clue as to where to start looking for such, and then immediately to wondering if I could call my cousin with Siegfield and Roy and request that he effect a more ferocious pose next time he takes a bit of man flesh.*

*I perused the blogroll on this blog and saw none of the regular suspects, so if you are looking for a good list on some new blogs to read, have a look at the blogroll.

**That ought to pull me a few Google hits from sex crazed perverts searching for gay porn.***

***Of course, if you happen to be one of those succulent**** female types just looking for a cheap thrill, I can be had. ;)

****The definition of succulence will be subjectively determined by the person offering to be had.*****

*****But ain't it always that way?

An antithesic epiphany™*

I was just speaking with a friend and she said that she hated not having anything to do because it made her so bored, and then I just thought of the other side of that coin: having about a million things to do and no clue as which to do first.

*Sorry, but surely no one has stuck those two words together before, so now if ya do, ya owe me. ;) I take checks, Visa**, MasterCard*** or cash, sorry no American Express.

**How many remember when this was called BankAmeriCard?

***And this was originally called MasterCharge.

From somewhere out in left field

Oh my, I was checking my Ecosystem Stats and found I had been linked by The Enigmatic Musings of a Cynical Mind. I read a few of the entries on this blog. Other than having a name that is way too long and being on blog*spot, I sensed a chill crawling up my spine as I saw the pure snarkiness throughout. Am I like the aging starting quarterback who sees the young guy in practice day after day, working hard to take away his job? I surely hope not, but I didn't come up with any zingers like this:

Image the Tiger as the worker and Roy as the Boss. [much bloggy goodness snipped here] Hmmmm didn't think about it that way did you? I say we all go to work tomorrow and bite all of our bosses in the neck!! That's right I declare 6 Oct 2003 as Global "Bite Your Boss in the Jugular Vein Day" Don't kill anyone just grab them and drag them around the office, break room, smoking patio for a bit. What say ye?

This is the probable permalink for the full post, which may or may not work, depending upon the whelms of the gods of Blogger.

I think Brian has a good idea, really, and will be looking forward to several of you regular readers coming back and giving us a few comments on how much fun was had by all.

Oh, I forgot to ask, how many of ya'll saw them Coyboys yesterday. Damn, they just might have a winnin' season this year, huh? But then, of course, they was supposed to beat the Cardinals, they always do. It is almost like a given that the Cardinals suck and couldn't beat their way out of a paper sack. I was sorry that the Boys seemed so bend on knocking the crap out of Emmitt every time he carried the ball, 'cause I still like Emmitt. To me, he will always be a Cowboy, just one who didn't retire when he should have done so. Look at this, he left the game early with a bruised shoulder. I remember a time when Emmitt actually played with broken bones and rushed for large yards. Sorry Emmitt, you have the record, yay! Now it is time for you to go out to pasture. It happens to the best of 'em: Bob Lilly, Don Meredith, Drew Pearson and a host of others all had to put the football aside and find some new activities. Follow suit, guy, you are so much more intelligent than Tony Dorsett.

The ballad of big bugs & baby brothers

Well, the poll is still open. My navel is spread a little larger than normal. I had quite a bit to eat today. Hopefully with my good metabolism and a night's worth of digestion, such will be looking more normal tomorrow morning. We shall await the verdict until tomorrow. As for the rest of today's report, see the extended entry for a picture of my brother showing off his navel that was taken at his daughter's birthday party today:

This is my brother, Kevin, and his wife, Judy, the father and mother lady of my niece MeKayla. I am still confused as to why there was a big bug on top of his hat.

Scoopin' Cherry - Definite Drink Alert!

OK, Cherry emailed this one to me, but hasn't posted it on her blog as of yet. Sorry Cherry! ;)

On the outskirts of a small town, there was a big, old pecan tree just inside the cemetery fence.

One day, two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the nuts. "One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me," said one boy. Several dropped and rolled down toward the fence.

Another boy came riding along the road on his bicycle. As he passed, he thought he heard voices from inside the cemetery. He slowed down to investigate. Sure enough, he heard, "One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me." He just knew what it was.

