April 21, 2005

It'd definitely stir shake things up

Jake Coyle of the AP was going through the possible choices for the next Bond, analyzing what each contender brings to the role. He even went as far as throwing a couple of possibly overlooked people who could play the role. I loved this one:

Christopher Walken: OK, so Walken is over 60. But who wouldn't run to the theater to see Walken play Bond? It would immediately be the most interesting movie of the year. In reference to one of Walken's Saturday Night Live skits, if there's one thing Bond could use, it's more cowbell.
Of course, trying to envision that might make me laugh myself to death. I chuckled heartily when I read it. Story source.*

*Of course, it might have already slipped down that where did it go? rabbithole.

Posted by Tiger at 07:00 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

April 01, 2005

As Professor Reynolds might say ...

[All links are to same page]
Heh! No, seriously folks, at the other end of the link is something I urge you each and all to read from the very top to the very bottom. Except for a few modifications due to my personal preferences,* I would eagerly sign such document as soon as possible.

*I follow the Cowboys** and usually pass on the beer.

**On occasion, I think George only knows why.

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March 14, 2005

Not even hooked on phonics

thankateacher.jpg
I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid. Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm.Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? Yaeh, and I awlyas thought slpeling was ipmorantt. -- from Kenneth

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March 10, 2005

This post got 12 comments, ya know I'm sayin'?

When Bad Writing Comes to Life

Him: You know what I'm saying, because I was all "you know what I'm saying", you know what I'm saying?
Her: I have no idea what you're trying to say.

--Sea Thai Bistro, Williamsburg, from Overheard in New York

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February 18, 2005

"My KFC franchise didn't come all that cheaply," he said.

Four brothers left home for college and, after graduation they were all successful professionals and prospered. Some years later, they chatted after having dinner together. They discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly mother who lived far away in another city.

The first said "I had a big house built for Mama."

The second said "I had a hundred thousand dollar theater built in the house."

The third said "I had my Mercedes dealer deliver an SL600 to her".

The fourth said, "You know how Mama loved reading the Bible and you know she can't read anymore because she can't see very well. I met this preacher who told me about a parrot that can recite the entire Bible. It took twenty preachers 12 years to teach him. I had to pledge to contribute $100,000 a year for the next twenty years to the church, but it was worth it. Mama just has to name the chapter and verse and the parrot will recite it!"

The other brothers were impressed.

After the holidays, dutiful and diligent follower of Miss Manners that she was, Mama sent out her Thank You notes. She wrote:

Milton, the house you built is so huge. I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house. Thanks anyway.
Marvin, I am too old to travel. I stay home; I have my groceries delivered, so I never use the Mercedes. The thought was good. Thanks.
Michael, you gave me an expensive theater with Dolby sound, it could hold 50 people, but all my friends are dead, I've lost my hearing and I'm nearly blind. I'll never use it. Thank you for the gesture just the same.
Dearest Melvin, you were the only son to have the good sense to give a little thought to your gift. The chicken was delicious. Thank you.

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January 31, 2005

OTB enters the Terrible Twos

Well, with not much to do, Outside the Beltway turns two. It seems like only yesterday that little James Joyce was penning his first ode and is now regarded by many to be a minor poet of little renown Joyner is one of the most highly regarded bloggers. Let me be among the first to say: James, here is hoping you are around for another two, at least. ;)

read
Snakedance

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January 26, 2005

Front of Car Rear-Ended

Just a few minutes ago, the director of another local non-profit organization stopped by to visit. I was telling him about the fate of my Cadillac Catera and the subsequent wreck that I had in the rental vehicle. He proceded to tell me that he had recently been involved in a wreck as well.

Several weeks ago, he had taken his car to the dealer where I recently purchased my Taurus, which is across the street from his office. When his car was ready, he decided to walk across the street. Suddenly, a young lady in a Ford Focus swerved and was about to hit him. Sizing up the situation, he decided that he could not get out of the way of the car, so would either have to duck down or jump up to avoid the full impact. Since the car had little clearance underneath it, he decided to jump up. When he did, he landed on the hood of the car. The only part of the car which was damaged was the hood, which now had an imprint of his rear end. My friend had no injuries except for (so he told me) a very bruised buttox. This certainly lends a different meaning to the term "rear end collision."

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January 25, 2005

There is great cause for celebration no matter who ultimately wins

The Academy Award Nominations are out and Michael Moore's* name goes unmentioned. Of course, as usual, the Academy shows its belief that animated movies are not considered to be Best Picture material.

*I personally thought Fahrenheit 9/11 was a shoo-in for the best foreign language film, being that the movie was narrated by a well-known known barking moonbat.

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January 14, 2005

Python Pete--and he's not even an Irish Setter

I don't know what's wrong with me today. I don't want to do what I'm 'sposed to, I'm too tired to do anything but sit here, but too wound up to go to bed, so here I go surfin' the web again. I've heard of all kinds of different ways to get rid of snakes, but this seems like an unusual plan to me.

Little dog trains to hunt giant snakes in Everglades
BY ELIZABETH CARAM
KNIGHT RIDDER NEWSPAPERS

January 14, 2005

MIAMI -- In the strange-but-true fight against giant pythons that increasingly are roaming the far reaches of the Florida Everglades, park officials have come up with an unlikely weapon: a beagle named Python Pete.

The 6-month-old puppy is being trained to track the snakes that biologists say have invaded Everglades National Park -- discarded pets that have grown to science-fiction proportions.

"These are extraordinary times as the park faces a unique issue. We have to do what it takes to find these pythons," said Rick Cook, public affairs officer for the Everglades. "The hope is that the dog will be able to pick up the snakes' scent."

The experimental idea came from Lori Oberhofer, an Everglades wildlife technician who worked for the U.S. Department of Agriculture in Guam four years ago where a similar program is still used.

Oberhofer brings the puppy to work with her every day, training him for his future snake-tracking duties by using a rag that smells like python.

"Although this has never been tried before in the Everglades, we have great plans for him," Oberhofer said.

Park biologist Skip Snow is hopeful that the experiment will turn into the solution the park needs.

"We do not know if Python Pete will be successful. He's still a puppy," Snow cautioned.

The problem of giant snakes in the Everglades is becoming more acute because the pythons are competing with native animals -- including the indigo snake, which the federal government lists as threatened -- for food and living space. Burmese pythons, for example, typically grow to about 20 feet.

Already, park-goers have witnessed two headline-making battles between alligators and pythons. The first came in January 2003 when two reptiles engaged in an epic 24-hour fight. The snake finally managed to escape.

Nearly a year later, in February 2004, another snake wasn't as lucky. Park visitors saw an alligator catch one of the large snakes and swim away victoriously.

Park biologists plan to eradicate the Everglades' python population, euthanizing any that are found.

Daniel Vice, assistant state director for the U.S. Department of Agriculture, works in Guam with Jack Russell terriers that are used to detect and capture brown tree snakes.

"Studies indicate that a well-trained, experienced dog and handler team can expect to find about 75 percent of the snakes," Vice said.

Oberhofer, who paid for the dog, said she hopes that Pete will be just as productive in the Everglades.

"He is showing lots of potential and has already accomplished what much older dogs are trained to do. And he's still just a 6-month-old puppy," she said.

The dog's training sessions generally last 10 minutes, once or twice a day. Inside a plastic container in the corner of Oberhofer's office, a large, mesh laundry bag holds a large python. Pete's favorite rag, checkered and chewed on, is kept in the box, absorbing snake musk.

When it's time to train, Oberhofer puts a special red collar and matching leash on Pete -- a combination used only when it is "work time." She leads him outside to a field with knee-high grass, carrying the mesh bag containing the python and musky rag. Oberhofer gently drags the bag through the grass, creating a 50-foot scent trail for Pete. Then she tells him: "Find it!"

The puppy's ears perk up and he begins sniffing the grass. He finds the trail, which has been marked by stakes. As a reward when he has tracked the snake, Oberhofer lets him play tug-of-war with the musky rag.

"I want Pete to think that this scent means fun," she said.

So far, the beagle has found the trail each time he has tried, she said.

When he's ready, Oberhofer will take Pete out into the field for the real thing: to hunt for pythons. To keep him from becoming a snake snack, Pete will always be kept on a leash, Oberhofer said.

"If Python Pete turns out to be very successful at finding pythons for us, I would anticipate that we would continue using him and perhaps expand the program and get more dogs," she said. "But that would depend on future funding for the program."

Copyright © 2005 Detroit Free Press Inc.


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January 11, 2005

I can't blog on this ---

Jay has already used the only possibly good title:

Jesus Christ, Superstore, You Are As Funny As They Say You Are
'Course, to be petty, I'd have added a question mark on the end --- as anal* as I am 'bout such things.

*Which means that I am likely jes' a bein' an asshole for pointin' such out, right?

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December 31, 2004

Despite their whinin', Golden Bears not Pasadena material

The [No. 4 California] Golden Bears (10-2), who were 11 1/2 -point favorites, simply had no answer against the [No. 23 Texas Tech] Red Raiders (8-4) and their efficient spread offense, which uses four wide receivers most of the time. [Holiday Bowl - Texas Tech 45/California 31]
spork: Steven
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December 30, 2004

Jes' in time for the New Year

I was goin' through some of the ol' items I still had in draft mode and came 'cross this fabulous list of insults which I had found some time ago over at Silver Blue's place. If'n your New Years Resolution is to be able to aptly insult those whom you oft find a'trompin' on your toes, literally or figuratively, this might be jes' what the doctor ordered.

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December 28, 2004

Bloggers to the rescue

Bloggers at worldchanging.com, some of them living in the affected nations, began chattering immediately after the waves hit and began discussions of ways to help. South Asian bloggers created tsunamihelp blogspot.com to direct people to aid organizations. "I haven't seen this level of people saying, 'You know what? We can do something here. We can connect the pieces,' " said Alex Steffen, who lives in Seattle and edits worldchanging.com. "It's mind-blowing, and it's inspiring."

Howard Rheingold, the author of "Smart Mobs: The Next Social Revolution," about the use of interactive technologies like text-messaging to build ad hoc coalitions, said that using blogs to muster support for aid was a natural next step. "If you can smartmob a political demonstration, an election or urban performance art, you can smartmob disaster relief," he said.

One veteran of the online medium said he was initially "a little disappointed" in the reports he got from the blogs. Paul Saffo, director of the Institute for the Future in California, said that with the widespread use of digital cameras and high-speed digital access, he was expecting to see more raw video and analysis.

He said that upon reflection he realized that it was difficult to get information out of hard-hit areas and that putting digital video online is still the domain of "deep geeks" with significant resources. "This brought home to me just how far we have to go," he said.

Ms. Jardin of BoingBoing said people online often argued about whether blogs would replace mainstream media. The question is as meaningless, she said, as asking "will farmers' markets replace restaurants?"

"One is a place for rich raw materials," she continued. "One represents a different stage of the process."

Blogging from the tsunami, she said, is "more raw and immediate," but the postings still lack the level of trust that has been earned by more established media. "There is no ombudsman for the blogosphere," she said. "One will not replace the other, but I think the two together are good for each other."

Dr. Vaidhyanathan said he was leaving for a long-planned trip to India today and, if possible, hoped to visit relatives in Madras. "As long as there is electricity and Internet access, I'll blog," he said.

Full story: NYT

attribution to worldchanging.com -- much more info to be found there

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December 27, 2004

Murphy's Other Laws

"He who laughs last, thinks slowest" and other tidbits of wisdom.

Murphy's other laws:
  1. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.
  2. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
  3. A day without sunshine is like, well, night.
  4. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
  5. Back up my hard drive? How do I put it in reverse?
  6. I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
  7. When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty.
  8. Seen it all, done it all. Can't remember most of it.
  9. He's not dead. He's electroencephalographically challenged.
  10. She's always late. In fact, her ancestors arrived on the "Juneflower."
  11. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted and used against you.
  12. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.
  13. Honk if you love peace and quiet.
  14. Pardon my driving, I'm reloading.
  15. Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular?
  16. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
  17. It is hard to understand how a cemetery can raise its burial costs and blame it on the higher cost of living.
  18. Just remember ... if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.
  19. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
  20. It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try and pass them.
  21. You can't have everything. Where would you put it?
  22. Latest survey shows that 3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the world population.
  23. If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.
  24. The things that come to those that wait may be the things left by those who got there first.
  25. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day drinking beer.
  26. Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.
  27. The shin bone is a device for finding furniture.
  28. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
  29. It was recently discovered that research causes cancer in rats.
  30. Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter since nobody listens.
  31. I wished the buck stopped here, as I could use a few.
  32. I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
  33. When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people that weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.
  34. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
    Flagrantly pilfered from putermech.

    Posted by Moona at 10:37 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    December 22, 2004

    No more Larry

    OK, folks, Larry is gone. Sorry, but it jes' didn't work out. He was undependable. He disappeared, literally. I heard he was down under a bridge some place. I am really gonna miss him, a lot. Despite his faults, he was the best imaginary friend I ever had. And despite what the doctors say, he was not another facet of my multi-personality problem. Those doctors are crazy, I tell ya! I know, because the voices in my head tell me they are. Why are you lookin' at me like that?

    OK, now that we have that little bit of inanity outta the way, I wanna now introduce you to a real person. Yes, a real and true, made of flesh and blood type person, who is --- jes' this very night, here on Read My Lips, this same blog that you are looking at --- gonna make her first, yes, very first ever, blog post. Her name is Moona, she is a small town girl with an udderly exquisite smile, so I want ya all to be real nice to her.

    So, Moona, the floor is all yours. Even though we are sharin' the floor on your debut, these are your first words in the beginnin' of what is hoped to be a long and pleasurable bloggin' experience.

    Posted by Tiger at 09:35 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

    December 21, 2004

    With my sincerest well-wishes and all the accouterments thereto

    Jes' in, via email:

    Happy RamaHanuKwansMas, and Other PC Greetings of the Season

    The legal department has approved the following for immediate dissemination:

    Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non-addictive, gender neutral, celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all.

    I also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling, and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2004, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make America great (not to imply that America is necessarily greater than any other country or is the only "AMERICA" in the western hemisphere), and without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith, or sexual preference of the wishee.

    By accepting this greeting, you are accepting these terms: This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for her/himself or others, and is void where prohibited by law, and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher.

    This wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year, or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first, and warranty is limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher.

    Posted by Tiger at 10:27 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

    Ya done said a mouthful, my boy

    Doubtless ya already saw Day by Day today, but Chris Muir blasted a zinger at NYT! Jes' so that my comments don't lose all meanin' in the future when no one can figger out to which strip I am referrin', see the extended entry for the correct strip.

    dbd.GIF
    Posted by Tiger at 09:16 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    December 20, 2004

    A major milestone alert

    It seems that I am nearin' the 150,000 visitor mark. I know that the SiteMeter ain't that high, but I discussed here why it should and could be. I am feelin' so giddy! I hope it doesn't cause me to fall into a fugue state. Sporkin' ya, zombyboy!

    [UPDATE: At 08:05:50 PM, some unknown individual in San Diego, CA, likely bein' 06:05:50 PM at the time in said locality was the 150,000th visitor to Read My Lips per the StatCounter meter.]

    Posted by Tiger at 07:20 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

    Some will not be comin' this Christmas

    Go read Da Goddess: From Major Dad --- pack a pocketful of Kleenex, you're liable to need 'em.

    Posted by Tiger at 06:55 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    December 18, 2004

    Oops! Did I do that?

    What's the most fun ya can have in a strange, totally dark, empty house? Alli Deluxe* made like a Yeti On Heroin. Be sure to read this one all the way through, the climax will be worth ever' moment of sufferin' through the foreplay.

    *So, anyone got a clue as the the pronunciation of Tof Reknin or what is supposedly means?

    Posted by Tiger at 11:59 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

    December 16, 2004

    And 'member 25¢ allowances and how much ya could buy?

    Rob Sama published somethin' I have gotten in my email a couple of times before. I do not even 'member if I ever even tol' ya'll 'bout it or not, but this is so thought provokin' and brings back childhood memories, ya'll oughta take a peek at it. samaBlog: People Over 30

    Posted by Mr Mouse at 04:39 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    December 15, 2004

    Here comes Santa Claus right down Penny Lane

    Abroad at home has searched far and wide and found the perfect Christmas present to present to us Fab Four Fans: The Beatles Christmas Records. These were special edition fan records sent out by the band in their heyday and are completely downloadable MP3 files. Enjoy! I know I will!

    Posted by Tiger at 03:20 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    December 14, 2004

    Welcome to HeroMachine

    hulk.gif
    Well, here is another creation I made with the program I was talkin' 'bout. I ain't gonna tell ya who it is supposed to be, but I will tell ya he ain't currently appearin' in the first book of my trilogy project. Although I doubt anyone will jump to it, I guess if I could have anythin' for this Christmas, I would like to have the updated version. O' course, I might be willin' to wait until there are a few more poses available, as it is a bit weird to have ever' character standin' in the exact same pose. There are a few more poses available in the free downloadable version, whereas you are limited to a single pose in the online version, but some of those poses are limited to certain types of characters, and, in some cases, only for characters of one sex. I would really like to have several possible poses, with some side shots and back shots, as well. I might then possibly be able to re-initiate my Alien Attitudes™ comic strip. On that subject, however, I am gonna see if I can find the old strips I did five or so years back and maybe post them on a daily basis at Zongo's old site - as soon as I get through usin' it as a test site for the new design, which, it seems, works perfectly there and does not work correctly here????
    Posted by Tiger at 05:56 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    December 11, 2004

    It's totally illogical in my best estimation

    SPOCK'S BRAIN, with Lola Davidson as Captain James T. Kirk.

    I heard they had actually wanted to do "THE TROUBLE WITH TRIBBLES" but had severe difficulties in contract negotiations with the United Federation of Tribble Performers.*

    *Aw come on. No one has ever praised tribbles for their originality.

    Posted by Tiger at 12:30 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

    Standin' in the portal in slack-jawed amazement

    Oh wow! I can see myself spendin' a lot of time here ... American Memory from the Library of Congress ... once I get the necessary bandwidth, I mean!

    A box of sporks to the friendly folks at Eight Diagrams for providin' the ticket to the show.

    Posted by Tiger at 12:10 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    December 10, 2004

    Ooooooo - now my fingers smell like Pickle Juice

    My boss is totally and embarrassingly in love with my crazy mad marketing skills. This afternoon he said of my latest campaign, "Your message is going to change the world! Just like Jesus!" So I guess I can safely predict how my employment will end. And the Jews will be at fault. - Nat!
    Posted by Tiger at 08:47 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

    If the Scots hadda known Jewish history, Brave Heart woulda never been made

    Now here is somethin' I didn't know:

    Hanukkah is an eight-day celebration of the Jewish revolution against Syria in the second century B.C.
    The mos' interestin' part:
    During the years of Syrian tyranny, Syrian officers enjoyed the droit du seigneur—the authority to deflower virgin Jewish brides on their wedding nights, before they could join their husbands. So some stories which Jewish families retell at Hanukkah, such as the Book of Judith, extol brave Jewish women who went to the tent of enemy officers who were expecting sex—but who instead met their deaths as the hands of lone Jewish women.
    Ha ha ha! The thoughts of that alone seems like a reason for celebration. Happy Hanukkah, ya'll Jews! an' I do mean that in the nicest possible way. It's on Glenn's MS site, but Glenn didn't write it. Glenn merely pointed me toward it on his blog. Glenn does not need sporks. He owns a spork factory.

    Posted by Tiger at 05:05 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    December 09, 2004

    Yikes, hide your valuables*

    Bill has become a Munuvian. Now, don't get me wrong. I am glad to know that Bill is still among the livin' and all, but with him now bein' a full fledged card carryin' member of the Munuvian Empire, does that mean I am no long allowed to give him back-handed snarky compliments. I know the one thing I am very very glad of, that is that, bein' as I outrank him in the Munuvian peckin' order, I ain't gonna be the one assigned to deal with whatever afflictions attack that thing he sits upon. WB BIll!

    *Hey, that one's much better than the first three attempts.

    Posted by Tiger at 11:39 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    December 08, 2004

    The wee li'l Scotsman turned awfully red in the face*

    Accordin' to Jim,** he happened 'pon a bloggin' celebrity*** at the local Sack n' Save.

    *A fully-wrapped, brand-new right off the boat direct from China, box of mixed red and green sporks to the first of ya'll that can 'splain the 'cause of that titlin'.

    **No relation to the television show starrin' Toga John's bubba, Jim.

    ***No Virginia, 'tweren't Glenn Reynolds. You'll jes' have to click the danged link and check it out for yourself.

    Posted by Tiger at 08:48 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

    December 06, 2004

    Spews over my spammy?

    Jim owes me a fresh refill of Dr. Pepper and a roll of paper towels for the spewin' spree this set off.

    Posted by Tiger at 08:48 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    December 05, 2004

    Stamp it out with a bit of your own flair

    Here is another little facet of modern life ya'll might have missed:

    PhotoStamps is an exciting new product that allows you to create your own customized postage. Whether you have a new baby in the family or a business to promote, PhotoStamps are a fun and easy way to add a personal touch to your mailings. - http://www.photo.stamps.com/
    An elegantly gift-wrapped spork set aside for Christmas Eve delivery 'pon the Barefoot Principessa, provided Santa keeps his promise.

    Posted by Tiger at 11:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    How they baked a fat kid and other urban myths

    Wow, the things you find out from readin' other people's blogs. Take #!/usr/fez/~ramblings for example. In a single post, he was able to deftly describe what it means to be fat, why so many people are fat, the newly discovered ways to lead a normal life, includin' the diets designed by Drs. Atkins and South Beach, and disclosed that it is entirely possible to get one's medical degree through a system of confusin' Nigerian emails. I highly recommend this new find via Blog Explosion.

    Posted by Tiger at 05:25 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    I am not oft' at such a loss for words

    Wow! Check out the creations of Mark Ryden. 'Bout all I can think to say is that his works of art are so very sad and hauntin' and yet evoked within me an unalarmin' sense of calmness.

    A well-deserved sporkin' for Tvindy.

    Posted by Tiger at 01:49 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

    A really really worthy endeavor with which I need ever'one's assistance

    I did have to provide the poor cow a personal note. You can find the text of that message in the extended entry.

    UTOH! I almos' forgot to spork Orange Haired Boy.

    'Member, without balls, life ain't really worth a crap anyway. Maybe that involuntary martyrdom on behalf of us beef lovers ain't all that bad after all.
    Cows speak Texanese, too.
    Posted by Tiger at 02:36 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    December 04, 2004

    In the Why the Hades didn't I Think of This? Dept.

    OK, all of ya'll people who have been really worried 'bout all of your CDs and DVDs havin' unprotected sexual relations, it seems some genius has designed condoms for your wayward disks. They are 'sposedly 'vailable at your local Walmart.

    Undisclosed Location can consider itself sporked.

    Posted by Tiger at 08:55 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

    December 01, 2004

    I turned over a rock and look what I found

    Ya know, it doesn't take a fancy template and great page design to make a good blog. It is more important that you have a keen eye for seein' the interestin' details of life and can tell your stories well. Example: Scheiss Weekly - recently added to the blogroll.

    Posted by Tiger at 10:01 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

    You can keep your darned ol' Eye of Sauron...

    Hey I want one of these. Ya think anyone would take one of my nuts* in exchange for one?

    *Pecans, of course, ya nasty minded Orc. I got bunches of them layin' all over my driveway.

    Posted by Tiger at 06:04 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    November 28, 2004

    He is such a really great neighbor

    I don't know how many of ya'll have CrabAppleLane on your blogroll, but if ya don't, ya ought ta get it on there. Rob's a good citizen of the blogosphere. Rob doesn't post prolifically, although always eager to share some beautiful photography of the local area around Bush, Louisiana. What I 'specially think makes him a good blogosphere citizen is his blog of the day feature, which points out delightful new blogs to check out. Jes' after givin' ya the link to his daily choice, he will give ya a teaser by postin' a short quote from such site. His blog of the day today is here, but, instead of the quote he chose, I preferred:

    well, after the fire of 2003, this year's thanksgiving was calm and uneventful.

    Posted by Tiger at 04:22 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

    November 27, 2004

    This'll only take a few worthwhile minutes, ya know?

    Madfish Willie, that crazy owner of the raunchiest bar in the blogosphere, has penned a little diatribe about one family's Thanksgivin' dinner you can while away your time readin' while you are munchin' on that left-over turkey sandwich.*

    *Doin' Wonkette, Tiger style..**

    **Lookin' back on that, it sounds kinda nasty, don't it? ;)1

    1The only smiley face sanctioned for use on Read My Lips.

    Posted by Tiger at 12:05 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    Got any Rasta-mons* on your list on your Christmas list?

    McGehee has the scoop. I don't want to steal his thunder, 'specially since he went to the trouble of makin' a screenshot or two of the site, lest it disappear.

    [Update: Waaaaaaah!]

    *Very handy site to bookmark if ya happen to be Ricky Williams brother.

    Posted by Tiger at 09:45 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

    November 25, 2004

    A healthy helpin' of Thanksgivin' humor, or is this gag a real turkey or what?

    A History of Thanksgiving

    1492 - Christopher Columbus discovers America, unless you count the native peoples already living there. Columbus doesn't. Columbus and crew celebrate by holding a dinner, giving thanks for their safe arrival. Embarrassment ensues when every Indian brings maize, and nobody brings pumpkin pie.

    1620 - Pilgrim men invent sport of football to avoid helping clean up after Thanksgiving dinner.

    1671 - First embarrassing drunken relatives at Thanksgiving dinner, as Captain John Smith's parents tell Pocahontas the "hilarious" old "I got lost in the maize" joke for the hundredth time.

    1701 - At a historic Thanksgiving dinner, Dutch settlers unveil historic "Indians Give Us All Of Their Land Treaty." Due to an unfortunate oversight, the Indians are left off of the invite list, and the treaty is signed without them.

    1776 - Excited that his British in-laws finally agreed to meet him for Thanksgiving dinner, silversmith Paul Revere rides through Boston announcing the news. Unfortunately, many colonists misinterpret his cry "the British are coming!" as a warning, leading to the Revolutionary War.

    1812 - At an international Thanksgiving dinner, King George of England, still hurting from losing the Revolutionary War, challenges United States President James Madison to "best 2 out of 3."

    1860 - At a Senate Thanksgiving dinner, the seven-year-old son of Alabama's Senator Richard Applebee insults the Senators from Massachusetts, New York, and Pennsylvania, sparking the Civil War. The tradition of the "children's table" is instituted in 1861.

    1903 - Canada steals idea of Thanksgiving holiday, placing it in October, so they can say it was their idea first.

    1928 - To commemorate "our nation's greatest era of prosperity that will last forever and ever," President Herbert Hoover dumps ceremonial ten thousand turkeys into the Potomac River.

    1929 - Following the Great Stock Market Crash, thousands of men go Turkey Diving in the Potomac River.

    1957 - Declaring her spicy stuffing "a communist threat to undermine my health via heartburn," Senator Joe McCarthy has his wife placed under arrest as a Soviet saboteur.

    1969 - The world's largest Eat-In event goes sour. Thousands of hippies start having bad trips when bad "brown gravy" gets passed around.

    1991 - When Dan Quayle takes ill on Thanksgiving; a turkey is sworn as Vice President for three days. No change is noticed.

    1997 - Strong natural tranquilizer tryptophane is discovered in turkey. A Colombian cartel immediately starts selling "pure" turkey on the streets for $500 an ounce. Turkey farmers get involved in drive-by shootings, and the U.S. government declares a national fowl emergency.

    2002 - America is on a terrorist alert. It is now against the law to stuff a turkey since anyone [caught doing so] is suspicious [suspected] of hiding explosives. Saddam Hussein is caught trying to smuggle Turkeys filled with WMD's in containers bound for the US.

    2004 - Teresa Heinz Kerry invites all the Democrats who won in November for a Festive Thanksgiving Celebration. As she certainly knows a Turkey when she sees one, her 'trophy' hubby John Kerry finds it very lonely when only Tom Daschle shows up, claiming that he won 'in spirit.'

    The modifications to the 2002 entry are mine, as I thought it failed to make proper sense as written.
    Posted by Tiger at 10:45 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

    November 23, 2004

    Now I know why my horrorscopes always miss the mark

    You are 67% Taurus

    How much do you match your zodiac sign?

    Tossin' a handful of highly valuable Kudos* Eric's way.

    *One Kudo, despite bein' equal to the use of 327.8 neurons are additionally equivalent in value to three used sporks and one of those bendable straws.

    Posted by Tiger at 10:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    November 22, 2004

    Here is somethin' of interest to ever'one

    Seriously! No jest. Next time ya want to read someone the Riot Act, ya actually will be able to do so. Orin Kerr has the skivvy. Thanks for doin' the research for us, Professor!

    Posted by Tiger at 05:02 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    November 20, 2004

    It's Saturday and nobody is at home

    Yep, and so starts another long Saturday, the day where bloggin' grinds to a tiny trickle as mos' people partake of the temptations of the real world. I really ain't got anythin' of an entertainin' nature to offer ya at the moment, but it appears that, in honor of the openin' of the Clinton Presidential Library, the Cracker Barrel Philosopher has compiled a most excellent parade of photoshopped? pics to celebrate the Clinton legacy.

    Then ag'in, there is this link to a very strange FLASH movie I found over on the newly redesigned Who Tends the Fires. I ain't sure if you'll find it entertainin' or not. Heck, I watched it three times and ain't even sure that I understand it. Oh . . . well --- that's life.

    Posted by Tiger at 08:18 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

    November 18, 2004

    An early mornin' discovery of a delightful coincidence

    I jes' eyed the followin' statistics with regard to one of my recent visitors:

    Country-Ireland
    Region-Cork
    City-Cork
    Now, 'ccordin' to the stories that I heard in my youth, durin' the Great Potato Famine, my early ancestors bearin' the surname of Russell began to leave the above designated area, travelin' in the steerage of merchant ships in an effort to reach America. As such, it behooves me to wish to welcome my cousin from across The Great Pond who found his/her way to my post entitled Read My Lips: This is neater than X-Ray glasses through a Google search for x-ray glasses. It's a small world, after all. I won't be tryin' to copyright that last bit, as I am fairly sure it has been used previously.

    smallworld.jpg

    It's A Small World

    It's a world of laughter, a world or of tears
    It's a world of hopes, it's a world of fear
    Theres so much that we share
    That it's time we're aware
    It's a small world after all

    CHORUS:
    It's a small world after all
    It's a small world after all
    It's a small world after all
    It's a small, small world

    Posted by Tiger at 08:48 AM | Comments (3) | TrackBack

    November 17, 2004

    Takin' logic to the extreme?

    Here is somethin' interestin' I found 'mong the messages in one of mail list digests I receive several times a day in my main email account. For some odd reason, I thought such was worthy of passin' 'long. First of all, let me say that I do not actually believe this was created by a student in response to a test question, and, I suspect this may have been floatin' round the 'net for much longer than I am aware, but it is unique and a good point of humor. I am gonna gamble and share it hereon:

    Subject: Hell

    The following is supposedly an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid-term. The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.

    Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

    Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following:

    First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different Religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.

    Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added. This gives two possibilities:

    1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
    2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

    So which is it?

    If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, "it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you, and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number 2 must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over.

    The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct...leaving only Heaven thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God."

    THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY "A"

    Posted by Tiger at 09:54 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    November 16, 2004

    Maybe I did make the right choice*

    Ya know, I often say that I was born jes' a might bit early to have been able to choose some IT job. Heck, nearly ever'thin' dealin' with computers when I was in college had somethin' to do with punchin' bunches of cards and feedin' 'em into IBM 360 mainframes. However, with the advent of PCs, I have found several alternative careers that are now available that I might have chosen had such been available back in the day. However, accordin' to this little ditty I found over at Oz Guru's, computer programmin' ain't really changed all that much over the years.

    *Actually, becomin' a best sellin' author was in my mind, even then. I am still hopin' it becomes an eventuality, but if it don't, I still have loads of ammunition in my tear ducts.

    Posted by Tiger at 12:34 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack

    November 14, 2004

    It might be funny, but there is a lesson to be learned for some

    There was a preacher whose wife was expecting a baby. The preacher went to the congregation and asked for a raise. After much consideration and discussion, they passed a rule that whenever the preacher's family expanded, so would his paycheck.

    After six children, this started to get expensive and the congregation decided to hold another meeting to discuss the preacher's salary. There was much yelling and bickering about how much the clergyman's additional children were costing the church.

    Finally, the preacher got up and spoke to the crowd. "Having children is an act of God!"

    Silence fell upon the congregation. No one dared to challenge the thought. In the back of the room a little old lady stood up and in her frail voice said: "Snow and rain are also acts of God, but when we get too much of either we wear rubbers!"

    Posted by Tiger at 09:09 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    November 11, 2004

    Happy Veteran's Day

    Yep, it is Veteran's Day and I am so hopeful that all of ya'll remember those who gave their lives so we can live free and those who are still in harm's way so that others can find themselves freer than they ever believed was possible. Those of you still in harm's way, we are keepin' you in our prayers. Have a nice day, all.

    Posted by Tiger at 12:26 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    November 03, 2004

    Admirable action and a hope for somethin' better

    I was pretty sure there was very little 'bout John F. Kerry which I could ever find to admire, but goin' forward to concede the election to President Bush was a class act. I am so glad we didn't have to wait until December 10.

    Now, here is a wish for all in our great nation. Let us cease this great polarization that has occurred since the 2K election and all work together for the betterment of our nation and society. Ain't it time for a bit of good ol' American bi-partisanship? I hope I ain't the only one who is tired of a wide division between the citizens of our country.

    Posted by Tiger at 02:20 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    November 02, 2004

    Today's Horrorscope is a doozy!

    Your Tuesday, November 2, 2004 Horoscope, Taurus!

    This is one extraordinary day. A project you have committed your time to is suddenly quite popular. Many supporters will soon have you speeding toward your ultimate goal and beyond.

    As today is election day and I am on the ballot, I am hopin' this forecast from the overhead stars means what I think it means.
    Posted by Tiger at 09:20 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    November 01, 2004

    2.3% of John Kerry's fightin' styles exhibited in a single forum

    I don't think I would have let the world know I had 23 pictures of Kerry downloaded onto my hard drive, but this is some funny stuff. Seriously funny! Do not pass the link by. Click it. Here! You will be glad you did!

    Blame it all on Jay. He made me do it. He's the Devil, that Jay.*

    *OK, let me spell that one out for ya! The Devil made me do it! Jeez, you youngsters who weren't around for Laugh-in.

    Posted by Tiger at 03:31 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    October 29, 2004

    Bush blogger strikes back

    Accordin' to some guy in a remote location,* the person behind the mask in the tape promisin' a new terror attack on the US is none other than ABC news anchor, Peter Jennin's.

    *Iowa is a pretty remote location, ain't it?

    Posted by Tiger at 11:24 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    It's all in how you hold the big fat pencil

    Frank J has whole-heartedly endorsed George W. Bush and did his very best to illustrate the reasons why.

    Posted by Tiger at 10:03 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    October 28, 2004

    Heh!*

    As if! I am puttin' my money on the alien conspiracy theory.

    Found: here. Indeed! Go - there's more!

    *Yeah, I know, my Glenn Reynolds impression really sucks. So, sue me! I know a good lawyer** if ya need one. Actually, Glenn can't do me, either. No one can!

    **Ta be a bit more accurate, I think that in most people's minds, good lawyers are a lot like unicorns, pixies, and anyone connected with the John Kerry campaign capable of actually tellin' the truth,*** people go around claimin' they exist, but no one has come forward with any solid documentary evidence to actually prove it.

    ***See how I artfully placed another jab at Lurch in a post havin' nothin' to do with the current Presidential campaign. Who says I ain't no artful blogger.****

    ****I thought that last bit was a bit punny, didn't you? 'Course, I 'spose I must be the most unrecognized artful blogger in the blogosphere from the number of comments and trackbacks I have seen of late.

    Posted by Tiger at 08:14 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    I have been a paltry fool and missin' somethin' right in my face

    I done went on today 'bout why ya'll should vote for BUSH, even goin' so fas as to tell a really good whopper or was it 'bout why no one should vote for his opponent -- you know: the guy who hasn't taken off his mask and shown his real face since 'nouncin' his candidacy for President, and here I come to find that someone else discovered the very reason that all liberals, leftists, Democrats, hippies, peaceniks, commies, socialists, educators, union members, Hollywood idiots, the mainstream media, terrorists, tree huggers, feminazis, and you should vote for George W. Bush. Who made such discovery? The Patriette, of course. What did she uncover? Go find out for yourself -- but do so, 'cause it is worth the trip.

    I know some of ya'll was 'spectin' it to be somethin' from Susie, right? Naw, she's too busy tryin' to find the right clothes to wear while officiatin' the media now that she has been officially appointed as Supreme Media Goddess. I understand she is currently seekin' somethin' really sexy in shiny black vinyl, appropriately adorned with chromed chains and studs, to go along with that spankin' new cat-o-nine-tails she won on Ebay. Back I say, Back, Back!

    [Addendum: I am remiss in givin' Jim proper Kudos for havin' pointed out the way.]

    Posted by Tiger at 07:46 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

    October 23, 2004

    A delightful trip to a predictable end

    Gotta inbox full of a bunch of things that my favorite Aunt 'Net jes' forwarded. I found this one especially worthy of consideration! A further wee bit of insight with regard to my thoughts 'bout such can be found via a thorough examination into the titlin' of this post, as well ;)

    Baby Bear goes downstairs and sits in his small chair at the table, he looks into his small bowl. It is empty. "Who's been eating my porridge?!!" he squeaks.

    Papa Bear arrives at the big table and sits in his big chair. He looks into his big bowl, and it is also empty. "Who's been eating my Porridge?!!" he roars.

    Momma Bear puts her head through the serving hatch from the kitchen and yells, "How many times do we have to go through this with you idiots? It was Momma Bear who got up first, it was Momma Bear who woke everyone in the house, it was Momma Bear who made the coffee, it was Momma Bear who unloaded the dishwasher from last night, and put everything away, it was Momma Bear who went out in the cold early morning air to fetch the newspaper, it was Momma Bear who set the damn table, it was Momma Bear who put the cat out, cleaned the litter box, and filled the cat's water and food dish, and, now that you've decided to drag your sorry bear-asses downstairs, and grace Momma Bear's kitchen with your grumpy presence, listen good, cause I'm only going to say this one more time.

    "I HAVEN'T MADE THE DAMN PORRIDGE YET !!"

    Posted by Tiger at 10:52 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

    October 19, 2004

    When ya put it that way . . .

