Read My Lips - the blog

The further adventures of web searchers

It seems there might be some research going on in someone home remedy department. Via a look at my StatCounter, I found one of my hits came from a search for can a tooth be pulled while on crack cocaine? So, first of all, just exactly who is expected to do the pulling? I don't want a dentist playing around in my mouth after smoking a rock or two. As to what effects the substance might have for those who are sitting in the chair -- I'll leave such experiments up to our intrepid web searcher.

Send in the Clowns

For Raven, who loves McDonald's, have you heard about their new plan for a call center?

Do you suppose it also be staffed with clowns?

You don't have to be a clown to work there, but it helps

From now on, I advise that you only use change when buying food at McDonald's, because you can bet that Peoria is not the only place where they hire idiots to work behind the counter.

Big Mac awarded to Jeff Trigg.

Parishioners praise plastic pastor

LEGO CHURCH - A few quick facts:

• How long to build it? - It was about a year and a half of planning, building and photographing.
• How many pieces of LEGO to build it? - More than 75,000
• How big is it? - About 7 feet by 5 1/2 feet by 30 inches (2.2 m x 1.7 m x .76 m)
• How many lego people does it seat? - 1372
• How many windows? - 3976
• It features a balcony, a Narthex, stairs to the balcony, restrooms, coat rooms, several mosaics, a nave, a baptistry, an altar, a crucifix, a pulpit and an elaborate pipe organ.

Stephen Barbee murdered Lisa & Jayden Underwood

It seems some idiot slept around on his wife, got the gal pregnant and when she threatened to tell his wife, he strangled both her and her 7-year-old son. How do I know this? Because he was duly arrested and thereafter confessed his transgressions to the police.

FORT WORTH -- The bodies of a missing seven-months pregnant woman and her 7-year-old son were found Tuesday morning off Farm Road 407 in Justin, just hours after police arrested a Fort Worth man charged with capital murder in their disappearance. - source [though you'll likely be forced to register just to "read all about it"]

So, is Mr. Barbee gonna be the first to be charged under the new Federal law dealing with fetal murders, or do you think the fact that Texas is gung-ho about killing as many of its criminals as anywhere else in the world will be enough for them to skip their chance on this case?

OTBTJTB™

According to the experts

Finally, we know why people who act like idjits don't realize it. According to a recent article in the Journal of Personal and Social Psychology,

People tend to hold overly favorable views of their abilities in many social and intellectual domains. The authors suggest that this overestimation occurs, in part, because people who are unskilled in these domains suffer a dual burden: Not only do these people reach erroneous conclusions and make unfortunate choices, but their incompetence robs them of the metacognitive ability to realize it. - Source.

The idea seems to be, if you're a gigantic dumbass, you're too much of a dumbass to know you're a dumbass. The fact that everyone calls you "dumbass" while you're growing up should be a clue, but you don't get it, because...you're a DUMBASS.

They actually have a term for the kind of intelligence it takes to realize you're an idiot. They call it "metacognition." - Source.

Expert ratings revealed that jokes ranged from the not so funny (e.g., "Question: What is big as a man, but weighs nothing? Answer: His shadow." Mean expert rating = 1.3) to the very funny (e.g., "If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is 'God is crying.' And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is 'probably because of something you did.'" Mean expert rating = 9.6).

The correct term might be "misogynist"

*I inferred that this was actually meant as humor. I suppose Skinmeister failed to study the life of Andy Kaufman sufficiently before initiating this stunt or maybe he just wants to be badly misunderstood.

That little thing about assumptions

Just a few moments ago, I was traveling back this way from someplace else, and a half a block from the turn I have to make from the major highway through the town, I put my right turn signal on. Thankfully, I was also slowing down, though, I was not traveling all that fast, as I had just made a right turn on the highway only a block or so. I suppose this was a piece of luck, as, just as I was passing the entrance to the post office, some lady pulled right out in front of me, less than 3 feet was left before I would slam right into her driver's door if I was not already driving at a slow speed with my foot right on my brake. I could not understand why in the world the lady would do something as stupid as that until I remembered that my right turn signal was on and that she probably assumed it meant I was going to turn into the same parking lot she was leaving. I am thankful that no collision occurred and no one was injured. Just think, if such had occurred, someone would have likely looked like an ass ... although I am pretty sure that it would have been neither you nor me.

First grade is harder than in used to be

It seems that, in some jurisdictions, it is a violation of playground rules to give away a baggie filled with dirt. Rumor has it that swapping lunch is classified as a capital offense.

Finger pointing: Michael_the_ArchAngel

A change in the tide of SPAM

Well, seems I am getting fewer and fewer of those enhancement ads and the erector set assistant pills ... and now I am getting a rash of ads for that jackrabbit device. I am starting to understand how some of ya'll ladies were feeling in the last wave. I don't have no use for the product, but every other email I get is trying to push me to buy one. I ain't ever even watched Sex in the City. I once lived in the city and I wasn't getting any sex. I, therefore, believe it that is a completely fictional program with no basis in fact. People in cities do not actually have sex. They just claim they do. People in the country have lots of sex, but mostly it involves animals. Thankfully, the animals are very very discrete.

[ADDENDUM:

pure[*]

What's YOUR sexual fetish?
brought to you by Quizilla

So, who wants to show me the ropes? ;)

found: somewhere.]

OTBTJTB™

*The multiple choice options in this quiz were seriously pathetic. A case of sporks to the first of you who can correctly name my particular fetish.

A slow day is good for picking nits

I can't remember anything, except I love you. - Gregory Peck to Ingrid Bergman in Spellbound.

Touch gloves and commence fighting

Cock-a-doodle-doo!

Eric was simply appalled!

I really don't know from whence it came*

*However, I am sure it was either the right or the left side of my brain.

**And ya'll thought I was only mixed up about the date.

'Cuz I feel like an idjit

Well, I told y'all about how the technician from the car dealership totaled my car when he took it out on a country road to try to duplicate the problem that I had described. You may remember that the first rental car that they provided for me while insurance matters were being settled was a humongous double-cab pickup. Finally a normal-sized car came in, and I swapped the pick-up for it. Thinking that I really didn't need to spend the extra $15 for the extra insurance on the car, I dropped it when I started driving the car instead. Today I was feeling really stressed, and I decided to take off half a day and drive to the small town where Tig resides. Getting out would surely make me feel better, or maybe not. I took the curvy back road instead of the main highway, because I liked the scenery better. I don't know if I was just preoccupied, or if I was not used to the car, or what. I thought I knew that road like the back of my hand. But somehow, I lost control on a curve, spun around, and nearly flipped the car. Fortunately, I was not hurt, other than in the pocketbook, because my insurance will be paying for the rent car, and I received a ticket as well. I told you that I have bad luck with cars. I really thought that it was changing, but ...

Polyblogging/Pollyblogging

Seein' as how I've heard that polibloggers get more comments, I thought I might try my hand at polyblogging pollyblogging. First I considered polyphrasticontranominegalondulation,

The overuse of long words.
Mentioned in The Age (Australian newspaper) Letters to the Editor section in the early 90's by someone looking for the longest word in the English language.
Also a short lived zine in Melbourne.
In Yes Minister, Humphrey uses polyphrasticontranominegalondulation to manipulate the activities of the Minister

but gave up after a few minutes of searching returned no sign of the bird from my childhood memories.

Hoping that my feeble efforts will not be an embarrassment to this site's originator, who is by the way a polyprodigy, i.e.,

A person who is a prodigy several times over. The boy was perfect in everything he did. He was polyprodigious!

That said, I think I will put the cover on my polyurethane keyboard and crawl under my polyester blanket.

Lackadaisical Loggygagging in the Land of Linkin'

As I ladle my luncheon lentil soup, I lapse into lethargy and long for leave from my lackluster labor--a leisurely lumber to a lonely location, perhaps linking up with a lustful lighthearted lawyer who makes me laugh. The likelihood that my Lilliputian talents make me a liability to "'Lips" lurks in my labyrinth of thoughts. Knowing that I should not be loitering, I continue to work intermittently, but still looking at links, loading Lemony Snicket pages, and wondering what Lemon Meringue's next adventure will be.

Oh, well--the "L" with it--I need to get back to work.

I ain't likely whistlin' Dixie either

I AM 32% WHITE TRASH! The white trash in my blood will not keep me from becoming a doctor or a lawyer, but it will keep me from a good haircut and any sort of fashion sense. Take the WHITE TRASH test at Fuali.com

Terribly tactless

Surf's Up!!!!!

OK, seriously, now --- how many of ya'll knew how to spell tsunami without lookin' it up? How many of ya'll even knew what it was prior to the happenin' of this sad, sad story, less, o' course, ya was one of those that cheers for Mama Nature in these sort of situations, then I guess 'tweren't such a sad story, after all, was it?

Twist on Shakespeare

Does this remind you of the grilled cheese sandwich that they sold on E-Bay? (Or is it sorta like statisticians can provide statistics to prove anything you want them to prove?

Q. A psychology student twists Shakespeare's "All the world's a stage" into "All the world's a Rorschach." She says she's serious. Is she on to something?

A. People surely perceive what they want to, whether they're reading patterns in inkblots, seeing "the man in the moon," or hearing messages in shower spray hitting against the curtain, says Leonard George, Ph.D., in "Alternative Realities." Some years ago, a New Mexico woman scorched a tortilla and read in the charred pattern an image of Christ's head amid thorns, with thousands of believers making pilgrimage to see it with their own eyes. Film producer Frederick Jurgenson once said he heard faint mumbles in his recordings of bird songs and believed these were voices of departed spirits.

Then there's "backmasking": Following the suicide of a fan of the rock group Judas Priest, the rumor spread that the phrase "Do it!" was recorded backward in their music, says John Dworetzky in "Psychology." The band was brought to trial. The judge could clearly hear "Do it!" but sound technicians demonstrated that the phrase was really just word parts combined with the sound of one of the guitars.

"I've had similar experiences," says Dworetzky, who recalls frequenting an Armenian restaurant with friends, and though none of them knew the language, soon recognizable phrases began cropping up in the songs--English phrases! In one song, the silly phrase "Scotch tape on a boa" kept coming up. New friends joining them thought this was crazy, until they too were cued in to listen for it at just the right moment. Then they couldn't STOP hearing it.

Rorschach with a vengeance. - source

A statistical anomaly?

I jes' wonder how you can correlate these numbers

From StatCounter:

^{Tuesday Dec. 21 2004}

Page Loads: 411 Unique Visitors: 381 First Time Visitors: 364 Returning Visitors: 17

Was I ever NOT surprised!

You Are a Fruitcake!

You taste like nothing else in this world. And get ready, you're about to get tossed!

What Crappy Gift Are You?

It's My Very Own Christmas BlogCard

Get Your Own Christmas BlogCard Here!

spork: little twink

I wonder what ever'one was searchin' for today

I actually do know what people who hit my site were lookin' for and jes' 'zactly what they found, as well. You can have a look for yourself, jes' below the fold. But, be forewarned, it ain't a pretty picture. As I have previously stated, there are a lot of perverts out there.

Simply 'cause I wanted to be the very last in line

Yep. I know ever'one knows this, and I know ever'one ELSE has blogged on it, but I figger since I couldn't think of anythin' better to blog 'bout other than I cannot figger out why my blog does not appear to be mainly brown & white when I look at it is to announce that "Dimebag" Darrell is dead.* Now, can we talk 'bout somethin' else? You pick the topic.

*You did not seriously want a link, did you?

Much ado about a supposedly white full-grown ewe?

On second thought, just shoot me now. I'll even stand in the middle of the roundabout. Sir George at the Rott.

Keepin' an eye on the inane so that you don't have to

Wow. I was somehow convinced that France also flew the Serbia and Montenegro flag on occasion:

Now I'm confused. Jes' 'zactly who are the chief surrender monkeys of the world again?

"Go away kid, you're botherin' me"*

I found the followin' comment on my site yesterday:

your web page is rubbish there isnt anything on alomst you need to improve it a lot no wonder you hardly have anyone looking on your web site

So, if I may ask, where is yours? I would love to see how one is supposed to be done.

its my opinion and i think it is rubish and i have proof so shut up

*To paraphrase the great W. C. Fields.

**Email address flagrantly displayed in hopes that any commercial entities sellin' grow up pills or some similar product will barrage said Dawnkid39@aol.com with messages offerin' to sell a lifetime supply of same.

Watch out Jimbo, he's right behind ya

Glenn Reynolds was seen stalkin' Jimbo of Parkway Rest Stop. After the local constabulary stepped in to assist in whatever manner they could, like they did in the Jimmy Hoffa incident, it was disclosed that said avowed puppy blendin' blogger was jes' hopin' that Jimbo could introduce him to Jeff Goldstein.

There has definitely been a mix-up somewhere

Your Thursday, December 9, 2004 Horoscope Taurus!

Your actions could accidentally put you in the public eye. If you are not used to the gaze of the masses, the shy side of Taurus could cause you to freeze in the face of so many potential admirers. Maintain the appearance of effortlessness for best results.

Drat, Nat, I had somethin' to add

I ain't oft that I can find a hole in one of those funny yarns Natalie strings together, but ya forgot to tell 'im 'bout your girlfriend.

With my sincerest apologies to Oz Guru

On November 22, I mentioned how my StatCounter always seemed to be showin' so many more visitors on a daily basis than my SiteMeter. My account convinced OzGuru to give it a whirl and, after he did so, I watched his numbers for a couple of days to confirm my belief. I did not, however, observe a marked difference in the numbers returned by the two meters on his site. The substantial difference in numbers on my site continued. I am unsure why it hadn't dawned on me earlier, but I had installed the StatCounter script on ever' page, includin' individual archive pages, whereas the SiteMeter was installed solely on Read My Lip's primary index page. Last evenin', I added the SiteMeter script to the exact same pages that contain the StatCounter script. The numbers are now comin' in fairly identically.

Current page loads: SiteMeter - 198
StatCounter - 184

---

Current daily visitors: SiteMeter - 177
StatCounter - 169

Woohoo!!!! I jes' hit the big time!!!

Yep all my hard efforts have finally paid off. I jes' won 25 mystery credits on Blog Explosion.

It's as evident as the hair on a woodland hare

The rumors that Madfish had died were severely premature, but the rumors that he tells the most George-awful jokes are quickly provin' to be true.

In other, and completely unrelated, news, Frank J hints that he has somethin' big to announce. My own 'spicion is that he is gonna finally admit that has fallen deeply and madly in love with that life-size cut-out of Big Ethyl he recently bought on Ebay usin' profits from his illicit "Nuke the Moon" shirt sales and merely wants to invite us all to the impendin' nuptials.

[Addin' more crap to this post jes' 'cause it is Saturday and no one is readin'* anyway: Cracker Barrel Philosopher relates the interestin' back story behind that strange accident during rush-hour traffic Thursday morning on I-5 near Ridgefield, Washington.]

[Addin' another: Drumwaster is shocked by the utter ineptitude displayed the French Gendarmes. Wonder what cave he has been livin' in. ;)]

*What? Ya swear ya have been readin' my crap? Well ya sure ain't said nuthin' 'bout what ya thunk of it.

Does this response mean that I woulda been Sammy G?

You scored as Frodo. You would be happiest living with Frodo Baggins! He may be brooding and withdrawn, but his sudden outbursts of love and child-like dependence melt your heart. Frodo 81% Sam 69% Bilbo 69% Merry 69% Pippin 50% Gollum/Smeagol 38% Which Hobbit Would You Be Happiest Living With? created with QuizFarm.com

I am sporkin' Jennifer on this one.

There really are blogs for all kinds of people

Hey, ya'll fans of Golf Digest and similar ilk may want to visit and bookmark, blogroll, or otherwise make such available for viewin' at your whim: MJ on Golf.* It looks like MJ brings ya all sorts of stories 'bout golf, golf, and more golf. I found today's top linked story to be very interestin':

Golf course stolen piece by piece
_{Updated: 12/1/2004 4:54 PM
By: Carmen Grant, News 10 Now Web Staff}

Authorities say a Cayuga County man stole a golf course piece by piece.[**]

Sheriff deputies say Donald Ross stole golf balls, tee markers, ball washers and numerous other items from the Owasco Country Club. Authorities believe Ross took the equipment over a period of three years and set up a three hole golf course on his property - he shared with his twin brother.

Site discovered via Blog Explosion. Another Blog Explosion find: The Soccer Weblog. And another find via another source: We eat so many shrimp - GanstaRap blog? Deservin' of a real good spork: Dawn.

*Which, to me, is so much better soundin' than say, MJ on Little Boys.

**Kinda mindful of that ol' Johnny Cash song, "One Piece at a Time."

***I was mindful that I might have never previously used such word, and, as such, figgered a great opportunity was presentin' itself so as to assure high placement 'mong the Google returns for smidgen lips.

Jalapeños, Cheerios, and the Three A's, or Alien Roadkill™, Blog Name for Sale

Jalapeño Burns, discovered via Blog Explosion, has jes' become my favorite blog, and its creator, Jesse Gersten, is the funniest blogger out there, sans none, be it Scrappleface, Frank J, or even myself, which to me, is really sayin' somethin'. Jesse confesses to bein' a comedian. Jes' below the blog title is the followin':

Hello. You’ve mistakenly entered the blog of Comedian Jesse Gersten. Unless you enjoy reading bizarre tales filled with freak accidents, albino squirrels, and chocolate sushi, then I admonish you to turn off your computer without delay and do something that makes you happy, like reading a book about birds. If you foolishly decide to stay, then I only hope that you try to enjoy yourself. If not, I hope you get Hoof-and-Mouth Disease, or some other equally delightful ailment.

*George, for ya'll newcomers is the same George we all call to at times, By George! One of them Commandments kinda says ya don't use the word mos' people seem to use so frequently without real purpose, kinda in vain, if ya get my drift. Good George! It's really purty simple if ya jes' think 'bout it. It seems like such a small thing to do and, if'n Moses was tellin' the truth, that was kinda one of those things that He was very specific that we not do: use His Name in vain. I will purposely speak of God only when it suits a worthwhile purpose.

**It's part of the show, folks! Made Up! Untrue. I do not hear voices in my head, nor am I on medication. I ain't gonna swear that I shouldn't be, but I tend to avoid medication much stronger than over the counter analgesics, antihistamines, and antacids: the three A's. They fix what ails me, I guess, and 'bout all I need. Oh, I'll take a little nip here and there. Usually to soothe an irritated throat. I jes' know some of ya'll like to spread vicious gossip - but then, ya'll that do that prolly don't read the footnotes anyway and are already out there tellin' ever'one that Tiger is on medication. Yada yada! I'll send John Wayne Mauler over to your house to eat Cheerios. Don't be messin' with me! ^{~shut up, I said~}

Read My Lip's inaugural "posted without comment" blurb

not safe for work or squeamish people

Not sure Tiffany is entitled to a spork for bringin' this horror to light.

What the flickity-flack is wrong with this picture?

Portland
Suit: Soldier forced to stay in military
December 1, 2004

A Pendleton Army National Guard soldier is suing the U.S. Army, claiming that he was required to remain in the military beyond his term of enlistment under a "stop-loss" order.

Emiliano Santiago, an Oregon National Guard member since 1996, was due to leave the service in June after completing an eight-year term.

Under the stop-loss program, Santiago is scheduled to be activated with his unit Jan. 2 to train in Oklahoma for deployment in Afghanistan. The stop-loss order has extended Santiago's service to Dec. 24, 2031, said his attorney, Steven Goldberg.

Goldberg is representing Santiago in association with the Military Law Task Force of the National Lawyers Guild, which has filed suits in California, New York and North Carolina challenging stop-loss orders.

-- Dan de Carbonel [source]

Highly precious, formerly housed at Taco Bell franchise, spork awarded to Rob Salzman

And in the runnin' for the Ultimate Bad Taste Award . . .

Jes' when ya had worked so hard to get that tree up and decorated, got so much of your shoppin' done, and started stockin' the kitchen with the makin's for all kinds of holiday goodies and I jes' now hear the devastatin' news that Christmas is no more.

Don't say I didn't tell ya so

'Member when I said ya sometimes can sniff out perverts by the Google search strings they used to hit your site?

[Addendum: Wow, would never have expected to have been so high on the Google return list on a search for Maximum Exposure UNDERWEAR]

[Addendum II: We have a winner! I came up atop the list! I am, however, purty sure that I never ever blabbed the answer to the age ol' question: how many animals of each sex did moses take on the arch[?], but then, again, I was never actually provided the necessary proper information as to the maximum weight capacity of the arch and the true nature of Noah's Moses' sexual proclivities which I had requested.]

For those who stand this day not in harm's way

One of the announcers on the Colts-Lions game just acknowledged our troops in Kuwait and other places, and wished them a Great Thanksgiving. I think he is a Lion's fan, 'cause his mind seems as if it is stuck in the past.

Tomfoolery by rampagin' idiots has been spotted in Little Falls

I 'spose anythin' is more fun than the daily cow-tippin' meets up in the ice-covered frozen arctic tundra of Minnesota:

Police are looking for a blow-up figure of SpongeBob SquarePants swiped from a Little Falls, Minnesota, Burger King.

At a southeast Utah Burger King, vandals made off with a six-by-ten-foot balloon of Spongebob.

*Speakin' of Kate, I must have fallen out of the loop, 'cause I thought she lived in Hawaii.

The circular route to skewed statistics?

I was over on Technorati runnin' my site to see if there were any new sites linkin' to mine, and actually found Let Me Make My Point(e) at the top of the list. A completely new site to me, I immediately clicked through to check it out and one post that immediately caught my eye was this one, which had a graphic displayin' supposed breakdown of red/blue states in accordance with average IQ in such states. O' course, bein' the consumate skeptic, I wanted to, at least, go to the original source, but the quality of the graphic was such that I was unable to decipher, to a certainty, the URL at the bottom of the graphic. What I could make out was "iq.htm." Thankfully, with a good search engine, that is all ya need. So here is that original source: http://chrisevans3d.com/files/iq.htm. I thought, if anythin', if these figures are accurate, it only serves to show that most smart people like to live where it snows often. I have big doubts, however, 'bout the accuracy of such, as it shows that Florida, a state where people have proven themselves too stupid to correctly punch a ballot has a higher average IQ than my own home state of Texas?

Besides, I voted for Bush, and my IQ has consistently shown to be above 150 on ever' assessment test of IQ level that I have ever taken. Sorry, ya'll, but that is simply the fact of the matter. I ain't tryin' to brag on myself, 'cause I believe my IQ is simply somethin' with which I was born, much like I could have been born with movie star looks or three legs. Genetics are genetics, after all. I also readily admit that havin' a high IQ can be as much a burden as it is a benefit. O' course, there may be many of ya'll that don't understand how a high IQ can be a burden, and, despite my supposed high IQ, I feel it might be entirely too hard for me to explain how what I perceive as the very uniqueness of my own thinkin' process is often quite taxin' when a multitude of completely unassociated thoughts suddenly choose to bombard my consciousness from various parts within the deep recesses of my psyche.

Like somethin' in the title graphic would come as a surprise?

I was perusin' Always Victoria where I found a link to a quiz that would detect what kind of blogger I am by the way I answered the questions. Like ya needed to know how they arrive at the final answer. Regis is not involved. Anyway, without further ado, feel free to take a gander at my results:

You Are a Snarky Blogger!

You've got a razor sharp wit that bloggers are secretly scared of. And that's why they read your posts as often as they can!

So, seriously, do such results come as any surprise to any of ya'll? They surely did not surprise me in any way. Like the title suggests, the masthead already says as much.

What those liberals won't do to insure Hilary's election

It seems that one of the socialist* barkin' moonbats is askin' Osama Bin Laden to wipe out a substantial number of Bush backers with his next attack and advisin' him where the best places to do so would be.

Fly a Cessna into the stands of a NASCAR rally. Put a suicide bomber on the Arch in St. Louis. Drive a truck-bomb into the Grand Ole Opry. Release anthrax at an Astros game. [source]

I am gonna wish a boatload of Kudos on Improved Clinch for the pointer, and also advise those of ya'll that venture by way beyond the expiration date of the archives on The Stranger, that the letter, in its entirety, has been quoted in the linked Improved Clinch post. A slew of Kudos are also due to Dean, who seems to have fixed the template problems I noted on my last visit, for his Glenn Reynolds emulation which served to direct me to the Improved Clinch post.

*Ain't it funny how the Dems seem to be the only ones who don't understand that their standard domestic economic agenda is nuthin' more than pressin the US to become socialist, like Great Britain and Canada. I mean, when you believe ever'one is entitled to certain things whether they assist in the production of our GNP or not and expect that those who do contribute to our GNP pay the costs for the necessary provision of those entitlements by the government, then you create a socialist government.

Tonight's ABC Monday Night fiasco

If ya don't already know it, the Dallas Cowboys are matched up 'gainst the Philadelphia Eagles on Monday Night Football this evenin'. One of my favorite radio DJs, not a sports station, predicted the Cowboys prevail 28-14. Heck, I blew all my prediction abilities for the year when I picked the 'Boys to be makin' an appearance in this year's NFC Championship game almos' a year ago.

I'll likely do a bit of channel-surfin' as this game plays itself out.

Florida police are brutalizin' children with Tasers

The 6-year-old boy was shocked on Oct. 20 in the principal’s office at Kelsey Pharr Elementary School. Principal Maria Mason called 911 after the child broke a picture frame in her office and waved a piece of glass, holding a security guard back.

According to the incident report, officer William Nelson responded to a complaint that children were swimming in a pool, drinking alcohol and smoking cigars on the morning of Nov. 5.

Nelson said he noticed the girl was intoxicated and was walking her to his car to take her back to school when she ran away through a parking lot.

Nelson, 38, said he chased her and yelled several times for her to stop before firing the Taser when she began to run into traffic. The electric probes hit the girl in the neck and lower back, immobilizing her.

[Addendum: DOH!source story]

It 'pears that resistance was futile

ST:NG's own Wesley Crusher has been assimilated into the Borg Jackass Collective. Say it ain't so, Joe!

A bone mus' be thrown Kevin Aylward's way.

CitiBank email scam resurfaces

I jes' received the followin' email:

Dear valued Citibank member,

Due to concerns, for the safety and integrity of the online banking community we have issued the following warning message.

It has come to our attention that your account information needs to be confirmed due to inactive customers, fraud and spoof reports. If you could please take 5-10 minutes out of your online experience and renew your records you will not run into any future problems with the online service. However, failure to confirm your records may result in your account suspension.

Once you have confirmed your account records your Internet banking service will not be interrupted and will continue as normal.

Please click here to confirm your bank account records. [note: link opens popup screen capture of actual site, and does not go to site itself.]

Thank you for your time,

Citibank Billing Department

By the way, don't find yourself among those unsuspectin' Americans who find themselves fleeced in this operation.

*[Addendum footnote]Upon some further reflection, I figgered it really would make very little difference if they shot 'em in the head for doin' so. You likely ain't gonna get your money back, not from them or the Chinese government. I also understand that, in China, it is not all that hard to find some way to get yourself shot in the head, as that seems to be considered fairly just punishment for nearly every transgression, so, over there, what you do really makes very little difference. How long you can do it before you get caught and are shot in the head for doing it seems to be the real essense of the game.

That deal about the cat bein' away . . .

Well, I was a bit busy today and jes' now got a chance to check to see if anyone had anythin' to say about any of the stuff I put up for perusal here of late. I actually did get a slew of comments from some, I suppose, li'l twerp who seemed to be havin' a fine ol' time havin' a conversation with himself in the comment portion of one of my older posts. I am of the belief that said li'l twerp is unaware that I could easily determine that the computer IP# on every comment, despite the change of name and email address, was identical. I know a lot more about my mischievous li'l visitor -- see the extended entry. Usin' MT-Blacklist, it was fairly easy to delete them all, as well. I love comments, as long as they are relevant and on topic. If you are a troll or feel this is a proper forum to engage in a solely personal attack upon myself or any other person or otherwise find it necessary to abuse the comment function as it relates to this blog, realize that your comments will likely be deleted as soon as discovered.

Oh, and Leonor and Mikkel, I did not delete your comments but also did not find enough information with regard to your requests to feel comfortable in sending you invites to get a gmail account. Primarily, my offer is for fellow bloggers. Mikkel's site appeared to be a commercial site and Leonor did not provide a URL, only a hotmail address. Both arrived on my blog in response to a Google search seekin' to get a gmail account. I almost gotta be assured a person is not a spammer for me to part with one of my invites. Jes' so's ya know!

VISITOR ANALYSIS
Referring Link http://www.google.co.uk/search?q=read my lips%2Bcomedy&hl=en&lr=&start=20&sa=N
Host Name folders.rugbyschool.net
IP Address 194.238.169.2
Country United Kingdom
Region England
City London
ISP Rugby School
Returning Visits 0
VISITOR SYSTEM SPECS
Browser MSIE 6.0
Operating System Windows XP
Resolution 1024x768
Javscript Enabled

A very trivial matter

I don't know why I mention it, but the next to the last post was No. 3000. I tol' ya it was trivial! It's Saturday! I was bored, so went to the Fair -- I jes' didn't stay very long.

Proof that liberals love CNN?

Ravenwood noted somethin' a bit peculiar 'bout a CNN poll. What I made of it is what I quipped in the title.

Susie made me do it!*

Cookie Monster's Bulimia Nervosa

Yes, cookies *are* good. But too much of anything
is never a good thing. Instead of bingeing and
purging, try to regulate your eating habits.
Maybe instead of having two dozen cookies, you
could have two. Also, you should slow down
your eating. Chew each bite several times
before swallowing. Eating more slowly makes it
easier to tell when you are full. And don't
worry about body image--people love you just
the way you are, googly eyes and all.


Which Sesame Street Muppet's Dark Secret Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

*She swore if I didn't take this quiz and post my results, she would quit linkin' to Harvey and Frank at ever' opportunity. We jes' couldn't have that could we, so I had no choice but to concede to her coercion, did I?**

**O' course, it is also hoped that by slatherin' Susie with a bit of linky-love, one might also encourage her to visit more often. ;)

A definite explanantion to an unasked question

As was mentioned in the Navel Gazin' report last evenin', I found that I was gettin' a very healthy share of visitors despite havin' not actually posted anythin' until 'bout the time of the final bell. Well, I have discovered the source of all that visitation. Beheadin's always bring the visitors as I get a really really healthy share of Google search returns on such term. Check out the most popular pages from my last 100 visitors:

Read My Lips (Popular Pages) 21st September 2004

26 Read My Lips: Google searchin' blunders pay off big for some
24 Read My Lips: The insanity continues
12 Read My Lips
8 Read My Lips: Is this what you're lookin' for?

How come ya didn't come to my graduation?

found via Miss Chin

Classmates [dot] com - what is it good for?

really, how many of ya'll are signed up with Classmates [dot] com? I guess I signed up when they originated the site or soon after, what was that, like seven years ago. There were 42 in my High School graduatin' class, and of that 42, only 5 of us are listed. Seems to me that ain't really all that many people in my age group that give a whit about where the people they went to school with ended up. Come to think of it, only 'bout 10 showed up for our 20 year reunion and last year was our 30 year and I didn't hear nuthin''bout there bein' any reunion, and I actually had people watchin the Abilene paper and listenin' to the radio stations for such. The Statler Bros. wrote a song 'bout the class of '57, but seems ain't no one interested a'tall 'bout the class of '73. 'Course, then again, when I was in High School, I was a really tall - really skinny - really smart kid that wore glasses. I wasn't the most popular guy in school, ya see -- well, unless ya was really needin' some assistance with some of those stickier math problems -- then seems ever'one thought I was an OK guy --- for a day or two or 'til the next footbal game.

So, why this nostalgic look into my past? Actually, I was jes' wonderin' what ever'one else thought of this site and whether anyone thought it was a worthwhile venture. The anecdotes are jes' spose to be interestin'. I 'spect they prolly ain't, though, but surely I can get some credit for tryin', right?

Jes' a question

How the heck do ya hit yourself in the eye with a shotgun shell usin' a breech load shotgun? Susie was right to laugh, I think. Serenity has the picture, along with her opinion of the scenario.

Of Barmaids and Bullturds, a simple tale

Some bimbo* workin' in a strip club near Madison Square Garden is jes' swearin' the place is bein' haunted by 'publicans. It's all on a blog hosted by the Village Voice. One does wonder which side of the fence they are sittin' on, huh?

I thought it was particularly interestin' that our intrepid reporter noted this bit of information:

I remembered reading that the Boston strip clubs had sat empty throughout the Democratic National Convention—not because the Dems are more virtuous, I think, but because they can't afford the political risk.

attribution for findin' this goes to Barefoot and Naked, found on the Texas Blogroll.

I had hoped this one would have made the OTB Traffic Jam on its own merits.

*

I work as a clothed cocktail waitress at a strip club on Manhattan's far West Side. I can't reveal the name of the club, or its exact location, because I don't want to get fired, so let's just say it's one of several upscale topless venues that have sprung up in recent years along Eleventh and Twelfth avenues. It's not far from Madison Square Garden and, this week, the GOP convention.

**I know the question begs as to how I can tell ya 'bout somethin' I didn't actually witness, but much like the li'l boy in Sixth Sense who saw dead people, I see things in most of the bullshit goin' on in the world that are inexplicably found somewhere between the lines.

If it is inane, my eye will catch it

I was jes' perusin' the listin's on TV Guide's site, and noticed they have this little legend at the bottom with different colors dependin' on whether the program listed is a movie, sports, family, or pay-per-view. It appears if the program is other than a movie, sports, family, or pay-per-view it is all the basic color. I guess what bothered me a bit was that the 'Lympics is not identified as "sports." I 'spect there are a lot of athletes competin' in Athens that believe themselves to be involved in sportin' events. TV Guide, it seems, does not agree.

A real quick somethin' aside

I have often thought 'bout 'temptin' to locate the top ten titles I have created for the posts on this blog, but could never bring myself to search through the 2800+ entries so as to make my selections. However, I luckily (or unluckily, as the case may be) came across this post which, admittedly, has one of the worst titles I have yet to compose.

Whatta severe waste of electrons?

I almost want to reply to the SPAMMER who sent me this followin' message just to find out how he expects to fulfill such promise.

Please clearly give me the opportunity to lower your next GLEN ROSE TX mortgage for PO BOX 1580. No obligation. [emphasis supplied]

Don't sweat the small stuff

It seems there is some brouhaha goin' on over at Who Tends the Fire. Another of the leftish moonbats has awakened from hibernation and is prowlin' 'round screechin' ignorance, as such leftish moonbats are often wont to do. Denita done gave this one a good slap down. I 'spect that if we say the 1st 'Mendment allows freedom of dress which 'spresses one's political viewpoints, how would Missie Barbie is a Lesbian feel 'bout bein' surrounded by a whole bunch people clad in white sheets or wearin' swastikas or somethin' equally as revoltin' and havin' no place in our classrooms.

Some people are just so laughable

Comment to this post of mine - Is this what you're lookin' for?:

you people know nothing about islam and what islam teaches. First point, anyone who believes this video, is completely predictable. As a matter of fact, you are the reason the media manipulates the airways in ways to evoke a public response. This is similar to public relations. If you air certain messages, you get a certain response. Don't you get it. America has really revealed it's own barbaric nature in this war and now they want to shift the focus. What hasn't American officials lied about since this country was formed. You people, the gullable ones, the manipulators of public thought and perception thrive off of you guys. You are so predictable. The only thing America has strong left in this war is hate. Hate is now driving the soilders as well as public opinion. We lost justification so now we need a reason for being at war.
You people are so predictable. I am going to start a hate campaign against sheep. I am going to stage a video showing 3 sheep executing a bald eagle. If I get the same results as the CIA, I can get people to hate sheep. HaHaHaHa. You people are so predictable.

I guess some of ya'll might not understand why I think his comment is so laughable, but sheep killin' a bald eagle? Come on. Maybe if it was a sick, lame, eagle with a broken leg layin' on the ground watchin' the buzzards circlin' overhead and a flock of 3 sheep happened to accidentally stumble across its dyin' body and hasten its demise, yeah, OK -- possible. Anythin' else just ain't ever gonna happen. Even if they had the ability, sheep would not even approach a bald eagle, on a good day. Now, that is not to say that a bald eagle is the most bad ass animal in the animal kingdom, but sheep are mindless grazers oblivious to anythin' that goes on about them, kinda like the people who believe ever'thin' Kerry says or otherwise march to the beat of the screechin' moonbats of the left.

I sometimes wonder what they hope to accomplish --

Actual body of a SPAM I just received:

To :
Subject : Re: (no subject)

Dear roguegenius,
It's All Here For You, are you ready to take that step!

* CLlCK HeERE *

It seems that there really is an art to it, after all

Not your average how-to-do internet site. This one is mostly for the barkin' moonbat types.

The holes you fall into when ya just ain't payin' 'tention

It appears that Glenn Reynolds may not be the Blogfather after all.

Found via Junebugg

Now I almost find this to be unbelievable

Can you believe that I did not come up as #1 on the returns on a Google search for "website for Nicholas Cage decapitation"?

Yeah, yeah, whatever --- if you say so

I answer all four questions on the quiz and this is what I got:

Take the quiz: "Your Psych-Ward diagnosis"

Social Anxiety Disorder
Diagnosis: Social Phobia / Social Anxiety.
The fear of social situations and the interaction with other people that can automatically bring on feelings of self-consciousness, judgment, evaluation, and inferiority.

That is exactly the same thing that Emma, the person who referred me to the test, got. I bet they only have one answer. Of course, then again, it is likely a foregone conclusion that the whole world is nuts anyway.

