Read My Lips - the blog

Oh my, what in the WORLD?

A couple of interestin' International situations I found surfin' around today: First of all, I should have been keepin' a closer eye on the situation with bloggers in China. Brainysmurf says that the Chinese government's efforts to block bloggin' from within and about China is resultin' in givin' those bloggers more attention.

Then, Reuters reports that the World Court has ordered that all the death row cases in the United States involvin' Mexican citizens are to be reviewed because the Mexican citizens had not been properly informed of their right to talk to consular officials shortly after their arrests.

UPDATE: It seems our motorcycle ridin' friend from Russia, who has now identified herself as Elena, has some more pictures she took of rides through the Chernobyl area. I think it is worth another look, ya'll.

UPDATE II: In continuin' our look at items dealin' with other countries, have ya ever wondered exactly who is in charge of lookin' into and dealin' with all those Nigerian email scams here in the US? It seems the agency that is in charge of such is the Secret Service.

More from the Inbox

The other day, someone at the co-op read that a methamphetamine lab had been found in an old farm house in the adjoining county and he asked me a rhetorical question, "Why didn't we have a drug problem when you and I were growing up, Milo?

It just so happened that I had saved something that had been e-mailed to me a few weeks ago. So, I printed off a copy and took it to him the next day. I smiled when I handed it to him and said, "I did have a drug problem when I wuz a kid growing up on the farm in southeast Kansas." Here's what the sheet said:

"I had a drug problem when I was young: My parents drug me to church on Sunday morning. I was drug to church for wedding and funerals. I was drug to family reunions and community socials no matter the weather. I was drug by my ears when I was disrespectful to adults and teachers. I was also drug to the woodshed when I disobeyed my parents or if I didn't put forth my best effort in everything that was asked of me. I was drug out to pull weeds in mom's garden and flower beds and cockleburs out of dad's soybean fields.

Those drugs are still in my veins and they affect my behavior in everything I do, say, and think. They are stronger than cocaine, crack or heroin, and if today's children had this kind of drug problem, America might be an even better place today

The mess costs a bundle to clean up

I thought Kristopher hit the nail on the head with this post. I am sure the costs are similar in Texas. I thought what was most troublin' was that the figures are what is spent cleanin' up trash on the highways takin' into account the use of prisoners and community service laborers.

She might be tired of sayin' it, but nobody says it better

What I would prefer is that someone would stand up in D.C. and say "We have nothing to apologize for. The Murdering Islamists and their followers are the ones who need to apologize, and you will never get that."

And then we kill the bastards, move forward and try to stop this from every happening again. -Michele regardin' her thoughts on the need for the 9/11 hearings

Much Ado About Mews

Would you believe they did it again? Carnival of the Cats II - was there ever a bigger waste of electrons?*

*OK, I am sure that Bill has wasted more than this on any given day.**

**I figured I had better pick on Bill today, as he seems to have forgotten 'bout me. He still ain't changed his link.

Is it really all jes' sumthin' in Ted's head

I was over at Ted's place 'cause I wanted to see what kind of a BestOfMe Symphony a flu-afflicted* rocket jockey would post. There were some pretty interestin' links and stories to see, but I think what I liked best was the Ted's newest title graphic, surely the best yet! Also, I was rollin' 'round laughin' when I got to the end of the saga on this page that he linked on the previous post.

*Jim provided the scent about the illness dilemma.

Somethin' from the very bottom of the Inbox

OK, here is an interestin' presentation of "The Interview with God," an anonymous poetic piece. The message is inspirational and the accompanyin' photography is breathtakin'. It won't take ya'll but a minute or so, and I am almost sure you will be glad you took the time. I played it all the way through a couple of times.

Another highly interestin' item

I received another forwarded email from my Aunt 'Net that I suspected was another of those Urban Legend things that float around because the premise that there was really such a wide disparity in the price of drugs from one pharmacy to another was not somethin' I would have believed, as I would be of the opinion that such was actually true, it would have been already widely known. However, it appears that my check with snopes says it is indeed a very true fact. If there are any legislative candidates lookin' for an issue on health-care, this would seem to be somethin' you could put out there. I mean ... what is this?

Steve Wilson, a reporter with WXYZ-TV in Detroit, conducted an investigative study into the cost of generic drugs at various pharmacies and other retail drug outlets and found quite a disparity between the highest and lowest prices charged for certain generic drugs. For example, the Prescription Drug Price Comparison Chart available in conjunction with Wilson's report shows that a one-month supply of Fluoxetine HCL (the generic for Prozac), which wholesales for $1.48, varied in retail price from a high of $92.24 to a low of $9.69 just within the Detroit area.

An amazin' look at a little part of life

My Aunt 'Net has filled my inbox with a bunch of different items and I found this link to a wonderful site that follows the life of a hummin'bird, complete with pictures, from the day it was hatched to the day it was ready to fly. Start at the link and be sure to keep hittin' the next page link at the bottom of the page. It s a very interestin' journey and it ain't all that long.

The astrological forecast is bright!

Your Monday horoscope, Taurus! Strive to remember the big picture, as the future looks bright ahead. A possible soulmate will remind you he or she has been there for you already. Commitment is coming.

The rains came but left a sunny afternoon

I sat around this mornin' watchin' a couple of old movies from the 1930's awaitin' my schedule tour at the local wildlife park at 2:00 pm. It was a cool and cloudy mornin', and I was thinkin' it was gonna be an enjoyable day for the tour. Just 'bout the time I was gettin' ready to go, I started hearin' the pitter-patter of rain drops on the windows, but still it was such a soft shower, I felt it only added to the event, as the animals at the park seem to be a bit livelier durin' the rain. By the time I arrived at the park, the intensity of the rain had grown to a torrential level and I started to worry if the groups would cancel. I checked with the personnel and they said two groups had already arrived and were here and there. So I prepared the vehicle, assured myself that rain gear was present in case any of the visitors wished to don one of the cheap plastic ponchos which usually insure that you will actually get wetter than you would without the use of such. I then drove the vehicle to the front gate to await the arrival of my groups. The rain stopped, the sun came out, and the tour went without a hitch. Each member of my group admitted they'd had fun and had all learned a lot about the park and the assorted steps taken to assist selected endangered species to survive into the future.

Mar. 28, 2004

Yes!!! ~pumps fist~ Breathed takes on today's fashion nonsense and Opus, after due consideration, takes action. Don't miss this one.

Mar. 26, 2004

A police officer pulls over a speeding car The officer says, "I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir." The driver says, "Gee, officer, I had it on cruise control at 60, perhaps your radar needs calibrating."

Not looking up from her knitting the wife says sweetly from the passenger seat, "Now don't be silly, dear, you know that this car doesn't have cruise control."

As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls, "Can't you keep your mouth shut for once?"

The wife smiles demurely and says, " You should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did." As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar detector unit, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth, "Darn it, woman, can't you keep your mouth shut."

The officer frowns and says, "And I notice that you're not wearing your seat belt, sir. That's an automatic $75 fine."

The driver says, "Yeah, well, you see officer, I had it on, but took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket."

The wife says," Now, dear, you know very well that you didn't have your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you're driving."

And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket the driver turns to his wife and barks, "WHY DON'T YOU SHUT THE HELL UP??"

The officer looks over at the woman and asks, "Does your husband always talk to you this way, Ma'am?"

"Oh, heavens no, officer. Only when he's been drinking."

To the spies and hackers

I thought the comment spammers were bad, but whoever you people are that are comin' in here spyin' on me and hackin' my pages and changin' my words: You are not welcome. I am currenlly investigatin' to determine who you are: itexas.net 12:19:38 pm viewed 2 pages and spent 8:38 lookin' at this site.

I find I ain't so completely powerless

Well, there may be a silver linin' in this Puritan Gestapo* scenario situation, after all. After the proverbial shoe fell Friday, after the initial shock and the scramble to get the offendin' blog hidden as fast as I could and spendin' almost all night writin' and editin' that page that is there to greet anyone sent there by my enemies and such, I have been down and have been runnin' here and there tryin' to marshal all of my supporters to repair as much of the damage as I could. Well, yesterday, someone reminded me that the historical and legendary lawyer from the area durin' the moonshine days whose acts and life I admired so much was his own man also, so who cares if some people did not like what I had to say or the words I used. That made me feel very much better. Then today, I was told to call another person, one of the most prominent people in town, the Sunday School teacher of almost all the major figures around that go to the Methodist Church, because he wanted to talk to me. Thankfully, I already got the lead that he was on my side in the ordeal. If he had not been on my side, I probably had very little chance of winnin'. I ain't gonna quit no matter what. I got nuthin' to lose except the election, and it ain't gonna be over for me until the votes are counted. Over the last few days, I have found that I do still have a few good supporters here and there Well, I call the guy and the very first thing he tells me is to tell this fellow who asked me to withdraw from the race to kiss my ass** He said he did not think it was all the smart of me to publicly use some of the words I have been accused of usin', but he finds he uses them himself on occasion and if the person who wanted me to withdraw for usin' such words thought he was in charge of the morals of Republicans, he should be runnin' for some national office or somethin'. He also told me to tell the guy that if he heard anythin' about him spreadin' stuff around about me, that he would not be the head of anythin' in the area for very long. Ya see, the guy was probably the first person in the area to openly confess to bein' a Republican and his currently ailin' wife was the area Republican chairperson for years and years. Being the Sunday School teacher for the town's Methodist Church and bein' the foremost Republican in town, he possesses a lot of persuasion. I am feelin' much better now, I tell ya -- very much better. End of report.

*I saw there was one visitor from a local ISP already: itexas.net Mar 23 2004 7:35:13 am.

**His words, exactly.

21st Century Highwaymen?

Is there anythin' that some crook somewhere won't think up just to steal someone else's money? Even I would never have thought of this scheme. What I am wonderin', though, is if these things are sold stores or available online and just how much you have to lay out to sit in a car watchin' some ATM for your chance at some easy money?

Please note the change of name and act accordin'ly

As I am doin' the best to break any ties with my former blog name and havin' an intention to blog much more stealthily, I am askin' that any of ya'll that have links to this blog that are usin' the T:RR* name, to please change such to Read My Lips. Those who have maintained the Abject Apathetic Procrastination name are free to keep such if you want, although this blog is no longer called that either. It appears that members of the Puritan Gestapo had previously used T:RR in search engines to find the former location. If they find you link named as such in a future search, they might actually click it to locate me and harass me the same way they harassed my predecessor. If you are doin' like Susie and just usin' my name as the name of the link, I see no actual problem as that is a very common word.

*The expanded name is not used herein for the same reasons I am askin' for you to change your links.

Wrong hat again!

Dang that Susie, I was gonna do Rocky & Bullwinkle when it came time for me to host the Carnival of the Vanities. Now I will have to go to plan 9 from outer space. Speakin' of the Carnival of the Vanities, I better let the guys know I have relocated, huh?

Whether ya wanted it or not

OK, I been workin' furiously to rid all my old posts of anythin' that might give the Puritan Gestapos any way to find me through any search engines. My town is now called notCrawford and my county is now called notClark and of course, I am notGeorge from now on. I am pretty close to November 2003 in changin' the author on all the prior posts. I guess I will no longer be able to tell ya'll how much ya'll would enjoy visitin' my hometown now, but of course, what with it bein' filled with Puritan Gestapos, who would want to come here anyway, right? Anyway, I have been roundin' up my good supporters and lettin' them know my enemies are spreadin' those nasty rumors about me, and askin' them to do their best to dispel any belief in them as possible. Still, my hopes are dampened more than I wished, but as I said a long time ago, we will wait and count the chickens after they hatch. I already had a contingency plan if I did not have enough to start the chicken ranch. If'n ya don't have any idea what in the heck I am talkin' 'bout, blame them Puritan Gestapos for forcin' me to talk in circles and tryin' to make ya read between the lines. Don't ya just hate censorship. I used to be so proud of my community, and now I wonder why the heck I was so proud of it. Just because one petty little spiteful man who had no idea who I am or what I stand for but just because he did not like the language I used from time to time on my blog, or maybe a couple of the subjects I blogged about, or somethin', as he was really not all that clear about what problem he really had with my blog, I just cannot think of any way to tell ya'll how disappointed I feel about the situation.

Anyway, I am glad to have gotten the move done. I feel better. I am not me any longer, just some guy who hides behind a false name so no one can take his words, twist them around, and then throw them back in his face in a personal attack. It bothers me that life has to be this way, but that is the way of the world, I guess. I had a friend tell me that deep thinkers never win elections because people are afraid of change. They just want things to go the same way they have been going forever and ever. I suppose that is right. If ya think on a different level than everyone else, then everyone hates ya and looks for anythin' they can to bring you down to their level. Sorry, ya fuckin' * Puritan Gestapos -- I ain't playin' your childish games. I don't have to, ya see, 'cause I know what is goin' on in your minds. I have that sense, ya know. Muhahahahaha!

I got a navel, I can gaze at it at my leisure. It is mine, and it ain't worryin' a bit about the future, 'cause no matter what, it knows its has a place there. End of report.

*I just had to do that 'cause I know how much it would piss them off.

Just where do those tax dollars go?

I found this story in the local paper yesterday: STAR-TELEGRAM.COM: Elderly inmates costing millions It looks like one of those megadollar Catch-22 situations that can quickly drain a state's coffers.

Mar. 21, 2004

I thought it was very humorous today, and was very reminiscent of Berke Breathed's prior comics. Of the three possble choices given, I suppose Captain Crunch would be the one I would have chosen.

Welcome to all

Hello. As the Big Cat has decided to take a hiatus from writing what is on his mind, he approached me to see if I would like to take over this blog. Of course, I felt that a change of name was in order and thankfully he agreed and even created a nice graphic. I am going to ask him or someone to remake it just a bit also, because there are a few things I would like to change. I am not all the proficient with everything you need to do, as I am starting off on the ground floor. The Big Cat has set me up so that at least I know how to post. So this is my first post.

I believe it is proper to introduce myself. My name is not George. It is something else. I am a part time minister of the Church of Goodness. It is a Unitarian type church where everyone of any faith is welcome and where we believe it is important to work hard to be the best person you can without worrying about what happens after you die. It is one of our beliefs that life is the blessing the Wondrous One gave to us and it is our responsibility and the way we show respect to Him to live our life assisting others and doing as He commanded.

I will do my best to fill the shoes of my predecessor when I find the time or something I think is worthy to say or share. I do hope you find what I have to say very enjoyable.

Today was not a day I would like to ever repeat

I am sorry that I have not posted with my regular fervor and you can expect that such may go on for a few days. It seems the predicament that I was hopin' to avoid by havin' moved my blog off of my tiglaw server to munu caught up with me today. If you are interested in the back story, go to the prior location. I am thoroughly drained for the time bein' and no sure when I will recover. I suspect I shall be workin' diligently to protect myself from assault whether from the front, the flanks or from the back while I am asleep. End of report.

OK, for better or worse --- this is the end beginnin'

The post import file is uploaded onto munu and I did a couple of attempts to import it yesterday. My dialup crashed after a bit and when I reattempted, it started duplicatin' the posts that had imported prior to the crash. I decided it might be better to do the import on my office cable connection. I spent the rest of the night deletin' all the posts that had imported.

I went back to bed after I posted the last item. I suppose ya'll are aware that the last two days had worn me down extensively, and my body just gave out, I guess. Anyway, I dozed intermittently as I say there, and several items came to mind. My other location is not yet registered on NZB's Ecosystem and when I do so, I will likely find myself back in the lower echelon of the species thereon. Alas, I suppose I will eventually climb back up in the ranks of the pickled pig's feet at some future point as most of ya'll change your links to http://tig.mu.nu/. I suppose I will have to reconfigure my SiteMeter to read from the new location, and although I can add the number of visitors from my current site meter to that meter, the graph won't show that giant Instalanche 10,500 visitor spike I got last August or otherwise allow me to keep track of my previous visitation statistics. Again, so what? It ain't nuthin' 'specially important in the long run of what I really hope to accomplish by bloggin'. There is, however, one thing that does bother me extensively ... that is all those trackbacks to my posts that exist out there on ya'll blogs that could end up pointed to URLs that no longer exist. I am supposin' that I could create a bunch of redirect pages or somethin' to lead people to the new location of those posts, or some other work around. I am still thinkin' on that.

I am still thinkin' and would really appreciate any thoughts and suggestions ya'll might have regardin' these and any other problems ya'll might have regardin' the blog move. But, from this point on, all further bloggin' will be at the other this place: Tiger: Raggin' & Rantin' ... same name, same blogger, same crud, different URL. Change your links, PLEASE!

Are we all becomin' unwillin' victims?

OKLAHOMA CITY – Gov. Brad Henry called on lawmakers Wednesday to pass within two weeks a bill banning over-the-counter sales of cold tablets containing pseudoephedrine.

Pseudoephedrine – found in popular cold and allergy medicines such as Sudafed – is a key ingredient for making illegal methamphetamine.

The bill under consideration would make such medicine a regulated substance that can only be sold by pharmacists.

Consumers would have to show a photo identification and sign for the drug and would be limited to buying and possessing nine grams, or about 10 boxes. [full story - reg. req.?]

Actually, I am agreeable that methamphetamine is a problem in our country, but am also of the opinion that the biggest cause of the methamphetamine problem is the War on Drugs itself. As the supply lines to other, less dangerous, imported drugs have been shut down, the ever increasin' demand (despite all efforts by the War on Drugs, to the contrary), has forced the emergence of drugs which can be manufactured locally from items found locally. I have always suggested that the War on Drugs was a war against the rights of people to self medicate themselves. After seein' the Oklahoma proposal, has it ever been more apparent?

Mar. 19, 2004

Mrs. Donovan was walking down O'Connell Street in Dublin when she met up with Father Flaherty.
The Father said, Top o' the mornin' to ye! Aren't ye Mrs. Donovan and didn't I marry ye and yer husband 2 years ago?
She replied, Aye, that ye did, Father.
The Father asked, And be there any wee ones yet?
She replied, No, not yet, Father.
The Father said, Well now, I'm going to Rome next week and I'll light a candle for ye and yer husband.
She replied, Oh, thank ye, Father
They parted ways.

Some years later Father Flaherty ran into Mrs. Donovan as she was walking down O'Connell Street in Dublin again.
The Father asked, Well now, Mrs. Donovan, how are ye these days?
She replied, Oh, very well, Father!
The Father asked, And tell me, have ye any wee ones yet?
She replied, Oh yes, Father! Three sets of twins and 4 singles, 10 in all!
The Father said, That's wonderful!" How is yer loving husband doing?
She replied, E's gone to Rome to blow out yer candle.

What is goin' on here?

Well, I have noticed that a lot of look-sees without much activity has been goin' on today. I did not post much and probably won't do so much until the move is over. After all, I have already done an export of my posts on this server a day or so ago, and so anythin' posted afterward, I will have to transfer by hand.

