Read My Lips - the blog

Its too hard to think

I dunno. I am still tryin' to sort ever'thing involved in the debate out in my head. It seems to be givin' me a headache. Maybe I'll wait to see how some of my favorite polibloggers filter what was bein' said. I mean, I sometimes need the news to be run through a food processor so that is possible to have it spoon fed to myself.

Today was a long day and I am worn to a frazzle. My navel, although still seemin' to be in bad humor, does seem to be in peak form, health-wise. End of report.

It's I'm Alive!

However, my navel is very upset with all of ya'll for some reason or 'nother and is still refusin' to cooperate in the creation of these nightly productions. I know this to be true, 'cause I diligently attempted durin' the entire previous night to harvest its daily observations. Deftly, it remained under cover for the entire period. End of report.

Sky Captain and the Movies of the Future

To give ya an idea of what I thought of Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow, allow me to disclose that I saw this movie sometime last week and am jes' now gettin' 'round to tellin' ya'll what I thought of it. OK, here's the scoop: Go see it 'cause it is the beginnin' of a next wave of evolution in movie makin', kinda like The Jazz Singer or Star Wars, jes' don't spect too much in the way of good actin' or well crafted story-line.

Poe Poor Eeeeee!* or somethin' smells funny**

Strange day. I seem to have hit the Top 40 list on DayPOP some time about noon my time. Too cool, but by the time I make such discovery, I have no way of knowin' which post of mine hit the big time. If I had to guess, I would pick this one. Not 'cause it is the most newsworthy, but 'cause it is the one that deals with you know what. If'n ya don't, jes' think of the most reprehensible thing a group of large terrorists could do to one or two people that does not involve anythin' but a sharp scimitar. I actually regret that the most popular post on this blog is one where I was jes' commentin' on all the searchin' bein' done by a bunch of people to get their chance to actually personally witness the event themselves by watchin' the evidence supposedly provided by those who claimed to be responsible for the act. O' course, I have also heard often enough that life ain't fair. I been believin' that supposed little piece of wisdom to be true since I discovered that some people seemed to be born with a better future than I could 'spect to have. I mean, it ain't like I am Prince Charles or someone like that. Then ag'in, once you get used to it, life ain't all that bad and ya can be thankful ya ain't got Chuck's ears.

On the local news: the story of a life-size plastic Jesus found floatin' down the Rio Grande River at Eagle Pass. It is bein' held without bail at the city jail. A flurry of religious folks are beginnin' their pilgrimages so as to coincide with normal visitin' hours. One of the local police officers commented that God had brought it there for some reason. They plan on holdin' Jesus for a week awaitin' someone to come in and make a bona fide claim b'fore sellin' him to the highest bidder at public auction. Brings to the mind that line about God workin' in miraculous ways. Fair use required no usage of George.

Funniest thing I have seen in a long time. On Leno, ending to last night's 60 Minutes II:

If you would like a forged transcript of tonight's show, please send a counterfeit $5 bill to [address].

My navel has requested to be officially disassociated with this post for political reasons. I am a bit unsure what that means, but I have learned it absolutely does one not a single scintilla*** of good to argue with one's navel. End of report.

*alternate spellin': pot pouri.

**I'll let you decide about it, but I think it smells a bit rotten myself. I saw some evidence of a Dane**** havin' recently been in the area.

***Three years of law school and I know what the word scintilla means. It seems that my education was not wasted, after all.

****Claim your own Kudos for figgerin' out the basis for that seemin'ly inane reference.

Sometimes the reward is jes' in the doin'

I jes' received this little bit from an 18 year old anorexic with regard to some information and advice I gave her about how her life would possibly play out if she continued to reject the treatment for her problem:

Your info helped me very much. It scared me a little too.

Woohoo, it's Tuesday!*

Well, the Cowboys slopped another one into the win column and the Rangers did their best to blow any chance of winning the American League West Pennant for this year. The fat lady ain't quite sang yet for the Rangers, but she's warmin' up her vocal chords. The Cowboys have a long way to go a'fore they become one of the teams competin' for the NFC Championship as I predicted earlier this year. O' course, I am still proud of both teams. Go Cowboys! Go Rangers!

*So, what 'zactly does today bein' Tuesday have to do with anythin'?

Yes, I know it is early, but what the hey?

As was made abundantly clear yesterday, tonight's Monday Night Football game is 'tween my beloved Cowboys and those dreaded Redskins from the Nation's Capital. I 'spect that I shall be given such game my undivided 'tention for the majority of the evenin' and likely gonna be coerced to stay up a bit later than is my norm.

So, ya ask, what is my excuse for havin' thus far shared diddly-squat? Well, to tell ya the truth, I was doin' a goodly amount of correspondence which needed some of my 'tention, then I gave a bit of my 'tention to that which I had planned to do this weekend, but neglected to do. If'n ya have no idea what that might be, ya ain't been readin' closely enough. I'll give ya a hint, however, her name is Alura.

The navel is fully flabbergasted with the timin' of this report and believes it was not adequately notified of my intent to post such at this abnormally early hour. As such, it has prepared nuthin' to share with ya for this round of merriment. Don't let on 'bout how little concern ya have regardin' such lack of material, however. My navel has a severe low self-esteem problem. End of report.

Dang it, I shoulda gone to the fair

Well, alas comes the end of another Sunday, forebodin' the start of a 'nother work week. Regrettably, I accomplished nuthin' I had planned to get accomplished before the end of the weekend. I think I am turnin' into one of those guys that sit around all day Sunday in their underwear watchin' football games on TV . . . like my dad. Maybe the acorn hasn't fallen too far from the oak, after all. But then, I think some of my happiest moments were those lazy Sunday afternoons watchin' Tom Landry's Cowboys durin' another playoff season.

O' course, the State Fair is goin' on in Big D, as it does ever' year. I always loved goin' to the Fair, but, like mos' other things in life, it is also one of those activities that I do not enjoy doing unaccompanied.

My navel actually enjoys it when I sit around in my underwear. Go figger. End of report.

Week 3, Cowboys @ 'Skins

Tuna says ya cannot put too much importance on a game this early in the season, but it would be a big win for the Cowboys. Cowboys Huddle with Babe Laufenberg

Cowboys Getting Ready For First Meeting With Portis-The Cowboys usually don't worry much about league-wide news, especially in March. But when the Redskins traded for Clinton Portis this past spring, the Cowboys immediately knew they would have to face one of the most electrifying running backs in the NFL twice a year. So with his first meeting against Dallas set for Monday night, devising a plan to stop Portis isn't easy, especially since only a handful of Cowboys defensive players have ever faced him.-DallasCowboys.com

"This week is going to be something," Gibbs said. "Monday night ... Dallas Cowboys ... I don't think you have to say much more than that."

---

"This game, it's a different time," Parcells said. "It's almost two decades now. It's a different time, different place, different circumstance, so it's not the same and to try to make it the same, I can't really view it that way.

"It's not even the same stadium. It's going to be different for both of us."-NFL.com

Babe Laufenberg promises that we will get to hear from Cowboy's Owner, Jerry Jones, on his Sunday Night Sports Show: The Score.

The game is on Monday Night Football. Ya gotta wait!

Sept. 26, 2004

Busily workin' hard on Bill the Cat's re-election campaign, a topic close to my own heart is tackled: personal facts about the person of a candidate are greatly misrepresented so as to cast false aspersions upon the character of such candidate.

Yikes, I have got to agree with a Democrat on one point!

Sen. Joe Biden, on FOX News Sunday right now, questions whether the Saudis are truly our allies. I agree that it is right to question the level of pure loyalty that actually exists within their support. But then he said, with regard to claims that when Bush used the word "guesses" he meant "estimates", that when John Kerry says somethin', you know what he means. Uh, I can't agree with that, 'cause then I would have to say that I was sure that Kerry meant what he was sayin' and not what he said the last time when he said jes' the opposite.

Is it ever too late* to make your report?

Maybe. Maybe, if you report too late, no one will be interested. O' course, who thought there would be so much interest shown in the book I discussed earlier this week. Then, again, ain't it kinda interestin' t discover there is a site that actually spiders through people's blogs jes' to see how many are mentionin' books? I wonder if it is limited to books that are listed on amazon.com.

So, what is my excuse for the lateness of this report, you wanna know. I ain't really sure I have an excuse, jes' as I don't really have any excuse as to why I didn't accomplish anythin' I had planned to do yesterday, either. I think I am gonna have to blame it all on my navel, as it demanded way too much of my attention yesterday. I seemed to have spent the better part of the day gazin' at such spot in the midst of my Buddha belly in an attempt to discover a purpose for my mundane existence. It was a good waste of my time, as I didn't arrive at an answer to my questions regardin' the purpose of my life. End of report.

*O' course, thankfully, bein' in charge of the actual publication of said report does have its perks: ya can always change** the date and time of the publication of your report.

**I did not, however, do so in this case.

Thankfully, tomorrow is another day

O' course, for the majority of my readers, those here in the US and that 13% or so visitors who are surfin' the 'net from France, tomorrow is Saturday. However, a'fore I get too far from the mention, what is this deal with the greatest amount of people searchin' my site for videos of beheadin's are findin' their way onto my site via google.fr? Could it be that the death-penalty despisin' surrender monkey Frenchies actually miss those public guillotine beheadin's?

Now that we have done our duty in makin' fun of the French, once again, we can now get back to whatever it was that was the point of my postin'. Oh, yeah -- tomorrow is Saturday. If history is any indicator, you can 'spect that there won't be much visitation to my blog tomorrow. As such, I am again gonna plan on puttin' a lot of work into completin' all the last minute revisions I am makin' to the story line of my soon, I hope, to be published best sellin' book, jes' as I did last weekend. This weekend, however, I 'spect to actually do as planned, instead of findin' somethin' to do other than what I had actually planned to do. Hmmm, come to think of it, doin' what I actually planned to do on any day would be unusual. Ain't that pretty well the same in ya'll's lives, as well? No, I was not talkin' 'bout those of you with OCD. We know ya'll don't even diverge a whit from your schedule and that such schedule was fully filled prior to your graduation from high school.

My navel admittedly understands none of this. Neither does about 90% of the people who find there way onto this blog. End of report.

Wild adventures in Friday night bloggin'

Accordin' to Dale, durin' tonight's episode of serialized King of the Hill reruns, "Rusty Shackleford died in 1953". So jes' 'zactly who is really bloggin' at My Pet Jawa? I 'spect some sort of alien conspiracy is at hand.

Then, o' course, there also was those reviews to this book which I found myself compelled to read as a result of the advice a recent commenter, Dr. Leopold Stotch posted upon his blog. Those reviews, surprisin'ly so, make me think such book might actually be worth buyin'. I mean, ya ain't got to be an Asian man to be lookin' for a way to successfully date white women.

Proof that liberals love CNN?