    A young woman was about to finish her first year of college. Like so many others her age she considered herself to be a very liberal Democrat and was for redistribution of all wealth. She felt deeply ashamed that her father was a rather staunch Republican, which she expressed openly. One day she was challenging her father on his beliefs and his opposition to higher taxes on the rich and the addition of more government welfare programs. Based on the lectures that she had participated in, as well as that occasional chat with a professor, she felt that, for years, her father had obviously harbored an evil, even selfish, desire to keep what he thought should be his. The self-professed objectivity proclaimed by her professors had to be the truth and she indicated so to her father.

    He stopped her and asked her point blank, how she was doing in school.

    She answered rather haughtily that she had a 4.0 GPA, and let him know that it was tough to maintain. She told him how she studied all of the time, never had time to go out and party like other people she knew. She didn't even have time for a boyfriend and didn't really have very many college friends because of spending all of her time studying. She also reminded him that she was taking a more difficult curriculum than most.

    Her father listened and then asked, "How is your good friend Mary doing?"She replied, "Mary is barely getting by."

    She continued, "She barely has a 2.0 GPA," adding, "and all she takes are easy classes and she never studies. But Mary is so very popular on campus, college for her is a blast, she goes to all the parties all the time and very often doesn't even show up for classes because she is too hung over."

    Her father then asked his daughter, "Why don't you go to the Dean's office and ask him to deduct a 1.0 off your 4.0 GPA and give it to your friend who only has a 2.0." He continued, "That way you will both have a 3.0 GPA and certainly that would be a fair and equal distribution of GPA."

    The daughter visibly shocked by her father's suggestion angrily fired back, "That wouldn't be fair! I worked really hard for mine, I did without and Mary has done little or nothing, she played while I worked really hard!"

    The father slowly smiled, winked and said, "Welcome to the Republican Party."

    *I found this gem buried deep in my inbox, but, as unusual as it might seem, this one ain't from my favorite Aunt 'Net. It was sent by the Prez of our local Repub Club.

    OTBTJTB

    Posted by Tiger at 03:43 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

    October 08, 2004

    I served in Vietnam (four months)

    JOB APPLICATION:

    NAME: John Kerry

    RESIDENCE: 7 mansions, including one in Washington DC, worth multi-millions.

    EXPERIENCE: Law Enforcement. In my career as a U.S. Senator, I've voted to cut every law enforcement, CIA, and Defense bill. I ordered the city of Boston to remove a fire hydrant in front of my mansion, thereby endangering my neighbors in the event of fire. I served in Vietnam... (four months).

    MILITARY: I served in Vietnam (four months). I used three minor injuries to get an early discharge from the military and service in Vietnam (as documented by the attending doctor). I served in Vietnam (four months). I then returned to the U.S., joined Jane Fonda in protesting the war, and insulted returning Vietnam vets, claiming they committed atrocities and were baby killers. I served in Vietnam (four months). I threw my medals, ribbons, or something away in protest. Or did I? My book "Vietnam Veterans Against the War: The New Soldier", shows how I truly feel about the military. I served in Vietnam (four months).

    COLLEGE:I graduated from Yale University with a low 'C' average. Unlike my counterpart George Bush, I have no higher education and did not get admitted to Harvard nor graduate with an M.B.A

    PAST WORK EXPERIENCE: After College and Vietnam, I ran for the U.S. Congress and have been there ever since. I have no 'real' world experience except marrying very rich women and running their companies vicariously through them. I served in Vietnam (four months).

    ACCOMPLISHMENTS: As a U.S. Senator I set the record for the most liberal voting record, exceeding even Ted Kennedy and Hillary Clinton. I have consistently failed to support our military and CIA by voting against their budgets, thus gutting our country's ability to defend itself.

    Although I voted 'for' the Iraqi War, now I am against it and refuse to admit that 'I voted for it'. I voted 'for' every liberal piece of legislation. I have no plan to help this country but I intend to 'raise taxes' significantly if I am elected. I served in Vietnam (four months).

    My wealth so far exceeds that of my counterpart, George Bush, that he will never catch up. I make little or no charitable contributions and have never agreed to pay any voluntary excess taxes in Massachusetts, despite family wealth in excess of $ 700 million. I served in Vietnam (four months).

    I (we) own 28 manufacturing plants (Heinz) 'outside' the U.S. in places like Asia, Mexico and Europe. We can make more profit from the cheaper cost of labor in those Countries, although I blame George Bush for sending all of the other jobs out of Country.

    Although I claim to be in favor of alternative energy sources, Ted Kennedy and I oppose windmills off Nantucket and Martha's Vineyard as it might spoil our view of the ocean as we cruise on our yachts.

    RECORDS AND REFERENCES: None. However, I served in Vietnam (four months).

    PERSONAL: I practice my Catholic faith whenever cameras are present. I ride a Serotta Bike. I love to ski/snowboard. I call my Gulfstream V Jet the "Flying Squirrel". I call my $850,000 42-foot Hinckley twin diesel yacht the "Scarmouche".

    I am fascinated by rap and hip-hop and feel it reflects our real culture.

    I own several "Large" SUVs including one parked at my Nantucket summer mansion, though I am against large, polluting, inefficient vehicles and blame George Bush for our energy problems. I served in Vietnam (four months).

    PLEASE CONSIDER MY EXPERIENCE WHEN VOTING IN 2004.

    OTB TJ

    Posted by Tiger at 06:21 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

    October 02, 2004

    This might be a little too cruel

    I jes' received this in an email, unattributed, adequately provided with 3 carets of forwardin' notations:

    The National Weather Service has issued a warning for yet another catastrophic hurricane following on the heels of Ivan and Jeanne. The path of this hurricane zigs and zags, and is therefore highly unpredictable. Experts predict that this one will cause the most damage to the United States that we have experienced in four years. They are naming this one Hurricane Kerry. Be advised, the only way for citizens to protect themselves is by hiding behind a Bush.

    Posted by Tiger at 05:54 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

    September 24, 2004

    Somethin' that is hopefully true as it is wholly enjoyable

    This picture of the statue was made by an Iraqi artist named Kalat, who for years was forced by Saddam Hussein to make the many hundreds of bronze busts of Saddam that dotted Baghdad. This artist was so grateful that the Americans liberated his country, he melted 3 of the fallen Saddam heads and made a memorial statue dedicated to the American soldiers and their fallen comrades. Kalat worked on this night and day for several months. To the left of the kneeling soldier is a small Iraqi girl giving the soldier comfort as he mourns the loss of his comrade in arms. It is currently on display outside the palace that is now home to the 4th Infantry division. It will eventually be shipped and shown at the memorial museum in Fort Hood, Texas.
    You can see the picture here.
    Posted by Tiger at 02:23 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    September 18, 2004

    Oh no! The Horror of it all!

    Your Saturday, September 18, 2004, Horoscope, Taurus!

    There is a chance to get that which you have always wanted. A sharp tongue may be necessary, as accusations about your intentions will lead to hurt feelings. Do not let a spiteful person get his or her way by diminishing your efforts. Forge ahead.

    With ever' iron I currently have in the fire, I have no idea what to make of this. Any ideas, ya'll?

    Posted by Tiger at 07:59 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

    September 11, 2004

    Do we have to talk turkey tech durin' Shaolin Soccer*?

    If ya are ever wantin' to keep up with the news on the technological front, you need to add Technically Speakin'** to your blogroll. Tony S does a good job of gatherin' the stories and givin' ya the info in plain language that is easily understood, and provides his unique insight on a regular basis. Take this recent revelation that companies are startin' to have concern about the loss of intellectual property with the emergence of flash drives: Tony says it is likely that they are tryin' to shut the barn door after the horses have escaped.

    *Actually, it would be a great time to attract my attention! I mean it ain't like they are showin' Mighty Mouse.

    **Tony does not actually drop the endin' "g" in the titlin' of his blog, but such must be done hereon so as to conform with my style.

    Posted by Tiger at 08:44 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

    September 10, 2004

    Hmmm, here's somethin' ya might not wanna know?

    You make the call.

    Posted by Tiger at 08:57 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack

    August 31, 2004

    All hail our Most Noble Benefactor!

    It is official:

    Pixy Misa
    Mu.Nu Director of Stuff *
    *And there seems to be so many great perks bein' a Munuvian,. and it is all free, plus you get pengos,** to boot!

    **So? Anyone know what pengos are good for?

    Posted by Tiger at 02:33 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

    Always keepin' my eye for the best in entertainment value

    Didn't get enough of Spidey battlin' Doc Ock on the big screen, well -- leggo my eggo? Have a look at the film for free 'fore it hits the Dollar Movies.

    Posted by Tiger at 02:04 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    August 28, 2004

    The barkin' moonbat alarm seems to be momentarily out of order

    I don't know how he did it, and surely don't know how he got past the security system, but OldCatman has done invaded barkin'moonbat.com.

    Posted by Tiger at 12:57 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    August 20, 2004

    Talk 'bout a SMILEY FACE

    Here's a well deserved one for the ages:

    carly.jpg

    Picture flagrantly swiped from http://www.nbcolympics.com/gymnastics/index.html and identified as Kazuhiro Nogi/Getty Images but the real hard work was done by the pictured Carly Patterson who beamed that smile. Congratulations!!!! (As an aside, the local news jes' said that the Plano gym where Carly trains has seen a big increase in its enrollment over these last few days.)

    Posted by Tiger at 06:08 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    August 19, 2004

    Have I mentioned how badly I want one of these?

    Congratulations you two, he is absolutely adorable.

    Not quite as badly, but I would also like one of these, one of these, and one of these.

    Thanks to soon-to-be-poppa Jay for pointin' the way.

    Posted by Tiger at 09:59 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    August 18, 2004

    A quick bit of wit

    James has penned a nifty little ditty over on Parkway Rest Stop. I wouldn't be mentionin' it if it was not worth the time it takes to click the link. Jes' DO IT!

    Posted by Tiger at 10:37 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

    Somethin' I found to whet your appetite political

    I was hopin' to collect a few more links today to do a Nuggets and Gems postin' which has not come 'round these parts in a long while, but couldn't find the time to do a proper prospectin' job with the little bit of free time I found this day. Still, there was this: Ramblings of Silver Blue: Classic Headline

    Posted by Tiger at 07:57 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    Jes' so's ya know ---

    I am now above all links with any reference to the movie by such name if you do a Google search for read my lips. I am admittedly not in the top spot, yet, but I am knockin' on the door. It still find it very surprisin' jes' 'zactly how many people do a search for those three words on a daily basis, but I must get at least 10 hits ever' day from such searches. However, as I am not seein' a giant leap in the growth of my regular readership, whatever it is that they are tryin' to find through that search, they must not be findin' it here. If'n they would simply take the time to tell me what it was, I might be willin' to put forth the effort to make it available in the future. ;)

    Posted by Tiger at 01:52 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    The Carnival turns 100

    Hard to believe that this is the 100th runnin' of the Carnival of the Vanities* and Fringe Blog has prepared a show worthy of the event. Go see it here.

    *Harder to believe that I was not even around for the original runnin' of this fine event.

    Posted by Tiger at 10:07 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    August 17, 2004

    My dad is a conservative and all I got was this lousy T-shirt

    As Art Linkletter once said, "Kids say the darnedest things," and these days some parents dress their kids up in T-shirts with some some really snarky messages.

    Posted by Tiger at 09:14 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

    August 12, 2004

    The traps are loaded for males

    The top five questions that men fear…

    1. What are you thinking about?
    2. Do you love me?
    3. Do I look fat?
    4. Do you think she is prettier than I am?
    5. What would you do if I died?

    Click here for further discussion.

    Posted by Tiger at 07:04 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    August 08, 2004

    Aunt 'Net strikes again -- chuckle at this

    Bob, a 70 year old extremely wealthy widower, shows up at the Country Club with a breathtakingly beautiful and very sexy 25 year-old blonde who knocks everyone's socks off with her youthful sex appeal and charm who hangs over Bob's arm and listens intently to his every word. His buddies at the club are all aghast

    They corner him and ask, "Bob, how'd you get the trophy girlfriend?"

    Bob replies, "Girlfriend? She's my wife!"

    They're knocked over, but continue to ask. "So, how'd you persuade her to marry you?"

    Bob says, "I lied about my age."

    His friends respond, "What do you mean? Did you tell her you were only 50?"

    Bob smiles and says, "No, I told her I was 90."

    Posted by Tiger at 05:58 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

    August 07, 2004

    Let's go Mexico!!!

    I am gonna be rootin' for Brenda Magana*, one of two different female Mexican gymnasts in this year's Olympics, which is the first time two different women from Mexico qualified for competition in such. It seems there were a few obstacles that jumped into her path on her way up the ladder, so she is much older than most of those with whom she will be competin', so I think she deserves watchin'. O' course, I also watched Eddie the Eagle and the Jamaican Bobsled Team, durin' their attempts at achievin' stardom durin' Olympic events. Try findin' anythin' 'bout this on the net. I tried, and not much recent news to be found.

    Posted by Tiger at 12:52 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    July 15, 2004

    An answer to the age old dilemma

    Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?

    A: Such number as may be deemed to perform the stated task in a timely and efficient manner within the strictures of the following agreement: Whereas the party of the first part, also known as "The Lawyer", and the party of the second part, also known as "The Light Bulb", do hereby and forthwith agree to a transaction wherein the party of the second part (Light Bulb) shall be removed from the current position as a result of failure to perform previously agreed upon duties, i.e., the lighting, elucidation, and otherwise illumination of the area ranging from the front (north) door, through the entry way, terminating at an area just inside the primary living area, demarcated by the beginning of the carpet, any spillover illumination being at the option of the party of the second party (Light Bulb) and not required by the aforementioned agreement between the parties.

    The aforementioned removal transaction shall include, but not be limited to, the following steps:

    1.) The party of the first part (Lawyer) shall, with or without elevation at his option, by means of a chair, stepstool, ladder or any other means of elevation, grasp the party of the second part (Light Bulb) and rotate the party of the second part (Light Bulb) in a counter-clockwise direction, said direction being non-negotiable. Said grasping and rotation of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) shall be undertaken by the party of the first part (Lawyer) with every possible caution by the party of the first part (Lawyer) to maintain the structural integrity of the party of the second part (Light Bulb), notwithstanding the afore-mentioned failure of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) to perform the aforementioned customary and agreed upon duties. The foregoing notwithstanding, however, both parties stipulate that structural failure of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) may be incidental to the aforementioned failure to perform and in such case the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall be held blameless for such structural failure insofar as this agreement is concerned so long as the non-negotiable directional codicil (counter-clockwise) is observed by the party of the first part (Lawyer) throughout.

    2.) Upon reaching a point where the party of the second part (Light Bulb) becomes separated from the party of the third part ("Receptacle"), the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall have the option of disposing of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) in a manner consistent with all applicable state, local and federal statutes.

    3.) Once separation and disposal have been achieved, the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall have the option of beginning installation of the party of the fourth part("New Light Bulb"). This installation shall occur in a manner consistent with the reverse of the procedures described in step one of this self- same document, being careful to note that the rotation should occur in a clockwise direction, said direction also being non-negotiable.

    NOTE: The above described steps may be performed, at the option of the party of the first part (Lawyer), by said party of the first part (Lawyer), by his heirs and assigns, or by any and all persons authorized by him to do so, the objective being to produce a level of illumination in the immediate vicinity of the aforementioned front (north) door consistent with maximization of ingress and revenue for the party of the fifth part, also known as "The Firm".

    Posted by Tiger at 04:55 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

    July 02, 2004

    I have failed the neocon test

    Well, Emperor Darth Misha I led me to this test* where I could determine whether I was a neocon or not. It seems that I have failed, because my views show that I ain't 'mongst the membership of such neocon movement. Accordin' to my results, I am a realist:**

    Realists…

    • Are guided more by practical considerations than ideological vision
    • Believe US power is crucial to successful diplomacy - and vice versa
    • Don't want US policy options unduly limited by world opinion or ethical considerations
    • Believe strong alliances are important to US interests
    • Weigh the political costs of foreign action
    • Believe foreign intervention must be dictated by compelling national interest

    Historical realist: President Dwight D. Eisenhower
    Modern realist: Secretary of State Colin Powell

    *I did find it somewhat ironic that the test formally announced that its results were not scientific, even though such was posted on the site for The Christian Science Monitor.

    **Thankfully I did not fall 'mongst the headless group of liberals crawlin' round at the bottom of the result barrel.

    Posted by Tiger at 01:17 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    June 30, 2004

    It sounds like a decision an adult would make

    Yep, now that she, along with her sister, Ashley, has reached the age of majority, Mary-Kate Olsen had decided she needs treatment for her anorexia problems. It ain't like the whole world wasn't pretty sure that she needed to do so, was it?

    attribution: Squishybear

    Posted by Tiger at 04:00 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    June 28, 2004

    Too funny not to pass along

    Another gem from my Aunt 'Net:

    Vacation

    A guy was traveling through Mexico on vacation when, lo and behold, he lost his wallet and all identification. Cutting his trip short, he attempts to make his way home but is stopped by the Customs Agent at the border.

    "May I see your identification, please?" asks the agent.

    "I'm sorry, but I lost my wallet," replies the guy.

    "Sure, buddy, I hear that every day. No ID, no crossing the border," says the agent.

    "But I can prove that I'm an American!" he exclaims. "I have a picture of Ronald Reagan tattooed on one butt cheek and a picture of George Bush on the other."

    "This I gotta see," replies the agent.

    With that, Joe drops his pants and bends over in front of the agent.

    "By golly, you're right!" exclaims the agent. "Go on home to Boston."

    "Thanks!" he says. "But how did you know I was from Boston?"

    The agent replies, "I recognized the picture of John Kerry in the middle."

    Posted by Tiger at 04:16 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

    Could you possibly move your ass any slower?

    slowass.jpg

    Posted by Tiger at 11:34 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    June 21, 2004

    Marvin the Martian is quakin' in his boots

    CNN is reportin' that Spaceship One has finally flown far enough from the surface of the Earth to qualifiy as space. Is it too early to buy a ticket to the moon?

    Posted by Tiger at 11:35 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

    June 19, 2004

    Meanwhile, in another part of the galaxy

    OldCatman mixes entertainment with politics like no other.

    Posted by Tiger at 10:58 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

    June 18, 2004

    Story says John Kerry is a crook

    Yep, some law student, Jonathan M. Stein, says that Democratic candidate for President of the United States, John F. Kerry, is illegally acceptin' payment as a Senator that he is not supposed to be gettin' in accordance to the U.S. Law, and has filed an official ethics complaint. Of course, I am sure that JFKerry really needs the money to keep his family fed, right? I mean they can't just live off of ketchup, can they?

    Thanks to Ironbear for shinin' the light of justice on this scene.

    Posted by Tiger at 07:50 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

    Another pearl I plucked from the inbox

    As usual, this one comes from my Aunt 'Net:

    Two doctors and an HMO manager died and lined up at the pearly gates for admission to heaven. St. Peter asked them to identify themselves.

    One doctor stepped forward and said, "I was a pediatric spine surgeon and helped kids overcome their deformities." St. Peter said, "You can enter."

    The second doctor said, "I was a psychiatrist. I helped people rehabilitate themselves." St. Peter also invited him in.

    The third applicant stepped forward and said, "I was an HMO manager. I helped people get cost-effective health care." St. Peter said, "You can come in, too."

    But as the HMO manager walked by, St. Peter added, "You can stay three days. After that, you can go to Hell."

    Posted by Tiger at 03:08 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    June 04, 2004

    Defenders of Texas Update

    OK, folks, the Defenders of Texas blogroll has been created, so let's get all the Texas blogs on the list and the list on all the Texas blogs. Whatta ya say?

    If ya wanna see if you are already on it or wanna see who is on it currently, it is all the way at the bottom of the left side column.

    Posted by Tiger at 05:03 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

    June 02, 2004

    Wednesday joke -- just because

    I was gonna save this one for the Friday Funny™ but I might go home and fall asleep, then ya'll would come lookin' for a Nightly Navel Gazin' Report™ and find nuthin' funny enough to make ya laugh or whatever. Anyway, I like this joke. It ain't even got any double entendres* or nuthin'.

    A golfer is out on the course on a lovely sunny day, about to tee off. Just as he lifts his club, and man comes runnin' up to him holdin' out a golf ball. "Wait!" he exclaims, "I have sumthin' really 'mazin' to show you!"

    The golfer, annoyed, asks, "What is it? Can't ya see I am tryin' to play some golf here?"

    "It's a special golf ball! You can never lose it."

    The golfer scoffs, "Never lose it? What ever do you mean? I mean what happens if you hit it into the water trap?"

    "No problem," comes the reply, "This ball floats and it detects the closest route to the shore and spins in that direction."

    "OK," says the golfer, "Say I hit it way off into the woods?"

    "Easy," the other man replies, "It beeps so you can find it with your eyes closed."

    The golfer is startin' to be impressed, "So, tell me this, say your round is runnin' a bit late and it gets dark, what then?"

    "No problem 'tall," says the man, "The ball glows in the dark. I am tellin' ya, you can't ever lose this ball."

    "I am sold," says the golfer, and he and the man arrange proper payment for the miracle ball. After the money has changed hands and the golfer has the ball firmly in his hands, he turns to the man and asks, "Where did this ball come from?"

    The man replied, "I found it."

    *Is that a French term?

    Posted by Tiger at 06:49 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    June 01, 2004

    The mailbag was full of it

    Well, I got a ton of stuff from my Aunt 'Net in the inbox today, or it might have been over the last several days, as she mails to an account I rarely check 'cept when at the office. First off, none of this stuff is attributed, so if you know from whence it came or who originally wrote such, feel free to comment upon same and I will definitely update to give the necessary attribution.

    This first item could be from Steve's cookbook:

    Facts about diet and exercise.

    Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
    A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

    Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
    A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.

    Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
    A: Well, if you have a body, and you have body fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

    Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
    A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain... Good.

    Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
    A: You're not listening. Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

    Q: What's the secret to healthy eating?
    A: Thicker gravy.

    Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
    A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

    Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
    A: Are you crazy? HELLO ...... Cocoa beans ..... another vegetable!!! It's the best feel good food around!

    Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets. Now go have a cookie...flour is a veggie! If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me...

    This second item is so apropos:
    An old Korean vet sent this. [this was a part of the original email but was not directly sent to me, but was a forward from you know who]

    Send old men to war

    If I could, I'd enlist today and help my country track down those responsible for killing thousands of innocent people in New York City and Washington, DC. But, I'm over 50 now and the Armed Forces say I'm too old to track down terrorists. You can't be older than 35 to join the military. They've got the whole thing backwards. Instead of sending 18-year-olds off to fight, they ought to take us old guys. You shouldn't be able to join until you're at least 35.

    For starters: Researchers say 18-year-olds think about sex every 10 seconds. Old guys only think about sex a couple of times a day, leaving us more that 28,000 additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy. Young guys haven't lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky soldier is a dangerous soldier.

    If we can't kill the enemy we'll complain them into submission. "My back hurts!" "I'm hungry!" "Where's the remote control?" An 18-year-old hasn't had a legal beer yet and you shouldn't go to war until you're at least old enough to legally drink. An average old guy, on the other hand, has consumed 126,000 gallons of beer by the time he's 35 and a jaunt through the desert heat with a backpack and M-60 would do wonders for the old beer belly. An 18-year-old doesn't like to get up before 10 a.m. Old guys get up early (to pee).

    If old guys are captured, we couldn't spill the beans because we'd probably forget where we put them. In fact, name, rank, and serial number would be a real brainteaser.

    Boot camp would actually be easier for old guys. We're used to getting screamed and yelled at and we actually like soft food. We've also developed a deep appreciation for guns and rifles. We like them almost better than naps.

    They could lighten up on the obstacle course, however I've been in combat and didn't see a single 20-foot wall with rope hanging over the side, nor did I ever do any pushups after training. I can hear the Drill Sergeant now, "Get down and give me...er...one." And the running part is kind of a waste of energy. I've never seen anyone outrun a bullet.

    An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him. He's still learning to shave, to actually carry on a conversation, to wear pants without the top of the butt crack showing and the boxer shorts sticking out, to learn that a pierced tongue catches food particles, and that a 200-watt speaker in the back seat of a Honda Accord can rupture an eardrum. All great reasons to keep our sons at home and to learn a little more about life before sending them off to a possible death. Let us old guys track down those dirty rotten
    cowards who attacked our hearts on September 11. The last thing the enemy would want to see right now is a couple of million old farts with attitudes.

    And then there was this last item:
    Subject: Marines...

    A squad of Marines drove up the highway between Basra and Baghdad. They came upon an Iraqi soldier badly injured and unconscious. Nearby on the opposite side of the road was an American Marine in a similar state, but he was alert. As first aid was given to both men, they asked the injured Marine what happened.

    The Marine responded "I was heavily armed and moving north along the highway. Coming south was a heavily armed Iraqi soldier".

    "What happened then?" the corpsman asked.

    "I told him Saddam Hussein was a miserable piece of crap and then the Iraqi told me that Tom Daschle, Ted Kennedy, Bill Clinton, and John Kerry were miserable pieces of crap!"

    "What happened then?" the corpsman asked.

    "We were shaking hands when a truck hit us."

    Posted by Tiger at 04:44 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

    May 27, 2004

    Suckin' down someone else's bandwidth

    Hey, but it is a question beggin' for an answer, right?

    And as they asked, what are you expected to do on "Kobe Bryant Night" at the strip joint? Of course, there is likely to be as many answers provided to that question here as all those other questions I ask on a regular basis.

    Posted by Tiger at 12:23 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    Foreign languages can be so utterly poetic

    Lea Mis Labios
    Now don't that sound lusciously dirty? It's Espanol for "Read My Lips."

    Posted by Tiger at 11:14 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    May 25, 2004

    COTV #88

    The latest installment of the Carnival of the Vanities is published and ready for viewin' at Right On. Go, visit, peruse the linkage and read until the cows come home, or your significant others, if that be your druthers.

    Posted by Tiger at 09:11 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    May 24, 2004

    From the man who discovered Chris Elliott

    Lifted straight from Just a Girl:*

    Top Ten Questions on the John Kerry Running Mate Application:**
    1. Do you support both sides of every issue?
    2. Excluding horse, what animal do I most resemble?
    3. Mind if I pretend you’re John McCain?
    4. Are you related to any Governors who can help rig an election?
    5. In the vice presidential debate, will you make Cheney your bitch?
    6. You’re not going to trick me into starting a war to help out your oil buddies, are you?
    7. Which trait do you find more inspirational: My dour blandness or my smug arrogance?
    8. If chosen, would you be willing to change your name to Kenny?
    9. Any black market botox connections?
    10. Do you have my back if I pull a ‘Clinton’ ?
    *Who has a nifty new blog template.

    **Developed by the minds of the writers on the David Letterman show and purported to have been delivered by David Letterman himself, but I was not a witness to such event, so must only assume such took place.

    Posted by Tiger at 03:10 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack

    From the mailbag (Aunt Net)

    The elderly American gentleman arrived in Paris by plane. At French Customs, he fumbled for his passport.

    "You 'ave been to France before, monsieur?" the customs officer asked sarcastically.

    when I came ashore on D-Day, I couldn't find any Frenchmen

    The old gent admitted that he had been to France previously.

    "Zen, you should know enough to 'ave your passport ready for inspection."

    The American said, "The last time I was here, I didn't have to show it."

    "Impossible. You Americans alwayz 'ave to show your passports on arrival in France!"

    The American senior gave the Frenchman a long hard look. Then he quietly explained. "Well, when I came ashore at Omaha Beach on D-Day in '44, I couldn't find any Frenchmen to show it to."

    Posted by notGeorge at 11:03 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    May 23, 2004

    The meme of the minute or somethin'

    It seems that Candy posted a speech with which David of Ripples was so impressed that he also posted the entire speech with a link to Candy sayin' where he had found it. OK, go to either of those places, 'cause, whether it be the meme of the moment or however excellent I think the message was, I just ain't gonna entirely post the exact same thing as two other bloggers to which I just linked did. Got it? I ain't my [insert appropriate inappropriate modifier here] style.

    Posted by Tiger at 10:08 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

    Properly secure your drinks, please

    [At the bottom is an assignment!]

    This is absolutely the funniest thing I have read in a long while.

    Read it all the way through, after you stop laughin', pause and give it some deep thought. It actually heaps a load of back handed admiration for the skills of our current Commander in Chief. He is in a class by himself, even among his closest contemporaries. That is a very high mark of achievement for any man.

    Kudos Jane.

    [UPDATE: Your mission, Mr. Phelps, should you choose to accept it, is to provide correct Moron Classifications to all of the commenters on this post. I am bettin' that neither Harvey nor Jim can successfully tackle such mission. Susie probably could, but won't have time. ;) As always, this message will cease to exist when no one further considers it worthy of consideration.]

    Posted by Tiger at 04:16 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

    May 21, 2004

    A place for polibloggers to camp out?

    Oh, wow! I think this might be the best site on the Internet. Really. Check it out for yourself.

    I am gonna thank Mary of Fresh Bed Goodness for keepin' her finger pointed that way for days and days until I stumbled across her blog, havin' found she had mislinked to one of my lamer posts

    Posted by notGeorge at 01:54 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    May 19, 2004

    It is good to know who your friends are

    Pixy is so good to us. He gave us all CPanel, which allows us to access so much data about this and that. I did not know I could find out what sites were my top referrers until today. Now I know:

    1. 2561258: http://tig.mu.nu/
    2. 150540: http://blog.mu.nu/
    3. 126586: http://tiger.mu.nu/
    4. 92118: http://www.google.com/
    5. 27133: http://search.yahoo.com/
    6. 14676: http://www.movabletype.org/
    7. 13873: http://www.technorati.com/
    8. 8280: http://shushu.pia.cc/
    9. 7990: http://blo.gs/
    10. 7508: http://www.google.co.uk/
    11. 6906: http://www.google.ca/
    12. 6721: http://themonkeyboylovescheese.mu.nu/
    13. 6344: http://wizbangblog.com/
    14. 6062: http://www.google.com.au/
    15. 6027: http://aolsearch.aol.com/
    16. 5135: http://www.tiger.mu.nu/
    17. 4969: http://munuviana.mu.nu/
    18. 4943: http://www.whotendsthefires.us/
    19. 4472: http://www.mudvillegazette.com/
    20. 4003: http://www.silverblue.org/
    21. 3708: http://www.accidentalverbosity.com/
    22. 3207: http://www.outsidethebeltway.com/
    23. 3054: http://practicalpenumbra.mu.nu/
    24. 2940: http://216.239.37.104/ [Google]
    25. 2853: http://www.google.de/
    26. 2762: http://216.239.39.104/ [Google]
    27. 2269: http://ripples.typepad.com/
    28. 2234: http://www.google.it/
    29. 2141: http://rocketjones.mu.nu/
    30. 1926: http://pp.mu.nu/

    The only real surprises to me from this, at least at first glace, is that OzGuru is not among the leaders and that #8 is there at all. I visited that page when I saw that, and I remember havin' been there previously for some reason, but I could not understand why I was gettin' such a large amount of referrals from a site that I think is a Chinese site sellin' dog products. Of course, with all the other mysterious happenin's about the blogosphere, I doubt this one rates high. But it sure does make me pause for wonder.

    I also wonder at this number: 43232, because that is supposedly the number of visitors I have gotten since I moved to Munu in February. SiteMeter is fried, I tell ya -- I am not even sure it is worthwhile to use. The only thing that halfway makes it usable is that so many other people use it, and supposedly the same errors effect us all, so it is a worthwhile indicator for using to compare your numbers to those others usin' it. That sole function does seem to be the one feature of the NZB ecosystem that is still functionin' at this time.

    Posted by notGeorge at 08:27 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack

    Hey, I do my fair share of linkin' to the good stuff, right?*

    A gift from zombyboy.

    *Of course, who am I to cry about hardly anyone linkin' to me?

    Posted by notGeorge at 06:04 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

    Let's all give conspiracy theorists a field day

    It can now be revealed Herman Munster's staccato laughter was actually morse [sic] coded messages to Nazi Hitler clones in Brazil. They had it dubbed in Polish and retranslated into Portugese [sic] to throw off Bobby Kennedy, The Justice League and the 1969 NY Mets.

    Oh, and I'm a large grey squirrel with crooked teeth and a rash shaped like Patrick Ewing's head on my posterior. - Hudson

    Found in the comments to this post.

    Posted by notGeorge at 11:41 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    May 17, 2004

    Wake me when June 30th rolls around

    Thanks to Ghost of a Flea, I was turned on to a very nice interview of Bruce Campbell, Ash of Army of Darkness and creator of Bubba Ho-Tep, which additionally disclosed that he had his very own website. Bein' my usual brain dead self to certain details, I was unaware that there was the very special kinship between Bruce and Sam Raimi, but it appears that they go way way back.* Anyway, Bruce was absolutely ravin' 'bout the trailer for Spider-Man 2:

    [T]he trailer was still the coolest thing to happen to the world since penicillin. So, if you're one of the seven people who haven't seen it, watch it now . . . .
    I was really waitin' to see it in all its glory on the big screen, but, what the hey, Ash speaks, ya gotta obey. Otherwise he might mistake you for bein' a member of the Evil Dead or sumthin', right?

    Well, let me be the first to inform ya that the trailer sent chills down my spine. Now I ain't gonna be happy waitin' 'til the openin' on June 30.

    OTB Traffic Jam

    *See the extended entry for a listing of their joint ventures as returned by a search on imdb.com.


    Joint Ventures


    Here are the titles which credit the individuals



    1. "Hercules: The Legendary Journeys" (1995)
    2. "Jack of All Trades" (2000)
    3. "Xena: Warrior Princess" (1995)
    4. Army of Darkness (1993) 7.3/10 (17870 votes)
    5. Crimewave (1985/I) 5.5/10 (527 votes)
    6. Darkman (1990) 6.0/10 (4981 votes)
    7. Dead Next Door, The (1988) 4.8/10 (220 votes)
    8. Easy Wheels (1989) 3.3/10 (39 votes)
    9. Evil Dead II (1987) 7.6/10 (12453 votes)
    10. Evil Dead, The (1981) 7.3/10 (10872 votes)
    11. Hudsucker Proxy, The (1994) 7.4/10 (10627 votes)
    12. Intruder (1988) 5.1/10 (203 votes)
    13. It's Murder! (1977)
    14. Lunatics: A Love Story (1991) 5.4/10 (115 votes)
    15. Maniac Cop (1988) 4.9/10 (510 votes)
    16. Maniac Cop 2 (1990) 4.3/10 (267 votes)
    17. Nutt House, The (1992) 3.0/10 (86 votes)
    18. Quick and the Dead, The (1995) 6.0/10 (7059 votes)
    19. Spider-Man (2002) 7.4/10 (47530 votes)
    20. Spider-Man 2 (2004)
    21. Stryker's War (1985) 5.6/10 (121 votes)
    22. Within the Woods (1978) 7.0/10 (241 votes)

    "Making of" and video game projects were deleted from the actual list of returns on the search.

    Posted by Mr Mouse at 02:25 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

    May 14, 2004

    An Army Energizer Bunny®, he just keeps goin' & goin' & goin'

    Griffin said his 40 years of service has helped him more fully appreciate how wonderful the Soldiers really are, and has also allowed him to see the Army develop into what it is today.

    “There cannot be any better cross-section of America and I think the Soldiers represent the best we have,” Griffin said. “Today’s Soldiers are brighter and smarter, perhaps in a different way, than past generations because they’ve been brought up in the computer and information age.”


    “The Army doesn’t have enough older folks,” Griffin said. “There’s nobody around to talk about history or to give perspective.”

    Griffin said the Soldiers like the stories and experience, and are comfortable having someone around who has lived through what they live through, who can share their fears and anxieties.

    A most interestin' story about a most interestin' man. Found via [para]Bellum.[net] via dizzy-girl

    Posted by notGeorge at 11:42 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

    The laughs were literally comin' non-stop

    I was literally fallin' outta my chair laughin' as I scrolled down the page lookin' at the stuff on this page: Why you should never put your picture on the Internet ...*

    Then this one, you gotta catch while it is red hot**: OldCatman has created a hilarious parody of Friends usin' currently political figures, and ya'll need to see this one..

    *Doncha hate it when you know you found the link to somethin' good somewhere, but for the life of ya, could not find or remember where? Feel free to pipe up if you are supposed get the credit for spottin' this one.

    **Par for what you have come to expect, blog*spot's permalinks are on the fritz, so this is the Friday, May 14, 2004 entry. It is currently on the top of the page, hence red hot.

    Posted by notGeorge at 12:46 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

    May 13, 2004

    Please read --- someone's smile depends upon it

    Everyone's favortie* favorite "jackass," Bill,** is askin' for donations to a worthwhile cause, Operation Smile. Go, do what ya can. Everyone deserves the right to smile, don't ya think?

    *Dab nabbed by the spellin' police, dabnabbit.

    **As opposed to myself who is likely referred to as a horse's ass quite often. ;)

    Posted by Tiger at 01:07 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack

    May 10, 2004

    Praiseworthy parable

    Left in my inbox, courtesy of my Aunt 'Net:

    MY ATTORNEY

    After living what I felt was a "decent" life, my time on earth came to the end. The first thing I remember is sitting on a bench in the waiting room of what I thought to be a court house. The doors opened and I was instructed to come in and have a seat by the defense table. As I looked around I saw the "prosecutor." He was a villainous looking gent who snarled as he stared at me. He definitely was the most evil person I have ever seen. I sat down and looked to my left and there sat My Attorney, a kind and gentle looking man whose appearance seemed so familiar to me, I felt I knew Him.

    The corner door flew open and there appeared the Judge in full flowing robes. He commanded an awesome presence as He moved across the room. I couldn't take my eyes off of Him. As He took His seat behind the bench, He said, "Let us begin." The prosecutor rose and said, "My name is Satan and I am here to show you why this man belongs in hell." He proceeded to tell of lies that I told, things that I stole, and in the past when I cheated others. Satan told of other horrible perversions that were once in my life and the more he spoke, the further down in my seat I sank. I was so embarrassed that I couldn't look at anyone, even my own Attorney, as the Devil told of sins that even I had completely forgotten about. As upset as I was at Satan for telling all these things about me, I was equally upset at My Attorney who sat there silently not offering any form of defense at all.