Massive Link Dump

I have save a lot of links here and there in draft mode, many meant to be part of a day's Nuggets and Gems, some to be central to some subject about which I wanted to post, and there are a few about which I really have no idea. But as I am busy workin' on the Carnival presentation, and settin' up all those tents, rides, booths, and such is not all that easy to accomplish by yourself, I have been gettin' a bit behind in bringin' ya'll somethin' to keep ya entertained. I suspect there will be a thing or two in this mess that you will like:

• CNN.com - Exercise guru Richard Simmons cited for assault - Mar 25, 2004
• Simon World: Awakenings
• The Men Commandments via The LLama Butchers
• COMMENTS
• TheStar.com - Gather ye garden gnomes while ye may via Wind Rider
• Lawsuit in deaths of aliens lingers - The Washington Times: Nation/Politics - May 17, 2004 via Geoffrey U.S. District Court in Tucson
• Ace of Spades HQ: The President's Words on Saddam Hussein
• On The Third Hand: Media Bias
• MSNBC - Newborn baby is one in 40,000
• Physics Geek: And one more thing you wish your computer had
• Transterrestrial Musings
• Yahoo! News - Talking Toilet Orders Men to Sit Down via joe gandelman
• A Small Victory - Mars, bitches!
• Light & Dark: Fuck it
• dustbury.com: Things I learned today
• The Politburo Diktat: Pasionara
• Who Tends the Fires: The Goblin Effect.
• MadCow.swf
• HOLLY
• Reflections in d minor: Language Blogging
• resurrectionsong: Design Resources: Free Fonts#more
• The Introverted Exhibitionist: A Dream Post

A real hodge podge, I would say. Have fun, ya'll!

Keep an eye out for cunnin' foxes

Ya'll remember back on Sunday when I gave ya'll a link to the Official Listin' of Moron Classifications? Yeah, like an of ya'll ever read much of what I got to offer here, huh? It was funny, go read it. However that bein' said and done, I thought I might take the opportunity today to give ya The Official Moron Test:

1. Is there a 4th of July in England? Yes or no?

2. How many birthdays does the average man have?

3. Some months have 31 days. How many have 28?

4. How many outs are there in an inning?

5. Can a man in California marry his widow's sister?

6. Take the number 30, divide it by 1/2, and then add 10. What do you get?

tells you to take one every half an hour

7. There are 3 apples and you take two away. How many apples are you left with?

8. A doctor gives you three pills and tells you to take one every half an hour. How long will the pills last?

9. A farmer has 17 sheep. All but 9 of them die. How many sheep are left?

10. How many animals of each sex did Moses bring with him on the ark?

11. A butcher in the market is 5'10" tall. What does he weigh?

12. How many 2 cent stamps are there in a dozen?

13. What was the President's name in 1960?

Here are the answers:

1. Is there a 4th of July in England? Yes or No?
....Yes. It comes right after the 3rd.

2. How many birthdays does the average man have?
.....One (1). You can only be born once.

3. Some months have 31 days. How many have 28?
.....Twelve (12). All of them have at least 28 days.

4. How many outs are there in an inning?
.... Six (6). Don't forget there is a top and bottom to every inning.

5. Can a man in California marry his widow's sister?
....No. He must be dead if it is his widow.

6. Take the number 30, divide it by 1/2, and then add 10. What do you get?
..... Seventy (70). Thirty (30) divided by 1/2 is 60.

7. There are 3 apples and you take two away. How many apples are you left with?
..Two (2). You take two apples, therefore YOU have TWO apples.

8. A doctor gives you three pills and tells you to take one every half an hour. How long will the pills last?
......One hour. If you take the first pill at 1:00, the second at 1:30, and the third at 2:00, the pills have run out and only one hour has passed.

9. A farmer has 17 sheep. All but 9 of them die. How many sheep are left?
..... Nine (9). Like I said, all BUT nine die.

10. How many animals of each sex did Moses have on the ark?
...... None. I didn't know that Moses had an ark.

11. A butcher in the market is 5' 10 tall. What does he weigh?
..... Meat ... that is self-explanatory.

12. How many 2 cent stamps are there in a dozen?
...Twelve (12). How many eggs are in a dozen? Twelve. It's a dozen.

13. What was the President's name in 1960?
...Georgw W. Bush. As far as I know, he hasn't changed his name.

So, how did we do?

13 correct.........GENIUS...you are good.
10-12 correct....ABOVE AVERAGE...but don't let it go to your head.
7-9 correct........AVERAGE...but who wants to be average?
4-6 correct..........SLOW...pay attention to the questions!
1-3 correct..........IDIOT...what else can be said?
0 correct......CONGRATULATIONS, you are a certified MORON!

Whatta ya know -- Truth in Advertisin'

Just seen on banner advertisement for date.com:

5 million beautiful singles . . . one ugly one

*I greatly fear that such is likely referrin' to me. Is it a badge that I should wear in honor?

The stuff that legends are made of --

It seems that the genie over at snopes.com has been busy here lately. First of all, there has been grave disbelief shown about the story* of the German couple that were not havin' sex and wonderin' why they had no success* in tryin' to start a family: Urban Legends Reference Pages: Pregnancy (No Sex Please, We're Religious)**

Next, they totally debunk the claim that Andy Kaufan is alive.****

I am just hopeful that this story [NOTICE: FEMALE FRONTAL NUDITY SHOWN] does not turn out to be a hoax, as well.*****

[UPDATE: Throw another log on this fire.]

*I bit on this story as well. See: A German Married Couple.

**I am fully aware that my own lack of success is due to the same reason, but, of course, not includin' the lack of tryin'.

***I ran across it at Jen's.

****Kudos, of course, to Jane of Burnt Fuse.

*****The slice of life provided by the Most Gracious Hostess of Cake Eater Chronicles.

There must have been a full moon around somewhere

Dang, I was up at the store a few minutes ago, refillin' my DP cup as I am wont to do on occasion, as many of my regular readers know. Anyway, for about the fifth or sixth time today, I caught the headlines of the Ft. Worth Star-Telegram. Two different stories really bothered me. Of course, as I have found from previous experience, if I just link them, first of all, you might not be able to see them unless you register and, secondly, I have actually seen such stories impossible to find after a month or so. As such, I am gonna show the headlines here and post the entire stories in the extended entries, just in case the links are not usable.

Plea rejected, mentally ill man executed

Teachers show video of beheading

I am almost positive you can see why these stories attracted my attention. They are both alarmin' situations, so visit the extended entry and read the stories in their entirety.

Posted on Wed, May. 19, 2004

Plea rejected, mentally ill man executed
By Mike Tolson
Houston Chronicle

HUNTSVILLE - A convicted killer with a long history of severe mental illness was executed Tuesday, shortly after Gov. Rick Perry denied his clemency request without acknowledging a rare recommendation by the Texas Board of Pardons and Paroles that the sentence be commuted to life imprisonment.

In a prepared statement, Perry said that the decision was difficult because of Kelsey Patterson's medical history, but that several courts had reviewed the case and found no legal reason to bar his execution.

Perry did not mention the clemency recommendation or say why he disagreed with it.

"This defendant is a very violent individual," Perry said. "Texas has no life-without-parole sentencing option, and no one can guarantee this defendant would never be freed to commit other crimes were his sentence commuted. In the interest of justice and public safety, I am denying the defendant's request for clemency and a stay."

Texas resumed executions in 1982. The board's 5-1 vote Monday was its first recommendation that the governor commute a death sentence at such a late stage, The Associated Press reported.

Patterson's attorney, Gary Hart, expressed dismay after Perry rejected the clemency recommendation.

"They gave lip service to it being a hard case," Hart said after the governor's office called him and read Perry's statement. "But the ultimate justification was of a mad dog that had to be shot. That's the image I got after hearing their statement."

Hart praised the parole board for considering the "totality of the picture" involving Patterson's history with the state mental health system, which seldom kept him hospitalized for more than a few months. He also criticized Perry for "sweeping aside" the parole board's judgment.

"How can you end your statement by emphasizing his violence and not mentioning his mental illness?" Hart asked.

Relatives and friends of Louis Oates and Dorothy Harris, the business owner and secretary whom Patterson killed in 1992, called Perry's decision courageous.

"I want to personally thank all the courts involved and everyone who upheld the verdict," said Michele Smith, Harris' daughter. She spoke shortly after witnessing the execution.

"And I want to thank the governor for giving me a chance to start again and have an end to such a horrible time in my life. I started the day very pessimistic, but it ended like I prayed it would," Smith said.

Genevieve Tarlton Hearon, executive director of the Austin-based Capacity for Justice, said her group and 32 other mental health advocacy organizations wrote Perry on Tuesday encouraging him to approve clemency.

"I'm sorry for Texas," she said Tuesday night. "It's an embarrassment."

The U.S. Supreme Court has ruled that executing mentally retarded killers is unconstitutional but has not extended that protection to the mentally ill.

On Tuesday afternoon, the high court denied Patterson's final appeal.

Patterson, 50, was mumbling incoherently on the death-chamber gurney when witnesses were brought to the viewing rooms.

"Murderer ... no kin, no kin," he said quietly. "I'm not guilty of the charge of capital murder ... acquitted by the Court of Criminal Appeals."

When warden Joe Fernald asked whether he had a final statement, Patterson responded: "Statement to what? Statement to what?"

Patterson rambled for about two minutes. "I'm not guilty of the charge of capital murder," he repeated. "They're doing this to steal my money. My truth will always be my truth. No kin to you ... undertaker ... murderer. Go to hell. Get my money. Give me my rights. Give me my rights. Give me my life back."

The flow of lethal chemicals stilled his mumbling. He was pronounced dead at 6:20 p.m., becoming the ninth inmate executed in Texas this year.

Patterson was convicted of capital murder in his hometown of Palestine for killing Oates, 63, and Harris, 41, who worked at Oates' oil company.

According to trial testimony, he walked about a block from his home to where Oates was standing on a loading dock at his business. Patterson came up behind Oates, shot him in the head with a .38-caliber pistol and started walking away. When Harris saw what had happened and began screaming, Patterson grabbed her and shot her in the head.

Then he went home, removed his clothes except for his socks, and was arrested walking on the street in front of his home.

Patterson's family had tried to have him committed to a mental facility shortly before the slayings, but authorities rejected the request because he had not harmed or threatened anyone.

After Patterson shot a co-worker in Dallas in 1980, doctors diagnosed his illness as paranoid schizophrenia. He spent much of that decade in and out of state mental hospitals. He was not prosecuted in the first assault or two others that followed because authorities determined that he was delusional at the time of the attacks.

During his trial in the Palestine slayings, Patterson was repeatedly expelled from the courtroom for outbursts. He frequently talked about "remote control devices" and "implants" that controlled him, according to The Associated Press.

While on Death Row, he told people and wrote nearly incomprehensible letters to courts about having amnesty and a permanent stay of execution.

Hart argued that Patterson's sentence should be commuted because his mental illness makes him less culpable for his criminal acts. In his letter to Perry requesting a reprieve, Hart contended that Patterson had remained delusional during his time on Death Row and was not competent for execution.

State law requires only that a condemned prisoner understand that his execution is imminent and comprehend the reason underlying it. At a March court hearing in state court, Patterson acknowledged the judge's statements regarding the pending execution but continued to insist -- as he has for years -- that he would not be executed because he had received "amnesty rights based on innocence" from the Texas Court of Criminal Appeals.

Patterson, who insisted he was not mentally ill, did not cooperate with his attorney or mental health professionals assigned to determine his competency. He refused to complete paperwork associated with an execution, such as picking a last meal or selecting witnesses.

Prison officials said that a tray of sandwiches and cookies was available before his execution, and that he was offered and accepted a candy bar and a soft drink.

In March, Perry commuted a death sentence for the first time since taking office in 2000. That inmate is mentally retarded and was not within hours of a scheduled execution.

In 1998, four days before former self-confessed serial killer Henry Lee Lucas was to die, then-Gov. George W. Bush commuted his sentence after questions were raised about the conviction. Bush commuted no other death sentences in his six years in office, during which 152 inmates were executed.

Patterson was the 324th inmate put to death since executions resumed in Texas in 1982. Two executions are scheduled for June.

This report includes material from the Associated Press.

Posted on Wed, May. 19, 2004

Teachers show video of beheading
By Terry Webster and Sarah Bahari
Star-Telegram Staff Writers

FORT WORTH - Two Northwest High School teachers have been suspended for showing students the video of American Nicholas Berg being beheaded in Iraq, Northwest district officials said Tuesday.

The video was shown to some juniors and seniors Friday and Monday during a total of three class periods, including a social studies class, said officials at the school in far north Fort Worth. Students said it was also shown in a health, science and technology class.

Northwest Superintendent Keith Sockwell said the teachers' judgment was "very inappropriate." He declined to identify the teachers, who are on paid administrative leave.

"I'm not sure how the DVD got into the classroom. But, apparently, students were allowed to view that video, and it appears all of the way through," he said.

The video shows Berg, of West Chester, Pa., being beheaded by a terrorist wielding a knife while four others look on. The grainy video was displayed on a Web site May 11.

Some Northwest High students, including those who had viewed the video, said they thought the teachers' suspension was an overreaction. The video was shown in at least one health, science and technology class in conjunction with a current events day Friday after a student downloaded it, students said. Teachers gave students the option to leave the room, said student Jenny Butterick, 16.

An investigation began after a parent notified Northwest High Principal Jim Chadwell about the incident. Chadwell could not be reached to comment Tuesday.

Northwest officials said that the district has interviewed teachers and students and that the inquiry should be finished within days. Any further action against the teachers will depend on the outcome, Sockwell said.

Northwest High will offer counseling to students who were upset by the video.

Sockwell said discussing the war in Iraq and terrorism is a legitimate lesson. But the teachers went too far, he said.

Butterick said most students opted to watch the video, which she called disturbing.

"You see stuff like that in the movies, but this was really hard because you know it's not special effects," she said. "That's really somebody's head that they're holding."

Erin Bennici, 18, said she watched the video in her health, science and technology class. She said she and her classmates were mature enough to handle the material. Students in the class often discussed the war and also looked at pictures of Iraqi prisoners being abused, she said.

"It's disappointing to see this happen to our teacher," Bennici said. "She's a really good teacher, and she's always pushing us and motivating us."

Butterick's father, Charles Butterick, was surprised that the video was shown at school. He said that his daughter is mature enough to watch the video but that teachers should have asked for parental permission before showing it.

Linda Gunnels, whose son is a senior, said showing the video might be appropriate if students are seniors.

"It's part of what's going on, and it's a fact of life," she said. "It did happen."

Gene Hayward, a past president of the PTA council for the Northwest district, said he had no objections to showing an edited version in class.

"A version that doesn't show the complete beheading is appropriate to show in a classroom in the context of a quality lesson," said Hayward, who also teaches social studies at O.D. Wyatt High School in the Fort Worth district. "It should not be shown just out of curiosity."

Some students opposed showing the video.

"It's just too much. It's wrong," said Kate Suriyatip, 15, a freshman.

In California, at least three teachers have been placed on paid leave for showing the video at school, according to The Associated Press. One of the teachers is from Villa Park High School in Villa Park, Calif. The other incident involved two teachers in the Grossmont Union High School District near San Diego.

A similar debate over appropriate classroom content arose in Northwest after the 9-11 terrorist attacks on the World Trade Center and the Pentagon.

"If there was anything different, you didn't see the graphic nature that you see in this particular situation," Sockwell said.

ONLINE: www.northwest.k12.tx.us

This report includes material from The Associated Press.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Terry Webster, (817) 685-3819
twebster@star-telegram.com

Somethin' I caught in some SPAM as I was deletin' it.

You can now get green tea in patch form. I have no idea what good they are, but that fact did catch my eye, for some reason. I suppose some people are findin' too little time in their hectic schedules to drink it straight from a cup.

I can't give you the link as I deleted the SPAM already, even if you were interested. If you are truly interested in green tea patches for some reason --- Google search it.

Today's Meme is MASHed

I cannot imagine after how I answered the questions, that I would have possibly come up as this character:

My nose isn't big enough to go with his wardrobe.

The lovely and talented Miss Annika could not be present to receive her award this evenin' and such will be received, in her behalf, by Das Spork.

I would also like to give thanks to my third world phone company and crappy ISP for the technical assistance provided to make this all possible. It was crappy assistance as usual, but, despite them doin' everythin' in their power to prevent me from havin' posted this post, they somehow made it possible through their very crappy services . . . it probably got by in one of those wee moments when attention is directed elsewhere durin' one of those two or three thousand* disconnects/reconnects this evenin'!

*I greatly exaggerated.

Is this what you're lookin' for?

OK, if thousands of you are gonna hit here looking for the Nick Berg video, it ain't here. Hit this link, go see it, then come back here and look around, OK?

The insanity continues

It looks like the number of hits I get today is gonna exceed yesterday's huge spike, as the day has already started and I have already amassed 2/3s of yesterday's visitation total. It seems that I am now also getting good returns on people who misspell the last name as Burg, as well.

[UPDATE: I am No. 1 on a Google search on nicholas burg beheading.]

[UPDATE again: I put another listin' to show the variety of different searches to find that video that are hittin' my site currently in the extended entry.]

• AOL the beheading of nick burg
• AltaVista nicolas berg movie
• AltaVista beheading movie
• AltaVista nicholas berg decapitation
• AltaVista video of nick burg beheading
• Google nick burg decapitation video
• Google decapitation of nicolas berg
• Google you picked a fine time to leave me lyrics
• Google nicholas burg beheading video
• Google nicholas burg beheading video
• Google nick burg decapitation video
• Google nick burg video how to find
• Google nicolas burg decapitation
• Google nick burg decapitation
• Google nick burg decapitation
• Google nicolas burg beheading video
• Google nick burg video
• Google nick burg video
• Google nicholas burg video
• Google nick burg beheading video
• Google nick burg beheading video
• Google nick burg beheading
• Google nicholas berg
• Google video de la decapitation de nicolas berg
• Google vidéo de la décapitation de nicolas berg
• Google vidéo de la décapitation de nicolas berg
• MSN nicolas berg decapitation video
• Yahoo ! nick burg beheading
• Yahoo ! nicolas berg
• Yahoo ! nicolas berg video
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• Yahoo ! nicholas berg decapitation
• Yahoo ! decapitation of nicholas berg
• Yahoo ! nicolas berg
• Yahoo ! nicolas berg
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• Yahoo ! video of nicolas berg
• Yahoo ! berg decapitation video
• Yahoo ! berg decapitation video
• Yahoo ! decapitation video of nicholas berg
• Yahoo ! nicolas berg video
• Yahoo ! nicholas berg decapitation
• Yahoo ! nicholas berg the actual video
• Yahoo ! nicolas berg movie
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• Yahoo ! nicolas berg
• Yahoo ! nicolas burg beheading
• Yahoo ! beheading burg
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• Yahoo ! beheading of nick burg video
• Yahoo ! beheading of nicolas berg
• Yahoo ! berg decapitation movie
• Yahoo ! burg decapitation
• Yahoo ! decapitation of nicholas berg
• Yahoo ! decapitation of nick burg
• Yahoo ! find video of nicholas berg decapitation
• Yahoo ! nicholas berg decapitation video
• Yahoo ! nicholas burg beheading video
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• Yahoo ! nicolas berg : video
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• Yahoo ! pictures of the beheading of nicolas berg
• Yahoo ! video nicolas berg
• Yahoo ! video beheading burg
• Yahoo ! video beheading of nick burg

I am thinkin' of startin' a new daily category

Stupidest Human of the Day™

So, what do ya'll think? Anyway think that would be somethin' you would like to see offered on my site?

Don't waste your money

I just got a SPAM in my junkmail box that piqued my interest.

Subject : Secret Divorce Planning for Men

*Linkage herein is not an endorsement of such site or even an invitation for you to visit, but in the spirit of givin' as much information as possible, I thought it was only fair to tell ya how to see what I saw.

Of course, they graduated with honors and integrity?

What?

WASHINGTON (AP) - At least 28 senior-level federal employees in eight agencies have bogus college degrees, including three managers at the office that oversees nuclear weapons safety, congressional investigators have found. [full story]

[UPDATE: I see that James has posted a much more enlightened observation with regard to this situation.]

Appallin' story -- posted without comment

A Web site linked to al Qaeda showed video today of the apparent beheading of a man who identified himself as Nicholas Berg and said he was an American. His captors said the United States refused to exchange him for prisoners in the Abu Ghraib prison. [full story]

Hi Ho, Hi Ho . . .

the rest of it, you know . . .

Mondays start way too early in the day. I need caffeine, stat!

And what is this supposed to mean:

Monday, May 10, 2004 - Your Monday horoscope, Taurus!

Your hopes about long-term success could be coming from a different area than you anticipated. Try to imagine who your boss will be a year from now for a clearer go.

You said it brother!

Just received in today's inbox:

Wednesday, May 5, 2004 - Your Wednesday horoscope, Taurus!
A struggle to accomplish too much could be the indicator of how out of balance your life has become. Your latest attempt to do two things at once is doomed to failure. Balance does not always mean two things on either end.

Fatally freecell

I killed this round:

But do you prefer boxers or briefs?

From a personal ad exhibited on The Village Voice:

Why you should get to know me: "I have no moral or ethical problems with eating ice cream for breakfast."

Things that cause me pause

Kathy Kinsley quoted portions of this story. I found one line to be especially intriguin':

The teen's kindergarten teacher is the aunt of Kenseth's wife. [emphasis supplied]

Doesn't that Al Franken simply crack you up?

This is a joke, right? - Minnesota Republican Party chairman Ron Eibensteiner upon hearing news that Al Franken was considering a challenge to incumbent Sen. Norm Coleman, R-Minn. in the 2008 elections.

Found at Right Voices

Was it Skynet or Netsky? I get so confused!

Is T3 comin' to fruition? Hey, don't mind me ... like Mr Mouse, I am a geek/0. Actually, I coined that term, but that pesky mouse seems to steal forage for a bit more than cheese as he skitters about. See how I deftly smacked that rodent around without a single mention of his blog?*

*Beyond the Black Hole, strange but humorous . . . sometimes.**

**OK, he threatened to sic his parrot on me if I didn't mention the blog, and ya'll know how scared I am of parrots. I find them almost as frightful as frogs[***] and Spongebob Squarepants.

[UPDATE ***Can you imagine if I had been the passenger who got the dinner described in this story.]

Hippie Hollow defeats boatload of gawkers

Yes, it seems that a bunch of dumbass gawkers all piled over to one side of a barge so as to try to get a look at whatever naked people they might be able to see at Austin's Lake Travis Hippie Hollow area and tipped themselves into the lake. Travis County sheriff's spokesman Roger Wade said it was unclear why the people all were on one side of the boat. Puleeeeeze! Now who ya tryin' to dupe there Roger?

There was one really unclear thing about this story:

The accident happened during Splash Day, a semiannual event hosted at the clothing-optional area by the Austin Tavern Guild, a gay and lesbian bar association. [emphasis provided]

[UPDATE: It seems I was not the only one who was confused about the composition of the group of the wet gawkers.]

Larry Morin pointed my way to this one, and also found that BMW is tellin' the truth when they suggest ya get more action when ya drive a Beemer.

This is the sort of stuff everyone else blogs about

Sometimes I wonder if tryin' to keep up with the important issues in the world is actually possible on some days. Like today, for example. I guess everyone has commented upon the Rall slam at Tilley's death [Puppy Blender has a lot of links]. Well, 'cept Wonkette. She seemed to find it more enthrallin' to post a pic of Arnie's pecker. I find neither situation to be especially noteworthy.

This has just got to be a hoax

Let's face it: there's no way on God's earth that even the lads from Lagos could concoct something this exceptional, could they?

Found via Emma.

There are worse things than bein' on blog*spot!

I am sorry folks, but I cannot think of anything worse that hostin' a Blogger powered weblog on angelfire. Check out Deep into the Bunny Hole. Seriously, bein' on blog*spot would be a better hostin' choice. I can't believe that I would ever find myself sayin such a thing, but, in this case, it is true.

Light Bloggin' Advisory

Oh, well, the rain has finally stopped. We had a pretty good torrential rainfall for the last 30 or so hours, but the sun is out and the day is bright. The dialup connection, however, has not improved at all. I am tired of continually havin' to disconnect and reconnect just to watch a single solitary web page partially load before the connection dies. I am gonna make better use of my time and go watch the movies I rented at the local video store. I will try back later. Blog well ya'll.

[UPDATE: I had to reconnect twice just to get this tiny blurb published.]

Kerry Camp goes Cuckoo with Combat Records

OK, I admit the guy is a goon and waffles on the issues all the time, but surely this was an unintentional mistake, right? I mean, you just can't claim to have done somethin' when all of the evidence points otherwise, can you? Could the Kerry campaign be that stupid?

Kudos to fellow Munuvian Flyin' Space Monkey for the link to the story.

"Pull up your pants, son. You are under arrest!"

"I'm sick of seeing it," said [Derrick] Shepherd, a first-term [Jefferson Parish. Louisiana] legislator. "The community's outraged. And if parents can't do their job, if parents can't regulate what their children wear, then there should be a law."

Joe Cook, American Civil Liberties Union's Louisiana chapter, said the bill probably does not meet the U.S. Supreme Court's standard for the prohibition of obscene behavior under the First Amendment.

attribution: Ravenwood

Just for the thrill of it . . .

Mr Mouse doesn't understand humanity. I don't understand the compulsion for anyone to have anonymous sex with total strangers. Could such be one of the very reasons why we have so many different sexually transmitted diseases? When it was Commanded that Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery, was there some writing between the lines that most people have seemed to overlook? Mr Mouse may not be the only one who wonders at humanity in light of this new social phenomenon.

Where do they find these people?

I just received an email from some unknown moonbat with a juno.com email address with the subject line: A WinXP patch. There is a 137kb file attached to a simple email that reads:

This is a WinXP patch
I wish you would enjoy it.

I didn't think so either. I was just wondering who would actually install some file that some strange person sends them in this manner. Does it not just yell -- Idiot, here is a virus for you to load into your computer?

They must surely prey on the idiots among us

I just found this little item in my email inbox:

root@wsml.kyokyo-u.a... Virus Alert Apr 14 1KB

some women are simply unbelievable

What is this about these young women makin' stuff up just to get some attention? It seems that on the same day as one young woman pleads guilty for havin' tried to pass herself off as a girl missing since 1986, a young college student from Minnesota, found after having been missin' since last Saturday, and claimin' that she was abducted by knifepoint and held captive is likely guilty of havin' told a tall tale, as well.

Another highly interestin' item

I received another forwarded email from my Aunt 'Net that I suspected was another of those Urban Legend things that float around because the premise that there was really such a wide disparity in the price of drugs from one pharmacy to another was not somethin' I would have believed, as I would be of the opinion that such was actually true, it would have been already widely known. However, it appears that my check with snopes says it is indeed a very true fact. If there are any legislative candidates lookin' for an issue on health-care, this would seem to be somethin' you could put out there. I mean ... what is this?

Steve Wilson, a reporter with WXYZ-TV in Detroit, conducted an investigative study into the cost of generic drugs at various pharmacies and other retail drug outlets and found quite a disparity between the highest and lowest prices charged for certain generic drugs. For example, the Prescription Drug Price Comparison Chart available in conjunction with Wilson's report shows that a one-month supply of Fluoxetine HCL (the generic for Prozac), which wholesales for $1.48, varied in retail price from a high of $92.24 to a low of $9.69 just within the Detroit area.

Are we all becomin' unwillin' victims?

OKLAHOMA CITY – Gov. Brad Henry called on lawmakers Wednesday to pass within two weeks a bill banning over-the-counter sales of cold tablets containing pseudoephedrine.

Pseudoephedrine – found in popular cold and allergy medicines such as Sudafed – is a key ingredient for making illegal methamphetamine.

The bill under consideration would make such medicine a regulated substance that can only be sold by pharmacists.

Consumers would have to show a photo identification and sign for the drug and would be limited to buying and possessing nine grams, or about 10 boxes. [full story - reg. req.?]

Actually, I am agreeable that methamphetamine is a problem in our country, but am also of the opinion that the biggest cause of the methamphetamine problem is the War on Drugs itself. As the supply lines to other, less dangerous, imported drugs have been shut down, the ever increasin' demand (despite all efforts by the War on Drugs, to the contrary), has forced the emergence of drugs which can be manufactured locally from items found locally. I have always suggested that the War on Drugs was a war against the rights of people to self medicate themselves. After seein' the Oklahoma proposal, has it ever been more apparent?

I know ya'll are out there, I can hear ya breathin'

Just sayin', ya know? I have had a very long, eventful and tirin' day and I am not sure yet what I am gonna do this evenin'. Bloggin' could be very light. However, don't despair, as it does seem that there are a few really good posts below that you have overlooked. They are clamorin' for your attention.

I just found that It's a waste of time to ask Jeeves anythin' ??

OK, I was gonna try to do nuthin' but St. Patty's Day, but I was checkin' out some sheets on the internet for my bed. My damn fitted sheets are always comin' off of the mattress like they don't really fit. I am always lookin' for deep pockets, but deep pockets don' t seem to stay on all that well. I was wonderin' if maybe I have a Cal King bed. I am confused as to what the difference is between a King sized bed and a Cal King sized bed, though. So I went to http://www.ask.com and asked Jeeves: "what is the difference between a King sized bed and a Cal King sized bed?". All I got in response was a list of forkin' websites sellin' mattresses and sheets. George! There are at least a million search engines: my favorite bein' alltheweb. I was of the opinion and thought I recollected that Jeeves actually attempted to answer your questions, or did at one time? Am I mistaken? Oh to Hell® with answerin' that question -- just somebody tell me the difference between a King sized bed and a Cal King sized bed.

Oh crimey, is this ever embarrassin'

Somewhere between tryin' to move stuff between here and the other place, I pasted the wrong template and lost my new one. I have most of it here and there, thankfully, but George, what a boondoggle! As Homer would say: DOH!

I clearly understood the point the first time

Young Palestinian boy nabbed carryin' explosives, editor guilty of allowin' excessive redundancy in short report.

attribution: Michele

[UPDATE: There appears to be much more to this story than the little redundancy filled blurb above had to say. Meryl Yourish, who definitely needed to be on my blogroll, has, as Paul Harvey loves to say "the rest of the story."

From the minds of Spaniards?

Now I am utterly confused, as I thought it was the French who gave up at the first sign of trouble.

credit an assist to Deb Yoder who deferred to zombyboy.

Get 'em while their they're[*] hot -- ya know ya want one!

[* Doh!]

I thought we had too much of this already

It appears we have an answer as to why there is so much bullshit goin' on in the police stations and in the courthouse. It seems someone is givin' degrees in such. I ask you to examine Exhibit "A":

click to enlarge

As always, I got a keen eye for the inane details, huh?

The last chapter .... I hope!

OK, I had to go back to the beginning to fix whatever was wrong in the Individual Entry Archive template that was makin' anyone who tried to comment go to some search page. I just pasted the default template from MT.ORG in, changed the .css link and then rebuilt all the Individual Entry pages and it went really fast. The first thing I did was make sure the comments were workin' and after seein' such were fixed, I decided maybe it was better to keep the Individual Entry Archives pretty slim. After all, there are now over 2300 individual pages, and all that eye candy was likely takin' up a lot of server space. I suspect that people come to these pages to read somethin' anyway. After tweakin' here and there so as to make my .css file fit with the default template I came up with what ya see, if ya are not on the front page. If ya are on the front page, hit the permalink and have a look. Or don't. I don't really care as long as things work, people can read what I write* and it looks well with the rest of the site. ;)

As for the rest of it, I saw enough commentin' on the small caps to tell me it was worthwhile to go back to traditional letters. I decided the main font was a bit small after eyein' it on my office system set at my standard resolution, so upped it a bit. I also put a background for on the link hoverin' just because I thought it went well with the light hover color. I think I shall rest now. Go home, as it is. When I was havin' so much trouble gettin' that first rebuild to go through, I came up here to the office so as to do the rebuild through my cable connection. It took 3 hours. That was a real big reason why I decided to trim the Individual Entry Archives to the bare minimum. I suspect that I am either short of server space or gettin' really close and what with all the extra traffic from rebuildin' all those files today, I am likely gonna get another surcharge bill from my hostin' service. Oh well. I would say some forkin' French term about that is the way the cookie crumbles, but I don't forkin'** speak French.***

*George, I must be worn out as durin' my proof read I noticed I had typed in right there. Such would likely not be worth mentionin' 'cept I retyped wright when doin' the correction.

**Now surely no one will be offended with my use of the "F" word when referrin' to the French.

***I actually do know how to say the French phrase that I believe most appropriately deals with my situation, but I damn sure don't know how to spell it. ;)

The media just tells the story as they see it, right?

I just got this, and I am so hopeful it is a joke. One never knows.

Two boys were playing football at a park in a small town in Texas, when one of the boys was suddenly attacked by a crazed pit bull.

Thinking quickly, the other boy took a stick, shoved it under the dog's collar, twisted it, and broke the dog's neck, thus saving his friend. A sports reporter who was strolling by saw the incident and rushed over to interview the boy. He told the boy he would write the story and said, "I'll title it "Young Longhorn Fan Saves Friend from Vicious Animal".

"But I'm not a Longhorn fan" the little hero replied.

"Sorry, since we're in Texas, I just assumed you were", said the reporter and started writing again. He asked, "How does Aggie Fan Rescues Friend From Horrific Attack" sound?"

"I'm not an Aggie fan either," the boy said.

"Oh, I thought everyone from Texas was either for the Aggies or the Longhorns. What team do you root for"? the reporter asked.

"I'm just visiting my cousin. I'm an OU fan" the boy replied. "They're just the best".

The reporter smiled, started a new sheet in his notebook, and wrote: "Little Red-necked Bastard From Oklahoma Kills Beloved Family Pet"

Mario and Luigi ate all them lovely mushrooms ...

Oh crud, the patient is critical! Nurse Cratchett, bring me a joystick, stat!

And here I thought it was all about memes when it was moo moos?*

I am sorry, but why are so many bloggers linkin' to this? One, two, three, four, what're we countin' for?

*And fiberglass ones to boot. Bovine Rectal Palpation Simulator, indeed.

Is this the final evolution of "The Hamster Dance?"

OK, seriously: someone needs to supply subtitles. Those little bizarre hamster thingies babble so forkin' fast, I can't catch a whiff of what they are talkin' 'bout.

It has just been that kind of day

I am older than Barbie. I really did not need to know that ... not today. I am exhausted and now I feel so very very old.

More inanity than one man can stand

So who else sees strange things when they look at their Site Meter graphs? Presentin' my Site Meter Gargoyle:

You know the drill
click to enlarge

So, is this a meme or what?

Now here is a pile of useless gobblety-gook, or is it?

OK, this is cool:

The site tiglaw.com is running Apache/1.3.27 (Unix) mod_jk/1.2.3-dev PHP/4.3.2 mod_ssl/2.8.14 OpenSSL/0.9.7a on Linux.

That is part of the response I got from runnin' my domain name through The Netcraft Web Server Query Form. Of course, I don't have the foggiest idea what any of it means ... well, wait, I do have a foggy idea about it as I kind of know what it meant where it says Apache, Unix, and Linux ... but all that crud in between reminds me of takin' Calculus. I recognize the characters, but they don't make any sense the way they are arranged. Still, it is nice to know that it is possible to find out all kinds of crud that ya don't understand, right? I found this site because I hit this 404 page after checkin' to see if David Strain was back to bloggin'. It seems I ran across a blurb 'bout somethin' he had supposedly written a day or two ago, and as I had that link to Sketches of Strain in my Hit Parade listin', bein' I was still forkin' bored, I thought I would surf by and see what ol' David Strain was doin' these days. Last I'd heard, he had given up bloggin'. Findin' that 404, I still am of the opinion he ain't come back. If'n I find that blurb again on some further surfin' adventures, maybe I will find that he is back to bloggin', but just bloggin' at some other location.

What a sham laden crock of crud

OK, I was just sittin' here wonderin' why my visitation numbers seemed to be pretty impressive, whereas I wasn't gettin' hardly any comments and no one has sent a ping my way in a couple of days when I noticed one of them damn ad banners you see all the time that says: "Which one is Frodo? Answer correctly and get a FREE $50!" Well, like I am forkin' bored ponderin' all the possible answers as to why I ain't gettin' comments and pings, so I decided to see what happens if you picked the wrong one: I clicked on Gollum. Well, you still win, but you don't win any $50 ... you get a $50 gift certificate, not good at Walmart,* which likely has like all kinds of hoops you gotta jump through to actually qualify for the certificate, such as signin' up for 5¢ a minute long-distance service that includes a $.5.00 per call hidden service charge and agreein' to receive 12 free CDs upon your unknowin' agreement that you will buy 100 more at triple the Walmart price in the next 6 months and various other crud such as sellin' your soul to the Devil and your vote to John Kerry. I forkin' hate scams on the Internet. I ain't yet sure how I can sue the bastards under the Texas Deceptive Trade Practices Act in District Court in notClark County, Texas. But ya'll scammin' forkers just wait, 'cause I am gonna figure that out one of these days when I am really forkin' bored.

*This is important because if it ain't good at Walmart, then it don't save me crud anyway, 'cause I can't afford to drive anywhere where they have anywhere to shop but Walmart.**

**OK, we actually don't even have to drive to another town to shop at Dollar General, but I ain't never seen anyone givin' gift certificates for Dollar General.

They came here a'lookin' for find a few naive young women

I get my share of comment spam but some of the sites that are linked absolutely amaze me: Aupair-Nanny Job Agency. I suspect this is likely just a front for lurin' young women into white-slavery prostitution anyway. Glad to have deleted the links and blocked their IP address. The URL has been safely added to my blacklist, so spam here no more.

I won without playin' the game

I was over on samaBlog where I ran across this post where Rob posted his results to one of the current quizzes runnin' around out there. After I saw what he came up with, I knew I wasn't gonna settle for any other result, so:

You're Texas!