Ravenwood noted somethin' a bit peculiar 'bout a CNN poll. What I made of it is what I quipped in the title.

The trials and tribulations of goin' to college

I began to think of words like Hate, Loathe, and Detest... So to investigate their definitions further so not to use them out of context I went to Merriam-Webster Online and found that they all fit when describing teachers who cancel class without sending out an email! [emphasis supplied] - TL Cat

Susie made me do it!*

Cookie Monster's Bulimia Nervosa

Yes, cookies *are* good. But too much of anything
is never a good thing. Instead of bingeing and
purging, try to regulate your eating habits.
Maybe instead of having two dozen cookies, you
could have two. Also, you should slow down
your eating. Chew each bite several times
before swallowing. Eating more slowly makes it
easier to tell when you are full. And don't
worry about body image--people love you just
the way you are, googly eyes and all.


Which Sesame Street Muppet's Dark Secret Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

*She swore if I didn't take this quiz and post my results, she would quit linkin' to Harvey and Frank at ever' opportunity. We jes' couldn't have that could we, so I had no choice but to concede to her coercion, did I?**

**O' course, it is also hoped that by slatherin' Susie with a bit of linky-love, one might also encourage her to visit more often. ;)

Sept. 24, 2004

An old farmer in Ohio had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back, fixed up nice, with picnic tables, horseshoe courts and some apple trees. The pond was properly shaped and fixed up for swimming.

One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, to look things over as he hadn't been there for a while. He grabbed a 5 gallon bucket to bring back some fruit from the trees. As he neared the pond he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee.

As he came closer he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end of the pond. One of the women shouted "We're not getting out until you leave!"

The old man frowned and said, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked." Holding up the bucket he said. "I'm just here to feed the alligator."

Somethin' that is hopefully true as it is wholly enjoyable

This picture of the statue was made by an Iraqi artist named Kalat, who for years was forced by Saddam Hussein to make the many hundreds of bronze busts of Saddam that dotted Baghdad. This artist was so grateful that the Americans liberated his country, he melted 3 of the fallen Saddam heads and made a memorial statue dedicated to the American soldiers and their fallen comrades. Kalat worked on this night and day for several months. To the left of the kneeling soldier is a small Iraqi girl giving the soldier comfort as he mourns the loss of his comrade in arms. It is currently on display outside the palace that is now home to the 4th Infantry division. It will eventually be shipped and shown at the memorial museum in Fort Hood, Texas.

Thoroughly thoughtless

End of report.

Duh!

Watchin' M*A*S*H reruns while ponderin' Ivan the Terrible

The composition of that headline was like . . . that, whatever that is. Actually, retrospectively, I can conceive of no good excuse for my poor use of such nice words. However, I am actually watchin' M*A*S*H while tryin' to get an updated FLASH player so that I could look at some page, the URL which I have already gotten, while watchin' the endin' of Law & Order. It commanded to close ever' other browser window open while it was doin' so, and yet is seems to keep hangin' up on me due to some security settin'. I am gonna jump through the hoops manually to get that allowed and restart the loadin' one more time. If it don't get it done this time, I will abort the whole idea. I could be usin' a much better computer with somethin' a bit better than a 28.8 modem. At least the episode goin' on in the background is the one where Father Mulcahey* got his captain's bars. In fact, the whole thing played in the time I took to compose this very paragraph. At least that's somethin'.

Yeah, I know, ramble on and on, refusin' to go away despite ever'one's wish that I would do so, kinda like Ivan the Terrible which is reemergin' phoenix-like so as to rain additional havoc and devastation upon the coast of the Gulf of Mexico. I guess though, about as close to a hurricane as I can get is to continually keep blowin' hot air despite the fact that the whole crowd jes' wishes I would blow off.

The navel is quite embarrassed to be associated with any of the truly inane readin' material above. However, to tell ya the truth, seriously, What's a navel to do? End of report.

[UPDATE: The download did not take again, so, as sadly as it might be to do so, in accordance to the promise I made, such is hereby aborted for the rest of this day.]

*I am not sure of the spellin' and not inclined to go the necessary effort to become so.

Waitin' patiently with baited breath --

or maybe not! What the heck is "baited breath" anyway? Hmmm, trollin' the local establishment lookin' for a good lookin' mate, across the room you see some gorgeous blue eyes starin' back in your direction and movin' slowly toward ya. Yep, better squirt some Binaca® into your mouth to provide a great degree of minty freshness to your breath when you finally get face-to-face. By my estimation, that can be the only source of such colloquialism, although it may date back to an earlier period of humanity where a man might lay on the ground with his mouth open after ingestin' some good cheese hopin' to get his daily portion of protein by havin' some mouse or rat run right into his mouth.

Stickin' the Binaca® scenario, we easily pass that nauseous sight I thankfully crossed out before publicizin' such, we can proceed to the actual purpose of this post. Oh, yeah, I was sayin' that I am awaitin' my opportunity to see if this is the day that Clark Kent encounters Lois Lane on Smallville.

[UPDATE: Origins of phrase are explained here.]

OTB tagback™

Endin' it all up right where it began

Ya'll reg'lar readers likely know I try to start ever'day by readin' my horrorscope. Those of ya'll that ain't regular readers, ought to start readin' more often, then you would have known, as well. Anyway, I did read the followin' horrorscope this mornin' but failed to comment upon it as I was totally without a clue as to its meanin':

Your Tuesday, September 21, 2004, Horoscope, Taurus!

Your need to get a few things accomplished in a short period of time will strain your resources. Fortunately, your imagination takes over with creative solutions. Look to impress a close companion with your improvisational skills.

King of the heap with regard to my Buddha belly was so pleased to have had a better day than yesterday, it stayed the heck out of my way, all day. If you think on that point for jes' a minute, ya might see how that could actually be possible despite the almos' physical impossibility. End of report.

A definite explanantion to an unasked question

As was mentioned in the Navel Gazin' report last evenin', I found that I was gettin' a very healthy share of visitors despite havin' not actually posted anythin' until 'bout the time of the final bell. Well, I have discovered the source of all that visitation. Beheadin's always bring the visitors as I get a really really healthy share of Google search returns on such term. Check out the most popular pages from my last 100 visitors:

Read My Lips (Popular Pages) 21st September 2004

26 Read My Lips: Google searchin' blunders pay off big for some
24 Read My Lips: The insanity continues
12 Read My Lips
8 Read My Lips: Is this what you're lookin' for?

Here's to a better tomorrow

Today started off really early, like 3:00 am when my stomach decided it was a bit too full of acid and was causin' me more pain than I could stand. O' course, one of the problems with the situation was that I had nothin' to assist in quellin' the problem on hand. I usually forestall any major problem of this type by consumin' an ample supply of Pepcid Complete, but, I had not refilled my supply from havin' run out on Saturday night. The action necessary to rid the stomach of that acid without some assistance by some antacid product is not all that nice to talk about nor of which to be a part, and we shall not further discuss same.

When the neighborhood store finally opened, I was able to get a roll of Rolaids, and after eatin' almost the whole roll over the next couple of hours, I was able to get out of the house. I was afraid I was not gonna be fit enough to face the public, however, so decided today was a good day to take my laptop into Fry's so as to fix a couple of problems. One problem was that I was gettin' random computer commands ever' once and awhile when my hands were jes' restin' while I was thinkin' of which word would be the best to use to communicate what I was tryin' to say. It also was not playin' any sounds, either through the speakers or through the earphone connections.

So, it only takes me somewhere near an hour to get to Fry's in Arlin'ton from where I live. By the time I got there, my stomach was hurtin' again, but I figured it was likely 'cause it was plumb empty and needed somethin' in it. I ate light: a beef burrito at Taco Bueno. I then went across the street to Walmart, a large Super Center store, to get me another couple of bottles of Pepcid Complete. Then to Fry's for a red tape nightmare before all the necessary paperwork was done so that my laptop could be shipped back to Taiwan or wherever it needs to go and was ready to come home with the one I urged them to lend me as was promised when I bought that extended warrranty package.

Thankfully, I have very little user data on that system. What was there was nothing I care about losin', as I pretty well keep the main file I am worried 'bout, that bein' the current manuscript of my book I hope to have published by this comin' Christmas, on my USB Flask Disk. I actually work on that file off of several of my computers. In fact, the only one of my computers I have never done a single modification to that file is the one I am currently typin' on. This is like the oldest computer I have. It is an ancient Pentium Toshiba Laptop. I remember when I was so impressed with the speed of a Pentium. My new laptop is a P4 and there is a notable difference in processor speed. The one in my home office is a fast Celeron, but I can sit here and watch CSI usin' this one.

My navel was very impressed with the amount of patronage ya'll showed despite his absence for almost the whole day. It was achin' to find an opportunity to post somethin' from inside of Fry's, but did not whine too much when no opportunity presented itself. End of report.

An opportunity* I jes' could not pass up

Ya remember back, what 14 years ago, when all those antidisestablishmentarians decided it was such a good idea to recombine both sides of Germany after the fall of the Soviet Union? It seems that 20% of Germans now think that maybe that hadn't been such a good idea.

*Aw, come on, surely ever'one knows how often ya get to use some words within the dictionary, and yet, here I found a story that allowed me to use a really really long one.

Of BBQ, friends and a bunch o' Cowboys limpin' into the doghouse

Hmmm, seems that famous blog celebrity, Birthday boy Zane, and along with his accompanyin' bodyguards, that bein' his lovin' mother and father, ended up in my driveway earlier today. I ain't too sure how long they had been standin' there. I was alerted to some somethin' or other was goin' do to the ruckus comin' from my two dog security system and went to see what was causin' all the alarm and there they were standin' right next to my car at the end of the driveway. 'Tweren't like really a surprise to see 'em, as I had known they were gonna be campin' in the area, but I figgered they would call to let me know they were in town. They admitted that they had wanted to do so, but the battery on the cell phone had died. Thankfully, Eric's phone is a Nokia like mine. I have several battery chargers around, so gifted him with one he could plug into his car's lighter socket. Then we all went and dined on BBQ. Zane really went for the fries, preferred ham over sliced brisket, and had his first experience with banana puddin'. He took to the puddin' right off. He wasn't too sure about findin' a bit of 'Nilla Wafer in the midst of his third bite but after gettin' over his surprise 'bout the different texture of such, he didn't find any problem the next time a bit of such was found. The same jes' could not be said for the actual banana. By continually pushin' the same bit outta his mouth four times in a row was enough to give me the idea he is not fond of such.

We all came back to the house, jes' as the Cowboys game was beginnin'. They were wantin' to get back to their camp, and, since I know they ain't even got a television in their house, I 'spect watchin' the Cowboys game was not high on their agenda. I did my best to make their trip back to their car as easy as possible. I distracted the security guards with dog biscuits while they cleared the security perimeter.barrier. I ain't gonna even tell ya'll 'bout the continued mess the lifelong road construction project is causin' in my daily travels. I was surprised they were even able to find their way here with the detours ya have to take to get anywhere close to my house.