He jumped back on his bike and rode off. Just around the bend he met an old man with a cane, hobbling along. "Come here quick," said the boy, "you won't believe what I heard! Satan and the Lord are down at the cemetery dividing up the souls." The man said, "Beat it kid, can't you see it's hard for me to walk."

When the boy insisted though, the man hobbled to the cemetery. Standing by the fence they heard, "One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me..." The old man whispered, "Boy, you've been tellin' the truth. Let's see if we can see the Lord." Shaking with fear, they peered through the fence, yet were still unable to see anything. The old man and the boy gripped the wrought iron bars of the fence tighter and tighter as they tried to get a glimpse of the Lord. At last they heard,

"One for you, one for me. That's all. Now let's go get those nuts by the fence and we'll be done."

They say the old man made it back to town a full 5 minutes ahead of the boy on the bike.

Reality crap hits the fan

Well, I here they are going to do another bullshit "Millionaire" show again, where they are going to tell a bunch of women some guy has more money that he really has to see how those gold diggers work hard to win his heart. But hold your horse a minute! I saw the previews and the guy is pretty good looking. Most of those women would probably would have jumped his bone even if they knew he was poor and had met him at some singles' bar. Now if you wanted to make the show a bit more interesting, instead of some young hunk, put some older ugly guy like me in that spot and then see how hard they work to win my heart. Talk about reality, it would show exactly how money hungry those damn bitches were, huh? And if you wanted to make it even more interesting, use Acidman instead of me. I mean looking at him would make a dog puke*, so if those women jumped though hoops to be his bed partner, you know all they were after were those millions.

*He just never should have said I looked older than he did. ;)

Things I had forgotten

When you finally have lived your first year and all your relatives come and celebrate such, what do you think is the most fun part of the celebration?

This is my niece MeKayla, who instinctively knew exactly what to do with the cake that was put in front of her. Of course, she was not sure about what to do with the candle on the top of it, other than see if it tasted as good as the rest of the cake.

You really can walk on Cloud #9

I came back from my trip to Abilene and look what I found in my comments:

boy, do you ever have content...no meaningless blatherings...i have to sit down to really read you...oldcatman is always talking about you, so I figure take a look--i think I came through before, but the layout looked different. You get my award for precise use of space on a blog...and it's not even confusing...gurl

Talk about someone making my day! I could not figure out what part to cut out to put in the Hit Parade, so just decided to share the whole thing publicly for those of you who do not read the comments.

What is really cool is that she said all of that without even mentioning that I look older than Acidman.

Episode No. 12

OK, time to get comfortable, put your feet up and get ready for another glimpse into the life of your old friend Wicked Willie.

Wicked Willie lives on the upper floor of a lavish mansion on a secluded estate. Once the leader of the free world, he fell from grace as the woman who stood behind him walked over his back on her climb to success. Now a mere disbarred attorney, he is often left alone, with just the company of Stu and Benji, his two federally-assigned bodyguards. He just sits around playin' pocket pool, and allows his thoughts to drift on some of the more important things in life. Here are his thoughts. Maybe you will get a chuckle or two and maybe you will even agree with parts of what he has to say.

Sunday, October 5, 2003

Help, I am a sex slave in Thailand. I was in California tryin' to assist my old friend, Gray Davis, with that recall fiasco. I snuck out of the hotel early one mornin' tryin' to find that Hollywood & Vine corner so as to locate a willin' skank for some quick willie slickin'. I am sure sorry now that I left while Stu and Benji was sleepin', 'cause if they had been tailin' me as usual, I prolly wouldn't of gotten gagged, nabbed and bagged and throwed on a slow boat to China.

I was locked into a dark, damp smelly place for days and days, bound and blindfolded. It was Hell, I tell ya, absolutely unbearable to be bound and gagged like that and there not being any sex involved. I am not sure where I was, but I am almost sure I was on a ship, 'cause it rocked back and forth a lot. I know I was not alone in that place, 'cause I heard things, really strange things: these eerie low gutteral growls. I could feel hot breath on the back of my neck more than once during the journey. It was frightenin', exotic and erotic at the same time.