I am complete worn out. I am so glad tomorrow is Friday, and thanks partly to what occurred today, tomorrow is gonna be a pretty easy day. I had two different guys that were supposed to have hearin's on their criminal cases, but the DA had them brought down today. I guess when I told him that one had accepted the plea bargain, so that we were not havin' to go to trial on such case on March 29 and that I would be in the other court this mornin', he decided to save me a bit of gas. So after I took care of passin' on 4 client's pre-trials, I went across the floor and plead the other two out, and as such, there was no necessity to go there tomorrow to plead one of them and attempt to get the other one's bond lowered. Of course, as with all great things that come along, there was a mistake made on one of the client's sheets with their probation conditions, where the probation officer put the wrong offense on it, we are gonna have to plead him again. Thankfully, there was still a hold on him for somethin' else, so he is still sittin' in jail awaitin' to be transported to take care of the other matter. If it had been the other client, we might have had a hard time gettin' him back in court, as I understood he made it out of jail and was home before I got back to my office and called his mother to tell her to expect him to call her to let her know to come pick him up from jail. The one whose plea has to be done all over will be brought back down early Monday mornin'. That is almost as bad, though, as anythin' else I could think of that could have happened. I hate havin' to be in court in the neighborin' town before 9:00 as it means I have to get up bright and early and get the fork out of the house instead of bein' able to come in here and check my email, see how many visitors I got overnight, as well to see if anyone commented and crud like that. Havin' to get up that damn early on Monday mornin' sucks like crud. Of course, I would have had to go through the same thing the next Monday if he had not decided to take that plea bargain, and I would have also had to be ready to start a long nasty trial. I guess I ought not bitch too much, huh?

Well, as usual, however, after a really long day, and especially a really long day followin' right after another really long day, I am about dead on my feet. No sleepwalkiin' tonight, I am sure, even if I do still feel like a zombie. I am lookin' down at my navel right now and will be really glad to tell all ya'll that it is pink and right in the middle of my plump belly as expected. No zombie belly button here. My head and feet are the biggest problems ... as well as my hand ...which decided to hurt like Hell™ again tonight. I might as well tell ya'll: Two months, two weeks, three days, 22 hours, 6 minutes and 56 seconds has elapsed since I last took a puff off of a nasty cigarette and that now means 2727 cigarettes not smoked, allowin' me to save $545.45 in cash as well as possibly extendin' my life an additional 1 week, 2 days, 11 hours, 15 minutes. Additionally, I had a bacon, egg and cheese breakfast burrito from Sonic® and a chicken-fried steak smothered in cream gravy, with green beans, fried squash and mashed taters ... talked the gal into lettin' me have the jello and pineapple salad which was a vegetable choice as my dessert instead of whatever type of puddin' filled with fruit cocktail that was supposed to be the dessert. I also ate the roll, but was too stuffed to eat the cornbread. I ate two of those slim pepperoni sticks on my way home after work. I have had 128 ounces or so of Dr. Pepper®. My secretary today mentioned how she had been pleased to see my comin' in eatin' somethin' for breakfast here lately, as she was really worried I was not gettin' enough to eat. I think my plump belly is evidence that I got a bit of stored fat to use, just in case I ain't quite gettin' all the calories I need. Now how many of ya'll were able to stay around for all of that? If ya did, I am really proud to know you actually care. ;) End of report ... finally.

It's too early in the mornin' to feel like a heel

I have arisen way too early for such a long day, and yet I feel bad, both physically, as well as mentally. My body is still tired and sore from yesterday's adventures, and I just now remembered I was supposed to go crud on Bill yesterday. I got so caught up in my real forkin' life, I let down one of my blogger friends. My sincerest apologies to Windrider for havin' totally neglected the party after turnin' in my RSVP and to Bill for not havin' dished out my share of crud in his much deserved celebration. I will have to face the long day today with that guilt weighin' on my mind. ~sigh~*

*I would've groaned, but I just don't have the strength.

I know ya'll are out there, I can hear ya breathin'

Just sayin', ya know? I have had a very long, eventful and tirin' day and I am not sure yet what I am gonna do this evenin'. Bloggin' could be very light. However, don't despair, as it does seem that there are a few really good posts below that you have overlooked. They are clamorin' for your attention.

I just found that It's a waste of time to ask Jeeves anythin' ??

OK, I was gonna try to do nuthin' but St. Patty's Day, but I was checkin' out some sheets on the internet for my bed. My damn fitted sheets are always comin' off of the mattress like they don't really fit. I am always lookin' for deep pockets, but deep pockets don' t seem to stay on all that well. I was wonderin' if maybe I have a Cal King bed. I am confused as to what the difference is between a King sized bed and a Cal King sized bed, though. So I went to http://www.ask.com and asked Jeeves: "what is the difference between a King sized bed and a Cal King sized bed?". All I got in response was a list of forkin' websites sellin' mattresses and sheets. George! There are at least a million search engines: my favorite bein' alltheweb. I was of the opinion and thought I recollected that Jeeves actually attempted to answer your questions, or did at one time? Am I mistaken? Oh to Hell® with answerin' that question -- just somebody tell me the difference between a King sized bed and a Cal King sized bed.

The Night of the Livin' Dead*

Ya know, there are times when ya get off work so worn out that you mindless stumble homeward without a conscious thought in your head or any remembrance of how you got there once you arrive. But then you seem to liven up just as you hit the door, you change clothes, splash on some cologne and go out hobnobbin' with your peers at some local gin joint until such point as you blindly stumble home without a conscious thought in your head or any remembrance of how you actually got home when you wake up in the middle of the night passed out in a pool of your own vomit.

Of course, then you reach middle age where you go through step one of the foregoin' scenario, but you don't enliven when you hit your front door. You often find your self pickin' yourself up off the floor in the middle of the night layin' in a pool of your own drool. My forkin' feet hurt. Hard marble courthouse floors and hard concrete jail floors are not soft on the tootsies for some reason. Also, my eyes are droopy, or maybe drippy even,** it is hard to tell lookin' at them from the inside, ya know. I would love to stay up and tell ya all about how fresh and alert my navel is and maybe about how attention starved my penis continues to be,*** but I feel my King sized, not Cal King sized, bed with the non-fittin' fitted sheets atopped with that double layer of goose down that is soon losin' its value as the days grow warmer and soon the nights will follow. But alas, partin' is such sweet sorrow, or maybe ya'll are forkin' glad that I am gonna shut up for awhile. Heck, what do I know? I am just the night watchman.**** End of report.

*With my sincerest apologies to and greatest admiration for George Romero, who made the movie I dreamed of makin' while I was too young to make it and too stupid to know I wanted to make it.*****

**Heavens to Murgatroid! Exit stage left!

***Great George, let's don't go there tonight, please!

****I really don't have any idea about what that is all about ... it just popped out and I didn't have the heart to delete it. ttffn™

*****I am havin' a very hard time with this link ... can someone give me a hand with it?

This might be the best one

I have had a long long day, what with startin' the mornin' standin' in front of a judge. At least, though, the divorce is finally over. I guess, I should have been elated, but I then found myself in the midst of a bunch of hungry Lions Thankfully they seemed to find somethin' better to dine upon than my scrawny bones and after only an hour or so, I was able to extricate myself. Just as I thought I had reached a zone of safety, however, I was captured and forced into labor. Luckily, I escaped another predicament without too much difficulty but figured it might be best to get out of dodge, so I immediately left the local area. I drove a half hour to a neighborin' village, and soon found myself awash in a mound of paperwork. I ended up by spendin' two and half hours inside their local jail. I decided I had actually been better off in my hometown and returned to the office to get some of the work done that I was unable to accomplish durin' my day. And just what do I find in my inbox? An attorney joke:

During a trial, in a small Missouri town, the local prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand. She was sworn in, asked if she would tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, on the Bible, so help her God.

The witness was a proper well-dressed elderly lady, the Grandmother type, well spoken and poised.

The prosecuting attorney approached the woman and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?'" She responded, "Why, yes I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, cheat on your wife, manipulate people and talk badly about them behind their backs. You think you're a rising big shot when you haven't the sense to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper-pushing shyster." "Yes, I know you quite well."

The lawyer was stunned. He couldn't even think for a few minutes. Then, slowly backed away, fearing the looks on the judge and jurors' faces, not to mention the court reporter who documented every word. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?" She again replied, "Why, yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, has a bad drinking problem. The man can't build or keep a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. Yes, I know him."

The defense attorney almost fainted and was seen slipping downward in his chair, looking at the floor. Laughter mixed with gasps, thundered throughout the courtroom and the audience was on the verge of chaos.

At this point, the judge brought the courtroom to silence, called both counselors to the bench, and in a very quiet voice said, "If either of you morons asks her if she knows me, you're going to jail."

Kiss Me, I'm Irish ... or all the good parts are

Irish or not, on St. Patrick's Day, a wee bit of Erin creeps into us all. As for me, I began with an Irish Blessin', and now it is time to go Limerickin':

A maid in the land of Aloha

Got caught in the coils of a boa.

And as the snake squeezed,

The maid not displeased,

Cried "Come on and do it Samoa."

There was a young lady named Gloria,

Whose boyfriend said "May I explore ya?"

She replied to the chap

"I will draw you a map

Of where others have been to before ya."

Happy St. Patty's Day

Oh crimey, is this ever embarrassin'

Somewhere between tryin' to move stuff between here and the other place, I pasted the wrong template and lost my new one. I have most of it here and there, thankfully, but George, what a boondoggle! As Homer would say: DOH!

A mornin' full of surprises

Wow, has today ever started off with a rash of surprises. Of course, I was surprised to learn that my good friend Susie was such an influential blogger, but I already posted 'bout that. Then I walk into the office as my secretary was leavin' a message on the answerin' machine tellin' me she would not be in today because she is in the hospital. It seems this pregnancy is not goin' easily. I am not surprised that she is continuin' to have difficulties, I was just surprised that she had been hospitalized. I actually did pick up the phone and was able to speak with her before she hung up. Her spirits were good. I was glad for that. She was primarily worried about how I was gonna get along without her. It will be difficult, to be sure, but I am more concerned about my havin' to pay her for today when she was not able to work. However, she works for what I can afford to pay her and she does put forth a lot of effort and gets a lot done when she is able. If she needs a day here and there, due to health and family problems, I just count it as part of runnin' a small business. To do otherwise, I would likely have to hire someone who expects to be paid more than I gross on a monthly basis. Very Important news is contained in the extended entry ... somethin' you likely do not want to miss.

After I hung up with Sam[antha], I checked the messages on my answerin' machine. There was only one message and it from someone who mentioned they were lookin' for someone with my name that lived in a town where I used to live. They left a name that sounded very familiar, but I could not recall anythin' 'bout the person. It turns out it was a very close friend of mine and my late wife from the time when she had died,. Carrie had cared for the dogs I had at that time while I spend most of the time carin' for my wife, either in the hospital or travelin' back and forth from Dallas to Carlsbad, NM where she lived the last weeks of her life. We had a pleasant conversation and caught up on what has been happening' in both our lives. It seems she divorced and remarried. Her kids are now grown but she has young step daughters and seems to be stayin' pretty busy clearin' up some old business havin' to do with her prior relationship. I explained to her how I came to live where I live and why I liked living here in notCrawford. I told her my email address and the URL of this blog. It was kinda surprisin' to hear from someone from my past like that.

I had just hung up from talkin' to her and had gone to the back of the office to [TMI] when I heard the entry bell ring. I completed my business hurriedly and rushed out of the men's room. I shouted to let whoever it was know I was in the back of the office and was comin' their way. My visitor turned out to be some guy with two plats full of ripe strawberries. He said that someone had bought them for me. He set them on my counter and left as I watched with what I assume was an utterly perplexed look upon my face. I ate a couple of the strawberries and they were delicious. I then locked the door and walked the square, located his truck, and attempted to investigate in an attempt to locate my mysterious strawberry patron. No one seemed to possess any relevant information about the identity of the mystery person, however. Followin' my failed investigation attempt, I returned to my office. I ate a couple more of the strawberries, and began to try to figure out what I was gonna do with two plats of strawberries. I don't really eat all that much fresh fruit. I rarely even eat at home. If I do, it is usually somethin' that is prepackaged and microwaveable, or easily heated in a pre-heated oven. Admittedly, almost anythin' that does make it into my refrigerator generally develops mold before I ever look for it again. Current residents in my fridge are a jar of pickles, a can or two of Dublin Dr. Pepper, and some old dried up baked potato I never got around to eatin'. So, I was thinkin' about takin' them to my friend's store and just lettin' him give them away when the proverbial light bulb flashed over my head: I ended up donatin' them to the local food bank. The food bank personnel were delighted to have received them and said they would be a very special treat for some of our less fortunate citizens. So, to whomever gave me the strawberries: I thank you for your gift and the sentiment involved and I dearly thank you for providin' me with another opportunity to help people in my community.

As I drove back the two short blocks from the food bank to my office, I had no sooner parked when I saw someone for whom I had been intendin' to call. Bill is the guy who organizes the Lion's Club golf tournament. He had previously asked me if I would draw up a hold harmless agreement he could use in connection with the tournament. I had done drafted one yesterday and presented him with my proposal. He was very pleased with the document, and we discussed a couple of modifications that would be necessary so as it use it with multiple parties. I am elated to have be able to do somethin' for the Lion's Club. So many of the other members donate products to sell when we have fund raisers, but I really have nuthin' to offer. It ain't like I can donate a certificate for 50% off on a divorce or free defense on your next DWI arrest.

While I was talkin' to Bill on the sidewalk in front of the office, Jim Brady, the Commander of my American Legion Post drove by. He rolled down his window and reminded me that I had yet to type up the minutes from our last meetin'. I again made a mental note to try to recall where I put my notes. As he drove off, the next car at the stop sign was one of my staunchest supporters for my County Attorney race. I waved her over to discuss some issues with another candidate's sign I had taken down prematurely. It seems they are in a run-off. I had removed all the signs from my front fence on the eve after the primary because State Election Law requires them to be taken down. We can put them back up 90 days prior to the November election. I have not even purchased signs yet, as I have not raised any money yet. Well, actually, the person I was speakin' with has raised some on my behalf. I forgot to ask her if I had enough to buy the helium balloons I want to give away at the 4th of July Parade. Oh well, there is still a bit of time between now and then. Overall, it was surprisin' that I happened to chance upon three people that I needed to speak with or that needed to speak with me, lined up like they did. Usually, I would have run into one at the post office, another at the grocery store, and would have had to call the third one later this evenin'.

I saved the biggest surprise of the mornin for last. Pixy Misa contacted me via email about the disappearance of Cherry. I explained to him that there was no cause for alarm. Cherry found a higher callin', she says, and has given up on bloggin'. However, it had been suggested on previous occasions that I was welcome to become a full member of the munu universe. I have begun negotiations to finally move T:RR into the munu realm. If I continue to keep bloggin' in connection with my legal practice, I can use this space for things of a more local nature. If the move goes as I foresee it, I will l kick Kang out of his home. He has become too Apathetic to even Abjectly Procrastinate. I fear that he, too, has completely given up on bloggin' . Even the bartender seems to have cooled on the idea of assistin' him with the bloggin' efforts.. I guess there is just so much one can expect from kangaroos, after all. The move may happen quickly and I am hopeful that there won't be too many of ya''ll who will be surprised if ya come here lookin' for T:RR and it is gone. It won't be gone -- it will one be where it should have been a long time ago, nestled among its friends: Ambient Irony (Pixy) [esteemed patron and benefactor of all things munu], Practical Penumbra (Susie), Stranger in a Strange Land (Tim), Jennifer's History and Stuff, Rocket Jones (Ted), Mookie Riffic; The Cheese Stands Alone (Lee Ann), Roxette Bunny; Caught in the X fire (Stevie); Angelweave (Heather), Anger Management (Don), Snooze Button Dreams (Jim), Everyday Stranger (Helen), Madfish Willie's, Annika's Poetry and Journal, and a host of new citizens with whom I have yet to become acquainted.

The things your friends never tell ya

Congratulations to Susie for bein' named among the top 100 of the most influential reporters and bloggers on the web. So, Susie, why did you keep this a secret from me?

Does any out there serve just desserts?

Well, regrettably it is time to do what I naturally feel like doin' at this time of the evenin'. No Denita, it ain't what you are thinkin'. What is on my mind is my need to whine, or whinge, as they say down under, about why no one appreciates my great talent. I mean I worked for over two hours on this post alone. I spent another 30 minutes writin' and rewritin' this post just to get ya'll to look at some ridiculous picture. I thought this post was among one of the funniest posts ever. And lastly, this was a quote worthy remark. Ya know, I ain't all that happy 'bout havin' to toot my own horn, but I sure as fork don't see any of ya'll tootin' it for me. Oh, let me take that back. John does link to me quite often. I know I have a few really fine and steady readers, as well, in Denita, Susie, and Tink, just to name a few. I got a lot of comments on the new look from almost all the bloggers I read regularly, and that felt fabulous to get such a wonderous round of applause for my whole weekend's worth of work. As a quick aside, I noticed some of the graphics were not displayin' correctly this mornin' and the background colors were set such that some of the text was unreadable, so I took pains this evenin' to change all the backgrounds to simulate the colors of the graphics.

Lament, lament, lament, but I do seem to spend a large amount of my time bloggin' and I put a lot of effort into attemptin' to make my crud exceptionally enjoyable to read. I suppose I should be happy that I do have a small followin', but I am an attention junkie. I need more and more adorin' fans fawnin' at my every update, rushin' in to see what new and novel thought has popped into my head, what witty inane remark I have regardin' the latest story or meme, or my wizened insight into personal growth. It is the cure for my loneliness, the thought that my life means somethin' to all the nameless faceless people on the other end of the thin electronic tether that connects me to that big world out there. Is anyone listenin'?

Ya know, there has been a plethora of first year blogiversaries here of late and mine is comin' up really soon. My ascension up the ladder, however, does not appear to have proceeded at the anticipated rate. Have I been hampered by my lack of breasts? Does my breath stink? What is it? Is my crud truly not as funny as I think it is?

Oh crud, I was lookin' deep into my navel this evenin', huh? I ain't done lookin', though, 'cause if I stopped now, I would be found wantin' . . . wantin' to find a better use for my time, some way to accomplish efforts that people actually appreciate, 'cause deep down inside, I need to feel appreciated. I need to feel loved. I know that is a lot to ask, but is it too much? End of report.

It is gettin' really eerie in here

OK, I got two identical comments on some really old posts from some Russian blogger and a strange message from some guy in Canada in my last few comments. And about the only thing I did not retain from my previous template is the translator box, as I was of the opinion that no one was usin' it. I am pretty sure that "muxa stuk sell" does not mean what the fork did you do with the translator box? in Russian and if the Canadian was a French speaker, why was his message in English. I like to make sense of things, and these things do not make sense. I am liable to stay awake all night wonderin' just what all this means. Is it a sign of the apocalypse or just my own personal doom or is it just what it seems to be: somethin' totally unexplainable? I am lookin' for answers, people, anyone got any?

This gag probably ain't worth the time it took to compose

The extended water shortage in New York City, caused by strikin' Teamsters and the back orderin' of the French-made Peugot pumps needed needed to repair last month's stoppage in all major water supply lines, even the very rich have found themselves forced to willin'ly drink from any source they find available, as this picture from Reuters shows.

a nod to Steven

I clearly understood the point the first time

Young Palestinian boy nabbed carryin' explosives, editor guilty of allowin' excessive redundancy in short report.

attribution: Michele

[UPDATE: There appears to be much more to this story than the little redundancy filled blurb above had to say. Meryl Yourish, who definitely needed to be on my blogroll, has, as Paul Harvey loves to say "the rest of the story."