So, I was all alone in my messy castle with the Cowboys game bein' played right in front of my eyes, but let me say I am usin' the word "played" very loosely. Vinnie Testaverde threw three interceptions within six passin' attempts. The play of the defense kept the Cowboys in this one and is gonna get the nod as why the Cowboys were able to pull the game out of the losin' column from the way the offense was tryin' so hard to give the game away. Over 100 yards in penalties will give Tuna a really big can of worms to open at the next meetin' he has with the players. I heard one of the broadcasters say somethin' 'bout Tuna promisin' not to take it easy on his 40-year-old quarterback. That was before the game was played.

My navel was quite pleased with the Cowboys win. It does not trouble itself all that much with when, where, who, why, and how of the game, just the final result. I also know it to be a fair-weather fan. End of report.

Sept. 19, 2004

Opus encounters SPAM with some comic results. Bill the Cat guest stars. Not much more that can really be said.

I think I am comin' down with somethin'

Yep, I have been watchin' the NFL Today so as to get the last minute info prior to the kickoff of today's games. It seems to be primarily sponsored by the current movie bein shown at nearly ever' theater* in the US and maybe the world: Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow. I am feelin' the early signs of a bad case of Sky Captain fever. Thankfully I got enough of them why does it seem they are goin' overboard in hypin' the movie? antibodies runnin' 'round in my system to keep me from runnin' straight to the theater at this very moment. I think I will do a bit of searchin' through the early reviews whilst I watch the early game NFL action. I think I will payin' a bit more attention to the game between the Giants and the Redskins more that the game 'tween the Texans and the Lions.

*I am sure it ain't showin' at the theater Susie** manages, yet.

**Susie additionally reminds us that today is Pixy Misa,*** our Munuvian benefactor,'s birthday. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ANDREW PIXY MISA!

***Link used solely for purpose**** of dispellin' the belief that ever'body in the world had the referenced story a'fore Pixy.

****OK, OK, so it also might serve to coax Pixy to notice the birthday greetin' I composed previously within this same post.

That strange weekend cycle strikes again

One of the strangest things about the way my life goes is that all durin' the week, when I have things to do, it seems so hard to get up and out, but when I have a weekend with nothin' of any importance planned, I awake before dawn. Thereafter, I spend the day searchin' for excitement, and oft, by 8:00 pm* find I am so worn out from my fruitless search that I literally fall asleep from exhaustion. I did so last night, sittin' right here in my chair, watchin' Horatio's Road Trip on PBS.

I blame such events on my navel. End of report.

*There was a time when I was younger, a'fore I developed the Buddha belly and lost my hair, and, when I still flagrantly indulged in the rampant imbibin' of alcoholic beverages amongst crowds of like-minded individuals that I would like jes' be beginnin' the day's entertainment at 8:00 pm.

Gmail, Gmail, get your own Gmail account!

Wow, last I knew, I only had 4 Gmail accounts available to give away, but now I see they have given me a couple of more. If anyone is still lookin' to get one, please send me a message to roguegenius [at] gmail [dot] com. By the way, all of ya'll who regularly email me through the same user name at hotmail, please feel free to start usin' the gmail account instead. I am jes' so tired of dealin' with the small storage capacities of hotmail and havin' to continually delete messages all durin' the day, jes' so I have enough space left to receive all ya'll's important messages.

This offer is intended for fellow bloggers and not open for people who jes' supply me with a hotmail or yahoo address.

Oh no! The Horror of it all!

Your Saturday, September 18, 2004, Horoscope, Taurus!

There is a chance to get that which you have always wanted. A sharp tongue may be necessary, as accusations about your intentions will lead to hurt feelings. Do not let a spiteful person get his or her way by diminishing your efforts. Forge ahead.

Not much more to add

Just let me say "That's All Folks!" At least, for this day. Expect bloggin' to be slow over the weekend as I spend most of my time doin' the post-final edit on my book so that I can hopefully get it to the publisher. I am still shootin' to have it available to buy by Christmas.

The navel adds nothin' to this conversation, as it seems to be engrossed in findin' some way to cool off. End of report.

Anyone lookin' for cheap tickets to Disney World?

This has been one of the mildest summers we ever have had in a long long time here in the Great State of Texas, but we finally get into September and the heat and humidity seems to be growin' worse and worse. I am gonna have to put the blame on all of the Floridians for hoggin' all the hurricanes.

How come ya didn't come to my graduation?

found via Miss Chin

Sept. 17, 2004 - PART 2

Hot! Jes' in from my favorite Aunt 'Net! Provided to make up for postin' the first so late in the day!

Dear Diary,

For my fiftieth birthday this year, my wife (the dear) purchased a week of personal training at the local health club for me. Although I am still in great shape since playing on my college football team 30 yrs ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try. Called the club and made my reservation with a personal trainer named Belinda, who identified herself as a 26 yr old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear. My wife seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.

MONDAY: Started my day at 6:00am. Tough to get out of bed, but it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Belinda waiting for me. She was something of a Greek goddess -- with blonde hair, dancing eyes and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!!!!! Belinda gave me a tour and showed me the machines. She took my pulse after 5 minutes on the treadmill. She was alarmed that my pulse was so fast, but I attributed it to standing next to her in her Lycra aerobics outfit. I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which she conducted her aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring, Belinda was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time she was around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC week!!

TUESDAY: I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door. Belinda made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air, and then she put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. Belinda's rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT!! It's a whole new life for me.

WEDNESDAY: The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot. Belinda was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members. Her voice is a little too perky for early in the morning and when she scolds, she gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying. My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Belinda put me on the stair monster. Why the hell would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Belinda told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. She said some other sh*t too.

THURSDAY: Belinda was waiting for me with her vampire-like teeth exposed as her thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being a half an hour late; it took me that long to tie my shoes. Belinda took me to work out with dumbbells. When she was not looking, I ran and hid in the men's room. She sent Lars to find me, then, as punishment, put me on the rowing machine -- which I sank.

FRIDAY: I hate that b*tch Belinda more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anemic little cheerleader. If there were a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat her with it. Belinda wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps. And if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the m*th*rf*cking barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich. The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher. Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director?

SATURDAY: Belinda left a message on my answering machine in her grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing her made me want to smash the machine with my planner. However, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel.

SUNDAY: I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year, my wife (the b*tch), will choose a gift for me that is fun like a root canal or a vasectomy.

Classmates [dot] com - what is it good for?

really, how many of ya'll are signed up with Classmates [dot] com? I guess I signed up when they originated the site or soon after, what was that, like seven years ago. There were 42 in my High School graduatin' class, and of that 42, only 5 of us are listed. Seems to me that ain't really all that many people in my age group that give a whit about where the people they went to school with ended up. Come to think of it, only 'bout 10 showed up for our 20 year reunion and last year was our 30 year and I didn't hear nuthin''bout there bein' any reunion, and I actually had people watchin the Abilene paper and listenin' to the radio stations for such. The Statler Bros. wrote a song 'bout the class of '57, but seems ain't no one interested a'tall 'bout the class of '73. 'Course, then again, when I was in High School, I was a really tall - really skinny - really smart kid that wore glasses. I wasn't the most popular guy in school, ya see -- well, unless ya was really needin' some assistance with some of those stickier math problems -- then seems ever'one thought I was an OK guy --- for a day or two or 'til the next footbal game.

So, why this nostalgic look into my past? Actually, I was jes' wonderin' what ever'one else thought of this site and whether anyone thought it was a worthwhile venture. The anecdotes are jes' spose to be interestin'. I 'spect they prolly ain't, though, but surely I can get some credit for tryin', right?

Sept. 17, 2004

Hey, sorry this is a bit late, but my mornin' has been so hectic, I didn't even have time to post my horrorscope!*

An elderly married couple who were childhood sweethearts and had settled down in their old neighborhood, were celebrating their fiftieth wedding anniversary. They walked down the street to their old school. There, they held hands as they found the old desk they'd shared and where he had carved, "I love you, Sally."

On their way back home, an armored car drove by and a bag of money fell out of the back, practically at their feet! Sally quickly picked it up, but they didn't know what they should do with it so they took it home. They counted all the money, and found it was fifty thousand dollars. The husband says, "We've got to give it back."

But Sally said, "No, we've worked hard all our lives for precious little. Besides, they'll be covered by insurance - so, finders keepers." And she put the money back in the bag and hid it up in their attic.

The next day, two FBI men are going door-to-door in the neighborhood looking for the money and show up at their home. They say, "Pardon me, but did either of you find any money that fell out of an armored car yesterday?"

She says, "No."

The husband says, "She's lying. She hid it up in the attic."

She says, "Don't believe him, he's getting senile."

But the agents sit the man down and begin to question him. One says, "Tell us the story from the beginning."

The old man says, "Well, when Sally and I were walking home from school yesterday..."

The FBI guy looks at his partner and says, "Let's get out of here."

Your Friday, September 17, 2004, Horoscope, Taurus!

You should prepare for the arrival of a brilliant idea today. A focus on one of the better points you can make to an authority figure will get you further ahead than making a big presentation.

A hunka hunka burnin' neurons

I awoke this mornin' with a sinus headache. I blew my nose, which set off a nosebleed. Nuthin' a wad of toilet tissue shove up a nostril won't fix sooner or later. I took sinus tablets and the headache subsided. No, I don't still have that toilet tissue stuck up my nose. I safely disposed of that blood soaked evidence* long ago. The headache seems to be returnin'

I have actually been in contact with a couple of different professionals with regard to my book. I am gettin' so close to really bein' ready to turn over this project, but some part of me says that I need to go through it one more time. It seems that part of me is an anally retentive perfectionist. Who woulda thunk it? Actually, any of ya'll that have watched me publish, then edit, republish, edit again, republish again, edit once again, republish once again, then sit around for three days before seein' me edit one more time because I found some minor misspellin' on various posts I have posted to this blog might have already had some clue about such. It does seem, however, that such condition only applies to certain aspects of my activity. When it comes to housekeepin', the consensus is that I am about as far from an anally retentive perfectionist as a person could be.

It does make one wonder, does it not? Can a navel be anally retentive? Is this the right time? I think it is. End of report.

*It was solely evidence of a bloody nose, nothin' more.

Make the best use of the time you have left

Your Thursday, September 16, 2004, Horoscope, Taurus!

You are through the worst. Today could be the start of a new phase in your life where old patterns are slowly but methodically replaced with healthier attitudes. A loving partner could make all the difference in your life very soon.

