A Picture is worth a 1000 words

or so they say. I am doing well, other than fretting about the lack of contact from my publisher, and having too little free time or too little inclination to share those little tidbits about what is going on in my life or how I feel about things politically and otherwise, but felt this space was going to waste and there were people wondering if I was still alive so felt I could at least share some of the great photos Susan and I have taken here lately on our travels. If you like them, feel free to say so or not. If you wish to use them, feel free to do so. If you would like to have it in the original size, about 4 3 times as large as what is posted, drop me an email at the address under the unknown lady at the left and tell me which one and I'll be glad to send it your way via attachment.

As for content herein, leave it to say that I will post a pic from time to time, allowing the picture to impress you on the beauty I have seen with my own eyes. Just in case you don't know who Susan is, here is a nice photo taken of the two of us.

Woefully unprepared

Recently visited London and was invited to visit an old friend at his club. It was interesting, to say the least, to see that there the law actually allowed no women to be admitted. It was beautiful: mahogany panels with safari trophies nearly everywhere you looked, nice, comfortable leather chairs and sofas to sit upon, and being waited on by nicely uniformed stewards. The only really downside, I found, was there I was ... sitting comfortably, sipping on a bottle of Guinness when the steward announced it was tee time, and I was without my clubs.

I made up this whole thing just to use the tea/tee time pun that popped into my head earlier today, sorry.

Oh my or my -- Tiger actually posted something

Well, been busy of late working with the illustrator we hired to do the illustrations for my soon-to-be published book, already self-published for those of you who were lucky enough to get your copy before I had to cease the sales, due to my contract with my publisher. Also, my day job has picked up a lot lately ... mostly just keeping me stressed out so much. I have spent most of my free time watching movies on TCM or playing Texas Hold'em at MSN gaming zone. As for blogging, I expect that in some time in the future, I might have something to share. Not reading much online, or elsewhere, not connected with either my job or my book, so suppose if you really have some news to share with me, it might be best to drop me an email. The addy is somewhere over there on the left column in a form to fool the address collectors running around out there in the ethernet. Side note to Denita, if she still drops by ... Susan shared the news she found on your blog and we are hopeful you all find your new digs pleasurable and your break from Tinyville as enjoyable as you'd hoped. Anyway, suspect there is very little interest from anyone in knowing much more, so I'll close for now and probably for several days, weeks or months. Watch your blogrolls and the list at Munuvia, never know when something actually gets posted here.

Imagine that!

I was perusing the offerings on Turner Classic Movies and caught an "All-Colored Vaudeville Show" filmed in Black & White.

What would John Hopkins make of this?

Last evening, as I rose from my (couch potato) chair, I felt what I believed to be a major charlie horse in my right calf. The pain was excruciating, making it extremely difficult to walk. Despite such, I made a valiant effort to do so -- thinking it was a simple muscle cramp I could walk off. It should have only been so easy. Next I tried a hot medicated bath, but found relief neither in nor after a long relaxing soak. Thereafter, I applied two topical agents designed to relieve muscle pain without effect. Finally, I just hoped some cessation would follow a good night's sleep. However, I awoke to find myself still hobbled on my morning run to you-know-where. I first thought, having no pressing court dates for today, to just stay in. However, due to a scheduled trial for most of next week, I did have a very lot to do to rearrange my scheduling conflicts for that period. So -- reluctant as I was to do so -- I dressed and pulled on my cowboy boots, prepared to go meet my obligations. I stepped toward the door with my right foot, tensing against the pain that had accompanied every recent attempt, without any such sensation. After walking around all day wearing my cowboy boots, I was, when dressing down for comfort at the end of the business day, able to remove them and again able to walk around my house barefooted. I would never have thought a day's trek in pair of cowboy boots could possibly cure anything. However, I find that, thanks to my boots, I now stand corrected.

Let there be light

Two boys from the city were on a camping trip. The mosquitoes were so fierce the boys had to hide under their blankets to keep from being bitten. Then one of them saw some lightning bugs, and said to his friend: "we might as well give up, they're coming at us with flashlights!"

It'd never have walked in my day

"A virus ate my homework." Our dogs took the blame when I was in school.

Who killed the tooth-fairy?

I developed an abscess this last weekend and went to see the dentist on Monday. Left with a basic script for antibiotics and codeine laced analgesics. Except for some severe nausea accompanying the codeine usage, little else changed, except the severity of my abscess developed. Medicated, in pain, or, as is most likely -- highly medicated and still in pain. To make the proverbial long story short: I have been less than my productive self this past week. At least that's my story this time around. It's real --- wanna send the tooth-fairy over my way?

What my daddy always said*

The following is a response I received from an inquiry about a severely under-priced 2005 Mini Cooper I found for sale on Yahoo! Motors:

The Mini Cooper is in a perfect condition.It's a great car, my girlfriend is devastated that we have to sell it but we have to pay too much money for register it here,so we decide to sell it. My company have relations in States and I worked there for 2 years.I has the opportunity to buy it from there and bring it with me when I was back.The car was buyed from US, so it is US standards,so stay cool it́s perfect compatibile to your standards and you will dońt have to pay more duty taxes on it.And this is an impediment for me to sell it here caus, first, we have a different standards and second will be very expensive for me to register it here.I have to pay an very expensive duty taxes.The price for this car is $7.000USD. The car it is still register in States. What other info. would you like on it? It will be shipped from Athens,Greece and i will pay the shipping and insurance charges.I will do the arrangements for shipping from here. The original receipt and all remainded warranty information packet with enrollment number is included for you. If necessary ever I will assist you in getting warranty help; most people just dump it on you with a useless warranty. The payment will be done via secure pay which means that the third party will keep the money until you receive and inspect the car. I will wait for your email to let me know if you are realy interested in knowing more details about the purchase.

Thanks and have a great day.

Hello,

First thank you for your email regarding my car. The car is in a perfect condition, the milage is accurate, no scratches, no damages, no hidden defects.Kept it in a warm garage. My boyfriend is devastated that we have to sell it but we have to pay too much money for register it here,so we decide to sell it.My company have relations in States and I worked there for 2 years. I had the opportunity to buy it from there and bring it with me when I come back.The car was buyed from US, so it is US standards,so stay cool it́s perfect compatibile to your standards and you will dońt have to pay more duty taxes on it. And this is an impediment for me to sell it here cause,first, we have a different standards and second will be very expensive for me to register it here.I have to pay an very expensive duty taxes.The price for this car is $8,000.00.The car it is still register in States.What other info. would you like on it? It will be shipped from Athens,Greece and i will pay the shipping and insurance charges.I will do the arrangements for shipping from here.The original receipt and all remainded warranty information packet with enrollment number is included for you. If necessary ever I will assist you in getting warranty help; most people just dump it on you with a useless warranty. I will wait for your email to let me know if you are interested in knowing more details about the purchase.

Best Regards

*If it seems too good to be true, look for a skunk in the woodpile.

Death to the revolutionaries spamming nitwits*

I suppose it is a very sad testament that my current blogging efforts are directed more to daily deletion of those continued efforts of that morass of malignant vermin that crawl all over the web-- creating mischief wherever they go. I won't name names: the culprits are either aware of their own identities or are illiterate. Either way, such serves no worthwhile purpose. Then, again, neither do they.**

*Not to be confused, of course, with the hip-hop ensemble of the same name.***

**And, responsive to the dearth of output offered of late, many might likely hold the same opinion with respect to this blog.****

***What? You haven't bought our new album: Orchestrated Chemical Enhancement - the Penile Poems?*****

****Ya'll will, however, likely enjoy reading that to which my attention has lately been directed.

*****Banned in Tanzania, of course.

Even the Mighty Eeyore has nothing on me

In lieu of several missed NNGR™s and such, allow me to explain that I am currently working on getting all the pieces of my book together so as to get it finally published. I have about six people just dying to read it, and several others who have promised to buy signed copies of it because they love me or want to love me, or something like that. I'm well, or not too far off of the mark if you consider everything I've gone through to get to this point of my life, and eating well. There are plenty out there whose lives are not going as well as mine, but I can assure you that could never work as hard to find fault with their lives as I do with mine.

She's probably against corporal punishment, too

Most of us would agree that a good teacher should also be a good role model. But how many times have we heard from teachers and maybe even from parents: "Don't do as I do -- Do as I say."

This parent, herself a teacher in a nearby school, arrived for an unscheduled and rather unorthodox parent-teacher conference which, by the way, also violated student confidentiality, since it was held in front of an entire class of seventh graders.

Paulette Baines, a North Dallas High School teacher, left her campus Friday morning and showed up angry and unannounced in the classroom of Mary Oliver at nearby Travis.

The police report says Ms. Oliver was sitting at her desk when Ms. Baines walked into the room and grabbed her by the hair. She hit Ms. Oliver in the face repeatedly with her fist and dragged her across the floor as the class of seventh-graders watched. Ms. Baines also kicked Ms. Oliver several times in the side while she was on the floor.

that she had not singled out any of the girls but had told them "y'all" need to get back to class.

The trigger on this incident apparently was pulled earlier that morning. Ms. Oliver has said she saw Ms. Baines' daughter and other girls in the hallway at their lockers during class. She told them to get back to class. Ms. Baines' daughter got upset and went to the school counselor, who called Ms. Baines.

Neither teacher could be reached Monday. I was told that Ms. Oliver was asleep and recuperating at home from her injuries. Ms. Baines has been charged with assault.

On Sunday, Ms. Oliver told reporter Margarita Martín-Hidalgo that she had not singled out any of the girls but had told them "y'all" need to get back to class.

Some parents say race may have played a part.

I talked to Rossi Walter, who is black. He serves as president of the Dallas Council of PTAs and happens to have children at Travis.

Mr. Walter told me that he spoke with Ms. Baines, who is black. Here, in a nutshell, is what she told him:

Ms. Baines' daughter and a friend, who is black, were in the hallway during class. Ms. Oliver, who is white, directed them to get back to class but ignored a white girl who also was in the hallway in violation of school rules.

Let me stress that no one has established what role race may have played in Friday's incident. Ms. Oliver had taught science to Ms. Baines' daughter in past years. So, maybe there was a history there that had nothing to do with race.

But racial tension has plagued Travis since it opened in 2001 in Oak Lawn.

"It was foreseeable that something like this would happen," said Kenneth Walker, a black lawyer and parent of a Travis child from 2001 to 2003.

More than two years ago, I met with Mr. Walker and other black parents about their concerns that white administrators and teachers at Travis were not sensitive to black families and children.

They said they believed their children were treated differently when it came to grades and other forms of academic recognition.

"They put their heads in the sand instead of taking positive steps to address our concerns," said Mr. Walker, who described the Travis campus as "hostile territory" for black families.

Travis is a magnet school for academically talented kids. Kids apply for admission based on test scores, grades and recommendations. Competition is tough. The student body is evenly divided between black, white and Hispanic students. But the teaching staff is overwhelmingly white – 70 percent in the elementary school and 75 percent in the middle school.

At a school like Travis, where excellence is the goal, there's a lot of talk about who can cut it academically and who can't. Sometimes, the talk turns to students who should return to their less-than-rigorous neighborhood schools.

To Mr. Walker and other black parents, it seems that the question of belonging and ability was asked too often about minority students.

Mr. Walter, the PTA president, said he believes some white teachers have unconsciously created the impression that they expect less of black students than white students. The result is less faculty attention and interaction with some black students, he said.

"I don't think it's racism, but I can see how some people might see it as racism," he said.

Mr. Walter described Ms. Oliver as a strict teacher. For the record, he said his son had a good relationship with her when they were student and teacher.

The source of the violence at Travis on Friday morning must not be written off as just another isolated incident, Mr. Walter said.

I wanted to ask Mari Smith, Travis' principal, whether it's time for a serious, extended dialogue about race at Travis. And whether she believes more minority teachers are needed there. Or whether she and her bosses think yet another sensitivity training course will do the trick.

She declined to be interviewed Monday.

In Requiem: John Paul II

Even though I'm not a Catholic, I am mourning the death of a great Pope. RIP John Paul II. You showed the world what a Pope could truly be and set a great example for all those who follow.

Is this evidence of a dance with the Devil?

If a grilled cheese sandwich with a purported "Virgin Mary image" sold for $28,000, perhaps the pet-store owner needs to put this one on E-Bay:

An Indiana pet store owner says he sees the image of Satan on the shell of a turtle that was the only survivor of a store fire in October.

The palm-sized red-eared slider turtle, named Lucky, was the only animal to survive the fire at Dora's A-Dora-ble Pet Shop in nearby Frankfort, about 40 miles northwest of Indianapolis.

Owner Bryan Dora now says he sees Satan's face on the critter's shell. He can spot lips, eyes, a goatee, shoulders and a pair of pointy horns on Lucky's back.

"The marking on the shell was like the devil wanted us to know he was down there," Bryan Dora said. "To me, it's too coincidental that the only thing to come out unscathed would have this image on it."

In animation, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles are four wise-cracking, teenaged, pizza-scarfing cartoon turtles who fight the forces of evil from their neighborhood sewer hangout.

It's so old, it comes with its own groans

Conversation overheard between 4-year-old and his 5-year-old sister:

Him: This really sucks.

Her: Yes, it sure does.

Mother: Will you two kids please quit playing with that vacuum cleaner?

I'm gonna have to say "woohoo"

OK, before ya get the notion this has anything to do Vonage and the stupid things that people do, it doesn't. At least, it doesn't have anything to do with Vonage, but saying it doesn't have anything to do with stupid people may be a bit untrue. After all, there are those who consider me to be just a few, or maybe more, dependent thereby on the opinion-holder in question, wrinkles short of having a fully stocked mental department in my neighborly cranial cavity. There are some who think I am crazy, others that call me eccentric, and some that wonder from what planet I came. One thing for sure that can be said about me, though, is that I am a finalist in this month's Blogging for Books contest.* Is it OK if I say my woohoo now?

Speaking of books ... it appears that there is a certain 9-year-old who is eager to read my book.** I had submitted it for her review, along with a request that she return the favor and allow me to see the book she is writing about her dog's adventures. Last evening, I got a return letter saying their version of Word was not compatible with the file I sent. I converted it to an earlier version of Word and resent it. I have not gotten any confirmation that it was received.

While we are here, let me bring up a point to all of ya'll. I really cannot understand why everyone prefers MS's Word to Corel's WordPerfect. I can write something in WP12 and open it in WP6 without any difficulty. Any company that can update their product and yet do such so that earlier versions of that same product can utilize any information produced thereon is worthy of popular support. I'm just saying, you know. However, if anyone at Corel wants to thank me, send me a check, or buy me a Cooper Mini, please do feel free to do so. That actually goes for the rest of you, too, especially the part about buying me a Cooper Mini.

*Moona called me a moment ago and when I told her I'd made the cut, said that she wanted to post about it. She said she say:

1. And it came to pass that Tiger was anointed as a Prince in the Kingdom of Zero Boss. 2. And Tiger was exceedingly glad. 3. With bright countenance, he began his journey to the 2005 Texas Blogfest.

**Of course, we are speaking of Alien Attitudes: Alura Allen, Alien at Large. Read the Alien Attitudes™ Archives for more information.

***I was able to mention that I was amenable to receiving gifts****, as well. I am, however, in desperate need of a new Cooper Mini. These gas prices are killing me.

****I failed to mention herein that I was soon heading to the 2005 Texas Blogfest, but I have a few other tasks to which to attend prior to my departure. I was hopeful of making that announcement on a more timely basis. It does, however, enhance the telling of the event to have used her manner of presentation.

When I said "Eat me!" I didn't mean that literally

I was just watching a show on the history channel about cannibalism. One paleontologist stated that not a single paleontologist was on record as having personally witnessed any acts of cannibalism. I suspect that to actually mean that none have lived to tell about it.

Daffy definitions

These definitions are provided courtesy of Ain't It Amazing.

1. Coffee (n.), a person who is coughed upon.
2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.
3. Abdicate (v.),to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.
6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown.
7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle (n.), an olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. Flatulence (n.) the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.
12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you.
13. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions.
14. Pokemon (n), A Jamaican proctologist.
15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck there.
16. Circumvent (n.), the opening in the front of boxer shorts.

It popped right out of my head

OMG! I just saw the blurb for "The Passion: Re-Cut." This one ends differently. Jesus gets eaten by a T-Rex.

A Chinese cookie conundrum

After dining in Chinatown, does an unfortunate man receive a fortune cookie without a fortune?

The girl of his dreams ...

A most perplexing question

When you bite the bullet, do you take it out of the gun first?

Anyone up for a QUICKIE*?

DigitalCatharsis: Antarctica Blog? found via Jennifer

*Ya might surprisingly find yourself wishing to have quite a long and intimate adventure with the Mighty Jimbo once things get under way.

Saving Jesus

A man is stumbling through the woods, totally drunk, when he comes upon a preacher baptizing people in the river. He proceeds to walk into the water and subsequently bumps into the preacher. The preacher turns around and is almost overcome by the smell of alcohol, whereupon he asks the drunk, "Are you ready to find Jesus?"

The drunk answers, "Yes, I am." So the preacher grabs him and dunks him in the water. He pulls him up and asks the drunk, "Brother have you found Jesus?"

The drunk replies, "No, I haven't found Jesus."

The preacher shocked at the answer, dunks him into the water again for a little longer. He again pulls him out of the water and asks again, "Have you found Jesus my brother?"

The drunk again answers, "No, I haven't found Jesus."

By this time the preacher is at his wits end and dunks the drunk in the water again --- but this time holds him down for about 30 seconds and when he begins kicking his arms and legs he pulls him up. The preacher again asks the drunk, "For the love of God have you found Jesus?"

The drunk wipes his eyes and catches his breath and says to the preacher, "Are you sure this is where he fell in?"

Gee, I'm sorry I cut off the wrong arm!

Maybe if I apologize, you won't sue me.

[A] 1999 study in the Annals of Internal Medicine ... said the VA policy [apologizing for mistakes and offering compensation] "seems to be the rare solution that is both ethically correct and cost-effective." - source

Different strokes for different folks

In late winter, 88-year-old Edna McDonald dons a camouflage jacket over her teddy-bear embroidered shirt, grabs her purse and her rattlesnake tongs and heads out on the hunt. January and February are snake-hunting season for McDonald. It's been that way since she started handling the creatures as a babe like some Hill Country Hercules. -- Source

But snake-hunting does appeal to some. (Read Snakedance, one of Tig's original short stories.)

Deep in the cave, a half-dozen rattlesnakes were curled up, hibernating. With the giddiness of a tomboy and a wink or two at the onlookers, she slid a long sprayer into the den while Kuzenka pumped in gasoline from a two-gallon drum to tease them out. The chemical smell wafted through the dank air.

As the snakes, one by one, slithered out of the rock, she and Kuzenka, armed with long-handled tongs, grabbed them behind their heads, lightly enough not to snap their vertebrae. The rattlers started vibrating, and soon the snake bucket — a small, tightly meshed cage — was buzzing like a forest full of cicadas.

In two weeks she will deposit the snakes into a giant pit at the Oglesby Rattlesnake Roundup, a kind of sensational, old-style carnival where, among other daredevil stunts, one couple will climb into a sleeping bag with dozens of snakes. If McDonald's snakes are among the longest, or the shortest, or the heaviest, she will win a cash prize.

Eventually she will sell the snakes, at about $3.50 a pound, to a man who markets them as a delicacy to Dallas country clubs. McDonald has tried rattlesnake only once, and she was unimpressed: "It tastes like a cross between chicken and fish."

Roundups under fire
The practice of collecting snakes with gasoline and the roundups themselves, which also are found in Kansas, Oklahoma, New Mexico, Pennsylvania, Alabama and Georgia, have been criticized by animal rights and environmentalist groups.

The Humane Society claims that the number of livestock deaths from rattlesnake bites is negligible, points out that rattlesnakes control rodent populations and describes the roundups as "cruel and ecologically damaging events" that "violate the most basic principles of wildlife management and humane living."

Investigators have witnessed the shutting of snakes' mouths with wire or fishing line so they could be used as props in photos.

At least a pair of roundups in Texas have closed in the past couple of years as the number of hunters has dwindled, said Chris Hamilton, a Dallas photojournalist who is working on a book about the fading culture of the Texas rattlesnake roundups.

"These little roundups were the identities of these towns," he said. "That was their spring festival that gave people a reason to have a parade or a dance."

McDonald simply says her work saves cattle and horses from debilitating bites.

"What we do is we try to do everything to help the rancher. They're the people who grow groceries, they grow our meat," said McDonald, who was "burning up" when she was told she needed a permit to sell the snakes last year.

The state requires any person possessing more than 25 rattlesnakes for commercial sale or trade to buy an $18 nongame permit.

"I don't know what's happened to our Texas," she said."After a while you'll need to have a permit to have sex."

Appearances can be deceiving

This is not a beautiful mountain range.

No way to treat a lady

Said the Little Lady to the guys in the band, "We did not invite the 'wretched refuse of your teeming shore,' and we're suing!"

Owners of the Chicago's Little Lady tour boat are the latest to file a civil lawsuit against the Dave Matthews Band, claiming human waste from the rock band's tour bus was emptied from a downtown bridge into the Chicago River -- right in the path of the watercraft.

Children, senior citizens, persons with disabilities and a pregnant woman were drenched by the "foul-smelling, brownish-yellow liquid" in the Aug. 8 incident, according to a suit filed by the vessel's owner Wednesday in Cook County Circuit Court. Mercury Skyline Yacht Charters Inc. is seeking compensatory damages in excess of $50,000 and punitive damages in the amount of $5 million in four separate counts, allegations the illegal act of dumping the waste interfered with the vessel's business that day and beyond.

Automobile-> Tires-> Gasoline-> Gastronome

It seems that the executives of Michelin were having a brainstorming session, and somehow associated the word "gastronome" with automotive products.

I remember when "recommended by Duncan Hines" was a coveted award to be displayed by restaurants, and I never had a problem understanding why.

But how did the Michelin Man get in the act?

(I heard that his cousin is the Pillsbury Dough Boy.)

Stranger things have made others millions

Here's my take on how to make a better ipod: add breasts.

Name for a dog

The news came yesterday:

Supermarket giant Winn-Dixie Stores Inc. (WIN), which has struggled to compete with Wal-Mart Supercenters and other grocery chains, said Tuesday it has filed for bankruptcy reorganization. Its shares tumbled. - Source.

Apparently, this movie is based upon a beloved children’s book, or least that’s what the ads keep stressing, but frankly, until this movie came along I’d never heard of it. I can only suggest, that if the book really is beloved, you’d be better off reading it than watching this "dull as watching the grass grow" movie version. - Source.

Banana-Vision?

The four largest television networks in the United States, are NBC, CBS, ABC and Fox.

Quick, what's the fifth largest network?

According to Wal-Mart and to an agency that handles its ad sales, the TV operation captures some 130 million viewers every four weeks, making it the fifth-largest television network in the United States after NBC, CBS, ABC and Fox. - Source.

I don't think that banana dog would approve.

The New York Times article explains why Wal-Mart is spending so much on a TV network.

PEARLAND, Tex. - Here in the Houston suburbs, Banana-Vision has arrived. That's the industry nickname for the 42-inch high-definition L.C.D. monitor installed directly over a pyramid of bright yellow bananas in the produce section of the local Wal-Mart store.

This TV screen and others scattered through the store are part of the Wal-Mart TV Network, a Web network of in-store programming that the company started in 1998. These days it shows previews of soon-to-be-released movies, snippets of sports events and rock concerts, and corporate messages from the world of Wal-Mart, including some intended to improve its battered public image.

But the principal reason for Wal-Mart TV is to show a constant stream of consumer product ads purchased by companies like Kraft, Unilever, Hallmark and PepsiCo. And little wonder. According to Wal-Mart and to an agency that handles its ad sales, the TV operation captures some 130 million viewers every four weeks, making it the fifth-largest television network in the United States after NBC, CBS, ABC and Fox.

While other retailers have experimented with in-store television, Wal-Mart's network, which is available in almost all its 2,600 locations, is the most extensive. The company, eager to promote it, is upgrading its broadcasting plans and equipment.

"It's sort of a neat idea," said Beatrice White, a Houston resident who said she bought bananas every time she went to the store, but had just noticed the screen above them. "I just walked up here and I was looking at it. I think if you've got children with you, it would entertain them."

Armando Rivera, a Wal-Mart worker who was shopping after his shift, said the programs included sports from time to time, and "sometimes I'll stand and watch it for a while."

Late last year, the company hired Nielsen Media Research to evaluate its network (Nielsen does not regularly measure Wal-Mart TV viewers the way it does with the broadcast networks). The study found that shoppers watched Wal-Mart TV an average of seven minutes a store visit, 44 percent longer than in a similar study in 2002.

That growth has caught the eye of marketers that in the age of TiVo and proliferating cable channels are searching for other ways to send their messages to an increasingly hard-to-reach consumer.

According to Wal-Mart's rate card, advertisers pay $137,000 to $292,000 to show a single commercial for a four-week period, depending on the length of the ad and the number of stores where it is shown.

PepsiCo's Frito-Lay division has been bulking up on its ads in Wal-Mart for the last five years, said Haston Lewis, a vice president at Frito-Lay.

"From a marketing standpoint," Mr. Lewis said, "we want to be on the cutting edge of identifying and leveraging the most effective vehicles to capture consumers. The reality is unlike 40 or 50 years ago, more and more of your customers are shopping at Wal-Mart. So they have become a new medium to reach consumers."

As part of Wal-Mart's TV upgrade, some 600 of the 42-inch screens are to be installed by December and eventually every store will have them. The monitors they are replacing were one step removed from 1960's models, able to broadcast color but bolted high above shoppers' heads and easily overlooked.

And the company plans to tailor its broadcasts more specifically to areas of its stores - like electronics, produce or deli - and to individual stores, based on regional tastes and situations.

The placement of the wide, difficult-to-ignore screen at the store near Houston in the last few months represents one part of Wal-Mart's effort to capitalize on its captive audience. In the produce aisle, the TV screen gets shoppers' attention, thanks to its big size and lighted face, and from speakers installed on the ceiling, which create a kind of pathway of sound that can make even focused buyers turn toward its source.

Across the way in the delicatessen area is another screen, with different programming, and on the other side of the store, in electronics, is another.

The power of televised distraction is clear.

"A lot of them are picking up bananas and not even looking at them," said Dale Koehler, the store manager, referring to his customers. "They're looking at the TV."

You can't fix everything with a virtual hug or ecard

I was all set to blog about the bad start I was having to a beautiful day, weather-wise, where I found my problems were petty compared to the problems besetting our favorite dollar movie manager.

You could see it coming -- a mile away

I ran into this homosexual acquaintance of mine at the post office. He had a really glum look upon his face. Some bad news had come his way and, I'm telling you, he did not appear to be all that gay to me.*

*I warned ya, I really did.

Big news afloat on the other side of The Big Pond

*I originally heard this story on the radio. The above link to the Yahoo rendition of the AP story was harvested from OTB.

Have you been feeling antsy lately?

Ants have four Prime Directives:

• Look for Food
• If you come across green pheromone, follow it to the food ... otherwise, just wander around randomly
• Pick Food Up
• If you come across food, pick it up and turn around
• Bring Food Home
• Follow the pheromones home, dropping more pheromones as you go to reinforce the trail
• Drop Food Off
• Once you're home, drop the food off and turn around to get more

Out of those directives, some very interesting behaviour emerges:

• Ants quickly find the closest food sources, and work together to consume it
• Random scouts luck across food sources even though they are very far away
• The ants focus on the closest food sources, consuming them until they are all gone

That sounds pretty bloggy! Once you translate some of the terms involved (ants = bloggers, food sources = articles/blog posts), it's not hard to reconfigure the ant rules into Blogging Directives:

• Look for News
• If you come across a link to a news story, follow it to the article/blog post... otherwise, just surf the web randomly
• Read News
• If you come across a news story, read it
• Blog News
• Blog the link, making sure to link to the blog where you first saw the link (attribution link = pheromone!)
• Drop News Off
• Once you're done, turn around to get more links on the same subject

The results are very similar:

• Bloggers quickly find the most interesting news stories, and work together to cover/analyze them
• Random scouts luck across interesting news stories even though they far off the beaten path
• Bloggers tend to focus on the most interesting news story, covering them until there are no more angles or insights left

There's one big difference between ants and bloggers (well, besides being self-aware). In the ant simulation, there were no new food sources. But in the blogosphere, content sites (and increasingly, weblogs) are constantly providing fresh articles to consume. It's this constant source of food which replenishes the blogosphere and supports so much blogging. - Source.

It might be time to phone Kenesaw

It seems that Canseco's new book has caused more commotion in the baseball world than occurred when he assisted the 1919 ChiSox to throw the World Series.

I thought I had it. I was twisting around like this. It grazed my glove, hit me on the head, and bounced over. I'll be on ESPN for about a month. - Jose Canseco.]

Another inane Public Service Announcement

Banana dog is crying. He believes himself to be unloved.

Pat, I'd like to buy a comment please

Although it is Saturday, I suspect there are still a few surfing around the blogosphere, and the odds of one or two of you hitting this site is phenomenal. For the sake of science, why don't you leave a comment to let me know you were here. That goes especially for you, Kilroy!

A small blip on the radar screen

The world is full of all kinds of people. Sadly, though, some are unkind. That is kind of sad, huh?

A Probable Prognostication

Yesterday I was having a little too much fun with the OTB™ Fun with Fiction Contest. Tig told me that I had sent in enough entries and needed to quit.

The goal is to change one letter of a book title so as to give the story an entirely new meaning. After the altered title, offer a one or two sentence explanation of the new story.

The Greatest Story Ever Sold - The story of famous author Terence A. (Tiger) Russell, whose publication of the short story "Snakedance" drew national attention to his talents. Subsequently, his Alien Attitudes™ trilogy, which won the Pulitzer Prize in 2006, was made into trio blockbuster movies.

[The basis of a motivational seminar which I attended a few years ago was that if you visualize the results that you want, you are likely to achieve them.]

Can Peewee Herman be his sidekick?

Beware you dastardly villains! Here comes Ringoman.

And yet flatulence still goes unchecked

San Francisco bans outdoor smoking

in all city-owned parks, public plazas and sports facilities except golf courses.

I have an idea!

I don't know what it is, but hopefully it will somehow brighten my outlook.

?

No time for this

Time's a strange concept. Seems that at any given point in time, my brain seems not to be totally in the present, but instead engaging simultaneously in sidetrips to the past and future. As they so aptly said in the song, does anybody really know what time it is? And while time "keeps on slippin' into the future," it can also seem to be standing still when there's something that you're lookin' forward to.

Time

And an astronomer said, Master, what of Time?

And he answered:

You would measure time the measureless and the immeasurable. You would adjust your conduct and even direct the course of your spirit according to hours and seasons.

Of time you would make a stream upon whose bank you would sit and watch its flowing.

Yet the timeless in you is aware of life's timelessness,

And knows that yesterday is but today's memory and tomorrow is today's dream.

And that that which sings and contemplates in you is still dwelling within the bounds of that first moment which scattered the stars into space.

Idioms: time flies when you're having fun -- time to time

Idiom * Meaning * Example

time flies when you're having fun time *goes quickly when you are playing, how time flies * He looked at his watch, yawned and said, "Time flies when you're having fun, eh."

Pink Floyd - Time

(Mason, Waters, Wright, Gilmour) 7:06

Ticking away the moments that make up a dull day You fritter and waste the hours in an offhand way. Kicking around on a piece of ground in your home town Waiting for someone or something to show you the way.

Tired of lying in the sunshine staying home to watch the rain.
You are young and life is long and there is time to kill today.
And then one day you find ten years have got behind you.
No one told you when to run, you missed the starting gun.

So you run and you run to catch up with the sun but it's sinking
Racing around to come up behind you again.
The sun is the same in a relative way but you're older,
Shorter of breath and one day closer to death.

Every year is getting shorter never seem to find the time.
Plans that either come to naught or half a page of scribbled lines
Hanging on in quiet desperation is the English way
The time is gone, the song is over,
Thought I'd something more to say.

DOES ANYBODY REALLY KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS

As I was walking down the street one day

A man came up to me and asked me what the time was that was
on my watch, yeah

And I said

Does anybody really know what time it is
I don't

Does anybody really care
care

If so I can't imagine why
about time

We've all got time enough to cry
Oh no, no

And I was walking down the street one day

A pretty lady looked at me and said her diamond watch had
stopped cold, yeah

And I said

Does anybody really know what time it is
I don't

Does anybody really care
care

If so I can't imagine why
about time

We've all got time enough to cry
Oh no, no

And I was walking down the street one day

Being pushed and shoved by people trying to beat the clock,
oh no, I just don't know,
I just don't know

And I said, yes I said

RAP
People runnin' everywhere
Don't know the way to go
Don't know where I am
Can't see past the next step
Don't have to think past the last mile
Have no time to look around
Just run around, run around and think why

Does anybody really know what time it is
I don't

Does anybody really care
care

If so I can't imagine why
about time

We've all got time enough to die
Oh no, no

• time is money
• time is valuable, time is equal to money
• Employers who pay hourly wages know that time is money
• time is of the essence
• it is important to work as quickly as possible
• make hay while...
• When you're paying $75 an hour for a lawyer's services, time is of the essence
• time off /
• days off work, holidays
• I've been working too hard. I think I need some time off
• time on your hand
• time to relax or do what you wish, time to kill
• If you have time on your hands, read the novel Fifth Business
• time out
• stop for a minute to discuss or plan
• We need a time out to look at the map. I think we're lost
• time ran out
• there was no more time allowed for the game etc.
• Time ran out before I could complete the exam
• time stands still
• everything seems to slow down or stop moving, slo mo
• When the towers went down, time stood still
• time to kill
• time to relax or rest, kill time
• We had some time to kill while the car was being repaired
• time to time
• time's a wasting
• we are wasting time, we should be working
• Time's a wasting. Let's finish our work and then rest
• time's up
• there is no more time for the test or game etc.
• The coach checked his watch and said, "Time's up. Stop running."
• times were hard
• it was a time of poverty, hard times
• It was 1850. Times were hard in Sweden then.

Mad Cow

Have you ever tried to imagine how a mad cow acts?

Leading Canadian official wants cows massacred

The Globe & Mail
^{Friday 14th January, 2005}

Ralph Klein, Premier of the Canadian state of Alberta, has called for a mass slaughter of older cattle.Klein wants to convince consumers and Canada's trading partners that the domestic beef supply is free from mad-cow disease.