No one spoke to me, or answered my calls when I needed to relieve myself. I ended up just wetting and soiling myself. With the smells that assailed my nose from my cage, I sensed I was not the first. Once a day, someone would pour some water on the hood that covered my head and I eager sucked as much as I could as it rolled down my head. This was done right after someone lifted my hood and shoved a small piece of what I think was sour bread into my mouth. More than once, I just wanted to die.

I completely lost track of time and am still not quite sure what day, week, month, or year it is. I have been a sex slave in this household for about a week now, but I am closely watched. I won't describe the awful things they make me do, but, don't let on that it is sure a lot of fun bein' a sex slave. I am not supposed to be usin' the computer. If I get caught, I will get whipped again. Oh what fun!

Well, I wish I had a good ride, so ya'll come on back here if'n ya need what I got to give, ya hear?

Coming to a small screen soon?

Rumors are that, after viewin' Acidman's resume, ESPN is courtin' him as a possible midseason replacement for Rush Limbaugh.

Size insufficient for examination purposes

Hey, we still need some votes on the navel poll from last night.

As for mine,
it is doing fine.

And with that little quip of navel poetry, I end this evening's report.

One can only wonder about some things

How would Yoda speak if he was Wasted Away in Margaritaville? As for Deb, it is Saturday Night, and I think if the noise pollution coming through the walls is as bad as she describes it, I would head out someplace for a Cheeseburger.

I really didn't spew a Yoohoo

Is it not amazing when we can recollect the how things were so easy to understand when we were children?

BloggerCon, Texas-style

Oh cool, my two friends, Who Tends the Fires' Eric and Denita met with Serenity of Serenity's Journal. Of course, it was an important meeting, as two lovely pet rats needed a new home. After discovering dirt, I am sure Zane needed a new adventure, so now has a couple of rats to keep him company. Zane's reaction*:

*Of course, I was not actually present at the time, so this picture is another of those I took at Zane's Birthday party. I was just being snarky, as usual. ;)

Back story: Tiger bites man

OK, everyone has posted on this supposed fiasco that occurred in Vegas. Now, read between the lines people. ***, neck, Roy lives! George, what a hoax. You know that old hackneyed show has been playin' forever and ever and attendance was dropping. ***s, schmigers, it was boring. I mean you got a bunch of mean lookin' cats actin' like pussies and no one is gettin' bit. Great stage management, but take it from me: any Tiger that had a man's throat in his mouth and the man still lives was just puttin' it on for the show. Want proof? OK, if this is for real, then the next time you see Siegfried and Roy on stage, there won't be any ***s in the show. It will be trained seals or somethin' that cannot attack. If this is fake, it will be business as usual as soon as everyone gets some much needed rest. Heck, if you saw the Vegas contract those guys got hooked into, they hardly ever get a day off. Riggin' a Tiger attack was jes' a way to get an few days R&R. Just wait until the smoke clears, you will see I am right.

Almost like New Year's Eve

You know, you spend all night partying, awaiting the moment that the clock hits midnight, then Yay! Happy New Year! Maybe you get a kiss, I haven't for awhile, then back to partying or to bed or whatever. The moment has come and gone and life goes on. Well, my counter just crossed that 20K mark and the 20,000th visitor was someone from the east coast who linked in from MT.org updated blog list at 21 minutes and 5 seconds after the hour. Visitor 20,001 followed a couple of minutes afterward. Yay! It's over, and blogging goes on.

However, it is still pretty neat to have had that milestone come on the same day as my 6th month Blogiversary. I want to give thanks to all the little people who worked so hard to make it a reality!

News Flash: No Reynolds' Rap

It appears that Glenn Reynolds is havin' some computer problems, so punditry may not be instantaneous for the time bein'.