Lookin' for a question just beggin' to be answered?

Don't miss SilverBlue's Final Thought for tonight.

From the minds of Spaniards?

Now I am utterly confused, as I thought it was the French who gave up at the first sign of trouble.

credit an assist to Deb Yoder who deferred to zombyboy.

What's for Dinner Tonight?*

OK, so it is supposedly International** Eat an Animal For PETA Day (IEAFPD)*** of which I was not aware or of which I had never heard, but it seems to have been started on this day last year by blogger Meryl Yourish. Now, I don't go in for changin' my diet just because someone says it is Eat a Taco Day, Dine on Roadkill Day or any other such thing. So, I just went about my regular business. and, as usual, ate a couple of pepperoni sticks and some fried pig skins, such delicious and nutritious staples of one who conveniently dines at convenience stores. I ain't 'zactly sure how I feel 'bout PETA. Tigers are animals, ya know, and highly endangered animals, at that. As such, anyone on board to assist us Tigers in not becomin' completely extinct can't be all bad. But then again, Tigers are carnivores. Anyone advocatin' that meat is not appropriate to dine upon ain't gonna be on my Christmas card list, so to speak. I don't usually dine on people, however, findin' them to be a bit stringy, but, what the hey -- I guess I could force down a Vegan or two for a good cause, huh?

[This crud is too good to not get some notice, so gonna try to work my way through the Beltway Traffic Jam.]

*It ain't original, likely been overused today, and is about as lame a title as I could come up with,**** but then I didn't really want to detract from the exceptional post underneath it, did I?

**I understand that the French were too frightened to become involved in anythin' so controversial.

***I am just wonderin' what makes the "for" so important it gets a letter in the ACRONYM and the "an" doesn't.

****So as to not end with a danglin' participle, should this have been more properly phrased as "about as lame as with up I could come"?

The bell tolls for Bob Zangas

The following is the welcome message on Bob Zanga's site:

Howdy!

Thanks for "visiting" my web site! I’m glad you found me here in Iraq. The purpose of this website is to keep you up to speed on my activities, see pictures of where I’ve been, and to let you know, FIRST HAND, what it is like to be in Iraq—the stuff you don’t hear about on the nightly news. It also keeps me from getting bored at night. I plan on making periodic updates so keep the link handy and I promise not to sell your e-mail address to the good folks at “LowMortgageRate.com.”

To make it easy on you, I have each entry dated on the "Daily Journal" page. Those links will get you right to the latest and hottest updates. The same links are also on the left side of this page.

Of course I'd like to visit with you as well. So, feel free to e-mail me if you have any personal info you’d like to pass along. Or, if you want to share specific questions about what I'm doing--or what I'm supposed to be doing--while I'm here, just visit the “Message Board.” I’ve made it so that anyone can post a topic.

As you may know, this is my second trip to Iraq. I was here for about 6 months with the USMC this past year. I was working as a Civil Affairs Officer in the 4th Civil Affairs Group then. This time, however, I am a civilian: Wearing civilian clothes, growing my hair, and singing Kumbya on my guitar. My real job will be with the Coalition Provisional Authority working in the Public Affairs department. That means I'll be hanging out with members of the media, journalists, and other folks bent on spreading the news about what is happening here in Iraq. I may even get a chance to do some good!

So, browse through, read over, laugh at, and pass along this link to others who are curious about my experiences. I'll be here until June!

Your Pal,

Bob

Bob Zangas perished in an ambush in Baghdad last Wednesday. I did not know Bob Zangas. It appears I never will. Rest in Peace. Greyhawk has more.

Get 'em while their they're[*] hot -- ya know ya want one!

[* Doh!]

No commercial comments of any kind, sayeth the Tiger

OK, one of my commenters decided to leave a couple of links to some religious material. Actually, it might have been a bit apropos to the subject matter of the post to which the comment was attached, and I was mindful of allowin' it to stay. But, if anythin', I wanted to be even handed. If I ain't gonna allow people to push penis enlargement pills on my blog, I suppose I can't allow people to sell religious material either. I thereby feel I had to delete the comment, but I am gonna make this allowance. I am not gonna ban the commenter from the site. I am, after all, a kind man -- sometimes!

I thought we had too much of this already

It appears we have an answer as to why there is so much bullshit goin' on in the police stations and in the courthouse. It seems someone is givin' degrees in such. I ask you to examine Exhibit "A":

click to enlarge

As always, I got a keen eye for the inane details, huh?

The end of a long day

Wow, I was fallin' asleep watchin' the movie and now I am too tired to think of anythin' to entertain ya'll. My navel is fine, and the chili is not botherin' me right now. Let us wait until 3:00 or 4:00 a.m.for the final story on the chili, though. I am chain yawnin' and that is a good sign that it is time for me to hit the bed with my head. I will be headin' off to the neighborin' town for court in the mornin' so if ya'll don't hear from me for awhile, don't fret it. I shall return at sometime, I suppose.

Oh, I di remember what it was that I wanted to say. I mean I feel all giddy like a little kid at the end of the year. Ya know what I mean, hopin' like crazy that you are the first to say it. Well, here is hopin' I am the first to tell ya to Beware of the Ides of March. It don't 'zactly have that feel like tellin' someone see ya next year on the eve of the New Year, but it is close. Et tu? Good night ya'l. End of report.

Your Sunday evenin' crudfest or a bunch of stuff I wanted to write

{UPDATE: I just now 'membered what I had originally intended to say, or one of the things other than what I did say that was my purpose of postin'. I just thought I had two pretty noteworthy and controversial seemin'ly joke emails I received today of which no one seems to have taken notice: regardin' the different ways reporters can see the same story and a parable denouncin' homosexual relationships.]

First of all, I am very peeved that none of ya'll even attempted to win the easy Kudos on this post despite my havin' brung up this matter not once, but twice, since the original post. Now, this makes three times, but that don't make me a lady. I would put a kudo challenge on that one, but seems no one cares a whit for my kudos. They are at least a valuable as Jim's snooze points, aren't they? Actually, I ain't got any idea what the fork kudos are anyway, just some ol' hackneyed cliche' like most of the crud with which I come up. Damn, but what Churchill would be proud. There could be some kudos for that too, but ya'll don't seem to be playin'.

OK, so let's move off on another subject: my blog template. Ha ha! Yeah, I know ya'll are tired as Hell® of hearin' 'bout my blog template, but actually I was just gonna say that I tested it at 800x600 and it actually showed everythin' 'cept the right column without scrollin'. That is great, 'cause mostly all that is on the right column is links to ya'll. ;) No seriously, anyone who surfs at 800x600 or below just needs to go into the Individual Entry Archives. It ain't like we all get what we want. I like surfin' at a higher resolution than I do on this system because it is missin' the stop just above the settin' I use at the office and I don't like how small the letters are at the next higher settin' that is available. Surprisin'ly, none of my monitors will go down to 640x480 now. If you need to have things that big, folks, use the magnifier in Windows Accessories Accessibility. My late dad had such poor eyesight, he had a 36" monitor set to large type. He was surprised when I showed him the magnifier accessory.

Well, that is enough crud to spread for now. My head is poundin' -- likely sinus, Susie* -- and my neck has taken a lot of abuse from me sittin' steadily in this computer chair over the last two days, so I think I am gonna go watch one of them Lee Van Cleef movies I bought the other day. I got a full cup of Dr. Pepper and my belly is full from the Fritos® Chili Pie and regular order of onion rings I had at Sonic® after my last post from the office as I was headin' this way. I made a short detour, as usual, and filled my cup, then took a short trip down the street and filled my belly. I'll likely tell ya how the chili settled a bit later. ;)

Two months, one week, six days, 20 hours, 3 minutes and 4 seconds as elapsed since I last took a puff off of a nasty cigarette and that now means 2584 cigarettes not smoked, allowin' me to save $516.85 in cash as well as possibly extendin' my life an additional 1 week, 1 day, 23 hours, 20 minutes.

*Who will likely, I hope, be pleased that neither digital pictures nor movies, generally, ever give me a headache. ;)

The last chapter .... I hope!

OK, I had to go back to the beginning to fix whatever was wrong in the Individual Entry Archive template that was makin' anyone who tried to comment go to some search page. I just pasted the default template from MT.ORG in, changed the .css link and then rebuilt all the Individual Entry pages and it went really fast. The first thing I did was make sure the comments were workin' and after seein' such were fixed, I decided maybe it was better to keep the Individual Entry Archives pretty slim. After all, there are now over 2300 individual pages, and all that eye candy was likely takin' up a lot of server space. I suspect that people come to these pages to read somethin' anyway. After tweakin' here and there so as to make my .css file fit with the default template I came up with what ya see, if ya are not on the front page. If ya are on the front page, hit the permalink and have a look. Or don't. I don't really care as long as things work, people can read what I write* and it looks well with the rest of the site. ;)

As for the rest of it, I saw enough commentin' on the small caps to tell me it was worthwhile to go back to traditional letters. I decided the main font was a bit small after eyein' it on my office system set at my standard resolution, so upped it a bit. I also put a background for on the link hoverin' just because I thought it went well with the light hover color. I think I shall rest now. Go home, as it is. When I was havin' so much trouble gettin' that first rebuild to go through, I came up here to the office so as to do the rebuild through my cable connection. It took 3 hours. That was a real big reason why I decided to trim the Individual Entry Archives to the bare minimum. I suspect that I am either short of server space or gettin' really close and what with all the extra traffic from rebuildin' all those files today, I am likely gonna get another surcharge bill from my hostin' service. Oh well. I would say some forkin' French term about that is the way the cookie crumbles, but I don't forkin'** speak French.***

*George, I must be worn out as durin' my proof read I noticed I had typed in right there. Such would likely not be worth mentionin' 'cept I retyped wright when doin' the correction.

**Now surely no one will be offended with my use of the "F" word when referrin' to the French.

***I actually do know how to say the French phrase that I believe most appropriately deals with my situation, but I damn sure don't know how to spell it. ;)

The media just tells the story as they see it, right?

I just got this, and I am so hopeful it is a joke. One never knows.

Two boys were playing football at a park in a small town in Texas, when one of the boys was suddenly attacked by a crazed pit bull.

Thinking quickly, the other boy took a stick, shoved it under the dog's collar, twisted it, and broke the dog's neck, thus saving his friend. A sports reporter who was strolling by saw the incident and rushed over to interview the boy. He told the boy he would write the story and said, "I'll title it "Young Longhorn Fan Saves Friend from Vicious Animal".

"But I'm not a Longhorn fan" the little hero replied.

"Sorry, since we're in Texas, I just assumed you were", said the reporter and started writing again. He asked, "How does Aggie Fan Rescues Friend From Horrific Attack" sound?"

"I'm not an Aggie fan either," the boy said.

"Oh, I thought everyone from Texas was either for the Aggies or the Longhorns. What team do you root for"? the reporter asked.

"I'm just visiting my cousin. I'm an OU fan" the boy replied. "They're just the best".

The reporter smiled, started a new sheet in his notebook, and wrote: "Little Red-necked Bastard From Oklahoma Kills Beloved Family Pet"

Even the littlest Texas gals ain't skeered of no spiders

I just got this from my sister, an expatriated Texan livin' in Tennessee. I am 'spectin' that she didn't vote for Albert Gore , despite his ties to her state of residence, last time around. I made that assumption after considerin' the followin':

A father watched his daughter playing in the garden. He smiled as he reflected on how sweet and innocent his little girl was. Suddenly she just stopped and stared at the ground. He went over to her and noticed she was looking at two spiders mating.

Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?" she asked.

"They're mating," her father replied.

"What do you call the spider on top, Daddy?" she asked.

"That's a Daddy Longlegs," her father answered.

"So, the other one is Mommy Longlegs?" the little girl asked.

"No," her father replied. "Both of them are Daddy Longlegs."

The little girl thought for a moment, then she stomped them flat and said: "Well, it might be okay in California, Vermont, and Massachusetts, but we're not having any of that crud in Texas.

Hey, I'm just passin' it along as somethin' topical I got in my email. Take it however ya' want it, 'cause I know there is bunches of ya on both sides of the issue. Of course, no matter what side you be on, please, let's don't be stompin' on others just 'cause you ain't agreein' with their lifestyles, OK?

See what happens when ya don't read your SPAM --

I got this from my friend Frank:

One morning a husband took a pair of underwear out of the drawer. "What the hell?" he said to himself as a little "dust" cloud appeared when he shook them out.*

"April," he hollered into the bathroom, "why did you put talcum powder in my underwear?"

She shot back: "It's not talcum powder. It's 'Miracle Grow'."

*One might wonder what he normally expects to find inside his underwear, as I am not aware it is a normal procedure to shake your underwear before donnin' such.

crud to do on a rainy Sunday afternoon

Ya know, I hadn't seen a soul accuse them of havin' any brains at all, but sheesh, ya would think 'afore they wasted some of their efforts a'writin' all them URLs to all them filthy sites and crud, they might read some of the blogs they are a hittin' to get some idea about which ones might be unwatched for a few hours. I mean it ain't like I ain't been bloggin' 'bout how much I was just sittin' here and that the last couple of comments were from me. George, but them assholes is dumber than crud!

Okie Dokie, the makeover seems to be complete

Well, after lookin' over the main page for awhile and tweakin' here and there, I am pretty satisfied. I could change the major text off of small capitals, but I find it is a bit easier for me to read and I like the look. I am hopeful Goldie won't abandon me. :(

I was awakened early this mornin', as some animal was creepin' 'round makin' some weird noises. I have not had much problems with mice this year since I bought those electronic whatever the fork you call them things that keep mice and squirrels and supposedly all kinds of bugs outta your house, and except for some of those giant water bugs that look like huge cockroaches, I have not seen any crickets, mice, or any other kind of animals and bugs around. I think those things are doin' a great job. I actually came to the conclusion, although I never did locate whatever was makin' that noise, is that one of those giant waterbugs was caught in on of those plastic sacks we seem to have all over our house, or at least, everyone I know has about a million of them layin' here and there. As such, I figured there was no danger, but I was wide awake at 4:00 am. I decided I had better finish what I had started, so I have been workin' on redoin' all the archive, comment, and trackback templates as well, so, unless I can figure out how to redo the one that comes up if you use the "search form," I suppose my job is finished ... at least until I have another bug up my ass* and decide to change the look again. However, I love this look. Ya'll probably don't remember, but I told ya'll a month or so ago it was comin'. It finally did, and I am glad to get it behind me. Now all I need to do is think of somethin' worth bloggin' 'bout. I am gonna take a break and maybe somethin' will come to me. ttffn™

[UPDATE: George, the reason I wrote this post in the first place was to tell ya'll I gotta do a complete rebuild on the whole site, so some of the pages might look a bit kinky and with my dialup service, it is gonna take awhile, so I am gonna go do somethin' else. Wish me luck, though, as these major rebuilds sometimes take a couple of attempts before they are completed.]

Mar. 14, 2004

OK, maybe it is the Ides of March paranoia or somethin' but I was 'spectin' somethin' more than a Saturnian supervisor butt crack and a putrid penguin arm pit. Don't waste a dollar or more buyin' the local rag for this one ... wait for the book. It might seem funnier when it is between last week's great strip and maybe a great one next week. OK, I am sure Breathed is workin' hard on figurin' out just how to bring Steve Dallas (and for McGehee: John Cutter) back into Opus's life. Let's hope that is what kept him from workin' hard this week and not that he was shacked up somewhere with some nekid bimbo and a large bottle of Ol' Crow.*

*Oh, wait, I might have gotten my wires crossed as that seems more like Steve Dallas, don't it?

Help! I am stuck in this damn chair!

Well, not really, but I have been sittin' here all day since about 7:00 this mornin'. I suppose I don't have to tell ya what I have been doin', though I see there was not that many people comin' around so maybe some of ya'll will be surprised to see my new template and .css file. I was lookin' at OTB yesterday, and it is about the best lookin' 3 column blog I have seen, so I jumped up this mornin', clicked on such blog, opened the HTML source and saved it in a file. Then I downloaded the .css file and saved it, then I started tweakin' stuff until I finally got close to what I wanted. So, any comments. I am not completely done, I am sure. I want to look at it a bit before goin' any further. I would also like to hear from some of ya'll so as to see if anyone is havin' any problems and such. I am pretty sure there will be some problems if you are usin' 800x600 resolutions or 640x480, but if you are usin' those resolutions, I am sure you won't be havin' any more problems that you were havin' with the prior look.

Anyway, my neck is startin' to hurt like Hell, so I am gonna get the fork out of this chair for awhile. I am sorry I didn't not blog any today, but it is Saturday and I was pretty sure it was gonna be slow as any other Saturday. If I was wrong -- oh well. Thanks Denita and Susie for leavin' me a couple of comments, but for your information, there was nothin' goin' on dealin' with what one of ya'll was thinkin' 'bout when you read last night's Nightly Navel Gazin' Report™. I am sorry about messin' up your breakfast. My navel is a bit worried about the growlin' goin' on just below it. I suppose I might need to go eat a bite. I think I ate earlier, but then again, it might have been yesterday. ttffn. End of report.

A jealous neighbor rears its head and asks to be heard

It was a wet and dreary day today and that, coincidin' with the final culmination of a week's worth of work, kept my brain fogged for the better part of it. Ya'll didn't take any pity on me, either. I let down on the bloggin' effort just a whit, and ya'll stayed away in droves. I am beginnin' to wonder if my flagrant use of the forkin' "F" word is offendin' so many of my readers that I need to delete this blog and start anew with a G ratin' or if'n ya'll are just gettin' bored with my navel. I am actually thinkin' it likely has a lot less to do with ya'll not likin' my navel that it does about my lackin' boobs. I think I have visited the theory 'bout bloggers that do have boobs seem to draw much more attention that bloggers without boobs, for the most part. I ain't changed my mind, but then, I find that, on occasion, I too skip along my blogroll skippin' over some of the guys to get to the gals. It's all my navel's fault though, 'cause my navel craves female attention. I apprears that my naked navel is of the opinion that soft female hands caress much more smoothly than my coarse male hands. I mean, it ain't like I got rough callouses or such, as I mainly use my hands to keyboard and lift a cup of Dr. Pepper to my mouth. It ain't like I am diggin' ditches or ejaculatin' elephants* or some other really manly activity, but I also don't slather lotion on them so as to give them that silky soft texture that drives my navel wild.

Anyway, my navel has intimated to me that I should ask that some of ya'll gals leave some little notes tellin' it just how ya feel about it. It does not have high navel esteem, it seems, and requires a bit of affirmation that it might not always be stuck with my mostly accidental man mitt caresses as its sole form of affection. My penis has also asked me to pass along a couple of requests, but I ain't goin' there -- at least not this evenin'. I mean, here I am thinkin' 'bout curtailin' the flagrant use of the word fork and my penis is wantin' me to establish a whole new category entitled Tales of the Enchanted Penis. I have attempted to get it to understand that penile fantasies are a dime a dozen dozen** among bloggers, and as I am a non-conformist by my very nature: if ever'one else is doin' it, then I am avoidin' joinin' in on that activity. My penis then advised me that such attitude probably had a lot to do with why it spent most of its wakin' moments fantasizin' 'bout some excitin' activity instead of bein' actually involved in some excitin' activity. Even as brain fogged as I am this evenin', I can almost see its point. Maybe I will just go to bed and mull that over. Anyone wanna join me? My penis asked me to pose that question. End of report.