    I know I had been guilty of those things, but I had done some good in my life - couldn't that at least equal out part of the harm I'd done? Satan finished with a fury and said, "This man belongs in hell, he is guilty of all that I have charged and there is not a person who can prove otherwise." When it was His turn, My Attorney first asked if He might approach the bench. The Judge allowed this over the strong objection of Satan, and beckoned Him to come forward. As He got up and started walking, I was able to see Him in His full splendor and majesty. I realized why He seemed so familiar; this was Jesus representing me, my Lord and my Savior. He stopped at the bench and softly said to the Judge, "Hi, Dad," and then He turned to address the court. "Satan was correct in saying that this man had sinned, I won't deny any of these allegations. And, yes, the wage of sin is death, and this man deserves to be punished." Jesus took a deep breath and turned to His Father with outstretched arms and proclaimed, "However, I died on the cross so that this person might have eternal life and he has accepted Me as his Savior, so he is Mine." My Lord continued with, "His name is written in the book of life and no one can snatch him from Me. Satan still does not understand yet. This man is not to be given justice, but rather mercy."

    As Jesus sat down, He quietly paused, looked at His Father and said, "There is nothing else that needs to be done. I've done it all."

    The Judge lifted His mighty hand and slammed the gavel down. The following words bellowed from His lips... "This man is free. The penalty for him has already been paid in full. Case dismissed."

    As my Lord led me away, I could hear Satan ranting and raving, "I won't give up, I will win the next one." I asked Jesus as He gave me my instructions where to go next, "Have you ever lost a case?" Christ lovingly smiled and said, "Everyone that has come to Me and asked Me to represent them has received the same verdict as you, ~Paid In Full~

    Posted by notGeorge at 10:01 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    May 09, 2004

    Happy Mother's Day - 2004!

    Happy Mother's Day to all of ya'll mothers in the audience:*

    mother tattoo

    Any lovely unattached heterosexual female dreamin' of becomin' a mother in time for next year's Mother's Day -- feel free to check the extended entry.

    *The pictured tattoo does not belong to me. The owner of such tattoo is unknown to me. The picture was found via a simple search for items of such type.

    We might need to talk. ;)

    Posted by notGeorge at 11:58 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    May 04, 2004

    The selfless spirit is contagious

    For those of you who support us in our endeavors, thank you from the bottom of our hearts and know that your support DOES make a difference to us. To those of you who do not, please sleep well and know that your bitter insults, narrow viewpoints, and indifference to the very real threat that exists make no impact whatsoever to our collective resolve to rid the world of those vermin who would take our freedom - yours included.
    That was the concluding paragraph of a comment made by a US soldier in the Middle East. I might have missed it had not Robert Prather been kind enough to point it out.
    Posted by notGeorge at 06:07 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

    May 03, 2004

    He's gotta be better than some, I guess

    Iker Furmaniak [is this Kristopher in disguise?] reports on The World Around You that our ol' friend, Judge Roy Moore, formerly of the Alabama Supreme Court, whose fall from grace was due to his avowed belief that the Ten Commandments should remain in place despite the Federal courts having determined otherwise, is headin' for talk radio. He seriously has to be better than Al Franken.

    Posted by notGeorge at 07:15 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    Oh, what to do, what to do?

    [beverage alert] Police perplexed, to say the least.

    Sendin' Ted an OTB via RML-alanche.

    Posted by notGeorge at 06:42 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

    May 02, 2004

    Oh do I ever comb the depths of the blogosphere for ya'll

    OK, this is just too humorous to pass up. Go see it.. It is on blog*spot, so you might have to scroll down until you see the picture of the fire on a post dated April 25, 2004.

    Posted by notGeorge at 10:20 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

    April 30, 2004

    There is sometimes good news to be found.

    Viagra enhances a man's chances of becoming a father in more ways than one. The anti-impotence drug increases the motility of sperm and boosts its ability to bind to an egg, South African researchers report.

    Kudos to new Munuvian Auterrific.

    Posted by notGeorge at 05:15 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    Keepin' your eye on the ball

    Thanks to Mookie, I found somewhere to hit 100 mph fastballs into the bleachers. My long was 542 feet. I don't want to discuss my battin' average.

    [UPDATE: My hand-to-eye coordination was slightly worse at this game found at Light & Dark comin' soon to the MUNU universe.]

    Posted by notGeorge at 03:46 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    April 28, 2004

    "Request For Help from Marine Serving in Iraq"

    Somethin' we can all do to assist the situation in Iraq that will not cost anyone a cent to do. Thank Kim Tim for bringin' it up.

    Kudos to Larry Morin for having shined a spotlight on it so I could find it.

    Posted by notGeorge at 04:21 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

    April 27, 2004

    Oh, just go see it!

    Eric has posted some pictures of a most amazin' project a truck drivin' couple came up with.*

    *Excuse the danglin' participle, this time, please!

    Posted by notGeorge at 11:38 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    April 21, 2004

    The time has come for the piper to be paid

    Michael Jackson has been indicted. The Grand Jury says there is sufficient evidence to take him to trial for child molestation.

    Posted by notGeorge at 09:20 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    An unexpected find of a treasure chest

    Oh My George! Mark Cuban has a weblog. I am in hog heaven, as I idolize Mark Cuban! I mean the guy found the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow and is havin' fun. He does not obsess about anythin' except about poor officiating in the NBA. I really loved the way he explained how that although he might be doin' a similar type show, he is nuthin' at all like Donald Trump, and dissed the Donald with kid gloves. Kudos Mark! Continue to live large. I was never a fan of pro basketball or of the Dallas Mavericks until you came along. You have brought fun to the sport and to the NBA.

    Thank you, James, for pointin' the way! Unintentional Traffic Jam trackback, but stay and look around anyway!

    Posted by notGeorge at 06:50 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    "Ping mich an"

    I don't know what it means*, but it sounds cool! Bloggwear, proof that the Germans take their bloggin' seriously.

    Found via Noch'n Blogg, a link randomly clicked on the German Blogroll** on Blogeline's Journal.

    *Accordin' to Babel Fish, it translates to "Ping me at" which is not quite as kinky as I had anticipated. Oh well!

    **I aIn't nuthin' but curious at times. ;)

    Posted by notGeorge at 02:53 PM | Comments (6) | TrackBack

    It sounded simply marvelous!

    Evan had an opportunity to hear and meet Norman Mailer last evening. Some guys have all the fun!

    Posted by notGeorge at 11:30 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    Reaching brains from the corners of the world

    You might have noticed that I recently added a second counter in the top left corner area. The second meter is via StatCounter. I had been told that it was more reliable than SiteMeter. From my own experience, I have found SiteMeter to be highly inconsistent and inoperative. StatCounter additionally gives a more complete look at the sources of those visitation numbers. I especially like to check the areas from which my visitors come. Check out the listing in the extended entry of the different cities* in which my recent visitors reside, or, at least, where their Internet providers are located.

    *The listing is in order of the number of recent visits from that particular city with additional sorting by the time of the visit.

    • Plano Texas United States
    • Chicago Illinois United States
    • Lufkin Texas United States
    • Sundsvall Vasternorrlands Lan Sweden
    • Kaiserslautern Rheinland-pfalz Germany
    • Saint Ann Missouri United States
    • Rotterdam Zuid-holland Netherlands
    • San Diego California United States
    • Atlanta Georgia United States
    • Nashville Tennessee United States
    • Hanoi Ha Noi Viet Nam
    • Bremerhaven Bremen Germany
    • Kewaskum Wisconsin United States
    • Greensburg Pennsylvania United States
    • Los Angeles California United States
    • Oklahoma City Oklahoma United States
    • Stoneham Massachusetts United States
    • Livonia Michigan United States
    • Redlands California United States
    • Nashua New Hampshire United States
    • Westbury New York United States
    • Minneapolis Minnesota United States
    • San Jose California United States
    • Danbury Connecticut United States
    • Anderson Indiana United States
    • Tulsa Oklahoma United States
    • Milwaukee Wisconsin United States
    • Austin Texas United States
    • Zagreb Grad Zagreb Croatia
    • Rome Lazio Italy
    • Green Bay Wisconsin United States
    • Charlotte North Carolina United States
    • Maynard Massachusetts United States
    • Brooklyn New York United States
    • Tucson Arizona United States
    • Shaw Afb South Carolina United States
    • Hampton Virginia United States
    • Fort Worth Texas United States
    • Akron Ohio United States
    • State College Pennsylvania United States
    • Dover Delaware United States
    • Federal Way Washington United States
    • Miami Florida United States
    • Baltimore Maryland United States
    • San Francisco California United States
    • Glendale Arizona United States
    • Virginia Beach Virginia United States
    • Cranbury New Jersey United States
    • Fort Lauderdale Florida United States
    • Fontana California United States
    • Columbia Missouri United States
    • Fairview Heights Illinois United States
    • Cleveland Ohio United States
    • Newark New Jersey United States
    • Sterling Virginia United States
    Posted by notGeorge at 08:18 AM | Comments (3) | TrackBack

    April 20, 2004

    But it truly only hurts momentairly and then you get your 72 virgins

    I think I might have alluded to this somewhere yesterday, but this is the full body of the email I received from my sister, yesterday:

    MID-EAST MYSTERY

    Everyone seems to be wondering why Muslim terrorists are so quick to commit suicide. Let's see now:

    No Jesus, No television, No cheerleaders,

    No baseball, No football, No basketball,

    No hockey, No golf, No tailgate parties.

    No Home Depot.

    No pork BBQ, No hot dogs, No burgers, No lobster, No shellfish, or even frozen fish sticks, No gumbo, No jambalaya.

    More than one wife.

    Rag for clothes and diapers for hats. Constant wailing from the guy next door because he's sick and there are no doctors.

    Constant wailing from the guy in the tower.

    No chocolate chip cookies.

    No Christmas.

    You can't shave. Your wives can't shave.

    You can't shower to wash off the smell of donkey cooked over burning camel dung.

    The women have to wear baggy dresses and veils at all times.

    Your bride is picked by someone else. She smells just like your donkey, but your donkey has a better disposition.

    Then they tell you that when you die it all gets better!

    I mean, really, "IS THERE A MYSTERY HERE?"

    You know, I note some semblance of common sense there, don't you?

    Posted by notGeorge at 04:34 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    April 19, 2004

    It's almost a Navel Gazin' Report ... no Navel involvement

    You seem to hit those flat spots from time to time when there seems to be nothing on your mind new enough or important enough to share, or nothing you really feel like commentin' 'bout. I seem to have hit one of those doldrums the last few days. Thankfully, Saturdays are so slow anyway, I doubt anyone even noticed I posted nothing on that day. Thankfully my Eye on Opus™ carried Sunday as well as that stupid email I got. Today, my secretary was out, so as Murphy's Law would show, I was busy as a beaver answering the phone and had three new clients come in today. One is a criminal case and I signed him up. The other two were divorce cases, and supposedly they will be back as soon as they get paid to allow me to start on the case. I also got a lot of paperwork done. Overall, I had a pretty productive day. That is the good side of today.

    I woke up with a sinus headache, as there has been a lot of moisture in the air, just enough to make you think it was going to rain at sometime or the other over the last three days, but it never did. I do suppose there was just enough moisture to allow the mold to grow enough to spread it spores into the air, and that is the cause of my sinus problems. I was able to medicate myself enough that I made it through the day and am not feeling all that bad right now, although the pressure is starting to build up again. I will likely go sit in a hot tub of water for awhile and allow the steam to assist in relieving such. I might even take a couple more sinus tablets, as I probably already have enough in my system to keep me awake all night as usual. Of course, just as usual, I will be able to rest well anyway, so I will be refreshed enough tomorrow to go through my routine.

    The downside of it all is that I just did not have time to read anyone's blogs, see what was new on the news or anything. About the only thing that came up I felt like sharing was this blog: Ramblings' Journal. I normally would not rave all that much about a blog*spot blog, and I did have to wait forever for it to load, but I found it to be consistently well written. The tagline tells you what you get:

    Politically incorrect thoughts from the edge of Michael King's conservative black mind.
    Of course, I am not sure where the politically incorrect thoughts part comes in. Maybe he is referencing the way the left leaning moonbats view his opinions. I didn't see anything that I though would qualify as politically incorrect.

    As a last note before I close this long ramblin' catchin' ya up on what is goin' on in my life post, I did think today's horoscope was rather bizarre:

    Monday, April 19, 2004 - Your Monday horoscope, Taurus!
    A friend will be congratulating you and you will not even hear the good news about yourself. Your internal focus is quite intense; take a break and join the world around you.
    Well, I sure don't know what the part about being congratulated and not hearin' 'bout it means, but my internal focus was quite intense for the greater part of the day, and then afterward, I did actually do somethin' a bit unusual. I went down to the local ballfield and watched some little kids play t-ball.

    Posted by notGeorge at 08:43 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

    April 15, 2004

    A tidbit from today's inbox

    I just received the followin' from my now famous, as ya'll who regularly read this blog know, Aunt 'Net. Now I thought this was a thoroughly delightful ditty and had not seen it previously. As with all such things that I receive without some sign of attribution, I did a bit of research to determine whom might have authored this delightful poem. The only information I could find was "author unknown." Another thing that became readily apparent from my research. This little ditty has been floatin' around the Internet for a few years now. So, there are two mysteries* to solve in relation to this poem. Why don't ya'll have a look at Exhibit A:

    My forgetter's getting better,
    But my rememberer is broke.
    To you that may seem funny,
    But, to me, that is no joke.
    For when I'm "here" I'm wondering,
    If I really should be "there."
    And, when I try to think it through,
    I haven't got a prayer!
    Oft times I walk into a room,
    Say "what am I here for?"
    I wrack my brain, but all in vain,
    A zero, is my score.
    At times I put something away,
    Where it is safe, but, see,
    The person it is safest from,
    Is, generally, me!
    When shopping I may see someone,
    Say "Hi" and have a chat,
    Then, when the person walks away,
    I ask myself, "Who's that?"
    Yes, my forgetter's getting better,
    While my rememberer is broke.
    It's driving me plumb crazy,
    And that isn't any joke.

    *1. Who authored this delightful poem and 2. Why, if it had been floatin' around the Internet for years and years, had I not previously seen such.

    Posted by notGeorge at 12:06 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    April 14, 2004

    Misses the Truth, Fears the Truth, Speaks the Truth

    An interesting comparison of what John Kerry, George W. and UN Secretary-General Kofi Annan had to say with regard to the situation in Iraq over these past two days to be seen over on King of Fools.

    A handful of valuable Kudos go to OTB for the pointer to this interesting post. And, if you happen to see this James, you might want to note that I have changed the name of the blog and moved its locations, as well, and adjust your linkage accordingly.

    Posted by notGeorge at 10:20 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

    "The real test of our metal..."

    As always, Chief Wiggles gives us the eloquent voice of reason from the viewpoint of the U S Military on the ground in Iraq.

    Saturday, April 10, 2004

    In the midst of all the negative media coverage of a very difficult week in Iraq, I feel the need to express my inner most feelings regarding what is transpiring.


    I have said all along that the situation in Iraq was going to get worse before it got better. The pieces of the puzzle were all there, with the forces of evil gathering their supporters daily and strengthening their ranks with insurgents from all over the region. There has been no shortage of money, weapons, corruption and criminals.
    I have only given you bits and pieces of a superb look at the current situation in Iraq from one who has been there.

    Posted by notGeorge at 09:59 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    April 11, 2004

    When you put it that way, it seems so clear

    This post clearly and concisely explains and describes what is right about America and what is wrong with the Democrats' continued push to socialize our way of life. I applaud Nathan for his fine analysis and superb writing.

    Posted by notGeorge at 09:19 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

    April 08, 2004

    As dreams become reality . . .

    Rocket Jones keeps an eye on anything dealin' with hockey rockets!. It seems that the Federal Aviation Administration has issued a one year license to allow a private spacecraft to reach the edge of space, about 60 miles up.

    Posted by notGeorge at 07:53 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    April 05, 2004

    Ol' Mrs. Pate* would be so proud of me

    Yes, I played the grammar game. Not only did I win the followin' prize, but I also found myself rewarded with a very good offer on a pharmaceutical product for which I have no use and an invitation to go gamble at some Internet Casino, both of which I graciously declined by closin' their respective pop-ups:

    This is a real GRAMMAR GOD!
    You are a GRAMMAR GOD!

    If your mission in life is not already to preserve the English tongue, it should be.
    Congratulations and thank you!
    How grammatically sound are you?
    brought to you by Quizilla

    Ed. note: the displayed picture is not that which was actually awarded by Quizilla, but more closely resembles my ideal GRAMMAR GOD. This caricature is the very likeness of ol' Mrs. Pate when she spied someone a'danglin' a nasty participle or usin' the object case where the subject case was proper.
    By the way, did anyone else notice there was not a single question dealin' with the that popular grammatical mistake: a hangin' participle? I have heard, however, that it is now allowable to hang a participle, as long as it has been tried and found guilty accordin' to the grammar laws. The burden of proof on that one is a bit hard to get around, though, and, as far as I have determined, there has not been a participle convicted yet. Therefore, you be on your toes if you are thinkin' of hangin' one without anyone catchin' ya.

    [UPDATE: I did forget to pay my attribution to Jim ... my sincerest apologies for my oversight]

    *My 9th and 10th** grade English teacher.

    **It was a very small school.

    Posted by notGeorge at 01:07 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

    March 30, 2004

    More from the Inbox

    The other day, someone at the co-op read that a methamphetamine lab had been found in an old farm house in the adjoining county and he asked me a rhetorical question, "Why didn't we have a drug problem when you and I were growing up, Milo?

    It just so happened that I had saved something that had been e-mailed to me a few weeks ago. So, I printed off a copy and took it to him the next day. I smiled when I handed it to him and said, "I did have a drug problem when I wuz a kid growing up on the farm in southeast Kansas." Here's what the sheet said:

    "I had a drug problem when I was young: My parents drug me to church on Sunday morning. I was drug to church for wedding and funerals. I was drug to family reunions and community socials no matter the weather. I was drug by my ears when I was disrespectful to adults and teachers. I was also drug to the woodshed when I disobeyed my parents or if I didn't put forth my best effort in everything that was asked of me. I was drug out to pull weeds in mom's garden and flower beds and cockleburs out of dad's soybean fields.

    Those drugs are still in my veins and they affect my behavior in everything I do, say, and think. They are stronger than cocaine, crack or heroin, and if today's children had this kind of drug problem, America might be an even better place today

    Do I ever want to add an AMEN to that!

    Posted by notGeorge at 01:22 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    March 29, 2004

    Is it really all jes' sumthin' in Ted's head

    I was over at Ted's place 'cause I wanted to see what kind of a BestOfMe Symphony a flu-afflicted* rocket jockey would post. There were some pretty interestin' links and stories to see, but I think what I liked best was the Ted's newest title graphic, surely the best yet! Also, I was rollin' 'round laughin' when I got to the end of the saga on this page that he linked on the previous post.

    *Jim provided the scent about the illness dilemma.

    Posted by notGeorge at 01:41 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    Somethin' from the very bottom of the Inbox

    OK, here is an interestin' presentation of "The Interview with God," an anonymous poetic piece. The message is inspirational and the accompanyin' photography is breathtakin'. It won't take ya'll but a minute or so, and I am almost sure you will be glad you took the time. I played it all the way through a couple of times.

    Posted by notGeorge at 10:51 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    The astrological forecast is bright!

    Your Monday horoscope, Taurus! Strive to remember the big picture, as the future looks bright ahead. A possible soulmate will remind you he or she has been there for you already. Commitment is coming.
    I am gonna try not to read too much into this ... but then again, I never do! ;) Of course, that may be the reason these great things never come my way, huh?
    Posted by notGeorge at 07:46 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    March 22, 2004

    Wrong hat again!

    Dang that Susie, I was gonna do Rocky & Bullwinkle when it came time for me to host the Carnival of the Vanities. Now I will have to go to plan 9 from outer space. Speakin' of the Carnival of the Vanities, I better let the guys know I have relocated, huh?

    Posted by notGeorge at 11:49 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack

    March 17, 2004

    This might be the best one

    I have had a long long day, what with startin' the mornin' standin' in front of a judge. At least, though, the divorce is finally over. I guess, I should have been elated, but I then found myself in the midst of a bunch of hungry Lions Thankfully they seemed to find somethin' better to dine upon than my scrawny bones and after only an hour or so, I was able to extricate myself. Just as I thought I had reached a zone of safety, however, I was captured and forced into labor. Luckily, I escaped another predicament without too much difficulty but figured it might be best to get out of dodge, so I immediately left the local area. I drove a half hour to a neighborin' village, and soon found myself awash in a mound of paperwork. I ended up by spendin' two and half hours inside their local jail. I decided I had actually been better off in my hometown and returned to the office to get some of the work done that I was unable to accomplish durin' my day. And just what do I find in my inbox? An attorney joke:

    During a trial, in a small Missouri town, the local prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand. She was sworn in, asked if she would tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, on the Bible, so help her God.

    The witness was a proper well-dressed elderly lady, the Grandmother type, well spoken and poised.

    The prosecuting attorney approached the woman and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?'" She responded, "Why, yes I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, cheat on your wife, manipulate people and talk badly about them behind their backs. You think you're a rising big shot when you haven't the sense to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper-pushing shyster." "Yes, I know you quite well."

    The lawyer was stunned. He couldn't even think for a few minutes. Then, slowly backed away, fearing the looks on the judge and jurors' faces, not to mention the court reporter who documented every word. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?" She again replied, "Why, yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, has a bad drinking problem. The man can't build or keep a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. Yes, I know him."

    The defense attorney almost fainted and was seen slipping downward in his chair, looking at the floor. Laughter mixed with gasps, thundered throughout the courtroom and the audience was on the verge of chaos.

    At this point, the judge brought the courtroom to silence, called both counselors to the bench, and in a very quiet voice said, "If either of you morons asks her if she knows me, you're going to jail."

    Posted by notGeorge at 08:27 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    Happy St. Patty's Day

    An Irish Blessing

    May there always be work for your hands to do;


    May your purse always hold a coin or two;


    May the sun always shine on your windowpane;


    May a rainbow be certain to follow each rain;


    May the hand of a friend always be near you;


    May God fill your heart with gladness to cheer you.



    Posted by notGeorge at 05:00 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    March 16, 2004

    The things your friends never tell ya

    Congratulations to Susie for bein' named among the top 100 of the most influential reporters and bloggers on the web. So, Susie, why did you keep this a secret from me?

    Posted by notGeorge at 08:21 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

    March 15, 2004

    Lookin' for a question just beggin' to be answered?

    Don't miss SilverBlue's Final Thought for tonight.

    Posted by notGeorge at 09:37 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    March 14, 2004

    See what happens when ya don't read your SPAM --

    I got this from my friend Frank:

    One morning a husband took a pair of underwear out of the drawer. "What the hell?" he said to himself as a little "dust" cloud appeared when he shook them out.*

    "April," he hollered into the bathroom, "why did you put talcum powder in my underwear?"

    She shot back: "It's not talcum powder. It's 'Miracle Grow'."

    *One might wonder what he normally expects to find inside his underwear, as I am not aware it is a normal procedure to shake your underwear before donnin' such.

    Posted by notGeorge at 02:42 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    March 12, 2004

    If the title fits, then who's got the shits*

    What the fork is it that some people just don't get it. Blogger sucks, even BloggerPro. OK, so ya are like gonna have to look around for a post with a title longer than most of mine: It's Been So Long That I Can't Even Remember If He Was Guilty, But I'm Guessing, Yeah, He Was Pretty Guilty, but the search will be worth it. I PROMISE! **

    PERSONAL TO BUNSEN: That footnotin' on blog entries gag is so blase' that only a handful of really lame idiots are still doin' it.

    *I know that title sucks, but it was all I could think of in a pinch. I am takin' title suggestions in the comments, though. ;)

    **Have I ever led ya astray?

    Posted by notGeorge at 08:54 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    March 10, 2004

    Oh crud, I think I missed the damn boat again or another day in paradise*

    Oh my, I completely overlooked Annika's Blogiversary yesterday. It is hard to believe that she is older than I and still looks so maaavelous. I guess it is a good thing I was searchin' some blogs to see where I saw somethin' yesterday or I mighta missed the pointer to this grand occasion at Zombyboy's place.

    *Ain't anyone ever gonna collect those valuable kudos on this easy challenge?

    Posted by notGeorge at 08:17 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

    Could they ever make votin' any more confusin'?


    click to enlarge

    I snagged this one from American Realpolitik: Mornin' Comics - Tuesday, March 09, 2004

    I need to thank The Lopsided Poopdeck for providin' the drivin' directions to get there.

    Posted by notGeorge at 07:33 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    Wishin' a Happy Blogiversary to the Queen of Snark

    OK, Kate ain't mentioned nuthin' but Kevin Aylward says today is the first anniversary of Electric Venom. Accordin' to Kevin, this is the beginnin' of what was to be.

    Posted by notGeorge at 04:40 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    March 09, 2004

    Woo Hoo, Ya, ya, ya!

    Today is the First Year Blogiversary of Suburban Blight. Congratulations Kelley!

    Posted by notGeorge at 02:56 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

    I am too damn dumbfounded to think up a snappy title

    OK, Susie thinks she is the last one on the meme train for the Which Weird Latin Phrase Are You? quiz. WRONG! I am sure that I will now have to take the damn quiz, as I always want to be the caboose. I dunno what it is about the thought of someone wantin' to come in behind me to join up on the end of the train. I am utterly confused about what kind of connectors are involved? However, I also hate Latin. That is one of the reasons I didn't become a priest. The other one is that I am not Catholic.

    I don't want a toaster.
    Furnulum pani nolo.
    "I don't want a toaster."
    Generally, things (like this quiz) tend to tick you
    off. You have contemplated doing grievous
    bodily harm to door-to-door salesmen.


    Which Weird Latin Phrase Are You?
    brought to you by Quizilla

    Wow, talk about one of the stupidest quizzes ever with some of the stupidest questions ever asked in a forkin' quiz, and then the damn thing rings the forkin' bell and hits me right on. Who the fork woulda ever thunk it?

    Posted by notGeorge at 12:17 PM | Comments (4) | TrackBack

    March 07, 2004

    "You can get a $550, 4GB Hitachi MicroDrive for $200"

    All ya gotta do is buy the Creative Muvo MP3 player for $200, bust that puppy open and remove the $550 4GB Hitachi MicroDrive inside. And who the fork says geeks aren't smart. Of course, now that I have spread the news to the whole world,* you can bet the price of those Creative Muvo MP3 players ain't gonna be $200 for long. Run to Fry's, CompUSA, MicroCenter, wherever like PDQ, boys and girls.

    *At the very least, I spread the word to the two or three people who accidentally wandered in and read this post.

    Posted by notGeorge at 08:44 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

    A truly interestin' and amazin' place to visit

    Thanks to Squishybear, I have just spent the last half hour visitin' the area around Chernobyl vicariously though PRIPYAT ghost town (1970-1986). Some of the interestin' commentary:*

    marauders in radiation poluted area are not just a regular marauders, they don't steal stuff for themselves. There were cases of radiactive tv sets and other stuff being sold on city second hand markets and then police shot 7 or 8 of them and it helped

    and

    Actually, some people coming back to their homes and settle down, those mostly old people who do not care if they die today or tomorrow. important is to die at home.

    and my favorite

    Some tourists companies have been trying to arrange extrim tours in this town, but people- their customers scared and have been complaining about silence which is hard to stand in empty town.

    There are lots of pictures and it is a truly amazin' retrospective view into one of the major man-made disasters of the last century. Some of ya'll might remember that I live less than 5 miles from a nuclear power plant, myself.

    *Text was cut & pasted exactly as appeared on the site, complete with errors. Remember, however, that author is not from English speakin' country, so, in my opinion, did a good job of communicatin' with such language.

    Posted by notGeorge at 11:03 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

    March 06, 2004

    "I shall venture far to lend my assistance in a good cause"

    OK, ever since I heard of the the hoodoo that was supposed to be goin' on in Luckenbach this weekend to commemorate the final defeat of those valiant defenders of the Alamo, I have been weighin' the factors involved in whether to make the choice to make that 3 hour trip or not. I was layin' in bed this mornin' thinkin' of what must have been goin' through the mind of some of those men who had travelled from places as far as Tennessee to meet their death tryin' to hold that fort against overwhelmin' odds. I decided any trauma or discomfort I might experience in makin' the arduous journey to join others in remembrance of those brave men who gave their lives so that Texas could be born.*

    I will be gettin' close to Denita and Eric, so if'n ya read this Denita or Eric ... I might be droppin' by. I seem to have lost your phone number again, but I know where you live. If'n ya'll ain't there, it ain't no sweat, though. It ain't like I gave ya any advance notice. Anyway, need to hit the road, so ttffn.

    *My primary consideration is the high price of gasoline.

    Posted by notGeorge at 08:16 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

    March 05, 2004

    Crafted creatively , yet still ended up as a bunch of crud

    Hey, I am tryin' to watch this,* but with the slow band dialup connection I have, I might never get it to play. Will someone watch it and tell me if it is funny? Speakin' of funny, ya'll gals will like this post of Sassy's.

    *Hell, I ain't really sure the link will even work. I feel as pathetic as Bill Bill.***

    **I damn sure do hope that damn link works, because my computer fuckin' froze up durin' the movie download.

    ***I bet there are those among you who have no idea what I go through to create these amazin' posts, huh?

    Posted by notGeorge at 10:30 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    March 04, 2004

    The "Circle of Life" has nuthin' on the "Circle of E-mail Fowards"

    Here is the good part of an email I received today. It was not attributed, as usual, and it is not the first time I have seen it. I highly suspect it is likely not your first time to see it either, but it is definitely a reminder about why we all seem to be so tired at the end of teach and every day and yet end up wonderin' why we seem to have accomplished so very very little.

    Recently, I was diagnosed with A. A. A. D. D. - Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder. This is how it manifests:

    I decide to wash my car.

    As I start toward the garage, I notice that there is mail on the hall table.

    I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car.

    I lay my car keys down on the table, put the junk mail in the trash can under the table, and notice that the trash can is full.

    So, I decide to put the bills back on the table and take out the trash first.

    But then I think, since I'm going to be near the mailbox when I take out the trash anyway, I may as well pay the bills first.

    I take my checkbook off the table, and see that there is only one check left.

    My extra checks are in my desk in the study, so I go to my desk where I find the can of Coke that I had been drinking.

    I'm going to look for my checks, but first I need to push the Coke aside so that I don't accidentally knock it over.

    I see that the Coke is getting warm, and I decide I should put it in the refrigerator to keep it cold.

    As I head toward the kitchen with the Coke a vase of flowers on the counter catches my eye-they need to be watered.

    I set the Coke down on the counter, and I discover my reading glasses that I've been searching for all morning.

    I decide I better put them back on my desk, but first I'm going to water the flowers.

    I set the glasses back down on the counter, fill a container with water and suddenly I spot the TV remote. Someone left it on the kitchen table.

    I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV, I will be looking for the remote, but I won't remember that it's on the kitchen table!, so I decide to put it back in the den where it belongs, but first I'll water the flowers.

    I splash some water on the flowers, but most of it spills on the floor.

    So, I set the remote back down on the table, get some towels and wipe up the spill.

    Then I head down the hall trying to remember what I was planning to do.

    At the end of the day: the car isn't washed, the bills aren't paid, there is a warm can of Coke sitting on the counter, the flowers aren't watered, there is still only one check in my checkbook, I can't find the remote, I can't find my glasses, and I don't remember what I did with the car keys.

    Then when I try to figure out why nothing got done today, I'm really baffled because I know I was busy all day long, and I'm really tired.

    Posted by notGeorge at 05:16 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    The executioner is workin' hard at sharpenin' his ax

    OK, there is a blazin' thunderstorm outside, no one is out and about, and other than one caller attemptin' to make a collect call form a jail somewhere, it is quiet. Might as well catch ya'll up on why I feel like a turd floatin' in a crudper slowly spinnin' toward my eventual demise. Remember that trial that I was supposed to have yesterday. Well, the jury panel was millin' in the hallway, the court was ready to begin, the prosecutor was chompin' at his bits to win an easy case and look good for the voters and I was there to make a fool of myself defendin' an indefensible case ... and the defendant does not show up. Judge orders his arrest and sets his bonds at $30,000 each for a first offense DWI and misdemeanor Possession of MJ. The prospective jurors are dismissed and we all go our separate ways. I end up goin' to the court in the next town over and spending the rest of the mornin' workin' out a fairly good deal for another client. I come back after lunch and, before I get through the front door, my secretary says my client is in jail and is clamorin' about not havin' known of his trial date. She says she has looked all through his file, both paper and the computer database file and cannot locate where we had sent any notice of the trial date to him. It is just a regular procedure that when somethin' is calendared in the database, a court date letter is generated and mailed. It is as simple as pressin' a menu button labeled "ctdtltr." Doin' so, however, also generates a history entry that such letter was created and usually the letter is saved and its file location is also attached at a history entry. Neither of these entries was present. In most cases, my clients are incarcerated, so they are brought to court by order of the court and the few that are not in jail are regularly informed of their court date by their bondsmen, who have to pay a hefty fee to the court should these people fail to appear for their court dates. This client, however, had technically never been arrested and released on bond. He had been taken to a hospital on the night of the offense after havin' been involved in a serious accident and had been charged after his blood alcohol level had been discovered durin' treatment at the hospital. For all previous court appearances, the County Attorney's Office had provided him notice of his need to appear. They did not do so on this occasion, assumin' that I had done so upon receipt of the trial settin'. I actually should have done so, and my failure to have done so was an oversight. The client was pissed.

    My first idea was to attempt to get him to agree to take probation, thinkin' the court would likely readily agree to such and we could get him released from jail on probation by the end of the afternoon. He is havin' none of that and is gettin' highly adversarial over the telephone, so I decide to go visit him. We have a very charged conversation in which he babbles somewhat incoherently about this and that and that he is bein' treated wrongfully and is not a criminal, etc. It becomes readily apparent that he is never gonna take responsibility for the actions that landed him in court and now in the jail. However, I do feel a bit responsible that he is in jail unable to be released because the amount of money needed to make the bond is unobtainable. As such, I run back to discuss the necessity for lowerin' same with the judge. He is gone for the day. crud, so I go back to the jail and give my client that piece of news, and he goes ballistic about havin' to spend the night in the jail. I get back to the office and his son comes in. I am so hopeful he is rational and can assist me in gettin' his father to understand that his case is not triable and that he should be agreeable to takin' probation, but the son is solely concerned about why his dad is in jail. Office closes and I go home, unable to do anythin' more for this guy.

    I was up and out of the house at the crack of dawn this mornin' and was waiting at the door to the judge's chambers when his secretary came in. "He will be in a a few minutes," she says, already knowin' why I am there. I wait a couple of minutes and the phone rings, it is the judge. She tells him I am there and yada, yada, hangs up. "He is ill and is not comin' in and said to talk to Ron [the current County Attorney and my current political opponent]. He thinks Ray [the guy who posts almost all the bonds for everyone arrested in our county] got him out." That sounded like a possibility and was easy enough to confirm, so I ran back here to the office and called the jail. "Is [name of client] there?" "No, did you want to talk to him?" "No, just wanted to see if maybe he had been released, thanks." Click I go back to the judge's secretary, tell her that my guy is still in the jail and could she call the Judge back and let him know. "Be sure to tell him that it was my fault that he didn't get notice." She calls, discusses the situation with the Judge. I hear mostly a series of "Uh huh's" before she hangs up. "The Judge is very ill with a stomach virus and says he thinks [name of client] is partly to blame for not keepin' touch with your office. [I heartily agree with this assessment, as this client has not been good about comin' in or callin', but still ...] He said he might feel better this afternoon and think about it. Right now, he is too sick to worry about it." I went to the jail and pass that information along to the client. That did not improve his disposition one bit.

    I came back to the office and found that the settin's in the next county that are usually set for 1:30p.m. had been moved to this mornin' so that the judge could leave early for some reason. So off I go to the neighborin' county so I could wait around for 2 hours to pass two cases, which took all of two minutes. Then I went to lunch, and was headin' back when I forgot there was some other papers I wanted to drop off in a probate matter, and a couple of questions my client wanted me to ask the judge, so I went back to the courthouse and waiting around another 45 minutes until that court reconvened after its lunch break for that 3 minute conversation. I doive back to the office in a blindin' thunderstorm and end up passin' my secretary as I pull into parkin' lot of my friend's store to fill my Dr. Pepper™ cup. She flips around and pulls in to tell me that she is leavin' early due to the storm. Whatever. She has been fendin' a lot of the garbage associated with the fiasco for the past two days, so deserved a break anyway, and it is not like anyone is likely to venture out into this mess to visit their attorney's office. I ask her if she had heard any news, "Nope, been quiet." Last thing I remember when I left the jail after visitin' with the agitated man was that he had asked to be allowed to call Ray. I was so hopeful he had just bonded out of jail and the rest of this could sort itself out ... but, alas, I no sooner sat down than the phone rang. It was his son. He said he had just spoken to his dad in the jail and was there any news. I was waitin' for a break in the storm to walk across the street to the Court Annex Buildin' to see if the Judge was in. It seems pretty quiet out there now, so I guess I will go make that trip.

    [UPDATE: Judge is unreachable, per the Judge's Secretary. Try back in the morning was her suggestion. I do not think I will pass this word along to the agitated man, as I am sure he will get the idea when he does not get out today. I then thought that I could at least call the jail and have the jailer pass the bad news along to him and was lookin' up the number when, as chance would have it, the son of the agitated man called to inquire if there was anything new. I gave him the bad news, told him I was pissed about the situation, and that I was just fixin' to call his dad to pass along the info, but that I would just let him do so. I am tellin' ya'll, this matter is startin' to get really ugly.]

    Posted by notGeorge at 03:22 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    March 03, 2004

    Hot Damn!

    Who wouldn't want to see some hot babe in a sexy outfit like this walkin' toward ya on your weddin' day? It would be some kind of a pastor who wouldn't get a woody with this bride comin' up the aisle.

    Posted by notGeorge at 10:24 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    Who doesn't favor friendly lawyers over grouchy lawyers?

    I think I really like this guy! I found him because he commented to this post of mine, and I always figure if someone leaves a callin' card, go pay a visit. I have even found myself so single-minded in this habit, that I occasionally find myself of some comment spammer's site. I cannot tell you how little I relish doin' that, but I digress, as seems to be my habit, huh?