You aren't really much of your own person, but everyone around you wishes you'd go away, so you might as well be independent. You're sort of loud-mouthed and abrasive, but you do have a fair amount of power. You like big trucks, big cattle, and big oil rigs. And sometimes you really smell. But it's not all bad, you're big enough to have some soft spots somewhere in all that redneck madness.

Take the Country Quiz at the Blue Pyramid

Under what rock do prospective teachers dwell?

Fayetteville* Criminal Justice** teacher forgets how to spell J-A-I-L-B-A-I-T.

attribution: Silflay Hraka***

*I do think this one is in North Carolina, but they damn sure didn't make it obvious on the website.****

**They teach Criminal Justice in high school in North Carolina? WOW!

***And just where did they ever come up with Silflay Hraka as a name for a blog.

****OK, so I didn't realize that Silflay Hraka is a North Carolina blog, so I can see why they didn't mention such on that blog, but don't people realize that the Internet is the World Wide Web and they also have a Fayettevile in Arkansas, Georgia, and likely a few other states.

Bill gets caught ridin' the wind

I was over a Bloviatin' Inanities* and was readin' this:

He** isn't dead. Guess I'm the last to notice these things, but that wouldn't be the case if someone would tell me these things every once in a while. What, it's like I gotta surf the net all by myself or something. What's up with that?

*I dropped the silent "g", OK?

**He is referrin' to Paul of Sanity's Edge, formerly one of Bill's premiere protagonists.

If this is Tuesday, then I survived Monday

Oh crud, is my left sinus ever stuffed this mornin'. I can't breath on that side of my nose, but I can at least snuffle through my right one, as it is runnin' like a faucet. My right eye is gummy and my left one is watery. I love springtime. I love the warm temperatures that come with spring. Of course, if I had my way, the springtime pollen count would not be part of the deal. Ahhhhchooo! ttffn™

I think this is forkin' unbelievable!

"He has been on the cover of the Wall Street Journal, he has appeared nude in magazines, he has been in bad movies, been censored by Hustler magazine, three record companies and MTV, he played every possible music joint where nutjobs congregate in 45 states, he even played in Moosejaw, Saskatchewan and did a three-week tour of Norway," says longtime manager Scott Ambrose "Bullethead" Reilly. "He has suffered death threats; he sang with Don Henley; he has even been an answer on Jeopardy for God's Sake. He was the captain of a US Olympic team and debated Pat Buchanan. For us. He did this all for us."

What the fork could you do to get censored by Larry Flynt?

I don't have any idea who Mojo Nixon is, but he might be right when he says it is time to retire.

"I have nothing more to say," says Nixon. "Not only am I empty, but obviously nobody gives a rat's ass about the things I have been saying for twenty years. The masses are just as blinded by the light of stupidity, prudery and the shiny objects of hate."

I guess he just lost his mojo.

I found this story through The Fat Guy who is callin' me Nutty Terry* since I said I don't like beer. At least, now, he might quit gettin' me confused with Tom. T. Hall.

*Yeah, my name is really Terry. Tiger is my nickname.

And I thought is was such an easy task ---

Wow, despite havin' previously mentioned such, I see that none of ya'll has completed the challenge to collect those valuable kudos on this post. Did I finally come up with a puzzle that stumped my entire readership or was it just so easy no one felt it was worth a response?

I didn't even find the previews all that entertainin'

I guess I can now go see The Last Samurai now as it has finally made it to the Dollar Movies. Naw, I will just wait 'til it makes the dollar bin at the videostore.

Bein' highly inattentive to detail and other crud

Well, I awoke somewhat bright and early, sans hangover, maybe thanks to my megadosin' on ibuprofen last evenin'. I wanted to transfer all them pictures I took at Luckenbach yesterday and see what I got. Well, some were way too dark, but I was expectin' that because the flash had seemed not to be workin'. Almost all of the rest were fuzzy. Now, I have had this little Largan Chameleon camera for a number of years and carry it in my car all the time because it is small and takes 75 or more pictures before the memory is full. The pictures are never professional quality, but they are usually pretty serviceable to display events. Is this camera on its last legs? Is it time to purchase a replacement? I was almost sure that was the case, until I remembered just recently I discovered this little slide switch on the side of the camera that switched from portrait mode to landscape mode. I had previously had a lot of difficulty takin' portrait shots with this little camera, and marveled at my discovery. However, I ended up takin' 50 or so landscape shots yesterday with that switch in portrait mode. That likely explains why the pictures are all fuzzy and might also be the cause of the flash not operatin'. Either way, despite my best intentions, I have no pictures of my day at Luckenbach to share.

Latest smokin' details: Two months, six days, 9 hours, 58 minutes and 37 seconds. 2324 cigarettes not smoked, saving $464.91. Life saved: 1 week, 1 day, 1 hour, 40 minutes

I found this item in my hotmail SPAM box: from: ƒTƒ“ƒtƒ@ƒCƒiƒ“ƒX subject: ‚²—ZŽ‘‚µ‚Ü‚· . . . while the subject looked like it was most interestin', I just seldom read SPAM of any kind.*

[UPDATE: This one is ever more interestin': from: ^^Áú°êºë«~ subject: ~ ~ ·s³f¨ì³á,½ÐÂà±Hµ¹§A³Ì¦nªºªB¤Í³á . . . it does make one wish one could read gibberish, just to see what this crud was about before I flushed it.]

*One of the funny things I find about bloggin' usin' Zempt, which I like because it spellchecks, is that it refuses to post some items that contain strange characters. I cannot paste a © in a post in Zempt, but instead have to code it. So if I want to place some odd characters in one of my posts, I have to do that through the MT console. I also have to use the MT console to upload and post pics, unless I want to do it the way I used to do it, which was to FTP the pics and then hand code the HTML.**

**May be the longest footnote ever on Tiger: Raggin' & Rantin'.

This title* sucks worse than my blog -- I think

About the only thing I don't like about Bad Money is that Susie won't make Harvey put me on his blogroll. Of course, then, I suppose it is possible that he does not find my blog worth readin'. I have heard it said many times that anythin' is possible, so we are free to assume such without makin' an ass out of u and me, right? But then, I thought I already was an ass. Oh well, at least things are lookin' up for Serenity.

*I started to entitle it "Blogroll me NOW before I am forced to shoot Robert Prather's dog".

An attempt to exceed my male limitations

I really don't know how the gals do it ... seriously. I was just at one of the local restaurants where the guy at the counter talked me into a catfish dinner when all I really wanted was an order of beer battered onion rings.* So, while I was waitin' for my dinner to be cooked, I was chattin' with a few of the other diners, politickin' for every vote I can get. I am tellin' ya, I was just standin' there when I felt somethin' irritatin' in my crotch area, like an ant was bitin' me on my genitals. Just How In The Hell do you not scratch? I ain't ever been able to get an itch anywhere, place-wise or body-wise, and not scratch it at the earliest opportunity. I admire the female gender for their genteel restraint. I really do. Tell me how ya'll gals do it, please?

How very strange indeed

It sure is quiet tonight. Is there somethin' interestin' goin' on? Am I bein' left outta the loop here, people? Oh, well, the movie I am watchin' is great ... I'll come and tell ya'll 'bout it when I am done watchin' it. I just came in to take a peek when I took a pause to piss.

I must of stepped in somethin' and didn't realize it

I just realized that the last five trackbacks I have received have all been from John's blog: Ramblings of SilverBlue . What the fork did I do to piss the rest of ya'll off?

[By the way, thanks for always slatherin' me with linky love, John]

Some really uninterestin' crud to go along with the latest quit smokin' data

Two months, three days, 19 hours, 42 minutes and 18 seconds. 2233 cigarettes not smoked, saving $446.75. Life saved: 1 week, 18 hours, 5 minutes.

My feet hurt, I might have made a deal to swap a car I have invested too much money into that I don't want any more for an old truck some guy was tryin' to sell, and I gotta watch one more movie tonight since the five I rented Sunday are due back tomorrow ... In the words of the California Governor in one of his most famous lines: I'll be back.

I guess it is better than bein' bit by a rattlesnake ...

but just barely. I just got spammed by Slick Willie himself.

click to enlarge

What the fuck is this crud? I need some help, ya'll

For some reason, here lately, ever'time I am unable to connect to some site, instead of gettin' a 404 page, I find myself loadin' http://search.dr.shopnav.c[and on and on with all kinds of further redirection crud or whatnot which I really don't want to display] which, in turn, begins throwin' popups all over the damn place. I am sure I loaded somethin' somewhere that changed somethin' but I done did a complete virus and Ad-Aware scan and neither found anythin' troublesome ... but it is definitely troublesome to me. Anyone know what I need to delete or reconfigure so as to return to regulation 404 pages?

Some reportin' seems to be a bit too fair and balanced

It is lookin' good for the proponents of liquor sales in Coweta County, Georgia. What is not clear is whether McGehee is pleased or not.

Somethin' happened in the Senate dealin' with guns today

I have read about somethin' ever'one seems to think is some really important whatever on nearly ever' damned blog on my blogroll, and yet, I am not sure what the fork happened. Anyone able to present a clear, elementary picture of what occurred so as to educate an addle-pated old man? Some of us have been bamboozled by congressional activities for so long, we cannot see what is real from the sleight-of-hand. Do I need to turn in my shotgun yet? I really need it to protect myself from the occasional invadin' rat or bat or squirrel, possum, etc. I don't have any shells, but I can damn sure club them to death with the butt of that thing.

I resemble that remark, indubitably

Somehow, I just don't think Stevie is alone in feelin' the way she feels.

It's only a matter of few words

It seems there are some who say Acidman has finally gone a bit too far. I do not regularly read Acidman, as I am not a big fan of vitriolic drunken babble and he seemed to dislike me, as well. I will not judge his actions, as I have not reviewed the source material and do not intend to do so. If such is as described, I agree such is an unjustified use of virulent language. I have been on record previously as sayin' that words are words and people are always free to react to someone else's use of language as they shall so choose to do. However, I also am on record as sayin' that it is fair to question the intent of someone's choice of words, as well. Since the word whose use is questioned in this case has been publicly denounced as havin' only a hurtful purpose, the use of such by anyone should always be strictly scrutinized.

[UPDATE: I found that more was said on this matter at WizBang!]

[UPDATE II: It seems Michele had somethin' to say about the matter also, and provides linkage not only to the offendin' blog, the offensive post, a possible response by the offendin' blogger, but to another blogger who possibly has linked almost every other blogger who has blogged on the matter.]

Glenn Reynolds has just outdone himself today

Heh!

[UPDATE: This post was just to show how easy it was to post something linked to Glenn in Glenn's own style. ;) ]

If you saw my house, this would not surprise you

While I would not have ever chosen to be this character, I was not in the bit surprised:

You are Pig Pen!


Which Peanuts Character are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

previous meme stop: Denita

Well, ain't that a crock of crud

The last item in my Hit Parade listin' --- the one where those little dweebs that started that Blog Review said my blog sucked ... well, they must have sucked more than me, because there ain't nothin' but a 404 behind that link. As such, that spot is open if anyone wants to say somethin' good or crudpy 'bout my blog, it is a way to get a permanent link on the front page.

Sleepin' my fuckin' life away

I now 'member what it was that 'caused me to stop readin' for pleasure -- it makes me so sleepy. I just awoke from sleepin' almost the whole day away. I have a political meetin' to attend this evenin' so won't be cryin' 'cause I ain't got crud to do this evenin'.

Funny though, it does seem like I ain't turned on the television in a long long time. I seriously can't recall the last time I sat and watched somethin' other than a movie on VHS or DVD. I am startin' to seriously wonder what kind of cavity probin' those aliens did when I was abducted last month.* I seem to have been altered in some way. Damn, I wish they had made me younger and better lookin'. Well, at least I quit smokin' ... been smokeless now for two whole ordinary months. I know we still have one more day to go in February due to the leap year. I may be an idiot, but I'm not an uneducated idiot. I done tol' ya'll that I ain't no hick, right?

*Yeah, I have noticed a strange irritation down there.

OK, now how long do we wait for the rest of the story -- this time?

It seems that in Wichita, Kansas a woman viewin' The Passion of the Christ actually went into a seizure durin' the crucifixion scene and later died. Now if this woman is resurrected and appears on Nationwide TV in the next few days, I am gonna literally have a seizure of my own and will likely die as a result.*

Michele blurbed it first.**

*OK, so maybe my havin' a cruel and tasteless streak surprised ya'll, but surely it was not a surprise that I can be utterly irreverent?

**or maybe second or third, but it was before me ... so get off my back already.

Please can we put a stop to this now?

It seems that a good night's sleep did not dispell the dating dilemma in my life. No, I am not continuin' the diatribe about my lack of any meanin'ful companionship of the female persuasion, but am again commentin' on there bein' some difficulty with gettin' a handle on what day it actually is. I mean, take for example this item delivered to my inbox this very mornin':

Wednesday, February 25, 2004

taurus horoscope

Your Monday horoscope, Taurus!

Focus on resolving some longstanding dispute today. You have a better negotiating ability and can make sense of things before the impact is truly felt. Study the needs of other people and see what you can give as part of attracting them to take your deal.

Now once and for all, is today Wednesday or what?*

*Please, no responses from those on the other side of the International Date Line. My feeble brain cannot comprehend this early in the mornin' that it is not actually the same day of the week in every place in the world.

It just goes to show, ya try to do somethin' nice and ya get slapped for tryin'

OK, I have been tryin' to send a trackback to Susie because I linked back to her in the comments on this post. For some reason, it just would not go through despite a multitude of repeated attempts. I finally decided to check the activity log to see if there was any indication of why I was unable to ping her, and I found this message:

Ping 'http://blog.mu.nu/cgi/mt-tb.cgi/12126' failed: Your ping could not be submitted, possibly because you suck. If you're not a spammer, try making your comment look less like spam. I am strangely allergic to the word "none", so if you used that word in your comment, let me suggest one of these alternatives: (Pause.) Uh, you know, there really aren't any good synonyms for "none". Maybe you could try spelling it differently, "Nun", perhaps. "N'one" looks kind of cute. "Noone" for emphasis. Oh, and if you are a spammer, piss off.

I suppose my IP address has been added to the mt-blacklist master list as well.

Some crud people try to pull just goes a bit too far, I think

I just spent about 20 minutes on the phone with some lady with whom I supposedly am acquainted ... now living in another county. She had called me previously about assisting her with some matter and I had discussed the price of service with her. She called this evenin' to discuss paying me a hundred bucks to just do the paperwork for her. She is of the opinion that she can handle this modification of child custody matter on her own when it goes before the court. When I first answered the phone she attempted to tell me who she was and she asked me how I was doin', I said "I am tired. I am brain dead as usual after a long day at work, and I am just sittin' here watchin' TV tryin' to unwind." I mean, fuck, lady, it is 4 hours past closin' time and you want to waste my time tryin' to convince me you are not tryin' to beat me out of money. I thought it strange that she had the audacity to describe what she was askin' me to do as mere secretarial work, like I was just typin' up pleadin's she was gonna have already prepared. No lady, you are tryin' to pay me chump change to do that which I am generally paid $150 an hour ( $100 an hour less than most of the other local attorneys, I might add) to do, because I know what the fuck I am doin' and you don't. I went to school for a lot of fuckin' years, spendin' a lot of money on my education, and passed a really fuckin' hard test to become an attorney, ya know? It ain't like I just one day hung out a shingle and said I am gonna screw a bunch of people out of money because I know a lot of big words that no one else understands.

I am really pissed . . . but I am not so pissed at this pain in the ass manipulative wench that destroyed the greater part of this evenin's free time . . . no, I am pissed because I didn't immediately tell her to piss off and just hang the phone up. I actually just listened with half an ear as she droned on and on and on and finally told her to come see me and we would see what we could do. crud, sometimes I fuckin' hate bein' the softhearted pushover I am. I really do. No fuckin' wonder I eat Pepcid Complete tablets by the handful.

[UPDATE: Well, thanks for the advice and the light of day! The lady just called me back and asked if I was still interested in assistin' her. I advised her I had several people tell me to not do so. She asked me why they said that. I said because I am not a secretary and that if someone comes in asking for an uncontested divorce, most of my service would be preparin' the necessary paperwork, this is about the same kind of deal. I charge much more than $100 for doin' uncontested divorces. I told her to go to her local county law library and look for the resources to prepare that paperwork herself. I can still remember the part of the conversation we had last night when she remarked how I would actually be out so very little except for a bit of paper and ink. To tell you the truth, she should pay me that $100 for all of my time she wasted last night and for the great advice I gave her today.]

All about my ugly mug

Kathy Kinsley has only slightly questioned the authenticity of my picture in the corner. I wonder if she might well be right to question where such accurately represents how I appear. In all actuality, I look a lot more like THIS. Right Denita?

Will today please end without my untimely death

Your Friday horoscope, Taurus! -There is a little too much work to be done for you to take it easy, but not so much that you cannot enjoy things along the way. Smile and cosmic energy will double in your favor.

Well, so much for me not getting out of bed today, as is my traditional action on Friday the 13th ever since I lost the best car I ever had in an accident on a Friday the 13th a few years ago. I just shudder when I think of goin' anywhere on a day like today on a date like today.*

*I suppose if I had to get out to attend some event involvin' wild monkey sex, I might feel it was a risk worth takin'.

Straight from my Inbox* to your eyes

BUENOS DIAS!!

JOU HAVE YUST RECEIVED A MEHICAN[**] BIRUS!!!!! SINCE WE NOT SO TECHNOLOGICALLY ADBANCED IN MEHICO, DIS IS A MANUAL BIRUS. PLEASE DELETE ALL THE FILES ON JOUR HARD DRIVE JOURSELF AND SEND THIS E-MAIL TO EBERYONE JOU KNOW. TANK JOU POR YELPING ME.

JULIO MANUEL JOSE RODIRGUEZ GARCIA MEXICAN HACKER

*OK, OK, I admit I deleted about a million carets from the forwarding of this until it got to me.

**My sincerest apologies to our Southern neighbors for the blatant political incorrectness of my use of this message, but just think how much less traumatic to your people this is than the rumor runnin' 'round Southern California that people in your country actually invented bean sprout and tofu tacos.

Who hired this person to answer phones at Pizza Hut?

Ordering Pizza in 2009

Operator: "Thank you for calling Pizza Hut. May I have your national ID number?"
Customer: "Hi, I'd like to place an order."
Operator: "May I have your NIDN first, sir?"
Customer: "My National ID Number, yeah, hold on, eh, it's 6102049998-45-54610."
Operator: "Thank you, Mr. Sheehan. I see you live at 1742 Meadowland Dr., and the phone number's 494-2366. Your office number over at Lincoln Insurance is 745-2302 and your cell number's 266-2566. Which are you calling from, sir?"
Customer: "Huh? I'm at home. Where d'ya get all this information?"
Operator: "We're wired into the system, sir."
Customer: (Sighs) "Oh, well, I'd like to order a couple of your All-Meat Special pizzas."
Operator: "I don't think that's a good idea, sir."
Customer: "Whaddya mean?"
Operator: "Sir, your medical records indicate that you've got very high blood pressure and extremely high cholesterol. Your National Health Care provider won't allow such an unhealthy choice."
Customer: What do you recommend, then?"
Operator: "You might try our low-fat Soybean Pizza. I'm sure you'll like it."
Customer: "What makes you think I'd like something like that?"
Operator: "Well, you checked out 'Gourmet Soybean Recipes' from your local library last week, sir. That's why I made the suggestion."
Customer: "All right, all right. Give me two family-sized ones, then."
Operator: "That should be plenty for you, your wife and your four kids, sir. Your total is $49.99."
Customer: "Lemme give you my credit card number."
Operator: "I'm sorry sir, but I'm afraid you'll have to pay in cash. Your credit card balance is over its limit."
Customer: "I'll run over to the ATM and get some cash before your driver gets here."
Operator: "That won't work either, sir. Your checking account's overdrawn."
Customer: "Never mind. Just send the pizzas. I'll have the cash ready. How long will it take?"
Operator: "We're running a little behind, sir. It'll be about 45 minutes, sir. If you're in a hurry you might want to pick 'em up while you're out getting the cash, but carrying pizzas on a motorcycle can be a little awkward"
Customer: "How the hell do you know I'm riding a bike?"
Operator: "It says here you're in arrears on your car payments, so your car got repo'ed. But your Harley's paid up."
Customer: "@#%/$@&?#!"
Operator: "I'd advise watching your language, sir. You've already got a July 2006 conviction for cussing out a cop."
Customer: (Speechless)
Operator: "Will there be anything else, sir?"
Customer: "Yes, I have a coupon for a free 2 liter of Coke."
Operator: "I'm sorry sir, but our ad's exclusionary clause prevents us from offering free soda to diabetics."

Whatever I buy gives people the same impression

A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected:

a half-gallon of 2% milk,
a carton of eggs,
a quart of orange juice,
a head of romaine lettuce,
a 2 lb. can of coffee,
and a 1 lb. package of bacon.

As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier. While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated, "You must be single." The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single. She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her selections that could have tipped off the drunk to her marital status.

Curiosity getting the better of her, she said "Well, you know what, you're absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know that?"

The drunk replied, "Cause you're ugly."

People who think up crud like this are strange!

I am not sure anyone really wants to see this picture. Is it safe for work, yeah, maybe ...

Fraggin' the template

Don't you really hate it when you make one minor change to somethin' in your template and then everything else seems to go haywire? I guess it took me 30 minutes to locate that damn closin' DIV tag that didn't need to be there. I really found it easier to do stuff with webpages in the pre-css era.

I am about ready for the remake on my blog, but still tryin' to decide if I want to stick with 3 column or go back to 2 column. It seems that there seem to be fewer cross-browser/low resolution settin' problems than are experienced with 3 columns, but I seem to have so much material that I like to be visible from the start that 2 column is not gonna work well in my plans.

Currently I am plannin' on goin' with this: as my underneath background, whereas I am plannin' on usin' somethin' similar to this: to be the background under all the text areas and such. The title will be very similar to what is currently showing, but may be lengthened horizontally. Just my current thoughts on the idea.

Have you ever looked a gnome right in the eyes?

Michele has found a story about a new infiltration effort by Al Qaeda agents. I am been neglectful in keepin' up with what is goin' on in the world lately, as I have not checked what the Weekly World News had to say since, what, September naught-three?

Some stupid newsletter I got

I am not sure how I started receivin' these damn things, but at least this seems to send somethin' interestin' each day. Today it said this:

A woman was reporting her car as stolen, and mentioned that there was a car phone in it. The policeman taking the report called the phone and told the guy that answered that he had read the ad in the newspaper and wanted to buy the car. They arranged to meet, and the thief was arrested.

Of course, it says I am not eligible to win anythin' yet 'cause I still need to sign-up or somethin', so if I did not sign up, why am I receivin' the newsletters again? Still, I figure as long as I see somethin' interestin' each day, I suppose I will keep readin' them. Doesn't that sound like a reasonable way to handle the situation to ya'll?

I be here, but not likin' it all the much

I awoke this mornin' with a naggin' sinus headache and took a couple of off-brand Sudafed-like pills, hopjn' that it would go away. So off to court I went, took care of my client, who happily was released and went home today. I went by the clerk's office and copied some documents for some of the new cases I got last week, and then found it was about 11:00. I had this guy come in late last evenin', just before closin', wantin' me to appear with him at his court settin' at 1:30 this afternoon, but he had not brought enough money to coax me to do so and was suppose to call me last evenin' to let me know he had raised the additional sums. He didn't. However, I decided I might want check back after lunch to see if maybe he had raised the cash and just had lost my number or somethin', so I went to Wallymart and did a bit of shoppin' which really mean goin' though the bargain movies to see if there was anythin' I wold part with a few of my bucks to own. Shawshank Redemption was $5.88, took it, same with Chitty Chitty Bang Bang and Dogma, the first of this bunch because it is a children's classic and the second because it is Kevin Smith. The I went through the $5.50 DVDs and got Manhunter, the beginning of the Hannibal Lecter story, Pretty Baby, the controversial Brooke Shields movie and some movie called The Rat Pack. I then put $50.00 on my Wallymart gift card and went and filled my tank with gas. I pulled across the parkin' lot into the new Wendy's and had lunch. I had just completed lunch when this guy sat across from me. He looked familiar but I could not recall him. It turns out he was one of my clients I represented last year. We had gone to trial on is case and he was found guilty, but the sentence was less than half what had been offered in exchange for a guilty plea. Defense attorneys consider any punishment that beats the DAs recommendation to be a win. He had served his time and come back home. I childed him on that, as I routinely advise my clients to avoid the local area after bein' convicted, as there is not much justice to be found In Johnson County on a regular basis. Then back to the courthouse so I could see if I could locate that other fella prior to 1:30 and see what the story was. Well, I did quickly locate him and he had not raised the cash, so was plannin' on askin' the judge for more time. I advised him that such sounded like the best plan under the circumstances and that the judge might be more likely to do so if he advised the judge that he had actually talked to some attorneys and to feel free to mention my name. It was not yet 1:00pm and I was free to go to the jail and see eight of my clients. Well, by that time, it was nine, because there had been an addition after my mornin' client advised me that one of her cell mates was wantin' to see me, and as that person was not among those on my list, I added a name.

Jail meetin's are a pain in the butt. It is not that everyone is not nice and doin' the best to do the best job they can, but jails have locks and security crud and stuff that means ya gotta go through this person, the go through that person, then go through a third person usually before you can see one individual. I got really lucky today. I had nine people in 5 different cell blocks, which meant I had to take keys to five different attorney visitation booths, and yet, for the first time ever, I did not have to wait on a single person. They were all where they were supposed to be, and no one cried today. Well, I say that, but the mornin' client did cry. She cried tears of happiness when she found that she was goin' home today.

Bad news, my headache lingers and I ain't happy 'bout that.

Enough with the title crud, already

OK, OK, I know this is gettin' old, but this one is supposed to be across the masthead right now.

[UPDATE: OK, now this one seems to be everywhere but where I want it to be.]

YES! I DO LIKE IT! Now if I could only figure out how to rework the rest of the site with those colors.

What's a guy gotta do to get a link in this place?

Empress has a good lawyer/legal joke. I have heard this one before and it is one of my favorites. I like her blog, and it is the one that gave me the new title idea, so go visit and read the damn joke, ya'll. If it don't make ya squirt crud outta your nostrils, then sue these doctors because nothin' is their fault.

Justice is actually sometimes very hard to come by these days

Well, it seems that Public Defender Dude lives in the same world full of Evil Prosecutors and Stupid Defendants that I do.

Absurd. I'm not even angry about this, I'm just exhausted. Give me a break already.

Regrettably, I understand exactly how he feels way too often anymore.

Hot Damn, another Monday!

Yeah, so am I the only person in the world who gets chronic indigestion after eatin' chicken soup? Yep, I had a rough night, fightin' off the urge to claw my stomach out and pitch it in the trash heap. I then awoke, started messin' around doin' stuff and let the tub run this mornin' until all the hot water had run out and enough cold water had run to cool the bath too much. I do this often, lettin' the tub run while I do other things then forgettin' to check it until it is too late. Thankfully, I hope, I have nothin' pressin' me on my calendar for early this mornin', but ya never know. So, the day begins, and my very hot bath awaits.

Your Monday horoscope, Taurus! Your ability to present your side of the story will provide you with a wonderful opportunity. Someone enjoys your delivery, so understand that the substance of what you say will not be as important as the smoothness and style with which you speak.

Did I read that right? Does it say I am gonna bowl someone over with my bullshit?

He went to call his wife and blew his brains out, Officer

Emperor Misha was blurbin' somethin' doin' with cell phone guns and I got a bit interested in seein' what one looked like. It did take me awhile to locate a story that showed what they looked like. The picture ain't big, but it is a picture. It is here.

Sir Bill of Microsoft Manor

I have now lost all respect for the British Monarchy, what little that was left after my lifetime of bein' privy to Chuckie's antics. They are gonna knight Bill "the richest guy in the world" Gates. Whatta they say? Follow the money! Maybe the Queen is gettin' an X-Box like Mike Rowe got.

"[T]hink the paralyzed guy's dick will still work?"

Jesus H. Alex Rodriguez de los Virgin Maria del Mar, what some people will blog 'bout. Of course, it ain't like some skin off of the blogger's nose, is it, since Velociman has left madmenpersons* in charge of his nut house while he goes to Canada. Accordin' to rumor, however, this time it won't be like what happened while Acidman was in Jamaica, the damn cats came to roost and play.

[UPDATE: Buzz is bloggin' on bulimic space frogs***. ~shakin' my head in wonderment~]

*I already got one 22¢** digital citation from the mudflappin' PC Police this week - the assholes!.

**Yes, kiddies, you too can create that nice little ¢ symbol by insertin' the tiny word cent between an ampersand and a semicolon, so stop with the damn $0.22 crud, ok?

***There will be someone doin' a Google search for that, ya know.

A break in the space-time continuum, ya think?

I had opened 30 or so blogs and was patiently allowin' them to load up. I had read a couple, even posted somethin' to Michele's open mike night, and then made a quick run to the facility to empty my bladder. I came back and everythin' had shut down, 'cept for my connection. That is the only way I know my computer did not reboot durin' my three minute roundtrip to the bathroom. So, now I am wonderin' just what cause IE to close all those windows? I wonder if it was because I was thinkin' of Bill Gates and wonderin' if Microsoft is what he was callin' his pecker when he was in college. Also, I read that Mike Rowe got a lot of stuff from Microsoft for givin' up his MikeRoweSoft.com domain. I was wonderin' what I could get for givin' up my domain called MightGrowSoft.com, which is a pr0n site starrin' this lady. Of course, I suppose I could settle out with them for this.

Men are from Mars, after all

Yep, this sounds about right. And?

Oh no Joe, say it ain't so!

It appears the story 'bout Churchill's parrot may have been a cruel hoax. [story here, second item] I think it is a shame, because it was a pretty interestin' thing, the thought of some old parrot still hangin' around cussin' Hitler.

Oh my, look what the cat drug in

Geoffrey has found a new fangled sex toy, I think. I looks like an alien artifact of some sort.

I get some of the most amazin' news readin' blogs

I was readin' a blurb by Robert Prather 'bout an endorsement for that Kerry fella what did so well in the Iowa Caucuses, and learned somethin'. Mondale still lives. I thought he had died a long time ago. Now ya'll know why I don't play the Dead Pool.

I fucked up the Friday Five again

Kelley reveled the topics of this week's Friday Five just in time for me to royally fuck them up:

At this moment, what is your favorite...

5. ...quote? "buggin' people with sticks up their arses since september 2001"

I must surely be in line for sainthood, or leadin' people to drink kool-aid in the jungles of South America

Darn it, comin' back with a quickie update to pass along those Kudos to Natalie.

Ouch! That really hurts!

OK, how many of ya'll have blogged until you hand hurts so bad you can hardly stand it? A show of hands, please?

So, do we get our Federal Grant money yet?

I mean, what else could these states be vyin' for? Surely none understood they were competin' for the title of the most corrupt state. So, what was the most corrupt state? It weren't Texas, despite the recent conviction of our former Attorney General for fraud. Louisiana? Nope, close, but they ain't won since Huey Long died. Nope, this year's winner of the coveted our politicians are the most crooked in the nation award goes to Mississippi. Let's give 'em a huge round of applause, whatta ya say?

[UPDATE: Doh! It does seem that I di forget to mention that Mark led me to this story.]

Not all African-Americans have dark skin, it seems

I seems that a bunch of Omaha High School students got themselves in a mess of trouble for puttin' up posters to get some white guy awarded the Distinguished African American Student Award. The boy pictured on the poster, Trevor Richards, and two of his friends hung like 150 of these posters around the school and another student circulated a petition criticizin' the practice of recognizing only black student achievement with the award. As Trevor and his family emigrated to Omaha from Johannesburg, South Africa, Trevor felt justified in believin' he should also be considered an African-American. full story.

Now to be truthful, I suspect there really was a bit of cruel mischief at work in this scheme. Eugene Volokh believes there are some serious violations of the First Amendment at work in this scenario. I tend to agree. As crass and callous as I believe these acts were, I also believe these student's rights to free speech were violated. Many political statements are alarmin' to some segment of our society, but political statements are almost always protected speech under our Constitutional provisions.

I hate bein' the last one in line at FARK

I really wanted to blog about the story of the beer rescue in Russia, but ya'll know I have a thing about bloggin' on items that everyone else in the blogosphere has posted about.

Microsoft vs. Mike Rowe, the saga continues

"We take our trademark seriously, but in this case maybe a little too seriously," Microsoft spokesman Jim Desler said. [regarding MikeRoweSoft.com] - source

attribution: Rob Sama

It's still too early to think clearly

Your Wednesday horoscope, Taurus! A career matter can be approached today. A chance to redeem your recent setbacks suddenly seems so simple. You have all the tools, and at some point today will receive the permission to go forward.

Damn, I was hopin' it said "Go back to bed and sleep for a few more hours, then order a pizza and watch a movie. The winning Lotto number for tonight are . . . ." Of course, the numbers would like be as good as the advice I got, but at least I could go snooze for a bit longer, right? I don't suppose that would be a very responsible thing to do, though. Do you?

Does anyone remember The Devil made me do it?

In the What Were They Thinkin' [WWTT] Dept.: Two idiots torch a police car in Alabama. Police not amused and searchin' for motive.

attribution: Kristopher

English man stoned to death by modern method

Ok., let me see if I got this right. A person starts smokin' pot at age 25, smokes an average of about 6 joints per day, and 11 years later complains of a headache then dies the very next mornin'. Inquest regardin' cause of death: cannabis poisonin'. My thoughts: crock of shit. McGehee ain't buyin' it either. I am bettin' someone (most likely his roomie) smothered him with a pillow in his sleep for his stash.

On the card for today: Mike Rowe vs. Microsoft

Wow, it seems that a 17 year old Canadian named Mike Rowe and highly unpopular software monopoly Microsoft are at odds over a trivial matter. Microsoft does not like that Mike Rowe named his domain mikerowesoft.com. It seems that they want to buy the domain from Mike Rowe for ten bucks. Mike Rowe was offended by this offer and said he would sell it to Micorsoft for ten grand. Microsoft says he is tryin' to force them into a big settlement. [story here]

I liked what Mike had to say about it:

"It's not their name. It's my name. I just think it's kind of funny that they'd go after a 17-year-old."

Found: OTB

Ya'll might really have a hard time believin' this . . .

but it is so much more fun bloggin' when you are on high band that when you got a crappy 31.2kps connection. Still, bein' the dedicated blogger that I are, I shall persist in attemptin' to thrill and entertain ya'll.

[UPDATE: As is par for the course, that connection died as I was attemptin' to publish this post, but, as sometimes happens, I got a better connection on the next go round -- a whoppin 48.0kps. I can rock and roll until that one goes south. I 'spect that to occur in 10 minutes or so.]

Plastic surgery can be downright dangerous

Ya'll 'member all them stories about the boobie implants that were bustin' up and sloshin' silicon all over the insides of those titties and how everyone was all paranoid about the health risks and crap involved with gettin' bigger breasts? Hell, how would you like to go in for a face lift and come out dead?

attribution: Bunsen*

*Does anyone really know whether Bunsen truly exists or is just a figment of our imagination?

The Holiday everyone forgot

OK, folks, today is Martin Luther King Day and I have been wanderin' 'round the Blogosphere tryin' to find some good stuff about the man and the day to blurb 'bout and I ain't findin' none from anyone: nuthin' from the WASPs, nuthin' from the African-Americans, nuthin' from the Jewish Ideologists, nuthin' from the run-of-the-mill Caucasians, nuthin' from the white trailer trash crackers and nuthin' from the idiotarian asshats. If no one seems to give a whit about rememberin' the man and his mission on this day, why do we have this holiday again?

[UPDATE: It seems that John has figured out the purpose of Martin Luther King Day. It is the day for all ya'll good procrastinators to take down your Christmas decorations. Of course, I am the King of the Procrastinators, 'cause I ain't put mine up yet.]

[UPDATE II: Zombyboy wishes to inform my readership that he did not forget.]

[UPDATE III: "The quality, not the longevity, of one's life is what is important". -Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. - a most apropos quote provided by Jennifer.]

My stars say for me to have an affair today

Your Monday horoscope, Taurus! A troubling sign at home is more reason to go out into the world today and strike up a new relationship. Focus on getting your curiosity satisfied. Look around at the possibilities.

George, but what a load of crap! Of course, as a single guy, there is no harm in this advice, but I am almost sure that I am not the only Taurean that currently exists in this plane of reality.

[UPDATE: Emperor Misha has the results from a different stargazer on the same subject.]

Oh baby, sign it, sign it now ... yeah, right there, oo, yeah just like that

Like this is a new idea. Some attorney friends and I drew up a sexual consent form several years ago. I think the first step is to ask to see their identification.

It seems like I was gonna mention somethin' bein' absent from the equation

I thought this story was hilarious. I mean what kind of a coincidence that four H2s would arrive at the same stop light at the same intersection all at once. Simply amazin'. I don't think there are 4 H2s in our whole county. I have only seen two of them and never have seen both stopped at the same time at the only stop light in town. Both are women. In fact, in our local area, I think all the really big SUVs are driven by females. We don't even expect them to try to drive in one lane. We treat women in big SUVs like we do old people and tractors. We just let them do whatever they want as we patiently follow behind at a safe distance until either we or they turn off.

But what in the world was he really thinkin'?

Ya know, in all seriousness, I would not have even put the second item in this post in writin' nor published it for the entire world to see, even if I shared such wish. Of course, that is just me, but solicitation of murder is a serious offense in some parts of the world.

What's this? A smokin' gun?

Hmmm, has some evidence been found to suggest that Ohio Rep. Dennis Kucinich has slipped his hand into the proverbial cookie jar a time or two. I found what Owen found, and 'twarn't much.

Hey, after ya check that out, get on over to Buzz Stuff - It's Sunday - See Buzz - He has some stuff to show ya.