That kind of Draconian step would be aimed at the 1.76 million animals born before August, 1997, when Canada began to halt the widespread practice of feeding cattle protein made from the body parts of other cattle.

A mass slaughter has, until now, been an unthinkable prospect for Canada's cattle industry, since it would wipe out animals worth more than $1-billion before the start of the mad-cow crisis and which would still fetch upward of $350-million today.

But Mr. Klein said yesterday that talk has already started about a large-scale cull of cattle, after this week's discovery of the fourth case of bovine spongiform encephalopathy in a Canadian cow.

'Personally, and from what I hear, is a cull necessary? The answer is yes. I think that the ranching industry will come to that conclusion and devise a way to achieve that cull,' Mr. Klein told reporters in Toronto, where he gave a speech to the Empire Club of Canada.

Several ranchers and a major industry group confirmed yesterday that a mass cull is indeed being discussed as a way to ensure that the U.S. import ban on shipments of Canadian cattle ends as scheduled in early March. But the Canadian industry's fight is about to get tougher, with the U.S. Senate confirming yesterday that it will hold public hearings next month to review the plan to reopen the border to Canadian cattle under 30 months of age. Cattle most likely to be slaughtered would not have been allowed into the United States under those changes.

Since May, 2003, three cattle that were born before 1997 in Canada have tested positive for BSE; just this week, an Alberta cow born in 1998 was found to have the disease.

That suggested Canada's supposedly tough new feed rules weren't followed and threw into question whether the United States would still open its border March 7 to young Canadian cattle and beef according to its current plan.

Officially, the Bush administration says it is 'on track' to reopen the border. But U.S. Agriculture Secretary Ann Veneman has also made it clear that the United States will closely monitor the Canadian-led investigation into the possible source of the latest infection.

'We are going to send a team to Canada to help with the investigation,' Ms. Veneman told reporters. 'We will continue to investigate this process to determine if there are any different actions that need to be taken.

'Although the Senate does not have the formal authority to keep the border closed, it can provide a high-profile platform that could make it politically awkward for the White House to go ahead.

Already, the head of the Senate agriculture committee has signaled that he believes the latest case of BSE, in an animal born after the feed ban was put in place, is a problem. 'A second case in a month of BSE from a Canadian-born cow raises some serious questions regarding Canada's compliance with its feed ban,' Republican Saxby Chambliss said. The agriculture committee in the House of Representatives is expected to begin a similar probe.

Ottawa is worried that the discovery of another infected cow will bolster the arguments of protectionist U.S. forces and put pressure on the U.S. government to reconsider the resumption of cattle shipments.

'[People] are still concerned about the possibility of the lobby on the Hill putting pressure on the U.S. government to back step,' said one senior federal official.But the optics of a mass cull could be a problem. Television images of mass burials and piles of burning carcasses in Britain were a potent and constant reminder of the BSE scare there in the 1990s. 'What I'm hoping to avoid is the idea of pits of dead cattle scattered across the countryside,' said Cindy McCreath, a spokeswoman with the Canadian Cattlemen's Association.

Some ranchers see a wholesale slaughter as a way to undermine the protectionist lobby in the United States. That support is firm, even though a mass slaughter would, at a minimum, mean sharply lower selling prices for each animal and could mean that carcasses would be disposed of without any payment. 'If it's that or the industry, let's take the haircut,' said Brent Stutheit, who has a 250-head herd in the foothills west of Red Deer, Alta.

One industry veteran said it is unlikely that the carcasses from a mass slaughter would be sold, since such an influx would overwhelm stockyards, slaughterhouses and freezers. 'We don't even have close to the facilities to do that,' said Will Irvine, general manager at the Calgary Stockyards.

Despite Mr. Klein's personal support for the idea of a mass slaughter, he is not yet proposing any payouts for the beef industry. A spokeswoman for Mr. Klein said it is 'far too early' to consider a compensation package.

Support for a cull is far from universal. 'Certainly Premier Klein has his ideas,' said Elizabeth Whiting, spokeswoman for federal Agriculture Minister Andy Mitchell. 'It's not something we are thinking about right now.'

Federal Conservative agriculture critic Diane Finley said culling 1.76 million old cattle would be a 'dramatic overreaction,' and her party is crunching the numbers to propose a more limited cull program. Among the provinces, Ontario said calls for a cull are premature, while British Columbia said a mass slaughter is not necessary at the moment.

Investigators from the Canadian Food Inspection Agency are now at the Alberta farm where the infected animal was found and have quarantined the herd. Twenty-two animals from the infected cow's birth cohort have been identified, and were killed yesterday morning so they could be tested for BSE. Test results are expected late tomorrow or on Saturday.

The agency said there was one spot of good news for Canada's cattle industry: Tests on nine animals from the birth cohort of the cow confirmed as infected in late December have all come back negative, confirming that those animals were healthy. The CFIA added that four additional animals were exported to the United States, rather than the single animal previously disclosed.

The things that come to mind

I jes' had the oddest phrase jump into my mind and am without a clue as to the cause:

Digital dalliances done dirt cheap.

Fulfillin' other's wildest dreams*

Jes' for OzGuru

Eight minute deadline

Doin' a kamikaze laundry assault, where ever' piece of clothin', sheets, towels, whatever, which are not hangin' on a hanger or put away in a drawer are bein' washed, dried, and properly stowed away, 'cept this and that item that find themselves worthy of bein' completely discarded for some reason or 'nother ... which, by the way, with my proclivity of findin' almos' ever'thin' still has some use or 'nother, it is not often anythin' 'cept frozen-food wrappin's and paper towels finds its way into my trashcans. Although it is somethin' my own mother used to do, I still refuse to convert a worn-out pair of underwear into use as a dishrag. Well, that was the bell. Time to take the clothes outta the washer, throw them in the dryer, throw another load in the washer, and start another full cycle goin'.

Kill Bill Still ill

Well, I tossed and turned all night, limped through court this mornin' and am back home to get a bit more rest. It was 22 degrees this mornin' and my house is cold, cold, cold, but I did do what I said I was gonna do. I stopped by Walmart and bought one of those hot oil radiators and have it heatin' up my bedroom as I am sittin' here in my full length leather coat in the ol' home office typin' this up. I am still in the midst of movin' stuff in and reorganizin' the rooms so as to work from home now. Gettin' sick was not in my plans, though. I jes' feel like the proverbial dog feces stuck on the bottom of you shoe. No matter what ya do, how hard ya try, ya jes' cannot shake it. It will stick 'round 'til it is ready to go away, or until it dries up and flakes off. Either way, I am headin' back to the warmth I feel under that double layer of goose down.

"Well then, GO TO HELL!¹⁰"

Like I needed that at 5:00 a.m. in the mornin'?

Improbable Prayers

Oh Lord, won't you buy me a Mercedes Benz? - Janis

Reminiscin'

Does anyone but me remember the old Jax beer commercials---or even Jax beer? They were all animated, and they were all hilarious.

For example,

Scene: A bar in a city. Enter a little guy slightly resembling the current Ziggy, who talks with a lisp.

"Thir? Thir?" he said to the bartender, whose back was turned preparing a drink. "I'd like thum Jax beer, pleathe."

"Yeth, ther," said the bartender. "Comin' right up!"

Next, enters a sexy blonde, who says in a whispery voice, "Bartender, please pour me a cold Jax beer."

With not a touch of a lisp, the bartender responded, "Why, certainly--Would you like anything else?"

Irate, the little man with the lisp comes alive. "Barthender, barthender! You're makin' fun of me!"

Calmly, the bartender says quietly to the little man, "Oh, no ther. I'm makin' fun of her!"

Scene: Bar in old western town. Enter a cowboy and his horse.

"Bartender, I want two cold Jax beers, one for me and one for my horse."

To which the bartender responded, "Sorry we don't serve beer to horses."

Before the cowboy could say anything, the horse turns around and says to the cowboy, "That's OK, pardner. I'm drivin' anyway."

I'm givin' up abstinence for Lent the New Year

I was jes' thinkin' how I'd like to have a threesome with Madonna and Jennifer Lopez. I figger that would make me famous . . . for at least the amount of time it would take for it to stream over your internet connection. Ya know ya would wanna see that --- and I ain't so narcissistic* that I think you wanted to watch it due to anythin' involvin' myself. Ya can almos' bet if'n it is ver' long, I am liable to be playin' the part of the snorin' man layin' on the other side of the bed as those two sluts are startin' to lick each other in all the familiar places.

*Now, there's a word that simply rolls off one's tongue.

Some interestin' facts I read

Things really have changed in the last 100 years. Why, I read that 100 years ago, there were only 8000 cars in the United States.

The states of Alabama, Mississippi, Iowa, & Tennessee had higher populations than California.

Even more shocking, I read that marijuana, heroin, and morphine were all available over the counter. One pharmacist was quoted as having said, "Heroin clears the complexion, gives bouyancy to the mind, regulates the stomach and bowels, and is, in fact, a perfect guardian of health." [Bouyancy???]

The average U S worker made between $200 & $400 per year. Dentists earned about $2500 a year, veterinarians between $1500 and $4000, and mechanical engineers about $5000.

The tallest structure in the world was the Eiffel Tower.

Crossword puzzles, canned beer, and iced tea had not been invented.

The population of Las Vegas, Nevada, was 30.

A thoroughly tasteless gift

Who wants a Pez dispenser when you can have a Poo-Pooing Reindeer.

Rudolph escapes harm, again

Well, I dozed off while waitin' 'hind the chimney, hopin' to get the cross-hairs of my 30.06 trained on the shiney red nose of Rudolph. My hand really hurts, for some reason. I think Santa stepped on it while he was tryin' to step over me in order to slide down the chimney. My 30.06 is gone, as well. It was substituted with a paint-ball gun, fully-loaded with red and green paint-balls. Let's see if I can paint some kind of message in the white layer of crystaline frost that coats the earth:

Moona has arrived

As Tig told ya, I'm a small town gal. Hav been drinkin' Salty Dogs, so hope this is cohererent. Well, I used to live in a town so small that goin' to a nearbly town of about 15,000 was a real adventure. They even had a mall, but it wasn't much after the K-Mart closed), We didn't go much unless we jest had to. Traffic wuz real bad, ya know. Never went to Dallas & Fort Worth (Sodom & Gomorrah)! In the town where I usta live, there was a guy that had a fence made of old commodes. Really. They finally tore it down. It was a site to see. This town was in a rual county where the people thank that it's the center of the universe. My ex-in-laws never accepted me becuz I wasn't born there.

Well, I used to be a caseworker for what we used to call the Welfare Department. I could pretty much write a book about that.

After I worked there a few months, I realized that nearly everybody was kin to everybody else. There were some reel intersting folks.

In the beginning, I really thot' I was helpin' people. One family came in for Food Stamps. They had no income, no utilities turned on at all. I started talking to this couple. They had 2 small babies, both in diapers. Both drinking from bottles. A part of my interview for Food Stamps was to find out how they were managing.

"You have no money coming in at all?"

"No."

"So, the babies are wearing cloth diapers. How have you been washing them"

"Well, I have a wood stove. My brother-in-law, he cuts wood, and I use it in the wood stove. My brother brings us water. We heat the water in the wood stove, and we wrench the diappers in hot water."

"OK, the babies are drinking from bottles--How do you wash the bottles?"

"We wrench them in hot water--3 times (holding up fingers). You'd be surprised how clean they kum when you wrench them (holding up fingers) 3 times!"

"OK--what about toilet paper. You have no income--How do you buy toilet paper?"

(Tee-hee) "We use old groc'ry sacks."

So, management was explained. So I get this idea---Maybe we can get them a grant so that they can have their utilities turned on . . ..

"So, why does Mr. C----- not work?"

Mrs.: Why, he's disabled!!"

"How is he disabled?? Perhaps we can get disability AFDC for him."

Mr.: "I was bit by a poisonous bug when I was in the 3rd grade and could not go to school any more. I also have back trouble."

I wrote up all of the socio-economic information and requested a medical report from his doctor. The report from the local doctor came back: "There's nothing wrong with him--He just needs to be fixed."

I sent all of this in to State office, and they sent back a request for a psychological exam.

I called Mr. & Mrs. C----- in to set up the appointment to see a psychiatrist.

Mr. C------- became agitated and angry, beating on the desk: "I don't need no psychiatrist!"

I calmly stated, "Seeing a psychiatrist does not at all mean that you are crazy. They are just trying to identify any problems which might contribute to your not being able to work. You migh get a check if they find a reason why it is difficuilt for you to work.

" A check? OK --I guess I'll go."

The report came back that Mr. C----- was mentally retarded, and, in fact, eligible for an SSI check. The remainder of the family was eligible for an AFDC check, since the husband was disabled according to Social Security. So---The family finally had enough money coming in to have their utilities turned on. They had Medicaid, too. When they came into town to use the Welfare Department bathroom, all were wearing glassses and had some new clothes. I was so proud of myself for helping them.

Then the next month rolled around. Mr. C------- came into my office angrily, plopping down his gas, water, & electric bills on my desk. l

"How do you expect us to pay these bills on the little bit you give us each month.?"

I kwit that job not too much longer. Being a Walmart employee was much more fulfilling. But I visited that town not too long ago and found that there were a lot more families there with that name. Guess he never got fixed.

A bit of that and some to this [I-20 Travel Plans!]

Well, I already have 'bout a dozen links that I harvested while surfin' this morn. I had been itchin' to post somethin', but still am jes' a bit appalled that after the severe creativity which I thought I had expressed in last eve's Nightly Navel Gazin' Report™ such 'pears to have gone completely unnoticed and is evidently uncommented 'pon. I always 'spect that posts go pretty well further unobserved by the masses of visitors that pass through on a daily basis after they fall from the top. People will often read bits and pieces of the first post, but rarely scroll down to the next one, etc. Although I am admittedly pattin' myself on the back by sayin' so, I really really hate seein' highly crafted and creative prose like that jes' wallowin' 'way, slowly driftin' toward existence as Google search fodder. Well, that was that -----

Now, pay 'tention to this. Tomorrow mornin', I am plannin' on drivin' cross the I-20 corridor toward Birmin'ham, Alabama 'fore joggin' northward into Tennessee. I am plannin' to drop in unannounced 'pon my sister and her family. I am makin' such known so that any of ya'll that might live 'long said corridor from Dallas, Texas to Birmin'ham, Alabama that might like to meet -- give me a holler. Seems that I did this when I went all the way to Key West, Florida, whenever that was, and didn't get hear a peep. Oh well. That was that, and this is this.

Oops, did I mention that Chris Muir snarked all over Wonkette today?

OTBTJTB™

Who the heck said I was nowhere to be seen

Have ya ever tried to download a 2.7MB Win '98 Critical Update over a 28.8K connection? I bet, if so, it was not done very recently. !5 minutes of usin' up all my bandwidth. I never know what the heck these things are 'spose to fix, but why was it broken in the first place? Oh, that's right, it's 'cause MS won't open source the code, right?

Oh my, jes' where did it go?

Did ya ever eat a bug? Not purposefully, I hope, 'less o' course ya was a contestant on Fear Factor.

Hmmm, maybe I have been goin' 'bout this all wrong

Chase figgers if he can draw some pathetic cartoons like Frank J, he might move up in the blogosphere. I think he needs to get off of Blog*Splat first. ;) George, he is a Large Mammal, too? I guess I better join that Alliance of Free Blogs and get my link on about a zillion blogs. ;) Ain't that the one for which Susie does all the work?

Hmmm, it must be that dratted cache ag'in

Well, I was purty sure that the new look was done, at least for the main index page, but the .css file does not seem to be changin' the elements to reflect the new look. At least for me. I ain't never figgered out why I have more problem with .css displays than any other facet of site creation. Oh well. I guess I'll have a look-see in Firefox.

So, how do the rest of ya like the new sleek, and further simplified new look? This change was dictated by the Blog 'Splosion framin' I am encounterin' when visitin' other sites. With the various menus and then that frame header, I find I often see little more than a title graphic load by the time the 30 seconds runs. I redesigned so as to have the content displayed as near to the top of the page as possible. I like it and hope ya'll will too.

Damn it Jim, there's gravy on my tie

So, did you dress accordin' to plan today?

Spork to Wonkette.

So they are still wantin' to give me a FREE IPOD

Ever'where I turn while connected to the wild woolly web: blogs, email, and those pop-ups that slip in when I turn the danged pop-up blocker off in order to post little draft tidbits to use later in Nuggets and Gems, and there are more offers for free ipods than I can shake a stick at, mainly 'cause I ain't got no stupid stick and my wrists hurt so bad here of late that it is 'bout all I can do to shake the dew off the lily. I ain't even wantin' no ipod. I done tol' ya'll, I want my flyin' car.

Big Blue Boycott

Seems the left-leanin' barkin' moonbats ain't through findin' new ways to promote their socialist agenda: boycott of conservative businesses.

This looks so familiar. Are ya sure we haven't come down this road before?

Your Friday, December 3, 2004 Horoscope Taurus!

More interactions with children are featured today. There could be an incident where you are stuck taking responsibility for someone else's child or children. Be sure to establish better boundaries with people who shirk their social obligations.

It jes' don't seem so hot to me right now

Is it jes' me or is hotmail fragged ag'in? I gotta Windows autoupdate this mornin' and ever since it downloaded and the 'puter rebooted, my hotmail has been haywire.

I'm wonderin' if this has anythin' to do with the problem. Prolly not, but I jes' had to ask.

"I'll take that bet, 'cause I'm the best that's ever been" *

DavidMC issued a challenge over at Better Livin' Through Bloggin' and I had to give it the ol' college try:

In a year filled with an electoral ruckus, a peloton of partisan liberal insurgents via this blog and that incessantly railed against the incumbent thereby constantly eroding the sovereignty of the nation, and yet, nature cared not as Hurricane Ivan roared ashore more than once, every cicada buzzed according to plan, and, in the most natural occurrence of all, my mind envisioned the joyous defenestation of Michael Moore from the top floor of a very tall building.

Bite me Jimbo!* ;)

Don't ya jes' love it when someone steals your gag, twists it and ends up havin' done a better job than you could muster?

*I hope ya get to feelin' better soon!

The time may have arrived for me to shave my head

Well, I ain't ever figgered out how they come up with these results, but:

I retrieved a glorious brand new spork for this award to Jay, who seems to be a fellow Buddhist but by his marks, is a bit lower on the reincarnation scale than myself. ;) Accordin' the marks I got, one would have to believe I might be the next Dalai Lama.

If this is Tuesday, then I survived the night

Well [artesian if ya really must know*], it is a brand new day filled to the brim with unknown new opportunities and the same ol' problems. Wouldn't ya think that someone whose profession is to continually deal with other people's problems would be properly equipped in dealin' with his own problems? Were ya aware, as well, that my profession also has, by a large margin, the highest suicide rate among professions? Why is that, do ya wonder? I could actually write volumes on it, very borin' volumes that you wouldn't want to read, wouldn't read, and I wouldn't blame ya for not readin' 'em.

No siree, on this fine bright, frigidly cold day, I ain't wantin' to dwell on those dark matters which so often come 'round to utterly suck the life out of me. ^{~why did I suddenly think of her?**~} I'd much rather think of those unknown opportunities, although I do wish that I knew what they were gonna be. I'd like to prepare to meet them. That way I could be ready to put my best foot forward, which would be my left one, as, for some reason, that boot always seems shinier. O' course, on the other hand, or is it foot, if the opportunity turned out to be givin' some worthy individual a good butt kickin', my best foot would necessarily be the right one. And, should the opportunity be somethin' involvin' a big pile of money, I 'spose either boot could carry as much of it as I could need. Speakin' of opportunity, does anyone really know what time it is? Ain't that highly dependent 'pon where ya live? I have a sneakin' 'spicion that is really a problem if ya live in Chicago or is in or ever was in a band by that name. So why don't ya jes' go put that in your Funk & Wagnell's and smoke it. Oh, George, is that ever' from the time a'fore most of ya'll was born. I'll jes' sit down and shut up now!

OTBTJTB™

*Somewhere close to 12 out of ever' 10 people will turn at this point and run away, screamin' to themselves: What in the everlovin' flickity-flack is this guy talkin' 'bout?

**Names are not important here. She'll know who she is.

I'll be back later --- in much better spirits, I hope!

I 'pologize fiercely, or maybe not fiercely, as that would mean I would be growlin' and slashin' at ya with my claws, so let me jes' 'pologize without all the fierceness. What're ya 'pologizin' for Tig? I know ya must be askin' yourself, right? Well, I have been workin' really hard here of late to bring ya the best of snarky inane entertainment, and, have been watchin' the returnin' visitation numbers slowly climb to new heights, and then, today, I let all ya'll seekers of high quality snarky inania down. I seem to have done nuthin' but post on serious topics and post links to other people's stuff. Sure, there might be a humorous piece here and there among those links, but most of it is serious, serious, serious. I need to go relax, ease my mind and allow my thoughts to drift into the nether reaches of my brain where all the weird stuff comes from. I 'spect, however, that doin' that this evenin' is really gonna be a chore for me. Right now, I've got a major pressin' issue wearin' heavily on my psyche. It is jes' like havin' a humongous black hole in the midst of my brain that is continually suckin' ever' drop of humor, good or otherwise, from my thoughts.

I jes' can't share with ya 'zactly what my problem is. Why? Well, 'cause I have, on occasion, really ragged on others for behavin' in such manner, and, as I am a big supporter of the Golden Rule, what I did not like others to do to me, I refuse to do to others. 'Sides, it jes' ain't in my nature to ever be a burden on anyone but myself.

Off to get a full cup of Dr. Pepper® start my day

WWell, I have been up for 'bout an hour, and my stutterin' has finally subsided.* My tub is full of unused water that prolly has gone cold by now,** while I have only managed to read all of the fine, quality comments I collected durin' the night. Thanks Ozguru. I feel purty confident in directin' all that appreciation his way since all such comments were from him. {Hey, I always fantasized 'bout bein' a director -- guess I jes' fulfilled that fantasy. Funny, though, I always 'spected it to be somewhat different than this. ^{~reflectin' 'pon my previously preconceived notions of associated grandeur~}} I also read all of the email in two of my three primary email accounts and partially read all of those blogs on my main blogroll that showed to have been updated since the publication of last night's better-than-average*** Nightly Navel Gazin' Report™. I found two different mentions of Blog Explosion from Serenity and Buzz, and decided to check it out. I quickly used my regular username in an effort to sign up, figurin', in the least, that by doin' so, I, could find out if it was still available, and if that proved true could, at least, then sign up usin' that desired moniker and thereby foreclose anyone else from usin' my own particular name choice.**** Someone else already usurped my right for usage of such with yahoo mail. ^~grrrrrrrrr~ I successfully signed up under my desired name and read the Blog Explosion FAQ but little else. I might give it a go after readin' Opus, my horrorscope, and hopefully a tad more feedback from those current Blog Explosion users. If'n ya are interested in checkin' it out yourself, here's a handy link for ya to use. More to come? You should only be so lucky.

*See what comes outta the inane editin' process on this site when I encounter a simple typo involvin' the initiation of a post with a repeated first letter? It really ain't easy bein' me, sometimes. Too often, actually, as it often turns out.

**I checked and found it to be, at the time of checkin', not yet cold - simply tepid.

***IMHO.

****Such username is not disclosed herein for reasons known only to myself and anyone who pauses for a brief moment of meanin'ful consideration.

Another Inane Quiz I jes' couldn't pass up

You Are Mashed Potatoes

Ordinary, comforting, and more than a little predictable You're the glue that holds everyone together.

What Part of Thanksgiving Are You?

Somehow, I actually think I am more like a good bottle of bourbon, somethin' you wanted to be there and thought would be there, but despite your extreme desire that such be present, you find no sign of it -- no matter how hard ya look.

Kudos to Jay who owned up to swipin' it from Jen.

In the words of the immortal Steve Martin . . . *

Your Monday, November 22, 2004 Horoscope Taurus!

Your immaturity is beginning to take a toll on your social life. People may be avoiding you if your unconscious behavior is inappropriate. Rude behavior is often unnoticed by the person engaging in it.

A cornucopia of Sunday mornin' inanity

Hey! Next This is the start of T'day week, and already we are findin' those who are railin' 'gainst the commercial outlets who eagerly dismiss any effort to reference such event so as to begin to busily festoon their stores, if not yet properly so festooned, with Yuletide fare. My friends, all the rantin' and ravin' in the world ain't gonna bring such untimely efforts to a halt. Nope, long ago, the leaders of all the major American businesses met clandestinely in an location very near the place where Jimmy Hoffa's body is buried. It was decreed that it was good for America that they each seize ever' opportunity to increase sales durin' the largest sales period of the year. By the way, do ya get to be a journalist jes' by sayin' you're one?

For those of ya'll that wonder 'bout things, thanks to this mornin's highly successful efforts, I am no longer full of it, at least in the literal sense. I am still quite eager to receive the feedback I requested here, however, and have vowed to go postal at the end of the day if I don't see a plethora of commentary, one way or the other.

Seems that Bush went Bubba in Chile. Gangstas in south central LA immediately issued a challenge for said Prez to come try to flex a bit of muscle in their neighborhood. Micheal Moore has tentatively agreed to film the rumble.

In a feeble attempt to dull the pain of his otherwise worthless life, some junkie in Canada got 30 days for legibly forgin' a script. When the pharmacist found he was able to actually read the writin', he alerted the Mounties. At sentencin', the judge tol' the ignorant junkie to practice scribblin'. It mus be a pretty slow news day when Kevin Aylward starts prowlin' FARK for stories. ;) I can do that. Emoticons in posts have been officially OK'd by Buzz. Speakin' of checkin' FARK for stories, did anyone see this: Yahoo! News - Man cuts off thieving teens' penises?

[Addendum: Have I uncovered evidence that some FARKin' is goin' on over on Dean's World with Joe Gandleman?]

In other news, quite sad news, to be precise, it has been reported that our ol' friend, Intelligence Bill, has died.

Opus will be reviewed at some later point in the day. I got an urgent errand to run. I got a late night call from Fry's last eve and it seems that my laptop has finally been repaired and now I gotta make a costly trip into the city in order to retrieve my property. I figger, as long as I am near the mall, I might as well get an early start to my Christmas shoppin', or lack thereof. I'll likely spend a few minutes lookin' at a bunch of crap and thinkin' that I really ought to buy such for someone I know, like you. Don't be holdin' your breath in anticipation of that happenin', however. Nope! Bah Humbug, I say! Jes' go back to eatin your foul fowl and leave me alone!

A quality inane postin' for your Tuesday mornin' pleasure

Anna has again graced her adorin' fans with the first post on Primal Purge since September 24, 2004 and, in doin' so, went so far as to specifically mention me. What? Ya'll couldn't find any specific reference to me? Go back, read it ag'in and pay special attention to the line:

Except those who don't.

Which is to say, you people turn me on.

It's time to go home but my butt is stuck to the chair*

Wow, I had forgotten I once titled a post: Read My Lips: Can I trade you 4 diphthongs for that $50 multisyllabic word?** I guess it would unfair to use that as the name for my next dog, huh? I'd prolly jes' call him Dippy, though.

There really seems to be no OTB Traffic Jam goin' on while James is in the Bahamas, so I am jes' gonna link to this post and pretend it is today's Traffic Jam.

*Well, the first part of that is true, but the second part is not true, in the literal sense. I jes' sometimes like to actually use my hi-speed*** cable connection after close of business to get out of few of these unworthy posts I continually create for your entertainment.

**Strange that I forgot this post, as, 'pon rereadin' it, found it to be 'mong some of my better creations.

***I must use that term loosely, here, though, as, at times, it oft appears that such connection is not necessarily all that speedy.

Whatever happened to Love & Marriage?

OK, here's a SPAM header that caught my eye as I scrolled down the Junk box in one of my hotmail accounts:

jessamyn ARE MY NIPPLES WEIRD? Nov 13 2KB

In another SPAM header:

Crazy Millionaire I want to teach you 'Hot to get $20,000 i... Nov 13 106KB

Now, lest you think I actually spend that much time with all this SPAM, I admit I do scroll the headers before hittin' the dump key jes' to make sure that somethin' I really wanted wasn't in the mix. The ones I mention here are only the ones that caught my eye long enough to actually read and reflect upon the header. This next one, however, was almos' enough to coax me to open it:

America_ Dream :Living&America Dream (DV-Visa-GreenCard... Nov 13 8KB

At least there was not any problem with hangin' chads

It seems that hangin' chads are not the only thing strange 'bout 'lections in Florida. Nope, seems in Florida, it is entirely possible to be elected to office even though not a single vote was cast for you. Yep, you heard right. It is true!*

All kudos for this find belong to James.

*The story is in The Washin'ton Post, so I felt comfortable in makin' that statement. I ain't sure I could have done so if the story had appeared in The New York Times.

Could it be any clearer?

Your Monday, November 8, 2004 Horoscope Taurus!

Ritualistic exercises help to center you toward resolving a long-sought goal. Repeating patterns that have led to success remind you of how it got this way and why. The path becomes clear in your mind after some concentration.

Watch this space

If anythin' develops, contact the publisher. ;)

I 'spose it is worth the attempt

Feelin' there is jes' too much division 'tween the sides in this 'lection, David Bernstein, in a last ditch write-in effort, has thrown his hat into the race for the Presidential seat. Although he prolly ain't got even a slim chance at success, stranger things have been known to happen in the political arena. In one notable Texas 'lection, the division of the sides was so fierce that Clay Henry was 'lected mayor of Lajitas.

Go BoSox!

Sorry, but I really jes' can't stand the best team that money can buy.

A figurative slap in the face if I ever saw one

A woman gets home, screeches her car into the driveway, runs into the house, slams the door and shouts at the top of her lungs, "Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!"

The husband says, 'Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?"

"Doesn't matter," she says. "Just get the hell out."

In the beginning, God covered the earth with broccoli, cauliflower and spinach combined with an abundance of green, yellow and red vegetables. He did this so that Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.

Then, using God's bountiful gifts, Satan created Dairy Queen and Tim Horton's. And Satan said: "You want hot fudge with that?" And Man said: "Yes!" And Woman said: "I'll have one, too...with sprinkles." And lo and behold they gained 10 pounds.

And God created the healthful yogurt that Woman might keep the figure that Man found so fair. And Satan brought forth white flour from the wheat, and sugar from the cane, and combined them. And Woman went from size 2 to size 14.

So God said: "Try my fresh green garden salad." And Satan presented crumbled Bleu Cheese dressing and garlic toast on the side. And Man and Woman unfastened their belts following the repast.

God then said: "I have sent you heart-healthy vegetables and olive oil in which to cook them." And Satan brought forth deep-fried coconut shrimp, butter-dipped lobster chunks, and chicken-fried steak so big it needed its own platter. And Man's cholesterol went through the roof.

Then God brought forth the potato, naturally low in fat and brimming with potassium and good nutrition. Then Satan peeled off the healthful skin, sliced the starchy center into chips and deep-fried them in animal fats adding copious quantities of salt. And Man packed on more pounds.

God then brought forth running shoes so that his children might lose those extra pounds. And Satan introduced cable TV with remote control so Man would not have to toil changing the channels. And Man and Woman laughed and cried before the flickering light and started wearing stretchy lycra jogging suits.

God then gave lean beef so that Man might consume fewer calories and still satisfy his appetite. And Satan created McDonald's and the 99-cent double cheeseburger. Then Satan said: "You want fries with that?" And Man replied: "Yes! And super size 'em!" And Satan said: " It is good." And Man and Woman went into cardiac arrest.

God sighed...and created quadruple by-pass surgery. Satan chuckled and created HMO's.

Somethin' was broke!

I was havin' pullin' my hair wonderin' why I could not download this page and finally rebooted the 'puter. I still ain't thinkin' that was the cause of the snag, however, 'cause I note that SiteMeter shows a 4 hour period with no visitation -- durin' the peak daily visitation period. StatCounter also shows a lower than normal visitation count than I would normally 'spect this day. It could be that a Presidential Debate was bein' broadcast durin' the peak of the day, ever' one in the whole world decided to avoid me - all of a sudden, or a major break occurred somewhere along the Internet backbone.

So, for any o' ya'll that tried to come but got caught in the of a Information Superhighway traffic jam, my apologies. I am sure it was a dreadful time.

I am jes' thankful the work week is crawlin' to a close

Your Friday, October 1, 2004, Horoscope, Taurus!

Solutions arrive today, and they all have your name on them. Other people will be fascinated with your practical ability. Analyze the things people need solved and avoid blabbing out your opinion at random. [emphasis supplied]

Woohoo, it's Tuesday!*

Well, the Cowboys slopped another one into the win column and the Rangers did their best to blow any chance of winning the American League West Pennant for this year. The fat lady ain't quite sang yet for the Rangers, but she's warmin' up her vocal chords. The Cowboys have a long way to go a'fore they become one of the teams competin' for the NFC Championship as I predicted earlier this year. O' course, I am still proud of both teams. Go Cowboys! Go Rangers!

*So, what 'zactly does today bein' Tuesday have to do with anythin'?

The trials and tribulations of goin' to college

I began to think of words like Hate, Loathe, and Detest... So to investigate their definitions further so not to use them out of context I went to Merriam-Webster Online and found that they all fit when describing teachers who cancel class without sending out an email! [emphasis supplied] - TL Cat

Waitin' patiently with baited breath --

or maybe not! What the heck is "baited breath" anyway? Hmmm, trollin' the local establishment lookin' for a good lookin' mate, across the room you see some gorgeous blue eyes starin' back in your direction and movin' slowly toward ya. Yep, better squirt some Binaca® into your mouth to provide a great degree of minty freshness to your breath when you finally get face-to-face. By my estimation, that can be the only source of such colloquialism, although it may date back to an earlier period of humanity where a man might lay on the ground with his mouth open after ingestin' some good cheese hopin' to get his daily portion of protein by havin' some mouse or rat run right into his mouth.

Stickin' the Binaca® scenario, we easily pass that nauseous sight I thankfully crossed out before publicizin' such, we can proceed to the actual purpose of this post. Oh, yeah, I was sayin' that I am awaitin' my opportunity to see if this is the day that Clark Kent encounters Lois Lane on Smallville.

[UPDATE: Origins of phrase are explained here.]

OTB tagback™

An opportunity* I jes' could not pass up

Ya remember back, what 14 years ago, when all those antidisestablishmentarians decided it was such a good idea to recombine both sides of Germany after the fall of the Soviet Union? It seems that 20% of Germans now think that maybe that hadn't been such a good idea.

*Aw, come on, surely ever'one knows how often ya get to use some words within the dictionary, and yet, here I found a story that allowed me to use a really really long one.