A lot of that but very little of this

I am watchin' a local weatherman who keeps showin' some palm tree in Panama City, FL to show how hard the wind is blowin'. He actually asked the camera man to get off the previous palm upon which the camera was affixed 'cause most of its his word: "leaves" had been blown off. It seems that he and the cameraman had looked around for a more resilient palm to display for the viewers here in the Dallas-Ft. Worth Metroplex in North Texas. The newscasters are also sayin' that rooms in the area are already gettin' really scarce as the refugees find themselves travelin' further and further this way lookin' for a vacancy. I was plannin' on reurgin' any bloggers needin' a place to stay to contact me, but it appears that my cell phone has decided it is too close to the hurricane and gone somewhere else.*

I love Bill Parcells. The guy is hilarious! Reporter asked him if this week's game is "a must win game." His response is, "Yeah, it is. And so is the one the week after next, and if we win either of those, then the one the next week is one also. And if we get to week 5 and still haven't won a game, that one will be one too." O' course, until I see him servin' cones at the DQ, he ain't ever gonna be as colorful as Mark Cuban. Ya'll do know he has a blog, too, right? Whatcha lookin' for? His link is over there ---------->

It is so so humid. It's a pity, but I am hopin' the weatherman is right and once this hurricane gets on shore, it will suck a cool front through here that won't cool nuthin' down but will wipe out this humidity.

Oh, crud, Friends is on. I couldn't follow that show after they quit showin' that Janice gal that used to be involved with Chandler. I was actually thinkin' of followin' Joey, 'cause the promos were so funny. I missed the initial episode and hadn't thought anythin' 'bout it 'til I overheard someone sayin' somethin' 'bout it. I figgered I would get their review, since the topic was open and they tol' me that they showed all the good parts in the promo. I see a lot of movies that use that treatment. I almost always feel cheated. I guess I won't be watchin' Joey.

My navel is so anal! It has actually gone off somewhere to search for my cell phone. End of report.

Ya'll jes' thought I had gone off somewhere else, didn't ya?

I forgot to ask ya'll some somethin'. I seriously had a need for this information earlier today, but I developed a severe brain fart in the maritime history department. Is Vitamin C a preventative for rickets or scurvy?

Oops, still here, after all!

Still surfin' those who are hard at work puttin' up all those great recently published posts, and ran across this. I ain't been over to visit Andrea for a long while and forgot how deliciously snarky she can be.

OK, OK, I am goin' to bed after this one . . . I promise!

This is jes' way too cute.

*Naw, jes' pullin' your leg. I think I left it on my desk at the office.

Re-Elect George W. Bush

I'll defer to Kevin McGehee for the responses:

click to enlarge

So as to protect myself against any claims of document tamperin' or lack of adequate documentation, I present to you the original source. 'Course, 'tweren't like he was runnin' away from his havin' made such statement.

American Experience and how I was affected

I had actually meant to blog on this as part of last evenin's Nightly Navel Gazin' Report™ but the idea had slipped my mind as the time for providin' such report drew near. I recalled my need to get my feelin's about the event off my chest when I rolled over this post while over on Susie's blog.

Anyway, what this is all about is that since I purchased the laptop, which, incidentally needs to be taken in for some major problems, I can sit it in my lap as I watch TV or whatever. Such allows me to blog as I observe the media that comes in through my rabbit ears.* Well, this story begins with last evenin's perusal of the TV listin's when I found there was very little of interest to watch. However, PBS was showin' an episode of American Experience. These programs are always very well produced, and I have not seen one yet that I did not find to be an interestin' and enjoyable experience after havin' completed my viewin'. Well, last night's episode was on New York City, its rise as the commercial center of all the worlds trade, the program centerin' on the construction and emergence of the World Trade Center.

One portion of the program centered on some French guy who strung a wire between the two large towers and walked it, danced on it, and even laid down on it and looked into the sky admirin' a seagull. I found myself feelin' very nauseous and queasy as the pictures and descriptions of this event were played. I marveled at my uneasiness because I really have no real fear of heights, but for some reason, I was experiencin' vertigo jes' imaginin' bein' on a wire strung between two 100+ story buildings.

Imagine, however, my marvel when I felt nothin' other than the normal uneasiness at watchin' those planes go crashin' into those towers or the sight of those people who jumped from the top floors other than to die from smoke inhalation or bein' burned to a crisp.

I still ain't quite sure why I felt the way I did about the wirewalkin' episode, but even now, jes' thinkin' 'bout it makes my stomach queasy. Could it be that I have an allergy to visions of wires strung between two tall buildin's? Might I have a phobia 'bout idiots who would risk their lives in such a way? Surely my trepidation is not merely based 'pon the fact that the idiot in question was a Frenchman? I wanna hear your thoughts.

Now, 'less there be any thought that I am an unremorseful French despiser, let me say that I was very disappointed in the French government's failure to support the US in the War on Iraq, found French speakin' Quebecians to be rude and obnoxious when I was traveling' through Canada, and had no good experiences to relate to what I observed of the French military units that were stationed at the same NATO base as I while I was in the Army. I do, however, not despise the entire French population. I have always thought Jerry Lewis was a very fine individual based 'pon what I observed durin' his tenure as the host of the annual MDA Labor Day Telethon over the years. I 'spect Charlie Chaplin was a fine gentleman, as well.

Additionally, as some of ya'll likely know, I collect Best Picture winners: I have found a lot of connections to France 'mong these fine pictures, although some are primarily ephemeral. I have An American in Paris and Gigi, both centered on French life and starrin' a beautiful French actress Leslie Caron, as well as The French Connection whose biggest connection to France is the word French in the title, Patton, about a famous General who assisted in liberatin' France from the Nazis in WWII, The Life of Emile Zola, a movie actually about a Frenchman, Casablanca, which was centered during' WWII in "Free French Morocco", Wings, a movie 'bout pilots in France during WWI, All Quiet on the Western Front, which is based on WWI battles fought in France, and, of course, One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, which had nothin' at all to do with France, 'cept that there are some who think most of the French people are a bit cuckoo.

OTB Backtag™

*I actually have one of those antennas that sits on a tall pole outside.

The ebb and flow of concern 'bout things

I was jes' over checkin' out new Munuvian 3 Legged Dog* and happened to see that

I'm a
Flappy Bird
in the
TTLB Ecosystem

~~interlude: I actually composed and posted the small blurb jes' below while I was busy searchin' for the necessary links to do this one~~

*I ain't real sure how long this blog has been on the munu roll, but I am thinkin' this is the first time I have rolled across it.

**I have actually wondered, however, why I have not been added to the list of friends of Silflay Hraka.

Jes' a question

How the heck do ya hit yourself in the eye with a shotgun shell usin' a breech load shotgun? Susie was right to laugh, I think. Serenity has the picture, along with her opinion of the scenario.

Always eager to be the most prepared hostess as possible

Knowin' 'zactly how hard it is to prepare both a Thanksgivin' Day and Christmas feast for a bunch of hungry institutionalized women, Martha Stewart, looking quite disheveled,* plead to the judge to allow her to enter into prison as soon as possible so that she could begin preparations for the Holiday Season.

I may have to design and sew costumes for 3 or 4 hundred women in order to have the sort of Halloween Party that the Federal Prison Camp in in Danbury, Connecticut has never seen. I understand that it will be hard to top the one that was underwritten by Babs Streisand last year.

The Carnival turns two, and so does Zane!

Well, even Bigwig, or Bigvig as those in the warren are apt to call him, himself is amazed that the Carnival of the Vanities has existed for two whole years now, but it has. Silfray Hraka started it, and is hostin' the second anniversary extravaganza.* I hosted it once, but it was a really pathetic presentation, if I do say so myself.

O' course, my charmin' blog-nephew Zane came into existence at about the same time, but no one has any doubts that he will be around for a long time to come. Maybe jes' not in the same place.

I am wonderin' if this bodes well for my project:

Three bedrooms--all of which are larger than the master bedroom here--mean I'll have my personal studio space again for the first time in more than two years! I can shut the door and create artistically to my little heart's content with no fear of a three-foot-tall invader trashing my hard work!

Oh, while we are speakin' of people turnin' two, MeKayla, my niece, is set to turn two at the beginnin' of next month, as well.

*Too bad the busted PayPal button messes up the right column so badly it runs over part of the text on the postin', though.

If ya want it, you can get it!

I heard that line from an old song on an ad for Target today, and, for some reason, I came to the realization that such sentiment has never been truer than today. I have always been a Trekkie, though not one of those who remember ever' line of ever' episode or learned to speak Klingon, but I grew up on the writin's of Verne, Asimov, and Heinlein, and visions of a magnificent future full of all these fantastic technological items. We are gettin' pretty near the point where nearly ever'thin' I could have imagined would be 'round by the time of my death is already available and many items that I never even imagined surround me on a daily basis. Of course, there is still that thing about the flyin' cars. I had really imagined that by the time the clock rolled around to 2000, there would be at least some inroads bein' made in gettin' flyin' cars off the ground.

I really don't feel that old, but ya know, I remember when I was given my first transistor radio. It was a miraculous piece of technology. I remember when a friend of mine first introduced me to a tape recorder. I remember that my dad had a Dictaphone on his desk, but I now think that such recorded the vocal waves in grooves on a vinyl band, so my friend's small reel-to-reel machine was my introduction to magnetic tape. I actually owned and regularly used an 8-track player.

It is strange. I was thinkin' there was somethin' I wanted to share with ya'll before I close up for the night. Oh, yeah, I 'member! So, I was sayin' that I was tyin' up bandwidth with that SP2 download. Well, that fizzled. That system ain't got SP2 on it. Hopefully, Bill Gates won't pull the plugs on us folks runnin' XP without havin' successfully installed SP2 'fore I can find a good line and get the job done. Speakin' of gettin' the job done, my navel is urgin' me to head to bed, but the acid gurglin' in the big plump Buddha belly just below said navel is urgin' me to make a trip across the muddy street to my car to chomp a couple of tablets of Pepcid Complete 'fore doin' so. The second scenario seems to take slight priority over the former situation, but both seem to be on the list of things that need to be done quickly. I 'spose I might as well get started. End of report.

Searchin' for the muck though screen captures

Okie, dokie, I am gettin' jes' a bit tired of not knowin' how people are seein' my new template and css file, as I cannot seem to find a fully rebuilt index page anywhere. Consider the followin:

This is the index page I am findin' at http://tig.mu.nu/index.html, which is the home page on my home office computer.

Note the white space on the left hand side, which is the calendar archives, which was one of the earliest things I deleted when I began reworkin' the default template I got from MT.org. Note the top post is night before last evenin's Nightly Navel Gazin' Report, Sept. 12? It is also missin' the Amber Alert scroll.

This page appears for me at http://tig.mu.nu/ which is where I go if I hit the view site button on the MT Console.

This file does not show the calendar, and correctly shows the recent comments in the right place, but still shows such in a button list, which I have since changed earlier this very day. Additionally, the most recent post displayed is last evenin's Nightly Navel Gazin' Report. Also, as well, missin' the Amber Alert.

This page appears when I go to http://tiger.mu.nu/

As you can see, it too displays the Recent Comments in the button list, but the most recent post showin' is from early this mornin'.