The Colts busted way too early for me

I am sure glad I am not a gambler, 'cause I was so sure 'bout my prediction that Peyton Mannin' was gonna pick that New England defense apart. History will now show that I was 180 degrees off on that one. Oh well, may be gettin' a belly full of crow next week, but my pockets will still jingle. Them Frenchies have a few nicer ways to say Shit Happens, but that is the way the ball bounces.

I was wonderin' earlier -- what if I started just puttin' all the inane bullshit I think of on a daily basis in one long post, and published just once a day, allowed no comments, called it The Bleat and changed my name to Lileks, would my crap still be as funny? Yeah, them French phrases again. Where did all the dandelions go?*

*I have no idea where that came from.**

**George, ain't that a load of crap. You do too. Why did you say that?

And ya'll ain't readin' my crap regularly -- why?

It appears that Tony Rosen has moved to Austin and is lookin' for a good church.

He was appalled by this story about a 16 year old High School student who has been charged as a juvenile offender for fillin' his mouth full of Albuterol® from his asthma inhaler and then blowin' it into his teacher's face.

Bill Pattillo, chief of the juvenile division of the county attorney's office said Albuterol can be dangerous.

"Here's a kid using his medication who ended up in jail for five days. ... something, something's wrong with our system," Steven Wilson, the boy's uncle, told the station.

"It's absurd," his mother, Judy Dugan Todd, told KHOU. "It's ridiculous. It's an inhaler."

Pattillo said the boy may be charged with a felony. He is still investigating the allegations, he added.

"My office believes there is probable cause to hold him for an assault on a public servant, which is a third-degree felony."

So, is this a case where some poor innocent boy got caught in that gray area between childish prank and criminal activity? Is it a case of over reaction by a poorly trained member of our nation's teachin' staff? or Is this a case of some mean brat of a child who has been coddled by parents who believe he can do absolutely nuthin' wrong? The first question I would want the answered is why did the kid do this? It sounds like a pretty stupid thing to do.

Again, though, this goes back to the same problem as always. Society is warped. Parents quit being parents and shuffled their kids off to day-care and the professional child advocates clamored about the harm of corporal punishment. In my school days, this episode would have been quickly resolved by marchin' young Mr. I think it is funny to blow my asthma medication into my teacher's face and slam a board against his ass four or five times so he would find sittin' in his desk chair through the rest of the day's classes thinkin' 'bout the beatin' his dad was gonna give him when he got home a bit uncomfortable.

Oh, we had our clowns, bad boys and malcontents also. Our pranks were more carefully thought out, not so much because we feared gettin' caught, though it was part of the consideration, the primary plannin' consideration was that your prank be remarkable enough to bring you the adoration of your classmates so as to offset the physical trauma that would occasion your capture.

Kids will be kids, but some of our kids are truly becomin' menaces. This case may be a miscarriage of justice, but I am gonna trust that a good judge will make the right decision.

Now, Tony, what was this? I think I would need a spreadsheet presentation to fully understand your point. Then again, I might need a knew* new brain. If I was a gamblin' man, I would put my money on the need for a new brain.

Well that concludes what could only be termed as the Tony Rosen Report, but I am hold off on makin' that an official category at this point.

Now, 'fore I publish this blurb, let me formulate this question I am gonna ask you to ask yourself: Why ain't you blogrolled this blog yet?**

*Was this some Freudian slip from the Twilight Zone? I dunno, but just glad I caught it before the initial publication.

**Of course, I know ya'll that have actually blogrolled ***: Raggin' & Rantin' understood that question was not for ya'll. In fact, I ain't got no questions for ya'll right at the moment. I am just sittin' here beamin' smiles, knowin' ya'll exist.

It might be just in time for his funeral

His Most Exalted Emperor Misha reports that the Orthodox Christian patriarch to Latin America, Ecumenical Patriarch Bartholomew, is to bestow the Order of St. Andrew upon our favorite communist despot livin' a few miles from Key West, FL. The Mayor of Bogota, Columbia says Castro is not long for this world. The rumor in Miami is that he is very sick or dead, but then, this rumor has been goin' 'round and 'round Miami for most of 45 years now. I think anyone who chose Comrade Castro for this year's dead pool probably made a good choice.

The war rages on

Yep, and some of our favorite bloggers are in the midst of it. Thankfully, Chief Wiggles escaped this mornin's bomb blast unscathed. However, some of those Iraqis who were positioned close to him, and with whom he had built friendships, did not. Such sad news to receive this fine Sunday mornin'. Thanks to someone there for givin' up the 411 and to Glenn Reynolds for blurbin' it to the world.

spell check is my friend

Losin' your job for exhibitin' a bad job

Kevin has brought a grave matter to light. It seems some bimbo flashed her ugly tits, they got plastered all over the internet and her boss kicked her to the curb. You don't believe me? Go see.

I done fucked up the Friday Five

Seems there is another Friday Five goin' 'roun'. I found it at Kelley's. As usual, the questions are kinda lame, and, as usual my answers are really lame. Just keep readin' and you will see what I mean:

1. What does it say in the signature line of your emails? There are now three new levels of MSN Hotmail Extra Storage! Learn more.

2. Did you have a senior quote in your high school yearbook? What was it? If you haven't graduated yet, what would you like your quote to be? Picture not available.

3. If you had vanity plates on your car, what would they read? If you already have them, what do they say? GEORGE3*

4. Have you received any gifts with messages engraved upon them? What did the inscription say? I once received a pair of black silk boxer shorts with red kisses on them. That is about as close as I ever got to gettin' a message on a gift.

5. What would you like your epitaph to be? A stain on the side of a mountain.

*Don't ask, 'cause I don't have any idea why I decided this would be my choice.

Look at whut the dog drug up --

tarek speaks crap...: I'm Back!

Oh my, did I ever find a nice little nit to pick!

I am gonna have to butt in again and pick on Deb, just one more time. First read this.

I find an old iron box (a box originally containing a small appliance used to take wrinkles from clothes, made of cardboard, not metal) that's stuffed with--well, who knows? So I open it up and find: . . .

then a long listin' of items, followed by a couple of short paragraphs and a closing sentence. Very nice informative introspective blog post. I found it thoroughly interestin', but am mindful that had she just footnoted that long parenthetical description of an iron box, I would have been envisionin' this old iron box, rusted a bit here and there with a squeaky hinge just full of all of this treasure, just to get to the end and find it actually to be some old cardboard steam-iron box.

[UPDATE: It does pay to read what you had just posted, sometimes. I had allowed some very poor sentence structure to pass the on the intial publication. I always reserve the right to correct my errors hereon. Live with it!]

The awesome power of the internet

Ain't it just fabulous that you can read all about the study done at the University of Maryland regardin' how ADHD in genetic and that parents of children with ADHD should themselves be tested for the disorder by readin' the website for the New Zealand Herald? Oh, not sure why, but there was a banner ad on the page that stated that monotone ringtones were now available on prepaid cell phones. I was wonderin' if this was a good thing, and was there a pressin' demand for such in New Zealand. I guess maybe Cherry can answer that for me.

Found: V. Kate's Venom On The Side*

*I like this feature on Electric Venom very much!

Some people just ain't smart enough to be good crooks

Now, see some people really do not have the imagination to be doin' what they think they are good at. If I had come up with this idea, there is no way I would have used whole potatoes to fill up the computer case, I would have used potato chips. I mean, we are talkin' computers, people - not firearms. Ya want a projectile, ya use a whole potato, ya need somethin' to fill the emptiness inside of a computer case, ya use chips! Any geek knows that!

It appears that I am cyberstalkin' SilverBlue today.

We blog - so you putzes don't have to

Jeff Jarvis on Meet the Press on blogs. It is long, it is interestin' and, except for the editorial comments by Jeff Jarvis, most of the drivel sounded exactly like the kind of crap you expect to hear on Meet the Press: a bunch of people sittin' 'round jawin' 'bout things they really didn't know crap about.

Pitiously poor pingin', ya'll

Hmmm, seems no one finds much on my blog worthy of linkage, here lately.

Five Most Recent Pings
Saturday Link-Luv™ - Discussions! 2004.01.10
Hunting The Snark - Week 15 2004.01.09
Thursday's Edition of Link-Luv™ 2004.01.08
http://www.squishybear.com/b2evolution/blogs/squishy.php?p=94 2004.01.03
The Morning After 2004.01.01

Easy come, easy go

Well. well, well -- it seems that new feature I had gone to all the trouble to put up went south right after I did so. Fine, be that way. It was not like I was gettin' any donations anyway, so I deleted it. Just in case ya'll was wonderin' where it had gone -- it is long gone. So there!

I am becomin' such a pathetic blogger

Here I was thinkin' I was gonna be all fresh and full of ideas to share with ya'll today, and yet .... numb. For some reason, I cannot get the thought of that trial I am beginnin' at 9:00 am Monday mornin' (possibly) outta my mind, and most likely won't be able to do so until the trial is over or I find it is continued until such later date. The case is one of five possible cases goin' to trial next week. My thinkin' may be highly intermitten* for a few days. Please adjust your viewin' schedule accordin'ly.

*I even had to consult the dictionary to make sure I was correct in the usage of this word.**

**SIMPLY PATHETIC!

I noticed a few things while I was lookin' around

OK, I had to go see the post where SilverBlue linked back to my Elvis post and then checked out most of the other blogs he had linked on that post. I found all those posts pretty interestin' and left comments here and there. Of course, what I noticed most of all is that SilverBlue's trackback was the first one I have gotten since the 3rd and that no one seems to be commentin' on my long day even though my first two posts actually had long day in the title. Ah, seriously, I am just joshin' as I am not concerned if you comment or not or even if you read this drivel. I am really just a bit too tired to be concerned about much of anythin'.

This might actually be the most borin' minutiae?

While I read James often and rarely find very little that I am in disagreement with enough to blog about, but then I read somethin' like this:

While I'm sufficiently old school to think people traveling on airplanes should dress presentably . . .

Here it is Wednesday, again

Why is it that some weeks seem to go by too fast? I mean I got a lot that needs to be done this week and yet seem to have too little time to do anythin'. Oh well, seems as good a time as any to get started, so bloggin' will resume when I find a break.

I tell ya'll though, that I am way behind in everythin'. I have to much work to do, too many blogs to read, and still need to find the mother of my children. Sadly, however, I seem to have lost the instruction book on how to live one's life with a minimum of stress, heartache, and physical pain. I ain't givin' up, though. If I was plannin' on doin' that, I would not have gone through the excrutiatin' effort of layin' down those cigs, would I? Six days down, people. When I arise tomorrow, I will have completed a complete week without takin' a single puff from a cigarette. I am pretty sure that has not previously occurred in my life in the last 32 or so years. I do not feel so proud, however, as foolish for not havin' done this years ago.

Great, now look what ya made me do! Now I am runnin' late.

Sleepin' my life away!

Well, I did it! I have gone a complete 24 hours and more without a cigarette. The first day went a little easier than I thought it would, but maybe spendin' most of the day curled up in a fetal position under the goose down comforter snoozin' fitfully assisted to ease my cravin's. I am really cravin' a smoke now, so gonna go do somethin' to keep my mind off of my desire to light up and puff another cigarette.

Arrrghh! It is Monday

Just gettin' back into the bloggin' spirit and here comes Monday. George, but what effort it took for me to literally pull myself out of bed. I tell ya, it is murder, absolute murder to get up and go do anything productive until after New Year's Day. Alas, however, I am still a responsible person, so I guess a responisble person has to do what a responsible person has to do and get my lazy ass ready and get it to the office and into my waiting office chair.*

*I might just spend the day sleeping in my office chair, however.**

**As if that is a possibilitiy.

So what? Ya 'fraid of a little rat?

Hmmm, finally found a quizzilla quiz that hit the mark!

You are Rizzo the Rat.
You have few friends, but are loyal to those you do have. Maybe if you didn't smell like sewage you would have more.

SPECIES:
Rodentia Digesta Lotta Grub
HOMETOWN:
Brooklyn, USA

FAVORITE MOVIE:
"Rat On A Hot Tin Roof"

FAVORITE SONG:
"The Pest Is Yet To Come"

FAVORITE FOOD:
You got it, I'll eat it.

HOBBIES:
See "Favorite Food".

QUOTE:
"When do we eat?"


What Muppet are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Thanks to Eric of Classical Values for the link.

unusual to apologize

Hmmm, I wonder if John Ashcroft is feelin' his butt cheeks hit the wind or somethin'?

What's in the news

Well, it seems that Johnson County, Texas is in the National news again. I understand that this story has been discussed on Rush Limbaugh and one of the Morning News programs. Here is the local paper's take on the story of the Texas woman arrested for selling sex toys to undercover officers. With the recent findin' of the unconstitutionality of the Texas sodomy laws, it seems that this law will likely also fail constitutional scrutiny, but it may take awhile before it gets to that point. I will be keepin' an eye on this one, bein' it is local and all. ;)

How many idiots have a million dollars?

Well, there might actually be one , or at least this guy is hopin' so.

attribution: Margi Lowry

Things coulda worked out differently, ya think?

Can ya'll imagine that Israel had really come up with a plan to assassinate Saddam?

attribution: James OTB via The Command Post

Itell ya folks, I found it so very amazin'

Hmmm, I dunno. For some reason I thought this was a well known fact.

No, no, this rag had nothin' to do with Eugene's take on the stupidity of one facet of the Texas Penal Code. I actually agree with him.

TGIM

Wow, am I ever worn out this mornin'. I am thinkin' my normal holiday blue funk hit over the weekend, 'cause I feel just drained. I dunno, but today I think I am gonna take the whole day off and go tour the mall. Maybe that will get me in the holiday spirit. Only slow day I have this week, though. I really ought to hang around and get some of this backlogged paperwork outta the way. Naw ... it's Christmas. Just wait 'til next year.

Diminished fortitude

You know, ever since I heard that they had captured Saddam I have felt a touch of malaise about the whole incident. I couldn't understand why my level of pleasure was so dull. It just came to me. I guess I am just so utterly disgusted with Saddam for not goin' out ala Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid. I mean even Uday and Qusay went out with guns blazin'. I guess it really went to prove that without all them guards around him, Saddam didn't really have all that great of a pair of cajones after all.

The useless quiz is wrought with traps

How could I ever pass up the most useless quiz ever. My results:

Funny thing, though, is that I got a barrage of popups and was twice requested to download some software while trying to copy that script. I am not too sure I would advise you to follwo suit and take this useless quiz. It does appear to have some use. commercially

Halliburton Profiteerin'? Is Cheney in the doghouse now?

I thought this was a really big story. Halliburton caught overcharging the Army. Bush has vowed to investigate fully, and believes Halliburton should repay its overcharges. Hate to say it, but if the audit proves true, I am gonna wait to see if that asshole Ashcroft files some criminal charges somewhere. I mean you can't jail a corporation, it may be hard to pin it on an individual, but they could sure sock a big fine of them for fraud and should disqualify the corporation from doin' business with the government. Of course, the nature of corporations is that such action would bankrupt Halliburton, cause it to have to sell all its assets to another corporation, likely led by the same power brokers as run the current corporation and vie for all the government contracts for which Halliburton was banned in participation. Yeah, I guess we can be lucky if we get the overcharges. Crap! I do so like it when one of the giant money brokers takes a fall. Of course, in the end, it also ends up hurtin' the little guy, and I did report just yesterday that the son of a friend of mine just went to Iraq to work for Halliburton, or actually KBR. He is an electrical engineer.

Still, I sure would like it if some of ya'll news-hound bloggers: Glenn, John, Dean, James,* and Steven, to name a few, keep an eye on this story for me. After all, I trust ya'll more than the papers and TV to get to the bottom of the story.

Trollin' my comments bites?

Yehaw! I got my first troll! I think that means I have finally arrived! The IP numbers for the last two commenters on this post are identical. Of course, the post is so old, I doubt anyone will take their bait. ;)

It's Friday at last

Too bad it is so damn cold outside. Of course it is December and even thought I am in Texas, it is still in the Northern Hemisphere. I suppose if I wanted to go somewhere where it was warm in December, I could move to New Zealand. Of course, watchin' the toilets swirl the wrong way would likely drive me batty.

Anyway, I'll catch up with ya later after I get to the office and go high band.

Internet porn is here to stay

Absolutely nothin' surprisin' here. An absolute waste of electrons. There was not a solitary decent picture.

attribution: zombyboy

Laughin' at the misfortune of others

Hey, I know it ain't nice to laugh at the misfortunes of others, but damned if they didn't nab a couple of spammers. I am sorry but I am laughin' with delight to know a couple of those assholes are gonna have to face the music. Now I am not advocatin' the death penalty for SPAMMIN' here folks, nor do I think they should do a long time behind bars. Naw, I like to see a lot of community service for Jeremy Jaynes, also known as Gaven Stubberfield, and his cohort Richard Rutowski. I think wastin' as much of their time with mundane useful activities for the benefit of society would be just punishment for all the time we have wasted on the mundane useless activity of havin' to delete all the crap they were sendin' to us. I meant to blog on this much earlier when I caught a whiff of the story somewhere and found myself reminded while perusin' James' daily offerin's.

Oh doncha just hate it?

I found a blogger that writes so well and is so logical in his arguments and remarks, but I dislike the design of his blog. The title graphic is too wide makin' me have to scroll sideways and the link text is too small and too dark on a dark background. Robert, I will be checkin' back on you and I have a good spot on the blogroll for you when I decide I like your blog enough. I already like your writin' --- just not too keen on the current manner of presentation. Yep, that be me - picky, picky ***. Now ya'll know why some people think I am a jackass! ;)

You talk about a load of crap

Buzz is bloggin' 'bout toilet paper. Seriously.

Now that is just about the lowest thing a blogger could pick to blog 'bout, unless, of course, someone else came around to blog 'bout someone bloggin' 'bout toilet paper. Then again, I guess you could go one step lower and blog about me bloggin' 'bout Buzz bloggin' 'bout toilet paper. That sounds like a job for Bill.

Condemned man's execution stayed against his wishes

In another bit of death penalty insanity, Justic Scalia halted the execution of a Texas Death Row inmate 20 minutes before the scheduled time for such execution to start. The issue is whether one of the drugs used in the lethal injection violates the the 8th Amendment ban on cruel and unusual punishment. The person who was supposed to be executed, Kevin Lee Zimmerman, was none too happy about the reprieve. His distaste is the basis of my objection ot the death penalty: that there is too much delay from the time the sentence is handed down and the time that the sentence is carried out. It is cruel and unusual for someone to have to wait 20 years or more to be put to death.

I have previously made my thoughts on the issue known. I suppose I should not rag on Justice Scalia too much for this inane decision, as from the showin' in his dissent in the upholdin' of the constitutionality of the McCain-Feingold campaign reform act of 2002, at least it appears that he believes that the provisions of the U. S. Constitution do mean somethin'.

attribution: Talk Left, from which my link that was previously thereon seems to be missin'. Does that mean I am doin' somethin' too right? Oh well, it is still my favorite left leanin' blog and has gotten my vote in the 2003 Weblog Award event.

You just gotta believe --

James has an interestin' list of things you supposedly have to believe to be an elephant, most likely thunk up by some of those frustrated donkeys, which is quite humorous. I do wish it was numbered, but since it ain't, my favorite was Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of homosexuals and Hillary Clinton.

I guess I am tryin' to be DON

Yes, I am always strivin' to obtain perfection, although I am often confused as to what exactly consititutes perfection. Thankfully Don has defined himself as the perfect man,* so now I have found somethin' to shoot for.

*There is a bit of evidence, however, that he is not quite perfect, as I noted he did not have Tiger: Raggin' & Rantin' listed on his blogroll. For shame!

Re: my rather demeanin' comments

I dunno why, but I found the recent comment to this old post of mine to be quite amusin'.

Well shut my mouth

James of OTB posted a most shockin' headline: SCOTUS OVERTURNS 1ST AMENDMENT. And it appears that when it comes to campaigns and campaign contributions, the Constitution receives strict construction no consideration. Appallin', simply appallin'. Here, you read the story and see what you make of it.

Kristopher sees it as a good thing.

Somethin' strange I learned today

Hey, wanna thank those of ya'll that came by today to find somethin' new and didn't find anythin' newer than yesterday. As I stated in last night's Nightly Navel Gazing Report™, I had a lot on my plate for today, so this is the first time since really early this mornin' that I have even been near a computer.

Actually today went far easier than I had thought. I had called the other county yesterday lettin' them know I had the local settin' this mornin' that could not be put off and that I would head over as soon as I was finished. The local situation was basically a child support situation where we just had to calculate how much child support and arrearages my client would have to pay now that the paternity tests established that he was the father of the child. It took about an hour to get all the papers together after the figures were agreed upon, the judge signed it and off I went. I dropped into the office to get my overcoat because the wind had picked up from the north and the radio had said the temperature would be droppin' durin' the day. Heather said the Court had just called. I told her to call back and tell them I was on my way.

Thirty minutes later, about 10:30 am, I walked into the Court. The DA asked me to check if one of my two clients was willin' to take the deal offered. I had already told the DA my client would take it last Friday over the phone, because it was marked on my file as the goal my client hoped to achieve when I had first met him in jail. I asked him and he assented, so someone got started on his papers. I inquired as to the deal on the other client, asked him about it, he assented, and it seemed someone had already assumed he would take it and had his papers already prepared. Both clients were taken before the judge, mumbo jumbo, bang the gavel, move to the next case. I tell both clients to stay outta trouble and off I go. I was headin' back to the office by 11:30 am.

I hit town by noon, ate lunch with Matt while he picked my brain about one of his criminal cases. I dropped him back off at his office, stopped to check on Heather, then headed off to the dentist. I arrived at the dentist office 15 minutes prior to my scheduled appointment time and read Texas Monthly's article on the Disney Alamo movie that was moved from a Christmas openin' to sometime next April. Then I went in and got the last of four cleanin's. The hygienist was pleased with the way my gums were respondin' to the treatment, so I am guessin' the excruciatin' crap that had been done while I was stuck in the chair with my mouth open was actually worth the effort. I got an appointment for the first two of several crowns after the first of the year, and I was out of there just a little short of 3:30 pm.

On each previous trip to the dentist, I have treated myself to a movie afterward. I kinda gives me somethin' to look forward to in goin' to the dentist. I pulled across the street to the AMC 10, and to tell ya the truth, there really was nothin' I was absolutely dyin' to see. I checked everythin' out and the only thing playin' around that time was Disney's Haunted Mansion. The actual start time was 3:20, but I had been there enough times to know that they had 20 minutes of previews before the movie started. I even took the time to stop and get popcorn and a Coke*. I walked in to the theater, but it was dark. I always sit on the back row, usually near the aisle so that I can stretch my legs in the aisle if necessary. As my eyes adjusted to the dark, I could see I was the only one in the theater. They were playin' some blurb about turnin' off your cell phone, which I had done ... and I thought that I could likely actually turn mine back on as there was no one to be disturbed.

I watched the movie. It was OK, but I wouldn't recommend payin' full price to see it. Maybe I am just too old for mundane Disney fare now. So the movie ended and as I left, I decided to ask the person who sold me the ticket, and then ran over to the concession stand to sell me my concessions, if, by chance, I had not bought a ticket to see the show, would it have run to an empty house. She looked at me like I asked a silly question and assented that they surely would do so, and I suspect have on many occasions. I had never been the sole person in a theater watchin' a movie before and am still flabbergasted that they would actually let a film run to a empty house. I am now wonderin' if the whole projection system is just automatically programmed, where it would be harder to stop the movie from runnin' than to mess up the system setup.

But it is always that great

As I was sayin' earlier, what with the high band cable connection at the office, I am enjoyin' watchin' multimedia items again, however, some of 'em really aren't worth watchin'. I really mean it. Some are just sick!

I saw the blurb at Little Tiny Lies to check the link on John Cole's blog, Balloon Juice. You may have already seen this ad, or wisely chosen not to do so.

There be another?

Before I start, last post showed to be No. 1700 for those of ya'll that are in charge of keepin' up with such stats.

Nope, the purpose of this post is that I have actually located another person who knows about the One Night Flyin' Reindeer Huntin' Season.

Oh crap and more crap!

I have been busy watchin' the Cowboys destruct in their bid to unseat the Philadelphia Eagles today. I still think Tuna needs one more year to turn this team into winners. I still stick to my prediction of a 10-6 season, and if they do make the playoffs, they lose in the first round. Next year, I predict they will make it at least to the NFC Title Game.

I am funny too, ain't I?

Meryl Yourish stated:

My money is on Scrappleface beating Allah for the Best Humor Blog. Scott Ott is one of the top three funniest guys in the blogosphere (the other two being Lair Simon and Frank J). Nobody else really stands a chance in this category.

I am startin' to really get a complex. It has been my goal to inject a bit of mirth into my bloggin' efforts and no one ever seems to take notice. I was almost sure I was among the top funniest guys in the blogosphere, just yet undiscovered by a great number of the membership of the blogosphere.

Hey, the polls are not yet up in the Large Mammal category. I doubt I will win, but it would be nice to show. Of course, I have not even yet learned if I got beyond the nominatin' process. Now it would be a cryin' shame if I weren't nominated.

I am gonna go practice my cryin' just on the off-chance I ain't nominated. More inanity to follow at a later time.

George, this sucks!

Blank! The page is blank and my mind is blank. I only say my mind is blank. There are actually thoughts spinning around in my brain, thoughts of what I might put upon this page. Words flow, but nothing of substance is found amongst the purposeless prose. Writer's Block.

The continuation of the ban on self-medicatin'

The inanities that have snowballed in conjunction with the War on Drugs produced another injustice. The continued proliferation of such insanity might drive Zombyboy straight into the arms of the Libertarian Party.

SilverBlue links to naked lady

She ain't my momma and I ain't thinkin' she be SilverBlue's momma, but ya gotta bet she's someone's momma. Supposedly it is suspected she is someone's imagined red hot momma, but defintely not red hot -- to me.

The ugly American is Iraqi

It seems there has been some insane fiasco in Baghdad concerning the assault of an Iraqi citizen by a employee or agent of The New York Times - another Iraqi. OK, so what is the deal with the local American bureau chief tryin' to sweep the episode under the rug? You really have to read this email exchange.

Owen - another daily double!

How the mighty have fallen

Eugene Volokh has stooped to bloggin' 'bout Penis Enlargement SPAM.

Prez holds prop on photo op

It would appear that a controversy has arisen over a non-issue associated with George W's visit to Iraq on Thanksgivin' Day.

Ravenwood - daily double!

An absolutely amazin' discovery

After two years of investigatin', it is discovered that the Hell's Angels are involved with drugs and guns.

attribution: TalkLeft, who also reports that the coroner has ruled the death of the 400 pound black man to be homicide at the hands of the police.

Life goes on --- dammit!

Someone was complainin' 'bout the 2003 Weblog Awards originated, organized and hosted by Kevin Aylward of WizBang!. Kevin, in defendin' the nominatin' format paraphrased his critics position thusly:

[I]t [the nomination process] must be controlled by people much smarter than you [those who would complain about the process] who will tell bloggers [or others in similar circumstances]what they should like. [all bracketed crap is mine]

It sounds like the American way to me ... those with the power control the election process. Oh, the little dog may back a little guy at the start, but in the end the power brokers make most of the hard decisions for the rest of us. Heck most people don't vote and don't really give a rat's ass who runs the show anyway. Well, actually, the do kinda care 'cause they seem to like to bitch about it all after the votes are counted.

A man has got to stand up for somethin'

Now here is story dealin' with some charges brought against someone who I would love to defend.

attribution: The Anti-Idiotarian Rottweiler

Hey, don't read this crap

No, I really wasn't sayin' don't read my crap 'cause everyone already knows that,* I was talkin' 'bout this ridiculous blog that Steven pointed out.

*and it seems most are heedin' the warnin'.

The endless joys of dialup

Doggone it, Denita, the Musical

Denita had to go and remind me why I got out of frequentin' newsgroups.

I liked it better when they watched fireflies fuck

It only took three months and £10,000 for scientists to figure out how to cook toast. They did not ask me or offer to pay me to tell them how to do it. I wonder if Tony made a buck or two off of this study?

Bubba has gone overboard

Bubba has made it official. What a putz. This idiot makes Bill look like a genius.

attribution: Kelley

Fantasy of the macabre, doubled

It seems that the price of old vinyl has gone up, even if the cover is smeared with fingerprints. Some guy is auctionin' off a John Lennon album, startin' price: $500,000.00. Now, actually, I might understand the high price tag if the fingerprints were Lennon's, but a half-mil for the fingerprints of his murderer? No Sale here, even if I had a half-mil to splurge.*

attribution: Jessica's Well

*Do not interpret the construction of this sentence to infer that I have a half-mil that I am not free to splurge.

I still have my fingers

Whew! With the light of day and some much needed rest and have redone my mathematic calculations. I left Key West almost exactly 31 hours before I arrived in notCrawford. The distance was 1615 miles. So, that amounts to an average speed of a shade over 52mph. Now, I actually slept for 6 hours in the midst of that trip, so if you deduct that 6 hours, my average speed was almost 65mph. Of course, in actuality, as I discussed last evenin', I likely stopped for an average of 10 minutes almost every hour to relieve my bladder, refill my DP cup, and to get gas when needed. If you additionally deduct 10 minutes each hour, my average speed is raised to right at 77.5mph. I suppose I could beat that time, even given the all the time drivin' to the airport, waitin' 'round for boardin', 'waitin' to taxi to the runway, and then waitin' on baggage claim and then rentin' a car to drive to the final destination, by flyin'. I am almost sure I could do it for the same costs, maybe even a bit less than my expenditures for fuel, etc. However, I still believe that the view is so much better flyin' that close to the ground, that such time and money savin's fail in comparison.

Now, if my goal had been to get to Key West for a week's stay, flyin' in would have been preferable. The goal was to make the trip to destination and return in less than 5 days. I did it in less than 4, so I was successful.

Why did I do this? Hmm, it is a lot like climbin' a mountain, I suppose. You do it for the pure thrill of accomplishin' it. As I stated in the previous post, there is actually very little to be found anywhere that cannot be found somewhere else, and yet everywhere is a bit different. It actually does not take a long time to discover the differences, and once they are discovered, it is time to go back home. I still wanted to see an alligator, so I have a reason to go back. Maybe next time I will share the trip with someone and feel like checkin' out the attractions in Orlando.

Can ya'll feel the love

Hmmm, drivin' halfway 'cross the nation and no one jumped up and said Hey, I am on your way, stop by and I will buy you a Dr. Pepper. Oh well, likely my short notice is more to blame than there being a conspiracy to avoid meetin' me. Well, if ya happen to be drivin' up or down I-10 'tween Texas and Florida and see an ugly guy in a champagne colored Lincoln Town Car, wave. If he waves back, it was probably me.

IF you are new to the site, this is probably about as good as you will get.

For my regular viewers, I have assembled a list of the finest blogs to read I could find and have published them under the title Blogroll over on the left column. I recommend you check the ones with the blue star if ya are lookin' for something really fresh.

Well, in the words of one of my distant cousins: Exit, stage left. Points to anyone who can identify such cat.

Too true to evoke a giggle

Don't let the category assignment throw ya off, 'cause I am not raggin' on Maribeth, just the primary object of this little joke she posted.

I keep sayin' it and sayin' it

If'n you were 'spectin' to find somethin' about Dean and Rall or some stupid guy tryin' to join the KKK gettin' hit in the head with a bullet shot in the sky durin' his initiation celebration, go check out some of thse other blogs over there on my blogroll. If'n I see three or more blogs on my blogroll have already reported on the same stories, I figure I ain't got no real reason to say crap about it, as most people already have heard the story anyway. Readin' it here would just be a waste of their time. Now, if'n I got some really really snarky thing to say about some story everyone else is talkin' 'bout, you can bet I can't hold back from bringin' such story to you just so I can post that really snarky remark for your enjoyment. Those really snarky remarks don't grow on trees ya know, except in Michele and Kate's backyards, that is.

The rumors of my demise are premature

Oh, you don't even want to hear about my day. I promise you. I was long, mostly just shufflin' paperwork and crap and borin' as Hell but needed to be done. My internet connection sucked, so I was unable to blog or do much of anything all day webwise. I finally was able to download my email after 5:00pm though that took like forever thanks to my friend Matt attachin' a 1.5Mb mp3 to a message. It was hilarious and I would love to share it with ya'll but 1.5Mb is a might too big for me upload on my paltry server space here. I might do a search and if I find it someplace, I will post a link to it.

Anyway, am way behind in blog readin' so will be doin' that for a bit. Check your site meters and you may find me on. If I find anythin' ya'll might like, you can bet I will be right back postin' 'bout it.

Ready or not, here I come

But I'm not ready. Where can I hide? I am just not ready to face Monday. I was hopin' to wake up and find it was Sunday all over again. Oh, wait, maybe that would not be a good idea ... but then again, it might. Just think how much money I could win in Vegas pickin' the Cowboys over the Panthers to win by a score of 24 to 20. I could have made enough money not to ever have worked again. Then I could have spent all my time bloggin' just like Glenn Reynolds does.

Well, enough with the inanity, I have got to get ready to face my Monday. Argh! I hate Mondays! Opus, come save me!

I just can't wait to be King

Have any of ya'll been paying any attention to that little fish contest called King of the Blogs? I mean, is this not some rehash of NZB's New Weblog Showcase mixed in with some Frank J. style grovelin'? I dunno, I read what all of the contestants had to offer, and I was not overly impressed with any of them. I am not sayin' they were bad, but just nothin' extraordinarily well-done that I would crown any of them King of the Blogs. I would discount this whole ordeal as bein' some farcical fantasies of a group of little fish in the pond except for the judges, all of whom I know to be fine upstandin' bloggers. So, give it look for yourself. It may just be me.

Desperate times call for desperate measures

"Our neighbor killed his wife, dismembered her body and was seen to make soup of her."

Ghastly you say? How could someone do such a thing, and how could a neighbor stand by and allow such to happen? Well, the quote was from 82-year old Volodymyr Pianov who stated this was not the only incident of such type of action that occurred in 1933 as food supplies in the Ukraine were stolen under orders of Josef Stalin. Read all about this historic travesty of human rights at Das Politburo Diktat.

I am so very confused

I was readin' through some of the latest entries on Dog Snot Diaries and came across this reference to NeoCunt. I found such person had been referred to 4 times in posts on that blog, but there was so little information about said person, I am confused as to whom this person is and of what interest the Dog Snot Diarist has in such person. My only cause for concern is that I am hopeful this supposed NeoCunt is not the same person as our old friend John Collins.

Yeah, it ain't that much of a big deal

OK, I got a whole new cell phone. I am on the system where you can take and send pictures from your phone. It works:

I took this one of Heather at my fuel stop and emailed it to myself, but the resolution is not that great, in my opinion for it to be anything but a toy. The picture does not do Heather justice. She is so very much lovelier in person.

Damn it to Hell & back again

I wanted so badly to have everyone kneel before me as the King of the Blogs, then found I was not even eligible to compete for the coronation ceremony.

11. To qualify to enter and compete the blogs must be lower then [sic] a large mammal in the ecosystem at The Truth Laid Bear as of the first day of the tournament they are entering. [emphasis supplied]

I have been a large mammal in the ecosystem, regrettably in this case, since 06-09-2003. Of course, I have never gotten above that rankin', so I have likely hit the ceilin' of my success.

Oh, did I mention that I found out about this mess from Susie?

This is neater than X-Ray glasses

Have you ever wondered just what kind of an idiot actually buys those penis enlargement pills?

Is it Friday Christmas yet?

Wow, did this week ever go by quickly. It seems that it started out with with a hectic Monday. Tuesday followed with a flurry of activity. I was surprised I survived Wednesday. I tried to catch up on everythin' yesterday, but I failed miserably. I didn't even post about such -- although, upon lookin' back on yesteday it seems I posted 'bout 'most anythin' and everythin' else. Well, today is Friday! I have County Court today so mornin' bloggin' will be light.

This week has breezed by -- but then again, so has this month. I swear it seems like only yesterday that we had that Halloween Safe Treat celebration down on the square and Thanksgivin' is next week. And then Christmas will be here.

Speakin' of Christmas, my blogchild Cherry asked me yesterday what I wanted for Christmas. I honestly said I wanted either a new set of teeth or a baby as I have about everythin' else I could want. She emailed me back later and said she had told her Dadd (the guy that provides us with the Friday jokes) about what I had said. He offered to send over her little brother. If ya don't know, Cherry is one of ten children in that family. I thought his offer was hilarious, but, of course, it could be funny just to me. It seems most of the crap I write is funny only to me.

I am absolutely awe-struck

Jeff of Notorious Blog writes:

100 people have hit my site searching for the word bar.

That is only slightly less than the number of people that hit my site today searchin' for crap.

Maybe I ought to watch the news more

I was over on The American Mind, and saw where Sean had written this:

Since the brain is an amazing, yet baffling organ, imagine what Terri Schiavo's life could be like now, if her husband had put her through therapy instead of spending money on lawyers to kill her.

I cannot think if I know who these people are, but I definitely am interested in how much money he had to give those lawyers to kill his wife.

Important News Flash

Frank J does not read long blog posts.*

*I was a bit surprised to learn he read other people's posts at all.**

**Oops, I forgot, he actually did read one of my posts once, a long time ago, when he left the comment showcased in The Hit Parade.

Oh George, where is the Cable Guy?