*It's a hard job, but I suppose someone has to do it.

**Oh, now that's really gross.

Friday, 03-12-2004

Nuggets and Gems™ is a listin' of links to those posts I found durin' the day that I thought were excellent, either passin' 'long some 'portant information, displayin' great insight into some topic, bein' of special interest, or just a bit noteworthy. I urge you to read each and every one of these posts. 'Course, even I can't locate every great post made, so, if you published a truly remarkable post in the last few days, you are welcome to track it back to this post to assist others who might be glad to have found your offerin'....

• nef's blog: Stump nefarious
• Da Goddess: Adopt A Pet
• dustbury.com: Proofreading: a lost art
• madpony.com: Monday, March 08, 2004

If the title fits, then who's got the shits*

What the fork is it that some people just don't get it. Blogger sucks, even BloggerPro. OK, so ya are like gonna have to look around for a post with a title longer than most of mine: It's Been So Long That I Can't Even Remember If He Was Guilty, But I'm Guessing, Yeah, He Was Pretty Guilty, but the search will be worth it. I PROMISE! **

PERSONAL TO BUNSEN: That footnotin' on blog entries gag is so blase' that only a handful of really lame idiots are still doin' it.

*I know that title sucks, but it was all I could think of in a pinch. I am takin' title suggestions in the comments, though. ;)

**Have I ever led ya astray?

Formulated to drive the tomcats crazy, it seems

Apparently, Britney Spears has her very own fragrance coming out. I had a sneak peak this afternoon when I opened up a can of tuna. Yeah... - Gennie

PSA: Your prayers are bein' sought

Denita is holdin' a prayer vigil for Serenity. Oh, maybe it is here. I get so distressed and confused when I am distressed.

Mario and Luigi ate all them lovely mushrooms ...

Oh crud, the patient is critical! Nurse Cratchett, bring me a joystick, stat!

I can't do Taurus 'cause I only got one horn, and a short one at that

So who's up for paintin' zodiac crud all over their bodies and sendin' Goldie the pictures so she can put them up on the internet for all to see. Damn, I wasn't 'spectin' a sea of hands. I thought it was a facetious question.

Special Edition: Five Footnotes for the Friday Five

The Friday Five? Oh, HELL, why not ... I am forkin' bored anyway.

1. What was the last song you heard? "You Ain't Woman Enough To Take My Man "- Loretta Lynn
2. What were the last two movies you saw? Cherish and A Gun, A Car, A Blonde ¹
3. What were the last three things you purchased? A Cinnamon Roll, a bag of Pork Skins and a pair of slim Pepperoni Sticks
4. What four things do you need to do this weekend? Wash a lot of dirty dishes, clean my house, wash a lot of clothes and redo my blog template ²
5. Who are the last five people you talked to? My friend John Parker, who owns the neighborhood convenience store, his lovely wife Caroline, his sweet little angelic daughter Cheyene,³ Joyce, one of my friends from Fossil Rim Wildlife Center,⁴ and a Mr. Ploof who I ran into in the parking lot as I was departin' said store who told me that he was plannin' on votin' for me because he likes people who had have a sense of humor ⁵

¹ It was a movie full of wasted talent.

² These are the same things I have on my todo list every weekend, and as usual, I feel I have really accomplished somethin' if I get a single one of them completed before bedtime on Sunday.

³ I was listenin' to the tragic tale of the day's aborted hayridem an event she had been preparin' for all week, when she was reminded she was late for a friend's birthday party (at The Fat Guy's place, by the way).

⁴ Some of ya'll new readers might not be aware that I volunteer at this exceptional zoological facility as a docent naturalist.

⁵ I was alarmed that he was even aware my blog existed. ;)

Mar. 12, 2004, Part II

Since no one seemed to enjoy the earlier joke, so here is a REALLY OLD one.

It is hard to find a joke without a dirty word or two in it. Here is one with none.

Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods. A small tree begins to grow between them, and the beech says to the birch, "Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?" The birch says he cannot tell.

Just then a woodpecker lands on the sapling. The birch says, Woodpecker, you are a tree expert. Can you tell if that is a son of a beech or a son of a birch?"

The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree. He replies, "It is neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch. It is, however, the best piece of ash I have ever put my pecker in."

Is there a significance to the number eleven?

"Maybe what we are seeing is an 'Islamicization' of the style of ETA terrorism," said an investigator of Spain's paramilitary Guardia Civil. "That is, they see that spectacular, coordinated attacks like those carried out by al-Qaeda are the ones that cause the most impact. So instead of killing a city councilman somewhere, they do this."

Spanish investigators are working through the evidence, attemptin' to discover who was behind the 3/11 terrorist attacks in Madrid. [LA Times through Dallas Mornin'-News]

I suppose those on the left will say this is a response to Dubya's "War on Terror" efforts, while those on the right will say the attacks are futher evidence that we need to continue our no holds barred pressure to eradicate all terrror from daily life, worldwide. Those in the middle are likely just wonderin' what the fork is goin' on.

Mar. 12, 2004

OK, it's Friday in Australia and New Zealand and I can set the time anytime I want, so this posted sometime Friday .... and groan if ya want to do so, but I liked this one:

It was visitor's day at the lunatic asylum. All the inmates were standing in the courtyard and singing "Ave Maria."

They were singing it beautifully. But oddly, each of them was holding a red apple in one hand and tapping it rhythmically with a pencil.

A visitor listened in wonder to the performance and then approached the conductor. "I am a retired choir director," he said. "This is one of the best choirs I have ever heard."

"Yes, I'm very proud of them," said the conductor.

"You should take them on tour," said the visitor, "what are they called?"

"Surely that's obvious," replied the conductor... "They're the Moron Tapanapple Choir."

Like I said, feel free to groan.

I am gonna take it easy tonight

For some reason, the extra special hectic day where my secretary kept me busy trying to accomplish everything that she felt needed to be accomplished this week that had yet been done because she was out all day Monday, as was I, and then she was out the better part of yesterday, so there was quite a bit of stuff in the do it this week pile that she felt like had to be done today. Actually there was a couple of matters that came in today that had to be accomplished as well. As such, I am exhausted, and although it likely means that no one will visit, no one will comment, and almost for sure that no one will ping me, I am just gonna go home, eat some soup and watch some old movies I found at Walmart today. I have a hard time passin' up four movies for $5.50 on DVD. You would be surprised how many real stinkers I have purchased that way, but every once in awhile, I find one I like. Heck, that sounds about like what I find if I go to the movie house or the video store as well. Mostly all ya get is some trash someone put together on a shoestring or even a big budget in hopes to make some bucks, and very seldom do you find a really well made piece of cinematic art. The Cohen brothers usually get real close and Kevin Smith hardly ever misses. Spielberg has his moments and Lucas has lost touch, it seems. Velociman would be please with this set of four westerns, however, as three of them are featurin' Lee Van Cleef. One of 'em is gonna be a treat for me, as it is also featurin' "screen star Bud Spencer." I thought that was a hoot: screen star Bud Spencer, as if Terence Hill didn't carry his ass through almost every other feature he was involved with. Oh well, at least my navel will be delighted. I seem to give it a lot of attention when I am sittin', watchin' TV. I find myself continually brushin' my hand across my navel. I drop a lot of crud I am munchin' durin' movies and such, and most of it ends up restin' on my belly. I sweep it off from time to time. I often forget to wear a shirt and the navel finds a flurry of activity as things get trapped in there and have to be gingerly* extracted on occasion. Well, ttffn. End of report.

P.S. Someone tell revog that the Nightly Navel Gazin' Report™ was actually on much earlier than usual.

*Mary Annly just doesn't have the right ring to it, does it?

A super quick update

Things are hoppin' 'round here.* We are just workin' like crazy to get some stuff off the front burner so we can move some of the back burner stuff forward, or some such crud like that. In essence, the crud that I supposed to be gettin' paid to do is takin' precedence over my desire to blog. I know ya'll are sufferin' but so am I. They don't call it work 'cause it is forkin' fun to do it, do they? ttffn!

*I am supposin' that will make Roxette Bunny's ears perk up, huh?

Love ya'll leavin' your comments, just not the kind ya seem to be leavin'

Ya know, it is really hard to completely despise comment spammers* when such are the only comments your seem to be gettin' on a regular basis. Still, I ain't workin' hard to produce the finest blog in the blogosphere so as to advertise places to buy certified used forkin' trucks the forkin' crud you are sellin', so go to Hell, asshole. I 'spect if people are lookin' for places to check out certified used forkin' trucks the forkin' crud you are sellin', they can do a forkin' Google search. Oh wait, you are abusin' my blog so as to make it more likely that they will find your forkin' site when they do that Google search, ain't ya? Well, fork you! I understand that you can pay some big bucks to Google and they will put you on the top of the list. Same thing goes here. You pay me $10 a day** and you can have the spot that Dr. Pepper currently gets for free.

*If'n I didn't get an asshole comment spammer at least once on a daily basis, I would likely forget to ever update my mt-blacklist.

**Of course, you would have to pay me for the whole year: $3,660.00, in advance. Ya done already pissed me off and now I don't trust ya.

Who ya gonna call? WILL POWER!

Two months, one week, two days, 22 hours, 51 minutes and 21 seconds. 2448 cigarettes not smoked, saving $489.66. Life saved: 1 week, 1 day, 12 hours, 0 minutes. And I just about got this close [

Possible earthquakes under Manhattan in the morning

Despite havin' tragically lost a family member due to the actions of a misguided teenager today, Michele calmly plots how to get close enough to snap a picture of the Big Kahuna in the Big Apple.

And here I thought it was all about memes when it was moo moos?*

I am sorry, but why are so many bloggers linkin' to this? One, two, three, four, what're we countin' for?

*And fiberglass ones to boot. Bovine Rectal Palpation Simulator, indeed.

Oh crud, I think I missed the damn boat again or another day in paradise*

Oh my, I completely overlooked Annika's Blogiversary yesterday. It is hard to believe that she is older than I and still looks so maaavelous. I guess it is a good thing I was searchin' some blogs to see where I saw somethin' yesterday or I mighta missed the pointer to this grand occasion at Zombyboy's place.

*Ain't anyone ever gonna collect those valuable kudos on this easy challenge?

Wednesday, 03-10-2004

Nuggets and Gems™ is a listin' of links to those posts I found durin' the day that I thought were excellent, either passin' 'long some 'portant information, displayin' great insight into some topic, bein' of special interest, or just a bit noteworthy. I urge you to read each and every one of these posts. 'Course, even I can't locate every great post made, so, if you published a truly remarkable post in the last few days, you are welcome to track it back to this post to assist others who might be glad to have found your offerin'....

• Velociworld: ANOTHER THIEF IN THE WORKS
• TalkLeft: Was This Inmates' Death a Suicide?
• top of my head: Polka-Dots, Paisley, and Stripes OH MY!!!
• Blogged & Dangerous: What's Next?
• The Politburo Diktat: Blog On Trial - Who Tends the Fires

Could they ever make votin' any more confusin'?

click to enlarge

I snagged this one from American Realpolitik: Mornin' Comics - Tuesday, March 09, 2004

I need to thank The Lopsided Poopdeck for providin' the drivin' directions to get there.

Somethin' new 'pon which I am on the lowest end of the learnin' curve.

Don't blog on Wednesdays unless you have nuthin' better to do.

This is a test. If this had been an actual post, there might have been somethin' here worth readin'

Then, again, there were no GUARANTEES of that, were there?

[UPDATE: But then again, that didn't work. So, back to the proverbial drawin' board. Actually, twarn't nuthin' much 'cept gettin' some ideas about how I could spiffy up this place in the near future.]

"And before I close, I have somethin' really personal I'd like to share ---"

Oh yeah. One more thing. First blowjob in eleven months last weekend. Hooray for me!

P.S. Received. Not given. Jerks. - Don

Is this the final evolution of "The Hamster Dance?"

OK, seriously: someone needs to supply subtitles. Those little bizarre hamster thingies babble so forkin' fast, I can't catch a whiff of what they are talkin' 'bout.

It has just been that kind of day

I am older than Barbie. I really did not need to know that ... not today. I am exhausted and now I feel so very very old.

Wishin' a Happy Blogiversary to the Queen of Snark

OK, Kate ain't mentioned nuthin' but Kevin Aylward says today is the first anniversary of Electric Venom. Accordin' to Kevin, this is the beginnin' of what was to be.

Whatever happened to all those nifty phone booths?

OK, Goldie said we all had to be superheroes and showed us the secret portal where we could all be transformed. After several misadventures, I came up with this:

• Name: Tiger
• Secret Identity: Terry Russell
• Special Power: Logical Thought
• Transportation: Gas Guzzling Lincoln Towncar
• Weapon: Snarky Banter
• Costume: Whatever was handy
• Sidekick: Position Available
• Nemesis: Screeching' Moonbats
• Tragic Flaw: Fear of Rejection
• Favorite Food: Tacos

Step though in an orderly fashion, please

To my dismay, I realize that our readership appears to consist primarily of alcoholics, Zionists, atheists, feminists, Indians, Baptists, objectivists, masculists, Cubans, Democrats, jews, italians, Republicans, poles, libertarians, blacks, irishmen, Canadians, and queers. - Dean

I also get a few visits from Native Americans, Aussies, Kiwis, Filipinos, dog lovers, dog haters, cat lovers, a whole bunch of cat haters, and at least one or two of those big hat wearin', tobacco chewin', beer chuggin' Texans.

More inanity than one man can stand

So who else sees strange things when they look at their Site Meter graphs? Presentin' my Site Meter Gargoyle:

You know the drill
click to enlarge

So, is this a meme or what?

The rooster came in sick and left before the job was done

Well, all of the excitement last night was just too much for me and I overslept. Now I am runnin' late for court, so gonna run so I can beat the judge there. Even though I have a 25 minute head start, it might still be a close race. ttffn™

OK, it was all good up to this point

Damn, damn, and double damn. I had just spent the last half hour pennin' the perfect post where I entertained ya'll, thrilled ya with the perfection of my prose and yet chastised ya for not havin' sent a single ping my way for a couple of days as well as pondered why a great day of visitation came to a close like a Wall Street bell had rung at 5:00 p.m. and all blog readin' had come to a halt for the day. Alas, however, such post is no longer with us as the whole system came crashin' down like Wall Street in October of '29. That post jumped out the window and splatted on the electronic sidewalk of wherever the fork good stuff that gets lost when computers don't do what the fork they are supposed to do go. I am forkin' pissed 'bout it, but it is too forkin' late to redo all that, and, upon wakin' tomorrow, such thoughts will have long been relegated to the dust bins of my memory. Alas, it was a gorgeous post, and none of ya'll will ever see it or its ilk again. It was my masterpiece and the cyber dog ate it. End of report. ttffn™

Ya know, I think she has made the point perfectly clear

Spam: We'll never get rid of spam. No matter what laws are passed, spam will still exist. In a way, maybe we need to have it. It makes all our real e-mail seem all that much more precious. You know, in between the amazing dog S.E.X. videos, the come ons for Cialis and Viagra, the cures for baldness (countered with the offers for clean-shaven beavers), and the pleas for assistance, that forwarded e-mail (with all the <<<<<) from your Aunt Trixie starts to look like a gift from heaven. - DaGoddess

I am gettin' the sneakin' suspicion that she lives in California, because where else can you even 'spect $420K for a condo with a cracked foundation, mold and missin' firewalls. Heck, in my neck of the woods, you could buy a nice hilltop covered with a 4 bedroom/3 bath Acme® brick home for about half of that.

No more smokin' in the boys' room at the dollar movies

OK, I am thinkin' Michele is against R ratin's for movies that glorify the use of tobacco products. While I am in agreement that the politically correct police are goin' a bit overboard with when and where you can and cannot smoke, let me be one of the first to jump on the bandwagon for this idea. I cannot think of a single person who will disagree that the use of tobacco products does not constitute some unjustified risks to health in the majority of people. I know from experience that quittin' smokin' is one of the hardest things to do because of the various addictive factors associated with smokin'. As such, the absolute best method to quit smokin' is not to ever begin smokin' in the first place. Takin' steps not to glorify tobacco usage in motion pictures seems a good place to start. I am not too sure I agree with "R" ratin's however, but could see requirement of PG-13 ratin's for movies displayin' use of tobacco products with the appropriate identification factors for the ratin'. [full story]

Two months, one week, one day, 22 hours, 26 minutes and 12 seconds. 2412 cigarettes not smoked, saving $482.54. Life saved: 1 week, 1 day, 9 hours, 0 minutes.

Now here is a pile of useless gobblety-gook, or is it?

OK, this is cool:

The site tiglaw.com is running Apache/1.3.27 (Unix) mod_jk/1.2.3-dev PHP/4.3.2 mod_ssl/2.8.14 OpenSSL/0.9.7a on Linux.

That is part of the response I got from runnin' my domain name through The Netcraft Web Server Query Form. Of course, I don't have the foggiest idea what any of it means ... well, wait, I do have a foggy idea about it as I kind of know what it meant where it says Apache, Unix, and Linux ... but all that crud in between reminds me of takin' Calculus. I recognize the characters, but they don't make any sense the way they are arranged. Still, it is nice to know that it is possible to find out all kinds of crud that ya don't understand, right? I found this site because I hit this 404 page after checkin' to see if David Strain was back to bloggin'. It seems I ran across a blurb 'bout somethin' he had supposedly written a day or two ago, and as I had that link to Sketches of Strain in my Hit Parade listin', bein' I was still forkin' bored, I thought I would surf by and see what ol' David Strain was doin' these days. Last I'd heard, he had given up bloggin'. Findin' that 404, I still am of the opinion he ain't come back. If'n I find that blurb again on some further surfin' adventures, maybe I will find that he is back to bloggin', but just bloggin' at some other location.

Another of life's truly imponderable questions . . .

How would you describe Snoopy in a purple bunny suit to someone who is blind? - Tink

What a sham laden crock of crud

OK, I was just sittin' here wonderin' why my visitation numbers seemed to be pretty impressive, whereas I wasn't gettin' hardly any comments and no one has sent a ping my way in a couple of days when I noticed one of them damn ad banners you see all the time that says: "Which one is Frodo? Answer correctly and get a FREE $50!" Well, like I am forkin' bored ponderin' all the possible answers as to why I ain't gettin' comments and pings, so I decided to see what happens if you picked the wrong one: I clicked on Gollum. Well, you still win, but you don't win any $50 ... you get a $50 gift certificate, not good at Walmart,* which likely has like all kinds of hoops you gotta jump through to actually qualify for the certificate, such as signin' up for 5¢ a minute long-distance service that includes a $.5.00 per call hidden service charge and agreein' to receive 12 free CDs upon your unknowin' agreement that you will buy 100 more at triple the Walmart price in the next 6 months and various other crud such as sellin' your soul to the Devil and your vote to John Kerry. I forkin' hate scams on the Internet. I ain't yet sure how I can sue the bastards under the Texas Deceptive Trade Practices Act in District Court in notClark County, Texas. But ya'll scammin' forkers just wait, 'cause I am gonna figure that out one of these days when I am really forkin' bored.