I think I am comin' down with somethin'

Yep, I have been watchin' the NFL Today so as to get the last minute info prior to the kickoff of today's games. It seems to be primarily sponsored by the current movie bein shown at nearly ever' theater* in the US and maybe the world: Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow. I am feelin' the early signs of a bad case of Sky Captain fever. Thankfully I got enough of them why does it seem they are goin' overboard in hypin' the movie? antibodies runnin' 'round in my system to keep me from runnin' straight to the theater at this very moment. I think I will do a bit of searchin' through the early reviews whilst I watch the early game NFL action. I think I will payin' a bit more attention to the game between the Giants and the Redskins more that the game 'tween the Texans and the Lions.

*I am sure it ain't showin' at the theater Susie** manages, yet.

**Susie additionally reminds us that today is Pixy Misa,*** our Munuvian benefactor,'s birthday. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ANDREW PIXY MISA!

***Link used solely for purpose**** of dispellin' the belief that ever'body in the world had the referenced story a'fore Pixy.

****OK, OK, so it also might serve to coax Pixy to notice the birthday greetin' I composed previously within this same post.

The ebb and flow of concern 'bout things

I was jes' over checkin' out new Munuvian 3 Legged Dog* and happened to see that

I'm a
Flappy Bird
in the
TTLB Ecosystem

~~interlude: I actually composed and posted the small blurb jes' below while I was busy searchin' for the necessary links to do this one~~

*I ain't real sure how long this blog has been on the munu roll, but I am thinkin' this is the first time I have rolled across it.

**I have actually wondered, however, why I have not been added to the list of friends of Silflay Hraka.

The Carnival turns two, and so does Zane!

Well, even Bigwig, or Bigvig as those in the warren are apt to call him, himself is amazed that the Carnival of the Vanities has existed for two whole years now, but it has. Silfray Hraka started it, and is hostin' the second anniversary extravaganza.* I hosted it once, but it was a really pathetic presentation, if I do say so myself.

O' course, my charmin' blog-nephew Zane came into existence at about the same time, but no one has any doubts that he will be around for a long time to come. Maybe jes' not in the same place.

I am wonderin' if this bodes well for my project:

Three bedrooms--all of which are larger than the master bedroom here--mean I'll have my personal studio space again for the first time in more than two years! I can shut the door and create artistically to my little heart's content with no fear of a three-foot-tall invader trashing my hard work!

Oh, while we are speakin' of people turnin' two, MeKayla, my niece, is set to turn two at the beginnin' of next month, as well.

*Too bad the busted PayPal button messes up the right column so badly it runs over part of the text on the postin', though.

The stars are teasin' me again!

Your Tuesday, September 14, 2004, Horoscope, Taurus!

The chances are good for you to attract a soulmate today, but your ego may repulse this person if you show off by putting other people down. Make sure you practice good manners and are open minded about equality.

Medium not quite so well done

What follows is my review of the premiere episode of The Troy and Babe Show. Actually, this is a pairin' made for Cowboys fans, as Babe launched his successful broadcast career 'cause of his prior position as a Dallas Cowboys QB, it is a great move in pairin' him up with the other person who launched his successful broadcast career 'cause of his previously play in the same team position. I feel, however, that it is fair to say that Troy was a mite bit better at their shared playin' position than Babe, but Babe, maybe due to his more extensive experience, seems more at ease in front of the camera.

Both of 'em were a bit stiff at the front, but I am guessin' they are shootin' it live or first take, and I think Babe, especially was tryin' too hard. The set kinda inferred it was not a big budget production. However, both Troy Aikman and Babe Laufenburg can shine a bit as a good broadcaster, ever' now and when, and any show featurin' anythin' to do with the NFL, and especially the Dallas Cowboys is always gonna be worth watchin', ya know. So, I 'spose if I am sittin' here next time such show comes on next week, I will likely watch it.

That nefarious silver linin' in every cloud

I guess there is an upside to gettin' very few comments on a regular basis. I sure does make it easy to find the comment spam. In fact, based upon my recent observations, should I receive 3 comments in any given day, the odds of 1 of them bein' comment spam is 100%; the likelihood of 2 of such bein' comment spam is 95%; and the likelihood of all 3 bein' comment spam is 90%.* I sometimes wonder if'n it would be a worthwhile endeavor to dispense with allowin' commentary all together.

*For the purposes of such findin', please realize that I consider any comments which seem to have no purpose other than to affix a link to some commercial site, which add nothin' of substance, or jes' seem to have no purpose at all that I can find as comment spam. I understand this definition is slightly different than many other people's idea of what qualifies as comment spam.

I suppose we could agree to disagree . . .

Ain't it funny the things that happen. 'Cept for two more of the rash of seemin'ly useless comments that seems to be goin' round here lately, the only comment I got today came from a Miss* Chin which, in part, stated:

Nice Site!

*I was informed that this archaic term had fallen out of common usage.

**'Cause I definitely ain't!

Speakin' of such!*

I actually 'sperienced somethin' for the first time involvin' my bloggin' efforts over this past weekend - when I initially stopped at Eric and Denita's house - Denita - maybe at my insistence - I forget the actual reason for the occurrence - was readin' my blog - and - as she read this post - I know this because she read it aloud - she groaned - I felt so utterly satisfied to have actually heard that!

~~interlude* 'scuse the premature postin'. It appears that my index finger might have come into contact with some sexual enhancement tablet at some point durin' this day. 'scuse the lame attempt at a joke durin' this interlude.~~

*what were we talkin' 'bout anyway?

Another of those random, yet memorable thoughts

I caught a bit of than new CG series, Father of the Pride, which I kinda like a bit, mostly 'cause they make a lot of fun at Siegfried and Roy. There was a moment durin' this evenin's episode where they both pulled bamboo bars from some broken cage so as to use such in martial art combat. I found myself singin' in my head: "Ever'one was Bamboo Fightin'!"*

*'Member, I have previously mentioned that there is no guarantee that any of my inane thoughts are even remotely entertainin'. 'Course, there is also the inference one must make that I must have an opinion that they are of some entertainment value or would I otherwise use my time in postin' them?

Woohoo! I got two visitors!

Wow, Denita* found time out from havin' a great day in the sunshine likely observin' the non-stop antics of Zane and Pirate Fireant to drop in and say some nice things, and then, our own highly famous Munuvian, Susie, yes, the one in charge of the only known Practical Penumbra in the world, as most other penumbrae are found to be highly impractical on nearly every occasion, used some of the valuable time she could have been usin' to track down that nefarious white shorts wearin' man currently known solely by the designation of ^#!*@&# so as to painfully eviscerate him in some way as repayment for havin' flooded the men's bathroom at the Dollar Theater she manages,** to drop by my blog and pore over my feeble efforts of late. Very surprisin'ly, she actually left a highly personal disclosure about herself.

P.S. I ain't got a thing to say about the monkeysphere event. Ya will have to see a man called Pixy for that. However, I have got somethin' to say about no comment bein' made about the start of the story about Ned the Gnu. Surely someone has a comment to make, right?

[UPDATE: OK, even though I am a good friend of Pixy's, I think I need to go around the middle-man, that bein' my good friend, Pixy, and jes' get to tellin' ya'll that ya can find ever'thin' you need to know about the monkeysphere here. Why? 'Cause I seriously think we all really need to get a grip on life and understand ever'thin' to do with the monkeysphere.]

*This link is a totally superfluous trackback and, in the author's opinion, clickin' on same in reference to this postin' will do nuthin' at all to enhance your experience. It is jes' a bit of linky love, ya see?

**Two comments that I wish to make are that 1) I was nowhere near that hot water heater, no matter what Harvey,*** Jim, or Madfish*** have to say, and 2) I have jes' shredded ever' pair of white shorts I own. I ain't quite sure what eviscerated means, but it don't sound like somethin' I really want to try, if'n ya know what I mean.

***At least the guy does know how to properly update a post.

****WARNING: Link goes to childish fart joke. ;)

Clinton has a sick heart

It's true!

What I don't know 'bout Frogs could fill a large pond

I was jes' over at Ozguru's readin' a post that he had composed with regard to the current rash of kidnappin's and his belief that the Muslim world needs to vocally disassociate itself from the militant zealots that do their evil under the guise of workin' for the benefit of the Islamic religion. In his comment to his own story,* he pointed to the most recent revelations that have come to pass in the French situation where the hostages are bein' held so as to force France to back down from its no Muslim headdress rule in state schools stance. While I have no love for the surrender monkeys, I can see some rationality for the rule. However, what I don't know is this: Is there a rule forbiddin' the wearin' of yarmulkes in state schools, as well? If not, then I would have to stand along side of the French Muslims, necessarily not inclusive of any hostage holdin' terrorists, on this issue.

[UPDATE: It seems that if one takes the time to read the actual stories one links, one gets the answers to one's own questions! DOH!

Forbidden items will include Muslim headscarf, Jewish skullcap and large Christian crucifixes - {emphasis supplied}

*I would likely have jes' used an update.

Thank George for PBS!

Wow, ain't none of the stations I get usin' nuthin' but the rabbit ears* is carryin' the RNC 'cept PBS. I was thinkin' that nearly ever'one covered the DNC, so wondered if there is some left wing conspiracy to only cover one side of this 'lection. Anyone ever heared of such a crazy thang?

*I 'spect there are some younguns in the audience who actually have no idea as to what rabbit ears refer with regard to this discussion.

A pretty smile turns Glenn's head

Indeed! From a casual observation of the placard she holds, one does wonder upon what career path the object of his adoration has chosen to embark.

I did this one jes' for Susie*

I was bored and glommin'** here and there to find and check out some of the new blogs that have joined in on the munu universe when I came across this post penned by Mad Mikey of the appropriately named Mad Mikey's Blog wherein his eloquent prose urged me to visit the Political Quiz Show. Although I most valiantly fought my urge to do so, I finally could hold out no longer and made my selections. My answers were tabulated and I scored a 27, such score placin' me somewhere 'tween George Bush, Dubya's daddy, and Jack Kemp. At least I wasn't pinned under Jesse Ventura.

*It seems that ya gotta put forth a lot of effort to turn her head, anymore.

**This word derives from my youth when my great-granny used to chastise me for "glommin' through all the drawers in the house", lookin' for whatever I might find.

My idle thought upon facin' a new day

Do you awake each mornin' with a thought already in your head? I am sure you do, jes' as we all do. I mean, sure, there are those thoughtless people 'bout here and there, but even they are not actually thoughtless, they jes' didn't think to be the sort of person we expected them to be. I 'spect it is really rare that anyone could ever clear their mind of all thought. Despite my best attempts, I have never ever been able to completely have a blank mind, although, especially of late, I have had extreme periods where my mind is occupied with thoughts concernin' my inability to come up with whatever idea it was that I was drastically attemptin' to conceive. Anyway, now that I have prefaced with an over adequate explanation, let me share my initial thought of the day with you:

I awoke thinkin' of that women's 4x100 relay matter, where the USA team was disqualified due to a failure to properly hand off the baton, and I was thinkin' of the old catch phrase used on ABC's Wild World of Sports: the thrill of victory and the agony of defeat. I thought surely that was a good example of the agony of defeat.

Now I never said I had a really profound thought in my head when I awoke. I do, however, have some really profound wakin' thoughts on occasions.

Another thought on the 'Lympics

Havin' swept the medals during the 400 meter race, is anyone bettin' against the US taking the top spot in the 4x400 meter race?

Instant publication is changin' the face of my profession?

Here is an interestin' article that discusses the emergence of blogs and their relationship to some high profile trials.

Gotta stay on top of the game

I was jes' checkin' out the listin' for Steve's book over on Barnes and Noble's website and saw this:

The title has been announced for the next Harry Potter! Sign up below, and be the first to know when it is available -- and when any Harry Potter items are released.

Is it E=(MxC)(MxC) or E=M(CxC)?

I am not sure that I have not taken and posted my results from the test show below previously, but Jay pointed it out and I wanted to see where I came in:

What Famous Leader Are You?
personality tests by similarminds.com

I am oft described as one of a kind

Your Friday, August 13, 2004 Horoscope, Taurus!

You will be admired by a person of status for something you own. You have a particularly unique insight about the world to share today and an eager audience waiting to hear it.

Talk 'bout somethin' sickenin' --

Wow, I knew there was a really good reason I avoided water parks and such other crowded places where people collect to play in water to cool off durin' the hot summers. This reason is as good as any I could imagine.

Linkage: Jaboobie

Happy 21st Birthday

Jes' wanna wish a very Happy Birthday to my nieces, Jennifer and Keri. It certainly does not seem that long ago that I saw them at the hospital just after their birth. They were two little pink, wrinkly-skinned little naked babies. I still remember when they were growing up and were really cute little girls, and now I find that they have become two very lovely ladies.

Cowboys News

Quincy Carter got cut -- what is bein' loudly unsaid is that he failed his drug test violated team policies. New Cowboys quarterback: Vinnie T. That almost hearkens to the days of Cowboys past, when Landry booted stars for immoral behavior. Jes' ask Hollywood, Raphael, and Lance. I 'spect, though, that they have had enough of Irvin, et al, tarnishin' the Star!

Another Simply Sleepy Saturday

Well, I might shore have missed four straight Nightly Navel Gazin' Reports™ and yesterday's Friday Funny™ durin' my recent hiatus,* but those non-bloggin' efforts were mentally invigoratin' and, somewhat, life renewin'. The experience, however, was also a very strenuous and tirin' exercise.** I returned yesterday evenin' to my lonely abode quite weary and road worn and wholly unable to compose my thoughts for publication. Although a good night's sleep atop my comfy King-Sized bed dispelled, somewhat, the utter weariness of last eve, it seems to have done nothin' to enliven my current lack of creativity. I need, sorely, to get this first book between the covers so that I can turn my concentration onto formulation of the second book in the Alien Attitudes™ series: Alien Attitudes-Brink-o-Link's Brand New Can.

*I was somewhere else doin' somethin' different.

**Regrettably, I was financially forced to forego accommodations. Nightly, I curled up to slumber, most fitfully, in the long back seat of the Lincoln.

Travel looms ahead

I am already a day and a half behind on driving several hundred miles to the site of a week long seminar I had paid to attend. I guess my stars are tellin' me to quit draggin' my feet and get on the road:

Your Tuesday, July 27, 2004, Horoscope, Taurus!

Travel is favored today. You could be looking at the start of a new journey in the search of wisdom. You will soon be enjoying casual vacation that brings new possibilities of romance[*] and art your way.

Happy Birthday Betsy

It does not seem like 10 years has passed since I celebrated your last birthday on this plane of existence with you. I am hopeful there is an afterlife and you are doing well. Hopefully, from time to time, you look down upon me and smile. I realize that I am not the man you knew, but without you, I kind of lost direction for awhile. I am still not sure I have found my direction, but Project Procreation seems to be the focus of my dreams. If you are in a position to do anything about that and still have as much love for me as I still feel for you, maybe you can assist me if you want. I have heard that Angels can work miracles. As you were an Angel in life, I suspect you are an Angel in Heaven. I readily admit that life has been Hell without you.

Channellin' Lynyrd Skynyrd?*

Accordin' to Denita Two Dragons, Rachel Lucas said politicians are a lot like urinatin' dogs when it comes to establishin' their territory political base. I ain't real sure 'bout that, but then ag'in, I am of the opinion that a lot of the insane rhetoric that sometimes comes outta of their mouths stinks a lot like dog pee.

*I am actually of the opinion the "What's That Smell?" was dealin' with a whole other source beside dog urine, but the title popped to mind when I was contemplatin' publication of this story.

Puttin' on the best face possible

I jes' seen a commercial blurb for King Arthur where they said somethin' 'bout the movie bein' produced by Jerry Bruckheimer as havin' previously brought us Pirates of the Carribean, whereas, might it not be equally as accurate to say he was responsible for Kangarooo Jack?

Let's talk email

No, leave the SPAM in the can for a moment. I was jes' wonderin' if any of the rest of ya'll few readers of mine were a'thinkin' of givin' up on hotmail due to gmail givin' much more storage space and such than hotmail did. Soon after the announcement, I noticed Yahoo, who already had more email storage space than hotmail jumped on the bandwagon and was offerin' way more storage space than previously so as to compete with gmail's offerin'. I, of course, figured if I waited long enough, Billl Gates and his cohorts would give up more storage space as well. It seems that time has finally come and all of us who have been hotmail users for like forever, to use today's venacular, don't have to send out all those address changin' messages to all our friends and such after all.

Of course, the storage space problems I had been overcomin' pretty well by cleanin' out all those old messages on a regular basis, but what was really bad was the file size of attachments you could send through hotmail. I was forever havin' to tell people who were tryin' to send me somethin' that they would have to use my Yahoo email address.

This ought to be an easy quiz*

Thanks to my friend TL Cat, I was able to locate a site where I was allowed to create a special quiz for you! Take my Quiz! and then Check out the Scoreboard! I truly hope that you have as much fun takin' this quiz as I did in my creation of such.

*If you are from Texas.

His life was not always a Stella performance

Death made an offer that he could not refuse. Marlon Brando has died at age 80. I think that was a pretty good lifespan for someone who looked as much like Jabba the Hut as anyone. He had a very large body and a really big head to go with it. I guess that now leaves Garfield as the only remainin' really fat cat who is full of himself.

[UPDATE: I got to thinkin' that On the Waterfront was one of the few Best Picture winners I still did not have in my collection, and, with it bein' one of the few movies with Marlon Brando in it, the price might be goin' up quickly, so I ran to my regular source and ordered the movie. I think I am less than five away from havin' them all. Of course, I am sure that the last winner is the one to control them all.]

Did I miss the ark order?

It has rained and rained and rained. It seems that we have gotten over 10 inches of rain this month in the local area, most of which has come over the last week. We don't yet have the record, but it would only take the amount of rain that has fallen already today to come tomorrow to take it. The ground is saturated and so ever'thin' hittin' the ground is runnin' off to someplace. So far, the Paluxy seems to be stayin' well within its banks, but thinks could change.

It was so bad that Six Flags flooded and was closed. I have not heard that there was any floodin' at our local wildlife park that would be able to cause any severe problems to the animals. This is a really hilly area, though, so the terrain seems to always have somewhere above water within a short distance, if necessary. The latest docent newsletter mentioned that they had to close the Park durin' last week's rain storm when the water over portions of the road in the giraffe pasture made the road impassable, but no mention of any need to relocate any of the animals. In actuality, we need the water.

I know people get tired of it, but we have been in a drought through the last few summers and lakes, aquifers, and such are very very low. These major runoff rain storms do more to fill ever'thin' up better than these brief trickles here and there that we have gotten occasionally, of late.

Forecast is continued rainshowers, so the record might go. As records go, I would rather break the rainfall record for June than the most days with 100 plus weather. How many can claim to have lived through those 42 straight days from June 23rd to August 3rd -- way back in 1980?

Texas weather -- if ya don't like it, jes' hang 'round, 'cause 'tis liable to change at any moment.

[UPDATE: A record - 17 straight rainy days. Wow! I wonder if there is any correllation with the way the Rangers have been playin' 'gainst the Mariners and the Seattle-like weather we seem to be experiencin'.]

Do what? he says

Just saw the commercial for The Terminal and one reviewer supposedly said it was Tom Hanks best performance since Forrest Gump. I was always under the impression that his performance in Castaway was untoppable. Oh wait, I forget, that was the movie where he actually got shown up by a deflated soccer ball. I heard that Spaldin' had first been pegged for that role, but Wilson got it when they decided the budget did not allow for the type of money that Spaldin' was requestin'.

Yes, I do read people's remarks

Scott made some comments about the Texas blogroll movement, which is movin' more like a armadillo layin' on the side of the road than the quickly scurryin' horny toad I had been hopin' to see. Stirrin' his comments into the sloshin' slew of thoughts already goin' 'round in my head, here is my newest creation:

Claim your place:

Happy Father's Day*

Well, so far it has been a non-routine Sunday. In my case, it really has nuthin' to do with today bein' Father's Day. Have I mentioned lately that my own father has passed away and that I am childless? Ya can see why I have no reason to celebrate, right? I really had completely forgotten today was Father's Day for most of the week, and only was reminded of such durin' last night's shoppin' spree at Wally-Mart where I was made privy to many a youngsters conversation with their siblin's about what to buy for the father. I am pretty sure there will be a lot of DVDs given around from what I observed. Who knows? I ain't gonna be a spectator of such, so it is only a guess.

I guess I failed to mention that shoppin' trip on last night's Nightly Navel Gazin' Report. I was really tired, for some reason, by the time I got around to doin' that report. Anyway, I was goin' to the neighborin' town to eat and maybe to watch a movie, but I went by the theater and I really was not all that thrilled with any of the movies showin'. I have seen enough in the previews of The Terminal that I am not all that worried about 'waitin' it to come out on video/DVD in a few months. Around the World In 80 Days is a remake, and I have the original movie. I know the story pretty well, so I passed on that one as well. As I seemed to have no further plans, I decided to go shoppin'.

I actually finally bought the LOTR DVD set which was cheaper than it was at Fry's so I was right to pass it up last week. I also bought a room A/C so as to put in my bedroom. I figure it was better than sweatin' to death because the heat pump central system seemed not to have assisted me at all. I bought a few other items, as well, but nuthin' really worth mentionin'. There was one item I was lookin' to buy that I was unable to find at Wally-Mart, and, as it was after 10:00 p.m. before I left the store, I was unable to go to Home Depot for such.

I had actually watched The Fellowship of the Ring just a couple of days ago, so I likely ain't gonna watch the whole series today. Give me a week or two and then I might be ready to do so.

This mornin', I decided, was a good time to install that A/C in my bedroom. The window, like ever' other window in this old house was stuck, so that was the first problem with which I had to deal. A couple of pry bars and a hammer and I managed to get it up enough to allow me to slip the A/C through. I actually made sure of such by puttin' that little A/C unit in place, then took it back out so as to do the window preparation. Of course, I somehow gouged a good part of my arm while doin' so, as well. However, eventually, that job was completed and the room seems to be coolin' down nicely.

My grass is really high right now. It rained forever the week before this past week, so my lawn guys never came around. I expected them ever' day last week, but no show. I have no number for them, and the guy I know that knows how to contact them is the one who I went to visit in the hospital. I came to the conclusion that I needed some way to keep it from lookin' like my yard was a jungle, so I went and bought a Sling Blade, just a few minutes ago. That was what I had been lookin' for at Wally-Mart which I did not find. I suspect that I will go out and knock the high weeds and high points of the grass at some point later. Right now, it is too hot. What do ya wanna bet it will be a really good cardio workout when I finally get around to it. I have not cut grass with a sling blade, also called a swing hoe or a yo yo, in years. I mean a lot of years --- more than 30 by my count. I think I do still know how to do it. I think I still can do it. I will let ya'll know a bit later.

*Limited, of course, to all of those to whom such wishes are appropriate.

Jes' checkin'

Been downloadin' some software today, doin' a lot of rebootin' as is necessary from time to time when ya are installin' programs on Windows, although I would suspect there ain't many 'mong ya'll that was not already aware of such. The actual reason for this post is to allow me to test one of the programs I downloaded. Live with it, OK?

Another inane thought that jes' popped into my head

If white is not actually a color, then my Fruit of the Looms are colorless -- at least, for the most part.*

*Stop your whinin', or whingin' if ya prefer, as I voluntarily confessed to the inanity of this message.

If only

OK, so this is outside the parameters of what I said you might expect from me, but, what the hey, right?

Your Wednesday, June 16, 2004, Taurus Horoscope!

Romance is all around your world today. The week begins with a new emphasis on feeling loved and excited by the pursuit of another. You might have to concentrate extra hard today just to get any work done.

I am wonderin' upon just whose toes I stepped?

Of animals and snares

Well, the email with all the available zoo tours needin' to be covered came through the other day. As I am practically frazzled to the bone -- in desperate need of a vacation, methinks -- I passed on signin' up for any more for this month. When the mass call for volunteers goes out, it is fairly easy to sit back in the shadows and watch others step forward to fill the spaces.

One of the spaces was for today, however, and I suppose no one stepped up to take it in response to the email. How do I know this? I know this because I received a phone call. This has become the way I most often sign up for these tours, these days. I happen to be the only docent that resides close to the local wildlife park. Many of our volunteers drive in from Fort Worth or Dallas. As such, it actually is less trouble for me to go donate 3 or 4 hours of my time than to ask someone to drive an hour and a half to do so and then drive an hour and a half back home. I have advised them to always call me first if they have an urgent need. They did and I am gonna be goin' out to give a tour behind the scenes for some special group this mornin'.

Ya wouldn't think it would be all that hard sittin' in the front of an open topped van just tellin' people 'bout this and that, would ya? It really ain't, 'cept it will be hot, my throat gets parched despite the fact that I will be suckin' mint drops and Dr. Pepper intermittently durin' the tour. The worst part is the continual cranin' my neck around so as to talk to those sittin' behind my seat. My neck stiffens up quite nicely.

If ya get really lucky, there will be a new docent in trainin' that is needin' to learn the roads. That will allow you to sit in the back with the crowd just behind the drivers seat. From this position, you can easily direct the driver and easily provide the immense amount of knowledge you impart to your guests without excruciatin' neck pain. I am hopeful, but not overly so, that I will have a driver for this tour. Driver or no driver, one group of fine people is gonna find themselves havin' a load of fun at my expense today -- complete with my permission, however.

Venus comes between Earth and Sun

Yep, the Venus transit across the face of the Sun as seen from some places on the Earth is today. It has begun. It may be over. It likely will not happen again in your lifetime. It is cloudy and rainy here and we are completely unable to even see the sun. From what I had previously heard, those in the US on the west side of the Mississippi River would not be in a position to see the phenomenon anyway. Oh well, there are always photographs. Here is one from a good vantage point in Islamabad.

Today would have been my mother's 69th birthday had she survived this long. RIP Mom. Speakin' of dead people, Reagan is still lyin' in state in California, in case ya want to go see what his dead carcass looks like. I have already seen all the dead carcasses I care to see, but doubt I am done with viewin' them for the remainder of my lifetime. Lookin' into cold lifeless eyes just always gives me the heebie-jeebies. I would rather view astronomical events than dead bodies.

There is a definitely a kink in the works

For those of ya'll wonderin' where all the pings are from my postin' of the Carnival, I am wonderin' the same thing. I actually had a lot of difficulty jes' gettin' the Carnival to successfully post, an ordeal that required me to completely rebuild my whole site ... but it finally showed, but why I keep endin' up with a dead page 'pon tryin' to get it to successfully post the pingage is beyond me. I will try again on the cable connection when I get to the office.

On a completely other note:

If it was a car, it would be the bastard love-child of KITT and the Batmobile

And while we are on the subject of notes, did I ever tell ya'll that John is a punny* man? But at least he keeps an eye on the important** stories.

[UPDATE: Well, thankfully, the cable connection did finally allow most of the pingage to go through, but still it took like forever to rebuild the post and to send those pings. A couple of typepad pings:

http://www.typepad.com/t/trackback/782727

http://www.typepad.com/t/trackback/772690

*Pun intended, of course.

*No sarcasm to be inferred.

I have somethin' I wanna share, a'fore it slips my mind

Somethin' I heard on the radio this mornin':

[paraphrased from memory] You remember that problem they had recently with the gorilla at the Dallas zoo? Well, it seems that since that incident, the trainers have decided that all of the apes must remain indoors.

[Name forgotten], a 12 year old lowland gorilla, especially likes National Geographic Specials. He hates sports but likes animated Disney movies. The Little Mermaid and The Lion King are his favorites.

Well, it's over, it's already Monday Tuesday

Ya would think with a good 6 hours of sleep under my belt, my tired weary eyes would be feelin' a bit more refreshed than they do, wouldn't ya? I suppose another two hours or so of sleep would not kill me, but then I awoke earlier than I had to and I couldn't get back to sleep despite my best efforts. It ain't like I got nuthin' 'citin' lined up for today. It is mostly a slow day, with a lot of bill payin' to do. I thankfully have just enough money to pay the important ones.

On another note, I do suppose I could clean up around here a bit. It seems I am gonna have house guests today:

June 1, 2004: Your Tuesday Horoscope. Taurus!

The chance to revive enjoying your home life occurs today. There are numerous possibilities on the home front. Look to entertain a friend or two at your place as you focus on achieving for domestic bliss.

[UPDATE: There might be a few of ya'll that are keepin' up with this matter, but this mornin' was the first day that my actual index page was the most popular entry page and not this one, although it is still a very close race. However, the index page, which historically always held the position of the most popular entry page by a huge margin, has not been the top entry page since May 12 . It might be a good indication that the insanity is finally wanin'.]

Another thing that I have wondered about

I keep seein' these comments on the Berg story where people keep askin' if someone will send them the video or a link to see such, and I am wonderin' if anyone has been runnin' down those comments and been emailin' them the link or the video as requested. I know I have not been doin' so. 'Bout all I have to do with them commenters is edit stuff from time to time, and sometimes deletin' one here and there whenever necessary.

They continue to come, don't they?

I found a visitor on my SiteMeter page that came from http://fresh.blogrolling.com/ and, not bein' familiar with what was offered on such site, I went for a visit. Well, as I suspected, it is a listin' of recently updated blogs as culled from BlogRolling.com, Weblogs.com and Blogger.com. As is my usual wont, when confronted by a list of blogs, I perused the listin's and clicked on several of the names which interested me. Almost all were on blog*spot and almost all were fairly new to the bloggin' game. Just a bit of an overview of what I found:

• Justus for All, a poli blogger whose archives only go back to 5/16/04 but already has a nice template and some clue as what to do.
• PweetyFower,Blue Kitten who has a template I cannot stand because I hate to scroll, and seems not to have a clue as what name to use, as the name on the listin' was tHe CaT sPeAkS!, has no archives, first post was dated 5.24.2004, and due to colorin', size, etc., is a blog that, in addition to havin' to continuously scroll to access anythin' is almost impossible to read anyway. On the plus side, the kitten is cute.
• . . . Take me as I am... began on Tuesday, May 25, 2004, but whose most recent post I found to be a pretty intriguin' scenario.
• No Longer A Virgin
, the first blog*spot blog of a 17 year old male from somewhere in the UK who lost his virginity 15 days ago. Three posts all dated today. Says he: "I've had a few blogs before, but not on blogspot," which begs the question: where do you start your bloggin' experience if blog*spot is a move up?
• Chez Mike which says it is a Mike groovey professionally designed blog, which of course, begs the question, who pays to have a blog professionally designed and then hosts it on crappy blog*spot? It is a nice lookin' blog, however, although the content lacks any appeal for me.
• Nine Of Swords whose first post shows to have been on April 23, 2004, uses a traditional Blogger template, the red banner, and is done my a guy named Benjamin. The latest post seems to be a song in Chinese. From my quick scan, it would appear that Benjamin is enamored with some girl.
• messed up in the head, whose first post was on May 23, 2004, and has the feel of readin' a post pubescent girl's diary. I get the impression this gal has not yet been kissed, but is thinkin' 'bout it a lot and does a lot of runnin'. and
• A Midsummer Night's Dream, name chosen by Sri Fadhilah Mustaffa, who is a sporadic blogger at best, too dark to read at worst, not sure what was bein' said anyway.

Aren't Saturdays on the Blogosphere mostly about a lot of nuthin'

While I was awaitin' additional Carnival submissions, I thought I would take a stroll through the blogroll and see what was new in the Blogosphere.

Well, first off, I find someone named Pete postin' over on Jennifer's blog, but after readin' though the rest of the entries on the main page, it appears she, at least, knows who he is and may have been instrumental in his havin' access to blog 'bout:

Data recovery service Disksavers has hired Kelly Chessen, a former suicide-prevention counselor, to do customer service.

I had the whole house to myself. I nearly wept.

Of course, not knowing what to do with my unexpected solitude, I decided to fill it by washing several loads of laundry and taking a nap. Man, was that some goooood laundry.

[Title:]Sex

Tricky business, isn't it? [no links]

Fix it or nix it seems a bit harsh on some things

Is it jes' me, or does anyone else notice that the Amber Alert script goes down almost ever' weekend. If ya think the blog is loadin' slow, guess what is causin' that problem? O' course, I still think the service is so worthwhile, I hate to remove the script, but what's the problem? Do they just shut down their server on the weekends or is there a coincidence that causes the script to crash at midnight on Friday while everyone is away?

As if men were not havin' enough problems already

Science finds another way to keep women happy without any need for a man to be around. Are men quickly becomin' an endangered species? Of course, then again, with this story originatin' out of India, which is quickly becomin' the most populous country in the world, keepin' men and women from bein' together havin' sex might be a genuinely good idea, after all.

Throwin' a cookie to Straight White Guy, although I am wonderin' if just thinkin' of it first really gives him the right to claim that title. There is actually more than one straight white guy in the world. ;) However, if there was solely only one, I think I have the actual rights to that title

As if high gas prices were not enough

It seems that you might have even a better reason to stay home and shop online.

WASHINGTON - U.S. officials have obtained new intelligence deemed highly credible indicating al-Qaida or other terrorists are in the United States and preparing to launch a major attack this summer.

---

The FBI and Homeland Security Department also are concerned about so-called soft targets such as shopping malls anywhere in the United States that offer a far less protected environment . . . .

It's Tuesday but feels like Monday

I got a lot to do this mornin' so bloggin' might be light. Of course, if you already read last night's fantastic Nightly Navel Gazin' Report™, ya likely ain't gonna be satisfied with anythin' my tired, sleep deprived brain can concoct at this unGeorgely early hour. It ain't even 8:00am yet. Anyway, I found somethin' to entertain ya'll, but ya gotta go to Uptown Girl to see it. The trip is not far, won't take ya long, and is definitely worth the effort. Would I steer ya wrong?

An after I should be in bed QUICKIE

I am talkin' to my sister on IM and she is tellin' me about her new puppy. His name is Tyson, and she swears she named the dog before she found out he loves to bite ears. It was just too cute an anecdote not to share, and I would have likely forgot to blog on it had I awaited the morn.

Where is Bugs Bunny when you need him?

Now wait just one minute there! Are you tellin' me that they have finally discovered that life did exist on Mars?

In 1996, nannobacteria came to the attention of the world's media when scientists announced they had found fossils in a Martian meteorite of what appeared to be nano-sized bacteria.