    Well, anyway, so, as I was sayin', I went for a visit ... I just walked in the door and found myself in the middle of a discussion of a lawyer that also writes books and seems to have published a few. My eye caught sight of the name of Johnnie Cochran* and I strained my neck to try to discover what was up with that. And then I found A Public Service Announcement to the Readers of this Blawg. This paragraph clinched my decision to give his blog a place on my blogroll:

    The purpose of this disclaimer is to state the author’s biases. The author of this blawg is a lawyer. As a lawyer, he is biased in favor of other lawyers or anyone studying to become a lawyer. If forced to choose between a lawyer and anyone else, he will usually choose the lawyer. However, even though he is friends with lawyers everywhere, he is not a member of any conspiracy by lawyers to take over either the country or the world. Although he does desire power and control, he mostly wants it over his wife. He fully understands that even in this department, the best he can hope to achieve is some freedom of movement around the house while she is sleeping. Even this will happen only if he’s very quiet.

    In this single paragraph I found proof that he was a very affable fellow, had a sharp wit, and was damn smart when it came to women.

    Please welcome to my blogroll Notes from the (Legal) Underground, written, produced, directed and music arranged by Evan Schaeffer, Esq.

    *If'n ya ain't got no idea who the fork Johnnie Cochran** is, you missed the trial of the 1990's.***

    **Yeah, I know ever'one knows who Johnnie Cochran is, but I couldn't find nuthin' else inane enough to footnote.

    ***I started to say the Trial of the Century, but I still gotta give that one to the Scopes Trial 'cause, I mean, who doesn't like a good legal tussel involvin' monkeys and preachers and the two best lawyers in the country at the time goin' head to head.

    Posted by notGeorge at 06:55 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

    March 02, 2004

    Turnin' around and watchin' some planets bein' birthed

    Science continues to evolve, it seems. Technology has provided the means for astronomers to observe the formation of planets around a star 33 light years away.

    Tony keeps any eye out so we never miss anythin' new or amazin'. Thanks Tony.

    Posted by notGeorge at 07:43 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    It's time to celebrate!

    Happy Texas Independence Day ya'll!

    The radio DJ said they are gonna be havin' a bit Texas Independence Day/Alamo remembrance whoop-de-do this Saturday* in Luckenbach. If'n I can figure out a way to get away, I might just make an appearance. It might be somewhere for ya'll to go, if ya are close. ;)

    *Saturday is the anniversary of the fall of the Alamo.

    [UPDATE: Scott posted William Barret Travis' letter askin' for reinforcements for the Alamo.]

    Posted by notGeorge at 08:16 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    Now this is very interestin'

    Seems there is a list of Alcohoroscopes makin' the rounds via email, accordin' to poor ill Lizz of blue socks. I hadn't seen such email,* but thankfully Lizz saw fit to print the whole listin'. This is the only one that pertains to me:

    Taurus (April 21 - May 20)

    Drinking style: Taurus prefers to drink at a leisurely pace, aiming for a mellow glow rather than a full on zonk. Since a truly intoxicated Taurus is a one-person stampede, the kind of bull-in-a-china-shop inebriate who spills red wine on white carpets and tells fart jokes to employers, the preference for wining and dining (or Bud and buddies) to body shots and barfing is quite fortunate for the rest of us. This is not to say that the Bull is by any means a teetotaler -- god, no. A squiffy Taurus will get, er, gregarious (full of loudmouth soup, some would say) and is extremely amusing to drag to a karaoke bar when intoxicated.

    Susie might be interested in knowin' LIzz confirms that two people can fit in a single bed.

    *As Lizz is another of those people who live in the future,** it may just be that receivin' this email is somethin' to which I can look forward.

    **See the comments to this post.

    Posted by notGeorge at 08:08 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

    March 01, 2004

    Another gem from the inbox I thought I would share

    I really liked this one:

    The 92-year-old, petite, well-poised and proud lady, who is fully dressed each morning by eight o'clock, with her hair fashionably coifed and makeup perfectly applied, even though she is legally blind, moved to a nursing home today. Her husband of 70 years recently passed away, making the move necessary.

    After many hours of waiting patiently in the lobby of the nursing home, she smiled sweetly when told her room was ready. As she maneuvered her walker to the elevator, I provided a visual description of her tiny room, including the eyelet sheets that had been hung on her window. "I love it," she stated with the enthusiasm of an eight-year-old having just been presented with a new puppy.

    "Mrs.. Jones, you haven't seen the room .... just wait."

    "That doesn't have anything to do with it," she replied. Happiness is something you decide on ahead of time. Whether I like my room or not doesn't depend on how the furniture is arranged... it's how I arrange my mind. I already decided to love it "It's a decision I make every morning when I wake up. I have a choice; I can spend the day in bed recounting the difficulty I have with the parts of my body that no longer work, or get out of bed and be thankful for the ones that do. Each day is a gift, and as long as my eyes open I'll focus on the new day and all the happy memories I've stored away ... just for this time in my life. Old age is like a bank account ... you withdraw from what you've put in."

    So, my advice to you would be to deposit a lot of happiness in the bank account of memories. Thank you for your part in filling my Memory bank. I am still depositing.

    Remember the five simple rules to be happy:

    • Free your heart from hatred.
    • Free your mind from worries.
    • Live simply.
    • Give more.
    • Expect less

    Posted by notGeorge at 11:55 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

    Forward March!

    Well, hopefully we all survived that quantum leap in time yesterday while the world stood still as Ol' Man Winter delayed in packin' his bags so as to finally depart and allow life to Spring anew. Today's temperatures here are forecast to be somewhere in the 70s. What's your weather like for the 1st* day of March?

    *Ya'll Aussies and Kiwis and such can tell us what it was like yesterday, if ya wish. ;)

    Posted by notGeorge at 08:39 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

    February 29, 2004

    I knew rubbin' on that lamp would work!

    Renee Zellweger won!

    renee.jpg

    [UPDATE: 10 for ROTK so far, will it take Best Picture?]

    [UPDATE II: I had hardly gotten that last update posted when the news was in ... 11 Oscars for Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King -- congrats to Peter Jackson and the entire crew --- they finally got one for the last round.]

    Posted by notGeorge at 08:59 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

    Things to think about when you think life is goin' to the dogs

    36 Ways Dogs are Better Than Men

    1. Dogs do not have problems expressing affection in public.
    2. Dogs miss you when you're gone.
    3. You never wonder whether your dog is good enough for you.
    4. Dogs feel guilt when they've done something wrong.
    5. Dogs don't criticize your friends.
    6. Dogs admit when they're jealous.
    7. Dogs are very direct about wanting to go out.
    8. Dogs do not play games with you -- except fetch (and they never laugh at how you throw).
    9. Dogs are happy with any video you choose to rent, because they know the most important thing is that you're together.
    10. Dogs don't feel threatened by your intelligence.
    11. No dog ever voted to confirm Clarence Thomas.
    12. You can train a dog.
    13. Dogs are easy to buy for.
    14. Dogs are good with kids.
    15. Dogs are already in touch with their inner puppies.
    16. You are never suspicious of your dog's dreams.
    17. Gorgeous dogs don't know they're gorgeous.
    18. The worst social disease you can get from dogs is fleas. (OK). The *really* worst disease you can get from them is rabies, but there's a vaccine for it, and you get to kill the one that gives it to you.)
    19. Dogs understand what 'no' means.
    20. Dogs don't need therapy to undo their bad socialization.
    21. Dogs don't make a practice of killing their own species.
    22. Dogs understand if some of their friends cannot come inside.
    23. Dogs do not read at the table.
    24. Dogs think you are a culinary genius.
    25. You can house train a dog.
    26. You can force a dog to take a bath.
    27. Dogs don't correct your stories.
    28. Middle-aged dogs don't feel the need to abandon you for a younger owner.
    29. Dogs aren't threatened by a woman with short hair.
    30. Dogs aren't threatened by two women with short hair.
    31. Dogs don't weigh down your purse with their stuff.
    32. Dogs look at your eyes.
    33. Dogs like your size.
    34. Dogs mean it when they kiss you.
    35. Dogs are nice to your relatives.
    36. Dogs obsess about you as much as you obsess about them.


    48 Reasons Why Dogs are Better Than Women

    1. Dogs don't cry.
    2. Dogs love it when your friends come over.
    3. Dogs don't care if you use their shampoo.
    4. Dogs think you sing great.
    5. A dog's time in the bathroom is confined to a quick drink.
    6. Dogs don't expect you to call when you are running late.
    7. The later you are, the more excited dogs are to see you.
    8. Dogs will forgive you for playing with other dogs.
    9. Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name.
    10. Dogs are excited by rough play.
    11. Dogs don't mind if you give their offspring away.
    12. Dogs understand that farts are funny.
    13. Dogs love red meat.
    14. Dogs can appreciate excessive body hair.
    15. Anyone can get a good-looking dog.
    16. If a dog is gorgeous, other dogs don't hate it.
    17. Dogs don't shop.
    18. Dogs like it when you leave lots of things on the floor.
    19. A dog's disposition stays the same all month long.
    20. Dogs never need to examine the relationship.
    21. A dog's parents never visit.
    22. Dogs love long car trips.
    23. Dogs understand that instincts are better than asking for directions.
    24. Dogs understand that all animals smaller than dogs were made to be hunted.
    25. When a dog gets old and starts to snap at you incessantly, you can shoot it.
    26. Dogs like beer.
    27. Dogs don't hate their bodies.
    28. No dog ever bought a Kenny G or Hootie & the Blowfish album.
    29. No dog ever put on 100 pounds after reaching adulthood.
    30. Dogs never criticize.
    31. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.
    32. Dogs never expect gifts.
    33. It's legal to keep a dog chained up at your house.
    34. Dogs don't worry about germs.
    35. Dogs don't want to know about every other dog you ever had.
    36. Dogs like to do their snooping outside as opposed to in your wallet, desk, and the back of your sock drawer.
    37. Dogs don't let magazine articles guide their lives.
    38. Dogs would rather have you buy them a hamburger dinner than a lobster one.
    39. You never have to wait for a dog. They're ready to go 24 hours a day.
    40. Dogs have no use for flowers, cards, or jewelry.
    41. Dogs don't borrow your shirts.
    42. Dogs never want foot-rubs.
    43. Dogs enjoy heavy petting in public.
    44. Dogs find you amusing when you're drunk.
    45. Dogs can't talk.
    46. Dogs aren't catty.
    47. Dogs seldom outlive you.

    Posted by notGeorge at 06:48 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    February 26, 2004

    I just couldn't let go for the very life of me

    deathgrip.jpg

    Posted by notGeorge at 08:48 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    And Yea it sayeth that .... yada yada yada

    I am sorry, but my utterly inquisitive nature finds this post and the followin' comments to be most interestin'. Thanks to James not Joyce Joyner for leadin' me swiftly into the valley of the righteous and the other righteous.

    Posted by notGeorge at 06:27 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    Live Long and Prosper, Ya'll*

    You're a Vulcan!
    You're a Vulcan! Cool and collected, you represent
    the epitome of self control.


    What Star Trek Race Are You?
    brought to you by Quizilla

    Thanks to my Human friend, Jen, for enlightenment in my darkest hour.

    *I shall now retire to my quarters and endulge in Pon Farr with this beautiful creature from another planet.**

    **Picture link was extracted through mind meld with Da Commissar.

    Posted by notGeorge at 06:10 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

    I wish I was in the land of cotton Dr. Pepper®

    75% (Dixie). That is a pretty strong Southern score!

    Well Hell Yeah! I think I woulda scored a bit higher if'n I called a creek a crick, but then, ya'll do know that I ain't 'zactly a hick? So, what 'r you, a damn Yankee or a son or daughter of Dixie?

    Kudos to SilverBlue for leadin' the way.

    Posted by notGeorge at 05:44 PM | Comments (5) | TrackBack

    February 18, 2004

    This one has gone around a few times before - and still rings pretty true in the end

    A store that sells husbands has just opened in Dallas, TX where a woman may go to choose a husband from among many men. The store is comprised of 6 floors, and the men increase in positive attributes as the shopper ascends the flights. There is however, a catch. As you open the door to any floor you may choose a man from that floor, but if you go up a floor, you cannot go back down except to exit the building.

    So a woman goes to the shopping center to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

    Floor 1 - These men have jobs.

    The woman reads the sign and says to herself, "Well, that's better than my last boyfriend, but I wonder what's further up?" So up she goes. The second floor sign reads:

    Floor 2 - These men have jobs and love kids.

    The woman remarks to herself, "That's great, but I wonder what's further up?" And up she goes again. The third floor sign reads:

    Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love kids and are extremely good looking.

    "Hmmm, better" she says. "But I wonder what's upstairs?" The fourth floor sign reads:

    Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking and help with the housework.

    "Wow!" exclaims the woman, "very tempting. BUT, there must be more further up!" And again she heads up another flight. The fifth floor sign reads:

    Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework and have a strong romantic streak.

    "Oh, mercy me! But just think... what must be awaiting me further on?" So up to the sixth floor she goes. The sixth floor sign reads:

    Floor 6 - You are visitor 3,136,456,789,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping Husband Mart and have a nice day!

    By the way, did I fail to mention that I have been sitting on the second floor for years waitin' for those elevator doors to open. I might have made it up to one of the higher floors, but you have to be extremely good lookin' to advance above the second floor.

    Posted by notGeorge at 01:48 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    February 11, 2004

    Anyone in the market for a new hat?

    New Boots . . .

    An elderly couple, Ray and Bessie, are "snowbirds" in Texas. Ray always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots. Seeing some on sale one day, he buys them, wears them home, walking proudly. He walks into the house and says to his wife: "Notice anything different about me?"

    Bessie looks him over, "Nope."

    Frustrated Ray storms off into the bathroom, undresses, and walks back into the room completely naked except for the boots. Again, he asks, a little louder this time, "Notice anything DIFFERENT NOW?"

    Bessie looks up and says, "Ray, what's different? It's hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, it'll be hanging down again tomorrow.

    Furious, Ray yells, "AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT IS HANGING DOWN, BESSIE? IT'S HANGING DOWN BECAUSE IT'S LOOKING AT MY NEW BOOTS!!"

    To which Bessie replies, "Shoulda bought a hat, Ray. Shoulda bought a hat."

    Posted by notGeorge at 04:26 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

    February 08, 2004

    Yes! Pumps fist!

    Renée Zellweger was nominated for her role in Cold Mountain. I told you she deserved the award for that role, remember? Of course, it did not draw the number of nominations some people, includin' myself, thought it should have gotten. Still, Renée is the cutest thing with breasts on the planet, so I am ecstatic that she got the recognition she deserved, 'specially after havin' been passed over for playin' Roxie!, the dazzlin' jazz dreamin' murderess in last year's Best Picture winner, Chicago. It is so funny that the only reason I bought Chicago was because it won the Best Picture award, and, as some of ya'll know, I am only about 6 or 7 movies short of owning all of the Best Picture winners. I had not seen it theatrically, because it was a musical and I usually am not that fond of musicals. However, as I bought it, I watched it, and I have now watched it more times that any movie in my collection. It is definitely among my all time favorite moves now. A lot has to do with Renée Zellweger, but there is also the fact that all the music is jazz and I love jazz, and it is a good roarin' twenties situation, an era a jazz lover like me is fascinated about, all the actin' was superb, and the costumes were fabulous. It is definitely one of the Best Movies of all time, and despite the fact that I pulled for LOTR last year, as I had the year before, I do think the right movie won last year --- now! Renée Zellweger deserves the award this year, academy --- are ya listenin'?

    Posted by notGeorge at 10:20 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    February 05, 2004

    Yeah, it could work and fits wel with my lifestyle

    To Get More Exercise and My New Schedule

    Monday
    Beat around the bush.
    Jump to conclusions.
    Climb the walls.
    Wade through paperwork.

    Tuesday
    Drag my heels.
    Push my luck.
    Make mountains out of mole hills.
    Hit the nail on the head.

    Wednesday
    Bend over backwards.
    Jump on the band wagon.
    Balance the books.
    Run around in circles.

    Thursday
    Toot my own horn.
    Climb the ladder of success.
    Pull out the stops.
    Add fuel to the fire.

    Friday
    Open a can of worms.
    Put my foot in my mouth.
    Start the ball rolling.
    Go over the edge.

    Saturday
    Pick up the pieces.
    Whew! What a workout!

    I authorized any of you to use this program, and to pass it along to others whose physicians may have recommended an exercise regimen.

    Posted by notGeorge at 03:29 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

    January 29, 2004

    It just brought tears to my eyes

    Ya know, if there is one person in the blogosphere of which I am most jealous, it is Michele. Our bloggin' consistency is about equal, I opine that our blurbs are equally as interestin' since we both admittedly write crud, but she gets tons more readers and comments than I do. I have tried and tried to understand just what I wasn't doin' that she was doin'. Well, I now know why I had such a hard time with that problem. I ain't been bloggin' yet a year and Michele just ended her third year of bloggin'. Now I don't feel so bad, because all this time I was an infant tryin' to be a three-year-old. If I haven't learned nuthin' in my almost half-century of life, ya have to learn to crawl 'fore you can walk.

    My sincerest congratulations, Michele. Your blog is what I want mine to be - the best crud in the blogosphere.

    Posted by notGeorge at 06:37 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack

    January 28, 2004

    I guess I'm votin' in the New Blog Showcase

    I have not been doin' my part in votin' in the New Blog Showcase as it has turned into some kind of alliance competition thing, but how could I not link to somethin' called Trial Lawyer's Prayer?

    Thanks to Susie, of course, for pointin' it out.

    Posted by notGeorge at 11:35 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

    About Cowboys, Indians and cultural differences

    LeeAnn has posted the most politically incorrect joke. I am still laughin'. Oh, and did I fail to mention that LeeAnn wants to invent a pill to assist people in growin' back hair. I ain't really wantin' hair on my back, so I will pass on takin' that pill.

    Posted by notGeorge at 10:15 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    Startin' Wednesday off with a prayer lesson?

    I got this in my inbox today from my dear Aunt Jeanette, who my regular readers know sends me goodies from time to time. As is usual, however, I had to dig through 5 levels of message forwardin' to get to the actually thing bein' forwarded. And, as usual, there was no attribution disclosin' the author of this fine message. However, it is a gem, in my opinion:

    5 Fingers of Prayer This is beautiful - and it is surely worth making the 5 finger prayer a part of our lives.

    1. Your thumb is nearest to you. So begin your prayers by praying for those closest to you. They are the easiest to remember. To pray for our loved ones is, as C. S. Lewis once said, a "sweet duty."

    2. The next finger is the pointing finger. Pray for those who teach, instruct and heal. This includes teachers, doctors, and ministers. They need support and wisdom in pointing others in the right direction. Keep them in your prayers.

    3. The next finger is the tallest finger. It reminds us of our leaders.Pray for the president, leaders in business and industry, and administrators. These people shape our nation and guide public opinion.They need God's guidance.

    4. The fourth finger is our ring finger. Surprising to many is the fact that this is our weakest finger; as any piano teacher will testify. It should remind us to pray for those who are weak, in trouble or in pain.They need your prayers day and night. You cannot pray too much for them.

    5. And lastly comes our little finger; the smallest finger of all. Which is where we should place ourselves in relation to God and others. As the Bible says, "The least shall be the greatest among you." Your pinkie should remind you to pray for yourself. By the time you have prayed for the other four groups, your own needs will be put into proper perspective and you will be able to pray for yourself more effectively.

    Should you find it hard to get to sleep tonight, just remember the homeless family who has no bed to lie in.

    Posted by notGeorge at 09:27 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    January 26, 2004

    My favorite thing about the Internet

    I am not sure how many of ya'll read Sassy's blog all that much, but I find it so intriguin' to hear about how things happen and effect the lives of those in different parts of the world. I mean today she had a post about a possible military junta to seize the power of the government and that she will not be feedin' her family chicken until the bird flu epidemic has passed even though the local chicken supply has been claimed to be unaffected.

    I for one cannot even imagine thoughts of a military junta seizin' the power of government in the US, it is unthinkable. As for the bird flu, that story seems to becomin' somethin' like the mad cow disease and such, but I don't remember hearin' that much about anythin' doin' with out food supply much durin' most of my life.

    I like readin' Sassy's blog mostly, I think, 'cause it reminds me of how much we in the United States take for granted for just bein' born here. Do ya realize that no one starves here because they have to ... I mean there is always some where to get a free meal here in the US. Ya might have to beg a bit or listen to some sermon on the how bad drinkin', druggin', forkin',* and suckin' are for ya and your immortal soul, but somewhere, someone is gonna give ya somethin' to eat. And that is really sayin' somethin', ain't it? We ain't had to eat one of our own kind here since the Donner party, unlike what ya can find in North Korea, these days.

    Sassy, you take care of that family, gal.

    *Zempt's spell checker suggested the word should be spelled forking.

    Posted by notGeorge at 11:10 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

    Still tryin to win the Title

    Well, still playing with the title graphic tryin' to please myself. I like this one a lot, though, so tell me, do ya'll think this one is better than the other one?

    Posted by notGeorge at 04:18 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack

    January 25, 2004

    "I need some ribs"

    This might be the funniest thing I have seen in a long while.

    Muchas gracias, Jen!

    Posted by notGeorge at 10:24 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

    Someone has dug up some good dirt

    Now here is a good piece of investigative reportin'. Might be in line for a Pulitzer Prize, ya think?

    Posted by notGeorge at 07:19 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    Pickin' the hits

    Just got my Friday joke list from George, but as the Friday Funny™ has come and gone, I didn't need to search for a good joke to share, Still, there was a list of bumper sticker sayin's or something, and I liked some of 'em much better than others. The ones I liked are:

    • How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
    • It's not easy getting a parking ticket downtown lately. First you have to find somewhere to park.
    • A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished.
    • and
    • Once there was a woman who was an excellent housekeeper. Every time she got a divorce, she kept the house.
    Posted by notGeorge at 04:35 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    A snarkin' we will go

    Oh, 'lest I forget, her Most Venomous Kate* has again snared a bunch of snarks and is makin' 'em sing for dinner. It is quite a show, so, scoot now, off ya go!

    *No Virginia, I am not yet allowed to call her Snakilocks so quit rubbin' it in.

    Posted by notGeorge at 12:52 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    January 24, 2004

    Stand back! I had pizza for lunch!

    It* took every bit of will power I had to pass up on seein' what it was that Kelley was talkin' 'bout. It sounded so enticin' and interestin' from her descriptions, but, it sounded like I would have gotten entirely too much enjoyment out of it and probably have completely abandoned bloggin' tile I'd had my feel. I have found that the best way to beat addictions is to avoid the initial contact with the agent. The game sounds very addictive.

    *Ya musta done a pretty poor job of re-readin' if ya miss seein' the first word in the post is misspelled.**

    **I did, the first word has been edited.

    Posted by notGeorge at 11:18 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    January 23, 2004

    Passin' along the PRAYER REQUEST

    Captain Anonymous of the Lopsided Poopdeck has mentioned somethin' about the patient bein' in critical condition and askin' ya'll to pray for a quick recovery. I join him* in this effort.

    *I am not firm in the belief that he is a he, for he may be a she. I am merely guessin'.

    Posted by notGeorge at 08:21 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    Somebody decided to ask the HARD QUESTIONS!

    I ASKED the Democratic candidates for president to answer five fair but nonroutine queries, hoping that their answers might reveal something interesting about what makes them tick. Everyone except John Kerry replied. Sunday's column summarized the candidates' responses to the first two questions. Here's how they handled the others.

    This is a most excellent read. Rob Sama provided the initial link.

    Posted by notGeorge at 06:38 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    I am #1 on the biggest story goin'

    Yep, it is true: #1 for Google search on trevor richards african american and #3 on Google search for trevor richards omaha.

    [UPDATE: I am #5 on the Google search for distinguished african american student award.]

    Posted by notGeorge at 03:58 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack

    I guess it sometimes pays to get out of bed in the mornin'

    Oh now, this is a delightful announcement to hear if you are currently runnin' for political office:

    Your Friday horoscope, Taurus! A new burst of popularity announces who you are to a large number of people. Find the ones who are most supportive and see what each of them can do for you. A struggle to move beyond just talking about things will ensue

    Posted by notGeorge at 08:43 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

    January 22, 2004

    It ain't really all that spooky when ya get right down to it.

    Cool, I found this cool quiz over on Lee Ann's blog that she she[*] said she found on SilverBlue's blog. I went to SilverBlue's blog and looked and I didn't see that test, so now I am wonderin' why did LeeAnn make that up? I guess I don't know all that much about A Light Cycle. Maybe they make things up to generate the light necessary for them to do whatever it is that Light Cycles do. So anyway, it was a cool quiz. I took it and came up as Jetpac Man, of whom I know as much as I do about Light Cycles. Well, this was the coolest quiz ever, 'cause they don't make ya live with the results. They tell ya if ya ain't happy, to just cheat and pick the one ya like. Cool. I did. I liked this one:


    What Video Game Character Are You? I am a Pacman Ghost.I am a Pacman Ghost.


    I like to hang around with friends, chatting, dancing, all that sort of thing. We don't appreciate outsiders, and do our best to discourage others approaching us. I enjoy occasionally wandering around randomly, and often find that when I do so, I get to where I wanted to be. What Video Game Character Are You?

    I would be blinky.

    UPDATE: *I need to watch that stutterin'.

    Posted by notGeorge at 10:08 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

    Here's a splendiferously great story

    Kathy Kinsley pointed out this delightful story about how people can become family without needin' any blood ties.

    Posted by notGeorge at 08:26 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    My bloggin' today didn't hardly amount to a hill of beans

    Hey, ya'll, I might have appeared to be havin' a down bloggin' day what with my startin' out the day really early already feelin' like crap, but actually, if ya remember, I was playin' it cool. C. G. Hill musta been feelin' his Wheaties, 'cause he was comin' up with all kinds of bloggy goodness. First of all, he reported that Oklahoma has gone a whole 250 days without havin' a solitary tornado, and if that fact alone was not amazin' enough, he ponders on what one person was actually seekin' when they entered the terms desperate unattractive dating into the Yahoo! search engine and further elaborates eloquently on the recent changes in his health insurance coverage after a swap in carriers.

    Posted by notGeorge at 07:52 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    He came down with an instant case of Cat Scratch Fever

    Acidman comes back from vacation and immediately starts whinin' about crap.*

    *cat crap.

    Posted by notGeorge at 05:34 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    Now they are talkin' my language

    Your Thursday horoscope, Taurus! Correspondence with someone in a position of authority is favored. A chance to live out your dream is near yet elusive; playing it cool is the only possible path to success. If you look like you don't want it, there is a possibility of accomplishment.

    I am all into playin' it cool!

    Posted by notGeorge at 10:21 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    January 21, 2004

    There are some warped people in the world

    Hey, got broadband? Check this out.

    Thanks Stevie

    Posted by notGeorge at 10:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    Beaten up battlin' Babushkas

    Have you ever wondered what kind of people actually inhabit Russia? Have ya wondered just what makes 'em tick? Have ya wondered how they live? Some Canadian guy* speaks out. Of course, the part I liked best really didn't have much to do with Russia:

    The States backs us at the moment, but deep down we know that if they ever decide to march north in search of fresh water, timber or beaver hats we would not be able to fight like ‘Hero-city’ Moscow. Likely we would smile at them like idiots, thank them for their visit and then ask them to please go home.

    *Herb G. Terry

    attribution: Laughin' Wolf

    Posted by notGeorge at 08:51 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    They sure have toughened things up in the US Army.

    OK, there is the supposedly really old list of 123 things that some guy was not allowed to do while he was in the Army. I think it is pretty strange that it has been around so long and I have not previously run across it on my regular surfin' adventures. However, what is even stranger is that No. 20* on the list was somethin' we was required to do when I was i the Army. Hell, we use to make 'em cry oui oui oui all the way home.

    Thanks to Drumwaster for the link.

    *Must not taunt the French any more.

    Posted by notGeorge at 07:26 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    Some really strange things happen to some people

    There is a new guy workin' over on Dean's World, some guy callin' himself The Joker,* who has posted one of the funniest things I have read in a long time. I was laughin' so hard while I was readin' the story that my neighbors came a' knockin' to see what was makin' me laugh so hard. This is some funny crap.

    *I was almost sure Batman had taken this guy out sometime ago.

    Posted by notGeorge at 04:28 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

    January 20, 2004

    eX-Lax for the Soul

    Hey, ya'll, don't let anyone try to fool ya, but that Venomous Kate is a gutsy gal. Letter of the Day is X. She not only pulls it off, but manages to fit a link to one of my offerin's into the mix. Kudos Kate for a fine job! I think we need to consider enterin' letter of the day in the meme category for them bloggies next year. Of course, I feel obligated to play, but all I could think of is Xenon, and it ain't even linked to a blog.

    Posted by notGeorge at 11:51 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    I just got the most brilliant idea

    I am thinkin' we ought to come up with a graveyard for dead blogs, like this one.

    Posted by notGeorge at 05:06 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack

    YES! I knew I was James Dean at heart!

    You's a lowlife, bi-yatch!
    Which Typical Anti-Hero Are You?

    brought to you by Quizilla

    Thanks Stevie

    Posted by notGeorge at 04:13 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    January 19, 2004

    The Illustrated SPAM

    "Unrelenting Massive C*cks Destroy Innocent Pussies!" proclaimed the subject line of the message in the Inbox. What? Someone more inane than I concocted the truth of the story in Photo Shop.

    I have ta thank Goldie for trackin' this story down.

    Posted by notGeorge at 10:33 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    What was it that Art Linkletter used to say?

    I found somethin' in my inbox that I thought was worth sharin'. Yep, ya'll that read regularly probably already guessed I got this from my aunt.

    Why Did God Make Mothers? And Other Difficult Questions Answered By Kids

    Why did God make mothers?

    1. She's the only one who knows where the scotch tape is.
    2. Mostly to clean the house.
    3. To help us out of there when we we're getting born.

    How did God make mothers?

    1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.
    2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring.
    3. God made my Mom just the same like he made me. He just used bigger parts.

    What ingredients are mothers made of?

    1. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world and one dab of mean.
    2. They had to get their start from men's bones. Then they mostly use string I think.

    Why did God give you your mother and not some other Mom?

    1. We're related.
    2. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people's moms like me.

    What kind of little girl was your Mom?

    1. My Mom has always been my Mom and none of that other stuff.
    2. I don't know because I wasn't there, but my guess would be pretty bossy.
    3. They say she used to be nice.

    What did Mom need to know about dad before she married him?

    1. His last name.
    2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he get drunk on beer?
    3. Does he make at least $800 a year? Did he say NO to drugs and YES to chores?

    Why did your Mom marry your dad?

    1. My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my Mom eats a lot.
    2. She got too old to do anything else with him.
    3. My grandma says that Mom didn't have her thinking cap on.

    Who's the boss at your house?

    1. Mom doesn't want to be boss, but she has to because dad's such a goofball.
    2. Mom. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under the bed.
    3. I guess Mom is, but only because she has a lot more to do than dad.

    What's the difference between moms and dads?

    1. Moms work at work and work at home, and dads just got to work at work.
    2. Moms know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.
    3. Dads are taller and stronger, but moms have all the real power cause that's who you got to ask if you want to sleep over at your friend's.

    What does your Mom do in her spare time?

    1. Mothers don't do spare time.
    2. To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.

    What would it take to make your Mom perfect?

    1. On the inside she's already perfect. Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery.
    2. Diet. You know, her hair. I'd diet, maybe blue.

    If you could change one thing about your Mom, what would it be?

    1. She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I'd get rid of that.
    2. I'd make my Mom smarter. Then she would know it was my sister who did it.

    Then I found somethin' really funny, but ya gotta go to the extended entry for that one.

    Let's get this one in line for rush hour.

    The Pastor's Ass

    A Pastor wanted to raise money for his church and on being told that there was a fortune in horse racing, decided to purchase one and enter it in the races.

    However at the local auction, the going price for a horse was so high that he ended up buying a donkey instead. He figured since he had it, he might as well go ahead and enter it in the races. To his surprise, the donkey came in third.

    The next day the local paper carried this headline:

    PASTOR'S ASS SHOWS

    The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again, and this time it won.

    The local paper read:

    PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT

    The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.

    The next day, the local paper read:

    BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS

    This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the Pastor to get rid of the donkey. The Pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.

    The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day:

    NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN

    The Bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for ten dollars.

    The next day the paper read:

    NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.00

    This was to much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.

    The next day the headlines read:

    NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.

    The bishop was Buried the next day.

    Posted by notGeorge at 04:47 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

    Who let the dogs out ? woof ! woof !

    Kelley has given us the sac, but it ain't culled, it was just thrown out the back door. Ya'll better get over there and have a look 'fore the dogs get to it and it is chewed up beyond all recognition. I noticed she picked a couple of my earlier posts to display, along with some bitin' remarks that went for the jugular.

    Posted by notGeorge at 03:12 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

    January 18, 2004

    It ain't really so hard to do it if ya just try a little harder

    A very interesting thought piece over on the Volokh Conspiracy on art, politics, genocide, blood, and ebony hair. Do click the links. You should always click the links. Then read it all and do a bit of thinkin'.

    Posted by notGeorge at 07:46 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    Do unto one another . . . and other stuff

    The two of 'em do look great together, don't they?

    Posted by notGeorge at 06:56 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    Well, even an idiot can make a good guess

    Hey, I might of been wrong on the Colts, but I was sure someday that James would move Parkway Rest Stop off of blog*spot. That day has come and gone and he is now bloggin' from his very own MT powered blog. The name's the same, but the address is in a swankier neighborhood.

    At last word, blog*spot's longest remainin' occupant, Cracker Barrel Philosopher was without comment.

    Posted by notGeorge at 06:39 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    Newly added to the blogroll

    Yes, people, I really do mean what I say here. What with it bein' a bit slow this mornin', today seemed like a good time to go down that long list of blogs that have linked to me that exists here, and to check out those ones that I do not recognize as bein' there previously. I found these few:

    • The Lopsided Poopdeck, a great blog name that served to remind me that I did not really give a lot of thought to my own blog name when I began bloggin'. I found it to be a nice, clean, uncluttered blog, unlike my own. I found it interestin' and definitely worthy of a spot on my blogroll. Welcome, Lopsided Poopdeck.
    • Pamibe, who has a picture of a weeniedog on her masthead, and bein' a weeniedog owner myself, that fact alone was her ticket to a place in the line. Also, we have become somewhat acquainted when she got involved with the reconstruction of the USURP site. I am glad to add Pam to my blogroll.
    • Ripe Bananas, despite bein' a resident of blog*spot, made the list because I am on his list of fly friends and he resides in Dallas, which is my area. I am a bit confused how I became one of the fly friends, but suspect this is one of Eric's friends I met at Zane's birthday party, and if it is who I think it is, then I am glad to be called a friend.
    • DanNews, another blogspot denizen, slid in because his tagline was good and he did a much better job on this week's Friday Five than I did, and he had a link to this*.
    • The final one did not make it, but I doubt the blogger will be too upset about my decision. It is the original blog*spot blog for Between the Coasts

    *You can just imagine how upset Susie will be about seein' a cat go up in a ball of fire.**

    **The link provided in the previous footnote had no relevance to anythin' to do with the subject of cats.

    Posted by notGeorge at 12:11 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

    January 17, 2004

    Wonderful smells waftin' through the clear crisp mountain air

    It is these kinds of things blogs were meant to showcase: Tink remembers a very special person in her life. Go share admiration for one worthy of such. My crap will wait.

    Posted by notGeorge at 08:13 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    I was shuckin' oysters and found this pearl

    It seems it was not too easy for our troops in the early days of this current military campaign: U.S. Marine Corps Sgt. Jack Carillo, despite havin' been denied meanin'ful access to a camera, brings us his impressions of the life and movements of our glorious troops. His pictures show soldiers forced to share a single magazine, waitin' days and days to bathe. It is a most impressive display of 8 excellent drawin's, and standin' guy at a lonely outpost. It begins here. Go see, or you will hate yourself for missin' this opportunity.

    Found it at Feste.

    Posted by notGeorge at 08:02 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    More interestin' crap* I found backtrackin' trackbacks

    First of all, I would really like to know the back story on this case:

    A young boy who raped a nine-year-old girl has been sentenced to 30 months detention.
    Kyle Abdo, who was 11 at the time of the offence, is one of the youngest children ever to be have been convicted of such an offence in this country.
    Sentencing Abdo, who is now aged 12, Judge Gerald Clifton said the boy raped the girl during a game of hide and seek.

    He told the boy: "This was a bad offence. You hurt the girl in many ways and you have shown no remorse. You must be punished to reinforce the fact that this sort of behaviour is not accepted by decent people." He ordered that Abdo register as a sex offender for life and he lifted an order which had previously banned his identity from being published."

    I am of the belief that havin' to register for life is a violation of the Cruel and Unusual Punishment Clause of the US Constitution, but this case was not in the US so our Constitution does not apply. However, being labeled for life in any situation is a life sentence whether you are incarcerated or not.

    I do find this case very appalling and wonder what factors occurred that created this little monster. I don't think monsters like this are created in a vacuum. I am totally in agreement that 30 months detention is definitely merited.

    I found the link on 2 Stupid 4 Words, a nice blog that does not utilize permalinks.** Too bad, because there is a another very entertaining' account of a grave situation the grumpy bunny faced in her past. I was mindful when readin' the account that had I been overhearin' that tale as one gal was tellin' another, I most likely would have shut it out. I almost did that while readin' it, but I am almost 50, and I really don't know all that much about those things. After readin' it, I am immensely glad of such.

    I found 2 Stupid 4 Words through Lisa [Just a Girl].

    Lisa also sent me*** to Geoffrey's post about the type of advertisements that are not allowed durin' the Super Bowl. Eric will likely be glad that they have decided to allow no "spin", yellow journalism, muckraking, use of roorback, etc. during commercials playin' during the game. Hooray!

    *I use the term "crap" loosely here.

    **A possible future member of the munu universe?

    ***although I would have stumbled across it eventually goin' through my blogroll. ;)

    Posted by notGeorge at 01:23 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

    Susie on brothers, brothers-in-law, men in general and Annika*

    OK, so Susie was thankin' everyone for sendin' her such warm wishes on her birthday yesterday.** She said a fun time was had by all, and that the most thoughtful gift was from her brother and his husband. I found that statement to be a bit shockin'. No, not that her brother has a husband, but that she assumes they gave more thought into their gift than did the person who showered her with kisses.***

    The she advised all the gals that the quickest way to draw attention from the fellas was to raise the hood on their cars. I know this always gets my attention. It draws brother-in-laws like mayflies to a bug zapper. Uh, is the brother of your brother's husband, your brother-in-law? I am so easily confused now, what with all these modern relationships. I think my confusion started with all that confusion about whether Woody Allen's latest date was his step-daughter or his wife.

    Then Susie blurbed the news that the most lovely and succulent Annika is finally movin' off of blog*spot and will become a member of the munu universe. I have previously awarded Pixy for havin' begun that venture. Annika confirmed the report, but said she is gonna be gone for a few days, startin' now!