*This is important because if it ain't good at Walmart, then it don't save me crud anyway, 'cause I can't afford to drive anywhere where they have anywhere to shop but Walmart.**

**OK, we actually don't even have to drive to another town to shop at Dollar General, but I ain't never seen anyone givin' gift certificates for Dollar General.

Tuesday, 03-09-2004

Nuggets and Gems™ is a listing of links to those posts I found during the day that I thought were excellent, either passin' along some important information, displayin' great insight into some topic, bein' of special interest, or just a bit noteworthy. I urge you to read each and every one of these posts. And, if you published a truly remarkable post lately, please feel free to track it back to this post.

• Practical Penumbra: Popcorn warmer conversation
• Ramblings of SilverBlue: Final Thought (March 08, 2004)
• resurrectionsong: Funniest Comment of the Day
• PoliBlog: Amusing
• blogoSFERICS: Put It in Writing and Sign It With Blood
• Velociworld: YOU ARE THE ABOMINABLE DOCTOR PHIBES!
• Venezuela News And Views: Is Venezuela today still my country?
• The Patriette: Father & Son Help Iraqi Children & Encourage Deployed Soldiers
• margilowry [dot] com: More Commercial Weirdness
• Boots and Sabers: Juvenile Death Penalty

And as an added bonus for today, I found a few old ones layin' 'round in the back of the den that I might as well throw out for your enjoyment, even if they might prove to be a bit stale and musty.

• Electric Venom: As Likeable As A Warm Puppy (Latte)
• J a G: Failed policy
• Ravenwood's Universe: If matches are banned, only criminals will have matches

They came here a'lookin' for find a few naive young women

I get my share of comment spam but some of the sites that are linked absolutely amaze me: Aupair-Nanny Job Agency. I suspect this is likely just a front for lurin' young women into white-slavery prostitution anyway. Glad to have deleted the links and blocked their IP address. The URL has been safely added to my blacklist, so spam here no more.

I won without playin' the game

I was over on samaBlog where I ran across this post where Rob posted his results to one of the current quizzes runnin' around out there. After I saw what he came up with, I knew I wasn't gonna settle for any other result, so:

You're Texas!

You aren't really much of your own person, but everyone around you wishes you'd go away, so you might as well be independent. You're sort of loud-mouthed and abrasive, but you do have a fair amount of power. You like big trucks, big cattle, and big oil rigs. And sometimes you really smell. But it's not all bad, you're big enough to have some soft spots somewhere in all that redneck madness.

Take the Country Quiz at the Blue Pyramid

Under what rock do prospective teachers dwell?

Fayetteville* Criminal Justice** teacher forgets how to spell J-A-I-L-B-A-I-T.

attribution: Silflay Hraka***

*I do think this one is in North Carolina, but they damn sure didn't make it obvious on the website.****

**They teach Criminal Justice in high school in North Carolina? WOW!

***And just where did they ever come up with Silflay Hraka as a name for a blog.

****OK, so I didn't realize that Silflay Hraka is a North Carolina blog, so I can see why they didn't mention such on that blog, but don't people realize that the Internet is the World Wide Web and they also have a Fayettevile in Arkansas, Georgia, and likely a few other states.

Woo Hoo, Ya, ya, ya!

Today is the First Year Blogiversary of Suburban Blight. Congratulations Kelley!

Bill gets caught ridin' the wind

I was over a Bloviatin' Inanities* and was readin' this:

He** isn't dead. Guess I'm the last to notice these things, but that wouldn't be the case if someone would tell me these things every once in a while. What, it's like I gotta surf the net all by myself or something. What's up with that?

*I dropped the silent "g", OK?

**He is referrin' to Paul of Sanity's Edge, formerly one of Bill's premiere protagonists.

I am too damn dumbfounded to think up a snappy title

OK, Susie thinks she is the last one on the meme train for the Which Weird Latin Phrase Are You? quiz. WRONG! I am sure that I will now have to take the damn quiz, as I always want to be the caboose. I dunno what it is about the thought of someone wantin' to come in behind me to join up on the end of the train. I am utterly confused about what kind of connectors are involved? However, I also hate Latin. That is one of the reasons I didn't become a priest. The other one is that I am not Catholic.

Furnulum pani nolo.
"I don't want a toaster."
Generally, things (like this quiz) tend to tick you
off. You have contemplated doing grievous
bodily harm to door-to-door salesmen.


Which Weird Latin Phrase Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Wow, talk about one of the stupidest quizzes ever with some of the stupidest questions ever asked in a forkin' quiz, and then the damn thing rings the forkin' bell and hits me right on. Who the fork woulda ever thunk it?

Boo Hoo - waaa - waaa - waaa

Judge sentences Washington-area sniper John Allen Muhammad to death. I am so sad. [NOT!!!!!]

Welcome to California: Land of the Lost* Loonies of the Left

Sometimes I think it's no coincidence that God stuck so many liberal nuts on a fault-riddled slice of land that could slide into the ocean at any second. He's just filling the bowl before He pulls the handle. - Steve

*The ones that couldn't find their way to Vermont.

If this is Tuesday, then I survived Monday

Oh crud, is my left sinus ever stuffed this mornin'. I can't breath on that side of my nose, but I can at least snuffle through my right one, as it is runnin' like a faucet. My right eye is gummy and my left one is watery. I love springtime. I love the warm temperatures that come with spring. Of course, if I had my way, the springtime pollen count would not be part of the deal. Ahhhhchooo! ttffn™

Turnin' in a bit early this eve

Wow, guess attendin' a dead person's party takes a bit more out of ya that I was 'spectin' 'cause I am worn to a frazzle. Despite my best intentions, my mind seems incapable of producin' any image of Renee Zellweger in the nude in my current imagination for my enjoyment. That is a sure sign of impendin' cataclysmic doom on a world-wide scale or, at the very least, personal destruction through a severe affliction of waffle face syndrome.* I am findin' my own yawns to be highly contagious as they are now comin' in giant, eye numbin' waves. If I could get my brain to work, I would attempt to determine what Steve Dallas would do in this predicament, but I can't think. I need sleep. I need lots of sleep. I need to remember where my bed is located. I am not even sure if I am in the right house. It is too quiet. I can't hear any dogs barkin'. Now I am spooked. Oh no! I don't know if Denita got my email with the scan of yesterday's Opus strip attached. Now I won't be able to sleep all night worryin' 'bout that. I guess I will just go lay in bed with my hand on my belly like I do when I have somethin' on my mind that is really plaguin' me. My navel loves the attention. End of report.

*A condition that occurs when you fall asleep sittin' in front of your computer and your head slowly slips down to rest on your keyboard all night.**

**Thanks to Ozguru for pointin' out my havin' omitted such footnote in the comments. I tol' ya'll I was tired. ;)

Monday, 03-08-2004

Nuggets and Gems™ is a listing of links to those posts I found during the day that I thought were excellent, either passin' along some important information, displayin' great insight into some topic, bein' of special interest, or just a bit noteworthy. I urge you to read each and every one of these posts. And, if you published a truly remarkable post lately, please feel free to track it back to this post.

• Sgt Hook: Outnumbered
• aldahlia: A Very Special Episode
• A Small Victory: reading between the lines
• Parkway Rest Stop: Slippin' and Slidin'.
• the cheese stands alone : Epiphany
• Random Prose: Libertarians
• Electric Venom: Mercenary Mischief?
• dramaqueen: you might not want to go there...

My life is an open book

Gracias to Linda at Right We Are for pointin' the way.

Somethin' I caught out of the corner of my eye

Accordin' to Michele,* the followin' is a bit from the new Iraqi Temporary Constitution. The emphasis is mine:

All Iraqis are equal in their rights without regard to gender, sect, opinion, belief, nationality, religion, or origin, and they are equal before the law. Discrimination against an Iraqi citizen on the basis of his gender, nationality, religion, or origin is prohibited. Everyone has the right to life, liberty, and the security of his person. No one may be deprived of his life or liberty, except in accordance with legal procedures. All are equal before the courts.

Now don't that just go to show ya that constitutional construction is a hoot.

*Yeah, I coulda gone to an official source read it for myself but I trust Michele to correctly quote stuff.

Somethin' else I found that fell on the floor from my email inbox

Today is International Day of The Very Good Looking, Beautiful and Damn Attractive People, so send this message to someone you think fits this description.

Please DO NOT send it back to me as I have already received over FIFTY THOUSAND messages and my inbox is jammed FULL.

Some of you will have received this message in error... YOU KNOW who you are.

I would have forwarded this off to some people today, but then, other than myself, I could not think of anyone who actually fit the whole description. Oh fuck -- now that I think about it, I don't even fit that description. crud, I must have been one of those that received this message in error.

I think I received it from Renee Zellweger, but I could not be completely sure of such. It appears that someone had spilled Dr. Pepper on it and the headers were hard to read. I think, however, that she fits the description and I regularly receive email from her --- in my dreams.

Hit the damn road already Jack

I have no idea why I thought this was funny:

I went to the zoo yesterday, Rhonda, and thought of you.

I couldn't find the dancing owl. - LeeAnn

I guess ya had to be there, right? So what the fuck am I doin' here readin' hilarious crud and laughin' my ass off when I am supposed to be on my way to a funeral. Oh, did I tell ya'll that I fuckin' hate funerals. I have it in my will that anyone who insists on havin' a funeral to dispose of my remains loses their share of my estate. If there are any remains of which to dispose, just take them to the zoo and toss them into a cage with some big cats. They know what to do with dead carcasses. No embalmin' though, 'cause embalmin' fluid fucks up the meat, ya know?

Mar. 7, 2004 UPDATE

OK, seems there is a lot of interest in who the ghostly characters were that appeared in yesterday's strip. I just can't hold ya'll that don't have access to the strip in suspense and not sure how long McGehee is willin' to keep up the guess who game, so here ya go:

click to enlarge

See how hard I work to please my fans? Sheesh! I sometimes feel like the Rodney Dangerfield of bloggers, but then I do get more respect than, say, Azygos. Besides, it seems I am a hit in Peoria.*

*Or did I confuse it with Poukeepsie again.

Monday Mornin' Quickie

Now wait, this ain't got nuthin' to do with the story about the realtionship between Carpal Syndrome and Rosey Palm, it is just a quick mornin' report to explain why I may not be throwin' out a flurry of posts today. It seems that I have a hearin' regardin' the agitated man scheduled for this mornin' and then have to drive an hour or so to the town of my daddy's birth for the funeral of my great aunt. She was a big part of my childhood, but I saw her a year or two ago and she was really old. I was not surprised to hear from my aunt that she had fallen ill a week or two ago and was even less surprised to hear of her death on Friday. Some unidentified caller caught me on my cell phone as I was travelin' back from Luckenbach on Saturday to inform me of the schedulin' of the services and to inquire if I was willin' to be a pall bearer. I declined that privilege as I am already experiencin' strain in my lower back. Anyway, as postin' is gonna be slow, 'spect some Nuggets and Gems™ for sometime later 'cause I know all of ya'll are gonna be postin' some really great stuff that I will be wantin' to point out. Annika already has this story about lax security in a Swedish uranium facility and a picture of that most vile and evil* Osama dude holdin' a Kerry for Prez sign.

*Two good descriptive words usin' the same four letters.

It only took a week for me to snag an interview

Yep, Leno, Letterman, Regis and whatever bimbo sits across from him, those four gals that sit around the table and bash ever'thin' male and Dr. Phil have all had one of the Oscar winners on their shows while I have been workin' quite diligently to bring one of them here for a bit of in depth analysis. I mean, Leno and Letterman got all the funny quips, Dr. Phil talked to her inner child, Regis and bimbo shared her secret recipes for fruitcake, and those women sittin' 'round that table bashed bashed Hugh Grant with her. However, this is Tiger: Raggin' & Rantin' - Nightly Navel Gazin' Report™ and we ain't interested in any funny quips, childish crud, fruitcakes or Hugh Grant ... wait, are fruitcake and Hugh Grant mutually exclusive or isn't that like two words for the same guy? ... Oh, don't let me get off track here 'cause my guest is growin' impatient and I am growin' weary, very weary. Wrestlin' with dialup has sapped all the strength from me once again. Oh, what the fuck, without further ado and much less babblin' and delay, I bring you the navel of the one and only girl of my dreams . . .

And, I would like to thank Ms. Renee Zellweger for havin' graciously displayed her navel for our viewin' enjoyment and would again like to congratulate her on her Oscar winnin' performance in Cold Mountain and I, for one, would like to welcome her into the co-starrin' role in my life. Hey, would someone in stage production get rid of those ugly green bubbles before this blurb hits prime time? End of report. ttffn™

Some really strange thoughts that just got stuck in my brain too long

I just absolutely hate dialup ... uh, actually, I hate it just about as bad on my cable connection also when I can't connect up, but for some reason, I get a lot fewer hiccups on cable than I do with my third-world phone company line hookup with the ISP in the next town. I have been tryin' to get back to post some crud for like 30 minutes or more and now I forgot what the fuck I was gonna say. All I 'member is that it was the most Earth-shatterin' news I had ever had to pass along since I have been bloggin'. Now if I could just remember what it was. [insert massive amount of thinkin' and further contemplation here] Oh yeah, now I 'member, it was to tell ya'll, 'specially Scott,* to never ever buy any Kanterbrau Beer. I gotta thank Harvey for turnin' me onto that fact, but I still can't thank him for linkin' to me ... I guess he hates me or somethin'.

Oh, and James, speakin' of oxymorons ... wouldn't you agree that French beer is an oxymoron and that good French beer would be a double oxymoron?

*Linked post ain't got nuthin' to do with beer, 'cept that Scott was probably drinkin' one when he wrote it.

"You can get a $550, 4GB Hitachi MicroDrive for $200"

All ya gotta do is buy the Creative Muvo MP3 player for $200, bust that puppy open and remove the $550 4GB Hitachi MicroDrive inside. And who the fork says geeks aren't smart. Of course, now that I have spread the news to the whole world,* you can bet the price of those Creative Muvo MP3 players ain't gonna be $200 for long. Run to Fry's, CompUSA, MicroCenter, wherever like PDQ, boys and girls.

*At the very least, I spread the word to the two or three people who accidentally wandered in and read this post.

Surfin' the net sometimes takes you into uncharted waters

Dean Esmay was ravin' 'bout this GeoURL setup that would show you sites within the network that were geographically close to you. It sounded like somethin' to do, so I did it. I added the right crud, with some work, and sent the ping, and then checked to see who was close to me. I got like several listin's for deviantART: someusername. Yikes, I thought, I was surrounded by members of some kind of a kinky deviant sex cult that was swappin' porno of every kind and variety. I was ready to delink myself from the GeoURL site. But, bein' the avid adventurer that I am and bein' over the age of 21, I figured I would take a peek at an example of this deviantART. The site looks like some network of mostly young people to showcase their art from drawin's and photos to poetry and prose. If you are interested in art, you might actually want to check this site out. Of course, it also might be that I am the only person on the Internet who didn't already know about this site.

I am just the blogosphere's most under-appreciated and most abused idea man

The most-read webloggers aren't necessarily the ones with the most original ideas, say researchers at Hewlett-Packard Labs. [A]uthors of popular blog sites regularly borrow topics from lesser-known bloggers -- and they often do so without attribution.

Don't I forkin' know this. I swear that Bill has been usin' long distance telepathy to suck all the ideas out of my head while I sleep, and then he uses the ones he is capable of understandin'. The rest he sells to Frank J.*

I ain't gonna steal this one, 'cause I am gonna 'fess up that I found the link at Dustin' My Brain**

*I was gonna say Michele, but I ain't too sure she always gets my sense of humor.

**I ain't yet sure where Cindy resides, but they don't seem to drop the "g's" from their words in her area. The spellin' change is my doin', OK?.

A good story spins off a blogospheric mystery

Joe Garner of Rocky Mountain News has written a glowin' story on Susie Scott Krabacher a selfless Aspenite who has, for several years, championed the plight of Haiti's abused, homeless and orphaned children.

In the past decade, she has plunged into the chaos of the vilest slums in the Americas, taking charge of the abandoned children's unit in the city's main hospital and establishing a system of six schools and three orphanages.

"I see the faces of the people around me and I know I'm responsible for their safety, and that is fine," she said. "I know where I am going; I know why I was born."

She cradles dying children. She gives some of them the surname "Krabacher" or names them for friends in Aspen.

When supplies run low, she pulls out her credit card to foot the bills for educating her family of 2,000 children and caring for the 150 orphans, almost one-third of whom are severely handicapped or terminally ill.

"I don't think I was born with the fear gene," Krabacher said in a telephone interview from Port-au-Prince, where she was caught in the recent vortex of violence that racked the Caribbean country during the overthrow of President Jean-Bertrand Aristide. A committed Christian, Krabacher said she has "a supernatural mandate to do what I do. God gives me the strength."

"Mama Blanche" is the name Port-au-Prince's starving, discarded children have given the luminous blonde from Aspen, ..." and she needs your help.

Despite two appearances on Oprah Winfrey's* show and a spread in People magazine, she still struggles to raise funds.

"Haiti is right on our doorstep, but no one ever seems to notice it," she said.

You can contribute though Foundation for Worldwide Mercy and Sharing, 201 W. Mill St., Suite 201, Aspen, CO 8161 or by clickin' on http://www.haitichildren.com/

There is somewhat a mystery involved in this story, because Susie Scott Krabacher was Playboy's Playmate of the month for May 1983, a fact that was mentioned in the story. However, there was no link to the picture from that May 1983 Playboy picturorial that Kevin Aylward displayed on his blurb to this story? Will we ever know?

*As I am continually hearin' that Oprah has a shit pot full of money, one does wonder why she doesn't throw a bit of it toward assistin' the Foundation for Worldwide Mercy and Sharing. The annual budget of the Foundation is only $340,000.00 so would seem that they do their best to do as much as possible with a very meager amount of money.

I think this is forkin' unbelievable!

"He has been on the cover of the Wall Street Journal, he has appeared nude in magazines, he has been in bad movies, been censored by Hustler magazine, three record companies and MTV, he played every possible music joint where nutjobs congregate in 45 states, he even played in Moosejaw, Saskatchewan and did a three-week tour of Norway," says longtime manager Scott Ambrose "Bullethead" Reilly. "He has suffered death threats; he sang with Don Henley; he has even been an answer on Jeopardy for God's Sake. He was the captain of a US Olympic team and debated Pat Buchanan. For us. He did this all for us."

What the fork could you do to get censored by Larry Flynt?

I don't have any idea who Mojo Nixon is, but he might be right when he says it is time to retire.

"I have nothing more to say," says Nixon. "Not only am I empty, but obviously nobody gives a rat's ass about the things I have been saying for twenty years. The masses are just as blinded by the light of stupidity, prudery and the shiny objects of hate."

I guess he just lost his mojo.

I found this story through The Fat Guy who is callin' me Nutty Terry* since I said I don't like beer. At least, now, he might quit gettin' me confused with Tom. T. Hall.

*Yeah, my name is really Terry. Tiger is my nickname.

Allow me to be the first to say it

The BBC says Putin is a super tsar.

Da Commissar slanted it differently.