---

Doctors claim to have uncovered new evidence that the tiny particles known as "nannobacteria" are indeed alive and may cause a range of human illnesses.*

*And are not the same supposed bacteria found in said Martian meteor, or course.**

**Evidence suggests that Marvin the Martian already successfully negotiated for the release of such for the return of 15 carrots Bug Bunny had negligently dropped on his last visit to Mars.

Isn't it all just a matter of interpretation?

OK, talk about a most interestin' story in development, it seems that someone has noticed a difference in the way Reuters reported a story and the way that the Associated Press reported the same story, and goes onto show just how easily the news can be slanted.* Check out The Dawn Patrol: 'Pope' Go the Weasels and follow the links. I backtracked from the commentary about this situation that C.G.Hill had on his blog.

The cream of Dawn's stuff:

I wonder if it would be possible to extend this exclusionary principle to ordinary conversation. I could say, "One black coffee, please," and Reuters could write, "Dawn Eden Denies Business to Dairy Industry." Or I could say, "Would you like to see 'Shrek 2' Thursday night?" and the headline would be, "Avoid Patronizing Cinemas on Weekend: Eden."

Of course, if I told a man, "Brunch on Saturday sounds good," Reuters would report, "Eden Refuses Nearly Every Man on Earth." And if the man were a white Anglo-Saxon Protestant? Well, you can predict that one: "Eden Refuses Nearly Every Man on Earth: Women, Minorities Hit Hardest."

There may be a bit more occurrin' over by the fire

Ironbear has once again been spotted near a keyboard.

something I noticed a long long time ago*

Ever notice how the liberals never really address the issues? If you bring up John Kerry's flip flops, you get an earful of their criticisms of Bush? If you bring up John Kerry's Vietnam record - they tell you that you're being petty and dealing in picky little details - - and when you bring up the fact that Kerry is the one who is largely responsible for Vietnam even being an issue in this campaign - they just shake their head and roll their eyes. They call the President a liar over the Weapons of Mass Destruction issue - - yet when you ask them why any number of Democrats, including Clinton, Albright, Gore and Kerry, said the VERY SAME things about WMD's - as well as the UN who also made the same statements about the danger of Saddam's weapons...it's still only Bush who lied? Everyone else was just.......pontificating? - LisaS

*in a galaxy not far far away -- well, OK, ya caught me there -- it was in a universe mostly centered right around me.

Quickie Update

My right arm is startin' to hurt pretty badly, so I am gonna take a break. I am actually contemplatin' takin' a short road trip somewhere, just to get out of town. I ain't gonna go far, though, not with these high gas prices. My dialup is gettin' pretty cranky, anyway, so now seems a good time to do somethin' that does not involve transferrin' data over a decrepit phone line.

Pixy, do I am have trickle on this blog?*

*That is likely rhetorical, 'cause I really ain't 'spectin' Pixy to read that.

They play the game like real men should in the land down under

I want to thank Debbye for linkin' to an OzGuru post that I had overlooked which linked to a post of Simon's that I had overlooked which compared Australian Football with American Football. Jeez, it makes our game look like it is played by a bunch of sissies. Uh, wait, might that be highly overpaid, cry baby sissies?

Start writin' your best stuff now, but save it for a week

OK, I warned ya'll in January* that I was gonna be hostin' the Carnival of the Vanities come June 2. That date is fast approachin'. Start workin' in that good stuff while I try to come up with a theme that no one else has used. By the way, the latest Carnival of the vanities is at Dispatches from the Culture Wars and will be at Spot On this comin' week, then will be here on my fine, upstandin', highly entertainin' blog and then moves on to the King blog of the Munuvian Empire** the followin' week.

Ladies and gentlemen, warm up those keyboardin' fingers, 'cause I seriously want some good stuff. I will give ya submission details right after Spot On publishes the 88th edition of the Carnival on May 26th. Until then, blog well, grasshoppers. Big Daddy*** is watchin' ... unless he is workin' on his cookbook or cookin' or messin' with parrots or whatever.

*This blog, however, was somewhere else and named somethin' else at that time.

**All hail the great and noble Pixy Misa!

***George, ya'll ... it is hard to find some snarky thing to put in every message ya'll know, so this was the best I could do this round. Cut me some slack, OK?

Another comic artist wants to make the papers

I followed some emotion thingy from Wasted Days, Wasted Nites to UnkyMoods.com. They have some cute little characters that are drawn by some guy named Marc Lutz. He also draws a comic strip called Can Hed and like every other online comic artist, is hopin' to be seen in your local newspaper. However, take a look at today's strip, and tell me if such would likely make it into the funnies in your hometown paper.

PSA Ad-Aware

How many of ya'll really like those pop-up windows that hide down under the part of the window you can see on your monitor? I am not sure what good they are if you can't see them, but I suspect they are minin' your computer for all kinds of popups or are spyin' on what you are doin'. I suppose it is time to run Ad-Aware again, huh? By the way, if you are here and are one of the few people who have not discovered Ad-Aware, do so now. http://www.lavasoftusa.com/ It is free and it is invaluable for gettin' rid of spyware and dataminers.

What else should a Tiger be?

Just some stuff to pass along

Well, sometime durin' the last few days, I exceeded 50,000 visitors. My SiteMeter now shows to be be above 50,000. Of course, SiteMeter has also been on the fritz for the last few days. That was why I said that it was sometime durin' the last couple of days that I exceeded 50K.. Also note the StatCounter count. Almost exactly a month ago, I installed StatCounter, set it on exactly the same count I had on SiteMeter, and now I see it is showin' I have had almost 15,000 more visitors durin' the past month.

Somethin' I heard on the radio: DJ said people should not have children after 35. He then stated that 35 children should be plenty and it was time to stop.

I forgot to do yesterday's Stupidest Person of the Day™ so that should mean I was yesterday's Stupidest Person of the Day. So that today's gets done, please get your nominations in the comments of this post. ;)

Felix is dead

No, not Felix the Cat, ya'll! I understand he has at least 4 of his 9 lives left. Nope, Felix Unger, or, actually the actor who played Felix Unger in TV's The Odd Couple, Tony Randall died at the age of 84.

RIP Tony!

Just sayin' this so that you will know that . . .

They found some Weapons of Mass Destruction (WMD's) in Iraq. It had been suspected all along that if you just piled enough naked terroristic Iraqi prisoners high enough, or otherwise embarrassed some of 'em to the point they couldn't stand it no more, their compatriots in arms, those dastardly terrorists that had not yet been caught, would go to their weapon stash and finally bring out the good stuff.*

*You heard it here first, but watch this scenario make it into the late night jokes tonight.

Saturday Mornin' Update

Well, I was gonna read a few blogs so as to try to find a winner of the stupidest person of the day for today, but my dialup connection decided to be a bit uncooperative. However, I noticed somethin' that I thought might be of interest to certain number of you.

I usually load several blogs at one time, because with the slow load up time over the dialup, some load faster than others, and I am usually lucky enough to fine a new one loaded up by the time I am ready to read another one. This mornin' I started loadin' blogs in the followin' order:

1. Dean's World
2. Mudville Gazette
3. i am always right
4. Little Tiny Lies aka Hog on Ice
5. Wizbang!
6. suburban blight
7. A small Victory
8. The Introverted Exhibitionist
9. Dog Snot Diaries
10. Outside the Beltway
11. Country Store
12. Ravenwood's Universe
13. Flitting Here and There
14. CrabAppleBlog
15. Burnt Fuse
16. Insults Unpublished and
17. CaughtintheXfire

I had read the first post on Mudville Gazette while the other blogs were continuing to load, but the connection died while attemptin' to load whatever was under Greyhawk's first link on that top post. From the evidence I saw by scannin' the remainder of the blogs I had attempted to load, I was of the opinion the connection had been open long enough to have loaded them all. However, such was not the case, and here are my observations:

• Although it had the longest time to load, havin' been the first link pressed, Dean's World loaded nothin' but the masthead.
• Mudville Gazette's blog was fully loaded except for the masthead which was only about half loaded
• Little Tiny Lies aka Hog on Ice was nothin' but an empty white page
• Wizbang!'s side column had not loaded but entries were readable
• suburban blight's entries were readable but side column loaded only partially, stopped short of calendar
• Outside the Beltway loaded nothin' but the masthead
• Country Store was nothin' but an empty white page
• Only the masthead area on Ravenwood's Universe was not completely loaded
• The blog posts had loaded on Flitting Here and There but the side column was not loaded
• The light bulb masthead did not load on Burnt Fuse but otherwise was fully loaded and last but not least
• CaughtintheXfire was fully loaded except for the masthead

Any blog not mentioned in the preceding observations had fully and completely loaded.

Now except for Dean's World, Tiny Little Lies aka Hog on Ice, Outside the Beltway and Country Store, even those blogs that had not fully loaded were readable. Country Store is on blog*spot, so that is hit and miss at best anyway. For some reason, I recollect that I have found the other three to be especially slow loadin' in the past, as well.

So, take these observations for what they are worth and do with them what you want. I just thought I would share this bit of information for those who might like to have some idea about what effect a slow dailup has on their blog loadin' time.

Speakin' of time, my early day bloggin' time has expired and I still don't have a Stupidest Person of the Day to post --- so I am gonna open the floor for nominations. Leave your nominations in the comments and I will make my decision from among such when I return.

Now let's see if I can get my dead connection to disconnect, so I can reconnect it long enough to post this. ;) Nope, looks like we gotta reboot. George, I hate dialup.

Ecosystem on the fritz again

Wouldn't ya know it -- just as I am just about to reobtain my Large Mammal status again, the Ecosystem seems to go down. Oh well. I guess I can be a danged Maraudin' Marsupial until Grumpy Ol' NZ Bear gets around to fixin' whatever is broke this time. If I knew how to fix it . . . but I don't.

I just don't have that much morbid curiosity

Just for the record here, I have seen several links to the actual video of the beheadin' of Nick Berg, but I have no interest in watchin' it. What thrill is there in witnessin' senseless killin'? It would be different if his head was shown as bein' lopped off by an Orc's sword in defense of Middle Earth, but the video was not produced to be a form of entertainment. It was produced solely to shock and to provide further evidence of the lack of compassion on the part of those who took 3000 lives on 9/11. I do not need to witness their cruelty. I have already witnessed as much of that as I could stand.

Is it me, or is blogrollin' down?

I have not seen my blogroll come up all day. I guess they are doin' somethin' important, like beefin' up the security or somethin'.

All for now. Gotta shut down the office, run home, change clothes, and go see what they got for me to do out at the golf course.

Just in the middle of a really busy day

Runnin' 'round like a chicken with his head cut off, it seems, with no relief in sight for almost the entire day. I have already been to court for the mornin' round, but have to be in two different courts at the same time for this afternoon in two different towns, so you can see I am gonna be movin' fast. Lion's Club Golf Tourney is tomorrow and we were asked to show up this evenin' to assist in gettin' everythin' set up for tomorrow. Of course, tomorrow, I will likely be assistin' in the Tourney, and this weekend I have a family reunion to attend. In between, all of that, I am still workin' on the book tryin' to finish that extra chapter or two that I felt was important to put in the middle. The fire just don't seem big enough for all those irons I got goin' here lately.

If ya are lookin' for somethin' really snarky, hint, hint, Venomous Kate, I liked this one the best.

I guess I got to award somethin' valuable to Invited Intruder for so ably coverin' last evenin's Nightly Navel Gazin' Report™, so let me look into my bag of tricks and see what we have --- oh a lovely Pee Wee Herman Pog -- how very special. A show of hands --- how many of ya'll even know what a pog is?

Today was just a bad day for bloggin'

I was extremely busy for most of the day while a sinus headache was buildin' up greatly and as luck would have it, the end of the workday and the climax of the headache came together nicely. As such, I am now sufficiently medicated to the point where I feel like layin' down for a bit to see if I can get my head to stop swimmin' or somethin'. It is very hard to concentrate on anythin', so I am gonna give up for awhile. Hopefully, I will feel better later. At least I hope to feel good enough to give my Nightly Navel Gazin' Report™. ttfn ya'll

Somethin' Witty Which This Way Comes*

As Glenn Reynolds is fond of sayin': "Indeed."

*With apologies to Uncle Ray.**

**We ain't really related.

A late office call

I just got a call into my office. I was still just hangin' 'round -- readin' a few blogs tryin' to Kill Beal* without success. Phone rings - I answer:

Good evenin', Law Office.

Yes, is the attorney in?

This is he.

This is [insert name of innocent client]. You saw me in the jail yesterday. They just let me out of jail. What happened?

I got the DA to drop the case.

Thanks. /Click/

It ain't often that I can get the DA here to actually drop a case, but it is hard to make a charge of Felon in Possession of a Firearm stick if the guy does not have a felony conviction. Such was apparent from a readin' of every piece of paperwork in the DA's file, but did they catch it? Surely they did. Were they jes' happy to hold him in the jail until someone with enough brains came along to find it and point it out to them? Or were they hopin' that no one would notice they had indicted a guy on a totally bogus charge** and that some court appointed attorney would just twist the guy's arm to plead guilty, thus waivin' his right to appeal the matter, for probation and a felony conviction?

My discussion with the DA that resulted in the above came about after I finished up the matter I was scheduled to appear in court for this mornin'. I thought it strange enough that I had was compelled to actually argue a discovery motion to have the DA's office investigate and turn over the criminal records of two witnesses against a client of mine. I had previously asked them to look into the fact that one of the witnesses, the daughter, had previously been charged with a similar offense as the one with which my client is charged involvin' the other witness to the case, whose criminal history I requested. As far as I could determine, the DA's office had failed to even take the time to look if there was a possibility my client was not guilty of the offense for which she is charged. They thereby forced me to file a motion so as to get the judge to require that they investigate their own witnesses. As it was, I thought the judge was going to deny my Motion, anyway, until I agreed to allow the judge to examine the records in camera,** so as to redact any matters that might be extraneous to the issues at hand, prior to turning such over to me. A SCOTUS case most attorneys refer to as Brady says that the State has an obligation to turn over any and all evidence in their possession that might be exculpatory (beneficial in some way to the defense of the person charged). There is actually some belief that the State must make such information available voluntarily and not await the defense's filin' of a motion and the obtainin' of a rulin' by the court. Most judges, in my previous experience ,routinely grant such motion and require that the State immediately provide criminal records of all the State's witnesses except police officers. Most courts believe that it would just be a waste of time to do a criminal record search on police officers.

Let's link to OTB, whadda ya say?

*Damn, I'm good! ;)

**Law lesson here, ya'll. Just because a person is indicted by a Grand Jury does not necessarily mean they are guilty. Grand Juries often just do whatever the DA asks of them. It is mostly a rubber stamp process.

***Legal term meaning that the judge looks at some materials privately so as to assess the level of damage such might cause if allowed to be introduced in a case.

Ain't that gettin' a bit hard to swallow?

Is it just me, or are there many others that think we ought not be playin' with our food so much? Ya know, there may be a day when Mother Nature has finally had enough, and orders us away from the dinner table - for good.

What brought all of this on, ya say? Jes' this story over on Aaron's blog.

I, o' course, might'a missed it had it not been for a blurb I eyed over on Mind of Mog.

12 Steps to World Domination?

The followin' is somethin' I found here:

1/ Be decisive. People will bow down to you faster if you use a decisive tone of voice.
2/ Expand your vocabulary. If people are busy deciphering what you're saying, you'll be able to slip a world-ruling clause or two into conversations and contracts without them noticing.
3/ No friends. They only get in the way. You're looking for followers and disciples.
4/ Believe in yourself. Conviction and meglomania [sic] are the way to go. Nice guys finish without ruling the world. Not you!
5/ Proof-read and spell-check. Sloppy documents make for sloppy work. Sloppy work makes for failed ruling.
6/ Topple governments. Ruling parties can be troublesome when you're brainwashing the citizens. Better to remove the old regime first.
7/ Designate two or three successors. The in-fighting between them while they try and curry your favour will keep anyone from targeting you with a decapitation strike at your empire. Besides, a layer or two between you and the lackeys leaves you more time to work towards [sic] the goal.
8/ Nice shoes. No one respects a bad shine.
9/ Planning. Thing like ruling the world don't "just happen".
10/ Talk loudly. You need to be heard. And drowning out everyone else will get your points across faster.
11/ Take on more than you can handle. Taking over the world is hard work and appearing busy is the key to the awe and respect you'll need. Don't let anyone know that you're delegating most of the work to those aforementioned disciples and followers.
12/ Get a snappy URL. Marketing is EVERYTHING!

An anniversary of sorts

Ain't it funny how things just seem to happen for a reason? As you can probably easily divine from my previous post, I have made a round to read DavidMSC's blog this evenin'. Well on another of his stories, he mentioned somethin' 'bout a makeover they had done on blogger.com. I, o' course, who chide the walnuts* off of Blogger at every chance I get, just had to see what was new with Blogger.

I ain't really gonna say much about them changes, 'cause I ain't goin' back. I think I will just stay right where I am, thank ya very much, and blog on whatever the good Pixy provides ... I will choose the content and the layout, however. The software and server decisions I leave in more highly qualified and capable hands.

However, the reason I was blurbin' 'bout all of this anyway was 'cause . . . since I was already over there, I decided to see if my ol' Blogger/blog*spot blog was still in existence, and it is ... what is really cool is that the last post on that blog is dated May 9, 2003. Today is the one year anniversary of the day I deserted blog*spot!

*Make of that what you will and feel free to discuss it among yourselves.

Sometimes I wonder, Part NEXT

The two biggest topics bein' searched on today are Hippie Hollow and green baby poop -- nude beach and baby crap. I really don't have a clue as to what to read into that, do you?

Farcical phraseology™

. . . or why I watch Saturday morning cartoons.

So anyway, I was watchin' this show called Filmore and the characters were sayin' the word "frisco" here and there, as if it was communicatin' some secret message. I assumed it was a part of our ever growin' American vernacular ... and I do like to keep up on such things. So, any one got a clue as to what the term "frisco" is intended to communicate to another person? I know, I know, I am an ol' Fogey* and that is like yesterday. Just lay the 411 on me.

*Does that connote** that I smell like an cheap cigar?***

**Whose meaning was previously overlooked.

***Never mind ... I had it mixed up with rank stogie [var. stogy].

I blame it on a lack of Aussies

Saturdays are such always slow bloggin' days.

The National Bloggin' Service has hereby issued a light bloggin' warnin' for most of the World Wide Web which will remain in effect until 6:00 pm. CDST.

If a prat falls in the dark, does it make a noise?

I am unsure of the hour, but it was one of those in the midst of the early mornin'. I awoke with the pressure of a full bladder clamorin' for relief. This is not a surprisin' scenario, as it occurs often. I arose, half-asleep and walked into the bathroom. I did my business without incident.* At the conclusion, I began to make the trip back to my bed when I suddenly became disoriented and fell backward onto my coccyx.** Other than havin' likely sustained a bit of bruisin' to said coccyx, I appear to be otherwise unharmed. Alarmed, yes - harmed, no. Currently, I am just chalkin' it up to one of those odd moments of life.

*OK, OK, I admit that it was dark and there may have been the tiniest bit of errant splatter.

**This is the tail bone for ya'll that ain't up on the medical vernacular. I actually ain't all that keen on usin' the medical terms myself, and promise I didn't do it this time to show off or because it sounds nasty when you say it. I just especially like the unique spellin' of the word. I mean 3 "c's", a "y", and an "x". Those kind of words don't come around all the time, ya know? I just wonder what the Scrabble score would be for playin' coccyx.

Inane Googleness or Googlin' Inaneness - your choice

Hmmm, just noticed some guy found my site by searchin' "Just for a Thrill." I, of course, was thrilled to have found myself listed as #2 on the list of returns for that combination of words.

However, what was more surprisin' was that I was the top return on a search for "uns20910" as I was neither familiar with that term nor had I any idea that I had ever blogged 'bout such term. I found that I had, indeed, not included such blog term in my previous blog posts. The term, whatever it is, was found in a comment to this post..

My favorites on this date were "no chew upholstery" [Returned No. 2 but score that one for Rusty!*] - "imponderable questions" [Returned No. 5] - "deeper voice" [Returned No. 9] - and lastly - "african tribal ear piercing" [Returned No. 1].

Now strangely enough, the same post that comes up No. 1 on a search for african tribal ear piercing is the exact same post that comes up as No. 1 on a search for uns20910. I do suppose that stranger things have happened.

*There may be some, especially you new readers that do not know that I reprised several of my deceased father's columns last year in the category Rusty Rides Again™.

Another important question that none will answer

Often I pose questions, ala Michele, upon which I am very interested in receivin' some feedback.. Of course, seldom does anyone actually give me their thoughts. I ain't gonna whine 'bout it, though, but I do pose them because I do want to know how some of ya'll feel 'bout certain things. Take for example this situation:

Recently on hotmail, there have been a series of FLASH ads in the panel along the right border for some site that will supposedly disclose how much homes in your area are worth (presumably for a small fee). There have been a couple of different ads with a little bird of some sort and another with six little houses. If your cursor crosses a certain part of the ad, the bird will move and chirp, or one of the houses will spin and a door bell with will ring. I know how this works and how to duplicate such as I do some FLASH design myself, but does anyone else find it so irritatin' and aggravatin' as to wish the practice would cease?

Yes, we have no bananas, but would you be interested in a bit of snark?

When Kevin Aylward said:

John Kerry thinks he is Tom Cruise.

I also need to give an assist to Michele in the creation of this story.

Why not?

I came this close to bein' toast

When you get the reports directly from the source, you seem to get a truer picture of what is occurring in Iraq. Kelly, "The Patriette" brings us a first hand account of the types of dangers some of the civilian workers in Iraq are facin'.

It's probably my fault

It seems there has been a lyrical snark fest posted on 'Lectric Venom and yours truly had nary a link among the offerin's. Oh, ain't like I been real snarky of late, is it?

Guess I been puttin' in way too much effort tryin' to find me a literary agent to look at my book. It seems that best sellers just don't find their own way onto the shelf this day and age.

The last word on Ted Koppel

I had thought Nightline was birthed with the growin' storm of controversy surroundin' the US involvement with the Middle East, and it did indeed come into fruition as a forum to share the news regardin' the Iran-Hostage situation in 1979. The show has seemingly always found its greatest share of audience playin' up to the fears of Americans via its use of slanted reportin' about things Arabic. Is it any wonder that Ted Koppel would find it necessary to publicly tabulate the cost of this war by listing the names of those who have perished in the current conflict? I find it unsurprisin', in the least, and of no great consequence in the most. The Viet Nam Memorial lists the name of every person killed in that conflict. The listing of names no more justifies our involvement in that war as it makes it appear to be unjustified. It merely memorializes the sacrifice those few did in honor of the rest of us. I see no reason to censor Koppel, or to forestall his supposed political statement of his disgust with the current situation in Iraq. That is the American Way. All sides are to be accorded a full and equal right to redress their grievances. Even if they are barkin' moonbat asshats. Now, that is all I have to say about the matter.

Somethin' to brighten an otherwise dull Saturday

Saturdays are always slow bloggin' days, it seems. Of course, that means there are fewer lines to in which to wait so as to see what is new here, I guess. I mean look at the lovely set of countries from which visitors came today:

the Netherlands; Ireland; India; Denmark; United Kingdom; Germany; Australia; Jordan; France; Switzerland; Cyprus; Poland; and Canada.

They are not handbags, yet

Ya'll remember when I made that trip to Florida and came back after havin' driven all the way through The Everglades without seein' a single alligator? I suspect James thinks I was a lucky fellow, and crazy because I actually was hopin' to see one.

Leadin' the sheep to slaughter

Now here is one of our Munuvians that really has his eye on what is important:

I'm Voting for Kerry

Kerry has far superior economic plans.

---

"He's going to creat [sic] 10 million new jobs!"

"How?"

"He's gonna keep jobs in this country"

"How?"

"He's gonna keep jobs in this country!"

I am always interested to understand why people support candidates on such weak arguments. Is it because their unions told them so? Do they even have any basic understandings of economics? I don't think so. They are brainwashed.

If you want to support a candidate, back it up with logic and facts. Don't do it because your union thugs told you to.

They got them some idiots in the Middle East

I found a story over on Emperor Misha I's blog that seems to have ever'one crackin' up. It seems some idiotic Palestinians tried to steal a bomb from a Hamas suicide bomber.

The robbers forced the bomber to lie on the ground and tried to steal the bomb, but the militant detonated it, killing all three.

I don't get either

Glenn Reynolds gets monetary donations and hate email. I don't get either, but then I don't have any buttons to allow people to donate and have not published an email address hereon for people to use to send hate mail. I am quite sure everyone wantin' to send me hatemail already has my email address. I do have comments, however, so hateful messages can be freely posted for all to see.

No, my blog has not been taken over by aliens

I really liked Frank J's Suggestions to Improve John Kerry's Campaign. I would quote a goodly bit of it, but it might be easier if you just go look at it over there. You can come back, and, who knows, there might be somethin' new here.

Today was not my day

Although today was my birthday, it was probably the worst birthday I have had in my life. I have been fightin' some stomach bug all day long. Of course, maybe it is apropos. After all, today I turned IL.* I just hope I am not ill all year because of such.

My back had really been achin' me over the last few days, too. I had court this mornin', and as soon as I was able to leave, I went to a chiropractor. At least my back and my neck feel much better. Tink sent me a really cute Birthday card.

When I was gettin' dressed this morning, for some reason, as I was puttin' on my underwear, I had a weird thought. Aren't we lucky that our clothin' is no longer sized by our age after about age 6? I am pretty sure if I tried to wear a pair of pants in size 49, I would look like I was a teenaged boy, as my pants would fallin' off of my body and my underwear would be showin' above the waist band.

If there was any silver linin' for the day, at least my dialup connection is workin' better than it has been for the last couple of days. I can actually surf again. And right after I typed that, I got disconnected before I could post it.

*I have decided that ages don't seem all that bad if you put them in Roman numerals.

That insanity called life

A swirling mist
enveloping all,
choking some,
sustaining others;
some few
have loosed
their grip.
and float
untethered,
hopelessly
searching
for that
which cannot
be
known.

Checkin' stuff out

Yesterday - I had a pretty nasty headache. I was in Walmart lookin' over the analgesics and was thinkin' of gettin' the Walmart equivalent to Excedrin Migraine. It was somethin' like $4.29 for 100 coated caplets. I read the ingredients: Acetaminophen 250mg; Aspirin 250mg; and Caffeine 65mg. I was just wonderin' what additional ingredients were in the Migraine version than say the Extra Strength version, so I picked up a bottle of 100 tablets of the Extra Strength version which sells for $2.79 and guess what? The ingredients in the Extra Strength version are: Acetaminophen 250mg; Aspirin 250mg; and Caffeine 65mg. Of course, they are tablets and not caplets, so they are bit smaller. The inert ingredients were a bit different as well, but those ingredients are not really all that important anyway, are they? Surely not $1.50 worth.

However, Jaboobie did a better job than I of checkin' on stuff:

According to West Nile Statistics for PA, Last year, there were 247 cases and 8 deaths. The population of PA according to the 2002 census is 12,335,091. That means you have a .0020024% chance of contracting the disease and a .0000648 chance of dying from it. Accordingly, the National Safety Council states that you have a .004938% of dying from accidental poisoning and a .0001052% chance of dying just because it's hot outside.

Just a little snip here and there

To John, Snip! Snip! Snip! means gettin' a haircut. Accordin' to Dustbury, it could mean somethin' entirely different in Oklahoma.

Mindless ponderin's about nuthin' much

My StatCounter just rolled over to 40,000 but my SiteMeter counter is still at 39,608. Now when I set up the StatCounter, I set both to the exact same number. I counted each previous milestone by the number on the SiteMeter. Which do I use now? I am not countin' 40,000 as a milestone. My belief is that the next mark past 25,000 is 50,000. Still, it is somethin' to think about.

Go with me on an early morning adventure

I am so proud to announce that I had my first visitor from a country that I did not know existed: Kazakstan. I am almost sure it is one of those little independent countries in the southern region of what was formerly the Soviet Union. Geography has surely changed since I was in elementary school. So Just where is Kazakstan? Here it is. The essential data:

Full country name: Republic of Kazakhstan
Area: 2.71 million sq km
Population: 16.8 million
People: 46% Kazakh, 34.7% Russian, 4.9% Ukrainian, 3.1% German, 2.3% Uzbek, 1.9% Tatar
Language: Kazakh, Russian
Religion: 47% Muslim, 44% Russian Orthodox, 2% Protestant
Government: republic
Head of State: President Nursultan Nazarbayev
Head of Government: Prime Minister Daniyal Akhmetov

GDP: US$52.9 billion
GDP per capita: US$3,100
Inflation: 10%
Major Industries: Much of industrial capacity is shut down and/or in need of repair) Oil, coal, iron ore, manganese, chromite, lead, zinc, copper, titanium, bauxite, gold, silver, phosphates, sulfur, iron and steel, nonferrous metal, tractors and other agricultural machinery, electric motors, construction materials, grain (mostly spring wheat), cotton, wool, livestock
Major Trading Partners: Russia, UK, Ukraine, Uzbekistan, the Netherlands, China, Italy, Germany, Turkey, South Korea

If you're not a fan of endless semi-arid steppe and decaying industrial cities, Kazakhstan may seem bleak, but those who enjoy remoteness, wide open spaces, lunar landscapes, long hypnotic train rides and horse sausage will definitely be in their element. [more]

The only official site in Kazakhstan. Owned by the President of the Kazakhstan. All information you need about Kazakhstan: Political structure, geography, education, geography, tourism, culture, ...

OTB Traffic Jam

Please take your finger off of that button

It seems that there are more allegations of girl bloggers thinking boy bloggers are being bad goin' on. I ain't too sure I ain't gonna go with the girls on this one, 'cause it does appear as if some of the little boys are intentionally puttin' the little girls' pigtails in the inkwells. Now let's all start playin' nice a'fore someone gets mad and trots off home cryin' home takin' their ball with 'em.

I always had my suspicions about the situation

Now this is a big story! [requires registration]

Frustrated by a lack of economic progress under the democratic regimes that rule them, a majority of Latin Americans would support an authoritarian government if it bettered their lives, according to a UN report released Wednesday.

The Early Evening Inanities

Well, I got my first comment spammer today since I moved to munu. Thankfully I remembered that Pixy puts the link to the blacklist console in the bottom of his bloglets emails, so I easily deleted it and added about 5 or 6 more URLs in the list. I feel so satisfied.

I really did not think there was much about today's horoscope to worry about:

Tuesday, April 20, 2004 -- Your Tuesday horoscope, Taurus!
The Sun in Taurus is causing you to be a little more sensitive. Sharp words from someone you admire could stop you in your tracks. The quicker you build a psychological defense mechanism, the better.

*Yes, this is the same blogger who used to be a Munuvian bloggin' at the now defunct Cherry's Ramblings.

Are ya ready to rumble?

Oh my George! If I had seen Lenore in a Yankee's cap, I likely would have had a heart attack. Seeing her in a Red Sox cap sent Michele* into full blown war mode.

* Who is again back to bloggin' at full speed.

Oh the stories I could tell

It seems that Susie is havin' a contest, with a prize even,* wherein people are asked to submit their best stupid customer stories, personal observation of such is a requirement, so none of those well this is something that my brother-in-law said happened to him when he was doing customer service for Baby Bell in 1972 stories. I think I could submit several, but then my customer service situations almost always involve something a bit peculiar, huh? Anyway, I heard that Mr. Mouse was going to be one of the judges of the contest. I am personally very afraid of blogging mice, so I am gonna have to pass. But ya'll enter, really. I heard the prize was up there with what she gave Bill on his birthday.

*Still channeling Snagglepuss on occasion. Exit Stage Left.

The world in which we live

Just received via email. I think I have seen this previously. I just hopefully haven't posted it previously. Of course, I might have. Oh well, without further angst and ado:

Let's see if I understand how the world works lately...

If a man cuts his finger off while slicing salami at work, he blames the restaurant.

If you smoke three packs a day for 40 years and die of lung cancer, your family blames the tobacco company.

If your neighbor crashes into a tree while driving home drunk, he blames the bartender.

If your grandchildren are brats without manners, you blame television.

If your friend is shot by a deranged madman, you blame the gun manufacturer.

And if a crazed person breaks into the cockpit and tries to kill the pilot at 35,000 feet, and the passengers kill him instead, the mother of the crazed deceased blames the airline.

I must have lived too long to understand the world as it is anymore.

So, if I die while my old, wrinkled butt is parked in front of this computer, I want you to blame Bill Gates...okay?

OK Buddy, where's the fire?

Now here is something truly amazing:

A Belgian motorist was left stunned after authorities sent him a speeding ticket for travelling in his Mini at three times the speed of sound. [emphasis supplied]

However, police later admitted that a faulty radar had been responsible for the Mini's incredible feat.

---

Police also said they had made a mistake in still sending out the ticket, given that it was impossible - even for a doughty little Mini - for a car to have travelled so fast.

"We called the local police to find out what height the plane caught speeding along the Boulevard Lambermont was flying at."

The valuable kudos to be awarded in connection with this report go to Mr. Pigvig at Silflay Hraka.

It seems I have been right all along

I always thought I had something in common with Drew Carey:

Take the quiz: "Which American City Are You?"

Cleveland
You are blue collar and Rock n Roll. You Work hard and party harder.

Still, I need to thank Eric at Classical Values for sendin' me the right way --- I think. Cleveland??????

Re: Letter to the President

I actually found this in my Inbox. As I read through it, I became alarmed because the situation as described was very sad. However, it was so unbelievable, that I became convinced it was a hoax. However, by the very end, I was thoroughly convinced that the matters discussed within the letter were absolutely true. Of course, despite the troubles of the letter writer, I still feel very little compassion for his situation.:

Dear Mr. President:

Thank you for the opportunity to speak my mind. I lost my job this past year. When Mr. Clinton was president I was secure and prosperous, but you have cost me my job and my home. In the last year we had to close our operations. I was forced out of the place of employment where I had worked for 34 years, and not a single government program was there to help me.

Far worse, I lost two of my sons in your evil war in Iraq. They gave their lives for their country, and for what? While it is trivial next to the loss of my sons, I regret to say that I also lost my home. I simply have nothing left.

I am a senior citizen with various medical problems and I'm in no position to begin a new career. If I had any money left I would donate it to the Democratic Party. If Al Gore had been elected in 2000 I would still have a job, a home, and most importantly, my dear sons.

Regards,

Saddam Hussein

T'was not so long ago

Does anyone recall that I began bloggin' 'zactly one year ago, today. I started on blogger as most of us do, soon began publishin' to my own domain. After about a month, I tinkered with greymatter before decidin' to go with MT. I finally decided to become a part of the greater munu universe. 2400+ posts, 3000+comments, and 38,000+ visitors. What a wild ride it has been. Thanks ya'll!