    OK, so this has been your in the field snarky inaniac™ givin' you the news from Suse ... you are now free to wander about and continue chattin' 'bout Michael Jackson and the multitude of idiots who think he is above reproach.**** Ta ta for now!

    *That title ought to draw a few looks.

    **Just one short day, it seems, after Emperor Misha's birthday.

    ***I mean, I don't even know where to find Hershey's Dark Chocolate kisses, and, in my opinion, such would be worth more than all the coffeemakers in the world, but then I don't drink coffee, do I? ;)

    ****OK, color me a true professional, 'cause, say Michael Jackson was to lay oh, somewhere in the neighborhood of $5,000,000.00 cash non-refundable retainer right on my desk, my opinion of his situation would be immediately changed. He has just become my client and ya'll all know how I feel about the rights of my clients.

    spell check is my friend

    Posted by notGeorge at 11:31 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

    Worthwhile readin' for your Saturday

    It seems that Eric was up really early this mornin' with some serious thoughts on his mind about the lack of any meaningful faith in modern man. He eloquently posted his thoughts, and I have faith that you will use this opportunity to go peruse his fine offerin'. Go, really, ya know ya want to do so!

    Posted by notGeorge at 08:07 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

    January 16, 2004

    Just 'cause I know ya got nuthin' better to do

    Singin' Hedgehogs on a platter. Strange sight and a very strange song that I found through Anna.*

    *so ya know it's got to be good!

    Posted by notGeorge at 05:28 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    January 15, 2004

    Yaay!

    I'm 3K!!!

    I'm also outta time, so ya'll just have to wait for Tig to explain for ya...

    Posted by notGeorge at 11:30 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

    Rampagin' doctors searchin' for Uranus

    Friday Funny™ will be comin' back tomorrow. However, if yore laughs won't wait until then, Ozguru has a listin' of Headlines from 2003 that should evoke a chuckle or two.

    Posted by notGeorge at 05:22 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    January 14, 2004

    I got a winner this time!

    I got appointed to a case today, a drug case. I knew the person, because she and I got a bit cross-wise when she hired me with a paltry $50 payment to represent her husband on a case where they found what was supposedly a hit of LSD in his wallet, which he admitted to havin', but told me it had been in his wallet for almost 10 years. I refused to waive indictment on his behalf, even though his wife, now my new client, begged me to do so, so that he could get out on probation and help her with the bills. I could not, in good conscience, do so, what with that supposed hit of LSD bein' so old, so told her that it was best that he just sit tight until the results from the State lab came back to tell us whether there was any LSD on the little tab of paper or not. She finally got disgusted, had him request a court appointed attorney, and just about the time he got involved, the results returned with no drugs found and the charges were dropped. I was right, but no one ever came to tell me thanks for not having done what they asked, waived indictment, not worried about the testin', and allowin' him to go on probation for the next few years.

    OK, so she goes before the bench today, out on bond, and tells the judge she ain't workin' and cannot afford an attorney. This had occurred several times already, and each time the DA would object to an attorney bein' appointed, as the person always admitted they were lookin' for a job, so the judge would say get a job and hire an attorney before the next court date. This time the DA says, "Judge, she ain't gonna be free for very long, so I have no objection to the appointment of an attorney." My name came up, so up I go before the bench. The judge asks if I am willin' to be appointed to represent the lady, and I tell the judge that we had some past dealin's so I was not sure if the client wanted me. The client says she has no problems. I am pretty friendly with her dad, as he is the former lawn care guy for the courthouse area, and after I had found that everything I had suggested about her husband's former legal dilemma had come to pass just as I had suspected, and why I had suggested patience in the first place, I had told her father that I had never understood why she had been so upset that I did what I thought was best in the situation. I guess she came to realize such also. So, I was appointed.

    Well, this is a boondoggle. I promise. Seems a couple was pulled over for makin' a turn without signalin'. Search of their vehicle reveals some pot and some meth. Bein' the choice citizens they were, they tell the cops that they got the stuff at my client's house. The deputies run down and get a warrant and go do a search on my client's residence and find a bit of stuff. They did not find what they thought they would find, I suspect, because my client says they spent a long time tearin' into walls in a couple of the bedrooms without findin' anythin'. My client signs a really damnin' written confession admittin' to a long term drug problem. The DA is plannin' on sendin' her to his favorite drug program, a 9 month in jail program. I am goin' through the file lookin' at my client's confession, the confessions of the idiots who fingered her place and I come across the warrant.

    It ain't even close to what is required. It has no information about the place to be searched and the objects to be sought. It refers to the probable cause affidavit, but the law requires that the warrant contain these items. My client's confession and all of the evidence discovered inside of her residence are subject to bein' suppressed.

    I thought the look on the assistant DA's face was a bit strange when he handed me a copy of that warrant after I asked him to make me a copy of such. He must have gotten a good look at it himself.

    Posted by notGeorge at 09:39 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

    Somethin' I just noticed

    At home, I've got this T-Shirt with the 3 Stooges all dressed up in suits and underneath it says: Dewey, Cheatum & Howe, Attorneys at Law. I love it, even though I burned a bleach hole in it almost as soon as I bought it. But that is not the thing I just noticed. I only brought that up because just as the name of the Law Firm on the shirt was humorous, one of the named attorneys in the letterhead on this letter sittin' on my desk is named Hartless. Great name for an attorney, doncha think?

    Also, I posted this while still composin' the one below. I already posted it although it was not complete for reasons I will diviulge later. As such, do not be surprised if you see somethin' sayin' the blog had been updated but ya came and saw nuthin' new. There actually was, but it was just addin' a few more links to the Nuggets and Gems™

    Posted by notGeorge at 07:31 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    January 13, 2004

    As usual, I am probably the last

    But I just could not pass up on pointin' out this fabulous photo.

    Posted by notGeorge at 06:24 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    Can ya catch 'em all?

    Yeah, I know ya had a really long day. Why doncha lay back and relax and play a vidoegame. Geoffrey found this one for ya'll.

    Posted by notGeorge at 06:14 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    Don't jump until the whales are outta the way

    Is this the reason we ended up with blue cheese today?

    Posted by notGeorge at 05:55 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    Damn that monkey, he is divulgin' all our secrets

    Read my tagline! I work hard to find the truth and I think I finally found it. If there was ever somethin' written by a blogger that was absolutely 100% true, this is it.

    Dean found it first.

    Interestin'ly enough, I just received this study data in my email inbox. It gives us a bit of insight into the female way of lookin' at things:

    A study conducted by UCLA's Department of Psychiatry has revealed that the kind of male face a woman finds attractive can differ depending on where she is in her menstrual cycle.

    For instance, if she is ovulating, she is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features.

    However, if she is menstruating or menopausal, she is more prone to be attracted to a man with scissors lodged in his temple and a bat jammed up his ass while he is on fire.

    Further studies are expected.

    Posted by notGeorge at 04:23 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

    I guess it could always be worse

    I don't think I have yet encountered a day as bad as the one this guy had in my entire 48+ years:

    REALLY BAD DAY.

    This little guy is sitting at the bar just staring at his drink. He's been sitting there for half an hour when this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, grabs his drink and gulps it down in one swig.

    The poor little guy starts crying. "Come on man, I was just giving you a hard time," says the truck driver. "I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man crying."

    "This is the worst day of my life," says the little guy between sobs. "I can't do anything right. I overslept and was late to an important meeting, so my boss fired me. When I went to the parking lot, I found my car stolen and I have no insurance. I grabbed a cab home but, I discovered I had forgotten my wallet in it. At home I found my wife in bed with the mailman. So I came to this bar and was thinking about putting an end to my life, and you show up and drink the damn poison!!


    Poor guy!

    I've got a good rope I could let him borrow.

    I got it in my email from Cherry's Dadd. By the way, Cherry renamed Cherry's Ramblings to Revolving Corkscrew.

    Posted by notGeorge at 11:10 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    Somethin' just for my multitude of many 3 fans

    I know ya'll been waitin' with baited breath to discover which movie I would be, ain't ya? OK, so here is the result:



    What Classic Movie Are You?

    Damn me and my compassion for others. I wanted to be Natural Born Killers. [as if!]

    I got this at Dare my wild heart, but had seen it elsewhere.

    Posted by notGeorge at 08:32 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

    January 12, 2004

    They just don't make 'em like Alfred Pugh anymore

    Now there is a story of a person who should not be overlooked over on the Patriette that ya really don't want to miss.

    Posted by notGeorge at 09:50 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    Catchin' up on stuff, alphabetically

    Arm from a cadaver too 'gross'? Found: Signal+Noise

    Burger King got hacked. Found: Enigmatic Musings of a Cynical Mind who has moved

    Criminal practice vs civil practice. I wholehearted recommend any of you who enjoy my writin' 'bout my law practice to read this one. I believe it is right on point in my big city experience, but homey don't get to play that game in the small town.

    Dreamin' of breakin' 50K by Jan. 26. Click through and give Ith's numbers a surge.

    Excitin' times are had after kinks ironed out. Sounds like even the clouds had silver linings though.

    Fabricated survey results were factored into in a judge's decision to move Scott Peterson's capital murder trial out of Modesto. Found: Jockularocracy

    Gone? But the sentiment expressed is mirrored in my own thoughts often. Vaya con dios, mi amigo, if such be your wish.

    Hard Nerd Test. Found Sekimori

    Idiocy induced by mere words. I began readin' this and found myself halfway down beginnin' to realize I am an blabberin' idiot who knows nothin' 'bout anythin'. Thanks Pixy, I love ya! Ya can't legally purchase any drugs that could likewise produce such effect.

    Jackass rents chest for advertisin' purposes. Found: Note-it-posts

    Kangaroos - all the time whether ya want 'em or not. And to think, I actually started that mess. ;)

    Laughed too loud, did I, when I read this line: Texas Governor Rick Perry has no Cambodian-Americans in high-level positions in state government. I am shocked, outraged, and disgustipated. I might oughtta be ashamed for laughin' at that but I am not quite sure exactly why I thought it was funny.

    Monarch butterflies are just too cool! Found: Annika. Annika's back is cool too.

    Natural high! Body manufactures chemical that produces cannabis type effect. Found: Hi. I'm Black! I also like Glenn's stance on the Pete Rose situation.

    Online Poker? Oh please don't get me started.

    Poll askin' if Bill should be fired from his own blog? Is Windrider goin' too far?

    Quasi-legal squads raid street vendors. What next? Found: Reflections in d minor

    Russian companies sold Saddam Hussein high-tech military equipment that threatened US forces during the invasion of Iraq last March. Found: triticale

    SPAM - McGehee tries everythin', it seems.

    Twisted Spinster, but I seemed to have come a bit late to the party.

    Unorthodox comics. Found: LeeAnn

    Voted Best Line in Debate: "I don't think that answers the questions ... I think you only need co-signers if your credit is bad." Found: Cathy in the Wright although I might have gotten there eventually on my own. ;)

    Wise Man moves and changes his name. Face now shown on America's Most Wanted? He's Blogged & Dangerous.

    X-ray machines at airports not yet capable of detecting idiots. Found: Margi Lowry

    Ya'll are really gonna love this - LOTR as told by Dr. Seuss? Found: Right We Are!

    ZZZZZZZZ Still no sign of Anna's return.

    This post was slightly over 3 hours in the makin' and only one bag of fried pork skins and 18 ounces of Dr. Pepper were harmed.

    Posted by notGeorge at 07:53 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack

    January 09, 2004

    Today's Horoscope says:

    This is the luckiest day of the New Year so far. A romantic proposition is actually a chance to change the way you live. Assume that anything this big must be good and embrace the easy way up being offered.

    I am so very hopeful this one has some validity, ya'll!

    [My belly button is doin' fine, by the way, just in case anyone was really worried about there havin' been no Nightly Navel Gazin' Report™ for last night.]

    Posted by notGeorge at 08:10 AM | Comments (7) | TrackBack

    January 08, 2004

    Yeah, there is somethin' new on the left column

    I saw it here, and who in the world would pass up on puttin' up such a good thing like that on their blog, right?

    Posted by notGeorge at 06:47 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    January 05, 2004

    When ya look at it that way ---

    I dunno, but when I see it presented just right, I see so much humor in politics. Thanks go to Rosemary for an excellent presentation!

    Posted by notGeorge at 10:01 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

    I will claim my 15 minutes of fame right now

    Additional studies will be conducted by UJ-Labs, however, preliminary results indicate that this phenomenon is genetic, thereby making Tiger the only known individual on the planet with this amazing gift.

    Yep, accordin' to this story, there ain't nothin' on this planet better for keepin' ya lookin' young than ingestin' my semen prior to any exposure to air. Line up ladies, 'cause I feel socially compelled to assist as many of ya'll to keep your youthful looks as I possibly can.

    I am gonna ponder what I am gonna do to my number one fan, Denita, for havin' brought my deepest darkest secret to light.

    Posted by notGeorge at 05:22 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack

    January 04, 2004

    The quest continues

    Well, 72 hours without a cigarette and I am still alive. I have heard that one of the other people who was supposed to give up smokin' on New Year's Day has already back-slided and resumed the habit. I have not been in touch with my other friend yet. It was funny how I was plannin' on usin' a whole different tactic involvin' the success of my friend as one essential facet of my stop smokin' plan. As it has evolved, the success of any other person is not essential to my kickin' the habit.

    Denita, gum is not an option, but I did purchase several vials of peppermint oil and have been known to squirt a drop of such in my mouth to parry an urge here and there. David has, as usual, provided a top-notch suggestion which had not occurred to me. I will used some of my scattered thoughts to ponder upon it.

    I again awoke with the strong urge to locate a cigarette and smoke it but found the urge was easily suppressed. Cool!

    Posted by notGeorge at 08:33 AM | Comments (4) | TrackBack

    January 01, 2004

    Awakenin' suddenly to find oneself lost in the world of 2004

    Did ya ever wake up at 10:00 a.m. on New Year's Day naked, layin' in a bed full a bunch of naked people that you do not recognize, not havin' the foggiest notion where you are, how you came to be there, or anythin' that occurred since about 2:30 a.m.?

    Posted by notGeorge at 11:10 AM | Comments (3) | TrackBack

    December 19, 2003

    Have you ever seen a teenier one, ladies?

    You know, I can appreciate a woman who knows how to take care of herself.

    attribution: Steve

    Posted by notGeorge at 10:27 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    December 18, 2003

    As Christmas nears

    If ya are gettin' fed up Christmas present decisions and still need one for the person who has everythin', let me suggest that you buy this item for them.

    Posted by notGeorge at 08:14 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    A most extraordinary poetic post

    Wow did Owen ever find a pearl in his email! Seriously, don't miss this one.

    Posted by notGeorge at 08:03 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    December 17, 2003

    Takes a long time at 31.2Kps

    I Eat People yelled LeeAnn.

    Posted by notGeorge at 07:32 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    December 16, 2003

    Better 'n the toy in the bottom of the cereal box

    OK, the long awaited interview of Tiger has been completed and is appearin' on Jennifer's History and Crap. Thanks to all of ya'll that thunk up the fuckin' hard questions, like I had any idea how to grow mushrooms in the dark, and to my gracious blogfriend Jennifer who does such a fine job of doin' these interviews and providin' us with all those nifty little glimpses into history and crap. Ya'll do need to be readin' her blog!

    Posted by notGeorge at 11:34 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack

    Just what ya'd 'spect from the 9th Cir.

    Of course, sometimes even clowns can be geniuses. Hey, Ashcroft lost one in the Federal Courts, as the 9th Circuit rules that it ain't kosher to ban the use of marijuana for truly medical purposes. Follow the link to Talk Left to access the 9th Circuit's written decision in Raich v. Ashcroft, 03-15481.

    Oh my, and in other Ashcroft news, a Detroit Federal Judge ain't too pleased with Ashcroft contemptuous actions in a case in his court. Thank Dawn of the link ot this one.

    Posted by notGeorge at 07:29 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    Is this the Daily Double or a Trifecta

    Lisa has a great post tellin' us all why she is the right person doin' her job, but just below, she composed her top ten list of her responses to Saddam followin' his statement: I am Saddam Hussein, president of Iraq, and I am willing to negotiate. I think the next thing I mighta said after I heard that is Fire in the hole!

    I am not sure I should mention* that she has humorously balloon blurbed a cute kitten pic.

    *I don't want Susie to break her finger clickin' too fast tryin' to see it, ya know.

    Posted by notGeorge at 06:20 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

    Bonzo B. Bellringer debuts

    Well Kevin used it as the basis of his weekend caption contest and Steve claims it is Joan Rivers. When I forst saw this picture, the thoguht that immediately came to my mind was that the plot for The Santa Clause 3 was takin' a very strange twist.

    Posted by notGeorge at 05:26 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    December 14, 2003

    I made dead people

    This actually sounds more like me talkin' to myself than anythin' else. These types of conversations do exist inside my head. Go read it, really, its cool. I won't tell anyone.

    Oops, credit an assist to Owen

    Posted by notGeorge at 09:27 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack

    Been there and done that --

    James has somethin' I am sure you'll enjoy. I am tryin' desperately not to exceed the 2 star level ever again.

    Posted by notGeorge at 08:36 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    We have a 911 Pizza Emergency

    Someone call the fire department. LeeAnn's cookin' again.

    Posted by notGeorge at 07:13 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

    December 13, 2003

    OK, so I lied

    Sekimori linked to a funny animation of Gollum rappin'. See, there was somethin' to blog 'bout after all.

    Posted by notGeorge at 05:39 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    Dip in in breadin' and deep fry it and I will eat anythin'

    Steve has posted a delicious recipe for killer whale. I wonder about Steve, but then I guess I ought to be glad he didn't purge me from his blogroll. I just wonder at what kind of idiots would beg for a reciprocal link from Steve and then remove the link to Steve at some later time. Heck, Steve is worth blogrollin' even if he doesn't link to you. He writes some funny crap!

    Posted by notGeorge at 01:24 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    December 11, 2003

    Don't get mad, it is only a joke

    Although it ain't Friday yet, I am sure ya'll are still up for a good joke. Rosemary is supplyin' this one. And if ya are really hard up for a laugh, Susie has recycled some really old email humor about men. ( Susie, please read the title before ya hit me )

    Posted by notGeorge at 08:42 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    Why are the pages of this catalog stuck together?

    If Anna links it, is is usually good. I mean who better to describe the trauma associated with teenage wanker wankin' than someone called Dong?

    Posted by notGeorge at 04:17 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

    What is it about Natalie?

    I wanted to link one of the posts on Pickle Juice that had me crackin' up loud enough to draw the attention of my next door neighbor and landlord who thought I had decided to house a jackass in my office*, and yet could not locate just one. There was this one, and there was this one, and then there was this one. Ummm, actually I quit brayin' like a jackass when I got near the end of that last one because there was a mention of takin' a gulp out of a stale can of Coke sittin' on the counter. Last time I did that, I swallowed a couple of cigarette butts.

    Anyway, since ya gave me the belly laughs, Natalie, I though I would attempt to repay the favor. So what do ya get if ya cross a reindeer with a pickle?

    *There are those who are of the opinion there is a jackass in this office at all times I am occupyin' it.

    Posted by notGeorge at 01:45 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    December 10, 2003

    I have a really big tool -- wanna see?

    Yep, accordin' to one of my very favorite bloggers, David, my blog is a power tool. I 'spect mine is like a rusty chainsaw cuttin' though a dead armarillo sittin' in the middle of dirt road someplace. Now, forgive my humorous attempt here, because the post I am talkin' 'bout is a serious well-written post about the power of bloggin'. One thing that I thought was so true about the post was this:

    It could be even be said, with some truth, that a vast number of weblogs have become part of the largest, unmoderated group therapy session in history.

    There were also some great links to some other resources on bloggin' and such. A must read, I tell ya. So get over there and read it.

    Oh, and for some bloggin' on tools, go see LeeAnn.

    Posted by notGeorge at 11:15 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

    To boldly go to infinity and beyond

    Yeah, yeah, I know I have said I am not the biggest fan of these quizzes, but it was Star Trek:

    Galaxy
    You are a Galaxy-class Explorer, a top of the line
    luxury-liner with teeth. You prefer refinement
    and appreciate beauty. You're well-apt at
    diplomacy and are trusted to handle crises.
    Despite a changing world with new, you still
    have a reputation for unparalleled excellence.


    Which Class of Federation Starship are you?
    brought to you by Quizilla

    Posted by notGeorge at 09:54 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

    I am gonna be a millionaire

    I am not a participant in the blog wars, but I do sometimes come across some of those Alliance assignments as a lot of my friends and favorite blogs are involved. I found one list today that intrigued me. Well, actually it was only item No. 6 that I liked, since I just bought the world-wide rights to sell pork-pie hats from Buster Keaton's heirs.

    Oh, I did forget to give my good friend, Susie, who is likely mad at me because I have finally, with a lot of effort, climbed on top of her* credit for sendin' me to the place where I found the list.

    *And now that I am here, I am hopin' she softens up a bit and we can have a bit of raunchy fun. ;)

    Posted by notGeorge at 08:22 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    Study in Black & White

    Although I had seen this interactive Christmas animation last year, I am amazed as much about the talent displayed now as I was the very first time I viewed the artist's efforts.

    attribution for reintroduction to the link: SilverBlue

    Posted by notGeorge at 06:10 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    Iraqis say Fuck Terrorism

    Glenn has been keepin' a close eye on somethin' truly remarkable and the no pro-bush news coverage of the event.

    [UPDATE: It seems everyone is on this story except the traditional media outlets. Closest to the story: ZEYAD and Omar. Other voices: Mama Bear & Kathy K; the Commissar; & Kevin Aylward so far. If you have posted somethin' on this story, feel free to add your link to the list by trackin' back to this blurb.]

    Posted by notGeorge at 04:13 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

    Straight from my inbox to your eyes

    I got this from my Aunt Jeanette. I am sure some of ya'll will enjoy this.

    Subject: If I were Santa

    If I were ol' Santa, you know what I'd do

    I'd dump silly gifts that are given to you,

    and deliver some things just inside your front door,

    things you have lost, but treasured before.

    I'd give you back all your maidenly vigor,

    and to go along with it, a neat tiny figure.

    Then restore the old color that once graced your hair,

    before rinses and bleaches took residence there.

    I'd bring back the shape with which you were gifted,

    so things now suspended need not be uplifted.

    I'd draw in your tummy and smooth down your back

    Til you'd be a dream in those tight fitting slacks.

    I'd remove all your wrinkles and leave only one chin,

    So you wouldn't spend hours rubbing grease on your skin

    You'd never have flashes or queer dizzy spells

    And you wouldn't hear noises like ringing of bells.

    No sore aching feet and no corns on your toes,

    No searching for spectacles when they're right on your nose.

    Not a shot would you take in your arm, hip or fanny

    From a doctor who thinks you're a nervous old granny.

    You'd never have a headache, so no pills would you take

    And no heating pad needed since your muscles won't ache

    Yes, if I were Santa, you'd never look stupid

    You'd be a cute little chick with the romance of a cupid

    I'd give a lift to your heart when those wolves start to whistle

    and the joys of your heart would be light as a thistle

    But alas! I'm not Santa, I'm simply just me---

    The matronliest of matrons you ever did see

    I wish I could tell you all the symptoms I've got,

    But I'm due at my doctor's for an estrogen shot

    Even though we've grown older this wish is sincere

    Merry Christmas to you and a Happy New Year

    Posted by notGeorge at 02:57 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

    December 08, 2003

    Watch that zapper, por favor

    He prolly should have settled for the dog, don't ya think? Who? Adam.

    Link shamelessly swiped from LeeAnn.

    Posted by notGeorge at 11:32 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    Bypassin' the clambake here, boss

    Hmmm, I have always heard somethin' about bein' as happy as a clam, but I was not quite sure what it meant. I think I do now, and the clam might have a good reason to be happy.

    attribution: Xrlq

    Posted by notGeorge at 10:42 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    Forego beverage consumption briefly

    It looks like I was not the only one to post a hilarious joke today.

    Posted by notGeorge at 06:20 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    The problems with the plan

    Jeff Trigg has a holiday appropriate item up for viewin'. I am not sure if it was a satirical piece or a serious commentary on today's PC climate. All I can say is that I was thoroughly appalled at the unwanton cruelty shown by the reckless treatment of organic tomatoes.

    Posted by notGeorge at 06:08 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    Monday Mornin' Mirth

    I got this one in my email, and just couldn't wait until Friday to post it. So enjoy:

    Lady walks into a drug store and tells the pharmacist she needs some cyanide.

    The pharmacist said, " Why in the world do you need cyanide?

    The lady then explained she needed it to poison her husband.

    The pharmacist's eyes got big and he said, "Lord have mercy, I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband! That's against the law! They'll throw both of us in jail and I'll lose my license."

    Then the lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife and handed it to the pharmacist.

    The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, "Well now, you didn't tell me you had a prescription."

    Posted by notGeorge at 08:54 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    December 07, 2003

    Kudos for Peter Jackson

    I mean sure he deserves kudos for the excellent production of The Lord of the Rings trilogy, but to actually have a Tolkien in the cast is a stupendous idea!

    attribution: Her Majestic Link-Mistress Kelley, who has plenty more where that one came from

    Posted by notGeorge at 09:41 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    Hey, did ya'll know about this?

    There is an eternal bear vs. shark debate. Hmmm, I guess if they are on land, I gotta go with the bear. However, if the bear is floatin' on the ocean layin' on an air mattress soakin' up rays and consumin' margaritas, I am pretty sure the shark takes the bout in the first round. Now, this is a debate, so feel free to pipe in with your two cents.

    Posted by notGeorge at 07:13 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

    From whence did this come?

    "I am an intergalactic alien disguised as a computer. At this very moment, I am having close, intimate sex with your fingers. Since you are smiling, I shall assume that you are enjoying yourself and will therefore continue."

    I know where I found it: Chicken Soup for the Vegan Soul. There was a bit more, but the source of the material was undisclosed.*

    *Or I am such a dumbass that I couldn't locate that info.

    Posted by notGeorge at 05:59 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

    Can someone find me a bar of soap?

    George, but just knowin' he had the balls to say fuck in public almost makes me want to vote for John Kerry. Of course, there is a bit more to my decision process than that.

    attribution: John Cole

    [Update: From Kathy Kinsley - And no, I don't give a f*** if Kerry uses the 'F' word. And I thought Bush's use of the 'A' word was reasonably accurate. Though I'd have used the word 'jackass', myself. Bush was, after all, referring to a New York Times reporter. They are all related to donkeys.]

    Posted by notGeorge at 05:36 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

    December 06, 2003

    A couple of interestin' items to keep an eye on

    Now I like this idea. Bloggers with Boobies. I like boobies, even on bloggers, but preferrably in my hands or mouth. Uh, enough of that -- no sense gettin' myself all worked up over some fantasy that will never be fulfilled.

    Then I saw this: Blog it Forward. Sounds interestin' but ain't it the same thing as Linky-Love?

    Posted by notGeorge at 07:35 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

    OK, time to 'fess up

    Which one o' ya'll sent me over to Everlastin' Blort? I think it was LeeAnn. Afterall, the sort of stuff that makes ya blow soda outta your nose is right down her alley.

    It is also one of the reasons I voted for The Cheese Stands Alone as the best Maraudin' Marsupial blog.

    Posted by notGeorge at 07:27 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

    Oh, is this not too damn true?

    Just read it and weep, unless you are a gal, then go ahead: enjoy your power.

    Posted by notGeorge at 11:44 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    December 05, 2003

    Captain America disses France*

    Dan has the scoop -- and scanned it for formal display.

    *Was that a thunderous roar of applause?

    [Update: I have a report that someone in France has gotten some balls and finally said: Americans are really starting to piss me off. - Monique, 13. Should we sic Captain American on her? Or how about Chomps?]

    Posted by notGeorge at 05:27 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

    What do ya call it?

    I can't think of the word for a nightmare you have durin' a daydream, if there is a word for it. Wharever it was, this tale by Azygos just triggered one that would send tingles down your spine.*

    *There is a word for that -- it is called spine-tinglin'.

    Posted by notGeorge at 03:53 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    December 04, 2003

    At a loss for the correct words

    Merpy Chriskwanzukkah and everything you wanted to know about it.

    Posted by notGeorge at 07:48 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

    December 03, 2003

    Fiction muddles up the truth of the matter

    It seems Eric has collected the strangest list of facts for ya'll to see. Go have a look for yourself.

    Posted by notGeorge at 11:10 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    So how much do you really know?

    Well, although the accuracy of any survey is suspect unless you know the criteria, source, and sample percentages, but still the data is sometimes interesting. Some site callin' itself Blog Search Engine posted the results of some survey they supposedly on bloggers. Entertainin' in the least.

    attribution: Sassy

    Posted by notGeorge at 10:06 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    Denita's Dazzlin' Dozen

    Hmmm, seems Denita thought I didn't like the dozen permalinks she gave me. Did I give some indication that I was less than thrilled to pieces about such?

    Posted by notGeorge at 04:44 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

    What is it about Wednesday?

    I have been up and sittin' here readin' blogs for an hour or so. I was havin' a really hard time findin' somethin' worthy of bloggin' 'bout. I mean I could tell ya'll the Carnival of the Vanities is here or how Blogshares has bit the bullet, but I figure if you had to come here to find that out, then you likely have a pretty pathetic blogroll. However, I am almost sure that no matter what inane or genuinely prophetic thoughts I could amass to fill this space, I could not make a more eloquent statement than Kevin Young, the winner of Weekly Reader's Operation Tribute to Freedom essay contest:

    I am a ten-year-old boy living in the United States of America--a country that stands for freedom. Today, I woke to the chirping of birds. On the other side of the world, another boy is waking up to the frightening sound of blasting bomb.

    It was a time to go to school so I chose to wear a T-shirt and shorts because I could make that decision. On the other side of the world, a young girl had a choice, too. She could wear a veil or get whipped.

    Then I went to school to learn about our world, including math, English, history and science and technology. I was learning how to make the world a better place. On the other side of the world, a boy was learning how to fight in combat and survive or be killed. For the girl, school was not allowed. But she wanted to learn. So she went to school in secret, but was taking a big risk.

    After school, I went to play soccer and visited with all of my friends. On the other side of the world, the boy and girl went and tried to earn some money or went to look for food and water for their family.

    At night, as I slept in my nice, warm bed, I dreamed of a world filled with freedom for the little boy and girl on the other side of the world.

    Check the story here.

    My utmost appreciation to Deb Yoder for havin' brought this delightful tidbit to my attention.

    Posted by notGeorge at 08:07 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    December 02, 2003

    Can ya hear the distant sound of reindeer farts?

    OK, it seems there is a bit of somethin' weird going on at the North Pole. From the information goin' around the grapevine, you can keep an eye on all such hijinks by readin' Ho Ho Holy Shit - Santa's Back!. Rumor has it that yours truly is actually postin' there now, but I won't let ya in on what role I play, and am bettin' none of ya can figure it out. Michele can't play.

    Posted by notGeorge at 09:36 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    December 01, 2003

    Humane treatment for US Service member

    Yes, it seems the 506th Expeditionary Medical Squadron was wonderfully humane in their treatment of a non-human service member.

    attribution: DavidMSC

    Posted by notGeorge at 09:33 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    November 30, 2003

    The WizBanger Blog Awards of 2003

    It seems that Kevin Aylward, Super WizBanger he is, is gonna be givin' out awards to blogs. It looks great. Check it out. I was kinda hopin' to win one of those awards, but then was not sure which category I actually fit into: Humor? Best Lookin'? Best New Blog? Too bad he didn't have a category for Crappiest Blog or Ugly Guy Authored Blog, where I might have a chance with so little competition. Oh well, if'n anyone wants, feel free to nominate me. I could use a few more things to line those columns on the side on the left and right, ya know. They are kinda sparse with content right, doncha think?

    Posted by notGeorge at 07:11 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack

    My plan for world domination

    picassohead1.GIF

    Mr. Picasso Head

    This one is my creation. I entitled it Oh Baby, I Like Your Ass. Just show me you can do better and maybe I will let you live after I take over the world.

    What? You wanna know my plan for world domination?

    I could tell ya, but then I would have to kill ya!

    Posted by notGeorge at 02:03 PM | Comments (4) | TrackBack

    November 25, 2003

    Lookin' for laughs in all the right places

    Sometimes I need a laugh. I mean I can't just continually write all this fine funny crap continuously without findin' somethin' to make me laugh as well. I usually can go right to my blogroll, start clickin' on a few and find some stuff. Let's see what we found this time:

    Well, let's start off with Anna, as it appears that Anna is returnin' to her old form, but not quite back, in my opinion. Still, on her worst day, her stuff is usually much funnier than my crap. And then Cherry has discovered the spellchecker and used it to check a poem that has been around since Al Gore invented the spellchecker. DavidMC has some ancient puns that will really make ya groan. But talk about pure hilarity. Even a cat hater* would feel sorry for this poor pussy.

    *No actual belief that SilverBlue is a cat hater, just needed to give him the trackback credit, so put the link there. ;)

    Posted by notGeorge at 11:35 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

    Was there anywhere in Yosemite for Sam to spend the night?

    I am afraid I could not agree with Steven more about the feelin's 'spressed on this post.

    Posted by notGeorge at 10:43 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    Are ya truly qualified to vote?

    Wow, I am not too sure that everyone in the US should have to do what you gotta do before you can register to vote in Mississippi. I might have to slow down and see a bit of it when I am drivin' through on the way to Key West tomorrow. I suspect you still have to drive through Mississippi to get from Texas to Florida, but it has been a long time since I had 4th grade geography. I have learned that they changed the names of a lot of the countries since then, and moved the capital of France to Montreal.

    Posted by notGeorge at 10:11 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    Why don't they ever serve Pizza?

    Do ya just hate those big family get-togethers over Thanksgivin' and are always lookin' for a way to be excused from sittin' across the table at gramma gummin' a turkey leg or sittin' at the kids table despite havin' been 29 for at least 10 years? The Bartender over at Mad Willie's Cyber Saloon has a bit of advice for ya.

    Posted by notGeorge at 08:38 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

    Mainly for Denita*

    OK, I had thought about doin' this myself, but someone has scanned the intial Opus strip from the past Sunday. It is here. waxy.org gets the credit for the work and Sean Hackbarth for givin' me the word.

    *I remember Denita** said in a comment that she had not found an opportunity to see the strip.

    **Link has no relation to this blurb or anything mentioned in this blurb, but the trackback might alert Denita to read this blurb.***

    ***I am about all blurbed out, as my bottom seems to have gone all soft.****

    ****If your Sherlock skills are a bit off, that previous note might have not lead you to the proper conclusion that I read what I write outloud as I type.*****

    *****I actually do not read outloud as I type, I read silently to myself. I do move my lips when I read, however.******

    ******Like you really care to know that. ;)

    Posted by notGeorge at 08:20 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

    I think this is a riddle --

    Inner Strength

    If you can start the day without caffeine or pep pills,

    If you can be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains,

    If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles,

    If you can eat the same food everyday and be grateful for it,

    If you can understand when loved ones are too busy to give you time,

    If you can overlook when people take things out on you when,

    through no fault of yours, something goes wrong,

    If you can take criticism and blame without resentment,

    If you can face the world without lies and deceit,

    If you can conquer tension without medical help,

    If you can relax without liquor,

    If you can sleep without the aid of drugs,

    If you can do all these things:

    [like I was not gonna make you hit that extended entry link to see the end of this one --- think you got the right answer?]

    Then you are probably the family dog.

    Posted by notGeorge at 03:36 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

    Somethin' from last night

    I was goin' through my site meter and saw where someone had been referred to this post of mine from a search on Opus interview. I checked that search page to see how high my listin' was and found this: The Opus interview on MSNBC. I liked it as well.

    Posted by notGeorge at 02:30 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    November 24, 2003

    Over there or back at home, they still tell the story

    Geoffrey (not the Toys 'R Us giraffe) from Dog Snot Diaries brings us one of those lengthy messages written by a real soldier in the war that tells how they really feel about doin' the job they do in Iraq.

    Posted by notGeorge at 09:26 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    November 23, 2003

    The power of the Internet

    You know, one of the things that thrills me most about the internet is the way you move around, find these little things, learn so much so easily, and sometimes somethin' triggers some ol' memories. See, here is how this occurred -- I was over at I Am Always Right and read this blurb about this list of Famous Texans. Now I am lookin' on the list to see who is there and who ain't and I run across this name: Babe Didrikson Zaharias. Slam - that took me back to the eighth grade.

    Back in the eighth grade, we used to have to do book reports. I really did not mind them, as I was a pretty good student who read all the time anyway, and think I was mainly into Leon Uris durin' those years, or maybe James Thurber. Anyway, you remember those slackers we always had in class, the ones who put forth very little effort, either because they were dumb or because they just didn't care. Well, every week there would always be a slew of book reports on two books, both biographies: Young Mr. Penney, about the founder of J. C Penney, about 45 pages front to back, and then one of Ms. Zaharias, which was about 60 pages. I probably have forgotten more about Ms. Zaharias than I ever cared to know. She really was an amazin' hunk of womanhood.

    Posted by notGeorge at 11:31 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

    Now ain't it the truth

    SilverBlue has one of those Men are from Mars/Women are from Venus type of things up. It is actually just a map of the mall.

    Posted by notGeorge at 09:21 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

    Where did it say "Don't bring a knife"?

    Hmmm, all the good crap I posted this last week and McGehee didn't find a single one of mine worthy of a link ... oh well, I did find one of his I wanted to link - this list of Marine Corp Gunfightin' Rules.

    Posted by notGeorge at 09:12 PM | Comments (5) | TrackBack

    There is no sex in the Champagne Room

    I was a bit reluctant to tell ya'll about checkin' out this post at that strange Cyber Saloon run by the rascal Madfish Willie, who seems to be a bit chummy with Kang A. Roo, who has in turn steadfastedly remained a squatter on the space I had wanted to use as the USURP HQ. However, after I perused all the fine links to be found there, I didn't want to withhold such vital information from my loyal readers. Go visit.

    And to think that I actually posted that before sayin' DALLAS WINS 24-20!

    Posted by notGeorge at 03:40 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

    I'm in the spotlight again!

    Oh my, is this interestin':

    BLOG AND PONY SHOW: Everbody check out the quirky, yet amusing blog by Terence A. (***) Russell. - Hesiod

    And it seems that a multitude are doin' so. It gladdens my heart to have so many come to view my quirky, yet amusin' crap and I am hopeful ya'll find a lot of enjoyment. I am supposin' that the quirky, yet amusing needs to be placed 'mong those other fine things that have been said over on the Hit Parade. As soon as I get a good connection, I will be a'doin' that.