One of those rare things about which I didn't know nuthin'

On this day in 1923, an earthquake struck El Paso and resulted in the only death associated with a Texas quake when an adobe house collapsed on a man in neighboring Cuidad Juárez. [more]

Did the headline on the next mornin's El Paso Times read Quake Illegally Crosses Border, Kills Mexican?

I cannot bear to look at it again ... so won't display it here

Were there ever two more ghastly faces placed together in one picture?*

*No, it is not Glenn Reynolds and Frank J.

Now wait, didn't I forkin' die early?

I found this quiz over on Ozguru's* and figured I would come up as someone cool, like Yoda, but no, I am:

If I were a Star Wars character, I would be: Qui-Gon Jinn. Take the " Which Star Wars Character Am I?" Quiz by Always Two There Are

*It seems I caused a bit of confusion to the entire continent of Australia with this previous post and ran across the link to this quiz durin' an attempted clarification excursion.

I almost peed my pants when I read this*

He [referrin' to me] has just returned from a trip to Luckenbach (which is apparently important if you know anything about Texas history - which I don't) - Ozguru [emphasis supplied]

*And I imagine Waylon Jennings rolled over in his grave, as well.

And I thought is was such an easy task ---

Wow, despite havin' previously mentioned such, I see that none of ya'll has completed the challenge to collect those valuable kudos on this post. Did I finally come up with a puzzle that stumped my entire readership or was it just so easy no one felt it was worth a response?

Sometimes I really can be a bit mean. ;)

Oh now, here is a good catch for some of ya'll gals: 27 year old male student, lives at home with mother.*

*It could be worse. He could be livin' at home with mother while assistin' her in the runnin of the family motel business.

Mar. 7, 2004

Oh my George, did I ever break down into uncontrollable laughter when I came to the third panel on today's strip. Waxin' philosphically, Opus looks backward in order to peer forward. Best strip to date, in my opinion. I have a sneakin' suspicion that Breathed might actually be readin' my opinions, 'cause guess who surprisin'ly made a ghostly appearance.

But is she cute in bikini panties and a sports tee at 9:00 a.m.?*

Bloggers collect links the way I used to collect scratch 'n' sniff stickers: Whoever gets the most/best wins. - Whitney Pastorek, the editor of Pindeldyboz, a barely solvent literary magazine based in Astoria, Queens [a non-blogger]

attribution: Ironbear

*Wait until this one comes up on her Google search.

I didn't even find the previews all that entertainin'

I guess I can now go see The Last Samurai now as it has finally made it to the Dollar Movies. Naw, I will just wait 'til it makes the dollar bin at the videostore.

A truly interestin' and amazin' place to visit

Thanks to Squishybear, I have just spent the last half hour visitin' the area around Chernobyl vicariously though PRIPYAT ghost town (1970-1986). Some of the interestin' commentary:*

marauders in radiation poluted area are not just a regular marauders, they don't steal stuff for themselves. There were cases of radiactive tv sets and other stuff being sold on city second hand markets and then police shot 7 or 8 of them and it helped

and

Actually, some people coming back to their homes and settle down, those mostly old people who do not care if they die today or tomorrow. important is to die at home.

and my favorite

Some tourists companies have been trying to arrange extrim tours in this town, but people- their customers scared and have been complaining about silence which is hard to stand in empty town.

There are lots of pictures and it is a truly amazin' retrospective view into one of the major man-made disasters of the last century. Some of ya'll might remember that I live less than 5 miles from a nuclear power plant, myself.

*Text was cut & pasted exactly as appeared on the site, complete with errors. Remember, however, that author is not from English speakin' country, so, in my opinion, did a good job of communicatin' with such language.

Bein' highly inattentive to detail and other crud

Well, I awoke somewhat bright and early, sans hangover, maybe thanks to my megadosin' on ibuprofen last evenin'. I wanted to transfer all them pictures I took at Luckenbach yesterday and see what I got. Well, some were way too dark, but I was expectin' that because the flash had seemed not to be workin'. Almost all of the rest were fuzzy. Now, I have had this little Largan Chameleon camera for a number of years and carry it in my car all the time because it is small and takes 75 or more pictures before the memory is full. The pictures are never professional quality, but they are usually pretty serviceable to display events. Is this camera on its last legs? Is it time to purchase a replacement? I was almost sure that was the case, until I remembered just recently I discovered this little slide switch on the side of the camera that switched from portrait mode to landscape mode. I had previously had a lot of difficulty takin' portrait shots with this little camera, and marveled at my discovery. However, I ended up takin' 50 or so landscape shots yesterday with that switch in portrait mode. That likely explains why the pictures are all fuzzy and might also be the cause of the flash not operatin'. Either way, despite my best intentions, I have no pictures of my day at Luckenbach to share.

Latest smokin' details: Two months, six days, 9 hours, 58 minutes and 37 seconds. 2324 cigarettes not smoked, saving $464.91. Life saved: 1 week, 1 day, 1 hour, 40 minutes

I found this item in my hotmail SPAM box: from: ƒTƒ“ƒtƒ@ƒCƒiƒ“ƒX subject: ‚²—ZŽ‘‚µ‚Ü‚· . . . while the subject looked like it was most interestin', I just seldom read SPAM of any kind.*

[UPDATE: This one is ever more interestin': from: ^^Áú°êºë«~ subject: ~ ~ ·s³f¨ì³á,½ÐÂà±Hµ¹§A³Ì¦nªºªB¤Í³á . . . it does make one wish one could read gibberish, just to see what this crud was about before I flushed it.]

*One of the funny things I find about bloggin' usin' Zempt, which I like because it spellchecks, is that it refuses to post some items that contain strange characters. I cannot paste a © in a post in Zempt, but instead have to code it. So if I want to place some odd characters in one of my posts, I have to do that through the MT console. I also have to use the MT console to upload and post pics, unless I want to do it the way I used to do it, which was to FTP the pics and then hand code the HTML.**

**May be the longest footnote ever on Tiger: Raggin' & Rantin'.

I went. I saw, I drank, I drank some more, I told some jokes, I came home

Hey, I made it to Luckenbach and back and all in one piece.* I made my detour by Denita and Eric's house where I had a great time and so did they, accordin' to Denita's version. Zane was the little charmer as always and is growin' like a weed. He has the walkin' bit down, though is still not greatly adept at obstacle avoidance. He hits the floor and bounces back up, usually laughin'. I spent the time gettin' the lowdown on how IronBear came to be such an integral part of Who Tends the Fires. We discussed some other bloggers and some of the stuff goin' on in the blogosphere currently, and then they told me and showed me some pictures of their recent trips to Big Bend Nat'l Park and Enchanted Rock. I am familiar with the former and have yet to visit the latter. Zane and I then played a bit at this and that. He liked it when I held him up so he could touch the ceilin' and loved it when I flew him around. He did kiss my knee, or at least that is what Denita said he did. He is a treat to spend time with, especially if you like kids like I do.

I then went to Luckenbach, although I had to hunt for it again. This is the third time I have been there and it is the third time I had difficulty findin' the tiny Texas town. There was some good music and the cold beer was flowin', but not freely, as they were chargin' $3 a bottle for all the popular brands. There was a stage coach bein' pulled around by some really tired lookin' horses, a longhorn with a saddle on his back you could get your picture taken on, a stage where the name acts were playin', and a jam session goin' on behind the bar. I ordered a grilled cheese sandwich with bacon. The cook put mustard on it as I requested, but looked at me as if I was strange. I also got an order of curly fries. The way they make them is like really well done potato chips all stuck together. They tasted good, as did the sandwich. Some dog was sittin' at my feet as I ate, and I did give him a bit of the bacon, when I found a piece that was a bit chewier than I liked. I noticed some guy was tryin' to take a picture and I later approached him about whether he was tryin' to shoot the dog or me or both. He had been tryin' to get the dog, but the pose never was right, and when it finally was, he said the background was not to his likin' as it had appeared like a drainpipe was shoved up the dog's butt. He had never taken the picture.

I went there for this ceremony where they were gonna retire the Texas flag that has been flyin' there for some long period of time in honor of the Texans who fell defendin' the Alamo. I was indeed present for the flag retirement ceremony, where some guy went over to the flag pole and lowered that old tattered flag, removed it from the chain, and replaced it with a new flag. There were no words, no one even called attention to the activity. I later asked one of the other employees what was to become of the old flag. She said she was not sure, but that they might put it in a frame and sell it. They had charged $6.00 because it was supposed to be a special event day. I am wonderin' if that was the entirety of the whole special event. It did not seem to be worth $6.00, but then again they did have some great music and musicians, so I did not necessarily feel cheated. One of the entertainers was Brian Burns, who has recently remade the ol' Hank Snow hit, I've Been Everywhere,** into I've Been Everywhere in Texas and is gettin' a lot of airplay on the station I listen to all the time. I listened as he did a great job singin' a few of his songs and later talked with him a bit, and even got him to sign a dollar bill for me. I drank a few cold beers, walked around and told some jokes, bought some stuff and took some pictures. I will likely post some of the pictures tomorrow, if any of them are good. For some reason, the flash on my little camera did not seem to work. That little camera may be kaput. It is late, and my navel is likely distressed a bit from all of that beer. I really don' t like beer all that much, mainly for the same reason I don't drink carbonated beverages out of cans or bottles, but prefer to drink only fountain drinks. My stomach does not do well with all of that gas. I feel so damn bloated, like I have a giant bubble of CO² in my stomach and wonderin' when it is gonna blow. My feet hurt, my back is achin' a bit and my head is numb. I think a good night's sleep is definitely in order. Hopefully, there will be more to come. End of report.***

*I am supposin' that I am not totally whole as I likely killed a few brain cells. I just hope I did not destroy any of the essential ones.

**Johnny Cash also recorded a version of the original song.

"I shall venture far to lend my assistance in a good cause"

OK, ever since I heard of the the hoodoo that was supposed to be goin' on in Luckenbach this weekend to commemorate the final defeat of those valiant defenders of the Alamo, I have been weighin' the factors involved in whether to make the choice to make that 3 hour trip or not. I was layin' in bed this mornin' thinkin' of what must have been goin' through the mind of some of those men who had travelled from places as far as Tennessee to meet their death tryin' to hold that fort against overwhelmin' odds. I decided any trauma or discomfort I might experience in makin' the arduous journey to join others in remembrance of those brave men who gave their lives so that Texas could be born.*

I will be gettin' close to Denita and Eric, so if'n ya read this Denita or Eric ... I might be droppin' by. I seem to have lost your phone number again, but I know where you live. If'n ya'll ain't there, it ain't no sweat, though. It ain't like I gave ya any advance notice. Anyway, need to hit the road, so ttffn™.

*My primary consideration is the high price of gasoline.

It simply vanished into thin air

It was a most magical experience. My energy level just went from a level of fury to empty in a matter of seconds. I do not know why. Maybe I just expended too much energy typin' comments in everyone else's blogs. Anyway, I did not do well on the Test the Nation exercise tonight. I had just returned from runnin' an errand to get a bag of dog food, and went by and got that catfish dinner and brought it home and was just gonna sit in front of the tube and relax while I ate that catfish. The TV happened to be tuned to Fox and that program was just beginnin'. I thought it was a silly exercise, but then thought, what the hell, it ain't like I got anythin' better to do just as the test was fixin' to start. I ran in here and typed in testonfox.com to get to the site to take the test online and live with the rest of the country. Lo and behold, I didn't have the right Shockwave plugin installed. So, I thought, OK, let me download the new plugin and I can still likely do alright. Yeah, ever'one else must have been hooked up online takin' that stupid test, 'cause my connect was crud and kept gettin' crudpier. So, I didn't take part. I did, however, splash a little catsup (or ketchup for those of ya'll that prefer that spellin') onto or into my navel. If I had a cat, I guess I could have let my cat lick the catsup out of my navel. I don't suppose that would be classified as an act of bestiality, would it? Just that ponderance ought to be worth a couple of Google hits. ;)

I am tired beyond description and I am gonna go to bed. Tomorrow is Saturday. I might or might now blog 'cause you might or might not read. If history is any indicator, might not seems to be a surer bet than might when it comes to your part. Besides, I still might go to Luckenbach. Let's all go back to Luckenbach, Texas ... with Wille and Waylon's memory and the boys. I might toss back a cold one of two in memory of Waylon and those valiant defenders of the Alamo. Tomorrow is the anniversary of the fall of the Alamo. Remember the Alamo. Rent the John Wayne version. End of report.

Her 15 minutes of fame was over a long time ago

I have a long list of things I don't care about. It's quite a long list. But on that list would be "Martha Stewart."

Can I get an "amen?" - Dean Esmay

amen

This title* sucks worse than my blog -- I think

About the only thing I don't like about Bad Money is that Susie won't make Harvey put me on his blogroll. Of course, then, I suppose it is possible that he does not find my blog worth readin'. I have heard it said many times that anythin' is possible, so we are free to assume such without makin' an ass out of u and me, right? But then, I thought I already was an ass. Oh well, at least things are lookin' up for Serenity.

*I started to entitle it "Blogroll me NOW before I am forced to shoot Robert Prather's dog".

Crafted creatively , yet still ended up as a bunch of crud

Hey, I am tryin' to watch this,* but with the slow band dialup connection I have, I might never get it to play. Will someone watch it and tell me if it is funny? Speakin' of funny, ya'll gals will like this post of Sassy's.

*Hell, I ain't really sure the link will even work. I feel as pathetic as Bill Bill.***

**I damn sure do hope that damn link works, because my computer fuckin' froze up durin' the movie download.

***I bet there are those among you who have no idea what I go through to create these amazin' posts, huh?

Anyone up for a game of dirty politics?

It seems the media might be playin' with a set of marked cards in this current media meme frenzy about Bush's exploitation of 9/11 in his current ads. The cards are marked let's sway this news to make Bush look bad so Kerry can win.

Ith had further coverage on this veiled political attack by the Kerry camp.

An attempt to exceed my male limitations

I really don't know how the gals do it ... seriously. I was just at one of the local restaurants where the guy at the counter talked me into a catfish dinner when all I really wanted was an order of beer battered onion rings.* So, while I was waitin' for my dinner to be cooked, I was chattin' with a few of the other diners, politickin' for every vote I can get. I am tellin' ya, I was just standin' there when I felt somethin' irritatin' in my crotch area, like an ant was bitin' me on my genitals. Just How In The Hell do you not scratch? I ain't ever been able to get an itch anywhere, place-wise or body-wise, and not scratch it at the earliest opportunity. I admire the female gender for their genteel restraint. I really do. Tell me how ya'll gals do it, please?

Hopin' the jury would kiss her ass, Martha gets bit in the butt

Martha Stewart was convicted on four counts. I would provide a link, but just hit any news site, newspaper or serious blog.* Some may see this as a detriment to her career path, but I just see it as a good start for a future Country & Western Star. I mean how much longer was she gonna be able to push that current shtick anyway?

*I do not, by any means, consider this a serious blog, but I do honestly opine that I am a serious blogger.

I am seriously too old to be doin' this, it seems

I am just amazed that I have not had anyone claim the kidos on this post. I had thought that Buzz would get it, as he is the only person, besides me, that actually saw every episode of The Greatest American Hero.

Oh, now that explains ever'thin'

Well, after a deluge of ecstatic activity at the beginnin' of the week, there was an eerie lull here at ***: Raggin' & Rantin' of late and I, for the life of me, could not figure out what had changed. I was postin' some great snarky and inane crud as usual, but it was fallin' on blind eyes. Verily, however, I awoke this mornin' and saw somethin' on my blogroll that disclosed the answer to that plaguin' problem. There was an update flag next to Sanity's Edge. Paul has returned and is again stealin' all of my thunder. Welcome back Paul!

[Yikes! I found another postin' on Ramblings* of SilverBlue that hints that there might be another reason people seem to be avoidin' my blog.]

*I have a really hard time typin' that "g" ;)

Mar. 5, 2004

Two church members were going door to door, and knocked on the door of a woman who was not happy to see them. She told them in no uncertain terms that she did not want to hear their message and slammed the door in their faces. To her surprise, however, the door did not close and, in fact, bounced back open.

She tried again, really put her back into it, and slammed the door again with the same result - the door bounced back open.

Convinced these rude young people were sticking their foot in the door, she reared back to give it a slam that would teach them a lesson, when one of them said, "Ma'am, before you do that again you need to move your cat."

Not much more to say this day

What a very long, very tirin' and very strange day. I am so glad it is over and ready to get to bed. I am so drained, like all the energy has been sucked from my body by some energy sappin' mosquito. I do feel this strange bump on my head, hidden within my hairline. As they say, anythin' is possible. I suspect, though, that some giant energy sappin' mosquito havin' come and sucked all the energy outta my head without me havin' heard the buzzin' of its flyin' is highly improbable. The mere thought of such occurrence is a tad bit inane, huh? But ain't that the central theme of my bloggin' efforts, delvin' deep into the realm of the inane? Or does this blog have a theme? Does it have a purpose? Does it matter? Do you care?

I got nuthin' folks, seriously. The navel seems to be the only part of me that is perky and full of life. I would let it take over, but it is illiterate and can't read or write. That does mean that ya'll are stuck with me and I got nuthin'. No sense draggin' this out, then, is there? I agree. End of report.

Two months, three days, 23 hours, 16 minutes and 54 seconds. 2238 cigarettes not smoked, saving $447.79. Life saved: 1 week, 18 hours, 30 minutes.

Ever'one's smitten with Zoe

OK, I just finished watchin' a movie which I picked after the clerk told me one of my five choices was one I had already rented before. That info is one thing I love about our hometown video store. I had picked up the box and read it and it looked a bit interestin' but there were no big named stars in it and I had never heard of it, so I had put it back. As luck would have it, after I almost rented one I would have been a disappointment if I had learned I had seen it after it started, I took a chance on this one. It is called Cherish.

The central character was great and Robin Tunney gave a great performance.* The movie was a bit quirky, had a great plot, was well written, and seemed to pull everythin' possible out of the box** just to entertain you. It was original with a just enough weirdness to enchant you and keep you mesmerized throughout. Absolute great sound track. Tiger says see it, you'll like it.

*And looked so much lovelier in the role than that picture of her in the imdb.com page about her under that link would leave you to believe.

**Dreamscapes and stop action pleasantly intermixed with novel characters and novel story line.

How very strange indeed

It sure is quiet tonight. Is there somethin' interestin' goin' on? Am I bein' left outta the loop here, people? Oh, well, the movie I am watchin' is great ... I'll come and tell ya'll 'bout it when I am done watchin' it. I just came in to take a peek when I took a pause to piss.

It simply takes my breath away or gaspin' for air*

I mean, I may be demanding, unreasonable, off-putting and sometimes carry the faint scent of body odor, but even I carry a degree of realism with me. - Scott Kraft

And after readin' 'bout his shoppin' debacle, I am so utterly glad I have trusted my senses and have never done business with those Home Shopping Network charlatans, and now know not to ever do such in the future.

*Channellin' Jay Ward**

**Kudos to the first person to get that reference.

I must of stepped in somethin' and didn't realize it

I just realized that the last five trackbacks I have received have all been from John's blog: Ramblings of SilverBlue . What the fork did I do to piss the rest of ya'll off?

[By the way, thanks for always slatherin' me with linky love, John]

Some really uninterestin' crud to go along with the latest quit smokin' data

Two months, three days, 19 hours, 42 minutes and 18 seconds. 2233 cigarettes not smoked, saving $446.75. Life saved: 1 week, 18 hours, 5 minutes.