Oh my, what in the WORLD?

A couple of interestin' International situations I found surfin' around today: First of all, I should have been keepin' a closer eye on the situation with bloggers in China. Brainysmurf says that the Chinese government's efforts to block bloggin' from within and about China is resultin' in givin' those bloggers more attention.

Then, Reuters reports that the World Court has ordered that all the death row cases in the United States involvin' Mexican citizens are to be reviewed because the Mexican citizens had not been properly informed of their right to talk to consular officials shortly after their arrests.

UPDATE: It seems our motorcycle ridin' friend from Russia, who has now identified herself as Elena, has some more pictures she took of rides through the Chernobyl area. I think it is worth another look, ya'll.

UPDATE II: In continuin' our look at items dealin' with other countries, have ya ever wondered exactly who is in charge of lookin' into and dealin' with all those Nigerian email scams here in the US? It seems the agency that is in charge of such is the Secret Service.

Much Ado About Mews

Would you believe they did it again? Carnival of the Cats II - was there ever a bigger waste of electrons?*

*OK, I am sure that Bill has wasted more than this on any given day.**

**I figured I had better pick on Bill today, as he seems to have forgotten 'bout me. He still ain't changed his link.

An amazin' look at a little part of life

My Aunt 'Net has filled my inbox with a bunch of different items and I found this link to a wonderful site that follows the life of a hummin'bird, complete with pictures, from the day it was hatched to the day it was ready to fly. Start at the link and be sure to keep hittin' the next page link at the bottom of the page. It s a very interestin' journey and it ain't all that long.

To the spies and hackers

I thought the comment spammers were bad, but whoever you people are that are comin' in here spyin' on me and hackin' my pages and changin' my words: You are not welcome. I am currenlly investigatin' to determine who you are: itexas.net 12:19:38 pm viewed 2 pages and spent 8:38 lookin' at this site.

21st Century Highwaymen?

Is there anythin' that some crook somewhere won't think up just to steal someone else's money? Even I would never have thought of this scheme. What I am wonderin', though, is if these things are sold stores or available online and just how much you have to lay out to sit in a car watchin' some ATM for your chance at some easy money?

OK, for better or worse --- this is the end beginnin'

The post import file is uploaded onto munu and I did a couple of attempts to import it yesterday. My dialup crashed after a bit and when I reattempted, it started duplicatin' the posts that had imported prior to the crash. I decided it might be better to do the import on my office cable connection. I spent the rest of the night deletin' all the posts that had imported.

I went back to bed after I posted the last item. I suppose ya'll are aware that the last two days had worn me down extensively, and my body just gave out, I guess. Anyway, I dozed intermittently as I say there, and several items came to mind. My other location is not yet registered on NZB's Ecosystem and when I do so, I will likely find myself back in the lower echelon of the species thereon. Alas, I suppose I will eventually climb back up in the ranks of the pickled pig's feet at some future point as most of ya'll change your links to http://tig.mu.nu/. I suppose I will have to reconfigure my SiteMeter to read from the new location, and although I can add the number of visitors from my current site meter to that meter, the graph won't show that giant Instalanche 10,500 visitor spike I got last August or otherwise allow me to keep track of my previous visitation statistics. Again, so what? It ain't nuthin' 'specially important in the long run of what I really hope to accomplish by bloggin'. There is, however, one thing that does bother me extensively ... that is all those trackbacks to my posts that exist out there on ya'll blogs that could end up pointed to URLs that no longer exist. I am supposin' that I could create a bunch of redirect pages or somethin' to lead people to the new location of those posts, or some other work around. I am still thinkin' on that.

I am still thinkin' and would really appreciate any thoughts and suggestions ya'll might have regardin' these and any other problems ya'll might have regardin' the blog move. But, from this point on, all further bloggin' will be at the other this place: Tiger: Raggin' & Rantin' ... same name, same blogger, same crud, different URL. Change your links, PLEASE!

A mornin' full of surprises

Wow, has today ever started off with a rash of surprises. Of course, I was surprised to learn that my good friend Susie was such an influential blogger, but I already posted 'bout that. Then I walk into the office as my secretary was leavin' a message on the answerin' machine tellin' me she would not be in today because she is in the hospital. It seems this pregnancy is not goin' easily. I am not surprised that she is continuin' to have difficulties, I was just surprised that she had been hospitalized. I actually did pick up the phone and was able to speak with her before she hung up. Her spirits were good. I was glad for that. She was primarily worried about how I was gonna get along without her. It will be difficult, to be sure, but I am more concerned about my havin' to pay her for today when she was not able to work. However, she works for what I can afford to pay her and she does put forth a lot of effort and gets a lot done when she is able. If she needs a day here and there, due to health and family problems, I just count it as part of runnin' a small business. To do otherwise, I would likely have to hire someone who expects to be paid more than I gross on a monthly basis. Very Important news is contained in the extended entry ... somethin' you likely do not want to miss.

After I hung up with Sam[antha], I checked the messages on my answerin' machine. There was only one message and it from someone who mentioned they were lookin' for someone with my name that lived in a town where I used to live. They left a name that sounded very familiar, but I could not recall anythin' 'bout the person. It turns out it was a very close friend of mine and my late wife from the time when she had died,. Carrie had cared for the dogs I had at that time while I spend most of the time carin' for my wife, either in the hospital or travelin' back and forth from Dallas to Carlsbad, NM where she lived the last weeks of her life. We had a pleasant conversation and caught up on what has been happening' in both our lives. It seems she divorced and remarried. Her kids are now grown but she has young step daughters and seems to be stayin' pretty busy clearin' up some old business havin' to do with her prior relationship. I explained to her how I came to live where I live and why I liked living here in notCrawford. I told her my email address and the URL of this blog. It was kinda surprisin' to hear from someone from my past like that.

I had just hung up from talkin' to her and had gone to the back of the office to [TMI] when I heard the entry bell ring. I completed my business hurriedly and rushed out of the men's room. I shouted to let whoever it was know I was in the back of the office and was comin' their way. My visitor turned out to be some guy with two plats full of ripe strawberries. He said that someone had bought them for me. He set them on my counter and left as I watched with what I assume was an utterly perplexed look upon my face. I ate a couple of the strawberries and they were delicious. I then locked the door and walked the square, located his truck, and attempted to investigate in an attempt to locate my mysterious strawberry patron. No one seemed to possess any relevant information about the identity of the mystery person, however. Followin' my failed investigation attempt, I returned to my office. I ate a couple more of the strawberries, and began to try to figure out what I was gonna do with two plats of strawberries. I don't really eat all that much fresh fruit. I rarely even eat at home. If I do, it is usually somethin' that is prepackaged and microwaveable, or easily heated in a pre-heated oven. Admittedly, almost anythin' that does make it into my refrigerator generally develops mold before I ever look for it again. Current residents in my fridge are a jar of pickles, a can or two of Dublin Dr. Pepper, and some old dried up baked potato I never got around to eatin'. So, I was thinkin' about takin' them to my friend's store and just lettin' him give them away when the proverbial light bulb flashed over my head: I ended up donatin' them to the local food bank. The food bank personnel were delighted to have received them and said they would be a very special treat for some of our less fortunate citizens. So, to whomever gave me the strawberries: I thank you for your gift and the sentiment involved and I dearly thank you for providin' me with another opportunity to help people in my community.

As I drove back the two short blocks from the food bank to my office, I had no sooner parked when I saw someone for whom I had been intendin' to call. Bill is the guy who organizes the Lion's Club golf tournament. He had previously asked me if I would draw up a hold harmless agreement he could use in connection with the tournament. I had done drafted one yesterday and presented him with my proposal. He was very pleased with the document, and we discussed a couple of modifications that would be necessary so as it use it with multiple parties. I am elated to have be able to do somethin' for the Lion's Club. So many of the other members donate products to sell when we have fund raisers, but I really have nuthin' to offer. It ain't like I can donate a certificate for 50% off on a divorce or free defense on your next DWI arrest.

While I was talkin' to Bill on the sidewalk in front of the office, Jim Brady, the Commander of my American Legion Post drove by. He rolled down his window and reminded me that I had yet to type up the minutes from our last meetin'. I again made a mental note to try to recall where I put my notes. As he drove off, the next car at the stop sign was one of my staunchest supporters for my County Attorney race. I waved her over to discuss some issues with another candidate's sign I had taken down prematurely. It seems they are in a run-off. I had removed all the signs from my front fence on the eve after the primary because State Election Law requires them to be taken down. We can put them back up 90 days prior to the November election. I have not even purchased signs yet, as I have not raised any money yet. Well, actually, the person I was speakin' with has raised some on my behalf. I forgot to ask her if I had enough to buy the helium balloons I want to give away at the 4th of July Parade. Oh well, there is still a bit of time between now and then. Overall, it was surprisin' that I happened to chance upon three people that I needed to speak with or that needed to speak with me, lined up like they did. Usually, I would have run into one at the post office, another at the grocery store, and would have had to call the third one later this evenin'.

I saved the biggest surprise of the mornin for last. Pixy Misa contacted me via email about the disappearance of Cherry. I explained to him that there was no cause for alarm. Cherry found a higher callin', she says, and has given up on bloggin'. However, it had been suggested on previous occasions that I was welcome to become a full member of the munu universe. I have begun negotiations to finally move T:RR into the munu realm. If I continue to keep bloggin' in connection with my legal practice, I can use this space for things of a more local nature. If the move goes as I foresee it, I will l kick Kang out of his home. He has become too Apathetic to even Abjectly Procrastinate. I fear that he, too, has completely given up on bloggin' . Even the bartender seems to have cooled on the idea of assistin' him with the bloggin' efforts.. I guess there is just so much one can expect from kangaroos, after all. The move may happen quickly and I am hopeful that there won't be too many of ya''ll who will be surprised if ya come here lookin' for T:RR and it is gone. It won't be gone -- it will one be where it should have been a long time ago, nestled among its friends: Ambient Irony (Pixy) [esteemed patron and benefactor of all things munu], Practical Penumbra (Susie), Stranger in a Strange Land (Tim), Jennifer's History and Stuff, Rocket Jones (Ted), Mookie Riffic; The Cheese Stands Alone (Lee Ann), Roxette Bunny; Caught in the X fire (Stevie); Angelweave (Heather), Anger Management (Don), Snooze Button Dreams (Jim), Everyday Stranger (Helen), Madfish Willie's, Annika's Poetry and Journal, and a host of new citizens with whom I have yet to become acquainted.

It is gettin' really eerie in here

OK, I got two identical comments on some really old posts from some Russian blogger and a strange message from some guy in Canada in my last few comments. And about the only thing I did not retain from my previous template is the translator box, as I was of the opinion that no one was usin' it. I am pretty sure that "muxa stuk sell" does not mean what the fork did you do with the translator box? in Russian and if the Canadian was a French speaker, why was his message in English. I like to make sense of things, and these things do not make sense. I am liable to stay awake all night wonderin' just what all this means. Is it a sign of the apocalypse or just my own personal doom or is it just what it seems to be: somethin' totally unexplainable? I am lookin' for answers, people, anyone got any?

Your Sunday evenin' crudfest or a bunch of stuff I wanted to write

{UPDATE: I just now 'membered what I had originally intended to say, or one of the things other than what I did say that was my purpose of postin'. I just thought I had two pretty noteworthy and controversial seemin'ly joke emails I received today of which no one seems to have taken notice: regardin' the different ways reporters can see the same story and a parable denouncin' homosexual relationships.]

First of all, I am very peeved that none of ya'll even attempted to win the easy Kudos on this post despite my havin' brung up this matter not once, but twice, since the original post. Now, this makes three times, but that don't make me a lady. I would put a kudo challenge on that one, but seems no one cares a whit for my kudos. They are at least a valuable as Jim's snooze points, aren't they? Actually, I ain't got any idea what the fork kudos are anyway, just some ol' hackneyed cliche' like most of the crud with which I come up. Damn, but what Churchill would be proud. There could be some kudos for that too, but ya'll don't seem to be playin'.

OK, so let's move off on another subject: my blog template. Ha ha! Yeah, I know ya'll are tired as Hell® of hearin' 'bout my blog template, but actually I was just gonna say that I tested it at 800x600 and it actually showed everythin' 'cept the right column without scrollin'. That is great, 'cause mostly all that is on the right column is links to ya'll. ;) No seriously, anyone who surfs at 800x600 or below just needs to go into the Individual Entry Archives. It ain't like we all get what we want. I like surfin' at a higher resolution than I do on this system because it is missin' the stop just above the settin' I use at the office and I don't like how small the letters are at the next higher settin' that is available. Surprisin'ly, none of my monitors will go down to 640x480 now. If you need to have things that big, folks, use the magnifier in Windows Accessories Accessibility. My late dad had such poor eyesight, he had a 36" monitor set to large type. He was surprised when I showed him the magnifier accessory.

Well, that is enough crud to spread for now. My head is poundin' -- likely sinus, Susie* -- and my neck has taken a lot of abuse from me sittin' steadily in this computer chair over the last two days, so I think I am gonna go watch one of them Lee Van Cleef movies I bought the other day. I got a full cup of Dr. Pepper and my belly is full from the Fritos® Chili Pie and regular order of onion rings I had at Sonic® after my last post from the office as I was headin' this way. I made a short detour, as usual, and filled my cup, then took a short trip down the street and filled my belly. I'll likely tell ya how the chili settled a bit later. ;)

Two months, one week, six days, 20 hours, 3 minutes and 4 seconds as elapsed since I last took a puff off of a nasty cigarette and that now means 2584 cigarettes not smoked, allowin' me to save $516.85 in cash as well as possibly extendin' my life an additional 1 week, 1 day, 23 hours, 20 minutes.

*Who will likely, I hope, be pleased that neither digital pictures nor movies, generally, ever give me a headache. ;)

Even the littlest Texas gals ain't skeered of no spiders

I just got this from my sister, an expatriated Texan livin' in Tennessee. I am 'spectin' that she didn't vote for Albert Gore , despite his ties to her state of residence, last time around. I made that assumption after considerin' the followin':

A father watched his daughter playing in the garden. He smiled as he reflected on how sweet and innocent his little girl was. Suddenly she just stopped and stared at the ground. He went over to her and noticed she was looking at two spiders mating.

Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?" she asked.

"They're mating," her father replied.

"What do you call the spider on top, Daddy?" she asked.

"That's a Daddy Longlegs," her father answered.

"So, the other one is Mommy Longlegs?" the little girl asked.

"No," her father replied. "Both of them are Daddy Longlegs."

The little girl thought for a moment, then she stomped them flat and said: "Well, it might be okay in California, Vermont, and Massachusetts, but we're not having any of that crud in Texas.

Hey, I'm just passin' it along as somethin' topical I got in my email. Take it however ya' want it, 'cause I know there is bunches of ya on both sides of the issue. Of course, no matter what side you be on, please, let's don't be stompin' on others just 'cause you ain't agreein' with their lifestyles, OK?

crud to do on a rainy Sunday afternoon

Ya know, I hadn't seen a soul accuse them of havin' any brains at all, but sheesh, ya would think 'afore they wasted some of their efforts a'writin' all them URLs to all them filthy sites and crud, they might read some of the blogs they are a hittin' to get some idea about which ones might be unwatched for a few hours. I mean it ain't like I ain't been bloggin' 'bout how much I was just sittin' here and that the last couple of comments were from me. George, but them assholes is dumber than crud!

I can't do Taurus 'cause I only got one horn, and a short one at that

So who's up for paintin' zodiac crud all over their bodies and sendin' Goldie the pictures so she can put them up on the internet for all to see. Damn, I wasn't 'spectin' a sea of hands. I thought it was a facetious question.

Possible earthquakes under Manhattan in the morning

Despite havin' tragically lost a family member due to the actions of a misguided teenager today, Michele calmly plots how to get close enough to snap a picture of the Big Kahuna in the Big Apple.

The rooster came in sick and left before the job was done

Well, all of the excitement last night was just too much for me and I overslept. Now I am runnin' late for court, so gonna run so I can beat the judge there. Even though I have a 25 minute head start, it might still be a close race. ttffn™

No more smokin' in the boys' room at the dollar movies

OK, I am thinkin' Michele is against R ratin's for movies that glorify the use of tobacco products. While I am in agreement that the politically correct police are goin' a bit overboard with when and where you can and cannot smoke, let me be one of the first to jump on the bandwagon for this idea. I cannot think of a single person who will disagree that the use of tobacco products does not constitute some unjustified risks to health in the majority of people. I know from experience that quittin' smokin' is one of the hardest things to do because of the various addictive factors associated with smokin'. As such, the absolute best method to quit smokin' is not to ever begin smokin' in the first place. Takin' steps not to glorify tobacco usage in motion pictures seems a good place to start. I am not too sure I agree with "R" ratin's however, but could see requirement of PG-13 ratin's for movies displayin' use of tobacco products with the appropriate identification factors for the ratin'. [full story]

Two months, one week, one day, 22 hours, 26 minutes and 12 seconds. 2412 cigarettes not smoked, saving $482.54. Life saved: 1 week, 1 day, 9 hours, 0 minutes.

Boo Hoo - waaa - waaa - waaa

Judge sentences Washington-area sniper John Allen Muhammad to death. I am so sad. [NOT!!!!!]

My life is an open book

Gracias to Linda at Right We Are for pointin' the way.

Hit the damn road already Jack

I have no idea why I thought this was funny:

I went to the zoo yesterday, Rhonda, and thought of you.

I couldn't find the dancing owl. - LeeAnn

I guess ya had to be there, right? So what the fuck am I doin' here readin' hilarious crud and laughin' my ass off when I am supposed to be on my way to a funeral. Oh, did I tell ya'll that I fuckin' hate funerals. I have it in my will that anyone who insists on havin' a funeral to dispose of my remains loses their share of my estate. If there are any remains of which to dispose, just take them to the zoo and toss them into a cage with some big cats. They know what to do with dead carcasses. No embalmin' though, 'cause embalmin' fluid fucks up the meat, ya know?

Some really strange thoughts that just got stuck in my brain too long

I just absolutely hate dialup ... uh, actually, I hate it just about as bad on my cable connection also when I can't connect up, but for some reason, I get a lot fewer hiccups on cable than I do with my third-world phone company line hookup with the ISP in the next town. I have been tryin' to get back to post some crud for like 30 minutes or more and now I forgot what the fuck I was gonna say. All I 'member is that it was the most Earth-shatterin' news I had ever had to pass along since I have been bloggin'. Now if I could just remember what it was. [insert massive amount of thinkin' and further contemplation here] Oh yeah, now I 'member, it was to tell ya'll, 'specially Scott,* to never ever buy any Kanterbrau Beer. I gotta thank Harvey for turnin' me onto that fact, but I still can't thank him for linkin' to me ... I guess he hates me or somethin'.

Oh, and James, speakin' of oxymorons ... wouldn't you agree that French beer is an oxymoron and that good French beer would be a double oxymoron?

*Linked post ain't got nuthin' to do with beer, 'cept that Scott was probably drinkin' one when he wrote it.

Allow me to be the first to say it

The BBC says Putin is a super tsar.

Da Commissar slanted it differently.

Now wait, didn't I forkin' die early?

I found this quiz over on Ozguru's* and figured I would come up as someone cool, like Yoda, but no, I am:

If I were a Star Wars character, I would be: Qui-Gon Jinn. Take the " Which Star Wars Character Am I?" Quiz by Always Two There Are

*It seems I caused a bit of confusion to the entire continent of Australia with this previous post and ran across the link to this quiz durin' an attempted clarification excursion.

Sometimes I really can be a bit mean. ;)

Oh now, here is a good catch for some of ya'll gals: 27 year old male student, lives at home with mother.*

*It could be worse. He could be livin' at home with mother while assistin' her in the runnin of the family motel business.

Anyone up for a game of dirty politics?

It seems the media might be playin' with a set of marked cards in this current media meme frenzy about Bush's exploitation of 9/11 in his current ads. The cards are marked let's sway this news to make Bush look bad so Kerry can win.

Ith had further coverage on this veiled political attack by the Kerry camp.

Hopin' the jury would kiss her ass, Martha gets bit in the butt

Martha Stewart was convicted on four counts. I would provide a link, but just hit any news site, newspaper or serious blog.* Some may see this as a detriment to her career path, but I just see it as a good start for a future Country & Western Star. I mean how much longer was she gonna be able to push that current shtick anyway?

*I do not, by any means, consider this a serious blog, but I do honestly opine that I am a serious blogger.

I am seriously too old to be doin' this, it seems

I am just amazed that I have not had anyone claim the kidos on this post. I had thought that Buzz would get it, as he is the only person, besides me, that actually saw every episode of The Greatest American Hero.

Oh, now that explains ever'thin'

Well, after a deluge of ecstatic activity at the beginnin' of the week, there was an eerie lull here at ***: Raggin' & Rantin' of late and I, for the life of me, could not figure out what had changed. I was postin' some great snarky and inane crud as usual, but it was fallin' on blind eyes. Verily, however, I awoke this mornin' and saw somethin' on my blogroll that disclosed the answer to that plaguin' problem. There was an update flag next to Sanity's Edge. Paul has returned and is again stealin' all of my thunder. Welcome back Paul!

[Yikes! I found another postin' on Ramblings* of SilverBlue that hints that there might be another reason people seem to be avoidin' my blog.]

*I have a really hard time typin' that "g" ;)

Where is the CALVARY CAVALRY when ya really need 'em?

Well, the day had begun and I need to go see if I can dig myself outta of the hole I fell into yesterday. Until I get back, hold the fort, keep your chins up and Remember the Alamo.

Two months, three days, 7 hours, 43 minutes and 32 seconds. 2216 cigarettes not smoked, saving $443.25. Life saved: 1 week, 16 hours, 40 minutes.

It's all in how it is associated

Velociman has a real hangup about meat and crud. Of course, with the recent flap goin' on about Acidman, I am not too sure I would even use the phrase "because I'm white."

No Virginia, the Jackasses Democrats can't put Slick Willie on the Ticket

AMENDMENT XII.

The Electors shall meet in their respective states and vote by ballot for President and Vice-President, one of whom, at least, shall not be an inhabitant of the same state with themselves; they shall name in their ballots the person voted for as President, and in distinct ballots the person voted for as Vice-President, and they shall make distinct lists of all persons voted for as President, and of all persons voted for as Vice-President, and of the number of votes for each, which lists they shall sign and certify, and transmit sealed to the seat of the government of the United States, directed to the President of the Senate;The President of the Senate shall, in the presence of the Senate and House of Representatives, open all the certificates and the votes shall then be counted;The person having the greatest number of votes for President, shall be the President, if such number be a majority of the whole number of Electors appointed; and if no person have such majority, then from the persons having the highest numbers not exceeding three on the list of those voted for as President, the House of Representatives shall choose immediately, by ballot, the President. But in choosing the President, the votes shall be taken by states, the representation from each state having one vote; a quorum for this purpose shall consist of a member or members from two-thirds of the states, and a majority of all the states shall be necessary to a choice. And if the House of Representatives shall not choose a President whenever the right of choice shall devolve upon them, before the fourth day of March next following, then the Vice-President shall act as President, as in the case of the death or other constitutional disability of the PresidentThe person having the greatest number of votes as Vice-President, shall be the Vice-President, if such number be a majority of the whole number of Electors appointed, and if no person have a majority, then from the two highest numbers on the list, the Senate shall choose the Vice-President; a quorum for the purpose shall consist of two-thirds of the whole number of Senators, and a majority of the whole number shall be necessary to a choice. But no person constitutionally ineligible to the office of President shall be eligible to that of Vice-President of the United States.

"He may be a screechin' moonbat, but he's our screechin' moonbat!"*

Yep, Vermont says Dean is their man, even though he bowed out of the race already. Guess we kinda get some kind of a clue as to what kind of environment it takes to grow and nurture moonbats to maturity, huh?

*I ain't just real sure how people from Vermont talk. It may be that they like pronouncin' "g's" on the end of words.

A pissed-off woman* can be a vindictive bitch

You gotta see this picture that is posted over on Boots and Sabers.

*Lest I fail to be perfectly politically correct, I do suppose the same applies to pissed-off gay lovers as well.

Now is the time for all good men [bloggers] to come to the aid of [one of] their country [own]

Serenity is currently not so serene. Life has handed her a nasty basket of lemons, and she needs your support both in prayers and good wishes and also can likely use a bit of financial support as well. It seems that she mis-stepped on some wet cobbles and broke several bones in her ankle. Her health insurance has yet to kick in and she may be laid up long enough that her job won't wait. Bloggers are a close-knit family, so let's all gather 'round one of ours in this time of need.

A day for feelin' froggy

Well, this is the 12th one since the day of my birth, and the first in 8 years, so those of ya'll that were lucky enough to have been born on February 29th, HAPPY BIRTHDAY! I do know it has been quite awhile since you got to celebrate, but just remember, even though your birthdays come few and far between, the world throws a party near* ever' year you have one. All the countries gather together their biggest, fastest and strongest performance enhanced and genetically modified specimens to compete against each other in a contest for metal medallions and braggin' rights. As usual, I shall be pullin' for Zimbabwe to take the gold in basketweavin'. This year the celebration is to be held in Greece, where the damn party and leap year originated.** However, this may be the first time the Olympics have been hosted by Greece that Troy, Mesopotamia and Persia did not field teams.***

Today was also supposed to be a very very special day for me. I had intended today to be my weddin' day. I mean, I am so addle-pated, I figured if I got married on a day that comes around only once in four years, I can only forget my anniversary once every four years. Like I said, I might be an idiot, but I ain't an uneducated idiot. All the plans were made. I was all ready to get the ceremony done. I had decided Carrot Top could conduct the ceremony. I had heard that he is an ordained minister of the Church of Dial Down the Middle of North America. However, it does seem that my people could not coordinate the event with her people. In fact, it seems that my people did not contact her people at all. In actually, I believe my people do not possess a clue as how to contact her people. I guess I shall just have to continue to worship my true love from afar and ain't that a cryin' shame. I hope you win that Oscar tonight, sweetie. Whatever you wear will be fine, honey, as you are gonna be the best lookin' woman in attendance.****

Old Man Wind also seems to be a bit confused about this leap year business. He is under the impression that March has arrived and roared in like a lion this mornin'. His wife, the Rain Mistress, is even more confused. She thinks it is April and was providin' spring showers. Me, I'll just continue to believe it is December and go check the mail for Christmas cards. ttffn

*There is that thing about it not happenin' on years endin' with double naughts. I suppose such years are just too naughty for leap years.

**This may not be a fact, as I did not research such and don't really forkin' care ... it was just somethin' to say, OK?

***See footnote **

****If you don't know who she is, if you are fertile and wantin' to have my baby, it might be you or it might be Renee Zellweger.*****

*****Uh, she inferred that you be female ... I just remembered some of my readers****** ain't as smart as me and I have to spell things out for them.*******

******Does one count as some?

*******See footnote **

A Saturday mornin' blip

So. I was up at the crack of dawn this mornin' with the other idiots and old men. I am not 'zactly sure with which group I am supposed to be associated, so I just sat and waited to see which group would gather 'round me. No gatherin' took place in my immediate area. Except for a casual scowl in my direction, no one seemed to take notice of my presence. Eventually, the idiots and the old men gathered in their respective areas and began to converse. I watched for awhile and then approached one group and then the other. In each case, a deathly hush preceded my approach. I felt their watchful eyes bore into me as I stepped closer and closer. I stopped short of sayin' anythin' and backed away. I eventually came to a conclusion that I was too ignorant to join the old men and too old to fit in among the idiots. Odd man out, as usual.

Now, after that depressin' scenario, you might have a hankerin' for a wee bit of levity, eh? Venture into the unknown and check out the entended entry.

OK, as the biggest topic of the weekend is The Passion of the Christ, I present the followin' bit of crud:

Gerald went on a vacation to the Middle East with most of his family including his mother-in-law.

During their vacation and while they were visiting Jerusalem. Gerald's mother-in-law died.

With the death certificate in hand, Gerald went to the American Consulate Office to make arrangements to send the body back to the States for proper burial.

The Consul, after hearing of the death of the mother-in-law told Gerald that the sending of a body back to the States for burial is very, very expensive. It could cost as much as $5,000.00. The Consul continued, that in most cases the person responsible for the remains normally decides to bury the body here. This would only cost $150.00.

Gerald thinks for some time and answers, "I don't care how much it will cost to send the body back; that's what I want to do."

The Consul, after hearing this, says "You must have loved your mother-in-law very much considering the difference in price."

"No, it's not that," says Gerald. "You see, I know of a case many years ago of a person that was buried here in Jerusalem. On the third day he arose from the dead! I would rather not take that risk.

Nuthin' further forthcomin' ?

There is just too much really strange, unique, genuine, funny, insane, snarky, cruel, irreverant and otherwise noteworthy stuff left over from yesterday that ya haven't read or acknowledged, so until I am satisfied everyone has given such the attention it deserves, I am reservin't this space for future use.* Navel Gazin' Report fans need not worry too much as history has shown that even a major snit seldom precludes my daily regurgitatin' of inane belly button lore.

*Yeah, I am poutin' for links and comments ... :p

The biggest movie of the year (for some) has opened

It seems that Owen is among those lucky enough to have already seen The Passion of the Christ. It appears that many have yet to find any tickets available. Then, of course, there might be a few like me that will just await the DVD to hit the bargain bins at the local video store.

Comin' to a theater near you soon ... I wish

London tourists might not think a toilet with one-way mirrors is a good idea, but I could have definitely found a use for one durin' the showin's of every episode of the Lord of the Rings movie series. I mean, ya eat a tub of popcorn, salty as Hell, while washin' that down with 32 ounces of Dr. Pepper® (or in some cases, Coca-Cola*, in those places in which only Coke products are sold**) in a 3 hour movie, ya are gonna gave to make a trip to the restroom. If they had some toilets with see through walls in the rear of the theater, then I would not have to cringe, pinch my legs together, just waitin' for a slow moment in the action so as to dart out, jostlin' people and steppin' on toes, runnin' to the restroom, yada yada***, and runnin' back, hopin' I didn't miss somethin' really good.

attribution: Goldie

*If you want me to do the extra work to identify your trademark, then pony up the bucks that I am hopeful that Dr. Pepper will one day pay me to hype their fantastic product.

**Mr. Pibb bein' such a bad imitation of Dr. Pepper as to be a totally nauseatin' choice.

***TMI replacement language.

Thursday* mornin' quickie**

Well, I aroused all fresh and alert and feel that my mental trowel is clean and sharp, so I am ready to spend the greater part of today listenin' to a lot of the State of Texas' witnesses and then do my best to punch a few holes in their testimony. I fear they have a strong case, but I will do my best to make the whole scenario look a bit like a Swiss cheese tapestry when laid out for final view either some time this afternoon or tomorrow.

[UPDATE: Now ain't this apropos:

Your Thursday horoscope, Taurus!

Communication is emphasized in a dramatic manner today. This is an afternoon of poetry and song, although some trouble is indicated if you forget your previously scheduled appointments.

It appears the stars are tellin' me I might need to insert a little song and dance into today's trial routine, and that if I don't hit the road soon and make it on time, the judge is gonna jump down my ass. ttffn]

[UPDATE II: Well, it does seem that my legal skills were just too much for anyone to handle today. As soon as I showed up, the DA said he had been up all night workin' on a possible murder case over the night where some argument dealin' with a pit bull dog came to a point where one person shot another person who is expected to die soon. So, the DA was tired and decided to come down a bit on his plea bargain offer. As soon as my client showed up, I took him to the side to tell him the offer, figuring he would not take it, as he has been sayin' all along he was an innocent bystander caught in the wrong place at the wrong time. However, it seems that after lookin' in the eyes of the jury yesterday after they were seated, he, too, had also had a sleepless night. This mornin' he was not really so eager to thrust grand decisions regardin' his life into their eager hands. As such, with a tiny tad of coaxin' on my part and some elaborately devised explanations to his family members as why I thought he was wise to be wantin' to accept the offer, the deal was made. As such, following some admonishments and waivers, the plea was accepted and the trial is over; the jury was dismissed; my client is likely gonna do less time than any of the other 7 people involved in the case; the DA gets to go home and get some rest; the Judge's trial week is over and he could now go fishin' or somethin' if he wanted; my secretary decided to take today off thinkin' I was gonna be in trial all day and would never know about it; and I am playin' hooky at home nursin' that damn sore back I got from standin' in the damn same place for 45 minutes yesterday pickin' that damn jury. My hot bath has been run, and I am thinkin' of doin' a bit of housecleanin'.*** The best thing about the whole episode is that I did not have to call the local County Judge to tell him I was gonna miss this month's County Court docket set tomorrow mornin' because I was stuck in trial after havin' missed it for the last two prior months because I was stuck in some District Court here or there. I personally am just a bit sad that the trial did not go, as I do so love goin' through the whole dog and pony show. The part I hate the most is jury selection, and here the damn trial went past that part and was aborted just as the fun part was fixin' to start.]

*To be received on this upcomin' Friday in some utterly remote parts of the world.

**As with most supposed quickies, the mere labelin' of some action as such never actually quells one's urge to keep comin' back for more and more of a good thing.

***That thought quickly passed and I am pretty sure no housecleanin' is gonna get done today after all. I am pretty sure that my desire to take a nap will supersede such endeavor in my personal priorities list.****

****Such list is stored firmly in the recesses of my chaotic mind and is governed by balancing a need for systematic procrastination with my personal tendencies toward utter laziness.

Will you Aussies please get on the same page

I thought I had done gone screwy when I saw where Goldie had pinged me today with a post entitled did someone say 'hump day'? 'cause all day I had been under the impression that today was Fat Tuesday. Well, it was Fat Tuesday for us, but seems it is already Ash Wednesday for those in the land of Oz, and likely my Kiwi friends in New Zealand as well. Now what concerns me is that I have forgotten in which direction Superman has to fly at a speed faster than light in order to go back in time. I know I knew that when I was 10 ... so how could I have forgotten such an important piece of information, now, when I probably need it more than I ever did at age 10. Of course, I now probably have more need for my name to be written in my underwear than I did when I was 10. This is not because I am any more liable to be losin' my underwear now than I was then. In neither case was that likely, as I have always managed to stay aware of the location of my underwear. No, any need for havin' identification written therein is because I am much more likely to forget who I am now that I was when I was 10. If you need any proof as to the decay of my mental processes, just notice how this post started out as a discussion of dates* and denigrated into a discussion of my underwear. Case closed, I think ... found guilty of bein' brainless.