    Posted by notGeorge at 09:16 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    November 22, 2003

    Now tell me this is not a good idea!

    Found on Biting Nails:

    Erika at Snazzykat has suggested we write a letter to our 10 year old selves.

    I mean just how much would you want to say. I say we all do it. Mine is in the extended entry.

    Hi Terry,

    I know this is a bit weird, but you are a big science fiction fan, I know, so understand that in 38 years, it will finally become possible to send messages back in time. I have done so because there are some things I want to tell you about your future.

    In a couple of years, your family is going to move out to the country to a really inbred group of people. Do not worry about not fitting in or finding a girlfriend among the group. There are none worth having anyway.

    When you are in the ninth grade, you will get in a fight with a boy named Les, You will knock him down, and when you do, kick him really hard in the face until he passes out. Otherwise he will get up, knock you down and try to pull your nose off of your face.

    Don't take typing, it destroys your grade point average.

    Do take physics and chemistry.

    Do not start smoking. Brush your teeth every day and learn to floss.

    Investigate college scholarships.

    Don't worry so much about wanting sex and not getting it. Worry more about waiting for the right person. Sex is not love.

    Major in Psychology.

    If you meet a beautiful woman named Janet who has just left her husband, do not fall in love with her and marry her.

    If you meet a beautiful woman named Betsy, same advice applies. The better choice will be the redheaded waitress from Studebaker's, the one who is going to NTSU and whose father is a doctor.

    Whatever you do, if you meet a woman named Dawnda Davidson, run the other way as fast as possible, because she is a minion of the Devil.

    Do not worry about things so much as you are very talented and will succeed.

    Good luck,

    Terry, 2003

    Posted by notGeorge at 11:42 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

    Get back, you minion of Satan!

    I guess the mother of this child must have been playin' Rush Limbaugh too loud during her pregnancy.

    attribution: Notorious B.L.O.G, who graciously offered a few more links for perusal.

    Oh, My George! If you haven't seen this, you better check it out! I just about pissed myself from laughin' so hard.

    Guess I better blogroll Dog Snot Diaries 'cause I found too much enjoyable stuff to look at over there.

    Posted by notGeorge at 07:27 PM | Comments (4) | TrackBack

    Minor sensualities

    You know, when you get to a point in your life where you have very little physical contact with other people, gettin' a hair cut can be such a very sensual experience. I mean, you have someone runnin' their fingers through your hair, gingerly touchin' here as there and they manipulate your head from side to side. I actually did have somethin' else in mind when the gal asked me if there was anythin' else she could do for me as she finished up, but, of course, I figured what I had in mind was not somethin' she had even imagined when she asked that question. I just paid the bill, gave her a $2 tip and went on my way havin' enjoyed the experience.

    Posted by notGeorge at 11:20 AM | Comments (3) | TrackBack

    November 20, 2003

    Leave 'em laughin'

    I am gonna end this day kinda like I begun it. As my first post was kinda like my waking up post and my last post of the day is always the Nightly Navel Gazing Report™, that kind of makes this like the next to the last post. As the next ot the first post, being the second post was a bunch of lawyer jokes, I thought I would give ya'll a few more.

    LAWYER JOKES

    What do you call a lawyer with an I. Q. of 50?
    Your Honor.

    What is the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?
    You take off your shoes to jump on a trampoline.

    In front of you stand four men: Adolf Hitler, Idi Amin, Saddam Hussein and a lawyer. You are holding a gun which contains only three bullets. Who do you shoot?
    Use all three bullets on the lawyer.

    How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
    His lips are moving.

    What is the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?
    The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.

    When lawyers die, why are they buried in a hole 24 feet deep?
    Because deep down, they are all nice guys.

    How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?
    Cut the rope.

    If a lawyer and an IRS agent were both drowning, and you could only save one of them, would you go to lunch or read the paper.

    Have you heard about the lawyers word processor?
    No matter what font you select, everything come out in fine print.

    Hear about the terrorist that hijacked a 747 full of lawyers?
    He threatened to release one every hour if his demands weren't met.

    Why does California have so many lawyers and New Jersey have so many toxic waste dumps?
    New Jersey got to pick first.

    Did you hear about the new sushi bar that caters exclusively to lawyers?
    It's called, Sosumi.

    Did you hear that the post office had to recall its series of stamps depicting famous lawyers?
    People couldn't decide which side to spit on.

    What is the ideal weight of a lawyer?
    About three pounds, including the urn.

    Posted by notGeorge at 11:47 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack

    Owen's got a joke for ya

    Swallow all drink
    then click this link
    .

    Posted by notGeorge at 09:12 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    Solvin' the Unsolved Mysteries

    I had previously provided the evidence to answer the age old question Do bears shit in the woods? and now Kevin McGehee provides the answer to Which came first, the chicken or the egg?

    Posted by notGeorge at 08:48 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    I am such a butt!*

    Yep, it seems that Roxette Bunny has made me the butt of a gag. I may be a butt, but she did say I was good lookin'. Hmm, that thing about carrots and good eye-sight must be a myth or somethin', 'cause it seems Roxette Bunny needs some glasses, huh? SilverBlue blabbed 'bout it, too, and Susie** thought it was worth smilin' 'bout.

    *Yep, this is one of the things I was postin' 'bout when that crap I posted about on the last enty happened. I decided I had better do them one at a time to avoid that happenin' again.

    *The link ain't got uthin' to do with the topic, 'cause Susie made her comment to Roxette's post, but Susie needed a bit of linky-love, I 'spect. ;)

    Posted by notGeorge at 12:28 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

    Sure, go ahead and laugh

    OK, here is a list of really stupid lawyer jokes* I shamelessly cut & pasted directly off of this page.

    Q. What is the difference between a tick and a lawyer?
    A. A tick falls off when you die.

    Q. What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?
    A. Stick his bill up his ass.

    Q. What do you have when 100 lawyers are buried up to their neck in sand?
    A. Not enough sand.

    Q. What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?
    A. There are skid marks in front of the dog.

    Q. What is black and brown and looks Good on a lawyer?
    A. A doberman.

    Q. Way are lawyers like nuclear weapons?
    A. If one side has one, the other side has to get one. When launched, they can not be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.

    Q. What do lawyers and sperm have in common?
    A. One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.

    Q. Did you hear that the post office just recalled their latest stamp?
    A. They had pictures of lawyers on them---people couldn't figure out which side to spit on.

    Q. What's the difference between a female lawyer and a pit bull?
    A. Lipstick.

    Q. What do you call 20 lawyers skydiving from an airplane?
    A. Skeet. (for some it would be clay pigeons)

    Q. Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, an honest lawyer and an old drunk are walking down the street together when they simultaneously spot a $100 bill. Who gets it?
    A. The old drunk, of course, the other three are mythical creatures.

    Q. If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why should you never swerve to hit him?
    A. It might be your bike.

    Q. It was so cold this winter

    Posted by notGeorge at 08:34 AM | Comments (3) | TrackBack

    November 19, 2003

    Wakin' up Wednesday

    Just a quickie to let ya'll know that I did not oversleep today!

    Of course, that doesn't mean my brain is functionin' yet, as I badly need to fuel the slightly neurotic neuronic engine that cranks out that ininaic* inaniac crap ya'll come here daily to read. About the only inane thought that comes to mind is:

    Why is bloggin' better than c-sex?

    You get to type with both hands on the keyboard.

    See, I told you I was not hittin' on all neurons yet. Well, gotta get ready for court, so see ya'll when I get the chance.

    *I can't even spell this early in the mornin'.

    Posted by notGeorge at 08:06 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    November 18, 2003

    What is blue and makes you laugh?

    Some good original humor from Roxette Bunny:

    Allied Forces: Knock Knock.

    Uday & Qusay: Who's There?

    Allied Forces: BOOM! Not you anymore.

    Posted by notGeorge at 10:10 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    Well, whatta ya know!

    It seems that I might not have been the only one who saw Dallas lose to New England Sunday night.

    The New England Patriots' 12-0 victory over the Dallas Cowboys was the most watched cable television program in eight years and the fifth-largest audience in the history of cable television.

    Of course, I might possibly have been the only one who blogged about it.

    attribution: Steven

    Posted by notGeorge at 09:17 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    What in the Hell is it?

    It seems that almost everyone got a little miffed with Jennifer Howard's story on the Blogosphere, as there were stories aplenty on every blog I read. I particularly liked the way Lynn S handled the situation, equatin' it to a fable about 6 blind men describin' an elephant from their miniscule samplin' of its qualities by touch.

    Posted by notGeorge at 07:32 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

    November 17, 2003

    What was he thinkin'?

    I know ya'll already read Michele, but she sure hit a nail on the head with this analysis.

    In other news, Wizbang has ferreted out another story regarding A Small Victory.

    Posted by notGeorge at 08:54 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    November 16, 2003

    Ponderin' the possibilities

    Damn, I hate waitin' for the game. What game? The Cowboys, of course! I am glad to be back on board waitin' each week to watch the game. It was a tradition when I was a tad to watch the game with my dad. Of course, those were the 20 odd years when the team was run by Tex Schramm and Tom Landry, and season after season, the Cowboys were competitive. Yes, they were truly America's Team. Landry had morals and believed his players were role models who had to keep their noses clean and show themselves to be the guys who were worthy of WEARIN' THE STAR. Ask Hollywood Henderson, ask Lance Rentzel, ask Rafael Septien. Your stats didn't mean anythin' if your morals were suspect.

    I wasn't one of the people that ragged on Jerry Jones when he let Landry go. Heck, Jimmy Johnson built a team that won the Superbowl in just few years. Then the ego clash arose between him and Jerry Jones and the luster left the STAR. I watched as Jones and Barry Switzer claimed credit for the play of the team that Jimmy built. I watched debacle as Michael Irvin was followed by reporters as he was paraded through the courts dealin' with his drug problem. The flash of Deion didn't do anythin' except destroy the team as there was no room under the salary cap to sign offensive linemen. Irvin retired, Troy retired, Emmitt struggled behind a depleted offensive line. The team stunk as Jones put in one yes man, Chan Gailey followed by Dave Campo. I quit watchin' them as they fell into the crapper.

    Finally, Jones got his head out of his ass and started to understand that his team was a worthless pile of crap. It seems he did really place his ego on hold when he sucked up and hired Tuna to coach the team. Now, I am eagerly awaitin' the games again. Oh, I am not expectin' the team to win the Superbowl. I probably will not be too disappointed if they don't even make the playoffs. But at least I am back to where I was when my dad and I used to share the TV every Sunday. I am always hopeful that they will find some way to pull a win out of every game. Go Cowboys!

    Oh, just somethin' I wanted to say about somethin' I saw on this site:

    Can you name the Dallas Cowboys player who was the key to make them the Super Bowl Team of the 90's? His name is ?????

    The webmaster of that site claims it was Charles Haley, but he is very very wrong. The name of the player who was most responsible for the Cowboys dynasty in the 90's was Herschel Walker, the player that Dallas traded to Minnesota for seven players and five draft picks.

    [UPDATE: Game time approaches ... gonna be busy cheerin' so feel free to scroll down if ya got nuthin' better to do. I am pretty proud of all of my crap, so can't tell ya which ones to look for --- ]

    Posted by notGeorge at 06:27 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    It was a really big show!

    In likely the biggest blogospheric related story this year, Air Munuviana, affectionally named Cow Rocket by her crowd of adoring fans, lifted off into the skies in her maiden voyage yesterday. According to Flight Commander Rocket Jones, the launch was observed by many, including a reporter from The Wall Street Journal.

    In case you are not familiar as to why this story is connected to blogosphere, I suspect you are not aware of the popular munu group of bloggers.

    Posted by notGeorge at 09:31 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

    November 15, 2003

    Turn that frown into a smile --

    So what if no one is readin' your blog? So what if you don't have no one with whom to snuggle up close? So what if one day of your much needed vacation from the hectic workplace is nearin' an end. Cheer up! Zane pics are up.

    Posted by notGeorge at 08:52 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

    I second that emotion

    I have to wholeheartedly agree with Owen's sentiment in this post. He so eloquently praises the Blogosphere for havin' nicely evolved into a forum for people to discuss issues with passion and excellence.

    Posted by notGeorge at 08:16 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    A bit of sunshine in an otherwise sucky day

    I awoke from my nap to come in here and write a post about why takin' naps is a really stupid thing to do. I might save that one for later, when I am awake at 3:00 a.m. because I can't fall asleep due to havin' napped for a couple of hours this evenin'. So instead of that post, I am gonna tell you about that little bit of sunshine mentioned in the title. It starts like this:

    I'm better than 50 hits ... :-P

    It's the quality not the quantity

    Posted by squishybear at November 15, 2003 04:23 PM

    Hmm, says me, that was a cute comment. I don't recognize this squishybear. That is a guaranteed all systems go* sign that I need to check out squishybear's den. I did that and I liked what I saw. The postin' style was cute and humorous. Also, squishybear posts pictures of herself often. She is cute too, How could I not blogroll Squishybear? 'Specially since I see she already had the very good sense to add me to her blogroll. As such, I officially hereby dedicate a valuable place on my blogroll for Squishybear. Congratulations are in order.

    A second benefit I received from my visit to Squishybear was my discover there of the existence of the crappyblogs webring. I am almost sure my blog qualifies for membership in that one.

    *I heard that phrase somewhere, maybe Laughing Wolf or Rocket Jones.

    Posted by notGeorge at 06:31 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

    November 13, 2003

    It is truly never too late to remember a hero

    In likely the most overlooked and yet, just as likely, the best of the Veteran's Days blog posts is this remembrance of WAYNE MAURICE CARON by *The Patriette*. This remarkable person deserves your remembrance even if it is a couple of days since November 11.

    Posted by notGeorge at 09:06 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    By George, he's done it!

    Glenn Reynolds* has posted somethin' that held my attention from start to finish, provided all the information I needed to fully understand the issue, and even had a humorous interlude. He may have created the perfect post. Go see.

    *And to think this happened on the same day that Frank J has appeared to have sold his soul for publicity's sake. It does make one wonder at the cosmic significance of such coincidence.

    Posted by notGeorge at 06:23 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    Of Angels and such

    Here is another item I received from my Aunt Jeanette. She said she got tears in her eyes when she read it. I didn't get all teary-eyed* but did think it was worthy of sharin'. Enjoy!

    *I gotta be a Macho man!

    There came a frantic knock
    At the doctor's office door,
    A knock, more urgent than
    he had ever heard before

    "Come in, Come in,"
    the impatient doctor said,
    "Come in, Come in,
    before you wake the dead."

    In walked a frightened little girl,
    a child no more than nine,
    It was plain for all to see,
    she had troubles on her mind.

    "Oh doctor, I beg you,
    please come with me,
    My mother is surely dying, !
    she's as sick as she can be."

    "I don't make house calls,
    bring your mother here,"
    "But she's too sick,
    so you must come or she will die I fear."

    The doctor, touched by her devotion,
    decided he would go,
    She said he would be blessed,
    more than he could know.

    She led him to her house
    where her mother lay in bed,
    Her mother was so very sick
    she couldn't raise her head.

    But her eyes cried out for help
    and help her the doctor did,
    She would have died that very night
    had it not been for her kid.

    The doctor got her fever down
    and she lived through the night,
    And morning brought the doctor signs,
    that she would be all right.

    The doctor said he had to leave
    but would return again by two,
    And later he came back to check,
    just like he said he'd do.

    The mother praised the doctor
    for all the things he'd done,
    He told her she would have died,
    were it not for her little one.

    "How proud you must be
    of your wonderful little girl,
    It was her pleading that made me come,
    ! ;she is really quite a pearl!

    "But doctor, my daughter died
    over three years ago,
    Is the picture on the wall
    of the little girl you know?"

    The doctors legs went limp
    for the picture on the wall,
    was the same little girl
    for whom he'd made this call.

    The doctor stood motionless,
    for quite a little while,
    And then his solemn face,
    was broken by his smile.

    He was thinking of that frantic knock
    heard at his office door,
    And of the beautiful little angel
    that had walked across his floor.

    Posted by notGeorge at 12:17 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    Guessin' my support is showin'

    I am almost sure I thought this joke was hilarious when Clinton was in office and the reasons for the President's depression revolved around impeachment, etc. It just seems to have lost somethin' in this revised version.

    Posted by notGeorge at 08:13 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    November 12, 2003

    A salute to our valiant warriors

    I guess I have been a bit remiss about keepin' up with all the news goin' on around the Blogosphere. I just found a post on Venomous Kate's site about the deployment of her hubbie. I am sorry for her stress and I do so hope that all the worries that are plaguing her mind turn out to be fruitless. On this day after Veteran's Day, let us not start forgettin' 'bout those who are servin' us proudly each and every day durin' this War on Terrorism.

    Posted by notGeorge at 11:14 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    Oh George, I'm George, by George

    Oh, why not, I asked myself:




    Which Founding Father Are You?

    Of course, I was really hopin' for John Paul Jones.

    found it through Jen

    Posted by notGeorge at 06:30 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    November 11, 2003

    Fresh in from the inbox

    Oops, it is still Veteran's Day, and someone has sent me somethin' I just had to show off. There is this big rock just stickin' out like a sore thumb somewhere in America, and this guy painted it to honor American Veterans. I wish I had enough space to post these pictures in the same form as I received them, but so as to be able to display them, I had to reduce the size and compress them. If you want to see these pictures, check out the extended entry.

    vetartist.jpg

    vetrock1.jpg

    vetrock2.jpg

    vetrock3.jpg

    vetrock4.jpg

    vetrock5.jpg

    vetrock6.jpg

    Posted by notGeorge at 11:20 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack

    Happy Armistice Veteran's Day

    I was lookin' for a good poem to put up in memory of those who have fallen in defense of our country. I picked this one:

    A VETERANS' TRIBUTE... by BILL VERNON

    A mother holds her newborn babe,
    her precious pride and joy.
    A father's eyes swell up with tears as he holds his little boy.
    Through the years they teach their son what the ten commandments say.
    But then the thunder clouds of war call the strong young man away.
    As a kitten grows into a mountain lion,
    the young man must transform.
    He now must show an evil face
    As the warrior within is born.
    The winds of war - a battle cry,
    the flames of hell burn wide....
    The wings of prayer is all he has as the warrior mounts his ride.
    While governments squabble differences
    warriors disappear each day.
    Some are taken prisoners,
    While others are M.I.A.
    Some reach up from cold dark graves,
    Their loved ones bare the pain.
    Some harbor memories within the mind
    and slowly go insane.
    Once classmates in their younger years
    now defenders of the flag
    They pray the peace they fought hard for
    shall not begin to sag.
    But history tells a different tale
    as new conflicts begin
    Enjoy for now the peaceful times
    'till the warrior rides again.

    You can get your very own copy of this poem on the back of a unique sculpture designed by Bill Vernon himself.

    Posted by notGeorge at 08:06 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

    November 10, 2003

    Shit, this really stinks

    It seems that there is some kind of competition to makin' church signs. Now you can get a dog to poop on* people's blogs.

    attribution: WizBang!

    *Please realize the blog I chose for this example was chosen strictly for humorous effect only, and it was not my intent to offend the recipient.

    Posted by notGeorge at 10:35 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    November 09, 2003

    Better'n the Good Housekeepin' Seal of Approval

    Kelley found a product that actually does what it says it does, doesn't cost much, and is a labor saver if there ever was one. Go see.

    Posted by notGeorge at 09:45 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    I am proud to be an American

    I just saw the 60 Minutes story on Patrick Miller. To paraphrase, to the best of my recollection, his reasonin' as to why this Silver Star recipient who likely saved the lives of Jessica Lynch and the rest of her party does not consider himself a hero: "I was only a soldier doing my job." Such is the stuff of which true Americans are made. Stamp him Made in America, with Pride.

    Posted by notGeorge at 06:58 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    Cowboys win!!!!!!!

    In probably the most excitin' game of the year, the Cowboys win 10-6. Why excitin', you say when the scores were so low? Heck, the defenses on both sides put on a spectacular show. I am just thankful my team came out on top.

    Sometimes bloggin' takes havin' a good endin'. The final sentence of this post made me almost fall out of my chair with laughter: Boots and Sabers: Super Computer. Hopefully it isn't just me.

    Posted by notGeorge at 04:43 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    Praise be to Jesus

    Here's a good Sunday Mornin'* chuckle.

    *OK, it is likely already afternoon where you are, but technically I posted this a minute before noon my time.

    Posted by notGeorge at 11:59 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    November 08, 2003

    Another gem, but not here

    Yep, I downloaded it and watched it, but I don't have the server space to store it here, but if you want to see the hilarious ad for 42 Below Vodka (quicktime movie), go to The Country Store.

    Posted by notGeorge at 07:39 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    Damn that Dustbury ;)

    He came up with this title: So we tanned her hide when she died, Clyde. Now I am gonna have to ponder all day at how to top that! Oh, do read the story behind that ingenious title, unless, of course, you are a vegan or somethin'.

    Posted by notGeorge at 02:00 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

    When your hankerin' for a hunk of cheese ...

    I had run across this delightfully illustrated children's tale sometime previously during some Internet surfin' adventures in the past, but had lost my bookmark at some point. Thankfully, Leeann was able to point me to it again. If ya ain't feelin' like clickin' that one, ya really do need to read her poignant tale of two titties. Leave a penny or two while you are there, if you can.

    Posted by notGeorge at 01:33 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack

    Blogospheric anomalies

    Remember yesterday when I talked about the great writin' you would find if you checked out Scattered Little Thoughts? Well, Notes from an Eclectic Mind often can also provide a delightful ditty or two.

    Of course, on the other end of the scale, there is likely not a more absolutely worthless use of blog space than this.

    Posted by notGeorge at 11:58 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    November 07, 2003

    Outta the mouths of babes

    It seems SilverBlue has a story of a couple of boys in a school play that flubbed their lines and got flustered to point of blurtin' out their real feelin's to everyone's delight.

    Posted by notGeorge at 11:31 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    The wondrous Blogosphere

    The great thing about bloggin' is that anyone can do it, with just a computer and a connection to the Wild Wooly Web™. I often encounter some superb writers. Some are on my blogroll. Scattered Little Thoughts always showcases the excellent writing of anonymous gurl. I really loved this week's entry entitled "STORIES NEVER TOLD...". I do wish she had permalinks.

    Posted by notGeorge at 11:12 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    Where the fuck are my two cows?

    Of course, if I am able to actually locate them, what in the Hell happens next?

    Posted by notGeorge at 09:38 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    November 06, 2003

    Crap, I failed to make a clean get-away

    After that last reload to check the publication of tonight's Nightly Navel Gazing Report™, I happened to see that Anna had recently updated. She was ravin' 'bout this. Anna always makes good suggestions about things worthy of viewin'. I viewed it. Afterwards, I blogrolled Mr. Green. I saw where Kang had already done so.

    Posted by notGeorge at 10:58 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

    "What she said," he said.

    LeeAnn said to watch this. I did. I liked it.

    Posted by notGeorge at 06:35 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    Dogs are too cool!

    All that love and affection for the price of a cheap dog biscuit.

    In other news: It is really gettin' chilly 'round these parts. I think it is a good night to do a couple of loads of laundry. That dryer usually throws out a lot of heat. In the summer, I abhor that indoor vent release, but it provides a good heat source in the winter while you are getting one of those essential chores out of the way. It happens to be right on the other side of the wall from where I am currently sittin'.

    UPDATE: But first, I am gonna go to Sonic® and get me a Frito® pie. I was waitin' for autumn to officially fall 'fore I did that. Think it has fallen, at least another 10 degrees or so.

    Posted by notGeorge at 06:13 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    I passed the test!

    The image is a link. Of course, I didn't have much problem gettin' passed on this test. Unless they got a good ID or a couple of laugh lines, they are always too young.

    Posted by notGeorge at 05:38 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    November 05, 2003

    What to do about Matt ...

    Well, it is great to have a friend like Matt, 'cause otherwise I might not know about the seedier side of the internet. Today he sent me this link. I wouldn't click it with the boss or that prude in the next cubical looking over your shoulder or within hearin' distance.

    This flash music video seems to have been around for awhile. As instantaneous as the Wild Wooly Web™ can be, some stuff still takes awhile to get around to everybody.

    Posted by notGeorge at 11:28 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    November 04, 2003

    Answering the age old question

    Well, my buddy Matt has provided an answer to that age old question for which we have all been searchin':

    bearshit.jpg

    Posted by notGeorge at 11:37 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    November 03, 2003

    Look what I found!

    I just saw this on the sidebar over on Pixy's site. It totally cracked me up:

    I'm a
    Roast Potato
    on the
    Blogosphere Ecosystem!

    Posted by notGeorge at 11:37 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    November 02, 2003

    Oh my, but it was ugly

    What in the world are you talkin' 'bout Tig? you might ask. Then again, if you know me, you already know I would be referrin' to today's Cowboys game versus the Redskins. With four first half turnovers, it could have been really bad for the boys with the stars on their helmet 'cept the defense pretty well kept those pesky Redskins pinned back on their heels. With a blocked extra point on the first score, the score at the end of the first half was Cowboys 7 - Redskins 6. Tuna musta chewed some ass in the locker room at the half because the offense seemed to have gotten their heads out of their butts in the second half. I mean that last touchdown pass from Quincy Carter to Terry Glenn was one for the highlight reels. Hambrick's two fumbles might place him in Parcell's doghouse on a permanent basis, but QC's interceptions were somewhat excusable, the second being more the fault of the receiver. A late, fantastic drive by the 'Skins made the final score of 20-14 suggest a somewhat closer game than what it actually was. The Cowboys were the superior team in this one and it could have been a run-away lopsided victory early except for the plethora of first-half Cowboys miscues.

    I do want to say, however, that Patrick Ramsey will likely be a premiere quarterback in the NFL provided he survives long enough to play up to his protection. He showed great poise and intelligence despite being repeatedly rushed, hit and thrown to the ground.

    Well, I am thankful for the win, but Tuna has some work to do before next week's game. They likely ain't gonna get past Buffalo if they throw away the first half of the game.

    Posted by notGeorge at 08:52 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    November 01, 2003

    Where's the beef pity?

    If you read nothin' else on my blog today, be sure to read this. I mean horror on Halloween should not be missed!

    Posted by notGeorge at 11:23 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    October 29, 2003

    Strange skies as Halloween nears

    In a strange bit of bloggy goodness, NZB notes the error in a reporter's statement about today's solar flare activity.

    Closer to home, I watched as tonight's moon, a crescent only revealing the lower portion set right in the middle of the highway that runs through our town and witnessed car after car seeming drive right into it.

    Posted by notGeorge at 09:58 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    It must be Wednesday ... again

    Although I have intentionally not been submitting anything* to the Carnival of Vanities, I have to admit that the intro to this edition is right in there with my tastes in humor. Well done, Blogger Rabbit. Also I must give kudos to Feste for providing a most graphically pleasing and seasonally apropos pointer to such festivities. Despite the fact that you will not find any blurbs to any of my crap, there is usually some good crap to be found. Please do check it out!

    *The listings were getting longer and longer with each edition, so I opted to bow out of further participation.

    Posted by notGeorge at 08:35 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    Can you feel the power?

    Our favorite psychiatric nurse, Crazy Tracy always seems to find a gem in real life humor.

    Posted by notGeorge at 08:10 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    Oh George, it's quittin' time!

    Well, down to two thing left to do on my todo list for today, and both require me to drive around town lookin' for someone, so guess I get to leave. I mean I doubt anyone is gonna come seekin' my assistance at a couple o' minutes to 5:00. If so, I ain't too worried, as I already went down to see my friend, the other attorney in town, and he had done split for the day. I actually might get a chance to see what some of the rest of ya'll have come up with to say here the last few days. Of course, it does help when someone takes the time to point a bunch of it out. Thanks SilverBlue.

    Posted by notGeorge at 04:55 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    October 28, 2003

    Does anyone know the current record?

    What is the world record on the amount of linky-love in a single post? 29 links? And the cool part of it is that it was sent my way by Denita. What a sweetheart!*

    *And also the mother of a lovely child. Eric is a lucky guy, but I think he knows it!

    Posted by notGeorge at 11:45 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

    October 27, 2003

    This subject is all over the news

    Wow, Denita must have stayed up all night typing about this current controversial subject and it is worth reading by everyone. Denita: You go girl! I am with you 100% on this one.

    Posted by notGeorge at 08:58 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

    So dearly departed

    Just another gem I found in my inbox from my aunt. As always, when I find one worth sharing, I try to do so. Enjoy!

    Obituary

    Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend by the name of Common Sense who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.

    He will be remembered as having cultivated such valued lessons as knowing when to come in out of the rain, why the early bird gets the worm and that life isn't always fair.

    Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you earn) and reliable parenting strategies (adults, not kids, are in charge).

    His health began to rapidly deteriorate when well intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a six-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate, teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch, and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student only worsened his condition. It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer aspirin to a student but could not inform the parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

    Finally, Common sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband, churches became businesses and criminals received better treatment than their victims. Common Sense finally gave up the ghost after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot, spilled it in her lap, and was awarded a huge settlement.

    Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust, his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason. He is survived by two stepbrothers; My Rights and I'm a Whiner.

    Not many attended his funeral because so few realized Common Sense was gone.

    If you still know him pass this on, if not you can give him a second death.

    AUTHOR UNKOWN

    Posted by notGeorge at 12:02 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    October 26, 2003

    Just for the record

    I finally got around to watching Chicago. I absolutely loved it, but then I think Rene Zellwegger is the cat's meow anyway.

    Posted by notGeorge at 11:41 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack

    Today's Noon showdown

    NFL_Cowboys.gif NFL_Buccaneers.gif

    Wow, the predictions are all over the place on this one. Take a guess at who I am rootin' for on this game and guess where I will be at noon today!

    Thanks to The Helmet Project for the graphics!

    Posted by notGeorge at 10:29 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    October 25, 2003

    Diggin' through other people's links

    If this guy would get off blog*spot, I would blogroll him. Of course, if he keeps postin' funny stuff like this, I might anyway. After all, I cut James some slack and blogrolled him even though he is on blog*spot. Now if someone could only come up with a really funny blog featurin' pitchers* of kangaroos.

    *That homophone was intentionally used after I got a couple of mental pictures: someone pouring kangaroos into glasses at a party and someone throwing a kangaroo across the plate in the World Series.

    Posted by notGeorge at 11:25 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

    October 23, 2003

    Listenin' to the radio

    Yes, it is really amazin' the small things you can learn just a-listenin' to the radio, 'specially if you listen to them country&western singers. Today, I heard the most amazing phrase come outta some twangy singer's* mouth: commercial affection. I just wondered if anyone has figured out how much of that is going around, or do some guys think them gals are smilin' at them for real. How many barmaids, waitresses and the like have turned on a bit of the charm in hopes of getting a bigger tip? And, of course, we can almost be sure those professional prick teasers topless dancers are giving all that affection away for nothing, huh?

    *It was most likely Mel Tillis.

    Posted by notGeorge at 10:06 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    October 20, 2003

    Are ya ready for some football?

    There is a really good match-up on Monday Night Football this evenin' as the Kansas City Chiefs take on the Oakland* Raiders. I think there is some kind of hatred between these two teams as they almost always seem to play hard against each other. Hard hits and plenty of action. I am about worn out from today's activities, although I do need to go pour some anti-freeze into my car to replace the little that leaked out from the busted heater hose, then think I will come back in relax, and watch me a good football game. Go Texans, I mean Chiefs. They used to be the Dallas Texans a long time ago, in the early AFL days when George Blanda was still playin' for the Oilers and Raiders. My dad used to idolize George Blanda because they were 'bout the same age. I did notice the other day that I was the same age as Bruce Willis and have almost the same amount of hair. Now if I only had a fraction of his cash reserves, I might be able to attract a few of those babes he seems to gather around him everywhere he goes.

    *They are playin' in Oakland again, ain't they?

    Posted by notGeorge at 06:57 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    October 19, 2003

    Hey, hey, what do you say about this?

    Cool! NZB has added something new. You can now find a piece of javascript on your detail page to add to your template or such to display your status in the Ecosystem:

    Stats to return soon, hopefully, but system too buggy currently

    Posted by notGeorge at 06:11 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

    Ya gotta see this!

    I gotta thank michele for leadin' me I Love Cartoons. It is definitely worth a look, unless you are just one of those weirdos that just hates cartoons, and even then you might like the fresh take on some of them that are showcased on this site. I bookmarked this one, because I think I will likely want to check back for updates often.

    Posted by notGeorge at 06:02 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    How can I blog when the Cowboys are on!

    GO Cowboys! More to come!

    Dog Update: Comanche is still staying within the compound.

    UPDATE: Quincy Carter to Terry Glenn [who has made three spectacular receptions!] x2 - Cowboys up by 7

    UPDATE II: Following Dexter Coakley interception Carter quickly connects with Glenn again for another touchdown. Three touchdown passes for Carter, three touchdown receptions for Glenn - Cowboys up by 14.

    UPDATE III: Edwards intercepts and runs it in for a touchdown. Payback for the fumble recovery run in for a touchdown which gave Detroit its only score thus far. Dallas now up by 21 ... still a few minutes until halftime!

    HALFTIME UPDATE: Cowboys 28 - Lions 7

    UPDATE IV: 81 yards from the second half kick-off, mostly on the ground, chewing up 7:30 or so minutes, Cowboys score another touchdown: Cowboys up by 28.

    UPDATE V: Following Detroit punt, Cowboys drive to goal line and falter at end of 3rd quarter, open 4th quarter with a Field Goal - Cowboys 38- Detroit 7

    FINAL: 4th Quarter very blase' as Dallas puts in backups and Detroit still can't score. Final score: Dallas 38 - Detroit 7. I actually felt for the Detroit fans as their team badly resembled the gagglefuck that was the Dallas team over the past three years. Of course, next week, Dallas faces that Tampa Bay defense and the game will be a good test of Qunicy Carter's evolution as an NFL quarterback. Hopefully Tuna will have him well prepared for the exam.

    Posted by notGeorge at 12:17 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

    October 18, 2003

    It's the Weekend and where's the party?

    Here I was gonna post a lament about how there was not a damn thing to blog about this mornin', but then I found somethin' you don't want to miss.

    Duke is barking his silly head off outside but Comanche is not alarmed in the least. I am pretty sure that means some neighbor is mowin' his yard or some people are walkin' within Duke's sightline a couple of blocks away. Double Dog Security System is worth every bit of kibble it costs.

    Oh did I mention that the weather in the area is finally gettin' cool enough that it is now truly uncomfortable to run around completely unclothed inside one's own house.

    Posted by notGeorge at 10:18 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

    October 17, 2003

    Why I love bloggin'

    I just love bloggin' 'cause if you get lucky, someone else already got to the bottom of the interestin' stuff in the news.

    Posted by notGeorge at 06:56 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    It is Friday at last

    And I suspect that I am going to finally get a visitor to this blog today, so just how great it that?

    Posted by notGeorge at 08:11 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

    October 16, 2003

    Look at the size of that bird!

    Thanksgiving's blogger bash is at SilverBlue's house.

    Posted by notGeorge at 08:22 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    October 15, 2003

    More confused than Gracie Allen?

    Some crap is just so funny, I am literally green with envy.* In the words of Karate Kid: "Wax on, wax off."

    *Or is the greeness the result of eating that moldy piece of pizza I found under the couch cushion?**

    **I wouldn't even eat such, so that statement was just for jest.***

    ***I save all of my moldy pizza pieces for company.

    Posted by notGeorge at 08:58 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

    Let's all hug and sing the Barney song!

    Wow, I really do love all ya'll and ya'll know who I am talkin' 'bout, don't ya? Now don't make me start namin' names. :)

    Posted by notGeorge at 05:50 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

    October 12, 2003

    I really love Sundays!

    Especially when the Cowboys win! Woohoo! We are 4 and 1 now. I got home after the first half was over because that fiasco I told you about on a couple of days ago took much longer than anyone expected because the leader of the motorcycle convoy took a wrong turn someplace and led everyone on a wild goose chase for about an hour. I am beat, and think I will go take a nap. I expect to be back later, but who knows, I might just sleep through. I had a lot to do this weekend, as you can see.

    Posted by notGeorge at 03:29 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    October 11, 2003

    Real Life Adventures [someone else]

    And I wonder what would have been the result if we didn't have the right to arm bears bear arms? Whatcha talkin' 'bout, Willard?*

    *Sorry 'bout that, but I felt like Gary Coleman needed a consolation prize for having lost the election.

    Posted by notGeorge at 08:17 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    October 10, 2003

    It still counts as a link

    Heh.

    Posted by notGeorge at 08:09 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    New Weblog Showcase cribnotes are up

    Owen has posted his reviews of this week's entries in the New Weblog Showcase. Didn't someone else used to do the reviews?

    Posted by notGeorge at 07:59 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

    Something from an old friend

    OK, OK, on every previous occasion I have posted something that I had received in my email which I thought was worth sharing on this blog, someone has checked snopes.com and found such to be a hoax or something. With that in mind, I still think this is worth reading:

    Love Takes Time
  35. Love takes time. It needs a history of giving and receiving, laughing and crying...
  36. Love never promises instant gratification, only ultimate fulfillment...
  37. Love means believing in someone, in something. It supposes a willingness to struggle, to work, to suffer, and to rejoice...
  38. Satisfaction and ultimate fulfillment are by-products of dedicated love. They belong only to those who can reach beyond themselves; to whom giving is more important than receiving...
  39. Love is doing everything you can to help others build whatever dreams they have...
  40. Love involves much careful and active listening. It is doing whatever needs to be done, and saving whatever will promote the other's happiness, security, and well-being. Sometimes, love hurts...
  41. Love is on a constant journey to what others need. It must be attentive, caring and open, both to what others say and to what others cannot say...
  42. Love says no with empathy and great compassion...
  43. Love is firm, but when needed it must be tender...
  44. When others have tried and failed, love is the hand in yours in your moments of discouragement and disappointment...
  45. Love is reliable...
  46. Love is a choice and commitment to others' true and lasting happiness. It is dedicated to growth and fulfillment. Love is not selfish...
  47. Love forgives, knowing the intentions are good...
  48. Love does not attach conditions... Genuine love is always a free gift...
  49. Love realizes and accepts that there will be disagreements and disturbing emotions... There may be times when miles lay between, but love is a commitment. It believes, and endures all things...
  50. Love encourages freedom of self. Love shares positive and negative reactions to warm and cold feelings...
  51. Love, intimate love, will never reject others. It is the first to encourage and the last to condemn...
  52. Love is a commitment to growth, happiness, and fulfillment of one another...
  53. There was no author divulged. It is entirely possible this is something originally created by my email friend. I am not going to worry about it all that much. After all, I am almost sure someone will come around and say love is just another urban myth.