My feet hurt, I might have made a deal to swap a car I have invested too much money into that I don't want any more for an old truck some guy was tryin' to sell, and I gotta watch one more movie tonight since the five I rented Sunday are due back tomorrow ... In the words of the California Governor in one of his most famous lines: I'll be back.

The "Circle of Life" has nuthin' on the "Circle of E-mail Fowards"

Here is the good part of an email I received today. It was not attributed, as usual, and it is not the first time I have seen it. I highly suspect it is likely not your first time to see it either, but it is definitely a reminder about why we all seem to be so tired at the end of teach and every day and yet end up wonderin' why we seem to have accomplished so very very little.

Recently, I was diagnosed with A. A. A. D. D. - Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder. This is how it manifests:

I decide to wash my car.

As I start toward the garage, I notice that there is mail on the hall table.

I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car.

I lay my car keys down on the table, put the junk mail in the trash can under the table, and notice that the trash can is full.

So, I decide to put the bills back on the table and take out the trash first.

But then I think, since I'm going to be near the mailbox when I take out the trash anyway, I may as well pay the bills first.

I take my checkbook off the table, and see that there is only one check left.

My extra checks are in my desk in the study, so I go to my desk where I find the can of Coke that I had been drinking.

I'm going to look for my checks, but first I need to push the Coke aside so that I don't accidentally knock it over.

I see that the Coke is getting warm, and I decide I should put it in the refrigerator to keep it cold.

As I head toward the kitchen with the Coke a vase of flowers on the counter catches my eye-they need to be watered.

I set the Coke down on the counter, and I discover my reading glasses that I've been searching for all morning.

I decide I better put them back on my desk, but first I'm going to water the flowers.

I set the glasses back down on the counter, fill a container with water and suddenly I spot the TV remote. Someone left it on the kitchen table.

I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV, I will be looking for the remote, but I won't remember that it's on the kitchen table!, so I decide to put it back in the den where it belongs, but first I'll water the flowers.

I splash some water on the flowers, but most of it spills on the floor.

So, I set the remote back down on the table, get some towels and wipe up the spill.

Then I head down the hall trying to remember what I was planning to do.

At the end of the day: the car isn't washed, the bills aren't paid, there is a warm can of Coke sitting on the counter, the flowers aren't watered, there is still only one check in my checkbook, I can't find the remote, I can't find my glasses, and I don't remember what I did with the car keys.

Then when I try to figure out why nothing got done today, I'm really baffled because I know I was busy all day long, and I'm really tired.

I guess it is better than bein' bit by a rattlesnake ...

but just barely. I just got spammed by Slick Willie himself.

click to enlarge

The executioner is workin' hard at sharpenin' his ax

OK, there is a blazin' thunderstorm outside, no one is out and about, and other than one caller attemptin' to make a collect call form a jail somewhere, it is quiet. Might as well catch ya'll up on why I feel like a turd floatin' in a crudper slowly spinnin' toward my eventual demise. Remember that trial that I was supposed to have yesterday. Well, the jury panel was millin' in the hallway, the court was ready to begin, the prosecutor was chompin' at his bits to win an easy case and look good for the voters and I was there to make a fool of myself defendin' an indefensible case ... and the defendant does not show up. Judge orders his arrest and sets his bonds at $30,000 each for a first offense DWI and misdemeanor Possession of MJ. The prospective jurors are dismissed and we all go our separate ways. I end up goin' to the court in the next town over and spending the rest of the mornin' workin' out a fairly good deal for another client. I come back after lunch and, before I get through the front door, my secretary says my client is in jail and is clamorin' about not havin' known of his trial date. She says she has looked all through his file, both paper and the computer database file and cannot locate where we had sent any notice of the trial date to him. It is just a regular procedure that when somethin' is calendared in the database, a court date letter is generated and mailed. It is as simple as pressin' a menu button labeled "ctdtltr." Doin' so, however, also generates a history entry that such letter was created and usually the letter is saved and its file location is also attached at a history entry. Neither of these entries was present. In most cases, my clients are incarcerated, so they are brought to court by order of the court and the few that are not in jail are regularly informed of their court date by their bondsmen, who have to pay a hefty fee to the court should these people fail to appear for their court dates. This client, however, had technically never been arrested and released on bond. He had been taken to a hospital on the night of the offense after havin' been involved in a serious accident and had been charged after his blood alcohol level had been discovered durin' treatment at the hospital. For all previous court appearances, the County Attorney's Office had provided him notice of his need to appear. They did not do so on this occasion, assumin' that I had done so upon receipt of the trial settin'. I actually should have done so, and my failure to have done so was an oversight. The client was pissed.

My first idea was to attempt to get him to agree to take probation, thinkin' the court would likely readily agree to such and we could get him released from jail on probation by the end of the afternoon. He is havin' none of that and is gettin' highly adversarial over the telephone, so I decide to go visit him. We have a very charged conversation in which he babbles somewhat incoherently about this and that and that he is bein' treated wrongfully and is not a criminal, etc. It becomes readily apparent that he is never gonna take responsibility for the actions that landed him in court and now in the jail. However, I do feel a bit responsible that he is in jail unable to be released because the amount of money needed to make the bond is unobtainable. As such, I run back to discuss the necessity for lowerin' same with the judge. He is gone for the day. crud, so I go back to the jail and give my client that piece of news, and he goes ballistic about havin' to spend the night in the jail. I get back to the office and his son comes in. I am so hopeful he is rational and can assist me in gettin' his father to understand that his case is not triable and that he should be agreeable to takin' probation, but the son is solely concerned about why his dad is in jail. Office closes and I go home, unable to do anythin' more for this guy.

I was up and out of the house at the crack of dawn this mornin' and was waiting at the door to the judge's chambers when his secretary came in. "He will be in a a few minutes," she says, already knowin' why I am there. I wait a couple of minutes and the phone rings, it is the judge. She tells him I am there and yada, yada, hangs up. "He is ill and is not comin' in and said to talk to Ron [the current County Attorney and my current political opponent]. He thinks Ray [the guy who posts almost all the bonds for everyone arrested in our county] got him out." That sounded like a possibility and was easy enough to confirm, so I ran back here to the office and called the jail. "Is [name of client] there?" "No, did you want to talk to him?" "No, just wanted to see if maybe he had been released, thanks." Click I go back to the judge's secretary, tell her that my guy is still in the jail and could she call the Judge back and let him know. "Be sure to tell him that it was my fault that he didn't get notice." She calls, discusses the situation with the Judge. I hear mostly a series of "Uh huh's" before she hangs up. "The Judge is very ill with a stomach virus and says he thinks [name of client] is partly to blame for not keepin' touch with your office. [I heartily agree with this assessment, as this client has not been good about comin' in or callin', but still ...] He said he might feel better this afternoon and think about it. Right now, he is too sick to worry about it." I went to the jail and pass that information along to the client. That did not improve his disposition one bit.

I came back to the office and found that the settin's in the next county that are usually set for 1:30p.m. had been moved to this mornin' so that the judge could leave early for some reason. So off I go to the neighborin' county so I could wait around for 2 hours to pass two cases, which took all of two minutes. Then I went to lunch, and was headin' back when I forgot there was some other papers I wanted to drop off in a probate matter, and a couple of questions my client wanted me to ask the judge, so I went back to the courthouse and waiting around another 45 minutes until that court reconvened after its lunch break for that 3 minute conversation. I doive back to the office in a blindin' thunderstorm and end up passin' my secretary as I pull into parkin' lot of my friend's store to fill my Dr. Pepper™ cup. She flips around and pulls in to tell me that she is leavin' early due to the storm. Whatever. She has been fendin' a lot of the garbage associated with the fiasco for the past two days, so deserved a break anyway, and it is not like anyone is likely to venture out into this mess to visit their attorney's office. I ask her if she had heard any news, "Nope, been quiet." Last thing I remember when I left the jail after visitin' with the agitated man was that he had asked to be allowed to call Ray. I was so hopeful he had just bonded out of jail and the rest of this could sort itself out ... but, alas, I no sooner sat down than the phone rang. It was his son. He said he had just spoken to his dad in the jail and was there any news. I was waitin' for a break in the storm to walk across the street to the Court Annex Buildin' to see if the Judge was in. It seems pretty quiet out there now, so I guess I will go make that trip.

[UPDATE: Judge is unreachable, per the Judge's Secretary. Try back in the morning was her suggestion. I do not think I will pass this word along to the agitated man, as I am sure he will get the idea when he does not get out today. I then thought that I could at least call the jail and have the jailer pass the bad news along to him and was lookin' up the number when, as chance would have it, the son of the agitated man called to inquire if there was anything new. I gave him the bad news, told him I was pissed about the situation, and that I was just fixin' to call his dad to pass along the info, but that I would just let him do so. I am tellin' ya'll, this matter is startin' to get really ugly.]

Where is the CALVARY CAVALRY when ya really need 'em?

Well, the day had begun and I need to go see if I can dig myself outta of the hole I fell into yesterday. Until I get back, hold the fort, keep your chins up and Remember the Alamo.

Two months, three days, 7 hours, 43 minutes and 32 seconds. 2216 cigarettes not smoked, saving $443.25. Life saved: 1 week, 16 hours, 40 minutes.

Graspin' for straws in the midst of a whirlpool

Just as I was gettin' ready to post my report last eve, I found that my thin tether to the world had become disengaged. In other words, the phone lines were dead. Such seems to be the culmination of an otherwise really crudpy day, as I had experienced a couple of times earlier when I was totally unable to connect to my own damn hostin' server as well. I was unsure if there were doin' some maintenance on my server, if there was some break in the backbone between here and there, or if it was due to some maintenance they were doin' at the DNS pointin' service, who had actually sent me notice of that there was somethin' planned there that might be interruptin' their mail service. But, such problems were intermittent and I could work around these minor difficulties. However, when you are on dialup and the phone lines go completely dead: "Sorry Bud, Game Over." As I has already had a pretty crudpy day, I just decided to give it up. I still had a couple of movies I rented that are due back on Friday, so I decided to go watch one of those: Signs.

This Mel Gibson fiasco turned out to be a really horribly written combination of Close Encounters of the Third Kind/Independence Day/Night of the Living Dead ... but thankfully had enough pretty fine actin' here and there plus enough novelty to keep me interested. I only intermittently found myself gazin' at my navel and shakin' my head in disbelief. My only real complaint is that, at the end, I felt really let down -- like I had just diligently watched a fairly well done vehicle that went nowhere and had no clear message. It was a fittin' end to the pile of crud which had been my long and arduous day. I went to bed feelin' exhausted and flat. I forgot all about comin' in and postin' this report. Well, here it is, later than usual. End of report.

Hot Damn!

Who wouldn't want to see some hot babe in a sexy outfit like this walkin' toward ya on your weddin' day? It would be some kind of a pastor who wouldn't get a woody with this bride comin' up the aisle.

It's nice to keep track of stuff

>From this point on, I might be postin' the data from my SilkQuit meter. Here are the current statistics: Two months, two days, 22 hours, 9 minutes and 42 seconds. 2202 cigarettes not smoked, saving $440.46. Life saved: 1 week, 15 hours, 30 minutes.

It's all in how it is associated

Velociman has a real hangup about meat and crud. Of course, with the recent flap goin' on about Acidman, I am not too sure I would even use the phrase "because I'm white."

I just ain't understandin' some of this crud all that well any longer

Ya know, I was just discussin' people who supposedly talked with the Deity and did his biddin' and, in a similar vein, for months and months I have heard where certain Muslims have interpreted the teachin's of Mohammad to include the eradication of those who do not subscribe to the Islamic faith ... and, although, I think such is a most ridiculous interpretation of the teachin's of Islam, it was just further evidence of people's hateful activities supposedly mandated by religious beliefs. However, I am pretty sure that Muslims killin' Muslims is about the weirdest bastardization of religious zealotry in the world.

Who doesn't favor friendly lawyers over grouchy lawyers?

I think I really like this guy! I found him because he commented to this post of mine, and I always figure if someone leaves a callin' card, go pay a visit. I have even found myself so single-minded in this habit, that I occasionally find myself of some comment spammer's site. I cannot tell you how little I relish doin' that, but I digress, as seems to be my habit, huh?

Well, anyway, so, as I was sayin', I went for a visit ... I just walked in the door and found myself in the middle of a discussion of a lawyer that also writes books and seems to have published a few. My eye caught sight of the name of Johnnie Cochran* and I strained my neck to try to discover what was up with that. And then I found A Public Service Announcement to the Readers of this Blawg. This paragraph clinched my decision to give his blog a place on my blogroll:

The purpose of this disclaimer is to state the author’s biases. The author of this blawg is a lawyer. As a lawyer, he is biased in favor of other lawyers or anyone studying to become a lawyer. If forced to choose between a lawyer and anyone else, he will usually choose the lawyer. However, even though he is friends with lawyers everywhere, he is not a member of any conspiracy by lawyers to take over either the country or the world. Although he does desire power and control, he mostly wants it over his wife. He fully understands that even in this department, the best he can hope to achieve is some freedom of movement around the house while she is sleeping. Even this will happen only if he’s very quiet.

In this single paragraph I found proof that he was a very affable fellow, had a sharp wit, and was damn smart when it came to women.

Please welcome to my blogroll Notes from the (Legal) Underground, written, produced, directed and music arranged by Evan Schaeffer, Esq.

*If'n ya ain't got no idea who the fork Johnnie Cochran** is, you missed the trial of the 1990's.***

**Yeah, I know ever'one knows who Johnnie Cochran is, but I couldn't find nuthin' else inane enough to footnote.

***I started to say the Trial of the Century, but I still gotta give that one to the Scopes Trial 'cause, I mean, who doesn't like a good legal tussel involvin' monkeys and preachers and the two best lawyers in the country at the time goin' head to head.

No Virginia, the Jackasses Democrats can't put Slick Willie on the Ticket

AMENDMENT XII.

The Electors shall meet in their respective states and vote by ballot for President and Vice-President, one of whom, at least, shall not be an inhabitant of the same state with themselves; they shall name in their ballots the person voted for as President, and in distinct ballots the person voted for as Vice-President, and they shall make distinct lists of all persons voted for as President, and of all persons voted for as Vice-President, and of the number of votes for each, which lists they shall sign and certify, and transmit sealed to the seat of the government of the United States, directed to the President of the Senate;The President of the Senate shall, in the presence of the Senate and House of Representatives, open all the certificates and the votes shall then be counted;The person having the greatest number of votes for President, shall be the President, if such number be a majority of the whole number of Electors appointed; and if no person have such majority, then from the persons having the highest numbers not exceeding three on the list of those voted for as President, the House of Representatives shall choose immediately, by ballot, the President. But in choosing the President, the votes shall be taken by states, the representation from each state having one vote; a quorum for this purpose shall consist of a member or members from two-thirds of the states, and a majority of all the states shall be necessary to a choice. And if the House of Representatives shall not choose a President whenever the right of choice shall devolve upon them, before the fourth day of March next following, then the Vice-President shall act as President, as in the case of the death or other constitutional disability of the PresidentThe person having the greatest number of votes as Vice-President, shall be the Vice-President, if such number be a majority of the whole number of Electors appointed, and if no person have a majority, then from the two highest numbers on the list, the Senate shall choose the Vice-President; a quorum for the purpose shall consist of two-thirds of the whole number of Senators, and a majority of the whole number shall be necessary to a choice. But no person constitutionally ineligible to the office of President shall be eligible to that of Vice-President of the United States.

The day that just would not go away

Today has been a horrendous day. Seriously, the dam broke and a deluge of crud got dumped all over me. I will give ya the nitty gritty about this situation later.

What the fuck is this crud? I need some help, ya'll

For some reason, here lately, ever'time I am unable to connect to some site, instead of gettin' a 404 page, I find myself loadin' http://search.dr.shopnav.c[and on and on with all kinds of further redirection crud or whatnot which I really don't want to display] which, in turn, begins throwin' popups all over the damn place. I am sure I loaded somethin' somewhere that changed somethin' but I done did a complete virus and Ad-Aware scan and neither found anythin' troublesome ... but it is definitely troublesome to me. Anyone know what I need to delete or reconfigure so as to return to regulation 404 pages?

What is green and not really all that pleasant to be around?

OK, so some of ya'll think belly button talk is borin'? Well maybe you ought to go over to where Pat works and sit around discussin' belly buttons and just see where the conversation takes ya. Needless to say, this does go to prove that this ain't the only place where someone actually blogs about belly buttons, is it? And, as you likely know, if you regularly read my Nightly Navel Gazin' Reports™, I try to subdue as much really nasty crud as possible. I guess a bunch of women around a table are not as worried about doin' so, huh? But seriously, when have you ever seen me introduce anythin' about "a baby who had lovely emerald green poop" into any of my Nightly Navel Gazin' Reports™? I have some standards, you know? I mean, there are some subjects that I would not touch with a 10 foot pole, and emerald green baby poop is probably somethin' I would be glad to have a 10 foot pole handy just in case I was required to touch such. Well, actually, I am very baby friendly, so I would actually not be all that worried about it, as long as I could find that bag of latex gloves I bought at the dollar store. I suppose someone would have to clean the baby's butt, and if the baby was not big enough to do it itself, I suppose someone else would have to jump in to do so. Ya just can't let a baby run around in a diaper filled with emerald green baby crud, right? Someone has to change that diaper. It surely would not be my first time to change a baby's diaper and I likely would have already had a sniff or two of how bad that crud in the diaper smelled ... I mean, experience has shown me that although the diaper might do a good job of containin' the crud on most occasions, it does not do that great of a job containin' the smell of the crud in the diaper all that well. OK, vinyl gloves on and a clothespin on my nose and here we go. Off with that nasty diaper, roll it up and put it in a bio-hazard bag, take a handful of Handy-Wipes and wipe as much of that emerald green baby shit off that soft baby's butt as possible, and then put those used Handy-Wipes in that bio-hazard bag, grab another handful of Handy-Wipes and give that soft baby's butt another round of wipin', put those Handy-Wipes in that bio-hazard bag, and continue that over and over until that soft baby's butt is clear of any sign of emerald green shit. Sprinkle on some baby powder and apply a clean fresh diaper. Remove clothespin, put in bio-hazard bag, remove latex gloves, place in bio-hazard bag, securely close bio-hazard bag. Dispose of bio-hazard bag. Fall to knees and thank Deity that baby did not piss in your eye durin' diaper change and pray mother gets home before baby has to crud again.

Yes, and I still want one of my own. Cryin', crud, slobber and spit up, none of it scares me. It doesn't last forever, and you miss it when it is gone. Where the Hell are you, mother of my children? Just think of all the fun we are missin' because we ain't found one another.

I wanted to share somethin' a bit personal here, but I am a bit too shy to reveal such. Maybe when we get to know one another a bit better, I can tell ya 'bout it. I just ain't too sure I feel comfortable talkin' 'bout certain things, ya know? My own navel is doin' fabulous and has been no where near any emerald green baby shit today. It was in close proximity to a baby for a short while as my secretary's baby was in the office for a bit today. Thankfully, I was not left alone with Kirstie this round.