Ya likely guessed this last shot is from http://tiger.mu.nu/index.html, an' ya are right on the button.

However, as ya can see, the list of Recent Comments in the right column no longer have any buttons to show, and the most recent post is that very same post from earlier today we saw on the prior page.

Now, I have made several more changes to the .css file that is not shown on any of these pages. Additionally, none of them displayed the most recent post. I have been through the gamut of deletin' all the temp files, temporary internet files, etc. and am still gettin' the same results. I can't be 100% sure than I am through with changes until I can see how it actually looks on my 'puter. I jes' ain't too sure when that will happen. I guess ya are seein' whatever it is that ya are seein' folks, and I am hopeful that whatever that is, it ain't that hard to look at.

[UPDATE: In the comments, David Weisman said he is seein' an even older page. If ya wanna know somethin' 'jes a bit more bizarre to add to the picture, I jes' realized that the recent comments as are displayed on the http://tig.mu.nu/ on this system are those that would have been shown on the same date as the most recent post, which, like the page shown on the other system, is the one from last night.]

A quick snapshot into my real life

I might have mentioned that they have been doin' road work in front of my house for like weeks now. Today was the day they were to start on redoin' my drive that got destroyed in the street cut, although, I have been able to get in and out via the temporary gravel ramp. I took the followin' picture with my phone camera, so the resolution is not great.

They actually had to form done and the drive poured by the time lunch had come around, but a surprise rain storm caused some washin' of the top layer of the concrete and they had to resurface it so as it make it match the other entrances they had done yesterday, like the one directly across the street which allows entry into the parkin' lot of one of the local schools.

I put the marker showin' all the dirt that covers my sidewalk from the continuous dirt bein' dug up by my dogs, Comanche and Duke, as they work industriously to find every escape route out of their yard confinement. While the workers were busily reworkin' the surface of my drive and several others, I was doin' some work along that fence line so as to make the dog's ability to escape along said portion more difficult. One of the road workers had promised to dump some excess concrete into the holes which were resultant from the dog's efforts, but I think such excess concrete had to be used in the resurfacin' efforts followin' the rain.

As for the remainder of the evenin', I got one of my systems hoggin' my bandwidth in an attempt to download Windows XP SP2. As such, I 'spect I will not be bloggin' much 'til such task is completed. However, if you are lost for somethin' to do, you can always leave a comment 'bout what you think of the new cleaner lines of this blog. I 'spect that the css file is 90% complete and the main index is 75% complete. I am sure I have some tinkerin' to do with some of the other indexes, the biggest part bein' somethin' that I had wanted to do a long long time ago, which is to add category indications to archived posts. Anyway, toodles for a few hours. Hopefully, with my not usin' any bandwidth in any other capacity, this download will be completed in time to allow me to make my popular report on a timely basis.

The stars are teasin' me again!

Your Tuesday, September 14, 2004, Horoscope, Taurus!

The chances are good for you to attract a soulmate today, but your ego may repulse this person if you show off by putting other people down. Make sure you practice good manners and are open minded about equality.

Sometimes ya gotta put forth a bit of effort to get ever'thin' to fall into place

Well, the trial did not go, and, despite the amount of time I spent gettin' ready for the trial, I again was paid a lot less than I likely deserved. I sometimes wonder if people out there realize there are likely a lot of lawyers out there makin' less money than a Walmart Associate, but then again, I really have no idea how much a Walmart Associate makes. I know I sure ain't makin' as much money as most people think I am makin', in accordance to all the requests I get from different places askin' for money donations.

I did spend a bit of time gettin' a bit of necessary paperwork together so I could go and talk to a couple of my clients sittin' in jail to get them ready for court on Friday. I was doin' a bit of necessary legwork so as to let ever'one know I had to be in two different towns for court on the same day. I therefore had to inform the court, the prosecutor's office, and I felt it was only fair to let my clients know why they were likely gonna be sittin' in court all mornin' Friday awaitin' my arrival without me makin' a show until sometime after lunch.

Anyway, the new template and css file are slowly startin' to come together. I will hopefully find time somewhere tomorrow to get the three different blogrolls back up, so anyone who fell down a level in the NZB Ecosystem due to my missing link to your blog, tomorrow, you will likely be able to jump right back up to Slimy Snake or Rascally Rat or whatever.

I awoke a bit early, as I knew I would so as to be in court on time this mornin'. Now I am yawnin' to such a degree I am grateful there are no flyin' bugs in the immediate area. My navel looks tired as well. I suppose it is only logical that I head for bed. The navel seconds the motion. End of report.

It's a work in progress

I was tryin' to go back to zero, but for some reason, I am havin' problems with the .css file. It might have somethin' to do with cachin' or somethin' but whatever it is will have to await reparin' 'til I see if I am goin' to be in trial startin' in the mornin'. I need to make it an early night so I can be well rested. If it works pretty good for you, but is kinda basic lookin', then it is fine for now. If it fragged like all the posts are at the top and ever'thin' else is way to the bottom, and still has all the same look as before, then ya are seein' what I am seein'.

My navel seems very comfortable at this very moment. End of report.

Are ya ready for some football?

Well, today is officially the start of the NFL season, although even the NFL can't stand up to a Category 5 hurricane, so the Dolphins game was moved up to yesterday. They also has a game 'tween the Colts and Indianapolis this past Thursday, but today is the major game day for this beginnin' week's games.

Is there anyone who takes Canadian Football seriously? Now, Aussie rules, that is serious football!

[UPDATE: Well, the first group of televised games are over and I am pleased with the results in the games between Detroit/Chicago; Wash/Tampa Bay; NYJ/Cincinnati; Cleveland/Baltimore; & Pittsburgh/Oakland and displeased with the scores in the games between Seattle/New Orleans; Jacksonville/Buffalo; St. Louis/Arizona; San Diego/Houston. Next up is the Cowboys @ Minnesota. Any guesses as for which team I'll be rootin'? I'll also be pullin' for NYG over Philadelphia; Kansas City over Denver; Atlanta over San Francisco; and want to see Green Bay defeat Carolina in the Monday Night game. Jes' to fill in the record, I was pleased with the result in Tennessee/Miami and displeased with the result in New England/Indianapolis. Now, lest anyone think I am pickin' here, this is jes' my picks on who I would like to see prevail in such games, and not necessarily my picks on who I believed would win the game.]

[UPDATE TWO: Dallas was really impressin' me for most of the first half, then it looked like the Vikings were takin' off and gonna blow the Cowboys away, bein' up by 11 points at the half, but then ol' Vinnie Testaverde showed ever'one he still knew how to throw the bomb. The Dallas offense seems to have the ability to move the ball, jes' have the same incapability of findin' a way to get that ball across the goal line. - Still - Dallas has done much better than I thought they would.]

[UPDATE THREE: Well, the game is over, and, as I suspected, Dallas lost. I expected the defense to have done a better job, but then again, they seemed to have played very mistake free. Minnesota had the most explosive offense last year and seem to not have lost a step. Dante Culpepper peppered the receivers with five touchdown passes. It looks like a long week ahead for Flozell Adams, who had two holdin' penalties and one illegal procedure jump durin' the game. Ya can bet that the Tuna is gonna have a fit 'bout that! 'Cept for the Adams penalties, I thought the couple of turn overs had more to do with great defensive play by the Vikings rather than sloppy play by the Cowboys players. It is hard to like a loss by the Cowboys, but I ain't 'spected them to win them all. At least they didn't play embarrassin'ly, like they had been doin' for several years before Jerry Jones pulled his head outta you know where and laid the future of the team in Bill Parcell's hands.

Now, the SF/Atlanta game was excitin', wasn't it. The Eagles did to the Giants what the Vikings did to the Cowboys. I ain't got cable and ain't findin' the ESPN game bein' played on any of the local channels, so guess that ends my personal observations about the happenin's 'round the NFL on this major Game Day of Week No. 1.]

Sept. 12, 2004

As the election nears, Breathed seems to be findin' his groove. Today's strip centers on Pickles attemptin' to coerce her papa into makin' a slightly expensive purchase, and bein' the great father that he be, he resisted all of her efforts until Opus gave her a clue as how to embarrass him into submission. Token shot of Bill the Cat in a Speedo for the gals in the audience, as well as a reminder that he is an incumbent Republican.

Does it really matter what anyone thinks?

I went to dip my quill into the creativity ink well and found such to be empty. I am puttin' the blame on my navel. I mean this is its show, so surely it is responsible for providin' the material, right? End of report.

Medium not quite so well done

What follows is my review of the premiere episode of The Troy and Babe Show. Actually, this is a pairin' made for Cowboys fans, as Babe launched his successful broadcast career 'cause of his prior position as a Dallas Cowboys QB, it is a great move in pairin' him up with the other person who launched his successful broadcast career 'cause of his previously play in the same team position. I feel, however, that it is fair to say that Troy was a mite bit better at their shared playin' position than Babe, but Babe, maybe due to his more extensive experience, seems more at ease in front of the camera.

Both of 'em were a bit stiff at the front, but I am guessin' they are shootin' it live or first take, and I think Babe, especially was tryin' too hard. The set kinda inferred it was not a big budget production. However, both Troy Aikman and Babe Laufenburg can shine a bit as a good broadcaster, ever' now and when, and any show featurin' anythin' to do with the NFL, and especially the Dallas Cowboys is always gonna be worth watchin', ya know. So, I 'spose if I am sittin' here next time such show comes on next week, I will likely watch it.

Jes' so there is no confusion as to where I stand

Ever'where I seem to turn here lately, I find a really good push to try to get as many people as possible to vote in this year's election. Now, there might be some room to question the motive for some of such efforts here and there, but it appears to me that it is a good thing to have as many people as possible actually vote. I am thinkin' 'bout how excitin' it might be for people who never voted before to go into that booth to make their selection, then I read somethin' like this that I found over on The World Around You, and I begin to wonder what the heck is goin' on. These supposed unconnected groups supportin' each side throwin' dirt at each other seems to have escalated to a new high.

Let us forget about Viet Nam, already. Let us go to what we do know:

• Kerry is a ghost. He refuses to take a firm stance on any issue.
• George W. Bush had 9/11 thrust in his lap, and on this anniversary of that tragedy atrocity,* I have seen him work hard to clean terrorists out of places like Afghanistan and Pakistan. I have seen him take a hard stance against the known terrorist, Saddam Hussein, because he was a terrorist who refused to comply with the rules that the World had established for the supervision of Iraq's weapons development. He didn't waffle or waiver a whit -- he jes' did what he said he would do.

I guess I gotta fall in line with all those others and jes' say that I feel safer knowin' there are a lot fewer terrorists runnin' 'round out there. Not negotiating with terrorists still seems to be the best response.

I think it is a proper use of the name of the Deity when I say, Thank God for George W. Bush!

*I found Jay Tea's argument to be persuasive.