George, I just solved another one

You know, sometimes I get a bit wrong about the gender of some bloggers, even if I know their names. Take for example, Lesley of Plum Crazy: when I first read this site, I was almost sure it was written by a female. Then one day I read something that almost made me sure that maybe I had made a mistake. I mean, Lesley could actually be a male name. I have known a few guys named Les in my life, so I kicked myself in the ass for having made an invalid assumption or something and went on my way, wondering. Now, I am very sure Lesley is a female.

Somethin' said just right

Have you ever found a more perfect analysis of the very basis for one's very own blogging efforts?

I once occupied a large shared mixed apartment with a very elegant greyhound, which belonged to the landlord. It was an elusive animal, but once it knew it had an audience (and the audience only had to number one person), the dog would proceed into a very elaborate display where it licked its own testicles - quite theatrically - for two or three minutes. Then it turned to whoever was watching, with a 'how about that?' look. - Andrew Orlowski

AstreaEdge deserves the finders' fee

From such humble beginnings

Who would have ever known that the simpleton that posted something as inane as the following would and could continuously post similar crap on each and every day for the next 6 months?

A new voice in the Blogosphere

To BLOG or not to BLOG, that was the question that befell me today. Over recent years, I have encountered the occasional BLOG here and there, surfing links to locate that essential bit of information that I was seeking at that very moment. But I did not know they were BLOGS or just how numerous and popular they had become . . . until today. BLOGS are powerful stuff, according to one article I ran across, powerful enough to have assisted in the downfall of TRENT LOTT. And now, I have begun one, and that may eventually lead to my very own downfall. From where I am standing, that does not seem to be all that far to fall . . . so my gamble is small.

April 4, 2003 05:37 PM :: TrackBack

Something just a tiny bit different

OK, since this is eve of my 6th month Blogiversary and probably like the millionth or so Nightly Navel Gazing Report™, I thought maybe I should do something a bit out of the ordinary and not talk about my navel or show you some pretty gal or even guy navel picture I have found, or even post a really cute baby navel, but do something a bit out of the ordinary for this report. As such, what I want is to know a bit about your navel:

[UPDATE: The item in the extended entries is for humorous purposes only, and does not actually work. The reason why such does not work is beyond my capabilities to understand.]

[UPDATE II: Susie suggested voting from the archive page, and I tested such, and it works. I suspect the problem lies in having my search area ahead of this poll, so they are conflicting, and since such is not on the archive page, that is the reason the poll will work there and not here. As such, please hit the permalink before voting, please.]

In the beginning, Zane found dirt

I went by Who Tends the Fires earlier today and wondered why there had not been anything posted in awhile, but it seems that Eric and Denita, as well as Zane, had just gone campin'. They are back and have plenty of pictures to share.*

*Eric, if you happen to read this, check your template because your permalinks are fried. ;)

Trial tactics I haven't tried yet

>From Kim Crawford of Velociworld comes this look back in the past that disclosed a couple of things I had not thought of to try when I need to win a case:

In the sixties blacks would play juju on my dad in courtroom trials. Put salt in his pockets and sacrifice chickens and shit so he'd lose a case against their relatives. My father, a Skeptic from the Old School, swore that shit worked.

Why else would he lose a case?

Oh, why the Hell not?

I have never previously taken part in the Friday Five fad that seems to go on around the Blogosphere, but since this is the eve of my 6 month Blogiversary and the topic being something about which we are all a bit passionate, I decided, if I was ever going to do so, today was a good day to do it:

1. What vehicle do you drive?
   • 1993 Lincoln Towncar
2. How long have you had it?
   • Since about this time last year
3. What is the coolest feature on your vehicle?
   • The damn thing runs almost every time I need it
4. What is the most annoying thing about your vehicle?
   • It doesn't get a gazillion miles per gallon
5. If money were no object, what vehicle would you be driving right now?
   • Hell, if dream vehicles is the name of the game, I go with this one:

     

Now someone better link this or somethin' 'cause I worked extra specially hard on the formattin' layout on this one!

Oh, I hate it when I am wrong

Thanks to baldilocks, I found this nifty civics test.