My eyes are droopy, and I have to go lose a trial tomorrow. My client is guilty, I know he is guilty, but he does not want to plead guilty because he neither wants to be on probation or wants to go to jail. I don't really blame him, because those are some pretty crudpy choices, but he was drunk and had a wreck and they found a bag of marijuana in his pocket at the hospital. I will just give him adequate assistance of counsel.

Well, I do have to be there early, so I think I have better drag my navel to bed and dream of emerald green baby shit or somethin'. End of report. ttffn

Oh Yikes -- where do we go from here?

OK, there are gonna be a few people that will agree with the controversial message that Birmingham, Alabama preacher, Pastor Michael Jordan, put up on his church sign and you can bet there are gonna be a lot that are gonna say he is full of crud.

Jordan said God inspires his church signs. When God tells him something, he puts it on the sign. If God doesn't tell Jordan anything, the sign is blank.

Jordan says this message will stay up until God tells him to change it.

I guess what I am really interested in is if there is anyone that can prove whether or not God told him to put that message on the sign. I am puttin' my money on the fact than no one can do so. As such, let the man say what he believes God tells him and you listen to what God is tellin' you. That seems to solve the whole damn dilemma over the message on this sign, as far as I am concerned.

Kristopher believes the Pastor Jordon is so far out of bounds with his message that everyone should call him and harass him until he takes it down. I guess I thought ever'one had the right to free speech, even those with whom we disagreed. From what little I learned about Pastor Jordan's convictions from the story, I suspect he believes exactly what is in the blockquoted part above. I urge ya'll to freely voice your opinions about his message both publicly and privately, but don't be fuckin' up the Pastor's peace and harmony with your phone calls because he has said what he believes God told him to say until you have verified proof that God didn't tell him to put that message on the sign.

[UPDATE: Oh, have I opened a can of worms?

I apologize if anyone thinks I agree with the message, because, as Jennifer suggested in SilverBlues comments, the disease does not only affect homosexuals and is so illogical as to have no validity. I do not promulgate that anyone agree with such or disagree with such. I was merely stating that the Pastor believes he is speaking for God, and he has an absolute right to such belief. This is an absolute example of the fallacy of religion, as all religious leaders have a right to believe what they believe and only blind faith in the the truth of their statements or not gives their religious convictions any weight at all. I suppose that is one reason I refuse to subscribe to any church, because I do not have faith in anyone to have a better understanding of how I am suppose to live my life than I do. I thought the 10 Commandments were pretty specific and that Jesus showed us how were were supposed to act toward others.

My actual belief is that if God had intended to punish homosexuality, he could have done it without the randomness of a communicable disease. AIDS is a plague, nothing more, caused by a mutated virus. I just disagree with anyone promulgating unjustified actions in response to this message. In the same vein, where I do not believe in abortion as a means of birth control, I also do not believe that anyone who feels as I do has a right to kill those who have abortions for birth control or those who actually perform the abortions.]

OK, so I turned out to be Bill --- what of it?

Oh crud, was this not the most perverted, fucked up set of quiz questions ever?

Which Survivor of the Impending Nuclear Apocalypse Are You?
A Rum and Monkey joint.

Thanks Michele, I think.

Some reportin' seems to be a bit too fair and balanced

It is lookin' good for the proponents of liquor sales in Coweta County, Georgia. What is not clear is whether McGehee is pleased or not.

"He may be a screechin' moonbat, but he's our screechin' moonbat!"*

Yep, Vermont says Dean is their man, even though he bowed out of the race already. Guess we kinda get some kind of a clue as to what kind of environment it takes to grow and nurture moonbats to maturity, huh?

*I ain't just real sure how people from Vermont talk. It may be that they like pronouncin' "g's" on the end of words.

Somethin' happened in the Senate dealin' with guns today

I have read about somethin' ever'one seems to think is some really important whatever on nearly ever' damned blog on my blogroll, and yet, I am not sure what the fork happened. Anyone able to present a clear, elementary picture of what occurred so as to educate an addle-pated old man? Some of us have been bamboozled by congressional activities for so long, we cannot see what is real from the sleight-of-hand. Do I need to turn in my shotgun yet? I really need it to protect myself from the occasional invadin' rat or bat or squirrel, possum, etc. I don't have any shells, but I can damn sure club them to death with the butt of that thing.

A pissed-off woman* can be a vindictive bitch

You gotta see this picture that is posted over on Boots and Sabers.

*Lest I fail to be perfectly politically correct, I do suppose the same applies to pissed-off gay lovers as well.

Turnin' around and watchin' some planets bein' birthed

Science continues to evolve, it seems. Technology has provided the means for astronomers to observe the formation of planets around a star 33 light years away.

Tony keeps any eye out so we never miss anythin' new or amazin'. Thanks Tony.

I resemble that remark, indubitably

Somehow, I just don't think Stevie is alone in feelin' the way she feels.

SilverBlue missed one

I found a very humorous cartoon posted on James' blog, Parkway Rest Stop.

It's only a matter of few words

It seems there are some who say Acidman has finally gone a bit too far. I do not regularly read Acidman, as I am not a big fan of vitriolic drunken babble and he seemed to dislike me, as well. I will not judge his actions, as I have not reviewed the source material and do not intend to do so. If such is as described, I agree such is an unjustified use of virulent language. I have been on record previously as sayin' that words are words and people are always free to react to someone else's use of language as they shall so choose to do. However, I also am on record as sayin' that it is fair to question the intent of someone's choice of words, as well. Since the word whose use is questioned in this case has been publicly denounced as havin' only a hurtful purpose, the use of such by anyone should always be strictly scrutinized.

[UPDATE: I found that more was said on this matter at WizBang!]

[UPDATE II: It seems Michele had somethin' to say about the matter also, and provides linkage not only to the offendin' blog, the offensive post, a possible response by the offendin' blogger, but to another blogger who possibly has linked almost every other blogger who has blogged on the matter.]

Crossin' my heart, but I ain't stickin no needle in my eye

Although Susie is like way way behind on her memes* and didn't get her loudest laugh of the day while readin' my blog,** I still promise not to spook her with a snake or bat or anythin' creepy ever and forever.***

*see ***: Raggin' & Rantin': January 19, 2004- The moonbats are out in force tonight.

**Only 'cause she likely hadn't had time yet to read my blog.

***I can think of nuthin' that brings me greater trepidation than the mere sight of someone who cannot scream due to bein' "petrified speechless".

It's time to celebrate!

Happy Texas Independence Day ya'll!

The radio DJ said they are gonna be havin' a bit Texas Independence Day/Alamo remembrance whoop-de-do this Saturday* in Luckenbach. If'n I can figure out a way to get away, I might just make an appearance. It might be somewhere for ya'll to go, if ya are close. ;)

*Saturday is the anniversary of the fall of the Alamo.

[UPDATE: Scott posted William Barret Travis' letter askin' for reinforcements for the Alamo.]

Now this is very interestin'

Seems there is a list of Alcohoroscopes makin' the rounds via email, accordin' to poor ill Lizz of blue socks. I hadn't seen such email,* but thankfully Lizz saw fit to print the whole listin'. This is the only one that pertains to me:

Taurus (April 21 - May 20)

Drinking style: Taurus prefers to drink at a leisurely pace, aiming for a mellow glow rather than a full on zonk. Since a truly intoxicated Taurus is a one-person stampede, the kind of bull-in-a-china-shop inebriate who spills red wine on white carpets and tells fart jokes to employers, the preference for wining and dining (or Bud and buddies) to body shots and barfing is quite fortunate for the rest of us. This is not to say that the Bull is by any means a teetotaler -- god, no. A squiffy Taurus will get, er, gregarious (full of loudmouth soup, some would say) and is extremely amusing to drag to a karaoke bar when intoxicated.

Susie might be interested in knowin' LIzz confirms that two people can fit in a single bed.

*As Lizz is another of those people who live in the future,** it may just be that receivin' this email is somethin' to which I can look forward.

**See the comments to this post.

It hurts all the way to the very core

I am not sure why, likely some gastric distress due to my dietary intake durin' the day, but I have this pain deep in my gut. Let me see -- I started off the day with another bacon, egg and cheese Breakfast Burrito from Sonic along with that regular order of Tots, then later had a hot link in a hot dog bun with just a couple of lines of mustard on it and a bag of pig skins, but I started chokin' while eatin' the pig skins, so ate a couple of the pepperoni Slim Jim sticks to assist me in gettin' whatever was stickin' in my throat to go down, as well as downin' almost 32 ozs. of Dr. Pepper, after refillin' my cup for the second time today, the first time bein' right before I headed to Sonic for breakfast. I refilled the cup again, headed back to work, and then after work, went back to refill the cup again and ate a Grab Bag of Cheetohs and then a small bag of Pretzels but for some reason, I was not hungry enough to finish the pretzels. I gave the rest to my dogs and came in and sat here for most of the evenin' doin' this and that, mostly tryin' to figure out how to get into my Pay Pal account so I could assist Serenity a bit with her situation, while chattin' with Tink and SilverBlue on AOL IM and then some doctor in China somehow found me on ICQ even though I was supposedly invisible, and we chatted for awhile. I also had some other person named Helen who tried to connect with me on ICQ, but I think I pissed her off when I asked her for the reason she contacted me. The doctor kinda got thrown off by that question also. However, as so many different people of which I have no idea who the fork they are contact me on ICQ, AOL IM, Yahoo Messenger and MS Messenger all the time, I seem to find myself askin' that question very often. I do find, more often than not, that it does seem to piss people off to have to explain why the fork they were contactin' me without my askin' them to do so, and some just piss off and leave me alone. Some actually say they saw my profile here and there and were interested in learnin' more about me. I seem to be very popular with young women in eastern Europe and in the Philippines, and I used to get a lot contactin' me from Nigeria. I am pretty sure I will never hook up with anyone from any other country other than maybe Mexico, only because it is so close, or maybe Canada, because actually it is pretty close too? I myself might emigrate to Australia or New Zealand if given the opportunity. I am pretty sure I would never settle down with anyone from Nigeria, first of all because I do not find most black women all that attractive. It has much less to do with skin color than because they have big asses, fat lips and their hair feels funny. I especially suspect the very core of Nigerian culture. I have actually had long online communication relationships with a couple of Filipino gals, and even have a cousin who married one. I now truly understand why so many young Filipino gals seek husbands from other countries. They live in a very strict Catholic culture where divorce is unheard of and if you are an unmarried female older than in your early 20s, you are a spinster. No one in the Philippines will marry you. The Eastern European girls are the ones I suspect of wanting to marry more for the sole purpose of gettin' into the United States, but, as a group, they are the most attractive younger gals that are looking for older, more financially stable husbands. I could actuallly see myself settling down with one of those young ladies, since with my particular problem, marrying a 25 year old eastern European gal might actually be the answer to my dilemma. Surprisingly, I actually think Tatiana is a very lovely name.

Wow, see how circular my thinkin' goes: I go from describin' what I had to eat today to a discussion of the types of females one tends to meet online. Still, I do have that pain deep in my gut. I actually think it is just gas, though, and that is will pass. As I am alone, it really does not matter how it does so or whether there is any resultant noise of any kind. There probably will be some resultant noise, though. That is actually one of the pleasures one experiences from dealin' with the pressure from gas buildin' up in your gastric system. When it finally gets to the blowin' point where it passes, one can, with practice, produce some excellent sounds. TMI? TFB!*

I also seem to be havin' a zit emerge right where my left cheek bone juts forward. I suspect that is a result of all the bacon and pepperoni Slim Jim sticks I have been eatin' here lately. Try as I might, I seem to be eatin' a tad more since I quit smokin'. I am of the opinion that cigarettes contain an appetite suppressant, as ever since I stopped smokin', I have felt hungry. I don't seem to be gainin' all that much weight, however. I suspect this is probably because I don't have any food in the house and am generally too lazy to go out and get anythin', except when I have to go to the store to refill my Dr. Pepper cup. Then I usually eat a bag of pork skins and maybe a few sticks of pepperoni Slim Jims.

I wonder why I am tellin' ya'll all of this? Now I have a headache. Now I need a couple of Pepcid Completes. Now I am feelin' like it is time to go to bed. OK, so here is the plan: I will down a handful of analgesics, followed by a fistful of Pepcid Completes, immerse myself in a tub of hot water and sit in it until my skin has turned a very rosy pink color, then I will dry off and jump under a double layer of goose down comforters in a large king sized bed all by myself and lay there feelin' sorry for myself until I fall asleep. Doesn't that sound like a joyous time for all involved? fork it! It sounds like standard fare for this mundane life of mine ... but guess what? I have grown so damn accustomed to it that if any real excitement came along, it would probably shock me to the point where I would succumb to a heart attack or somethin'. There are worse things than boredom, ya see? End of report.

*Too forkin' Bad!

Now is the time for all good men [bloggers] to come to the aid of [one of] their country [own]

Serenity is currently not so serene. Life has handed her a nasty basket of lemons, and she needs your support both in prayers and good wishes and also can likely use a bit of financial support as well. It seems that she mis-stepped on some wet cobbles and broke several bones in her ankle. Her health insurance has yet to kick in and she may be laid up long enough that her job won't wait. Bloggers are a close-knit family, so let's all gather 'round one of ours in this time of need.

Glenn Reynolds has just outdone himself today

Heh!

[UPDATE: This post was just to show how easy it was to post something linked to Glenn in Glenn's own style. ;) ]

Why do a weblog? he asked ... why not?

One of my favorite bloggers, mainly because he is never snarky, inane or anything else like me, but writes in such a manner as to hold my interest in whatever topic he addresses, David, of Ripples wrote the most perfect piece explaining the need for and proliferation of bloggin' that I have ever seen. Of course, it was written just before this last Christmas and had missed it. Thanks to Ironbear, one of the co-bloggers at Who tends the Fires, it did not escape my view, and, like David said in his blurb, on a blog, your writin', "once posted, will be available forever, or until your hosting company goes out of business, which will probably occur sooner." Damn, but what that guy always gets right to the point of things. Of course, David cut right to the heart of why I blog:

You could become famous in your own lifetime...

I have discovered that my name is a household word in a remote village in Bengal, where they are all talkin' 'bout what that Tiger did yesterday.

I just want to be famous enough that Renee Zellweger takes me seriously. ;)

If you saw my house, this would not surprise you

While I would not have ever chosen to be this character, I was not in the bit surprised:

You are Pig Pen!


Which Peanuts Character are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

previous meme stop: Denita

***'s still workin' on his Best Picture Collection

OK, except for last night's winner, I am lackin' the followin' movies to complete my collection of all the Best Movie Oscar winners:

• Going My Way
• Gandhi
• On the Waterfront
• The Greatest Show on Earth
• Gentleman's Agreement
• The Lost Weekend &
• How Green Was My Valley

It is funny that this came about when I first decided that I thought maybe I should start buyin' a few movies of my own but was not sure what movies were worth buyin'. After some thought, I figured any movie that won Best Picture was probably a good movie to have. Of course, I found that such assumption is not actually true, as, in my opinion Titanic really sucked, as did American Beauty. Of course, havin' decided to collect them all, I have found some real gems that I never saw in the theater, some because they were made way before I was born, and some just because I suspected I really would not have liked them. Of the latter category, there is Shakespeare in Love, which I found to be very original in an age where most movies seem to come out of a cookie cutter, and some of the really old ones, Wings, the first winner and the only silent one is superb, as is Grand Hotel and You Can't Take it With You.

Another gem from the inbox I thought I would share

I really liked this one:

The 92-year-old, petite, well-poised and proud lady, who is fully dressed each morning by eight o'clock, with her hair fashionably coifed and makeup perfectly applied, even though she is legally blind, moved to a nursing home today. Her husband of 70 years recently passed away, making the move necessary.

After many hours of waiting patiently in the lobby of the nursing home, she smiled sweetly when told her room was ready. As she maneuvered her walker to the elevator, I provided a visual description of her tiny room, including the eyelet sheets that had been hung on her window. "I love it," she stated with the enthusiasm of an eight-year-old having just been presented with a new puppy.

"Mrs.. Jones, you haven't seen the room .... just wait."

"That doesn't have anything to do with it," she replied. Happiness is something you decide on ahead of time. Whether I like my room or not doesn't depend on how the furniture is arranged... it's how I arrange my mind. I already decided to love it "It's a decision I make every morning when I wake up. I have a choice; I can spend the day in bed recounting the difficulty I have with the parts of my body that no longer work, or get out of bed and be thankful for the ones that do. Each day is a gift, and as long as my eyes open I'll focus on the new day and all the happy memories I've stored away ... just for this time in my life. Old age is like a bank account ... you withdraw from what you've put in."

So, my advice to you would be to deposit a lot of happiness in the bank account of memories. Thank you for your part in filling my Memory bank. I am still depositing.

Remember the five simple rules to be happy:

• Free your heart from hatred.
• Free your mind from worries.
• Live simply.
• Give more.
• Expect less

Forward March!

Well, hopefully we all survived that quantum leap in time yesterday while the world stood still as Ol' Man Winter delayed in packin' his bags so as to finally depart and allow life to Spring anew. Today's temperatures here are forecast to be somewhere in the 70s. What's your weather like for the 1st* day of March?

*Ya'll Aussies and Kiwis and such can tell us what it was like yesterday, if ya wish. ;)

Strange days are made like this

OK, so what a strange day. Well, I guess it was like any other February 29th, huh? Or, at least, as far as I can remember. As I stated earlier, in almost a half decade worth of life, I have only seen a dozen February 29ths, and they come by so seldom, I cannot remember from one to the next what happens and what to expect. I know bloggin' was weird. I did not get that many visitors today, and, except for Denita, no one commented at all. Still, Denita is a good friend of mine, so it was nice to visit with her, even if it was just done in the comments. I do hope she finds a source to so as to read Opus. I do suppose I could scan it each week, but I think I am runnin' out of server space, so I am tryin' to save as much as possible.

Well, today was a very nice day. After the strong wind and the hard rain that fell this mornin', the wind died down, the clouds broke up and the sun came out. It was sunny and warm all afternoon. I did go out and play with the dogs for awhile, but mostly I just spent the day watchin' some movies. Let me see, I saw Pollock, about Jackson Pollock, Ali, about Muhammad Ali, and Collateral Damage, an action movie starrin' the Governor of California. I did not watch the Oscars at all. I got the news about who was winnin' what by checkin' imdb.com ever' once in awhile. You can check it now if you wanna see a list of all the awards and who won. Me, I am gonna go to bed.

The navel seems to be doin' fine. It seems that I did so little today, the navel was not stressed at all. As far as what I had to eat today, let's see. I ate a Breakfast Burrito from Sonic, with bacon, eggs and cheese rolled up in a flour tortilla with a small order of Tater Tots. I ate a Grab Bag of Fried Pig Skins and 4 sticks of pepperoni sticks, like Slim Jims, drank 3 refills of Dr. Pepper in my 32 oz. cup and ate a whole sleeve of saltine crackers. I have eaten 4 tablets of Pepcid Complete, so I suppose that is enough gastric damage I can do to the inside of my belly button, and yet the outside shows no damage at all. I take that as a good sign. I suspect when I see the acid inside my stomach burnin' through to the outside, it will be likely too late to complain about it. Anyway, I guess I will go ahead and close this and take my tired ass to bed. It ain't like anyone is gonna read this anyway, right? End of report.