*And, if you reread the overlooked first post of the day, you can see I was already a bit confused about whether I awoke today or tomorrow.

Oh my, oh my, what ever have I gone and done now?

I don't know why someone from 81.9.106.157 came in and left 25 comments on various posts without posing a URL. The appeared to have left 3 or 4 different email addresses. Their comments were not trollish, necessarily, in nature but added nothin' of substance to any of the posts. Most were the trite statements like Thee best blogggg or somethin' similar. Mostly, it was just the sheer number of such comments that I found irritatin'. Regrettably, I found it necessary to delete them all and to ban such IP number. I do so hope that I did not just press the iggy button on my new No. 1 fan, or, George forbid, the mother of my children. ;)

Guys really do need to go into the kitchen, I guess

Celibacy

Celibacy can be a choice in life, or a condition imposed by environmental encounters.

While attending a Marriage Encounter Weekend, Walter and his wife Ann, listened to the instructor declare, "It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other."

He addressed the men, "Can you name and describe your wife's favorite flower?"

Walter leaned over, touched Ann's arm gently and whispered, "Pillsbury All-purpose, isn't it?"

And, thus began Walter's life of celibacy.

Texas goes Canadian

I awoke this morning to find that a severe blizzard blew through last night and dumped almost an inch of snow. I am tellin' ya, Texas looked more like Canada. I am waitin' on the snowplows to come clear the streets before I venture out.

They come in all shapes and sizes

I might have mentioned previously that I have been and still am a volunteer "expert" on http://www.allexperts.com/ on diet and nutrition. You might be surprised at some of the questions I get. Consider this one:

Hi.

My name is Julian and I am currently slightly overweigh, by twenty pounds. I'm 5'10" and weigh about 205 lbs. I have been exercising for a couple of weeks, but my diet has been poor somewhat. I don't eat meat or chicken that much because I'm not a fan of them. However, I eat foods that are loaded in carbs. I also love eating all kinds of fish. I'm 30 years old and of south american descent. I would like to know how long I will live if I start getting fit now. I want to live a very long time and I would like to know if it's not to late to change my ways. How long am I expected to live if I do this?

regards,

Julian

Now, you have a serious of radio buttons you can pick so as to handle the questions you get:

• Answer this question or request more information.
• Sorry, this is outside my expertise OR I simply can't help with that.
• This question is too long and involved for me to help with.
• This is a rude, non-serious question.
• This is one followup too many.
• I don't do homework questions.
• Send me an e-mail of this question so I can consider this further.
• Send questioner a "you're welcome" note.
• This is a duplicate question. Use this option to deal with duplicate questions.
• There is no question here.
• I can't answer this with custom rejection message.

Now the first selection is if you actually want to field the question, and the remainder are ways to blow the questioner off in some way or another without a personalized response. I have rarely ever used any of the selections other than the first (and the one dealing with duplicate questions when applicable), because even if one of the other options actually fits, I feel the questioner, at the very least, unless it is obvious they were just being an ass, deserves a personalized response. I guess I do assist with homework questions, because I have been known to supply a few URLs and search terms to some people who seem to be lookin' for homework assistance. So, you have seen Julian's question. How do you think I answered him?

Hi Julian,

There is no way anyone can answer that question. Access to and advancement in medical technology makes such impossible, but I will give you this answer from what I have learned from my wife's death from complications due to her being anorexic for 15 to 16 years at the end of her life. No matter what you eat, you will live longer than if you don't eat.

Good luck,

Terence A. Russell

I suspect that is about as truthful as anyone could answer that question.

The things that do go through my mind

I just got this email that said "Make Your PC Fly" in the subject line, and I thought, yeah, toss it out the window. Now aren't you glad you took the time to read that?

The wad just does not wanna unbunch, it appears

See, I don't even rate as a dangerous blogger. Blah! Sorry Denita.

I am puttin' all ya'll gals on official notice

Your Thursday horoscope, Taurus! You will be looking your best today, so pursue the type of success that until recently you could only imagine. This is a day to make your sensuality known and appreciated, regardless of your intent.

OK, ladies, ya'll do know about my sensuality, right? Well, I am still unsure of my intent, but ya'll really ought to be appreciatin' my sensuality.

Do ya think it was a long race to stake the claim to that one?

Did ya ever wonder who was first in claimin' www.cummingfirst.com? It likely ain't anyone that immediately popped into your mind.

attribution: TLHines via Ted.

Don't be crashin' my buzz, man!

Disclaimer for my students: Professor Levy's level of caffeine intake is not medically recommended and should not be emulated. His tolerance is at an appallingly high level, and therefore his intake does not interfere with his getting eight-plus hours of sleep per night. You all have an alarming tendency not to get eight hours of sleep per night, and this is not good. Coffee is a wonderful, wonderful thing but is not a substitute for sleep... - Jacob Levy

And yet, when it comes to students and not getting enough sleep, I am pretty sure there is somethin' much more physical involved on most occasions than the mere physical effects of caffeine.

More upheaval in the Middle East?

Is there some kind of sandstorm of rebellion a'brewin' in Saudi Arabia? Glenn Reynolds points to this story and says Maybe.

Finally, what ya'll have been waitin' for

Yes, the child has been found . . . alive and as good as can be expected under the circumstances. Momma did not fare so well. No word regardin' the father.

attribution: Dean or was it Rosemary? I actually, know which one is was, just was wantin' to wish a welcome back to Rosemary.

One guy with a peculiar fetish just looked up and smiled

"What a stinking mess! This blood and other stuff that blew out on the road is disgusting, and the smell is really awful," said one resident.

What?

"[T]he whale's belly just exploded and spilled blood and the innards on the street."

George, that is simply unbelievable?

Check it out

attribution: Ravenwood

What kind of an idiot

What kind of an idiot do you have to be to just rampantly destroy other people's vehicles because you believe ownership of such environmentally unfriendly vehicles displays decadence? One of the gang involved in destroyin' 50 SUVs said she particularly resented "arrogant ladies" who drive expensive SUVs instead of buying more economical cars and donating the surplus money to charity. [story] George! The next thing ya know, people will start throwin' blood on people who wear furs just to protest the killlin' of animals or somethin'.

attribution: Cracker Barrel Philosopher

But it sounded all right to me

I just saw this along the top of IMAO:

"Why do you want to harm France and Germany?" piped in one reporter, "Don't you understand that their just trying to bravely stand against America's imperial impulses?"

*Hey, that is just a joke, ya hosers. I like Canadians, eh? 'Cept them FROGLITES™ in Keybec, who are just a tad bit arrogant thinkin' we ought ta speak Harley Goo Parfait or some such nonsense.

Somethin' to do when ya are bored - new idea

One of the things I notice and blog about often is the endless circles we find ourselves in, just visitin' the same blogs over and over ... and thought of one way to get out of that rut by doin' somethin' a bit different. Let's call it Go Back Five. Pick any blog on your blogroll, open the main page, go to the fifth entry, find a link to another blog, click it, if archived page, go to main page, go to fifth entry, click on a link to another blog, do this three more times until you are lookin' at the main page of that last blog, then find somethin' on that blog to blurb about.

Here we go: Opening Drumwaster's Rants* ... fifth blurb links to michele ... go to main page of A Small Victory ... went down five posts to find this link to bradchoate.com ... opened full weblog and scrolled to fifth post where I found a link to Silverberry in the comments ... where I had to hit the archives to find the fifth post which was this one where I found a link that took me to this post ... is that FIVE? Close enough for this inane example: And we wind up at ConnieLane's LJ.

I was particular entranced with this blog entry:

Well, I have just done something monumentally foolish. But I can't undo it, and I don't think I want to.

Oh well.

ETA: Just so everyone knows, I didn't trade weapons for hostages or anything like that. This truly not that big a deal to anyone but me. I tend to blow these things way out of proportion.

EFTA: Feel much better now. Though not necessarily less foolish.

[link]

*This was not actually my first choice, as my first choice did not regularly link blogs. The rules are flexible as it is the end result that is important.

My ever wanderin' thoughts

OK, we have reached that point in the day when the 15 second variance in the risin' of the sun, on which I reported earlier for those of ya'll that ain't been keepin' up, and I need to take a nap. Big cats take big naps. I am thinkin' on goin' out and stretchin' out along the tops of some big rocks, as it is such a fine January day, bright sunshine, upper 60s, stiff breeze makin' it feel like March weather already. It would be a nice day for a picnic if I had some svelte young tigress to accompany me in dining on some nice antelope or whatever else we could find on our stroll through the jungle. Damn, now I'm hungry.

The sun was a bit late comin' up this mornin'

... or maybe my watch is just runnin' a tad slow, 'cause accordin' to the Old Farmer's Almanac, the sun was suppose to rise 15 seconds before it actually did. Now that is gonna throw off my whole damn day. Anyway, just wanted to pop in and say good mornin'. I am still amidst my early mornin' gettin' ready to go out and get my cup filled with Dr. Pepper and read today's Opus so as to come make my Eye on Opus™ report agenda. I was just thrilled to see that so many of ya'll had already arisen and were eager for me to post somethin'. So? This is somethin', isn't it? More to come, I promise.

[UPDATE: OK, I am ready and fixin' to go out and get that cup filled and maybe go somewhere and get a bite of breakfast. While I am gone, do ya think a couple of my avid fans might have a look at this and tell me what ya think?]

Is there a doofus in the house?

OK, I wanna know -- How many of ya'll actually submitted your financial information in response to an email from the FDIC?

"it's an Indian war yell or something like that"

Is this spin, sarcasm or just someone who observed the truth?

Makin' a claim to the ultimate souvenir*

Well, let me see ... what is the most interestin' story goin' at the moment? Oh, that the U. S. Army wants to fill in Saddam's Hidey-Hole. I say No! No! No! Dig that baby up, sling it under a helicopter and fly it back to the US. I want that in the Smithsonian Institute. Spoils of war, baby!

[trackback to Traffic Jam]

*Zempt has the best spellchecker of any program I have ever used.**

**I say that and then find it don't even recognize its own name.

John Collins LIVES!

Says Paul.

In the schoolyard, he is known simply as Julio*

Folks, now here is a bit of common sense I wish to share with all of ya'll. If ya are smokin' marijuana in the back of the limo, instruct the driver to obey the traffic laws. It is kinda embarrassin' if ya get busted when he gets pulled over for a speedin' ticket.

Surreptitiously lifted from TalkLeft

*Grossly indecent admiration to the first person who actually gets the title.

Way too much information!

I didn't ask, and I, for one, really do wish you had not told anyone about this.

attribution: McGehee

Leave me alone and let me eat my breakfast

Gennie says Yankees love Cream of Wheat, and people South of the Mason/Dixon line would rather eat 15 brands of grits than to ever take a taste of some old nasty Cream of Wheat. Their constant derision and comments are startin' to chap her ass. She really said that:

Wanna know what really chaps my ass about the South?

Me, I like Cream of Wheat and grits equally, in second place behind Malt-O-Meal. If'n ya wanna talk about somethin' really nasty: oatmeal. Keep it for the cookies, cause all mushy in a bowl ain't nuthin' I even wanna spoon into my mouth.

[UPDATE: Even this is preferable to OATMEAL]

Oh Nooooooooooo!

I just heard that NASA has lost contact with the Mars Rover. I wonder if those little green men snuck up behind it and turned it off.

[UPDATE: It looks like I might have been right on the money.]

He musta been flashin' a lot of cash around town

There must have been a lot of thought put into that sayin' a fool and his money are soon parted. 'Course, if ya got millions, what is a hundred grand, right?

attribution: Ravenwood

He must have made a trip to see the Wizard of OZ

Wow, I never thought I would ever say that I thought Bill showed a lot of good sense. He musta finally got a brain.

Here's a quickie!

I got a new car stereo the other day and it has voice activation software installed into it! If you yell out Rock, it switches the settings to "ROCK"! If you yell out Country, it switches the settings to "Country"! On my way home last night some kids ran out in front of my car. Hitting the brakes I yelled "Fucking Kids" and the radio started playing Michael Jackson.

Did ya pick a good place to hang your hat?

Zombyboy was discussin' his love/hate relationship with livin' in Denver and it reminded me that I ofter consider that most people really had little choice in where they live. They were born there or in some small town not too distant from the city in which they currently reside, or their job or career took them there. I moved here with a gaol to make my home here because I saw opportunity existed and a place where the community embraced me and made me feel welcome. I found a unique position, a place in the world. How many of ya'll actually put any thought into the geographic location where you currently reside?

Linkin' to the Traffic Jam, BOSS, linkin' to the the Traffic Jam.

I was somewhere else when I shoulda been somewhere else

Crap, I am gonna have to start keepin' a closer eye on Michele, 'cause there is definitely somethin' strange goin' on over on A Small Victory, somethin' very very very strange. Should I continue?

There really are some things I wish I had not heard --

It is truly sad that there are some very evil people in this world. Ask Natalie.

It might be time for another trip to the eye doctor

I thought this post was entitled "Shania and Democracy" and I clicked the link hopin' to see some sexy picks of Shania Twain. I didn't find any. I was severely disappointed. Of course, I also figured I must be gettin' way behind in my current events 'cause I didn't know who or what Sharia was. I think Ms. Singletary would be disappointed in me, now. When I was in second grade, I was teacher's pet because I always was up on current events. My, how my priorities have changed since puberty. I seem to think much more aboutthe shape of women now than I do about the shape of the world's affairs. Is that a bad thing?

And the loser of the cat fight 'twarn't either cat

I have actually accidentally frightened my weeniewolf a few times and had him turn and bite me. Once to twice, he broke through the skin. However, you can bet I won't ever try to come up behind a cornered cat and pick it up. Nope, no way. See, I understand this reaction, all to well. ***s are big cats, after all, and I know when I am backed into a corner, I come out fightin'. teeth and claws bared, and ain't worryin' 'whether those I am takin' out be friend or foe.

Political Commentary from Bill

Yep, our own Bill, the King of Suck, provided a bit of political commentary for your review. As usual, it sucked, well all except for this part:

If I were a Democrat, I wouldn't have voted for Kerry just because of his hair. And his ties to big ketchup. How come nobody ever brings that up? How come nobody ever makes the connection between John Kerry being a Vietnam vet and his wife who owns a company that produces a viscous red liquid THAT LOOKS AN AWFUL LOT LIKE BLOOD! Coincidence? I don't think so.

Of course, he probably stole that from Lileks.

[UPDATE: This actually sucks worse than Bill.]

Ya know, life just ain't fair

Cathy has a full and active life and I can't even get any nasty remarks in response to any of the crap I wrote today. I am beginnin' to feel like the Rodney Dangerfield of bloggers. I really wanted to the Homer Simpson. Homer may be an idiot, but he is popular. Everyone always seems to be chasin' after him.

I thought it was a good idea at the time

John named his new car Kosheen. I wonder which one of the KInks named his car Sharrona? I ain't named any cars since the tragic death of Lickety-Split, my beloved '88 5.0 'stang ragtop that I lost sittin' still in the turn lane a couple of years ago after havin' babied along for a decade, and havin' amassed almost 400,000 miles.* I tried to replace him with the '89 bucket of rust I brought back from Chicago. I drive the Lincoln the most, but I ain't really taken the time to name him. Actually, it might be a her. I haven't crawled underneath to look.

*Ya'll 'member that spontaneous 4 day trip I took to Key West, FL and back over this past T'day? I used to do those quite regularly in Lickety-Split.

Hey there, Mr. Madfish Willie

Inside joke.

LINK THIS BUSTER!

That very lovely young lady, *The Patriette*, finds some of the most interestin' things to blog about. Talk about a Democratic candidate makin' a jackass out of himself.

Keep it under your hat

Comments are enabled again. I am seeking one of those scripts that makes people type that number you have to look with a magnifyin' glass to see on an almost same colored background before ya can post it. If'n ya got one of them, email me: the hotmail people know me simply as roguegenius. Death to those who ruined my Saturday!*

*In my researchin' for stuff to assist me in cleanin' the crap from my files, I ran across somethin' that said the sort of folks who did this to me target those who use certain words, like references to the tradename of salty canned meat products in very close proximity to the term used for the very thing you do when you want to add your opinion to someone's blog entry. As such, I am doin' my very best to not use those terms until I get a better security system in place.

More crap about me that you didn't know

First, 'fore we begin this inane diatribe, could I get one of ya'll big strappin' gals to come over here and help me with this jar of pickles? Damn, whatta they put these lids on with, pneumatic tools?

So, first of all, let me say that I agree 100% with Michele on this, but will never forgive her for writin' a tome about Popeye and not once mentionin' Alice the Goon. I mean, just the sound of her voice used to make my heart go pitter-patter. Of course, I was a little boy and just a look from a pretty girl would likely make me blush and piss myself. I was a very insecure little boy. The babes loved it . . . then! That was the 50's -- people were weird in the 50's, always starin' at the horizon like they was lookin' for somethin'. They was always sayin' somethin' 'bout mushrooms.

It would be good to see this guy move off of blog*spot, get some permalinks, maybe, or somethin'. Still, gotta send some kudos to the divine Ms. Margi for introducin' me to the funny fella. Of course, it always amazes me that people ain't beatin' the doors down to get into this place. What's wrong, folks, are the drinks watered down? Are the jokes lame? Does my breath stink? What is it? What does a person have to do to get some recognition 'round here, threaten to shoot one of my dogs? Crap! Oh, speakin' of crap, what is this crap? Are they gonna Photo Shop this little kid hangin' outside the windshield of ever' type of vehicle there is? Last time I saw him, he was hangin' onto the hood of grandma's car with that same expression on his face. See, I have a mind like a leaky collander, although most of what I see and hear just goes right through, I catch a small bit of it.

Hey, ya'll 'member that quote from Windrider down below? Well, seems these three gentlemen left home without their I'm an Idiot sign. Thanks to the Cracker Barrel Puffdaddy for bringin' that scenario to my attention.

George, but what a load of crap. I got a mess of spiders crammin' my comments with some really weird crap! Help, help, help! What can I do to stop this?

One of the main reasons I like livin' in Texas

There ain't all that much that happens here, weatherwise, that will make go stir crazy like Dawn 'cause it is too hard to get yourself up and out and goin' somewhere. In fact, about the only thing that happens here that will keep ya inside with the doors locked is pitchin' woo. Oh wait, do they pitch woo anymore? Where in the Hell were they pitchin' it? I am suspicious that there is a big pile of woo somewhere in this great state. I may have possibly stepped in some of it in my past adventures.

Hey, someone has to be out there!

Otherwise, why would SilverBlue be postin' his best stuff!

HELP!

There is a kink somewhere and I ain't got a clue where ta look. Seems my page is dyin' as the left column is writin'. If ya look, ya can see it cuts off just under Hit Parade. Just before I published the prior post, it was writing a bit more of the left right* column, but the page was not completely loadin'. I have rebuilt all the indexes and am without a clue as what to do. Have I hit a blip somewhere along the path? Has anyone experienced this same blog phenomenon previously? Am I truly the first to be afflicted with the meltin' blog syndrome*? Arrrgggggh! I don't wanna die like this! Help, help, help, help, help!

[UPDATE: Well, after a couple of other people looked at it and said they didn't see what I saw, I came up with the conclusion it was somethin' within my control. As every added bit on data I added ate more of what was supposed to be displayed, I determined there must be some setting with regard to the amount of bits, bytes or somethin' that would load up in my browser window. It must be a default settin' 'cause I experienced the same problem when I viewed in Mozilla. Anyway, so I was gonna shorten the number of days I had showin' on the main page and discovered that I had never reset the number of days show back from 14, where I set it prior to hiatus so that my front page would not be bare in my absence. I changed it back to 7, and my display was back to the norm. I have subsequently reset it to show the last 50 posts. That should usually take ya back at least two, maybe two and a half days, on a good week, and if ya ain't been by to read anythin' before then, ya might need to go get somethin' cold to drink, 'cause it might be time to start viewin' them archives. ;) ]

*It depends a lot from perspective. I was inside lookin' for the problem and lookin' at the back of the monitor screen.

**I knew the word would come to me.

Someone's been askin' questions 'bout you?

Ted got interviewed, and not by Jennifer . . . this time.

It's time to work on payin' the piper his due

Ya know, it is funny how there are just those really great bloggers out there ever'one raves and blogs 'bout that I just never get around to readin'. Bill Whittle is one of 'em. But, today somethin' drew me there and now I want you to go there. There is somethin' ya need to do. Whether ya enjoy my crap, or ya like Frank J's drivel, or the bow to the Majesty of Emperor Misha I or are one of those who hangs on ever' word that Bill Whittle pens, we are all askin' ya to pay us what you think ya owe by donatin' to the Marines who are carryin' much needed supplies and tokens of friendship back with 'em when they return to the deserts of Iraq. These guys are puttin' their lives on the line for us, and they are askin' our help in assistin' them to assist those we sent them to free. We freed Iraqis because that is what Americans do, now let's show the Iraqis just what kind of people Americans really are. We ain't infidels, we is the ones who care the most.

Oops, did I forget to mention that to do your part, all ya gotta do is to go here and to give what ya can!

Cyberstalkin' Deb, it seems

Seems I been mentionin' Deb Yoder ever' other blurb here lately, but ain't coincidental that I was her 30,000th visitor yesterday, and I am likely gonna pass the 30K mark myself today. Of course, I was not really gonna say much about the milestone here as I was gonna wait until I got 50K ... which should occur sometime in 2005.

Death and destruction - LIVE it seems

So, anyone out there that can explain to me just exactly what this is about? It looks like people are bein' killed without any chance of surrender. Surely this is a joke, right?

Pick a card - any card - but not that one

I ain't too sure I understand this:

This was found on DramaQueen, one of the new additions to the blogroll I made today.

Welcome to blog adventures!

Do ya ever find yourself in a rut. Always readin' the same ol' crap everyday from the same ol' blogs and ya just wish ya could find somethin' really different? Go to http://www.movabletype.org/ and see a list of blogs ya probably haven't run across. Of course, there are a few other places ya can do the same thing. I just am mentionin' http://www.movabletype.org/ 'cause they send a lot of visitors my way. I kinda feel like they are sponsorin' me, so figured I had better supply a bit of support for my sponsor, right? ;)

Seein' is believin'

and I am pretty sure I could not describe this if I worked on it for a million years. Just go see it.

Oh Baby, you know what I like!

Ya know, it is so sad when couples break up. Of course, it is nice when some attempt is made to reconcile. I just received a copy of a very well written letter from one man to his estranged partner attemptin' to resolve their differences. Now sure, ya'll gals would think this guy deserves a second chance, wouldn't ya?

The letter is a bit long, so I dropped it into the extended entries for those of ya'll that might want ta give it a look over.

Dear Audrey:

I know the counselor said we shouldn't contact each other during our "cooling off" period, but I couldn't wait anymore. The day you left, I swore I'd never talk to you again. But that was just the wounded little boy in me talking. Still, I never wanted to be the first one to make contact. In my fantasies, it was always you who would come crawling back to me. I guess my pride needed that. But now I see that my pride's cost me a lot of things. I'm tired of pretending I don't miss you. I don't care about looking bad anymore. I don't care who makes the first move as long as one of us does. Maybe it's time we let our hearts speak as loudly as our hurt. And this is what my heart says . . . "There's no one like you, Audrey." I look for you in the eyes and breasts of every woman I see, but they're not you. They're not even close. Two weeks ago, I met this girl at Flamingoes and brought her home with me. I don't say this to hurt you, but just to illustrate the depth of my desperation. She was young, maybe 19, with one of those perfect bodies that only youth and maybe a childhood spent ice skating can give you. I mean, just a perfect body. Jugs you wouldn't believe and an ass like a tortoise shell. Every man's dream, right? But as I sat on the couch being blown by this stunner, I thought, look at the stuff we've made important in our lives. It's all so superficial. What does a perfect body mean? Does it make her better in bed? Well, in this case, yes. But you see what I'm getting at. Does it make her a better person? Does she have a better heart than my moderately attractive Audrey? I doubt it. And I'd never really thought of that before. I don't know, maybe I'm just growing up a little. Later, after I'd tossed her about a half a pint of throat yogurt, I found myself thinking, "Why do I feel so drained and empty?" It wasn't just her flawless technique or her slutty, shameless hunger, but something else. Some niggling feeling of loss. Why did it feel so incomplete? And then it hit me. It didn't feel the same because you weren't there, Audrey, to watch. Do you know what I mean? Nothing feels the same without you. Jesus, Audrey, I'm just going crazy without you. And everything I do just reminds me of you. Do you remember Carol, that single mom we met at Pontins last year? Well, she dropped by last week with a pan of lasagna. She said she figured I wasn't eating right without a woman around. I didn't know what she meant till later, but that's not the real story. Anyway, we had a few glasses of wine and the next thing you know we're banging away in our old bedroom. And this tart's a total monster in the sack. She's giving me everything, you know like a real woman does when she's not hung up about her weight or her career and whether the kids can hear us. And all of a sudden she spots that tilting mirror on your grandmother' old vanity. So she puts it on the floor and we straddle it, right, so we can watch ourselves. And it's totally hot, but it makes me sad too. 'Cause I can't help thinking, "Why didn't Audrey ever put the mirror on the floor? We've had this old vanity for what, 14 years, and we never used it as a sex aid." Saturday, your sister drops by with my copy of the restraining order. I mean, Vicky's just a kid and all, but she's got a pretty good head on her shoulders and she's been a real friend to me during this painful time. She's given me lots of good counsel about you and about women in general. She's pulling for us to get back together, Audrey, She really is. So we're drinking in a hot bath and talking about happier times. Here's this teenage girl with the same DNA as you and all I can do is think of how much she looked like you when you were 18. And that just about makes me cry. And then it turns out Vicky's really into the whole anal thing and that gets me to thinking about how many times I pressured you about trying it and how that probably fueled some of the bitterness between us. But do you see how even then, when I'm thrusting inside your baby sister's cinnamon ring, all I can do is think of you? It's true, Audrey. In your heart you know it. Don't you think we could start over? Just wipe out all the grievances and start fresh? I think we can. If you feel the same please please please let me know, otherwise, can you let me know where the Sky remote control is?

John

"It smelled really bad," he said.

It seems that Kevin has followed his announcement of this week's Bonfire of the Vanities with his entry for next week's edition.

What would Popeye have done in a situation like this?

OK, Kelley is pissed and not without good reason. I mean this is in such poor taste, human decency would dictate chainsaw sterilization of all persons connected with its creation, wouldn't it?

By the way, in case ya hadn't guessed

I spent an hour this mornin' at the Johnson County Courthouse before learnin' that my case was gonna be passed over this time around. It seems there were two other people who had been sittin' in jail awaitin' goin' to trial for a year already, so as my client has only been there somewhere about 90 days now, it was felt the other guys should go to trial first. I kinda felt like that was fair also. My client did not seem like he as too happy about goin' to trial today as it was, so he did not seem to have any problem with bein' set off for another month.

I came back to the office and was gettin' some stuff done, when lunch rolled around and my secretary left. She called in sayin' she was sick and was goin' to the doctor about the time she was due to return. I am not quite sure what to think about that right now.

I got something a bit special I am tryin' to put up for ya'll to see, but I seem to be havin' a bit of a problem gettin' it to scan just right for some reason. It seems my processor does not like me scannin' stuff at 1500 resolution, or 1200 resolution or even 600 resolution. That is why I have been sittin' here but not really doin' much about gettin' my share of today's bloggin' done. I am gonna give it one more try and I think I am gonna be successful this time.

Tig calls the Superbowl

I don't know 'bout ya'll, but I think we all owe the NFL a big round of applause for a fantastic weekend of football games. I was rootin' for Carolina, Green Bay, Indianapolis and Tennessee, so that means next week I will be pullin' for Carolina and Indianapolis, and am actually thinkin' that Indianapolis has the best chance of takin' the Trophy home this year.

Somethin' I got in my inbox

Some of ya'll might like this: Saddam's an OutKast: Hey Allah! High bandwidth suggested if ya wanna click that link.

A little quickie before a long day

Happy Birthday, Elvis, wherever you might be!

Streak still goin' well

Well, awakin' this mornin' makes four days without a cigarette. Today will be the first day back to work, so stress level will increase substantially. Keepin' my fingers crossed.

[UPDATE: Well, still fightin' the urge, but my stress level is really high right now what with my assistant not showin' up on time. She has never been late before, so, to me, that makes the situation more serious than usual.]

I am lookin' for a wild herd to start a stampede

It seems that Susie is closin' in on that 20K visitation mark, so ya'll go do your part in helpin' her turn that counter before the end of the year. In other words, that means, go visit Susie today!

With a little help from my friends

OK, I am attempting to consider Ted's comments about the cluster fuck that is my blog and I cannot think of any way to change it to make it better or more interestin' than it already is, other than changin' authors to a more skilled and interestin' writer. I am, however, eager for other ideas. Anyone got any good ideas?*

*And, no, I really do not think postin' a picture of me in Bermuda shorts will do anythin' to improve readership. ;)

What I missed - the official version

Poor Susie is feelin' a bit under the weather. It is all my fault, though, as I know that the withdrawal symptoms once you get addicted to my Nightly Navel Gazin' Reports™ are horrendously a cause of illness to some. My sincerest apologies to Susie.

David finally got around to seein' The Good, the Bad and the Ugly and admits it has changed his life. Now he will finally understand what the rest of us are talkin' 'bout, won't he? Uh, David, if you have not seen it ... see The Unforgiven.

Tink has divulged that she does not like to attend funerals. I am quite disenchanted with being around during funerals, myself. I have gone so far as to contemplate ways to die so that I don't even attend my own. I must have really missed somethin' though, with Tink talkin' 'bout funerals and SilverBlue postin' an obituary. And of course, my sincere condolences to all who are affected by such death but am thankful that I was not missed at the funeral.

Ted slammed my blog design. No, actually I found what he had to say to be thoughtful and incisive and I appreciate that he actually took the time to not only point out structural flaws in my bloggin' endeavors but to use my mistakes to teach others to do likewise. I am ecstatic 'cause it now gives me something to worry 'bout just as I am returnin' to tendin' to my blog. Maybe I need to re-research the lessons of The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly, especially that ugly part.

Denita shared a bit of personal Christmas history that will bring tears of happiness and disclose how tragedy sometimes leads to a true understandin' of the true meanin' of Christmas.

Abject Apathetic Procrastination seems to be goin' hogwild on informin' us on the world of kangaroos. I just hope Kang is payin' the bartender enough for doin' all that research to keep that blog from goin' to the dingos.

Well, that seems to be about all I have time for this round, but I am so so far behind. I tell ya, I have not seen the news from the last few days yet. I am lost, I tell ya, lost.

Surprises can be interestin'

Some of the stuff I read on people's blogs is too esoteric sometimes to be made up.

Skip, skip, skip to my Lou ---

Ya know, I have before made the statement that I just do not have time to read all the blogs in my blogroll on a regular basis. However, as I am goin' through the list from top to bottom, I seldom find myself willin' to skip over any blog in the roll that is regularly updated. They are all just too good. I have previously told those of ya'll that do not ping blogrollin' when ya update that doin' so will get ya more readership. I have also told ya'll the blogrollin' has a standalone pinger that you can use to ping blogrollin' to tell it you have updated your blog.* If ya seriously want a bit more readership, pingin' blogrollin', if only once a day, will do more for your readership than anythin'. It alerts people that you have somethin' new, and it seems everyone is always lookin' around for somethin' new. Make them aware that they can find it on your blog.

*Bookmark the page and use it.

It's starting to come fast and furious

Well, this month started kind of slow, but lately the days have just flown by. A week from today is Christmas Eve. I am just not ready. Of course, I don't think I am ever ready for Christmas because I almost always forget the batteries. Sorry for the pun, it just kinda slipped out.

Help baby, I can't find the hole

John Cole is full of bloggy goodness today. I was especially appreciative for this link to the WaPo story about the plan to catch Saddam.

Savin' the snark for later, ya'll

Well, it seems that Venomous Kate is unable to slither because of a few difficulties occurrin' in her spine. As such, she has not been up to bitin' anyone of late. I bet her fangs are jonsin' for somethin' to sink into, whatta ya wanna bet? I wanna thank Kelley and Kevin* for keepin' the rest abreast of her status. Here is hopin' we get a report from Ms. Venomous regardin' her successful recovery in the very near future.

*By the way, my sister and brother are named Kelly and Kevin.

It ain't no damned hiatus ... yet

Yeah, yeah, like I am startin' to figure out the blogosphere is like life in a lot of ways. I mean you have bloggers that just get up and leave without a word, or some that say bye, but leave little explanation, or those who say bye after tellin' ya why it just has to be that way, and so many that just don't blog for awhile or whatever. Of course, ya have those that are gone and come back. I mean, come on, what happens when Glenn is gone, does the whole thing disappear? Bye ya'll that have better things to do. I am jealous 'cause ya do. Have a good life and as much fun as ya can find.

Hey ya'll --

ozguru has been braggin' on ya'll for all the nice things ya'll been sayin' 'bout me.

Where you were

Hmmm, looks like the votin' is over. Oh well, I sure was hopin' for third place, but comin' sixth ain't bad, as I was just pleased to have been nominated. I am a bit giddy that Xrlq won to top rung. I was pleased that Jay had a great showin', as well. I am glad it is all over, so now can we all get back to Photo Shoppin' Saddam.

With apologies to James

Real bloggers don't use Blogger. I am just sayin' ... you know?

So anyway, I find a comment from Dan thankin' me for a link I previously made to his site. I decide I had not visited Dan recently so go visit his Blogger site. While there, I view this post of his, where he is raggin' 'bout what some other Blogger blogger has said about him. Interested, I decide to go see for myself what this other blogger has said. It was a post reviewin' other people's blogs. One of the reviews said I don't even need to review this. Funniest blog on earth. 10.. It wasn't mine, so the guy doesn't know crap, however, I had to go check out this supposed funniest blog on earth. Yes, it was pretty good stuff but seein' a Blogger template always sends up this here is another amateur flag in my brain. Maybe I need to seek therapy. I just don't know.

Time is runnin out

OK, folks, last ditch effort to boost me up to third place in the Large Mammal Blog contest in the 2003 Weblog Awards. Go vote for me, call your relatives and tell them to go vote for me, call your friends and tell them to go vote for me, call your enemies and tell them to go vote for me, and after all that, just open the local phone book and start callin' randomly tellin' people to go vote for me. Extra points for any telemarketers that call today that you can convince to go vote for me. Just do it!