    Posted by notGeorge at 06:41 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

    October 08, 2003

    Playin' footsie with the Bard

    I might never look at the HokeyPokey the same after reading this.

    Posted by notGeorge at 09:17 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    Life is strange & people are stranger

    I went to lunch today at this new place that has not been open that long. It is a steak house that is housed in a building that used to be a high priced not all that great food restaurant on a hill just off the highway that is hard to find unless you know it is there. I have gone there a couple of times for lunch and once found it to be closed, so I am not sure when they are open. Today they were open, and they were really busy.

    My friend Matt, the other attorney in town, and I walked in and we could see a large crowd of older women eating lunch together. It is a bit strange to see that big of a crowd sitting together at lunchtime at any place in our small town, but this crowd was really strange. They were all wearing purple clothes and strange looking red hats. I did a bit of research about this, and it seems there actually is some society that was created due to a poem that was written. You can see the poem and get a bit of background about it here. As for the society, it seems there is not much to it, other than you have to meet and eat wearing purple clothes and funny looking red hats. As far as I could tell, even though they were wearing purple and were eating, they were not eating people, so I am almost sure they were not purple people eaters. None of them looked all that delicious to me, so I suppose I am also not a purple people eater. I tried to get a good reading on how Matt felt about the ordeal, but Matt is a bit hard to figure out. He might have been drooling a bit looking their way. We were sitting pretty close to a window and there was a bad glare flashing in my eyes when I looked in his direction.

    I did not see any men there, so I suppose even if I found a nice purple suit and a red derby, I still would not be welcomed in the group. I suppose I could force my way into the group, the way they have forced girls into the boy scouts and such, but I never saw any problem with separating genders from time to time. In fact, if we could do it just at the right time more often, maybe there would be a few less babies being born before people were old enough to actually be parents.

    Be forewarned, all of you. You too might find yourself surrounded at some point in the future by a lot of older women wearing purple dresses and weird looking red hats. Take it from me, they might look incredibly dangerous, but they really don't bite. At least the large group that I got mixed up with didn't.

    If you think you might like to join, you might want to check out their official website.

    Posted by notGeorge at 09:01 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

    October 06, 2003

    The perfect popcorn recipe

    OK, some of ya might know that I am a popcorn addict. I go to the movies sometimes just to munch a bunch of overpriced popcorn. Actually, though, people rave about my own special popcorn, so I am gonna share how I do it. First of all, you have to have the right equipment. Over high heat, you pour in about two teaspoons of light oil. I prefer canola and melt into this 2 teaspoons (one quarter of a stick) of real butter. When the butter is fully melted into the hot oil, cover the bottom of the popper with popcorn at about 1 kernel depth. As the corn starts to pop, begin to slowly turn the handle and allow to pop until the popping stops. Remove from heat, dump the popper into a large paper grocery sack [and yes, I know they are getting harder and harder to get] and salt to taste. Shake the bag a few times to thoroughly distribute the salt and pour into appropriate containers for serving. The hint of butter in the mix provides just the perfect accent to the popcorn. Enjoy with a good movie. If stuck for a choice, I can make a few suggestions.

    Posted by notGeorge at 11:24 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

    Something amusing I might or might not have found

    There was an attorney who got home late one evening after a very taxing day trying to get a stay of execution for a client, named Wilbur Wright, who was due to be hanged for murder at midnight. His last minute plea for clemency to the state governor had failed and he was feeling tired and depressed.

    As soon as he got through the door his wife started on about, "What time of night do you call this? Where the hell have you been?" and so on. Too shattered to play his usual role in this familiar ritual, he went and poured himself a very large whisky and headed off to the bathroom for a long hot soak -- pursued by the predictable sarcastic remarks.

    While he was in the bath the phone rang, which the wife answered to be told that her husband's client had been granted his stay of execution after all.

    Realizing what a day he must have had, she relented a little and went upstairs to give him the good news. As she opened the bathroom door she was greeted by the sight of her husband's rear view as he bent naked over the bath cleaning the tub.

    "They're not hanging Wright tonight," she said, at which the attorney whirled round and screamed hysterically, "For crying out loud woman, don't you ever stop?"

    Posted by notGeorge at 06:16 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    October 05, 2003

    Scoopin' Cherry - Definite Drink Alert!

    OK, Cherry emailed this one to me, but hasn't posted it on her blog as of yet. Sorry Cherry! ;)

    On the outskirts of a small town, there was a big, old pecan tree just inside the cemetery fence.

    One day, two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the nuts. "One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me," said one boy. Several dropped and rolled down toward the fence.

    Another boy came riding along the road on his bicycle. As he passed, he thought he heard voices from inside the cemetery. He slowed down to investigate. Sure enough, he heard, "One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me." He just knew what it was.

    He jumped back on his bike and rode off. Just around the bend he met an old man with a cane, hobbling along. "Come here quick," said the boy, "you won't believe what I heard! Satan and the Lord are down at the cemetery dividing up the souls." The man said, "Beat it kid, can't you see it's hard for me to walk."

    When the boy insisted though, the man hobbled to the cemetery. Standing by the fence they heard, "One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me..." The old man whispered, "Boy, you've been tellin' the truth. Let's see if we can see the Lord." Shaking with fear, they peered through the fence, yet were still unable to see anything. The old man and the boy gripped the wrought iron bars of the fence tighter and tighter as they tried to get a glimpse of the Lord. At last they heard,

    "One for you, one for me. That's all. Now let's go get those nuts by the fence and we'll be done."

    They say the old man made it back to town a full 5 minutes ahead of the boy on the bike.

    Posted by notGeorge at 11:37 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    You really can walk on Cloud #9

    I came back from my trip to Abilene and look what I found in my comments:

    boy, do you ever have content...no meaningless blatherings...i have to sit down to really read you...oldcatman is always talking about you, so I figure take a look--i think I came through before, but the layout looked different. You get my award for precise use of space on a blog...and it's not even confusing...gurl

    Talk about someone making my day! I could not figure out what part to cut out to put in the Hit Parade, so just decided to share the whole thing publicly for those of you who do not read the comments.

    What is really cool is that she said all of that without even mentioning that I look older than Acidman.

    Posted by notGeorge at 10:36 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack

    October 04, 2003

    BloggerCon, Texas-style

    Oh cool, my two friends, Who Tends the Fires' Eric and Denita met with Serenity of Serenity's Journal. Of course, it was an important meeting, as two lovely pet rats needed a new home. After discovering dirt, I am sure Zane needed a new adventure, so now has a couple of rats to keep him company. Zane's reaction*:

    *Of course, I was not actually present at the time, so this picture is another of those I took at Zane's Birthday party. I was just being snarky, as usual. ;)

    Posted by notGeorge at 07:41 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

    October 03, 2003

    In the beginning, Zane found dirt

    I went by Who Tends the Fires earlier today and wondered why there had not been anything posted in awhile, but it seems that Eric and Denita, as well as Zane, had just gone campin'. They are back and have plenty of pictures to share.*

    *Eric, if you happen to read this, check your template because your permalinks are fried. ;)

    Posted by notGeorge at 11:20 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

    Trial tactics I haven't tried yet

    >From Kim Crawford of Velociworld comes this look back in the past that disclosed a couple of things I had not thought of to try when I need to win a case:

    In the sixties blacks would play juju on my dad in courtroom trials. Put salt in his pockets and sacrifice chickens and shit so he'd lose a case against their relatives. My father, a Skeptic from the Old School, swore that shit worked.

    Why else would he lose a case?

    Posted by notGeorge at 11:07 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

    October 02, 2003

    We have a WINNER!!!!!

    Wow, what a great voter turn-out in the sexiest navel display in the Blogger Boobie Thon. 25 votes in all, and the tally is:

    Now good to my word*, I shall have to donate $20 for #3 and $20 for #1, but ya'll didn't do your part in getting some money donated for #2's effort, but as a consolation, I will donate $10 anyway. That will bring my total donation up to $50**, so I can see the pay-per-boobie page.

    Per the voting, and in my own personal opinion, the clear winner is Contestant #3, who is to be congratulated on having a very fine looking navel.

    *What, an honest attorney? Now you need to donate because you just witnessed a miracle.

    **The following graphic provides evidence of such payment being made and may be deleted sometime in the future:

    Posted by notGeorge at 12:41 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

    October 01, 2003

    Somewhere in the Back Rooms

    Well, they are showin' off them ta-tas over on the photo page of that Boobathon place. There are some pretty great racks on the starter page, but ya gotta pay for the real show:

    There will be a separate, passworded "pay-per-boobie" page for bare-breasts, available to donors of $50.00 or more.

    Nothin' ever changes, does it? ;)

    I thought one photo in particular was worth a mention a bit later this evening. If you are a regular reader, try to figure out which one it might be. ;)

    Posted by notGeorge at 04:37 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack

    September 29, 2003

    Is it that time already?

    Buxom women with armloads of brewskis: it must be time for Oktoberfest.* The best one I ever attended was in Grafenwoehr in 1975. Of course, I suspect I could find a great facsimile if I was up for another trip to Fredericksburg!

    *Anyone up for a litlle Chicken Dance?

    Posted by notGeorge at 08:00 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

    September 27, 2003

    Leave 'em laughin'

    I got my American Legion magazine today, and there was some pretty funny stuff on the back page. One cartoon shows a turtle coming into work finding all the rest of the turtles without their shells, and the caption was:

    Didn't anyone tell you about Casual Friday, Johnson?

    But of course, the best joke was the last one:

    A man comes home from an exhausting day at work, plops down on the couch in front of the TV and yells to his wife, "Bring me a beer before it starts."

    The wife sighs, and brings him a beer.

    Fifteen minutes later the man bellows, "Get me another beer before it starts."

    The wife huffs, but brings him another beer and slams it down on the table next to him.

    The man chugs that beer, and in just a few more minutes yells, "Quick, get me one more beer. It's going to start any minute."

    The wife, now furious, just yells back, "Is that all you're gonna do tonight, just sit around and drink beer in front of that damn TV? You're nothing but a lazy, drunken, fat slob. Furthermore ..."

    The man sighs and rolls his eyes and says to himself, "Now, it's started."

    Posted by notGeorge at 12:28 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    September 26, 2003

    Besting the insurmountability of life

    You know, sometimes you think how much better your life would be if you could just afford everything you needed in life. Some people make do with exactly what they have.

    Posted by notGeorge at 06:47 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

    September 25, 2003

    Kelley hits a Bullseye, IMHO

    Kelley dispenses a bit of serious relationship advice with which I whole-heartedly agree. As she is a female and I am a male, both in agreement with the same advice, that means the advice much have hit the BULLSEYE.

    Posted by notGeorge at 11:49 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    Come and get a big HOWDY!

    Yes, for those of you who have a big appetite, it is time to head for Dallas. Yes, you guessed it, it is time again for the State Fair for the Great State of Texas.*

    Of course, I do not get all that excited about it as I did when I was a small fry, but still I do like to go see who won the Blue Ribbon for pickles, chow chow, and quilting as well as checking out who has the fattest pig or narliest looking llama. I don't remember them having llamas at the State Fair when I was a small fry, but then again, I didn't pay half as much attention to the livestock in those days, as I was always eager to go spend my quarters on the Midway. You can't use money on the Midway anymore for the rides, but they will still let you throw dimes at plates. Most everything else requires you to go to a booth and buy tickets. I think I still have some tickets from last year, but what do you wanna bet they will not be worth anything at this year's Fair. I was never a big enough chump to toss dimes at plates, though. Of course, I guess the guy who comes around and picks up all the dimes that land on the floor is probably a bigger chump. I promise you there would never be enough dimes on the floor to take to the bankfor me expend all the energy necessary to be bending over picking them up and then putting in those stupid rollers. Now, quarters ... that is an entirely different story.

    It seems that Lisa Marie Presley is gonna be singing, or somethin', at the Fair this year: Fri. Oct. 3 - Lisa Marie Presley 8:30 p.m. - Chevrolet Main Stage. Wow, she got the big stage and got her picture on the index page of the State Fair site, so I guess she is this year's headliner. I don't think I ever heard her sing, so not sure what to expect and don't want to be disappointed. I think I would rather catch: Sun. Oct. 12 - Creedence Clearwater Revisted 3:30 p.m.

    Of course, if I do go, and I may or may not, as I have already said I am not quite as excited about the event as I once was, I will likely go see all the new car models. The Fair opens tomorrow and goes through October 19th. Of course, let me give you one piece of advice, don't go on the 19th. Seriously, going to the Fair on the last day is like the pits, 'cause most of the stuff has been packed up and carted off. Oh, and lastly, all ya'll Yankees are invited to come sample the tastes of our State Fair!

    *Hey, if'n ya ain't gonna be visitin' my blog all that much, ya might as well find somethin' worthwhile to do with your time, huh?

    Posted by notGeorge at 09:01 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

    September 24, 2003

    But do you really have to squint?

    Owen pointed to this CNN story about an electronic marvel: e-paper. Of course, they displayed a person actually using the invention and he was squinting. Either it is going to be a bit difficult to read from the e-paper or the person in the photo needs to see an optometrist.

    I wonder what Tony S has to say on this subject?

    Oh, another blurb by Owen led me to this story: Australia foils trouser snake smuggler. I will be sure to declare mine if I should ever travel to Australia.

    Posted by notGeorge at 09:17 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

    September 22, 2003

    Letter home from a new Marine

    I just got this in my email* from a friend, and I am pretty sure it is just a joke, as I found to to be very funny

    Dear Ma and Pa:

    I am well. Hope you are. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer the Marine Corps beats working for old man Minchby a mile. Tell them to join up quick before maybe all of the places are filled. I was restless at first because you got to stay in bed till nearly 6 a.m., but am getting so I like to sleep late.

    Tell Walt and Elmer all you do before breakfast is smooth your cot and shine some things. No hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay. Practically nothing. Men got to shave but it is not so bad, there's warm water.

    Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc., but kind of weak on chops, potatoes, ham, steak, fried eggplant, pie and other regular food. But tell Walt and Elmer you can always sit between two city boys that live on coffee. Their food plus yours holds you till noon, when you get fed again. It's no wonder these city boys can't walk much.

    We go on "route" marches, which the Platoon Sergeant says are long walks to harden us. If he thinks so, it is not my place to tell him different.

    A "route march" is about as far as to our mailbox at home. Then the city guys get sore feet and we all ride back in trucks. The country is nice, but awful flat. The Sergeant is like a schoolteacher. He nags some.

    The Capt. is like the school board. Majors and Colonels just ride around and frown. They don't bother you none.

    This next will kill Walt and Elmer with laughing. I keep getting medals for shooting. I don't know why. The bulls-eye is near as big as a chipmunk head and don't move. And it ain't shooting at you, like the Higgett boys at home. All you got to do is lie there all comfortable and hit it. You don't even load your own cartridges. They come in boxes. Then we have what they call hand-to-hand combat training. You get to wrestle with them city boys. I have to be real careful though, they break real easy. It ain't like fighting with that ole bull at home. I'm about the best they got in this except for that Tug Jordan from over in SilverLake. He joined up the same time as me. But I'm only 5'6" and 130 pounds and he's 6'8" and weighs near 300 pounds dry.

    Be sure to tell Walt and Elmer to hurry and join before other fellers get onto this setup and come stampeding in.

    Your loving daughter,

    Gail

    *I just got an email barrage from this friend and from my Aunt, so no telling how many more posts of these types you will see today! ;)

    Posted by notGeorge at 01:05 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack

    September 21, 2003

    Give Saddam his due?

    According to this story, Saddam is negotiating his surrender. Jed suggests we should indeed treat Saddam with kid gloves, like his kid Uday on one hand and his kid Qusay on the other.

    Posted by notGeorge at 07:52 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    September 19, 2003

    What'n goes Boom ... B'Jayzus?

    After havin' sprog nummer 'leven, a scurvy landlubbin' shackin' up couple decided t'was enough, as they could'n afford a larger bed. So t'bloke wentt'his sawbones and told him that he and his buxom beauty didn't wantt'have no more sprogs.

    T'sawbones told him thar was a nad tyin' procedure called a vasectomy that would fix t' problem but it took a wad of booty to pay for'n it. Fur near t-nuthin', the sawbones spake, the bloke wast'go home, take'n one of them large Chinese poppycrackers, light it, put it in a grog jug, then hold t'jug upt'his ear and countt'10.

    T'bloke says't't'sawbones, "B'Jayzus, I may not be t'smartest guy in t'world, but I don't see how puttin' a Chinese poppycracker in a grog jug nextt'me ear be goin't'help me."

    "Trust me, it will do t'job", said t'sawbones."

    So t'bloke went home, lit a Chinese poppycracker and put it in a grog jug. He held t'can upt'his ear and begant'count: "1, 2, 3, 4, 5," at which point he paused, placed t'grog can a'tween his legs so's he could continue countin' with his other hand.

    Posted by notGeorge at 01:45 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

    Drink Alert on this Friday Funny

    A wealthy man decided to go on a safari in Africa. He took his faithful pet dachshund along for company. One day, the dachshund started chasing butterflies into the jungle, and before long he was lost.

    Wandering about, he saw a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the obvious intention of having lunch. "I'm in deep trouble now!" the dachshund thought. Then he noticed some bones on the ground close by, and settled down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat.

    Just as the leopard was about to leap, the dachshund exclaimed loudly, "Boy, that was one delicious leopard. I wonder if there are any more around here?"

    Hearing this, the leopard halted his attack in mid-stride, terrified, and slunk away into the jungle. "Whew," said the leopard., "That was close. That dachshund nearly got me."

    Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figured he could put this knowledge to good use and trade it to the leopard for protection. So off he went after the leopard with great speed.

    But the dachshund saw where he was heading and figured what he must be up to. The monkey soon caught up with the leopard, spilled the beans and struck a deal for himself. The leopard was furious at being made a fool of and said, "Here monkey, hop on my back and watch what happens to that conniving canine."

    Now the dachshund saw the leopard coming with the monkey on his back, and thinks, "What am I going to do now?" But instead of running, the dog sat down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hadn't seen them. And when they get close enough to hear, the dachshund said,

    "Where's that monkey? I sent him off half an hour ago to bring me another leopard."

    Posted by notGeorge at 12:00 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

    September 18, 2003

    I ditto that remark!

    This one really deserves to be read my many! Be one of the many, but please do come back!

    Posted by notGeorge at 11:12 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

    It brought tears to my eyes

    If I was not needing to go refill my drink really badly, I would likely just have sprayed something all over my monitor. I just read the funniest joke. If I was a real bad boy, I would just cut&paste it here, instead of telling you where I found it . . . . . . OK, I found it here, but come back later, OK?

    Susie found that one first.

    Posted by notGeorge at 10:01 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack

    September 16, 2003

    She's heard all the Aggie jokes

    and she doesn't think any of them are funny!

    salute to Jed for pointing the way to this one.

    Posted by notGeorge at 11:09 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    It Ain't Friday, but ...

    This was forwarded to me by my friend, Matt, the other attorney in town. Amazingly enough, I noticed it was sent to him from my friend Karolee, the person in charge of our County Jail.

    While I was driving down the road the other day (going a little faster than I should have been) I passed over a bridge only to see a cop on the other side with a radar gun laying in wait. The cop pulled me over, walked up to the car, and with that classic patronizing smirk we all know about, asked "what's your hurry?"

    To which I replied, "I'm late for work."

    To which he asked, "What do you do?"

    "I'm a rectum stretcher," I responded.

    The cop was surprised and confused. "A what? A rectum stretcher?? And just what does a rectum stretcher do?"

    "Well," I said, "I start by inserting one finger, then I work my way up to two fingers, then three, then four, then with my whole hand in. I work side to side until I can get both hands in, and then I slowly but surely stretch the hole, until it's about 6 feet."

    Then the cop asked questioningly and cautiously, "And just what do you do with a six-foot asshole?"

    To which I politely replied, "You give him a radar gun and park him behind a bridge ...."

    Traffic ticket: $95.00
    Court costs: $45.00
    Look on cop's face ... Priceless

    Posted by notGeorge at 04:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    September 15, 2003

    The creative spirit and mind

    Andrea Harris spotted this superb artistic creation. You seriously do not want to miss out on getting a glorious eyeful of magnificence. It does take awhile to fully load, so be patient if you are on dialup. It is worth the wait ... it truly is.

    Posted by notGeorge at 11:36 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    Call the American Legion

    Friend Frank just emailed me a link to this patriotic tribute by Johnny Cash, which seems to provide a quite apropos memory of the Man in Black. Of course, there actually would not be a Ragged Old Flag flying over any courthouse anywhere where the American Legion* had a membership.

    *I am a member of our local American Legion. We are responsible for maintaining dignity for the US Flag in our local area.

    Posted by notGeorge at 10:25 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    An Urge to Spread the News

    There has been a call to link to this story. If you take the time to read it, you will be glad to link it.

    attribution: Kathy Kinsley

    Posted by notGeorge at 09:28 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    Another reason I need broadband

    WhaleCam!

    attribution: the GooberBug

    Posted by notGeorge at 09:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    Whose been drinking the jet fuel?

    I think they just called a meeting of the Rocket Scientists. They hung out the sign: It ain't brain surgery, you know?

    Posted by notGeorge at 08:09 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    Daddy, how do we pay for wars?

    James has a good discussion on taxation of the wealthy as a means to pay for war. If I had a bit more time, I might add a remark or two on this subject.*

    *Wow, third party benefits to my running late?

    Posted by notGeorge at 09:23 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    September 14, 2003

    Well, looks good to me!

    OK, finally found have it looking good on my computer. I am not sure how it looks in Opera, Mozilla, or anything older than IE Version 6, but I like how it looks. What do you have to say about the new look? It didn't take me, what, 3 days? Not bad for a Geek/0™, huh?

    [Update: It looks really crappy in Netscape 7.02 but plays OK in MSN Explorer 7.02 OK. It seems there is an update for Netscape available. I am unsure how Netscape 7.01 is an update for 7.02. In the meantime, if it looks like crap, try looking at it in IE. ;) ]

    Posted by notGeorge at 02:14 PM | Comments (7) | TrackBack

    September 12, 2003

    The Friday Funny for 9/12

    Well, once again, Cherry's Dad has sent out the weekly Friday Bad Joke list and Cherry has posted her pick of the jokes. I picked one that I have heard before, but still is one of the best ones I have ever seen:

    Recently a "Husband Shopping Center" opened in Dallas, where single women could go
    to choose a husband from among many men. It was laid out with five floors, with the men increasing in positive attributes as you ascended up the floors. The only rule was once you opened the door to any floor, you must choose a man from that floor, and if you went up a floor, you couldn't go back down except to leave the place, never to return.

    A couple of girlfriends went to the place to find men. On the first floor the door had a sign saying, "These men have jobs and love kids."

    The women read the sign and said, "Well, that's better than not having jobs, or not loving kids, but I wonder what's further up?" so up they went.

    The second floor said, "These men have high-paying jobs, love kids, and are extremely good-looking."

    "Hmmm," said the girls. "But I wonder what's further up?"

    The third floor: "These men have high-paying jobs, are extremely good-looking, love kids and help with the housework."

    "Wow!" said the women. "Very tempting, BUT there's more further up!" and up they went.

    Fourth floor: "These men have high-paying jobs, love kids, are extremely good-looking, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak."

    "Oh, mercy! But just think what must be awaiting us further on!" So up to the fifth floor they went.

    The sign on that floor said, "This floor is empty and exists only to prove that women are impossible to please."

    I, of course, was on the first floor for 10 years while living in Dallas, and never saw anyone open the door.

    Oh, as an added bonus, this was a quip in one of the quip lists that I just loved:

    When you go into court, just remember that you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.

    Posted by notGeorge at 12:00 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    September 10, 2003

    Cool Comment

    Can you believe James said Very, very funny. Nicely done, and without a single footnote! when commenting to this post?

    Don't ya think a comment like that is about as good as winning the Blue Ribbon for havin' the prettiest pickles at the State Fair or something? I mean monetarily it is next to worthless, but it does kinda make you feel all warm and cozy inside that your hard work was recognized. I too thought it was pretty funny, but fear that there won't be many that will venture into the extended entries to see that other photo.

    Posted by notGeorge at 06:54 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    The Prodigal Penguin is returning

    Wow, it seems Opus will once again be gracing the Sunday comics! Too bad our local rag is neither printed on Sunday nor has any comics. I suppose I will have to digging through trash cans for the Sunday comic sections from the Star-Telegram and the Morning News beginning November 23rd. Wow, won't that be something for which to be thankful?

    attribution: OTB < PoliBlog

    Posted by notGeorge at 08:32 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

    September 06, 2003

    I found a funny joke!

    Go read the joke in this post at Cathy in the Wright. Then leave her a comment asking her to explain it. ;)

    Posted by notGeorge at 11:43 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

    The power of the Internet

    I love when I find things like this animated map of the growth of the United States, with voice over explanations of the causes for the expansion. This is a pure 3rd grade American History lesson available for viewing by the entire world. Who would have ever envisioned something like this happening when I was in 3rd grade? Thanks to Ted of Rocket Jones for sending me there.

    Posted by notGeorge at 11:25 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    September 05, 2003

    Late Night Friday Funny

    Well, Cherry posted her favorite from this week's Friday Bad Joke List sent out by her father. Here is my favorite:

    Airman Jones was assigned to the induction centre, where he advised new recruits about their government benefits, especially their GI insurance.

    It wasn't long before Captain Smith noticed that Airman Jones was having a staggeringly high success-rate, selling insurance to nearly 100% of the recruits he advised.

    Rather than ask about this, the Captain stood in the back of the room and listened to Jones' sales pitch.

    Jones explained the basics of GI Insurance to the new recruits, and then said, "If you have GI Insurance and go into battle and are killed, the government has to pay $200,000 to your beneficiaries. If you don't have GI insurance, and you go into battle and get killed, the government only has to pay a maximum of $6000."

    "Now," he concluded, "which group do you think they are going to send into battle first?"

    Posted by notGeorge at 11:52 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

    September 04, 2003

    The MUNUVIAN moon is made of cheese

    Yes, it is true, LeeAnn of The Cheese Stands Alone has joined the Munuvians. Am I the only one who has not moved to that universe? If I didn't already have my own server space, I would be glad to be among that bunch. Damn, now I have to make another adjustment to my blogroll. You need to also. The new link to The Cheese Stands Alone is http://themonkeyboylovescheese.mu.nu/

    Posted by notGeorge at 11:29 PM | Comments (4) | TrackBack

    They didn't offer such courses when I was in college

    Everyone has probably already heard this, but it seems that Jen Speaks is required reading for a college course at Florida State Unversity. Congratualtions Jen!

    Posted by notGeorge at 09:55 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

    September 03, 2003

    Posting from the floor

    The punny punchline of this SilverBlue joke cracked me up!

    Posted by notGeorge at 09:15 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    September 02, 2003

    Lookee what I got today!

    Hey, I got some great stuff in my mail today from my favorite Aunt Jeanette. Everyone seemed to love what I posted last time she sent me something. I hope these are as well received. Of course, I am going to admit, I did not even bother to check the authenticity of this information, but I can see no reason why someone would have made this stuff up:

    [UPDATE: Oh well, according to the comments, someone made this stuff up. Isn't there enough truthful stuff to spread around without people making up stuff like this? Of course, as far as actual harm, I guess it is better than sitting at home and creating viruses, huh?]

    Entertainers of the past

    The Entertainers of 2003 have been in all of the news media lately. it seems News Paper, Television and Radio has been more than ready to put them and their message before the public. I would like to remind the people of what the entertainers of 1943 were doing, (60 years ago). Most of these brave men have since passed on.

  54. Alec Guinness (Star Wars) operated a British Royal Navy landing craft on D-Day.
  55. James Doohan ("Scotty" on Star Trek) landed in Normandy with the U.S. Army on D-Day.
  56. Donald Pleasance (The Great Escape) really was a R.A.F. pilot who was shot down, held prisoner and tortured by the Germans.
  57. David Niven was a Sandhurst graduate and Lt. Colonel of the British Commandos in Normandy.
  58. James Stewart flew 20 missions as a B-24 pilot in Europe.
  59. Clark Gable (Mega-Movie Star when war broke out) was a waist gunner flying missions on a B-17 in Europe.
  60. Charlton Heston was an Army Air Corps Sergeant in Kodiak.
  61. Earnest Borgnine was a U.S. Navy Gunners Mate 1935-1945.
  62. Charles Durning was a U.S. Army Ranger at Normandy.
  63. Charles Bronson was a tail gunner in the Army Air Corps.
  64. George C. Scott was a U.S. Marine.
  65. Eddie Albert (Green Acres TV) was awarded a Bronze Star for his heroic action as a U.S. Naval officer aiding Marines at the horrific battle on the island of Tarawa in the Pacific Nov. 1943.
  66. Brian Keith served as a Marine rear gunner in several actions against the Japanese on Rabal in the Pacific.
  67. Lee Marvin was a marine on Saipan[*] when he was wounded.
  68. John Russell was a Marine on Guadalcanal.
  69. Robert Ryan was a U.S. Marine who served with the O.S.S. in Yugoslavia.
  70. Tyrone Power (an established movie star when Pearl Harbor was bombed) joined the Marines, was a pilot flying supplies into, and wounded Marines out of Iwo Jima and Okinawa.
  71. Audie Murphy, little guy from Texas, Most Decorated serviceman of WWII.
  72. I wish I had room to tell you more about Actor Sterling Hayden and an actor by the name of Peter J. Ortiz (Twelve O'clock High, Rio Grande and The Wings of Eagles), but this would turn into a book.

    There is quite a huge gap between the heroics and patriotism in 1943 and the cowardly despicable posturing of the Hollywood crowd of today...all of which smack of sedition and treason. Think about this every time you are tempted to go to the movies or go to a concert!!


    Captain Kangaroo turned 75 last year, which is odd, because he's never looked a day under 75. (Birthday 6/27/27.) It reminded me of the following story.

    Some people have been a bit offended that Lee Marvin is buried in a grave alongside 3 and 4 star generals at Arlington National Cemetery. His marker gives his name, rank (PVT) and service(USMC). Nothing else. Here's a guy who was only a famous movie star who served his time, why the heck does he rate burial with these guys? Well, following is the amazing answer:

    I always liked Lee Marvin, but did not know the extent of his Corps experiences. In a time when many Hollywood stars served their country in the armed forces, often in rear-echelon posts where they were carefully protected, only to be trotted out to perform for thecameras in war bond promotions, Lee Marvin was a genuine hero. He won the Navy Cross at Iwo Jima. There is only one higher Naval award ... the Medal Of Honor.

    If that is a surprising comment on the true character of the man, he credits his sergeant with an even greater show of bravery.

    Dialog from The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson:

    His guest was Lee Marvin. Johnny said, "Lee, I'll bet a lot of people are unaware that you were a Marine in the initial landing at Iwo Jima ...and that during the course of that action you earned the Navy Cross and were severely wounded."

    Lee Marvin replied -- "Yeah, yeah... I got shot square in the behind and they gave me the Cross for securing a hot spot about halfway up Suribachi... bad thing about getting shot up on a mountain is guys gettin' shot hauling you down. But Johnny, at Iwo I served under the bravest man I ever knew... We both got the Cross the same day, but what he did for his Cross made mine look cheap in comparison. He actually stood up on Red beach and directed his troops to move forward and get off the beach. That Sergeant and I have been life long friends.

    When they brought me off Suribachi we passed the Sergeant and he lit a smoke and passed it to me lying on my belly on the litter and said, "Where'd they get you Lee?" I said "Well, Bob ... if you make it home before me, tell Mom to sell the outhouse !' And Johnny, I'm not lying... Sergeant Keeshan was the bravest man I ever knew..... Bob Keeshan.....You and the world know him as Captain Kangaroo."

    IT'S A SHAME THE HOLLYWOOD STARS WE KNOW TODAY DON'T SHINE TODAY LIKE THEY DID IN THE GOOD OLD DAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    *The second story says he was wounded on Iwo Jima. I am unsure if they are one and the same, but I am pretty sure they are two different islands.

    Posted by notGeorge at 10:31 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

    NYC after the recent blackout?

    Anna has found something you have got to see.

    Posted by notGeorge at 08:00 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

    September 01, 2003

    Wee misunderstandings

    michele reports her part of one of those small misunderstandings which will bring a smile to your face.

    It reminds me of an old joke:

    A little boy comes out where his dad is racking leaves and asks: "What is sex?"

    Dad decides that maybe the time has come to explain all to his son, so dispenses with the full birds and the bees speech.

    Afterward, the boy thanks his father and and confusedly says, "Well, momma said to tell you dinner would be ready in a couple of sex [secs]."

    Posted by notGeorge at 08:20 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    It's Alive! or maybe just seems that way

    Erica [Sperari: Taking 20] said this was "the funniest thing". I did not find it so funny as just plain good entertainment. For those bandwidth challenged people like me, I suggest you allow the link to fully load and for the music to stop completely then hit the replay button.

    Posted by notGeorge at 01:52 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    August 30, 2003

    Some pure SNARKINESS for your midmorning enjoyment

    Go read this post on Ravenwood's Universe. That last line is a drink alert situation.

    Posted by Tiger at 09:55 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    August 29, 2003

    The Friday Funny from George*

    Before we get to the funny part, for some reason this was in the Friday Bad Joke list sent to me this week. While it is not funny, it is definitely something so true that I thought it was worth sharing:

    Remember five simple rules to be happy:
    1. Free your heart from hatred.
    2. Free your mind from worries.
    3. Live simply.
    4. Give more.
    5. Expect less.

    Now regrettably, it iwas difficult to find the best joke this week for some reason, but after much diligence in searching through the list, I picked this one:

    A man and his wife were making their first doctor visit prior to the birth of their first child.

    After everything checked out, the doctor took a small stamp and stamped the wife's stomach with indelible ink.

    The couple was curious about what the stamp was for, so when they got home, the husband dug out his magnifying glass to try to see what it was.

    In very tiny letters, the stamp said, "When you can read this, come back and see me."

    *This is Cherry's dad's name, and is not the George whose name I often use in vain in my blogging efforts. My understanding, however, is that he is very close to Him whose name I replace with the name George so as to not violate one of the Ten Commandments. Uncanny, huh? and there is no coincidence. It is something that just came to mind at the time I wrote that bitle.

    Posted by Tiger at 07:20 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

    Is it real or is it . . .

    Photoshop? Check this out and make up your own mind.

    Posted by Tiger at 06:57 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

    Remembering a Great Man and changing times

    I had really wanted to post something about Dr. Martin Luther King yesterday, it being the 40th anniversary of his famous "I have a Dream" speech, but was distracted. CG Hill was not so distracted and gives us his glimpse into memories of that time.

    I do remember 1963, just barely. I was 8. Some time around that year, we had a black family that moved into the neighborhood, right around the corner from where I lived. They had a little girl that was one year younger than I who went to our school. It was less than a block away from both of our houses. I do not remember there being any hooplah by anyone when they moved into the neighborhood or when she began classes at Johnston Elementary in Abilene, Texas. I do not remember anyone treating her any differently than any other kid in school. I have always believed that until they become prodded, cajoled and controlled by adults into forming certain biases and prejudices, children are about as race neutral as anyone. Oh, I know we kids did have problems being around disabled people, usually having to stare at them because they were, indeed, different. Some of them we actually laughed at. Was it cruel? Probably, but children seldom intend to be cruel in such cases. They are just so innocent and truthful that they laugh when something amuses them.

    As for my relation with that little girl, I treated her like I did all other little girls at the time. I basically avoided all girls because they were icky and had cooties. I did change my opinion of girls a few years later, but I have tried to never change my opinion that skin color is not a factor I use when choosing my friends and associates.

    Posted by Tiger at 09:06 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    Talk about being rock hard!

    And you thought Wicked Willie™ and his woody willie was bad, you could see what Mother Earth puts up with.

    Posted by Tiger at 12:30 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

    August 28, 2003

    Well, it ain't an Instalanche . . .

    but 67 hits so far from one link still ain't that bad. Emperor Misha gets blogrolled even though I am scared of his dog.

    Posted by Tiger at 11:49 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack

    August 27, 2003

    Danger, Will Robinson! Put down your drink, quickly

    SilverBlue has posted another hilarious cartoon!

    Talk about funny. Can you believe

    The number 23 has ___ digits: they are a ___ and a ___.
    is from an assignment in a college level course?

    Posted by Tiger at 10:14 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    Delays in your flight plans

    OK. I waited a bit on this. I wanted to get home and do a bit of research on the authenticity of the following and see if I could not find out a bit of information on the identity of the named author. I was unable to accomplish either. However, I still think the sentiment displayed in the following anecdote is so overwhelming, I decided to just let ya'll have a look. Check the extended entry, as it is a worthy read!

    I sat in my seat of the Boeing 767 waiting for everyone to hurry and stow their carry ons and grab a seat so we could start what I was sure to be a long and uneventful flight home. With the huge capacity and slow moving people taking their time to stuff luggage far too big for the overhead and never paying much attention to holding up the growing line behind them, I simply shook my head knowing that this flight was not starting out very well and although I had a great bunch of meetings while conducting business on this trip, it was quickly becoming tarnished with these delays in my getting home to my loved one whom I had not seen in several days.

    The meetings although fruitful were long and I had not slept well, not to mention those blasted new dress shoes that rubbed a blister on my heel. I was pretty focused on "my" issues and just felt like standing up and yelling for some of these clowns to get their act together and focus on taking their seats. knowing I couldn't say anything that would really help, I just thumbed thru the sky mall widget magazine from the seat pocket in front of me. You know it's really getting rough when you resort to the over priced and mostly useless sky mall crap to break the monotony and inconvenience of the trouble "I" was going thru. With everyone finally on board and seated, we just sat there with the cabin door open and seemingly no one in any hurry to get us going even though we were well past our scheduled take off time. The paper work had not yet come in to the flight deck, the attendants just stood around talking.

    No wonder the airline industry is in trouble I told myself. Don't they realize we have some place we are supposed to be? We should be treated with more importance, after all we are the customers, right?

    Just then, the attendant came on the intercom to inform us all "that we were being delayed"...as she paused, the entire plane let out a collective groan.

    She resumed her announcement, 'we are holding the aircraft for some very special people who are on their way to the plane and that the delay should not be more than five more minutes. Their connecting flight had traveled a long way and we would get underway just as soon as possible."