OK, slow day. Well, it ain't like I don't have about a million things on my desk that don't need to be done, but nothin' pressin' like that day I had yesterday. So, I was gonna catch up on some of my blog readin'. I went through several disconnects as I was tryin' to get the top 35 or so blogs on my readin' list blogroll to all fully load so I could read 'em. Of course, some blogs load much faster than others and I was readin' some while the rest were loadin'. I was also continually listenin' to my dailer connectin' and disconnectin'. As I was readin' through some of the blogs, I was composin' a post with some links to items I thought were worthy of mention. Almost all of the blogs were loaded. I was over on InstaPundit, tryin' to use the find function on IE to see if he had any references to the MJ story and the damn find function froze up. I am locked from movin' to any of the other browser windows and finally have end the program. That closes all the blogs I have worked for two hours to load, and deletes the post containin' several lengthy comments and links I was workin' on. See what kind of frustration I have tryin' to post from this office?You can just imagine how much time I waste daily just tryin' to download my damn email. Damn, I despise this dialup and I am not too fond of that crappy software that Microsoft keeps churnin' out either.

I guess, however, I can always be thankful that my headache went away. It is surprisin' how much better you feel after gettin' shot full of morphine -- not really! Excedrin Migraine tablets did the trick.

The day that wouldn't end

Well, today started off pretty well when I awoke on time. I even read my horrorscope and it said somethin' about some surprise romantic thing happenin' today. Then off I went on the 30 minute drive to court in the neighborin' town for what was supposed to be a five minute hearin' to allow me to withdraw off a case so that another attorney could be appointed to handle the appeal. Actually, the hearin' didn't last that long, but I had to wait about an hour for the judge to get on the bench. Of course, such is not that rare, as judges have probably more to do than I have to do on a daily basis. Hearin' is over and I am on my way back to town. It is just a little after 11:00 am when I the edge of town. I stopped by my favorite store to refill my cup with DP, chatted with the clerk about a situation I will be postin' about later, then ran by the post office to check my mail, go through it, threw about 3/4 of it in the trash, opened all the rest of it just to make sure there was nothin' tellin' me I missed somethin' I was supposed to do last week, then stopped by the office and got all the messages off of my answerin' machine.

It was almost noon, so out the front door I went and down the block to eat lunch, as today was the Lion's Club meeting. The meetin' was alright, the food was not all that great. Oh, well, at least I finally got somethin' to eat, a sandwich, or really two halves of a sandwich, one with roast beef and another with ham, two really small bags of potato chips and a bowl of soup, plus a styrofoam cup of iced tea. The soup was good, the sandwiches were alright, potato chips are potato chips, iced tea was not instant so it was about as good as you can get. I did not bring anything to donate to the CPS Rainbow Room, were the community can donate items that might be needed for children who had to be removed from their homes because of abuse or neglect, so I just donated $20 and told them to get whatever they needed. Meetin' over, so off I go back to the office, intendin' to start returnin' some of those calls and other things.

As soon as I walked in I saw the answerin' machine flashin'. I check the message and it was one of our local Sheriff's Department investigators, one that I am pretty friendly with since I handled his divorce and such. I called back and he was tellin' me these people were there with this large sum of money I had been awaitin' them to raise so as to get their relative released from jail. I told him to have them come by my office and I would take care of the matter. While I was waitin', I booted up my computer, luckily caught a good connection and downloaded my email. I posted the previous message while awaitin' for all if it to download. Thankfully all the email successfully downloaded before the connection died, then it began that connect, disconnect, reconnect, disconnect thing that occurs quite frequently on my office line.

My friend Matt just got cable installed in his office and I had gotten the installer's card from him, so I am talkin' to the installer when the people with the big bundle of money comes in. I conclude the call, with some assurance I will have cable installed by Friday or Monday at the latest, at supposedly 15 times my current download rate. Yeah, 15x nothin' is still nothin' but I am assumin' they think I am gettin' at least 36kps and 15x 36kps is much better than what I get when I can even get a stable connection.

Well back to the story -- so this lady counts out $1500 in mostly $50's and $20's and I write her a receipt. I call the DA in the next town, the one where I was just this mornin' to make sure the deal is still on that we pay this amount of money and they reinstate my guy on probation and release him from jail. Deal confirmed, so I tell the people I will take care of it and am just tellin' them to go when the phone rings.

It is the County Attorney's Office and the pseudo-County Attorney asks me is I am busy. I say "yes."

"Oh well, then never mind."

"No, Debbie, I am always busy, what do you need?"

"Well, we have some juveniles scheduled for detention hearin's at 3:30 and was wonderin' if you were available to represent one of them."

"Sure, no problem, Debbie, I will be there." I then leave the office and walk over to the County Probation Office, luckily catchin' out County Probation Officer in his office. "Hey Todd, I got the money for [name of client]. It's all in cash, do you need me to go get a cashier's check?"

"You have to take it to Cleburne. I don't have the facilities to take payments here."

Damn, I been here four years and thought that when you were on probation here, you met your probation officer here and paid all your fees and crap to you probation officer here. I guess not. So, I go into the County Attorney's Office and tell them I have to go to Cleburne to pay some money to the probation department there to get someone out of jail here and asked if it was possible that my hearin' could be delayed to 4:00 p.m. "Sure," they said, and off I went. I paid the fees, took the receipt to the DA, he had already prepared the Motion to Withdraw the Motion to Revoke Probation. I agreed to go get the judge to sign it so it could be forwarded to the District Clerk in my county who would then prepare an Information to Jailer requestin' that my client be released from jail. I get all this done and head back to my little town.

I hit the edge of town at 3:20 p.m. I stop again and refill my cup with DP and head to the office to get ready to go do this hearin'. I pull up in front of the office and there is a guy sittin' on the hood of his car. "Were you waitin' for me?" "Are you the attorney?" "Yes, what can I help ya with?" I unlock the door and escort him in as he explains that he needs me to prepare a Release of Lien for the bank to sign now that he had fully paid off the note on some real estate he had bought a few years ago. No problem, I still had a little bit of time, so I start my document compiler and start goin' through the information needed to prepare the form. Well, he does not have everythin' we need, so I sent him to go to the bank to get the name and position of the person authorized to sign on behalf of the bank intendin' to go to the Clerk's office to search the property records for the other info.

He is back like lickety-split, so I head toward the court, it gettin' near time for the hearin' and the two of us stop by the Clerk's office, locate the needed info in less than a minute, I write it down and tell him to meet me back at my office at about 4:30. I walk into the court about 3:50 p.m. and the judge is not even sittin' on the bench. Seems that not one of the three hearin's scheduled has even taken place. I get the quick take on my client, and then speak with her three more times before we finally have our hearin' resultin' in her bein' placed in juvenile detention for 15 days until we either have another detention hearin' or we reach some disposition of her case. I get out of court at 5:05 p.m., and see the guy waitin' for me on the bench in front of the courthouse. I had told him if my car was still sittin' in front of the office, I would be comin' back there eventually. He decided to wait. I finished up his matter, collected too little money but more than most people likely think 30 minutes of my time is worth. I spent the next 20 minutes finally returnin' all those calls that had been waitin' for me when I got back from court this mornin'. I am done for the day, finally, and I drop by my favorite store and refill my cup with DP.

I am sittin' talkin' with my friend about gettin' cable and the cell phone plan we are goin' in together on and it is gettin' near 6:00 p.m. when I remember I had made plans to meet with the outgoin' Adjutant of our local American Legion to relieve him of some of the items for which the Adjutant has responsibility. Thankfully, he was still there and understood why I was late. Of course, he had plans at 7:00, as he had advised me when we had scheduled the meetin' so the meetin' was short and sweet. I went by the local taco shack and bought two bean burritos which I ate as I was composin' this post.

Anyone get this?

This was sent to me as the joke of the day from someplace. I just did not even undertand it, so anyone got any ideas about what is supposed to be humorous about this?

What is the most dangerous thing in Washington D.C.?

An intern with a chipped tooth.

Oh, by the way, I thought the funniest thing I wrote yesterday was this. However, I have no clue if anyone else thought so or even read it.

I will get comments on this for month's to come

Oh my George! It seems that there was a massive search of Michael Jackson's Neverland compound today. There was some speculation that they were searchin' for evidence of possible child molestation, but inside sources say that they were searchin' for the missin' bones of the Elephant Man. [want more?]

Do you, Glenn, take this man

Hmmm, seems that Glenn Reynolds and Eugene Volokh are gonna be on the radio discussin' same sex marriage in light of the rulin' of the Massachussett's Supreme Court. Heck, I didn't even know that Glenn and Eugene were engaged.

Okie dokie, get it fixed

'Fore I tell ya'll what I came to say, accordin' to what it says on my console this will be post number 1500. Now I don't know if that is 1500 posts that were published or 1500 posts that were written, 'cause sometimes I save a post as a draft 'cause there is some info I want to check on later that I later just delete after I got what I wanted out of it. But I just thought ya'll might have wanted to know that. Now to the impotant stuff.

Well, maybe blogrollin ain't pointin' all the links to Laura's blog anymore, but the add link part of it has been down for maintenance for the last two days. Sorry, Commisar, but I can seem to get The Politburo Diktat added to the list currently. Hopefully such will be done soon. So anyone else clamorin' to get on my list? Let me know and I will check ya out and see if ya are worthy of bein' included with all those wonderful blogs that are already there!

[UPDATE: Commisar has entitled a post LESBIANS HATE DICK and posted a picture as evidence, but I have to say that the lesbian pictured is so ugly, even Acidman would probably pass up a date with her.]

I missed the whole thing, damn it!

Ever since I got home, I have been doin' nuthin' but readin' blogs and, of course, pointin' out to you, my loyal readers, all the nifty little things I found in my own unique fashion. Well, on almost every blog I have read, there has been somethin' 'bout this supposed hack on blogrollin' sometime today. I was not online for most of the afternoon, as I was actually busy doin' some much needed work stuff, so I didn't notice if all my links went to Laura's blog or not. Well, I just went by Denita's (& Eric's, lest we forget Eric*) place. It seems Denita has found the culprit behind this supposed hackin'. Of course, this person says it was all an innocent mistake. What's more, she comes across as some dizzy dingbat,** so I am believin' it was all some glitch in the system.

*Speakin' of Eric, it seems Eric believes it was just a glitch also.

**Sorry, no offense intended -- I just call 'em as I see 'em. I am sure she is a lovely gal with a heart of gold. ;)

Just call him Phrank

It seems that the whole Blogosphere has learned the dirty truth about Frank J, out of the mouth of Frank J himself, or through the link he plastered all over IMAO braggin' on himself. It seems that his last name is Fleming, or is that Phlegming? Make me gag! Still he is not a sickening as Bill. And then there's Paul. Oh wait, let's really just not mention Paul.

A place where they really need a lot more bears

Now, tell me again why everyone wants to move there?

I was just talkin', naturally

My homeboy Scott was blurbin' 'bout some problems some voice recognition system in Lousyana has with people who drawl. It seems to me I done gave up on IBM's Via Voice one time 'cause it didn't recognize a damn thing I was a-sayin'. Of course, the documentation said it had to learn, and you were supposed to make it learn by correctin' the mistakes it made so as it teach it what you said. Heck, I spent more time teachin' it than the time it could have possibly saved me by not havin' to type all the crap I type. Naw, they need to get some Texans to write voice recognition crap and maybe I would try it again. Hmm, maybe Dell could work on that, huh?

Get your red hot inanities here

OK, someone emailed me and said that they had read all of my entries over the last few days and had not mentioned one thing about this report that came out sayin' that Saddam Hussein and Osama Bin Laden were all cozy and cooperative. They sent me a link advisin' me to read it. I did read it, two or three days ago, I think, and I saw everyone else bloggin' 'bout too. If ya'll hadn't noticed, I don't just blog about the same ol' crap that everyone else blogs about. I get pretty tired of listenin' to the same story on every TV channel, in every newspaper and on every blog and other source of news I see. I figure everyone already knows 'bout it from far better and maybe far more reputable sources than I, so I just pass on sayin' anythin' at all. But, since someone asked me about it, I will say this: I was in the least bit surprised about the news, but I was a bit surprised they actually found evidence of the existence of such.

Now that I got all that out of the way, what was it I was really meanin' to post? Oh yeah, Kelley's got the hives from formattin' this week's Cul-de-Sac, so go take a look, and stop and scratch an itch or two for her while you are there.

[UPDATE: You know, there is another reason why it is sometimes best not to talk about some really big news story.]

A wild and wooly night

Nope, it was not an endless sex escapade -- I only wish. But then again, in accordance with my current moral code belief, it would have been a honeymoon. There is no way I would be here to tell ya'll 'bout such. I would be too busy floatin' on Cloud Nine. Nope, yesterday, I had a horrendous headache, which I immediately suspected as due to sinus problems. That is usually the cause of headaches in the area where my head was poundin'. Thankfully, with my discovery that SudaFed does not keep me awake all night, I immediately took a dose. I expected the pain to subside within half an hour. Nope, that just did not happen. OK, I took another dose. Same result. Crap, I think, I guess I really need the antihistamines. Takin' antihistamines has show to cause me not to be able to sleep. But a poundin' headache is a poundin' headache. I feel compelled to take a dose of Tylenol Cold & Sinus medication. Still the damn headache continues. Well, if none of the sinus meds are workin', then it must not be sinus after all, I think. I am not too happy to have reached that conclusion after havin' taken the substance that will keep me awake all night. I am watchin' the game by this time, so I reach for the bottle of analgesics that are sittin' on the table by my chair: Excedrin PM. I take two and the headache subsides. Of course, I was unable to sleep, tossin' and turnin' and gettin up and down. I remember havin' gotten up about 3:00 am and decided to check to see if I had gotten an email I was expectin'. After doin' that, I went back to bed. Sometime afterward, the effects of the sleepin' medication in the Excedrin PM took effect. IN previous attempts to take such medication to counter the effects of the antihistamines, sleep had not occurred. It may have had somethin' to do with the timin' of the takin' of the medications, I don't know. I do know I found this mornin' that I had drifted into heavy slumber.

I had court this mornin' at 9:00. I slept right through the alarm. My guardian angel must have been aware of my dilemma 'cause there was a fire call at the Fire Hall at 10 minutes to 9:00 am. I live next door to the place. As the engines departed, soundin' their horns, I sat bolt upright. I immediately looked at the clock and saw the time. Crap, I'm late, I thought. Bein' almost fireman-like in my ability to dress quickly and hit the door, I did just that. I walked into court at 9:05 am. The paternity test results had not been returned in my case, so the case was reset to next month. 10 minutes later, I am back out the door.

I am back home now. I still need to go through my regular mornin' routine of bathin', shavin', brushin' my teeth, and goin' through my daily session of biological waste expulsion. How's that for startin' out your Monday mornin'?

unspeakable horrors exist elsewhere

Often one experience culture shock when they read about how people deal with things in other areas of the world, but some things are almost unimaginable.

The pure perplexity of it all

Have I mentioned lately how really really crappy my damn dialup service is? Yeah, I thought I had.

Give me an "I" - Give me a "D" --

Ain't it a hoot when the idiots prove they are idiots. Michele is on the case.

Damn, damn, or some other such words

I rarely visit Annika anymore, not because I do not think she is one damn fine lookin' young lady or that I do not instantly hang onto every word she writes, but because she is on blog*spot and, hence, does not ping blogrolling everytime she updates. As such, her link falls into the netherworld near the bottom of my blogroll. I made a conscious choice to go visit Annika this date and actually had to search for her listing on my lengthy list. Now I find that she is takin' a break from bloggin' to study for the upcomin' LSAT test. I understand that and wish her the best of luck. However, I am also so glad I visited today* or I would have missed her selection of Al Sharpton as her choice as Democratic Presidential Candidate and the reasons why: best hair and best speakin' voice. Hey, lookin' good and bein' a top-notch bull shitter kept Clinton in power for 6 years. Yeah, yeah, I know he served 8 years, but surely you admit he was not very powerful those last couple.

*She also posted an excellent graphic of that loveable superhero, Ben Grimm, The Thing. I remember that some of the greatest battles in all of comicbookdom were fought between The Thing and The Hulk. Toe-to-toe slugfests of incredible dimensions. I always rooted for The Thing. Afterall, someone had to look after Alice, Rumor has it that after he retired, he changed his name to Bill..

Ain't it funny ....

I just spent the greater part of an hour composin' a post about the two year s I spent representatin' a client like it was big news. I wonder how long Eugene Volokh spent on this post about somethin' I know ya'll all knew long ago, right?

Much ado 'bout nuthin'

SilverBlue can find more ways to talk about nuthin'. And he has the audacity to say that Bill's blog sucks.

I didn't have to look too hard

I got off work, came home, saw my numbers were not doin' well, maybe 'cause I had not been postin' all that much today, doin' work like I am supposed to do daily, you know, the stuff I put off to tomorrow for a week or so before I finally decide I really need to get it done sort of stuff. Anyway, so here I am, I am home and I sorely need to post somethin' to shoot my blog to the top of the blogrollin' list on those smart bloggers like me that have it arranged so that the blog with the newest crap is on the top. I desparately need somethin' to talk about and I found that some guy [Don-Anger Management] is literally kissin' Frank J's ass ... or maybe that is figuratively. Still, it is hilarious ... I wonder how much Frank J paid him to write all that crap. Did he actually say a hundred percent of my salary or did somethin' happen to the electrons as I copied that exact language directly from Frank J's blog and pasted it here?

A most appallin' turn of events

It seems that Jim of Snooze Button Dreams feels slighted in having his submission intentionally left out of this week's Carnival of the Vanities. Is it censorship? Jim suggests that it is:

Of course I feel slighted, Max. You censored me.

It's pretty easy to just note that the post is erotic fiction in the Carnival description. That's the actual description I submitted it with, after all. People who want to go there do so. People who don't, don't. This is what you did for every one of the people who you didn't censor. There are loads of topics up there that piss people off but all of them are okay. War, death, politics, sexuality, religion, Bush, Iraq, Pussified Toit, Christianity as a thought crime. All of those made the cut. Only my little erotic vignette was censored.

I'm more than slighted. I'm pissed. And very disappointed. I thought the Carnival as a whole was above petty stuff like this.

It seems that Max aka Daniel, had initially stated:

That was a personal call based on the nature of your post. I do apologize if you feel slighted, but it was just my preference not to add that one particular post.

but later clarified his postion with regard to that one particular post:

as i mentioned on your site, jim, your story wasn't very good. let's just accept that it's all for the best. [Daniel's SHIFT ky appeared to be malfunctionin' at the time of this comment]

Does the host of the Carnival of the Vanities possess editorial capacity? Wow, think of the implications of that? It makes me kind of proud I bowed out of submittin' my crap to the Carnivals.

Bring your own barf bag

If the endin' of this joke posted by SilverBlue doesn't make ya gag, the news story in this blurb by Kelley surely will.

Someone may be a bit off base

Owen, of Boots and Sabers has pointed to a story about a blogger whose mother discovered his blog and Owen entitled his blurb Every Blogger's Greatest Fear. Since my mother has gone to the Great Beyond, I have no fear that she will ever read my blog. I would be absolutely delighted if I found she could. Nope, my greatest fear is having no one read any of the crap I write.

That damn ***

Oh George, but here it is almost 3:00 pm my time and I have not even put up my first post of the day. I apologize to those of ya'll that had already started callin' the hospitals to check on me. Nope, I am fine, just been busy. I have fallen way way behind in the things I needed to get on top of here at the office, and thought today was gonna be the day I would have to get a lot of it done, but it has not turned out that way.

The day began on a strange note, beginning yesterday, when my friend Matt mentioned something about having court this morning when one of the district judges would be sittin' in our town. Now I have perviously explained at how they each only make one appearance in our town a month, so I was surprised to know that the court was settin' here this mornin' and I had nothin' pendin' 'fore that court on my calendar. I do not remember the last time one of the judges was sittin' here on a day when I had nothin' set before the court, so I was almost sure I had overlooked somethin' or somethin' had gotten lost in the mail.

I dropped by the court just prior to the beginnin' of proceedin's to take a look at the day's docket. It was indeed short and my name only appeared next to one case at the top of the docket. I instantly recalled that case, a child protective services matter, and I remembered it had been dropeed after my client had been returned to her mother. I was appointed to represent the child. OK, I was off the hook and was headin' back to the office to deal with all this work I haven't gotten to here of late. Oops, it is still once a month court day and things just don't work that way.

As I was leavin' to come back to the office this guy taps me on the shoulder and says, "My wife's attorney said I might should talk to you." This is the other party in Matt's case, and they are there for a hearing on temporary orders. It seems that Matt could not get the guy to agree to the temporary orders, so advised the man he was fixin' to be called to a hearin' in front of the judge and that he might ought to consult with an attorney. An hour or so in consultation and review of the proposed temporary order and I was able to negotiate a settlement. The Orders are so statutorily standardized that there is very little that can be argued, but the amounts of support seem quite high to someone who has little knowledge of the law. Uh, sorry, but $150 a month child support is not longer the norm, it is a set percentage of your income. Health insurance is required. The visitation schedule is written in stone. I thought they were tryin' to get by with somethin' with not restrictin' the residency requirement and thought all the supposedly reasonable injunctions, and they are all very reasonable, should be mutual as to both parties. Those changes were made as were some negotiations when payments were to begin so that my client could make provisions to set up his new household, and all the parties agreed it was fair and we got the judge to approve the agreement.

Of course, this all took time. Time away from the office and all these little nit-picky things that have to get done ... and pile up faster than tumbleweeds on a barbed wire fence. My biggest problem right now is suppressin' my body's desire for a long nap. You have fun readin' this, I will be thinkin' on that nap.

Many have come and gone, remember them all

Michele has a listin' of all the Active Service/Veteran bloggers she knows about. Of course, she didn't list this guy:

He blogs and he is currently the Post Adjutant of our local American Legion Post. I heard that the guy is much uglier in person and doesn't care about receiving any special recognition for just doin' his job as a US citizen.

Oh, it's killin' me!

I am torn between linkin' Susie or linkin' Susie's interview. Oh, what will I do?

O' what a glorious mornin' ...

or some other trite crap from some Rogers and Hammerstein musical*. Nope, it is Monday and I can hardly hold my eyes open. I said I had stayed up too late when I put up that last post last night/early thiis mornin' and for some reason I laid in bed unable to go unconscious for several hours. Now I am late, late, late for a very important date.** Catch up with ya'll later.

*I am almost sure this is from a song in Oklahoma.

**I wonder why I feel an uncanny need to munch a carrot.

A spark of hope glimmers on the horizon

You know, sometimes I wonder if I am the biggest loser in the universe, and then I will discover there are guys like this in the world. The strange thing is that this guy actually thinks he found nirvana.

attribution: JaxVenus [Days Go By]

Is he an official blogger yet?

I just noticed that today is Kang's one-month blogiversary. It is hard to believe that mindless marsupial has lasted this long. I don't think he knows, though, because when I checked in a bit ago, he had a very concerned look on his face.

Please Stay Tuned

This station is experiencin' technical difficulties. It seems that after havin' been being supremely stable all day, my crappy dialup service has decided it is time to start actin' crappy once again. After seein' the connection die and reconnect over and over again, I think it is time to go watch some TV. It ain't like I was drawin' that many readers anyway. Besides the commentin' and linky-love has been pitifully poor all day. I shall endeavor to hopefully return sometime later this evenin', provided my crappy dialup service allows me to do so. However, until I do, there is still plenty of stuff to read below, so feel free to scroll down.

Who really gives a fuck?

OK, it seems there is some kind of fiasco brewin' 'mong the Brits. My sources tell me that Prince Charles and one of his closest advisors, let's just call him Randy for the sake of gettin' the story out, were huddled in some deep hush-hush discussions regardin' the British affairs of state. Tea time arrived and tea was served. As the two were sittin' 'round sippin' tea, Randy blurted out as to how he was sure that the Warrin'ton Wolves were gonna trounce the Wigan Warriors on Monday Night Rugby, whereby Prince Charles, a reknowned Wigan Warriors fan retorted, "Suck my dick!" Randy, confused as to the nature of the remark. but afraid to disclose such in the princely presence, assumed such was a royal command and commenced to doing that which he presumed he had been commanded to perform. Before anythin' actually took place, other than Randy droppin' to his knees before the Prince and startin' to unzip his trousers, and before the Prince was able to explain the nature of his retort, the damn servant walked in to retrieve the tea tray. Michele has a different version.

And the Oscar for Strangest Flash Movie of 2003 goes to ...

Hey, if ya got good bandwidth or just a lot of spare time, you might take a gander at this very strange Flash animation. How do I know it is strange? Well, I looked at it, but more importantly, Frank said the viewing of this movie was the whole reason the Internet was invented. Now, that is strange.

Checkin' up on charitable contributions

Dustbury points out that there is somethin' interestin' in the Taste Section of the WSJ Opinion Journal:

Friday, November 7, 2003 12:01 a.m. EST
RED STATES CARE: In news sure to depress those for whom Republican stinginess and antipathy for the less fortunate is an article of faith, the Massachusetts Catalogue for Philanthropy has just released its Generosity Index 2003, which ranks states not just by how much their residents give per capita but also by how much they give relative to what they earn. As OpinionJournal.com reader Gabriel Openshaw pointed out to us, the resulting index shows that the top 20 states all went for George W. Bush in the 2000 election--while 15 of the 20 least generous went for Al Gore. Maybe, he suggests, the difference is that those in red states are more generous with their own money while those in blue states are more likely to be generous with other people's money. - link

Dustbury provided links to the Generosity Index if you're interested in seeing the complete state-by-state breakdown.

My, what a big gun you have, officer

Hmm, who said schools were not workin' hard enough to keep an eye on what our children were doin'? Maybe they are workin' too hard in some cases.

Rehashin' the TCU fiasco

OK, Ft. Worth Star-Telegram, newspaper for the hometown of the TCU Hornfrogs has a great story about that 1938 undefeated team that won the National Championship led by the legendary Davey O'Brien ... the namesake of the Trophy given to the top college quarterback each year. The foundation in charge of handin' out his trophy is located in Ft. Worth. Now, all of ya'll that think that TCU does not deserve a chance in this year's big bowl bid, just think of the heritage of this school, bein' the place where Davey O'Brien was from and also the home school of legendary Slingin' Sammy Baugh, one of the top quarterbacks in the NFL durin' his career. Go ahead, slam them for not bein' in one of the big major college conferences, but give them their due. Should the foundation decide that quarterbacks playin' such conferences are not worthy of bein' eligible for the Davey O'Brien Trophy? No way, you would say. Well, then allow TCU to have their due also. Just because they are not a part of those major conferences, does not mean they do not deserve a chance to compete for this year's National Championship? I say, no way .. let 'em play!

Somewhere in the middle of nowhere

OK, best title I could think up for a Wednesday opener. I mean all the trite crap about it bein' humpday is a bit blasé, 'specially if you ain't privy to no humpin' opportunities. I ain't real sure I can exceed yesterday's output. I could surely easily exceed the paltry amount of postin' I did, but it would be difficult to top the utter goodness of each and every post. I count yesterday's bloggin' efforts as a very exceptional daily output.

So, what do we have today? It seems I heard yesterday that these mid-term gubnatorial elections were gonna be an important sign ... for the Democrats. I guess the message wasn't what they was 'spectin', though. Hopefully there weren't no hangin' chads involved.

Speakin' of governors ... I wonder if we could get Arnie and Jesse into a ring for the benefit of some charity.

Damn, I am runnin' later than Roscoe on the way to a road block ... so ta ta for now.

Takin' candy from a baby

I have been hearing about this story on the radio all day:

ROBBER WITH A SWEET TOOTH Posted Tuesday, November 4, 2003 by THE NEWS WHERE YOU LIVE

Cleburne police are investigating an incident that occurred Halloween night and involved some children having their "trick or treat" candy stolen from them.

The children were standing inside their home after having gone trick or treating when a man ran up to the house and proceeded to push the children down and take their candy.

The incident took place in the 200 block of Peacock and the children's father chased the man as he fled from the home with the rest of the family getting in the car and joining the chase.

The robber was located a short distance away and the children got out of the car and tackled him, trying to get their candy back. The man was able to get away on a bicycle.

Authorities do have information regarding the man and a possible accomplice.

The site from which this was copied is here but may not be located at such site for long. I therefore pasted the story verbatim.

I suppose what puzzles me the most is the robber's motivation. I mean there was plenty of candy to be had on Halloween night, so was it something about these particular kids or what? This situation is just too bizarre. Another thought that crosses my mind is how ironic it would be if I was appointed to represent this crazed thief somewhere down the road, because I do a lot of work in the courts of Cleburne.

Am I missin' somethin' here?*

I have seen this one female's ad come through email I receive from Yahoo personals time and time again. I wonder if this gal ever gets any replies, and if not, why? I mean she comes across as so very easy to please.

Yesssss... Coming home..I am in prison and I will be out of here within 18 months.I have been in here over 15 years and I am ready for the world.You have dreams in here and my is a family and a secure home life. The world will be a new place to me and i want to experience it in nice easy steps. My man must be mine...wanting a family and spending time with us.Age nor race are factors but he must be gentle and kind ..strong and understanding.. I know I will need help adjusting back to the real world [text is as originally seen in ad]

Actually, I do wonder for what crime she has been servin' time, as except for violent or aggravated crimes, Texas prisoners usually make parole pretty easily on first offenses. She advertises her age as 33, so if she has been in there for 15 years, that would have made her only 18 when she was convicted. Not likely to have had a lengthy criminal history at that age.

*Naw, I wasn't really missin' anythin' ... just needed a title and that one seemed to work.

More is not always better

Roxette Bunny composed a post with 39 links to SilverBlue exceeding the 29 that Denita sent my way in this post.

All that being said, however, Denita's post was this:

"Were there two Mondays this week?" he asked himself as he tossed and turned under the covers, suffering yet another sleepless night. The next day he begged most humbly for forgiveness while exposing his navel, wondering when does the madness end as he listened to the radio. That evening he pledged to be less forthright in exposing his navel, but alas, it was too late--he was completely brain-dead and reduced to telling blonde jokes. But we'll forgive him, as his next day was a real whirlwind. He spent the afternoon spreading the word around about the hazards of increasing sizes before touring his town's Haunted House. Too bad he couldn't scare the Comment Spammers that have been pestering him lately away from his blog...oh well. At least he wasn't throwing kangaroos--though he was pitching them. But soon enough he had to ask the question--how high do you have to reach to touch the sky? He had a great answer to that one. But then it was time for a nap. During which no-one read nuthin, because it was Saturday. After his nap he decided to get toasted. Then it was time for Sunday Football! Alas, the World Series disappointed him, and the Cowboys lost. But at least he finally got to watch Chicago. Then he dreamed about Renee Zellweger's belly button. He got a letter from his aunt, was fussy about how blogging is declining, linked to yours truly (thanks again, ***!), and decided to kill the kangaroo. He felt quite weird after all that, and was left wondering "Where the Hell am I?"

while Roxette Bunny posted this:

And records are made to be broken.

Of course, that means that there's a lot of typing that needs to be done, and my little blue bunny paws get tired easily.

How's that for a massive amount of linking?

I dunno, but isn't it kinda like comparin' apples to oranges? Of course, the downside of this is that my report duplicates the 39 links to SilverBlue but does nothin' to assist my cause. However, Kang and I are comin' up with somethin' that will blow the lid off of the Blogosphere Ecosystem.

A long and uneventful day?

Wow, in my one and only comment received today, some guy said:

This is my second visit, to your illustrious site, and I must say you havent improved, but thats OK neither has mine. Of course you could say that it hasen't got any worse but that would be just sucking up. [quoted as originally posted]

Now that begs a couple of questions. The first being why did I only draw one comment today and only 34 visitors to this point? The second being what could I possibly do to improve this blog?

Oh well, I blogrolled Lost in Cyberspace anyway. He likes B5 and if I suck up to him enough, maybe he will let me borrow all those Babylon 5 DVDs. George, but they want a heck of a lot of dough for those things. I mean I bought every episode of The Green Hornet that some guy taped off of WGN with all the commercials snipped for less money.

Oh! He also mangled a good attorney joke. The joke is:

What do you call 100 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?
A good start.

He told it this way:

Q.Whats better than 100 lawyers at the bottom of the sea?
A. 200.

You decide - which is better?

To snog or not but what in the Hell is it?

OK, I am not really sure what snoggin' is, but by any definition of what I think it might be, I can guarantee this cryin' game should have never even gotten past first base.

attribution: Anna

Tig's most horrific All Hallow's Eve

Yes, it is true. The ghouls, goblins, and ghosts have wrought their wrath upon me this night with a vengence. I had decided as a Halloween treat for all of my loyal readers to look through every blog on my blogroll and to find those most worthy quotes regarding the Halloween occasion, and to post such in a most elegant listing. For three and one-half hours I diligently read blog after blog, waiting for each to slowly load as my usually crappy dial-up service was even crappier than usual. I am unsure of the actual number of quotes I had amassed and formatted for the eventual post to be, but as I went to paste a quote from one the blogs at the bottom of my blogroll, I found the posting window with all of my unsaved work had mysteriously vanished. Was it the work of a playful Halloween poltergeist or just my inane negligence? I suspect the former but logic would point to the latter. Oh well, the horror of it all. What is the worst part is that you, my loyal readers, will never see that which I had amassed for your enjoyment. However, as a consolation, many of the blogs I had perused had mentioned a place to find plenty of Halloween goodies.

As for me, this episode has deeply deflated the enjoyment I had hoped to receive from this year's Halloween. However, I survived, so I guess I am better off than some of the other horrors that will befall people this All Hallow's Eve.

Treats and a note about the freakin' trick

We actually have our Safe-Treat event tomorrow, which is where all the businesses on the Square or anyone else that wants to provide treats to all the youngsters who are dressed up as vampires, witches, scarecrows, hobos or anythin' else they (or their parents) could come up with so as to scare us out of some treats. I stopped by Wal-Mart today to get ready for the event. Last time I my office was on the Square, what two years ago, I was prepared for about 100 or so kids to come by and found that I had estimated way too low. This year I prepared for 500. I was lookin' around to what type of candy to get, was settlin' on a couple of different mixed bags of candy when my eye caught bags of Tiger Pops. Sorry, kids, but no way in the world was someone called Tiger gonna pass on that, so I bought 10 bags of those striped artificially fruit flavored lollipops, meanin' I have 500 of them ready to hand out tomorrow night. I also bought a bucket to hold them in and two scary plastic or somethin' Jack o' Lanterns as well.

It is a big event here, as all the churches also have a festival here at the same time, with all kinds of things for kids to do, games and such, as well a few vendors. I also donated $100 to assist the churches this year, so after the $50 I spent on candy and stuff, I am about out $150. Since I have no kids of my own, I guess I have no problem goin' out a bit more for other people's kids.* It is a great event, and if you are even near our area and have some kids, drop by. Really, I asked a few three years ago where they were from and some came as far as from San Antonio and from just north of the Texas-Oklahoma border to come to the event.

*Actually, since I was on the point of takin' care of other people's kids, however, it does rankle me continuously how many people who have kids and yet seem to really take no responsibility for them. I was behind two really young ladies with three toddlers between them at the cashier line, both of whom had several grocery items, one with like 4 gallons of milk, and both times, when it came time to pay, they whipped out their Lone Star Cards. I have previously reported that the Lone Star Card is what has replaced Food Stamps in Texas. I just wonder where the fathers of those kids were and why they were not takin' care of their kids, and if they were nowhere around, why those gals had kids with the bastards in the first place. Kids havin' kids seems that have gone completely rampant in our society and it is drivin' me nuts.

Another long trail ends with sore feet

Yep, Court was a marathon. I had one client that was not pleased in the least with the punishment recommendation on her case, which I too believed was a bit harsh. I tag teamed with another attorney who is representin' her against CPS in a custody matter against the DA. For his part, the DA did spend considerable time listenin' to the both of us and lookin' through the file at the evidence. He stood by his recommendation, however, and I and the other attorney, as well as one of her jail friends, advised the client that she could do better by her kids through takin' the deal offered (which required several months of inpatient drug treatment prior to release on probation) than by continually being brought back to court month after month with no resolution pendin' jury trial. This one case wore me out. I had a couple of others, but one will be comin' back month after month until we can actually get it to the top of the list of those cases that will be going to trial. Another we will get in front of a jury next week on the limited issue of whether the person is competent to stand trial. The gem of this afternoon's adventure was my appointment to another case by the court during the docket call. As it turned out, this was the easy case as the defendant was eager to take the offered deal. Of course, the necessary paperwork takes forever. I was through with court by a little after 4:00 and spent the next half hour or so copyin' documents at the clerk's office and discussin' expeditin' several of my client's cases with various members of the DA's office.

As I was in the neighborin' town, one with several types of places to eat that do not exist in my small burg, I decided to stop and have some Lo Mein and egg rolls for dinner. I then drove home, went by the office and returned some calls, put a note on the door tellin' everyone I would be back in court at 9:00 am tomorrow and would hopefully be back in the office after lunch, stopped by my favorite store and refilled my Dr. Pepper cup and came home. I am tired and sore and yet I feel compelled to do somethin' I have not done in awhile. Remember when I changed my blogroll to list in updated format? Well there are several blogs at the very bottom of that roll that I seldom seem to visit anymore. Tonight I have visited each and every one of them, and here is what I found:

• I wanted to say somethin' really snarky about this thing I found on lovely Annika's site, but I am too appalled at the episode to find anything humorous to say.
• My favorite Bush-basher Oldcatman has penned a Halloween poem modeled on The Night Before Christmas starring the aforementioned President Bush. [scroll to the Oct. 30th entry]
• Average White Guy, recently widowed, discovers, after a discussion with the counselor when taking his daughter for grief counselin', that he might also have a need for such. [scroll to Oct. 29th entry]
• anonymous gurl experiences no angst at turning 40, instead finds herself strangely comfortable with her life and accomplishments. [you might have to search the archives for the post entitled THERE IS NO ANGST dated Oct. 25, 2003 should it drop from the index page when you try to visit]
• If I had not ventured on this little quest along the bottom of my blogroll I would have missed this nice description of Halloween as practiced in the 21st Century penned by my good friend DavidMC
• Azygos shares a story of someone comin' to the end of their life with such compassion, you hope he holds your hand when the time comes.
• Signal+Noise has moved from blog*spot and reports on a new sweetner that tastes like sugar and is sugar but without the problems of sugar.
• It seems that what I had blogrolled as Armchair Analyst is now The Chicago Report and is reportin' that business in America is good.
• My2cents has changed its name to Dangerously Delusional and dabiotch [didn't she used to be Wandalicious?] is rantin' 'cause the Red Cross is thinkin' of pullin' out of Iraq.
• Although she admittedly blogs very seldom, Linda [Biting-Nails] has recently penned a tale of someone who really should learn to keep his mouth shut.
• Ian Hamet [Banana Oil] continues to post regularly and to talk about what you can see in movies and TV. I especially liked his take on Law & Order: Special Victims Unit.
• Public Defender Dude states that cops lie in trials. Now who would have ever thunk that?
• Ross [Rocket Penguin] gives an example of how the Army has really softened since my day when enforcement usually meant being taken behind some building wrapped in a blanket and gettin' whacked a few times with a bunk adapter. Of course, some of those old brown boot guys were always hangin' around tellin' us how much rougher the Army was in the old days during my early days too. ;) and
• The newest member of my blogroll is Gennie [Dizzy Girl] whose latest post on the power of linky-love or whorin' as she called it was what initially compelled me to troll the bottom of the blogroll.