Some gal eloquently describes child-birth

Dawn Olsen provided a very very interestin' read. I remember once some gal tellin' me that there was no greater pain you could experience than the pain of childbirth. I nodded appreciatively, fully empathetic with the trials and tribulations of pregnancy and childbirth, but just could not stop myself from askin' her if she had ever been kicked in the nuts. I am pretty sure none of ya'll gals know how that feels, especially if the blow is expertly placed.

A man with a mission and a license to blog?

I got to the last line of this post and just about peed myself. Is this guy for real? Robert Prather said he was someone we could all hate. I dunno, though, 'cause I really see no reason for hatred. I jus' pity da fool! Forgive me Glenn.

I bet it has Hugh Grant in it ;)

Ith* does a movie review. It sounds like a chick movie to me. If I find a chick, I might take her to see it, provided there is not some action adventure movie with a lot of blood splatterin, some extreme car chase scenes and some babes with big hooters in skimpy bathin' suits.

*Ith has posted a picture of her fine self on her blog with an invitation for one and all to come eat her cookies. Now is that an accomodatin' gal or what?

Beware of dark alleys and blind corners in Colorado

Huh? There is a bicycle crash on a blind corner. No drugs or alcohol involved. One rider dies, the other rider is severely injured and is now charged with a criminal offense? It is in Littleton, Colorado. There just has to be a Kobe connection here. Let's go to our rovin' reporter Jeff at Notorious B.L.O.G. for more of this story.

Puttin' the towel on my head for a sec

Kathy Kinsley has somethin' good to say about the Germans doin' a raid and roundup of militant Muslims within their borders.I do suppose, say that I was an extremist Muslim bent on destroyin' Western Civilization and Christianity and had just witnessed the unwillingness of the Germans, the French and the Russians to tackle the terrorism situation head-on like the US and its allies did. If I was plannin' my next big world shakin' 9/11 type event, I might be thinkin' it would be better to attack those that would turn the other cheek instead of those that would play the eye for an eye game. Mein Heir, are ya startin' to get the feelin' that ya have a target painted on your forehead?

No Nyak, Nyak for Iraq?

Geoffrey was beatin' on PETA for bein' the idiot assholes they are and has posted a picture of their action to get people to drink soy crap instead of the great cow juice that comes outta those warm teets that we all were raised on (unless of course, you are too damn young to be readin' my blog anyway). Go have a look, but before you go, beware, because he also said The Three Stooges are upset because they were banned from biddin' on reconstruction contracts in Iraq. Now, I love The Three Stooges, and was pretty sure they were all in their graves by now, but I have likely seen every episode ever made at sometime durin' my life, and to tell you the truth, that is probably as big a favor to the Iraqi people as freein' them from that asshole, Saddam. Seriously, I tell ya. Give Moe, Larry and Curly (unless he is on vacation, then it would be Shemp*) a hammer or a saw or even a pipe wrench and send them to Iraq and those poor people would be worse off than when Alexander the Great ruled the area.

*Am the only one who wished, just once, that the troup would have consisted of Moe, Shemp and Curly? I mean, I like Larry, but both Shemp and Curly were the best of the cast, and without Moe runnin' the show, there was no show to see.

I so heartily concur

Yes, I believe Velociman is right on point with the need to stop the practice of puttin' up roadside memorials. It is not like we don't realize there are not people killed everyday on highways. The damn reminders are really distractin' and depressin'.

Doin' the victory wave

I didn't play, I didn't care to play, I didn't even check what it was about or what was goin' on, but today I learned that LeeAnn won. I am simply ecstatic. What it was.

Has anyone misplaced a large animated object?

Tink said to go see this. I did and there was way too much to see, but the guy in the funny T-shirt didn't seem to think so.

Do I need a new tagline?

As I have high speed for at least part of the day, maybe the old tagline is jaded. I am thinkin' of changin' to this one:

Bloggin' done proudly though few ever read, even fewer care to link and hardly anyone ever comments.

Pretty snazzy, doncha think? And so, very very true.

Happy Blogoversary to Silver Blue

Silver Blue has hit the big six month mark in bloggin' today and took the time to pass along a bit of advice* on how he attains such a high visitation rate. I still remember way back to when I hit 6M.

*Of course, in my neck of the woods, we spell that final word: sacrilege.

Preachin' for responsible penis usage?

Over on Classical Values, I found this little quip:

. . . my penis is my business. It isn't to be judged by what others do with theirs.

I kinda liked it, but thought My penis is my responsibility is not to be judged upon the irresponsible activity of other penises.

[Update: As long as we are on the subject of penises, you might oughta check out somethin' CG Hill has posted over on Dustbury.]

I did that once --

And after I finish, I take the shredded remains, digest them, mix liberally with all of the other stuff in my swamp of a mind, wait for gas, and if something bubbles up, I stick tongue in cheek and spew it into WordPad. Sometimes I hit [Save]. Sometimes I just go "What was I thinking?" and hit [Delete]. - Ironbear

I once wrote a piece of crap, looked at it, and then hit [DELETE] and cried for hours afterward. I really missed the little crappy thought that had plopped outta my mind. I found I had loved it so much that I mourned for days and days afterward. I decided never to do that again.

Pray for Daniel

I was perusing the posts over at Time for Your Meds, and Crazy Tracy was sayin' how nothin' in her life seems all that hard to put up with when she sees what Daniel has to deal with on a daily basis. Pray for Daniel!

Comin' soon to a blog near you

It seems that Jennifer is wantin' to do an in-depth interview of me to find out who I am and what I am about. Now, I know most of ya'll have determined that I am the shy, inhibited type and that I keep pretty close-mouthed about my personal matters. This may be your one chance to find out all the dirt. Go here and send what questions you may to Jennifer so that she can be fully prepared for my interview.

Saturday slowdown continues

I decided not to put as much effort into bloggin' today as Saturdays always seem to be a slow day in the blogosphere. I also had some stuff to do, like attend a birthday party for my friend John's daughter Cheyene who turned 7 today. I did not take her a present, but did deliver a present from my two dogs, Duke and Comanche, a DVD of Findin' Nemo packed into an emptied dog biscuit box and neatly wrapped in Findin' Nemo gift wrap. I guess my prank worked, because after she unwrapped the box and saw the dog biscuit box, she just frowned and handed it off to start unwrappin' one of the other gifts. Thankfully one of her other friends was a bit wiser to the ways of giftin' and delved into the box to find the DVD. I think she was much happier with that present than she had been when she was convinced she had received of a box of dog biscuits.

Of course, that birthday gift prank didn't backfire nearly as bad as the one I played on my brother when he was about the same age. I was only 11 at the time, so my prankin' skills also lacked a bit of finesse. I had found a dead rat and I placed it in an old coffee can, along with a rusty nail, as my brother was a notorious package shaker, wrapped it up and put it among the gifts my brother received for his birthday. I can still remember the look on his face when he unwrapped the can, flipped off the lid and got his first look at that dead rat. He started cryin' and did so for the rest of that day. I had completely ruined his birthday. I tried to rectify the situation, owned up to my responsibility and how it was only intended as a joke, but my brother was havin' none of it. I got a good butt bustin' out of the deal too, and my brother still brings that incident up from time to time.

Punch all the way through your ballot

The votin' has begun in selected categories in the 2003 Weblog Awards.

Since I was invited to suck a bit of Kevin's bandwidth, I proudly display the logo for the event (designed by Michele, I think).

I did see that the nominations in the Large Mammal category are still open and that 2 of my 3 daily readers were kind enough to mention me. I appreciate your kind support.

I made my selections, and found that most of the ones listed I did not recognize and currently do not read. I voted in accordance with my blogroll, and where there was more than one blog in any category on my blogroll, I chose the one I would choose to read first if they all came up together as havin' just been updated. I was very disappointed to not see Primal Purge* in the humor category, though not at all surprised that I was not even suggested in the nomination process. I am startin' to get the hint now that I am the only one who finds any humor in my writin'. I did not vote for InstaPundit for Best Overall, but then really did not think any of the ones nominated were Best Overall. I don't really understand the criteria for Best Overall. To my way of thinkin', the Best Overall Blog would be a blog that covered a wide range of topics with a neutral attitude in a pleasant and appealing format written in a style that is enjoyable to read. I don't think such a thing exists. There are those that do well in some parts and some that do well in several parts, but none that do well in all parts. Not even me! But I do try. ;)

*at her own request, however.

Gettin' to the heart of the matter

This story has been tagged by a succession (Crescat Sententia; Signifying Nothing; PoliBlog) of bloggers decryin' the action of the defense attorney in the case where the defendant was sentenced to two weeks for burnin' the flag. However, I can just about bet ya that there was also a judge and a prosecutor involved in the case. All are ethically bound to uphold justice, so that makes this a literal travesty of justice.

Now let me get this straight

Owen reads of the 100,000 year old fossilized remains of a small sea creature and develops penis envy?

Follow the leader

It seems that Geoffrey has decided to follow the recommendation of Democratic Senator from Georgia, Mr. Zell Miller, and vote for Bush in 2004. I can't say I could blame either of them for their decision.

Strange things catch my eye

I was over readin' some of the fine remarks of the Cracker Barrel Philosopher and came across a quote from this story that began with this line:

After arriving in the United States with a diploma from Leningrad University (a university with such alumni as Vladimir Lenin, Ayn Rand and President Vladimir Putin), I realized that I had the extremely unmarketable skills of a Marxist-Leninist philosophy professor.

Now I start wonderin' about one suspected inacuracy about that line. Is it actually possible that Comrade Vladimir Lenin actually graduated from an institution named Leningrad University? I admit that Russian/Soviet history is not my forte', but it would seem logical that Comrade Lenin attended college before he came into power and places began to be renamed in his honor.

The title escaped unscathed

Suicide bombers are just a sickenin' example of fetid fanaticism, but what if it was just all a sick game where no one actually got hurt?

attribution: Drumwaster, who provided commentary whether he thought so or not.

It ain't pissin' in the wind

I am afraid there are things in this life I would rather I had never known about. Thanks to Jeff, I have become acquainted with one of them.

I need a muse

Hey, I am sittin' here all blank of mind and comin' up with nothin'. I need a muse -- although a lovely lady to make my life worth livin'* might work, as well.

*I am beginnin' to believe no such creature actually exists. It is jes' another mythological creature like the unicorn or the duck-billed platypus.

Do you speak kangaroo?

It appears that a request was made that Kang start allowin' visitors to caption his pictures, so Kang has asked that ya'll drop by and do so.

Whadda ya make of this?

Is Cracker Barrel Philosopher onto somethin' or just tryin' to start a nasty rumor?

Where were my brains when I picked that present?

It took me a lot of thought to think of what I wanted to say about this. Seriously. On one side, I can see a child with a broken heart, and, on the other side, I can see a parent who realized they made a big mistake and attempted to fix it. I suppose if I was the parent, I might have just made a few ground rules about drummin' and if the rules were broke, I would then take the drums away.

I did that with some step-kids once, not with drums, but with their right to chew gum. I was always seein' them takin' it out of their mouth and playin' with it. Finally, one of them dropped it onto the carpet, and it took me about an hour usin' an ice cube to get as much of it out of the carpet as I could. I then told them, next time I see either of you takin' the gum out of your mouth, you will not be allowed to chew gun until you turn 10. The next day, I saw one of them takin' the gum out of their mouth, and I made them spit it out. I took every piece of gum out of the house and there was no more gum chewin' by those kids for the rest of the time I was their step-father. Of course, I was not there long enough to regrant the privilege. I am pretty sure, however, that the ban on kids chewin' gums in the house was not the reason that marriage failed. I am still not sure what the cause was, but I am pretty sure that it did not involve anythin' doin' with anyone bein' allowed to chew gum. The last time I saw those two kids they were cryin' 'cause they wanted to live with me.

Is the train on time?

Accordin' to Susie, this joke is on me.

Let me surprise and amaze you --

I bet Azygos would be surprised that I actually envied him when he was describin' this situation.

Maybe I was right way back when

A long long time ago, in a land far away ... well not that long ago and not that far ... I was pretty computer efficient, but was a bit afraid to hook up to the internet because I was convinced that there were sensors inside computers that sent information to the government. Of course, such feelin's were likely due to my ignorance more than my need to line my cap with foil or somethin'. I just needed to find a computer tech to convince me there was nothin' like that in my computer. However, I am pretty sure I was on the right track, what with cookies, data miners and such I have discovered. Of course, I am more advanced now than previously, although this thing has me confused as Hell. But even more confusin' is when my hard drive seems to be doin' somethin' when there is no data goin' in or out and I am just sittin' here readin' some blogs. Maybe I ought to start worryin' if there in a poltergeist inside the box, huh?

I done been trippin' for four days

Well, I went out to confirm the mileage. 1651 on the trip from notCrawford, Texas to Key West, Florida, and 1615 from Key West, Florida to notCrawford, Texas. There is about 35 miles difference, which is almost amazin' since I was almost sure it was shorter to take the toll road to I-95 than to travel all the way on I-75 which was my return route so that I could taken in the expansive Everglades. I left notCrawford at approximately 9:00 am on Wednesday and returned at 10:00 pm last evenin'. Keep readin' for the entire trip story --

Sometime on November 24, I decided I to go to Key West, Florida just to see what was there and to see the sights along I-10. I had only been as far as New Orleans on this route, so anythin' beyond that point was new territory. I make provisions for someone to check on my dogs, threw 5 pairs of underwear, two changes of pants and three T-shirts into a bag and took off.

The trip from notCrawford to Beaumont is a two lane trip through a lot of little Texas towns and a lot of East Texas pine forests. It takes about 6 hours to make that drive, mostly on US 287. I just drove as fast as I could, lookin' at the scenery on both sides of the road listenin' to the radio.

At Beaumont, you connect with I-10. I made a stop in Beaumont and purchased about 18 hours worth of audiobooks. Traffic was moderate, so I just moved along with the flow. The problem with winter travel is that it grows dark so rapidly and it was dark by the time I came to I-110 which allowed me to bypass New Orleans. Of course, it was rush hour just as I arrived, so it was slow trudgin' to get through Baton Rouge. Once on the other side, the traffic flow increased and I was into Mississippi. I stopped for gas in the Biloxi, Mississippi area (not for the first time, of course) about 8:30 pm and inquired as to the location of an Internet Cafe. Someone actually told me where one was located but by the time I found it, they were just closin'. I kicked myself for havin' wasted an hour and returned to I-10 and my trek eastward. The trip through Alabama was short and quick and I crossed the Florida border as it was growin' near time for me to stop for the night. I pulled off in Pensacola, Florida and found a room. It was a moderately priced $49 room. They had internet access in the rooms, but I don't have a laptop. I asked for a wakeup call, watched a bit of HBO and finally succumbed to sleep.

I awoke fresh on T-Day, ate a toasted bagel with some butter on it and had a couple of cups of OJ, threw my bag into the car and resumed my trip. Just east of Pensacola there is a long bridge over a water expanse, and some roadside swamp, but mostly the scenery is about the same as drivin' through Alabama or Georgia on I-20. It is a long road from Pensacola to the connection with I-75. I was growin' hungry and yet found very few places open so I just drove and drove. I finally connected with I-75 and turned south. I had checked the map and it looked shorter to take the toll road to Miami and connect with I-95, so I did this. I did not see Orlando, as I took an unwise detour on Fla 27 thinkin' the traffic would be backed up in that area. I was dark by the time I got to Miami. I feared I was missin' the best scenery in Florida, so stopped for the night as soon as I got to the first of the Florida Keys, Key Largo. I pulled into the Marriott and asked it they had any rooms. They had several, but I chose the cheapest, still a hefty $149. I was able to post from a computer in their lobby. I most watched ESPN to check up on how my Cowboys did and was sorely disappointed. I wondered how ironic it was that I had been drivin' around in Dolphin territory while they were losin' to the Dolphins in Dallas. I should have listened to the game on the radio. I had thought that none of the area stations would be interested in playin' the Dallas game, but bein' the idiot that I am, did not consider that they would be pleased to play the Miami game.

Next mornin' I arose early, walked out behind the motel to the beach, looked around, checked out a dive shop next door, then climbed in my car and headed to Key West. This was the part of the trip to which I had looked most forward. I was amazed at lookin' at the map and seein' this road bridgin' all these little islands. Of course, they were not all that little, I found, as you could not even see the water along most of the trek. There were a couple of long bridges, but mostly it seemed like a long 60 mile drive through a stretched out metropolitan suburb. I was sorely disappointed. I finally did arrive in Key West and found my way to the historic business district. It was quaint, and except for the dock where a large cruise ship was berthed, could have been the river walk in San Antonio, the New Orleans French Quarter or most similarly, the Strand in Galveston, Texas. I walked around a bit. It was very very warm and I sweated profusely. I needed to find a restroom and spent a considerable time lookin' for such. Finally, havin' emptied my bladder, I did a bit of tourin' and shoppin'. I ended up buyin' a shirt to commemorate my arrival, a slice of delicious Key Lime Pie, and post card with a couple of pictures of Hemmingway and sat and drank in a bar that Hemmingway used to frequent. No one knew what Hemmingway drank when he was there, so I had a Tequilia Sunrise. I bought a couple of Coronas for a couple of German girls sittin' at the bar and we semi-conversed through my pathetic knowledge of their language and their pathetic knowledge of mine. They were on holiday and were passengers on the huge cruise ship that was currently berthed. Havin' spent a couple of hours in Key West, it was time to head back. It was early afternoon and I wanted to try to get to the Everglades and see some alligators before it got dark.

Talk about disappointed, I was even less enamored with that 60 mile key road on the way out as it seemed to take forever to reach the mainland. I barely got into the Everglades at dusk, and saw all the airboat facilities were closin' up. I kept hopin' to find somethin' still open, but never did. In fact, the road was so desolate, I began to fear I would run out of gas before findin' anywhere to stop, and did get really close to runnin' out before I finally found a station at a crossroads some 75 miles along the road. I eventually connected up with I-75 and began the long drive home. I managed to make it back to I-10 by midnight or so, and stopped at a roadside park to rest my eyes. It had gotten cold, I found. Thankfully, I had brought my full-length leather overcoat. I slept for a couple of hours, the travelled another 150 miles before my eyes started burnin' again. I pulled over and slept another 3 hours. It was daybreak so I was able to see Alabama, Mississippi and Lousiana on the way back. I was already on Hwy 287 between Beaumont and notCrawford as the sun fell last evenin'. I came rollin' in at about 10:00 pm last evenin'.

The Route of the Road Trip Blurb

I have spontaneously decided to take off and drive to Key West, Florida over the next five days. My route will take me across several states on I-10 starting at Beaumont and ending where ever in Florida. This is a road trip, so I can take minor deviations from my intended route. I am posting this in order that anyone who lives near to the path from Beaumont Texas to Key West Florida who would like to meet face-to-face with an ugly Texas blogger over a Dr. Pepper or sumthin' will know I am headin' that way. As it currently looks, estimated leavin' time is early tomorrow mornin'.

[UPDATE: as post was posted yesterday, estimated leavin' time is now early this mornin'.]

Lemme give you a hint as to how dumb I am

You know all that comment SPAM crap that seems to be goin' around. Well, actually thanks to Mt-Blacklist, I don't seem to be gettin' any of it again. But that ain't what I brung ya'll all in here to tell ya. See when I was gettin' a lot of comment SPAM, I would immediately delete it so as to make sure I did not assist that pricks or skanky chicks any more than possible, and then I would immediately rebuild my site so as to make sure it was gone. I have likely told ya, if ya been readin' my crap long enough that I got an atrocious dialup connection, so you can imagine how it tied up my bandwidth havin' to rebuild a blog with 1500 entries. I found myself doin' this sometimes two or three times on a given day. So guess what? I just found that all you have to do is to resave the entry to rebuild that solitary entry and it is not necessary to rebuild the whole site. Too bad I figured this out after I stopped havin' problems with comment SPAM. I have found a use for this newly gained knowledge, however, by correctin' typos I have seen in ya'll's comments. ;)

Yeah, yeah, I know I am a fan

I bet ya'll didn't catch in this interview your local papers.* Opus bares all. **Spoiler**

*unless ya live in the Ft. Worth area.

Somethin' sad has this way come

You know, I have never heard news about people in a war commitin' suicide before. I am so sorry to hear about such, sincerely. Let us pray for our soldiers safety be it from attacks from the enemy, from friendly fire or from their own hand.

Thanks to Dawn for bringin' this story to my attention, even though doin' so made me want to cry.

OK so I was bored -- sue me

I was over at Days Go By and saw JaxVenus had posted one of those lists of interestin' but totally useless facts that you see from time to time. Well, I decided to go through it and add a few snarky remarks. Some I think were pretty good and others pretty lame. I will let you decide which are which. Without further ado:

1. Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated.

• and they take up less room than a jar of pickles, but don't taste as good.

2. Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite.

• so if you see somethin' that is long and red and smells like peanuts, you shouldn't try to smoke it.

3. There are 293 ways to make change for a dollar.

• and a million times that many ways to spend one.

4. The average person's left hand does 56% of the typing.

• except when you are engaged in c-sex, then it does 100% of the typin'.

5. A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes.

• but they can't wink worth a damn.

6. There are more chickens than people in the world.

• hence why you are always seein' those cows urgin' people to eat more chicken.

7. Two-thirds of the world's eggplant is grown in New Jersey.

• they don't call it the Garden State for nuthin'.

8. The longest one-syllable word in the English language is "screeched.".

• and is third from the bottom in usage.

9. On a Canadian two dollar bill, the flag flying over the Parliament building is an American flag.

• to celebrate when they get the majority of their fundin'.

10. All of the clocks in the movie "Pulp Fiction" are stuck on 4:20.

• The whole movie was shot in one minute using lots of cameras and mirrors.

11. No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver, or purple.

• and yet several rhyme with shit, fuck, crap, and fart.

12. "Dreamt" is the only English word that ends in the letters "mt".

• 'cept in the south where it is the only word endin' in "mpt".

13. All 50 states are listed across the top of the Lincoln Memorial on the back of the $5 bill.

• whereas none of them are visible on Lincoln's face on the front of the $5 bill.

14. Almonds are a member of the peach family.

• Now ain't that the pits!

15. Winston Churchill was born in a ladies' room during a dance.

• ata time when most dancin' was done in the ladies' room

16. Maine is the only state whose name is just one syllable.

• and yet has more letters than Utah, Iowa and Ohio.

17. There are only four words in the English language which end in "dous": tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous.

• and yet have never successfully been all used together in a single sentence in any major motion picture.

18. Los Angeles' full name is "El Pueblo de Nuestra Senora Reina de los Angeles de Porciuncula."

• but printing costs preclude usage of the entire name on city documents.

19. A cat has 32 muscles in each ear.

• and yet still has not developed the ability to fly.

20. An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.

• and yet it is still smart enough not to poke its eye out with a stick.

21. ***s have striped skin, not just striped fur.

• such fact discovered during Tiger shearin' season, I suppose.

22. In most advertisements, the time displayed on a watch is 10:10.

• You would think they would get a new watch picture to use at some time.

23. Al Capone's business card said he was a used furniture dealer.

• and he stuck to that story to the day he died.

24. The characters Bert and Ernie on Sesame Street were named after Bert the cop and Ernie the taxi driver in Frank Capra's "It's a Wonderful Life."

• however, they do not resemble the movie characters a great deal.

25. A dragonfly has a life span of 24 hours.

• and yet they lead such fulfillin' existences.

26. A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds.

• but the data to prove this was mysteriously flushed down the toilet.

27. A dime has 118 ridges around the edge.

• for which no one has found a single useful purpose

28. It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.

• because the shock of seein' mucus sprayin' out of one's orafices is more than most people could take.

29. The giant squid has the largest eyes in the world.

• and it has yet looked at itself in a mirror.

30. In England, the Speaker of the House is not allowed to speak.

• it is a position held in name only.

31. The microwave was invented after a researcher walked by a radar tube and a chocolate bar melted in his pocket.

• he would not have noticed except the foil coverin' the chocolate bar sparked.

32. Mr. Rogers is an ordained minister.

• and he is always eager to show people around the neighborhood.

33. The average person falls asleep in seven minutes.

• unless their partner suggests sex, then they fall asleep immediately.

34. There are 336 dimples on a regulation golf ball.

• which absolutely fascinated whoever it was that took the time to count them.

35. "Stewardesses" is the longest word that is typed with only the left hand.

• and stewardesses' asses are the thing most often pinched with the right hand

One I wanted to watch

Yes, there was a High School football game yesterday that I wanted to watch. I started to make the 80 mile trip to see the game but didn't go. The game was between the High School I attended in 1970-1971 and graduated from in 1973. This team is the Wylie Bulldogs, a Taylor County School, just outside of Abilene, Texas. Their colors are purple and gold. The other team involved in the game was the Everman Bulldogs, who also wear purple and gold, and is the school just south of Ft. Worth, Texas I attended in 1972. They were last year's AAA State Champions and were a fairly large school when I attended in 1972. The Wylie team was A when I was there, but the area around the school has grown over the years and their enrollment has grown to the point to where they have been AAA for several years. Everman is also in the same AAA District in which my hometown school in notCrawford is in and defeated the notCrawford ***s in the last game of the season and knocked them out of the playoffs. So, I have a lot of connections with both teams, however I never played for either. Wylie defeated Everman, 25-24.

Now off to see if the Dallas Cowboys prevail.

*** talks tech [not]

Hmmm, think I might awhile before hookin' up to this electronic device.

attribution: The Enigmatic Musings of a Cynical Mind, who will hopefully move off of blog*spot at some future time and figure out how to shorten the blog title a bit. ;)

Before I send this off, however, I need to see if my main tech guy, Tony S, has provided any further information about this product. Nope, nothin' but Ebola vs. Hellboy in Vegas on pay-per-view.

Can you believe this?

I can think of nothin' blogworthy to write about right now. Hmm. I wonder if it has anythin' to do with today being the day JFK was assassinated.

Naw, that can't be right. Maybe there is just something goin' around today.

I yam what I yam

I don't know if I am an idiot or not, but I will gladly consider all arguments before makin' any conclusions.

There is no accountin' for taste

Here is an interestin' list of what some people have requested for dinner on certain once in a lifetime occasions. I really liked the one who said he wanted:

1 jar of dill pickles

As my ol' granny used to say, What kind of a meal is that?

Found, of all the unlikely places, over at Mookie Riffic.

Awwww, ain't that sweet --

Frank J done went and slathered some linky-love on me today.

So go ahead and say sumthin'

I know you're out there. I can hear ya breathin'.

[Update: just addin' another quick inanity to this spot 'cause I just noticed Jay Solo had linked Acidman, which, in itself is bad enough, but did so solely so he would not have to write anythin' 'bout Michael Jackson. Go read what Acidman had to say and come back here and tell me. I can't go myself because lookin' at his picture makes me sick. And, as you can see, it really was not worth creatin' a whole nuther post to tell ya'll that.]

[Update II: Damn, if I didn't run into Don thinkin' ya could get sued if ya went a day without bein' funny, then thought, surely as much as he reads Frank J, he must already know that couldn't be so.]

I really did mean it

I know I make a lot of inane remarks and other assorted crap, and I do hate to prod people for some comments -- but, and ain't there always a butt, I really was a'thinkin' this was a good idea. Is there anyone interested in me startin' such and if so, maybe ya'll could start referrin' some links for the first edition. Hell, there ain't much goin' on Saturdays, so maybe I will make it a weekly Saturday event.

At least some people appreciate me

Just received via email:

This is wonderful to not be banging on one key 12 times !

thank you thank you thank you!

mk

This came from a friend of mine who clerks at the place where I get the fuel for the slightly neurotic neuronic engine of this site several times a day. It seems I came in today durin' a conversation between she and my other friend about findin' some AT to PS/2 adapter so she could use an [oops, just went brain-dead] AT keyboard she had gotten somewhere on her computer. I came home, looked around through several boxes on top of my bookcases to see how many still had keyboards in them, and found a brand new one and took it up and gave it to her. She asked how much she owed me. My answer: nothing. I go through computers faster than keyboards. I am pretty sure that keyboard came with a computer I threw out a year or so ago. When I buy a new computer, I seldom do anythin' but take the CPU out of the box, and hook it up to the mouse, keyboard, speakers, monitor, and all the rest of the computer system I just bought that one to replace. I usually have several [oops, went brain-dead again] peripheral items around. Anyone need any computer speakers? I seem to have lots of them. I am still usin' the speakers that used to be on the side of a Packard-Bell computer I bought 10 years ago. I have never found a better set than those which cost less than $100. The computer was piece of crap, the monitor lasted me through six computer, and the speakers are still goin' through number 12.

The days when moonbats were dangerous

Today is the 25th Anniversary of the Jamestown* Jonestown Massacre of 900 or so people by murderous moonbat Jim Jones.

attribution: James at OTB who says the real skinny is over at Jeff Jarvis's place.

*Thanks SilverBlue! I loved your cartoon.

Links, links, who has the links

Hmm, seems Kevin has again posted another week's Bonfire of the Vanities. There seems to be such a plethora of theme based linkfests goin 'round the Blogosphere lately. Of course, the original Carnival of the Vanities havin' had 60th edition posted this last week and the next edition due out tomorrow. Kelley continues her weekly Cul-de-Sac, although recently changed the format. Just recently, Venomous Kate has begun the weekly Hunting of the Snark and a daily Letter of the Day, so popular that many other bloggers take part in doin' such on their blogs. A new linkfest, a Carnival of the Capitalists has begun.

Now most of these, save the Cul-de-Sac and the daily Letter of the Day are blogger submission festivals, where bloggers submit their own posts for inclusion into the linkfest. The exceptions are linkfests composed of links selected solely by the author of the linkfest.

I am contemplatin' a whole different type of linkfest festival -- somethin' along the lines of Watchin' the Crap Swirl. I propose as this bein' a festival of links to those posts done by bloggers submitted by other bloggers who think they stink so bad they need to be flushed down the toilet.

Is this Twilight Zone Tuesday?

I just had a post disappear. Literally, I saved it, nothin' saved and I got a blank postin' box thrown in my face. Strange.

OK, here is what I had said: As I stated, I was pretty busy today, and not only did I not get to post much, I was unable to prowl 'round ya'll's blogs to see what kind of bloggy goodness ya'll had to share today. As such, I might be loadin' up 30 or 40 blogs to look over to see what I might find. Of course, if I find somethin' really good, I will try to run back here and tell ya where to find it. I will probably make some kind of snarky remark or somethin.

Then I said that I seldom can get past No. 45 or so on the list, so some of ya'll that stay eternally on the bottom of the list need to read this post.

Curiousity piqued with a few well-chosen words

Now what do you think Rosemary is really sayin'?

I got sumthin' purty important to say

I love all of ya'll! I must have the best readership in the whole of the Blogosphere, Blogogalaxy or whatever it is called this day and time. Here I am, havin' been busier than a Koran salesman in Tehran, and just now gettin' home. I finally find a spare moment to check out how many of ya'll dropped in to read my one or two paltry posts I managed to put up today and was I ever pleasantly surprised. I can hardly believe so many of ya'll decided to drop by today! Ya'll are the greatest! But then I 'spect ya'll already knew that, didn't ya?

"Enough is enough, I can't stands no more"

After my final postin' last evening, I found two more comment SPAMs and downloaded and installed MT-Blacklist. Now, already today I have been attacked by another comment SPAMMER that was not caught by such security. However, I am not gonna slam the plugin, because, if nothing else, it allowed me to delete the comment without havin' to rebuild my whole site. I used to have to do that several times a day every time I discovered some damn comment SPAM just to make sure it was gone.

A couple of questions I have are:

1. How can I submit the information of such comment to the master list? and
2. Does this mean I have to update my list everyday so as to stop this crap?

No matter what the stance, there are always exceptions

I personally would like to see the entries in a caption contest for this picture posted by baldilocks.

Back, beat up and needin' a nap

OK, just as I figured -- even with some beggin', and damn if someone didn't blurb on my beggin'* and if another did not comment about whether it was effective, I still ain't seen much visitation today. But then again, it is Saturday, and that does seem par of the course.

I did get out. I went shoppin'. I didn't buy much, just a couple of movies that were too good of a deal to pass on,** and then started to feel groggy. I decided maybe I should just come home and take a nap. Of course, before doin' so, I wanted to drop by and see if I had gotten those fifty visitors I had expected while I was out. I didn't, but I really do want to thank the five of you who did visit -- wait, strike that --- make that I want to thank the four of you who visited and did not leave a SPAM comment ... as for the one who did --- well I can't quite find the words to say how I feel about you.

*I mean how pathetic is it that the only thing someone can find to blog about is some other really pathetic blogger beggin' for visitors? ;)

**I purchased Close Encounters of the Third Kind and 1941. On my way home, while I was tryin' hard not to doze off watchin' the white line, I was tryin' to think if Steven Spielberg has directed a bad movie? I guess I had forgotten about Jurassic Park: The Lost World (1997).

Wow, is this ever a slow evenin'

I am takin' that as meanin' that everyone in the Blogosphere has some excitin' activites planned for this evenin'. Cool. I kinda wish I had had some plans, but then I actually did have a plan when I came home from work, which was to take some anagesics, lay down and see if I could conquer that headache. Mission accomplished.

So, since there seems to be so little to read, what with everyone winin' and dinin' or drinkin' and dancin' or whatever other activity they could be up to this Friday night, here is a happy endin' to what had been a really sad story.

Uh, think I found that one on Ravenwood

So I am a tad bit strange, sometimes

The following was left by some commenter on Who Tends the Fires:

Rant - an unstimulating, highly-arrogant diatribe of little benefit, esp. in the blogsphere. Etymology: 2003, American; coined by me, Stacy.

Posted by Stacy at November 11, 2003 05:53 PM

I dunno, but I thought this quip to be quite humorous.

Denita, however, did not think so and retorted with this:

McTroll: an unstimulating and highly-arrogant commenter of little intelligence, who leaves moronic screeds, and is a merely a pile of virtual bugshit in the Blogosphere. Etymology: 2003, American; coined by me, Denita TwoDragons, associate owner of this blog.

Such retort I found equally humorous, if not more so. Now I did not research to find the post on Who Tends the Fires to which the comment was actually posted, and it may be given such context, its intent could be determined to have been anything but humorous.

Addiction, oh sweet addiction

Yes, I will most likely endlessly sit here attemptin' to find somethin' to impress and amaze ya'll until I am so tired I will literally fall outta this chair onto the floor. What, you think I jest? Nope, I regularly do that. See, bloggin' is hard work. Just ask Bill.