I, too, missed the 1st question .. actually missed it badly, making two wrong guesses before selecting the right answer. I also missed number 9, feeling foolish in having chosen answer 1, knowing it was wrong, but thinking maybe they had made a clerical error, because I was almost sure none of the others were right either. Those were my only two wrong answers, but I readily admit I made educated guesses to arrive at correct answers to numbers 6, 10 and 12. I guess that is why I always did well on tests in school, because I almost always was better at figuring out which answers were definitely wrong and after discarding those finding only one answer left. I did that more often than knowing immediately which was the right answer.

Without the slightest clue otherwise

michele had somethin' to say today that I started feelin' awhile back. However, I doubt anyone has noticed that I have done very little postin' about anythin' doin' with politics in a long time. I guess the main reason I got off on carin' much about politics is because everyone else seems to go crazy about anythin' the people from the other side says, one way or another, and they get like all real serious about it, like it really makes a difference what they say and think. Look folks, it really don't make all that much a difference what ya say and think about anythin' unless you got one really large shitpile of money. I learned a long long time ago that it is might near impossible to change the minds of anyone who really feels passionately about the opposite position anyway, so shoutin' at the top o' your lungs about how you feel differently about shit ain't gonna change how shit happens. It just makes you look pretty stupid. Now lookin' stupid is funny, and that I could post about. Fergit what I said about your rantin' about stuff that you can't change is makin' ya look stupid. Keep lookin' stupid, 'cause some of us love gawkin' at stupid people.

George, I just 'membered what it was!

Just as I refreshed to see if that last one posted the way I 'spected it to, I recollected what it was I was gonna post 'bout when I started that last one. I was just a noticin' how close I was to crossin' the 20K mark in visitors and that at midnight tonight, I was gonna begin my second 6 months of bloggin' and how great it would be if I could reach that 20K mark in conjuction with my 6 month blogiversary. It ain't gonna happen with my current visitation rate, but it was so close to being a happenin' thing, I thought it was worth a mention.

Did you ever?

I was gonna blog about somethin' but done forgot what I was gonna say. Oh well, let me see here ... I could tell you 'bout how strange my life has been here lately. I did somethin' yesterday that I cannot remember the last time I did such: I wore the same pair of underwear for the second day.

Now I may have done this when I was on a road trip or camping, or some other such time as I was away from home, but bein' homebound, I cannot remember the last time that has happened. It was combination of several things:

1. My bein' behind in doin' some laundry;
2. My havin' not unpacked from my last road trip; and
3. My bein' severely late for court.

Yes, I was hurriedly tryin' to get dressed, had looked into my designated underwear drawer for some clean BVDs, Hanes or FTLs and found there bein' none available, then rememberin' that I had placed a load of such underthingies in the wash last weekend right before I headed to Abilene to see my brother and his family and that such were likely still in the washin' machine, likely soured and just seein' the pair I had offed right before I had jumped in the shower sittin' on top of the pile of assorted dirty clothes against the wall in my bedroom and just said, fine, these will have to do for another day. I am very thankful that I did not get in a catastrophic accident, as my mother had told me would happen if I ever forgot to put on a clean pair of underwear everyday, so now I am wonderin' if I need to worry about rewashin' that load of laundry or just wearin' the same pair for the rest of my life. What do ya'll think?

Doin' what the bees do ...

No, just wishin' this had somethin' to do with the birds and the bees, but it is more about how busy I have been lately. Yes, seems the criminals just keep gettin' in trouble, so off I go to court almost every day anymore. I guess some of ya'll might remember when I was havin' trouble with my secretary and that she quit and how broke I was at the time, but that whale finally beached, so I am in better shape with my bills this month that I was last month. But, of course, by tryin' to do everythin' myself, it seems that I hardly ever have time to blog from the office anymore, and sometimes, like today, I did not even have a chance to even check my email. I sure hope there was nothin' important that came today. I suppose I should take a few minutes to check it out, huh? OK, let me initiate ICQ first, so I can delete all the SPAM off of my server, and if there is somethin' really important, I can always go to my ISP's site and use the webmail.