There was an additional one or two blogs that I visited in the quest that seemed to have not been updated much during the last month, so I passed on mentioning them in this listing.

Turn out that damn light!

About an hour before I need to awaken each morning the damn sun crawls up over the school across the street and lights up the east window in my bedroom. To whom do I call to complain about that?

Does it involve nuns on bicycles?

Do What? Who in the Hell is Lewis Grizzard and how is he associated with Eric's winkie?

He does have those shifty eyes!

So, you really thought you could trust Paul, huh? It seems he admits he is holding out on us.

Is it dark up there?

I'm sorry, but if TCU was in the Big XII, SEC or one of the other BCS conferences, they wouldn't be 8-0. - Steven

An eye for the details

I followed a link on Dean's World to this story about some gal recanting her story about being raped the day before the supposed rapist's trial was to begin, and yet the weirdest thing was that at the top of such story from www.nbc10.com was this line:

Attention Fark.com Readers: Other Top Stories On NBC10.com

Where is the time I need?

Well, today my internet connection at the office has been great all day, miraculously. Of course, since today is the only day I do not have to be in court this week, I have about a million other things that I need to get done. However, despite all the things I have to do with my practice I had to set aside so as to type up the minutes from last night's meetin' and some other responsibilities from bein' the Adjutant of the American Legion Post in our town. I seem to need more time durin' the day, because I cannot find the time to take a nap. Damn, sometimes I really miss bein' in Kindergarten. I mean is there anythin' better than spendin' a day eatin' cookies, takin' naps, smearin' paint all over anythin' you can with your hands, and, if you really got lucky that day, you got to make fun of someone who peed in their pants?

I am really weird

I really must be weird because I keep thinkin' some of this crap I am writin' is funny as Hell!

Crap, can I get inane when I am sleep deprived?

What was good about it

Well, I had told ya'll I was not too interested in this year's World Series, but at least the Yankees didn't win! Yay! I guess all of George's money couldn't buy the pennant for New York this year.

There really is a silver lining

They say for every cloud, there is a silver lining, and I have to find that to be true even for comment SPAMMERS. I mean, here it is Saturday, that notorious slow bloggin' day, and yet I find I have somethin' to do. I am able to be checkin' in frequently to delete some asshole's comments and bannin' them from my blog.* Isn't it just wonderful how some things just work out that way?

*Of course, it would actually be much more fun if we could just take them out back somewhere and beat the livin' crap out of them.

It's Saturday & I ain't got nobody

but I got some money 'cause I've been paid. Of course the night has not arrived, and I am not likely to be doing anything exciting anyway. It is the night of the annual Chamber of Commerce Casino Night, and although I am a sponsor and have two tickets to attend, I have no one to go with and am not a big gambler. I probably will just stay home.

I got home late last night as most of you know, but I did not tell you about my tour of out Haunted House last night. I was really impressed. It was set up in our old 1930's jail, set up like an old mental hospital where they just locked up all the crazy people. They had a fog machine set upstairs and had three strobe lights set up downstairs so it was really hard to see the people who were hiding in the shadows to jump out to firighten you. I jumped a few times as they were hidden pretty well. It was set up by one to support the Caner Society so I did not mind paying my $13 bucks to do the tour. In fact, I actually donated another $5 and had donated several cans of red spray paint a few months ago when they were asking for things to be donated to assist in setting it up. I am always glad to do my part, as that is why I moved to a small town. I needed somewhere where I felt like I was needed. For some reason, I never felt like anything but another number when I lived in Dallas.

I never did get around to watching Chicago last night as I had to push the kangaroo to do his job, so after I go soak a bit in a tub of hot water, I might get around to seeing that movie.

Another day, another 37¢

Well, didn't get much sleep. I tossed and turned most of the night as the sinus tablets had me wired as usual. I finally got up about 5:00 am, watched Road to Rio, and decided to come say Good Morning to all my readers. As I mentioned in my last post, I have a lot to do this morning, so I am getting ready to go to the office to get ready for court. I hope you all have a good day, I will check back as soon as I can.

Procrastination 101

When I did all that work on this template, there was some stuff that never was quite completed at the very bottom of the page that I intended to get back to, and I just noticed I never had. Oh well, it ain't gonna be done tonight, and it might be awhile before I remember it needs to be done again. Speaking of procrastination, that reminds me that Harvey* wanted a kangaroo pic.

*It actually might be a different Harvey, but I am just making a wild guess here.

It's Monday .... again

George, but it seems like we go through this every week. Surely they could do something about having a Monday in every week, even if it is sometimes Tuesday. I mean as we get more and more people and there seem to be fewer and fewer jobs, is it maybe not time to readjust the normal work week? I am all for limiting the work week to 10:00am to 4:00pm - Tuesday through Thursday. I mean really, no one really works during any of the other times anyway, right?

DOG UPDATE: Comanche stayed in the compound all day and night and successfully made dog check* this morning.

*Dog Check: I open the door and check to see how many dogs instantly appear on my porch.

I'm sorry ... I'm so sorry

I don't know why, but I felt I would just lay back and do hardly anything but watch the tube this weekend. After all the hooplah over the past weekend, I probably needed some rest. I have been sleeping in pretty late today and yesterday. I have about a million honey-do's that could be done, but without a honey to push me to do them, I am putting them off until tomorrow or some other time.[*] Well, now that you know what is going on in my life, I will now let you get back to your more exciting life. Have as much fun as possible. I think I will just go take a nap. Now how exciting is that?

[*UPDATE: It seems Deb Yoder decided to take off from blogging to do some honey-do's, although she is a honey and is stuck doing it herself.]

What can I possibly say!

I knew who I was before I took the quiz:

Which Dr. Seuss character are you?

brought to you by Quizilla

You can blame Deb Yoder for this perverse glimpse into my psyche.

I blog about my dogs ...

and then I find a nightmare! Yes, Comanche finally almost pulled the porch column out of the concrete. George, that dog is really strong. I mean she has broken 4 choke collars, and 3 chains and now almost pulled an iron porch column right out of 4 inches of concrete. I have pounded a long stake into the middle of the yard, so if I need to chain her up, maybe it will work for awhile. Otherwise, I have to chain her to a big tree in the corner of the yard. That is where she was chained while I went around getting all the stuff I needed to try to keep her contained. Right now I am hoping that I have fixed the hole that she uses to get out of the fence and that finding she cannot easily escape now will keep her in the yard. Who knows, maybe being chained to that tree where she was too far from where the water and food sits on the porch for a few hours might have given her the idea that it is actually better to hang around without being chained up than taking a chance to see what is going on up and down the neighborhood. There is a good test going on as I am writing this, as some guy is walking a Rottweiller right in front of our house. Duke is not very happy about that, and last time I looked, Comanche was right at the fence checking him/her out, probably thinking how fun it would be to check him/her out a lot more closely. We shall see. If ya don't see me for awhile, you can bet I am busy chasing a dog around.

But I wanted metal knives to shoot outta my knuckles

As most of ya'll likely know, I usually pass on these quizzes that seem to go around the blogosphere almost all the time, but hey, it is X-Men and how could I pass up on an opportunity to discover that X-Man to which I was most akin. Of course, I was hoping for a different result, but I am likely less of a loner than Logan, I guess.

You are Beast!

You are brilliant and extremely clever. You can handle almost any problem swiftly and efficiently. You are devoted to philosophy and are always up for a good discussion. Sometimes, though, your anger gets the best of you and you upset those whom you care about.

Which X-Men character are you most like?

brought to you by Quizilla

Thanks go to Eric and Denita.

I mighta been born, but 'tweren't yesterday

Satire, my ass.

Oh Crap! It's broken!

Hmmm, from a gander at my blogroll, it would seem that blogrolling's pinger is broken. That kinda sucks, don't it?

• 2003.10.16 14:23:00 - 'Tiger' added entry #1324
• 2003.10.16 14:23:55 - Ping 'http://rpc.blogrolling.com/pinger/' failed:
• 2003.10.17 01:06:24 - 'Tiger' added entry #1325
• 2003.10.17 01:07:56 - Ping 'http://rpc.blogrolling.com/pinger/' failed:
• 2003.10.17 02:07:57 - 'Tiger' added entry #1326
• 2003.10.17 02:08:56 - Ping 'http://rpc.blogrolling.com/pinger/' failed:

[UPDATE: Do what? Did all I have to do was mention it, and it started working again?]

What the Hell do I know about anything anyway?

I dunno, I just thought a blog with pictures of kangaroos making excuses for not blogging was the perfect theme for a blog entitled Abject Apathetic Procrastination. It is SNARKY and INANE isn't it?

Sometimes you find something amazing

I have no idea how many pictures I have posted on this blog in the last few months. On each and every one of them, I had done just like I have done since I started making websites, over seven years ago. I have uploaded the pic via ftp and then scripted the HTML to display it.

Well, some of ya'll might not have discovered my new blog: Abject Apathetic Procrastination, which is my former test blog and now my official foray into the munu network. There is still a bit I don't know about that system, such as how to change my password and to let it remember me when I login, and I had no idea as how to ftp anything to Pixy's server. So, when I needed to post a pic, I used the MT upload file system, and George, did I wish I had known about that from the first pic I ever put up. It not only ftp's it for you, but will write the damn HTML script to paste in your post. Guess what I will be using from now on anytime I need to post a pic?

Add $1,000,000 & it is still NO SALE

Sure, just go ahead and try to sell this crap to women. They are never gonna believe it is all due to chemicals and not because you are nothing but a lazy, sitting around in your underwear watching football, good-for-nothing bastard who won't get off of your fat ass to assist in cleaning up the damn house.

[UPDATE: Like, duh. I am so sorry, but I did forget to tell ya'll that Steve led me to this story.]

Bring on the cheese

Errrggggggg! I hate candy corn.

Reality crap hits the fan

Well, I here they are going to do another bullshit "Millionaire" show again, where they are going to tell a bunch of women some guy has more money that he really has to see how those gold diggers work hard to win his heart. But hold your horse a minute! I saw the previews and the guy is pretty good looking. Most of those women would probably would have jumped his bone even if they knew he was poor and had met him at some singles' bar. Now if you wanted to make the show a bit more interesting, instead of some young hunk, put some older ugly guy like me in that spot and then see how hard they work to win my heart. Talk about reality, it would show exactly how money hungry those damn bitches were, huh? And if you wanted to make it even more interesting, use Acidman instead of me. I mean looking at him would make a dog puke*, so if those women jumped though hoops to be his bed partner, you know all they were after were those millions.

*He just never should have said I looked older than he did. ;)

George, I just solved another one

You know, sometimes I get a bit wrong about the gender of some bloggers, even if I know their names. Take for example, Lesley of Plum Crazy: when I first read this site, I was almost sure it was written by a female. Then one day I read something that almost made me sure that maybe I had made a mistake. I mean, Lesley could actually be a male name. I have known a few guys named Les in my life, so I kicked myself in the ass for having made an invalid assumption or something and went on my way, wondering. Now, I am very sure Lesley is a female.

Oh, I hate it when I am wrong

Thanks to baldilocks, I found this nifty civics test.

I, too, missed the 1st question .. actually missed it badly, making two wrong guesses before selecting the right answer. I also missed number 9, feeling foolish in having chosen answer 1, knowing it was wrong, but thinking maybe they had made a clerical error, because I was almost sure none of the others were right either. Those were my only two wrong answers, but I readily admit I made educated guesses to arrive at correct answers to numbers 6, 10 and 12. I guess that is why I always did well on tests in school, because I almost always was better at figuring out which answers were definitely wrong and after discarding those finding only one answer left. I did that more often than knowing immediately which was the right answer.

Did you ever?

I was gonna blog about somethin' but done forgot what I was gonna say. Oh well, let me see here ... I could tell you 'bout how strange my life has been here lately. I did somethin' yesterday that I cannot remember the last time I did such: I wore the same pair of underwear for the second day.

Now I may have done this when I was on a road trip or camping, or some other such time as I was away from home, but bein' homebound, I cannot remember the last time that has happened. It was combination of several things:

1. My bein' behind in doin' some laundry;
2. My havin' not unpacked from my last road trip; and
3. My bein' severely late for court.

Yes, I was hurriedly tryin' to get dressed, had looked into my designated underwear drawer for some clean BVDs, Hanes or FTLs and found there bein' none available, then rememberin' that I had placed a load of such underthingies in the wash last weekend right before I headed to Abilene to see my brother and his family and that such were likely still in the washin' machine, likely soured and just seein' the pair I had offed right before I had jumped in the shower sittin' on top of the pile of assorted dirty clothes against the wall in my bedroom and just said, fine, these will have to do for another day. I am very thankful that I did not get in a catastrophic accident, as my mother had told me would happen if I ever forgot to put on a clean pair of underwear everyday, so now I am wonderin' if I need to worry about rewashin' that load of laundry or just wearin' the same pair for the rest of my life. What do ya'll think?

What in the Hell was he thinkin'?

OK, here is an interesting story:

Charles Grissom, director of the Paris High School band, said his intentions were true.

The Blue Blazes Band would perform a historically accurate show titled "Visions of World War II" featuring flags and music to represent the combating nations.

It would include a student running across the field with a Nazi flag and the tune composed by Franz Joseph Haydn that later became "Deutschland Uber Alles."

Mr. Grissom didn't anticipate the response his group received while performing at Hillcrest High School on Rosh Hashana, the Jewish new year.

"We were booed," he said Monday. "We had things thrown at us. We were cursed."

Says the Band director:

Mr. Grissom, who is in his first year at Paris High, said an announcement was made over the loudspeakers before the performance, explaining that the school was trying to do a "historical, accurate depiction of the event."

Still, some fans were furious. Paris' assistant coaches were even targeted as they made their way through the bleachers to a press box after halftime.

"The assistant coaches ... got blasted, cursed," said Brent Southworth, Paris' head football coach. "It was undeserved from our perspective. We didn't know anything about it."

Mr. Grissom said he has learned his lesson. Henceforth, the band's show likely will include only the American flag, though all the music will remain.

"Our intent was never to cause any harm," Mr. Grissom said.

"The kids and myself, we caused a reaction, and we certainly didn't mean to. We'll use it as a learning situation."

The full story is on the Dallas Morning News site, but you will have to register to see it. To me, it is just another episode in PC overload. I mean, it happened folks. Do we just forget the evil in the world?

The show also includes the flags and music of France, Britain, Japan and the United States. The flags were raised in intervals that corresponded with the music of the nations. Mr. Grissom said the Nazi flag was waved twice – for about seven seconds each time – and the French and British flags were waved twice each for about the same amount of time. [emphasis supplied]

There was no reported reaction to displaying the Japanese flag. Is it just that the horrific memories of the Nazi regime are too intense for people to put in their proper perspective, or is it time that we just erased all reference to Nazis, Nazi Germany, Adolph Hitler, millions of Jews and others who were killed from history? I wish we could, but it happened and we should not take offense at every mention of such, especially when offense is not intended.

Nope, I think the uproar was a grand show of ignorance by those who were offended by such. Heck, it was a bunch of High School Band members.

This does not look good!

My horrorscope for today:

A chance to make your mark today seems apparent. There are perils in getting things accomplished. Today's challenges center on relationships, especially yours with authority figures.

It looks like I might come out on the losing end of a head knocking confrontation with a judge today. I did not even see I was supposed to be in court today.

You rang?

Oh? My mistake; I thought someone was here. ;)

Well, Hell, what do I do now?

I was just sitting here staring at the monitor and pulling hairs out of my nose*, and thought, hey, maybe it is time to go to bed. I have zoo duty in the morning, so if I do decide to post anything, it might be later in the day before anything new comes up. Of course, however, you never know. Cherry could sneak in and post something. ;)

*Hey, if it sounds disgusting, try doing it. Not only is it fairly disgusting to do, it really does not feel all that great either, but then if you don't do it, they tickle the crap** out of your nose and make you sneeze alot.

**For some reason, crap sounds so much nicer than shit, doesn't it?

Of wine, women & song

Actually forget the songs and the wine and let me just diatribe a bit about women. I just made a run to my favorite hangout, the convenience store owned my friend, John Parker, just up the street from my abode.* The moment I walked in, I saw what had to be the most perfect human female I have ever seen. She was somewhere between 17 and 21, it being so hard to tell anymore, and had a body that made my tongue literally hang out of my mouth, and then had a face that was about as perfect as any I had ever seen. Her eyes were radiant and sparkly, as was her personality, and she had these pouty lips and cute little button ears and what was about the most exquisite bobbed nose that I had ever seen. Yes, for some reason it was not her pert perky little derriere that I found to be attractive, it was not the way her perfectly rounded breasts pushed hard against the pink spangled top she was wearing, but it was her nose. Oh, my eyes took it all in, and my brain told me that I was born much too early in life. I did wish that her top had been one of those bare midriff sorts that would have allowed me a gander at her navel, but alas, some things will have to be left to imagination. I saw no piercings in her nose, lip or tongue, and expect since the navel was not exposed, nothing pierced its beauty as well. She left and I just wondered who she was and where her life would take her. In a perfect world, she would have been the mother of my children.

Alas, however, the world is not perfect. In fact, the world has gotten quite bizarre, especially when it comes to young women. Here we were, three middle-aged men sitting around a convenience store, all of us admiring this beautiful feminine creation. Then another one comes in, and one of the people knows her from way back. She says hi to him and tells him that her child has just turned two and is doing well. Ron, the clerk that was familiar with her, says that she was a nasty girl even when she was young and he was quite sure she would end up pregnant sooner or later, and she did. I am thinking this girl was about 16 or 17.

Where was the daddy of her baby? In the pen, most likely. That seems to be the general rule of thumb for young women of this day and age in our community in their choice of men. They seem to all crave to have sex with the guys that are trouble: the ones that get into fights, the ones that use drugs, and the ones that have tattoos all over their bodies. Every gal wants to be a gangster moll, I guess. Of course, most of them turn out being single mothers of children whose fathers have disappeared or ended up in the big house for an extended stay. As I said, the world is getting bizarre, or at least it has gotten so in my little corner of the world.

*I have always dreamed of having an adobe abode. Now how cool is that?

Blogging 101 from Allison Mack!

Too cool, a TV star and a blogger! And her tips for blogging are pretty much on point. Well, except for this one:

Use a Website that will host your blog for FREE. A great site to check out is Blogger.com.

Those who have gone that route found it really ain't that great a place to start your blogging! Unless you are James.

Uh, thanks to Jay for starting me on the journey.

OK, I think I finally got it this time

Well, I went through another extreme bout with insomnia last night and was up at 3:00 just quaking, letting a hot bath run, and looking in the mirror trying to figure out why I could not fall asleep when it hit me. I went all day drinking what? 160 ounces of Dr. Pepper. Other than my usual mass quantities of a highly caffeinated soft drink, I otherwise consumed one Arby's over-priced roast beef sandwich and small curly fries. I think I now know why I have been plagued with bouts of insomnia. The quaking gave it away. ;)

Oh no, you didn't do that!

You know how everyone always says you should never do business with SPAMMERS? I am supposing that if I abide by that belief, I can no longer visit one of my favorite cities:

Do farts have lumps?

Ah, the pleasures of dialup. It seemed that every time I got ready to post something last night, my connection would lock up, the dialer would freeze and I would have to reboot. It was somewhat infuriating. Uh, strike that somewhat, because it was damn infuriating. Of course, actually, that might have just been the way things were meant to be in my life at the moment.

I awoke this morning with a charley horse in my right calf. I expect this is a symptom of my letting my body's potassium level drop too low, because I practically forgot to eat yesterday. Oh, I had a couple of tostadas at lunch, and right about 9:00 I scarfed down a meat&bread soy burger that my friend at the local convenience store had left over from unsold foods prepared for lunch. I guess I should have had a banana instead.

Well, enough fun reporting the crap that goes on in my mundane life, as I seem to be late with my date for another day's drudgery in the paper pile that is my profession. Hasta luego, amigos y amigas!

I sometimes get the weirdest emails

I actually got one that was offering me my choice of a free Big Mac or a free Double Whopper, all I had to do was choose. I passed as, even free, neither are really my cup of tea. Now if they had been offering a free Wendy's Texas Double Cheeseburger with a Biggie Fry and a Frostie, I would have hopped right on a free meal offer. ;)

Toto, this doesn't look like Kansas

I am tired and not gonna worry about anything until tomorrow, if I decide it* is worth worrying about tomorrow.

*Whatever it may be or may turn out to be tomorrow.

Tin-foil brigadier or forebearer of doom?

Wow, who led me to this site which talks of NASA sending the Voyager spacecraft into the atmosphere of Jupiter? According to the author, doing such might cause a nuclear reaction that would destroy life on our planet. You know, man doing stuff resulting in unknown reactions has not really been all that much of a boon to mankind in the past. I do hope that NASA thinks this action through clearly before embarking on a mission that could result in the destruction of all known life in our solar system.

What people wear over their underwear

It is sometimes funny how I read something someone else has posted and it reminds me of something I wanted to share. Just as I recalled my earlier Army experiences after reading Steve's post in my previous entry, I read Glenn's critique of LA fashion sense and it reminded me of a quip I heard from a radio DJ on my drive home from Zane's bash last evening. I am not sure of his exact words, but the cruxt of the quip was: The young women of today are wearing clothes so tight they must be still wearing the same clothes they were wearing when they were 12 and 13 while the young men are wearing clothes so baggy that they won't even grow into until they are in their 40s.

1973: You're in the Army now

Steve tells of a time his Dad volunteered for a job while in the Army when the Sarge asked if anyone had gone to college, because they were looking for intelligent people for the job. The job turned out to be unloading a shipment of typewriters. Such tale did bring back a memory of the only advice my dad gave me when I joined the Army. "Son," he said, "If they ask for volunteers to be truck drivers, pass on it." I, of course, could not understand why he told me that bit of information, but on the very first day, after we had gotten our haircuts, our uniforms, and told where we were to bed down, some Drill Sergeant asked for volunteers to be truckdrivers on the next day. Several people jumped out and raised their hands. I decided that my dad told me what he did for some reason, so I just stayed back. The Sargeant picked several fairly skinny guys, all of whom were a larger than myself. I was likely the skinniest guy in Ft. Polk* at the time as I was 6'1" and 121 lbs. The Sergeant told his five volunteers to fall out early after breakfast and be ready for their assignment.

The next day, those five were pushing wheelbarrows full of sandbags all over the place while the rest of us were busy learning how to march. I am almost sure, now, that when I my dad joined the Army, he had raised his hand that first day. I do know that his advice saved me from having to push wheelbarrows full of sandbags on my second day in the Army. I believe that episode was a lesson to all of us that it was best never to volunteer for what we thought were going to be easy jobs to get out of our duties. As for me, I was always careful about volunteering for anything. As it was, I got enough shit jobs thrown my way anyway. ;)

*I think my size was the reason I was given the M-60 machine gun to lug around instead of the 15lb M-16 all during basic training.

I love a parade!

I especially love it when I find something worthy of inclusion on the Hit Parade. >>>>>> Two more great comments found today. Can your name be found there?

Oh my, I am not that guy, am I?

Hmmm, it seems that Paul has stated I told everyone how not to look gay and McGehee has suggested I described how not to talk your way out of a ticket.

Hmmm, maybe I could now tell people how not to get a date, how not to get married, how not to have a family, how not to find success, etc. It does seem that I really do know a lot more about how not to do stuff than I do about how to do it. That is just sad.

Watch out for pigs & penguins!

I wanted to see this Flash movie so badly, but it would not ever seem to download to the point where it would finally play. At least it didn't on the five attempts since I found the link over on DaGoddess. I finally leeched the damn thing off the site. Oh? You want the link to the movie? You think you can actually get it to download? OK, have at it.

And the purpose is what?

I don't have cable and watch very little that comes on TV except the occasional something-or-other on PBS. I keep hearing all this stuff about this show, Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, and from what I gather, it is all about this group of homosexuals who make over some straight guy to make him more attractive or something. Now wait ... just why would I want a bunch of homosexuals assisting me to become more attractive. I am not all that interested in attracting homosexuals. I have always thought my pathetic mismatched colorization with wrinkles look was more attuned to attract what I was wanting to attract ... some lovely lass who thinks now there is a fixer upper that I can work with.

Nope, ladies, you can almost bet that if you see some guy dressed to the nines with an impeccable GQ look, he is gay. In fact, if you see some guy that looks almost good enough to eat, he is likely gay. If the socks on his feet match, there is a real good likelhood he is gay. If he combed his hair, there is a chance that he is gay.

How to stop a raging fury

Yesterday, Drumwaster chided President Bush for not doing more to stop Hurricane Isabel from destroying the East Coast. According to Michele, Rev. Pat Robertson has resorted to prayer to calm the mighty storm. However, leave it up to Anna to devise the perfect plan to defeat the raging winds:

Go on, Carolinians, take Fran Drescher to the edge of the angry sea. Grab a handful of hair and pull her right down to Mother Nature's ill-tempered arrival.

And then...

tell her a joke.

That's right. Make her laugh. For Fran Drescher's goat-like bleatings are the one true repellent of all things in the universe.

Weird Al - he ain't

McGehee is rewriting Eagles® lyrics.

Help! Help! My Blog is dying!

It has just passed 7:00 pm my time and I have not had 50 visitors yet today.

• Total 18,039
• Average Per Day 150
• Average Visit Length 0:57
• Last Hour 7
• Today 48
• This Week 1,050

What in the world has happened?* I used to get than many before I even woke up in the morning. Seriously folks, have I pissed someone off, or what? I mean, I have noticed a big drop in visitation rate since Labor Day, but this is horrendous. Oh wait ... maybe Google finally did that thing they were gonna do where blogs did not show up on searches unless you were searching for blogs. Either that or no cares about Michael Jackson or whether he is bankrupt, or Robin Williams Peace Plan as written by some Harley-Davidson motorcycle riding guy who actually wrote it or any other thing I used to get 10 to 15 hits a day from Google searches. Oh well, maybe I am back down to my two or three regular daily readers again.

*Well, I did change my template, but I thought that was a good thing.

It ain't about me ...

I am not sure what happened to the previous post I had written about this, but somehow I must have gotten sidetracked about whether or not I was going to spend mindless moments of my life describing in glowing prose the disgusting sight of watching one's dog lick itself. Did I and accidentally delete the blurb I had written telling you to go read this? Hurry, I should have that licking dog post* done by the time you get back.

*There never was or will be a post about a dog licking itself on this blog.**

**I once made that same sort of affirmation about never having a counter on this blog, and we see where that went.***

***I do have good suspicions about holding out on the licking dog posts, however

Wrestling with the unknown

Well, I seem to have wasted a whole day trying to change the template and CSS file to make this blog look like my test site. I have wrestled with that CSS file every which way I can. I made all kinds of changes and did actually convert everything to percentages, but that threw off the alignment of everthing and threw it all the way over to the left. What is so ridiculous is that I could have done the whole thing in tables in an hour, from scratch. All I have been doing is trying to tweak a damn template and CSS file that works if you start from scratch, that will not seem to work with the multitude of entries from the last several months on this blog.

The only upside to the whole ordeal is that I have a lot greater knowledge about CSS and various page tags than I did a couple of days ago. I am not wondering if it would not be better to just do my own damn template and CSS file. Of course, I would likely have the same problems pouring several months of bloggy goodness into whatever I came up with, wouldn't I?

I've tried and tried and tried

Well, sorry about the dearth of posting today, but if you have been checking in, you likely have seen the problems I am having with the new template. Despite have looked over everything in the template and CSS file, for some reason, the blog column is coming up too wide to work with the template. I have no idea why, and I am reworking the template, thinking maybe my cut and paste job between the old template and the new template, may be the root of the problem. Of course, I also see that if blogrolling goes down, my blog will take forever to load up. There is just too much I do not understand about webpage designing, and what is funny, about 5 years ago, I knew much more about how to do things than I do now.

I am pretty sure I picked a pretty good day to have been doing this, though, as I see I did not have many visitors today, and for some reason, yesterday's Navel Gazing Report™ went right over the top of everyone's heads, although Denita got close.

Our Federal Tax Dollars at Work

Yeah, like here is another nasty villain we [sarcasm] desperately need off of our streets. [/sarcasm] When is this insanity going to cease?

Ya really gotta hate SPAMMERS!

I am still getting so many damn SPAMMERS sending me messages about the amazing penis enlarging pills. One of them actually made me really hit the roof when I saw it. The subject line said something like "It is time to throw away those tweezers." Of course, I suppose if I needed tweezers to get a hold on my penis, I might actually be interested in those damn pills, but are there any men who actually have penises that small? I have never been all that interested in seeing anybody else's penis, but I might be interested in seeing one that you actually had to use tweezers to hold. I mean, seriously, I have changed a few diapers on male infants, and even they had penises large enough to hold, if such was needed, although I can see no reason why anyone would need to do so, without using tweezers. As such, I find that subject line very offensive.

Now, however, I got a SPAM message that I did find interesting. I found it so interesting that I actually followed the link just to see what they were talking about. That is one of the things about getting SPAM: sometimes you do find something that, without having received the message, you might not have even known existed. Maybe there is an upside to SPAM. Let's see, I have gotten, what, about 500,000,000 SPAM messages since I first connected to the Internet and found one that I thought was actually worthwhile at which to look? I think the odds of winning the lottery are better than 1 in 500,000,000. But still, have you ever seen anything like this? I was not aware anything like this even existed and I think it is a great idea.

More crap you need to know

It appears that some of our well known National characters are not part of the Public Domain. Yes, kiddies, it is true that you can go to jail for messing around with Woodsy Owl or Smokey the Bear. Who woulda thunk it?

attribution: Boots and Sabers

I wonder if it is fair game though to draw a bald eagle wearing some red & white striped pants with a blue star-spangled shirt, holding a shield embazoned with the two towers and 9/11/01 in one wing and a large gun in the other who bellows to all who will listen: Give A Shit! Don't Forget!

Old Jokes still get laughs

OK, this joke has been around since Al Gore invented the Internet, but it is still funny.

Of course, it got me to thinking. I got this vision of Mohammed and Jesus discussing whose followers were best obeying their respective teachings. Mohammed wants Allah to decide and Jesus wants God to decide. They squabble and squabble and soon the Creator comes out and bitch slaps the both of them and says, "Your petty bickering about what I am to be called is giving me a headache. Why don't we decide by seeing how many of your followers are obeying My Ten Commandments?"

Inane pondering about a new title

I was just thinking about how lame my blog title is. I mean come on, I was new to blogging when I thunk that one up. I think maybe I will change it to something with a bit more pizzazz. What do ya'll think of Spastic Bitch Slap™?* ... oh wait, I would still be on the bottom of alphabetically listed blogrolls, so let's make that Badass Spastic and the Bitch Slap from Hell™.*

*Come on, these ideas are too good to give away, you know. You want to use 'em: Show Me The Money!

Yeah, whatever . . .

Wow, I didn't get on the internet all day although I was in front of the computer forever. As I am without my secretary and lost my server, I decided it was time to go back to my previous database program which I liked better than the one for which I subscribed and pay $10 a month that comes with my document compiling program. The database was always crashing and it did not do what I thought it would do anyway, which was that once the information was put in the database, I thought I would not have to put such information when I was compiling documents for such cases. As such, it was really not worth the time or money I spent on it. Of course, the program I like: Act! has more places to put information than the stupid database I decided to dump, but I also had to spend a lot of time to edit several things to get it the way I wanted it. So, I spent all morning redesigning the data entry pages, and then all afternoon going through every file in the top drawer of the file cabinet, I have several piles of files all over my office floor, but I have almost all the active files in the database.

I still need to figure out how to get my laser printer back into the network so that I don't have to waste the ink in the inkjet HP printer. And I really do need to get WinFax back up somehow because I have already gotten several faxes that were printed out that I would have deleted without ever printing. I suppose by the time I get everything back the way I want it, it will be sometime during the end of this month. I am beat though. My eyes are sore from looking at that monitor, but butt is sore from sitting in the chair, my back is sore from leaning forward and my hand is sore from pushing that damn mouse around all day.

I am going to try to come back later to see what people have put up for me to read tonight, but I am not going to promise anyone such. As I said, I am tired. I might fall asleep sitting in my chair watching TV. Then again, there might not be anything worth watching, and I might more alert and be back here soon. Yes, that is the way things are in my life. I never make plans for more than five minutes in the future, bacause things seem to change that fast in my life anymore. ;)

I was just thinking of popping some corn to eat, and when I opened the fridge to get the butter, saw the other half of that pizza I bought yesterday. Already, my dinner plans changed that fast.

Of all the possiblities . . .

this actually did fit me the best:

My inner child is sixteen years old! Life's not fair! It's never been fair, but while adults might just accept that, I know something's gotta change. And it's gonna change, just as soon as I become an adult and get some power of my own.

---

How Old is Your Inner Child?
brought to you by Quizilla

When life is really Hell

Venomous Kate has a post about how horrible it is to be an Islamic woman. Please read such, although, it is sickening to read. Although I am sometimes against feminist issues, as I believe we should go back to traditional roles as men and women, I believe women should be treated gently by men. I have actually known a few American Caucasian women who married Islamic men who immigrated to the US, and they told me how horrible their husbands treated them. From what they stated, I was of the opinion the men treated them like animals, not like people. I try to stay neutral in people's religionist beliefs, but George, how can we stand by and allow such an abuse of human rights?

How not to get ahead in life

Let's say you are a 58-year-old man who has the pathetic and boring job of delivering newspapers to people's houses and you desparately wish to enliven your life, I think driving around naked is most likely not a good idea.

attribution: CG Hill, who by his own admissions has one-upped me on life experiences. Actually, I never had a paper route either.

Your mind may not go into the gutter

Why is that when I look at a picture like this*, my mind automatically thinks of what fun it would be to do 5 to 99 years in prison?

©chris bokitch
photo cropped and resized from original

*This picture is currently displayed on the background of a small victory.

Yet another yawner

I can't seem to find enough energy to get out and do anything. Where is a good kick in the pants when you need one? Well, I am going to have to force myself to get dressed, get in the car, and go do something. I am hungry and there is not a scrap of food in the house to eat. I also have a severe need for some Dr. Pepper to quench my parched throat. Now if I can only find a clean pair of underwear some place.*

*I could get in an accident and have to go to the hospital, you know.

Why I didn't read your blog today:

Because you are on blog*spot and the server seems to be down*. You are still on blog*spot why?

*Of course, this was utter Hell for me because I didn't get my daily annika fix.

Groans for breakfast!

I awakened to the local DJ pondering thusly:

When those commercials say that 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea, does that mean 1 out of 5 people enjoy it?

Something of which I would have never dreamed

Someone has actually drafted a pre-coital agreement. Beware of vulgarity terms.

attribution: InstaPundit

[UPDATE: I also would never have dreamed that anyone would shove a lit firecracker up their ass, either.

attribution: Kelley]

OK, here's prime time pal!

This was left as a comment to Wicked Willie™ Episode No. 8:

Dear Compatriots -

Please join up with bloggers around the world in defense of the Iranian people against a Fanatic Islamic Terrosit Dictatorial regime with BLOG-IRAN Grassroots Campaign. If it's something you would be interested in please visit http://www.activistchat.com/blogiran/

Hope to hear from you!!!!
In Unity,
Haleh

Are there any of you who have not already seen this message somewhere while you were blogging? Has the message not gotten out to everyone already? Does it really have anything to do with what was posted in Wicked Willie™ Episode No. 8? Is Haleh aware that no one even reads those Wicked Willie™ posts? And what in the f**k is a Terrosit anyway?

[UPDATE: I was just thinking. Are we sure that we want to commit a huge US/British/Austrailan presence into this BLOG-IRAN Grassroots Campaign until we have consulted with the French/German/Canadians for approval and assistance in such effort? Maybe we should put it up for a UN vote. I surely don't want to be accused of being an Aggressive Imperialist American Blogger and has invaded Iranian bandwidth and occupied such as a foreign presence.]

Something that came to mind ...

My friend that was assisting me with the computer problems runs the store not too far from my house. He has a police scanner on all the time, and if something is happening around town, nearly everyone knows about it pretty quickly. We have a Volunteer Fire Department, the headquarters of which is just on the other side on my neighbor's house. I mean it is almost next door to me. Once today, I heard a call: "This is a non-emergency call. I just wanted to remind everyone that the fish fry is starting at 6:00 at [location]." I ask my friend what that is all about. He says they are holding a fish fry for all the members of the Volunteer Fire Department. I am not sure who they are, but no one gets paid, as far as I know, who are members of the Volunteer Fire Department. Heck, surely the members deserve a fish fry, huh?