    Now, I have had this happen to me before and more often than not, I had to catch the next flight or even go to another carrier to get to my destination. Still, I was grateful for the times when they waited for me, so I thought that I would go back to my sky mall pages and try to forget just how much "I" was being inconvenienced.

    As the word came from a scrambling attendant down the connecting tunnel to the main cabin door I thought that maybe she had some information that would let us know why we had been sitting there for over 30 minutes!! Had someone finally given word that after waiting six times as long as we were first promised that "I" was finally going to be on my way home? Why the hoopla over these folks? Just get their butts in a seat and lets hit the gas, I thought to myself.

    After a few minutes we were all "locked on" when the attendant came back on the speaker, semi expecting some celebrity or sport figure to be announced as the reason the aircraft was delayed so long. I thought who cares, let's go!

    She announced in a loud and excited voice that we were being joined by several United States Marines returning home from Iraq!!!!

    Just as they walked onboard the entire plane erupted into applause.

    The Men were a bit taken by the surprise of the 340+ people cheering for them as they searched for their seats. It didn't stop, they were having their hands shook and touched by almost everyone who was within an arm's distance of them as they tried to push thru the aisles. Whistles, cheering, an occasional "oorrahh", one elderly woman kissed the hand of one of the Marines as he passed by her, and the applause didn't stop for a long time as they continued toward the back of the aircraft.

    When we finally got air born I am sure I was not the only civilian checking his conscious as to the "delays" in me getting home from my "hard business meetings", finding my easy chair and remote, a cold beverage, and tending to my blister". In fact I felt pretty stupid as I am sure many did. After what these Men had done for all of us, and I had been complaining silently about "me" and "my issues"?

    It sure made me realize that as much as I told myself that I didn't take for granted some of the everyday freedoms I enjoy and the conveniences of the American way of life and that it sometimes seems like a personal attack on one of us when things don't go exactly right...I was doing exactly that. I was taking it for granted. I took it for granted when others who had really paid the price for my ability to moan and complain (even if it was just to myself)...let alone a few minutes delay to me so that those HEROES could go home to their loved ones.

    I attempted to get my selfish outlook back in order and minutes before we landed I suggested to the attendant that she announced over the speaker a request for everyone to remain in their seats until our Hero's were allowed to gather their things and be first off the plane. The cheers and applause continued until the last Marine stepped off and we all rose to go about our too often taken for granted everyday freedoms....

    I felt Proud of Them. I felt it an Honor and a privilege to be among the first to welcome them home and say Thank You for a job well done.

    I vowed that I will never forget that flight nor the lesson learned. I have said it before but I can't say it enough, THANK YOU to those VETERANS and ACTIVE SERVICEMEN AND WOMEN who may read this, and a prayer everyday for those who cannot because they are no longer with us. GOD BLESS AMERICA.

    Phil Power

    Posted by Tiger at 06:29 PM | Comments (4) | TrackBack

    Ya gotta love this!

    I have gotten another avalanche of stuff being forwarded email from my Aunt Jeanette. Most of you who are regular readers know I pick through such and if I find something really worth sharing, I will do so. Here is one I loved, and I hope you do too:

    Long-Distance Calls

    A man in Topeka, Kansas decided to write a book about churches around the country. He started by flying to San Francisco and worked east from there. Going to a very large church, he began taking photographs and notes. He spotted a golden telephone on the vestibule wall and was intrigued by a sign which read: "$10,000 a minute." Seeking out the Pastor he asked about the phone and the sign. The Pastor explained that the golden phone was, in fact, a direct line to Heaven and if he paid the price he could talk directly to God. The man thanked the Pastor and continued on his way.

    As he continued to visit churches in Seattle, San Diego, Chicago, Greensboro, Tampa and all around the United States, he found more phones with the same sign and got the same answer from each Pastor.

    Finally, he arrived in Texas. Upon entering a church in Dallas, behold, he saw the usual golden telephone. But THIS time, the sign read: "Calls: 35 cents." Fascinated, he asked to talk to the Pastor.

    "Reverend, I have been in cities all across the country and in each church I have found this golden telephone. I have been told it is a direct line to Heaven and that I could talk to God, but, in the other churches the cost was $10,000 a minute. Your sign reads 35 cents. Why?"

    The Pastor, smiling benignly, replied, "Son, you're in Texas now... It's a local call."

    Posted by Tiger at 01:44 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

    August 25, 2003

    Kick the can and kick ass

    Link to something funny, found via Jay.

    Posted by Tiger at 05:58 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    August 24, 2003

    Need some cheese for that cracker?

    Woohoo, LeeAnn is back, after I had given her up for dead. the cheese stands alone is back on my blogroll, and full of cheesy goodness. Go visit and welcome her back!

    Posted by Tiger at 09:03 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

    How many kids does it take to make a band?

    Cherry has a picture of her family orchestra on her blog. Cherry is the cute one.

    Posted by Tiger at 07:32 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    Is it pun to be groan?

    John Cole has posted a couple of real groaners.

    Posted by Tiger at 03:34 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    So long, virus attacks?

    Kathy Kinsley provides links to free virus protection and firewall programs. If you do not have both of these types of programs installed, please do so. I mean, after all, if you can do it for nothing and it might save you big bucks if you had to hire someone to erradicate a nasty virus from your system, it does make a bit of sense to take precautions, doesn't it? Oh, and please stop opening those email attachments that come from senders you don't recognize. In fact, I don't even open ones from senders I recognize unless it is something I was expecting.

    I am geek/0™ and yet have been online for almost a decade without ever having gotten a virus infection. I am pretty sure I have only gotten alarms from protection programs on a couple of occasions. You do not have to be a techno-wiz to keep your system secure, you just have to use common sense. Uh, and in additon to those programs that Kathy provided, I think everyone should have Ad-Aware. It is also free for personal use. It is very useful for tracking down those data miners that send personal information to websites through cookies.*

    *Or at least I think this is what it does. Some techie might be able to explain it more correctly, but I do think my explanation gets to the gist of the matter.

    Posted by Tiger at 10:56 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

    August 23, 2003

    Delightedly blind-sided

    When I saw a blurb about Jimmie "JJ" Walker having a blog,* I expected something very different than what I found. He talks about real issues and presents his viewpoints well. What is very surprising is that his viewpoints are much more conservative than I would have ever imagined. I loved this entry:

    Jimmie on Dating…
    At this stage of his life, Walker realizes he'll never marry. He admits that he's too self-centered, and selfish. While he admires people that have and raise children, he prefers not to have or date women with children.
    He says rather than send troops to Iraq... we should send divorced women with children... they're the angriest ... meanest seqment...of american society... He doesn't date much, saying he's too boring. Because of his busy road schedule, when he's at home he's a real homebody. He prefers to stay at home ,watch T.V. (C-span, Fox News and Sports), workout and have quiet dinners.Women must go out...all the time...and Walker loves being at home , ladies won't accept stayin' at home. His loves are politics, talk radio (sports and politics), and working out. He says that totally leaves him out of the dating scene, even though he has secret crushes on newscasters, Nora O'Donnell, Dana Bash , Lynda Lopez , Carol Costello ,Carol Chandler, Lila Feng, Suzzann Malveaux, Brook Anderson , Liz Cho, Lynda Loveland, Alicia Acuna ,Jenny Harrison, Ann Coulter, Linda Stouffer, and Kathleen Kennedy. He prefers to date hassle-free women, which he jokingly says, there aren't any of those left.
    Of course, as most of the other entries were not in third person, I am wondering if someone did not write this one for him for some reason. Still, I believe the insight into Jimmie Walker's views on the opposite sex is genuine.

    *It kinda looks like a blog, but the posts are not time stamped and there are no permalinks.

    Posted by Tiger at 05:05 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    Crocodile tears of laughter

    The title is all I got, sorry. Just read this.

    attribution: uh, site loaded so slow, I closed the page where I found the link. I forget where I found it. bad ***! [slapped my own hand] sorry!

    [Update: attribution: McGehee by way of Transterrestrial Musings]

    Posted by Tiger at 01:32 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

    Another inane Google Search

    I get so many hits from Google searches, the most popular of late is Ted Williams Head. However, I am most delighted to currently be #2 for faux frog!

    Posted by Tiger at 12:22 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    August 22, 2003

    Chuckles the Clown, an inanity by ***

    Another funny picture over at SilverBlue. Where does he find this stuff? I must be in the wrong timezone or something. ;)

    Posted by Tiger at 11:27 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

    Ya just never know - do ya?

    Seems some j. mccune, a dude or maybe dudette, it being so hard to know unless you actually see whether they have boobs or not, decided he/she liked my blogrolling baldilocks so much, he/she decided to link my blurb. OK, he/she got my attention, so, being the kind blogger that I am, I decided to peruse his/her blog: Notorious B.L.O.G.. During this perusal I find a delightful tale regarding another trademark infringement case. I likely would have missed that but for that trackback.

    blogrolled as well

    Posted by Tiger at 10:31 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

    He likes it, he really likes it!

    I blogrolled baldilocks! Thanks Ith, who thanked Jay.

    Posted by Tiger at 07:58 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    A Friday Joke from Frank

    OK, my local friend Frank decided ya'll should have another Friday Funny, so sent me one via email. It is a bit risqué, so venture into the extended entries at your own risk.

    Two old men decide they are close to their last days on earth and decide to have a last night on the town. After a few drinks they end up at the local brothel.

    The madam takes one look at the two old geezers and whispers to her manager, "go up to the first two rooms and put an inflated doll in each bed.

    These two are so old and drunk, I'm not wasting two of my girls on them. They won't know the difference."

    The two men go up the stairs and take care of their business.

    As they are walking home the first one says, "You know, I think my girl was dead!"

    "Dead?" says his friend, "why would you think that?"

    "Well, she never moved or made a sound all the time I was loving her."

    His friend says, "I think mine was a witch."

    "WITCH!!! Why the hell would you say that?"

    "Well, I was making love to her, kissing on her neck and I gave her a little bite, then she farted and flew out the window.

    Posted by Tiger at 11:16 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

    Susie pings and scores! The crowd goes wild!

    Well Susie has found the time to slather a bit of linky love all over the place. I particularly loved what she said about the Nightly Navel Gazing Report™ being worthy of your attention.

    Posted by Tiger at 10:57 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

    Friday Joke

    Well, the Friday joke list came in from Cherry's Dad, via Cherry and here is the one I liked best:

    A woman rushes to see her doctor, looking very much worried and all strung out.

    She rattles off, "Doctor, take a look at me. When I woke up this morning, I looked at myself in the mirror and saw my hair all wiry and frazzled up, my skin was all wrinkled and pasty, my eyes were blood-shot and bugging out, and I had this corpse-like look on my face! What's wrong with me, Doctor?"

    The doctor looks her over for a couple of minutes, then calmly says, "Well, I can tell you one thing . . . there ain't nothing wrong with your eyesight.

    Posted by Tiger at 08:49 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

    August 20, 2003

    My blogchild is growing up

    [beaming blogfather] Is this a blog post, or what? [/beaming blogfather]

    Posted by Tiger at 10:42 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

    And you wondered about it, didn't you?

    It seems someone has answered that question that has been on everyone's mind since the Blackout of Naught-Three: Why does Texas have its own Power Grid?

    Blackout postmortems have noted that America's electricity system consists of just three regions—the Eastern Interconnection, the Western Interconnection, and the Texas Interconnection. Why does the Lone Star State have its own power grid?

    Partly because of a historical desire for self-sufficiency and partly because of that famous "Don't Mess With Texas!" attitude. The majority of the state's residents live within the region regulated by the Electric Reliability Council of Texas, an "island" that generates and supplies all its own electricity—unlike, say, New York City or Detroit, whose residents found out the hard way that lots of their power comes from Canada. (A small sliver of Western Texas gets its juice from the Western Interconnection, while a few customers in the north and the east are hooked into the Eastern Interconnection. Still, ERCOT handles 85 percent of the state's electricity needs.)

    Besides, we have a reason for having our own power grid:
    The state uses more electricity than any other, 44 percent more than runner-up California. Much of this is used by industrial customers such as petrochemical plants and oil refineries.
    and at what cost to the poor citizens of Texas?
    Despite Texas' massive thirst for electricity, ERCOT has been able to provide cheap power with few service hiccups. In fact, Texas electricity is cheaper, per kilowatt hour, than the national average.
    So, all those things the power companies were telling us when they were pushing for deregulation about how we would not face the debacle that California faced were true. Of course, I thought our rates were pretty expensive myself, but maybe that is another thing I should be proud of by living in the Great State of Texas.

    source: Slate: Why Texas Has Its Own Power Grid by Brendan I. Koerner, Updated Tuesday, August 19, 2003, at 10:05 AM PT

    Posted by Tiger at 09:32 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    Go forth and multiply!

    It seems that Alex Frantz of Public Nuisance has analyzed marriage from the dictates of the Old Testamament,* complete with footnoted references. The Biblical view of marriage is a real eye opener.

    *However, the lawyer side of me does note a bit of a paradoxical conflict between the dictates of Rule 2 and Rule 4. It would appear that if the situation that existed in Rule 4 should occur, in almost all cases, in accordance with Rule 2, the Rule 4 marriage would be invalid and the bride would be subject to immediate execution.

    attribution: James at OTB

    Posted by Tiger at 08:24 AM | Comments (4) | TrackBack

    August 19, 2003

    Good Morning

    As I intimated last night, I have a busy morning*. I have scanned the newest entries among those in my blogroll and there is some bloggy goodness to be found. I do not have time to point out the gems, so just do a bit of surfing through that list of links over there. I do want to mention that Cracker Barrel Philosopher notes an interesting dilemma that occurred to a family in Sequoia National Park.

    Have a great morning and hope to catch up with ya'll this afternoon.

    *And what do ya wanna bet that I have a good internet connection while I am away?

    Posted by Tiger at 07:56 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

    August 18, 2003

    Tonight's Final Inanity

    I have an early day tomorrow, and most likely blogging will be slow until I get out of court tomorrow. I may have time to post a bit early in the morning if my brain unfogs enough to think of anything worth sharing. So, I am going to call it a day a bit shorter than my usual sign off time. But before I official sign off, I wanted to share something with you all:

    Doesn't today's Site Meter visitation graph look like a silhouette of Batman? Count it as your test pattern for tonight. This brings us to the end of another broadcast day.

    Goodnight ya'll.

    Posted by Tiger at 11:40 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

    Oh George, it's eating my brain

    Please make it stop!

    It seems someone has made a parody of the hamsterdance site*, and of course, has been threatened to be sued by the original creator of such site. Is there anything more inane than that? I remember having that damn song in the original site trying to eat my brain, so what do you think if someone reversed the song? Oh my George, it is horrible and I will be hearing it in my sleep for a week! Curious?

    attribution: Stephen who attributed Aaron the Rantblogger for sending him the link via email.

    Oh George, it's horrendous! I feel my brain already melting.

    *I forget where it is and there was not a link to it on the parody site, probably due to the threat of litigation.

    Posted by Tiger at 10:00 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack

    August 17, 2003

    A good short take on love

    Well, I had visited my2cents a number of times, but did not blogroll it because I did not find any permalinks. To me, that is important, because without such, it is hard to send readers their way. I figured it out today, and so I decided it was time to blogroll the blog. In my first blurb to send you that way, I wanted to tell you that wandalicious has provided a good synopsis of how unconditional love is different than romantic love.

    Posted by Tiger at 11:10 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    The WAR goes SNARKY

    Cracker Barrell Philosopher is reporting on a story in which the US is now posting snarky photoshopped pics of Saddam's face plastered on celebrity bodies in hopes of enraging Saddam and his cronies to the extent they reveal themselves. Should their attempt be unsuccessful, the pics will bring great delight to those who find humor in such things. Hopefully that will be a better part of the Iraqi population. He attributed Linkfilter for the find.

    Posted by Tiger at 11:34 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    My Blogospheric Narcissism Fix

    The Ecosystem is back online and yours truly has climbed firmly into the top 200 and is firmly entrenched as a Large Mammal. Can I maintain this status over the long run? Will I ascend to greater heights? One can only wish.

    Posted by Tiger at 08:18 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

    August 16, 2003

    I love the new outfit!

    It seems the the most Venomous Kate has dressed Electric Venom in a new outfit. Here is hoping it loads a bit faster that the old design. I was less inclined to visit as often as I wished because the old design loaded up so slowly. I do that from time to time, especially when the blogging is heavy and there are a lot of updates to check, just pass over those sites that load slowly. I am sure that those with high band connections forget about us mired with crappy dialup and antique phone lines.

    Posted by Tiger at 06:03 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

    Anna to the rescue!

    I was searching hard for a good chuckle and thankfully Anna supplied it. I knew there was a reason she was on my blogroll. Thanks Anna!

    Posted by Tiger at 02:44 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    The Saturday Morning Kid's Show!

    OK, another broadcast day begins, and since I know all the big people are still in bed, I have searched and searched to find appropriate programming for those kids among you:

    The Tiger’s Meow- By Candy Gourlay

    Posted by Tiger at 08:00 AM | Comments (4) | TrackBack

    August 15, 2003

    "Well, I never . . . "

    Susie's back from work and she brought a friend.

    Posted by Tiger at 10:47 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    A netful of SNARKS

    It seems that Venomous Kate has snared a netful of Snarks and has them on diplay over on her blog. I seem to be one who got caught in the net.

    Posted by Tiger at 04:42 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    I knew there was a reason I supported Georgy

    Well, I just found that Californial Runoff Candidate Georgy and I have something in common. Maybe an Irish ancestor with a surname of Russell. Of course, just because she might be a distant cousin of mine is not the reason she gets my vote. Check out the extended entry at damnum absque injuria for my reasoning.

    How could I not support someone that I would love to slather and slobber all over?

    Posted by Tiger at 04:37 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    Friday Funny

    Well, got my Friday Jokes from Cherry and found several that were very good in this week's batch. Cherry posted one of them at her site. Here is the one I just had to share:

    The Bronze Rat

    A tourist wanders into a back-alley antique shop in San Francisco's Chinatown. Picking through the objects on display he discovers a detailed, life-sized bronze sculpture of a rat. The sculpture is so interesting and unique that he picks it up and asks the shop owner what it costs.

    "Twelve dollars for the rat, sir," says the shop owner, "and a thousand dollars more for the story behind it."

    "You can keep the story, old man," he replies, "but I'll take the rat." The transaction complete, the tourist leaves the store with the bronze rat under his arm.

    As he crosses the street in front of the store, two live rats emerge from a sewer drain and fall into step behind him. Nervously looking over his shoulder, he begins to walk faster, but every time he passes another sewer drain, more rats come out and follow him.

    By the time he's walked two blocks, at least a hundred rats are at his heels, and people begin to point and shout. He walks even faster, and soon breaks into a trot as multitudes of rats swarm from sewers, basements, vacant lots, and abandoned cars. Rats by the thousands are at his heels, and as he sees the waterfront at the bottom of the hill, he panics and starts to run full tilt. No matter how fast he runs, the rats keep up, squealing hideously, now not just
    thousands but millions, so that by the time he comes rushing up to the water's edge a trail of rats twelve city blocks long is behind him.

    Making a mighty leap, he jumps up onto a light post, grasping it with one arm while he hurls the bronze rat into San Francisco Bay with the other, as far as he can heave it. Pulling his legs up and clinging to the light post, he watches in amazement as the seething tide of rats surges over the breakwater into the sea, where they drown.

    Shaken and mumbling, he makes his way back to the antique shop. "Ah, so you've come back for the rest of the story," says the owner.

    "No," says the tourist, "I was wondering if you have a bronze lawyer."

    Posted by Tiger at 01:22 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

    Tiger tops InstaPundit!

    I finally found a way to top Glenn Reynolds. It seems that my surname of Russell is in the top 100 of the most common names in the US and Reynolds falls just short of being in the top 100!

    I am mired in Bandwidth Hell™ so expect light blogging until I get home.

    Posted by Tiger at 11:30 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

    August 14, 2003

    Are you able to cast the first stone?

    You cannot read this without being moved, so go get moved. Ya hear?

    attribution: Kelley

    Posted by Tiger at 11:45 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    Lookee here what I found!

    Hey I might be the Snarkiest Blogger in the Blogosphere™,* but sometimes I find other good snarky remarks. I love the snarky remark ending this post by Serenity.

    [UPDATE: It seems I have forgotten to mention that my blogchild, Cherry, has left the murky confines of the Blog*Spot nebula and is now one of the planets circling the great star Munu.**]

    *Yeah, go ahead and try it, and see if you don't find out how Al Franken feels with the legal bills he is gonna pile up. ;)

    **I linked to her latest post solely so that I could be the first one to give her a trackback on her new MT powered blog.

    Posted by Tiger at 08:43 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

    Under a rock someplace*

    Where does michele find these things? This one is hilarious! Thanks for a wonderful long chuckle from someone in Texas who is not stuck without electricity.

    *Uh, this could either be where michele located this story or the place from which Corey Feldman** was calling.

    **Damn, now I killed the suspense, didn't I?

    Posted by Tiger at 07:02 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

    Party in the street until I get back

    Well, it seems half the nation is without electricity. I suspect al Queda has retaliated for the capture of the their missile buyer by slipping an agent into one of those weird looking things where all the wires seem to come together, like you see in the movies or on the side of the road, you know the ones with all those wires and insulators and towers surrounded by a chain link fence. I was up there once and never did see any security around any of those p[laces. Of course, I'd never try to sneak in anyway, what with all those wires and such here and there. I'd be afraid I would touch the wrong thing and become toasted or something, but I suppose you could slip in someone who knew their way around and have them just pull the right plug, and boom, there goes everyone's electricity. Down here, we let a bunch of Rottweillers loose inside the fence and just forget to feed them very often and they get real hungry. If'n someone is stupid enough to jump the fence for whatever reason, we figure it solves two problems: one, we just ridded ourselves of more more of them stupid Yankees that moved into town, and two, the dog finally got something to eat. Ya'll Yankess just ain't as smart on your feet as us people down here in Texas, is ya?

    Posted by Tiger at 04:55 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

    You do know how Andy thinks:

    My friend Frank, non-blogging Frank, who reads and comments sometimes was taking me to the neighboring town Tuesday to get that battery. I told ya'll about that, and I could link it, but that is not important. I only mention that because it leads in to why I am posting. In his truck, he had a printout of something he had gotten off the internet. I read it, and I told him I thought it was worth sharing, so he emailed it to me. I have not searched to confirm the accuracy, but I have no reason to doubt it. Anyway, here it is:

    ANDY FOR PRESIDENT:

    Andy Rooney said on 60 minutes a few weeks back: (for those of you that don't know Andy Rooney, he is a 82 year old US TV commentator)

    I like big cars, big boats, big motorcycles, big houses and big campfires.

    I believe the money I make belongs to me and my family, not some governmental stooge with a bad comb-over who wants to give it away to crack addicts for squirting out babies.

    Guns do not make you a killer. I think killing makes you a killer. You can kill someone with a baseball bat or a car, but no one is trying to ban you from! driving to the ball game.

    I believe they are called the Boy Scouts for a reason, that is why there are no girls allowed. Girls belong in the Girl Scouts! ARE YOU LISTENING MARTHA BURKE?

    I think that if you feel homosexuality is wrong, it is not a phobia, it is an opinion.

    I don't think being a minority makes you a victim of anything except numbers. The only things I can think of that are truly discriminatory are things like the United Negro College Fund, Jet Magazine, Black Entertainment Television, and Miss Black America. Try to have things like the United Caucasian College Fund, Cloud Magazine, White Entertainment Television, or Miss White America; and see what happens. Jesse Jackson will be knocking down your door.

    I ha ve the right "NOT" to be tolerant of others because they are different, weird, or tick me off.

    When 70% of the people who get arrested are black, in cities where 70% of the population is black, that is not racial profiling. It is the Law of Probability.

    I know what sex is, and there are not varying degrees of it. If I received sex from one of my subordinates in my office, it wouldn't be a private matter or my personal business. I would be "FIRED" immediately!

    I believe that if you are selling me a milk shake, a pack of cigarettes, a newspaper or a hotel room, you must do it in English! As a matter of fact, if you want to be an American citizen, you should have to speak English!

    My father and grandfather didn't die! in vain so you can leave the countries you were born in to come over and disrespect ours. I think the police should have every right to shoot your sorry self if you threaten them after they tell you to stop. If you can't understand the word "freeze" or "stop" in English, see the above lines.

    I feel much safer letting a machine with no political affiliation recount votes when needed. I know what the definition of lying is.

    I don't think just because you were not born in this country, you are qualified for any special loan programs, government sponsored bank loans or tax breaks, etc., so you can open a hotel, coffee shop, trinket store, or any other business.

    We did not go to the aid of certain foreign countries and risk our lives in wars to defend their freedoms so that decades later they could come over here and tell us our constitution is a living document; and open to their interpretations.

    I don't hate the rich. I don't pity the poor.

    I know pro wrestling is fake, but so are movies and television. That doesn't stop you from watching them.

    I believe a self-righteous liberal, or conservative with a cause, is more dangerous than a Hell's Angel with an attitude.

    I think Bill Gates has every right to keep every penny he made and continue to make more. If it ticks you off, go and invent the next operating system that's better, and put your name on the building. Ask your buddy that invented the Internet to help you.

    It doesn't take a whole village to raise a child right, but it does take a parent to stand up to the kid; and smack their little behinds when necessary, and say "NO!"

    I am sick of "Political Correctness." I know a lot of black people, and not a single one of them was born in Africa; so how can they be "African Americans"? Besides, Africa is a continent. I don't go around saying I am a European American because my great, great, great, great, great, great grandfather was from Europe. I am proud to be from America and nowhere else.

    And if you don't like my point of view, tough.

    Posted by Tiger at 02:07 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack

    Thursday's opening laugh

    I am still a bit too groggy to type. It falls after a rough night in which my digestive system seemed to feel it necessary to rebel against that popcorn I ate a bit too late last night, and I tossed and turned and a few other things that you really do not want to know about, so I am going to have to send you over to SilverBlue for your morning funnies. He has delivered a couple of good ones, but the one in the extended entry is classic.

    Posted by Tiger at 08:50 AM | Comments (4) | TrackBack

    August 13, 2003

    The Bard I was so long ago

    Well, heck, this is not new, but it is new to this blog. I guess I have posted this poem on every site I have ever had. Why? I think it is a good poem for one, I wrote it for another thing, and it is the only poem I ever wrote that I thought was ever worth sharing with anyone. Of course, I wrote it with one girl in mind, and actually gave it to her. She loved it, but then told me she was a lesbian and wasn't really interested in men. My life has been filled with thrills like that. Anyway, for your enjoyment [it rhymes]:

    A Sincere Prayer to Our Heavenly Father

    Posted by Tiger at 11:16 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    How many Kevins does it take

    to put on a California Recall Election review? Heck if I took time to count 'em, but there are a mess of 'em bloggin' 'bout it and some that ain't. Our favorite Kevin,* master of the Wizbang! brings you the line-up.

    *Actually my own brother is a Kevin which would naturally make him my favorite Kevin, but he doesn't blog. I can't even get him to reply to my email.

    Posted by Tiger at 09:30 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

    Ted Williams head again?

    Only this time I about broke up reading something about Ted Willams frozen head. This is what Anna [Primal Purge] had to say:

    Special announcement -- The head of Ted Williams has just filed papers to run for Governor of California.

    There is no truth to the rumor that the rest of his body was declared a "hanging chad" in the state of Florida.

    I am sorry about posting her whole post, or the majority of it. It was just too funny not to share and I feared too few of you would actually follow a link to read this hilarious quip. Kudos Anna! I shot DP out my nose on that one!

    Posted by Tiger at 02:52 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

    Just what you have been waitin' for!

    The 47th edition of the Carnival of the Vanities is now officially available for your viewing pleasure. The gals over at Right We Are did a fantastic job with a difficult task. Visit and show your appreciation for all of their hard work.

    Posted by Tiger at 10:44 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

    And what do the Saudis think?

    Thanks to Graham Lester, I was directed to the website for The Committee Against Corruption in Saudi Arabia (C.A.C.S.A) [link goes to the FAQ page]. What I thought was very interesting what their take on all of the surrounding countries:

    What do you Think of Israel? Syria? Egypt? The Palestinian Authority? Lebanon? Iraq? Iran?

    Israel: CACSA views Israel as the only true democracy in the Middle East (Democracy, very simply, is having the choice to decide on your own leader by a majority, uncontested votes of the population) with admiration and jealousy. Israel's parliamentary system gives its citizens, whether they are Orthodox or Sectarian Liberals, a voice in their government, something CASA believes should be the goal of every country in the Middle East.

    Syria: The most backward country in the world. 30 years of Asad reign are hailed by world leaders when in fact all he did was send Syria in downward spiral politically, socially, and economically. It is estimated that 50% of the population is disguised behind an informant mentality and people live to fear and to be hungry. Syria is comparable to North Korea in many ways (Last 2 nations not to have cellular phones, Internet, etc..)

    Egypt: Once a great nation with a history to match, today has been turned into an autocratic state with rigged elections and a corrupt leader whose children have embarked, like locusts, on enriching themselves. It is estimated that out of 70 million people in Egypt, 40 million walk without shoes. Mubarak's latest successful assault is on the freedom of speech. CACSA admired Anwar Sadat for his courage and hate of corrupt officials. When Sadat died, he owned literally nothing because he spent his life paying attention to Egypt and not his own pockets.

    The Palestinian Authority: Nothing that can be said about Yasser Arafat could be untrue if intellectual Palestinians are allowed to say it. Since the inception of this Authority, Arafat has ruled this small piece of land with an iron fist against any dissidence or vocal opposition. His corrupt cabinet level ministers have accessed the bulk of the aid that has been received with his full knowledge and participation. CACSA opposes for people like that to rule Jerusalem. They will destroy it.

    Lebanon: Lebanon, once hailed as the Switzerland of the Middle East, is more and more starting to resemble Syria if not for the Christians minority, who have resisted the onslaught of the civility of the Alawites just West of them. When Lebanon used to boast true democracy, today elect officials that have been pre-determined in some government office in Damascus. Rafic Harriri governs like Fahd, with total disregard for true financial planning. Prior to Hariri coming to power as Prime Minster, Lebanon had $1 billion in debt. Today Lebanon has $20 billion in debt and pays approximately 85% of its tax revenues to service that debt.

    Iraq: There is no room in this world for leaders to invade or lob Scud missiles onto their neighbors. We all await his departure with impatience.

    Iran: Once the pariah of the Middle East, now coming around with sensible policies and outlook. A great history mired with conflicts and religious zealotry. We welcome them back onto the fold and wish them free and wholesome elections.

    I always think the view of the world is so much more enlightened when you get a view from someone's eyes who actually is in a better position to see what is happening.

    Posted by Tiger at 10:29 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

    Gimmee a f'n break!

    It seems that I rankled michele and Bill with my comments in an earlier post. George, if I didn't like 'em, I would not have even said anything. If I wanted to make 'em cry, I woulda been mean, but I never am. If ya can't josh your friends, who can ya josh? I am sorry if my light-hearted humor aimed in their direction didn't quite hit the mark. My eyes are not quite focused yet. I linked 'em! I sent readers their way. Well, actually, in the case of michele, I might have found a thrill seeker or two who came this way to see what that trackback was all about. They didn't likely stay long.

    I thought it was funny. I ragged myself too. Heck we can't all come up with stuff like Harvey, can we?

    Posted by Tiger at 10:09 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

    August 12, 2003

    This post is worthy of seeing: in other words

    Now if Glenn Reynolds could only be as eloquent as this, maybe people would not rag on him so badly.

    Posted by Tiger at 09:15 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

    Sic 'em George, by George!

    Who is George Turner and what is he doing blogging over at Serenity's Journal? However, whoever he is, he tore the Brits a new asshole over this human rights debacle.

    Posted by Tiger at 06:13 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack

    This Blogosphere amazes me!

    There are days when I post inanity after inanity, always trying to be very humorous and it seems like no one visits on those days. You do not believe me? Check out how many times I posted on the 6th of this month. where I posted 16 messages and I got 265 visitors, and yet today, I only posted one message and at 3:30 pm. with 8.5 hours left in the day, I have already had 144 people visit? Now, taking my calculator in hand, 265/16=about 16.5 visits per message, and today's I can figure out without even using the calculator: 144/1=144 visits per message. Wow, I surely did not think that message was as dynamic as it has become. I just wonder why InstaPundit didn't pick up on that. Wait, maybe that is the answer. Maybe I am in the middle of an Instalanche. I doubt it, though. I don't think Glenn pays any attention to inaniacs.

    Why have I only posted one message today? See the extended entry for the story.

    [Update: It seems that at 1:43:28 pm CDT, I was linked in the TOP 40 on Daypop. I wish I had been here to see what all the hullabaloo was about. I wonder what everyone was looking for. Maybe I do need to see if InstaPundit finally recognized my existence for once.]

    [UDATE DITTO: I really hate to be updating this and the prior post as often as I have today, but I am going through trying to find why I had so many visitors today. I keep finding all these Google searches. I found someone who actually found me searching with texas and pledge of allegiance and spanish where I came up second on the list. I am so very glad to have found it linked to one of my favorties posts: There really is NOWHERE like TEXAS, one that I penned almost exactly 2 months ago.]

    It all began at the close of business yesterday. After I made it home, I actually backed the car in so as to make it easier to remove the battery from the Mustang sitting in front of my house that never moves to swap with the dead battery in the Lincoln. However, I completely forgot about that after my headache had finally subsided to the point where I could actually accomplish that task. I went right off to bed after seeing that counter click over to 7500, and fell to sleep listening to the sounds of the raging thunderstorm outside. It is weird how relaxed I feel hearing all that thunder and seeing the light flashes on the blinds as the lightening reflects off of the other side, and I love the way the wind blows and the rain pelts the windows behind its driving force. I slept like a baby. Well, not quite, as I didn't wake up in a wet soggy diaper, but the sleep was sound.

    I awoke this morning believing there was nothing urgent for me to do this morning, and was in the bathroom taking my time sitting on the toilet, doing what I do every morning, when I hear this racket going on outside, my dogs barking, Comanche trying to pull the porch down tugging on her chain, and someone honking. I jump up and run in to look through a crack in the blinds to see what the ruckus was all about, and I see this car sitting out front. I don't recognize it, but they are still honking. I decide surely it is important, so I pull on something and go outside. "Are you still going to court with me this morning?" A voice yells out the window.

    "About what?"

    "About my ex-husband trying to send me to jail because my daughter will not go visit with him. Remember, I told you she was scared of him."

    "Is that today, I thought you said it was next week."

    "It is today."

    "OK, I will be there. It is at 10:00, right?" I know it is just a little before 9:00 and the court is in the next town over, at least 20 minutes drive, so it had better be at 10:00 or neither of us was going to be there.

    "Yes. Do you want us to go on over there?"

    "Yes, I will be there soon." They drive off.

    I rushed in, bathed quickly and dressed and was out the door in less than 10 minutes. I am a guy, I can do that. I jump into my car, turn the key over, dead. Oops, I forgot something. OK, I can do what I used to do with my other car that had an electrical short and was found dead almost every morning. I ran back in the house to get the Mustang keys, intending to start it and drive it close enough to jump the Lincoln off, and it turned over several times and would not start. I tried again, same result. I tried one third time, and could tell the battery was starting to pull down. Out of gas, I am almost sure. I don't drive it, so I never put any gas in it. The tank says "E" and I have no reason to doubt it. I go inside and call my secretary and tell her to look in the client's file and check to see if she has a cell number. Call them and tell them I am stuck and may be late.

    I didn't have any cigarettes, so I walked the block to the store to get my morning DP and a pack of smokes and was almost there when the client pulls up next to me and says, you can ride with us. We make it to court on time. The case washes out because the whole ploy is a subterfuge by the ex to get her to agree to terminate his rights so he doesn't have to continue to pay child support. I tell her it is not wise to do so, but she says he is not paying anyway, and that the kid hates him. I talk to the kid, tell her that if he terminates his rights, he is no longer her dad. She says that is good, she hates him. We all come home.

    It is lunch hour, so I change clothes, putting on some old jumpsuit I have from when I worked airfreight and commence to taking the battery out of the Lincoln. I laid it on the ground and I then went and took the battery out of the Mustang and brought it over to the Lincoln. No way. The posts are aligned right, but the Mustang battery is too tall and the positive clamp will not even get close to the post. I had to arrange a ride to the next town to get another battery. I actually could have gotten one locally, but I save about $30 bucks going to O'Reilly's. I may not be the poorest person in town, but I am a penny pincher when it comes to value. I am not forking over an extra $30 just because I happen to live in a little tiny town where every business seems to gouge on their prices. Well, not everybody, mainly restaurants, grocery stores and auto parts dealers. I got the new battery, $49.00 plus tax, plus recycle fee. Funny how they charge $8 if you don't exchange your old battery, but charge you $3 when you bring it in. They don't like you chunkin' them old batteries off into the lake. Seems it kills the fish or something.

    Anyway, that's my story and I'm stickin' to it.

    Posted by Tiger at 04:10 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

    August 11, 2003

    Wow! Am I ever surprised!

    I just found out I am tied for 51st place on Blogdex. Not even close to where Kelley showed today, but it impressed me. Oh, and Kelley, if you see this, read this please.

    And the 7500th visitor was someone who found this post searching Google for altoids tooth enamel.

    Posted by Tiger at 11:31 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

    And a little justice for dessert!

    Kristopher of The World Around You reported on a judge in Nebraska who decided that a burrito recipe actually justified the smell of alcohol on a guy's breath. Read his story for a clue as to what was in the burrito recipe to make the judge come to that conclusion.

    You can bet Glenn Reynolds had nothing about this on InstaPundit. [UPDATE: I checked and he hasn't picked up on the story.]

    Posted by Tiger at 09:45 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

    I oughta be horsewhipped!

    Kelley did all that hard work putting together this week's Cul-de-Sac and I have not even mentioned it. Well, let me do so now. As the proverbial cliché says, better late than never. My sincerest apologies, Kelley!

    Posted by Tiger at 06:51 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

    Don't you ever wonder?

    Jeff Trigg of RandomActOfKindness found this story about an acquittal by a jury in a case involving proecution for Income Tax Evasion.

    Juror Barbara Snodgras of Memphis said the jury did not convict because "we all felt that the prosecution didn't prove its case."
    Now, in every criminal trial, I always remind the jury, as does the judge, and usually the prosecution, that they are the sole judge of the credibility of the witnesses. I wonder how many people believe anyone from the IRS has any credibility of any kind.

    Posted by Tiger at 06:38 PM | Comments (4) | TrackBack

    From Aunt Net's mailbag

    If you are a regular reader, you know I have a loving aunt on AOL who sends me