That nefarious silver linin' in every cloud

I guess there is an upside to gettin' very few comments on a regular basis. I sure does make it easy to find the comment spam. In fact, based upon my recent observations, should I receive 3 comments in any given day, the odds of 1 of them bein' comment spam is 100%; the likelihood of 2 of such bein' comment spam is 95%; and the likelihood of all 3 bein' comment spam is 90%.* I sometimes wonder if'n it would be a worthwhile endeavor to dispense with allowin' commentary all together.

*For the purposes of such findin', please realize that I consider any comments which seem to have no purpose other than to affix a link to some commercial site, which add nothin' of substance, or jes' seem to have no purpose at all that I can find as comment spam. I understand this definition is slightly different than many other people's idea of what qualifies as comment spam.

Do we have to talk turkey tech durin' Shaolin Soccer*?

If ya are ever wantin' to keep up with the news on the technological front, you need to add Technically Speakin'** to your blogroll. Tony S does a good job of gatherin' the stories and givin' ya the info in plain language that is easily understood, and provides his unique insight on a regular basis. Take this recent revelation that companies are startin' to have concern about the loss of intellectual property with the emergence of flash drives: Tony says it is likely that they are tryin' to shut the barn door after the horses have escaped.

*Actually, it would be a great time to attract my attention! I mean it ain't like they are showin' Mighty Mouse.

**Tony does not actually drop the endin' "g" in the titlin' of his blog, but such must be done hereon so as to conform with ^{my style}.

Ya jes' never can tell 'bout these sort of things

I jes' ain't up to it, right now. I know it ain't like me to not have somethin' to say, but my eyes are heavy and I hear my bed beckonin'. I feel the natural urge to slide my weary self 'neath the sheet - singularity intended. I personally only lie 'neath one and lie atop t'other. I ain't sure who coined the euphemism "'neath the sheets" but technically, I don't 'member ever bein' in a bed where I was 'neath more than one sheet. Wow, that's much more than I thought I had in me. Ya'll sure are a lucky bunch, sometimes. I think that is a good thing. Don't you?

The navel wanted no part of this. End of report.

It could jes' be that time of the month year

OK, jes' a thought here, but do ya think Ol' Mother Nature might be havin' somethin' to say about the University of Miami not playin' up to its namesakes? Or is she jes' givin' the whole state a message?

attribution to satr for the lead to this story.

Hmmm, here's somethin' ya might not wanna know?

You make the call.

Today's slightly inane discovery

I have likely mentioned that I sometimes come home with some cheap DVD packages from Wallymart from time to time. It seems there is some company called Platinum Disc Corporation that packages some multi-movie/TV show packages. I 'spect these are movies to which no one cared to retain the copyright or for which the rights to such could have been bought very very cheaply. I have gotten quite a few of their packages, and, although I am always a bit aghast at some of the stuff they thought was worth puttin' on DVD, there are sometimes small pearls to be found among these lost films.

I was watchin' the openin' credits of one such movie called A Yank in Libya when I noticed one of the leadin' stars of such was named Parkyarkarkus.* I thought the name was quite unusual, so I went immediately to imdb.com to research some info about this actor. Well, I did not find a clue as to why he decided upon "Parkyarkarkus," but the person born as Harry Parke seems to have had the distinction of bein' the person who died with his head in Milton Berle's lap at a Friar's Roast for the benefit of Lucy & Desi, the same event at which Milton jumped up immediately to ask "Is there a doctor in the house?" whereupon the audience, not realizin' the question was seriously posed, laughed heartily. Said Harry Parke also fathered Albert Brooks and Super Dave Osborne.**

I am jes' hopeful that the movie is as good as the ratin' given by those who have seen it as shown on the imdb site.

*Thankfully, as the movie unrolled, the character actually introduced himself by such name and I learned it is pronounced Park-ya-karkus. It now all makes sense.

**Who, in turn, fathered Ozzy Osborne?

I suppose we could agree to disagree . . .

Ain't it funny the things that happen. 'Cept for two more of the rash of seemin'ly useless comments that seems to be goin' round here lately, the only comment I got today came from a Miss* Chin which, in part, stated:

Nice Site!

*I was informed that this archaic term had fallen out of common usage.

**'Cause I definitely ain't!

Sept. 10, 2004

While waiting in line at the bank, a coworker developed a very loud case of hiccups. By the time he reached the teller's window, the hiccups seemed to have worsened. The teller took my friend's check and proceeded to run a computer verification of his account.

After a minute she looked up from her terminal with a frown and said that she would be unable to cash his check.

"Why not?" my friend asked incredulously.

"I'm sorry, sir," she replied, "but our computer indicates that you do not have sufficient funds to cover this amount. As a matter of fact," she continued, "our records show your account overdrawn in excess of $5000."

"It CAN'T be!" he cried. "You have GOT to be kidding!"

"Yes, I am," she answered with a big smile, counting out his cash. "But you will notice that now your hiccups are gone."

'Twere a long day today!

Well, seems like today was never gonna come to an end. It ain't that it was less than enjoyable, or, at least, not all of it was absolutely painful, so-to-speak. I guess, first of all, a'fore I get too far into this melee of verbiage, I need to get to somethin' I done plumb have let go for far too long. Ya'll likely 'member me discussin' how I was startin' a trial this past Tuesday mornin', 'cause I 'member writin' somethin' 'bout it. I also recall that I never let on 'bout my client changin' his mind about tryin' the case when he looked at the people from whom his jury would be chosen. As is oft the case, it was a group of older citizens, the kind that seem to believe in law and order. O' course, I think he might have made a wise choice, as well, although there was some clue from the Victim Impact Statement that the chief witness could have been easily shown to be less than credible, the panel was a frightenin' sight.

So today, I learn that I have to again be ready for another trial on this comin' Monday mornin' and already know I got one on tap for the followin' Monday' mornin', as well, although, that other date might be a whole week off. Tuesday, while I was awaitin' the judge's qualification of the jury panel, my phone was literally buzzin' like crazy in my shirt pocket. Ever'one was wantin' to talk to me. Yesterday, it was much of the same as I was in court in my home burg for mos' o' the mornin' and yet, mysteriously, no one called at all yesterday afternoon, until after office hours, then I got three calls while I was tryin' to treat a massive migraine headache.

This mornin, while I was in court, I received no calls, however, and only got one while in the office this afternoon. I got a little bit of work accomplished, and was glad to have a chance to do such, finally, as I had been quite busy for a long long time. I was fairly worn out by the time office hours were windin' to a close. I was jes' 'bout ready to shut it down for the evenin' when someone walks into my office. I had a client that wanted to pay me the last little bit of money he owed on a case we had completed. I then had to run down to the local high school auditorium for play rehearsal. We are doin' some ol' timey play called "A Womanless Weddin'" that is done with men playin' all the parts. I ain't never heard of it, but seems ever'one else in the world is highly familiar with this production. I got a really cherry part, however, as I play the minister. I jes' got home. I am gonna watch a DVD I bought today at Wallyworld on my way back from court for $1.00. It is "A Farewell to Arms" with Helen Hayes and Gary Cooper. I might have been a part of my Best Picture Winner collection, 'cept it didn't win. It was nominated, so I figgered that made it worth a buck. Now I 'spect I better have a look.

My navel never even got out of bed, today, or, if it did, I never realized it. End of report.

Always eager to lend my assistance!

For those of ya'll who don't know ever' $10.00 word in the dictionary like that pompous blowhard, Al Gore, here's a couple of definitions you might look upon a'fore ya go over to Annika's site to see what kind of vile bile he was spewin' forth, outta the same orifice he used to shove his tongue down Tipper's throat in front of ever'one, even, with regard to our current sittin' Commander and Chief, Dubya!

^{incurious: showing absence of intellectual inquisitiveness or natural curiosity
obsequious: attempting to win favor from influential people by flattery}

With ever' bit of strength I have

Here I was thinkin' my life was startin' to resemble a soap opera, when the realization washes over me that it is actually a sit-com, with a poorly written script, and I have to play ever' part. You cannot believe how hard that is to do on a daily basis. Things are bound to happen. Today, somethin' did happen. There was some failure along the delivery line and today's script, as written by our highly acclaimed writin' team of me, myself, & I, and such script never made it into my hands, so . . . tonight's show might be a very poorly improvised episode.

I was watchin' History Detectives on PBS and one search involvin' Cesar Chavez when I found myself thinkin' today that someone needs to start a "Let's Stop the Bullshit" march on Washin'ton. It can't be me 'cause I can't lately seem to muster the support to keep my butt off the ground. I would be more than happy to add my thoughts to any discussion as to the definition of "bullshit."

Wow, comin' up with this wacky, funny, zany stuff is harder than I thought. My navel has been of no assistance of any kind. End of report.

'Pologies do seem to be in order

Allow me to acknowledge the comments by Tony S, a very fine fellow whom I have had the pleasure to meet in person and whom I additionally believe is only one of millions and millions of untraceable aggregator readers of this blog, an' hale mate Ozguru, who methinks makes much ado 'bout my vernacular. It really seems funny how certain posts draw comments, whereas so many much better posts seem to never get any comments. 'Course, if I could figure out jes' 'zactly how anythin' in the blogosphere worked, I might could write a paper and publish it at Into the Blogosphere. Talk 'bout a bunch of unintelligible vernacular --- well, let us jes' not go there, right now. Anyway, tracked it down on a link I found http://www.sixapart.com/pronet/ - http://www.movabletype.org/

OK, free for all. Denita mentioned some distaste with my colliquial euphenisms --- is that the right word? --- and then Ozguru shoots back at me in a comment. Is there some general feeling about such? You will not offend me if you so say.

Now where were we? Oh, that little demon, runnin' like a jackrabbit with a coyote right on his tail, and yet I snared that errant thought. I hereby display it for your further consideration: One of the tenets of my bloggin' efforts I attempt to do is to be as unique and surprisin' as possible. Since ya'll are seemin'ly so eager to offer your comments today, let me attempt to direct the topic of your opinions: Have I succeeded? Is my inanity uncomprehendible? Have I become utterly predictable?

The foregoin' discussion seems to have perked some great interest from my navel, such bein' such absolutely great navel gazin' material. I can somehow envision that any great amount of commentin' here and otherwise will greatly gladden it. I sense it really wanted me to mention such for your consideration. End of report.

Speakin' of such!*

I actually 'sperienced somethin' for the first time involvin' my bloggin' efforts over this past weekend - when I initially stopped at Eric and Denita's house - Denita - maybe at my insistence - I forget the actual reason for the occurrence - was readin' my blog - and - as she read this post - I know this because she read it aloud - she groaned - I felt so utterly satisfied to have actually heard that!

~~interlude* 'scuse the premature postin'. It appears that my index finger might have come into contact with some sexual enhancement tablet at some point durin' this day. 'scuse the lame attempt at a joke durin' this interlude.~~

*what were we talkin' 'bout anyway?