I really must be addicted, though, 'cause I really want to do what Deb suggested. I really do. Well, not the boot cleanin' stuff. I ain't needin' to clean my boots right now.

I know somethin' you don't know

Denita is a most fabulous artist! You ought to see the Christmas card design she has created for me.

I am without an everlovin' clue

OK, you think up a title to describe this item I retrieved from Aunt Net's latest email barrage. Be forewarned, it is quite funny punny.

A Houston construction site boss was interviewing men for a job, when along came a Lower Cajun. I'm not hiring any Cajuns, the foreman thought to himself, so he made up a test to avoid hiring the Cajun without getting into an argument.

"Here's your first question," the foreman said. "Without using numbers, represent the number 9."

"Without numbers?" The Cajun says. "Dat is easy," and proceeds to draw three trees.

"What's this?" the boss asks.

"'Ave you got no brain? Tree and tree and tree make nine," says the Cajun.

"Fair enough," says the boss. "Here is your second question. Use the same rules, but this time the number is 99."

The Cajun stares into space for a while, then picks up the picture that he has just drawn and makes a smudge on each tree. "'Ere you go."

The boss scratches his head and says, "How on earth do you get that to represent 99?"

"Each of da trees is dirty now! So it's dirty tree, and dirty tree, and dirty tree. Dat is 99."

The boss is getting worried he's going to have to hire this Cajun, so he says, "All right, last question. Same rules again, but represent the number 100."

The Cajun stares into space some more, then he picks up the picture again and makes a little mark at the base of each tree, and says, "'Ere you go. One hundred."

The boss looks at the attempt. "You must be nuts if you think that represents a hundred."

The Cajun leans forward and points to the marks at the base of each tree, and says, "A little dog come along and crap by each tree. So now you got dirty tree and a turd, dirty tree and a turd, and dirty tree and a turd, which make one hundred. So when I start?"

How to drive in the country

I have lived in the country off and on most of my life. It amazes me that people do not understand the rules of the road for country, two-lane road drivin'.

First of all, the older you get, the slower you drive. It is a fact of life. When one of those old fogeys gets in front of you doin' 30 in a 70 mph zone, don't honk, don't get agitated, just pray that there is an opportunity to pass within the fifteen miles. Of course, as soon as it is safe to pass, they will pull onto the shoulder. Face it, it is just that way. They will back up traffic for miles and miles and only when it is completely safe to go around them will they feel safe enough to pull out of the way.

Secondly, around every curve is a piece of farm machinery that is enterin' the highway. Of course, they go slower than 30, but they will likely only go about 1 mile before they turn off of the road. This only happens on those rare occasions when you have clear highway to your fore and clear highway to your rear.

If there are 5 car lengths between you and the car immediately in front of you which is followin' a long convoy, and there are 500 car lengths behind you before the next car, at the very next intersection, someone will pull out in front of you and take forever to get up to speed. They never wait for you to pass so that they will have the much longer space and decrease the amount of impediment they cause in your progress.

You will be continually delayed by dump trucks haulin' gravel. Every time you speed up to pass, a piece of gravel will bounce out of the bed of that truck and plonk your windshield. You can pass if you get a clear half mile of highway because you have to stay so far back that it takes a quarter-half mile of runnin' room to reach passin' speed. The more gravel trucks on the road, the fewer the passin' lanes.

At night, if you see a deer standin' still on the side of the road, it will not move until it darts right out in front of you without givin' you time to react. If you see a skunk, you just hit it. If you see an armadillo, the last car just hit it.

You can generally drive safely between two country towns without gettin' a flat unless you are not carryin' a spare or a jack. Then you will always have a flat. There will be no place to pull over for miles. No one will stop who has any teeth.

If you are in a hurry, you will encounter road construction. Either you will be stopped for 15 minutes waitin' on the lead vehicle or you will be sent on a 20 mile detour. If you are unfamiliar with the detour route, you will run out of gas. There will be no gas station for miles. You will not have a gas can. No one will stop who has any teeth.

This is all I can think of right now, but I am sure there are about a million more I forgot.

Language evolves and you can't restrain it

It seems that Mirriam-Webster has included a term that rankles the powers-that-be at Ronald McDonald's headquarters: McJob, a term used to describe low-payin' and dead-end work by most in the age bracket who likely get stuck with such jobs now that all the good factory jobs have gone overseas or somethin'. I could give Ronald and his bunch Hell for their whinin', but Denita has already done a very good job of it.

A couple of quickies

A couple of minutes to kickoff, and thought I would post a couple of quick thoughts, one fact and one fiction. You decide:

Country and Western legend Hank Snow is having his sunset tour, as he is retiring, or more likely, he is finally movin' on.

In a surprise move, the Atlanta Falcons have canned Dan Reeves as their head coach and replaced him with Deion Sanders.

Ta ta for now! Go Cowboys!

I found the Daily Double

Yes, it is true. I found a couple of back-to-back items on Reflections in d minor that I thought were worthy of mention.

The first involves the surreptitious actions of FOX to educate its viewers in its prime time programmin'. Actually, this might not be surprisin' to many, because think of how many lessons you have learned watchin' The Simpsons. Most might be things that are not actually safe to try at home, but lessons are lessons all the same.

The second item is something of a more serious note. Lynn pointed to the often discussed differences between the online personas and the real life personas of bloggers. I have had concerns over this situation for years, myself. When I initially began chattin' online, oh so many years ago, my tagline was in the realm where fantasy reigns, comes the lowly teabag3*, a man of honesty, wisdom and knowledge. I used to be disgusted with the amount of times someone supposedly fell in love with one of the other chatters without having ever done one moment of actual face time with such person. When called on it, they would say how they had had telephone conversations with this person, etc. Pish, posh, I say. Think of your own real life loves .... how many actual dates does it take before you conclude you actually love a person. My conclusion is that chatters are often a bunch of lonely, attention-starved people.

However, I am also mindful of my own internet persona. Is it the real me? I suppose I could defer to Denita and Eric or Tony S to answer the question, as I have met them in person. However, I do attempt to be very honest about myself in this blog. Is it the true me? Probably not 100%, as this blog is, in my opinion, a form of entertainment. I have adopted a slightly more caustic personality for this forum. I am unable to disguise my true opinions, however. I may just flavor my remarks in much more colorful language than I would use in real life. Of course, I have always found it easier to communicate in the written form, as vocabulary flows more easily when you can take a moment or more to dredge up those most appropriate words from your foggy memory banks.

*I adopted the user name teabag3 when I first began my online foray, but dropped it after a couple of years, right after the first time someone informed me of the sexual activity that was often referred to as teabaggin'. How I came to choose such name is a long story that I will not go into now.

No Moe, Curly Joe

You know you are ultimately mature* when you can read somethin' like this situation without seein' anythin' humorous about it. Damn, I hope the feelin' passes 'cause I would sorely miss my Three Stooges.

Nyak, Nyak, Nyak, Nyak.

Public Service Announcement

Please beware! Bill is an idiot, but at least he is man enough to admit it.

A place "for you and me"

I think Vaughn has hit this particular nail right smack on the head.

Where is the force when ya need it?

It seems The Accidental Jedi had an actual lunchtime accident. At least it didn't involve a light sabre, this time.

Funky Fridays or Friday Funks

It seems that Kevin just doesn't find Fridays to be as enjoyable as he once did. I actually understand how he feels, but I still look forward to them because I usually am lookin' forward to gettin' some rest over the weekend, but it seems I rarely do.

Back to bloggin'

Well, I am back from my latest foray in the dentist's chair. The novacaine took much longer to wear off this time and I am only just now gettin' all the feelin' back into my lips. Was I overdosed, because I never remember a time when I was given so much that half my nose was numbed. Oh well, at least everything done was painless.

As usual, I went to the movies after I left the dental clinic. Of course, this time I did not even buy any popcorn, as I remembered what happened last time. 'Course, I passed on the soda also. They don't have Dr. Pepper and without any popcorn to wash down, I didn't feel the need to pass on Mr. Pibb for Coke. I just passed completely. Someone, I don't remember who, had told me Secondhand Lions was pretty good. I opted on seeing it other that several others that I have seemed to pass on the last couple of times I have been to the dentist. This theater seems to keep the same movies showin' for a longer time that the local ones do, but bein' it is in the big city of Ft. Worth, I suppose they have found it worth their while to do so. Thankfully they did, or I might have had to wait to see Seabiscuit on video. I found I had forgotten to blog about how much I liked that movie, or if I did, I sure didn't find it.

But, back to Secondhand Lions. I really liked it. I would call it a cross between Space Cowboys and Calvin & Hobbes. It was just one of those feel good movies. It was fairly strange, however, to hear Michael Caine drawlin' with a Texas twang.

Well, enough for now. Funny thing is that I was tryin' to load up all the blogs on my blogroll that have posted since I last posted, so things was movin' a bit slow with my searches on prior entries, so I happened to read everythin' InstaPundit had posted for today while I was waitin'. I am not sure when was the last time I did that.

Behold and ye shall be rewarded

Ya'll lazy assed kids turn off those videogames and TVs. There are some wondrous sights to be seen outside, says Michele.

It really was a NEWS FLASH!

Dawn sees sun.

The world is full of strangers

Well, my trial didn't last long and didn't go my client's way, but the issue is resolved. My client is competent to stand trial. I expected that result but I had a question about it. Therefore could not have ever ethically stated that my client was competent to enter a plea. In fact, when forced to by the court, I entered a "not guilty" plea on his behalf objectin' to being forced to enter a plea prior to a findin' that he was competent. His offense is a serious matter, so back to the drawin' board.

This kid is strange. But I see strange people all the time. The world is full of them; some likely have mental disease and others are probably on drugs. There is a segment of society that appears to move in slow motion. You know that batty lady in the frilly dress and funny hat that just chats up a storm about any old crap to everyone she meets? How about that old man that rides all over town on a bicycle who waves but never speaks? We all know that funny lookin' kid pushin' the broom in the super market. Usually, such persons are productive hardworking people who cause absolutely no problems. There are also places those sort of people don't belong. Prison is one of them. A person like that doesn't last long in prison.

But sometimes people like that are accused of doing some pretty bad things. Often the evidence is pretty overwhelming that they did such things. Compassion is very hard to find. I advised him to pray about it, it couldn't hurt.

Meet me at Mt. Sinai

Some things are just a little too bizarre to even conjure a snarky thought in my mind.

Hello?* Is anyone listenin'?

OK, of the 20 or so people who might actually run across this post and read down this far, PsychoDad has requested that you read this post and share your comment. As it was posted yesterday and no one had yet commented, I was almost sure no one had seen it. Therefore, I am attempting TO URGE YOU TO DO SO!

*Now, don't make me start doin' a Jerry Lewis impression on ya!

Callin' all munuvians!

Important message on home planet. Someone needs your help.

Today's impromptu road trip

Well, it was a dreary lookin' day today and I decided to finally get one legal matter done. It was a personal matter dealing with some land my dad left for me, my brother and sister. I am not sure if I have blogged about this previously, but there was a railroad track right through the land. This is where I lived between age 12 and 18. The track has been abandoned by the railroad company and now we own one half of the right-of-way, as my dad had sold the other side of the land to someone a long time ago. The City of Abilene has been bothering me forever to approve the easement so as allow them to put a water pipe down the right-of-way for several months, and I kept trying to get them to give me more information that what they had sent. I guess they did not understand what I wanted, because every day, the person in charge of this situation would call me to see what was taking so long for me to clear it up. My brother and my sister put me in charge of it, since I am a lawyer and know more about such than they do. Well, I drove all the way there to meet with the guy, 2 hours each way, to look at the deeds of the land, check out the maps, just so I could understand the surveyor's notes attached to the easement paperwork. I also had some problems with some one clause, where I had agreed to give them a temporary easement on 20 feet on our side of the right-of-way for construction use, which said they were not responsible for any damage to our land. I told them no way, you are responsible for all damage caused. I did say there that destruction to all the mesquite trees did not count as damage, as long as they removed them. After such was changed, I signed the easement agreement. I then went by my brother's house, but found no one there, so I just left him a note. My brother does not understand things all that well, so I was just trying to assist them in getting him to go down there and sign it.

So, if you were wondering why I had not blogged much during today, now you know why!

Won't someone throw me a rope?

Why does this continual lack of love continue to push me farther and farther into the depths of despair? You would think that after a few years, a guy could get used to it.

Who yanked on the rooster's tail?

I was gonna post up somethin' really snarky to wake ya'll up but I could not even come up with a single mundane thought. However, I still attempted to report such. My crappy ISP decided to disconnect right as I went to publish that message. It was in the neighborhood of 7:00 am on Sunday mornin' and still my crappy service provider ain't got enough bandwidth to let my traffic flow.

After experiencin' such failure, I decided to reboot. While the system was occupied with shuttin' down and restartin', I ventured to my local Dr. Pepper source and filled my cup with that caffeine loaded nectar. While there, I happened to mention that I could not believe that Christmas will soon be here. The mere mention of that thought immediately depressed me, as well as the clerk and the only other customer present. I do have my reasons to dread the upcomin' holiday season, but I am wonderin' why the other two share my dread. I think I will just go soak in a hot tub and try to get my mind back onto a cheerful note. I do hope that all of ya'll have a great day of rest.

It's the weekend & all is forgivien

Hey, no way I am gonna eat all that sugar! Every tooth in my mouth just aches at that thought. The whole scenario was but one of my inane subterfuges in an attempt to get a few of those lurkers to disclose themselves. Well, not too sure how much bloggin' will get done here today* 'cause I am thinkin' of doin' a day at the office. I need sorely to get a lot of things filed and a lot of files in the filin' cabinet. It wouldn't hurt to run the vacuum through a couple of times.

Actually, my abode needs a sprucin' up much more badly than the office, but people actually visit me at the office, and seldom does anyone venture into the ***'s Lair.

[Update: I had to run and brush the thought of all that sugar off of my teeth.]

*It ain't like anyone does much blog readin' on the weekends anyway.

Puttin' on a PUSH

Hey, if ya got nothin' better to do, you might check out what Kang posted this evenin'.

Just a couple of quick inanities

It does seem that SilverBlue has been at the top of his game over the past couple of days. [WARNING: Clicking following link leads to graphic nudity] Start here and work your way down.

Second item on the agenda is a bit of Halloween blackmail. If I have not received 25 comments to this post by midnight, I am gonna eat all of those luscious Tiger Pops and let all the kiddos do without. So help some costumed creatures out and give up a snarky comment or two, won't you?

From Me to Ya'll

I really got a lot to do!

However, just in case you have some free time, an old friend sent me this link to a cool new game: click here

Bowling for $$ in the 21st Century

Wow! According to CG Hill, OK City's Bomber partner, Terry Nichols' brother, James is suing Michael Moore over the use of his interview as included in Bowling for Columbine. Of course, the irony of situation is that the victims of the OK City Bombing are unable to sue James Nichols for failing to smother his brother with a pillow when they were children.

Why nuns ride bicycles

DaGoddess lets us all in on why it is that you are always seeing nuns riding bicycles.

Another facet of my personality revealed

I just took emode's What's Your Email Personality? test:

Tiger, when it comes to email, you're a Joker

They say when you laugh, the world laughs with you. If that's the case, then we're all having one giant global chuckle thanks to your funny phrases. We're not sure how you do it, but you seem to have a comedian buried somewhere within.

I had to answer 15 questions to be informed that I am a Joker? I was of the assumption that was already pretty well known by those on my email address list and I was pretty sure they all figured I was not the King of Hearts, just that I wanted to be. ;)

Of course, this one didn't really surprise me either:

What's Your Monster Match?

Tiger, there's a Mummy lurking inside of you!

You've been dead for 3000 years, but you are still the life of the party because your monster match is the mummy. Has anyone ever told you that you look sharp in linen, and white is definitely your color?

I don't know, but there really is something sensual about being wrapped in cloth and then the sensuality of having it slowly removed. I mean, with the right company, is there anything more entertaining than a rousing game of strip poker?

Where the Hell am I?

Yes, another day in my life and I am still wondering where I am and what I am expected to do. Oh well, let me shake these cob webs from my synapses and maybe it will come back to me.

Oh well, wait 'til next week

Yes, the Cowboys played poorly, but Tampa Bay has a good defense. The Cowboys' defense did a pretty good job today, but the offense did poorly. Even if Tom Landry was still around and coaching the Cowboys, just remember that they lost a few games a year also. I was pretty sure that the Cowboys would not play in the Superbowl this year, but I am still hoping that they will have at least a 9-7 season. Go Cowboys. I hope today's game was a good lesson for you, and hope you learn from your mistakes. Tuna will assist you in learning from the game. I am still your fan. See ya next week.

Jes' as I 'spected

None o' ya'll has time to read nuthin' on Saturdays!

[UPDATE: 55 visitors for the day! See I was right. I love it when I am right!]

I am completely brain dead

I need a large dose of caffeine stat, and about .5mgs of nicotine. Crap! Another day full of legal wranglin' and Chinese firedrills has begun, but thankfully it is Friday. The courts are closed tomorrow. I could do jail calls, because the jails are open 7 days a week/24 hours a day ... but then, I am not sure my spending my weekend time visiting people in jail would be very relaxing. I will likely pass on that and just sit back and watch millions of movies. If I begin to feel an urge to deal with legal issues, I suppose I can always take a turn at playing French judge a time or two. Those plans, of course, hinge on nothing more exciting coming along.

Beggin' your most humble forgiveness

An avalanche of activity exhausted me today and as such, I predict a pure parcity of post-work postin'. Evenin' siesta sensed. Snarky snips to resume soon.

Yet, before I go, let me respond to an urgent need expressed by some of my readers for picture of me as a baby. If you have any interest in seein' how I looked when I was just learnin' to walk, check the extended entry:

I am lucky to be alive!

But then again, aren't we all? Despite the troubles and trappings of our everyday existence, there is just some little something about actually being alive that makes life truly worth living.

Those ever-so-innovative Frenchmen

As if they are not decadent enough, a French Judge has redefined the term banging the gavel.

attribution: zombyboy who was overlooked in the earlier ping wave.

My World Series fandom

Well, I started out the year by cheering for the Texas Rangers to win the year's World Series, but gave up all hope about the end of April. When they season was ending and the playoff teams were finally known, I was rootin' for the Cubs and Red Sox to play each other, and now I have no choice but to root for the Marlins. Yes, I hate the Yankees, the best team that money can buy and the only reason I would like to see MLB finally join the rest of the professional sports in having a salary cap.

Five things I have learned about blogging

I was just musin' about bloggin' and came up with a few things that I learned along the way over these past several months:

1. The lower your daily visitation rate, the easier it is to make your daily average.
2. Very few people agree with everything posted on InstaPundit and even fewer agree with anything posted on your blog.
3. Unless you have unlimited bandwidth in accordance with your server contract, there is such a thing as getting too many visits to your blog.
4. You get more visitors to your blog if you have breasts, and even more if you have breasts and post a picture of them at some time.
5. Bloggin' is fun, and although I haven't had sex in quite awhile, I am almost sure that sex is still more fun than bloggin'.

Bonus round: Blogs with nothing but pictures of kangaroos, even if the captions are funny, do not get many visits.

The Friday Five, tig style

Wow, here it is Friday, and I guess that Friday Five is floating around, but I wonder if the current questions are as good as mine?

1. You wake up as a character in a horror movie that dies in the next five minutes. Describe your death.
2. Your car breaks down in the middle of Death Valley, you are all alone and no one is in sight. The road is deserted. You have various routinely found items in your trunk. Retell the events surrounding your survival.
3. You get invited to a Halloween costume party at 7:30pm on Oct. 31, and must devise a last minute costume out of items found in your refrigerator. Please describe your costume.
4. You were conducting a genetic experiment involving a dolphin, a kangaroo, a duck and an armadillo. Something has gone crazily awry. Identify the characteristics of your newly created life form.
5. You are the consciousness of Wilson, the volleyball in Castaway and are miraculously given the ability to speak after having been bombarded by Tom Hanks' mundane rants for several months. Describe your first words.

Go ahead and give us your answers ... if you dare.

Why do I suspect this would be simple child's play for Anna?

Something I very rarely see

I received something today in the mail that I surely was not expecting and something that comes about so very rarely that I was almost amazed at having received it. What? you may ask.

Well, it was a little letter from one of my court appointed clients that I assisted last week into getting 6 months to do with about 4 months backtime on a probation violation situation. She thanked me for my efforts and said she thought I was the most excellent attorney she had ever had. High praise from someone who still has two more months in lockdown before she gets back to real life. In actuality, 6 months was the shortest sentence that could be received for her offense per statute, so in effect, I negotiated the absolute best deal that could have been accomplished. Negotiating the absolute best deal that could be accomplished is not an easy task in Johnson County, Texas. Still, I don't receive too many thank you letters from any of my clients, and hardly ever from those who end up doing time.

If'n ya ain't from Texas, tell me this:

Do ya'll find King of the Hill to be as funny as those of us down here who believe all of the characters are modeled directly from people with whom we are personally familiar?

Should I do it again?

Heh. Actually, I have to add that I would rather see a lot more of things like this.

Did ya miss me?

I already know the answer to that one, what with all the bloggy goodness to be found around, my not having posted much was not that big of a deal, huh? Well, I did miss ya'll! Really!

Well, I went to the meeting. It didn't have anything to do with setting up the chairs. Nope, I got bamboozled and after I get finished setting up the chairs, I am also supposed to assist in helping 150 to 250 motorcycle riders in parking their bikes. Like sure, they are gonna pay any damn attention to where I tell them to park. Well, thankfully, I am not in charge, I am just one of the arm wavin' bodies trying to direct them to the right spot. Ironically, the person in charge of the parking is the husband of the woman who gave me living Hell for not having been born and raised in this town and yet had the audacity to tell her that she had to move her car when I was put in charge of parking at one of our Christmas Parades when I first got to town. I have since retired from ever being in charge of parking again. Some people can get really enraged when you try to do exactly what you were instructed to do by the people in charge of the event.

And then after everyone is parked and we hear the sad story about how so much money is needed to research how to heal all these children who have pediatric brain tumors, I am also one of the people who is assisting in giving out the premiums that people get for raising money.

It does seem that I am not involved in handing out the sack lunches, thankfully, but I fear that I might possibly be involved in reversing the chair matter after the event. I am thinking that I might try to sneak off before that happens. I have not yet explained what I am to do in Saturday's Moonshine Festival, have I?

As you likely already suspected

I have been busier than a 8 titted sow surrounded by 24 baby pigs. I just now got around to rolling over about 20 different things to tomorrow's task list, having been running back and forth between courts all day, but did get one of my clients out of jail, another has to see what the Parole people have to say before she gets to go home, and sent off two juveniles to Texas Youth Commission this morning. Now I have to go to some damn meeting where all of us Lion's Club members are supposed to be at so as to be trained as to how to set up 350 chairs this next Sunday morning. Whoever signed us up for that should be taken behind some barn and ... oh, I couldn't really wish such on anyone. I mean, I love to assist out, but that is hard labor. At the last meeting, when they were talking about how hard it was to find all that many chairs, I and another member suggested they check out about renting such, so guess what, that is what they did. Only, they did not know if you will pay a bit more, the rental company will set them up also. I am going to bring that up tonight and ask them if I can just hire someone to show up for me on Sunday. I am sure I can find someone that wants to make $25 just for setting up chairs and taking then back down.

Hmm, look at all I wrote, and here all I was gonna say is that I am busy* and that something that I thought about when I was going through all of my email. Do you think spammers never check what they get in their inbox? Do these damn penis enlargement pill spammers not understand that I have already gotten more than a thousand other offers to sell me these damn supposedly miracle pills and that if I was one of the 2% who likely were stupid enough to actually think the damn things worked, I would already have ordered such?

Let me be on the record right now: I don't care if they work as they are advertised anyway. I am not at all interested in making my penis any larger than it already is. I mean, I am 48 years old, it has served me as well as it could for all these years without any problem, so I see no reason to worry about whether it is large enough to satisfy anyone. If they are not satisfied with it as it is now, they probably are someone I really have no reason to want around me any damn way. Now quit sending me all those damn emails. Wjere is the DO NOT SPAM ME WITH PENIS ENLARGEMENT PILL MESSAGES LIST? I want on it, like STAT!

*Like way too busy to spellcheck this, so live with it. ;)

I look into my crystal ball

I am busy watching Enterprise and I suspect that a member of the crew will die in this episode. There is a non major crew member on an away mission.

[UPDATE: Hmmm, no fatality, and just how many times has that not occurred when there was a non-major player on the away mission?]

Something really inane that just came to mind

If I didn't post a damn thing for like two or three weeks, do you think anyone would care? I mean, if I went to Mexico and spent several years rotting in a Mexican prison because I didn't have any friends that cared enough to come down and bribe the officials into letting me go, would anyone have read my blog while I was gone? What if I posted a picture of my tits?

OK, who won?

Just closed up shop and peeked in. Now a dash here and there and then maybe back a bit later. Someone post some really good bloggy goodness about the election so I don't have to catch the 10 o'clock news in order to know who won. ;)

I looked and I noticed somethin' was missin'

Well, despite the fact that evidence of Deb Yoder's smoking of M&M's and munching of cigarettes is looming, Kelley has yet to post this week's Cul-de-Sac. Deb sensed the disturbance such made in The Force® and using her Jedi mind techniques compelled all of the Blogosphere to do their part in sharing the required amount of linky love in the interim.

My own mind, not resistant to Jedi mind techniques, has driven me to supply the following:

• I begin by informing you that Susie is very concerned about the disappearance of John Collins and is seeking assistance in the search. I personally would begin by digging up Bill's basement. After all, he admittedly stole from annika and is clamoring to see Ted's tits?
• Cherry seems to be hiding out for some reason.
• Kim Crawford seems to be taking a day off.
• Psycho Dad is tuckered out from too much thinking.
• Natalie appears ready to give up her day job.
• Dawn is not expecting me to answer her questions, I hope.
• Jennifer is seeking the ultimate in a virtual high that does not involve c-sex. &
• Anna swears that the Tiger mauling in Vegas was not the biggest story in Nevada entertainment circles.

Well, I could likely pick on a few more people out there, but my carpal tunnel syndrome seems to be kickin' in, so I am gonna take that a sign from The Force® that I have fulfilled my usefulness to the universe and go look at my belly button or somethin'.

From the mind of a maniac

I never get any idea how some of these thoughts come up in my head, but I was checking out why this site trackbacked me. It seems that my sexiest navel contest that I ran in conjunction with the Blogger Boobie Thon, that is still going on and boobies are pushing in from left and right ... so go donate: after all, a good boobie is a terrible thing to waste.

Anyway, when I looked at the graphic on the index page, I was just so enamored with All Out of Angst,* just thinking the name is so poetic that I am sorry I didn't think it up and trademark it first, and then flashing that fossilized silhouette of a prehistoric carnivore was just more than I could stand. All of a sudden, I envision this gnarly graphic of a ravenous Tiger devouring a piece of meat and begin to delve into my synapses for a clue as to where to start looking for such, and then immediately to wondering if I could call my cousin with Siegfield and Roy and request that he effect a more ferocious pose next time he takes a bit of man flesh.*

*I perused the blogroll on this blog and saw none of the regular suspects, so if you are looking for a good list on some new blogs to read, have a look at the blogroll.

**That ought to pull me a few Google hits from sex crazed perverts searching for gay porn.***

***Of course, if you happen to be one of those succulent**** female types just looking for a cheap thrill, I can be had. ;)

****The definition of succulence will be subjectively determined by the person offering to be had.*****

*****But ain't it always that way?

An antithesic epiphany™*

I was just speaking with a friend and she said that she hated not having anything to do because it made her so bored, and then I just thought of the other side of that coin: having about a million things to do and no clue as which to do first.

*Sorry, but surely no one has stuck those two words together before, so now if ya do, ya owe me. ;) I take checks, Visa**, MasterCard*** or cash, sorry no American Express.

**How many remember when this was called BankAmeriCard?

***And this was originally called MasterCharge.

One can only wonder about some things

How would Yoda speak if he was Wasted Away in Margaritaville? As for Deb, it is Saturday Night, and I think if the noise pollution coming through the walls is as bad as she describes it, I would head out someplace for a Cheeseburger.

Almost like New Year's Eve

You know, you spend all night partying, awaiting the moment that the clock hits midnight, then Yay! Happy New Year! Maybe you get a kiss, I haven't for awhile, then back to partying or to bed or whatever. The moment has come and gone and life goes on. Well, my counter just crossed that 20K mark and the 20,000th visitor was someone from the east coast who linked in from MT.org updated blog list at 21 minutes and 5 seconds after the hour. Visitor 20,001 followed a couple of minutes afterward. Yay! It's over, and blogging goes on.

However, it is still pretty neat to have had that milestone come on the same day as my 6th month Blogiversary. I want to give thanks to all the little people who worked so hard to make it a reality!

From such humble beginnings

Who would have ever known that the simpleton that posted something as inane as the following would and could continuously post similar crap on each and every day for the next 6 months?

A new voice in the Blogosphere

To BLOG or not to BLOG, that was the question that befell me today. Over recent years, I have encountered the occasional BLOG here and there, surfing links to locate that essential bit of information that I was seeking at that very moment. But I did not know they were BLOGS or just how numerous and popular they had become . . . until today. BLOGS are powerful stuff, according to one article I ran across, powerful enough to have assisted in the downfall of TRENT LOTT. And now, I have begun one, and that may eventually lead to my very own downfall. From where I am standing, that does not seem to be all that far to fall . . . so my gamble is small.

April 4, 2003 05:37 PM :: TrackBack

George, I just 'membered what it was!

Just as I refreshed to see if that last one posted the way I 'spected it to, I recollected what it was I was gonna post 'bout when I started that last one. I was just a noticin' how close I was to crossin' the 20K mark in visitors and that at midnight tonight, I was gonna begin my second 6 months of bloggin' and how great it would be if I could reach that 20K mark in conjuction with my 6 month blogiversary. It ain't gonna happen with my current visitation rate, but it was so close to being a happenin' thing, I thought it was worth a mention.

OK, so which was it?

OK, I see I had not a single reader last hour, and I can understand why, what with both Smallville and Enterprise on at the same time, probably everyone was glued to one program or the other. As for me, I went with Enterprise, but I taped* Smallville and will go watch that now. Happy blogging ya'll!

Ta-tas are here.

*No, Virginia, I don't have a TIVO.

Highs and Lows of Bloggerism

Well, well, it seems that after zillions of entries in picture captioning contests, I finally came across the finish line in 3rd place in one on Kevin's site [WizBang!]. Of course, just as last week, I have again forgotten to submit anything for this week's Bonfire. And here I thought this one was one that definitely deserved to tossed upon the pile. What do you think?

IN TOTALLY OTHER NEWS: The headache still has not been completely suppressed despite my continued shock and awe bombarding with mega-doses of high-powered analgesics. Commitment to this effort is a high priority and I am totally convinced that I will prevail.

A sign of life?

I don't pick up the mail, I don't pick up the phone

I don't answer the door, I'd as soon be alone

I don't keep this place up, I just keep the lights down

I don't live in these rooms, I just rattle around

I'm just a ghost in this house

I'm just a shadow upon these walls

As quietly as a mouse I haunt these halls

Those lines are the opening lyrics of a song called I'm Just a Ghost in this House authored by Hugh Prestwood and recorded by several artists. These few lines sum up how I feel about my life at this point.

It is kind of like I am just dog paddling until my body gives up. I often wonder if I am depressed without reason, but I actually have plenty of reasons to feel this way about my life. Although I am fairly financially stable and in fairly good health, have plenty of friends and plenty of activities to do, I really find very little enjoyment out of hardly anything for very long.

Let's see, where do I start? OK, I am 48, and yet, according to Acidman, I look older than he does at 55, and what is really bad is that I agree with him. I do look older than most people at my age. I have more white in my facial hair than most at my age, I have been gray at the temples since I was in my 30s, I am balding on top rapidly, and yet, I really don't care. My teeth have decided to rotten out over the last six or so months. I was widowed more than nine years ago, am childless and then lost both of my parents over the last few years. I jumped up and moved to a new town, and although I find I have more to do and am a bigger part of the community than anywhere else I have ever lived, I do not find such as satisfying as I thought I would.

I sometimes think about just giving up, but how do you do that? I mean, I don't want to die, as there is always a chance that things will change and I will find some fun in life again. But then I am so tired of just surviving without any purpose in my life. The stress is sometimes very overbearing.

I have thought about seeing a doctor, but then I would be saying something is wrong with me for feeling this way, and I don't think there is anything wrong with me for feeling this way. In fact, I think I am feeling exactly like any normal person would feel who has lived through the kind of life I have had so far. I don't want some drugs to suppress my feelings. If I wanted to suppress my feelings, I am sure I could drown my troubles like most people do, just staying half-conscious by drinking lots of alcoholic beverages. No, I will continue to tread though this existence, but I will still mostly just be a ghost in this house. I am here but no one sees me.

Another of life's imponderable mysteries

OK, I haven't gone through my site meter referrals as much as I once did, but for some reason thought I would take a gander to see who those faithful readers were than do seem to visit me on a regular basis. I came across this search done on Yahoo:

divorce AND pornography AND addiction AND visitation

Now it didn't really surprise me that I came up in the returns for such search, as the return was to one of my category archive pages, so it was likely all of those terms were in one post or another in that category. I actually did not even come up that high, being number 53. So what is the imponderable mystery, you ask? I am just always wondering what sort of person checks past the first three pages of returns on any search. But then again, maybe I am the only person in the world who believes anything past number 20 is probably really not worth even checking out anyway.

Don might have gotten close to the mark ...

on one or two of his supposed sexual myths. I do think #3 hit a nail right on the head, #4 is not far off, #2 is wholly dependent on the number of extra pounds, and #1 is way off. There has not been a gal born yet who matches the horniness of the average male ... strike that, I have known a nymphomaniac who could do the entire NFL and still be wanting some, but on average, nope, guys want it much more than gals. If they didn't, then there would not be this cottage industry of topless bars, pornography, and prostitutes.

attribution: Lynn S

A bit of advice for visitin' Yankees*

Serenity is finding things in Texas are not the same as in Seattle. It seems some squirrel gave her a piece of his mind. Of course, Texas squirrels do get a mite cantankerous when you step on their nuts. If ya come to Texas, please do start minding where ya plant your feet! ;)

*and people from Seattle.

Please apply to email scammers!

Appeals court frees Nigerian mother sentenced to death by stoning for adultery. [full story]