I seem to be so tired here lately. I have been really been busy as a bee all day at work, so by the time I get home, I am so tired I can hardly think. This has been hittin' me hard in my blogging, as I am havin' a hard time thinkin' of anythin' new to put up for my faithful readers and I am findin' it hard to find time to read all the great things they are puttin' up on theirs. Actually, I try harder to find time to read all those great blogs out there than I do tryin' to think of somethin' to put up here to read. I do hope ya'll have figured it out that although I have not been very good at throwin' linky love around here lately, I have been tryin' to visit at least once daily. I even try to comment from time to time.

However, as if not havin' enough time was not a problem already, my damn Internet connection situation, the thin' that is the basis of my tagline on this blog, has been about as bad as ever here lately. I have already had it disconnect twice while I was tryin' to write this post. ICQ has still not successfully connected, strike that, it just did connect and only 18 messages are awaitin' my attention. Heck I had almost that many messages awaitin' me on my answerin' machine when I got back to the office this afternoon. I know I had more pieces of mail than that, but it looks like I have as many pieces of trash waitin' in my email box as I found in my post office box. I only had one or two messages on my phone from people tryin' to solicite money or to sell me something. Maybe my registerin' my phone number on that Do Not Call list actually worked.

Anyway, still around, maybe here off an on, but I am plannin' actually gettin' some rest, that is, if I don't decide to write Chapter 5 sometime today. Tomorrow I have a zoo tour at 10:00 and a meetin' with my American Legion Commander (and me bein' 2nd in charge of the Post now) at 3:00 pm, and then Sunday, I am goin' to drive 3 hours to Abilene again so as to attend my niece's 1st Birthday Party. Yep, the weekend is here and I still got a lot to do.

Still, stayin' busy does keep me from thinkin' about how I have not had any sex forever. ;)

Oct. 3, 2003

Well Cherry tried to pin me into a corner by posting two jokes today, but I still found one to share in this space.

A newscaster interrupted scheduled programming to announce the outcome of a political election. "More on candidates at 10 P.M.," he said.

My ten-year-old son looked at me in disbelief.

"I didn't know they could call politicians 'morons' on national television!" he said.

Where did I ever find it?

Although my eyes are almost shut and I am heading to bed, I can safely say that my own navel is doing wonderful tonight. While it is definitely not as popular as those which were eligible to be voted on last evening, it is mine, and I treasure it like it was something I have had forever. I mean, it is almost like I had such navel since the first day of my life. Funny, how things like that come across your mind. I cannot remember a time when I did not have it around, although, it seemed to be in better shape earlier in my life, and seemed to be a really popular part of my body when I was really young. Hmm.

Before I close this report, I would really like to thank all those who came here for their first time just to assist in the voting. I hope some of you will come again for another visit at some time in the future. I am slowly going through all the voting comments and am checking all of your blogs.

OK, I have had my say, so that concludes today's report.

We have a WINNER!!!!!

Wow, what a great voter turn-out in the sexiest navel display in the Blogger Boobie Thon. 25 votes in all, and the tally is:

• Contestant #3 - 15 votes
• Contestant #1 - 9 votes and
• Contestant #2 - 1 vote

Now good to my word*, I shall have to donate $20 for #3 and $20 for #1, but ya'll didn't do your part in getting some money donated for #2's effort, but as a consolation, I will donate $10 anyway. That will bring my total donation up to $50**, so I can see the pay-per-boobie page.

Per the voting, and in my own personal opinion, the clear winner is Contestant #3, who is to be congratulated on having a very fine looking navel.

*What, an honest attorney? Now you need to donate because you just witnessed a miracle.

**The following graphic provides evidence of such payment being made and may be deleted sometime in the future:

It is now time to cast your vote!

As this is the Nightly Navel Gazing Report™, I have below chosen those photos which flashed a bit of navel on the Blogger Boobie Thon photo page [which has been linked extensively throughout the day]:

1. boobies26.jpg
2. boobies19.jpg or
3. boobies8.jpg

Which one has the sexiest navel? In the spirit of the day and for the charity, I am hereby going to pledge to give $20 for each one to get 5 (five) votes prior to noon on October 2, 2003. So get busy and start voting.