Well, later, I hear someone say "Thanks for inviting us." My friend says, "Oh, that why the Care Flights were here. They must have been invited to the fish fry." Care Flight, if you don't know, are the helicopters who fly people out from our small town to Ft. Worth or Dallas when there is some medical problem our country hospital cannot handle, which is about anything more major than a broken leg or something. We hear them all the time, as someone always seems to have a heart attack or some other problem where they need to be rushed to the major city hospitals. I am not sure how many different helicopters flew down for the fish fry, but I know it was at least two. Now I am wondering who paid for that fuel. Those helicopters use a lot of fuel, you know. I just wonder if they did? I am now just a bit more curious about who they are.

The computer's last stand

OK, I was somewhat lucky. It seems my friend still had the computer I had given him, and he had not completely reconfigured it for the use he was going to use it for and it was not in use. So, we took the hard drive out of the fragged one, put it in the old one, changed the modem and ethernet cards so that the OS would recognize them, as the old one was a Pentium 200mz, just a bit better than a 386 AT computer. I had to find an old AT keyboard to use, and it will not recognize my PS2 mouse with serial adapter, so I have no mouse and it will not seem to tab around so I can hot key anything. We had to take a part from another computer, because for some reason the parallel port was gone. However, I can now access my calendar and my files. I guess WinFax will work, but I will not be able to see what I get until I get a mouse to work, it seems, and my printer works through the network. I am in better shape than I was this morning. I am likely going to make a trip to Fry's tomorrow or Thursday, if I can find time, so I can get another power supply and try to get the other one fixed. At least I can get some work done tomorrow. Now the only thing I have to think about is whether to rehire my secretary. She called me today, asking if I had hired anyone yet. I told her to drop by tomorrow and we could talk. Now all I have to do is think about what I want to do.

I guess you had to be there

I think if I had taken this gig, I would be dead.

attribution: Jed at Boots and Sabres

Curiouser and curiouser, it seems

Well, it seems the squirrels are on another hiatus at NZBs Ecosystem site. However, I am pleased to see that I am now in the top 150 on the evolutionary scale. I still wonder why so many of the big dog blogs haven't even taken the time to visit me? Oh well, I guess they are too busy arguing politics to take the time to step back and glimpse the world from an inane point of view.

Well, I never

I usually allow almost any kinds of comments, as long as they have something to do with the post, to stay up for everyone to read. I believe everyone should have their say, even if they are asshats or are wearing tinfoil on their heads. However, I came back and saw someone had put links to a porn site, a penis enlargement pill selling site, and several other sites in a comment. I had no problem immediately deleting such comment. I really doubt anyone but I had seen it, though, as it was on the post I did to let you to update your link from http://fixitsoonihope/***-rant.html to http://fixitsoonihope/. Any such comments in the future will also be deleted and I will ban anyone who does such from my site.

Get ye back to the drawing board!

OK, although I had seen blurbs pointing to this one several blogs, I ran across another one at Dean's World, and what with today being a slow blogging day,* I decided to run a few passages of my own through The Gender Genie. It states that this program is "[i]nspired by an article in The New York Times Magazine, the Gender Genie uses an algorithm developed by Moshe Koppel, Bar-Ilan University in Israel, and Shlomo Argamon, Illinois Institute of Technology, to predict the gender of an author."

I ran three fairly large blocks of my writing from the last couple of days, and in each instance, it identified the author as being female. The last block I ran was this:

I have not really posted much about that California recall mess as I live in Texas and we are pretty much of the opinion here that anything that occurs in California is weird. That recall thing is proving us right by the moment. Still, if I was in California, I would vote for Georgy. I admit I might just be voting with my willie. She is hot!

On my blogging rounds, I have read snippets of stuff about that recall crap here and there. I have found some of the stuff about Arnold to be funny, but lately there has been a lot of talk about Bustamante and this MEChA gang who claims to have some ties to the Aztecs or something. Now I have always thought the Aztecs did have a fascinating culture, but didn't they sacrifice virgins to the Gods? Damn, but that is a horrible waste of virgins.

Uh, I wouldn't normally do this but . . .

OK, I kept seeing this on several different blogs today and my damn curiousity got the better of me, so I decided to give it a try:

What Is Your Battle Cry?

Yea, verily: Who is that, running along the tarmac! It is ***, hands clutching two hardened pitas! And with a spectacular bellow, his voice cometh: "I'm going to hump you until there are no limbs left to break!!!"

Find out! Enter username: Are you a girl, or a guy ?

created by beatings : powered by monkeys

Put yourself in his shoes . . .

If you were a butt-ugly teenager living in Minnesota, what would you be doing for fun?

attribution: like everyone has not posted on this, but eenie, meenie, miney, moe, I give this one to Jen

And the good guys are?

I have not really posted much about that California recall mess as I live in Texas and we are pretty much of the opinion here that anything that occurs in California is weird. That recall thing is proving us right by the moment. Still, if I was in California, I would vote for Georgy. I admit I might just be voting with my willie. She is hot!

On my blogging rounds, I have read snippets of stuff about that recall crap here and there. I have found some of the stuff about Arnold to be funny, but lately there has been a lot of talk about Bustamante and this MEChA gang who claims to have some ties to the Aztecs or something. Now I have always thought the Aztecs did have a fascinating culture, but didn't they sacrifice virgins to the Gods? Damn, but that is a horrible waste of virgins.

In my Life*

OK, this day surely did not turn out to be the kind of day I hoped it would be. I had hoped to take off tomorrow and Monday, have a 4 day weekend and go on a road trip. I had even posted such here earlier, Then the shit hit the fan. Let me give you a bit of the back story.

About a year ago, this lady who is related to my good friend Frank comes by and says she would like to work for me because she is bored and needs something to do. At the time, I was not making all that much, and I could not afford to pay anyone to assist me. No problem, she says, as she has a financial situation where she gets $2000 a month. I will not go into that part of the story as it is not important. Anyway, I said, sure, come in and start working. Well, right from the start there is a problem, as she has no transportation and lives a bit outside the town. As she was working for free, I was not all that worried about it, but it seemed to bother her a lot. I would go out every morning and drive her in, if possible. Things went all right for the first few weeks, and then she started missing work fairly regularly as she seemed to have some illness that no one could figure out. The doctors kept telling her she had an ulcer, and that was about as far as it went. About this time, I started having problems with my car, mostly because my A/C was not working. The problem was found, but what it was, was that the compressor worked, but the switch was broken. Well, we priced the switch, and it was about $300, so I asked him if there wasn't a way to just put a toggle switch somewhere so that I could just manually turn on the compressor when needed. I had actually done this before for a couple of other switch problems on other vehicles to fix the horn and headlights. So he rigged it up. However, somehow it was rigged up to draw straight from the battery instead of only working when the ignition was switched on. I was regularly forgetting to flick the compressor off and I would come out every morning and finding my battery was dead. I did finally get the mechanic to redo the connection so that it would not be live unless the ignition was on, but by that time the battery was fried. So off to Wally-mart I go to get a new battery. I come right back, intending to have him check all the circuits to make sure we got that problem fixed when this guy pulls up with this Lincoln Town Car who gets out and asks if the mechanic knows anyone interested in buying it for $4K. It was a very nice car, and much better than the one I was driving. I said I was, and took it on a test drive and bought it.

So, here is where the problem started. I decided since I had a spare car, I would allow the lady to use mine so as to get back and forth to work. The deal was that only she could drive it and that she had to maintain insurance on it. Her medical condition got worse and she came to work less and less as she was spending more and more time going to the doctor. They finally found that she had a grapefruit-sized cyst on her pancreas and that there was something wrong with her gall-bladder. So she had surgery. They removed the gall-bladder and drained the pancreas cyst and she was hospitalized for about a month. She actually comes back to work before she was told to, but that does not last long. She is still feeling bad. Soon she is back in the hospital, the cyst turns out to be a tumor, thought to be benign and they remove her spleen. Later they find she has cancer, really severe cancer. She had had it all along. She never comes back to work, but I cannot really take the car, because she does need it to get around. I soon find, however, that a couple of parts have been stolen off of the car and someone has broken out the window on the drivers side. I am not happy, but still, I feel some compassion for her problem.

About this time, her 19-year-old daughter moves to town and wants to take over as my secretary. She does need to be paid. She has a young baby. I agree to hire her, but also agree that she has to work for a bit less than she might get at another job but is free to bring the baby. This is no problem. Her mother actually keeps the baby at first, but then her health really fails and the baby begins showing up at the office more and more often. However the young lady is very hard worker and seems to like her job. She is there on time and works until closing time. Then she confronts me and says she needs a bit more money. I think, OK, she deserves it, so I raise her salary a bit. Then she needs more and more time off for this and that, then wants Fridays off. Still, she gets things done when she is there and it is less important that she is there when I am there. I mean, I am paying peanuts, practically, although she is probably eating better than I am. Still I don't feel bad about paying her.

Well, a couple of weeks ago, her sister and brother come in from California, because mom is failing fast. At one time, they are saying she is moving in with her mom in Galveston so she can be treated at M.D. Anderson. I pass along word that I do not want them taking my car when they move. I am not sure what happened at that point, but I think my secretary told her that she would not move down there. Anyway, she decided not to move.

Well, I kept noticing my secretary's brother was driving my car here and there. I know there is not any insurance on the car. I am still aware it is the only car that my former secretary had, but I am very uncomfortable with the car being regularly used without being insured.

Today, the straw that broke the camel's back hit. The brother, who seemed to begin hanging around the office taking up more and more of my secretary's time said something about going to the next town over, but was afraid to drive mom's car because there was something wrong with it, and I got a bit agitated. They are not only driving around without insurance, which creates a liability issue for me, but they are not maintaining the car and are destroying it. I say something about it and the brother says something about how I had given the car to his mother in exchange for her working for me. I had heard that once before, and it was not true. I have the title to that car, there was a distinct arrangement and I started raising my voice and growing quite angry. This was right at quitting time, after I had announce my plans to my secretary.

Well, I decided, devil-may-care, I am not going to be robbed, made a fool of, or whatever. I go by my secretary's house, to let her know that this problem was going to be dealt with so I could see where her loyalties would fall. They fell where I thought, and she quit. I still don't have the car, but my secretary came by a few minutes ago and gave me the door and mailbox key. I said something about the car and she said she was going by her mother's house to tell them to bring it over to my house. She and her family are going back to Galveston with her grandmother for a few days, she said. I never did tell her what I had planned to do if the car was not brought back. I hope they do bring it back, because I would hate to have her come back and find out what my continency plan is. It will not be a happy situation for any of them. Regrettably mom is expected to die within the month. I regret this and regret what has occurred, but her suffering should not mean I have to do so. The brother seemed to be quite reckless, and having him running around in my car with no insurance having no regard for my rights was just a bit more than I could stomach. I can only give so much, and then I have to draw the line. I drew the line today. How far the shit will fall, I do not know. I may have destroyed a large part of my political base. However, I am gambling that such will be much less traumatic than being sued into oblivion when brother gets drunk and plows into the side of someone in an uninsured car owned by me.

*No apologies to Frank J for the use of this title. It just fit.

Wow, they mentioned me . . .

You already know the outcome and they haven't put the next day's news up, so here is the local paper's report of the trial before the reporter left for the day. They barely mentioned me in this one. ;)

For a more bizarre story out of the same paper, see this. Seriously, this is quite disturbing.

Things that might come to pass . . . or not

I just finished reading this delightful mother/daughter conversation as retold by LeeAnn of the cheese stands alone,* and my thoughts began to drift. I pondered the possibility of there coming a time when someone would actually make a movie of my life, and whether or not there would even be a place to introduce a stunt weenie in that picture.

*I am so glad LeeAnn is back among us. I had missed all of that cheesiness.

Blog, blog, blog and then what?

I sometimes wonder if I should continue this blog. I enjoy sharing all my inane and snarky thoughts with everyone, but I wonder if I am really writing for more than about three or four fans. There are only about three or four people who comment on my posts regularly. I get a lot of hits, but a large majority of them are Google search hits. I suspect that most do not find what they are really looking for, so jump in and jump right back out. I seem to be climbing up the Ecosystem ladder, but I sometimes wonder if it is just due to two or three of my blog friends how link to my posts on a regular basis.

I do really try so hard to post things that are not seen on other blogs. I am sure some of it is not that great, but then even every thing posted on InstaPundit is not that great to read. Am I on the wrong track? Is my stuff not really all that entertaining? No one is pointing out my posts on their blogs, except for the same people who are my regular fans.

I know it takes time to build up a good readership, and I have only been at this since April 4th of this year, but I see some others that started about the same time that are much more popular, get many more comments, and seem to be recognized by the top dog bloggers on regular occasions. I don't know, but I feel funny about things. I was near the top of my class in almost every grade through law school without much effort. I was even runner-up as Soldier of the Month in my Division while I was in the Army. I am a good attorney, although not financially successful as I wish, but then I am not as greedy as most of my contemporaries, feeling it is important to assist people even if they can't pay as much as you deserve. That is just me. I have always been someone who felt like it was a part of your life to share with those who needed it.

I just do not understand. Is my life so dman uninteresting?* Are my thoughts just too inane? Is my view of the world too warped for anyone to understand? Does anyone want to guest blog for me so this blog does not fall off of the face of the Blogosphere while I take a much needed vacation over this long weekend?

*Actually, this one I think I might already know the answer to. Yeah, it is pretty damn uninteresting from this vantage point.

Too pooped to post

I dunno, is it the heat, the slow blogging, my exhaustion from my hard day, or am I just burning out on blogging? I visit blogs, read what they have to say, and am finding nothing exciting to share with anyone. That is not to say that no one is writing anything worth reading, because that is not the truth. I just cannot think of anything snarky enough to say. Maybe I will just take a long break, gaze at my navel for awhile. I might feel like coming back later and give ya'll a report of what I find. If I don't, I am afraid Susie will not get a bit of sleep tonight.

Watch where you're aimin' Buster!

Oh George, can you believe this game?

attribution: Da Goddess via LeeAnn

The High-Speed Blues, music and lyrics by ***

So, want to know why I am stuck with dial-up? Check out the extended entry for the screen shot from my latest check as to available high-speed service to my address.

Well, Hell's bells, something smells

OK, so maybe my Wicked Willie™ series is not gonna be the hit I thought it was. Should I just kill any ideas of a continuation of this series?

It might be better than an Instalanche

Well, it does seem that I am now #1 on the returns for a Google search on filthy lingerie.* What with all those sex-crazed perverts out there in the World Wide Web, I suspect I can expect a lot of hits from that positioning. Of course, I still seem to be getting plenty of hits on searches for michael jackson bankrupt and ted williams head is still leading in the current Google search hits, but somehow, I see filthy lingerie as being in such demand as to bring a regular number of hits for a long, long time to come.

While I sometimes think that the hits I get off of the search engines are really inane and probably do not affect my actual readership, I was delighted to discover someone from Japan visited my page looking for picture of horny toad. I do have a link on that post to an actual picture of a horny toad. I might not have picked up a regular reader, but I did do someone a service. That is a satisfying feeling.

*The bizarre part of this scenario is that the post that is linked on Google is a blurb about my having been #12 on an MSN search for the same words.

Excuse the mess, please

I am really sorry for the postings made today so far. Maybe it is the start of the new school year, the upcoming Labor Day weekend and the ending of summer, or just because it is Satruday, but this has not only been a dreadfully slow newsday,* but there has been an appalling lack of blogging.

I only mention this because there may be some of you who are visiting this blog for the first time. Excuse this mess of crap posted today and just scroll down to the posts from yesterday. They are more indicative of what you generally find on this blog. Thank you for your attention and your readership.

*There were actually a couple of news stories on which to report, but the other 3 or 4 bloggers blogging today all said something about them. I do try not to redundantly post those stories that everyone else has already reported, unless I actually have something to add.

Homey don't play that game

Now has all this link contest stuff gone far enough? To me, it just does not seem to be all that entertaining or even worth that much effort just to get a link on a blog.

attribution: McGehee

George, there are 20 of 'em

I put up 20 posts under yesterday's date. I do need to get a life.*

*Right now, however, I think getting some sleep would be an ideal idea.

Watch your back, Glenn Reynolds

Some new blogger is whining about his readership. If he checks his site tracker stats to see who is reading his blog, maybe he will make it here to see me tell him, no comments and on blog*spot, not a good combination for great readership potential. Readership takes time.

And for that blogger and any other really new bloggers who happen to read this, a tip, really don't get a tracker until you have been blogging for a couple of months, seriously. It is much easier to build readership by just posting stuff that you enjoy posting, and not worrying so much about who is reading it. After you find your niche, and begin to get some comments and feedback and are sure you are gaining some continuous readership, then you start checking your stats.

Readership development for new bloggers 101: Read other blogs and comment on their sites. Most of us are narcissistic enough to check out who is commenting, especially if we like the comments. Build a blog friend ring, if possible, with blogs that are in the younger/newly started group, and link back and forth to each other. That assists the whole group. When someone ventures onto one of the blogs, they find links to the others. This will increase popularity for the whole group.

James felt sorry and started a Parkwaylanche. James actually has a good readership, has no comments and is on blog*spot, so he is the exception to the rule. ;)

"I know where you live"

Now wouldn't this give you nightmares?

Late last week someone broke into the house, being relatively careful not to break anything, and nothing was stolen. But sources said the burglars also made it clear they wanted the victim and her family to know they had been there.

They said whoever broke in moved several items and locked the family dogs in a bathroom. [full story]

attribution: Kevin [WizBang!]

Now Tiger says - - -

I am going to post this entire posting I found at The Volokh Conspiracy:

[Eugene Volokh, 5:11 PM]

Pointless parentheticals: How Appealing quotes this line (for a reason irrelevant to this post),

Chittakone Chanthasouxat ('Chanthasouxat') and Keopaseuth Xayasane ('Xayasane') (collectively, 'Defendants') appeal their convictions for drug-related offenses

and says in passing "Of course, a persuasive argument can be made that all three of those parentheticals are unnecessary too, but don't get me started."

Well, this does get me started. Why do lawyers think it's helpful to have obvious parentheticals like this? If there is only one Chanthasouxat in the case, people will release [sic] that Chanthasouxat refers to that Chanthasouxat. If there is more than one, then you shouldn't call either Chanthasouxat. Likewise, there were exactly two defendants in the cases being considered in the opinion; who else would "Defendants" refer to?

Sometimes, a parenthetical like this may be helpful, for instance when one is introducing an acronym that's common enough to be worth using, but not so common that it's obvious. But often -- as here -- the abbreviation (whether a last name or "defendants") is so utterly obvious that I just see no reason at all to include it.

Grrr. Well, feels good to get that off my chest.

Chittakone Chanthasouxat (hereinafter referred to as "Idiot C") and Keopaseuth Xayasane (hereinafter referred to as "Idiot X") (collectively hereinafter referred to as "Idiots") appeal their convictions for drug-related offenses.

Chittakone Chanthasouxat (hereinafter referred to as "Persecuted Citizen C") and Keopaseuth Xayasane (hereinafter referred to as "Persecuted Citizen X") (collectively hereinafter referred to as "Persecuted Citizens") appeal their convictions for drug-related offenses.

There are two sides to every story

So how come these poor people can't seem to find out why some Feds kicked their door in, handcuffed them, searched their home, and then left without finding anything? Governmental Oppression Ashcroft-style.

i think it was rigged*

annika did not win the sexiest female blogger contest, and, as she is the sexiest female blogger,** hands down, the contest musta been fixed. for shame!

*no use of caps was intended and no equipment malfunction is to blame. it was blogger's conscious choice to post without caps, so there!

**and the only one i have seen naked.***

***i wish.****

****read into that whatever you wish, but it is just a natural male fantasy coming to light.

Talk about nuthin' to write home about

or to even sit here and write about. Hmmm, seems to be very little going on, at least things that about a million other people haven't reported. Let's see, there are the Blog Wars, but I am not picking sides so don't read any details about such, uh, seems the truce is off between Israel and Hamas, like that is any surprise, they finally caught Chemical Ali, although I am almost sure they reported killing him once early in the war effort, and the 10 Commandments are coming down off the side of the Supreme Court building, in Georgia, I think.

I tripped through the blogroll and saw some interesting stuff, but really nothing I thought was interesting enough to write about. Maybe everyone is having a bad blog day today, or maybe my bad blog day just makes all blogs look blah. I do have 3 out of 4 of the movies I recently ordered waiting to be watched, more so to check the merchandise than to see the movie, as a couple of them I have seen very very recently. Just new additions to my Best Picture Collection. Still awaiting the arrival of Going My Way.

Not done for the night, though, so stay tuned. Surely something exciting will occur at some point in the evening.

The trouble with my connection

My friend Frank, who comments often, came by for a visit today and told me why we have had crappy connections all week. We are with the same ISP although his connection is better as I think he has newer phone lines than I do. Anyway, unlike me, who never calls and listens to their excuses, he had gotten in touch with our provider and it seems one of their servers is down, so the routers are getting backed up. We both suspect that it got hit with the Blaster virus or something, but they are scrambling to find the problem. I knew it the connection was crappier than usual, and, although the problem is still not solved, at least I know why. And, of course, now you know too.

Fueling the flames

It looks like DavidMC is storing fuel for next weeks Bonfire of the Vanities™ [™ is not mine, it belongs to Kevin of WizBang!]

Now let's trip through the Blogosphere for some other flame fodder.

Uh, from what the commenters are saying about this the truthfulness of this photo, Dean needs to toss it on the fire.

Actually, not much to throw away over at OLDCATMAN's place, but the lack of permalinks cost him a blurb. He really is overlooked when you are looking for something interesting to read.

Susie is harping for voters to make Pixy something in the sexiest male blogger contest. Susie actually nominated me also, but the support was lacking. I don't usually do well in contests regarding the sexiest anything ... well except for navels. I do have a sexy navel. I mean if it wasn't something to write home about, why would you be reading those Nightly Navel Gazing Reports?

I dunno, SilverBlue might have gone a bit too far with the inferred imagery on this one.

What? Rocket Jones made no mention of me?

Yikes, this one may not even need to go to the Bonfire. It smoulders on its own: Venomous Kate in for Kelley. Suburban Blight = Snake's Nest? Tread lightly across the threshhold.

Uh, I wasn't quite sure what to make of this.

Digging my way out

OK, the Instalanche has come, and, although it was a real experience to get 1400 to 1500 hits* from a single link on InstaPundit, I really did not find it to be an enjoyable experience. Why? Well, primarily because it was a link to a post that really was not as worthwhile as that hit rate justifies. In the post below I pointed out one that I think would have been worthy of that amount of readership. I would love to have that many people read some of my political commentary, or just come by each day to find a chuckle or two from one or two of my daily offerings. Heck, I was thinking, myself, that the Nightly Navel Gazing Report was developing into something worth the price of admission: a few minutes of your time.

I may not be an academic. I have a BA in Political Science and a Law Degree, so I do have basic educational background to have a somewhat clear understanding of what goes on in the world. My intelligence may be suspect, but it rates among the higher primates in the jungle. I might not be the top banana in the bunch, but I am outta the reach of the smaller monkeys. I am almost absolutely sure that my crap is worth reading, or, at least, some of it is. I am pretty sure that I have five or six daily readers now, so there are some few who seem to agree that I have something worthwhile to offer.

Yet, I have 1500 visitors come to my site and what do they read? A blurb about the effects that one mention by Glenn Reynolds skyrockets visitation rates, commonly referred to as an Instalanche. Was I being punished for noticing that? Or did I just phrase it in such a way as brought a smile to Glenn's face? Why pick that post as the initial showcase of what I have to offer on my site? No, it really doesn't please me. That spike will go away in a week. Although it blew away all of my previous highs in visitation rates, I mean seriously blew them away, there was nothing unique or interesting enough about that particular post to give anyone a reason to venture to my other offerings.

I did actually post an update in the message after I investigated where people went after hitting the link . I concluded that most such visitors just clicked in, maybe read that mundane (not inane) posting and closed out. I added the update suggesting that an opportunity existed for the visitor to look around a bit. Some did. I think if I ever get another Instalanche, I will do another such update before allowing an hour to pass. I really want readers, not hits. Hits are only prospective readers, and, if what they hit is not choice, they don't stay. I know I don't. I sometimes hit a site two or three times before I blogroll it. How I get there depends on where I find the links: trackbacks, comments, or a link on someone's blog that I read. I want you to read my stuff and I want to want to read yours. I am sure there are people who can find absolutely no interest in anything I have to say and I find there are sites in whose content I absolutely find no interest. I kind of like the people like me: the ones who question stuff; the ones who find humor in everything; the ones who don't get seriously bent out of shape as history unfolds and mother nature does her stuff, the ones who have compassion, trust, and belief in the goodness of mankind; and the ones who want to do their share but are not wanting to do more than their share. I call myself a snarky inaniac™ and I believe that to be a "fair and balanced" way of looking at myself. What do daily readers of mine think?

Run this one up the pole as Tiger Rags about being badly Instalanched.

If only I had the right stuff

I am almost sure I would not be practicing law if I had the right stuff to make $250 as easily as this.

attribution: Cracker Barrel Philosopher

The train is leaving on Track 7

I don't know how many times I have been to On the Third Hand and seen that tagline saying "Proud Members of the Brigade of Bellicose Women" and wondered if bellicose meant something about being appropriate people for wearing moo-moos instead of parading around clad only in underwear, so decided to finally look it up. Man, was I ever on the wrong track. It means favoring or inclined to start quarrels or wars. Maybe I ought to just stick to navel gazing and give up on thinking, huh?

Why did I think of this?

I was sitting here in my BVDs just thinking why it seemed a guy could walk around the lake all day in nothing but a pair of Speedos and except for the occasional crack about how big his gut was or something, no one thought much about it, but let me go outside clad only in my BVDs to fill the dog water and from the reaction of the neighbors, you would think I had bombed the UN Delegation in Baghdad. So, here I was thinking, why is it such a big deal for people to be seen in public in their underwear? I mean what actually is the purpose of underwear anyway? When gals wore dresses, I could see some reason for the wearing of panties, as I often caught a site of some panties, just wishing I could see what was underneath. And, there has been the occasion when I have neglected to zip up and was glad there was an inner garment to hold sneaky snake from venturing out through the negligently unfastened fly. So, I was thinking, it is not against the law to walk around in your underwear and when it is really hot, you don't really need all those extra clothes anyway. I thought, maybe I ought to start a campaign so that more and more people paraded around in their underwear. But then I thought of people on whom I really wouldn't want to see that much exposed skin. Maybe I ought to start a campaign where everyone who looks good in nothing but underwear should walk around in nothing but underwear, and all the others should wear moo-moos. I think I would look much better in nothing but my BVDs than I would in a moo-moo. Hey, does anyone know how to correctly spell moo-moo? Does anyone but me and my deceased mom even know what a moo-moo is? My mom thought moo-moos were the greatest garments every invented, and she was one of those that likely looked much better in a moo-moo than if she had paraded around in nothing but her skivvies.

Why fight Glenn Reynolds?

I just want to point out that Rocket Jones got mentioned on InstaPundit yesterday, and look at this. It is unbelievable what one little blurb on the Blogfather's site will do for your visitation rate*, huh? Here is hoping it boosts that visitation rate on a continual basis!

[UPDATE: One of you Instalanchers is gonna be Visitor No. 10,000. And all of ya that came here via the link on InstaPundit, please feel free to see some of my other stuff while you are here. As for what you will see, I am mostly a snarky inaniac™]

*And if the Ecosystem was working, I would see him climb far over my paltry 207 per day visitation rate due to this one day surge.

Mittwoch meandering

You know how two events can come together to give birth to some inane thought, don't ya? I just had such occur. It seems the radio was playing Charlie Daniels' The Devil Went Down to Georgia while I was perusing this week's finely delivered Carnival of the Vanities over on Outside the Beltway and it got me to thinking about how the Devil came down to Texas and got a couple of Super Bowl trophies and ran a good team into the ground. Well, Tex and Tom are no longer with us, so there just ain't no goin' back, so let's just hope the Big Tuna is the ticket to move them Cowboys forward. Mamas don't let your babies grow up to be Cowboys, unless they got the stuff to win.

What's with this new virus going around?

OK, running around the blogosphere and reading the headlines of an list I am on, I keep reading about another email virus going around. I guess I am not on anyone's email list who is infected because I have not gotten anything like that in my email. It also might be because I fogged the hell out of my computer with cigarette smoke to kill all the virus apreading mosquitoes who might be hiding in there. See, I knew there was a good reason to be a smoker. Between that, and all the great coughing I do, which seems to be great exercise for my abdomen, and, oops, let's not go too far with explaining everything ... yes, TMI warning, and you really do not want to know. While I am on the subject, if you are young, do not smoke or have not smoked long, quit or never start. Seriously. I know this is a do like I say not like I do, but I am an addict. I can't quit or at least I have not found a way yet. It is not like I wished I couldn't do so, but it seems like if I am not smoking, I cannot think straight. I am serious about that. There are benefits to some of the drugs you get from smoking, in my opinion. It is the way they are delivered into your system that is the problem. Now if that was not the greatest circling posting I ever did, I am a monkey's uncle. Wait, now, I am pretty sure I am not related to Frank,* so I had better retract that, just in case I am wrong.

*Hey, I had to snark on someone, didn't I? Besides, maybe it will draw the attention of Glenn Reynolds.

There is always a first time

I did something for the first time on this blog, ever. I actually posted something, then decided to completely delete it. Why? Well, for some reason, I could not get it formatted the way I wanted, and then I decided none of ya'll were really interested what kind of SPAM I received today anyway. So there!

If you were one of the unlucky ones that actually caught a glimpse of it between the time I posted it and the time I successfully rebuilt the site to delete it, I am sorry, but I am not responsible for your medical bills because you were shocked to see what kind of crap I receive on a daily basis. All risks in the viewing of any posts on this site are assumed by the viewer. I have absolutely no control over what your reaction might be and you are here because you wanted to be here, weren't you? ;)

Faux Frog Fighting Force

You know, maybe I have been a bit too rough on the French. Who was it that said that the French had not won any battles since Napolean? I was thinking that they did have a very good fighting force at one time. What were they called: The French Foreign Legion? I mean you really do have to admire a government that knows its citizens are so incapable of fighting that it forms a force of citizens from other countries to defend itself.

When its HOT, HOT, HOT

just curl up and DIE! 5000 Frenchmen couldn't be wrong!

Let's try this again

Well, just went through about 15 minutes of busy signals, but luckily I had gotten all the updated blogs to load up. So, what is there to say? Hopefully, but the time I finish composing this message, the connection will still be stable enough to allow me to publish it. Keep your fingers crossed, like you have any idea to do so, since you have not seen this message.

OK, first of all, I just noticed that today is my brother's birthday, but, of course, I do not know his phone number, as he changed it from what my dad's number was after my dad died for some reason. That one I knew. So Happy Birthday Kevin, even though you will never see this message. I am thinking about you all the same.

Frank has suggested that instead of dialup, I could sign up for the high speed wireless system that is available. Sure, Frank, I will do such as soon as I win the Lottery. Just remind me to buy a ticket on Wednesday. Surely I am due for some good luck, huh?

Pixy said in my comments earlier that he might be willing to host NZB's Blogosphere Ecosystem and had been in touch with NZB, just in case you do not read the comments like I do. Pixy is probably the nicest blogger in the Blogosphere, having taken on several bloggers under his wing and is hosting their blogs on his server.

Jen is desperately looking for a copy of Dueling Banjos and said she would pay the postage if anyone has a copy of such to let her borrow for some show where she is going to put penlights up her nose and dance in the dark or something. She said she was going to try to videotape the event, but was unsure how such would turn out, being as except for the penlights up her nose and her parnter's nose, there will be no other lighting. If you have a copy that you would not mind lending out, please do get in touch with Jen.

Kathy Kinsley reported on a story about the Marines in Iraq who have ben busy with something other than fighting. I thought what they did was worth applauding about. I am not going to tell you what it is and let you go see her post to find out the story.

Susie is sick, and was not feeling well enough to link any of my posts today. That is actually not all that bad as except for one, I was not on top of my game today anyway. Having a crappy connection all day long does that to me.

Now, time to attempt to publish this post. Here's looking at ya, kid!

Bandwidth Hell™ continues

Heck, most of the time when I get to the house, I get a pretty good connection. So after having not been able to connect all day at the office, I was looking forward to a night of blogging to make up for nothing new during the day. Of course, it looks like my luck is running bad, because I am having connection problems here too. I waited over 10 minutes for my own blog to finish loading and got disconnected before it ever did. Sheesh, maybe that is a sign that today is not my day to blog. I don't know. Was there anything exciting going on today? I seem to have missed my daily reading also. If there is something you think I have missed happening today, please leave me a comment or a link, and maybe later things will work themselves out and I can get a solid connection for awhile. I can only hope. Oh, I hate dialup.

Farts are not funny in New Zealand

It seems that some wise politicians in New Zealand have decided that livestock flatulence is a force to be reckoned with when it comes to studying the effects of such on global warming, and to assist in paying for such studies, they are taxing each farmer for each head of fart producing livestock. One farmer thinks they have gone a bit far with this fart tax and he penned a song about his frustrations called The Fart Tax Blues.

attribution: Cherry, who rightly assumed I would enjoy this story.*

*It was just inane enough for me to snark about.

Welcome to Bandwidth Hell™*

I have spent 60+ minutes of my valuable time trying to secure a stable connection to inform people I have such a horrible connection that blogging will be light.** Blogging will be light.

*If for some reason I actually get this to go through and end up with duplicate entries in some way. please do not comment to any but the uppermost such post, as I will be deleting any duplicates upon the earliest opportunity. I always keep the last one posted.

**Does that qualify for a Catch-22?

Hmmm, do I have enough rope?

Oh no, Bill is drunk and is speaking German. Oh wait, he just got out a big kitchen knife and he is . . . no, Bill, don't do that.

I was right. I am groggy.

Another innocent casualty of WAR efforts

Yes, it is true. This casualty, however, not a result of military action, but is a result of the combatants in one of the Blog Wars going on. I have announced my neutrality in all such wars, and I was warned by an avid supporter of one of those combantants that my failure to support such combatant was going to be costly. I have found such has inflicted a grievious injury. I have become an innocent victim of the Blog War effort.

End of Summer Blues

Well, tomorrow is the first day of the new school year in my little burg. With the little kiddies going back to school, that brings another summer to a close. I look back on my summer and assess my accomplishments:

Times swimming: 1
Times sunburned: 1
Girls kissed: 0
Girls seen I wanted to kiss: beyond enumeration
Dates: 1
Good dates: 0
Camping trips: 1
Fun camping trips: 0
Trips to the beach: 0
Vacations: 0
Picnics: 0
Books read: 30
Books written: .05
Movies watched: 300
Hours online: 1100

George, but I have a pathetic life!

Nits, Twits and the Internet

It seems that blogging and publishing things about the happenings in your life can come bite you in the butt if the wrong person comes along.

Today, Child Protective Services appeared at my house. After a conversation with my daughter, with me and with another, as well as an opportunity to look through my home and to read the various blogs and comments involved, CPS determined that there was obviously nothing to the allegations. In fact, they were as horrified as I was that people who've never met me or my children would go to such lengths. CPS described the report as not only unsubstantiated, but "malicious." [full story]

A long time ago, when I first came online, my tagline was in the realm where fantasy reigns comes a voice of wisdom, knowledge and reason. I had already pierced the veil of what was real and what wasn't real. There is too much artificiality with the internet. I err on the side of caution and doubt. I think that is the wise course.

Am I the same in real life as on the Internet? Yes, except I am much better looking in person.

Like you actually cared

It does seem that Idi Amin has died and no one mourns. I suspect there are a few that do, but no one admits such publicly. It could solely be that one guy who hated his wife so much he whacked her and then invited Idi over for dinner to rid himself of the evidence. Surely someone has something good to remember about Idi Amin. I can say on his behalf that the only thing I absolutely know about the entire country of Uganda, other than it is in Africa, is that it was once ruled by Idi Amin. The guy is dead, they long pulled his statues to the ground, and he can't hear all the hateful things people are saying about him. I guess you can say what you want, can't you? Just think, though, that although all the things being said about him are bad, there are likely more people who have something to say about him than will have anything to say about you when you die. It may just be that being infamous is a step above being just famous. That is something, isn't it?

You picked a fine time to leave me Lucille

Hey wait, I didn't name my damn brain Lucille. But for some reason nothing all that important is going on up there. I keep thinking and thinking but all I am coming up with is diddly-squat. Oh, really there is something on my mind, but it is futile to discuss it as it is just some personally inane thoughts that started with something Stevie said in the comments to this post. I hate having such thoughts on my mind, as they are nothing but an exercise in futility, I promise. And, it is not like I can take matters in my own hands. Well, actually I suppose I could, but I have not found much satsifaction with such since I was 12 or 13. Well, back to my movie and my feeble attempts to find ways to ease my loneliness.

Something out of the Twilight Zone

You know, part of what I like about blogging is seeing where my visitors come from and to see who is linking to me and reading all the comments. On some days like today, and most likely more tomorrow, as Saturday always seems to be the slowest day of the week for visitation, there did not seem to be all that much going on in the Blogosphere. I surely thought I would get more reaction about the questions I posed for Stevie's interview, but didn't. I did not get a comment or a trackback one on a story that I thought was important. No one commented on my dig at Al Franken, which I thought was fairly ingenious, even though I mentioned it, not once, but twice. The absolute most popular post I had all day was literally a naval gazing report. And, as the cherry on the top of an otherwise very strange day of blogging, I find I just got a trackback a few minutes ago from this post from June 16, 2003. So, just how strange is that?