Another of those random, yet memorable thoughts

I caught a bit of than new CG series, Father of the Pride, which I kinda like a bit, mostly 'cause they make a lot of fun at Siegfried and Roy. There was a moment durin' this evenin's episode where they both pulled bamboo bars from some broken cage so as to use such in martial art combat. I found myself singin' in my head: "Ever'one was Bamboo Fightin'!"*

*'Member, I have previously mentioned that there is no guarantee that any of my inane thoughts are even remotely entertainin'. 'Course, there is also the inference one must make that I must have an opinion that they are of some entertainment value or would I otherwise use my time in postin' them?

Woohoo! I got two visitors!

Wow, Denita* found time out from havin' a great day in the sunshine likely observin' the non-stop antics of Zane and Pirate Fireant to drop in and say some nice things, and then, our own highly famous Munuvian, Susie, yes, the one in charge of the only known Practical Penumbra in the world, as most other penumbrae are found to be highly impractical on nearly every occasion, used some of the valuable time she could have been usin' to track down that nefarious white shorts wearin' man currently known solely by the designation of ^#!*@&# so as to painfully eviscerate him in some way as repayment for havin' flooded the men's bathroom at the Dollar Theater she manages,** to drop by my blog and pore over my feeble efforts of late. Very surprisin'ly, she actually left a highly personal disclosure about herself.

P.S. I ain't got a thing to say about the monkeysphere event. Ya will have to see a man called Pixy for that. However, I have got somethin' to say about no comment bein' made about the start of the story about Ned the Gnu. Surely someone has a comment to make, right?

[UPDATE: OK, even though I am a good friend of Pixy's, I think I need to go around the middle-man, that bein' my good friend, Pixy, and jes' get to tellin' ya'll that ya can find ever'thin' you need to know about the monkeysphere here. Why? 'Cause I seriously think we all really need to get a grip on life and understand ever'thin' to do with the monkeysphere.]

*This link is a totally superfluous trackback and, in the author's opinion, clickin' on same in reference to this postin' will do nuthin' at all to enhance your experience. It is jes' a bit of linky love, ya see?

**Two comments that I wish to make are that 1) I was nowhere near that hot water heater, no matter what Harvey,*** Jim, or Madfish*** have to say, and 2) I have jes' shredded ever' pair of white shorts I own. I ain't quite sure what eviscerated means, but it don't sound like somethin' I really want to try, if'n ya know what I mean.

***At least the guy does know how to properly update a post.

****WARNING: Link goes to childish fart joke. ;)

Ain't it funny that way?

Ever notice how creativity comes and goes. Earlier today the neurons were firin', clickin' along and allowin' my thoughts to drift through my fingers through the keyboard to create what I exhibited here. Now I seem to be unable to think of anythin' more to say, like the creativity well jes' dried up. Denita mentioned havin' a drought of creativity of her own here lately. I wish I knew what to say to assist her in gettin' though this feelin'. My own drought will likely be short. I 'spect it is the trial that appears to be loomin' in my immediate future that is interferin' with the otherwise delirious level of creativity. If bloggin' is light until that event has reached its ultimate conclusion, feel forewarned.

As usual, nothin' seems to faze my navel. O' course, I didn't tell it what to 'spect over the next few days. It really does not enjoy bein' any part of my stomach, what with the way it will likely be tied in knots all durin' this trial. End of report.

I gnu it was in there somewhere

OK, jes' for those of ya'll that have any interest of any kind, I wrote out a quick two pages of a children's book idea I have been contemplatin' here of late. It is actually more of somethin' I am doin' so as to possibly assist the facility in some future fund-raisin' efforts. I have placed my initial thoughts in the extended entry.

The newest gnu

Ned was the youngest of the herd. He had not arrived at the time when the rest of this year's calves had been born. He now worked very hard to get strong. When his slower movements offended any of the adults in the herd, his hindquarters were often prodded by one of adults. Ned was a gnu, or so had dad had said. His mother had told him that most of the world called their species wildebeests, his father preferred the traditional designation.

His father had said they were a pampered herd. His father said that their forebears had moved across the open plains continually in a search for food and water in amounts sufficient to sustain herds of thousands and thousands of gnus. They were a part of a captive herd that lived within the confines of Fossil Rim Wildlife Center in Glen Rose, Texas.

Ned did not think life was so easy. Those zebras were always very pushy and those little blackbuck antelopes were quite formidable with those long horns. He always gave those big scary ostriches a wide berth. The hardest part of this life was caused by every other member of his generation., Since all of them were at least two weeks older than himself, they were also just a little bit bigger and stronger than he. That made him the target for all of their pranks. He now worked very hard to get strong.

In the shadows of the trees, Ned was charging a fallen limb. He ran full speed toward it over and over, attempting to catch the tip of one of the outer branches with the tip of his emerging horn without slowing. He had done so three times, today and was feeling pretty proud of himself when he felt the hard poke in the side of his body.

One of his enemies had launched a surprise attack. Ned felt himself losing his balance. He knew his worst nightmare was happening while he was feeling himself tip over and hit the ground. No matter what, there was no way any gnu could be more embarrassed than by getting itself knocked over. He could not be any more vulnerable to attack. His head hit a big rock as it came into contact with the ground. All went black.

When Ned regained consciousness, he found himself laying on the ground with the rest of his herd amassed around where he was laying. "What are you doing down there?" one of the older adults asked.

"I don't know," Ned said, as he searched his mind for any memory of any sort. Ned did not remember anything other than he was a part of this big group of animals surrounding him.

"You had better get up," said another older adult. "Unless you want one of the keepers to come checking on you."

"Get up," said Nell, one of the three older and larger members of his age group, as she prodded at him to move. "I didn't kill you, did I?"

Ned got up. "Kill me?" he asked Nell. "I tripped over a rock. I'm fine."

The older members of the herd wandered off, discarding the incident to what it was - the petty squabbles of the young calves. They had not laughed. Their only concern was to his well-being. He found himself surrounded by Nell and the remaining members of his generation, Nikki and Newton. "That was the funniest thing I have ever seen in my three months of life," Nikki said as the last of the adults wandered to warm themselves in a large meadow full of sunlight.

"Are you hurt?" Newton asked, eyeing Ned's flanks as he circled around Ned. "I do not see any signs of injury, but those rib injuries can be very painful."

"I feel fine. What's all the fuss about me?"

"The story going on around the ostriches is that you were knocked out by that fallen branch over there," said Nikki. "Its the biggest story to hit the front pasture in years, and they are standing at the fence spreading the word to the emus right now."

"It seems they didn't see me hit you in the flank as you charged full speed at that branch, and think that it was due to your collision with that branch that caused to be thrown to the ground."

"So why is everyone talking about it?"

"They don't know what to think about you. Nothing like that has ever occurred in anyone's memory," Newton added.

"I think I had better talk to my mother and father about it," said Ned. "Does anyone know what they look like?"

"They look like everyone else looks, remember that we are gnus, after all," Nell said.

"So, how do we tell one another apart? I cannot seem to remember much, right now."

"We have individual aromas. Your mother's scent should have been imprinted upon your brain at birth," Newton said. "You should just walk into the herd and sniff around. If everything works like it is suppose to, you ought to be able to smell her sooner or later."

"Thanks," Ned said and he trotted across to the sunlit meadow where all the adult gnus were standing around, trotting in and among them, skipping and merrily dodging a back kick here and there. They all smelled alike, though, and he was unable to smell anything familiar. He trotted over to a vacant lot, lost and unsure of what to do.

"Well, she disowned you pretty quickly, didn't she," said Nikki as she trotted in to join him in his thoughts. Ned watched as Nell and Newton raced across the meadow to join them.

As they trotted in, Ned responded, "I was unable to smell any difference among any of the herd. They all smelled exactly the same as you and I."

"This is bad," said Nell. "We had better go see the adults about this."

It's copyrighted, ya'll, by me.

Sept. 5, 2004

OK, I know this review is a day late, and I apologize for such. I see no one else stepped up to the plate here to deliver such, so here is the scoop on this week's strip. First of all, the ratin': APPLAUSE!

In an aptly apropos strip, Breathed gives it to the fat lazy bums who sit 'round on their lazy butts beggin' others for their sustenance who look down 'pon the immigrants who sacrifice greatly in order to get across the river jes' for the opportunity to work. I have long thought it uncanny how many among us forget that this great country was built on the shoulders of wave after wave of new immigrants who came here to do the work that needed to be done at pay scales that were naturally insufficient for the effort expended, but was greater opportunity that could be found elsewhere in the world. Thank you Berke for shinin' a bit of light on the situation on this weekend when we celebrate the American Worker. As seems to often be the case, the American Worker is often a different sort of American.

It is almos' laughable

I finally finagled myself an invite for a gmail account. I could not understand 'zactly why they didn't jes' let anyone have one like hotmail and yahoo handed out. I also failed to notice that I have 6 invites to gmail to give away. Seems they really ain't carin' too much if ever'one has one, as filtered through all of us SPAM hatin' internet users. So, if you can prove you are a real person and smart enough not to end up providin' my email address to ever' spammer in the world by forwardin' ever'thin' ya get to ever'one in your addressbook and are not yourself usin' rampant email as a means to make money or push some cause, and would love to have a gmail account of your own, leave a comment. Leave a good email address, and be sure to write somethin' in the URL box so as to not publicize your email address to all the spiders that prowl ever' nook of the internet on a regular basis.

How much crap piles up before you get a whole load?

Well, when we last spoke, I was tellin' ya'll that I was plannin' on takin' a trip down to the coast. I awoke early on Saturday mornin' and decided that if I was gonna do it, I needed to get on with it. Thankfully, there was very little packin' to be done, 'cause I have a plastic box in the trunk that contains several towels, swimmin' suits and tee-shirts. 'Cept for a cheap pair of deck shoes, which I already had upon my feet, there was actually very little else that I needed. I cashed in all my chips and came up with slightly over $200 in road trip funds. By 9:00 a.m. I was on the road. First stop, Blanco, for my, what is becomin' routine, visit with Denita, Eric and Zane.

I arrived in Blanco close to noon. I had tried to call as soon as I hit the road, but No Answer. There seems to be a long dead spot along the road, so I was unable to attempt the call again until I was fairly close, but, as always, I was welcomed. Of course, I never stay long. I could, because Zane is amazin'. His mother, father, and grandmother are workin' hard to teach him things. Just prior to his second birthday, when most children are still workin' on the concepts of shapes and colors, Zane is already showin' off his recognition of the actual letters of the alphabet. Not sayin' his ABC's, but actually choosin' the correct letter when instructed to find an "E," "J," or "Q." He, of course, tired of the game 'bout the same time as I got antsy to get back on the road. It worked out well, as, when all evacuated the house so as to wave me off, Zane was able to re-initiate his sidewalk chalk art production - the very same activity that I interrupted by pullin' into the drive.