Now, come on and don't be shy. Just the thought of getting an attorney to part with money should be enough incentive for seeing a lot of votes*, so get busy. Vote by number. Is it contestant 1, contestant 2 or contestant 3?

*And of course, if all three get 5 votes, then my donation will qualify me to go view the pay-per-boobie page.

OK, so which was it?

OK, I see I had not a single reader last hour, and I can understand why, what with both Smallville and Enterprise on at the same time, probably everyone was glued to one program or the other. As for me, I went with Enterprise, but I taped* Smallville and will go watch that now. Happy blogging ya'll!

Ta-tas are here.

*No, Virginia, I don't have a TIVO.

Somewhere in the Back Rooms

Well, they are showin' off them ta-tas over on the photo page of that Boobathon place. There are some pretty great racks on the starter page, but ya gotta pay for the real show:

There will be a separate, passworded "pay-per-boobie" page for bare-breasts, available to donors of $50.00 or more.

Nothin' ever changes, does it? ;)

I thought one photo in particular was worth a mention a bit later this evening. If you are a regular reader, try to figure out which one it might be. ;)

Overall, heck I am satisfied

I was telling Tony over dinner that it was so funny how I had worked so hard to build my readership up to more than 200 visits a day, then got that Instalanche and afterward my readership started dropping down. Now, I have no idea whether the Instalanche had anything to do with such, as how would such affect my regular readership? I think maybe Google changed their search engine, because I have noticed I have not gotten as many visits from Google searches as I used to get and all the current ones seem to go to my category archives. My current readership is a little below 100 visits a day, but I have several daily readers, have made several good friends from blogging, like Tony, Denita & Eric, who I have had a chance to actually meet, and of course, my homey, Scott, who is a really good friend of mine now, and then there are several I would love to meet, if I ever have a chance to do. I doubt that I can meet Pixy, or my lovely Blogchild Cherry, because they live in Australia and New Zealand, two countries I have dreamed of visiting, but are not places to which I can drive on a road trip.

Any of you who are coming to Texas, getting close the Dallas area, let me know. If you have some extra time, I would love to show you around our area, which has a lot of nice things to see: dinosaur tracks, a very historic square, and a local well-known wildlife park. There are a lot of events, music festivals, and other things going on almost every weekend. You can find several great camping places, a very nice one owned by Scott [the blogger known as The Fat Guy] and plenty of bed and breakfasts, or even might be able to find a room in a very historic hotel just off the square that is owned by a couple of my friends. If you are bit low on cash, I do have an extra bedroom, probably the cleanest room in my house, where you might be able to stay.

My next road trip adventure plan is to go to Florida, see Epcot Center in Orlando and maybe a few other attractions in the area, then I want to drive down to Key West, maybe rent an airboat and see a bit of the Everglades and a few alligators up real close. I am not sure when, but I do need a vacation. Anyone with information in such area, please feel free to drop me a line and give me some advice about such.

I have decided I am doing fine with my blogging efforts, and I am not going to be stressed about the drop of readership. My daily readership seems to be about the same, so whatever the problem was that caused the 50% drop of daily visitations is nothing to worry about.

I love you all, really. To me, those that take the time to blog to share their opinions about what they think about what is going on with the world are doing a good job of changing the world to the way it should be, run more by the people than by the tyrants. Keep reading, and if my writing is unsatisfactory, don't worry about contacting me, OK?

By the way, has anyone displayed their ta-tas yet? I am waiting, ladies!

Happy happy Humpday!

Well, I did not sleep a wink, but the dull pain subsided so I am only slightly pain-free drug-fogged this morning, which is a bit better than having had a pounding headache for 24 hours or so. I see Tony has gotten home safely and has posted the picture our waitress took of us while we were dining together in Dallas. Work is awaiting my arrival, so I guess I had better start getting prepared to go face it. Ta-ta! Oh, when the ta-ta pictures start showing up for that boobie-thon thingie, someone be sure to give me a heads up! There are a couple of pairs I am pretty eager to see ... however, wouldn't it be so much better in person?