As was once stated by a little pint-sized sailor with less hair on his head than I have, who walked around with one eye squinted almost closed and had big tattooed forearms, who loved a super thin gal with a very ugly hairdo, That's all I can stands, I can't stands no more. Nope, I am not planning on eating a can of spinach and beating up on an ugly brute, I am just calling it a day. See ya'll sometime tomorrow. This ends our broadcast day. This station is signing off of the air:

Hello? Is this thing on?

I was just sitting here examining my navel. Nothing new to report. It looks about like it did last time I looked: a little dimple in an overly round belly, surrounded by some strands of soft black hairs.

Are the lights on yet?

What is with the blogosphere? Sure a lot of people were affected by the blackout and sure there are a lot of questions as to the cause and how to keep it from happening again, but I posted something I thought was a remarkable news flash about the Libyans accepting responsibility for the 1988 Pan Am 103 bombing over Lockerbie, Scotland, that killed 270 people. Has anyone else in the blogosphere picked up on this story? Is this not phenomenal? Am I the only one who thinks Libya coming out into the open about this and renouncing terrorism is something worth mentioning? The blackout is over. Move on, already.

Of course, I could be completely behind the 8-ball again and just missed picking up any clues.

Under the Lockerbie agreement, struck Wednesday, Libya has agreed pay up to $10 million each to families of the 270 people -- 259 on the plane and 11 on the ground -- killed in the 1988 bombing of Pan Am Flight 103, en route to New York From London.

Grasping for straws and gasping for air

Just received in my email:

Dear Netscape Member,

In this issue:

- Browsing Just Gets Better
Download the next generation browser and discover why experts praise the quality and performance of Netscape 7.1. Popup controls aren't enough to convince you? Then how about spam filters and access to over 175 music channels from Radio@Netscape? It's easier than ever to upgrade and keep your favorites and settings. Enjoy lots of new features and plug-ins. Best of all...it's free.

Popup controls would be great for surfing them porn sites, huh? I don't do that, but I am tired of every newspaper site doing the same. However, I thought Netscape was dead? What up with that? Oh:

Netscape
First up is some Netscape 7.x news. Netscape 7.0 and 7.01 have had a total of over 14 million downloads. To quote an AOL exec, this fact is "impressive compared to AOL 8's 10 million downloads which were backed by AOL's marketing muscle."

Based on the Mozilla 1.4 trunk, the next release of Netscape may be the last major release for the foreseeable future. The current plan for the browser is "Probably focused on maintenance releases." [link]

Sometimes I feel so dense

I have noticed my visitation rate has been slower than usual considering how funny my posts are tonight and such, and I was wondering what it was. I just gave myself a Homeresque slap in the head and vocalized a resounding "Doh!" Uh, with about half my readers without electricity, they don't have any internet access. Damn you ConEdison! Next time, invest in a Hungry Rottweiller Security System™.*

*George, with Al Franken on the loose, you gotta claim 'em when you can.

Why am I not surprised?

First of all, although I am in a place which is not affected by the blackout, my damn sucky ISP has connected every time [and fairly often, as I have had several dead connections happen over the course of the day as usual] at 31.2K every frickin' time. This has made it extremely difficult to post messages while reading 44 blogs, as they each slowly load to such extent that I can read the entries. I am sorry if I sorely tax your damn bandwidth capabilities, but heck, why am I the only one who seems to always get the connection to the oldest damn modem ya'll have on your end. Well, enough of that drivel.

The reason for this post is that I have noticed that the black-out is probably the single biggest story I have seen hit the Blogosphere since I have been blogging. I mean everyone has posted something about it. I still think I broke the story more quickly than the majority. However, the most amusing thing that I have read in connection with this blackout is this:

I should note here that New Jersey has its priorities in order, as ALL the toll plazas on the Garden State Parkway had plenty of power (obviously from emergency generators) to guide motorists through the toll-collecting maze. The airport may have been closed, but EZ Pass was up and running. [James at Parkway Rest Stop]

HO HO HO and a bottle of HUM!

Was this just a particularly slow blogging day or was it just me? I hardly found anything interesting to post about and spent all day looking. I apologize for the paltry fare I served, and hopefully something exciting is on the horizon. Oh, wait, there is another Rusty Rucker column to post. That is at least something for which to look forward. Surely it will be more interesting than anything I had to show today, including a picture of me in my underwear.*

*Or a part** of me in my underwear. After all, this page is only rated "R," mostly for adult language and now for some nudity. I am sure if you saw what I offered, you likely wished you hadn't. ;)

**No, it wasn't that part.

Mittwoch's* mental meanderings

Yes, seems Paul found this story** about this new Internet driven craze to gather all these mindless mobs for inane purposes:

On a recent Thursday in New York's Central Park, about 200 people gathered across from the Museum of Natural History and started chirping, tweeting, crowing and muttering "bird call, bird call."

After a few minutes of organized cacophony, the group of strangers dispersed, having successfully brought off a "flash mob," summer's wackiest craze.

Also called "flocking" and "inexplicable mobbing," it's sweeping the globe as groups summoned by e-mail or cell phone perform Monty Pythonesque pranks lasting 10 minutes or less, then scatter to the winds.

*Mittwoch is my favorite German word, mainly because it is one of the few I can actually recall. It literally means middle of the week, which to me is a much better name for the day than Wednesday.

**Paul claims a reader slipped him the link. He is still afraid to come out of the closet and admits he goes FARKing.

***I am not an organizer of stupidity anyway, I am just the ignorant guy that dreams up most of it.

Weird things sometimes come your way

All morning long, my office connection was running at the rate of somewhere in the neighborhood of 18.1K, but I was able to post entries and do what I normally do. It just takes time sometimes at that rate, but I often have connections showing a higher rate of transfer that transfer nothing. I have posted several messages and had another one ready to post.* My connection died. It reconnected, disconnected, reconnected, disconnected, and then I got a pretty nice steady 46.6K connection. But it would not connect to my page or my MT console. I was able to download email and was able to access a couple of other pages I checked, but I saw nothing transferred when I tried to access anything residing on my server space.

That has happened in the past. Usually such means that my server is down for whatever reason or there is a break along the internet backbone, and I can usually easily tell if such is the case by attempting to access my webserver's homepage. If my site does not show, their page will not show. Only this time it did. So, I am thinking, oh my George! Did I finally exceed my bandwidth limitations? I am not even sure what my bandwidth limitations are.

But I am here at the house, where I stopped by on my way from a Dr. Pepper run just to see if this connection, which is usually much better than the one at the office,** had the same problems. It seems it doesn't. Now I can return to the office without worrying that I have to call my server and see what I could do about upping my bandwidth limitations. I still may have to do that sometime in the future ... when I start getting InstaPundit-like traffic. If that happens, I might have to put a tip jar on the counter.

*I guess I will have to adjust the time now so that it will appear above this one, or might likely be overlooked by my three four regular readers.

*I highly suspect the difference is the internal lines in my building. Our cable company has finally installed the fiber-optic network and cable connections are now available. I just do not know if I can fit such into my budget, yet.

Something really inane

It seems that Tom Clancy has written a book about my dental problems. Now won't that be a must read. [back story here]

Where's the Beef?

I sorely wanted to comment about this. Maybe I will just let you decide on your own. I guess that what I wanted to say was that I am about as concerned with Ted Williams frozen dead body as I am about what the fuck Maureen Dowd thinks of blogging. Give us something we can put our teeth into, michele! The hors d'oeuvres suck! ;)

Hmmm, I guess I haven't served any great fare myself yet either. Slow news day? Well, Bill is on, maybe I will have someone to pick on.

The news is official!

Blazoned in bold red letters across the top of the entry page to the main page of the Blogosphere Ecosystem:

The Ecosystem is broken by yet another mysterious problem. Will fix when I can --- sorry. -NZB

Help: Brain Death Imminent

Had it not been for another linkalanche from my favorite blogger, Susie, I might have overlooked announcing that Kevin has indeed posted the most wonderful Bonfire of the Vanities for this week. Do please be sure to read this post* You have like already read mine, but if you haven't, it is here.**

*You owe me one, Susie! Pay up or I am telling Kilroy.

**I really did not think that it was worthy of burning on the pile, but I couldn't find anything actually close.

Joe Jay vs. the Volcano Bug*

It seems Jay is fighting a nasty bug. No, nothing causing any physical ailments, because this one seems to be some nasty computer virus he most likely caught from his dad. Jay, please do not send me any email for awhile.

It does make me happy that I did just update my McAfee, but maybe I need to do that reboot now to install those new defs and then do a system scan. Jeez, who in the Hell thinks it is so much fun to cause so much havoc by creating those damn things. My little head up under this tin-foil lined hat thinks it is likely all those jerks who make and sell virus protection programs, or that were fired from such companies, but I could be wrong. It could be a bunch of those dweebs who are too afraid to troll comments, or hack porno passwords, or send thousands of SPAM messages from remote holes in the ground ... who have nothing worthwhile to offer humanity. You know the sort.

*I selected this particular movie title to cut all to pieces because as I watched such movie, I had this recurring thought: When is all this insanity finally going to end?

Ain't it f**king pathetic?

If you do a Google search for "i need a life", quotes included, I come up as #5 on the return list. And I am almost sure I need a life worse than say #4:

I need a Life time partner

Posted by Tiger at 04:24 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Your Early Morning News*

Well, it appears NZB has finally awoken from his summer hibernation and has discovered the fragging of the Ecosytem. One hopes that the problems will be rectified soon, so that one can return to one's place among the possums or oxen and get away from those creepy crawly belly-scrapin' slimy snakes.

*Or, I am still too groggy to think up a really snarky title, so live with it.

Purely gratuitous linkage

Susie has been cracking me up with her comments to some of my posts, so she gets a gratuitous link.

Damn, those last ten visits look like they are going to be hard to get before I go to bed. Has all my readership already gone to bed?

1984 is not just for nightmares anymore

Tony Rosen of I Am Always Right may not actually always be right, but did a good job of pointing out that there is nothing really to argue against putting webcams into classrooms. [full story]

Although I am not hopeful to see a beginning to a Big Brother environment on a general basis, I actually think monitoring of classrooms for the benefit of students, teachers, school systems, parents and, if need be, the law enforcement community, is the first positive step in improving what is broke with the our present day school systems. If they could still take a recalcitrant child to the principal's office and whack their butt a few times like they did in my day, and that the parents took the teacher's side of the story against that of their child, maybe things would not have gotten to this point where constant monitoring is necessary. However, with all the parents who seem to think their Little Johnny is different than the rest of the thugs that inhabit our planet and should be picked out for special molly-coddling and handling with kid gloves, maybe being forced to sit in a chair, Clockwork Orangish, eyes held open by toothpicks, and watch their darling 4th grader shooting spitballs across the room at some other child while the teacher was trying to teach the rest of the class how to add numbers without the assistance of a calculator will literally open their eyes as to how Little Johnny behaves while in class.

Blogosphere inanities, etc.

Well, for almost a week, the Blogosphere Ecosystem has been fragged. It is not like this is the first time such has happened, because, if I remember right, we just went through this ordeal a week or so ago. Now, I am not ragging too hard on NZB, mainly because I have no idea how hard it is to set up what makes the system work. Additionally, I have no idea what is going on in NZB's life, and maybe there is a good reason he has let such dilemma slip through his fingers. And, he was doing it without any kind of compensation. Still, it was such a great idea, and so many people were enjoying watching how they moved up, and sometimes down, on the evolutionary ladder, I am so disappointed not being able to check my status each morning. There really seems to be nothing else like it anywhere else. Sure you can check Technorati to see who is linking to you and everything, but I never seem to find how I compare to other blogs out there. To me, that is the best part of the Blogosphere Ecosystem listing, being able to see not only how I am doing, but also how others are doing.

In other news, my internet connection has decided to be super sucky today, so who knows how often I will be able to get anything posted. Hopefully things will clear up at some time, but I have had whole days where it seemed impossible to do anything on the Internet. The bad part is that I have 51 emails waiting on the server, and 31 downloaded on the last attempt, but somehow the mail server did not get the message, so if I ever get it to download, I will have at least 31 duplicates, provided the same scenario does not reoccur several more times. Keep your fingers crossed for me. Current speed shown: 21.6Kps

I had one other thought, but the synapses rerouted it to some area that I cannot locate currently. Oh, it came to me. I just noticed now that I actually was seeing my blog showing to be updated on people's blogrolls, I have actually not had as many problems with pinging blogrolling.com. They actually are going through the first time, which never happened before.

Manic Sunday

Well, today was the day I was gonna figure out how to have my site show to be updated on blogrolls no matter what. It started out with me exchanging emails with Jason, who seems to know the inside of blogrolling well, and once I had figured out what to do to get it to show my site was updated, I found the problem was how you have to configure MT. Then I had to change my URL and of course, that is going to confuse the heck out of all my readership and those who are linked to my blog. Now everyone else is going to have to change all those links. I am so sorry, folks. I did not want to have to put you through all that extra trouble. Really! But I really do think it will help in the future, because now, if everyone changes those links on their blogrolls, hopefully you will be able to look at your list of links and see when I have updated. Now won't that be more fun? As for me, that is just about enough fun for me for one day, so I think I will call it a day.

What did they really expect?

John Cole presents a story about returning soldiers and the plight of those who have no wives, fiancees, or girlfriends awaiting their triumphant return. John labelled it as a sad story. I see it more as of a snapshot of reality. Lonely people exist, even in the military, even those who return from war. I was unsuccessfully chasing skirt during my four year stint in the Army, and never thought my status as protector of the realm afforded any greater degree of sympathy than regular everyday lonely people deserved. Well, actually John might be right about it being sad -- people being lonely is a sad situation.

Shot down without an effort

I guess I ought to rag on myself a bit about fantasizing that I would even have a chance with a lovely young lass like annika. It seems that she is not even interested in meeting a 40 something dentist her mother recommends, so what chance would an almost 50 something guy like me have winning her affections. Oh well, it was a pipedream anyway, but it was such a very pleasurable pipedream while it lasted. ;)

99.99% purely inaniac

Did you see what InstaPundit had to say?

Naw, me either. I didn't read it. I am almost sure he had nothing, good or bad, to say about me or my blog. I bet he hasn't even seen my movie.

Now -- on a more serious note: Does anyone else like to look at those graphs of daily and weekly visitations that Site Meter makes, just to see what kind of things they look like. You know, like when you look up into the clouds and say "Doesn't that look like a horse running backwards at the Kentucky Derby?" or "Doesn't that look like you Aunt Mabel when she bends over in a short dress?" Well, those graphs are interesting to look at, but I can guarantee that none of mine look anything like clouds. They are more like the Tetons or the Alps, not many round corners. Now was not that something you want to write home about?

The latest DFILM fiasco Update!

It seems FRNAK FRANK has finally taken notice of all the DFILM swipes made toward him and has decided to make his own film. It is not bad, I guess, for a rookie, and it was not really all that funny. Of course, we are talking about Frank J. I am almost sure he got confused when he couldn't find a character to play CHOMPS.

If you say so . . .

There is a reason I am not a big fan of QUIZILLA quizzes. I never find any rhyme or reason with the results returned. I mean, really, does this sound like me?

Woohoo! I am OFFICIALLY a LOSER!

I finally got a link on FRNAK's blog! REALLY! Under the listing of Main Losers. With a whole bunch of other folks. At least I was not the BIGGEST* LOSER!

*At barely over 200 lbs. I am likely way under the weight some of the BIG DOGS carry!

Of absolutely no interest to anyone

I just topped 250 on daily visitation for the first time. Rah! See my movie, it is hilarious. Frnak is a prick.<<<I didn't say that, really. Mwahahahahahaaha!

My blogchild has been possessed

Cherry adopts a style more closely akin to Glenn than to mine. Just wait until she shortens one to HEH!

Save it for the hockey game!

michele*, of a small victory, who has not reached the level of recognizing a Tigerific compliment when she sees one, is very upset over how Justin Timberlake was treated by fans in Toronto at a recent benefit concert. I read this and was appalled! This occurred in Toronto, that friendly cosmopolitan city in our northern neighbor, Canada? I might have expected such vile and crude behavior had this activity occurred in the FrogLite™ filled province to their east: Quebec. For shame! Now, I only have one question about all of this? Who is Justin Timberlake?

*Of course, the name michele brings me to mind what little I really know of the French language, as it is limited to that part I learned in that Beatle song: "Michele, my belle, someday monkey gonna play piano too."

At least he didn't mention Cheetah

This was in my email from my good friend and fellow member of the notClark County Bar Association, Matt Cummings:

US immigration judge suspended over Tarzan comment

An immigration judge in the US has been placed on leave after complaints that he made jokes about Tarzan to a woman who'd been raped and tortured in her native Uganda.

The woman, whose first name is Jane, went before Judge Thomas Ragno in June, seeking political asylum in the United States because her husband was killed and she was beaten, raped and tortured in her homeland.

"Jane, come here. Me Tarzan!" Judge Ragno said, according to the woman's physician, Dr Sondra Crosby, who attended the June 20 deportation hearing to testify about the woman's injuries.

"It was disrespectful and insulting, and in my mind it was racist to have a white judge making Tarzan comments to a black woman," Dr Crosby said.

Dr Crosby filed an affidavit protesting at Judge Ragno's behaviour as part of the woman's appeal of the judge's rejection of her bid for asylum.

After learning of the complaint, the Executive Office for Immigration Review, a division of the US Department of Justice, placed Judge Ragno on paid leave pending an investigation.

During the court session, Judge Ragno also listened to a weather forecast on his speaker phone and discussed his search for a new apartment, Dr Crosby said.

© Associated Press

Story filed: 13:55 Tuesday 5th August 2003

*Lefties? Bleeding heart liberals? Right wing extremists? Even kids with chicken pox? Who are these people that continually place blame other than where it should be: on the stupid individuals who continually do stupid stuff?

Inanities from the third dimension

It seems that when someone does a search on Google for best blog, yours truly comes up as the third in the list of returns. I am not sure that means I am the third best blog or that I am still the King of Google searches. Of course, when you do a search on Yahoo for terrorists pictures, I come in #4 with this entry.

News at 11:00 - Frank J of IMAO and Glenn Reynolds of InstaPundit have finally seen the light and have felt utterly compelled to blogroll ***: Raggin' & Rantin'.*

I was completely flabbergasted that no one remarked about the ingenuity regarding the title to this post, or that there have been so few comments made about this post. I may just have a higher opinion about my attempts at humor than others. Is it possible that some people just do not find my stuff as funny as I think it is?

I did, however, finally win something in connection with my efforts on this blog. It seems that the new Bonfire of the Vanities is up over on Wizbang!, and this post was selected as "Bonfire winner!" Now, I am not actually sure, but I think that equates to such being the crappiest post of the week.

George, can you believe it, there are actually people who are competing about who gets the worse SPAM? The higher the number the worse the SPAM is supposed to be. James said:

You'll never catch a blogger wasting time worrying about meaningless numbers.

*Then Tiger awoke from his daydream and returned to reality.

**Hey, so what if I made this all up. I had to get platypus on the page someplace, as putting the word platypus in a post ensures hilarity every time.

I need my signs of public affirmation!

It does seem that the Blogosphere Ecosystem is fragged again. I am not sure how I will make it through the day without knowing how many linked to me over the night and how far up the ladder I climbed since yesterday. I have an essential need to know that information. It is sick, I know. It is not like I have not already been accused of being a sick individual on many occasions. It is not a badge I wear proudly, but not one from which I shirk, either.

I made a moonie cry

It seems someone who linked from this site [Jargonese] likes my site a lot. According to Site Meter, they have now spent 137 minute 14 seconds and viewed 19 pages on this blog. I might have another fan! I am blogrolled on that other site, so I repaid the favor and found this interesting post on Scientology. I hope Chris does a less emulation of the grand style of InstaPundit, however. I will have to visit again. However, all of this brought to mind a strange incident that occurred when I was in college:

Now, I did a four year stint in the Army before I started college, so I never went that dormitory route. I had my own apartment. I was sitting there, most likely watching TV instead of studying, when I heard a knock on the door. Of course, expecting some beautiful lady who wanted to make passionate love to me,* I was somewhat surprised to see this round faced young man standing there. "Hi, I am a disciple of the Rev. Moon. May I have a moment of your time?" Cool, I think, knowing probably that there are not going to be any lonely horny women come around today anyway. It is a lovely day and they are all probably down by the pool.

I opened the door wide and said, "Won't you come on in? Would you like something to drink, I have some orange juice."

I think he was somewhat surprised at my actions, and stated that he would like a glass of orange juice. Now remember, this is summer, and in Texas, and in Texas in the summer, it gets hot. It is quite possible that was the summer of 1980, when we had like what 100 straight days of 100+ weather? It had only been decent to offer him something to drink. I returned to find him sitting and handed him the juice.

As he took it, I said, "Now I don't know what you are wanting here, but I am not really all that interested in joining up with the Communists or giving any money to the Communists."

"But, but, he stammered, we are not Communists."

"Oh really, I think you are Communists. Tell me this, if you collect money, does it not all, every bit, go to the church?"

"Yes."

"And does not the church provide you with everything you need?"

"Yes."

"Then that's it, you are all Communists."

He actually began to cry. I had pity on him and let him finish his orange juice before I led him back to the door, crestfallen. I felt a little bad for being so rough on him. I really surprises me how people can just fall into line behind any old claptrap in the name of religion.

*All young twenty-something young men have such fantasies, don't they?

Oh No! NOT AGAIN!

Sheesh, I woke up this morning and discovered it was MONDAY. I hate MONDAYS!* I spent more than an hour attempting to rinse the unconsciousness from my brain: one hour of prowling around the house, shuffling zombielike looking for this and that, and mostly trying to determine what it was that I was looking for when I eventually arrived at the point I had gone to look for it: whatever it was. Am I the only person who wakes up Monday morning with a hangover who didn't party all weekend? I didn't party at all.

On second thought, maybe it isn't a hangover. Maybe it is an alergy. Yes, that's it ... I have an alergy: I am alergic to work. I wonder what kind of drugs they have for that?

*I wonder how high I would hit on a Google search for I hate Mondays? Maybe I need to begin typing that as I hate Mondays™.

Beam me up Scotty, I want out of here!

As my connection has been what I call a dead connection* for most of the day, my blogging has been lighter than usual. I apologize. For some reason, not being able to post has frazzled me beyond redemption. I am thinking of just calling it a day. Maybe I will dream up something really exciting for tomorrow.**

*dead connection: dialer shows I am connected but there is absolutely nothing being transferred over the line. Regrettably, my dialer on this system has been fragged since day one,*** and I have to reboot usually to get it to disconnect so that I can attempt a new connection. Try doing this about a million times a day. You really get tired of hearing that damn Windows has loaded sound.

**I usually do!

***It probably serves me right for buying a computer at Wal-Mart.

WooHoo! I am #1 again!

It seems I come up #1 on a Google search on the words beat digging. It does continually amaze me at some of the searches people do on Google and how often I am listed very high on the first page of returns.

Who is dissin' whom?

Man, one thing about gals is that they do not have that type of male testosterone stuff like we do that lets them vent their anger and frustration by knocking the crap out of someone else. So, I guess to allow for a bit electronic venting somebody, and I am suspecting is was some gal, produces this lame movie making site where you can make some really pathetic FLASH animations. Just to give you one example of how someone can slam someone else through the use of this facility, have a gander at this: Cherub - Directed by Allstar Productions

Come on, what's up with that? Why can't you just slam your enemy to the mat and hit 'em in the head with a chair? Why not put up your dukes and duke it out on pay-per-view? And just who is slamming whom? I want names! Inquiring minds want to know!

Link me - Link me!

Well, if you are not aware of it, Frank J has been making a lot of people jump through hoops to get a link on his blogroll. And Kevin is trying to make people do the same to get a link on his permaroll. I am on Kevin's regular blogroll, and I am pretty sure Kevin comes and reads me from time to time. I have him on my blogroll. Frank is on my blogroll, but he is being adament about not adding anyone except whoever wins his groveling contest. I could say that Frank is being a prick by not adding me, but I won't. I like both of these guys. They both have great blogs and I read both regularly.

Do you want a link on my blog? I am not a big dog like Kevin and Frank, but I am getting there. There are two ways you can attempt to get a link on my blog. The first is really pretty easy:

Say something about me or my blog that is remarkable in a comment or on a post on your blog linked back to one of my posts, whether it be good or bad, and you might get a place on the Hit Parade listing just under my logo.

To attempt to get a link on my blogroll, leave a comment to one of my posts or trackback to one of them. I always try to check out who visits or trackbacks to my posts when I am able to find the necessary linkage. I can sometimes do this through Site Meter also, but not always. If you trackback or comment, you leave a link I can follow. I will visit your blog. If you have blogrolled me, and sometimes even if you have not, but I like your blog, your style of writing, and you post with some regularity, you will likely get blogrolled. No guarantees, but there is a better than 50/50 chance that your blog will end up on my blogroll. If you think I have slighted you, or maybe I just visited on a down day, do not worry. Try it again. I have blogrolled some only after the second or third visit.

Thank George, It's Friday!

Well, I have to get to work soon, so might be awhile before I can check the news and Blogosphere again. Just a few quick notes: It seems that my brief foray into the realm of Large Mammals is running steady for the second day. I am now sitting at #220 in NZB's list. Will I stay there? Hmmm, been there once before and then a bunch of them permalinks fell off the front page, so probably not. I actually seemed destined to be a possum for a bit.

It seems Glenn Reynolds' brain is not firing on all cylinders, because he thinks burying planes takes them out of action as effectively as having them shot down. Uh, Glenn, it is much easier to dig planes out of the sand than to recreate them from little shards of metal scattered over miles and miles of sand. Sure, they didn't have any part in the defense of Baghdad, but had the Ba'athists remained in power, they could have dug them up later. A good wash and lube and voila: instant Ba'athist Air Force. And if he buried planes, what do you think Saddam did with those elusive WMDs?

On another note, it does appear that I need to start writing Frank's stuff for him again. Letterman's lists got much better after I started writing his.*

*Sorry Frank, but like you, I am liable to say anything, true or not, to get a laugh, so get over it. Muhahahaha! I am not worried about Letterman, he does not read my blog. I heard he does not even read InstaPundit.

Pish posh, what caused that slosh?*

Well, it doesn't happen often, but it seems my hosting company must have had a problem for awhile tonight, just as my visitation was climbing to a new high. I still think I have a new high by one visitor, but then that might have been just my imagination. Anyway, that is the way the cookie crumbles. If you are one of the people who came by earlier and got that stupid page saying the site was not available, it was completely out of my control. I was probably more upset than you, because I was not even able to use my own blogroll to get somewhere else when I found I could not access my own stuff. It is not that I really enjoy reading my stuff over and over, it is just that I like to check from time to time and fix all the mistakes that I missed the last ten times I checked.

At least the server was not off long, and it was not as bad as I thought, as I was pretty sure the problem was that some suicidal terrorist on a unicycle had destroyed the outhouse in New Hamshire where my hosting service is based. Thankfully, I am now assured they are all OK. It just seems that the guy who holds the end of the cord up to the bare wire running across the ceiling of the outhouse, because the plug broke off and they cannot get the wires to fit in those little slots in the socket where the light bulb is hanging down, slipped and fell into the hole. However, it seems he was fished out before he slipped too far into the matter at the bottom of the hole, and, although he smells just a little bit worse than he did when he came to work today, he is back standing on the bench, holding the end of the cord to the bare wire running across the top of the outhouse again.

So, all's well that ends well, as they say. I am just glad I am a long way from that outhouse in New Hampshire.

*Now surely that title is better than Oh Hell, what's that smell?

the Teflon ***

OK, so yesterday was Ladies' Day. Today is the one day Tiger Hunting Season. What this means is that you are free to blame me for all the world's problems, jump down my ass for whatever reason you can think of, and can feel free to drag my name though the nasty gutters of the Blogosphere Ecosytem. I hereby await your response! Take your best shot, because for some reason my skin feels pretty thick today and I think I can take whatever anyone can dish out.

*** Hunting Season is now officially open!

[Update: It seems that John and Bill are doing their best to dent my armor plating, but sorry guys, no dents. It didn't even hurt me that you didn't track back to my post. I didn't even cry when Bill said he hates me. ;) nanner-nanner!]

Why does the world seem so insane?

I just got back from the store, only the second time I have left the house, and likely this computer for more than 10 minutes, all day. Jeez, but do I have a pathetic life or what? Anyway, what urged me to run right home and post was that I caught a glimpse of the front page of the Dallas Morning News. Big headline: Dallas has No. 1 big-city crime rate. I thought, wow, that is very alarming, especially since Dallas, is what? like only the 7th largest city in the US. Then I read the story on the web [linked above] and it begins with:

Dallas is on pace to have the highest crime rate among the nation's largest cities for the sixth year in a row, fueled in part by a 72 percent spike in homicides, according to statistics for the first half of this year.

1. There might be a valid reason why Texas leads the nation in the number of people executed; and
2. Executing all of those people does not seem to be causing the murder rate, at least in Dallas, to decline.

FOUR PAWS DOWN* . . .

and running in the other direction! Does anyone else think that sometimes Bill just goes a little bit overboard?

*Oh, you just don't know how badly I wanted to entitle this one "And for your dining enjoyment," but even I have scruples.

Ping pong . . . please get the door

I am mostly ragging on myself because I kind of played hookey from work today as I had to hang around so this friend of mine I am assisting in doing a pro se divorce could come and pay me for the favor by cleaning my lair. I was only here so I could watch to make sure I knew where to find everything after she straightened up my clutter. It is amazing how effortlessly and efficiently a woman can clean. What I thought would be an all day job, she completed in three hours while her three little kids [9, 7 and 4] sat and watched a couple of my movies*. I am not sure my toilet and tub were that clean when I moved into this place. All I have to do is to carry the 15 bags of trash out to the curb on Friday, or next Tuesday, or next Friday . . . you get the idea.

Anyway, it seems that

• michele is having one of her more bizarre days
• Tracy is fretting about being oriented [or is that reoriented]
• Susie is off doing a 12 hour shift at work
• Jennifer is playing golf [or at least that is what most guys think of when you say you are "hitting the links"]
• annika must still be getting her beauty sleep, like she needs any of that
• Deb hears voices in her head, or is that strains of Merle Haggard?
• Sassy is sensing conspiracies
• Ith can't wait for The Return of the King
• Jane is still out trying to locate that tape, I guess
• Cherry is rambling along nicely, finally, and getting into true blogger form
• Da Goddess finds that a simple butterfly can uplift your spirits in trying times [and let's all keep Spenser in our prayers!]
• Kate ... well Kate is Kate and her bite is as venomous as ever!
• Jen had an encounter with an idiot
• Patty is missing in action
• Anna is sharing good times with her family
• Lesley is also missing in action
• Lynn S is still having problems with her previous domain server
• Serenity is sweltering in the heat
• Gianna reminded me I know very little about Australian politics
• Erica is busy fantasizing about the sensuality of the Golden Mean
• Sharon is hearing disco music in her head
• LeeAnn is still MIA and has left us all in a lurch with an unsatisfied craving for more cheese on our cracker
• Lily Malcolm is busy with her last day of taking the Virginia Bar Exam, no word on Abby, Iris, or Kate
• I am not sure what is up with Andrea
• Kathy is feeling whimsical today
• Denita had a rough night but shares in Eric's thankfulness at the generosity of strangers . . . and
• L. is just busy

*They really liked Naughty Nurses, but didn't seem to understand the plot of Debbie Does Dallas.***

**Well, Eric did get that one mention, and, of course, you know what I have been up to today.

***Just kidding of course. I actually do not own such movies. The double feature, without popcorn, as I was fresh out, consisted of James and the Giant Peach followed by Indian in the Cupboard.****

****I really like this movie as the moral is so easy to explain: It is wrong to play with people.

Haven't I made this comment?

James over at OTB said this:

Some guy calling himself "InstaPundit" thinks it's [something or another they were discussing over at OTB] probably okay, but mainly just offers up a lot of links on the subject rather than any real analysis. (Frankly, he's never going to catch on with a name like that, especially if he's too lazy to write anything.)

Another near disaster averted?

It seems that Kevin is burning all the trash that accumulated in the Blogosphere last week.

I guess you get what you pay for [or NOT]

OK, I forget who had this thing on their blog about this great item that the Great State of Texas was offering: an Heirloom Birth Certificate. I was interested, but one of the requirements for purchase was a bit beyond my reach. Check out the extended entries for the email exchange between myself and the Registrar [or more likely some moron employed in such office] of the Texas Department of Vital Statistics:

Sometimes I just hate* my ISP

I just composed a very lengthy posting on my review of LXG and MY ISP decided to go lame while I was attempting to save it. Whole thing lost! Oh well, here is the most interesting take I found on the movie while I was searching for any reference to Rodney Skinner in H. G. Wells "The Invisible Man."

*Realize that I do not hate any of the individuals who are employed with such service, as I try not to hate anyone. Let us just say the service sucks.

The trouble with Susie

It seems Susie cannot dislike any of her posts enough to pick one to burn on the Bonfire of the Vanities. However she seems very good at picking the ones of mine that should be thrown on the pile. She said both rag: I seem to have my head up my ass and rant: Oh, how I hate Mondays should be thrown on this week's pile. I took her advice and submitted both. Thanks Susie!

The search engines must love me

Hmmm, I seem to be getting a lot of visits, but it seems most people come from search engines to find the photos of Kobe's accuser,* looking for Uday's and Qusay's pics, and still hitting that damn Michael Jackson posting I did a long time ago. The only post I seem to be visitors from other bloggers lately is the post I did in response to what Venomous Kate said on her blog about how active women's lives are.

[UPDATE: It seems I am number one and number two on AOL's search engine for monica lewinski's birthday.]

[UPDATE II: I just found that you can do a search on MSN Search to see how is linking to your domain, ie. linkdomain:tiglaw.com ... if it would just show everything on one page.]

*It does seem that a lot of the hits come via Glenn [not Reynolds]'s blog, which might be higher on the search engine than mine and a few seem to have been the publisher of uselessjunk.com checking the engines to see who has made comments about what they found on the site.

Isn't funny how soon you forget?

I just remembered what today is. Today is the day my late wife would have turned 42. As seven days from today will be the anniversary of her death, it now comes to mind why I have been stuck in a blue funk for the last few days.

This is not of any assistance

Damn, I surely hate to be a Lowly Insect without a link in the world. It seems that even NZB is puzzled about what is going on in his Blogosphere Ecosystem. I highly suspect that such problems are the result of a misguided attack by IMAO on puppy blender.

I seem to have my head up my ass

I am so completely worn out: I may be fatigued because of the heat, have become just too addle-pated to think, or have Friday afternoon wish the weekend was already here fever, but for some reason, I have nothing all that interesting to share at the moment.

Heh! Indeed!

The things I learn (or maybe not)

One of the sites I have on my blogroll is Technically Speaking. Tony is also a frequent reader and commentor*. I read his site regularly, but wow, a geek/0 guy like me gets flabbergasted trying to consume all that technical data. This one I did understand, but cannot figure out why in the heck I needed to know it because I can think of no reason why I would want to do that. I cannot think of a single purpose for doing so. If Bill Gates and crew would only get the stuff that actually means anything working right, then I might care about knowing about this or that little goodie they added to the last OS update. You need a stable platform to build upon, and so far MS has not been able to provide that.

*I am very glad I could find a way to send a bit of linky love** his way.

**Now don't be reading anything into the use of the word love in that phrase, as it means nothing more than I wanted to show him how much appreciation I have for his readership by linking to one of his posts.***

***Just so there was no miscommunicating what I meant by that statement.****

****Just because I thought we need just one more footnote.

Can I call you HONEY? [NOT!!!]

Utoh, Glenn done got himself caught in the web of deceit. I followed that link to find this:

Site update: 07/22/2003
8:42 PM EDT

Breaking news on Kobe story!!

Photos of Accuser circulating the Internet are not accurate. They were not the real accuser according to sources from Denver who are close to the case!

Ok, so it's an old photo and an old joke... I hope you got at least a chuckle out of the joke!

I've removed all images related to the Kobe story because... as I've always said... the photos were unconfirmed and just a rumor, and I want to remind everyone that UselessJunk.com is an entertainment site, not a new source! As such, I'm going to withdraw my association with the story and let the facts be heard. Whether Kobe is guilty or innocent, it's not my decision, and I'll let the jury in a court of law "make the call".

I'm not removing the content because I've been forced to, and I haven't been contacted by lawyers or the DA, however, I have been contacted by several TV and Radio stations. I've declined to do any interviews until now.

Media Inquiries: press@uselessjunk.com

Will I every figure it out?

Jeez, did I ever frag my template. I never know exactly what I did wrong, but you can bet I put a [div] tag or a [\div] tag somewhere where it was not supposed to be. Anyway, I had to go back and get the default template and paste it in and then redo my side panel all over again. I think I got it back in line. I am sure it is a bit different, but not that much different than it was. If you came while I was working on it, sorry for the construction mess. You can now go continue what you were doing before. Thank you for your attention.

Did I mention it was all michele's fault? She gave me something to display in the Hit Parade and I fragged the template when I added it. The link* doesn't really have anything to do with this, but if I didn't send the trackback, she would have likely not seen this. I think my link is still on her porn list.

[UPDATE: Yikes, I didn't fix the template so it would put my categories before the titles, and I forgot the code again. Sheesh!]

*Although I definitely agree with her viewpoint, I think. Now just who is Courtney Love?

I am #1 and don't wanna be!

I am now #1 on Google for michael jackson bankrupt. I am so surprised it is such a popular search.

Helloooo ooooooooo

Am I the only one reading Cherry? Come on ya'll, she just getting her feet wet in the blogging game. Give her a bit of encouragement.

Maybe Reader's Digest will condense this

I read about the first four paragraphs of this U.S.Clueless post and really liked what I was reading, but I have BAD* and I just can't scroll that much while reading. If someone is able to synopsize it into three paragraphs, let me know.