It seems I did eat, but I am thinkin' it was some pizza I got at a gas station. I stopped often for gas and Dr. Pepper, and was quite occupied in watchin' the gas prices as I drove along. I actually made bad choices from time to time, stoppin' to fill at one town at a pump where the price was 165.9 per gallon to find it was 164.9 in the next town. Several times, however, I ran to almost empty tryin' to find a low price to instead find myself addin' $10.00 worth to my tank, somewhere between 5 to 6 gallons at 169.9 or more, while tryin' to find a cheaper price. The highest price I found was 189.9 and the cheapest was 162.9. I am proud to say that I paid less than 172.9 at every stop, save one, which was also my most minimal gas purchase at $5.00.

I did eventually arrive at Padre Island, headin' toward the National Seashore portion near Corpus Christi, bein' it was the nearest access to said Island from my place of residence. I was unfamiliar with the road south of San Antonio, so that leg of the trip, my quick car trip along the bay front drive through Corpus Christi, then onto the island. Guess what? It was a beach, it had sand, and it was about as fun a thing to do alone as I imagined it to be. I walked up and down the beach, I played in the water, I sat and stared out into the water. I got back into my car, drove into town and ate a Big Mac. I drove back to the beach, set up my camp and slept. I was sleepin' in the open and was quite shocked to have gotten soaked with a surprise rain storm durin' the wee hours of the mornin. It lasted all of 15 minutes, then it cleared off. The breeze died down, however, so afterward, it became very hot and sticky. I was unable to sleep soundly thereafter and by 7:00 am, I was ready to pack up and leave.

I did drive down 10 miles of beach eyein' the assorted people found along the beach line early on Sunday mornin', but mostly saw guys fishin', large family groups, and a solitary male here and there with an woefully unhappy countenance. Could it be that other lonely men did not find the mere positionin' of themselves on the beach to be of any assistance in riddin' their life of loneliness? Groups of cute gals were not to be seen, at least, groups of cute gals who did seemed to be unaccompanied by groups of guys.

I suspected that all this partyin' that supposedly occurred must occur on South Padre Island, so I drove 90 minutes through some of the most desolate, unpopulated area that I have ever encountered. Seriously, there was hardly anythin' but the greenery, not forests, that lined both sides of the long, straight roadway. Traffic was light. For one of the first times in my life, I found myself succumbin' to white line fever, continually havin' to slap myself, shake my head, and otherwise keep myself attentive to the road.

South Padre Island turned out to be all that I suspect it was. I can see this is the place to go if you are lookin' to party. Whereas the beach at the other end was not all that much unlike Galveston Island, with which I am highly familiar, the sand was a bit whiter in the southern section and the water more aquamarine in color. I jes' briefly went onto the beach, but was pretty well in the mood to return home. I figgered I was close enough to visit Brownsville, the southernmost part of the State of Texas, and, that by doin' so, meant I would not have to return on Hwy 77, the road that worked so hard to put me to sleep on my southbound trip, so I did drive through that little town. I was able to access Hwy 281, which is actually the road that I use to drive down to San Antonio, the very same road that goes through Blanco, the little town where Denita and family reside. On my return trip, I followed the track of US Hwy 281 from Brownsville, Texas all the way up to Hico, Texas (where I am not buyin' their claim of Billy the Kid havin' eventually settlin' in the town and dyin' there), where I have to jog off onto Texas 220 which connects with US Hwy 67 not too far from my home burg.

I did stop to visit with Denita, Zane, her brother Michael and her dad briefly on the return trip. I learned that Denita's dad has very little time to visit with his grandson Zane. I also was very eager to get home. I did not stay long. I actually arrived at my house just a minute or two before midnight. I had hoped to get this report posted before headin' for bed, but I was so worn out I passed on the opportunity as I passed the laptop sittin' on the floor as I entered my abode.

My navel was upset that it was unable to view the beach through the dark red cloth of my tee-shirt, but the area surroundin' it was too white to expose to the vivid sunshine blazonin' down and, additionally, as reflected off the water. End of report.

"So," they asked, "When is Conservative Day?"

Well, the Labor Day Weekend has begun, and it did not start as I had planned. I had intended to hit the road earlier today to make a trip down to the coast. What I really wanted to do was go to Disney World as I suspected it would be one of the few vacation resorts that would not be overly crowded over the holiday weekend, but was then reminded by a friend of mine that they might not even open the park over this weekend. Well, anyway, here I am, still at home, time is wastin' and I am goin' to bed.

The navel has neither taken a part in nor objected to any of my thoughts about what to do with the long weekend. I am gonna assume that it is willin' to go along with whatever plans I finally make. End of report.

Clinton has a sick heart

It's true!

Did ya see that Amber Alert?

I was jes' noticin' there has been a rash of Amber Alerts scrollin' by often, here lately. I jes' saw one that was from Florida but it went by quite quickly. It might have said somethin' 'bout a really loudly squallin' youngster known simply by the name of Frances for which ever'one should keep their eyes open on a chance that she might be spotted playing along one of the beaches found among the miles and miles of Florida coastline. It ain't suspected that Frances has been kidnapped or is in any actual danger, but she is only a few days old, all alone, and her whereabouts are of major concern.

Sept. 3, 2004

A customer at Green's Gourmet Grocery marveled at the proprietor's quick wit and intelligence. "Tell me, Green, what makes you so smart?"

"I wouldn't share my secret with just anyone," Green replies, lowering his voice so the other shoppers won't hear. "But since you're a good and faithful customer, I'll let you in on it... Fish heads... You eat enough of them, you'll be positively brilliant."

"You sell them here?" the customer asks.

"Only $4 apiece," says Green. So the customer buys three.

A week later, he's back in the store complaining that the fish heads were disgusting and he isn't any smarter.

"You didn't eat enough, " says Green. The customer goes home with 20 more fish heads.

Two weeks later, he's back and this time he's really angry. "Hey, Green," he says, "You're selling me fish heads for $4 a piece when I can buy the whole fish for $2. You're ripping me off!"

"You see?" says Green. "You're smarter already."

That safe and secure feelin'

I again regret the lateness of this report, but I kinda have a good excuse. Ya'll all likely know that our incumbent President, George Dubya, was the keynote speaker at the Republican National Convention. O' course, durin' the same time period there was bein' shown live on another channel, that final pre-season Dallas Cowboy's game, so bein' the traditional member of human male that I am, I was sittin' with the remote control in my hand, jumpin' back and forth between the PBS coverage of the RNC and the channel showin' the game. Luckily, the channels were right together, accordin' to the remote control, as it skips all the unused channels as it goes up and down the dial, so there was no chance to become distracted by a flash of beauty bein' shown on one of the other channels as I was flippin' back and forth.

Well, about the time Gov. Pataki came around, for some reason, I decided to go lay in my bed to watch the rest of the show. By such time, I had 'bout given up on watchin' the game, as it was already in the fourth quarter and it was gettin' close to time for the President to make his appearance. I got myself comfortable, enjoyed the video shown jes' 'fore he walked out, then here comes Dubya. All of a sudden, I was findin' myself fallin' asleep. I initially attempted to fight it off, thinkin' how unpatriotic is would be for me to fall asleep when the our President was addressin' us all and tellin' us why we should elect him to lead us for four more years, but then I realized jes' how safe and secure I suddenly felt from listenin' to what he was sayin' and determined that it was such warm feelin' that was allowin' me to easily drift off into a sound, restful sleep. Thank ya Dubya for doin' what it takes so that all Americans can sleep soundly tonight.

The navel was rootin' for sleep, all along. It ain't that I think it is pullin' for Waffles the Clown. My take is that it has no actual interest in politics of any sort. End of report.

The Russians are blabbin' and the buzz is slowly makin' the rounds

Accordin' to profindpages.com - Latest News in Moscow:

We have received reports from US sources that Pakistani security forces have captured Osama bin Laden.

*I actually thought that by my also passin' along this news along could possibly assist in the Russkies' mission 'til I 'membered no one really reads this blog anyway, so I was jes' doin' this for the sake of bein' able to say I was like third in line** in bloggin' 'bout it.

**'Course, since I am petty 'bout makin' sure ever'thin' is perfect 'fore I hit the button to publish each post, it is likely that three or four other people have, by now, actually jumped in front of me.

Kismet never seems to be in my corner

Well, found out today that I am likely to be in trial beginnin' bright and early Tuesday mornin'. My stars say that is gonna mess up a great opportunity for romance comin' into my life:

Your Thursday, September 2, 2004, Horoscope, Taurus!
A passionate encounter could be stalled by a heavy workload. If you have taken on more than your fair share of responsibility, you might be missing out on other pleasant aspects of life. Focus on recreation.

Off the scale, jes' the wrong way

I dunno, it may have been the bizarre day I had today. Not that it was bad, or anythin', jes' one of those days where it came to an end and you found you did not accomplish ever'thin' you thought you would. In fact, you find the only thing on the days agenda that went exactly as you expected was havin' lunch at the Lion's Club meetin'. I had expected to get all of my monthly bills made out and mailed, or, at least as many as I could afford to pay. It could also be the two episodes of Smallville I jes' watched, it bein' such a very well made dark melodrama program, it kinda dampens my otherwise dank feelin's as the day winds down. I jes' seem to have no creativity within my head at the moment, and, as I am leanin' toward makin' an early night of it, I might not have anythin' all that interestin' to share. As such, I felt it was proper to present this report at the current time. I know it ain't nuthin' of substance, but it least it is here.

The navel is agape and static at it current position right in the midst of my Buddha belly. End of report.

You may want to avoid Florida over Labor Day weekend

Seriously, all funnin' aside. It seems that another hurricane is headin' toward Florida. They are sayin' this one is currently packin' winds of 140mph. This one is a she-devil goin' by the name of Frances.

If'n anyone jes' ain't go nowhere else to go, my spare bedroom is unoccupied.

What I don't know 'bout Frogs could fill a large pond

I was jes' over at Ozguru's readin' a post that he had composed with regard to the current rash of kidnappin's and his belief that the Muslim world needs to vocally disassociate itself from the militant zealots that do their evil under the guise of workin' for the benefit of the Islamic religion. In his comment to his own story,* he pointed to the most recent revelations that have come to pass in the French situation where the hostages are bein' held so as to force France to back down from its no Muslim headdress rule in state schools stance. While I have no love for the surrender monkeys, I can see some rationality for the rule. However, what I don't know is this: Is there a rule forbiddin' the wearin' of yarmulkes in state schools, as well? If not, then I would have to stand along side of the French Muslims, necessarily not inclusive of any hostage holdin' terrorists, on this issue.

[UPDATE: It seems that if one takes the time to read the actual stories one links, one gets the answers to one's own questions! DOH!

Forbidden items will include Muslim headscarf, Jewish skullcap and large Christian crucifixes - {emphasis supplied}

*I would likely have jes' used an update.